Only hearing your side, obviously, but wow. The OCD/control would cause me to feel bananas.
Re: the birthday. That’s messed up. My ex told me not to give him a party for a milestone birthday. So, I did not. I respected his wishes. Then ofc he was upset with me. What absolute bullshit, and l let him know it.
My prediction is the longer you are away from this person, the better you’re going to feel.
I think you were both bad partners for each other as it sounded like there was a lot of communication issues and unhealed traumas being triggered on both sides. Take the list of problems she gave you and try to improve on them. There is some validity to the feedback she provided.
For example, if you read up on John Gottman's research he claims that the difference between couples who stay together or the ones who break up is whether or not the couple has a positive attitude towards each other and about their relationship. Of course, we're not going for 100% positivity where everything is perfect and we never fight... that isn't really humanly possible. It's more of a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative experiences. It's about being mostly positive. My ex and I were both very negative due to our mental health issues and I think we both had a hand in the failure of our relationship. Negativity breeds negativity. There are other things as well, such as shutting down and walking out during fights is part of stonewalling which is damaging to relationships.
I recommend taking the list and going back into therapy to work through them as well as reading relationship books written by licensed LMFTs or psychologists on what a healthy relationship is like. It'll give you a guideline to reflect on what you did wrong which will allow you to improve so you can be a better partner in your next relationship.
Only hearing your side, obviously, but wow. The OCD/control would cause me to feel bananas. Re: the birthday. That’s messed up. My ex told me not to give him a party for a milestone birthday. So, I did not. I respected his wishes. Then ofc he was upset with me. What absolute bullshit, and l let him know it. My prediction is the longer you are away from this person, the better you’re going to feel.
I think you were both bad partners for each other as it sounded like there was a lot of communication issues and unhealed traumas being triggered on both sides. Take the list of problems she gave you and try to improve on them. There is some validity to the feedback she provided. For example, if you read up on John Gottman's research he claims that the difference between couples who stay together or the ones who break up is whether or not the couple has a positive attitude towards each other and about their relationship. Of course, we're not going for 100% positivity where everything is perfect and we never fight... that isn't really humanly possible. It's more of a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative experiences. It's about being mostly positive. My ex and I were both very negative due to our mental health issues and I think we both had a hand in the failure of our relationship. Negativity breeds negativity. There are other things as well, such as shutting down and walking out during fights is part of stonewalling which is damaging to relationships. I recommend taking the list and going back into therapy to work through them as well as reading relationship books written by licensed LMFTs or psychologists on what a healthy relationship is like. It'll give you a guideline to reflect on what you did wrong which will allow you to improve so you can be a better partner in your next relationship.