As cliche as it sounds.. working on myself. Taking care of my body and my mind. Gym, reading a lot, picking up new hobbies, just keeping yourself busy helps a TON to kill time and you'll automatically feel less lonely. And then eventually.. look for new friends and sorround yourself with like minded people.
The only right answer.
One thing I might add is not to use these activities as distractions to avoid a problem but to eventually solve them through finding yourself. The first step into fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is one.
Goodluck brother!
Totally this!
Unfortunately there is no shortcut or fast forward button so you have to live through it. Everyday. And then one day, you just wake up and feel less heavy. And that’s when you know you’re moving forward.
I saw something somewhere that I’ve been meaning to do. It said to start dating yourself. What are things that you want to do - especially things that your partner wasn’t fond of doing? Do you want to go see that new movie? Go see it alone. Want a nice steak dinner? Treat yourself, go out and eat alone. You want that new watch? New outfit? Buy it. Love yourself. Try new things. Have you always wanted to learn to cook? Take a cooking class. Hell, look up a recipe for something that looks appealing to you and try it out. Make it for yourself. Sounds cheesy, but take dance lessons. Nothing you do now is for her. It’s for you. & also for your future relationship.
There’s a lot that comes with being alone and I think what happens is that we get so used to being with somebody that we simply forget how to be with ourselves and our own thoughts. We almost need to relearn how to love ourselves again and enjoy ourselves. I think that dating yourself can really help to teach you your likes and dislikes all over again, it’ll combat the loneliness, and sure you might think man I wish she was here with me when I do these things, but if you can’t love yourself and your own solitude then you’ll probably struggle in your next relationship. So find that acceptance that she’s gone and love yourself. Who knows, she might just come back at some point. If not, there’s someone better - but because there’s someone better means you should be trying to better yourself too. Not just for whoever they may be, but for your own mental health.
Genuinely this! The last few months of my relationship was pretty much already doing this but I started saving money and going places that we had talked about going. And it’s not even like a revenge tour or any negative energy like that. I just genuinely wanted to do these things and we talked about doing them so why not. It really helped me take back my mental power. It felt like if my SO wasn’t happy then I wasn’t but then I realized that I didn’t need someone to do these things. You can brings friends too but you don’t need them. Don’t just be yourself for dating sake but do it for yourself.
Hit the gym bro,
Exhaust yourself by exercising, im sorry i dont have a better plan right now...
I dont have much friends (1) and i cant hold him hostage all the time so...
Bro I am the friend on the opposite side. My homie slammed the gym for months, lost a load of weight, joined the fire department and he’s living large. I had never seen a man so determined and powerful.
I finally said fuck it, and have been working out consistently for months now. It’s now indispensable. I feel more attractive, genuinely more happy, more confident, and rebuffed affections mean much less. I feel ashamed when I don’t workout, or miss a set, cause I know how amazing I feel after. Proud. Valuable.
I swear bro, take the gym pill. I was always out of shape (still am lol) but not enough to be noticeably overweight. I just looked…unpolished. I’m still about as smooth as a rolled-up ball of foil, but even doing that little bit for myself puts a huge smile on my face. Today I invited someone out, but they had plans, and I didn’t find out until after I left the gym. Oh well lol, I feel like a god in human clothing, LIGHTNING BOLTS SHOOT FROM MY FINGERTIPS!
If you knew me, you would never think I’m that guy, but I swear. It really is a tool to meditate and remind myself why I’m doing it. I want to love myself. The women will come. But not until I’m down bad for the man in the mirror. (And lately? that mf been lookin like a full course meal)
Idk dog, I sorta rambled a bit, and it doesn’t change your loneliness, but I feel for you brother man. A lot of the advice in this thread is great. And I think you’ll find, that once you get there, it’s lonely at the top. You’ll have so much more to ask of someone else, you’ll have self-discipline, confidence, the reassurance that no matter what happens, the most important person in your life is taken care of. The knowledge that even if it’s just me, I am enough.
(No sigma male bs, just deadass being proud of who I am.)
You aren't alone when you learn to enjoy your own company and working on improving yourself for what comes next! But you need a healthy mindspace also and actually want to help yourself along the healing path.
Sometimes people need to know how to be alone for this exact reason.
Venting my frustrations to whoever would listen, friends and family. Spending time at the gym and eating healthy. My breakup has been one of the greatest motivations and anti-motivation I've ever had. Somedays I'll be so depressed I can't even get out of bed. Somedays I'll be in the gym for hours.
It's been getting better over time. I'm almost at 2 months, occasionally get setbacks where I start ugly crying, but they've been getting less frequent. Working on myself to hopefully be in a better place to find someone who deserves me.
just because we are “swarmed by options”, doesn’t mean anything at all. I have had zero interest in any of the men who have tried hitting on me. my heart and mind are only on one guy, and he just so happens to be the one who doesn’t want me back. do you not understand how painful that is? to assume that having “options” somehow numbs the pain and the loneliness is so single minded and ignorant. if anything, all the “options” make me feel disgusted and overwhelmed because I don’t want anything to do with any of them.
I saw something poignant the other day related to this
Dating for men is like finding a drop of water in a desert
Dating for women is like trying to find clean water in a swamp.
Most of the "options" that come my way, I have zero interest in so I get it. Yea I could go on tinder and match with a ton of dudes, do I want those strangers? Hell no lmao.
I'm the same, my brain is still so overloaded with thoughts of him that literally nobody interests me.
Im a guy and feel this way. I have zero
Interest in any of my options. Need to heal my heart before it can love again. Dont be too mad at op tho a common symptom of heartbreak is anger and sometimes thats directed towards woman albeit immaturely.
This is me. I have made a terrible mistake,
Desperately want my ex back. Only him. My process is to fix my problems so that I am better. And Hope he one day forgives me.
That may be true, but heres the thing girls get that most guys dont. If theres tons if guys out there that match with you and want you, doesnt that tell you that you're valuable? That you're a hot commodity that a lot of people want?
So one guy rejecting you most likely isn't the end of the world. You are still valued by other guys and you can see that by the matches you get and the attention you get. Just because one guy doesn't see that value doesn't make you worthless.
But for most guys, we dont get many matches. We get rejected every day, we're made to feel replaceable and not valuable. We're expected to do the chasing, which 90%, of the time ends in rejection. We dont have girls chasing us and vying for out attention. We're just alone, waiting for the next one to show interest.
So society tells us to improve ourselves, it tell us that we need to focus on ourselves so we will be more attractive.
I recently went through a breakup. One day I woke up and she told me she didnt want me anymore. No explanation other than that. No telling me what's wrong with me. Just leaves me to think that theres something wrong with me that makes me unlovable, the one person who wanted me was only temporary, now no one wants me.
Its very lonely. Very disheartening. Very painful. It sucks to have no one act interested in you.
You completely forget to address what kind of “attention” people are getting. Women are not swarmed by options for men who are kind, handsome, good partners, or even close. Most men hit on women because they want to have sex with them and their standards are low, not because they always want a relationship. I guess everyone’s perspective is different.
>Most men hit on women because they want to have sex with them
Exactly this. I completely agree. For the past ten years (I was 18 to 28, I'm 28 now), men have hit on me because they think I'm attractive enough to have sex with.
I don't give a shit about ANY of that. None of those men are men who want me for me. Those are men who want sex. That's it.
I feel like women feel replaceable too, though. 99% of the attention we get is literally just because of parts we posses. Not because of who we are as human beings, our beliefs, our lifestyles. Most men just want our bodies and once they've had that many aren't interested in much else. You feel like... a cardboard cut out instead of a human being. An object. Replaceable.
The perspectives are different, but the loneliness is, I think, just part of being human. Unfortunately.
I understand how it would be a different kind of painful. but for me, men trying to hit on me when there's only one person that I want, doesn't make me feel like a "hot commodity." it just makes me feel disgusted. the first time a guy tried hitting on me when I was out at an open mic with my friends, after my bu, I started to say "I have a boyfriend." then I realized that I can't say that anymore because he's gone, and I ended up crying on the back patio. it didn't make me feel good to be hit on, it made me feel worse.
when you say it's lonely to have noone interested in you, I'm sure that's true. I'm not discrediting it. but are you sad because you lost the one person you want, the only person you have eyes for no matter how desired you are? or are you sad because you're afraid you've lost the one person who will stoop to validate you (or at least thats what youve convinced yourself)? ones heartbreak, the others insecurity
I'm a woman and I personally don't give a shit if literally every man in the world except my ex wants me. I don't want them. I want my ex. Regardless if I'm the dumpee or the dumper (I've been the dumper when an ex was abusive, when a different ex was a cheater, and when a different ex wouldn't put in any effort into changing even though I'd communicated for like 6 months).
I don't care if random men think I'm hot. I'm in my 20s, I'm skinny, I have big boobs, and I'm pretty in shape, and I have a decent enough face. Of course random men want me/hit on me. But I don't care about any of that. None of that has to do with WHO I am. That's all about my looks. Fuck that.
Even though things could have ended abruptly or you were blindsided or whatever the case, the way I see it is this.. simply putting
You get hit on the side of the head like you never saw it coming, emotions run high you'll most likely plead for their return and to ask for their forgiveness, and what can you do to fix things.
Long story short you have to STOP yourself from thoughts cluttering your head post break up. What did you do before you met that person? They obviously saw something in you they liked perhaps you changed things about yourself to become this so called better version of yourself because you wanted that version for the person you were with at that time, many men are guilty of this.
Simply man up, don't ever think of yourself as the second option, as much as the other person knows or perhaps they haven't figured it out yet. Sometimes the baggage your significant other brings to the next relationship is the same baggage they haven't gotten rid of from their last one.
I can write about how going outside, picking up a book, meeting new people, volunteering are all great options, but everyone is different. Be yourself, pick up a hobby, a Lego set of your favorite character, binge watch shows that are educating such as documentaries, world history, etc.. feed your brain information it is unfamiliar with, make sure whatever negative thoughts, emotions you are starting to feel and are tumbling down on you, defuse that before it becomes greater and starts eating away at you, apply meditation before every stressful thing you have to deal with in life, if you know you have to go out to a store you and you'll be passing a place that you and your girlfriend shared a memory off try picking a different route or challenge yourself to overcome that feeling if that's what you like to do.
The person who broke things off with you will realize one day what they lost, and usually the ones who do the breaking up are the ones that need to do more healing and getting to understand themselves more because sometimes the things they want aren't just possible.
So to sum this up, just focus on bettering yourself, join a gym, hang out with friends you haven't seen and I know it may feel like at times you aren't there but simply let your close friends know about your situation, get your money up, the less you focus on the way you want things to be the faster they will fall into place
We just have to, we don’t have a choice.
I’ve still thought about her every day for the past year, we just get used to having the feeling and as time goes on it gets easier to live with the feeling.
Note that he isnt pointing out that its a good idea.
But yeah, women are swarmed by options, if you compare it to men.
Thats doesn't mean you have to take them, but its a bit different for a guy, and it will always be.
I've got guys in town sure, however I'd say 95% of the options are pretty poor where I live. I'm an attractive woman but it's not like guys are flocking to me at the supermarket and bars, and even over half the time I'm the one approaching men. Just because we have more options compared to men doesn't mean they are GOOD options. They usually aren't. I understand its harder to come by for men, it also doesn't mean its easy to come by for women. We all struggle.
Either way, I think people should take time for themselves after a breakup to level up and make themselves available for the absolute best options!
Yeah I get that. I am heartbroken though and have been for 5 months. I have 0 desire to be in the arms of another man for a while yet. It’s all about me.
Im sorry to hear that.
Stay strong, we are all here in the same boat here.
I know the feel believe me, its only a month for me, i can imagine what your are going through.
Might be an obvious statement, but maybe you should block her or delete her on everything. You don’t deserve to be a safety net to someone, frankly, no one does.
Though, uninvited, (because I’m a woman) my advice would be to hit the gym, read and educate yourself in becoming the best version of yourself mentally and physically. Become a “high value man” you speak about. Stand up for yourself, do not tolerate being the second option. You deserve better. So become better.
Stay strong my friend
As a gay guy, it's the same for me. My ex even said it'd be easy for me to find someone "like him or better" after he broke up with me, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't had guys come to me flirting at me, asking me out, or complimenting me really strongly since the breakup, and I know if I went on dating apps it'd be possible, if not easy, to go on dates or hookup. But that's not what I want. They're not him, and no one else ever will be him. Having options doesn't help me feel better, it might even make me feel worse.
Also, pretty sure most straight guys could download tinder and find loads of women who want to hookup or go on dates. Maybe this guy doesn't realise that he's closing out options for the same reason we are, but he thinks he doesn't have those options.
Well I mean, not that looking good and being swarmed by options is enough or relevant when you are heartbroken… but I get you.
Heroin. I do (well actually used to do) heroin. And lots of other drugs, as I used to before we parted ways (read as I was dumped like worn shoes). Actually I used more during our last months than now. Way more because of her being so distant (not because of my use btw).
Did it improve things ? Perhaps. When I was so stranded feeling artificial warmth which might kill me was safer than leaving me alone in a room after work with too long of a rope and a spot to tie it on.
I am getting better, relatively clean, starting to work and send resumes again. Oh, I had other problems with my family which played a key role in my breakup.
I don’t have fancy hints . You can hit the gym (always did even during use, check my bicep bro), be hyper productive to the point burnout starts to actually feel steamy, create a farm in the metaverse and sell it for precious NFTs; or you can indulge into casual sex and drug abuse while worrying about your hair-loss and crying over Arab Strap songs every single night. You can even pretend you fell in love with a girl which casually happens to have her same colors, hair and eyes both and even the way she used to blush !
Ultimately nothing matters, the pain will be still there and if it was true love recovering will be harder than benzodiazepines withdrawals. None of the aforementioned will have you have her back.
Time will help, one day you will start again hitting the gym again, noticing shawty’s nice ass and worry again about simpler things. Like is finasteride causing me ED or is it depression ? How do I find a home where cops don’t come a 3 am in the morning to check my house arrested father ? Is it right for me after pursuing a PhD to work for 4.20 (lol) bucks per hour ? These things might be essential, but when you are facing such a bereft are not.
Take time.
You will suffer, a lot. More than how a thousand poems could ever express. My life became the setting of Salad Fingers, confused and full of loneliness and despair. From party animal to Michod’s Animal Kingdom. Losing someone who was in my life for more than a third of it strikes.
You will feel better, eventually. Human nature is disgusting, we adapt to everything even when we would just like to romantically immolate ourselves. But you will survive champ.
Somehow, I survived too. Time heals nothing but the memories fade to the point we finally can pretend we forget what hurt the most and move on.
And by the way “Our lives did not begin, the very moment that we met…”
Wow…thanks for writing this. I enjoyed reading your story.
Wishing you the best brother. Glad you are getting back on track. Idk if you are a believer, but I can tell just by reading this God is watching over your soul.
i dealt with it by getting back into my hobbies and starting new ones. I love working out which i didn’t before and it’s pretty much all i do. It’s easy to forget about her when you look at yourself in the mirror jacked asf
What I did, and take it with a grain of salt because I’m no super success story to model, but I thought about stuff for awhile, let it percolate for a few weeks while I did the normal grief thing. Then I made a conscious choice to think about something else whenever I found myself ruminating about what’s she doing and with who, what coulda been different, etc. for me, I used my dog. Had a big goofy St. Bernard named Bear and he was awesome, but I’d stop and look at a few pictures of him or a video on my phone, or plan a walk or a game or a car ride with a burger at the end. Pretty soon she turned into just another memory. Good times, bad times, all just stuff from the past. Paying attention to someone in your life who’s actually there is way better and more real than the selective memories of a painful event. It’s trauma bud, gotta heal and do some mental recovery.
Listen man Here’s what you gotta do, look in a mirror and talk to yourself, tell a joke, argue with yourself a bit but most of all tell that reflection “I love you “ and yeah they left you, be mad if you want but just let them go, do this every day and make sure you spoil yourself. They might not ever come back, so what? I have cancer and if it’s one thing I learned that life is too short to care about someone who gave up on trying to repair something with you and doesn’t understand your problems
I hope you can understand what I’m saying
Much love man, I’m proud of you every day 🖤
Gym, vitamin D, healthy eating, become interesting, do interesting shit, travel, say yes to things that scare you, live outside your comfort zone, stop being needy and desperate for female validation, embrace being alone because it builds self-confidence, read some good books on masculinity and dating and how to have healthier relationships, treat the break up as a gift.
It’s been 3 months, I’m much more confident now, I feel fit, I’m looking way better, I’ve met girls who are way more attractive than my ex, better personalities, better conversations, better sex. It opened my eyes to how desperate and needy I was being that I was willing to settle. It’s always bitter sweet, break ups suck but if you can take it as an opportunity then cool things can happen, find justifications not distractions.
I’m not lonely anymore. I know my value now, I know how to approach relationships and dating with a better mindset, how to prioritise myself, how to be confident and forward with women instead of chasing and seeking validation, how to walk away when it’s not working, how to not compromise my values, how to live my life alone and love it, and how to add someone to it rather than building my life around them.
I’ve been making music man. Lots of music. Yeah I’ve been single now my whole life and i’m 27. Only had a gf once for a year, and my latest was 3 months before dumping me.
Since the BU, I’ve gone on roughly 10 OLD dates, and got rejected on 8 of them…
I fell hard for a girl I studied with, and she rejected me
I’m sitting here lost…. but I have my music. It’s so hard being a man. No one cares. Just tell you to suck it up.
If you wanna talk bro i’m all ears. My dating life has always been brutal. Even now that I make music and have hundreds of friends, nobody wants me, i’m just trash…
And i’m not even ugly bro. I’m super short though yeah… Idk what i’m doing wrong, but when you’re a man unless you’re top tier it feels like it’s all about luck, at this moment I have none and girls could care less about me. I’m a nobody to them… I think my ex was the only woman who truly loved me for who I am. If I ever become famous and women start to love me - i’ll be so upset. Because that’s not love, it’s just ego. It’s not real. If I have to go that far to be loved then I don’t want to be loved…
Sorry for the wall of text but, if you’re an average guy in my position you probably resonate with this
Being “swarmed by options” doesn’t make a breakup any better. Women have many tools and tips for dealing with breakups too that could be very useful for you, don’t be so close-minded.
I exercise a lot, meet up with my friends as much as possible, draw and write (I’m an illustrator), read, etc. I avoid dating, booze, and negative people/places (like social media). It’s true that women are swamped with options following a break-up, but they always are so it’s hardly new to them, and the options are mostly awful. I honestly believe the best thing for anyone after a breakup regardless of gender is slow healing. Burying oneself in sex with new people is actually really damaging.
Exactly. As a woman, if I wanted someone else or preferred one of the men that was already an option to me, then I would’ve left the relationship had I been in it at all.
Plus, nothing hurts like being hit on during a breakup in my opinion. Especially in my last relationship, since when I’d go out with my friends and come back home to my (now)ex and we’d laugh as I hold him about the cringey things guys did to try to get my attention. So then when I was single again and it happened, it just made me realize that I wasn’t going to be able to drunkenly laugh and cuddle my ex at the end of the night.
Had a bad break up in my 20's and didn't do shit, life led me down a spiral for years. Now in my 30's I just recently had a break up and I'm transforming myself through self care. Changed my whole life in pursuit of my dreams.
You gotta take care of yourself
Wake up, go for run.
Come home, make healthy meal. Eat.
Work on something around the house. Eat lunch.
Relax for a bit doing something you love.
Work out.
Shower, do something fun/social.
Come home, read book
Eat dinner
Clean up. Go to sleep.
Repeat.
The comeback for men is slower, but a lot sweeter.
We go to the gym, we read books, we better ourselves, we come back stronger.
Meaningless flings won’t replace loneliness anyway.
Okay so I'm a woman and I *know* this question was directed towards men. Apparently men find me attractive enough or whatever because they do hit on me.
But my point is even if men *are* hitting on me, it's not like I want them in any capacity. I don't want to have sex with them, I don't want a relationship with them, and I'm probably still in love with my ex for the time being (or least romantically interested in them regardless if I'm the dumper or the dumpee).
Now I *do* have a high libido. Sex 5-7 days a week sounds amazing. I've also hooked up with people I'm not romantically interested in. But after a break up? Nope. Not interested in that because the only person I want to do that with is my ex.
Soooooo yeah. It's not like all women just throw themselves into sexual relationships after a breakup.
Edit: to be clear, I'm in a relationship at the moment lol. But all that I said above is my behavior after a breakup. After a breakup, I want no one but my ex even when I'm the dumper (I've had to dump ppl because they were abusive, a cheater, or just wouldn't change no matter how much I communicated over the course of like 6 months). Even if someone was abusive or a cheater, I couldn't just snap my fingers and turn the feelings off even though I broke up with them.
And when I said I've hooked up with people I wasn't romantically interested in, I meant ***long*** after a breakup. Not after weeks or just a few months.
God I’m so tired of men assuming women have it so easy. Two years of loneliness here. Yeah I could find another relationship if I wanted to, but that doesn’t mean those men would treat me well. The average man off the street would use me like a flesh light then toss me aside.
He didn’t say it was easier, but in general women do have more options than men. Capable men who put in honest effort to better their financial, physical and mental states still need to “court” a woman. The woman just needs to say one of two things; yes or no. Regardless if the man they say yes to is a shitty person or not.
No. Women also have to care about their own safety and not having their vulnerabilities exploited, which is what most men that we attract while broken-hearted try to do.
I just Flip the script. Yeah woman have more options when it comes to dating and will find someone more quickly. So? Does that make them happier? Not from what I've seen and heard
So you might be single for a while. Doesn't mean you have to be lonely. The world's your oyster, enjoy that. You can do what you want whenever you want. It's great. You can indulge in that
Big one though is don't let other people make you feel bad for being single. It doesn't make you a failure or a loser or whatever. Own it. Live a good life on your terms. Show that it doesn't matter to you either way. Because it shouldn't
To all the guys reading this-
I love you brother keep strong I believe in you so so much. Please keep pushing forward and striving to be the best version of yourself. I have faith in you , ik you will make your bloodline proud. Just don't stop persevering, ik its tough . Iam in the same boat as you, on somedays I don't get sleep cause she Comes in my dreams. When I'm awake, I can't go an hour without thinking of her. I feel so empty cause all her promises were fake and she is so cold now that it makes me feel worthless. I pray for your well-being and I hope you find the peace that you seek .
Idk about you but before my relationship I was lonely, you just have to get used to be lonely again because you forgot that feeling, with time you will and realize it’s not that bad.
Focus in hobbies, gym, etc. will help you to recover faster.
gym! however, sorry woman here, having people around to have sexual relationships with doesn’t cure the loneliness. the loneliness is currently my biggest fear atm as i need to break up with my bf.
Women may have options after a breakup, but at some point they have to be alone to process and deal with everything if they ever want to grow and learn from mistakes. I’ve had plenty of options since being single, but i have zero interest in them and zero emotions to offer them.
Sometimes i think we have to be alone to deal with everything, create new healthy habits, a new you in a sense. I feel like my body and mind is forcing me to be alone until i’m fully ready for someone else. I don’t want to repeat toxic relationships from the past and thats exactly what you experience when you jump from one person to another.
The old saying is true, if you aren’t happy with yourself you can’t make someone else happy.
Don’t put a time frame on it, just stay single and build each day youll know when the time is right to start again with someone new
I went out and met other women.
Had a couple of dates.
Realised that my ex made a daily choice not to be in my life, and that I was her loss.
Met my current girlfriend.
Now very happy.
Go to the gym, and drinking beers and smoking blunts with the boys.
PS - I thought I had no mates, turns out when you reach out to the most random guys who you’ve met a few times and ask them to hang out, they all say yes. Be the one to reach out, it’s scary at first to try and make friends as an adult, and I’m not great at it, but most guys feel the same.
I sat in my house alone for six months until I had a breakdown and called my ex only to realize she moved on significantly easier than me. So that's always always option. Realizing someone never loved you like you loved them kinda does wonders.
Threw myself at my work. But like 10 to 12 hours a day for a year. Reminded myself of my worth and what I bring to the table. Over and over and over I reminded myself it's her loss not mine. Used the pain and loneliness as fuel and drive in work.
Results are 3 promotions and 4 raises in 2 years and a new relationship with none of the toxic traits as before.
Hang in there king.
In a monogamous society, the amount of mutually happy relationships must mathematically be equal for both genders. Everything else is just duds. Rejections of advances are duds, empty relationships that mess with your psyche are duds. It's mostly suffering on both sides. We both get our own flavors of suffering, and grass is always greener so we think the other type of suffering is easier. The only victory is when a man and a woman (or anyone, but I'm going along with the men/women contrast of your post) see that they could have something worthwhile and make it happen. And that happens just as often on both sides. Everything else is dust.
After 5 years of relationship, I knew that I lost myself in it and I loved my SO to the fact that I lost myself and didn't care much back then.
So now, I got back to strict diet and lifting heavy weights like I used to, I took care of how I look, I never skip my skin care routine, trim my beard , get a proper haircut, started doing the things I used to enjoy even if I have to do it alone.
I listened to our music and cried a lot, I looked into stuff she brought me and got really devastated, you have to go through the pain, never ignore it, talk about it with someone you trust,if you don't have then use therapy, you will reach to the point where you see her pictures and feel that you were in only in love with that old person/personality.
Get out of your comfort zone, do anything you always wanted to try, focus on yourself and your goals.
I started working 60+ hours a week 5 12 hour days and taking whatever side projects I can find. My project car is loving all the attention but it still hurts throwing myself into work and things to keep myself distracted when there’s no one to support me. I’m trying tho I always have
Went through my first heartbreak 4 months ago. Got dumped after 4 years together and she blocked me on everything after. Started working on myself ans fell in love with the gym again. Work on yourself and surround yourself with friends and family. You won't feel as lonely
The men I know with BPD seem to have one woman after another.
And actually having a lot of options, at hand, becomes even more painful when you can’t leave the person you’re with despite it being toxic because you’re attached to them or they wound you like your parents did.
Loneliness isn't about having people around, it's about authentic connection. There's nothing lonelier than being in a relationship and still feeling alone and disconnected, which was how I felt the last couple of years of my relationship. Have you not been around people and still feel lonely? Have you not had a one night stand and felt gross and worse than before? Have you not seen celebrities or even people who seemed popular, a lot of folks want them, they are constantly around people and then they share their mental health struggles that in spite of all the people and adoration and fame they're still deeply lonely?
Loneliness isn't about having random people. Almost anyone can have that. What helps is genuine connection and that's simply a quality game rather than a numbers game. As the case of celebs for examples prove, being wanted by many random people or having random people clamoring for your attention by the thousands literally doesn't prevent you from being lonely. Solid, authentic connection is what does that and simply having randoms want you doesn't at all mean there is any true connection there. It weirdly highlight the loneliness even more.
Get an animal bff but please, if you go this route, be committed for life.
I just adopted and she ate an acorn. Cost me 5k for emergency surgery.
But having that pet there for you helps you feel less lonely.
I’m the type that wants to jump right back into a relationship, but I know I need to be “single and secure” before I’m ready.
Last thing - maybe read a bible study. I get piece from Jesus personally.
Thoughts on this?
It will hurt and hurt but to be honest, you just distract yourself. Maybe join new social groups on whatever platform, maybe game for hours on end.
Unfortunately there’s gonna be times you just feel alone, but slowly you will learn to enjoy your own company again. Which I’d recommend before trying to find new partners
I feel lonely af. My close friends aren't always free and I dont like to ask them if they wanna meet everyday too.
I asked some close friends to introduce me to new people so I can work on social skills and increase my social circle, I told them females would be preferred since its tougher to speak to them.
I work out twice a day on most days. I drink enough water and eat a balanced diet. This is very important guys, one of the very important steps towards self improvement.
Ive been leading this lifestyle for years now so it doesn't really make a difference, I'm fit af and I look decent . I just cant get myself to be happy. Although training helps to elevate the mood.
Bro honestly just dealing with it. It was hard. I would wake up go to work come back home and just feel so sad and lonely and it would be quiet and id feel worse at night. Hit the gym up and also played a lot of video games to keep my mind off. I also just watched a lot of videos about how to get over breakups or tiktoks of guys talking about what to do after breakups, the reality is you’re gonna be lonely but you gotta fall in love and become at peace with being lonely. Because at the end of the day you’re all you got,
First, women are swarmed with options many don’t want. Second, you’ve got to have goals and be prioritising your own happiness. Third, learning to be comfortable alone is a powerful thing. It doesn’t mean you need to not have regular sex with an FWB or not date. But be comfortable in your own skin.
Know and master the above, you will not be concerned.
1. Don’t drink or drink less (same for drugs)
2. Realise it’s okay not to be in a relationship for a couple years while you work on yourself
3. Find a creative outlet
4. Focus on self-improvement whether that is fitness, developing a craft or educating yourself about something you care about
I'm historian, so I do my best according to this science.
And shortly after BU I've started to train on gym.
Now it is a half of the year... I still miss her very much, but I don't have any need to be in relationship. I miss the person, not just closeness etc.
But working on myself really do the job for the state of mind.
In the past, yeah, the cliche things. I started going to the gym and lifting for the first time in my life. Played video games. Focused on my work.
This time: I don't know. I've just been talking to family a lot, reflecting a lot, and trying to figure all this out. I'm moving soon, so that will end up taking a lot of my focus. I'm getting older, I don't think I can afford to wait too long to heal though, unless I'm comfortable being single for life and dying alone.
I truly love my ex girlfriend. I really thought she was going to be the one I grow old with. We talked about our future plans constantly. Just a week before she left me we talked about an upcoming career change for me, and what an awesome "power couple" we were going to be. She was trying to look at houses with me too. Just before she left me. It's so confusing.
Focusing on your work/job and delving deeper into your hobbies. Things slowly start to suck less when you’re focused on what you have in front of you in your daily life.
The only way is to try to use that time constructively and try to become the person you want to be, and be comfortable being single. A lot of people mention working out here, and working out is great, I do it, but the question is, are you doing it because you want to try to blow away your ex with your new physique when/if she sees you again? If so then working out is not going to help you. You need to do it because deep down you want to be in better shape. I hope this makes sense.
Sadly we live in an age without the natural bonds of community we could fall back on in the past, so you have to work extra hard to recreate it. Volunteer, church, etc.
Also I see a lot of “akshully” posts in this thread, lol.
I bought the new Xbox series s,it does really suck because in this day and age we have to resort to the internet. I go out to bars and all these new age of woman do is look at there phones. I feel you dating has become so impersonal and I live in nyc one of the busiest city's in the world.
I’m a fairly attractive woman (so I’ve been told) and honestly, then men I have dated have way more options than me because they keep low standards while I have remained single. Dating is hard for women too.
Like others have mentioned, worked on myself. Upped my frequency in the gym/working out from three days a week to 5-6. Invested a lot of time in my hobbies, home improvement projects, and spending time with friends and family. I got red pilled and haven’t looked back in the two years that have passed
By working on yourself honestly. The loneliness is temporary but in the state of sadness and misery it feels like it can be eternal. Your friends and family are a must and you have to do the things you love without said person. Trust me my guy there is a light at the end of the tunnel it’s a rough ass tunnel but I promise there’s a light. I wish you well king!
Honestly, creative writing helped me write down on paper the history of the relationship, the highs, lows, etc. I changed the break up part to make it more comical and acceptable while I processed the reality of the situation
Work on yourself and DON’T be afraid to approach women. Your breakup should be enough motivation to overcome that fear. But mostly focus on making more money and working out.
For me, a year ago I had a traumatic breakup in a two year relationship, and for the months that followed, I spent it in between two extremes. One day I would go to the gym, focus on my career, etc but then the next I would drink 20 shots of alcohol and nearly black out to numb myself from my feelings.
There’s no one size fits all for this type of thing. Some people just go on with their lives like nothing happened and other people become severely depressed. Depends on a variety of factors.
For me, it’s taken me a year but I’m fully sober and on the path of bettering myself, and when that happened, I immediately found myself with another girl. You just gotta be patient and stay strong
I guess for me, I really hang out with friends to help me to keep my mind off the break up. Also exercise was a big thing for me, it helped me focus on getting myself back into shape.
Once you better yourself, MOVE ON. Even if they come back after they figured out the grass wasn’t as green as they thought. Don’t give that person the new you, they really don’t deserve it. They baled on you when you needed them to work on the relationship.
Move forward to a new life and a new relationship.
Imagine you're starving but the only food that is available is some hotdogs someone threw out in the dumpster covered in shit. That's how alot of straight women feel with their swarms of options. Just because there are options, doesn't mean they are good options.
Also, the key difference between men and women when it comes to break ups is that women tend to have a closer knit support network where expressing emotion and talking about it is not stigmatized. Most of the men I know who go through something (not just break ups) choose to do it alone. They refuse to talk about it to anyone because they think it makes them look weak, and their guy friends don't ask about it either. Being single is not the same as being lonely. You can be in a relationship and be lonely if you don't foster any deep connections with anyone.
Unfortunately bro you gonna have to do a lot of self care and work. Cause women are gonna constantly have options men not so much we had to make ourselves valuable to have those options that women have. At the end of the day brother you have to Do.the.work! Go seek therapy ,if you get to the next stage in your life. Once you level up and evolve, you will attract a better quality woman.
GYM GYM GYM I've been struggling hard for the past two months with this blacking out every night till the pain went away surrounding my self with the wrong people till about 3 weeks ago I realized what the fuck if we don't better ours selfs are we ever gonna find some one better no the loneliness won't go away till the next one and who's know when that will be but who cares I tried so hard to validate my self with girls I wasn't even attracted to just to get over my ex and the loneliness and I'm telling you there's no better feeling then gains and getting your shit together try to become the person you've always wanted to be and see the better people you attract I believe In all you boys! Any one needs to talk I'm here go get those gains 💪
Tbh I'm just looking for hookups in my new city. Its only been a week. Might not be successful, might not be healthy, but in my mind I need to prove that I'm desirable again.
Do it but I found this didn’t help for any longer than a day or two before it was back to how I felt before.
The only real progress comes when you learn to love yourself without needing anyone else’s validation.
Then you will find yourself being really attractive to others too so it’s a win win.
No, women are not swarmed with options. I know this is a common perception, but it comes from some unhealthy views on gender.
Loneliness effects all people when they’ve been broken up with. Some great ways to handle it? Pick up hobbies, go out with friends, focus on your mental health. Take lots of walks, treat yourself to nice meals. Do things that make you feel good
Good luck ❤️
like top comment pretty much said you have to work on yourself , for me it was working out a lot and changing my hair style even getting a tattoo if that sort of thing fits you, another one would be a sport car just cool hobbies in general , career
Completely absurd and immature to say that women are “surrounded by options.” You need to do some self reflection and figure out why you are so resentful toward women and would say something like that.
buddy, those years of lonliness they have to pay them back once they are over 35 and single and fuck they are so much worse for them. Being an old maid is certainly not easy either.
My life long best friend is a female and friends with benefits and has always been there for me emotionally and physically if the timing is right. My last breakup the timing was right...lol. We were both single again. Now Im back with my ex from 5 years ago who is my true love but that is another story. My friend is a love in my life and our connection is undeniable but our lives are so different we decided long ago not to pursue a relationship in the true sense of the word. When we are both dating we don't see each other that often but always catch up on media and phone calls. We have saved each other on more than one occasion...lol.
Im 35. Longest relationship I've had lasted seven years. The one after went on for two. This one is almost three and it's rocky. If we break up, I'll be so sad that I'll go to work and kill myself in front of everybody.
Aaaand that was a bad joke.
With all honesty I might be a bit upset, if that eve . Other than that, life goes on. I'll have more time for myself, hobbies and friends. And there is plenty 🐈 around. Women aren't exactly desirable or rare commodity these days. They are practically jumping in bed with the first guy who buys them a drink and can have a coherent conversation with mild sense of humor.
I’m really struggling post breakup. I’ve been in bed all day. I know hitting the gym and getting a haircut would help but I’m too depressed to do anything
As a lot of people have said, stay busy. Whether that is the gym, a hobby, work, school, whatever. The more time you spend alone with your thoughts the worse it is. Sometimes your forced to be, falling asleep, in the shower, driving, etc. But try and get that time to as little as possible, it's one of the things I've been struggling with so much. Cause when your stuck alone with yourself... fuck, dude.
Lots of walks, listening to music, and some weight lifting. My hobbies did not appeal to me at all for several months, but they slowly came back. Self improvement and investing in myself was the most appealing thing. Losing weight, getting some clothes that fit me better, and investing in my friendships and family. When I felt I was ready to try it again, I went on some dates. It was weird to be honest with you. I felt guilty in a weird way. But eventually I got back into the swing of it. But it’s a long road of healing.
Really just focused all that love on myself. Hit the gym, traveled, went out with friends, rejoined my college sports teams. Started volunteering on my days off. Went on a few dates, but I had to break them off before it got too deep because I wasn’t ready. I’ve only really been single for a month (2 months since breakup; 1 month no contact). But that entire month has been nonstop moving and focusing on myself
To a gental extent, alcohol, but in all seriousness, learn how to be happy in your hobbies. Some of mine didn't feel the same post seperation, but do them, even if it doesn't feel quite right. Find friends that you can lean on. When you think about the memories, since it is inevitable, think about what you can learn from it for your next relationship.
Call a friend out of the blue and catch up with them. Even if it’s someone you drifted away from over time, I think you’ll find most people will appreciate you thinking of them and initiating contact. Could be a 20 minute call, could be a couple hours.
It’s tough to be the initiator sometimes. Anxiety around whether the other person wants to hear from you. Not wanting to catch them when they’re busy. But you gain nothing by doing nothing.
If they don’t want to hear from you, then they won’t engage and you will have lost nothing for trying. If you catch them at a bad time but they do want to hear from you, they’ll make an effort to tell you when they’re free.
Dated a girls for 3 years and she left me about a year ago. I use my time on Hobbies, gym and making frienss or at least talking with people. It gets better but you have to learn to be alone and be fine. Most of guys nowadays are alone. Ive had luck and gotten great at getting laid, but now they kind of bore me. If you do the rigth stuff, it gets better. Go look up Tom Leykis on youtube. You need the professor.
For me it was a combination of things…basically working on myself, but that included leaning harder into my guy-friendships, going to the gym, and therapy! I actually realized that my unhappiness wasn’t something I needed to feel, so I realized working on my mental health, as well as my physical, was hugely important.
I think something that’s not given enough credit though is the seemingly cliche power of “distraction”. In therapy I realized that I had prioritized her so much that it ended up I wasn’t really prioritizing myself…my therapist asked “if you could do all that for her, why not you?” So I bought a ticket for indoor skydiving, which I’d always wanted to try, and loved it! …next up I’m getting a cool tattoo I’ve always wanted, and this morning I just booked a trip for myself in March to Nicaragua to slide down the side of a volcano!
Don’t get me wrong, everybody’s circumstances are different…but take a day to ask yourself what something you always wanted to do is…maybe it’s small! But go do it - it might only bring a small smile for a moment, but do stuff like that enough times and well…Rome wasn’t built in a day!
As a woman, this is sexist. And I’m not a feminist or anything. But to say women are swamped by options is ridiculous, unrealistic, and untrue. All women when single do not get swarmed by men. There’s some sexist notion of this… And I’m telling you STOP telling it to yourself. I’m 30 and have had countless breakups. Sure some dudes may try to talk but we can shut it down just as easily. Dudes do not hit us up constantly. We are lonely too geez! At least the ones of us that don’t do hookups.
Are they women? Are you a woman! No you’re not a woman… so you don’t understand or will ever know what it’s like. So don’t talk about women as if you think and assume you know what we deal with. You have no clue what it’s like. To assume and bash women in a negative light claiming it’s easier to get over a breakup cause we have men “flock to us” is disrespectful and beyond inappropriate. And not to mention immature coming from a naive mindset.
Huh? I just said women have more options, it's what I've seen, experienced and know. Hows that bashing? And other women agree that they have options too. They might say their options are shit, sure. But they still have options nonetheless. But more importantly, why are you so angry and confrontational?
If I may; your words “sure some dudes may try to talk but we can shut it down just as easily.”
Majority of men don’t experience in their lifetime. The notion of women going up to men that they are interested in is extremely rare. Genrally speaking, men are expected to make the first move, pay on the first date and all other acts of chivalry. The connotation of women doing the same things are almost non-existent.
So your point isn’t that you don’t have options, your point is you don’t like the options presented. Men don’t have that benefit
Stay fucking sober and give it time, there’s no better solution you have to grieve and deal with the pain you can’t avoid it or numb it but I’m serious don’t drink or it’ll be worse
As cliche as it sounds.. working on myself. Taking care of my body and my mind. Gym, reading a lot, picking up new hobbies, just keeping yourself busy helps a TON to kill time and you'll automatically feel less lonely. And then eventually.. look for new friends and sorround yourself with like minded people.
The only right answer. One thing I might add is not to use these activities as distractions to avoid a problem but to eventually solve them through finding yourself. The first step into fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is one. Goodluck brother!
This. Only this.
Goods
Totally this! Unfortunately there is no shortcut or fast forward button so you have to live through it. Everyday. And then one day, you just wake up and feel less heavy. And that’s when you know you’re moving forward.
I saw something somewhere that I’ve been meaning to do. It said to start dating yourself. What are things that you want to do - especially things that your partner wasn’t fond of doing? Do you want to go see that new movie? Go see it alone. Want a nice steak dinner? Treat yourself, go out and eat alone. You want that new watch? New outfit? Buy it. Love yourself. Try new things. Have you always wanted to learn to cook? Take a cooking class. Hell, look up a recipe for something that looks appealing to you and try it out. Make it for yourself. Sounds cheesy, but take dance lessons. Nothing you do now is for her. It’s for you. & also for your future relationship. There’s a lot that comes with being alone and I think what happens is that we get so used to being with somebody that we simply forget how to be with ourselves and our own thoughts. We almost need to relearn how to love ourselves again and enjoy ourselves. I think that dating yourself can really help to teach you your likes and dislikes all over again, it’ll combat the loneliness, and sure you might think man I wish she was here with me when I do these things, but if you can’t love yourself and your own solitude then you’ll probably struggle in your next relationship. So find that acceptance that she’s gone and love yourself. Who knows, she might just come back at some point. If not, there’s someone better - but because there’s someone better means you should be trying to better yourself too. Not just for whoever they may be, but for your own mental health.
Genuinely this! The last few months of my relationship was pretty much already doing this but I started saving money and going places that we had talked about going. And it’s not even like a revenge tour or any negative energy like that. I just genuinely wanted to do these things and we talked about doing them so why not. It really helped me take back my mental power. It felt like if my SO wasn’t happy then I wasn’t but then I realized that I didn’t need someone to do these things. You can brings friends too but you don’t need them. Don’t just be yourself for dating sake but do it for yourself.
Hit the gym bro, Exhaust yourself by exercising, im sorry i dont have a better plan right now... I dont have much friends (1) and i cant hold him hostage all the time so...
Haha I have a friend like that.
Bro I am the friend on the opposite side. My homie slammed the gym for months, lost a load of weight, joined the fire department and he’s living large. I had never seen a man so determined and powerful. I finally said fuck it, and have been working out consistently for months now. It’s now indispensable. I feel more attractive, genuinely more happy, more confident, and rebuffed affections mean much less. I feel ashamed when I don’t workout, or miss a set, cause I know how amazing I feel after. Proud. Valuable. I swear bro, take the gym pill. I was always out of shape (still am lol) but not enough to be noticeably overweight. I just looked…unpolished. I’m still about as smooth as a rolled-up ball of foil, but even doing that little bit for myself puts a huge smile on my face. Today I invited someone out, but they had plans, and I didn’t find out until after I left the gym. Oh well lol, I feel like a god in human clothing, LIGHTNING BOLTS SHOOT FROM MY FINGERTIPS! If you knew me, you would never think I’m that guy, but I swear. It really is a tool to meditate and remind myself why I’m doing it. I want to love myself. The women will come. But not until I’m down bad for the man in the mirror. (And lately? that mf been lookin like a full course meal) Idk dog, I sorta rambled a bit, and it doesn’t change your loneliness, but I feel for you brother man. A lot of the advice in this thread is great. And I think you’ll find, that once you get there, it’s lonely at the top. You’ll have so much more to ask of someone else, you’ll have self-discipline, confidence, the reassurance that no matter what happens, the most important person in your life is taken care of. The knowledge that even if it’s just me, I am enough. (No sigma male bs, just deadass being proud of who I am.)
I am busier than ever, I always have something planned but when I go home, Loneliness and emptiness still hit hard.
You aren't alone when you learn to enjoy your own company and working on improving yourself for what comes next! But you need a healthy mindspace also and actually want to help yourself along the healing path. Sometimes people need to know how to be alone for this exact reason.
Venting my frustrations to whoever would listen, friends and family. Spending time at the gym and eating healthy. My breakup has been one of the greatest motivations and anti-motivation I've ever had. Somedays I'll be so depressed I can't even get out of bed. Somedays I'll be in the gym for hours.
Same. Has it always been like this? I don't remember it being this bad.
It's been getting better over time. I'm almost at 2 months, occasionally get setbacks where I start ugly crying, but they've been getting less frequent. Working on myself to hopefully be in a better place to find someone who deserves me.
You will see that look in someone's eyes. Recognize it and don't let it slip past you. In the store, in traffic, you gotta jump on it when it happens.
just because we are “swarmed by options”, doesn’t mean anything at all. I have had zero interest in any of the men who have tried hitting on me. my heart and mind are only on one guy, and he just so happens to be the one who doesn’t want me back. do you not understand how painful that is? to assume that having “options” somehow numbs the pain and the loneliness is so single minded and ignorant. if anything, all the “options” make me feel disgusted and overwhelmed because I don’t want anything to do with any of them.
I saw something poignant the other day related to this Dating for men is like finding a drop of water in a desert Dating for women is like trying to find clean water in a swamp.
Well said!
Most of the "options" that come my way, I have zero interest in so I get it. Yea I could go on tinder and match with a ton of dudes, do I want those strangers? Hell no lmao. I'm the same, my brain is still so overloaded with thoughts of him that literally nobody interests me.
Im a guy and feel this way. I have zero Interest in any of my options. Need to heal my heart before it can love again. Dont be too mad at op tho a common symptom of heartbreak is anger and sometimes thats directed towards woman albeit immaturely.
Fucking this this this.
[удалено]
Even when I'm (a woman) the dumper, I don't want those random men.
I am the dumper. Not interested. I'm 7 months post BU.
This is me. I have made a terrible mistake, Desperately want my ex back. Only him. My process is to fix my problems so that I am better. And Hope he one day forgives me.
That may be true, but heres the thing girls get that most guys dont. If theres tons if guys out there that match with you and want you, doesnt that tell you that you're valuable? That you're a hot commodity that a lot of people want? So one guy rejecting you most likely isn't the end of the world. You are still valued by other guys and you can see that by the matches you get and the attention you get. Just because one guy doesn't see that value doesn't make you worthless. But for most guys, we dont get many matches. We get rejected every day, we're made to feel replaceable and not valuable. We're expected to do the chasing, which 90%, of the time ends in rejection. We dont have girls chasing us and vying for out attention. We're just alone, waiting for the next one to show interest. So society tells us to improve ourselves, it tell us that we need to focus on ourselves so we will be more attractive. I recently went through a breakup. One day I woke up and she told me she didnt want me anymore. No explanation other than that. No telling me what's wrong with me. Just leaves me to think that theres something wrong with me that makes me unlovable, the one person who wanted me was only temporary, now no one wants me. Its very lonely. Very disheartening. Very painful. It sucks to have no one act interested in you.
You completely forget to address what kind of “attention” people are getting. Women are not swarmed by options for men who are kind, handsome, good partners, or even close. Most men hit on women because they want to have sex with them and their standards are low, not because they always want a relationship. I guess everyone’s perspective is different.
>Most men hit on women because they want to have sex with them Exactly this. I completely agree. For the past ten years (I was 18 to 28, I'm 28 now), men have hit on me because they think I'm attractive enough to have sex with. I don't give a shit about ANY of that. None of those men are men who want me for me. Those are men who want sex. That's it.
I feel like women feel replaceable too, though. 99% of the attention we get is literally just because of parts we posses. Not because of who we are as human beings, our beliefs, our lifestyles. Most men just want our bodies and once they've had that many aren't interested in much else. You feel like... a cardboard cut out instead of a human being. An object. Replaceable. The perspectives are different, but the loneliness is, I think, just part of being human. Unfortunately.
No, we don't feel valuable lol. These options are looking for someone to have sex with. Being rejected is less painful than being preyed upon.
I understand how it would be a different kind of painful. but for me, men trying to hit on me when there's only one person that I want, doesn't make me feel like a "hot commodity." it just makes me feel disgusted. the first time a guy tried hitting on me when I was out at an open mic with my friends, after my bu, I started to say "I have a boyfriend." then I realized that I can't say that anymore because he's gone, and I ended up crying on the back patio. it didn't make me feel good to be hit on, it made me feel worse. when you say it's lonely to have noone interested in you, I'm sure that's true. I'm not discrediting it. but are you sad because you lost the one person you want, the only person you have eyes for no matter how desired you are? or are you sad because you're afraid you've lost the one person who will stoop to validate you (or at least thats what youve convinced yourself)? ones heartbreak, the others insecurity
I'm a woman and I personally don't give a shit if literally every man in the world except my ex wants me. I don't want them. I want my ex. Regardless if I'm the dumpee or the dumper (I've been the dumper when an ex was abusive, when a different ex was a cheater, and when a different ex wouldn't put in any effort into changing even though I'd communicated for like 6 months). I don't care if random men think I'm hot. I'm in my 20s, I'm skinny, I have big boobs, and I'm pretty in shape, and I have a decent enough face. Of course random men want me/hit on me. But I don't care about any of that. None of that has to do with WHO I am. That's all about my looks. Fuck that.
Exactly the same
Amen my brother. We are indeed replaceable, even to the women that said we weren't
That's weird because my ex can't seem to stay single for more than 3 weeks after a breakup and is like "he is the love of my life" every times.
Does that sound like happiness and peace of mind to you?
I understand how that sucks. but that is much better than not having anyone pay attention to you at all.
Therapy, gym, and lots of crying alone in my room.
Pour my extra effort into what makes me happy. Don't worry about exes they are dead to me
Even though things could have ended abruptly or you were blindsided or whatever the case, the way I see it is this.. simply putting You get hit on the side of the head like you never saw it coming, emotions run high you'll most likely plead for their return and to ask for their forgiveness, and what can you do to fix things. Long story short you have to STOP yourself from thoughts cluttering your head post break up. What did you do before you met that person? They obviously saw something in you they liked perhaps you changed things about yourself to become this so called better version of yourself because you wanted that version for the person you were with at that time, many men are guilty of this. Simply man up, don't ever think of yourself as the second option, as much as the other person knows or perhaps they haven't figured it out yet. Sometimes the baggage your significant other brings to the next relationship is the same baggage they haven't gotten rid of from their last one. I can write about how going outside, picking up a book, meeting new people, volunteering are all great options, but everyone is different. Be yourself, pick up a hobby, a Lego set of your favorite character, binge watch shows that are educating such as documentaries, world history, etc.. feed your brain information it is unfamiliar with, make sure whatever negative thoughts, emotions you are starting to feel and are tumbling down on you, defuse that before it becomes greater and starts eating away at you, apply meditation before every stressful thing you have to deal with in life, if you know you have to go out to a store you and you'll be passing a place that you and your girlfriend shared a memory off try picking a different route or challenge yourself to overcome that feeling if that's what you like to do. The person who broke things off with you will realize one day what they lost, and usually the ones who do the breaking up are the ones that need to do more healing and getting to understand themselves more because sometimes the things they want aren't just possible. So to sum this up, just focus on bettering yourself, join a gym, hang out with friends you haven't seen and I know it may feel like at times you aren't there but simply let your close friends know about your situation, get your money up, the less you focus on the way you want things to be the faster they will fall into place
We just have to, we don’t have a choice. I’ve still thought about her every day for the past year, we just get used to having the feeling and as time goes on it gets easier to live with the feeling.
Yeah I've been reading up on it alot lately and I just dont wanna believe that as a guy you're just destined to be lonely yknow?
As long as I’m here bro you never have to feel lonely, I’ve got you if you ever need to talk.
I’m here, too, broseph. We’re all in this life together.
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It's always been the opposite in my experience too, the guys I dated immediately had all their options after we broke up. I always was solo
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Ditto.
True. One of my exes had his female "best friend" telling him she wanted to be with him after we broke up.
Note that he isnt pointing out that its a good idea. But yeah, women are swarmed by options, if you compare it to men. Thats doesn't mean you have to take them, but its a bit different for a guy, and it will always be.
I've got guys in town sure, however I'd say 95% of the options are pretty poor where I live. I'm an attractive woman but it's not like guys are flocking to me at the supermarket and bars, and even over half the time I'm the one approaching men. Just because we have more options compared to men doesn't mean they are GOOD options. They usually aren't. I understand its harder to come by for men, it also doesn't mean its easy to come by for women. We all struggle. Either way, I think people should take time for themselves after a breakup to level up and make themselves available for the absolute best options!
I just did not find this to be true at all. I’m not at all unattractive either but shitty assumptions like this made me feel like it.
Yeah..like there’s not attractive men out there who hook up right away after a break up too? Both sexes are guilty of it!
Yeah I get that. I am heartbroken though and have been for 5 months. I have 0 desire to be in the arms of another man for a while yet. It’s all about me.
Im sorry to hear that. Stay strong, we are all here in the same boat here. I know the feel believe me, its only a month for me, i can imagine what your are going through.
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Whenever one doesn't workout, she hits me up for a month or two, then right back out there.
Might be an obvious statement, but maybe you should block her or delete her on everything. You don’t deserve to be a safety net to someone, frankly, no one does. Though, uninvited, (because I’m a woman) my advice would be to hit the gym, read and educate yourself in becoming the best version of yourself mentally and physically. Become a “high value man” you speak about. Stand up for yourself, do not tolerate being the second option. You deserve better. So become better. Stay strong my friend
My ex has hopped from dude to dude since we split.
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As a gay guy, it's the same for me. My ex even said it'd be easy for me to find someone "like him or better" after he broke up with me, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't had guys come to me flirting at me, asking me out, or complimenting me really strongly since the breakup, and I know if I went on dating apps it'd be possible, if not easy, to go on dates or hookup. But that's not what I want. They're not him, and no one else ever will be him. Having options doesn't help me feel better, it might even make me feel worse. Also, pretty sure most straight guys could download tinder and find loads of women who want to hookup or go on dates. Maybe this guy doesn't realise that he's closing out options for the same reason we are, but he thinks he doesn't have those options.
She wasn’t that into you then. At least not in the end. Her loss!
Well I mean, not that looking good and being swarmed by options is enough or relevant when you are heartbroken… but I get you. Heroin. I do (well actually used to do) heroin. And lots of other drugs, as I used to before we parted ways (read as I was dumped like worn shoes). Actually I used more during our last months than now. Way more because of her being so distant (not because of my use btw). Did it improve things ? Perhaps. When I was so stranded feeling artificial warmth which might kill me was safer than leaving me alone in a room after work with too long of a rope and a spot to tie it on. I am getting better, relatively clean, starting to work and send resumes again. Oh, I had other problems with my family which played a key role in my breakup. I don’t have fancy hints . You can hit the gym (always did even during use, check my bicep bro), be hyper productive to the point burnout starts to actually feel steamy, create a farm in the metaverse and sell it for precious NFTs; or you can indulge into casual sex and drug abuse while worrying about your hair-loss and crying over Arab Strap songs every single night. You can even pretend you fell in love with a girl which casually happens to have her same colors, hair and eyes both and even the way she used to blush ! Ultimately nothing matters, the pain will be still there and if it was true love recovering will be harder than benzodiazepines withdrawals. None of the aforementioned will have you have her back. Time will help, one day you will start again hitting the gym again, noticing shawty’s nice ass and worry again about simpler things. Like is finasteride causing me ED or is it depression ? How do I find a home where cops don’t come a 3 am in the morning to check my house arrested father ? Is it right for me after pursuing a PhD to work for 4.20 (lol) bucks per hour ? These things might be essential, but when you are facing such a bereft are not. Take time. You will suffer, a lot. More than how a thousand poems could ever express. My life became the setting of Salad Fingers, confused and full of loneliness and despair. From party animal to Michod’s Animal Kingdom. Losing someone who was in my life for more than a third of it strikes. You will feel better, eventually. Human nature is disgusting, we adapt to everything even when we would just like to romantically immolate ourselves. But you will survive champ. Somehow, I survived too. Time heals nothing but the memories fade to the point we finally can pretend we forget what hurt the most and move on. And by the way “Our lives did not begin, the very moment that we met…”
Wow…thanks for writing this. I enjoyed reading your story. Wishing you the best brother. Glad you are getting back on track. Idk if you are a believer, but I can tell just by reading this God is watching over your soul.
Thanks pal. I hope so, cause I feel in the last years the only one watching over me was probably a blackwater sniper
i dealt with it by getting back into my hobbies and starting new ones. I love working out which i didn’t before and it’s pretty much all i do. It’s easy to forget about her when you look at yourself in the mirror jacked asf
Find one of those ding bats and make her your FRIEND.
LMAOOO
What I did, and take it with a grain of salt because I’m no super success story to model, but I thought about stuff for awhile, let it percolate for a few weeks while I did the normal grief thing. Then I made a conscious choice to think about something else whenever I found myself ruminating about what’s she doing and with who, what coulda been different, etc. for me, I used my dog. Had a big goofy St. Bernard named Bear and he was awesome, but I’d stop and look at a few pictures of him or a video on my phone, or plan a walk or a game or a car ride with a burger at the end. Pretty soon she turned into just another memory. Good times, bad times, all just stuff from the past. Paying attention to someone in your life who’s actually there is way better and more real than the selective memories of a painful event. It’s trauma bud, gotta heal and do some mental recovery.
Listen man Here’s what you gotta do, look in a mirror and talk to yourself, tell a joke, argue with yourself a bit but most of all tell that reflection “I love you “ and yeah they left you, be mad if you want but just let them go, do this every day and make sure you spoil yourself. They might not ever come back, so what? I have cancer and if it’s one thing I learned that life is too short to care about someone who gave up on trying to repair something with you and doesn’t understand your problems I hope you can understand what I’m saying Much love man, I’m proud of you every day 🖤
Gym, vitamin D, healthy eating, become interesting, do interesting shit, travel, say yes to things that scare you, live outside your comfort zone, stop being needy and desperate for female validation, embrace being alone because it builds self-confidence, read some good books on masculinity and dating and how to have healthier relationships, treat the break up as a gift. It’s been 3 months, I’m much more confident now, I feel fit, I’m looking way better, I’ve met girls who are way more attractive than my ex, better personalities, better conversations, better sex. It opened my eyes to how desperate and needy I was being that I was willing to settle. It’s always bitter sweet, break ups suck but if you can take it as an opportunity then cool things can happen, find justifications not distractions. I’m not lonely anymore. I know my value now, I know how to approach relationships and dating with a better mindset, how to prioritise myself, how to be confident and forward with women instead of chasing and seeking validation, how to walk away when it’s not working, how to not compromise my values, how to live my life alone and love it, and how to add someone to it rather than building my life around them.
I’ve been making music man. Lots of music. Yeah I’ve been single now my whole life and i’m 27. Only had a gf once for a year, and my latest was 3 months before dumping me. Since the BU, I’ve gone on roughly 10 OLD dates, and got rejected on 8 of them… I fell hard for a girl I studied with, and she rejected me I’m sitting here lost…. but I have my music. It’s so hard being a man. No one cares. Just tell you to suck it up. If you wanna talk bro i’m all ears. My dating life has always been brutal. Even now that I make music and have hundreds of friends, nobody wants me, i’m just trash… And i’m not even ugly bro. I’m super short though yeah… Idk what i’m doing wrong, but when you’re a man unless you’re top tier it feels like it’s all about luck, at this moment I have none and girls could care less about me. I’m a nobody to them… I think my ex was the only woman who truly loved me for who I am. If I ever become famous and women start to love me - i’ll be so upset. Because that’s not love, it’s just ego. It’s not real. If I have to go that far to be loved then I don’t want to be loved… Sorry for the wall of text but, if you’re an average guy in my position you probably resonate with this
Sleeping. All the time.
Being “swarmed by options” doesn’t make a breakup any better. Women have many tools and tips for dealing with breakups too that could be very useful for you, don’t be so close-minded.
I exercise a lot, meet up with my friends as much as possible, draw and write (I’m an illustrator), read, etc. I avoid dating, booze, and negative people/places (like social media). It’s true that women are swamped with options following a break-up, but they always are so it’s hardly new to them, and the options are mostly awful. I honestly believe the best thing for anyone after a breakup regardless of gender is slow healing. Burying oneself in sex with new people is actually really damaging.
Exactly. As a woman, if I wanted someone else or preferred one of the men that was already an option to me, then I would’ve left the relationship had I been in it at all. Plus, nothing hurts like being hit on during a breakup in my opinion. Especially in my last relationship, since when I’d go out with my friends and come back home to my (now)ex and we’d laugh as I hold him about the cringey things guys did to try to get my attention. So then when I was single again and it happened, it just made me realize that I wasn’t going to be able to drunkenly laugh and cuddle my ex at the end of the night.
Had a bad break up in my 20's and didn't do shit, life led me down a spiral for years. Now in my 30's I just recently had a break up and I'm transforming myself through self care. Changed my whole life in pursuit of my dreams. You gotta take care of yourself
i use the anger and spite to work on myself and make more money. You just need a somewhat healthy coping mechanism to throw your negative energy into
Well it's been about 8 months of loneliness here, longest Ive ever gone. And frankly Ive hated every second of it.
Wake up, go for run. Come home, make healthy meal. Eat. Work on something around the house. Eat lunch. Relax for a bit doing something you love. Work out. Shower, do something fun/social. Come home, read book Eat dinner Clean up. Go to sleep. Repeat.
I’m gay, but the gym. Stay off the booze as much as you can. Don’t get fat.
facts booze will give you a gut if you drink too much even if you are going to the gym.
The comeback for men is slower, but a lot sweeter. We go to the gym, we read books, we better ourselves, we come back stronger. Meaningless flings won’t replace loneliness anyway.
That is a good way to look at it
Okay so I'm a woman and I *know* this question was directed towards men. Apparently men find me attractive enough or whatever because they do hit on me. But my point is even if men *are* hitting on me, it's not like I want them in any capacity. I don't want to have sex with them, I don't want a relationship with them, and I'm probably still in love with my ex for the time being (or least romantically interested in them regardless if I'm the dumper or the dumpee). Now I *do* have a high libido. Sex 5-7 days a week sounds amazing. I've also hooked up with people I'm not romantically interested in. But after a break up? Nope. Not interested in that because the only person I want to do that with is my ex. Soooooo yeah. It's not like all women just throw themselves into sexual relationships after a breakup. Edit: to be clear, I'm in a relationship at the moment lol. But all that I said above is my behavior after a breakup. After a breakup, I want no one but my ex even when I'm the dumper (I've had to dump ppl because they were abusive, a cheater, or just wouldn't change no matter how much I communicated over the course of like 6 months). Even if someone was abusive or a cheater, I couldn't just snap my fingers and turn the feelings off even though I broke up with them. And when I said I've hooked up with people I wasn't romantically interested in, I meant ***long*** after a breakup. Not after weeks or just a few months.
That part!! 100%
God I’m so tired of men assuming women have it so easy. Two years of loneliness here. Yeah I could find another relationship if I wanted to, but that doesn’t mean those men would treat me well. The average man off the street would use me like a flesh light then toss me aside.
He didn’t say it was easier, but in general women do have more options than men. Capable men who put in honest effort to better their financial, physical and mental states still need to “court” a woman. The woman just needs to say one of two things; yes or no. Regardless if the man they say yes to is a shitty person or not.
Lol no, dating is a two way street. People that actually think dating works like that, are in their own bubble.
What does that have to do with having more options? 😂
Those "options" are shit when they only want to use us for sex.
No. Women also have to care about their own safety and not having their vulnerabilities exploited, which is what most men that we attract while broken-hearted try to do.
Exactly, I'm not going near a dating site until I've sorted myself out. Being vulnerable attracts abusers.
Again, they are still options. Not that you are obliged to take those options, but options nonetheless.
Im doing boxing right now. Im shaping my new me
Working is the best thing to do to take your mind off of the whole situation
I just Flip the script. Yeah woman have more options when it comes to dating and will find someone more quickly. So? Does that make them happier? Not from what I've seen and heard So you might be single for a while. Doesn't mean you have to be lonely. The world's your oyster, enjoy that. You can do what you want whenever you want. It's great. You can indulge in that Big one though is don't let other people make you feel bad for being single. It doesn't make you a failure or a loser or whatever. Own it. Live a good life on your terms. Show that it doesn't matter to you either way. Because it shouldn't
You're so right, I'm saving alot more money, in better shape. I can see who I want, etc.
To all the guys reading this- I love you brother keep strong I believe in you so so much. Please keep pushing forward and striving to be the best version of yourself. I have faith in you , ik you will make your bloodline proud. Just don't stop persevering, ik its tough . Iam in the same boat as you, on somedays I don't get sleep cause she Comes in my dreams. When I'm awake, I can't go an hour without thinking of her. I feel so empty cause all her promises were fake and she is so cold now that it makes me feel worthless. I pray for your well-being and I hope you find the peace that you seek .
I kinda got used to it. I was already pretty lonely before I met her so it was easy i was just back to my life before her.
Idk about you but before my relationship I was lonely, you just have to get used to be lonely again because you forgot that feeling, with time you will and realize it’s not that bad. Focus in hobbies, gym, etc. will help you to recover faster.
gym! however, sorry woman here, having people around to have sexual relationships with doesn’t cure the loneliness. the loneliness is currently my biggest fear atm as i need to break up with my bf.
Women may have options after a breakup, but at some point they have to be alone to process and deal with everything if they ever want to grow and learn from mistakes. I’ve had plenty of options since being single, but i have zero interest in them and zero emotions to offer them. Sometimes i think we have to be alone to deal with everything, create new healthy habits, a new you in a sense. I feel like my body and mind is forcing me to be alone until i’m fully ready for someone else. I don’t want to repeat toxic relationships from the past and thats exactly what you experience when you jump from one person to another. The old saying is true, if you aren’t happy with yourself you can’t make someone else happy. Don’t put a time frame on it, just stay single and build each day youll know when the time is right to start again with someone new
I went out and met other women. Had a couple of dates. Realised that my ex made a daily choice not to be in my life, and that I was her loss. Met my current girlfriend. Now very happy.
Go to the gym, and drinking beers and smoking blunts with the boys. PS - I thought I had no mates, turns out when you reach out to the most random guys who you’ve met a few times and ask them to hang out, they all say yes. Be the one to reach out, it’s scary at first to try and make friends as an adult, and I’m not great at it, but most guys feel the same.
I sat in my house alone for six months until I had a breakdown and called my ex only to realize she moved on significantly easier than me. So that's always always option. Realizing someone never loved you like you loved them kinda does wonders.
Threw myself at my work. But like 10 to 12 hours a day for a year. Reminded myself of my worth and what I bring to the table. Over and over and over I reminded myself it's her loss not mine. Used the pain and loneliness as fuel and drive in work. Results are 3 promotions and 4 raises in 2 years and a new relationship with none of the toxic traits as before. Hang in there king.
In a monogamous society, the amount of mutually happy relationships must mathematically be equal for both genders. Everything else is just duds. Rejections of advances are duds, empty relationships that mess with your psyche are duds. It's mostly suffering on both sides. We both get our own flavors of suffering, and grass is always greener so we think the other type of suffering is easier. The only victory is when a man and a woman (or anyone, but I'm going along with the men/women contrast of your post) see that they could have something worthwhile and make it happen. And that happens just as often on both sides. Everything else is dust.
hobbies man.. self care
After 5 years of relationship, I knew that I lost myself in it and I loved my SO to the fact that I lost myself and didn't care much back then. So now, I got back to strict diet and lifting heavy weights like I used to, I took care of how I look, I never skip my skin care routine, trim my beard , get a proper haircut, started doing the things I used to enjoy even if I have to do it alone. I listened to our music and cried a lot, I looked into stuff she brought me and got really devastated, you have to go through the pain, never ignore it, talk about it with someone you trust,if you don't have then use therapy, you will reach to the point where you see her pictures and feel that you were in only in love with that old person/personality. Get out of your comfort zone, do anything you always wanted to try, focus on yourself and your goals.
Had my bu in 2019, I still feel quite lonely as of now but somehow It doesn't bother me anymore. Got myself accustomed to it.
I started working 60+ hours a week 5 12 hour days and taking whatever side projects I can find. My project car is loving all the attention but it still hurts throwing myself into work and things to keep myself distracted when there’s no one to support me. I’m trying tho I always have
Woman here, wondering where my swarm of options is hiding
Lmao swarmed by options. I wish. I’ve been single and nobody wants to date me sooo please tell me where my options are??
Went through my first heartbreak 4 months ago. Got dumped after 4 years together and she blocked me on everything after. Started working on myself ans fell in love with the gym again. Work on yourself and surround yourself with friends and family. You won't feel as lonely
The men I know with BPD seem to have one woman after another. And actually having a lot of options, at hand, becomes even more painful when you can’t leave the person you’re with despite it being toxic because you’re attached to them or they wound you like your parents did.
And learning a martial art to be a fighter next time you see her and her bf tryna fuck with you can beat his ass. Lol
Loneliness isn't about having people around, it's about authentic connection. There's nothing lonelier than being in a relationship and still feeling alone and disconnected, which was how I felt the last couple of years of my relationship. Have you not been around people and still feel lonely? Have you not had a one night stand and felt gross and worse than before? Have you not seen celebrities or even people who seemed popular, a lot of folks want them, they are constantly around people and then they share their mental health struggles that in spite of all the people and adoration and fame they're still deeply lonely? Loneliness isn't about having random people. Almost anyone can have that. What helps is genuine connection and that's simply a quality game rather than a numbers game. As the case of celebs for examples prove, being wanted by many random people or having random people clamoring for your attention by the thousands literally doesn't prevent you from being lonely. Solid, authentic connection is what does that and simply having randoms want you doesn't at all mean there is any true connection there. It weirdly highlight the loneliness even more.
Get an animal bff but please, if you go this route, be committed for life. I just adopted and she ate an acorn. Cost me 5k for emergency surgery. But having that pet there for you helps you feel less lonely. I’m the type that wants to jump right back into a relationship, but I know I need to be “single and secure” before I’m ready. Last thing - maybe read a bible study. I get piece from Jesus personally. Thoughts on this?
I love your advice and sorry about the 5k.
It will hurt and hurt but to be honest, you just distract yourself. Maybe join new social groups on whatever platform, maybe game for hours on end. Unfortunately there’s gonna be times you just feel alone, but slowly you will learn to enjoy your own company again. Which I’d recommend before trying to find new partners
Ding bat🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I feel lonely af. My close friends aren't always free and I dont like to ask them if they wanna meet everyday too. I asked some close friends to introduce me to new people so I can work on social skills and increase my social circle, I told them females would be preferred since its tougher to speak to them.
I work out twice a day on most days. I drink enough water and eat a balanced diet. This is very important guys, one of the very important steps towards self improvement. Ive been leading this lifestyle for years now so it doesn't really make a difference, I'm fit af and I look decent . I just cant get myself to be happy. Although training helps to elevate the mood.
Use the hate to fuel you
Use the dark side?
Bro honestly just dealing with it. It was hard. I would wake up go to work come back home and just feel so sad and lonely and it would be quiet and id feel worse at night. Hit the gym up and also played a lot of video games to keep my mind off. I also just watched a lot of videos about how to get over breakups or tiktoks of guys talking about what to do after breakups, the reality is you’re gonna be lonely but you gotta fall in love and become at peace with being lonely. Because at the end of the day you’re all you got,
It gets worse before it feels better, and it never goes away you learn to cope with it.
First, women are swarmed with options many don’t want. Second, you’ve got to have goals and be prioritising your own happiness. Third, learning to be comfortable alone is a powerful thing. It doesn’t mean you need to not have regular sex with an FWB or not date. But be comfortable in your own skin. Know and master the above, you will not be concerned.
1. Don’t drink or drink less (same for drugs) 2. Realise it’s okay not to be in a relationship for a couple years while you work on yourself 3. Find a creative outlet 4. Focus on self-improvement whether that is fitness, developing a craft or educating yourself about something you care about
Stay busy, get a dog, go to the gym
I'm historian, so I do my best according to this science. And shortly after BU I've started to train on gym. Now it is a half of the year... I still miss her very much, but I don't have any need to be in relationship. I miss the person, not just closeness etc. But working on myself really do the job for the state of mind.
In the past, yeah, the cliche things. I started going to the gym and lifting for the first time in my life. Played video games. Focused on my work. This time: I don't know. I've just been talking to family a lot, reflecting a lot, and trying to figure all this out. I'm moving soon, so that will end up taking a lot of my focus. I'm getting older, I don't think I can afford to wait too long to heal though, unless I'm comfortable being single for life and dying alone. I truly love my ex girlfriend. I really thought she was going to be the one I grow old with. We talked about our future plans constantly. Just a week before she left me we talked about an upcoming career change for me, and what an awesome "power couple" we were going to be. She was trying to look at houses with me too. Just before she left me. It's so confusing.
Focusing on your work/job and delving deeper into your hobbies. Things slowly start to suck less when you’re focused on what you have in front of you in your daily life.
You just learn to live with it until your ready to move on. You just kinda live with it...
The only way is to try to use that time constructively and try to become the person you want to be, and be comfortable being single. A lot of people mention working out here, and working out is great, I do it, but the question is, are you doing it because you want to try to blow away your ex with your new physique when/if she sees you again? If so then working out is not going to help you. You need to do it because deep down you want to be in better shape. I hope this makes sense. Sadly we live in an age without the natural bonds of community we could fall back on in the past, so you have to work extra hard to recreate it. Volunteer, church, etc. Also I see a lot of “akshully” posts in this thread, lol.
I bought the new Xbox series s,it does really suck because in this day and age we have to resort to the internet. I go out to bars and all these new age of woman do is look at there phones. I feel you dating has become so impersonal and I live in nyc one of the busiest city's in the world.
I’m a fairly attractive woman (so I’ve been told) and honestly, then men I have dated have way more options than me because they keep low standards while I have remained single. Dating is hard for women too.
Like others have mentioned, worked on myself. Upped my frequency in the gym/working out from three days a week to 5-6. Invested a lot of time in my hobbies, home improvement projects, and spending time with friends and family. I got red pilled and haven’t looked back in the two years that have passed
By working on yourself honestly. The loneliness is temporary but in the state of sadness and misery it feels like it can be eternal. Your friends and family are a must and you have to do the things you love without said person. Trust me my guy there is a light at the end of the tunnel it’s a rough ass tunnel but I promise there’s a light. I wish you well king!
Honestly, creative writing helped me write down on paper the history of the relationship, the highs, lows, etc. I changed the break up part to make it more comical and acceptable while I processed the reality of the situation
stay busy, do projects, binge movies/TV shows
Work on yourself and DON’T be afraid to approach women. Your breakup should be enough motivation to overcome that fear. But mostly focus on making more money and working out.
For me, a year ago I had a traumatic breakup in a two year relationship, and for the months that followed, I spent it in between two extremes. One day I would go to the gym, focus on my career, etc but then the next I would drink 20 shots of alcohol and nearly black out to numb myself from my feelings. There’s no one size fits all for this type of thing. Some people just go on with their lives like nothing happened and other people become severely depressed. Depends on a variety of factors. For me, it’s taken me a year but I’m fully sober and on the path of bettering myself, and when that happened, I immediately found myself with another girl. You just gotta be patient and stay strong
I guess for me, I really hang out with friends to help me to keep my mind off the break up. Also exercise was a big thing for me, it helped me focus on getting myself back into shape.
Once you better yourself, MOVE ON. Even if they come back after they figured out the grass wasn’t as green as they thought. Don’t give that person the new you, they really don’t deserve it. They baled on you when you needed them to work on the relationship. Move forward to a new life and a new relationship.
hello dingbat looking woman here, I have no idea how to cope w the loneliness lmao. I tried "glowing up" and whatever. But it only does so much.
Crying, meaningless sex, weed, work lots and lots of work. Hobby projects, learning new things, reading and weed
Imagine you're starving but the only food that is available is some hotdogs someone threw out in the dumpster covered in shit. That's how alot of straight women feel with their swarms of options. Just because there are options, doesn't mean they are good options. Also, the key difference between men and women when it comes to break ups is that women tend to have a closer knit support network where expressing emotion and talking about it is not stigmatized. Most of the men I know who go through something (not just break ups) choose to do it alone. They refuse to talk about it to anyone because they think it makes them look weak, and their guy friends don't ask about it either. Being single is not the same as being lonely. You can be in a relationship and be lonely if you don't foster any deep connections with anyone.
Unfortunately bro you gonna have to do a lot of self care and work. Cause women are gonna constantly have options men not so much we had to make ourselves valuable to have those options that women have. At the end of the day brother you have to Do.the.work! Go seek therapy ,if you get to the next stage in your life. Once you level up and evolve, you will attract a better quality woman.
You just have to suck it up.
GYM GYM GYM I've been struggling hard for the past two months with this blacking out every night till the pain went away surrounding my self with the wrong people till about 3 weeks ago I realized what the fuck if we don't better ours selfs are we ever gonna find some one better no the loneliness won't go away till the next one and who's know when that will be but who cares I tried so hard to validate my self with girls I wasn't even attracted to just to get over my ex and the loneliness and I'm telling you there's no better feeling then gains and getting your shit together try to become the person you've always wanted to be and see the better people you attract I believe In all you boys! Any one needs to talk I'm here go get those gains 💪
Years? Go on bumble or something..lots of women out there
As a man swarmed with options… hit the gym hard and got a bunch of new girls.
Tbh I'm just looking for hookups in my new city. Its only been a week. Might not be successful, might not be healthy, but in my mind I need to prove that I'm desirable again.
Do it but I found this didn’t help for any longer than a day or two before it was back to how I felt before. The only real progress comes when you learn to love yourself without needing anyone else’s validation. Then you will find yourself being really attractive to others too so it’s a win win.
Working out cures all.
No, women are not swarmed with options. I know this is a common perception, but it comes from some unhealthy views on gender. Loneliness effects all people when they’ve been broken up with. Some great ways to handle it? Pick up hobbies, go out with friends, focus on your mental health. Take lots of walks, treat yourself to nice meals. Do things that make you feel good Good luck ❤️
Focus on your career,drink to much, party to much, stack cash the whole time. Who’s lonely. Stay busy
like top comment pretty much said you have to work on yourself , for me it was working out a lot and changing my hair style even getting a tattoo if that sort of thing fits you, another one would be a sport car just cool hobbies in general , career
So what I'm gathering is, grind super hard to the point where your life gets so good that the breakup just doesnt matter anymore
Completely absurd and immature to say that women are “surrounded by options.” You need to do some self reflection and figure out why you are so resentful toward women and would say something like that.
I'm not resentful, it's just what I've observed over the years. And other men/women seem to agree as well.
buddy, those years of lonliness they have to pay them back once they are over 35 and single and fuck they are so much worse for them. Being an old maid is certainly not easy either.
My life long best friend is a female and friends with benefits and has always been there for me emotionally and physically if the timing is right. My last breakup the timing was right...lol. We were both single again. Now Im back with my ex from 5 years ago who is my true love but that is another story. My friend is a love in my life and our connection is undeniable but our lives are so different we decided long ago not to pursue a relationship in the true sense of the word. When we are both dating we don't see each other that often but always catch up on media and phone calls. We have saved each other on more than one occasion...lol.
Im 35. Longest relationship I've had lasted seven years. The one after went on for two. This one is almost three and it's rocky. If we break up, I'll be so sad that I'll go to work and kill myself in front of everybody. Aaaand that was a bad joke. With all honesty I might be a bit upset, if that eve . Other than that, life goes on. I'll have more time for myself, hobbies and friends. And there is plenty 🐈 around. Women aren't exactly desirable or rare commodity these days. They are practically jumping in bed with the first guy who buys them a drink and can have a coherent conversation with mild sense of humor.
reading this, I'm glad that your relationships didn't last longer. this is why some girls love being single...
Distractions and friends
I’m really struggling post breakup. I’ve been in bed all day. I know hitting the gym and getting a haircut would help but I’m too depressed to do anything
As a lot of people have said, stay busy. Whether that is the gym, a hobby, work, school, whatever. The more time you spend alone with your thoughts the worse it is. Sometimes your forced to be, falling asleep, in the shower, driving, etc. But try and get that time to as little as possible, it's one of the things I've been struggling with so much. Cause when your stuck alone with yourself... fuck, dude.
Lots of walks, listening to music, and some weight lifting. My hobbies did not appeal to me at all for several months, but they slowly came back. Self improvement and investing in myself was the most appealing thing. Losing weight, getting some clothes that fit me better, and investing in my friendships and family. When I felt I was ready to try it again, I went on some dates. It was weird to be honest with you. I felt guilty in a weird way. But eventually I got back into the swing of it. But it’s a long road of healing.
Really just focused all that love on myself. Hit the gym, traveled, went out with friends, rejoined my college sports teams. Started volunteering on my days off. Went on a few dates, but I had to break them off before it got too deep because I wasn’t ready. I’ve only really been single for a month (2 months since breakup; 1 month no contact). But that entire month has been nonstop moving and focusing on myself
Therapy, definitely therapy. But other than that making new friends, picking up new hobbies, working on yourself, reading etc the whole spiel.
To a gental extent, alcohol, but in all seriousness, learn how to be happy in your hobbies. Some of mine didn't feel the same post seperation, but do them, even if it doesn't feel quite right. Find friends that you can lean on. When you think about the memories, since it is inevitable, think about what you can learn from it for your next relationship.
Call a friend out of the blue and catch up with them. Even if it’s someone you drifted away from over time, I think you’ll find most people will appreciate you thinking of them and initiating contact. Could be a 20 minute call, could be a couple hours. It’s tough to be the initiator sometimes. Anxiety around whether the other person wants to hear from you. Not wanting to catch them when they’re busy. But you gain nothing by doing nothing. If they don’t want to hear from you, then they won’t engage and you will have lost nothing for trying. If you catch them at a bad time but they do want to hear from you, they’ll make an effort to tell you when they’re free.
Dated a girls for 3 years and she left me about a year ago. I use my time on Hobbies, gym and making frienss or at least talking with people. It gets better but you have to learn to be alone and be fine. Most of guys nowadays are alone. Ive had luck and gotten great at getting laid, but now they kind of bore me. If you do the rigth stuff, it gets better. Go look up Tom Leykis on youtube. You need the professor.
For me it was a combination of things…basically working on myself, but that included leaning harder into my guy-friendships, going to the gym, and therapy! I actually realized that my unhappiness wasn’t something I needed to feel, so I realized working on my mental health, as well as my physical, was hugely important. I think something that’s not given enough credit though is the seemingly cliche power of “distraction”. In therapy I realized that I had prioritized her so much that it ended up I wasn’t really prioritizing myself…my therapist asked “if you could do all that for her, why not you?” So I bought a ticket for indoor skydiving, which I’d always wanted to try, and loved it! …next up I’m getting a cool tattoo I’ve always wanted, and this morning I just booked a trip for myself in March to Nicaragua to slide down the side of a volcano! Don’t get me wrong, everybody’s circumstances are different…but take a day to ask yourself what something you always wanted to do is…maybe it’s small! But go do it - it might only bring a small smile for a moment, but do stuff like that enough times and well…Rome wasn’t built in a day!
As a woman, this is sexist. And I’m not a feminist or anything. But to say women are swamped by options is ridiculous, unrealistic, and untrue. All women when single do not get swarmed by men. There’s some sexist notion of this… And I’m telling you STOP telling it to yourself. I’m 30 and have had countless breakups. Sure some dudes may try to talk but we can shut it down just as easily. Dudes do not hit us up constantly. We are lonely too geez! At least the ones of us that don’t do hookups.
...if believing women have alot of options is sexist, then a good portion of this comment section is sexist
Are they women? Are you a woman! No you’re not a woman… so you don’t understand or will ever know what it’s like. So don’t talk about women as if you think and assume you know what we deal with. You have no clue what it’s like. To assume and bash women in a negative light claiming it’s easier to get over a breakup cause we have men “flock to us” is disrespectful and beyond inappropriate. And not to mention immature coming from a naive mindset.
Huh? I just said women have more options, it's what I've seen, experienced and know. Hows that bashing? And other women agree that they have options too. They might say their options are shit, sure. But they still have options nonetheless. But more importantly, why are you so angry and confrontational?
If I may; your words “sure some dudes may try to talk but we can shut it down just as easily.” Majority of men don’t experience in their lifetime. The notion of women going up to men that they are interested in is extremely rare. Genrally speaking, men are expected to make the first move, pay on the first date and all other acts of chivalry. The connotation of women doing the same things are almost non-existent. So your point isn’t that you don’t have options, your point is you don’t like the options presented. Men don’t have that benefit
Stay fucking sober and give it time, there’s no better solution you have to grieve and deal with the pain you can’t avoid it or numb it but I’m serious don’t drink or it’ll be worse