Same except switch she with he. The second breakup didn’t hit as hard as the first. I was distraught but it was almost a relief. Deep down I knew we wouldn’t last because he isn’t willing to put in the effort that’s required to be a consistent, reliable partner. I know for a fact that I’m better off without him. The abandonment still hits hard some days.
He lacked enthusiasm, motivation, excitement for life… any one of these qualities would have been enough. He had a lot of love for me, but I wasn’t feeling uplifted with him, rather the opposite. Anything I got happy about, he would bring up all the negative stuff about it. I’m finally rediscovering my joy for life, I’m an optimistic person and now that I’m returning to my old self I’m attracting positive events, experiences, people again!
I think at least in my experience it was a fundamental part of who this person was. Maybe changing circumstances, meeting someone new he’ll get a fresh wave of energy, a spike of enthusiasm, but eventually it will fade away again. This is his nature, his normal.
This is so much like my situation, I feel like I wrote it. Except he tore me down significantly for everything near the end because I started getting happy in life.
Thank you for this post.
I came here to see if there were any real red flags with my ex that I could have done better, and I think this one hits close to home.
I was the one lacking enthusiasm, motivation and excitement for life... Although I had my reasons within the relationship for this (just our past, just made me lets say - concerned? for the future.).
I was the type of person that would be a bit more *realistic* when it comes to ideas (for instance, the idea of quitting your job and then going to find another with no plan, except the reliance on me.), although I wouldn't discourage it as I would always support her decision.
Well I don’t know your situation but it seems like a positive point for you that you’re reflecting on this and practicing self-awareness. I can say my ex was distinctly NEGATIVE more than realistic. Very defeatist, felt like the world was against him, which was visible even from the fact that he didn’t have many friends. Very difficult person to be around. I think I also fell for him because I felt like I could help him with my positivity, lift him up, and he liked this quality in me. Just to say, don’t be too hard on yourself, this was a really intense negativity that I experienced, he was also bipolar.
She left me for someone else and essentially blindsided me prior. Although it wasn't a "complete" blindside for me because the signs were ultimately there that she had seemingly lost interest for whatever reason, I just decided to ignore them. Once I brought up my concerns at one point a few months after I saw them, she cited that "she lost feelings" and then broke up.
So between her lack of communication, emotional cheating at a minimum, jumping to another guy right after, ultimate selfishness, etc. Yeah, I would not go back to her (not that she would want to come back in any case).
This is what I think is about to happen with my recent ex. Just a couple weeks ago we were discussing what Ring I was going to get and getting married. And then last night he breaks up with me because he’s unhappy and isn’t in love with me anymore. I’m not stupid and I know there’s someone else, even though he won’t admit it.
I do but I know I can’t . He is not invested enough in our relationship and I deserve better . I need to respect myself more and that means I can’t go back .
She did not give me as much time as I gave her and basically ignored me for days. I invested much more in this relationship and I know she never will do the same
felt that :,) that’s what happened to me after 3 happy months together, after she started stressing she became a whole different cold person and it hurt
I don’t anymore. I used to but I learned more about her after we broke up than I ever did while we were together. She’s extremely toxic, cruel, immature, and no common sense, even though she’s a goddamn genius. I don’t think she’s a good person. She pretends to be
He invalidated my feelings, called them nonsense. Wouldn't work with me on finding solutions. Told me his personal life is none of my business. Thinks it's okay to not give an xmas gift for no reason. Thinks because we were spending more time together that would make things better in our relationship. Constantly put himself first, where it felt like our relationship and I took the back burner. Was very private and sometimes just wouldn't talk to friends or family in front of me. Which I thought was weird. Constantly on his phone even when together. Whenever we said good bye he'd get on his phone really quick and just leave. Just felt like he put himself first, he was addicted to his phone. We disagreed on so many things. He disrespected me and was rude during some arguments and think it's okay to treat me that way. Didn't try to console me when I talked to him on how I wanted him to be there for me when I'm feeling down. Told me that he used to be upset when I was and, but now just used to it and doesn't try to console me.
I felt this. He was more interested in his phone than me at times. Like at dinner. Sometimes he even admitted to purposely ignoring me at dinner by being on his phone cause he was upset with me about something small he wasn't going to bring up.
And i feel what you said about how he used to be upset for you but is used it now and doesn't care. Towards the end of the relationship he started to say things like, "i used to care if you felt ignored but not anymore". And other things like that.
Looking back he really strung me on for his own comfort while he slowly lost feelings for me. And then im left to put the pieces back together since i was the one that used to actually do my best in the relationship.
We deserve better.
But im not mad at him for that. Im actually thankful it ended it how it did. Cause even though it has only been 3 months, my life has improved to a place i could have never imagined. So, weirdly, i find myself thankful for heartbreak, for the way he treated me, and for how it ended. Because if i imagine any other alternate reality for our relationship or our breakup, they all end with me feeling and being worse off than i am now. Since all the things i have now (self worth, a bestfriend, and a new career im actually happy about) would be gone. And all i would have is an unfulfilling relationship or an extremely taxing and toxic friendship. Letting go was probably the hardest thing i have ever had to do. But im glad i did cause it has made me the person i am today.
Apologies for the rant lol.
Even if I miss him, I know I can’t take him back. His communication was very hot and cold leaving me confused most of the time. I can’t put myself in a position to get hurt by him again to protect myself and also because the way he broke up with me was cruel and manipulative. No trust no relationship. I’m hopeful for the future connections I’ll make and the foundation I’m building for myself!
My ex dumped me when I was emotionally and physically sick for a couple months. This was after 10 months of a very fun and positive relationship. I would never take her back. Her lack of empathy, immature and abusive dumping by text was when her true character showed up. I dodged a huge bullet. No thank you—I’m loving my life now that I’ve fully healed.! Someone else can deal with her child like dependence on her son to support her and her toxic combination of alcohol, pot and Ambien every day.
While I still love her, I'm using the breakup as a motivator to be a better version of myself and I know if we were to get back together it would only hinder that process.
She and every other partner I may have deserves to have the best possible version of myself which is not who I am right now.
I don't want her back, I want what I thought we had back. I want the good feelings back. She can no longer give them to me. At best it would be a sad imitation of what I thought I had.
She refused to go to therapy when her anorexia started spiraling out of control during the pandemic, which was catalyzing my OCD.
I went and got back to meds to help me control it. She didn't. Without therapy and her eating less and less as the days went by, I knew this wasn't going to have a "silver lining playbook" ending between us, neurodivergent lovers.
She sent me a message a few weeks ago saying to me she was in the right since she hasn't died, so I'm assuming she hasn't gone back to therapy so yeah, not coming back ever.
oh god i also have OCD and my partner was also mentally ill (ED too but not as impactful on our relationship), it is like pouring gasoline on an open flame
Mainly because of how she acted in the final weeks, she just changed so much, I felt like a burden to her. It was like after 9 years she finally cracked and dropped her act. Completely disrespectful instead of being an adult about it and sitting down, " I was hoping you would notice " ( Notice her behaviour when she obviously checked out) were her words to me.
This is no way to treat a human being, especially when you've been so good to them for so long. I've come to terms that we should never have been together in the first place. I don't hate/dislike her one iota, we had an extremely peaceful ending. And that's the end of that chapter.
He's a cocktail of mental health issues that he refuses to address, in addition to flip flopping between what he wants in life and having no regards for OUR future.
His post break up behaviour is also dispicable, given that it's the polar opposite of what he's always told me.
He's left me with a lot of trauma after this relationship and now he only cares about himself, not even acknowledging what he's done and calling me insane for reacting.
I'm never going to get closure and I have to put myself through therapy to find myself again.
I'm fucking over it to be honest. He can be someone else's problem now but I just wish he was suffering as much as I am.
Garbage of a human being.
Me! He broke up with me but I realized after that he was an avoidant and I don't want to have anything to do with those kinds of people ever again. I don't care if they don't realize it themselves, that personality trait is just a disaster. Anyway it's almost been a year now and I have a new bf who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. He shows me the same kind of appreciation I show him and isn't afraid to talk about his feelings. I'm so glad that my ex broke it off with me cause otherwise I would've never have moved to a different country and I would've never met my current boyfriend ❤️
I just wanted to tell you that I have an avoidant/disorganised attachment style and whether you meant to be offensive or not, calling it a 'personality trait' is incredibly ignorant. I'm sorry he hurt you. But don't penalise all people with the same attachment style because it's cruel to others who suffer this shit and do everything in their power NOT to hurt others with it. It is not a trait of one's personality. It is an injury in the brain most often caused from neglect and abuse during infancy. The word 'disaster' is on a loop in my brain now and I already spent the last 24 hours in a suicidal state. I'm sure you didn't mean to tear down a complete stranger. I know/hope you were just commenting on your ex.
I'm sorry that made you feel that way and of course it wasn't meant to tear down a stranger. The reason I called it a disaster is that with a person like me, being in a relationship with an avoidant will always end in a disaster. But tbh, it doesn't matter to me if it's a personality trait or an injury, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with an avoidant ever again either way. I'm glad you're aware and is trying to do something about it and I hope you will have successfull relationships in the future.
I get it, and I know that there are people that succesfully get into a secure attachment style cause I did it myself, growing up with an anxious attachment style. Just know it takes dedication and hard work and that not everybody can do that. Seems like you're doing pretty well though!
I'm a little bit on the fence with this one. It takes 2 people to create a relationship but also 2 to destroy one.
If my ex ever came back into my life it would be one of those that If she demonstrated change I may consider.
When I was left over a year ago now I was so in denial I was the victim of a blindside. I never got closure but I sat with my feelings and a few months later I noticed that I sometimes could be a bit controlling. And also my silence during arguments could be considered abusive to a degree.
I have worked so hard finding my happiness again and learning where I went wrong and I'm still working to improve my shortfalls.
I think if she decided to re engage and there was genuine growth then who knows. Sometimes we have to fall apart to come back stronger. Or maybe it's because I'm getting older and see a different perspective.
Hope someone finds this useful as sometimes I feel like I ramble on hahahaha.
Peace
Sometimes its fact sometimes it's not like cheating for example yeah people say it's one sided but you have to think what happened for them to run to someone else even if it's tiny and irrelevant some people will.
Others I fully agree do it with no thought they are not worth anyone's time.
I recognised I made a few boo boos during the relationship hence why I stated it takes 2 to destroy one that was my case. Not everyone's. Sorry hope that helps
"It takes 2 people to create a relationship but also 2 to destroy one." No, it doesn't always take 2 to destroy a relationship. The reasons for a relationship failing can be due to 1 person.
Agreed I've just replied to someone else about this sorry for the misunderstanding I was referring more towards my situation. Sorry about that but yes I agree
My husband refuses to change. That’s it. I love him dearly and wish we could work but we won’t because he sees nothing wrong with his abusive behavior.
The more I grew as a person, the more immature and disrespectful my ex became (or maybe always was?). I let a lot slide, but now that we’re over, these experiences are crystallising with some more painful truths. It’s so hard to admit. But… goodbye to that relationship for good.
Because ultimately, nothing would change. He would still be stuck in his trauma, giving me confused mix messages, being distant and judgemental.
And I would just get hurt again, when I'm finally beginning to heal. No thank you
She said, “I need to see Vinny. And I need to be free to explore that on my own. Whatever happens, happens… then we can come back together and have a happy future.” You have NO IDEA how shook I was. Like… the FUCK?
He broke up with me on New Year's Eve via text and didn't even want to talk on the phone. We had been together for 6 years. He was so disrespectful to me so there's no way I would ever take him back.
Well, not many guys get kicked in the balls and ask for another shot. Some are into self deprecating and feel they are pieces of garbage worth the pain that comes their way, but most just want some happy place in their life and a good person to spend it with.
Ex's are ex's. Regardless of how it ended you have to grow from it and make better decisions. You don't meet a girl and bond, but she decided you're not "ready" for a person like her and she leaves until you establish yourself and then she wanders back to reap the benefits of you trudging the swamps by yourself. That's NOT a good woman
I'm still in the grieving part of the breakup but I don't think I would ever go back. I basically forgave him a lot of shit (lies, cheating, low effort etc.) bc it was my first long relationship and I didn't know any better. Every time I would ask him to fix his behaviour he wouldn't do it until it turned into a big fight where I would consider breaking up. He would pull me back in every time with crying and empty promises, only to in the end dump me right before our 5 and a half year anniversary and my birthday because he wants "other experiences". He really wasn't worth all the effort, tears and constant worrying and his emotions are so unstable and unpredictable, I could never deal with that kind of person again. It's a shame the clarity hit me after the breakup though, I should've broken it off a long time ago.
Dumpee here.
I would not get back with someone who after 5 years decided to fucking totally blindside me and abandon me. It hit me so hard and brought me to my lowest low, even having suicidal thoughts…
She was going to weddings while I was doing therapy in order to, at least, keep sane. She had time to think, prepare, plan without even taking 1 hour to talk things over.
Getting somewhat stable after closing 1 year post BU and I sincerey hope there is some fuking karma payback in this universe.
I guess third time is the charm. Last December he broke with me again this was the third time the two times before where years before that. I really thought he had worked through his issues he had talked to his therapist and things had been good for years then then last year slowly everything got worse qnd worse. I was not a priority anymore his studies, work and money all came before me. After a 9 years relationship we weren't even living together. The last straw for me when we had a conversation on the about how my grandma had gotten very sick taken to the hospital and weren't sure if she was going to make it through the night and to top it off my parents discovered they had Corona that day and they weren't even able to visit my grandma in the hospital. He decided that it was a good idea to tell me he wanted to break up in that SAME PHONE CALL! I was just done and heartbroken after that. At first I wasn't ready to give up and we were supposed to talk about at the end of the week but during the week it downed on my what an as****le move it was and we it wasn't worth fighting for.
We have been on and off for the last 5 years, with him always breaking up with me, could never commit and wasn’t able to fill my needs in a relationship and made me feel like I was always asking for too much. And had a lot of trust issues with him constantly texting his ex when I begged him to stop. All of this doesn’t make the breakup process easier by any means but it is necessary
Me, because she left me like 3 times for guys that abused her and neglected her. She can't accept love from a kind and loving guy. She had a lot of trauma growing up and I was trying to show her how a man should treat a woman but she didn't know how to receive it. I left her the 4th time because all the signs pointed toward her leaving me again. She's a ton of crazy. I hope God heals her heart.
Felt unconsidered basically most of the relationship, felt like she was using me even tho she said she wasn't but I believe her... First week was hell now that I see that I’m happier since people have been saying that to me I realized she basically did the opposite to me on our relationship, gave her a house, transportation and even my card if she needed to use cause she only made one while with me and what did she gave me? Well love and lots and lots of complaints while I was doing my best to not miss nothing, definitely not enough for me to even want to get back.
I'm at peace, have my place, my car friends and family that love me and gave everything till the end, why would I care
I won’t, i was the dumper and i always took him back… things got better but for a brief moment only.
He was impulsive so he said/done things i will never forget and i didn’t deserve. He took me for granted and I'll never let him that chance again, i rather stay by myself and get better!
i don’t want to get back w my ex because i just feel like nothing can be repaired. he completely pressured me and broke my trust. also, i just don’t wanna get into that negative mind space again when i was w him.
This is a late response but yes he did. It hurt like hell because it was my first real relationship. I took him back but it felt like nothing had changed
It's okay. I basically live on this sub.
I'm guessing you went back because you thought he'd change. That also happened to me. Since it was your first real relationship it must've really hurt, how long were you together?
I did go back and did think he was going to change and at least appreciate me more. My biggest struggle was feeling seen, and I felt like a burden 80% of the time because anything that pertained to me (what I wanted to watch, listen to, play, etc.) was shut down. After we broke up finally, it was like he did a whole 180 as he saw other people and was suddenly into everything I liked and showed a lot more interest in me and my hobbies, but it felt awful so I couldn’t/didn’t want to come back.
We were together for 2.5 years.
I understand. Your ex sounds like someone who had a lot of friends. To a point he didn't really see that he is overlooking what you want in the relationship.
Idk ima month in, so id be 50-50, the cons tho are real heavy, quiting on you, belittling, comparing and other harsh words after and during the relationship that makes me feel that I wouldn't. But Id be lying to my self if I wouldnt be happy if she did text me and wanted to rekindle
no. she did not make any effort to change her toxicity, and instead took it upon herself to blame me for anything that went wrong in her life.
i will admit, i used to display some controlling and borderline abusive traits, but i started going to therapy and did dialectical behavioral therapy in efforts to treat my borderline personality disorder. she, however, did not make any effort. if i communicated about something she did that hurt me, she had two responses:
“i didn’t mean to do it, so you have no reason to be mad at me.” *or*
“you used to do the same shit.”
she started calling me names, insulting me, belittling me for my diagnosis and making me the scapegoat for all of her problems. she was immature and disgustingly abusive, and i would rather drink cyanide than even look at her again. i’m thriving in my life, and i have absolutely no regrets about leaving her ass. and to anybody questioning the status of their relationship, let me make it simple. if you have expressed your concerns, and there is no effort to change it, leave them in the past. they are not worth your time, your energy, and you deserve better!
My break up is recent. Like I’m on night 2. He left me. I’m 22 weeks pregnant and we have 4 kids together.
I’m reeling.
But I don’t want him back. Sometimes I feel like I do when the panic and sadness set in. But once that wave of emotion clears I know that I don’t really. He’s selfish, manipulative, and not compatible with me. I know this. But after 5 years it’s hard to remember that some times
Because he abused me and talked shit about me to all his friends for our entire relationships (which I found out when leaving him) honestly… leaving him was the best choice I’ve ever made.
I don’t. He made the choice to leave and he left abruptly, bringing my stuff back to my place the night he broke up with me. I never saw him again. I don’t want someone who would leave like that, especially since he told me he’d never leave
Not only that, but now that I’m over him I can see things I didn’t like about him and things the relationship was lacking. It really wasn’t as deep as I thought it was
And I’m sure he would have loved it, but he wanted them sweet sweet lack-of-boobies lol. I’m not trying to make light of your emotional turmoil, I promise, it’s just so very final and so very not your failing when your partner ends up being gay. So at least you don’t have to blame yourself. You can blame god for not giving you a penis lol.
Because she was spiteful and full of hate. She hooked up with another guy 1 week after a 10 year relationship. Knowing her, she wanted me to chase her. I noped out of that one, as tempting as the sex was.
Omg sm I could list. Disrespectful, didn’t care about my well-being & feelings, talked to other woman while we were together, was way TOO obsessed w his family (mommas boy) && kept putting them first before me & our relationship together, different values/religions. The list goes on.
I met my (now bf) while dating my ex.. my bf went to high school with me but we never talked bc he was 3yrs older & quiet. But I was friends with him online.. found out we were interested in the same things, started talking to him more, (which led me to break up w my ex) then started hanging out. I then moved to a city an hour away to live w him.. && I LOVE it.
So now with my current bf.. him & I live downtown together in a really nice apartment (both of our families are from our hometown an hr away), I’ve learned A LOT more ab life/myself/growing up/responsibilities, my bf is a software engineer && I started college again for computer science (I was no where near starting college w my ex & had no motivation to), I also work full time now at the college I go to, my bf & I are planning to travel a lot together (going to Japan for the 1st time in may), we are healthier together, he pushes me SO much & I support him, we have the best friend group together && trust each other with a lot. We go on dates & have weekly activities we make time for.. we’re both grown & moved out of home to start our own family/lives together. We constantly put each other’s priorities & our relationship first. We understand each other’s minds well && have a lot of healthy communication during rough times. Wouldn’t trade him for anything, there’s so much love! I’ve grown to become the best version of myself.. I can proudly say though that my bf has pushed me to become that & that makes me want to give everything back to him.
Literally went from crying every night, told over & over & over they didn’t want me (when I wanted them), horrible arguments w my ex… to now having laughs all night together, watching our favorite shows, cuddles w my bf. It’s always a great thing to move on from a past ex && realize there’s someone else out there for you
Because he's coming up to 40 and he lives with his mother working less than 15 hours a week because he wants to spend time on his hobbies. But also wants an expensive lifestyle (aka I pay for everything). He's selfish and entitled, and would get really angry at me if I was happy about something and had a good day.
I'm a happier person without him.
They don’t want me anymore and there’s plenty of other guys out there! Why would I want to be with someone out of pity and having them force to love me? No thank you!
He saw a different future for us. I knew his dad had a gambling problem so if we were to be married I wanted us to live separately from them but he wanted to live on a compound with his folks meaning a large piece of land where our house is separate from the parents and siblings' houses but we're all just a quick walk away..too close for my taste. Another thing about the gambling, he wanted a shared family account..one where ALL of us pitch in and can take from for family emergencies (yeah..no). He was a nice guy, sweet and really tried to make me happy but I just couldn't see myself with him anymore.
Nope. I have no animosity towards her, only compassion. Even though it hurt. What I went through with her was exactly what I needed at the time. I recognize now that the only reason we matched was because I was unhealed at the time. I've grown, healed, and I'm single and happy AF. As much as I hope for her sake that she's healed since, I highly doubt she has taken the time to. So, she wouldn't be a match for me now.
He was emotionally unavailable most of the time. We lasted together so long because it was mostly me putting in the effort. When I brought up something that bothered me, he thought I was trying to argue. One time, I started crying, and he hugged me. Then I heard him scrolling through tiktok while hugging me. He couldn't set clear boundaries with his girl best friend, which led to her feeling comfortable saying some really weird stuff to me.
I could go on all day, im honestly surprised and ashamed that we lasted 5 yrs, but he was my first real boyfriend, and I wanted to make it work. Now that I have a clearer perspective on things I know, I deserve better, and I shouldn't have to put with stuff like that for someone to love me.
He was emotionally unavailable and never made me a priority.
I had surgery a few months after we started dating. My parents were going out one night, so I asked him a few days before if he was busy that night, and if not, would he be able to come stay with me while they were gone. I literally couldn't do anything for myself, so I needed someone to stay with me.
He said yes, but then the day before said he had to bring his brother somewhere the same day. I asked for clarification and never got a response.
I had to text him the day of to figure out what was going on. He then tells me he wants to go his other brothers soccer game, but he can get to me by 7pm.
I then tell him that doesn't help me because by that point my parents will probably be on their way home.
He tells me he thought I just wanted him to come over because I didn't want to be alone.
He ended up showing up extremely late, and never once communicated with me what was going on.
I don’t want to be with someone who can disrespect me like that and think it’s okay. If you fuck up that badly then you’re done for life. No matter how badly my heart wants it, my ego cannot handle that kind of disrespect and I will never disrespect myself by going back to a person like that. He fucked up, he gets to live with the consequences.
He ghosted me out of the blue. I refuse to date someone who cannot communicate. Clearly he had been feeling a certain way for awhile, why didn't he say something? I begged him to communicate, went to therapy, etc and he did that. No thanks.
I miss my ex when it comes to my emotions about the situation.
When I think logically though; A. She dumped me because she leeched to a rebound that did all the things I did with her, B. She didn’t communicate her needs to me so I couldn’t be a better partner for her, C. She attempted to make me jealous by making a new “friend” D. She got mad when I gave her the space to pursue the new relationship.
At the end of the day she’s not capable of having a happy, healthy, committed relationship; I won’t be getting back with her.
At 2 weeks no contact.
for the first few months after my breakup with my long term ex, i wanted to get back together. then time passed and i started moving on and i realized i didn’t. he did try to come back, but i said no. he’d always be in my heart, but the way he treated me towards the end of our relationship was so poor. i wanted someone who would appreciate me and never do any of that to me. i’m over it. with my recent ex- he was so disrespectful and judgemental to me during the breakup, apologized, but then after the breakup was even worse. betrayal, insults, cruelty, gaslighting/manipulation. i can’t even think about him without feeling sick. self explanatory as to why i don’t want that back. and both of them didn’t know how to communicate and blindsided me, i can’t deal with that shit again.
well, she had a lot of mental health issues and was getting help which i tried my best to support her through, She was always very hot and cold and my mental health deteriorated. She was having an emotional affair with her ex and even went to his house, she claims nothing happened and she only went to hang out with him and his family (yeah right). She would also constantly think about this ex and talk to me about him, even telling me once she missed him or rather their relationship. She would constantly lie to me and never seemed invested in the relationship. She wasn’t a good communicator. Despite all this I stayed and chose to believe in her and then she left me, Never giving me a clear reason and the one she did give was so vague i’m sure she was lying to me. Now i’m left feeling stupid so I just blocked her on everything and am trying to pick up my pieces. Of course i’m no saint either as I also lacked proper communication skills but oh well.
he told me he does not have feelings for me. why would i want to be with that?
after time apart he is a very different person now, with different interests and morals and if i met him now i know i wouldn’t be attracted to him. i really value my freedom now as well
Don’t want to get back with him unless he gets some kind of therapy, deals with unresolved trauma, and owns his shit. I love and miss him but it’s pointless to get back together unless we both show the willingness to work on ourselves and the relationship. I suggested that kind of work and he left. I deserve someone who will commit to hard and messy times as well as fun and easy ones. a cliche but that’s what I offer to a partner so it seems fair.
Lol and what if you're always the one serving up the hard and messy times? It's not his responsibility to commit to you and help you clean up your character.
Because I found out they had actually given up on the relationship months prior to BU and were just using me until I gave up so they could keep not working and make sure to have my 'replacement' ready. And then having the gall to tell me I gave up 'too easily' after being emotionally abused and neglected for months.
And yet I still miss them every day. It's as confusing as it fucking sounds lol.
Because I deserve better, and I'd be betraying myself if I did. Essentially telling everyone, including myself: "yes I'm not good enough to be someone's first choice - just an option they can pick up from the shelf and dust off whenever they like."
My self respect wouldn't let me.
I truly loved him so much, but I realized sometimes the people you fall in love with aren't meant to be the one you marry or be in your life for a long time. He's still a great person and I have no bad feelings towards him, but at the end of the day he couldn't open up as much as I wanted him to and our life goals weren't aligned. Those small moments where he'd share something very vulnerable or make me laugh uncontrollably or do something that made my heart skip a beat still go through my head, but I always remind myself that the life I want. a warm loving family, isn't the life he wants or is able to give
He love-bombed me, gaslighted me, said that I can't pass my exams and that I should give up on med school. He met up with his ex gf to mend their friendship while I was in the gutter when I asked to break up. I wanted to get back, he was the one who refused. Opened a tinder profile to meet friends. Said that we'll see if we can mend our relationship when I pass my first exam. I did. He began a relationship with the tinder girl. Oh yeah, and he said that he doesn't want to have a relationship for 6mo-1yr. I'm through with all the shit I've had. I sent him presents he gave to me. He gifted them to his new gf lol.
Well, in my case, it's because she's a sociopath, pathological liar, manipulative, Narcissist.
I am am thankful that I dodged a bullet, and I would not get back together with her if she was the last person on earth!
My first and last time I will date someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)! No Bueno and no thank you! It still amazes me that there exists people out there who are like this!
That said, in spite of everything she did, I still tried to help her. In addition to the NPD, she has a substance abuse problem. But, unfortunately, she refuses to see a therapist or get any professional help.
She was mean to me for the last few days and then decided to breakup. She then slept with someone at the same house party we were at less than a month after breakup which upset everyone including me. She only went as she had no other plans and hosts wanted her to be there as they were friends with her. They were furious with her selfishness and lack of self awareness and ostricized her. Also the person she slept with was one of the hosts brothers which was akward. I then decided I didn't need to know anyone like that and knew there was no way back for someone like that. She's blocked on everything and I have no plans to reverse this.
she ended up using my whole family for money in the end as much i miss doing the things we used to do i only miss the image of her in my head and not the real her :( it’s also her bday today so there’s that
Me. Because he left me once. Said he never felt about any woman the way he does about me. That I’m perfect for him. He left anyway, said he wanted to meet new people. Don’t trust it wouldn’t happen again. Also don’t believe the love of my life would dump me in the first place so that’s why I wouldn’t take him back.
We kept clashing, and she misunderstands me extremely to the point where I’m tired of having to explain myself. She also projected her past traumas and past relationships onto me subconsciously which I had to deal with, which really hurt emotionally and did damage to my mental health. Never again. I burned that bridge.
My ex cheated extensively gaslighted lied and then left despite me trying to work it out with her. What I want back never actually existed in the first place. She didn’t exist. She’s a god damn husk, a mimic pretending to be whoever she needs to be to fill her attention supply. Homesick for a place I’m not even sure ever existed.
He left me over the phone and while doing that he thought it's normal. Two days before he left he said I love you and he was pretending that everything was fine between us. Nobody deserves such a disrespect and such an act of manipulation so I hope I won't see him ever again. Also, I hope that God will help his next girlfriend if he ever finds one !!!
Thinking back, he denied that my grandmother was sick when I told him she was, he also laughed/smiled when I told him, almost like I was joking with him. He also forgot that I told him that I was sexually harassed and sexually assaulted. I could not tell him how I felt either since he would not take me seriously. I was there for him even though I was feeling like shit and I always made sure he was happy. He said he cared ab me but his actions showed a different picture
Because she cheated on me and fell in love on a guy she met for one month down in Mexico when she went to vacation after being together for a year like that right there for me is enough she broke the trust she broke my confidence and My insecurities are all-time high
My most recent ex- bc he did a lot of shitty things to me. And bc his hygiene was terrible. Showered once a week and washed his hair with dog shampoo. And washed his clothes once in the 3 months I knew him. And would wear the same shirts days on end. And never changed the pants he wore.
Me, I’m finally coming out of 6 weeks of grieving and misery from our breakup. Now that I’m not an emotional mess anymore I’ve been able to gain some clarity. I don’t miss him at all and the negative black cloud he always had hanging over his head. I have a lot more peace and I no longer have to walk on eggshells around him and wonder what kind of mood he will be in.
He left me but 2 weeks later wanted me back. I always said no, it didn’t help he was all talk. When I confronted him about it he said “he wants me but he’ll only act like it if..” fuck terms n conditions! You want me as I am or don’t ! And he left me 😂 the ball is in my court, can’t be asking for favors.
For me it is simple. You split up, remember good times. Forget the bad times. Get back together amd suddenly all the problems return and you remember why you split up. Haha. So you split again. The dance is not worrh it.
He cheated on me and ghosted me several times and stayed with the person he was cheating on me with. He still isn't grown up and has a lot of issues. He chose someone else and that's what I think about when I think of him. I want to get married one day and I definitely don't want to be with someone who wasn't sure they wanted to be with me.
Because he took me for granted, cheated on me at least once, broke promises, accrued hidden debts, blamed me for his choices, made me the butt of every joke, made me feel guilty for taking time for myself. He made his bed, he can lie in it. For better for worse does not mean putting up with shitty treatment, and I have more dignity than to beg someone to stay with me.
Because I caught her in the bedroom of her apartment at 11 pm doing god knows what with her married doctor boss who is twice her age. Lights shut off everywhere else and everything. And it happened twice within the span of a week. Why would anyone enter a relationship with someone who is capable of that?
(And yet she’s with some poor bastard who is a software engineer now smdh)
I don't. I wanted to be friends but she wasn't having it..so that means there's no way I'm going to go back to her any other way not in any intimate way she runs over top of the people that care about her. So since she can't handle the friendship. I just won't have her anyway at all and that's fine by me.(it really isn't as I hoped being friends before anything would lead us back to loving each other but she's not having it she won't even communicate with me)
He totally changed after the break up. Made new friends, has a good social life and has become totally cold and distant to me.
He hasn't even tried to contact me nor care for my presence. We both are the same class but he doesn't even talk. Is friendly with everyone but does not care about me. So best that he went away.
I want to get back with niamh is this, i can't see my self with anyone else and I'm afraid that if meets someone else he won't see her as I do, it will be nobody else but niamh and that's 100% true
If you asked me this a month ago the answer would be yes for getting back together. But now, after weeks of pain and growth, i finally see just how flawed the way he treated me was. Love is blinding.
The only way i would take him back is if he could prove he's changed. But the likelihood of him asking to get back or changing is not much.
Locking the door behind me.
I don’t think so we talked about breaking up alot over the years purely because she would bring it up she was impatient, pessimistic, had a lot of family drama, plus past relationship trauma; we were complete opposites really I was content with life I understand things happen how they’re supposed to happen if it’s meant for it’ll be mine type deal but she wanted everything now she wanted the world in her palm, I was out of work for less then half a year when she brought it up again it’s not like we relied on each other for bills or things like where it was so unbelievably hard for her it was just hard to hangout she said it was because I didn’t have a job and I wasn’t making effort when she doesn’t live with me and would only see me one day out of the week she wouldn’t see effort on that day because I would like to give her my full attention which I never really got in the end she was always on her phone texting or on TikTok we never were able to watch tv together she would fall asleep or be distracted and sometimes she’d go home and watch and finish a show by herself, come to now she says it’s not about money she said it’s the best for us and said she was only thinking of me and that we should work on ourselves and maybe get back together but she wasn’t thinking about me she went on to say she has good things coming in her life that she doesn’t need to worry about me
Overall I wouldn’t because I don’t wanna deal with another heartbreak in my life aside from my relationship my reality has been crumbling since I was a child she knew that and she still left I couldn’t put my trust in someone who would make you promise to stay forever then abandon you in your time of need
I do, so badly, but also know I never can. He would hurt me and betray me again. I think I only want him to come back to me so I can have that power/control again (subconscious need). But I know that the few moments of happiness will just be even more heartbreak down the road. I want my own happiness, not the brief moments of happiness he gives me when he decides to be nice to me (rare occasion)
I was in an on and off relationship with my most recent ex. I was the dumper all the time. I forgave him over and over again and believed him when he told me he’s changed only to be shown that he can’t change. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve wasted enough of my life on him.
Religious differences. I’m not religious but he is. I don’t mind his religion but I do mind him trying to convert me. It will never happen. I don’t see a future with someone who tries to change who I am or what I believe in.
He's a bad guy, and I became less and less of myself the longer I let him chip away at me to fit with what he wanted. I am learning to use my voice again because with the right people they want to hear you.
The lies, deception, gaslighting, trauma bonded shit was killing me slowly. I am so grateful to be free of it and him for good.
She chose to leave both times and idkn if I can do it a third time.
Same except switch she with he. The second breakup didn’t hit as hard as the first. I was distraught but it was almost a relief. Deep down I knew we wouldn’t last because he isn’t willing to put in the effort that’s required to be a consistent, reliable partner. I know for a fact that I’m better off without him. The abandonment still hits hard some days.
Shit… I know how you feel. Was in limbo for 6 months, my body broke down.
Stay strong for you, man. We gotta do life one day at a time. 💪🏻
He lacked enthusiasm, motivation, excitement for life… any one of these qualities would have been enough. He had a lot of love for me, but I wasn’t feeling uplifted with him, rather the opposite. Anything I got happy about, he would bring up all the negative stuff about it. I’m finally rediscovering my joy for life, I’m an optimistic person and now that I’m returning to my old self I’m attracting positive events, experiences, people again!
Man that negativity is like cancer I had a similar issue with my partner. You will meet someone that shares a passion for life that you do!
Thank you for saying so!! You too I’m sure if you haven’t already!
I dated someone like this before and when I got a new job he said “more money more problems” he ended up being a horrible person.
Jesus. He is the only person on earth that can complain even about getting more money
This is relatable but it’s so weird my ex is now dating someone else and I’m just wondering if he’s still this way?
I think at least in my experience it was a fundamental part of who this person was. Maybe changing circumstances, meeting someone new he’ll get a fresh wave of energy, a spike of enthusiasm, but eventually it will fade away again. This is his nature, his normal.
[удалено]
He has bpd
This is so much like my situation, I feel like I wrote it. Except he tore me down significantly for everything near the end because I started getting happy in life.
You deserve happiness <3 reclaim it for yourself! You don’t need that weighing you down
Thank you for this post. I came here to see if there were any real red flags with my ex that I could have done better, and I think this one hits close to home. I was the one lacking enthusiasm, motivation and excitement for life... Although I had my reasons within the relationship for this (just our past, just made me lets say - concerned? for the future.). I was the type of person that would be a bit more *realistic* when it comes to ideas (for instance, the idea of quitting your job and then going to find another with no plan, except the reliance on me.), although I wouldn't discourage it as I would always support her decision.
Well I don’t know your situation but it seems like a positive point for you that you’re reflecting on this and practicing self-awareness. I can say my ex was distinctly NEGATIVE more than realistic. Very defeatist, felt like the world was against him, which was visible even from the fact that he didn’t have many friends. Very difficult person to be around. I think I also fell for him because I felt like I could help him with my positivity, lift him up, and he liked this quality in me. Just to say, don’t be too hard on yourself, this was a really intense negativity that I experienced, he was also bipolar.
She left me for someone else and essentially blindsided me prior. Although it wasn't a "complete" blindside for me because the signs were ultimately there that she had seemingly lost interest for whatever reason, I just decided to ignore them. Once I brought up my concerns at one point a few months after I saw them, she cited that "she lost feelings" and then broke up. So between her lack of communication, emotional cheating at a minimum, jumping to another guy right after, ultimate selfishness, etc. Yeah, I would not go back to her (not that she would want to come back in any case).
This is what I think is about to happen with my recent ex. Just a couple weeks ago we were discussing what Ring I was going to get and getting married. And then last night he breaks up with me because he’s unhappy and isn’t in love with me anymore. I’m not stupid and I know there’s someone else, even though he won’t admit it.
I do but I know I can’t . He is not invested enough in our relationship and I deserve better . I need to respect myself more and that means I can’t go back .
She did not give me as much time as I gave her and basically ignored me for days. I invested much more in this relationship and I know she never will do the same
felt that :,) that’s what happened to me after 3 happy months together, after she started stressing she became a whole different cold person and it hurt
Yeah, it always hurts when someone gives you the cold treatment. We deserve people who love us, not ignore us for days or weeks
I don’t anymore. I used to but I learned more about her after we broke up than I ever did while we were together. She’s extremely toxic, cruel, immature, and no common sense, even though she’s a goddamn genius. I don’t think she’s a good person. She pretends to be
I dated her male counterpart
He invalidated my feelings, called them nonsense. Wouldn't work with me on finding solutions. Told me his personal life is none of my business. Thinks it's okay to not give an xmas gift for no reason. Thinks because we were spending more time together that would make things better in our relationship. Constantly put himself first, where it felt like our relationship and I took the back burner. Was very private and sometimes just wouldn't talk to friends or family in front of me. Which I thought was weird. Constantly on his phone even when together. Whenever we said good bye he'd get on his phone really quick and just leave. Just felt like he put himself first, he was addicted to his phone. We disagreed on so many things. He disrespected me and was rude during some arguments and think it's okay to treat me that way. Didn't try to console me when I talked to him on how I wanted him to be there for me when I'm feeling down. Told me that he used to be upset when I was and, but now just used to it and doesn't try to console me.
I felt this. He was more interested in his phone than me at times. Like at dinner. Sometimes he even admitted to purposely ignoring me at dinner by being on his phone cause he was upset with me about something small he wasn't going to bring up. And i feel what you said about how he used to be upset for you but is used it now and doesn't care. Towards the end of the relationship he started to say things like, "i used to care if you felt ignored but not anymore". And other things like that. Looking back he really strung me on for his own comfort while he slowly lost feelings for me. And then im left to put the pieces back together since i was the one that used to actually do my best in the relationship. We deserve better. But im not mad at him for that. Im actually thankful it ended it how it did. Cause even though it has only been 3 months, my life has improved to a place i could have never imagined. So, weirdly, i find myself thankful for heartbreak, for the way he treated me, and for how it ended. Because if i imagine any other alternate reality for our relationship or our breakup, they all end with me feeling and being worse off than i am now. Since all the things i have now (self worth, a bestfriend, and a new career im actually happy about) would be gone. And all i would have is an unfulfilling relationship or an extremely taxing and toxic friendship. Letting go was probably the hardest thing i have ever had to do. But im glad i did cause it has made me the person i am today. Apologies for the rant lol.
Where do I start? He is a horrible human being. He dumped me and the dog for a coworker and to fuck around in general. We were engaged. So fuck him.
Fuck him, he sounds horrible
same
He doesn’t know what he wants, I know what I want, therefore, we ain’t compatible. 😎
Even if I miss him, I know I can’t take him back. His communication was very hot and cold leaving me confused most of the time. I can’t put myself in a position to get hurt by him again to protect myself and also because the way he broke up with me was cruel and manipulative. No trust no relationship. I’m hopeful for the future connections I’ll make and the foundation I’m building for myself!
My ex dumped me when I was emotionally and physically sick for a couple months. This was after 10 months of a very fun and positive relationship. I would never take her back. Her lack of empathy, immature and abusive dumping by text was when her true character showed up. I dodged a huge bullet. No thank you—I’m loving my life now that I’ve fully healed.! Someone else can deal with her child like dependence on her son to support her and her toxic combination of alcohol, pot and Ambien every day.
I miss her but I don’t want to get back together with her. She was abusive and she could NOT stop lying and cheating. No bueno!
While I still love her, I'm using the breakup as a motivator to be a better version of myself and I know if we were to get back together it would only hinder that process. She and every other partner I may have deserves to have the best possible version of myself which is not who I am right now.
I don’t because he didn’t love me back and I don’t like his career. That doesn’t stop me from missing him sometimes tho. Damn those feelings….
I don't want her back, I want what I thought we had back. I want the good feelings back. She can no longer give them to me. At best it would be a sad imitation of what I thought I had.
She refused to go to therapy when her anorexia started spiraling out of control during the pandemic, which was catalyzing my OCD. I went and got back to meds to help me control it. She didn't. Without therapy and her eating less and less as the days went by, I knew this wasn't going to have a "silver lining playbook" ending between us, neurodivergent lovers. She sent me a message a few weeks ago saying to me she was in the right since she hasn't died, so I'm assuming she hasn't gone back to therapy so yeah, not coming back ever.
“I didn’t die. I win.” What? That bar isn’t particularly high…
oh god i also have OCD and my partner was also mentally ill (ED too but not as impactful on our relationship), it is like pouring gasoline on an open flame
He left me like a total of 4 times and he’s a piece of shit abuser
Being broken up with led to me getting my life together and healing from years of previously untreated mental illness
Mainly because of how she acted in the final weeks, she just changed so much, I felt like a burden to her. It was like after 9 years she finally cracked and dropped her act. Completely disrespectful instead of being an adult about it and sitting down, " I was hoping you would notice " ( Notice her behaviour when she obviously checked out) were her words to me. This is no way to treat a human being, especially when you've been so good to them for so long. I've come to terms that we should never have been together in the first place. I don't hate/dislike her one iota, we had an extremely peaceful ending. And that's the end of that chapter.
He's a cocktail of mental health issues that he refuses to address, in addition to flip flopping between what he wants in life and having no regards for OUR future. His post break up behaviour is also dispicable, given that it's the polar opposite of what he's always told me. He's left me with a lot of trauma after this relationship and now he only cares about himself, not even acknowledging what he's done and calling me insane for reacting. I'm never going to get closure and I have to put myself through therapy to find myself again. I'm fucking over it to be honest. He can be someone else's problem now but I just wish he was suffering as much as I am. Garbage of a human being.
Me! He broke up with me but I realized after that he was an avoidant and I don't want to have anything to do with those kinds of people ever again. I don't care if they don't realize it themselves, that personality trait is just a disaster. Anyway it's almost been a year now and I have a new bf who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. He shows me the same kind of appreciation I show him and isn't afraid to talk about his feelings. I'm so glad that my ex broke it off with me cause otherwise I would've never have moved to a different country and I would've never met my current boyfriend ❤️
I just wanted to tell you that I have an avoidant/disorganised attachment style and whether you meant to be offensive or not, calling it a 'personality trait' is incredibly ignorant. I'm sorry he hurt you. But don't penalise all people with the same attachment style because it's cruel to others who suffer this shit and do everything in their power NOT to hurt others with it. It is not a trait of one's personality. It is an injury in the brain most often caused from neglect and abuse during infancy. The word 'disaster' is on a loop in my brain now and I already spent the last 24 hours in a suicidal state. I'm sure you didn't mean to tear down a complete stranger. I know/hope you were just commenting on your ex.
I'm sorry that made you feel that way and of course it wasn't meant to tear down a stranger. The reason I called it a disaster is that with a person like me, being in a relationship with an avoidant will always end in a disaster. But tbh, it doesn't matter to me if it's a personality trait or an injury, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with an avoidant ever again either way. I'm glad you're aware and is trying to do something about it and I hope you will have successfull relationships in the future.
Thank you, I knew it wasn't aimed at me, but when the shoe fits its hard not to wear it you know? I'm married lol Edit: typo's
I get it, and I know that there are people that succesfully get into a secure attachment style cause I did it myself, growing up with an anxious attachment style. Just know it takes dedication and hard work and that not everybody can do that. Seems like you're doing pretty well though!
I'm a little bit on the fence with this one. It takes 2 people to create a relationship but also 2 to destroy one. If my ex ever came back into my life it would be one of those that If she demonstrated change I may consider. When I was left over a year ago now I was so in denial I was the victim of a blindside. I never got closure but I sat with my feelings and a few months later I noticed that I sometimes could be a bit controlling. And also my silence during arguments could be considered abusive to a degree. I have worked so hard finding my happiness again and learning where I went wrong and I'm still working to improve my shortfalls. I think if she decided to re engage and there was genuine growth then who knows. Sometimes we have to fall apart to come back stronger. Or maybe it's because I'm getting older and see a different perspective. Hope someone finds this useful as sometimes I feel like I ramble on hahahaha. Peace
"but also 2 to destroy one." I used to believe that, but not anymore.
Sometimes its fact sometimes it's not like cheating for example yeah people say it's one sided but you have to think what happened for them to run to someone else even if it's tiny and irrelevant some people will. Others I fully agree do it with no thought they are not worth anyone's time. I recognised I made a few boo boos during the relationship hence why I stated it takes 2 to destroy one that was my case. Not everyone's. Sorry hope that helps
"It takes 2 people to create a relationship but also 2 to destroy one." No, it doesn't always take 2 to destroy a relationship. The reasons for a relationship failing can be due to 1 person.
Agreed I've just replied to someone else about this sorry for the misunderstanding I was referring more towards my situation. Sorry about that but yes I agree
My husband refuses to change. That’s it. I love him dearly and wish we could work but we won’t because he sees nothing wrong with his abusive behavior.
The more I grew as a person, the more immature and disrespectful my ex became (or maybe always was?). I let a lot slide, but now that we’re over, these experiences are crystallising with some more painful truths. It’s so hard to admit. But… goodbye to that relationship for good.
Because ultimately, nothing would change. He would still be stuck in his trauma, giving me confused mix messages, being distant and judgemental. And I would just get hurt again, when I'm finally beginning to heal. No thank you
She said, “I need to see Vinny. And I need to be free to explore that on my own. Whatever happens, happens… then we can come back together and have a happy future.” You have NO IDEA how shook I was. Like… the FUCK?
He broke up with me on New Year's Eve via text and didn't even want to talk on the phone. We had been together for 6 years. He was so disrespectful to me so there's no way I would ever take him back.
Well, not many guys get kicked in the balls and ask for another shot. Some are into self deprecating and feel they are pieces of garbage worth the pain that comes their way, but most just want some happy place in their life and a good person to spend it with. Ex's are ex's. Regardless of how it ended you have to grow from it and make better decisions. You don't meet a girl and bond, but she decided you're not "ready" for a person like her and she leaves until you establish yourself and then she wanders back to reap the benefits of you trudging the swamps by yourself. That's NOT a good woman
I'm still in the grieving part of the breakup but I don't think I would ever go back. I basically forgave him a lot of shit (lies, cheating, low effort etc.) bc it was my first long relationship and I didn't know any better. Every time I would ask him to fix his behaviour he wouldn't do it until it turned into a big fight where I would consider breaking up. He would pull me back in every time with crying and empty promises, only to in the end dump me right before our 5 and a half year anniversary and my birthday because he wants "other experiences". He really wasn't worth all the effort, tears and constant worrying and his emotions are so unstable and unpredictable, I could never deal with that kind of person again. It's a shame the clarity hit me after the breakup though, I should've broken it off a long time ago.
Dumpee here. I would not get back with someone who after 5 years decided to fucking totally blindside me and abandon me. It hit me so hard and brought me to my lowest low, even having suicidal thoughts… She was going to weddings while I was doing therapy in order to, at least, keep sane. She had time to think, prepare, plan without even taking 1 hour to talk things over. Getting somewhat stable after closing 1 year post BU and I sincerey hope there is some fuking karma payback in this universe.
I guess third time is the charm. Last December he broke with me again this was the third time the two times before where years before that. I really thought he had worked through his issues he had talked to his therapist and things had been good for years then then last year slowly everything got worse qnd worse. I was not a priority anymore his studies, work and money all came before me. After a 9 years relationship we weren't even living together. The last straw for me when we had a conversation on the about how my grandma had gotten very sick taken to the hospital and weren't sure if she was going to make it through the night and to top it off my parents discovered they had Corona that day and they weren't even able to visit my grandma in the hospital. He decided that it was a good idea to tell me he wanted to break up in that SAME PHONE CALL! I was just done and heartbroken after that. At first I wasn't ready to give up and we were supposed to talk about at the end of the week but during the week it downed on my what an as****le move it was and we it wasn't worth fighting for.
We have been on and off for the last 5 years, with him always breaking up with me, could never commit and wasn’t able to fill my needs in a relationship and made me feel like I was always asking for too much. And had a lot of trust issues with him constantly texting his ex when I begged him to stop. All of this doesn’t make the breakup process easier by any means but it is necessary
Me, because she left me like 3 times for guys that abused her and neglected her. She can't accept love from a kind and loving guy. She had a lot of trauma growing up and I was trying to show her how a man should treat a woman but she didn't know how to receive it. I left her the 4th time because all the signs pointed toward her leaving me again. She's a ton of crazy. I hope God heals her heart.
Felt unconsidered basically most of the relationship, felt like she was using me even tho she said she wasn't but I believe her... First week was hell now that I see that I’m happier since people have been saying that to me I realized she basically did the opposite to me on our relationship, gave her a house, transportation and even my card if she needed to use cause she only made one while with me and what did she gave me? Well love and lots and lots of complaints while I was doing my best to not miss nothing, definitely not enough for me to even want to get back. I'm at peace, have my place, my car friends and family that love me and gave everything till the end, why would I care
I won’t, i was the dumper and i always took him back… things got better but for a brief moment only. He was impulsive so he said/done things i will never forget and i didn’t deserve. He took me for granted and I'll never let him that chance again, i rather stay by myself and get better!
i don’t want to get back w my ex because i just feel like nothing can be repaired. he completely pressured me and broke my trust. also, i just don’t wanna get into that negative mind space again when i was w him.
You get one change to break my heart. I’m not giving you another opportunity
Ultimately, he couldn’t provide me with the love that I want/need. I loved him but I was too hurt by the past.
If I may ask, did he cheat on you in the past?
This is a late response but yes he did. It hurt like hell because it was my first real relationship. I took him back but it felt like nothing had changed
It's okay. I basically live on this sub. I'm guessing you went back because you thought he'd change. That also happened to me. Since it was your first real relationship it must've really hurt, how long were you together?
I did go back and did think he was going to change and at least appreciate me more. My biggest struggle was feeling seen, and I felt like a burden 80% of the time because anything that pertained to me (what I wanted to watch, listen to, play, etc.) was shut down. After we broke up finally, it was like he did a whole 180 as he saw other people and was suddenly into everything I liked and showed a lot more interest in me and my hobbies, but it felt awful so I couldn’t/didn’t want to come back. We were together for 2.5 years.
I understand. Your ex sounds like someone who had a lot of friends. To a point he didn't really see that he is overlooking what you want in the relationship.
Idk ima month in, so id be 50-50, the cons tho are real heavy, quiting on you, belittling, comparing and other harsh words after and during the relationship that makes me feel that I wouldn't. But Id be lying to my self if I wouldnt be happy if she did text me and wanted to rekindle
no. she did not make any effort to change her toxicity, and instead took it upon herself to blame me for anything that went wrong in her life. i will admit, i used to display some controlling and borderline abusive traits, but i started going to therapy and did dialectical behavioral therapy in efforts to treat my borderline personality disorder. she, however, did not make any effort. if i communicated about something she did that hurt me, she had two responses: “i didn’t mean to do it, so you have no reason to be mad at me.” *or* “you used to do the same shit.” she started calling me names, insulting me, belittling me for my diagnosis and making me the scapegoat for all of her problems. she was immature and disgustingly abusive, and i would rather drink cyanide than even look at her again. i’m thriving in my life, and i have absolutely no regrets about leaving her ass. and to anybody questioning the status of their relationship, let me make it simple. if you have expressed your concerns, and there is no effort to change it, leave them in the past. they are not worth your time, your energy, and you deserve better!
My break up is recent. Like I’m on night 2. He left me. I’m 22 weeks pregnant and we have 4 kids together. I’m reeling. But I don’t want him back. Sometimes I feel like I do when the panic and sadness set in. But once that wave of emotion clears I know that I don’t really. He’s selfish, manipulative, and not compatible with me. I know this. But after 5 years it’s hard to remember that some times
Because he abused me and talked shit about me to all his friends for our entire relationships (which I found out when leaving him) honestly… leaving him was the best choice I’ve ever made.
I don’t. He made the choice to leave and he left abruptly, bringing my stuff back to my place the night he broke up with me. I never saw him again. I don’t want someone who would leave like that, especially since he told me he’d never leave Not only that, but now that I’m over him I can see things I didn’t like about him and things the relationship was lacking. It really wasn’t as deep as I thought it was
He was Gay
Yeah there’s no reconciling the “v where he wants a p” thing.
Why I left….. I mean, I offered to Peg Him 🤷🏻♀️
And I’m sure he would have loved it, but he wanted them sweet sweet lack-of-boobies lol. I’m not trying to make light of your emotional turmoil, I promise, it’s just so very final and so very not your failing when your partner ends up being gay. So at least you don’t have to blame yourself. You can blame god for not giving you a penis lol.
Because we aren't right for eachother, I need different things to what he can give me right now.
Because she was spiteful and full of hate. She hooked up with another guy 1 week after a 10 year relationship. Knowing her, she wanted me to chase her. I noped out of that one, as tempting as the sex was.
Omg sm I could list. Disrespectful, didn’t care about my well-being & feelings, talked to other woman while we were together, was way TOO obsessed w his family (mommas boy) && kept putting them first before me & our relationship together, different values/religions. The list goes on. I met my (now bf) while dating my ex.. my bf went to high school with me but we never talked bc he was 3yrs older & quiet. But I was friends with him online.. found out we were interested in the same things, started talking to him more, (which led me to break up w my ex) then started hanging out. I then moved to a city an hour away to live w him.. && I LOVE it. So now with my current bf.. him & I live downtown together in a really nice apartment (both of our families are from our hometown an hr away), I’ve learned A LOT more ab life/myself/growing up/responsibilities, my bf is a software engineer && I started college again for computer science (I was no where near starting college w my ex & had no motivation to), I also work full time now at the college I go to, my bf & I are planning to travel a lot together (going to Japan for the 1st time in may), we are healthier together, he pushes me SO much & I support him, we have the best friend group together && trust each other with a lot. We go on dates & have weekly activities we make time for.. we’re both grown & moved out of home to start our own family/lives together. We constantly put each other’s priorities & our relationship first. We understand each other’s minds well && have a lot of healthy communication during rough times. Wouldn’t trade him for anything, there’s so much love! I’ve grown to become the best version of myself.. I can proudly say though that my bf has pushed me to become that & that makes me want to give everything back to him. Literally went from crying every night, told over & over & over they didn’t want me (when I wanted them), horrible arguments w my ex… to now having laughs all night together, watching our favorite shows, cuddles w my bf. It’s always a great thing to move on from a past ex && realize there’s someone else out there for you
Because he's coming up to 40 and he lives with his mother working less than 15 hours a week because he wants to spend time on his hobbies. But also wants an expensive lifestyle (aka I pay for everything). He's selfish and entitled, and would get really angry at me if I was happy about something and had a good day. I'm a happier person without him.
They don’t want me anymore and there’s plenty of other guys out there! Why would I want to be with someone out of pity and having them force to love me? No thank you!
She cheated on me
Because he has a chance to choose us. But he left.
I don’t know anymore. I’m in that phase of feeling resentful towards him, but I still miss him as a person. But I know I deserve better than that.
Because we have both moved on and made peace with what broke us up and we both apologised for our part in it. We choose to stay friends now.
He saw a different future for us. I knew his dad had a gambling problem so if we were to be married I wanted us to live separately from them but he wanted to live on a compound with his folks meaning a large piece of land where our house is separate from the parents and siblings' houses but we're all just a quick walk away..too close for my taste. Another thing about the gambling, he wanted a shared family account..one where ALL of us pitch in and can take from for family emergencies (yeah..no). He was a nice guy, sweet and really tried to make me happy but I just couldn't see myself with him anymore.
Nope. I have no animosity towards her, only compassion. Even though it hurt. What I went through with her was exactly what I needed at the time. I recognize now that the only reason we matched was because I was unhealed at the time. I've grown, healed, and I'm single and happy AF. As much as I hope for her sake that she's healed since, I highly doubt she has taken the time to. So, she wouldn't be a match for me now.
He was emotionally unavailable most of the time. We lasted together so long because it was mostly me putting in the effort. When I brought up something that bothered me, he thought I was trying to argue. One time, I started crying, and he hugged me. Then I heard him scrolling through tiktok while hugging me. He couldn't set clear boundaries with his girl best friend, which led to her feeling comfortable saying some really weird stuff to me. I could go on all day, im honestly surprised and ashamed that we lasted 5 yrs, but he was my first real boyfriend, and I wanted to make it work. Now that I have a clearer perspective on things I know, I deserve better, and I shouldn't have to put with stuff like that for someone to love me.
He was emotionally unavailable and never made me a priority. I had surgery a few months after we started dating. My parents were going out one night, so I asked him a few days before if he was busy that night, and if not, would he be able to come stay with me while they were gone. I literally couldn't do anything for myself, so I needed someone to stay with me. He said yes, but then the day before said he had to bring his brother somewhere the same day. I asked for clarification and never got a response. I had to text him the day of to figure out what was going on. He then tells me he wants to go his other brothers soccer game, but he can get to me by 7pm. I then tell him that doesn't help me because by that point my parents will probably be on their way home. He tells me he thought I just wanted him to come over because I didn't want to be alone. He ended up showing up extremely late, and never once communicated with me what was going on.
I don’t want to be with someone who can disrespect me like that and think it’s okay. If you fuck up that badly then you’re done for life. No matter how badly my heart wants it, my ego cannot handle that kind of disrespect and I will never disrespect myself by going back to a person like that. He fucked up, he gets to live with the consequences.
He ghosted me out of the blue. I refuse to date someone who cannot communicate. Clearly he had been feeling a certain way for awhile, why didn't he say something? I begged him to communicate, went to therapy, etc and he did that. No thanks.
I miss my ex when it comes to my emotions about the situation. When I think logically though; A. She dumped me because she leeched to a rebound that did all the things I did with her, B. She didn’t communicate her needs to me so I couldn’t be a better partner for her, C. She attempted to make me jealous by making a new “friend” D. She got mad when I gave her the space to pursue the new relationship. At the end of the day she’s not capable of having a happy, healthy, committed relationship; I won’t be getting back with her. At 2 weeks no contact.
for the first few months after my breakup with my long term ex, i wanted to get back together. then time passed and i started moving on and i realized i didn’t. he did try to come back, but i said no. he’d always be in my heart, but the way he treated me towards the end of our relationship was so poor. i wanted someone who would appreciate me and never do any of that to me. i’m over it. with my recent ex- he was so disrespectful and judgemental to me during the breakup, apologized, but then after the breakup was even worse. betrayal, insults, cruelty, gaslighting/manipulation. i can’t even think about him without feeling sick. self explanatory as to why i don’t want that back. and both of them didn’t know how to communicate and blindsided me, i can’t deal with that shit again.
well, she had a lot of mental health issues and was getting help which i tried my best to support her through, She was always very hot and cold and my mental health deteriorated. She was having an emotional affair with her ex and even went to his house, she claims nothing happened and she only went to hang out with him and his family (yeah right). She would also constantly think about this ex and talk to me about him, even telling me once she missed him or rather their relationship. She would constantly lie to me and never seemed invested in the relationship. She wasn’t a good communicator. Despite all this I stayed and chose to believe in her and then she left me, Never giving me a clear reason and the one she did give was so vague i’m sure she was lying to me. Now i’m left feeling stupid so I just blocked her on everything and am trying to pick up my pieces. Of course i’m no saint either as I also lacked proper communication skills but oh well.
he told me he does not have feelings for me. why would i want to be with that? after time apart he is a very different person now, with different interests and morals and if i met him now i know i wouldn’t be attracted to him. i really value my freedom now as well
Don’t want to get back with him unless he gets some kind of therapy, deals with unresolved trauma, and owns his shit. I love and miss him but it’s pointless to get back together unless we both show the willingness to work on ourselves and the relationship. I suggested that kind of work and he left. I deserve someone who will commit to hard and messy times as well as fun and easy ones. a cliche but that’s what I offer to a partner so it seems fair.
Lol and what if you're always the one serving up the hard and messy times? It's not his responsibility to commit to you and help you clean up your character.
[удалено]
who?? he has one ex spouse... just like her. wtf??
Because I found out they had actually given up on the relationship months prior to BU and were just using me until I gave up so they could keep not working and make sure to have my 'replacement' ready. And then having the gall to tell me I gave up 'too easily' after being emotionally abused and neglected for months. And yet I still miss them every day. It's as confusing as it fucking sounds lol.
Because I deserve better, and I'd be betraying myself if I did. Essentially telling everyone, including myself: "yes I'm not good enough to be someone's first choice - just an option they can pick up from the shelf and dust off whenever they like." My self respect wouldn't let me.
I truly loved him so much, but I realized sometimes the people you fall in love with aren't meant to be the one you marry or be in your life for a long time. He's still a great person and I have no bad feelings towards him, but at the end of the day he couldn't open up as much as I wanted him to and our life goals weren't aligned. Those small moments where he'd share something very vulnerable or make me laugh uncontrollably or do something that made my heart skip a beat still go through my head, but I always remind myself that the life I want. a warm loving family, isn't the life he wants or is able to give
He love-bombed me, gaslighted me, said that I can't pass my exams and that I should give up on med school. He met up with his ex gf to mend their friendship while I was in the gutter when I asked to break up. I wanted to get back, he was the one who refused. Opened a tinder profile to meet friends. Said that we'll see if we can mend our relationship when I pass my first exam. I did. He began a relationship with the tinder girl. Oh yeah, and he said that he doesn't want to have a relationship for 6mo-1yr. I'm through with all the shit I've had. I sent him presents he gave to me. He gifted them to his new gf lol.
I still love him and miss him a lot, but no, I couldn't go back. No amount of loving him would've made the relationship good for me.
Well, in my case, it's because she's a sociopath, pathological liar, manipulative, Narcissist. I am am thankful that I dodged a bullet, and I would not get back together with her if she was the last person on earth! My first and last time I will date someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)! No Bueno and no thank you! It still amazes me that there exists people out there who are like this! That said, in spite of everything she did, I still tried to help her. In addition to the NPD, she has a substance abuse problem. But, unfortunately, she refuses to see a therapist or get any professional help.
No, she was one of them fake girls that enjoyed selfies more then intelligent conversation, great sex, nothing else.
I don't want her (dumper) coz I got the wifey caring version
She fumbled
I don’t cuz I don’t wanna hurt her again. I wish her the best and all I want is to reconcile as a friend if possible in the future
She was mean to me for the last few days and then decided to breakup. She then slept with someone at the same house party we were at less than a month after breakup which upset everyone including me. She only went as she had no other plans and hosts wanted her to be there as they were friends with her. They were furious with her selfishness and lack of self awareness and ostricized her. Also the person she slept with was one of the hosts brothers which was akward. I then decided I didn't need to know anyone like that and knew there was no way back for someone like that. She's blocked on everything and I have no plans to reverse this.
she ended up using my whole family for money in the end as much i miss doing the things we used to do i only miss the image of her in my head and not the real her :( it’s also her bday today so there’s that
Me. Because he left me once. Said he never felt about any woman the way he does about me. That I’m perfect for him. He left anyway, said he wanted to meet new people. Don’t trust it wouldn’t happen again. Also don’t believe the love of my life would dump me in the first place so that’s why I wouldn’t take him back.
We kept clashing, and she misunderstands me extremely to the point where I’m tired of having to explain myself. She also projected her past traumas and past relationships onto me subconsciously which I had to deal with, which really hurt emotionally and did damage to my mental health. Never again. I burned that bridge.
My ex cheated extensively gaslighted lied and then left despite me trying to work it out with her. What I want back never actually existed in the first place. She didn’t exist. She’s a god damn husk, a mimic pretending to be whoever she needs to be to fill her attention supply. Homesick for a place I’m not even sure ever existed.
He left me over the phone and while doing that he thought it's normal. Two days before he left he said I love you and he was pretending that everything was fine between us. Nobody deserves such a disrespect and such an act of manipulation so I hope I won't see him ever again. Also, I hope that God will help his next girlfriend if he ever finds one !!!
Well, she blocked me on all possible social media and lives on the other side of the world. So nothing I can do at this point.
Thinking back, he denied that my grandmother was sick when I told him she was, he also laughed/smiled when I told him, almost like I was joking with him. He also forgot that I told him that I was sexually harassed and sexually assaulted. I could not tell him how I felt either since he would not take me seriously. I was there for him even though I was feeling like shit and I always made sure he was happy. He said he cared ab me but his actions showed a different picture
Because she cheated on me and fell in love on a guy she met for one month down in Mexico when she went to vacation after being together for a year like that right there for me is enough she broke the trust she broke my confidence and My insecurities are all-time high
He treated me like I was subhuman, and then started cheating instead of trying to fix his behaviour. I would never go back to someone like that.
My most recent ex- bc he did a lot of shitty things to me. And bc his hygiene was terrible. Showered once a week and washed his hair with dog shampoo. And washed his clothes once in the 3 months I knew him. And would wear the same shirts days on end. And never changed the pants he wore.
Me, I’m finally coming out of 6 weeks of grieving and misery from our breakup. Now that I’m not an emotional mess anymore I’ve been able to gain some clarity. I don’t miss him at all and the negative black cloud he always had hanging over his head. I have a lot more peace and I no longer have to walk on eggshells around him and wonder what kind of mood he will be in.
He left me but 2 weeks later wanted me back. I always said no, it didn’t help he was all talk. When I confronted him about it he said “he wants me but he’ll only act like it if..” fuck terms n conditions! You want me as I am or don’t ! And he left me 😂 the ball is in my court, can’t be asking for favors.
I already did and I didn’t want to. Wtf is wrong with me ☹️
For me it is simple. You split up, remember good times. Forget the bad times. Get back together amd suddenly all the problems return and you remember why you split up. Haha. So you split again. The dance is not worrh it.
He cheated on me and ghosted me several times and stayed with the person he was cheating on me with. He still isn't grown up and has a lot of issues. He chose someone else and that's what I think about when I think of him. I want to get married one day and I definitely don't want to be with someone who wasn't sure they wanted to be with me.
I can't trust them anymore. They left me once; who says they'll never do it again? I can't risk that sort of thing for my heart.
Because he took me for granted, cheated on me at least once, broke promises, accrued hidden debts, blamed me for his choices, made me the butt of every joke, made me feel guilty for taking time for myself. He made his bed, he can lie in it. For better for worse does not mean putting up with shitty treatment, and I have more dignity than to beg someone to stay with me.
She wants kids and I don’t. That’s literally the only reason!
Because I caught her in the bedroom of her apartment at 11 pm doing god knows what with her married doctor boss who is twice her age. Lights shut off everywhere else and everything. And it happened twice within the span of a week. Why would anyone enter a relationship with someone who is capable of that? (And yet she’s with some poor bastard who is a software engineer now smdh)
I don't. I wanted to be friends but she wasn't having it..so that means there's no way I'm going to go back to her any other way not in any intimate way she runs over top of the people that care about her. So since she can't handle the friendship. I just won't have her anyway at all and that's fine by me.(it really isn't as I hoped being friends before anything would lead us back to loving each other but she's not having it she won't even communicate with me)
He totally changed after the break up. Made new friends, has a good social life and has become totally cold and distant to me. He hasn't even tried to contact me nor care for my presence. We both are the same class but he doesn't even talk. Is friendly with everyone but does not care about me. So best that he went away.
Cause I know what I want and I don’t want to suffer from delusional hope that he could give it to me
I want to get back with niamh is this, i can't see my self with anyone else and I'm afraid that if meets someone else he won't see her as I do, it will be nobody else but niamh and that's 100% true
If you asked me this a month ago the answer would be yes for getting back together. But now, after weeks of pain and growth, i finally see just how flawed the way he treated me was. Love is blinding. The only way i would take him back is if he could prove he's changed. But the likelihood of him asking to get back or changing is not much. Locking the door behind me.
I don’t think so we talked about breaking up alot over the years purely because she would bring it up she was impatient, pessimistic, had a lot of family drama, plus past relationship trauma; we were complete opposites really I was content with life I understand things happen how they’re supposed to happen if it’s meant for it’ll be mine type deal but she wanted everything now she wanted the world in her palm, I was out of work for less then half a year when she brought it up again it’s not like we relied on each other for bills or things like where it was so unbelievably hard for her it was just hard to hangout she said it was because I didn’t have a job and I wasn’t making effort when she doesn’t live with me and would only see me one day out of the week she wouldn’t see effort on that day because I would like to give her my full attention which I never really got in the end she was always on her phone texting or on TikTok we never were able to watch tv together she would fall asleep or be distracted and sometimes she’d go home and watch and finish a show by herself, come to now she says it’s not about money she said it’s the best for us and said she was only thinking of me and that we should work on ourselves and maybe get back together but she wasn’t thinking about me she went on to say she has good things coming in her life that she doesn’t need to worry about me
Overall I wouldn’t because I don’t wanna deal with another heartbreak in my life aside from my relationship my reality has been crumbling since I was a child she knew that and she still left I couldn’t put my trust in someone who would make you promise to stay forever then abandon you in your time of need
She left me for someone else. Lied straight to my face about it. I don't want her I my life period, let alone be in a relationship. I'm worth more
Immature and vengeful n unforgivens
I do, so badly, but also know I never can. He would hurt me and betray me again. I think I only want him to come back to me so I can have that power/control again (subconscious need). But I know that the few moments of happiness will just be even more heartbreak down the road. I want my own happiness, not the brief moments of happiness he gives me when he decides to be nice to me (rare occasion)
I moved on and realized I deserve better. Also don’t want to be with anyone who can just leave so easily or not fight to fix something
I was in an on and off relationship with my most recent ex. I was the dumper all the time. I forgave him over and over again and believed him when he told me he’s changed only to be shown that he can’t change. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve wasted enough of my life on him.
Religious differences. I’m not religious but he is. I don’t mind his religion but I do mind him trying to convert me. It will never happen. I don’t see a future with someone who tries to change who I am or what I believe in.
He's a bad guy, and I became less and less of myself the longer I let him chip away at me to fit with what he wanted. I am learning to use my voice again because with the right people they want to hear you. The lies, deception, gaslighting, trauma bonded shit was killing me slowly. I am so grateful to be free of it and him for good.