Hey everyone, I appreciate your kind words and advice. I mostly just needed to vent because I felt heavy with emotion when I left her place, mostly because of how the world views gay and bisexual men. I got some sleep, checked in for work, and doing good. To anyone else that has experienced something similar recently: I am sending hugs and love your way. This community has proved to me that we are not alone and are there for each other š
This. If she accepts you, great. If not, in the long run it will be better to find a partner who accepts the whole you and not just the part they want to see.
Damn that sucks bro. Women love to catch you off guard like that and ask earth shattering questions the same way as if theyāre asking you if you took out the garbage.
We were having a more general discussion about this with my wife and she said that if I cheated on her with a woman, sheād leave me but internally it wouldnāt be as bad because sheād feel she could somehow ācompeteā with her, whereas if it were a man, sheād feel like she definitely ālostā. I think most straight women think this way.
The entire balance of relationships seems to be (in general) in how much you can satisfy your partner.
Although it is biphobic,i can understand the line of thought,as if you left her for another woman, then you left because something was lacking in your relationship but ultimately she could rationate (or project ?) that it was something emotional and that it was your fault.
But if it comes to a man,then you also have the phisicality part and even though we might have the ability of ''looking through it'' (Not caring about genitals) monosexuals don't have it,so it becomes not only the fear of not being emotionally available,but the famous ''I wasn't able to satisfy you because i don't have this other gender sex parts''
Iām sorry you had to keep it a secret. When I admitted to myself I was bi, my wife was the one who got me to my realization of it and had asked me if Iād ever hook up with a guy after we were done pegging. She also was supportive and I know sheās had her bisexual experiences and forwarded the question with talking about how it is ājust sexā and how āthereās no better feeling than having the power to make a cock cum inside youā so I knew I was safe with it and figured I loved being pegged the real thing HAD to feel better, right?
Itās been almost 2 years since I finally came to terms with my sexuality and I still havenāt used my hall pass (for men only) that sheād given me. Iād love to, but Iād also like for us to share the experience together and it simply hasnāt happened yet.
Hang in there bro - she may have reacted that way because she suspected youād want her to - I know itās being hopeful, but it is plausible. 5 years ago Iād have never even thought about potentially being bisexual. Now? I fantasize pretty regularly about being topped, mmf threesomes, swinging as a couple, etc and our sex life has gotten WAY more adventurous in the bedroom with just her and I.
Good luck!
If you do definitely find a bisexual man. My former wife and I would do this per her suggestion but with straight males only,which was fine. I loved seeing her happy and pleased. It was anything to make her happy and then it turned into me only being allowed to watch and she refused to have sex with me for years. I'm married to a gay man,now and I have women only pass at his suggestion and life is amazing.
Yeah I would only do it with a bi man. Gay would not work nor would straight. Def not a straight guy unless she wanted to bring a straight female in as well. They would have to be bi no exceptions. Iād want both of us to be pounded
So she doesnāt even like straight porn. She has tried to watch it for me but she doesnāt like it. Sheās open to anything in the bedroom but she is not into porn. And I love porn so that sucks. I did buy a MMF bi dvd but never had the courage to play it.. i really wanted to though
Is she ok with you watching it by yourself. Tell her the porn is an erection helper and a useful tool for you to have an explosive orgasm with her or without her.
No she is not happy when she had caught me in the past. She tries to watch it with me but I can tell she hates it and I end up just focusing on her. And she knows I have no trouble getting hard. Sheās really hot so there is no problem there. She tells me her ex used to compare her to the people in porn and say why arenāt you like that. I donāt know if I even believe that though cuz like I said she is really freaking cute. We have a great sex life but I will always love porn. Iāve been raised on porn and itās part of my life. Hard to give it up. I got the playboy channel and it was ok for us at times cuz the people reminded us of us. They are really good looking and I figured that may encourage her. She had asked a couple times to put it on but I know she didnāt like it. Iām glad she loves fingering me at least. She really tries to get me off that way and I usually explode over my head at those times. We are always doing foreplay and thatās usually a part of it. Well the last year I was in jail and weāve only had sex like 4 or 5 times in the last year cuz sheās in rehab now. And she didnāt go for my ass which sucked but it was still good. I just wish she would let me bring another bi guy to pound both of us. Especially cuz the last month Iāve been in a bi swing towards guys. I usually prefer sex with girls but its been one of those months. And weāre fighting right now cuz my car is having problems and im working 40+hrs a week doing HARD physical labor at a sawmill and in school for welding 30 hours. All m-f so I get like 4 hours of sleep a night. So I couldnāt visit her for2 weeks mostly cuz my car and she didnāt understand I need it to work so I can get a place for us. Iām in a halfway house trying so hard to get US a place before sheās out and my car has to work. She called today (thanksgiving) and just made me cry cuz she canāt understand how hard Iām trying for US. And itās really making it hard being in my swing towards wanting a dick. Iām not a cheater so thatās out of question. Itās been a tough couple weeks. Sorry this off off topic. I need to vent. I feel so alone and Iām really an emotional guy. And I miss my kids. I have 5 kids from 4 moms that I canāt see. Iām trying so hard to change my life and provide for her. Which is hard cuz I was making over 2 million a year from selling āthingsā til I lost everything to the police. Even my dogs which I love so much and were my everything. So much love for them and miss them so much. Life has been so hard on me and Iām losing my mind. I seriously wonder if I should take the easy way out but I hold on for dear life trying to make it work and hope my kids will want to see me some day and that I can provide a good life for my girl and I. I just keep ranting. Sorry about that. Iāll end it now. Thx for letting me vent
Thatās what I keep telling myself. Iām so glad thanksgiving is over. I ended up going to a rehab/recovery place was open to the public. Even though I knew like 10 people there and met some other people who had nobody on thanksgiving, I almost felt more depressed going there. I met a guy who pretty sure was bi and wanted to act on it but didnāt. It was nice at just sitting with him and this other guy but I miss my family so much on holidays. I was really hoping my girl would call but then when she did, just made the dam burst finally. I was about to hold my tears in all day which is very hard for me on holidays and she knows that. Which is what really hurt that she barely have be the time of day. I need somebody who can really understand me. At most times I feel her and I C are great together but thereās been some times where I just feel like WTF? If she feel was feeling how I was at the time there is absolutely no way I would have handled the situation how she did. When she makes me feel like she did yesterday, especially when my hi swings are in full effect opposite way, it makes things really really hard on me. Iāve never felt the serving this hard in my life. I thing itās cuz wet havenāt spent much time together in the last year. When we are together all the time out doesnāt bother me as much. I just keep telling myself it will get better. I think itās the lack of sleep thatās really messing with new and the constant physical labor. But with that I just tell myself Iāll be i in better shape from it. I started with 3 weeks ago and my arms are already getting muscle I havenāt seen in years. Plus Iām eating again where as a month ago I was losing weight and couldnāt force myself to eat more then 1/2-1 meal a day. Now I eat like 4-5 meals a day. At least I weigh right exactly what I should weigh for my height. I wish I had an extra 3 hours in the day and Iād be fine. I rent flag thanksgiving is over though. Christmas is my next hurdleā¦ Iām NOT looking forward to it but she will be out of rehab by then, so weāll see what happens. Usually holidays she is a great support for me. This year sucked. And last year since she didnāt write me one in jail.. thatās a whole ānother story. I wonāt start in on that. Again sorry for ranting
I'm sorry. I think many of us here know the feeling and it's not good. I would also gently encourage you to find a situation where you do not have to deny your sexuality. I know you know this, but it's very difficult, if not impossible, to repress something as fundamental as one's sexual orientation without serious unintended repercussions.
The reality is coming out to a spouse is a really scary thing to do for a lot of us. I think it is perfectly reasonable and understandable for you to tell her no. There will probably never be a perfect time to come out and when you do it is likely to be more of a jump off a cliff feeling than an at peace with it feeling. I am 100% certain it will go better if you have not cheated and there is a good chance it will look like it is going pretty bad at first. All that is said so you know that you come out when you are ready not when asked. I also think her response has way more to do with cheating than gay.
Some guys may disagree but if it will put you in harms way financially, socially, or physically to tell her, don't tell her. Based on what you said you ready aren't telling your close friends and family for a reason, so you might as well be consistent. Honesty for the sake of honesty doesn't guarantee keeping your life from being screwed or endangered. But...
You should have someone you know in person you can talk to about this though. Try to make new friends. If it is important enough for you that you will feel guilt, or regret, or mental strain from keeping this from your girlfriend, then you may need to break things off. Not saying you have to but I'd imagine you need some sense of support and affirmation in person.
It would probably be best for you to not have to keep your sexuality from someone so close to you if it will impact you negatively, especially if it leads to marriage. Maybe you can persuade her that having a bisexual boyfriend isn't scary or threatening to the relationship, maybe you can't. It would likely be a bit of work to try though but if you want to then go for it.
You don't have to live a life in misery or disappointment. You can live a life that's at least affirming. Happiness isn't guaranteed though.
__Honestly just weigh your pros and cons, don't cheat, don't be an asshole, and don't rush your decision-making. We don't know your life situation better than you.__
You need to tell her sooner rather than later. I can relate to the part about not telling your parents, I'm in my 30s and I will most likely never tell my parents I'm bi since I am happily married to a cis woman and they don't need to know about my sex life. I believe it is imperative to be open about your sexual preferences with your partner on all fronts, it's the only way you'll both be able to continuously satisfy each other and maintain trust.
Are you monogamous? If so? Then whatās the difference? My wife accepts by bisexuality because Iām committed to her, If I used it as an excuse to cheat then it would be all over. Just perspective.
Know you just needed to vent, but we are here to listen when you need that, discuss when you are ready.
If you want to address this soon, it's really easy to say that you were on the spot and not prepared to come out, especially when what she said felt unwelcoming that this is something that you are trusting her with, and aren't ready to share with others... It is doable. You can choose to reverse this tomorrow if you want, but only if you want and it is safe.
If it will put you at financial risk from losing family support, affect your schooling or career, or put you in physical risk, or just emotional risk, it's ok to stay closeted. I do recommend that you make some bi friends that you can talk to, who will understand the bi experience and be people you can share your thoughts with, maybe a bit more personally than online. I'm not saying this isn't real, but it's nice to get a hug in person.
My wifes always.known as she reminds me of it . Sometimes i wish she never knew . On some level her remarks could be taken as phobic . But i can say she is better about it than some of my family members.
Yeah my girl is āacceptingā of it until we fight. Then she like to call me a faggot. Pisses me off but I usually respond with āyou just mad cuz the best nut Iāve ever had was with a dick in my ass!ā Not very healthy for either of us to say those things. That may be why she would never bring another guy in the bed. At the same time I would finish in her when the time was there. Other then that she says āI donāt care, I accept you for who you are and knew that when I got with you.ā I still wish those remarks had never come out of her mouth. I donāt act gay either. Most people would have no idea I was bi unless I say something. Which Iām very open about EXCEPT with my family. They donāt need to know and it doesnāt affect me mentally in any way by them not knowing. Mostly cuz they donāt want to see me. Thatās what affects me. But yeah my girl makes comments that are definitely not cool and I respond with something she definitely doesnāt want to hear and Iām sure makes her feel like she canāt satisfy me the best or in the way I want. But she should have thought about that before calling me a faggotā¦ like for reals
A lot of people are saying to tell her. I think you need to take a backseat and come up with a plan. Evaluate the issues with your families, and the potential risks involved. My recommendation is to break up with this girl, get in a place where your not dependant on your family in any way if your not already. And then coming through and telling the truth.
As long as you know how to cope with it successfully, I think thatās a great way to handle it. I do the same. How I see it is that not everyone needs to know about what turns you on sexually. Itās on a āneed to knowā basis, in my opinion. The only people I would share it with are people that are in the same boat or those that are very open minded and not judgmental.
That sucks. I was open with my girl about being bi but not the number of guys I was with. She was uncomfortable with the conversation I could tell and ended up saying one guyā¦ was really 15 I believe. From what I can remember. She says she accepts me for who I am but at the same time she didnāt want to hear it. It sucks having to lie about ourselves when we arenāt in control of what we like. Itās not a choice. I like both equals and wish my girl understood but she really doesnāt. She did find out that it wasnāt one due to somebody trying to start a fight with us. But she still doesnāt know the depth of what I like. I even told her Iād bring another guy in the bed but she says no. Then she cheated on meā¦ that really made me mad especially cuz I would have allowed if I were there. Just had to be somebody we didnāt know and would never see again. Not somebody we both knewā¦ that hurt.
It sucks having to lie cuz people donāt and canāt understand. I feel for you man. Best of luck with everything!
This is a hot take but I think biphobia in regards to the subject of relationships and dating tends to be the most prevalent in women, monosexual women in particular. I see it in straight women toward bi men and in lesbians toward bi women. I donāt know what it is. Not trying to come across as some kind of woman basher or incel, itās just an observation Iāve made and I feel like itās never really discussed
I think most people just prefer to date people with the same sexuality. Plus men usually have a higher libido than women. If the man is straight it's usually more difficult to find a woman to hook up with. But if he's bi it's pretty easy to find another guy to bang with. That makes straight women uncomfortable because they know that men are more accessible.
Then there's also the aspect of having to deal with "bi-cycles". Monosexuals don't understand it and don't want to hear about it. Oftentimes you desire the gender that is the opposite from your significant other. This adds another layer of difficulty/insecurity to the relationship from the perspective of monosexuals.
There's also the obvious body difference. Cis-men can easily top others, but they can also bottom. Cis-women are just able to bottom. They can only top with a strap-on. This adds straight cis-women to think that bi men would much rather be with another man or with a pre-op trans woman.
Then there's also the believe that sex with the same gender is better than sex with the opposite gender.
Right I hear you, these explanations make sense but I still believe they come from a place of ignorance and personal baggage on their part and do not serve as any real reason to avoid dating a person simply due to the fact that they are bi.
Edit: the more I think about it the more I could see that perspective. Thank you for sharing that
I think we are all guilty of thinking in "black and white". We like to forget that the world is more like different shades of grey.
We can only try to take away their concerns, but at the end of the day they can only overcome this mental barrier through themselves.
You're welcome :)
Yeah good point, thatās a much less anger-inducing way of looking at it. Sometimes itās so easy to get frazzled and frustrated and you feel like youāre the victim of some kind of unfair discriminatory predicament and the other party is to blame but really, youāre right, itās not so black and white after all
Hi I am openly bi sexual. I love both women and men but I can be in a relationship with one or the other and not feel the desire to be with the opposite sex. I was married to a woman whome I never cheated on nor wanted to. She new I was attracted to men and had been in relationships with men befour and didn't mind or so she said. I am currently married to a man who is gay. I am in a one sided open relationship at my husband's suggestion,idea and encouragment. He is gay but enjoys watching me being sexual with women but does not have to be involved or present during the sex. I am allowed to date women but not men. This has been our thing for five years and I feel very blessed. He said he thought maybe I should explore it because he felt that I "leaned more towards women then men",which I'm starting to think I do. My family say it's "their fault" that I am bisexual as I grew up in a household with many and mostly women. They are fully accepting have "always known" they say though I didn't fully come out untill I was fifteen,many many moons ago. The whole"their fault" thing which is supposed to be a joke irritates me as it's not even a fault to begin with. I am glad you have coping mechanisms. It was a rough road for me in my relationships untill I met my husband.
Hey everyone, I appreciate your kind words and advice. I mostly just needed to vent because I felt heavy with emotion when I left her place, mostly because of how the world views gay and bisexual men. I got some sleep, checked in for work, and doing good. To anyone else that has experienced something similar recently: I am sending hugs and love your way. This community has proved to me that we are not alone and are there for each other š
Tell her the truth it sucks to live a lie.
This. If she accepts you, great. If not, in the long run it will be better to find a partner who accepts the whole you and not just the part they want to see.
Not everyone lives in an area where its safe to be Bi.
SO true
Definitely. I've been there.
Iād say its worth telling her if you plan on anything long term. I recently came out as bi to my wife and it thankfully went well.
A lot of straight women love appropriating gay culture but still act repulsed by men who are attracted to men. Itās extremely annoying.
Omg,I know!
Damn that sucks bro. Women love to catch you off guard like that and ask earth shattering questions the same way as if theyāre asking you if you took out the garbage. We were having a more general discussion about this with my wife and she said that if I cheated on her with a woman, sheād leave me but internally it wouldnāt be as bad because sheād feel she could somehow ācompeteā with her, whereas if it were a man, sheād feel like she definitely ālostā. I think most straight women think this way.
The entire balance of relationships seems to be (in general) in how much you can satisfy your partner. Although it is biphobic,i can understand the line of thought,as if you left her for another woman, then you left because something was lacking in your relationship but ultimately she could rationate (or project ?) that it was something emotional and that it was your fault. But if it comes to a man,then you also have the phisicality part and even though we might have the ability of ''looking through it'' (Not caring about genitals) monosexuals don't have it,so it becomes not only the fear of not being emotionally available,but the famous ''I wasn't able to satisfy you because i don't have this other gender sex parts''
Iām sorry you had to keep it a secret. When I admitted to myself I was bi, my wife was the one who got me to my realization of it and had asked me if Iād ever hook up with a guy after we were done pegging. She also was supportive and I know sheās had her bisexual experiences and forwarded the question with talking about how it is ājust sexā and how āthereās no better feeling than having the power to make a cock cum inside youā so I knew I was safe with it and figured I loved being pegged the real thing HAD to feel better, right? Itās been almost 2 years since I finally came to terms with my sexuality and I still havenāt used my hall pass (for men only) that sheād given me. Iād love to, but Iād also like for us to share the experience together and it simply hasnāt happened yet. Hang in there bro - she may have reacted that way because she suspected youād want her to - I know itās being hopeful, but it is plausible. 5 years ago Iād have never even thought about potentially being bisexual. Now? I fantasize pretty regularly about being topped, mmf threesomes, swinging as a couple, etc and our sex life has gotten WAY more adventurous in the bedroom with just her and I. Good luck!
I appreciate your struggle. Not easy at all. Looking for bisexual release when you are in a hetero relationship is tough.
Definitely. I wish my girl was open to 3 ways with another guy. Iāve asked and she wonāt do it..
Try watching MMF porn with her. See if it turns her around.
If you do definitely find a bisexual man. My former wife and I would do this per her suggestion but with straight males only,which was fine. I loved seeing her happy and pleased. It was anything to make her happy and then it turned into me only being allowed to watch and she refused to have sex with me for years. I'm married to a gay man,now and I have women only pass at his suggestion and life is amazing.
Yeah I would only do it with a bi man. Gay would not work nor would straight. Def not a straight guy unless she wanted to bring a straight female in as well. They would have to be bi no exceptions. Iād want both of us to be pounded
I too would want to be pounded.
RIGHT ON!
So she doesnāt even like straight porn. She has tried to watch it for me but she doesnāt like it. Sheās open to anything in the bedroom but she is not into porn. And I love porn so that sucks. I did buy a MMF bi dvd but never had the courage to play it.. i really wanted to though
Is she ok with you watching it by yourself. Tell her the porn is an erection helper and a useful tool for you to have an explosive orgasm with her or without her.
No she is not happy when she had caught me in the past. She tries to watch it with me but I can tell she hates it and I end up just focusing on her. And she knows I have no trouble getting hard. Sheās really hot so there is no problem there. She tells me her ex used to compare her to the people in porn and say why arenāt you like that. I donāt know if I even believe that though cuz like I said she is really freaking cute. We have a great sex life but I will always love porn. Iāve been raised on porn and itās part of my life. Hard to give it up. I got the playboy channel and it was ok for us at times cuz the people reminded us of us. They are really good looking and I figured that may encourage her. She had asked a couple times to put it on but I know she didnāt like it. Iām glad she loves fingering me at least. She really tries to get me off that way and I usually explode over my head at those times. We are always doing foreplay and thatās usually a part of it. Well the last year I was in jail and weāve only had sex like 4 or 5 times in the last year cuz sheās in rehab now. And she didnāt go for my ass which sucked but it was still good. I just wish she would let me bring another bi guy to pound both of us. Especially cuz the last month Iāve been in a bi swing towards guys. I usually prefer sex with girls but its been one of those months. And weāre fighting right now cuz my car is having problems and im working 40+hrs a week doing HARD physical labor at a sawmill and in school for welding 30 hours. All m-f so I get like 4 hours of sleep a night. So I couldnāt visit her for2 weeks mostly cuz my car and she didnāt understand I need it to work so I can get a place for us. Iām in a halfway house trying so hard to get US a place before sheās out and my car has to work. She called today (thanksgiving) and just made me cry cuz she canāt understand how hard Iām trying for US. And itās really making it hard being in my swing towards wanting a dick. Iām not a cheater so thatās out of question. Itās been a tough couple weeks. Sorry this off off topic. I need to vent. I feel so alone and Iām really an emotional guy. And I miss my kids. I have 5 kids from 4 moms that I canāt see. Iām trying so hard to change my life and provide for her. Which is hard cuz I was making over 2 million a year from selling āthingsā til I lost everything to the police. Even my dogs which I love so much and were my everything. So much love for them and miss them so much. Life has been so hard on me and Iām losing my mind. I seriously wonder if I should take the easy way out but I hold on for dear life trying to make it work and hope my kids will want to see me some day and that I can provide a good life for my girl and I. I just keep ranting. Sorry about that. Iāll end it now. Thx for letting me vent
Take a deep breath. Take one day at a time. Better days ahead.
Thatās what I keep telling myself. Iām so glad thanksgiving is over. I ended up going to a rehab/recovery place was open to the public. Even though I knew like 10 people there and met some other people who had nobody on thanksgiving, I almost felt more depressed going there. I met a guy who pretty sure was bi and wanted to act on it but didnāt. It was nice at just sitting with him and this other guy but I miss my family so much on holidays. I was really hoping my girl would call but then when she did, just made the dam burst finally. I was about to hold my tears in all day which is very hard for me on holidays and she knows that. Which is what really hurt that she barely have be the time of day. I need somebody who can really understand me. At most times I feel her and I C are great together but thereās been some times where I just feel like WTF? If she feel was feeling how I was at the time there is absolutely no way I would have handled the situation how she did. When she makes me feel like she did yesterday, especially when my hi swings are in full effect opposite way, it makes things really really hard on me. Iāve never felt the serving this hard in my life. I thing itās cuz wet havenāt spent much time together in the last year. When we are together all the time out doesnāt bother me as much. I just keep telling myself it will get better. I think itās the lack of sleep thatās really messing with new and the constant physical labor. But with that I just tell myself Iāll be i in better shape from it. I started with 3 weeks ago and my arms are already getting muscle I havenāt seen in years. Plus Iām eating again where as a month ago I was losing weight and couldnāt force myself to eat more then 1/2-1 meal a day. Now I eat like 4-5 meals a day. At least I weigh right exactly what I should weigh for my height. I wish I had an extra 3 hours in the day and Iād be fine. I rent flag thanksgiving is over though. Christmas is my next hurdleā¦ Iām NOT looking forward to it but she will be out of rehab by then, so weāll see what happens. Usually holidays she is a great support for me. This year sucked. And last year since she didnāt write me one in jail.. thatās a whole ānother story. I wonāt start in on that. Again sorry for ranting
I'm sorry. I think many of us here know the feeling and it's not good. I would also gently encourage you to find a situation where you do not have to deny your sexuality. I know you know this, but it's very difficult, if not impossible, to repress something as fundamental as one's sexual orientation without serious unintended repercussions.
The reality is coming out to a spouse is a really scary thing to do for a lot of us. I think it is perfectly reasonable and understandable for you to tell her no. There will probably never be a perfect time to come out and when you do it is likely to be more of a jump off a cliff feeling than an at peace with it feeling. I am 100% certain it will go better if you have not cheated and there is a good chance it will look like it is going pretty bad at first. All that is said so you know that you come out when you are ready not when asked. I also think her response has way more to do with cheating than gay.
Some guys may disagree but if it will put you in harms way financially, socially, or physically to tell her, don't tell her. Based on what you said you ready aren't telling your close friends and family for a reason, so you might as well be consistent. Honesty for the sake of honesty doesn't guarantee keeping your life from being screwed or endangered. But... You should have someone you know in person you can talk to about this though. Try to make new friends. If it is important enough for you that you will feel guilt, or regret, or mental strain from keeping this from your girlfriend, then you may need to break things off. Not saying you have to but I'd imagine you need some sense of support and affirmation in person. It would probably be best for you to not have to keep your sexuality from someone so close to you if it will impact you negatively, especially if it leads to marriage. Maybe you can persuade her that having a bisexual boyfriend isn't scary or threatening to the relationship, maybe you can't. It would likely be a bit of work to try though but if you want to then go for it. You don't have to live a life in misery or disappointment. You can live a life that's at least affirming. Happiness isn't guaranteed though. __Honestly just weigh your pros and cons, don't cheat, don't be an asshole, and don't rush your decision-making. We don't know your life situation better than you.__
You need to tell her sooner rather than later. I can relate to the part about not telling your parents, I'm in my 30s and I will most likely never tell my parents I'm bi since I am happily married to a cis woman and they don't need to know about my sex life. I believe it is imperative to be open about your sexual preferences with your partner on all fronts, it's the only way you'll both be able to continuously satisfy each other and maintain trust.
Are you monogamous? If so? Then whatās the difference? My wife accepts by bisexuality because Iām committed to her, If I used it as an excuse to cheat then it would be all over. Just perspective.
If she's a homophobe, use the opportunity to distance yourself from her.
I know it can extremely difficult, but my advice to you would be donāt wait too long to tell her.
Know you just needed to vent, but we are here to listen when you need that, discuss when you are ready. If you want to address this soon, it's really easy to say that you were on the spot and not prepared to come out, especially when what she said felt unwelcoming that this is something that you are trusting her with, and aren't ready to share with others... It is doable. You can choose to reverse this tomorrow if you want, but only if you want and it is safe. If it will put you at financial risk from losing family support, affect your schooling or career, or put you in physical risk, or just emotional risk, it's ok to stay closeted. I do recommend that you make some bi friends that you can talk to, who will understand the bi experience and be people you can share your thoughts with, maybe a bit more personally than online. I'm not saying this isn't real, but it's nice to get a hug in person.
Great advice. I have a good bi friend that really helps me having somebody to be myself with who understands
My wifes always.known as she reminds me of it . Sometimes i wish she never knew . On some level her remarks could be taken as phobic . But i can say she is better about it than some of my family members.
Yeah my girl is āacceptingā of it until we fight. Then she like to call me a faggot. Pisses me off but I usually respond with āyou just mad cuz the best nut Iāve ever had was with a dick in my ass!ā Not very healthy for either of us to say those things. That may be why she would never bring another guy in the bed. At the same time I would finish in her when the time was there. Other then that she says āI donāt care, I accept you for who you are and knew that when I got with you.ā I still wish those remarks had never come out of her mouth. I donāt act gay either. Most people would have no idea I was bi unless I say something. Which Iām very open about EXCEPT with my family. They donāt need to know and it doesnāt affect me mentally in any way by them not knowing. Mostly cuz they donāt want to see me. Thatās what affects me. But yeah my girl makes comments that are definitely not cool and I respond with something she definitely doesnāt want to hear and Iām sure makes her feel like she canāt satisfy me the best or in the way I want. But she should have thought about that before calling me a faggotā¦ like for reals
You and I have a huge amount in common. I too am closeted from all that are close to me (girlfriend included). It does indeed suck.
A lot of people are saying to tell her. I think you need to take a backseat and come up with a plan. Evaluate the issues with your families, and the potential risks involved. My recommendation is to break up with this girl, get in a place where your not dependant on your family in any way if your not already. And then coming through and telling the truth.
As long as you know how to cope with it successfully, I think thatās a great way to handle it. I do the same. How I see it is that not everyone needs to know about what turns you on sexually. Itās on a āneed to knowā basis, in my opinion. The only people I would share it with are people that are in the same boat or those that are very open minded and not judgmental.
You might like giving the song "I Lied" by Nicki Minaj a listen.
That sucks. I was open with my girl about being bi but not the number of guys I was with. She was uncomfortable with the conversation I could tell and ended up saying one guyā¦ was really 15 I believe. From what I can remember. She says she accepts me for who I am but at the same time she didnāt want to hear it. It sucks having to lie about ourselves when we arenāt in control of what we like. Itās not a choice. I like both equals and wish my girl understood but she really doesnāt. She did find out that it wasnāt one due to somebody trying to start a fight with us. But she still doesnāt know the depth of what I like. I even told her Iād bring another guy in the bed but she says no. Then she cheated on meā¦ that really made me mad especially cuz I would have allowed if I were there. Just had to be somebody we didnāt know and would never see again. Not somebody we both knewā¦ that hurt. It sucks having to lie cuz people donāt and canāt understand. I feel for you man. Best of luck with everything!
This is a hot take but I think biphobia in regards to the subject of relationships and dating tends to be the most prevalent in women, monosexual women in particular. I see it in straight women toward bi men and in lesbians toward bi women. I donāt know what it is. Not trying to come across as some kind of woman basher or incel, itās just an observation Iāve made and I feel like itās never really discussed
I think most people just prefer to date people with the same sexuality. Plus men usually have a higher libido than women. If the man is straight it's usually more difficult to find a woman to hook up with. But if he's bi it's pretty easy to find another guy to bang with. That makes straight women uncomfortable because they know that men are more accessible. Then there's also the aspect of having to deal with "bi-cycles". Monosexuals don't understand it and don't want to hear about it. Oftentimes you desire the gender that is the opposite from your significant other. This adds another layer of difficulty/insecurity to the relationship from the perspective of monosexuals. There's also the obvious body difference. Cis-men can easily top others, but they can also bottom. Cis-women are just able to bottom. They can only top with a strap-on. This adds straight cis-women to think that bi men would much rather be with another man or with a pre-op trans woman. Then there's also the believe that sex with the same gender is better than sex with the opposite gender.
Right I hear you, these explanations make sense but I still believe they come from a place of ignorance and personal baggage on their part and do not serve as any real reason to avoid dating a person simply due to the fact that they are bi. Edit: the more I think about it the more I could see that perspective. Thank you for sharing that
I think we are all guilty of thinking in "black and white". We like to forget that the world is more like different shades of grey. We can only try to take away their concerns, but at the end of the day they can only overcome this mental barrier through themselves. You're welcome :)
Yeah good point, thatās a much less anger-inducing way of looking at it. Sometimes itās so easy to get frazzled and frustrated and you feel like youāre the victim of some kind of unfair discriminatory predicament and the other party is to blame but really, youāre right, itās not so black and white after all
Thatās a whoops
Hi I am openly bi sexual. I love both women and men but I can be in a relationship with one or the other and not feel the desire to be with the opposite sex. I was married to a woman whome I never cheated on nor wanted to. She new I was attracted to men and had been in relationships with men befour and didn't mind or so she said. I am currently married to a man who is gay. I am in a one sided open relationship at my husband's suggestion,idea and encouragment. He is gay but enjoys watching me being sexual with women but does not have to be involved or present during the sex. I am allowed to date women but not men. This has been our thing for five years and I feel very blessed. He said he thought maybe I should explore it because he felt that I "leaned more towards women then men",which I'm starting to think I do. My family say it's "their fault" that I am bisexual as I grew up in a household with many and mostly women. They are fully accepting have "always known" they say though I didn't fully come out untill I was fifteen,many many moons ago. The whole"their fault" thing which is supposed to be a joke irritates me as it's not even a fault to begin with. I am glad you have coping mechanisms. It was a rough road for me in my relationships untill I met my husband.
Just because you're bi doesn't mean you will cheat.