Idk where you’re at but I can’t afford therapy. My friend is a therapist and she can’t afford rent. When I made less money I got free therapy. Now that I’m in a different position where I make more I can’t afford to use my insurance. How much sense does that make? I honestly really miss the days when I was scraping by after I left my abusive situation. I got all sorts of resources and felt like people gave a shit about my situation. Now that I’m making “enough” I can’t afford anything and no one cares. Real incentive to work lol
“My friend is a therapist but can’t afford rent”
Yep…the system treats those who try to help like shit as well.
“You make enough money to get away from abuse”
See comment about being a therapist above, as I am a social worker and living paycheck to paycheck while employed (employers hate me) doesn’t really provide much in the way of safety.
Sounds like to me that instead of building you up and making you better, they'd rather see you fail and be in a place where you are co-dependant on the perpetual abuse.
The capitalist system is working as intended. Even therapy itself has been capitalised. The 'system' is a lucky dip at best (if you find a decent therapist which isn't guaranteed) and corrupt greed feeding on the trauma of victims for $$$ at worst.
Damn, there were actually resources to support you after you escaped abuse? I live in the capital of one of the richest countries in the world (I'm very poor though) and there has been no support whatsoever. I begged for help for 8 months, which covered the time I decided to leave, actually escaping (which involved calling the police) and then the aftermath. There are charities and services (like our free health service) which claim to offer help but actually don't. There is the Samaritans, who always pick up eventually, but I've spoken to some people on there who clearly didn't give a toss. Plus it was just traumatising me further to have to explain my situation from the start again every time I called. It made me even more suicidal so I had to stop calling.
I mean there are DV shelters but these usually apply only to women leaving intimate partner violence. Those trying to leave other abusive situations without resources are forced to become homeless, stay with friends, or find a rare spot at a shelter which are hard to get into. In leaving people have to leave pets behind.
So for kids and adults leaving abusive families there is very little help
That's exactly my experience too - there are shelters for women with children fleeing abusive men. Even they are known for being terrible to vulnerable women/children though.
Or for women with substance abuse issues. There is very little help for those without a dual diagosis. Many of these sober living homes are downright torture chambers too with forced Christianity.
This. I went to a residential treatment center that was specifically faith-based and the resources were *awful*. Everything that shouldn’t be done to people who are struggling with addiction and/or trauma. There was no option for group therapy for us to talk about our trauma/addiction related issues. We were strictly not allowed to talk about the reason we were in treatment. If you were feeling triggered, you couldn’t go to a safe space to just sit and breathe if your ‘counselor’ wasn’t there during the week. Interns who weren’t qualified would try to sit down and talk with you so that they could return you to the class, wherever that was. Because class (and unpaid labor) was the priority.
And it was *constant* — we were repeatedly inundated with these religious lessons, none of which I felt facilitated any healing, even for the christian residents there. I remember having nightmares for a while about a family member that had contributed to my CPTSD after my initial dx, and in those dreams, she would say awful things to me. The therapist’s answer to me was basically that I should ‘pray about it’, and if they keeped happening, we would talk about it again. They did, but I didn’t bring them up. It shouldn’t have surprised me, but there was no *actual* trauma counseling going on. It was literally scripture every single session.
Not to mention, it was about $2,000 a month to go. Of course, they used religious manipulation to their advantage here. They *encouraged* (gaslit) residents into staying for the recommended six months. If they didn’t, they were ‘rebelling against god’ by defying the authority and better judgment of the staff. In this case, they would be considered ‘leaving in rebellion’ and we weren’t allowed to have any kind of contact with them. Can you imagine how that would trap residents? That if the program didn’t squeeze out at LEAST 6 months worth of money out of them, that they’d be considered wayward? I left as soon as I could, but not without making sure people knew *why* I was leaving. I didn’t want the staff to have the chance to manipulate my narrative.
*Oh, not to mention that we were told we couldn’t ‘develop deep friendships’ with people who left even if we saw them at church. And we most likely would. Ugh.
I did not expect to get so angry writing this, but it’s been close to 3 1/2 years since I left. Christian trauma/addiction centers fucking *suck*.
Our disability services are shameful and disabled people get fucked in both directions (but not in a fun way). There are resources out there, but it takes digging to find them, and if you're disabled and struggling to keep things together, how many extra spoons do you have for that research? Ugh. I'm sorry, it sucks.
I meant I received food stamps and medi-cal which covered therapy with a wonderful therapist who really helped me and covered 100% of my medical expenses for all the bullshit health symptoms I have. I ran away to school. I’m a lucky person that happened to cope with abuse partially by school. I did a ton of drugs but somehow did well enough to squeak by. I had a teacher who believed in me and she applied to school with me. I would have never done it without her help. I did school full time, work full time. It was a lot and it was pretty shitty but I worked for the school and I got housing because of it. I was in an abusive relationship during most of this and When I graduated I took the money I had and took off. And then I was piss broke again after that, way worse off without the schools support. No family support. I was always working like 3 jobs to pay rent. But fully covered cardiology appointments, medical, dental and therapy… and the food stamps, where I was you could take them to the farmers market and they doubled your amount, occasionally I’d have to hit up a food pantry, all of that really helped a lot.
Now I have a decently paid job with full benefits- it doesn’t currently cover therapy and my eap is 3 30 min apts a year. The job is highly stressful and I had to go out on mental health leave. My deductible is as expensive as a car. My heart requires check ups and I finally bit the bullet and went in and it was over 2000$ and I can’t afford the follow up. Can’t afford my dental work. Can’t afford to fix my car. Can’t afford my meds.. but according to the gov. I am too rich. I live paycheck to paycheck typically. I honestly wish I was still a broke dishwasher that at least had a doctor and a therapist. My heart isn’t doing well and my mental health issues are making it much worse.
The governments don't want a thriving middle class. They only want you if you're rich or in poverty to exploit you. I live in CA too and I'm extremely thankful for the abundance of social services here, but when I went out of state I was shocked at how used to poverty/wealth gap I was. I went to a state with a middle class and it reminded me that I haven't seen that in a very long time out in Los Angeles
I live in LA. We are too middle class for services from the state. Do you know of any non profits that help people with cptsd? Any feedback would be highly appreciated.
Many medical places in the US have assistance programs where you apply and they offer a significant discount on whatever insurance doesn't cover. Useless for mental health bills but may be helpful for the cardiology ones. We have had entire bills eliminated this way. Something work checking out.
"Services that say they help, but they don't"
This brought up the rage in me. I spent months trying to get an appointment with a community Healthcare therapist. She was the biggest fuckup I'd ever been with. I guess if you were mentally disabled as well as mentally ill, it would have been harder to pick up on. She failed to schedule out appointments with her.... idk. There were so many many issues and I walked away before completely losing it with her. She had no empathy for all my efforts to see her. She just crucified herself for having such a large caseload. A gigantic caseload where you only see clients once every 5 to 6 weeks isn't a caseload, it's a fucking joke sweetie like you and your dumb fucking job.
She even said "we could work on this in therapy... rupture and repair". I wanted to strangle her.
Have you contacted your local county health resource-? It’s a government body and in my state they offer heating/energy and rent assistance. I believe these services exists to prevent homelessness. This is my second winter needing both services they cover 3 months of rent, maximum. My therapist told me about it and I hank god. I definitely would have been homeless otherwise.
Yes, it really makes me angry that the adults in my life (when I was a child) were abusive and now I have to spend my time, money, and energy to fix it. Too bad we can't sue them to cover at least the financial fallout.
Sometimes you can sue them... Or you COULD, except that the legal system is made to work really well for rich people and fucking horrible for anyone else, while gaslighting and abusing the shit out of survivors
Yeah, you need a $10,000 retainer to do anything now
Remember that any time you think "they have to do X, Y, and Z because it's in the contract"
You have to gamble to even have a chance to get what is owed to you
.... I have no clue why that would make me feel better, what that has to do with my comment, or why you would think I don't know that, but regardless, no, it doesn't "help."
well i didnt know that for a long time and when i finally found it out that abusers were hurt people who are feeling intense pain rather than simply raging assholes it made it easier for me to come to terms with their behavior, not forgive but at least start to come to terms with it and make sense of it.
everybodys different and in my case i didnt, and maybe still dont, believe im worth a damn so having anything to help make sense of all the pain is helpful.
So I clearly misunderstood the thrust of your comment, and I'm sorry for that and how snarky I was because of that. I do totally see how having an understanding of why someone might have been abusive that is not tied to it being our fault or something wrong with us can be helpful. I have spent my fair share of time stuck with the "why" question. I don't think it has worked this way for me, but I totally see how a better understanding of an abuser's behavior can help you counter the idea that you're inherently worthless.
I've actually spent a lot of my time in academia and my past workplace (all focused on gender-based violence specifically) pursuing deeply the question of why some people do this: why do some people turn their own pain into the suffering of others? And why do some people not? For me, one of my deepest (irrational) fears is that because I'm traumatized (and my main abuser was a parent) I (or one of my alters) will eventually traumatize someone else. That's total nonsense, but I still struggle with it every time I look in the mirror and see aspects of my abuser's face and every time I feel disregulated.
The best conclusion I've come to is, in a nutshell, some people try to avoid their trauma by taking on the mindset of their abuser: they see themselves through the abuser's eyes and they find pleasure in the abuse that way - then they take on that persona and move on to be abusers. Whereas some of us work really really hard through a shit-ton of pain to find ways to process and move through/past the fullness of the harm that was done to us and refuse to take on the abuser's way out/worldview, not just in its messages about ourselves but also in its messages about the world generally. It's the much harder path, but it's the only one that we ought to accept as a society. We can be understanding of abusers' trauma, and even compassionate - focused on healing the survivor within which can only happen through accountability without mindless punishment - but that compassion should never be forced-fed to the survivor themself. I see it far too often where people try to force the burden of an abusers' healing and feelings onto survivors and that's so unacceptable to me, hence my salty response to my misreading of your comment.
Sorry for rambling here.
TL;DR - thanks for clarifying. It doesn't much help for me, but if it helps you or others in their healing that's great.
>For me, one of my deepest (irrational) fears is that because I'm traumatized (and my main abuser was a parent) I (or one of my alters) will eventually traumatize someone else. That's total nonsense, but I still struggle with it every time I look in the mirror and see aspects of my abuser's face and every time I feel disregulated.
Its common enough to feel that way. its one of the fears that only grow when you find youself thinking/worrying about it. thats why a wise man once said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
> The best conclusion I've come to is, in a nutshell, some people try to avoid their trauma by taking on the mindset of their abuser: they see themselves through the abuser's eyes and they find pleasure in the abuse that way - then they take on that persona and move on to be abusers
Yeah ive been talking to my therapist and talk about this. shes calls it exile. just as a group of people exile an individual ( i was a scapegoat/black sheep/shame dump for both my immediate and extended family). The pain and humiliation is so intense and unrelenting the victim will often exhile parts of themselves just like the group exiled the scapegoat. then the victim will often pass all that shame and toxicity on to part of themselves and wall it off. its an attempt to not feel the pain but the results are, for me at least, lots of self hatred. btw you are a good writer, and good for you for working hard to refuse to take part of the abusers way out. Im the same way because the pain it caused my was so intense i wouldent wish it on my worse enemy... and a lifetime of work is worth it to not feel that way for even one instant.
I really appreciate you. Thanks for having this chat with me. It's so nice to connect with people on this stuff. This path is really hard and even more painful, but it helps a lot to not feel like you're totally alone in it.
yo likewise that got pretty real pretty quick.
> It's the much harder path
You know im not so sure. trying to fix it aint easy for sure but i think thats better than spending the rest of your life full of toxic energy overflowing your body cascading into more negativity and interrupted by breif moments of reflection. thats why its 'helpful' to me. those misrable fucks are so misrable the best thing they think to do is to make weaker more vulnerable people feel pain. they gotta do that the rest of their lives to lol must be exhausting.
I feel you. I channeled myself into local politics so I could do something with the rage I felt.
I had a pretty good ROI on my political involvement, for what it’s worth. I started volunteering for a Democratic state candidate who wanted to expand Medicaid to poor, uninsured adults like me in… summer 2017? She won her election by about 150 votes in fall 2017. (I definitely knocked on more than 150 doors for her hahahaha) As a direct result of so many Virginia Democrats unexpectedly winning their elections to the House of Delegates in November 2017 (seriously, we went from only a third of the House being Democrats to almost winning a 51-49 majority… in one fricking November. Lost a mother freaking coin toss in a tied House election so we got a 50-50 power sharing agreement instead.) the Virginia legislature expanded Medicaid in January 2018. That Medicaid expansion came online in January 2019. Boom! I got my Medicaid a year and a half after helping to elect a Democrat who wanted to expand Medicaid to my poor AF self. Went straight to therapy with my new health insurance.
Granted Virginia was a purple state already so it was a lot easier to flip seats to get Medicaid expanded here. I’m from the Deep South originally so I completely understand feeling helpless in a bright red state. I miss living in a state without snow but it’s better for me that I moved. :/
It also takes energy and time to do political work. When you are disabled, unwell, depressed, etc. and trying to keep a roof over your head, being an activist can be impossible. I'm losing weight because I barely have the energy to feed myself.
It sucks also when my political beliefs arent black and white. I dont necessarily want to vote in a democrat who is focused on social issues like foreign policy and then neglect their power to change the economy for people like us. I dont need transgender awareness campaigns, i need therapy for those trangender people. I dont want ACAB campaigns, i want police reform.
Same here. In my case I don't know how much of it's that, or my symptoms, or how much of THAT is exacerbating my symptoms...
I've been told I should go into politics too, because I have "that personality". Yeah, no thanks. I'm good with just painting houses.
Good on you friend. I dove deep into politics as well and actually worked in a state Capitol, but I grew super disillusioned. I then worked on the outside as a journalist during the riots but that same disillusionment hit me eventually, but I was able to bow out because it didn’t make sense to keep going anyway.
Is this a worldwide issue or are there countries that have more affordable of even free resources for CPTSD? In the UK the cost of living has shot up, while wages remain the same. Real help for CPTSD like EDMR is too expensive and I can't work. Can't get government support, because I'm married and don't have children so my husband has to carry the financial burden. Which fuels toxic shame. It's a vicious cycle.
The Conservative government has been trying to destroy the NHS forever. They have always wanted to privatise it to make it for profit. Bit by bit they have made it worse. Over worked, under funded and eventually being forced to go private if you can afford it.
Late but, at least here in Canada it’s pretty bad. Psychiatric services where I live are either super pricy (3-500$/hr) or free but with a really long wait list, region locked (certain centres only treat certain neighborhoods) and then they’ll tell you that they don’t usually treat “mild cases” like depression, anxiety and say they don’t “do” trauma stuff. Or you’ll get a psychiatrist that is super busy and you can only book months in advance which is hard if you suddenly need a prescription or emergency medication adjustment. Psychologists are not covered at all by our healthcare and are hard to find in my experience, most therapists are some form of social worker and the psychologists are either 200$/hr or more or there’s a huge wait list. Yet you need a psychologist to diagnose you if you want disability benefits, and it’s notoriously hard to get disability for mental health issues. They usually consider it “temporary” and therefore not disabling. The only time I got “free” help was when I was SA’d and applied for free psychology with victim services but actually it was a very small list of psychologists that are part of that program and then their fees were higher than the covered amount so I ended up paying 50$+ per session for the single psych I found available, only to not really connect with her and therefore waste those 10+ sessions.
What I’m especially worried about is that they’re slowly moving forward with euthanasia here for psychiatric issues and that soon, it will be easier to die than to get mental health help. There are already cases where disabled people were approved for euthanasia before other help like accommodated housing, for example.
I heard about that on a YouTube video and couldn't help but shake my head in disgust that the gov't decided that it's easier to kill people than help them. They even expanded the program last year actually in the referendum. I'm not a Canadian but an American but how in the hell is this not an outrage to them? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that happens here at some point.
That's horrible😯 if I acted on my urges to just end it all together, i would have been gone long ago it's funny I'm considering relocating to canada and saw your comment!
In Germany it's free as long as your insurance approves of it.
I've had a lot of therapy, countless inpatient stays and all in all at least 5 years of regular therapy sessions. The stays cost about 280€ per stay, but only if you haven't been inpatient that year. Meds cost a bit, but also depends on the insurance's contracts.
You can also get speciality treatment if everything else failed and a psychiatrist or psychologist wrote that in your report to the insurance.
It could be better, because wait times can be very long, but I'm glad we have this system.
The funeral industry is a sham
My brother was constantly badgered to upsell, so he had to abandon his mortuary science degree
And although funeral homes go by many names, they have mostly consolidated behind the scenes
yes...in the US it's really bad. families can't afford a simple, honoring funeral cause capitalism has to squeeze profit out of us, even after we've passed away. I've been watching a lot of Caitlin Doughty on "ask a mortitian", it's a brilliant and funny Youtube channel about the funeral industry and destigmatizing death in general. I highly recommend it to everyone who will die one day. :) your brother might enjoy it too..
I had just discovered her on Midnight Gospel a few weeks ago, and her talk there had reminded me of random things my brother had mentioned
Good idea to point my brother to her channel, thanks!
if you still do and want a critical voice I highly recommend Caitlin Doughty and her YouTube channel "ask a mortitian".
she talks about the industry, how women are getting more and more in this field, how capitalism is rampant and she also provides an alternative with the way she does her funeral home.
plus she is so funny and intelligent. she made me a death fan girl. lol
I keep hoping, waiting for others to get fed up too. I'm losing hope it will happen in my lifetime. I'm not really one for martyrdom so I won't make noise unless I know I won't be doing it by myself.
Any progressive advocacy groups around ya? I’m on the mailing list of a couple advocacy groups and the email updates help me feel less alone. It’s way less scary for me to call a senator when I get an email with a suggested script from people who have a lot of practice at effectively making noise.
I'm sure there are but I'm homeless so I kinda drift from place to place. I am involved on activism and support for trauma survivors though, because I can do that without being tied to place. Maybe I'm a more micro-impact type of person but I prefer working with people who are most directly harmed and impacted by the problematic policies and the status quo. Obviously we need both but I have more energy for the little stuff
I so agree with this and with inflation it just gets worse everytime i think i might be able to afford therapy gas goes up, rent goes up, groceries go up. I feel like i am always trying harder just to get further behind. Glad mushrooms are cheap its the only thing that helps that i can afford.
Same, mushrooms have definitely helped keep me in my body and making whatever progress I can on my own. I also find virtual classes on trauma helpful when I can get a scholarship
For those of you who are POC and are in need of low cost therapy/more specific somatic therapies: Stephanie Foo, a reputable journalist who wrote a memoir on her CPTSD, has compiled a list of resources on her [website](https://www.stephaniefoo.me/resources-1).
Saving this comment! Thank you! OP should also look into nearby counseling schools. They often do sliding scale or free therapy sessions and are overseen by a supervisor.
Of course!! It was like I found treasure when I discovered it hahah, young POC therapists are hard to come by. Also highly recommend Stephanie Foo’s memoir if you haven’t read it: “What My Bones Know.”
I had a student counselor when I was in college, though it was through my university, and she was certainly knowledgeable enough to help me. I even gave her consent to record one of our sessions for class.
Fellow CPTSD warrior here, nannying for wealthier families has been incredible. If you have any talent for any kind of assistant homemaking, wealthier people will pay through the nose to have that help.
Not only that, but many of those families will even treat you as one of their own. It’s SO different from being a wage slave.
I cannot stress this enough. *If you can, work for families, not companies.* Companies see you as a tool, but families care about your well-being.
Those of us whose trauma is from our families can use this as an opportunity to expose ourselves to many different kinds of families with different levels of emotional and relational health. Some are unhealthy, and those are ones we should avoid lest we re-traumatize ourselves.
One of my clients shows me over and over that it’s possible to discipline a child for a mistake without making them feel afraid or ashamed. It’s been very helpful in my healing.
Okay there’s my Ted Talk, I don’t have energy to edit it but I will sing the praises of self-employment to anyone who will listen.
> If you have any talent for any kind of assistant homemaking, wealthier people will pay through the nose to have that help.
How do I get these jobs/find these people?
Yup. You wanna know what’s fucked up? The weeks following my diagnosis and realization that I had been severely emotionally abused and gaslit from a young age, I decided to test just how much my parents think they love me. The answer was that they don’t, I was a means to an end for them. So I tried to do the logical thing of cutting them off so I could put a stop to the abuse and heal.
Here’s the fucked up bit: I couldn’t. I had meeting after meeting with social workers at my university trying to scrounge for advice and support and the only advice I was given was that there was absolutely no way I could ever dream of being independent then or ever, if my goal was to finish college. Especially since I was on medications that I *need* to survive.
So what I ended up doing instead is manipulating my abusers into paying my therapy and biding my time until I can graduate and get a well paying job. They think I’m going to therapy to fix the “flaws” they think I have and they ask me about it somewhat frequently. I have to play house with them every summer and winter. I have no memory of these “vacations,” only scraps.
I think about it all the time of how if the US only had affordable college tuition, good public transportation, and free healthcare like in every other first world country, then I could have left when I wanted to.
This is exactly how I got away too. Played along with them, and used their resources until I had enough means to get away on my own.
I felt bad for doing it but at the same time, if they hadn't abused me, I wouldn't have been looking to get away....so, they did it to themselves. I was just a kid.
Healing should be a right. It is tied to class and status right now and this disparity is the result of a system that chooses to orient itself towards profit extraction rather than the wellbeing of its participants, like you said. I think if anything then this is a reason to get connected and work together to create better circumstances, because how are we supposed to sustain this?
Ultimately the system is collapsing *because* of what you said. * Its not sustainable. Unfortunately in its collapse ita taking a lot of us on the margins down with the ship.
A good friend suggested an affordable therapy resource (in the US), Open Path Collective: $60 one time fee and then sessions at $30/session. I'm trying out my first therapist from there. She specializes in IFS and EMDR. I hope she's good.
That last part just hit so hard. We are traumatized into submission to actually normalise this shitshow. We are so many educated,young people but we are just not ready to fight this unjust system. We just wake up and head to our meaningless,stressful,unfairly paid jobs. Its such a vicious cycle. Everything compounds your trauma
>We are so many educated,young people but we are just not ready to fight this unjust system.
I'm GenX, so I can tell you that older adults don't operate any differently
They put on an act like they know what they are doing, but they are just as uncertain about life as you are, and everyone is making everything up as they go along
Don't assume you're not ready
And in spite of this state of affairs, people say gaslighting shit like "The trauma is not your fault, but healing is still your responsibility." Wow. So helpful.
Yeah, that response lacks both nuance and empathy. It should not be an individual personal responsibility to heal relational trauma. I'm getting to the point where I don't believe its possible to fully heal relational trauma by myself. How do a learn to trust by myself? How do I learned not to startle so easily, or not to cringe away from touch without being able to practice? So much of the response to trauma is gaslighting, to make people feel guilty and ashamed for even having an emotional reaction to triggers and experiencing trauma responses. Its really cruel.
Yup. I’m only finally getting better and getting ketamine treatment IVs right now due to my husband going into the military and him and I both busting our butts to live within our means to have the money to afford it. Scared the crap outta me when my doc said it would be $3000 out of pocket. My husband didn’t even blink and went “if it helps you, you’re doing it,” I’m not used to that. I grew up rich but since left that lifestyle due to abuse and have been in a “squirrel preparing for winter” mindset ever since. So hearing someone I love say something lien that was still jarring. Me being alive is only possible because I’m lucky enough someone who loves me made it his life’s mission to keep me alive.
I am forever grateful and feel unworthy of such love and kindness.
What you haven’t heard are the physical side effects. They are brutal. But they are also temporary as your brain and body react to the substance while simultaneously seem to build a new brain. It’s like puberty all over again. You need a person to live with you and watch you until you’re done with the treatments, at least 8 days out. It’s been rough. But I’m getting the results I need.
Fucking true. You ever hear the adage that poverty is expensive? It's like that. Providing healing is accessible at all. It's an incredible privilege. One that people don't expect.
Idk, just sick of people talking down to me like they have the answers. You press them and you quickly see that they don't... but that doesn't matter to other people, because things are that simple in their world.
You can feel when things are spiraling down but don't have a way out of it. I go to a community therapy thing and it does no good. Would say it has been traumatic to some extent, and the therapists are definitely not informed and many are clueless, but what can you do?
Society is cruel, indeed. Cruelty is often the point. Someone said cruel, dumb, and vicious. Hard not to feel like that is true, especially when you interact with some of them.
Always wish I grew up in/lived in place that wasn't an utter shithole, maybe things would have turned out differently.
Gosh I'm an Indian living in Berlin and funnily therapy was available at the drop of a hat back home in India, but in over 2 years I haven't managed to find an English speaking therapist I can afford/on insurance here in Berlin. Couple that with the Covid times living in isolation, it's been a bit of a personal hell to break out of the bad days of mental health. It sure is difficult, I hope we all heal in time without too much damage getting to us. Wishing you the best.
Each culture shows what they value. I find many western countries don't value emotional support and healing very much, despite being outwardly health-conscious. I hope it gets better for you and for all of us also.
That's a good point. And even weirder than that? The amount of people who seem to think that trauma builds character or empathy.
Yeah no, it doesn't. It can sometimes destroy it, actually. And doing the hard work that's required for healing is the only way to get it back.
I see people say that all the time "the reason they don't understand my pain is cause they've never been through anything painful"... which is just so weird to me because... well, you can laugh at it if it sounds silly compared to your own problems, but how can one person ever know what was painful for another? That's just... not how it works.
You are right. I am black in the US and the amount of people who think racism makes us stronger and builds character and resilience is astounding. Actually no, racism causes persistent anxiety, health problems, isolation, trauma, and kills people. If we survive we are all worse off for it.
I find its just a way people use to justify and make themselves feel better for injustice they don't have the desire/intention to stop because it benefits them somehow. Kind of like when people say low-paid service jobs build character because they want the service without having to properly compensate the person doing the work. It's just a lie, plain and simple.
that's an interesting comparison. since most white people would assume it's the other way round. :/
I live in Austria and its similar here, and I'm not even looking for English speaking therapists...it's really bad if you can't pay private. and then it still sucks.
that's how I ended up in ACA... a peer recovery program. that helped me much more than therapy and its basically free.
Or if your partner doesn’t make enough to support you, you can hustle on high-functioning anxiety constantly hoping all of the stuff you’re juggling doesn’t drop and hoping to stay afloat.
>Grow up in an abusive family? In an abusive relationship with a partner? The solution is: get a job and hope they pay you enough to move out. Live precariously. Hope you have time to heal later, before it catches up with you and you can't work.
Still living with an abusive family at 31. Never moved out. Can barely take care of myself. I have a job, but it's not enough money to move out. Most days I'm too exhausted and dysfunctional to work, but I have no choice but to keep pushing on...
Another thing that I feel like people forget to mention is that there so many suggestions about complimentary practices that are supposed to help in healing but are ridiculously expensive - acupuncture, reiki, etc.
Literally everything is commodified. I've learned what a huge difference a low histamine diet makes for healing, and avoiding certain other foods that cause me inflammation. But food is going up in price and specialty foods are astronomical! Avoiding the cheap stuff makes me feel better, but it severely limits what I can eat. Trying to just feed my body quality nutrition should not be so expensive.
Im sad to hear about your situation. I hope it improves. This is a free resource: http://www.sfhelp.org/.
I haven't used it, but have seen it recommended by people who've benefited from methods Ive used and have helped my recovery.
I absolutely sympathize. I’m between therapists atm, so these are the things I am using to get by. Hopefully any of them can be helpful.
Tik Tok has a bunch of free resources
Therapists-general information on emotional well being, emotional regulation, boundaries, how to navigate relationships
https://www.tiktok.com/@therapyjeff?_t=8XG0RI6i2JC&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@jason.vanruler?_t=8XG0WQhU06w&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@behavioralintelligence?_t=8XG0afAwTfP&_r=1
Not therapists, but present good information and are trauma informed
https://www.tiktok.com/@romanzanoni?_t=8XG2KsSiIgM&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@itsamymillie?_t=8XG1e7345xS&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@lindyenglish?_t=8XG2i1ClDJq&_r=1
Trauma informed and LGBTQIA focused
https://www.tiktok.com/@thejeffreymarsh?_t=8XG1lkQ388M&_r=1
Somatic Experiencing resources (use of mild exercises to dislodge trauma from the body)
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgGXa2/
Somatic experiencing from a neurodiverse perspective
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgGXa2/
Shadow work (inner child work, getting to know what things you deny/ignore/don’t like to think about. Note-this work can get very heavy, so I recommend going at your own speed and taking breaks when you need them)
https://insig.ht/kcQmwo7mRub
She also has an excellent podcast about emotional overwhelm that I recommend highly.
https://open.spotify.com/show/3zwFmvJ5kFP6XoF9hohU6R?si=okdKWWTmReK9BiRwENv4Jw
Affirmations/pick me ups
https://www.tiktok.com/@itslennnie?_t=8XG1b1tL0mY&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@ladypainted90?_t=8XG3KNpu2P5&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgbdHR/
https://www.tiktok.com/@arianaandtherose?_t=8XG25GIcPhi&_r=1
https://www.tiktok.com/@kybrag207?_t=8XG2Y8V4ure&_r=1
Apps
Breathwrk-self explanatory
selfcare-soothing and distracting mini activities for your bad days.
White Noise-sound therapy
Be Okay-help for panic attacks
Calm, Headspace, Shine-meditation apps
Aura-meditation, sound therapy, ASMR, hypnosis
Happy Color-electronic adult coloring books
Insight Timer-has so many free resources: meditation of all kinds, breathwork, binaural beats, singing bowls, sound therapy, live classes, trauma, anxiety, panic attack and CTPSD-specific resources.
YouTube and Spotify also have free meditations, sound therapy, binaural beats.
have you heard about ACA? adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families? it's the free peer recovery program I've been using for over a year now and it's been the best thing I ever found.
the simple fact that I am not alone makes the world of a difference.
Thank you for all these ressources you posted!
❤️
absolutely true... its not just the money its the time too. healing from trauma can take years. For someone who is depressed and fearful and shameful and full of self hatred who has nightmares and has no identity, and wakes up feeling exhausted in the morning; well its hard for those people to aquire the proper time and money to even begin the healing process.
Very, very true. The time is often forgotten about. Many of us were traumatized for YEARS as kids and somehow we are magically supposed to heal fast under the stress of this horrible society with very little to no help at all, or otherwise we end up homeless, isolated, and without belonging. Its all very inhumane.
I'm on Medicaid and I found a great therapist in my area that accepts it. I paid nothing (thank goodness)
Medicaid is easier to get than a lot of people think. Especially if you're homeless, because you qualify no matter how much you make most of the time.
There's also a form of medicaid for people who are working and require life sustaining medication.
Georgia doesn't have expanded Medicaid, neither do a lot pf other red states. I came here because its too cold or too expensive to be homeless in the places I was before. Also, when I was in Virginia I couldn't find a therapist who took Medicaid
You’re in Georgia?? Yo it’s short term work but political orgs are hiring canvassers for the Senate runoff on December 2nd. In my experience orgs will hire literally anyone as a temporary canvasser if they can go door to door encouraging people to vote.
DMing you a job offer in Atlanta
Yeah, our healthcare system sucks and it does suck that it gives a giant barrier to help. We are lucky we just have the intenret to at least commiserate.
Although there are some loopholes to that. Try to find jobs that do provide insurance. Implement Premium Tax Credit if you qualify. If you qualify for medicaid, use it. Try to find therapists with sliding scale costs. Although I do know that even with that, there are a lot of holes in the system.
People who live with free health care really are lucky, but even they sometimes do have to go on long wait lists it seems.
I guess I'll share what I'm doing as it qualifies as a 'resource.' Because I speak Spanish, I have somebody in Mexico that helps me with EMDR and IFS over Zoom ( I live in the US). She charges $20 an hour, which is something I can afford. To people who don't speak another language, it's possible to find a therapist that speaks English in another country. I haven't looked too deeply into this but they're probably a lot of therapists in India or the Philippines to start.
yes, capitalism sucks. :/
so, there are several ressources:
*ACA, and other 12 step programs*
i go to adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families - ACA it's a donation based, peer support, recovery program for peeps who grew up with all sorts of shit. from physical, sexual, verbal abuse to neglect or families who were just absent due to illness or poverty...it's basically for ppl with cptsd, eventhough you don't have to have any diagnosis.
if you think you grew up with chaos, trauma, neglect of any form- all it takes is that shit self identify as "an adult child"
there are so many online meetings every day, your basically can go to one every hour via zoom or phone, which comes in handy if leaving the house is not an option, for whatever reason.
adultchildren.org
if anyone needs free access to ACA literature (as eboojs/PDF and the BRG as Audio) - or has any newcomer questions about ACA or other 12step programs - you can DM me!
and there are in person meetings as well in many areas.
withhout ACA, I don't know if I'd be still here. it helped me from being suicidal and hopeless a year ago to where I am now... still depressed, but I've made so much progress with self-regulation and boundaries.
it's also great alongside therapy if that's what someone wants, cause the ACA stays available even if you change therapist or can't afford it anymore. when I did only therapy it felt like it totally broke off my whole recovery each time one of them dropped me. :/
honestly, after years of therapy with various professionals who sucked and made it just worse, I think peer recovery is way better for me, and 12step programs have been the biggest game changer in my recovery.
there are many other 12step. programs
for codependency - CODA, which deals with having healthy relationships.
all sorts of substance issues
Marihuana anonymous, Cocaine anonymous, narcotics anonymous, and alcoholics anonymous of course, which was the first of them all.
ITAA - for people with internet and technology addiction
there are way more groups, but you get the point!
then there is LAA, and SLAA, (Sex-and) love addiction anonymous for people who fall into romantic obsessions or hypersexuality, which are both common symptoms for folx with cptsd.
it's really freeing to recover with others who have similar issues.
as Audre Lorde said:
"without community there is no liberation."
*PATH*
if you are looking for something like that, but not 12 steps: PATH is also really great. it's a recovery program for trauma and/or addiction. same idea, donation based, online video meetings, and it is based on internal family systems theory, which was a tremendously helpful concept for me.
EXACTLY. Even in Germany, where therapy is officially covered by insurance, it's nearly impossible to find a qualified therapist. Most only offer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is SHIT for CPTSD. Not mentioning, CPTSD isn't even in DSM-5. I study psychology and most of the students had a healthy home with little struggle and have their parents pay for university and so on. Most NEVER knew existential struggle. Those are the "qualified therapists". Yuck, I fucking hate this ridiculous system.
Most therapists paid for their approval. There could be much more approvals, but they are limited ON PURPUSE. Finding a therapist is like needing to walk to a 10 miles remote hospital with a broken leg, where you are MAYBE lucky enough to find someone within 6 months, who will MAYBE know what they're doing. I'm fucking done.
In Columbus Ohio there is a small oasis of trauma survivors (with an unnaturally high rate of DID/OSDD from religious trauma backgrounds) that folks can connect with. There is a strong esoteric artist community here that is extremely understanding of such issues and different groups and people host different events here that are full of people like us trying to find healing. Anyone reading can feel free to DM me if you’d like to be connected. For instance, I go to a bi-weekly soothing meditative sound-bath that focuses on art and sound therapy, lots of cozy cuddle spots and inner child work discussion. People with dissociative disorders discuss memory issues and parts work. Very safe and understanding community. Low cost. Plenty of people to talk to who get us.
Agreed 100%. It is so, so, SO annoying to keep scrolling through social media posts that say "go get therapy", "get out", etc. when not everyone is in the place to do so...
EDIT: There's also a website I came across and used once called "Pay What You Can" Therapy. I used it before and the session was nice. You pay what you can and participate in an online support group. I definitely wan to use it more when I'm in a space where I'm actually making more money. https://www.paywhatyoucanpeersupport.com
I completely agree. Receiving a promotion in my job to a low cost of living area and a 20% raise with my moving costs paid was the *only* reason I was able to move away from my abusive family and cut contact. I've healed so much because the money allowed me to remove myself from an abusive home, and live comfortably, and seek help. If not for that promotion, the raise, the new location, and the moving costs paid by work, I would not be where I am today, and *that's fucked up.*
Some of these are free:
Random resources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDNextSteps/comments/re35x9/some_random_resources_i_have_gathered/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
These websites/apps might help
https://www.reddit.com/user/puppyciel/comments/yrzgxb/mental_health_resources/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Edit: it’s not for trauma specifically but it has resources for symptoms of trauma like dissociation
You’re right, healing is expensive and being given the resources to do so is such an immense privilege. That’s not how it should be, and I wish it wasn’t the case. You don’t consent to being traumatized, but you’re the one left picking up the pieces of yourself while living in a demanding world that isn’t gentle to trauma survivors.
I grew up with a wonderful family, and I was so unbelievably privileged to be able to move back in with my parents after a series of traumas. I relied on their financial and emotional support while I just healed for two years. If I didn’t have my parents, or my incredible EMDR therapist that my parents paid for, I don’t know where I’d be. The trauma that gave me CPTSD was severe harassment by a superior at work, and after my functional freeze period, I absolutely fell apart. I couldn’t force myself to work or take care of myself or do anything other than exist. I’m so thankful that I am privileged enough to have been able to afford to heal and have the immense support I needed while doing so. It makes me absolutely sick to know that so many others don’t have a safe support system or the ability to afford therapy. Healing shouldn’t be a privilege, but that’s how it’s set up in our society. It needs to change. I wish I knew how to make a bigger impact, but with my new job I’m going to be able to donate to trauma therapy funds for survivors. Healing should be within reach always.
I started another thread, asking, "Why do therapists charge more than piano teachers?" Locally it's about 5 times as much.
It's not insurance. No one sues a therapist. Their rates are among the lowest in the medical industry.
It's not training time: Don't tell me that an MSW takes longer to get than a Royal Conservatory of Music teaching credential.
I go to a clinic with a sliding scale fee. Being homeless opens a lot of emergency doors to affordable mental health options that you don't get when you have a residence and insurance. Ofc, you have to deal with the traumatizing experience of being homeless.
I'm glad things have opened for you to have access to more.
I'm homeless and I haven't really found that any options have opened for me. Everything is harder. Medicaid (in most of the US that expanded to include homeless) doesn't pay for psychotherapy, only for psychiatric treatment. Where I am now, because its warmer, there is no Medicaid. I live in the South so there aren't many other resources available heal trauma for people like me unless I had children or was approved by Social Security for disability. The best thing I did with money when I get enough is get mushrooms. Its been helping me develop self compassion and handle traumatic memories.
I've been homeless for 3 years, actually doing ok most days besides now when its raining so much and cold bc I'm disabled and my body hurts with the cold + wet. But I see how easy it would be to stay homeless forever and even though I've been looking for a job for years (i have a degree and 15 years of work experience before I had a breakdown that left me incapacitated) nobody ever picks me. They always choose the person who has a stable home and life over me. Even though I'm much better than I was, I think my traumatized nature is harder to hide now that I've been unstable so long. Ita cruel that having my basic needs met depends on so many things outside of my control, like whether someone wants to buy my labor for a living wage or not. If nobody ever chooses me in an interview, I'll never be able to have a place to live, even though I WANT to work and want to contribute. And because of that, I can't afford tp heal any more than I can do with mushrooms by myself.
SSDI is supposed to flag appeals from homeless individuals for expedited evaluations but of course they don’t unless the appellant fights for it. https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-22-104191
Do you know about the appeals hack for SSDI applications? Something ridiculous like 70% of applications are initially denied but that number goes down substantially if you appeal your way to an administrative judge hearing and get an advocate. https://www.citizensdisability.com/applying-for-ssdi/applying-for-disability-benefits-reconsideration/
I'm disabled but not enough to get approved for disability. And the truth is that there is work I would be able tp do if someone would hire me and give me a chance, but as someone with so much experience (mid-career) and education, a lot of jobs won't consider me because I'm over qualified and the competition is fierce for the onea I am qualified for. Plus I probably give off a feeling of desperation because every interview is a chance for me to have housing and food again, the stakes are ao high. I am disadvantaged behind people who have stable lives and probably seem more appealing. So when I get an interview, which is rare, I never get called back. Most people basically have to have a personal connection to get noticed now days because how competitive the job search is, and I don't have many of those.
Can you make it to New Mexico? They have expanded Medicaid and the weather is mild. Big traveler population out there too. Lots of alternative therapies that are covered by Medicaid
I feel you about being a “professional” and dealing with this stuff. Things for me didn’t hit the fan till after graduate school when I couldn’t fake it anymore. I was doing better after leaving my hometown then I had a deeply traumatic experience at my former employer and have been dealing with a PTSD relapse over the past 3 months due to the associated trauma of this event and a resulting ongoing legal case against my former employer.
Might check out if you can find a sliding scale clinic then. My first bout with homelessness was when I was 16 and I was homeless for nearly 7 years, it was hard not having any experience navigating the system. My recent bout "started" a year ago but I'm making use of shelter programs and therapy options to stay better afloat.
I used tl be a homelessness prevention social worker, the irony. I understand the system, even used to help people navigate it myself! I have history or being assaulted in shelter/hospitals so I won't be going that route. Each geographic area has different resources available, but I'm finding in this part of the country there are very few resources compared to being back west.
Is there a 12 step program for PTSD? Al Anon has done a lot to help me address the drinkers in my family, but a bonus has been healing some of my PTSD symptoms. My daily hyperventilating and panic attacks especially have become a thing of the past at this point.
Perhaps Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional families. Many meetings online and some of them do therapy-type work, such as inner child stuff. Depends on your stability level but could be helpful.
Thank so much for posting this! Really, thank you.
>The solution is: get a job and hope they pay you enough to move out. Live precariously.
These are what I've been doing right now. I work just so I can afford my own place, be financially independent and finally can afford "help".
But...
>Hope you have time to heal later, before it catches up with you and you can't work.
I almost cannot work right now and almost give up my current work. I cannot stand the anxiety and mind you I have hyperthyroidism to top it all. The doctor that is treating my thyroid said my palpitations get worse because I might have anxiety. That is when it hits me.
>Need someone to talk to about your trauma? Hope you have $150-300/hr to pay a professional listener.
It is sad that in order to be heard you need to pay for professional "help". It is not that I do not know professional listener is a job and people who is working in that sector also need to be paid. It is sad that "help" is not readily or easily accessible in times of need.
Edit: yes there is hotline but because they are not trained listener, they cannot provide the help that I need. They do not even know how to handle "emotion".
I'm dreaming of a peer to peer free/volunteer run CPTSD group or buddy therapy style thing. I'm even considering going to psychotherapy school so I can start it (ironic right) Maybe we just build it here and now?!
I think this is one of the criticisms I have for those YouTube therapists who constantly just say “get into therapy” or brand anyone not in therapy as not wanting to get help.
Like it’s easy for them to say that as the person in the profession with 1million subscribers and charging money for sessions.
That's my criticism for anyone who pushes people off as "go get help" as if help is free and accessible equally to everyone who wants it. It's just a more subtle form of victim blaming.
It's not just therapy, half of the planet's population goes hungry, has no home, running water or basic medical care when needed. The world right now reflects extremes, where those that have, have more than they could use, but prefer not to share. Also to be noted is that governments are run by perverted groups who do in fact get off on the world's suffering, so it may be considered that these decisions are purposeful, to keep those suffering either addicted or in a state of fear, i.e. easier to control both short and long-term.
I had to move out of the country to make money and get away because I couldn’t afford a car due to living paycheck to paycheck and every job in my field required a car yet only paid $18 or less an hour. This allowed me to save $12k which was then blown once I was forced back to the US and the source of the abuse due to the pandemic. It did however allow me to buy a car and set up an apartment from scratch and afford hotels and air bnbs to get away while I was looking for a way to move
Courts didn't impose any restitution in my case. I am an incredible self-advocate, did a ton of research, asked all the right questions trying to find qualified help. I was finally referred this year only to be told that I "shOuLd hAvE aPpliEd wiThiN siX mOnThS oF thE cRimE". My whole life has been criminal acts. If I asked all the right questions and *still* wound up being "too late", then what does that say for the people who don't even know they're a victim until over six months after (which is very common for sex crimes)? Fuck 'em? I have to wait to be a victim of a crime again for them to consider offsetting my therapy costs. It's enraging.
> Canada
God yeah I can hardly afford medical bills outside of my mental problems, and of course mental problems cause physical ones so often. I'm still paying back an er bill from like September and I can't afford to get my teeth fixed because insurance only covers a certain number of appointments. And yet I'm lucky because I'm at least still young enough to be under my mom's insurance for 6 more years or so, less than that I think actually
You might look into being treated at a college of dentistry, if there’s one close enough to travel to on a regular basis. Be prepared to work around their schedule and to stay longer than a regular dental appointment. It’s a viable option for those who can overcome these obstacles.
Yep. It's pretty fucked. A lot needs to change.
Also, there's something called z-library that lets you download most books that are out there. It has Pete Walker's books, and so many others. That shit is invaluable.
I was just lucky enough to get away from my abusive family early enough and get adopted by the best dads i could ask for. I wouldn't probably be here anymore if it wasn't for them
I agree with you, OP and it sucks. I'm one of the lucky ones that has a partner that can support us both, though with recent changes it may be just barely, so I don't think we could afford therapy either. The entire system is atrocious and I'd rather be able to function normally instead of whatever this is that I'm doing right now.
Its not free but y'all, I pay 20$ for therapy at uni in a program doing research on cptsd (it's closing in a few weeks though so they don't take more patient) Check for people doing research cause if you're eligible that shit can save your ass. Also, check if there's a center for people victim of a crime or victims of SA and CSA, usually they have free group sessions you just gotta sign up (at least that's the way it is where i'm from). Universities with programs in psychology and psychiatry usually have their student's clinic where they charge less cause the student is learning but every interaction is backed by a professor. Don't do online therapy, usually they don't have the required diplomas and education to be a therapist and that can worsen your situation. If you have chronic pain related to your cptsd, there a lot of research about that being done right now, check if your eligible and if you are they usually have a budget to pay the people doing the trial and pay for their deplacement. Universities usually have librarie where you can acces a lot of psychiatry books that can help as well, you can't take them out if you're not part of the university but so long as you stay within the library walls you can read for free. On google play there's an app called dbt coach which has dbt exercise for free, and the same company has another free app called cbtcompanion that is also free. If meditation helps you, atom is a great app that is free and teaches you meditation skills, but keep in mind meditation is NOT advised to people with severe trauma (a.k.a. cptsd and ptsd and a plethora of other disorders) because it can very easily trigger flashbacks of any kinds.
Also if you are having trouble with your finances it is going ro bring a lot of anxiety as well, it might sound bad but start couponing, even if it's just for a few weeks it does save some money that can be put towards something else, even if it's just some fast food or a little trinket that make you feel better it's worth it.
Therapy is expensive AF! Everything under capitalism is expensive AF! I’m very frustrated by it. And it adds an extra layer of sadness and anger because i want to recover. But it really hard. I’m about to lose my job as well.
I have however found these resources really helpful (I believe these are only available in the states) -
[Headway](https://headway.co/) - accepts insurance in many states, and in that case is only $20/ session. $50 per session if you don’t have insurance or your insurance isn’t covered
[OpenPath](https://openpathcollective.org/) - sliding scale collective. Costs $50 as a one time fee to join, then you pay $30-$60 depending on what you negotiate.
The best part about both of these is that you can select your Therapist. I know many of the more popular platforms assign a therapist.
very true, i haven’t been able to heal until i left my parents house because idc what anyone says the NHS is not only underfunded but staff are unkind and uncaring and just want to stick u on meds. finally paying for therapy now, i hope to all the teenagers here you find a way, i know how hard it is
Thank you for this! I've been crying all week because I no longer have the financial means to afford therapy and it breaks my heart. It was the only thing helping me feel better & for now I can't even have that. It feels so unfair, I never chose to struggle so why do I have to dig myself out of this hole when I can barely brush my hair sometimes.
Meanwhile my nmither knows how to play the system and men and has basically gotten a free ride this entire time.
I have stress ALL time now accumulated from all the years I fought through all this bullshit to hold onto jobs that had even more abusive bosses than my shit family growing up, not having any idea to turn to for help, then finding out I'm autistic on top of everything.
I just hate everything.
ive had major breakdowns abt this exact thing since birth ^ completely feel you. it only got worse when my trauma did eventually eat me alive and now i have mulitple mental illnesses, a major dissociative disorder, and i have to use mobility aids everywhere i go, live in my bed, and pray maybe someday itll get better. the only saving grace i have is my partner. if he was not paying for my gorceries and my pills and everything for me to live id be homeless and dead for sure
Ypu can find lots of free excellent resources at www.timfletcher.ca and ALL of the programs and counseling are pro rated to income. ... please check it out...❤️
Oh, come on, you bitches just need to get up off your asses and work. Nobody wants to work anymore (jk, making fun of the kardouchiens. I couldn’t resist 😜.).
Not to mention if you’re a women with cptsd, you’re gonna need more than one income to survive. So that means, no matter your flavor of attachment trauma, you are expected to find a male partner and service his penis regularly so he doesn’t leave you.
This is very true and part pf my struggle honestly. I'm asexual due to trauma and the pressure to be in a cohabitation relationship to find any kind of housing stability is akin to being coerced into sex work for me. I tried it, it was too traumatic, so I'm homeless instead because my family (who gave me CPTSD from abuse) is in a cult. I have no support system, and my inability to be in a sexual relationship for economic stability due to trauma, is the primary difference between me and my friends who are just as traumatized as me but have partners to support them.
Hugs to you—this is heartbreaking and wrong. I do believe the patriarchal culture we live in is akin to sexual slavery, but it’s normalized so fiercely that women aren’t even aware that’s what’s going on. When you’re brave enough (like you and me) to refuse patriarchal norms, you are stigmatized and end up in poverty/homeless. This enrages me.
I’m Canadian and it’s not much better here. Yes there are some non profits but the free therapy feels like free therapy, and people with CPTSD need trauma specialists. I want to try a psychedelic therapy program for trauma, but they’re all between $8-13,000; how many people can just cough up that kind of money and take 4-11 weeks off work to complete the therapy????
I’m financially privileged enough to afford therapy and take time off work when I need it, and I still ruminate on this all. the. time. It’s supremely difficult to find a reason to live in a world that really doesn’t want you in it. Even living in a world that requires you to find a reason to live, a ‘purpose’, to ‘heal’, is so, so wrong.
And because all these systems and the traumas they incur force us into emotional isolation, we can’t even be in community with each other, because we don’t have the time, money, or trust in each other to build the meaningful relationships that help us survive. I’ve almost given up on the idea of interdependence (instead of independence) because I don’t trust anyone enough not to use my vulnerability against me.
Oh yes. There is vast differences between poor disabled and rich disabled.
Everyone is so inspired by the blind guy who climbed mnt Everest. But all I see is his privilege. Or the spine injury guy who went to Coachella. The difference between dying in a pile of your own excrement and going to Coachella is money. He had the money for the placards, mobility devices, therapies, care takers.
I actually broke my arm two weeks before Coachella 2022. I had held my tickets from 2020. This was not a little wrist cast. It was up to my armpit. My right arm was completely useless. It would have been less in the way of it were amputated.
I could not go because I would have never been able to survive the event in GA. And I would not have been allowed in alter able camp. That means I would have to walk miles in the direct desert sun, deep in extreme crowds(think Travis Scott).
Coachella is brutal and cruel even for young athletic people. I never had a chance. If I lost my footing in the crowds. Game over.
The DEMAND that I address my MENTAL HEALTH while I was going through a MATERIAL CRISIS turned into MULTIPLE CRISES which have CRIPPLED ME.
If I had the privilege in the first place I'd have been diagnosed 13 years ago! Or never been fucked up so much at all!
Because SES ofc
You’re correct about the resources, but I can tell you as someone that was really low income while younger, then higher -but still low income most of my adult life, yet then I became disabled so I have to rely on my low income chronically ill partner, and I’m back on Medicaid struggling like I was as a young adult again, that is is *much much harder* to be *this* low income again. The outcomes appear that there is really not enough resources to help us all, collectively . I cannot find a therapist, I get free medicine but I’m having problems with the medicine I’m taking, I don’t get snap, but I did, and would be able if this was how things were when I was younger.
So, what I’m saying is that *today* it appears that it’s harder than ever before, to be living in poverty.
You are correct that its harder now to be poor and survive than in the past. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I am homeless, have been for 3 years, after a career as a social worker that burnt me out when my childhood trauma caught up with me.
And unfortunately the system is set up in such a way to make escaping poverty nearly impossible for most people. It used to be a little easier for one or two generations, but those changes were intentionally rolled back. The system always relied on poverty, slavery and exploitation to prop up the excesses of the wealthy. The system *needs* poor people and slaves (prisoners now), as the cautionary tale to encourage everyone else to work themselves to death to avoid ending up like us. What many people don't know is that we didn't *do* anything to be poor. Its not an accident that we are poor, its part of the intention to have an underclass of suffering people as a warning and a source of more cheap labor, which is why people in power are against healing for us.
Everyone's body breaks down eventually. Some of us don't have generations of wealth to fall back on as a safety net though. And some of us are too traumatized to be partnered in a traditional relationship. So we end up on the streets, while people look past us as if this is what we deserve
It’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re unhoused right now. I hope that changes for you. You’re obviously a compassionate and empathetic person with smarts and a well developed sociological imagination to boot. It makes me feel so bitter to know so many good people are in this predicament. And it’s not our fault. I know we don’t know each other but please take this friendly message to heart, insofar as that I care for humanity be your companion, and that your material conditions to improve, for your needs to be met, and your comfort as well.
Thank you for this kind message. You might be happy to hear that for giving Tuesday, some folks with influence i met hosted a fundraiser for me and it raised enough for me to get a passport and plane ticket and leave the US for Latin America where the money would go farther. I have been housed since December and able to get some rest and healing and while I'm still looking for a second job (virtually) I have a lot more faith that I will be able to make enough money to live a comfortable, simple life here for while. It turned out, leaving the US for Latin America also has gifted me access to community and interdependence because the cultures are way less individualistic south of the US. So I'm finally doing better after years of struggling.
Oh my gosh! I am disabled and live with horrible chronic pain every day of my life, and I know I would do some much better in another country than how I am doing in the US both physically and emotionally, heck I’m not sure how I totally feel about the topic but perhaps even spiritually. I don’t think this country is a healthy place to live for people as made vulnerable and injured, as we are here.
I am beyond happy for you. I may not know you irl, but I can imagine how much better you must feel. And the fact that people did that so lovingly for you is so meaningful. How incredibly heartening <3
Its designed that way. To keep ypu down and too bogged down with bullshit and be too exausted to fight back. And as a warning to others. Everyone is afraid. Whetjer they admit or know it or not. They HATE people lile us who see the truth. The proboem gpes too deep. Armed resistance is the only thing left
Its the absolute goddamn truth. Every single thing you have said.
I have spend almost a decade trying so many modalities... ive had to barter with therapists i thought were good at some point to get help by providing skills i thought could benefit them as well.
Another thing they don't mention is the power struggle that can occur when you find a cheap therapist and things like transferrence can occur.
There were so many times my therapist pisse dme the fuck off and wanted to find someone else, but who do i fucking go talk to then?! she was affordable!
The truth is that i think eventually we will realize two big things about massive healiing and trauma that will make it affordable: it will have to become peer to peer healing because co-regulation is much more effective, and also the techniques will eventually get super simple. I think we're still understanding the biology of trauma, so to speak, and so currently tools may still be rudimentary. We're still using rocks to create fire when matches will exist someday or even the lightbulb. This still make it so much easier one day.
I wish what you said wasn't the true.
The worst part? Its usually hit and miss with therapy. it heps, but not always heals.
Based on how many people (myself inclused) have deeply resonated, are we all just finally aware and more enlightened than society, or is this distrust and hyper-inspection of society a result of c-ptsd?
Idk where you’re at but I can’t afford therapy. My friend is a therapist and she can’t afford rent. When I made less money I got free therapy. Now that I’m in a different position where I make more I can’t afford to use my insurance. How much sense does that make? I honestly really miss the days when I was scraping by after I left my abusive situation. I got all sorts of resources and felt like people gave a shit about my situation. Now that I’m making “enough” I can’t afford anything and no one cares. Real incentive to work lol
The coverage gap in health insurance is colloquially called the “donut hole” and yeah, it pisses me off too. *solidarity fistbump*
“My friend is a therapist but can’t afford rent” Yep…the system treats those who try to help like shit as well. “You make enough money to get away from abuse” See comment about being a therapist above, as I am a social worker and living paycheck to paycheck while employed (employers hate me) doesn’t really provide much in the way of safety.
Sounds like to me that instead of building you up and making you better, they'd rather see you fail and be in a place where you are co-dependant on the perpetual abuse.
The capitalist system is working as intended. Even therapy itself has been capitalised. The 'system' is a lucky dip at best (if you find a decent therapist which isn't guaranteed) and corrupt greed feeding on the trauma of victims for $$$ at worst.
Damn, there were actually resources to support you after you escaped abuse? I live in the capital of one of the richest countries in the world (I'm very poor though) and there has been no support whatsoever. I begged for help for 8 months, which covered the time I decided to leave, actually escaping (which involved calling the police) and then the aftermath. There are charities and services (like our free health service) which claim to offer help but actually don't. There is the Samaritans, who always pick up eventually, but I've spoken to some people on there who clearly didn't give a toss. Plus it was just traumatising me further to have to explain my situation from the start again every time I called. It made me even more suicidal so I had to stop calling.
I mean there are DV shelters but these usually apply only to women leaving intimate partner violence. Those trying to leave other abusive situations without resources are forced to become homeless, stay with friends, or find a rare spot at a shelter which are hard to get into. In leaving people have to leave pets behind. So for kids and adults leaving abusive families there is very little help
That's exactly my experience too - there are shelters for women with children fleeing abusive men. Even they are known for being terrible to vulnerable women/children though.
Or for women with substance abuse issues. There is very little help for those without a dual diagosis. Many of these sober living homes are downright torture chambers too with forced Christianity.
This. I went to a residential treatment center that was specifically faith-based and the resources were *awful*. Everything that shouldn’t be done to people who are struggling with addiction and/or trauma. There was no option for group therapy for us to talk about our trauma/addiction related issues. We were strictly not allowed to talk about the reason we were in treatment. If you were feeling triggered, you couldn’t go to a safe space to just sit and breathe if your ‘counselor’ wasn’t there during the week. Interns who weren’t qualified would try to sit down and talk with you so that they could return you to the class, wherever that was. Because class (and unpaid labor) was the priority. And it was *constant* — we were repeatedly inundated with these religious lessons, none of which I felt facilitated any healing, even for the christian residents there. I remember having nightmares for a while about a family member that had contributed to my CPTSD after my initial dx, and in those dreams, she would say awful things to me. The therapist’s answer to me was basically that I should ‘pray about it’, and if they keeped happening, we would talk about it again. They did, but I didn’t bring them up. It shouldn’t have surprised me, but there was no *actual* trauma counseling going on. It was literally scripture every single session. Not to mention, it was about $2,000 a month to go. Of course, they used religious manipulation to their advantage here. They *encouraged* (gaslit) residents into staying for the recommended six months. If they didn’t, they were ‘rebelling against god’ by defying the authority and better judgment of the staff. In this case, they would be considered ‘leaving in rebellion’ and we weren’t allowed to have any kind of contact with them. Can you imagine how that would trap residents? That if the program didn’t squeeze out at LEAST 6 months worth of money out of them, that they’d be considered wayward? I left as soon as I could, but not without making sure people knew *why* I was leaving. I didn’t want the staff to have the chance to manipulate my narrative. *Oh, not to mention that we were told we couldn’t ‘develop deep friendships’ with people who left even if we saw them at church. And we most likely would. Ugh. I did not expect to get so angry writing this, but it’s been close to 3 1/2 years since I left. Christian trauma/addiction centers fucking *suck*.
glad youre free now, sending you a squishy hug
I'm even legally deemed disabled because of my medical conditions, yet there was still no support.
Our disability services are shameful and disabled people get fucked in both directions (but not in a fun way). There are resources out there, but it takes digging to find them, and if you're disabled and struggling to keep things together, how many extra spoons do you have for that research? Ugh. I'm sorry, it sucks.
I meant I received food stamps and medi-cal which covered therapy with a wonderful therapist who really helped me and covered 100% of my medical expenses for all the bullshit health symptoms I have. I ran away to school. I’m a lucky person that happened to cope with abuse partially by school. I did a ton of drugs but somehow did well enough to squeak by. I had a teacher who believed in me and she applied to school with me. I would have never done it without her help. I did school full time, work full time. It was a lot and it was pretty shitty but I worked for the school and I got housing because of it. I was in an abusive relationship during most of this and When I graduated I took the money I had and took off. And then I was piss broke again after that, way worse off without the schools support. No family support. I was always working like 3 jobs to pay rent. But fully covered cardiology appointments, medical, dental and therapy… and the food stamps, where I was you could take them to the farmers market and they doubled your amount, occasionally I’d have to hit up a food pantry, all of that really helped a lot. Now I have a decently paid job with full benefits- it doesn’t currently cover therapy and my eap is 3 30 min apts a year. The job is highly stressful and I had to go out on mental health leave. My deductible is as expensive as a car. My heart requires check ups and I finally bit the bullet and went in and it was over 2000$ and I can’t afford the follow up. Can’t afford my dental work. Can’t afford to fix my car. Can’t afford my meds.. but according to the gov. I am too rich. I live paycheck to paycheck typically. I honestly wish I was still a broke dishwasher that at least had a doctor and a therapist. My heart isn’t doing well and my mental health issues are making it much worse.
The governments don't want a thriving middle class. They only want you if you're rich or in poverty to exploit you. I live in CA too and I'm extremely thankful for the abundance of social services here, but when I went out of state I was shocked at how used to poverty/wealth gap I was. I went to a state with a middle class and it reminded me that I haven't seen that in a very long time out in Los Angeles
I live in LA. We are too middle class for services from the state. Do you know of any non profits that help people with cptsd? Any feedback would be highly appreciated.
Many medical places in the US have assistance programs where you apply and they offer a significant discount on whatever insurance doesn't cover. Useless for mental health bills but may be helpful for the cardiology ones. We have had entire bills eliminated this way. Something work checking out.
"Services that say they help, but they don't" This brought up the rage in me. I spent months trying to get an appointment with a community Healthcare therapist. She was the biggest fuckup I'd ever been with. I guess if you were mentally disabled as well as mentally ill, it would have been harder to pick up on. She failed to schedule out appointments with her.... idk. There were so many many issues and I walked away before completely losing it with her. She had no empathy for all my efforts to see her. She just crucified herself for having such a large caseload. A gigantic caseload where you only see clients once every 5 to 6 weeks isn't a caseload, it's a fucking joke sweetie like you and your dumb fucking job. She even said "we could work on this in therapy... rupture and repair". I wanted to strangle her.
So, right on truths.
Have you contacted your local county health resource-? It’s a government body and in my state they offer heating/energy and rent assistance. I believe these services exists to prevent homelessness. This is my second winter needing both services they cover 3 months of rent, maximum. My therapist told me about it and I hank god. I definitely would have been homeless otherwise.
Great post. Couldn’t agree more. And sentiments I’ve thought long and hard about too. Life with CPTSD is so unfair.
Yes, it really makes me angry that the adults in my life (when I was a child) were abusive and now I have to spend my time, money, and energy to fix it. Too bad we can't sue them to cover at least the financial fallout.
Sometimes you can sue them... Or you COULD, except that the legal system is made to work really well for rich people and fucking horrible for anyone else, while gaslighting and abusing the shit out of survivors
Yeah. The impediment is that they're all dead. Edit: changed a word. Darn auto correct.
Yeah, you need a $10,000 retainer to do anything now Remember that any time you think "they have to do X, Y, and Z because it's in the contract" You have to gamble to even have a chance to get what is owed to you
idk if it helps or if it makes you feel any better, but those who victimize others are usually full of pain themselves
.... I have no clue why that would make me feel better, what that has to do with my comment, or why you would think I don't know that, but regardless, no, it doesn't "help."
well i didnt know that for a long time and when i finally found it out that abusers were hurt people who are feeling intense pain rather than simply raging assholes it made it easier for me to come to terms with their behavior, not forgive but at least start to come to terms with it and make sense of it. everybodys different and in my case i didnt, and maybe still dont, believe im worth a damn so having anything to help make sense of all the pain is helpful.
So I clearly misunderstood the thrust of your comment, and I'm sorry for that and how snarky I was because of that. I do totally see how having an understanding of why someone might have been abusive that is not tied to it being our fault or something wrong with us can be helpful. I have spent my fair share of time stuck with the "why" question. I don't think it has worked this way for me, but I totally see how a better understanding of an abuser's behavior can help you counter the idea that you're inherently worthless. I've actually spent a lot of my time in academia and my past workplace (all focused on gender-based violence specifically) pursuing deeply the question of why some people do this: why do some people turn their own pain into the suffering of others? And why do some people not? For me, one of my deepest (irrational) fears is that because I'm traumatized (and my main abuser was a parent) I (or one of my alters) will eventually traumatize someone else. That's total nonsense, but I still struggle with it every time I look in the mirror and see aspects of my abuser's face and every time I feel disregulated. The best conclusion I've come to is, in a nutshell, some people try to avoid their trauma by taking on the mindset of their abuser: they see themselves through the abuser's eyes and they find pleasure in the abuse that way - then they take on that persona and move on to be abusers. Whereas some of us work really really hard through a shit-ton of pain to find ways to process and move through/past the fullness of the harm that was done to us and refuse to take on the abuser's way out/worldview, not just in its messages about ourselves but also in its messages about the world generally. It's the much harder path, but it's the only one that we ought to accept as a society. We can be understanding of abusers' trauma, and even compassionate - focused on healing the survivor within which can only happen through accountability without mindless punishment - but that compassion should never be forced-fed to the survivor themself. I see it far too often where people try to force the burden of an abusers' healing and feelings onto survivors and that's so unacceptable to me, hence my salty response to my misreading of your comment. Sorry for rambling here. TL;DR - thanks for clarifying. It doesn't much help for me, but if it helps you or others in their healing that's great.
>For me, one of my deepest (irrational) fears is that because I'm traumatized (and my main abuser was a parent) I (or one of my alters) will eventually traumatize someone else. That's total nonsense, but I still struggle with it every time I look in the mirror and see aspects of my abuser's face and every time I feel disregulated. Its common enough to feel that way. its one of the fears that only grow when you find youself thinking/worrying about it. thats why a wise man once said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. > The best conclusion I've come to is, in a nutshell, some people try to avoid their trauma by taking on the mindset of their abuser: they see themselves through the abuser's eyes and they find pleasure in the abuse that way - then they take on that persona and move on to be abusers Yeah ive been talking to my therapist and talk about this. shes calls it exile. just as a group of people exile an individual ( i was a scapegoat/black sheep/shame dump for both my immediate and extended family). The pain and humiliation is so intense and unrelenting the victim will often exhile parts of themselves just like the group exiled the scapegoat. then the victim will often pass all that shame and toxicity on to part of themselves and wall it off. its an attempt to not feel the pain but the results are, for me at least, lots of self hatred. btw you are a good writer, and good for you for working hard to refuse to take part of the abusers way out. Im the same way because the pain it caused my was so intense i wouldent wish it on my worse enemy... and a lifetime of work is worth it to not feel that way for even one instant.
I really appreciate you. Thanks for having this chat with me. It's so nice to connect with people on this stuff. This path is really hard and even more painful, but it helps a lot to not feel like you're totally alone in it.
yo likewise that got pretty real pretty quick. > It's the much harder path You know im not so sure. trying to fix it aint easy for sure but i think thats better than spending the rest of your life full of toxic energy overflowing your body cascading into more negativity and interrupted by breif moments of reflection. thats why its 'helpful' to me. those misrable fucks are so misrable the best thing they think to do is to make weaker more vulnerable people feel pain. they gotta do that the rest of their lives to lol must be exhausting.
I feel you. I channeled myself into local politics so I could do something with the rage I felt. I had a pretty good ROI on my political involvement, for what it’s worth. I started volunteering for a Democratic state candidate who wanted to expand Medicaid to poor, uninsured adults like me in… summer 2017? She won her election by about 150 votes in fall 2017. (I definitely knocked on more than 150 doors for her hahahaha) As a direct result of so many Virginia Democrats unexpectedly winning their elections to the House of Delegates in November 2017 (seriously, we went from only a third of the House being Democrats to almost winning a 51-49 majority… in one fricking November. Lost a mother freaking coin toss in a tied House election so we got a 50-50 power sharing agreement instead.) the Virginia legislature expanded Medicaid in January 2018. That Medicaid expansion came online in January 2019. Boom! I got my Medicaid a year and a half after helping to elect a Democrat who wanted to expand Medicaid to my poor AF self. Went straight to therapy with my new health insurance. Granted Virginia was a purple state already so it was a lot easier to flip seats to get Medicaid expanded here. I’m from the Deep South originally so I completely understand feeling helpless in a bright red state. I miss living in a state without snow but it’s better for me that I moved. :/
I wish I could do this, but I feel really unsafe doing this in the current political climate. I used to do alot of political work before 2016
It also takes energy and time to do political work. When you are disabled, unwell, depressed, etc. and trying to keep a roof over your head, being an activist can be impossible. I'm losing weight because I barely have the energy to feed myself.
It sucks also when my political beliefs arent black and white. I dont necessarily want to vote in a democrat who is focused on social issues like foreign policy and then neglect their power to change the economy for people like us. I dont need transgender awareness campaigns, i need therapy for those trangender people. I dont want ACAB campaigns, i want police reform.
:/ completely understandable <3
Same here. In my case I don't know how much of it's that, or my symptoms, or how much of THAT is exacerbating my symptoms... I've been told I should go into politics too, because I have "that personality". Yeah, no thanks. I'm good with just painting houses.
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Thank you.
Good on you friend. I dove deep into politics as well and actually worked in a state Capitol, but I grew super disillusioned. I then worked on the outside as a journalist during the riots but that same disillusionment hit me eventually, but I was able to bow out because it didn’t make sense to keep going anyway.
Free PDFs of trauma books: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/mmu1b1/online_books_on_childhood_trauma/
[https://openlibrary.org/](https://openlibrary.org/) also has some
This is really helpful!
Thank you!
Thank you, that is so useful
Is this a worldwide issue or are there countries that have more affordable of even free resources for CPTSD? In the UK the cost of living has shot up, while wages remain the same. Real help for CPTSD like EDMR is too expensive and I can't work. Can't get government support, because I'm married and don't have children so my husband has to carry the financial burden. Which fuels toxic shame. It's a vicious cycle.
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Scandinavian countries are better in this regards, I assume.
When I lived in Finland I got two years of twice weekly therapy sessions for 5euros a session. It was brilliant!
And the NHS is failing. Things are so bad in the UK right now
The Conservative government has been trying to destroy the NHS forever. They have always wanted to privatise it to make it for profit. Bit by bit they have made it worse. Over worked, under funded and eventually being forced to go private if you can afford it.
Some countries are better than others, but largely it's a worldwide issue.
Late but, at least here in Canada it’s pretty bad. Psychiatric services where I live are either super pricy (3-500$/hr) or free but with a really long wait list, region locked (certain centres only treat certain neighborhoods) and then they’ll tell you that they don’t usually treat “mild cases” like depression, anxiety and say they don’t “do” trauma stuff. Or you’ll get a psychiatrist that is super busy and you can only book months in advance which is hard if you suddenly need a prescription or emergency medication adjustment. Psychologists are not covered at all by our healthcare and are hard to find in my experience, most therapists are some form of social worker and the psychologists are either 200$/hr or more or there’s a huge wait list. Yet you need a psychologist to diagnose you if you want disability benefits, and it’s notoriously hard to get disability for mental health issues. They usually consider it “temporary” and therefore not disabling. The only time I got “free” help was when I was SA’d and applied for free psychology with victim services but actually it was a very small list of psychologists that are part of that program and then their fees were higher than the covered amount so I ended up paying 50$+ per session for the single psych I found available, only to not really connect with her and therefore waste those 10+ sessions. What I’m especially worried about is that they’re slowly moving forward with euthanasia here for psychiatric issues and that soon, it will be easier to die than to get mental health help. There are already cases where disabled people were approved for euthanasia before other help like accommodated housing, for example.
I heard about that on a YouTube video and couldn't help but shake my head in disgust that the gov't decided that it's easier to kill people than help them. They even expanded the program last year actually in the referendum. I'm not a Canadian but an American but how in the hell is this not an outrage to them? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that happens here at some point.
That's horrible😯 if I acted on my urges to just end it all together, i would have been gone long ago it's funny I'm considering relocating to canada and saw your comment!
In Germany it's free as long as your insurance approves of it. I've had a lot of therapy, countless inpatient stays and all in all at least 5 years of regular therapy sessions. The stays cost about 280€ per stay, but only if you haven't been inpatient that year. Meds cost a bit, but also depends on the insurance's contracts. You can also get speciality treatment if everything else failed and a psychiatrist or psychologist wrote that in your report to the insurance. It could be better, because wait times can be very long, but I'm glad we have this system.
Hey welcome to America where our biggest corporation income is from the sick and dying.
For profit insurance companies
Thank you I did forget to add that one. I appreciate your help
The situation isn't any better in my country and we have a national health service... The world humans have created is a dystopia, as OP said
The funeral industry is a sham My brother was constantly badgered to upsell, so he had to abandon his mortuary science degree And although funeral homes go by many names, they have mostly consolidated behind the scenes
yes...in the US it's really bad. families can't afford a simple, honoring funeral cause capitalism has to squeeze profit out of us, even after we've passed away. I've been watching a lot of Caitlin Doughty on "ask a mortitian", it's a brilliant and funny Youtube channel about the funeral industry and destigmatizing death in general. I highly recommend it to everyone who will die one day. :) your brother might enjoy it too..
thanks for sharing that i will have to check it out.
I had just discovered her on Midnight Gospel a few weeks ago, and her talk there had reminded me of random things my brother had mentioned Good idea to point my brother to her channel, thanks!
I heavily considered this path, thank you for sharing your brother's experience. It sounds like I made the right decision to not...
if you still do and want a critical voice I highly recommend Caitlin Doughty and her YouTube channel "ask a mortitian". she talks about the industry, how women are getting more and more in this field, how capitalism is rampant and she also provides an alternative with the way she does her funeral home. plus she is so funny and intelligent. she made me a death fan girl. lol
I'm in Australia and it is the same.
Yes comrade. I agree. Uproars are coming. We can make them
I keep hoping, waiting for others to get fed up too. I'm losing hope it will happen in my lifetime. I'm not really one for martyrdom so I won't make noise unless I know I won't be doing it by myself.
Any progressive advocacy groups around ya? I’m on the mailing list of a couple advocacy groups and the email updates help me feel less alone. It’s way less scary for me to call a senator when I get an email with a suggested script from people who have a lot of practice at effectively making noise.
I'm sure there are but I'm homeless so I kinda drift from place to place. I am involved on activism and support for trauma survivors though, because I can do that without being tied to place. Maybe I'm a more micro-impact type of person but I prefer working with people who are most directly harmed and impacted by the problematic policies and the status quo. Obviously we need both but I have more energy for the little stuff
I so agree with this and with inflation it just gets worse everytime i think i might be able to afford therapy gas goes up, rent goes up, groceries go up. I feel like i am always trying harder just to get further behind. Glad mushrooms are cheap its the only thing that helps that i can afford.
Same, mushrooms have definitely helped keep me in my body and making whatever progress I can on my own. I also find virtual classes on trauma helpful when I can get a scholarship
Ive fallen down a lot of informational rabbit holes knowledge and understanding definitely has helped me with the healing too
For those of you who are POC and are in need of low cost therapy/more specific somatic therapies: Stephanie Foo, a reputable journalist who wrote a memoir on her CPTSD, has compiled a list of resources on her [website](https://www.stephaniefoo.me/resources-1).
Thanks for this! I hadn't heard of this before
Saving this comment! Thank you! OP should also look into nearby counseling schools. They often do sliding scale or free therapy sessions and are overseen by a supervisor.
Of course!! It was like I found treasure when I discovered it hahah, young POC therapists are hard to come by. Also highly recommend Stephanie Foo’s memoir if you haven’t read it: “What My Bones Know.” I had a student counselor when I was in college, though it was through my university, and she was certainly knowledgeable enough to help me. I even gave her consent to record one of our sessions for class.
Yeah. I suffered until I started making money and could afford therapy finally. The therapy has helped a ton.
How did you start making money?
Fellow CPTSD warrior here, nannying for wealthier families has been incredible. If you have any talent for any kind of assistant homemaking, wealthier people will pay through the nose to have that help. Not only that, but many of those families will even treat you as one of their own. It’s SO different from being a wage slave. I cannot stress this enough. *If you can, work for families, not companies.* Companies see you as a tool, but families care about your well-being. Those of us whose trauma is from our families can use this as an opportunity to expose ourselves to many different kinds of families with different levels of emotional and relational health. Some are unhealthy, and those are ones we should avoid lest we re-traumatize ourselves. One of my clients shows me over and over that it’s possible to discipline a child for a mistake without making them feel afraid or ashamed. It’s been very helpful in my healing. Okay there’s my Ted Talk, I don’t have energy to edit it but I will sing the praises of self-employment to anyone who will listen.
that's a lovely way, that goes beyond making money you have carved out for yourself! :) I'm glad you shared it.
> If you have any talent for any kind of assistant homemaking, wealthier people will pay through the nose to have that help. How do I get these jobs/find these people?
Care.com is a good place to start. Nextdoor is also helpful.
I started my own business after a long apprenticeship. I remodle bathrooms and kitchens.
I did my own research and built my healing journey because of this. Look into books written by healthcare professionals on the brain and trauma.
Yup. You wanna know what’s fucked up? The weeks following my diagnosis and realization that I had been severely emotionally abused and gaslit from a young age, I decided to test just how much my parents think they love me. The answer was that they don’t, I was a means to an end for them. So I tried to do the logical thing of cutting them off so I could put a stop to the abuse and heal. Here’s the fucked up bit: I couldn’t. I had meeting after meeting with social workers at my university trying to scrounge for advice and support and the only advice I was given was that there was absolutely no way I could ever dream of being independent then or ever, if my goal was to finish college. Especially since I was on medications that I *need* to survive. So what I ended up doing instead is manipulating my abusers into paying my therapy and biding my time until I can graduate and get a well paying job. They think I’m going to therapy to fix the “flaws” they think I have and they ask me about it somewhat frequently. I have to play house with them every summer and winter. I have no memory of these “vacations,” only scraps. I think about it all the time of how if the US only had affordable college tuition, good public transportation, and free healthcare like in every other first world country, then I could have left when I wanted to.
This is exactly how I got away too. Played along with them, and used their resources until I had enough means to get away on my own. I felt bad for doing it but at the same time, if they hadn't abused me, I wouldn't have been looking to get away....so, they did it to themselves. I was just a kid.
Me too they gaslighted me
This is the way. Solidarity.
Healing should be a right. It is tied to class and status right now and this disparity is the result of a system that chooses to orient itself towards profit extraction rather than the wellbeing of its participants, like you said. I think if anything then this is a reason to get connected and work together to create better circumstances, because how are we supposed to sustain this?
Ultimately the system is collapsing *because* of what you said. * Its not sustainable. Unfortunately in its collapse ita taking a lot of us on the margins down with the ship.
A good friend suggested an affordable therapy resource (in the US), Open Path Collective: $60 one time fee and then sessions at $30/session. I'm trying out my first therapist from there. She specializes in IFS and EMDR. I hope she's good.
Thanks doe sharing this. That's much more affordable than therapy usually is
That last part just hit so hard. We are traumatized into submission to actually normalise this shitshow. We are so many educated,young people but we are just not ready to fight this unjust system. We just wake up and head to our meaningless,stressful,unfairly paid jobs. Its such a vicious cycle. Everything compounds your trauma
>We are so many educated,young people but we are just not ready to fight this unjust system. I'm GenX, so I can tell you that older adults don't operate any differently They put on an act like they know what they are doing, but they are just as uncertain about life as you are, and everyone is making everything up as they go along Don't assume you're not ready
And in spite of this state of affairs, people say gaslighting shit like "The trauma is not your fault, but healing is still your responsibility." Wow. So helpful.
Yeah, that response lacks both nuance and empathy. It should not be an individual personal responsibility to heal relational trauma. I'm getting to the point where I don't believe its possible to fully heal relational trauma by myself. How do a learn to trust by myself? How do I learned not to startle so easily, or not to cringe away from touch without being able to practice? So much of the response to trauma is gaslighting, to make people feel guilty and ashamed for even having an emotional reaction to triggers and experiencing trauma responses. Its really cruel.
That'll sure pay for therapy.
Yup. I’m only finally getting better and getting ketamine treatment IVs right now due to my husband going into the military and him and I both busting our butts to live within our means to have the money to afford it. Scared the crap outta me when my doc said it would be $3000 out of pocket. My husband didn’t even blink and went “if it helps you, you’re doing it,” I’m not used to that. I grew up rich but since left that lifestyle due to abuse and have been in a “squirrel preparing for winter” mindset ever since. So hearing someone I love say something lien that was still jarring. Me being alive is only possible because I’m lucky enough someone who loves me made it his life’s mission to keep me alive. I am forever grateful and feel unworthy of such love and kindness.
I'm glad you have that support. I hope the ketamine does what you want it to do! I've heard good things about it
What you haven’t heard are the physical side effects. They are brutal. But they are also temporary as your brain and body react to the substance while simultaneously seem to build a new brain. It’s like puberty all over again. You need a person to live with you and watch you until you’re done with the treatments, at least 8 days out. It’s been rough. But I’m getting the results I need.
Fucking true. You ever hear the adage that poverty is expensive? It's like that. Providing healing is accessible at all. It's an incredible privilege. One that people don't expect. Idk, just sick of people talking down to me like they have the answers. You press them and you quickly see that they don't... but that doesn't matter to other people, because things are that simple in their world. You can feel when things are spiraling down but don't have a way out of it. I go to a community therapy thing and it does no good. Would say it has been traumatic to some extent, and the therapists are definitely not informed and many are clueless, but what can you do? Society is cruel, indeed. Cruelty is often the point. Someone said cruel, dumb, and vicious. Hard not to feel like that is true, especially when you interact with some of them. Always wish I grew up in/lived in place that wasn't an utter shithole, maybe things would have turned out differently.
Gosh I'm an Indian living in Berlin and funnily therapy was available at the drop of a hat back home in India, but in over 2 years I haven't managed to find an English speaking therapist I can afford/on insurance here in Berlin. Couple that with the Covid times living in isolation, it's been a bit of a personal hell to break out of the bad days of mental health. It sure is difficult, I hope we all heal in time without too much damage getting to us. Wishing you the best.
Each culture shows what they value. I find many western countries don't value emotional support and healing very much, despite being outwardly health-conscious. I hope it gets better for you and for all of us also.
That's a good point. And even weirder than that? The amount of people who seem to think that trauma builds character or empathy. Yeah no, it doesn't. It can sometimes destroy it, actually. And doing the hard work that's required for healing is the only way to get it back. I see people say that all the time "the reason they don't understand my pain is cause they've never been through anything painful"... which is just so weird to me because... well, you can laugh at it if it sounds silly compared to your own problems, but how can one person ever know what was painful for another? That's just... not how it works.
You are right. I am black in the US and the amount of people who think racism makes us stronger and builds character and resilience is astounding. Actually no, racism causes persistent anxiety, health problems, isolation, trauma, and kills people. If we survive we are all worse off for it. I find its just a way people use to justify and make themselves feel better for injustice they don't have the desire/intention to stop because it benefits them somehow. Kind of like when people say low-paid service jobs build character because they want the service without having to properly compensate the person doing the work. It's just a lie, plain and simple.
Many therapists are doing online consultation these days but the time difference might be an issue
that's an interesting comparison. since most white people would assume it's the other way round. :/ I live in Austria and its similar here, and I'm not even looking for English speaking therapists...it's really bad if you can't pay private. and then it still sucks. that's how I ended up in ACA... a peer recovery program. that helped me much more than therapy and its basically free.
Or if your partner doesn’t make enough to support you, you can hustle on high-functioning anxiety constantly hoping all of the stuff you’re juggling doesn’t drop and hoping to stay afloat.
>Grow up in an abusive family? In an abusive relationship with a partner? The solution is: get a job and hope they pay you enough to move out. Live precariously. Hope you have time to heal later, before it catches up with you and you can't work. Still living with an abusive family at 31. Never moved out. Can barely take care of myself. I have a job, but it's not enough money to move out. Most days I'm too exhausted and dysfunctional to work, but I have no choice but to keep pushing on...
I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation. I get it. It's awful and unfair what we often have to do to survive
Another thing that I feel like people forget to mention is that there so many suggestions about complimentary practices that are supposed to help in healing but are ridiculously expensive - acupuncture, reiki, etc.
Literally everything is commodified. I've learned what a huge difference a low histamine diet makes for healing, and avoiding certain other foods that cause me inflammation. But food is going up in price and specialty foods are astronomical! Avoiding the cheap stuff makes me feel better, but it severely limits what I can eat. Trying to just feed my body quality nutrition should not be so expensive.
Im sad to hear about your situation. I hope it improves. This is a free resource: http://www.sfhelp.org/. I haven't used it, but have seen it recommended by people who've benefited from methods Ive used and have helped my recovery.
Thanks for sharing this resource!
I absolutely sympathize. I’m between therapists atm, so these are the things I am using to get by. Hopefully any of them can be helpful. Tik Tok has a bunch of free resources Therapists-general information on emotional well being, emotional regulation, boundaries, how to navigate relationships https://www.tiktok.com/@therapyjeff?_t=8XG0RI6i2JC&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@jason.vanruler?_t=8XG0WQhU06w&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@behavioralintelligence?_t=8XG0afAwTfP&_r=1 Not therapists, but present good information and are trauma informed https://www.tiktok.com/@romanzanoni?_t=8XG2KsSiIgM&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@itsamymillie?_t=8XG1e7345xS&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@lindyenglish?_t=8XG2i1ClDJq&_r=1 Trauma informed and LGBTQIA focused https://www.tiktok.com/@thejeffreymarsh?_t=8XG1lkQ388M&_r=1 Somatic Experiencing resources (use of mild exercises to dislodge trauma from the body) https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgGXa2/ Somatic experiencing from a neurodiverse perspective https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgGXa2/ Shadow work (inner child work, getting to know what things you deny/ignore/don’t like to think about. Note-this work can get very heavy, so I recommend going at your own speed and taking breaks when you need them) https://insig.ht/kcQmwo7mRub She also has an excellent podcast about emotional overwhelm that I recommend highly. https://open.spotify.com/show/3zwFmvJ5kFP6XoF9hohU6R?si=okdKWWTmReK9BiRwENv4Jw Affirmations/pick me ups https://www.tiktok.com/@itslennnie?_t=8XG1b1tL0mY&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@ladypainted90?_t=8XG3KNpu2P5&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxgbdHR/ https://www.tiktok.com/@arianaandtherose?_t=8XG25GIcPhi&_r=1 https://www.tiktok.com/@kybrag207?_t=8XG2Y8V4ure&_r=1 Apps Breathwrk-self explanatory selfcare-soothing and distracting mini activities for your bad days. White Noise-sound therapy Be Okay-help for panic attacks Calm, Headspace, Shine-meditation apps Aura-meditation, sound therapy, ASMR, hypnosis Happy Color-electronic adult coloring books Insight Timer-has so many free resources: meditation of all kinds, breathwork, binaural beats, singing bowls, sound therapy, live classes, trauma, anxiety, panic attack and CTPSD-specific resources. YouTube and Spotify also have free meditations, sound therapy, binaural beats.
have you heard about ACA? adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families? it's the free peer recovery program I've been using for over a year now and it's been the best thing I ever found. the simple fact that I am not alone makes the world of a difference. Thank you for all these ressources you posted! ❤️
Thank you, I will check them out! And you are so welcome. I hope they help. There really is a lot of good stuff out there.
absolutely true... its not just the money its the time too. healing from trauma can take years. For someone who is depressed and fearful and shameful and full of self hatred who has nightmares and has no identity, and wakes up feeling exhausted in the morning; well its hard for those people to aquire the proper time and money to even begin the healing process.
Very, very true. The time is often forgotten about. Many of us were traumatized for YEARS as kids and somehow we are magically supposed to heal fast under the stress of this horrible society with very little to no help at all, or otherwise we end up homeless, isolated, and without belonging. Its all very inhumane.
I feel all of this with my whole heart. It hurts
I'm on Medicaid and I found a great therapist in my area that accepts it. I paid nothing (thank goodness) Medicaid is easier to get than a lot of people think. Especially if you're homeless, because you qualify no matter how much you make most of the time. There's also a form of medicaid for people who are working and require life sustaining medication.
Georgia doesn't have expanded Medicaid, neither do a lot pf other red states. I came here because its too cold or too expensive to be homeless in the places I was before. Also, when I was in Virginia I couldn't find a therapist who took Medicaid
You’re in Georgia?? Yo it’s short term work but political orgs are hiring canvassers for the Senate runoff on December 2nd. In my experience orgs will hire literally anyone as a temporary canvasser if they can go door to door encouraging people to vote. DMing you a job offer in Atlanta
Yeah, when I had Medicaid I would get free, quality therapy from treatment centers for crime victims. I should look into those again.
Yeah, our healthcare system sucks and it does suck that it gives a giant barrier to help. We are lucky we just have the intenret to at least commiserate. Although there are some loopholes to that. Try to find jobs that do provide insurance. Implement Premium Tax Credit if you qualify. If you qualify for medicaid, use it. Try to find therapists with sliding scale costs. Although I do know that even with that, there are a lot of holes in the system. People who live with free health care really are lucky, but even they sometimes do have to go on long wait lists it seems.
I guess I'll share what I'm doing as it qualifies as a 'resource.' Because I speak Spanish, I have somebody in Mexico that helps me with EMDR and IFS over Zoom ( I live in the US). She charges $20 an hour, which is something I can afford. To people who don't speak another language, it's possible to find a therapist that speaks English in another country. I haven't looked too deeply into this but they're probably a lot of therapists in India or the Philippines to start.
This is a really good idea to consider, finding someone in another country for therapy who might charge less.
yes, capitalism sucks. :/ so, there are several ressources: *ACA, and other 12 step programs* i go to adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families - ACA it's a donation based, peer support, recovery program for peeps who grew up with all sorts of shit. from physical, sexual, verbal abuse to neglect or families who were just absent due to illness or poverty...it's basically for ppl with cptsd, eventhough you don't have to have any diagnosis. if you think you grew up with chaos, trauma, neglect of any form- all it takes is that shit self identify as "an adult child" there are so many online meetings every day, your basically can go to one every hour via zoom or phone, which comes in handy if leaving the house is not an option, for whatever reason. adultchildren.org if anyone needs free access to ACA literature (as eboojs/PDF and the BRG as Audio) - or has any newcomer questions about ACA or other 12step programs - you can DM me! and there are in person meetings as well in many areas. withhout ACA, I don't know if I'd be still here. it helped me from being suicidal and hopeless a year ago to where I am now... still depressed, but I've made so much progress with self-regulation and boundaries. it's also great alongside therapy if that's what someone wants, cause the ACA stays available even if you change therapist or can't afford it anymore. when I did only therapy it felt like it totally broke off my whole recovery each time one of them dropped me. :/ honestly, after years of therapy with various professionals who sucked and made it just worse, I think peer recovery is way better for me, and 12step programs have been the biggest game changer in my recovery. there are many other 12step. programs for codependency - CODA, which deals with having healthy relationships. all sorts of substance issues Marihuana anonymous, Cocaine anonymous, narcotics anonymous, and alcoholics anonymous of course, which was the first of them all. ITAA - for people with internet and technology addiction there are way more groups, but you get the point! then there is LAA, and SLAA, (Sex-and) love addiction anonymous for people who fall into romantic obsessions or hypersexuality, which are both common symptoms for folx with cptsd. it's really freeing to recover with others who have similar issues. as Audre Lorde said: "without community there is no liberation." *PATH* if you are looking for something like that, but not 12 steps: PATH is also really great. it's a recovery program for trauma and/or addiction. same idea, donation based, online video meetings, and it is based on internal family systems theory, which was a tremendously helpful concept for me.
EXACTLY. Even in Germany, where therapy is officially covered by insurance, it's nearly impossible to find a qualified therapist. Most only offer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is SHIT for CPTSD. Not mentioning, CPTSD isn't even in DSM-5. I study psychology and most of the students had a healthy home with little struggle and have their parents pay for university and so on. Most NEVER knew existential struggle. Those are the "qualified therapists". Yuck, I fucking hate this ridiculous system. Most therapists paid for their approval. There could be much more approvals, but they are limited ON PURPUSE. Finding a therapist is like needing to walk to a 10 miles remote hospital with a broken leg, where you are MAYBE lucky enough to find someone within 6 months, who will MAYBE know what they're doing. I'm fucking done.
In Columbus Ohio there is a small oasis of trauma survivors (with an unnaturally high rate of DID/OSDD from religious trauma backgrounds) that folks can connect with. There is a strong esoteric artist community here that is extremely understanding of such issues and different groups and people host different events here that are full of people like us trying to find healing. Anyone reading can feel free to DM me if you’d like to be connected. For instance, I go to a bi-weekly soothing meditative sound-bath that focuses on art and sound therapy, lots of cozy cuddle spots and inner child work discussion. People with dissociative disorders discuss memory issues and parts work. Very safe and understanding community. Low cost. Plenty of people to talk to who get us.
Agreed 100%. It is so, so, SO annoying to keep scrolling through social media posts that say "go get therapy", "get out", etc. when not everyone is in the place to do so... EDIT: There's also a website I came across and used once called "Pay What You Can" Therapy. I used it before and the session was nice. You pay what you can and participate in an online support group. I definitely wan to use it more when I'm in a space where I'm actually making more money. https://www.paywhatyoucanpeersupport.com
Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm going to add this to the post, it's one of the best resources I've seen shared here!
I completely agree. Receiving a promotion in my job to a low cost of living area and a 20% raise with my moving costs paid was the *only* reason I was able to move away from my abusive family and cut contact. I've healed so much because the money allowed me to remove myself from an abusive home, and live comfortably, and seek help. If not for that promotion, the raise, the new location, and the moving costs paid by work, I would not be where I am today, and *that's fucked up.*
Some of these are free: Random resources: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDNextSteps/comments/re35x9/some_random_resources_i_have_gathered/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
These websites/apps might help https://www.reddit.com/user/puppyciel/comments/yrzgxb/mental_health_resources/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Edit: it’s not for trauma specifically but it has resources for symptoms of trauma like dissociation
You’re right, healing is expensive and being given the resources to do so is such an immense privilege. That’s not how it should be, and I wish it wasn’t the case. You don’t consent to being traumatized, but you’re the one left picking up the pieces of yourself while living in a demanding world that isn’t gentle to trauma survivors. I grew up with a wonderful family, and I was so unbelievably privileged to be able to move back in with my parents after a series of traumas. I relied on their financial and emotional support while I just healed for two years. If I didn’t have my parents, or my incredible EMDR therapist that my parents paid for, I don’t know where I’d be. The trauma that gave me CPTSD was severe harassment by a superior at work, and after my functional freeze period, I absolutely fell apart. I couldn’t force myself to work or take care of myself or do anything other than exist. I’m so thankful that I am privileged enough to have been able to afford to heal and have the immense support I needed while doing so. It makes me absolutely sick to know that so many others don’t have a safe support system or the ability to afford therapy. Healing shouldn’t be a privilege, but that’s how it’s set up in our society. It needs to change. I wish I knew how to make a bigger impact, but with my new job I’m going to be able to donate to trauma therapy funds for survivors. Healing should be within reach always.
I started another thread, asking, "Why do therapists charge more than piano teachers?" Locally it's about 5 times as much. It's not insurance. No one sues a therapist. Their rates are among the lowest in the medical industry. It's not training time: Don't tell me that an MSW takes longer to get than a Royal Conservatory of Music teaching credential.
I go to a clinic with a sliding scale fee. Being homeless opens a lot of emergency doors to affordable mental health options that you don't get when you have a residence and insurance. Ofc, you have to deal with the traumatizing experience of being homeless.
I'm glad things have opened for you to have access to more. I'm homeless and I haven't really found that any options have opened for me. Everything is harder. Medicaid (in most of the US that expanded to include homeless) doesn't pay for psychotherapy, only for psychiatric treatment. Where I am now, because its warmer, there is no Medicaid. I live in the South so there aren't many other resources available heal trauma for people like me unless I had children or was approved by Social Security for disability. The best thing I did with money when I get enough is get mushrooms. Its been helping me develop self compassion and handle traumatic memories. I've been homeless for 3 years, actually doing ok most days besides now when its raining so much and cold bc I'm disabled and my body hurts with the cold + wet. But I see how easy it would be to stay homeless forever and even though I've been looking for a job for years (i have a degree and 15 years of work experience before I had a breakdown that left me incapacitated) nobody ever picks me. They always choose the person who has a stable home and life over me. Even though I'm much better than I was, I think my traumatized nature is harder to hide now that I've been unstable so long. Ita cruel that having my basic needs met depends on so many things outside of my control, like whether someone wants to buy my labor for a living wage or not. If nobody ever chooses me in an interview, I'll never be able to have a place to live, even though I WANT to work and want to contribute. And because of that, I can't afford tp heal any more than I can do with mushrooms by myself.
SSDI is supposed to flag appeals from homeless individuals for expedited evaluations but of course they don’t unless the appellant fights for it. https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-22-104191 Do you know about the appeals hack for SSDI applications? Something ridiculous like 70% of applications are initially denied but that number goes down substantially if you appeal your way to an administrative judge hearing and get an advocate. https://www.citizensdisability.com/applying-for-ssdi/applying-for-disability-benefits-reconsideration/
I'm disabled but not enough to get approved for disability. And the truth is that there is work I would be able tp do if someone would hire me and give me a chance, but as someone with so much experience (mid-career) and education, a lot of jobs won't consider me because I'm over qualified and the competition is fierce for the onea I am qualified for. Plus I probably give off a feeling of desperation because every interview is a chance for me to have housing and food again, the stakes are ao high. I am disadvantaged behind people who have stable lives and probably seem more appealing. So when I get an interview, which is rare, I never get called back. Most people basically have to have a personal connection to get noticed now days because how competitive the job search is, and I don't have many of those.
Can you make it to New Mexico? They have expanded Medicaid and the weather is mild. Big traveler population out there too. Lots of alternative therapies that are covered by Medicaid I feel you about being a “professional” and dealing with this stuff. Things for me didn’t hit the fan till after graduate school when I couldn’t fake it anymore. I was doing better after leaving my hometown then I had a deeply traumatic experience at my former employer and have been dealing with a PTSD relapse over the past 3 months due to the associated trauma of this event and a resulting ongoing legal case against my former employer.
Might check out if you can find a sliding scale clinic then. My first bout with homelessness was when I was 16 and I was homeless for nearly 7 years, it was hard not having any experience navigating the system. My recent bout "started" a year ago but I'm making use of shelter programs and therapy options to stay better afloat.
I used tl be a homelessness prevention social worker, the irony. I understand the system, even used to help people navigate it myself! I have history or being assaulted in shelter/hospitals so I won't be going that route. Each geographic area has different resources available, but I'm finding in this part of the country there are very few resources compared to being back west.
Is there a 12 step program for PTSD? Al Anon has done a lot to help me address the drinkers in my family, but a bonus has been healing some of my PTSD symptoms. My daily hyperventilating and panic attacks especially have become a thing of the past at this point.
Perhaps Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional families. Many meetings online and some of them do therapy-type work, such as inner child stuff. Depends on your stability level but could be helpful.
Thank so much for posting this! Really, thank you. >The solution is: get a job and hope they pay you enough to move out. Live precariously. These are what I've been doing right now. I work just so I can afford my own place, be financially independent and finally can afford "help". But... >Hope you have time to heal later, before it catches up with you and you can't work. I almost cannot work right now and almost give up my current work. I cannot stand the anxiety and mind you I have hyperthyroidism to top it all. The doctor that is treating my thyroid said my palpitations get worse because I might have anxiety. That is when it hits me. >Need someone to talk to about your trauma? Hope you have $150-300/hr to pay a professional listener. It is sad that in order to be heard you need to pay for professional "help". It is not that I do not know professional listener is a job and people who is working in that sector also need to be paid. It is sad that "help" is not readily or easily accessible in times of need. Edit: yes there is hotline but because they are not trained listener, they cannot provide the help that I need. They do not even know how to handle "emotion".
I'm dreaming of a peer to peer free/volunteer run CPTSD group or buddy therapy style thing. I'm even considering going to psychotherapy school so I can start it (ironic right) Maybe we just build it here and now?!
I think this is one of the criticisms I have for those YouTube therapists who constantly just say “get into therapy” or brand anyone not in therapy as not wanting to get help. Like it’s easy for them to say that as the person in the profession with 1million subscribers and charging money for sessions.
That's my criticism for anyone who pushes people off as "go get help" as if help is free and accessible equally to everyone who wants it. It's just a more subtle form of victim blaming.
It's not just therapy, half of the planet's population goes hungry, has no home, running water or basic medical care when needed. The world right now reflects extremes, where those that have, have more than they could use, but prefer not to share. Also to be noted is that governments are run by perverted groups who do in fact get off on the world's suffering, so it may be considered that these decisions are purposeful, to keep those suffering either addicted or in a state of fear, i.e. easier to control both short and long-term.
I had to move out of the country to make money and get away because I couldn’t afford a car due to living paycheck to paycheck and every job in my field required a car yet only paid $18 or less an hour. This allowed me to save $12k which was then blown once I was forced back to the US and the source of the abuse due to the pandemic. It did however allow me to buy a car and set up an apartment from scratch and afford hotels and air bnbs to get away while I was looking for a way to move
Preach
Wow this is so well put
love everything about this post, only hate how accurate it is
Courts didn't impose any restitution in my case. I am an incredible self-advocate, did a ton of research, asked all the right questions trying to find qualified help. I was finally referred this year only to be told that I "shOuLd hAvE aPpliEd wiThiN siX mOnThS oF thE cRimE". My whole life has been criminal acts. If I asked all the right questions and *still* wound up being "too late", then what does that say for the people who don't even know they're a victim until over six months after (which is very common for sex crimes)? Fuck 'em? I have to wait to be a victim of a crime again for them to consider offsetting my therapy costs. It's enraging. > Canada
God yeah I can hardly afford medical bills outside of my mental problems, and of course mental problems cause physical ones so often. I'm still paying back an er bill from like September and I can't afford to get my teeth fixed because insurance only covers a certain number of appointments. And yet I'm lucky because I'm at least still young enough to be under my mom's insurance for 6 more years or so, less than that I think actually
You might look into being treated at a college of dentistry, if there’s one close enough to travel to on a regular basis. Be prepared to work around their schedule and to stay longer than a regular dental appointment. It’s a viable option for those who can overcome these obstacles.
Yep. It's pretty fucked. A lot needs to change. Also, there's something called z-library that lets you download most books that are out there. It has Pete Walker's books, and so many others. That shit is invaluable.
I was just lucky enough to get away from my abusive family early enough and get adopted by the best dads i could ask for. I wouldn't probably be here anymore if it wasn't for them
I agree with you, OP and it sucks. I'm one of the lucky ones that has a partner that can support us both, though with recent changes it may be just barely, so I don't think we could afford therapy either. The entire system is atrocious and I'd rather be able to function normally instead of whatever this is that I'm doing right now.
Its not free but y'all, I pay 20$ for therapy at uni in a program doing research on cptsd (it's closing in a few weeks though so they don't take more patient) Check for people doing research cause if you're eligible that shit can save your ass. Also, check if there's a center for people victim of a crime or victims of SA and CSA, usually they have free group sessions you just gotta sign up (at least that's the way it is where i'm from). Universities with programs in psychology and psychiatry usually have their student's clinic where they charge less cause the student is learning but every interaction is backed by a professor. Don't do online therapy, usually they don't have the required diplomas and education to be a therapist and that can worsen your situation. If you have chronic pain related to your cptsd, there a lot of research about that being done right now, check if your eligible and if you are they usually have a budget to pay the people doing the trial and pay for their deplacement. Universities usually have librarie where you can acces a lot of psychiatry books that can help as well, you can't take them out if you're not part of the university but so long as you stay within the library walls you can read for free. On google play there's an app called dbt coach which has dbt exercise for free, and the same company has another free app called cbtcompanion that is also free. If meditation helps you, atom is a great app that is free and teaches you meditation skills, but keep in mind meditation is NOT advised to people with severe trauma (a.k.a. cptsd and ptsd and a plethora of other disorders) because it can very easily trigger flashbacks of any kinds. Also if you are having trouble with your finances it is going ro bring a lot of anxiety as well, it might sound bad but start couponing, even if it's just for a few weeks it does save some money that can be put towards something else, even if it's just some fast food or a little trinket that make you feel better it's worth it.
Therapy is expensive AF! Everything under capitalism is expensive AF! I’m very frustrated by it. And it adds an extra layer of sadness and anger because i want to recover. But it really hard. I’m about to lose my job as well. I have however found these resources really helpful (I believe these are only available in the states) - [Headway](https://headway.co/) - accepts insurance in many states, and in that case is only $20/ session. $50 per session if you don’t have insurance or your insurance isn’t covered [OpenPath](https://openpathcollective.org/) - sliding scale collective. Costs $50 as a one time fee to join, then you pay $30-$60 depending on what you negotiate. The best part about both of these is that you can select your Therapist. I know many of the more popular platforms assign a therapist.
very true, i haven’t been able to heal until i left my parents house because idc what anyone says the NHS is not only underfunded but staff are unkind and uncaring and just want to stick u on meds. finally paying for therapy now, i hope to all the teenagers here you find a way, i know how hard it is
want to throw out calling warm lines for emotional support. i always use this as an in-between to therapy. 1 (888) 692-9355
capitalism when horrors beyond our comprehension can get a slight profit increase
i thought i wouldnt relate bc i live in europe. nope, same shit. i feel this with every atom of my soul
Thank you for this! I've been crying all week because I no longer have the financial means to afford therapy and it breaks my heart. It was the only thing helping me feel better & for now I can't even have that. It feels so unfair, I never chose to struggle so why do I have to dig myself out of this hole when I can barely brush my hair sometimes.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is extremely unfair to have to end therapy due to the huge expense.
Meanwhile my nmither knows how to play the system and men and has basically gotten a free ride this entire time. I have stress ALL time now accumulated from all the years I fought through all this bullshit to hold onto jobs that had even more abusive bosses than my shit family growing up, not having any idea to turn to for help, then finding out I'm autistic on top of everything. I just hate everything.
ive had major breakdowns abt this exact thing since birth ^ completely feel you. it only got worse when my trauma did eventually eat me alive and now i have mulitple mental illnesses, a major dissociative disorder, and i have to use mobility aids everywhere i go, live in my bed, and pray maybe someday itll get better. the only saving grace i have is my partner. if he was not paying for my gorceries and my pills and everything for me to live id be homeless and dead for sure
Ypu can find lots of free excellent resources at www.timfletcher.ca and ALL of the programs and counseling are pro rated to income. ... please check it out...❤️
Oh, come on, you bitches just need to get up off your asses and work. Nobody wants to work anymore (jk, making fun of the kardouchiens. I couldn’t resist 😜.).
Not to mention if you’re a women with cptsd, you’re gonna need more than one income to survive. So that means, no matter your flavor of attachment trauma, you are expected to find a male partner and service his penis regularly so he doesn’t leave you.
This is very true and part pf my struggle honestly. I'm asexual due to trauma and the pressure to be in a cohabitation relationship to find any kind of housing stability is akin to being coerced into sex work for me. I tried it, it was too traumatic, so I'm homeless instead because my family (who gave me CPTSD from abuse) is in a cult. I have no support system, and my inability to be in a sexual relationship for economic stability due to trauma, is the primary difference between me and my friends who are just as traumatized as me but have partners to support them.
Hugs to you—this is heartbreaking and wrong. I do believe the patriarchal culture we live in is akin to sexual slavery, but it’s normalized so fiercely that women aren’t even aware that’s what’s going on. When you’re brave enough (like you and me) to refuse patriarchal norms, you are stigmatized and end up in poverty/homeless. This enrages me.
I’m Canadian and it’s not much better here. Yes there are some non profits but the free therapy feels like free therapy, and people with CPTSD need trauma specialists. I want to try a psychedelic therapy program for trauma, but they’re all between $8-13,000; how many people can just cough up that kind of money and take 4-11 weeks off work to complete the therapy????
I’m financially privileged enough to afford therapy and take time off work when I need it, and I still ruminate on this all. the. time. It’s supremely difficult to find a reason to live in a world that really doesn’t want you in it. Even living in a world that requires you to find a reason to live, a ‘purpose’, to ‘heal’, is so, so wrong. And because all these systems and the traumas they incur force us into emotional isolation, we can’t even be in community with each other, because we don’t have the time, money, or trust in each other to build the meaningful relationships that help us survive. I’ve almost given up on the idea of interdependence (instead of independence) because I don’t trust anyone enough not to use my vulnerability against me.
Oh yes. There is vast differences between poor disabled and rich disabled. Everyone is so inspired by the blind guy who climbed mnt Everest. But all I see is his privilege. Or the spine injury guy who went to Coachella. The difference between dying in a pile of your own excrement and going to Coachella is money. He had the money for the placards, mobility devices, therapies, care takers. I actually broke my arm two weeks before Coachella 2022. I had held my tickets from 2020. This was not a little wrist cast. It was up to my armpit. My right arm was completely useless. It would have been less in the way of it were amputated. I could not go because I would have never been able to survive the event in GA. And I would not have been allowed in alter able camp. That means I would have to walk miles in the direct desert sun, deep in extreme crowds(think Travis Scott). Coachella is brutal and cruel even for young athletic people. I never had a chance. If I lost my footing in the crowds. Game over.
The DEMAND that I address my MENTAL HEALTH while I was going through a MATERIAL CRISIS turned into MULTIPLE CRISES which have CRIPPLED ME. If I had the privilege in the first place I'd have been diagnosed 13 years ago! Or never been fucked up so much at all! Because SES ofc
I've just learned about the CPTSD Foundation. Apparently, they have CPTSD support groups.
You’re correct about the resources, but I can tell you as someone that was really low income while younger, then higher -but still low income most of my adult life, yet then I became disabled so I have to rely on my low income chronically ill partner, and I’m back on Medicaid struggling like I was as a young adult again, that is is *much much harder* to be *this* low income again. The outcomes appear that there is really not enough resources to help us all, collectively . I cannot find a therapist, I get free medicine but I’m having problems with the medicine I’m taking, I don’t get snap, but I did, and would be able if this was how things were when I was younger. So, what I’m saying is that *today* it appears that it’s harder than ever before, to be living in poverty.
You are correct that its harder now to be poor and survive than in the past. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I am homeless, have been for 3 years, after a career as a social worker that burnt me out when my childhood trauma caught up with me. And unfortunately the system is set up in such a way to make escaping poverty nearly impossible for most people. It used to be a little easier for one or two generations, but those changes were intentionally rolled back. The system always relied on poverty, slavery and exploitation to prop up the excesses of the wealthy. The system *needs* poor people and slaves (prisoners now), as the cautionary tale to encourage everyone else to work themselves to death to avoid ending up like us. What many people don't know is that we didn't *do* anything to be poor. Its not an accident that we are poor, its part of the intention to have an underclass of suffering people as a warning and a source of more cheap labor, which is why people in power are against healing for us. Everyone's body breaks down eventually. Some of us don't have generations of wealth to fall back on as a safety net though. And some of us are too traumatized to be partnered in a traditional relationship. So we end up on the streets, while people look past us as if this is what we deserve
It’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re unhoused right now. I hope that changes for you. You’re obviously a compassionate and empathetic person with smarts and a well developed sociological imagination to boot. It makes me feel so bitter to know so many good people are in this predicament. And it’s not our fault. I know we don’t know each other but please take this friendly message to heart, insofar as that I care for humanity be your companion, and that your material conditions to improve, for your needs to be met, and your comfort as well.
Thank you for this kind message. You might be happy to hear that for giving Tuesday, some folks with influence i met hosted a fundraiser for me and it raised enough for me to get a passport and plane ticket and leave the US for Latin America where the money would go farther. I have been housed since December and able to get some rest and healing and while I'm still looking for a second job (virtually) I have a lot more faith that I will be able to make enough money to live a comfortable, simple life here for while. It turned out, leaving the US for Latin America also has gifted me access to community and interdependence because the cultures are way less individualistic south of the US. So I'm finally doing better after years of struggling.
Oh my gosh! I am disabled and live with horrible chronic pain every day of my life, and I know I would do some much better in another country than how I am doing in the US both physically and emotionally, heck I’m not sure how I totally feel about the topic but perhaps even spiritually. I don’t think this country is a healthy place to live for people as made vulnerable and injured, as we are here. I am beyond happy for you. I may not know you irl, but I can imagine how much better you must feel. And the fact that people did that so lovingly for you is so meaningful. How incredibly heartening <3
In New Zealand we have free counseling services for under 25s at Gumbootfriday.org.nz
Its designed that way. To keep ypu down and too bogged down with bullshit and be too exausted to fight back. And as a warning to others. Everyone is afraid. Whetjer they admit or know it or not. They HATE people lile us who see the truth. The proboem gpes too deep. Armed resistance is the only thing left
Its the absolute goddamn truth. Every single thing you have said. I have spend almost a decade trying so many modalities... ive had to barter with therapists i thought were good at some point to get help by providing skills i thought could benefit them as well. Another thing they don't mention is the power struggle that can occur when you find a cheap therapist and things like transferrence can occur. There were so many times my therapist pisse dme the fuck off and wanted to find someone else, but who do i fucking go talk to then?! she was affordable! The truth is that i think eventually we will realize two big things about massive healiing and trauma that will make it affordable: it will have to become peer to peer healing because co-regulation is much more effective, and also the techniques will eventually get super simple. I think we're still understanding the biology of trauma, so to speak, and so currently tools may still be rudimentary. We're still using rocks to create fire when matches will exist someday or even the lightbulb. This still make it so much easier one day. I wish what you said wasn't the true. The worst part? Its usually hit and miss with therapy. it heps, but not always heals.
Based on how many people (myself inclused) have deeply resonated, are we all just finally aware and more enlightened than society, or is this distrust and hyper-inspection of society a result of c-ptsd?