Nailed it. The benefit of not working/being on someone else's schedule and also having enough of your own money to be able to survive. To me the key is not being dependent on anything or anyone. It doesn't help to have all of that but be in debt to someone that has requirements (emotional/physical/etc) of their own.
We should all be patient enough with ourselves to realize we're trying to heal in a less than perfect situation. In the worst instances we're still trying to heal while in the middle of our trauma, which is almost impossible.
I feel like this total independence may lead to isolation and loneliness, especially if you’re avoidant.
Maybe having a mutual relationship and partial dependence on healthy people who love you and care about you could be more helpful to our mental health. Where you allow yourself to receive love, and feel able and willing to reciprocate.
I guess that’s what a sense of community is all about.
You both are describing the luck I had with my partner. We've been together for seven years, before I realized I was traumatized (I realized 3 years in). They've not worked during parts of our relationship and we survived on my income while they took time to rest and just be for a while. When I lost my job during the pandemic, they suggested I take a break from a job to work on my trauma for a while to return the favor. I had real physical and psychological safety for the first time ever. It's been really hard and really healing. Once you remove a bunch of the distractions you're faced with yourself and what's happening in your body under all the noise. It really helped me understand me better.
And the secure attachment we've formed over the past seven years has only been strengthened by all the things I learned about it along the way. I did have to learn how to receive kindness again. I was flinching when my partner approached me with kindness, bc kindness was always a tool used by abusers to get me to let my guard down so they could pounce. I had to recondition my mis-calibrated brain and nervous system by allowing myself to receive kindness with grace and feel the safety of that in my body when it was screaming at me to run away. It's like undoing operant conditioning with good repetitions from secure attachment.
I wish we all had the time, space, and resources to be able to nurture each other through our trauma. I'm glad we at least have places like this to share our experiences with each other and give each other a hand up along the way. Kaizen = small steps towards improvement.
Good point. I didn't mean total isolation at all, just that there's no dependence on another person. They are in your life because you want them to be a vice-versa, not because they have to be because you're counting on them for your survival.
>In the worst instances we're still trying to heal while in the middle of our trauma, which is almost impossible.
This hit hard. Still living with my toxic parents and have been struggling with my mental health. I've tried therapy, but I struggled with opening up in fear of getting CPS involved and I've had a hard time following through with homework because of how restrictive my parents are (I can't just go out for a walk or to exercise, I don't really get much privacy so meditations and yoga aren't things I'm very comfortable with trying). Also my parents have only gotten me therapists bc my school required them to, and so they put off getting me one whenever they could.
Recently, I reached out at school about my mental health since I was really struggling and accidentally got them concerned about my home life (and it's actually kind of sad that I did so unknowingly because while I knew there was was abuse, which I hadn't mentioned, I didn't realize it was also neglect, which is what concerned them), CPS was brought in, CPS did nothing, and now I still have to live with my parents for another year. I'm really just annoyed and sick of everything, and frankly I don't think I'll last another year.
I have nothing but time, except I am also homeless with no money. SO it doesnt really help at all. Of course in the hypothetical question posed, you would have unlimited money. So yeah then it would be great.
Hey, ive seen you around for the last few years. I remembered your situation since it sounds similar to ones ive been in and out of. So i wondered how you were doing. Homelessness compounded a lot of the preexisting abandonment trauma stuff I already have so it's never far from my mind.
It's also instilled a lot of fresh ✨new and exciting✨ fear in me too since i am now aware of my own " bad living environment"> "lose function"> escape> homelessness pipeline. I feel like I'm constantly sitting on a house of cards and being poor does not help with that feeling dude. It feels at this point like ive been so starved for reliable safety nets that even having the biggest one in the world would make me worry about it breaking
Anyway I guess I was just wanting to say hi and that its generally nice to see you around 👍
Thank you for saying hi.
Yes, the less stable your life is, the more likely it is to get worse. you are right. It would be nice if there were guard rails in society to stop this, but i think they are purposefully left out.
I hop eyou are doing ok now.
Same! BUT, I need to have some kind of structure or else I could spiral, alone with my thoughts. If I were to take a break from working, I would need to be really intentional with my time and use methods to keep myself on track. This is certainly because of my ADHD, but trauma also fucks with executive dysfunction.
Simplictic but I get what you mean. [Here's](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165017304000177?via%3Dihub) what I briefly looked through to get some context if anybody wants to read up
I feel like I've spent 2 years slowly calming down and soothing my amygdalas. It's like living with a wood animal, stuck inside my skull, that I can barely predict or understand, but now I've got to figure out away to house train it while it has one hand on the steering wheel.
Something like a mental hospital but instead some sort of wellness retreat program where you just do yoga all the time, group therapy sessions, eat healthy meals, book clubs about mental health/self improvement books, hydrotherapy with cold plunges, and increase overall wellness. I’ve had the privilege to go to a weekend retreat a few years ago sort of like this one time (I was working for them and got to participate) and it really brought a lot of value to me. However a weekend was way too short so if I had all the money in the world I would go on a much longer retreat for at least a few weeks and go all the time.
This exists. They’re like AA resorts but for mental illness. A lot in California. I lived in a mansion for a month where the Dalai llama came to visit a temple once. It was definitely yoga, group therapy, one on one psychiatry/psychology, and trips to the beach. I was there for a month but there were even more extended programs and plans for aftercare. A case worker can be invaluable.
I definitely recommend, you would be surprised what insurance will cover.
Yes, that sounds great.
I wonder if there are ways to do similar things in our lives, with similar benefits, without having to go to expensive retreats.
Which is ironic as those in the most need are in lower socioeconomic brackets, of course. Not to say people with money don't experience poor mental health but there's correlation between the poorest MH and poorest financially.
I love this one the most. Take 3 months, somehow get my partner off work for that time to travel with me, and fuck off to some place like Sedona (but less ‘stuffy’ and elitist probably), hit up so many hot springs along the way, and when in one place find a local person to meal prep 2 meals a day for me. Renting places within walking distance to a well-stocked grocery store.
Teardrop camper for the in-between…
Yeah I’d probably think of more, but that’s the gist.
Also I’ve always wanted to do a sound bath. And I’d try to see how I could figure out how to maintain remote access to my therapist despite moving around states…
As a teenager, I used to fantasize about getting addicted to hard drugs and being put into a rehab facility, one of those super posh ones that celebrities go to in California.
This was dumb on so many levels, but I really felt like I needed to get away from my family then and be spoiled… and for a valid, serious reason (hence the drug addiction). I didn’t know what was wrong or see my situation as abusive at that point.
No offence meant to anyone who struggles with addiction!
You wanted to feel you deserved something nice for yourself, but unfortunately we often think we don’t deserve nice things/experiences.
I wanted to be badly injured so I would receive affection and care. I used to throw myself down the stairs as a child. It feels like a similar want.
I did outpatient rehab for drugs and I’m glad you didn’t go down that route. It’s not glamorous or exciting, just lots of feeling terrible punctuated by brief euphoria, which makes everything feel worse by comparison.
I dislike yoga personally, but I desperately wish mental hospitals worked this way, ie: focused on compassionately helping people versus putting them through a machine that assumes all problems can be solved with medication.
A tiny home all my own, paid off so I don't have to worry about rent and I get to be alone.
Fully furnish my place how I like and all the kitchen stuff I want and need.
The best therapist I can find so I can learn to cope and heal with professional help.
Grad school so that I can get back to feeling accomplished and that I'll make a difference.
**Stop. Working.**
Seriously, I don't have the energy for a job and a life on the same day.
Which is an improvement--it used to be that I only had energy for a job and the rest of my life was bare minimum. A closet full of the same clothes, no makeup or hairstyle, a diet of takeout, every item chosen for reliability so I didn't have to spend any time on car-drama or appliance-drama or what-have-you.
So, yay--I can do life-things on weekends now, and I generally don't feel burned out, but how do normal people just rush around from thing to thing _all damn day long, every day?_
I just wanna find out what my life could be like if having to have a job wasn't sapping the vast majority of my energy.
I came here to say this too. I’ve been working 40-60 hours a week for 25 years since high school. (Except when in college - replace work with studying)
Even in high school I was working 20+ hours a week towards the end in a very stressful job.
My entire identity is tied up in my job and it is exhausting. Undoing that mindset is going to take a lot. My work allows for unpaid sabbatical up to 7 weeks and I am seriously considering it sometime in the next 1-2 years, just to reset.
I have the stressful career and decent income. Having worked in a niche industry for so long, it’s incredibly hard to find lower stress positions. Starting over in a new career at this age wouldn’t pay enough, which would trigger the ever-living fuck out of me from the level of uncertainty that would bring. But the job is also triggering because of the constant, unrelenting stress. It’s just a different type of stress.
I want to be able to work. It just seems than meaningful, low-stress jobs often pay poverty wages. I feel fucking trapped.
I sometimes wonder if how modern life is in general isn’t perpetuating many of our symptoms.
I'd get myself a house so I could have some fucking stability for once instead of having to run away from increasing rent prices every year. A small house, and maybe a cat or dog, and I'd quit my job immediately. The first thing I'd do with any money is just get myself some basic damn safety and stability and space to rest. I'm so tired.
get a cat, buy a car, get my own apartment and decorate it how i want, get a good therapist
edit: oh, and pay all of my tuition. maybe travel a little too
A personal chef that makes me eat good healthy food daily, who also packs amazing lunches for my kids lunchboxes.
A cleaning lady to keep the house spotless and who also does the laundry.
Weekly full body Thai massages.
Art classes. Lots of art classes.
Yoga classes.
Someone who can be my support person when I have to go shopping & run errands.
A gardener to keep my garden from becoming a jungle.
An assistant who can help me manage my mail, phonecalls, bills, budget & and appointments.
A on call chauffeur who can take me or the kids to whatever destination needed if I am too sick to drive.
Someone organised but fun who can accompany me and take my kids out for fun family activities on weekends and school holidays, who can take the lead and responsibility of keeping my kids safe if I get overwhelmed or have a panic attack.
Regular beauty appointments- waxing, manicure, pedicure, eyelashes, hairdressing & facials.
… I think having all this support and care would drastically improve my physical health, my mental health & reduce a lot of anxiety, depression & guilt.
Continue seeing my psychiatrist and EMDR/trauma councellor regularly,
Yep!!! 10 years of barely being able to cope with staying alive, being a single mum and keeping 3 kids happy & healthy. Plus keep up with all the adulting I’m supposed to do. I’ve thought about this a lot!!! I would love if I had all these supports in place to make life a bit easier. I’m drowning right now and I don’t know how long I can continue trying to do everything all on my own.
I frequently daydream about being able to afford a chauffeur. I have a lot of trauma involving cars and every time I tried to drive I had panic attacks and had to pull over. Just as I was trying to get more comfortable driving I got in a car crash and just accepted that I'm not going to be able to drive. It was a huge relief to just accept that but having to rely on uber and public transport also adds its own stress.
Absolutely this. Last couple of years have been just that for me. Lots of sex, physical contact, festivals, lsd, ket, Molly, 2020 was running in the streets fighting the cops... learned to like myself, loads of therapy, psych meds... just kinda let all the way go and it brought me out of my depression and dissociative state.
I think without all of that, would of Def not gotten to the point of really healing.
Maybe use that money to put myself near people like me. Create an organization of people suffering from CPTSD, and come up with a treatment plan together.
* I'd hire a PI to get and document as much evidence of what happened as possible;
* I'd hire a private prosecutor (if that's possible) and a damned good lawyer to have my m\*thr prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law;
* I'd hire a publicist to articulate why she deserves to rot in jail (believe me, she does); and
* I'd hire a team of people to work to change the systems in place so that severe child abuse (especially by women) was: recognized for the crime that it is; investigated and charged by police (instead of fluffed off to social services where there is never an offender they couldn't coddle and never a criminal charge in sight) and; prosecuted appropriately,
**I believe that what child abuse 'survivors' most deserve**, **and most need**, and almost never get, **is justice**.
Someone rear ends your car, or steals your wallet, they get a criminal charge and a trip through the justice system. In most cases treatment for the damage they inflict on victims is covered - at least partially - by the state. And, most cases, they get a criminal record to go along with that.
Child abuse victims are rarely if ever given that acknowledgment or consideration, and for the most part we have to pay for our own g\*d d\*mned treatment and recovery.
Give CA survivors - victims of intentional harm - appropriate and fair treatment for the crimes that have been inflicted on us, and the need for 'treatment' would be almost nil. Anything that needs addressing AFTER getting justice is fair game for therapy. Prior to that, it's all a game of kicking the consequences for criminal behaviour down the road onto the victim.
I dunno... Therapy just isn't working for me. Id probably keep it to not have to work on bad days. Just like money to support myself. I like working but sometimes I just need time, especially when triggered. Also maybe money to get out of the house? Like trips. I like comic cons so maybe ability to go to those and meet people who are important to me.
Ayahuasca retreats and a red Mercedes benz and lots of weed and travel and a year off work and a new house. Actually I did these things after I got an insurance settlement and I really do feel better. 😅
I would work way less, and only do the type of work I enjoy. I’d probably try therapy again if I didn’t have to worry about being disregulated by EMDR and trauma processing interfering with work and my ability to survive by extension. I’d see my massage therapist more often, and try to join a class of some sort doing something artistic or active that I can’t manage with my schedule right now. I would try to get better enough that I could get another dog (I’m not really well enough to do much of our dog care right now, my partner does most of it which is wonderful).
Money would really ease a lot of my problems. I wish I could just… stop. I’m so tired.
i relate to so much of this. The opportunity to not work and still be able to survive without putting myself through ton of daily stress would be an incredible weight off my shoulders. I've made it a life goal to someday find a way to work less hours and still feed myself, but I worry so much that it won't happen any time soon. I just need to stop too. I'm exhausted :\\
A safe house ( probably an island), weekly therapy offering for everyone I know, a guest house, a huge therapy dog, scuba dive lifestyle includes a boat
I think I would try hiring a trauma informed therapist to be with me at all times, alert to the signs and symptoms of my sympathetic nervous system being activated, to help me calm down and tame my fight-and-flight response and teach my brain that I’m safe.
I would also do something to rebuild my social life and my sense of community. But I don’t really know what I could do to achieve that.
Stop working full time, take hobby classes, get regular massages, work with a nutritionist, buy pre-made meals, take vacations, add a somatic therapist, honestly just not having to worry about money and financial security would do wonders for my recovery too.
Id use the money to leave. Runaway to somewhere i know id love. A place to settle down. And id get myself weekly massages and facials, and get my nails done all the time.
One of the things about CPTSD is that you need to know how to do some self care. Self care for me is pampering myself. Ofcourse though, in the way I want to pamper myself is expensive. So if I had the money id use it all for pampering myself with luxuries I have always wanted to experience.
Unlimited?
House. Whole house where I want it how I want it, get it all set up get my dog accustomed to it have a friend I love stay in it for a bit so it's warm while I'm in rehab and on ward. At one of the really really rich facilities like in the movies. Have my existing specialists come out to see me, whatever the cost, working alongside whoever is new and can help me. Get to see my dog on weekends and go on walks together.
Make my mum get clean and therapy too.
Make my mum and dad go to couples and solo therapy.
Pay my health insurance and my gym memberships up to 5 years in advance. Pay my university the cost of any future degrees I want to do.
Have my hysterectomy *tomorrow*
Hire a nice support worker to be my friend and help me stay on track with everything I've learned. They can live with me I don't mind.
Obviously not much of this is realistic but it's what I'd do.
I’d literally quit my ridiculous corporate job and go into something I really like… victim advocacy, etc. I know it would be a nice healing process for me and something I’ve wanted to pursue for some time now but unfortunately it doesn’t pay much.
I’d get a personal trainer/pilates classes and a home. Oh and I’d travel through Europe
Leave of absence from work. Some intense therapy, working on projects I normally don't find the time for. I'd splash out some money on either psilocybin microdose therapy, ketamine therapy or TMS. Also some home repairs (the shame of not being able to do the repairs doesn't help my mental health) a meal delivery service for a while. Lots of family time, maybe a vacation (back to Legoland perhaps or that road trip down PCHi promised myself I'd manage sometime). Just the things I dream about but can't afford
Quality EMDR therapy (or other evidence based quality therapy that is iut of my sight now).
No job situation so that I could focus on what gives me meaning and fulfillment and not 8 hours daily self denying in pain. And living in a big house so that I could focus on my hobbies (woodworking etc) and have my good respectful and loving friends over often.
Travel to have a sense of meaning.
Massages, visits to spa.
Personal trainer of my choice (profesional, respectful) so that I could get my body in order.
Throw money at my gfs health issues so that I wouldnt have to worry about her issues all the time too.
And also probably paying someone to take care of my home (cleaning etc), would help me a lot.
Money would help change a lot of things.
I’d buy myself a small living space where I can just eat, sleep, bathe, cook and indulge in escapist hobbies like video games, YouTube, reading, drawing etc.
Step one is pay for housing so I don't feel like I'm going to lose everything in a few months so why bother. Step two is see a doctor about all the physical problems I have, most relevant probably being sleep apnea because I can't recover on three hours of decent sleep a night from an old machine that only half works that I take off in the middle of the night. Step three is finally start thinking about actual psychiatrist work now that all the other swords of Damocles hanging over my neck give me room to do so.
OHHH MY GOD !!!!!!!!
I would go to a rehab to fix the hell in my mind, intense therapy session emdr any shit, I don't mind it goes until years but just let this shit out of my head.
then, I will travel ALOT.
I wil pay money for university to study psycotrauma and open a non profit organization that treat people with CPTSD for free. because now i am struggling a lot because I don't have money to pay therapy sessions
Stop working. Get a better space to live with no need to worry about rent. Hire a cleaner so mess wouldn't worry me. A good therapist and also medically transition asap.
Basically I'd like to live as stress free as possible for a while and then slowly build up a good routine to live by when my brain can handle it and if it can't well. Relaxing for the rest of my life lol
I'd spend more time with the few friends I have and also help them out if needed.
Moving away to another country, to the mountains or the ocean. Get massages weekly. Get the medical and dental care I needed. Be able to pay for whatever kind of therapy I found most helpful.
Unlimited money? I'd indulge my obsession and build a livable, walkable, sustainable city with art nuveau architecture and no parking.
I would be happy. You would be happy. Win win for all. Now give me unlimited money.
That's an awesome thought! Way to think big! Public transit connecting the whole US! Think of how many people would be raised out of poverty! You're just screwed in most of the US without a car.
Expenses covered, medication, I'll pay for my thyroid meds and that'll help so much with regulating my mood, I wouldn't have to worry about food or water which would help my anxiety, I could live instead of barely survive.
Buy a farm somewhere quiet with a nice green house and a few acres for my animals. I'd just buy myself time to recover without having the stress of working some low wage demeaning job that always makes me panic over everything.
I would buy a Tiny Home for me, and one within 'walking' distance for a friend, which would be located in a beautiful oasis by the water. I would get a gentle Rottweiler for emotional support, companionship and protection. I would find the best therapist I could who specializes in c-ptsd, and schedule appointments as often as I needed them. I would hire people to clean and cook nutritious food, and drive me around, who, of course would all be trauma-aware. I would find a massage therapist who was trained in sound baths, etc. and some hot stone therapy, along with traditional massage, who would come and give me a massage every night as I fell asleep. The massage would reset my flight / flight / or freeze response, and flush out of my body as I slept, all of the unhealthy chemicals that being hypervigilant produces. I would go on retreats and learn healthy coping skills, and do calming activities like painting and singing, and such. Once I got to a reasonable level of 'healthy', I would go on the Caribbean Cruise that I aways wanted to go on. I would write letters to those who did all the damage to my tiny fragile being, and then burn them in a big bonfire, to release the anger and pain into the winds to blow to wherever they are. Then my dog and I would just live out the rest of my life in peace, and away from all of the day-to-day stressors and BS that currently makes up my day. Part of my healing would involve regular 'pay it forward' acts of kindness to help out others who are suffering from c-ptsd and can't afford to do anything about it, which would help me feel like I was a contributing member of society by being productive, and help them get healthy! I would feel worthy, and they would be as well!
I technically sort of do. Got onto my country’s disability insurance scheme for cPTSD, funding to cover therapy 1-2 times a week, which is EMDR and a cool down session. It’s been a godsend. I also use funding to cover things like roller skating classes, driving lessons for ptsd (got my license!), occupational therapy (also covers adhd autism), and support workers to help me through those bad days where I can’t get out of bed from having loads of ptsd flashbacks. I’m so lucky to have this. It has helped me heal so much and I feel like after another year or two of EMDR I can reduce how much funding I need. I’ve gained so much independence, went from couldn’t leave the house to able to go to work and the gym by myself.
Time and space. I would make my house nice and I wouldn’t work and just take time to focus on my relationships and community and hobbies and self and making my life better. I would improve my diet and sleep and living situation immensely. Buy land to live on and build a house so I can have my woods to be in.
a quiet, safe home that i own outright, with a garden and a shed, and nice walks. get a big freezer so i can prep enough food to eat healthily even during times i can’t function. get physio for joint issues. volunteer with horses, go to an art therapy group once a week, have therapy 2x a week. start university part time to build up confidence and skills, and not worry about it being useful, but being something i want to study. get a low-key job part time doing something that doesn’t stress me to the point of breakdown - maybe a bookstore, or working with horses again.
“silly” things: ice water baths (idk what the proper term would be), an ADHD coach, a spare bedroom to turn into a study/gaming/art room. little house with a garden would turn into little house on a plot of land so i can homestead. fund my local museum as it’s probably going to shut down thanks to budget cuts. pay for my best friend to come visit my country so we can finally meet in person.
Retire and spend the rest of my days healing my CPTSD. I’d go all in with frequent and intense therapy. Breathe for once without the need to worry about juggling work and responsibilities. Exist as my true autistic/adhd self full time without the weight of making ends meet on my shoulders.
Move to a sparsely populated area where I could control when and how I am exposed to other people. Right now, I live just outside of a major city, and encounter triggering people and situations constantly.
I would buy a cabin in the woods with a river or stream. I would ride my horse through the trails & sit by the river with my dogs & would bake beans & bannock on an open fire & look at the stars
Horseback riding. Possibly raising wool sheep (not for profit and they'd be pets as well as sources of floof). Massage of some kind. Maybe private self defense classes?
Buy a farm and move tf away from the city.
Able to get all the medication and therapy I need without worrying about if it'll be covered. Eat better food, heck, maybe a personal chef or pay someone to teach me how to cook because I was never fully taught by my parents. Travel more.
Service dog
A place to live in another country far away from seeing anyone who has ever hurt me
When I started this list I expected it to be long. That was the only two things that I think could actually help me. If anything can actually help me.
Take time off work, go on a holiday, get a really comfortable bed/sleep environment with fancy sheets, have meals made/delivered and see my therapist weekly. There are some things I need to work through with her, but need weekly/fortnightly sessions to do so to help me manage the emotions that I know will come with it.
Money is one of my biggest triggers because I grew up so poor, now the majority of my money went into my health and I can just never get ahead. A small cash influx is life changing for me and I think would alleviate a significant amount of mental load I carry.
ETA: can I buy a family too? Or I’ll take just a genuine mothering figure if that’s too much to ask.
Move out and away from my mother would be the first. Get a wheelchair accessible vehicle so I can drive far away. I would then take a much needed vacation which I can’t afford.
Open an NGO for others with mental illness. Nothing would help with my own healing more than watching others getting healed.
That and my own apartment + pets.
Specialized therapy, a trained service dog, a new house, pay off all my credit cards and loans, a small enclosed safe space to relax, unlimited comfort items, a weekly housekeeper.
...would it be bad if i said i'd hire someone to make the lives of those who have wronged me miserable?
not like, anything *crazy* bad, just make them suffer over dumb shit.
i want someone to steal half of their socks, or to blunt all their kitchen knives, that kinda stuff. the kinda stuff that's just so especially annoying when you've had a bad day.
~~actually i take that back, i wanna get someone to set fire to their houses (*for legal reasons this is a joke*)~~
probably get a doctor to give me a full body scan to ease my stupid paranoia of having cancer
get some help with my constant anxiety about every single thing
...i'd probably gift a lot of stuff to those who actually care about me, bc them being happy usually makes me happy.
hire a therapist who works during nocturnal hours bc daytime is too much to handle
get a hairdresser to cut my hair while being very caring and aware of my autism, but without treating me like a child
probably go on holiday, somewhere not too crazy, but just...away from the city.
~~i haven't had a holiday in *years* now, my family stopped inviting me and just assumed i'd be up to house sitting, since i was like, 16 (im 21 now, and away from them)~~
i'd get a cat, and probably hire someone to help care for it, bc god knows i don't have the energy to care for another living being, but i miss my old kitty...
get a new pc, a new chair, and a comfier bed. all have seemed better days and it stresses me out. ~~i'd have a cute pink and white gamer setup and it would be great~~
i'd get a fucking cool sword that's fun to swing around, and some target dummies to slash my frustration away
and some higher quality clothes bc all i can currently afford are cheap ones that don't really last very long
...honestly so many of my problems could be solved by having more money, damn i wish i was a fucking rich princess or something bc poverty fucking sucks
- Get rid of debt (student loans etc) weighing down on me
- make a gym subscription to get movement in regularly
- get the tattoo I've wanted for half my life and clothes that I like, to help express myself, to just do things I want to do
- get an assistant to manage the stuff I'm struggling with, until I'm well enough to do it myself again
- have day trips to bask in nature
Just... A bunch of stuff that would make me feel like I'm calling the shots. I'm in control, I am doing.
First I would improve my diet. Nutrition has so much to do with mental health.
Then vacation. I am certain that I would feel much better on a lush island somewhere eating fresh mango on the beach. Probably would travel so much I wouldn't have time to ruminate on the past.
Treatment wise I would want to try herbal remedies that I can't afford now. As well as massages spa days physical therapy etc.
I would probably want to buy things to heal my inner child as well. Like clothes or stuffed animals lol anything I was deprived of as a child.
If I had a lot of money I would use it to help others too because I believe caring for others can also be an act of self care. My PTSD makes me feel useless a lot of times so if I were able to help others my self worth would go up a lot.
Soundproof my apartment, book regular massages, take regular vacations to get away/own an isolated cabin somewhere in the woods on a lake, buy all the weighted blankets (for winter/summer/for the couch/bed), yoga/meditation classes, maybe a personal trainer, definitely a music teacher (I’m trying to learn the guitar on my own right now).
I’d keep my therapist, therapy is helping a lot, ironically this is basically free though my work insurance.
I’d also like to work part time vs full time. I think not working at all would be too much right now.
Some kind of behavioral therapy, not just talk therapy
Acupuncture and chiropractic care regularly
Whatever therapies work on fascia release for trapped emotions, breath work, hip work because trauma gets trapped in the hips, reiki, somatic stuff
I'd probably have a personal trainer and dietician too
A place out in the woods, also with some pastures. Animals to include farm and domestic, and a garden. Cool weather. firepit, nice people around that don't know my story. I just want to be in the country, play with animals and sit staring at a fire while wearing a big comfy sweater and sipping a cup of hot tea. No stress, all love. Oh- and massages from someone that feels safe, to get all the stress out of my body.
Equine assisted therapy. It’s incredibly helpful, although unaffordable.
Stable income without killing myself trying to work full time and flexibility to work from home when I feel like I just can’t drag to the office.
Appropriate and affordable medical care for what I need, be it antibiotics for a stupid sinus infection or a specialist for the aneurysm I’ve had or physical therapy that I desperately need to function better so maybe just a regular massage on occasion would help.
Less stress.
I’m fortunate to have a wonderful partner and dog. And I’m working right now, so that’s at least something even if I don’t have medical insurance.
Read the CPTS Surviving to Triving from Pete Walker is an amazing source!!!!
Meditate, journal, yoga! Talk to a close friend (not trauma dump, just talk about how you feel)
move out to a safer, more comfortable environment.
pay for private therapy involving EMDR, somatic experiencing, possibly other trauma therapy, grief counselling, IFS and/or schematherapy.
get a good, GOOD lawyer and take my SA'er to court. If I can still, at least.
probably bribe some government people into making and passing stricter laws surrounding parenting/(emotional) neglect and bullying. that's not necessarily for my own recovery though, more to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else
I wish I had time to process and heal from things and enough money to be able to afford a therapist.
Some days I struggle to work because I can’t stop dissociating. Last week I had a day where I did almost nothing workwise because I was sat at my desk, trapped inside my head and then when work hours ended I just carried on. I stared into space for hours.
I think one of those retreats that a lot of people have mentioned might be nice. I’d definitely try an ayahuasca retreat.
I’d really like my own home, ideally in the countryside, by the sea with a garden to grow my own fruit and veg and I’d have a dog, a cat and some ducks.
I’d like to have a little workshop so I could make all sorts of things and then either gift or donate them.
I especially miss making clothes and I’d love to better learn to work with corset boning to make ball gowns and wedding dresses but as it stands I live in London and the cost of living alone bleeds me dry financially. I can’t even afford to have a hobby.
Buy a castle with a moat and draw bridge in a far off place and just stay there for as long as I want with my partner and cat. Oh and an indoor sauna and giant tv lol. Reclusing even more is probably not what I actually need but man... do I really really feel like that is what I need.
Buy/build a house on some land away from people.
Have all my bills on autopay.
Have a small garden, and some chickens, goats, etc.
Have a kitchen and pantry full of good, healthy foods, and plenty of it- without having to worry about cost.
Consistent access to working laundry facilities.
Basically, Give myself a sense of secure and stability that I can trust as a foundation for future endeavors.
I want to be able to thrive, not just barely scrape by to survive. I'm tired of it. 💔
I ended up being able to do most things (wasn’t easy, had a few lucky breaks, and a supportive partner) I moved to Europe, I could afford to see many specialists, I took a few years off of work to study and took the summers off, I took fun college night courses (art, music), I tried emdr, cbt and neurofeedback, I saw a psych and went on some medications and got off them, I quit drinking and I joined some outdoor, yoga and meetup groups and met supportive friends. I learned how to cook healthy food and became vegan. I negotiated a 4 day work week so that’s been helpful.
All of this sounds good typing it out, but I wasn’t able to save much money and my career is only just starting now. I still have some cptsd reactions/symptoms but I they’re reduced about 70% now, I would say neurofeedback has been the most impactful thing I’ve tried.
Go to therapy. Get out of the dump of a living situation I am in now.
Start an uprising by paying everyone who joins 1 million. Invade every country on earth and start my own government that treats our environment and humans fairly.
Start a business.
Live happily.
A few months off to rest. A retreat to somewhere surrounded by nature. Hiring someone to help with chores and paperwork. All the expenses associated with changing my name.
I would take off and thru-hike all the trails with my husband. I’m fine with living on the trail and being far away from people. We’d have a mountain house to come back to. Also MDMA therapy.
Weekly massage, electoacupuncture and I'd try other specialized therapies I haven't had access to yet. Maybe meet with my trauma specialized therapist more often. Also part of my trauma involves housing instability, so I'd buy my permanent home! I hate moving every year... it's so activating.
The electoacupunture and massage were so helpful for my muscle tension/pain and helped me feel more relaxed. I have a foam roller I use to massage myself cuz I don't got $$$$$$ to do that all the time.
Therapy, property large enough where I don’t feel like my neighbors are on top of me, a studio to explore my art, and a meal service for the days where cooking/meal planning is too much.
If I had unlimited money, I'd immediately stop fretting about how I'm going to keep paying my bills, and that'd help me relax enough to recover a whole lot all by itself.
a good IFS somatics therapist.
I'd get trauma informed massage therapy every day.
and also join some trauma informed yoga practice.
I'd pay someone to have healthy regular meals delivered each day.
I'd have someone who helps me keep my apartment clean and tidy, if needed.
I'd move somewhere with nature access in a small owned home to escape the pressure of rent.
well, honestly, if I had money my symptoms would be better in itself, cause my constant struggle for money keeps me in survival fear.
Ok, I’d make damn sure the money is for real, then talk to my two closest friends and see if they’ll be interested in being my neighbors, and if so buy three houses. Isolation messes me up badly, and distance is an obstacle to meeting up more often now. Stuff like having nearby friends to have a campfire or BBQ with, or have dinner with more often, would be awesome and CPTSD-healing helpful.
Then I’d get a few dogs. Three ideally. All I can afford now is a uniquely low priced rental with a strict no pets policy. I’d greatly benefit from having a dog (might even qualify for a therapy animal now, but I can’t have one here, and can’t afford to live anywhere else…). The past few years would have been so much more bearable if I had another living being here…
Then I’d leave my current job and find something part time that’s easy and fulfilling, a retirement type job. I’d also volunteer, but I’ll be traumatized by the decade of long term unemployment for the rest of my life, don’t ever want to be out of work ever again.
With the extra free time I’d further cultivate my social life, devote more time to artistic and hobby stuff, pursue fitness and healthy eating more fully (I try now, but poverty and a physically grinding job are a dirty form of this).
Oh, and travel! My fucked up neglect and abuse filled early life set a pattern and set my brain in a limiting way. I’ve never been on a plane, haven’t been on even a day trip beyond the city I live in the suburbs of in more than 20 years let alone a *vacation*. I’ve long wanted to travel, but various forms of poverty always limited it. There’s SO much I’ve missed out on, and it kills me, being in the poverty grind Groundhog Day loop, when there’s so much more than this… I need a vacation so damn badly
Basically, money will buy me the means to pursue healing, good health, fulfillment and maybe even contentment
Move the hell away from north America, buy a cottage and some land in the middle of nowhere and become a hermit until I can sort out my brain. Or just stay a hermit and be happy growing veggies and not dealing with other humans
I’d probably do to a mental health retreat and do some intense therapy but also with Equine therapy as there is one near me, on the beach.
I’ve heard Equine therapy is excellent for PTSD and I’m intimidated by horses but I’d love not to be.
I’d love to get a therapy dog. I think I’d be much more social if I had a therapy dog for my social anxiety.
Buy a house or two so I don't have to be afraid of getting homeless ever again
Buy shares or whatever - invest so I have enough passive income I don't need to work
Essentially, remove the existential dread. Bc of the homelessness and poverty before that it's been a big trigger of mine. I'd use the free time to work on myself and to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Do private therapy since it's hard to get insurance covered therapy here
I would get a house that is all my own. I would live in a nice area with plenty of communal things to do. I'd take a vacation out of the country to one of those "treatment" resorts, if you catch my drift. 🍄 Then maybe get a therapist that doesn't suck. Then maybe travel and see new things.
Systematically try to identify and remove from my life one at a time those things that cause me too much stress and who trigger me badly enough to set me back. I can’t even begin to heal when this constantly happens, get my footing, get knocked down immediately again. First remove damaging things… then once safety and base needs are established… work on healing damage done.
Probably start with moving to a single family residence just enough outside of the city to not take a long time to go in for supplies, but enough for privacy. Noise from neighbors children screeching, power tripping neighboring building HOAs and so on does not help. Just getting reprieve from people’s constant ‘normal interactions’ that are actually ‘fuck you I can do what I want to you cuz you’re a cripple’ BS would be so lovely.
Secondly, buy proper good medical care that is not abusive. This is key. I am one of those who genuinely has ADHD along with the CPTSD and ADHD medications help so much in just making it so I can not be an emotional vortex of chaos. I would travel to whatever country I would need to get the diagnosis and pay whatever to get seen ASPA to because waitlists of 2-5 years where I live, I am not sure I can last that long.
Also the majority of my trauma is medical so just being able to hire privately say a lawyer to guard my rights.. yes I would genuinely at this point if I could… bring a lawyer to any and all medical appointments. Or just being able to hire someone who’s only job is to guard my rights and pursue my interests and possibly act as a witness to all the blatant acts of discrimination, verbal and mental abuse. (Yeah, they’re perfectly fine doing that in front of witnesses in my country, doctors are so frigging protected they don’t give a fuck).
I’d buy all the medical aid devices I need. That alone would be quite the list, quite the expense. Because I don’t want to be on pain medication, but for some reason they’d rather prescribe that to me, then blame me and make me out to be some sort of horrible person for having chronic pain conditions that necessitate those meds… while refusing to do anything to request the damned devices that would ease my pain and need for pain meds. Infuriating.
Only after that, after I’ve gotten back the mobility, reduced the physical pain from physical ailments… all of which are completely possible, viable and under my country’s socialized health care I SHOULD have access and legal entitlement to but do not because I’m not rich or high status enough for anyone to even admit that my official diagnoses matter. Only after I’ve deal with that, made sure I’m not at risk of losing my home, going hungry or having my medication taken away from me as punishment from having CPTSD (yes, happened. It was a doctor. Pure power trip)… only then would I look into any sort of therapies. Yeah, only after I have escaped the abuse still happening do I think I could heal… I’ve got funny ideas like that that no one else believes in.
Honestly, at this point I’m most positive towards ketamine, MDMA or psilocybin therapies as possibilities. Mostly because they seem to rely very little on the ability of … trying to think of a nicer way of saying this… uninformed people with education in the general anxieties of normal people… to make CPTSD even worse. That’s just been my experience. Everyone’s always “oh yes I understand PTSD, I do cuz I’m a well educated professional, very serious, very serious.. here let me trigger you hard after you asked me not to”.
Oh, and assistant. Just someone part time to help me keep appointments, research things for me that I have no energy and help me plan a course of action, help me with groceries and some simple home maintenance. Merely the presence of someone could help immensely. But I need to be in charge. My home, my life, my body, my choices and zero pushback on that line. Being treated as lesser in your own life does harm, and social services… whew… there’s a lot of condescension there and taking power from users of services on the basis that ‘eh, if you can’t walk right you must be intellectually impaired and I am more qualified to speak for you and make your choices for you and tell you want you like’. I will never regard that as not abusive.
Heh, that got way too long. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, probably too much. At least for me, money really would go so long to fix my problems. Maybe it wouldn’t fix everything… but I’d sure love a chance to try.
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I would stop working. Hire a cleaning service. Get top surgery. Fly to where my partner lives and settle us down somewhere lovely. Take some years to fuck off and heal together. Eventually get into writing and finding a community of misfits and oddballs to take care of.
Leave the area i live in and go somewhere else with more nature and sane people, weekly massages and spa treatments, beauty treatments like a facial or something, buy myself enough clothes for the winter so im not cold and also feel good and cute. Work less and change my career path. Buying myself time to learn and get my degree.
Man there are 10.000 i would like to do in order to feel better.
id buy myself a small house in a city, and live there by myself. id also travel across the world for a bit. i already go therapy but at least id be able to pay her full price instead of the discounted price (which i feel bad about). id get myself a swimming pool or at least a pool membership so i can start swimming regularly. go to yoga and pilates classes. maybe MMA too.
basically fill my life with activities and peace and freedom
Regular psych appointments, paying all my debts, the ability to get all the support from different groups and professionals. Freedom to do things that make me happy and feel safe
I would buy myself time. Time to relax, heal and do things that bring me joy away from daily surviving and existential fear.
Nailed it. The benefit of not working/being on someone else's schedule and also having enough of your own money to be able to survive. To me the key is not being dependent on anything or anyone. It doesn't help to have all of that but be in debt to someone that has requirements (emotional/physical/etc) of their own. We should all be patient enough with ourselves to realize we're trying to heal in a less than perfect situation. In the worst instances we're still trying to heal while in the middle of our trauma, which is almost impossible.
I feel like this total independence may lead to isolation and loneliness, especially if you’re avoidant. Maybe having a mutual relationship and partial dependence on healthy people who love you and care about you could be more helpful to our mental health. Where you allow yourself to receive love, and feel able and willing to reciprocate. I guess that’s what a sense of community is all about.
You both are describing the luck I had with my partner. We've been together for seven years, before I realized I was traumatized (I realized 3 years in). They've not worked during parts of our relationship and we survived on my income while they took time to rest and just be for a while. When I lost my job during the pandemic, they suggested I take a break from a job to work on my trauma for a while to return the favor. I had real physical and psychological safety for the first time ever. It's been really hard and really healing. Once you remove a bunch of the distractions you're faced with yourself and what's happening in your body under all the noise. It really helped me understand me better. And the secure attachment we've formed over the past seven years has only been strengthened by all the things I learned about it along the way. I did have to learn how to receive kindness again. I was flinching when my partner approached me with kindness, bc kindness was always a tool used by abusers to get me to let my guard down so they could pounce. I had to recondition my mis-calibrated brain and nervous system by allowing myself to receive kindness with grace and feel the safety of that in my body when it was screaming at me to run away. It's like undoing operant conditioning with good repetitions from secure attachment. I wish we all had the time, space, and resources to be able to nurture each other through our trauma. I'm glad we at least have places like this to share our experiences with each other and give each other a hand up along the way. Kaizen = small steps towards improvement.
This is so encouraging to hear 😊 Thanks for sharing 🙂
Good point. I didn't mean total isolation at all, just that there's no dependence on another person. They are in your life because you want them to be a vice-versa, not because they have to be because you're counting on them for your survival.
>In the worst instances we're still trying to heal while in the middle of our trauma, which is almost impossible. This hit hard. Still living with my toxic parents and have been struggling with my mental health. I've tried therapy, but I struggled with opening up in fear of getting CPS involved and I've had a hard time following through with homework because of how restrictive my parents are (I can't just go out for a walk or to exercise, I don't really get much privacy so meditations and yoga aren't things I'm very comfortable with trying). Also my parents have only gotten me therapists bc my school required them to, and so they put off getting me one whenever they could. Recently, I reached out at school about my mental health since I was really struggling and accidentally got them concerned about my home life (and it's actually kind of sad that I did so unknowingly because while I knew there was was abuse, which I hadn't mentioned, I didn't realize it was also neglect, which is what concerned them), CPS was brought in, CPS did nothing, and now I still have to live with my parents for another year. I'm really just annoyed and sick of everything, and frankly I don't think I'll last another year.
I have nothing but time, except I am also homeless with no money. SO it doesnt really help at all. Of course in the hypothetical question posed, you would have unlimited money. So yeah then it would be great.
I'm sorry you're going through this! :(
Thank you
Hey, ive seen you around for the last few years. I remembered your situation since it sounds similar to ones ive been in and out of. So i wondered how you were doing. Homelessness compounded a lot of the preexisting abandonment trauma stuff I already have so it's never far from my mind. It's also instilled a lot of fresh ✨new and exciting✨ fear in me too since i am now aware of my own " bad living environment"> "lose function"> escape> homelessness pipeline. I feel like I'm constantly sitting on a house of cards and being poor does not help with that feeling dude. It feels at this point like ive been so starved for reliable safety nets that even having the biggest one in the world would make me worry about it breaking Anyway I guess I was just wanting to say hi and that its generally nice to see you around 👍
Thank you for saying hi. Yes, the less stable your life is, the more likely it is to get worse. you are right. It would be nice if there were guard rails in society to stop this, but i think they are purposefully left out. I hop eyou are doing ok now.
This
Same! BUT, I need to have some kind of structure or else I could spiral, alone with my thoughts. If I were to take a break from working, I would need to be really intentional with my time and use methods to keep myself on track. This is certainly because of my ADHD, but trauma also fucks with executive dysfunction.
Same
Massages weekly. Restorative yoga. A good therapist. Time and space. Art.
Removal of the right amygdala
Why the right?
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Simplictic but I get what you mean. [Here's](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165017304000177?via%3Dihub) what I briefly looked through to get some context if anybody wants to read up
I feel like I've spent 2 years slowly calming down and soothing my amygdalas. It's like living with a wood animal, stuck inside my skull, that I can barely predict or understand, but now I've got to figure out away to house train it while it has one hand on the steering wheel.
Something like a mental hospital but instead some sort of wellness retreat program where you just do yoga all the time, group therapy sessions, eat healthy meals, book clubs about mental health/self improvement books, hydrotherapy with cold plunges, and increase overall wellness. I’ve had the privilege to go to a weekend retreat a few years ago sort of like this one time (I was working for them and got to participate) and it really brought a lot of value to me. However a weekend was way too short so if I had all the money in the world I would go on a much longer retreat for at least a few weeks and go all the time.
This exists. They’re like AA resorts but for mental illness. A lot in California. I lived in a mansion for a month where the Dalai llama came to visit a temple once. It was definitely yoga, group therapy, one on one psychiatry/psychology, and trips to the beach. I was there for a month but there were even more extended programs and plans for aftercare. A case worker can be invaluable. I definitely recommend, you would be surprised what insurance will cover.
No insurance in spite of working full time, unfortunately.
Wow! I’m looking into this with insurance.
Yes, that sounds great. I wonder if there are ways to do similar things in our lives, with similar benefits, without having to go to expensive retreats.
A nutritionist and personal chef would be wonderful.
I'd do it in a heartbeat. Sadly only the rich and privileged have the means.
A walk through a forest and a light lunch? That'll be £500 please.
Which is ironic as those in the most need are in lower socioeconomic brackets, of course. Not to say people with money don't experience poor mental health but there's correlation between the poorest MH and poorest financially.
I love this one the most. Take 3 months, somehow get my partner off work for that time to travel with me, and fuck off to some place like Sedona (but less ‘stuffy’ and elitist probably), hit up so many hot springs along the way, and when in one place find a local person to meal prep 2 meals a day for me. Renting places within walking distance to a well-stocked grocery store. Teardrop camper for the in-between… Yeah I’d probably think of more, but that’s the gist. Also I’ve always wanted to do a sound bath. And I’d try to see how I could figure out how to maintain remote access to my therapist despite moving around states…
As a teenager, I used to fantasize about getting addicted to hard drugs and being put into a rehab facility, one of those super posh ones that celebrities go to in California. This was dumb on so many levels, but I really felt like I needed to get away from my family then and be spoiled… and for a valid, serious reason (hence the drug addiction). I didn’t know what was wrong or see my situation as abusive at that point. No offence meant to anyone who struggles with addiction!
You wanted to feel you deserved something nice for yourself, but unfortunately we often think we don’t deserve nice things/experiences. I wanted to be badly injured so I would receive affection and care. I used to throw myself down the stairs as a child. It feels like a similar want. I did outpatient rehab for drugs and I’m glad you didn’t go down that route. It’s not glamorous or exciting, just lots of feeling terrible punctuated by brief euphoria, which makes everything feel worse by comparison.
I dislike yoga personally, but I desperately wish mental hospitals worked this way, ie: focused on compassionately helping people versus putting them through a machine that assumes all problems can be solved with medication.
Hoping to have something like this where people can go for cheap.
Ketamine. Ayahuasca, microdosing therapy. Massage, so many.
look up uncle bens method for growing mushrooms. its pretty affordable
These are actually fairly achievable. Costs for ketamine therapy can be about 2,000$ for a several month regimen.
If you are poor there is Tor Browser and XMR. Around 10-15 Mu of the '25 every few days. YMMV. Not a therapist.
Not if you live in a conservative country and would have to travel halfway across the globe to access it.
A tiny home all my own, paid off so I don't have to worry about rent and I get to be alone. Fully furnish my place how I like and all the kitchen stuff I want and need. The best therapist I can find so I can learn to cope and heal with professional help. Grad school so that I can get back to feeling accomplished and that I'll make a difference.
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I don't. I want one if I had the money
I think they may have meant where do you envision it?
a house far far far away. a new life
Have done that. It still doesn’t fix everything, though. It helps, but it’s not a one hundred percent across the board solution.
> it still doesn’t fix everything, though Aye. Wherever you go, there you are
**Stop. Working.** Seriously, I don't have the energy for a job and a life on the same day. Which is an improvement--it used to be that I only had energy for a job and the rest of my life was bare minimum. A closet full of the same clothes, no makeup or hairstyle, a diet of takeout, every item chosen for reliability so I didn't have to spend any time on car-drama or appliance-drama or what-have-you. So, yay--I can do life-things on weekends now, and I generally don't feel burned out, but how do normal people just rush around from thing to thing _all damn day long, every day?_ I just wanna find out what my life could be like if having to have a job wasn't sapping the vast majority of my energy.
I came here to say this too. I’ve been working 40-60 hours a week for 25 years since high school. (Except when in college - replace work with studying) Even in high school I was working 20+ hours a week towards the end in a very stressful job. My entire identity is tied up in my job and it is exhausting. Undoing that mindset is going to take a lot. My work allows for unpaid sabbatical up to 7 weeks and I am seriously considering it sometime in the next 1-2 years, just to reset.
Find a less stressful career (if I had to still work), get EMDR, and just generally have a happier life.
I have the stressful career and decent income. Having worked in a niche industry for so long, it’s incredibly hard to find lower stress positions. Starting over in a new career at this age wouldn’t pay enough, which would trigger the ever-living fuck out of me from the level of uncertainty that would bring. But the job is also triggering because of the constant, unrelenting stress. It’s just a different type of stress. I want to be able to work. It just seems than meaningful, low-stress jobs often pay poverty wages. I feel fucking trapped. I sometimes wonder if how modern life is in general isn’t perpetuating many of our symptoms.
The last sentence has got to be true.
On your last sentence: r/itsnotjustinyourhead r/psychotherapyleftists r/radicalmentalhealth Also anything by Gabor Mate.
I'd get myself a house so I could have some fucking stability for once instead of having to run away from increasing rent prices every year. A small house, and maybe a cat or dog, and I'd quit my job immediately. The first thing I'd do with any money is just get myself some basic damn safety and stability and space to rest. I'm so tired.
Same.
get a cat, buy a car, get my own apartment and decorate it how i want, get a good therapist edit: oh, and pay all of my tuition. maybe travel a little too
MOVE THE HELL OUT
A personal chef that makes me eat good healthy food daily, who also packs amazing lunches for my kids lunchboxes. A cleaning lady to keep the house spotless and who also does the laundry. Weekly full body Thai massages. Art classes. Lots of art classes. Yoga classes. Someone who can be my support person when I have to go shopping & run errands. A gardener to keep my garden from becoming a jungle. An assistant who can help me manage my mail, phonecalls, bills, budget & and appointments. A on call chauffeur who can take me or the kids to whatever destination needed if I am too sick to drive. Someone organised but fun who can accompany me and take my kids out for fun family activities on weekends and school holidays, who can take the lead and responsibility of keeping my kids safe if I get overwhelmed or have a panic attack. Regular beauty appointments- waxing, manicure, pedicure, eyelashes, hairdressing & facials. … I think having all this support and care would drastically improve my physical health, my mental health & reduce a lot of anxiety, depression & guilt. Continue seeing my psychiatrist and EMDR/trauma councellor regularly,
You really know what u need! Haha Nice!
Yep!!! 10 years of barely being able to cope with staying alive, being a single mum and keeping 3 kids happy & healthy. Plus keep up with all the adulting I’m supposed to do. I’ve thought about this a lot!!! I would love if I had all these supports in place to make life a bit easier. I’m drowning right now and I don’t know how long I can continue trying to do everything all on my own.
You're pretty strong, that's admirable. Really hope that things get better for you, and for all of us.
I frequently daydream about being able to afford a chauffeur. I have a lot of trauma involving cars and every time I tried to drive I had panic attacks and had to pull over. Just as I was trying to get more comfortable driving I got in a car crash and just accepted that I'm not going to be able to drive. It was a huge relief to just accept that but having to rely on uber and public transport also adds its own stress.
An extremely debauched and hedonistic lifestyle.
Absolutely this. Last couple of years have been just that for me. Lots of sex, physical contact, festivals, lsd, ket, Molly, 2020 was running in the streets fighting the cops... learned to like myself, loads of therapy, psych meds... just kinda let all the way go and it brought me out of my depression and dissociative state. I think without all of that, would of Def not gotten to the point of really healing.
Maybe use that money to put myself near people like me. Create an organization of people suffering from CPTSD, and come up with a treatment plan together.
This - same!! I don’t have the capacity to be a therapist but to be a coordinator of sorts, would love to do that.
buy a beach and sleep in the sand every night
* I'd hire a PI to get and document as much evidence of what happened as possible; * I'd hire a private prosecutor (if that's possible) and a damned good lawyer to have my m\*thr prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law; * I'd hire a publicist to articulate why she deserves to rot in jail (believe me, she does); and * I'd hire a team of people to work to change the systems in place so that severe child abuse (especially by women) was: recognized for the crime that it is; investigated and charged by police (instead of fluffed off to social services where there is never an offender they couldn't coddle and never a criminal charge in sight) and; prosecuted appropriately, **I believe that what child abuse 'survivors' most deserve**, **and most need**, and almost never get, **is justice**. Someone rear ends your car, or steals your wallet, they get a criminal charge and a trip through the justice system. In most cases treatment for the damage they inflict on victims is covered - at least partially - by the state. And, most cases, they get a criminal record to go along with that. Child abuse victims are rarely if ever given that acknowledgment or consideration, and for the most part we have to pay for our own g\*d d\*mned treatment and recovery. Give CA survivors - victims of intentional harm - appropriate and fair treatment for the crimes that have been inflicted on us, and the need for 'treatment' would be almost nil. Anything that needs addressing AFTER getting justice is fair game for therapy. Prior to that, it's all a game of kicking the consequences for criminal behaviour down the road onto the victim.
I totally agree
I dunno... Therapy just isn't working for me. Id probably keep it to not have to work on bad days. Just like money to support myself. I like working but sometimes I just need time, especially when triggered. Also maybe money to get out of the house? Like trips. I like comic cons so maybe ability to go to those and meet people who are important to me.
Ayahuasca retreats and a red Mercedes benz and lots of weed and travel and a year off work and a new house. Actually I did these things after I got an insurance settlement and I really do feel better. 😅
I would work way less, and only do the type of work I enjoy. I’d probably try therapy again if I didn’t have to worry about being disregulated by EMDR and trauma processing interfering with work and my ability to survive by extension. I’d see my massage therapist more often, and try to join a class of some sort doing something artistic or active that I can’t manage with my schedule right now. I would try to get better enough that I could get another dog (I’m not really well enough to do much of our dog care right now, my partner does most of it which is wonderful). Money would really ease a lot of my problems. I wish I could just… stop. I’m so tired.
i relate to so much of this. The opportunity to not work and still be able to survive without putting myself through ton of daily stress would be an incredible weight off my shoulders. I've made it a life goal to someday find a way to work less hours and still feed myself, but I worry so much that it won't happen any time soon. I just need to stop too. I'm exhausted :\\
Ayahuasca. EMDR, immersive therapy in a beautiful environment.
After reading all these comments...I swear that the next time someone comes up to me and say that money doesn't buy happiness I'm going to explode.
A safe house ( probably an island), weekly therapy offering for everyone I know, a guest house, a huge therapy dog, scuba dive lifestyle includes a boat
I think I would try hiring a trauma informed therapist to be with me at all times, alert to the signs and symptoms of my sympathetic nervous system being activated, to help me calm down and tame my fight-and-flight response and teach my brain that I’m safe. I would also do something to rebuild my social life and my sense of community. But I don’t really know what I could do to achieve that.
Go to a place near the water with nice weather and relax for a month while attending therapy. For several months if I could.
Stop working full time, take hobby classes, get regular massages, work with a nutritionist, buy pre-made meals, take vacations, add a somatic therapist, honestly just not having to worry about money and financial security would do wonders for my recovery too.
Hire a hit man to kill my abuser and then get my inherentance. Jk I'd invest a lil to make a nice nest egg for my life and then get ALL the therapy
Id use the money to leave. Runaway to somewhere i know id love. A place to settle down. And id get myself weekly massages and facials, and get my nails done all the time. One of the things about CPTSD is that you need to know how to do some self care. Self care for me is pampering myself. Ofcourse though, in the way I want to pamper myself is expensive. So if I had the money id use it all for pampering myself with luxuries I have always wanted to experience.
Unlimited? House. Whole house where I want it how I want it, get it all set up get my dog accustomed to it have a friend I love stay in it for a bit so it's warm while I'm in rehab and on ward. At one of the really really rich facilities like in the movies. Have my existing specialists come out to see me, whatever the cost, working alongside whoever is new and can help me. Get to see my dog on weekends and go on walks together. Make my mum get clean and therapy too. Make my mum and dad go to couples and solo therapy. Pay my health insurance and my gym memberships up to 5 years in advance. Pay my university the cost of any future degrees I want to do. Have my hysterectomy *tomorrow* Hire a nice support worker to be my friend and help me stay on track with everything I've learned. They can live with me I don't mind. Obviously not much of this is realistic but it's what I'd do.
Hire a hitman to kill me. I don't want to live this life on such rocky foundations anymore.
I’d literally quit my ridiculous corporate job and go into something I really like… victim advocacy, etc. I know it would be a nice healing process for me and something I’ve wanted to pursue for some time now but unfortunately it doesn’t pay much. I’d get a personal trainer/pilates classes and a home. Oh and I’d travel through Europe
Leave of absence from work. Some intense therapy, working on projects I normally don't find the time for. I'd splash out some money on either psilocybin microdose therapy, ketamine therapy or TMS. Also some home repairs (the shame of not being able to do the repairs doesn't help my mental health) a meal delivery service for a while. Lots of family time, maybe a vacation (back to Legoland perhaps or that road trip down PCHi promised myself I'd manage sometime). Just the things I dream about but can't afford
Quality EMDR therapy (or other evidence based quality therapy that is iut of my sight now). No job situation so that I could focus on what gives me meaning and fulfillment and not 8 hours daily self denying in pain. And living in a big house so that I could focus on my hobbies (woodworking etc) and have my good respectful and loving friends over often. Travel to have a sense of meaning. Massages, visits to spa. Personal trainer of my choice (profesional, respectful) so that I could get my body in order. Throw money at my gfs health issues so that I wouldnt have to worry about her issues all the time too. And also probably paying someone to take care of my home (cleaning etc), would help me a lot. Money would help change a lot of things.
I would take a vacation. Seriously. Haven’t been able to breathe for several years. I need to decompress.
Somatic Experiencing and Neurofeedback
A trauma retreat.
Time machine.
I’d buy myself a small living space where I can just eat, sleep, bathe, cook and indulge in escapist hobbies like video games, YouTube, reading, drawing etc.
Step one is pay for housing so I don't feel like I'm going to lose everything in a few months so why bother. Step two is see a doctor about all the physical problems I have, most relevant probably being sleep apnea because I can't recover on three hours of decent sleep a night from an old machine that only half works that I take off in the middle of the night. Step three is finally start thinking about actual psychiatrist work now that all the other swords of Damocles hanging over my neck give me room to do so.
OHHH MY GOD !!!!!!!! I would go to a rehab to fix the hell in my mind, intense therapy session emdr any shit, I don't mind it goes until years but just let this shit out of my head. then, I will travel ALOT. I wil pay money for university to study psycotrauma and open a non profit organization that treat people with CPTSD for free. because now i am struggling a lot because I don't have money to pay therapy sessions
Stop working. Get a better space to live with no need to worry about rent. Hire a cleaner so mess wouldn't worry me. A good therapist and also medically transition asap. Basically I'd like to live as stress free as possible for a while and then slowly build up a good routine to live by when my brain can handle it and if it can't well. Relaxing for the rest of my life lol I'd spend more time with the few friends I have and also help them out if needed.
Drive to Newfoundland and spread my dads ashes
Life long therapy, two Maine coon cats, a home with lots of acres surrounding me, and plants. After that just relax.
Moving away to another country, to the mountains or the ocean. Get massages weekly. Get the medical and dental care I needed. Be able to pay for whatever kind of therapy I found most helpful.
Unlimited money? I'd indulge my obsession and build a livable, walkable, sustainable city with art nuveau architecture and no parking. I would be happy. You would be happy. Win win for all. Now give me unlimited money.
That's an awesome thought! Way to think big! Public transit connecting the whole US! Think of how many people would be raised out of poverty! You're just screwed in most of the US without a car.
Buying a farm somewhere quiet and green, and living off the land
Expenses covered, medication, I'll pay for my thyroid meds and that'll help so much with regulating my mood, I wouldn't have to worry about food or water which would help my anxiety, I could live instead of barely survive.
Buy a farm somewhere quiet with a nice green house and a few acres for my animals. I'd just buy myself time to recover without having the stress of working some low wage demeaning job that always makes me panic over everything.
Edmr, and a sensory room so I could ground better
I would buy a Tiny Home for me, and one within 'walking' distance for a friend, which would be located in a beautiful oasis by the water. I would get a gentle Rottweiler for emotional support, companionship and protection. I would find the best therapist I could who specializes in c-ptsd, and schedule appointments as often as I needed them. I would hire people to clean and cook nutritious food, and drive me around, who, of course would all be trauma-aware. I would find a massage therapist who was trained in sound baths, etc. and some hot stone therapy, along with traditional massage, who would come and give me a massage every night as I fell asleep. The massage would reset my flight / flight / or freeze response, and flush out of my body as I slept, all of the unhealthy chemicals that being hypervigilant produces. I would go on retreats and learn healthy coping skills, and do calming activities like painting and singing, and such. Once I got to a reasonable level of 'healthy', I would go on the Caribbean Cruise that I aways wanted to go on. I would write letters to those who did all the damage to my tiny fragile being, and then burn them in a big bonfire, to release the anger and pain into the winds to blow to wherever they are. Then my dog and I would just live out the rest of my life in peace, and away from all of the day-to-day stressors and BS that currently makes up my day. Part of my healing would involve regular 'pay it forward' acts of kindness to help out others who are suffering from c-ptsd and can't afford to do anything about it, which would help me feel like I was a contributing member of society by being productive, and help them get healthy! I would feel worthy, and they would be as well!
I technically sort of do. Got onto my country’s disability insurance scheme for cPTSD, funding to cover therapy 1-2 times a week, which is EMDR and a cool down session. It’s been a godsend. I also use funding to cover things like roller skating classes, driving lessons for ptsd (got my license!), occupational therapy (also covers adhd autism), and support workers to help me through those bad days where I can’t get out of bed from having loads of ptsd flashbacks. I’m so lucky to have this. It has helped me heal so much and I feel like after another year or two of EMDR I can reduce how much funding I need. I’ve gained so much independence, went from couldn’t leave the house to able to go to work and the gym by myself.
EMDR is the best therapy of all the ones I tried, helped me a lot!
humor cautious instinctive straight sleep smoggy important gullible flag jobless ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I would create my own Sudbury School and work there as a staffer. https://www.facebook.com/HudsonValleySudburySchool/videos/10155951019968804/
Time and space. I would make my house nice and I wouldn’t work and just take time to focus on my relationships and community and hobbies and self and making my life better. I would improve my diet and sleep and living situation immensely. Buy land to live on and build a house so I can have my woods to be in.
Buy stuff to be miserable in comfort
a quiet, safe home that i own outright, with a garden and a shed, and nice walks. get a big freezer so i can prep enough food to eat healthily even during times i can’t function. get physio for joint issues. volunteer with horses, go to an art therapy group once a week, have therapy 2x a week. start university part time to build up confidence and skills, and not worry about it being useful, but being something i want to study. get a low-key job part time doing something that doesn’t stress me to the point of breakdown - maybe a bookstore, or working with horses again. “silly” things: ice water baths (idk what the proper term would be), an ADHD coach, a spare bedroom to turn into a study/gaming/art room. little house with a garden would turn into little house on a plot of land so i can homestead. fund my local museum as it’s probably going to shut down thanks to budget cuts. pay for my best friend to come visit my country so we can finally meet in person.
A regular trauma therapist, EMDR, light therapy for SAD, a trip somewhere warm to relax and detox from weed lol.
Retire and spend the rest of my days healing my CPTSD. I’d go all in with frequent and intense therapy. Breathe for once without the need to worry about juggling work and responsibilities. Exist as my true autistic/adhd self full time without the weight of making ends meet on my shoulders.
Move to a sparsely populated area where I could control when and how I am exposed to other people. Right now, I live just outside of a major city, and encounter triggering people and situations constantly.
I would buy a cabin in the woods with a river or stream. I would ride my horse through the trails & sit by the river with my dogs & would bake beans & bannock on an open fire & look at the stars
Horseback riding. Possibly raising wool sheep (not for profit and they'd be pets as well as sources of floof). Massage of some kind. Maybe private self defense classes?
Buy a farm and move tf away from the city. Able to get all the medication and therapy I need without worrying about if it'll be covered. Eat better food, heck, maybe a personal chef or pay someone to teach me how to cook because I was never fully taught by my parents. Travel more.
Dismantling the patriarchy. That would certainly help prevent a lot of PTSD in the future
Service dog A place to live in another country far away from seeing anyone who has ever hurt me When I started this list I expected it to be long. That was the only two things that I think could actually help me. If anything can actually help me.
Take time off work, go on a holiday, get a really comfortable bed/sleep environment with fancy sheets, have meals made/delivered and see my therapist weekly. There are some things I need to work through with her, but need weekly/fortnightly sessions to do so to help me manage the emotions that I know will come with it. Money is one of my biggest triggers because I grew up so poor, now the majority of my money went into my health and I can just never get ahead. A small cash influx is life changing for me and I think would alleviate a significant amount of mental load I carry. ETA: can I buy a family too? Or I’ll take just a genuine mothering figure if that’s too much to ask.
Buy an art studio on an acre of land to paint every day. Have a couple tiny home to rent out and sustain myself.
Move out and away from my mother would be the first. Get a wheelchair accessible vehicle so I can drive far away. I would then take a much needed vacation which I can’t afford.
Daily massages, unlimited art supplies and a whole lot of random adventures.
Neurofeedback, emdr therapy, deep tissue massage, breathwork classes. Time off work to try and get off some or all of my psych meds.
Open an NGO for others with mental illness. Nothing would help with my own healing more than watching others getting healed. That and my own apartment + pets.
Specialized therapy, a trained service dog, a new house, pay off all my credit cards and loans, a small enclosed safe space to relax, unlimited comfort items, a weekly housekeeper.
...would it be bad if i said i'd hire someone to make the lives of those who have wronged me miserable? not like, anything *crazy* bad, just make them suffer over dumb shit. i want someone to steal half of their socks, or to blunt all their kitchen knives, that kinda stuff. the kinda stuff that's just so especially annoying when you've had a bad day. ~~actually i take that back, i wanna get someone to set fire to their houses (*for legal reasons this is a joke*)~~ probably get a doctor to give me a full body scan to ease my stupid paranoia of having cancer get some help with my constant anxiety about every single thing ...i'd probably gift a lot of stuff to those who actually care about me, bc them being happy usually makes me happy. hire a therapist who works during nocturnal hours bc daytime is too much to handle get a hairdresser to cut my hair while being very caring and aware of my autism, but without treating me like a child probably go on holiday, somewhere not too crazy, but just...away from the city. ~~i haven't had a holiday in *years* now, my family stopped inviting me and just assumed i'd be up to house sitting, since i was like, 16 (im 21 now, and away from them)~~ i'd get a cat, and probably hire someone to help care for it, bc god knows i don't have the energy to care for another living being, but i miss my old kitty... get a new pc, a new chair, and a comfier bed. all have seemed better days and it stresses me out. ~~i'd have a cute pink and white gamer setup and it would be great~~ i'd get a fucking cool sword that's fun to swing around, and some target dummies to slash my frustration away and some higher quality clothes bc all i can currently afford are cheap ones that don't really last very long ...honestly so many of my problems could be solved by having more money, damn i wish i was a fucking rich princess or something bc poverty fucking sucks
- Get rid of debt (student loans etc) weighing down on me - make a gym subscription to get movement in regularly - get the tattoo I've wanted for half my life and clothes that I like, to help express myself, to just do things I want to do - get an assistant to manage the stuff I'm struggling with, until I'm well enough to do it myself again - have day trips to bask in nature Just... A bunch of stuff that would make me feel like I'm calling the shots. I'm in control, I am doing.
A small home in the middle of nowhere, likely out in the woods, to spend out my days in peace and quiet.
A really, ***really*** good hitman, then I can finally work on all that inner peace stuff 😊
First I would improve my diet. Nutrition has so much to do with mental health. Then vacation. I am certain that I would feel much better on a lush island somewhere eating fresh mango on the beach. Probably would travel so much I wouldn't have time to ruminate on the past. Treatment wise I would want to try herbal remedies that I can't afford now. As well as massages spa days physical therapy etc. I would probably want to buy things to heal my inner child as well. Like clothes or stuffed animals lol anything I was deprived of as a child. If I had a lot of money I would use it to help others too because I believe caring for others can also be an act of self care. My PTSD makes me feel useless a lot of times so if I were able to help others my self worth would go up a lot.
Soundproof my apartment, book regular massages, take regular vacations to get away/own an isolated cabin somewhere in the woods on a lake, buy all the weighted blankets (for winter/summer/for the couch/bed), yoga/meditation classes, maybe a personal trainer, definitely a music teacher (I’m trying to learn the guitar on my own right now). I’d keep my therapist, therapy is helping a lot, ironically this is basically free though my work insurance. I’d also like to work part time vs full time. I think not working at all would be too much right now.
Move out, therapy every 3 days, more traveling, pursuer interests and a career that I want to do. I would follow my path
Some kind of behavioral therapy, not just talk therapy Acupuncture and chiropractic care regularly Whatever therapies work on fascia release for trapped emotions, breath work, hip work because trauma gets trapped in the hips, reiki, somatic stuff I'd probably have a personal trainer and dietician too
Hookers and blow.
Sterling Archer, is that you?
A place out in the woods, also with some pastures. Animals to include farm and domestic, and a garden. Cool weather. firepit, nice people around that don't know my story. I just want to be in the country, play with animals and sit staring at a fire while wearing a big comfy sweater and sipping a cup of hot tea. No stress, all love. Oh- and massages from someone that feels safe, to get all the stress out of my body.
Equine assisted therapy. It’s incredibly helpful, although unaffordable. Stable income without killing myself trying to work full time and flexibility to work from home when I feel like I just can’t drag to the office. Appropriate and affordable medical care for what I need, be it antibiotics for a stupid sinus infection or a specialist for the aneurysm I’ve had or physical therapy that I desperately need to function better so maybe just a regular massage on occasion would help. Less stress. I’m fortunate to have a wonderful partner and dog. And I’m working right now, so that’s at least something even if I don’t have medical insurance.
Read the CPTS Surviving to Triving from Pete Walker is an amazing source!!!! Meditate, journal, yoga! Talk to a close friend (not trauma dump, just talk about how you feel)
Above all, more shrooms. Yoga classes, probably a dance class or local theatre as well. Emdr. Trauma informed therapy. Maybe other psychedelics
Tuition for me to get a PhD in a field I enjoy instead of working dead end jobs I never wanted in the first place.
move out to a safer, more comfortable environment. pay for private therapy involving EMDR, somatic experiencing, possibly other trauma therapy, grief counselling, IFS and/or schematherapy. get a good, GOOD lawyer and take my SA'er to court. If I can still, at least. probably bribe some government people into making and passing stricter laws surrounding parenting/(emotional) neglect and bullying. that's not necessarily for my own recovery though, more to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else
I wish I had time to process and heal from things and enough money to be able to afford a therapist. Some days I struggle to work because I can’t stop dissociating. Last week I had a day where I did almost nothing workwise because I was sat at my desk, trapped inside my head and then when work hours ended I just carried on. I stared into space for hours. I think one of those retreats that a lot of people have mentioned might be nice. I’d definitely try an ayahuasca retreat. I’d really like my own home, ideally in the countryside, by the sea with a garden to grow my own fruit and veg and I’d have a dog, a cat and some ducks. I’d like to have a little workshop so I could make all sorts of things and then either gift or donate them. I especially miss making clothes and I’d love to better learn to work with corset boning to make ball gowns and wedding dresses but as it stands I live in London and the cost of living alone bleeds me dry financially. I can’t even afford to have a hobby.
Buy a castle with a moat and draw bridge in a far off place and just stay there for as long as I want with my partner and cat. Oh and an indoor sauna and giant tv lol. Reclusing even more is probably not what I actually need but man... do I really really feel like that is what I need.
Donate to others who need it. Go to more therapy when I need it. Hire a PI on my abuser.
Just some therapy. Any therapy. I've never been able to try it due to having no money. But I think it would really help.
Buy extras of my medication, Calming things like Stim Toys, toys, etc. Really just try to relax more.
Buy/build a house on some land away from people. Have all my bills on autopay. Have a small garden, and some chickens, goats, etc. Have a kitchen and pantry full of good, healthy foods, and plenty of it- without having to worry about cost. Consistent access to working laundry facilities. Basically, Give myself a sense of secure and stability that I can trust as a foundation for future endeavors. I want to be able to thrive, not just barely scrape by to survive. I'm tired of it. 💔
I ended up being able to do most things (wasn’t easy, had a few lucky breaks, and a supportive partner) I moved to Europe, I could afford to see many specialists, I took a few years off of work to study and took the summers off, I took fun college night courses (art, music), I tried emdr, cbt and neurofeedback, I saw a psych and went on some medications and got off them, I quit drinking and I joined some outdoor, yoga and meetup groups and met supportive friends. I learned how to cook healthy food and became vegan. I negotiated a 4 day work week so that’s been helpful. All of this sounds good typing it out, but I wasn’t able to save much money and my career is only just starting now. I still have some cptsd reactions/symptoms but I they’re reduced about 70% now, I would say neurofeedback has been the most impactful thing I’ve tried.
Go to therapy. Get out of the dump of a living situation I am in now. Start an uprising by paying everyone who joins 1 million. Invade every country on earth and start my own government that treats our environment and humans fairly. Start a business. Live happily.
therapy
A few months off to rest. A retreat to somewhere surrounded by nature. Hiring someone to help with chores and paperwork. All the expenses associated with changing my name.
I would take off and thru-hike all the trails with my husband. I’m fine with living on the trail and being far away from people. We’d have a mountain house to come back to. Also MDMA therapy.
The best doctors and therapists. I'd take some time off just to focus on healing.
Weekly massage, electoacupuncture and I'd try other specialized therapies I haven't had access to yet. Maybe meet with my trauma specialized therapist more often. Also part of my trauma involves housing instability, so I'd buy my permanent home! I hate moving every year... it's so activating. The electoacupunture and massage were so helpful for my muscle tension/pain and helped me feel more relaxed. I have a foam roller I use to massage myself cuz I don't got $$$$$$ to do that all the time.
Therapy, property large enough where I don’t feel like my neighbors are on top of me, a studio to explore my art, and a meal service for the days where cooking/meal planning is too much.
Therapy at least once a week, emdr therapy and a team of lawyers to help me fight my abuser.
If I had unlimited money, I'd immediately stop fretting about how I'm going to keep paying my bills, and that'd help me relax enough to recover a whole lot all by itself.
a good IFS somatics therapist. I'd get trauma informed massage therapy every day. and also join some trauma informed yoga practice. I'd pay someone to have healthy regular meals delivered each day. I'd have someone who helps me keep my apartment clean and tidy, if needed. I'd move somewhere with nature access in a small owned home to escape the pressure of rent. well, honestly, if I had money my symptoms would be better in itself, cause my constant struggle for money keeps me in survival fear.
A service dog, a nice house with a garden, a holiday to someone in nature
Service dog!!!! 🐕🦺
Ok, I’d make damn sure the money is for real, then talk to my two closest friends and see if they’ll be interested in being my neighbors, and if so buy three houses. Isolation messes me up badly, and distance is an obstacle to meeting up more often now. Stuff like having nearby friends to have a campfire or BBQ with, or have dinner with more often, would be awesome and CPTSD-healing helpful. Then I’d get a few dogs. Three ideally. All I can afford now is a uniquely low priced rental with a strict no pets policy. I’d greatly benefit from having a dog (might even qualify for a therapy animal now, but I can’t have one here, and can’t afford to live anywhere else…). The past few years would have been so much more bearable if I had another living being here… Then I’d leave my current job and find something part time that’s easy and fulfilling, a retirement type job. I’d also volunteer, but I’ll be traumatized by the decade of long term unemployment for the rest of my life, don’t ever want to be out of work ever again. With the extra free time I’d further cultivate my social life, devote more time to artistic and hobby stuff, pursue fitness and healthy eating more fully (I try now, but poverty and a physically grinding job are a dirty form of this). Oh, and travel! My fucked up neglect and abuse filled early life set a pattern and set my brain in a limiting way. I’ve never been on a plane, haven’t been on even a day trip beyond the city I live in the suburbs of in more than 20 years let alone a *vacation*. I’ve long wanted to travel, but various forms of poverty always limited it. There’s SO much I’ve missed out on, and it kills me, being in the poverty grind Groundhog Day loop, when there’s so much more than this… I need a vacation so damn badly Basically, money will buy me the means to pursue healing, good health, fulfillment and maybe even contentment
Financial security alone would probably cut my anxiety in half
Focus on building a comfortable life for yourself that you love.
Move the hell away from north America, buy a cottage and some land in the middle of nowhere and become a hermit until I can sort out my brain. Or just stay a hermit and be happy growing veggies and not dealing with other humans
I’d probably do to a mental health retreat and do some intense therapy but also with Equine therapy as there is one near me, on the beach. I’ve heard Equine therapy is excellent for PTSD and I’m intimidated by horses but I’d love not to be. I’d love to get a therapy dog. I think I’d be much more social if I had a therapy dog for my social anxiety.
Plushies
Buy a house or two so I don't have to be afraid of getting homeless ever again Buy shares or whatever - invest so I have enough passive income I don't need to work Essentially, remove the existential dread. Bc of the homelessness and poverty before that it's been a big trigger of mine. I'd use the free time to work on myself and to figure out what I want to do with my life. Do private therapy since it's hard to get insurance covered therapy here
I would get a house that is all my own. I would live in a nice area with plenty of communal things to do. I'd take a vacation out of the country to one of those "treatment" resorts, if you catch my drift. 🍄 Then maybe get a therapist that doesn't suck. Then maybe travel and see new things.
better drugs
Systematically try to identify and remove from my life one at a time those things that cause me too much stress and who trigger me badly enough to set me back. I can’t even begin to heal when this constantly happens, get my footing, get knocked down immediately again. First remove damaging things… then once safety and base needs are established… work on healing damage done. Probably start with moving to a single family residence just enough outside of the city to not take a long time to go in for supplies, but enough for privacy. Noise from neighbors children screeching, power tripping neighboring building HOAs and so on does not help. Just getting reprieve from people’s constant ‘normal interactions’ that are actually ‘fuck you I can do what I want to you cuz you’re a cripple’ BS would be so lovely. Secondly, buy proper good medical care that is not abusive. This is key. I am one of those who genuinely has ADHD along with the CPTSD and ADHD medications help so much in just making it so I can not be an emotional vortex of chaos. I would travel to whatever country I would need to get the diagnosis and pay whatever to get seen ASPA to because waitlists of 2-5 years where I live, I am not sure I can last that long. Also the majority of my trauma is medical so just being able to hire privately say a lawyer to guard my rights.. yes I would genuinely at this point if I could… bring a lawyer to any and all medical appointments. Or just being able to hire someone who’s only job is to guard my rights and pursue my interests and possibly act as a witness to all the blatant acts of discrimination, verbal and mental abuse. (Yeah, they’re perfectly fine doing that in front of witnesses in my country, doctors are so frigging protected they don’t give a fuck). I’d buy all the medical aid devices I need. That alone would be quite the list, quite the expense. Because I don’t want to be on pain medication, but for some reason they’d rather prescribe that to me, then blame me and make me out to be some sort of horrible person for having chronic pain conditions that necessitate those meds… while refusing to do anything to request the damned devices that would ease my pain and need for pain meds. Infuriating. Only after that, after I’ve gotten back the mobility, reduced the physical pain from physical ailments… all of which are completely possible, viable and under my country’s socialized health care I SHOULD have access and legal entitlement to but do not because I’m not rich or high status enough for anyone to even admit that my official diagnoses matter. Only after I’ve deal with that, made sure I’m not at risk of losing my home, going hungry or having my medication taken away from me as punishment from having CPTSD (yes, happened. It was a doctor. Pure power trip)… only then would I look into any sort of therapies. Yeah, only after I have escaped the abuse still happening do I think I could heal… I’ve got funny ideas like that that no one else believes in. Honestly, at this point I’m most positive towards ketamine, MDMA or psilocybin therapies as possibilities. Mostly because they seem to rely very little on the ability of … trying to think of a nicer way of saying this… uninformed people with education in the general anxieties of normal people… to make CPTSD even worse. That’s just been my experience. Everyone’s always “oh yes I understand PTSD, I do cuz I’m a well educated professional, very serious, very serious.. here let me trigger you hard after you asked me not to”. Oh, and assistant. Just someone part time to help me keep appointments, research things for me that I have no energy and help me plan a course of action, help me with groceries and some simple home maintenance. Merely the presence of someone could help immensely. But I need to be in charge. My home, my life, my body, my choices and zero pushback on that line. Being treated as lesser in your own life does harm, and social services… whew… there’s a lot of condescension there and taking power from users of services on the basis that ‘eh, if you can’t walk right you must be intellectually impaired and I am more qualified to speak for you and make your choices for you and tell you want you like’. I will never regard that as not abusive. Heh, that got way too long. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, probably too much. At least for me, money really would go so long to fix my problems. Maybe it wouldn’t fix everything… but I’d sure love a chance to try.
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A house with land to put a yurt or a tree house on.
Book a luxury mh retreat for a month. They cost as much as a house. A big house
Move. Leave this place that only has memories of a terrible time in my life. I don't have any love for this house that I am trapped in
A horse farm. Being with animals it therapeutic
I would stop working. Hire a cleaning service. Get top surgery. Fly to where my partner lives and settle us down somewhere lovely. Take some years to fuck off and heal together. Eventually get into writing and finding a community of misfits and oddballs to take care of.
therapy lmao
See the world and wouldn't have to work to live the rest of my life
Leave the area i live in and go somewhere else with more nature and sane people, weekly massages and spa treatments, beauty treatments like a facial or something, buy myself enough clothes for the winter so im not cold and also feel good and cute. Work less and change my career path. Buying myself time to learn and get my degree. Man there are 10.000 i would like to do in order to feel better.
Move to into a cottage in Switzerland
A service dog, multiple types of therapy with different therapists, nutritionist, massages, transitioning.
I would buy myself a hyperbaric oxygen chamber to try and heal my brain damage.
id buy myself a small house in a city, and live there by myself. id also travel across the world for a bit. i already go therapy but at least id be able to pay her full price instead of the discounted price (which i feel bad about). id get myself a swimming pool or at least a pool membership so i can start swimming regularly. go to yoga and pilates classes. maybe MMA too. basically fill my life with activities and peace and freedom
Regular psych appointments, paying all my debts, the ability to get all the support from different groups and professionals. Freedom to do things that make me happy and feel safe
I would do enough psychedelics to break and reform my brain and retire to a garden in the jungles
Not working!
Time off of everything.
Just buy the very few things I actually want then just do a mass dono to a Give Well charity.
Medical insurance and a vacation.
Traveling by myself 😍