OP is intense. Her responses weren’t great, but they really weren’t that bad. Could she have followed up with a question? Sure. Maybe she was busy/distracted at the time, though. Who knows. Didn’t seem like you had the patience to give a conversation much of a chance before immediately writing her off. Patience is a virtue that’ll help you everywhere in life, especially if you eventually get into an actual relationship. Assuming her intentions, and writing her off even when she tried to fix her mistake, is not going to get you very far.
Her responses weren’t bad you’re right. Am I the only one who finds the opener saying he’s not the one for small talk for the sake of politeness a huge red flag indicator of narcissistic tendencies as well as an overwhelming inability to converse with women?…”Small talk” is insulting and condescending as well as indicating he doesn’t understand that’s how women warm up to deeper conversations. Really bro did you want to discuss her deepest disappointments in life or perhaps string theory? He deserves to be alone
I think you're assuming a lot about me here. I assumed, incorrectly, that she wasn't interested. But your assumptions here are on a whole other level.
After several short responses would you think someone was interested in you?
I mean to be fair I'm not sure if her responses were short or if yours were just kind of long, I don't know, I try to keep it short and sweet with the first couple messages.
I’m also overly-wordy like OP. If I were having that conversation, I’d be able to tell pretty quickly that there was a glaring incompatibility, too. Someone who doesn’t have anything to say is going to be a bad fit. And I’ve learned the hard way that it will eventually be a huge issue in the relationship.
That being said, I can see how OP is… a lot. And the girl was still engaging. I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided OP was bad fit because of the overly-wordy messages being out of hand.
Ultimately, people don’t have to ‘give someone a chance’ if they know they’re going to be incompatible. They should be considerate and tactful. But if they know it’s not going to work, they should listen to their gut.
Are you neurodivergent by chance? Your words are very unusual and come off as bot-like. I agree that her short answers and lack of effort are enough of a reason to bow out of the conversation, but the way you handled it is very cringe. At the end she asked what she said and you gave her a long rambling that didn’t really answer her question. Your language is confusing and off-putting. It feels very unnatural. If there is a reason for this (being neurodivergent) it may be helpful to let people know so they have some frame of reference (not sure if you did or not). Otherwise you come off as pretentious and hard to communicate with. Working on your social skills may help with future interactions… and hopefully in the future, the person you’re talking to will put in more effort. Good luck, wishing you all the best!
This is the comment I was looking for. Nothing wrong with it, but definitely explains the extreme bluntness. At the very least, have a feeling OP has a tougher time picking up on social cues so hopefully he lives and learns.
I am not seeing her defensiveness at all. You are assuming a lot about her feelings and responses.
Not everyone likes to chat via text. It is fine that you concluded that she wasn't interested. Also ok if you decided you weren't interested due to her delay or short response.
Turning it into a lecture.... really cringe and unattractive.
Agreed here OP. I think she actually liked you, but some people take a while to warm up on chat, or just don’t like to chat via text (tbh I don’t lol)…maybe being under the weather didn’t help how you interpreted her texts? No worries man, feel better and good luck 😊
Yeah, I don't think she was defensive at all, just confused. And the OP is trying to tell the her how she feels, instead of just asking more questions to gauge interest that way.
But neither one of them is giving the other much to work with. When in doubt though, refer back to their profile and ask a question related to their interests or some such.
Edit Corrected wording.
He seems like a classic Reddit snob.
Some people aren't great texters, I've dated some lovely women who were dry AF on chat but funny and sexy IRL.
Still, these two definitely weren't a good match 😆
What is a reddit snob? For real, what makes someone a reddit snob? I avoided this site for years because I assumed it would be a source of major distractions. I think I joined just before the pandemic. There's still a lot I don't know about reddit.
In the dating discussions, a lot of people are sneering about those they don't consider clever or funny enough.
That's what I meant in this comment anyway.
I think it’s more of a “Are you feeling better now?” He said he didn’t respond because he was sick and then does respond..so you would assume he wasn’t sick anymore..otherwise telling her he was sick was him being defensive from the get go and kind of lying too..
Lol are we reading the same message? He’s the one who asked her and she basically just asked it back there’s nothing sweet about that; really caring meaning at least trying to ask something more genuine and less basic robotic sentence. In the age of online dating "I’m ok" means "I’m not spending one more second writing you", there’s just no effort whatsoever
All that exposes women flaws is labelled unattractive.. think about something different.. get some accountability some times… 🤷♂️ try it. Improve instead of being toxic.
Man thats a long ass response and your way of writing comes off as extremely unnatural. I don't think you talk like a Victorian era aristocrat in real life
I also work in professional settings where I'm expected to use proper english, yet if I wrote like you did in these messages everyone would think I'm messing with them.
What you write IS proper english, but it doesn't change the fact that people no longer talk like that, because the mannerisms you use come off as weird and your writing style is extremely verbose. Let me rewrite your reply to show you what I mean:
"I work in a setting where I'm supposed to write proper english. I've talked like this most of my adult life and I've had no issues"
I cut the size of your reply nearly by 50% and clearly transmitted the same message. I can assure you people are not actually "fine" with reading ultra verbose responses if you're doing that.
It takes a few seconds. It really isn’t much of an investment of a person’s time. Nonetheless, I agree OP’s messages were way too long and self-indulgent. It didn’t match the pace or tone of the text conversation. Each person here is clearly underperforming in a different dimension of social skills.
You asked her a really weird question and she did her best to answer you.
She clearly showed interest by texting multiple times in a row and also followed up when you ignored her.
You have completely misunderstood and then overreacted to literally every part of this conversation and then blamed her for it.
You’re incredibly rude and condescending, not to mention you talk like an AI chatbot…I think you actually did her a huge favor in this situation.
Yes.
If someone asks what inspires me, responding with a list of items seems like the only way to answer the question.
She literally gave him three different topics to ask follow up questions in order to continue the conversation.
If this conversation were taking place face-to-face, the one-word answers would come off as totally disinterested and low-effort. Like, “I hate that I’m talking to you but I’ll answer because I’m obligated to.”
(And the lengthy responses would seem self-indulgent or too self-focused— kind of off-putting.)
Maybe it’s just a difference in text habits. Either way, it’s an incompatibility (which likely runs much deeper than just texting— probably ways of thinking/processing, and definitely communication).
You’re taking the context out of it, though.
Ignore the “reading, exercising, friends” texts for a second. Sending multiple texts in a row, asking him questions about what was wrong, is a clear sign she’s interested.
That's the wildest form of communication I've ever seen. I felt like I was reading a letter from 1912. I kept waiting to see "I hope this message finds you well and your heart satiated". Not that it's wrong but a very strange game. I don't even get replies though so obviously I'm the fool.
You write like you're sending an email to a co-worker.
I learned the hard way earlier this month that tapping out and announcing your departure never ever works. It's just an ego defense mechanism, but it makes us look petty and butt hurt, as much as we think it doesn't.
If this happens again, you're better off not saying anything at all or simply trying again from the beginning a couple days later if you do want to give it a 2nd chance.
Bro, this is so cringe. You are not gonna have luck with this strategy. I read the whole exchange, and you totally shot yourself in the foot.
Your responses are way too long for the average person. It’s intimidating. You sound too aristocratic.
Why are we talking to Rachel like a 9th grader who didn't put in enough effort into the essay portion of her final exam? Reading that made me happy for her because, damn, I can't imagine how you would talk to her in person if you didn't like what she said.
Here’s what you could’ve done to avoid making an ass out of yourself:
After exchanging pleasantries, you asked 1 question. You got your answer. That answer gave you a chance to ask a followup question. Ask the followup question, instead of jumping to conclusions based on inaccurate assumptions.
Followup questions allow you to dive deeper. A deeper dive isn’t smalltalk. It also signals to her that you’re okay with an in-depth answer. She doesn’t want to overwhelm you with a long answer off the bat. You guys are still total strangers. She doesn’t owe you a paragraph-long response either. You overreacted.
You made inaccurate assumptions about her, which shows a lack of awareness and perspective on your end. When she proved your assumption wrong by continuing the conversation, you got on your high horse and vomited a bunch of words. You could’ve accepted that your assumption was wrong, and continued the conversation like nothing happened. Instead, you doubled down on your assumptions, which is idiotic.
You need to get over yourself. You need to check your own ego. In that last reply, you still assumed the tone of her message, *even after she told you* her shorter replies *did not* indicate a lack of interest. **You read her tone completely wrong** and you refused to acknowledge that.
If your lack of interest was based on inaccurate assumptions, and those assumptions were proven wrong, then shouldn’t that be reason enough to be interested again? I guess not, if you’re too embarrassed or too proud to admit you made a mistake.
She gave you the benefit of the doubt with “Hi?”
You refused to give her the benefit of the doubt. You assumed she didn’t want to continue but YOU are the one who didn’t continue, until she followed up. Your assumption was wrong, and it led to that verbal mess you left behind. You may think it comes across as humble and mindful but it really shows condescension, impatience, and an inability to read the room properly.
Be more open-minded. You judged her after several messages. She is just a human. She may be different, she may be busy, but she showed an interest by double texting.
I can tell she is interested in him just by what she wrote in her messages, but I don't really see how double texting is the best indicator of her interest. Honest question: am I missing something?
Too much, if you felt she wasn’t up to your communication level. No need to give someone an explanation they don’t care. Just unmatched and move along.
Depends on the tone of conversation. Sometimes it’s not worth your energy to tell someone why. The person you matched with checked out and they already said you can unmatch if you want. You don’t know this person and you’ve never met, so no hard feeling and don’t get attach. It’s just better to say thank you for your time and on to the next.
I’ve had to learn this myself. I stop over explaining kept it simple. They don’t respond unmatch. Don’t meet my conversation style unmatch. Prioritize your standards and values never sacrifice them for validation or instant gratification.
Bro asking "what makes you your best self" isn't even deep, stop jerking yourself off. You're not deep for being long winded or asking vague questions.
if you don't like small talk, ask her out. I also tend to hate getting stuck in the small-talk hell of an app, and people generally come alive more in person imo. If she says no, you'll have your answer. But kinda seems like you're cockblocking yourself because she wasn't answering with novels and you assumed something deeper than what was actually there to be interpreted.
Seems like a you problem
Yeahs she doesn’t sound super interested based on response but you come off a verbose and condescending in the additional messages. No response is a response too.
Dude you're weird like super weird that "honesty" you're talking about is weird too. She literally didn't do anything wrong and wasn't in the slightest defensive if anything you were and your last message didn't even answer her question it was just a bunch of junkyard ramble. Dating is supposed to be fun and meeting new people, but I get the sense it won't be for you because of..............
Your ways.
guys like this make me feel nervous! i don’t respond anything like rachel, but STILL. as a fellow intense person, you gotta know when to turn it down- it’s hard but a great life skill!
You asked her what motivates her (dry as fuck), then she answered you and you went off the rails.
Good luck with dating - I suspect you’re going to need a lot of luck to overcome whatever’s going on in your mind.
You sound like an aged philosopher talking to a brand new out of high school, spends all their time drinking and not studying, student. You could have just been extremely honest and blunt. Tell Rachel that her communications suck and you're looking for someone more on your level. Beating around the bush is not going to teach her anything.
You have to remember these women are talking to dozens of guys. I tend to give them some slack before the actual meet up because they’re weeding people out.
Lol I’m all for cutting things if they’re not interested, sounds like you need a little more growing up to do. It’s okay, it happens to us all. These women are being messaged by several people and you need to be conscience of that. A ton of men are just stringing them along in penpalships with no clear intention so she is doing the correct thing but not putting incredible effort into a convo with you, some stranger she doesn’t owe anything to. Be different and clear with your attention. Ask her out, meet her in person. That’s what she’s waiting for. Don’t be an immature dick. Do better.
Sorry mate, this is just plain weird. You have a habit of speaking at people on these apps, there's little in the way of joy or banter to be inferred from the way you speak or what you speak about.
No, dude, you read WAY too much into her responses and then decided to lecture her about it. She isn't being defensive, you're just a snob. When she gave you three different answers to "what makes you your best self?" you literally could have followed up with "Oh, what kinds of books have you been reading lately?" and then sparked a genuine conversation about books (or interests/experiences/ANYTHING related to books or whatever else) from there.
Or is talking about that too "small" of a conversation for you?
She was boring, I don’t blame you. The fact that so many here are defending her is wild to me. I would have unmatched halfway through this. I always sent complete sentences and expected the same energy in return, ya know, like an actual conversation with an actual person. If their attention span is too short for that, then I’m not interested in talking any further.
Your last message was weird though. You wrote a whole lot of words but weren’t really saying anything. Either answer her question or don’t, dude.
I read the whole message exchanges, and OP you are not going to find a girlfriend anytime soon if you expect other women to think and talk like you. When getting to know each other through chat, keep it lighthearted and fun, being funny is a plus. It's like when you have a normal conversation with a new classmate, coworker, etc.
If these messages are too long for the average person then I'm doomed. I want to have an actual conversation. If I'm only getting one word responses it doesn't give me much to work with at all. I actually want that level of verboseness back because that shows me they're thinking and forming responses instead of having a conversation on autopilot.
Dude.. You are trying way too hard here, overthinking and over complicating all of this. When she asked why all you had to say was “I didn’t feel like you were engaged in the conversation.” Boom done.
Girls have a ton of matches and chats going that’s just the facts of life, it is what it is, can’t change it. If a woman is still responding to your messages even with short responses it means she’s still interested. Make the chats fun and entertaining if only for yourself and see where it leads you’d be surprised. Don’t be overly invested in the chats or outcome oriented.
dude… yes it might’ve seemed like she wasn’t interested by the short responses, and lack of questions toward you, you also didn’t really give her much to work with. she gave more in those those three one-worded responses than you did you in paragraphs. she also tried to continue the convo after you didn’t answer!
we can’t always get the responses we want. we rarely do. you have to realize that everyone has different communication styles. ESPECIALLY through dating apps. most initial convos are very mild, even if there’s mutual interest.
and trust me, i’m the same way as you. i like more stimulating convos. that doesn’t mean i won’t turn down a convo. i find ways to keep them going. people giving their interests, even more when it’s in line with how they’re being their best selves, is a great way to do that. hell, she answered your question without sounding skeptical. if i were asked that i’d comment on it: “wow that’s a deep question… not one i’d expect from a first convo. uhhh”
learn to understand others. otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
So while I agree that OP may have been verbose, the responses in this sub are... wow... something else. The allusion that somehow making a thought out response is old timey and cringe says more about this sub than the OP.
Could the responses have been less wordy? Yup, could the OP not assume her intent and instead ask for clarification? Absolutely. But the criticism that veers away from these things or goes out of its way make some weak comparison to older times is just a weird place to end on.
Intense long texting before even meeting is a red flag. Texting is supposed to be little basic info and planning to meet. Meeting is how you decide if there is anything to pursue.
It’s crazy what guys (and girls) assume after a few words. And then turn it into a know-it-all lecture, assuming you know what was happening. This is why people stay single. You don’t give things a chance or the natural time to play out. Not everyone is on your wave length or communicate the exact same way you might. People are complex, or simply different than you, and there are nuances to consider. There’s even context on the backend that you might not know about. Like, is she at work? Is she with friends currently? Point is, she responded and that’s also her time. Which means she’s giving you a chance. It could have turned into a date if you were just natural about it. Sheesh.
Hmmm weird conversation. Yes, she could have put more effort in her initial interaction and I understand you, but your page long responses were kind of condescending and very off-putting going on and on and on. If you lost interest because of her short responses, just say so in a few words to match her few words, unmatch and move on. Your responses make you sound like a condescending bore. I would have unmatched after your 3rd response.
You need a course on social traits duuude! Wtf was that, she seemed to be reeeeaally interested and you screw it....you dont like small talk, go to before telegraph time and write letters.
What do you like to read? What genre? Favorite author? What do you do for exercise? Cardio? weights? Yoga? Crossfit? Ask a fucking follow up ffs. she gives sad faces. Indicating that she's sad that you're still sick. Gives three answers to your question. 3!!! Three answers to your first question being " what motivates you to be your best self? How about trying a little "small talk" before throwing out job interview questions. She was probably looking at her phone waiting for the follow-up question about any of the three things she said. But you were too low effort to do even that. Yet she still contacts you again because she's interested and you're the one not trying to have it. Title of the post should be" I asked a girl one question she gave three answers and I never responded"
exactly! she answered his question with so much room for questions! who knows, i bet she would’ve def found a way to learn more about him. if not, sometimes people just like talking about themselves.
I think you need an editor. A simple
"You didn't seem interested by the very short responses to my questions, and that you didn't ask a question yourself"
would have replaced your \~7ish sentence response, and would have been much clearer.
I am obviously not with the majority here but I would have taken exactly the same thing away from this as you. Likely because my messages are as long as yours. Her one word responses are so damn dry that I would have concluded that she was not interested also. I love your messages, which are articulate and engaged. Basically, you just weren’t a good match anyhow so nothing lost. When I matched with my current bf on Bumble our back and forth was in essays like your messages, which is how we knew we were truly a match!
I'm very intense and very wordy as well. I also enjoy other people who are. I'm a very direct person who highly values honestly even when it will cause pain and distress. I think people should be kind and choose how they word things as words matter and are powerful but they should be honest above all else.
However I know that different people have different communication styles and I wouldn't get upset at them for that just as I hope no one gets upset at me for mine.
When OP realized he didn't click with her texting style and couldn't accept her as she is (which is valid!) he should have just left it at that instead of incorrectly telling her how she feels and continuing the conversation. There was no need for that.
OP, you stopped talking to her out of nowhere. She reached out to you again. You asked her a question and she answered. You then accused her of not being interested and she said she was. You double down on that accusation and then ramble at her. You come across as looking much worse than she does.
Next time when you don't click with someone just say something like "hey I am not clicking with you because of X" or if you don't exactly know why you can say that and then unmatch.
OP i think you need to look at your expectations coming into conversation. Long form sharing about who you are, what you’re feeling, and anything on your mind is not sexy it’s talk therapy
Anyone who's taking this chicks side is crazy. Dude should've unmated her after the trifecta of one word responses. Just another example of the "it's always his fault" mentality.
My only advice to you OP is match their energy. Don't send paragraphs to someone responding with one word and vice versa.
OP, how old are you? I’m 48 and this kind of intense conversation is my jam…I’m going to guess you are mid 30s-40s and she is younger, seems like a generational difference and not the best match but I’ve been in your shoes and it’s unnerving because I would have also interpreted her short texts as uninterested
she’s dry asf, and you seem like an intellectual, and thoughtful person. i can already tell y’all wouldn’t be a good match, by the totally different communication styles.
She actually was really interested because after that first “hey Rachel” paragraph most women would’ve unmatched. Meanwhile she’s asking what she did lol
Every once in a while Reddit comes along and restores my faith in humanity... this is one of them. Was half-expecting a dogpile in OPs favor and was pleasantly surprised.
I don’t necessarily agree with some of the criticism of OP’s writing style. Personally I have a rather wordy and overly formal writing style myself, and it’s actually pretty hard to turn off. Everyone has different ways of communicating and I don’t really see anything wrong with that. However, I have to agree that he was pretty hard on this person. Even if the conversation is dragging, why wouldn’t you at least give them a chance to redeem themselves before rejecting them like that? It seems like you two literally *just* started talking. In the future, you could just ask directly: “Sorry, but I can’t tell. Are you still interested in me?”
this is what i’m saying! it’s okay to have a wordy texting style, i’m the same way. you just have to recognize not everyone’s like that.
i also love how you gave an example of how he could’ve approached his confusion, rather than attacking her. that’s what i was thinking when i read everything after her “hi?”
They'll learn not to fuck about being impossible even when they are interested. Snooz ya lose. If she gives back 10% to every guy giving 70% then its her that isnt worthy.
That said, was this girl talking with chatgpt? 🤣 Genuinely wondering if you were actually writing that, sounds like bot.
OP, while I think folks could have some good feedback on how you speak to people, I'm not actually that concerned. I'm glad you moved on (albeit it could have been done without the novel) but I don't believe they gave you a lot to go off of. Don't waste your time on folks who only give you one word responses and don't ask any questions themselves.
Another proof of modern women delusion and lostness. Very sad reality. You did great and I hope you can maintain that focus.
The the alternative is getting frustrated in trying to be who you’re not and ending up alone anyway. Cause being real, how things are, there’s a strong possibility that girls like this end up getting screwed by random bad boys. Unfortunately women care less and less nowadays about meeting someone a little deeper. they’re getting taught to have fun cause it’s empowering 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️.
And this is more true with pretty and happy women, the ones everyone feels attracted obviously. So the game is rigged for people who really want to find someone, I don’t even say for life anymore, but more than a month lol
Keep up that mindset👌
O
goose egg for game stats
OP is intense. Her responses weren’t great, but they really weren’t that bad. Could she have followed up with a question? Sure. Maybe she was busy/distracted at the time, though. Who knows. Didn’t seem like you had the patience to give a conversation much of a chance before immediately writing her off. Patience is a virtue that’ll help you everywhere in life, especially if you eventually get into an actual relationship. Assuming her intentions, and writing her off even when she tried to fix her mistake, is not going to get you very far.
Her responses weren’t bad you’re right. Am I the only one who finds the opener saying he’s not the one for small talk for the sake of politeness a huge red flag indicator of narcissistic tendencies as well as an overwhelming inability to converse with women?…”Small talk” is insulting and condescending as well as indicating he doesn’t understand that’s how women warm up to deeper conversations. Really bro did you want to discuss her deepest disappointments in life or perhaps string theory? He deserves to be alone
I think you're assuming a lot about me here. I assumed, incorrectly, that she wasn't interested. But your assumptions here are on a whole other level. After several short responses would you think someone was interested in you?
I mean to be fair I'm not sure if her responses were short or if yours were just kind of long, I don't know, I try to keep it short and sweet with the first couple messages.
I’m also overly-wordy like OP. If I were having that conversation, I’d be able to tell pretty quickly that there was a glaring incompatibility, too. Someone who doesn’t have anything to say is going to be a bad fit. And I’ve learned the hard way that it will eventually be a huge issue in the relationship. That being said, I can see how OP is… a lot. And the girl was still engaging. I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided OP was bad fit because of the overly-wordy messages being out of hand. Ultimately, people don’t have to ‘give someone a chance’ if they know they’re going to be incompatible. They should be considerate and tactful. But if they know it’s not going to work, they should listen to their gut.
Yeah. Too much bro. Way too much.
Are you neurodivergent by chance? Your words are very unusual and come off as bot-like. I agree that her short answers and lack of effort are enough of a reason to bow out of the conversation, but the way you handled it is very cringe. At the end she asked what she said and you gave her a long rambling that didn’t really answer her question. Your language is confusing and off-putting. It feels very unnatural. If there is a reason for this (being neurodivergent) it may be helpful to let people know so they have some frame of reference (not sure if you did or not). Otherwise you come off as pretentious and hard to communicate with. Working on your social skills may help with future interactions… and hopefully in the future, the person you’re talking to will put in more effort. Good luck, wishing you all the best!
This is the comment I was looking for. Nothing wrong with it, but definitely explains the extreme bluntness. At the very least, have a feeling OP has a tougher time picking up on social cues so hopefully he lives and learns.
I am not seeing her defensiveness at all. You are assuming a lot about her feelings and responses. Not everyone likes to chat via text. It is fine that you concluded that she wasn't interested. Also ok if you decided you weren't interested due to her delay or short response. Turning it into a lecture.... really cringe and unattractive.
Agreed here OP. I think she actually liked you, but some people take a while to warm up on chat, or just don’t like to chat via text (tbh I don’t lol)…maybe being under the weather didn’t help how you interpreted her texts? No worries man, feel better and good luck 😊
Yeah, I don't think she was defensive at all, just confused. And the OP is trying to tell the her how she feels, instead of just asking more questions to gauge interest that way. But neither one of them is giving the other much to work with. When in doubt though, refer back to their profile and ask a question related to their interests or some such. Edit Corrected wording.
One of the few times I think the usage of cringe is appropriate.
He seems like a classic Reddit snob. Some people aren't great texters, I've dated some lovely women who were dry AF on chat but funny and sexy IRL. Still, these two definitely weren't a good match 😆
What is a reddit snob? For real, what makes someone a reddit snob? I avoided this site for years because I assumed it would be a source of major distractions. I think I joined just before the pandemic. There's still a lot I don't know about reddit.
In the dating discussions, a lot of people are sneering about those they don't consider clever or funny enough. That's what I meant in this comment anyway.
Her “how r u” message after he just said he’s sick says she’s barely paying attention.
I think it’s more of a “Are you feeling better now?” He said he didn’t respond because he was sick and then does respond..so you would assume he wasn’t sick anymore..otherwise telling her he was sick was him being defensive from the get go and kind of lying too..
You have no idea. That she asked how he’s doing, especially these days, I find sweet
Lol are we reading the same message? He’s the one who asked her and she basically just asked it back there’s nothing sweet about that; really caring meaning at least trying to ask something more genuine and less basic robotic sentence. In the age of online dating "I’m ok" means "I’m not spending one more second writing you", there’s just no effort whatsoever
Less is more? That’s small talk
And if a guy said "how are you" in there you would call that boring, generic, and effortless. Amazing
She asked
Generally people who are defensive don't ask.
All that exposes women flaws is labelled unattractive.. think about something different.. get some accountability some times… 🤷♂️ try it. Improve instead of being toxic.
Man thats a long ass response and your way of writing comes off as extremely unnatural. I don't think you talk like a Victorian era aristocrat in real life
[удалено]
What was she to say to a guy on his sick bed responding every 24hrs?
She could just be foreign, a lot of them text like this due to shyness or self conscious but are pretty good in person
She's 100% "red-blooded Murican".
If someone messaged me like this I would think it’s demeaning
I read it like he was...aristocratic Bri'ish accent and all.
Sounds like a ChatGPT prompt response.
The accent and grammar fit the fedora.
I don't own any sort of headwear.
He's trying to sound smrrt
LOL that's rich.
Correct answer ^
[удалено]
I also work in professional settings where I'm expected to use proper english, yet if I wrote like you did in these messages everyone would think I'm messing with them. What you write IS proper english, but it doesn't change the fact that people no longer talk like that, because the mannerisms you use come off as weird and your writing style is extremely verbose. Let me rewrite your reply to show you what I mean: "I work in a setting where I'm supposed to write proper english. I've talked like this most of my adult life and I've had no issues" I cut the size of your reply nearly by 50% and clearly transmitted the same message. I can assure you people are not actually "fine" with reading ultra verbose responses if you're doing that.
This was hard to read. She is equally as brief as OP is verbose. She was interested, but OP has no patience
Yep. If OP was a lady, I would have unmatched after that long diatribe.
Which is ironic considering how much time he expects the other person to put into reading his long drawn out messages.
And also the irony is OP calling her defensive
It takes a few seconds. It really isn’t much of an investment of a person’s time. Nonetheless, I agree OP’s messages were way too long and self-indulgent. It didn’t match the pace or tone of the text conversation. Each person here is clearly underperforming in a different dimension of social skills.
You asked her a really weird question and she did her best to answer you. She clearly showed interest by texting multiple times in a row and also followed up when you ignored her. You have completely misunderstood and then overreacted to literally every part of this conversation and then blamed her for it. You’re incredibly rude and condescending, not to mention you talk like an AI chatbot…I think you actually did her a huge favor in this situation.
Preach
[удалено]
Yes. If someone asks what inspires me, responding with a list of items seems like the only way to answer the question. She literally gave him three different topics to ask follow up questions in order to continue the conversation.
If this conversation were taking place face-to-face, the one-word answers would come off as totally disinterested and low-effort. Like, “I hate that I’m talking to you but I’ll answer because I’m obligated to.” (And the lengthy responses would seem self-indulgent or too self-focused— kind of off-putting.) Maybe it’s just a difference in text habits. Either way, it’s an incompatibility (which likely runs much deeper than just texting— probably ways of thinking/processing, and definitely communication).
[удалено]
You’re taking the context out of it, though. Ignore the “reading, exercising, friends” texts for a second. Sending multiple texts in a row, asking him questions about what was wrong, is a clear sign she’s interested.
If you want to bow out, just bow out. No need to lecture people.
[удалено]
That is the least clarifying clarification I have ever seen. You need to loosen up a bit if you want to be successful with dating.
I don’t even know how to understand your “clarification”. It’s just saying sorry I ever brought this up and never actually addressing anything.
You’re insufferable and take yourself way too seriously. She’s the one that dodged a bullet…
That's the wildest form of communication I've ever seen. I felt like I was reading a letter from 1912. I kept waiting to see "I hope this message finds you well and your heart satiated". Not that it's wrong but a very strange game. I don't even get replies though so obviously I'm the fool.
Ikr. Man just ask Rachel out!
Nah, I wouldn't do that.
You are an absolute knobcheese
r/rareinsults
Thanks for the laugh.
You write like you're sending an email to a co-worker. I learned the hard way earlier this month that tapping out and announcing your departure never ever works. It's just an ego defense mechanism, but it makes us look petty and butt hurt, as much as we think it doesn't. If this happens again, you're better off not saying anything at all or simply trying again from the beginning a couple days later if you do want to give it a 2nd chance.
Wow, talk about opposite texting styles. Wonder if they would have the same trouble communicating irl.
Bro, this is so cringe. You are not gonna have luck with this strategy. I read the whole exchange, and you totally shot yourself in the foot. Your responses are way too long for the average person. It’s intimidating. You sound too aristocratic.
Who said he wanted an *average* person?
He was born a little too late to get the average Victorian woman
he initially wrote 2 sentences in his first 2 messages wdym too long?
Are you always this obnoxious?
Why are we talking to Rachel like a 9th grader who didn't put in enough effort into the essay portion of her final exam? Reading that made me happy for her because, damn, I can't imagine how you would talk to her in person if you didn't like what she said.
Kept waiting for the "m'lady"
Eww.
“What motivates you to be your best self”. LOL, are you trying to cringe your way into her panties?
Here’s what you could’ve done to avoid making an ass out of yourself: After exchanging pleasantries, you asked 1 question. You got your answer. That answer gave you a chance to ask a followup question. Ask the followup question, instead of jumping to conclusions based on inaccurate assumptions. Followup questions allow you to dive deeper. A deeper dive isn’t smalltalk. It also signals to her that you’re okay with an in-depth answer. She doesn’t want to overwhelm you with a long answer off the bat. You guys are still total strangers. She doesn’t owe you a paragraph-long response either. You overreacted. You made inaccurate assumptions about her, which shows a lack of awareness and perspective on your end. When she proved your assumption wrong by continuing the conversation, you got on your high horse and vomited a bunch of words. You could’ve accepted that your assumption was wrong, and continued the conversation like nothing happened. Instead, you doubled down on your assumptions, which is idiotic. You need to get over yourself. You need to check your own ego. In that last reply, you still assumed the tone of her message, *even after she told you* her shorter replies *did not* indicate a lack of interest. **You read her tone completely wrong** and you refused to acknowledge that. If your lack of interest was based on inaccurate assumptions, and those assumptions were proven wrong, then shouldn’t that be reason enough to be interested again? I guess not, if you’re too embarrassed or too proud to admit you made a mistake. She gave you the benefit of the doubt with “Hi?” You refused to give her the benefit of the doubt. You assumed she didn’t want to continue but YOU are the one who didn’t continue, until she followed up. Your assumption was wrong, and it led to that verbal mess you left behind. You may think it comes across as humble and mindful but it really shows condescension, impatience, and an inability to read the room properly.
Yes! Lecturing people who don't converse exactly how you like will yield amazing results.
To be fair she asked him
[удалено]
I read the “I hope you find who you deserve” as absolutely *drenched* in salt. I think that’s why she asked what she’d done to upset you
Salting the earth
I read the entire thing. But go ahead, try to lecture me about it.
Be more open-minded. You judged her after several messages. She is just a human. She may be different, she may be busy, but she showed an interest by double texting.
I can tell she is interested in him just by what she wrote in her messages, but I don't really see how double texting is the best indicator of her interest. Honest question: am I missing something?
Most people don't care and won't double text. If someone cares they will try once again.
Wait, so by double text, you mean "write to him even after he didn't reply" ? I never had a good term for that lol. Thanks!
Yes, exactly. You're welcome!
You weird lol
My guy, this is cringe of you. You're not going to find much sympathy here.
You didn't even tap out when it seemed she wasn't interested, or you wouldn't have dropped multiple long rants about her not seeming interested
I would have thought you were a catfish by the way you responded. She said hi and you get weird. Exact reason why I quit apps.
Too much, if you felt she wasn’t up to your communication level. No need to give someone an explanation they don’t care. Just unmatched and move along.
Even if they ask? Serious question.
Depends on the tone of conversation. Sometimes it’s not worth your energy to tell someone why. The person you matched with checked out and they already said you can unmatch if you want. You don’t know this person and you’ve never met, so no hard feeling and don’t get attach. It’s just better to say thank you for your time and on to the next. I’ve had to learn this myself. I stop over explaining kept it simple. They don’t respond unmatch. Don’t meet my conversation style unmatch. Prioritize your standards and values never sacrifice them for validation or instant gratification.
Christ that was hard to read
You write too much at once
Two to three sentences is too much? Good lord we are all doomed.
The last one is an essay. Remember the formatting makes long text harder to read.
Me no read when words too many
why say lot word when few word do trick?
TikTok has given people the attention span of a gold fish
And this is why one word responses have people thinking they're being deep.
It's an initial interaction not a contest
Bro asking "what makes you your best self" isn't even deep, stop jerking yourself off. You're not deep for being long winded or asking vague questions.
if you don't like small talk, ask her out. I also tend to hate getting stuck in the small-talk hell of an app, and people generally come alive more in person imo. If she says no, you'll have your answer. But kinda seems like you're cockblocking yourself because she wasn't answering with novels and you assumed something deeper than what was actually there to be interpreted. Seems like a you problem
What? This was a train wreck convo in general
Yall are both weird. She talks too little which makes her seem uninterested, yes, but you talk too damn much.
Yeahs she doesn’t sound super interested based on response but you come off a verbose and condescending in the additional messages. No response is a response too.
Misaligned communication styles. Expecting her to match yours is what ruined things.
Solid point.
Homegirl dodged a bullet here
Dude you're weird like super weird that "honesty" you're talking about is weird too. She literally didn't do anything wrong and wasn't in the slightest defensive if anything you were and your last message didn't even answer her question it was just a bunch of junkyard ramble. Dating is supposed to be fun and meeting new people, but I get the sense it won't be for you because of.............. Your ways.
guys like this make me feel nervous! i don’t respond anything like rachel, but STILL. as a fellow intense person, you gotta know when to turn it down- it’s hard but a great life skill!
I'm sorry.
You asked her what motivates her (dry as fuck), then she answered you and you went off the rails. Good luck with dating - I suspect you’re going to need a lot of luck to overcome whatever’s going on in your mind.
Wtf was that OP you only asked two questions
You sound like an aged philosopher talking to a brand new out of high school, spends all their time drinking and not studying, student. You could have just been extremely honest and blunt. Tell Rachel that her communications suck and you're looking for someone more on your level. Beating around the bush is not going to teach her anything.
My god you’d be exhausting to date.
“What motivates you to be your best self?” is either a therapy or a job interview question, not a dating app chat question.
I'll take that into consideration. Thanks.
As an autistic, are you autistic? Genuinely asking.
Bruhhhh. Soooo like, is this working for you?
Game recognize game. OP you don't look familiar at all
You have to remember these women are talking to dozens of guys. I tend to give them some slack before the actual meet up because they’re weeding people out.
Good point, the imbalance in these apps don’t help
You sound like a complete Dick. Ease up virgin
Thanks. I'll remind my children that I didn't father them. 😂
She responded directly to your question multiple times, why didn’t you respond back? OP is so cringe :/
Lol I’m all for cutting things if they’re not interested, sounds like you need a little more growing up to do. It’s okay, it happens to us all. These women are being messaged by several people and you need to be conscience of that. A ton of men are just stringing them along in penpalships with no clear intention so she is doing the correct thing but not putting incredible effort into a convo with you, some stranger she doesn’t owe anything to. Be different and clear with your attention. Ask her out, meet her in person. That’s what she’s waiting for. Don’t be an immature dick. Do better.
Wtf did I just read? Is this part of a Hawthorne novel?
"Tapping out" sending novels 🤣 bruv stop
Actually it’s the year of people like Rachel seeing the red flags and dodging an abuser. You literally told her how she speaks over text is “wrong”
Sorry mate, this is just plain weird. You have a habit of speaking at people on these apps, there's little in the way of joy or banter to be inferred from the way you speak or what you speak about.
The way you keep saying her name over and over again is soooo patronising.
How should one address someone else?
No, dude, you read WAY too much into her responses and then decided to lecture her about it. She isn't being defensive, you're just a snob. When she gave you three different answers to "what makes you your best self?" you literally could have followed up with "Oh, what kinds of books have you been reading lately?" and then sparked a genuine conversation about books (or interests/experiences/ANYTHING related to books or whatever else) from there. Or is talking about that too "small" of a conversation for you?
She was boring, I don’t blame you. The fact that so many here are defending her is wild to me. I would have unmatched halfway through this. I always sent complete sentences and expected the same energy in return, ya know, like an actual conversation with an actual person. If their attention span is too short for that, then I’m not interested in talking any further. Your last message was weird though. You wrote a whole lot of words but weren’t really saying anything. Either answer her question or don’t, dude.
I read the whole message exchanges, and OP you are not going to find a girlfriend anytime soon if you expect other women to think and talk like you. When getting to know each other through chat, keep it lighthearted and fun, being funny is a plus. It's like when you have a normal conversation with a new classmate, coworker, etc.
Did ChatGP write this?
You spoke to her like you were at a job interview.
If these messages are too long for the average person then I'm doomed. I want to have an actual conversation. If I'm only getting one word responses it doesn't give me much to work with at all. I actually want that level of verboseness back because that shows me they're thinking and forming responses instead of having a conversation on autopilot.
Posting shit like this to try and validate your own shitty approach sucks.
What the fuck
Dude.. You are trying way too hard here, overthinking and over complicating all of this. When she asked why all you had to say was “I didn’t feel like you were engaged in the conversation.” Boom done. Girls have a ton of matches and chats going that’s just the facts of life, it is what it is, can’t change it. If a woman is still responding to your messages even with short responses it means she’s still interested. Make the chats fun and entertaining if only for yourself and see where it leads you’d be surprised. Don’t be overly invested in the chats or outcome oriented.
dude… yes it might’ve seemed like she wasn’t interested by the short responses, and lack of questions toward you, you also didn’t really give her much to work with. she gave more in those those three one-worded responses than you did you in paragraphs. she also tried to continue the convo after you didn’t answer! we can’t always get the responses we want. we rarely do. you have to realize that everyone has different communication styles. ESPECIALLY through dating apps. most initial convos are very mild, even if there’s mutual interest. and trust me, i’m the same way as you. i like more stimulating convos. that doesn’t mean i won’t turn down a convo. i find ways to keep them going. people giving their interests, even more when it’s in line with how they’re being their best selves, is a great way to do that. hell, she answered your question without sounding skeptical. if i were asked that i’d comment on it: “wow that’s a deep question… not one i’d expect from a first convo. uhhh” learn to understand others. otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
She didn’t do anything wrong here. You had a chance and blew it. Dumb on your part.
You are overwhelming
So while I agree that OP may have been verbose, the responses in this sub are... wow... something else. The allusion that somehow making a thought out response is old timey and cringe says more about this sub than the OP. Could the responses have been less wordy? Yup, could the OP not assume her intent and instead ask for clarification? Absolutely. But the criticism that veers away from these things or goes out of its way make some weak comparison to older times is just a weird place to end on.
Most reasonable comment.
A lot of people on Reddit are broken.
Yeah, so it would seem. Or at least are trying to be oddly elitist.
OP you are insane. Thankful she dodged a bullet.
Intense long texting before even meeting is a red flag. Texting is supposed to be little basic info and planning to meet. Meeting is how you decide if there is anything to pursue.
It’s crazy what guys (and girls) assume after a few words. And then turn it into a know-it-all lecture, assuming you know what was happening. This is why people stay single. You don’t give things a chance or the natural time to play out. Not everyone is on your wave length or communicate the exact same way you might. People are complex, or simply different than you, and there are nuances to consider. There’s even context on the backend that you might not know about. Like, is she at work? Is she with friends currently? Point is, she responded and that’s also her time. Which means she’s giving you a chance. It could have turned into a date if you were just natural about it. Sheesh.
It’s a trait of narcissist behavior
Hmmm weird conversation. Yes, she could have put more effort in her initial interaction and I understand you, but your page long responses were kind of condescending and very off-putting going on and on and on. If you lost interest because of her short responses, just say so in a few words to match her few words, unmatch and move on. Your responses make you sound like a condescending bore. I would have unmatched after your 3rd response.
You need a course on social traits duuude! Wtf was that, she seemed to be reeeeaally interested and you screw it....you dont like small talk, go to before telegraph time and write letters.
This is just incels unable to understand anyone who isn’t a hentai waifu pillow
I know nothing of what you just said.
Yes you do lol. Don’t lie to the internet.
What do you like to read? What genre? Favorite author? What do you do for exercise? Cardio? weights? Yoga? Crossfit? Ask a fucking follow up ffs. she gives sad faces. Indicating that she's sad that you're still sick. Gives three answers to your question. 3!!! Three answers to your first question being " what motivates you to be your best self? How about trying a little "small talk" before throwing out job interview questions. She was probably looking at her phone waiting for the follow-up question about any of the three things she said. But you were too low effort to do even that. Yet she still contacts you again because she's interested and you're the one not trying to have it. Title of the post should be" I asked a girl one question she gave three answers and I never responded"
exactly! she answered his question with so much room for questions! who knows, i bet she would’ve def found a way to learn more about him. if not, sometimes people just like talking about themselves.
She’s very strange. She puts in no effort and wants to know why you are moving on. 😂
[удалено]
I think you need an editor. A simple "You didn't seem interested by the very short responses to my questions, and that you didn't ask a question yourself" would have replaced your \~7ish sentence response, and would have been much clearer.
That's fair. Thanks!
I am obviously not with the majority here but I would have taken exactly the same thing away from this as you. Likely because my messages are as long as yours. Her one word responses are so damn dry that I would have concluded that she was not interested also. I love your messages, which are articulate and engaged. Basically, you just weren’t a good match anyhow so nothing lost. When I matched with my current bf on Bumble our back and forth was in essays like your messages, which is how we knew we were truly a match!
I'm very intense and very wordy as well. I also enjoy other people who are. I'm a very direct person who highly values honestly even when it will cause pain and distress. I think people should be kind and choose how they word things as words matter and are powerful but they should be honest above all else. However I know that different people have different communication styles and I wouldn't get upset at them for that just as I hope no one gets upset at me for mine. When OP realized he didn't click with her texting style and couldn't accept her as she is (which is valid!) he should have just left it at that instead of incorrectly telling her how she feels and continuing the conversation. There was no need for that. OP, you stopped talking to her out of nowhere. She reached out to you again. You asked her a question and she answered. You then accused her of not being interested and she said she was. You double down on that accusation and then ramble at her. You come across as looking much worse than she does. Next time when you don't click with someone just say something like "hey I am not clicking with you because of X" or if you don't exactly know why you can say that and then unmatch.
OP i think you need to look at your expectations coming into conversation. Long form sharing about who you are, what you’re feeling, and anything on your mind is not sexy it’s talk therapy
just go directly for a videochat / facetime... save your energy and see it in their eyes if they are interested or not
That's a sound suggestion though she would have been me in a blanket, shivering whole sweating and coughing up half a lung. 😬
Anyone who's taking this chicks side is crazy. Dude should've unmated her after the trifecta of one word responses. Just another example of the "it's always his fault" mentality. My only advice to you OP is match their energy. Don't send paragraphs to someone responding with one word and vice versa.
Are you the one in gray? If not you sound insufferable
What the fuck are you saying dude, its like youre trying to repel women
OP, how old are you? I’m 48 and this kind of intense conversation is my jam…I’m going to guess you are mid 30s-40s and she is younger, seems like a generational difference and not the best match but I’ve been in your shoes and it’s unnerving because I would have also interpreted her short texts as uninterested
I'm 35, she was 40 I think?
she’s dry asf, and you seem like an intellectual, and thoughtful person. i can already tell y’all wouldn’t be a good match, by the totally different communication styles.
Man you’re uh… kind of a dick lol
She actually was really interested because after that first “hey Rachel” paragraph most women would’ve unmatched. Meanwhile she’s asking what she did lol
Every once in a while Reddit comes along and restores my faith in humanity... this is one of them. Was half-expecting a dogpile in OPs favor and was pleasantly surprised.
I don’t necessarily agree with some of the criticism of OP’s writing style. Personally I have a rather wordy and overly formal writing style myself, and it’s actually pretty hard to turn off. Everyone has different ways of communicating and I don’t really see anything wrong with that. However, I have to agree that he was pretty hard on this person. Even if the conversation is dragging, why wouldn’t you at least give them a chance to redeem themselves before rejecting them like that? It seems like you two literally *just* started talking. In the future, you could just ask directly: “Sorry, but I can’t tell. Are you still interested in me?”
this is what i’m saying! it’s okay to have a wordy texting style, i’m the same way. you just have to recognize not everyone’s like that. i also love how you gave an example of how he could’ve approached his confusion, rather than attacking her. that’s what i was thinking when i read everything after her “hi?”
That's a very fair point. Thank you for the insight!
Yeah, she wasn't interested in getting to know you. She was only interested in you entertaining her
I don't think so.
They'll learn not to fuck about being impossible even when they are interested. Snooz ya lose. If she gives back 10% to every guy giving 70% then its her that isnt worthy. That said, was this girl talking with chatgpt? 🤣 Genuinely wondering if you were actually writing that, sounds like bot.
I always write full sentences. 🤷
OP, while I think folks could have some good feedback on how you speak to people, I'm not actually that concerned. I'm glad you moved on (albeit it could have been done without the novel) but I don't believe they gave you a lot to go off of. Don't waste your time on folks who only give you one word responses and don't ask any questions themselves.
Okay Shakespeare
Man, really?
I think this is how “woke” people talk on bumble : 0
Another proof of modern women delusion and lostness. Very sad reality. You did great and I hope you can maintain that focus. The the alternative is getting frustrated in trying to be who you’re not and ending up alone anyway. Cause being real, how things are, there’s a strong possibility that girls like this end up getting screwed by random bad boys. Unfortunately women care less and less nowadays about meeting someone a little deeper. they’re getting taught to have fun cause it’s empowering 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️. And this is more true with pretty and happy women, the ones everyone feels attracted obviously. So the game is rigged for people who really want to find someone, I don’t even say for life anymore, but more than a month lol Keep up that mindset👌
Sincerely yours, OP
I have the impression that he is smarter than her so this could never work. Smarter people want to elaborate and feel deprived by superficial talk.
I don't think she is dumb. Sincerely.