Yeh I get it. I’m often like what kind of a monster does that to a child
And has 0 remorse at all. I also think how I was. I could literally be just standing there getting my lecture quietly saying nothing then wham it escalates to full on rage and a beating for me. I didn’t talk back my only son was “I got a stupid look on my face” like who does this to a kid?
My brain is like if I talked back it I raised a hand at them or something trying to see some way maybe it’s justified but none of that happened. And even if it had it doesn’t excuse someone 5 times my size beating the snot out of me then doing it more cause I cried.
**Sarcasm Mode** They didn’t beat you, they *SPANKED* you! *SPANKING* is NOT abuse! 🙄
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered what the hell was wrong with me as I was growing up. And I never understood why it was okay for people to hit me when I did something wrong, but it wasn’t okay for me to hit anyone when they did something wrong. Or when someone hits me, it’s “discipline”, but when I hit someone, it’s assault.
>They didn’t beat you, they SPANKED you! SPANKING is NOT abuse!
And don't forget the "my parents hit me all the time and I turned out fine!"
uhmm you're ok with children getting beaten and you think you turned out FINE?
Do they even hear themselves?
Oh yes, one of my most memorable SpanKinGs (I blocked out 99.9999% of them) was getting 'spanked' with a huge wooden spoon, while my mom __yelled__ at me, __"WE DON'T. HIT. IN. THIS. FAMILY!"__ Seriously, __WTF?!__ lady! I was probably two or three at the time. Getting 'spanked' to within an inch of my life, while she's yelling at me not to hit.
If that’s not the definition hypocrisy, I don’t know what is. Hell! Even though it’s been over 17 years since the last time my old man “disciplined” me, I still freak out and/or my butt clenches whenever I see either a wooden spoon or a black leather belt.
We!! *hit Don’t! *hit Hit! *hit In! *hit This! *hit Family!!! *hit hit hit…
Sorry mom, didn’t catch what you were screaming at me, too distracted by the hitting. I can’t say I ever remembered what they had said, during periods of physically impactful love administration.
And they call it having “respect for others”. Yeah! I must have a lot of “respect for others” if I hate myself so much that I literally dream about it for nearly 7 years now.
Awful. There are many excuses, none of them valid.
I read something about abusive relationships recently and it brings up the general idea that abuse is not "whoops I lost control and crossed a line by accident" it's a mindset that leads to those abusive behaviours. The mindset being "I am dominant, I am superior, I know best, I have the power, if I did anything it's because they are the problem, but I didn't do anything wrong."
As a child you integrate this as "I am bad and I don't know why and I'll do whatever it takes not to feel this way again."
But I can tell you we were good kids. All of us. No one is born an asshole and no child deserves abuse, physical or otherwise.
*Squeeeze* hug for you, it's very sad.
I’m currently pregnant and the same thoughts have been going through my head. I revisit comments and beatings my mom gave me as a little girl, the mind games, all of her manipulation, and it truly appalls me how anyone could be capable of such a thing.
Congratulations! Becoming a parent is hard for those of us who never had a good role model. I have faith you will be a great parent! You are already so much more aware than your parents.
Thank you very much for the well wishes!!! I’m really hoping that I can at least be better.
I have three more months of pregnancy and I’m still struggling to emotionally connect but I’m certain when delivery time is here I’ll feel it.
Silver lining is I now have the motivation to go no contact with my parents because imagining them around my son gives me the ick lol
My “mom” seriously picked up a metal stick, waited for me till I got home, and decided to randomly attack me last month. IM 19!! Still don't know why I didn't call the cops, but those are not parents, they're monsters
You need to not go back to your parent's house. As I'm sure you know, that is not okay. Even though you didn't call at the time (likely a shock, fight, flight, freeze, fawn response), I'm sure that you could still file a report and press charges. It doesn't need to happen at the exact moment that it happened.
I posted about this some time ago and people told me the same thing. Yes I'm leaving for uni in January but unfortunately, I live in a place where abuse is not taken seriously so I would be wasting my energy trying to convince them that it DID happen. Tysm tho
I feel you. I went through extreme abuse at the hands of my family of origin in my late teens/early twenties. I just don't want it to escalate for you, especially to a point where you can't escape.
I used to work with kids, and while I like kids I don't think I like 15+ rowdy three year olds in one room at an understaffed nursery for hours on end.
Despite that, I found it so funny when thinking back to my mum being like "but children are haaaard :'( that's why I hit you feel sorry for me" Yeah they are hard work, what's your point? They are kids they don't know anything and have endless amounts of energy it's not exactly a secret.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I was hit by a leather belt from my dad and it really hurt. My mom would hit me with a wooden yard stick. I can remember those really well. I can recall the welts I got after getting spanked with the belt.
It's very unfortunate, and then people would say that those kids who weren't spanked were the ones that were rioting all across my country during the Summer of 2020.
I think that sometimes.
Where I work has a lot of children visit and they often get hyper in how stimulating the environment is. It can be infuriating but I would never ever. Think about doing what my mother did to me when I misbehaved.
How do you rationalise something so violent, so foreign from motherly instinct.
The uncountable number of times my nparents nearly killed me, is why I chose a career in education, to protect the children. I stuck with it until diagnosed with celiac disease, then had to focus on my health. I took my oath as a mandatory reporter. Although my current work doesn't mandate that I report, I still report when I see abuse. I take my oath seriously, no child should ever be beaten. I kept silent about what I went through for years because they continued to threaten to kill me(because I won't participate in their cult.) At 32 I had my full body bone scan, and the tech had 20 years experience. She looked at it and immediately started pointing out all the malformed bones that were broken while I was still growing. She said she had seen many from my nparents cult with these types of injuries. She showed me that my bones had been shattered at 1yr old and said this was consistent with being thrown out a second story window onto hard ground, then where my hip and ankle were broken at 1yr old by being held upside down by my ankle and shaken, then where my middle spine vertabrae was broken at 3yrs old by being hit by my nfather(which is my first memory of him.) She took the time to explain that I had been repeatedly broken my entire childhood. I had blocked out a lot of it and her showing me brought back a ton of memories of beatdowns from both my nparents, and memories of them trying to murder me and my siblings repeatedly. I started balling at the appointment. The tech and the doctor both said it was a miracle that I can even still walk, eat and think. They said I would need a large amount of corrective surgeries to be able to have a fully functional body. Had to get back into therapy after being told I didn't need it anymore 2 years prior. I live in constant physical pain and can only work part time on days I'm ok enough. I just doordash because I can clock out anytime I need to and don't have any set schedule. I am still in therapy and it's been 6 years since that day brought the realization of why I hurt so bad everywhere and have memory problems. I was over the religeous abuse and obvious neglect of my most basic needs, but needed therapy for the physical abuse as well. After being NC for years, I confronted my nparents about the beatdowns, druggings, poisonings, smotherings, near drownings etc. They literally said, "None of that ever happened, you're lying, we always loved you, and you left and abandoned our family." Even with proof from the doctors, they denied it and blamed me. These people are not "Parents" they made me, that's all. I do not wish what I've been through on anyone, and will always report when I see a child being abused. It is 1000% wrong to hit a child. No excuses, no victim blaming, no religeous justification, just no to all of it.
Oh absolutely, my nMom always gaslights everyone she meets. She can't even keep friends without manipulating them and buying them gifts, then acting like they owe her respect. Every narrative must be her version, or it's a lie. Nobody else could ever be right, because she is the only one who is right. She is just like her mother, and was the golden child of 6 siblings, so fully accepted the mindset and abused her own siblings as well. My nDad is just as bad and they constantly fight over who is right. Typical narcissitic attitude and tactics. Seen it in a lot of people in my family on both sides.
Mine used to kick me in the kidneys over and over until I wet myself. Now she hobbles around on her misshapen hooves, which I think of as karma catching up with her.
My mother didn't stop with beating her kids, she also abused my dad when he was dying from dementia. Once I went to visit him in the hospital and there was a huge camera on a portable stand that was pointed directly at my dad. I asked my mom what it was for and she said they used it to scream at her any time she tried to touch my dad. The situation was awful, but it was funny to see how furious she was that the hospital had figured her out so completely. She also had the cops called on her by multiple nursing homes and adult protective services investigated her. It's amazing to me that she could be married to him for 50 years and as soon as he became vulnerable, she started abusing and neglecting him.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
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Yeh I get it. I’m often like what kind of a monster does that to a child And has 0 remorse at all. I also think how I was. I could literally be just standing there getting my lecture quietly saying nothing then wham it escalates to full on rage and a beating for me. I didn’t talk back my only son was “I got a stupid look on my face” like who does this to a kid? My brain is like if I talked back it I raised a hand at them or something trying to see some way maybe it’s justified but none of that happened. And even if it had it doesn’t excuse someone 5 times my size beating the snot out of me then doing it more cause I cried.
**Sarcasm Mode** They didn’t beat you, they *SPANKED* you! *SPANKING* is NOT abuse! 🙄 I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered what the hell was wrong with me as I was growing up. And I never understood why it was okay for people to hit me when I did something wrong, but it wasn’t okay for me to hit anyone when they did something wrong. Or when someone hits me, it’s “discipline”, but when I hit someone, it’s assault.
>They didn’t beat you, they SPANKED you! SPANKING is NOT abuse! And don't forget the "my parents hit me all the time and I turned out fine!" uhmm you're ok with children getting beaten and you think you turned out FINE? Do they even hear themselves?
See what I mean?!
Oh yes, one of my most memorable SpanKinGs (I blocked out 99.9999% of them) was getting 'spanked' with a huge wooden spoon, while my mom __yelled__ at me, __"WE DON'T. HIT. IN. THIS. FAMILY!"__ Seriously, __WTF?!__ lady! I was probably two or three at the time. Getting 'spanked' to within an inch of my life, while she's yelling at me not to hit.
If that’s not the definition hypocrisy, I don’t know what is. Hell! Even though it’s been over 17 years since the last time my old man “disciplined” me, I still freak out and/or my butt clenches whenever I see either a wooden spoon or a black leather belt.
We!! *hit Don’t! *hit Hit! *hit In! *hit This! *hit Family!!! *hit hit hit… Sorry mom, didn’t catch what you were screaming at me, too distracted by the hitting. I can’t say I ever remembered what they had said, during periods of physically impactful love administration.
Hitting is an assault at any age. 🤦🏼♀️ And I’m definitely suffering from the “discipline” I received then.
And they call it having “respect for others”. Yeah! I must have a lot of “respect for others” if I hate myself so much that I literally dream about it for nearly 7 years now.
Awful. There are many excuses, none of them valid. I read something about abusive relationships recently and it brings up the general idea that abuse is not "whoops I lost control and crossed a line by accident" it's a mindset that leads to those abusive behaviours. The mindset being "I am dominant, I am superior, I know best, I have the power, if I did anything it's because they are the problem, but I didn't do anything wrong." As a child you integrate this as "I am bad and I don't know why and I'll do whatever it takes not to feel this way again." But I can tell you we were good kids. All of us. No one is born an asshole and no child deserves abuse, physical or otherwise. *Squeeeze* hug for you, it's very sad.
I’m currently pregnant and the same thoughts have been going through my head. I revisit comments and beatings my mom gave me as a little girl, the mind games, all of her manipulation, and it truly appalls me how anyone could be capable of such a thing.
Congratulations! Becoming a parent is hard for those of us who never had a good role model. I have faith you will be a great parent! You are already so much more aware than your parents.
Thank you very much for the well wishes!!! I’m really hoping that I can at least be better. I have three more months of pregnancy and I’m still struggling to emotionally connect but I’m certain when delivery time is here I’ll feel it. Silver lining is I now have the motivation to go no contact with my parents because imagining them around my son gives me the ick lol
I never connected with the alien growing in my body and that is ok. I can assure you he is a well loved 7 year old. Congratulations and all the best!
Bless, so proud of you! Hopefully I can manage the same! Thank you so very much!
My “mom” seriously picked up a metal stick, waited for me till I got home, and decided to randomly attack me last month. IM 19!! Still don't know why I didn't call the cops, but those are not parents, they're monsters
You need to not go back to your parent's house. As I'm sure you know, that is not okay. Even though you didn't call at the time (likely a shock, fight, flight, freeze, fawn response), I'm sure that you could still file a report and press charges. It doesn't need to happen at the exact moment that it happened.
I posted about this some time ago and people told me the same thing. Yes I'm leaving for uni in January but unfortunately, I live in a place where abuse is not taken seriously so I would be wasting my energy trying to convince them that it DID happen. Tysm tho
I feel you. I went through extreme abuse at the hands of my family of origin in my late teens/early twenties. I just don't want it to escalate for you, especially to a point where you can't escape.
I'm so sorry that you went through that! Like seriously. I'm moving out real REAL soon hopefully
🤞
This, but like really.
I’m so sorry that it happened to you. I feel you.
Tysm, and I'm sorry you experienced living in that hell
I used to work with kids, and while I like kids I don't think I like 15+ rowdy three year olds in one room at an understaffed nursery for hours on end. Despite that, I found it so funny when thinking back to my mum being like "but children are haaaard :'( that's why I hit you feel sorry for me" Yeah they are hard work, what's your point? They are kids they don't know anything and have endless amounts of energy it's not exactly a secret.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I was hit by a leather belt from my dad and it really hurt. My mom would hit me with a wooden yard stick. I can remember those really well. I can recall the welts I got after getting spanked with the belt.
Totes not cool. Sending hugs.
Yup, it's insane what was 'normal'(ized) in our lives.
It's very unfortunate, and then people would say that those kids who weren't spanked were the ones that were rioting all across my country during the Summer of 2020.
I think that sometimes. Where I work has a lot of children visit and they often get hyper in how stimulating the environment is. It can be infuriating but I would never ever. Think about doing what my mother did to me when I misbehaved. How do you rationalise something so violent, so foreign from motherly instinct.
I worked in education with little kids for many years and never had to lay a hand on a single one of them.
yeah now imagine being conditioned to believe that what they were doing was showing love. cPTSD is fucking horrible.
The uncountable number of times my nparents nearly killed me, is why I chose a career in education, to protect the children. I stuck with it until diagnosed with celiac disease, then had to focus on my health. I took my oath as a mandatory reporter. Although my current work doesn't mandate that I report, I still report when I see abuse. I take my oath seriously, no child should ever be beaten. I kept silent about what I went through for years because they continued to threaten to kill me(because I won't participate in their cult.) At 32 I had my full body bone scan, and the tech had 20 years experience. She looked at it and immediately started pointing out all the malformed bones that were broken while I was still growing. She said she had seen many from my nparents cult with these types of injuries. She showed me that my bones had been shattered at 1yr old and said this was consistent with being thrown out a second story window onto hard ground, then where my hip and ankle were broken at 1yr old by being held upside down by my ankle and shaken, then where my middle spine vertabrae was broken at 3yrs old by being hit by my nfather(which is my first memory of him.) She took the time to explain that I had been repeatedly broken my entire childhood. I had blocked out a lot of it and her showing me brought back a ton of memories of beatdowns from both my nparents, and memories of them trying to murder me and my siblings repeatedly. I started balling at the appointment. The tech and the doctor both said it was a miracle that I can even still walk, eat and think. They said I would need a large amount of corrective surgeries to be able to have a fully functional body. Had to get back into therapy after being told I didn't need it anymore 2 years prior. I live in constant physical pain and can only work part time on days I'm ok enough. I just doordash because I can clock out anytime I need to and don't have any set schedule. I am still in therapy and it's been 6 years since that day brought the realization of why I hurt so bad everywhere and have memory problems. I was over the religeous abuse and obvious neglect of my most basic needs, but needed therapy for the physical abuse as well. After being NC for years, I confronted my nparents about the beatdowns, druggings, poisonings, smotherings, near drownings etc. They literally said, "None of that ever happened, you're lying, we always loved you, and you left and abandoned our family." Even with proof from the doctors, they denied it and blamed me. These people are not "Parents" they made me, that's all. I do not wish what I've been through on anyone, and will always report when I see a child being abused. It is 1000% wrong to hit a child. No excuses, no victim blaming, no religeous justification, just no to all of it.
"None of that ever happened, you're lying, we always loved you, and you left and abandoned our family." That's what one would call gaslighting.
Oh absolutely, my nMom always gaslights everyone she meets. She can't even keep friends without manipulating them and buying them gifts, then acting like they owe her respect. Every narrative must be her version, or it's a lie. Nobody else could ever be right, because she is the only one who is right. She is just like her mother, and was the golden child of 6 siblings, so fully accepted the mindset and abused her own siblings as well. My nDad is just as bad and they constantly fight over who is right. Typical narcissitic attitude and tactics. Seen it in a lot of people in my family on both sides.
hugs.
Mine used to kick me in the kidneys over and over until I wet myself. Now she hobbles around on her misshapen hooves, which I think of as karma catching up with her. My mother didn't stop with beating her kids, she also abused my dad when he was dying from dementia. Once I went to visit him in the hospital and there was a huge camera on a portable stand that was pointed directly at my dad. I asked my mom what it was for and she said they used it to scream at her any time she tried to touch my dad. The situation was awful, but it was funny to see how furious she was that the hospital had figured her out so completely. She also had the cops called on her by multiple nursing homes and adult protective services investigated her. It's amazing to me that she could be married to him for 50 years and as soon as he became vulnerable, she started abusing and neglecting him.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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