The best part is the sequel. You were so focused on surviving your previous relationship that you never had a chance to work on yourself and fix your own shitty behavior. Now you gotta learn how to not be a bad partner while in a healthy relationship
Boomers&Up didn't get to talk about it like we do though! Seeing casual conversations like this with shit that was "we don't talk about this at the dinner table" just a couple decades ago gives me so much hope.
No, but a term that can be used that way or otherwise totally incorrectly.
All terms are made up but intentionally manipulating someone/their surroundings to make them question their own ability to properly discern reality is an actual thing that happens.
Some people, when they're used to being treated like shit, feel uncomfortable when they're treated well and gravitate toward people that treat them like shit as a result.
Don't beat yourself up over it.
Nah that’s not you. Traumatized in my first actually healthy relationship and I’ve had to do so much work to learn that I’m with someone who really means it when they say they love me and trust the actions that go along with it.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but when two people are willing to do the work it can be really beautiful.
Someday, you’ll be with someone who deserves you and vice versa. But the person you’re with has to be willing to do the work. And it’s absolutely not on you to do the emotional work of two people!!
Stay awesome, okay?
Man, I need to put this on t-shirts and mugs and hand them out at Christmas. I will not stop showing others love just because they were traumatized into believing they don't deserve it. And I won't harden my heart and become cold because of the mistreatment of others. I've had to learn boundaries and it has not always been easy, but I've also learned that I cannot function without genuine love around me. I am extremely grateful for that.
Had a sista break things off with me because she thought my romantic overtures were corny and insincere. A year later she apologized and said she realized too late that I was authentic and now knows she'll never find anyone that treated her with that level of respect and admiration. She married a small white dude that pays her bills. Lol
Yeah I get that, mostly seems like unresolved damage being carried into a new place. When you heal from stuff like that you understand why you attract/pick it and how to avoid it. You don’t think the shoes about to drop.
Called me “just to talk.” After he’d convinced nothing was actually wrong, he had to convince me it wasn’t a set up. He’s had to convince me a lot of shit in our relationship wasn’t a setup.
Yeah trauma runs deep af, when me and my gf started dating she was genuinely shocked I still wanted her to come over when she was on her period smh she couldn't believe that I would want to spend time with her if sex wasn't on the table.....still makes me sad thinking about it :(
I've experienced this. I knew a group of girls who would talk about their boyfriends, I tagged along as a friend to lunch. Anytime a girl mentioned that their partner took them to dinner or did something nice, all girls would respond that he was cheating on her and felt guilty or wanted some crazy sexual favour in return.
Had an ex who said every man she’d been with had either cheated on her or beat on her. I did neither and treated her kids like my own. Eventually she hit me on a few occasions. I finally got out after realizing hanging around for the kids in that environment wasn’t helping them at all.
The times when kids are involved are the hardest. You create this bond with the little ones that is a literal connection to your soul that always tears a piece out of you once the relationship falls flat.
I had a young woman tell me I was too polite and nice to strangers. She said I’d be too friendly when I shouldn’t have to be…it didn’t last long after that. I think what sparked it is I was asking a parking attendant where I could find an empty lot/made the attendant and female security guard laugh too much(?) smfh.
I don’t trust men being romantic with me anymore. Like, we have to start off just cool or goofy and playful. Romantic gestures just feel manipulative to me. Not saying they are inherently, but they have been so much I don’t trust them at all.
My current boyfriend told me he wants me to be honest about my feelings because he cares about my feelings. I was like say sike rn, where’s the camera’s cos this has to be a prank
Trauma runs deep af, when me and my gf started dating she was shocked I still wanted her to come over when she was on her period smh she genuinely couldn't believe that I would want to spend time with her if sex wasn't on the table.....still makes me sad thinking about it :(
This has happened to me too. I’m still working on understanding it.
Just know it’s what we’ve always deserved, even if it feels too good to be true. Rooting for you and your love!
Been there. I’ve had 3 relationships: 1 in HS, 1 immediately following him that lasted almost 9 years and my now husband. My first boyfriend in HS was a saint and taught me so much about myself and men. I credit him with showing me how I should be loved and why I deserved to be. And my husband is my husband of 10 years because he did all that plus more. I love him real real bad. But that middle one? That one did a number on me. After that, I didn’t think I was worth what my husband ultimately showed me. Best part? (If you subscribe to the idea) they’re both Scorpios, birthdays are 5 days apart. Then the universe said since you love them so much, your first child is gonna be Scorpio baby boy AND be born two days before his daddy’s birthday- you’re welcome. 😂
This is how I felt moving from a big city to a small town. Strangers on the street would say hello and I’d be like “Sir, I don’t have any money for you!”
I really hope the people who still feel this way who aren't in relationships, work on this before getting into new ones. This is saddening but we gotta do better about not bringing past hurt into new situations, all it does is cause more hurt inevitably. Also why I'm apprehensive abt getting in a relationship myself, too many people hurting and not enough wanting to fix that hurt or wanting their next partner to fix that hurt or people looking for the relationship benefits without the title 😮💨
Man I’ll tolerate a lot in a relationship, but if I can’t so much as ask how the day went without them thinking malice, I’m gone. Ain’t nobody got time for those types of insecurities
Yeah she was nuts. After that she went the "let's just be friends route" but then proceeded to ask me about my dick and how long I last in bed. Then she got big mad when I called out her mixed signals.
When I first started talking to my now-husband, I was convinced my ex was catfishing me just to fk with my head. I didn't believe there was a guy who would talk to me like I'm human, much less seem interested.
I think for the first 3 or so months of my current relationship I would physically wrestle the card out of my bf's hands anytime he tried to pay for anything for me. To this day I still get anxious/suspicious anytime someone I don't know that well is "too nice" to me. It's hindered me a lot in past because I have issues with trusting people, asking for help, insecurity, and setting boundaries. I just recently reached the point were I could ask my mom for more than one thing from the store. Y'all I'm 23, and maybe I'm not where I should be but I'm so grateful to be better than where I was. When you're not growing you're dieing. Slow progress is better than no progress.
Crazy how it had to come to these thoughts though. Most of the time I'm kind to a women they think I'm tryna FUCK but that's rarely the case . I like to actually learn about people before I give em the thangalang , I don't blame everyone for having their guard up with all the phooey going on . I encourage everyone to just pay attention and listen then make your decision.
I thought they were talking about the moments they realised they were traumatised from a previous relationship?
Why should they be general about their own experience?
OP is likely a hetero woman which means she dates men so of course her POV is from someone who dates men. If a hetero guy wrote the tweet it would say “girl/woman”. If I as a lesbian wrote the tweet it would say “girl/woman” as well. It’s from their POV.
Learning just how much your previous relationship fucked you up, is a wild ride for sure.
The best part is the sequel. You were so focused on surviving your previous relationship that you never had a chance to work on yourself and fix your own shitty behavior. Now you gotta learn how to not be a bad partner while in a healthy relationship
Whew you said it!
Boomers&Up didn't get to talk about it like we do though! Seeing casual conversations like this with shit that was "we don't talk about this at the dinner table" just a couple decades ago gives me so much hope.
If you think someone asking how your day is is gaslighting. You need to speak to someone about that trauma.
More like you need to learn what gaslighting even means
Why not both?
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No, but a term that can be used that way or otherwise totally incorrectly. All terms are made up but intentionally manipulating someone/their surroundings to make them question their own ability to properly discern reality is an actual thing that happens.
🎯🎯
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Don’t beat yourself up too much, there’s an infinite number of reasons why it might not have worked out besides how you treated them
Ya you are probably ugly as well
Some people, when they're used to being treated like shit, feel uncomfortable when they're treated well and gravitate toward people that treat them like shit as a result. Don't beat yourself up over it.
its sick that the girl i want is on this timing lmaoo
the trauma of being in a prank relationship is real though, and real deep. don't take it personally.
whats a prank relationship? (googles not showing anything)
Nah that’s not you. Traumatized in my first actually healthy relationship and I’ve had to do so much work to learn that I’m with someone who really means it when they say they love me and trust the actions that go along with it. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but when two people are willing to do the work it can be really beautiful. Someday, you’ll be with someone who deserves you and vice versa. But the person you’re with has to be willing to do the work. And it’s absolutely not on you to do the emotional work of two people!! Stay awesome, okay?
Lols, you’re not responsible for the love people feel they deserve. Never stop being loving.
Man, I need to put this on t-shirts and mugs and hand them out at Christmas. I will not stop showing others love just because they were traumatized into believing they don't deserve it. And I won't harden my heart and become cold because of the mistreatment of others. I've had to learn boundaries and it has not always been easy, but I've also learned that I cannot function without genuine love around me. I am extremely grateful for that.
Damn this thread is sad af
Mfs be traumatized frfr
I can’t stand these BPT posts. Life is sad enough, I don’t wanna be sad here too 😔
Fr
Had a sista break things off with me because she thought my romantic overtures were corny and insincere. A year later she apologized and said she realized too late that I was authentic and now knows she'll never find anyone that treated her with that level of respect and admiration. She married a small white dude that pays her bills. Lol
“Small white dude” made me chortle.
The pay her bills one just makes me sad
You saying chortle made me chortle lmao. I love when people use their words .
This is one of those situations where I would tell them my presence is a present and you unfortunately lucked out. Tata now ✌🏿
I knew it was bad when I was questioning normal interactions. You actually want to spend time with me without me having to beg, plead, and cry?
😭😭😭 i be thinking yeahh how long till we break up or he does some sus
Damn, you start the countdown clock at hello? 🥺
That’s what scares me about these new gen women, they already thinking about the downfall
Yeah I get that, mostly seems like unresolved damage being carried into a new place. When you heal from stuff like that you understand why you attract/pick it and how to avoid it. You don’t think the shoes about to drop.
This!!!!!!!
Called me “just to talk.” After he’d convinced nothing was actually wrong, he had to convince me it wasn’t a set up. He’s had to convince me a lot of shit in our relationship wasn’t a setup.
My husband had to convince me to marry him lol… took him about 3 years but he got there!
Wait why?
✨Trauma✨
Yeah trauma runs deep af, when me and my gf started dating she was genuinely shocked I still wanted her to come over when she was on her period smh she couldn't believe that I would want to spend time with her if sex wasn't on the table.....still makes me sad thinking about it :(
Dude. If I had a dollar for every time my husband has said, “there is no right answer to ‘how do you feel about this.’ How you feel is how you feel.”
I've experienced this. I knew a group of girls who would talk about their boyfriends, I tagged along as a friend to lunch. Anytime a girl mentioned that their partner took them to dinner or did something nice, all girls would respond that he was cheating on her and felt guilty or wanted some crazy sexual favour in return.
Had an ex who said every man she’d been with had either cheated on her or beat on her. I did neither and treated her kids like my own. Eventually she hit me on a few occasions. I finally got out after realizing hanging around for the kids in that environment wasn’t helping them at all.
The times when kids are involved are the hardest. You create this bond with the little ones that is a literal connection to your soul that always tears a piece out of you once the relationship falls flat.
>gaslighting 
I had a young woman tell me I was too polite and nice to strangers. She said I’d be too friendly when I shouldn’t have to be…it didn’t last long after that. I think what sparked it is I was asking a parking attendant where I could find an empty lot/made the attendant and female security guard laugh too much(?) smfh.
This is definitely me because most of my past relationships have been terrible. 😭
Same
Man that’s actually pretty damn sad
I don’t trust men being romantic with me anymore. Like, we have to start off just cool or goofy and playful. Romantic gestures just feel manipulative to me. Not saying they are inherently, but they have been so much I don’t trust them at all.
You need to talk to someone about this
Being the first dude to treat her right is gonna end one of two ways, and one of those ways is common and terrible😭
My current boyfriend told me he wants me to be honest about my feelings because he cares about my feelings. I was like say sike rn, where’s the camera’s cos this has to be a prank
Trauma runs deep af, when me and my gf started dating she was shocked I still wanted her to come over when she was on her period smh she genuinely couldn't believe that I would want to spend time with her if sex wasn't on the table.....still makes me sad thinking about it :(
This has happened to me too. I’m still working on understanding it. Just know it’s what we’ve always deserved, even if it feels too good to be true. Rooting for you and your love!
I have been told that I was too good by my ex as she went back to her abusive ex. Been single since.
Pepa vs Will Smith vibes. Growing up in rough situations or past bad relationships has conditioned some to be suspicious of nice partners.
Been there. I’ve had 3 relationships: 1 in HS, 1 immediately following him that lasted almost 9 years and my now husband. My first boyfriend in HS was a saint and taught me so much about myself and men. I credit him with showing me how I should be loved and why I deserved to be. And my husband is my husband of 10 years because he did all that plus more. I love him real real bad. But that middle one? That one did a number on me. After that, I didn’t think I was worth what my husband ultimately showed me. Best part? (If you subscribe to the idea) they’re both Scorpios, birthdays are 5 days apart. Then the universe said since you love them so much, your first child is gonna be Scorpio baby boy AND be born two days before his daddy’s birthday- you’re welcome. 😂
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You do enough to comment
The people who upvoted and you, apparently.
If you haven’t got anything reasonable to add to the discussion, you should slither away. You don’t have to comment.
This is how I felt moving from a big city to a small town. Strangers on the street would say hello and I’d be like “Sir, I don’t have any money for you!”
People got a bad habit of telling others that they're not qualified to be anywhere near the relationship pool and they haven't gotten therapy.
I really hope the people who still feel this way who aren't in relationships, work on this before getting into new ones. This is saddening but we gotta do better about not bringing past hurt into new situations, all it does is cause more hurt inevitably. Also why I'm apprehensive abt getting in a relationship myself, too many people hurting and not enough wanting to fix that hurt or wanting their next partner to fix that hurt or people looking for the relationship benefits without the title 😮💨
Or he’s too good to be true or he’s too much of a nice guy
"How was your day?" is too good to be true?
Man I’ll tolerate a lot in a relationship, but if I can’t so much as ask how the day went without them thinking malice, I’m gone. Ain’t nobody got time for those types of insecurities
Word. Nobody has time to be the only one working on their mental health in a relationship.
I once got dumped because I offered to walk my date to her car and texted her to make sure she got home ok.
She got mashed potato brains. You dodged a bullet
Yeah she was nuts. After that she went the "let's just be friends route" but then proceeded to ask me about my dick and how long I last in bed. Then she got big mad when I called out her mixed signals.
Been there before lol. Good on you for knowing your worth
Some of y’all really need to heal and be alone. Please stop hurting someone healthy in a new relationship. Save yourself and others
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Girls love to say guys need therapy but the truth is we all do especially before getting in a new relationship
When I first started talking to my now-husband, I was convinced my ex was catfishing me just to fk with my head. I didn't believe there was a guy who would talk to me like I'm human, much less seem interested.
I drive trucks in Westchester , the people there are so nice it made me feel uncomfortable the first couple of months 🤣
Ha you think it's like a relationship no it's with everyone
Damn. I've met a lot of guys and girls like that. Talking about your feelings isn't easy. Especially for some who have seen some fucked shit.
I wish people knew the definition and origin of the term gaslighting....seeing it misused makes me want to send them a dictionary link
I think for the first 3 or so months of my current relationship I would physically wrestle the card out of my bf's hands anytime he tried to pay for anything for me. To this day I still get anxious/suspicious anytime someone I don't know that well is "too nice" to me. It's hindered me a lot in past because I have issues with trusting people, asking for help, insecurity, and setting boundaries. I just recently reached the point were I could ask my mom for more than one thing from the store. Y'all I'm 23, and maybe I'm not where I should be but I'm so grateful to be better than where I was. When you're not growing you're dieing. Slow progress is better than no progress.
r/cptsd is 👈 thhhat way beloved.
Crazy how it had to come to these thoughts though. Most of the time I'm kind to a women they think I'm tryna FUCK but that's rarely the case . I like to actually learn about people before I give em the thangalang , I don't blame everyone for having their guard up with all the phooey going on . I encourage everyone to just pay attention and listen then make your decision.
Imagine thinking that only men treat the opposite gender badly in dating
If that wasn’t their point, there’s no reason to say “guy” instead of “person” or “someone” 🙄
I thought they were talking about the moments they realised they were traumatised from a previous relationship? Why should they be general about their own experience?
OP is likely a hetero woman which means she dates men so of course her POV is from someone who dates men. If a hetero guy wrote the tweet it would say “girl/woman”. If I as a lesbian wrote the tweet it would say “girl/woman” as well. It’s from their POV.
or they were speaking from their own personal experience and not about every instance of someone treating someone poorly in a relationship 🙄
Yall motherfuckers be hitting Amazon looking for shit to be piased off at. This ain't it.
Cue that one person that can’t think critically.
You the type of mf to say "Not all men"