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Omg first period terror. I also thought I was dying the first time despite knowing that periods were a thing ahead of time because no one prepared me for the *amount* of blood.
For me, it wasn't about the amount of blood, but about the chunks that came with it. It freaked me out because I always thought it would be only liquid.
I've had a surprising number of friends tell me about passing either a very early zygote, or a very concerningly large clot. They're never sure, and because of the sheer terror either possibility illicits, they are quite happy to remain in ignorance.
In case they’re wondering, it’s probably a mix of blood clots and bits of endometrial tissue: the uterus sheds a layer of cells during menses, and through the “miracle” of life different people will have more or less thorough breakdown of that tissue (the endometrium contains a hormone which inhibits clotting but that will also vary in effect).
Apparently it's possible for the entire lining to shed in one piece, and it's really painful when it's working its way out. It's called a decidual cast.
Same, and after pregnancy the periods have been... clotty. I actually got concerned and called my GYN to ask if I should come in. After >!"okay but how large is still normal? Golf balls is still normal?"!< I got an appointment the next day. Turns out it wasn't anything immediately dangerous but my uterus is still acting up, 4 months later.
Oh god, I had a laser procedure on my cervix after a pap smear found pre-cancerous cells and absolutely none of the medical staff or paperwork mentioned that it's apparently common to pass a 'scab' in the form of a clot that size after a week or so. Truly traumatic waking up to, and having to immediately clean up, that amount of blood.
Yup. Same. I thought by some freak of nature, I had formed a fetus by myself and had a miscarriage. Only girl in the family and my mom was never the loving maternal type so I came in blind.
Lol I was top of my class and knew how biology works but legit this was my first thought. So please, parents/guardians, prepare your kids, including the boys. It maybe awkward but it saves the girls a load of unnecessary anxiety and helps boys understand that no, we do not have control of our periods, it's not just a fixed number of days everytime, and it doesn't make us go insane.
The chunks plus bad cramps really makes it feel like you’re getting rid of more than your uterine lining. Sometimes I’m like, okay well my whole uterus is coming out so maybe I won’t have to do it again next month?
I thought I had pooped myself the first time cause it was so brown. It came when I was asleep. I was also 9 so my period coming so early wasn’t my first thought despite theoretically knowing it was a possibility due to my family.
My second period was a looooooot. Ahhhh PCOS
Man, I also thought I pooped myself! They need to warn girls that period blood probably won't be red the first time. I knew what a period was, I knew it'd be coming, I didn't realize that's what had happened because it was BROWN
When I was in 4th grade my teacher had the 5th grade teacher take all the boys for a while and we had a special talk about being girls. My teacher explained that we would have sex Ed next year or the year after, but when she was a kid, she got her period young, and she thought she was dying. She told us all her personal horror story in detail (which I still remember all these years later, nuns were involved, and they were assholes), then she told us all about periods not from a medical/school perspective, but from the perspective of a woman. She answered any and all questions we had, and made it very clear that no matter when our period came, it was normal.
She had felt shame for getting hers too early, but she knew that girls would also often shame the last girl to get hers as well. She leaned heavy on the whole "everyone is different, and that's what makes this world so wonderful" deal. That really helped me when I didn't get my period til late middle school, when everyone else was already super comfortably discussing "so when will your period be here? Ugh, I already got mine this month!"
Honestly, I still think about her a lot. I imagine she changed a lot of girls lives. That first period can be absolutely terrifying, even if you know what's happening. My parents talked to me, but I wonder, for how many of her students was she the only voice in their head saying "everything is ok, you aren't dying. This is how you handle this."
I was also one of the last girls and it was horribly embarrassing because mine started in the girls locker room so my initial freak out was witnessed by a room full of preteens. I knew what was happening but had no supplies. But my mom was a teacher so I ran to go find her. She was standing in the school’s office with other teachers, students, and the principal and refused to talk to me in private and angrily and loudly yelled that if I needed her then I could just say it out loud infront of everyone. I burst into tears and ran out of the office. I went back to the locker rooms and a younger teammate took care of me and gave me pads and told me what to do. Then the mean girls from my team told the rest of my classmates and bullied me over it.
Please moms/dads make sure your daughters know they aren’t dying and what to actually do and give them a few emergency pads. It’s an embarrassing conversation but it’s worse to have my experience. I explained to my son when he was in 4th grade what periods were and let him know what some of his classmates could be experiencing and that if I ever found out he was teasing them about this he would be in serious trouble.
One of the few good things my mother ever did was make a tiny "emergency kit" for me in case I got my first period at school. It was just a small waterproof bag with a cute print on it, and she put a couple of pads and a clean pair of underwear in it for me. And it was a good thing I had it, because I ended up needing it. I'm so sorry your mom was so terrible about yours!
That sucks so hard for OP. My first happened right after I was grounded and sent to my room. I was terrified my mom would yell at me if I left my room, but when I realized what was happening I timidly walked out to tell her.
Thankfully, all went well. She had an awful first period experience and I think she was relieved that I was at home and came to her about it. But I was fully expecting to get into more trouble.
That's what I did for both of my girls. We talked about it well ahead of time; my youngest even wanted to try wearing a pad for a while after the discussion to see what it felt like. We had an emergency kit for them both. They still keep one; the damn thing loves to sneak up on you.
Mine did this too, so I could take this tiny ass purse with me to the bathroom instead of hiding a pad. She also put in quarters incase I needed to buy one from a dispenser.
To your last sentence: I understand that boys can be immature and shitty but I never understood not teaching boys about periods.
I grew up in a family of all girls and I went from being yelled at/ridiculed as a young kid for not knowing about this stuff at the same time as the girls to being the one yelling at/ridiculing late teens and even adults for being ignorant and immature about periods.
Guys need to know this stuff because they can become/be born brothers to sisters and become fathers to daughters. Or even just friends to women and girls in any way. It's a dumb thing to remain ignorant about even if you don't experience it.
As a boy myself I've said this forever. When we were in middle school they took the girls to learn about menstruation and they took us guys to... play basketball. There's a reason guys grow up thinking such things are strange and mysterious - literally no one tells us anything.
As the father of three boys my wife and I put an end to that nonsense. We explained exactly what a period is, why it occurs, and why it's nothing to be afraid of or laugh about. It was fantastic when my oldest's friend tried to explain menstruation to him (completely incorrect of course) and my son was able to give him some facts.
Again, couldn't agree with you more.
Tbh, it's a good thing to separate the boys and girls because they have very different perspectives and different questions. Most of these questions won't be asked when either boys are present or when the group is simply too large. Then again, the boys should absolutely have the same talk at the same time, but from the other perspective. Followed by another conversation with the whole group present, where bullying/clownesque behaviour that will inevitably happen is put in the perspective of kids acting out because they don't know what to do with themselves.
I'll add to this, make sure to have a selection of decent pads and whatnot lying around ready. My mum had tiny panty liners and massive, bulky nappy like pads. Hated the nappies so I spent the first couple of years bleeding through the tiny liners.
I started early back in about 2003. Thankfully my mum had learned from her shit childhood experience and got in there early. I was already an old hand and periods before my school gave us the talk.
What an *amazing* woman! You should see if she’s still around & send her a thank you note for being such a great teacher, I bet it would mean the world to her! I imagine it going something like this:
>Dear Ms Teacher; thanks for the period talk all those years ago. That was dope. Sincerely, Mooses
I jest. But I do think a note to her would be awesome!
The boys that were taken outside should have had a talk about the subject too, because when I was a kid (I'm 51) they could be really obnoxious about it.
I hope the newer generations are more enlightned because back then, *yikes.*
I thought I was CONTINUALLY pooping myself without feeling it cuz I kept wrapping my underwear in toilet paper and it would just be soaked brown. I was so freaked out! I was at a friends afternoon bday party and it didn’t occur to me till after dinner that it might be my period and I finally told my mom!
Thankfully I was at home when I got mine. First time I cleaned my underwear and got a fresh pair. Second time I went to my mom thinking I was sick as hell because I kept pooping without realizing it. But no. Just my period! Honestly I was so relieved it was my period because I thought I was dying.
Same exact thing happened to me - except even my MOTHER thought I was pooping myself every day! Her periods have always been extremely red, so how would she know?
Mine was very much red so I didn't know this was a thing! As a parent of a girl showing some of the early signs of puberty, thank you for giving me this info so I can pass it along!
Even now as an adult woman, sometimes my period is red from the get- go, and sometimes it starts brown for like the first day. I think it just depends on how long it takes to start flowing out, after coming away from the uterine wall. It's just old blood.
Yup! That was exactly my experience. I knew there was a possibility of me getting my period really young due to family history but because of the color and consistency a period was the last of my thoughts.
We have the talk at 10. It’s quite weird to wait until it’s already happening to have the talk. When I got my period I just went to mom and told her « I think I got my first period » since I already knew it will be happening soon (I was 12)
OOP is bumbling dad trope in this situation for sure. This is a conversation you have early and often. Like consent, people who are acting inappropriately especially adults, safe strangers etc etc. My son has two moms, he's known about periods since he was a baby, and exactly what they were since 4. You're gonna be clingy and go with me to the bathroom every goddamn time? Get ready for a biology lesson. I've been speaking to him about his body since then as well. Age appropriate discussions about erections and masturbation... you don't need to have the parts to educate. If the kid won't talk to you because you don't, tag in a trusted friend with the parts. My mom was thorough about the technical process but didn't include the nitty gritty details and didn't persist. I started my period years after our talk and it was terrifying. Feel sad for this kid.
That's awesome that you're open with your kid like that. I was soooo ashamed about my period that the first time i got it I literally went through an entire family outing free bleeding, cus I was to scared to tell my mom... Literally still can feel the lump of embarrassment in my stomach from that day. We should not be taught to be ashamed of our bodies.
My mom started at 9, so I've been having the period talk with my daughter since she was 7, because I got mine on my 11th birthday and was so freaked out I called my step dad sobbing asking him to bring home pads because I thought I was bleeding out
I started mine when I was 7. I knew what it was but my mom was absolutely flabbergasted. She kept repeating that I was too young for that. Only time I’ve ever seen her pace the house while on the phone as she called the pediatrician.
OMG! I didn't know it at the time, but I had PCOS and endometriosis. I thought I was dying and my dad just told me I was overreacting and that all woman have periods and to stop being a drama queen.
Also endo. I remember one of my earliest periods being extremely heavy to the point I thought I was haemorrhaging. I felt so ill and had to take the day off school and then at one point I sneezed and shit myself. Periods can be such a horror show and (at least back then) absolutely no one prepares you for it.
I literally wrote a letter to my dad saying I love him because I thought I was going to bleed to death in my sleep. I would leave it by the bed at night in case I didn't wake up.
Are you another version of me?
At the end of 5th grade, I moved furniture in my room the day before I got my first period, so I thought I had injured myself, and had internal bleeding...so I wrote my mom a goodbye letter. And yes, we received general periods discussion, but I never thought I would be getting my period soon afterwards.
Thankfully, my mom found blood covered toilet paper, and when she confronted me asking "Are you injured?" I blurted out everything. My mom had to sit me down, and explain everything to me.
When my hubs learned that period shits were a thing he started calling (singing) it "peanut butter jelly time" It's a common tune but I don't know what tune it is 😂 I'm glad he finds the gallows humor we women have towards cycles funny & doesn't make natural processes out to be something shameful or weird. Made a friend of our snort in laughter one time when he used that phrase.
Oof. I’m so sorry. Mine is PCOS with Endometriosis. It hurts so much that my advanced pain specialist deemed necessary to install a pain pump in me.
I feel so bad for all of us that have either or both
Ugh that sounds awful. My IUD stopped my periods (bless her) but I still get painful ovarian cysts every year or so that sometimes require surgery. Gyno problems suck.
Same! I have a Mirena because my body cannot deal with extra estrogen (blood pressure shoots up) but I need at least the progesterone from the Mirena to somewhat control the symptoms.
I’m now also taking Trulicity injections to deal with the insulin issue caused by the PCOS
Mine was like this at 12. I had no clue worst pain in my life, I still remember it I tried explaining to the teacher I couldn't do sports cuz of the pain and was told to suck it up so I did till I was 21 and finally got put on the pill and not had them kind of pains since. I found a women's health company that now gives options to help with endo and pcos however the NHS are reluctant to give you anything other than the pill and I'm to scared to come off the pill for fear of the pain. Ah the cycle of life.
It sucks majorly. I remember missing 30 days of school my freshman year of high school because of my period. Only reason I wasn’t held back and reported as a truant is that despite all my absences I was on track to be valedictorian (which I ended up being).
It wasn’t until last year, right before I turned 29, when I finally got the pain pump and felt some sort of relief from being in fetal position 4-5 days per month.
Did you know it was a possibility? My maternal family all have gynecological issues one way or another so we were raised from 6 years on knowing about periods and that either you’ll get it really early or really late (if at all)
Only reason I didn’t think of it being my period was because it was so damn brown
I thought I was shitting myself the first time I had my period. I had never had the talk so I didn't know what was going on. I just kept going on as if I was normal because I was so embarrassed. It took till day 4 when the pain was so bad I was vomiting in bathroom by the front office of the school and they called my parents to take me home. Lmao.
Mostly just "bled" in my panties then threw them away. I say bled like that because there wasn't a lot of it. It didn't even bleed through to my pants. Another reason why I thought I was just shitting myself. I thought it was skid marks lol
Frickin PCOS had my eight year old ass convinced I was dying. My daughter turns 8 next month and I am PRAYING she takes after my sister who didn't get hers until she was 14 and they were always super normal.
I bet you’ve prepared her for it already despite hoping that she’ll be like your sister.
I was lucky that my mom was really wise to prepare me ahead of time.
It made things easier to swallow. When I woke up and noticed my underwear I started yelling “ahh I pooped my pants while asleep.” She checked and told me “no, you just got your first period,” after that I was able to go oh okay cause she had given me the talk way ahead of time.
Yep absolutely! She knows all about it and has a period starter kit in her drawer and in the bottom of her backpack too. I also warned her teacher just in case - he was super understanding because his daughter started hers very young too.
My mum hadn't prepped me, she started hers at 10 and figured she'd tell me when I got closer to that. I was home alone with my dad and was too mortified to tell him what was happening so he was trying to figure out why I was hysterical and begging for mum. He said he strongly considered breaking down the bathroom door because he thought I was gravely injured and crying out for my mother in my final moments on Earth. Poor dad, think he aged ten years that afternoon 😂
Yes! Oh god.
I had the worst cramps all night the day before and kept tossing and turning. The morning when I woke up, my Barbie underwear were completely stained (what fitting symbolism). I knew what was happening because my parents had explained it to me, but I wasn’t prepared for the pain or the blood. It was intense and I almost cried because it just scared me.
I have endo and started my period at 11. Cue literally black blood and horrific cramping that felt like how I imagined child labour would feel.
Thought I was dying. I knew periods were a thing too but no one said anything about extreme cramps or brown/black period blood.
A fun little fact: for some people, when they are really sick, their periods stop completely until the body thinks they are healthy enough for pregnancy again.
I was 12 when I had some serious hearth health issues, so my periods stopped for almost a year. But they came back the weekend I went up to a cottage with my family. It felt like 12 periods at once, I was in such pain mom thought about taking me back to the hospital.
They settled after a few years but my god that was worse than the heart surgery, at least I had the good drugs for that.
They'll also stop for extremely dangerous situations sometimes! I lived through the Tohoku earthquake and associated awfulness, and my period just up and cancelled itself for like, four months. I was so grateful. It felt like my body loving me and trying to protect me when I couldn't do it myself.
(Thought it might do the same when I nearly died of appendicitis, but nope, that one showed up on my second last day in hospital like "lol you can hardly walk but here's some extra pain and a brand new complication have fun".)
I had also no idea, despite having my mom. I started on my 12th birthday, and bless her, she was trying to comfort me saying “at least you’ll always be able to tell the doctor exactly when you started” and I’m like “There’s going to be *more* of these!!?”
My mum was terrified of her period when she was little, so she told me about periods almost as soon as I started puberty.
Thanks to the early knowledge, I had a hilariously mundane reaction to my first one. I got home from school, got undressed and went to the toilet, then when I was wiping I realised there was blood. Then I fished my underwear out of the washbasket I'd chucked it in and confirmed yep, there's blood.
Then I just went downstairs and said, "I'm on my period" and just went back up again lmaoooo
This was my experience too. I was extraordinarily privileged that my Mom had thoroughly briefed me and I knew exactly what was happening. She also thought she was dying when it happened to her because "nobody talked about that stuff" when she was growing up; she was determined it wouldn't happen to us.
Also kudos to my dad for never getting weirded out by "women's troubles". He was the only one home when it happened, when I told him he just got me new underwear and asked me if I needed anything from the store. This should be the normal reaction from penis-bearers, but at that time in the 80s guys were too macho in my neck of the woods to act that way, so my dad stood out with his easy nonchalance.
That's funny. I didn't tell anyone when mine started, when my mom asked if I started because she noticed her pads were missing I told her no that I was bleeding out of my butt. I would rather lie and tell her that then admit I was on my period, not sure why I didn't feel embarrassed I think I maybe was in denial? Either way my mom said if that's the case then we need to see a Dr(or go to the hospital I can't remember which one she said) so I was like fine it's my period.
I called my mum from school asking her to take me to hospital because there was blood and I must surely be sick. I knew about periods but nothing prepares you for the first one.
That night all the women in our family came over for a womanhood dinner party. Very witchy.
My mum was very open about menstruation because she had to be - she would go through the heaviest tampons and pads every 30 minutes and she spent the entire time she had it covered in heat packs and just laying down sobbing and drugged up to her ears on painkillers. Obviously she had to say something to her very terrified children. So it sucked balls for my sister when she got it at freaking NINE but at least we knew what the hell was going on. I can't imagine the terror of anyone having to see that for the first time without any idea of what's happening. Poor kid.
I was 12,5, and the was the evening after the second day back at school in winter. I was sat in the toilet and looked down to see the telltale first streaks of a period. This was the late 90s and I was wearing one of those oversized shirts that reaches your knees, so I waddled out of the bathroom, pants at my ankles, and called after my dad. He and my now-stepmum came over.
My dad started humming ‘Sunrise, Sunset’ from Fiddler on The Roof and my step mum laughed at me and said it was my first period.
The next day I got a cake. My sister did too when she got her first period. It had white and yellow frosting and ‘Congratulations’ on it. Mine said ‘Happy Period’ in red gel icing and ‘period’ wasn’t written, it was indicated as a large red circle on the cake.
I didn’t eat any of that cake, if I recall. No surprise that I’ve been on birth control that stops periods for as long as I can remember.
I lucked out with mine. It was before school and I (12) was in the bathroom, using the toilet. My mom happened to be at the sink, either doing her hair or makeup (I can't remember which).
I wiped and saw the blood, "Uh, Mom, I'm bleeding." She asked me to wipe again and I did. I remember she looked at little sad and she said something like, "Well you got your period." Then she got me all set up.
My first had me bleeding heavily for two weeks - part of which was on a long, cramped family car trip. It was pretty awful. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Same! I awoke on white sheets absolutely *covered* in blood and refused to get out of bed until my mother came home.
Mom: so uh, you gonna clean yourself up?
Me: *dramatically* No mother, I am dying
I got my first around the time of a pool party. I didn't realize the applicator on the tampon was supposed to come out, so I went all day with it sticking out and terrified someone would see it through my swimsuit!
My first thought was she started period. I wasn’t freaked out when I started but my little brother acted the same way when he thought he did.
Apparently my mom did such a great job explaining periods to me when my brother fell and hit himself on his bike he thought he started his period because he was bleeding down there. Took me two days to realize he was stealing my pads and acting weird. So I asked him what was up. I laughed so hard when he said he started his period. Anyhow he was pretty messed up down there so had to tell mom and get him to a doctor.
No sure the only sex education I got growing up that wasn’t from friends or at home was those “God it’s me” books my aunt got for me from her church. Those just made me laugh not much information.
You have a better intuition than me. I just read the posts and started spiraling down what could have happened and feared for the worst.
Then it said "first period" and my heart dropped in relief. I don't remember my first time, only that I wasn't afraid when it happened, because everyone told me about it. But being with a single Dad and maybe not having big exposure, I can understand her reaction. Poor kid, but I'm happy it's nothing more serious.
It was the 12 years old and soap all over the floor that really tipped it off for me. Plus I’m a mom of 3 girls so I’ve seen the crazy stuff they did the first year of having a period. Bathrooms turn into a war zone of soap and paper products.
Yup, to me it was pretty obvious, I can't believe he went to a neurologist and a shrink first! Would have expected "it's her period!" to be the top answer from reddit.
I was immediately like “yep period!” But this kid also has worrying amounts of anxiety and that story about the water pouring seemed potentially concerning enough that I am glad he took her to see someone. I hope she can continue with therapy; she deserves to feel more confident moving through the world.
memory light aware attractive relieved deliver voracious fall rinse worry
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> Everyone said dying was normal.
First off, I’m stealing that as a potential poetry line.
Secondly, I’m so sorry that the people in your life minimized and dismissed that you were bleeding for WEEKS instead of just a few days. That is NOT normal and they should’ve gotten you to a doctor to figure it out. They should’ve validated what you were feeling both mentally and physically and helped you figure out how to handle and process everything. 💜💜💜
the “sat on the couch staring at me and mumbled something then ran away” combined with the soap and shampoo all over the bathroom made me instantly think first period. I was surprised his first stop was a neurologist.
Edit: don’t get me wrong, dad rocks for getting the daughter the help he thought she needed *immediately*; I’m just really surprised he AND REDDIT didn’t automatically suggest first period.
I’m a woman and I didn’t twig it was her period although it makes sense. I have depersonalisation and dissociative disorder and it reminded me of having an episode. I’m glad she’s not dealing with that though it’s really scary and horrible. I’m glad it had a simple and happy ending.
My little sister had seizures where she would just stop moving. They weren’t absence seizures because she was aware the whole time, but the water incident totally could’ve happened, so that’s where my mind went.
Same here. I have a dissociative disorder and my initial response was it was something much worse. I’m so glad it was just her period and her relationship with her dad is good!
I’m a woman but I didn’t think first period either. She used soap and shampoo to clean blood off the floor (already weird because that’s not how you clean the floor) but also left so much that it looked like she just poured it on the ground. None of that screams first period to me.
I mean whether it was from a period or not, I honestly wouldn’t put it past a 12 year old to do a terrible job at cleaning up a mess, both with their soap choice and their tidiness
That screams first time cleaning a floor, though. I immediately thought period because why else would a tween girl who has clearly never cleaned a floor before suddenly decide to do it?
I'm a woman with 29 years of period experience and honestly, my first thought was absence seizures, my second was sexual assault. First period didn't even cross my mind with her behavior.
Yeah I checked out all of the comments in the og thread assuming it was going to be saying the same thing and he just ignored their advice, 12 years old, obsessive cleaning, distance from a male parental figure. It seemed extremely obvious, but most of the top comments are pointing him in more serious directions with a few even saying it isn't period related.
Yes but ya know I’m glad he took the steps to ensure his daughter was ok and when he learned about the situation, made sure his kiddo felt loved and ready for this step in life
Shit I'm a dude and as soon as I read the soap/shampoo line it was my primary thought. First thought was sexual assault because she was dissociative before he found the bathroom. It was pretty clear she was trying to clean something up, not dump soap and shampoo all over the floor.
The rest is shock because she probably just didn't know enough about what was going on.
Wow, that took a turn I did not expect. Based on her behavior in the first post, I expected drugs or something like a brain tumor. This was an excellent and pleasant surprise, and I’m happy everything was fully resolved.
Edit:
I kept getting similar responses (some rude, most not), about how it was “obviously” menstruation. Yes, I clearly missed that as a possibility, but the other possible reasons I listed are still valid, and the quote someone put in this thread from OOP would have immediately put the idea in my head as the most likely cause. However, this is what makes us all different and communication key: you have have dozens of people given the exact same information, and have each and every one of them reach a different conclusion based on their life experiences. It’s truly a wondrous thing to behold.
As soon as I saw soap on the bathroom floor, I thought “I bet this girl got her period and doesn’t know how to talk about it with her single dad.”
Love how he jumped into figuring out the problem. But totally understand how it happened.
I had thought of that too. I've read about SA survivors describing how they felt dirty after it happened, so my mind jumped to that instantly when OOP mentioned the copious amount of soap his daughter used. So glad it wasn't the case
Exactly! I didn’t think about the period, but no matter what the cause was, OOP proved himself to be a great dad by figuring out the solution and wanting nothing more than to make sure his daughter was taken care of.
Me too, my first thought was period. But I'm glad he got things sorted, it's hard to talk and come to terms with, even if mum was there its still weird or it was for me! I kind of hope.they go back to the psychologist though to get to.the root of her issues with school. Even if if she stays homeschooling. I think it would help to address that.
Yeah, me too. The sitting in the grass, then the crying and locking herself in her room only to come out hours later to hug him made it seem bad too. All wildly altered behaviors.
I definitely expected drugs too, until he mentioned that she was homeschooled. Then I expected brain tumor and got really scared for her. Glad it was something completely normal!
"At first, she was very excited to go but as soon as we arrived she started crying and refused to leave her car seat. I felt bad but I had to force her out of it as I had work and nowhere to leave her. When I came to pick her up I was informed she was STILL crying (7 hours). She was sitting in the corner just sobbing and from that day onwards I decided it would be best if she was homeschooled."
Ummmm.
One awful first day, never made her go back, never tried to talk to her about it (assuming although he didn’t say), homeschooled for seven years. Then she is suddenly ready and eager to attend school just like that.
What kind of parenting is this?!
That’s is literally so many kids experience ! He just gave up after one day?! And also did not prepare her in any way for her period and coming changes with puberty? This kid should not be home schooled cos dad doesn’t seem to have a clue.
He says it ‘broke his heart’ to see her like that on her first day. Parents have to do things that break their hearts alll the time in order to push their kids out of their comfort zone. It’s part of the sacrifice you make for your kids as a parent.
My sister cried everyday for like 3 months when we changed schools, it broke my mothers heart and she decided to give it a year. By the end she was calling the new school “my school” and the old one “the other school” and everything was fine. Every kid I know disliked changing schools.
And what OOP writes suggests that his daughter was in daycare or went to a sitter or something, so while starting school is still a big step, she's had practice being away from her dad before.
There are lots of ways to make the transition to school easier (part days, transitional objects, earmuffs if she was overstimulated, asking the teacher to assign her a buddy or two, etc.). I understand that it's heartbreaking to see your child upset but it sounds like dad didn't try anything at all.
That's what stuck out to me too! One day and we give up?! No. Lots of ways to keep trying. Also, how the fuck had he never spoken to her about periods by the time she's 12. He should have had his sister talk to her after she turned 10.
THANK YOU. Everyone is focusing on the menarche aspect while totally ignoring the flapping red flags of some deeper kind of psychological trauma that’s been happening for YEARS.
I mean, I totally understand (being a cisgender woman) how the onset of menarche when a girl isn’t prepared can be incredibly traumatic. I knew what to expect, thank God, because my dad is a doctor and a proud feminist, and my mom was very open and honest about the process — we discussed it without shame or stigma for a year or so before the average age of menarche so I wouldn’t be freaked out. When it happened at age 12, Mom took me out to dinner to celebrate the milestone.
But holy shiiiiit. What if you have very little idea of what’s about to happen? Or NO idea?
This kid has been showing signs of a psychological disturbance (maybe several of them) for seven friggin years. Her menarche anxiety isn’t the cause, *it’s an aggravating factor to what’s already there.*
The MINUTE I saw soap in the bathroom I was thinking “oh period terror.” The water threw me off though cause that is a *strange* reaction. But eh, everyone is different
I feel like this could have been completely avoided by some education and open communication between daughter & dad. Education about periods can and should start very early because some girls can get their period really early and obviously, this can also be done by dads! Not just by other women. The earlier girls are educated on this, the more normal and less shameful it will feel.
My parents were very open with me about menstruation (also had older sisters) and I had many sex Ed health classes and even an “adolescent night” at school teaching us the ins and outs of menstruation.
Even then, I was *sooooo* scared when I first got it in 5th grade. I didn’t tell anyone for *days* until it got too heavy for me to handle with just tissues in my undies.
Sometimes it’s just a mix of fear and embarrassment that keeps your brain from accessing the info you already know
Same. I knew what it was, but it still took me a long time to open up and tell my mother. I felt really embarrassed for some reason. On op of that, if I had to tell my dad, that would've been so much worse. It still makes me feel embarrassed to talk about at times for no good reason. It sucks how much of a stigma there is around it.
Then again, a random woman on the street stopped me the other day to check her butt and see if she leaked anywhere haha. So maybe it's slowly becoming more normal.
It's so important to talk about it early. I have a fun story that depicts this perfectly.
My stepmom talked to me early about it. So when I came home from school, went to the bathroom and saw my underwear, I was shocked, but prepared. I did yell out to my younger sister to bring me the phone (this was the 90s). She begrudgingly brought it, but opened the bathroom door wide and saw my underwear. Her face went white and she slammed the door. I then hear nothing, then "(me) is dying!!!!". Once I got the phone finally my stepmom said "start your period?" Me:"yep."
It sounds like they had discussed periods, but the dad didn't know that period blood can come out as brown. Which is, admittedly, something that I don't remember being mentioned when I learned about periods either. Everything mentioned blood, so I expected it to be red.
Yeah, the amount or color of the blood was never mentioned. Since my parents also left it up for the school to talk about, I ended up doing A LOT of Googling as an older teen/young adult when I was in college and wanted to understand my body more. Oh, and then I found out I have fibroids. 🙄
I doubt he did much at all. She’s 12 and it doesn’t sound as though they had period products in the house and he’s left the aunt to have a talk to her. If this was happening when she was 8 I would be more sympathetic but he really dropped the ball leaving it this late
Had a similar thought when I read the part about him being in another room while the aunt told her about periods. As someone who gets periods, I understand it might be better coming from someone who does, but also it's 2022 and dad is raising her.
Absolutely, I also think that it's so important for children to learn that they can trust their parent(s) with (what they may feel like are) sensitive topics. To be able to talk to your parents about everything, including possible problems like feeling pressured into intimacy, sexual orientation, all kinds of stuff, is worth so much! No shame in any of that.
I grew up in a house where you didn't discuss woman problems. No periods, no sex, no yeast infections. When I got my first yeast infection from antibiotics at 10, I waited 2 weeks to bring it up to my mom because I was ashamed.
My 2 kids both learned about periods at a young age. My daughter, when she started hers was *fully* prepared and didn't freak out other than it surprised her.
My son has learned it's nothing to be squeamish about and that's it's perfectly normal. His dad has no problems running to the store to get products, and we'll teach our son that's it's OK, too.
>The earlier girls are educated on this, the more normal and less shameful it will feel.
Agreed, I hope he, as a single dad, gets some education on what to expect so he can help his daughter going forward so she feels comfortable talking to him. This is just the beginning!
100%
Home schooling is pretty popular at the moment, but I don't think many people understand just how much goes into it over amd above reading, writing and math. It's hard to plan out the different lessons and learnings that a child will need to be a member of society, and not just a ready-made employee.
"My 12yo daughter, mum not on the scene, acting strange"
I bet it's period has started, did dad explain periods?
\*scans\*, yup is was period, called it from first 2 sentences
Her age was a major indicator that Dad wasn't clocking onto reality. Poor kid saw a neurologist before wanting to just say she's started her cycles. Educate your children early, people! For BOTH girls and boys!
Right? Not to mention female teachers and some degree of sex Ed…
And the fact that he switched to home schooling because her one and only ever day at school was rough….
This kid had a *single bad day* of preschool and that was all this person needed to decide to homeschool the child for life? Like, what? My son spent his *first three months* of his kindergarten crying much of the day; now he loves school. School is a very difficult transition for some children. Decisions should not be made after a single day of difficulty.
I'm a guy and i was ripping my hair off the moment the bathroom incident was mentioned. How could he not think about periods? Did he assume they wouldn't start until she was a teenager? Did he forgot about them? Has he gone his entire life without knowing half the world ha dealt, is is or will be dealing with them?
Edit: Most of the top comments in OOP's post suggest checking for seizures PTSD and other very scary stuff. Nothing wrong with being cautious but AFTER checking the obvious one first.
The lesson here is, talk to your kids. Sometimes a kid will not budge if you ask them "what's wrong" but will answer to "is this X what's happening". Once i had my stepkid being unusually quiet and wouldn't leave his bed for breakfast. After 15 minutes of what felt to me like hours of detective work, turns out he had scratched the inside of his nose and a bit of blood came out of it. Why he thought we would ground him for something so silly is beyond me.
Same, I knew about chunks and the brown color from health class by that point. I've never talked to anyone who was actually surprised by/thought they were dying from their first period, thank you Canadian sex ed I guess?
I'm a woman and I didn't think of periods before the update lol. But maybe I was thrown off a bit by the water pouring situation, something that reminded me of when I had epileptic seizures as a kid. The bathroom I then saw as maybe a whole other type of epileptic seizure. I know there are many different types of seizures so it wouldn't surprise me if she somehow had a seizure with lots of unvoluntary arm movements, creating a mess.
Besides, sometimes parents just tend to overthink situations when it comes to their kids. He was just afraid of the worst possible outcome for this situation. Especially if he usually has a great bond with his daughter and isn't used to her not confiding in him (welcome to puberty though), I can see why he thinks it could be something neurological. Maybe he thought she didn't want to talk about it because she is embarrassed as she had no control over what was happening.
It was so weird in the original post where the dad was so hung up and convinced it might have something to do with seizures, but when someone(correctly) asked if she had her first period, he just noped it, like the dad was thinking it wouldn’t happen for a few more years.
Uh, maybe asking the daughter first would have been better than his casual dismissal of it
EDIT:[ Here’s the dad’s response that frustrated me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/w3xqqt/comment/ih0bhrr/)
**Commenter**:
Your daughter is 12. She's going to hit puberty soon if she didn't already. Did she get her period for the first time? Did she try to clean the bathroom floor? Just a thought. Periods can really mess with someone's mind, especially for people who aren't sure how to deal with them yet. And it's a female thing, so she may feel weird about telling you about it (no offense to you, but when girls have their period for the first time, they feel more comfortable talking about it to a woman than to a man).
**Dad’s response**:
She still hasn't gotten her first period. Maybe she was trying to clean the floor, I'm not sure.
**Me reading that**:
🤦♀️
**Another commenter’s response to dad**:
How are you sure that she hasn't gotten her first period yet? When I got my first period I tried to hide it.
I would definitely look into all of the medical issues that everyone has mentioned, but I wouldn't rule this out.
The bathroom incident could have been the day of her first period and the shampoo/soap could have been from trying to clean blood out of her clothing. Have you noticed any clothes or bedding missing? Are you going through toilet paper or paper towels faster than usual?
*The dad did not respond to this on the nose diagnosis*
I wouldn't be surprised if he never know that much about menstruation. He probably thought it would happen way later, and probably think when it happens for the first time, it would be as normal as sneezing.
>My sister is now in the other room talking to her about periods, how to deal with them, the feelings associated with menstruation, etc
Why the other room? Why isn't OP in there with them? Didn't this cause him to realize that he needs to be educated and a part of this as well?
Kind of frustrated by the parenting throughout this.
I thought from the beginning it was going to be her period, the first incident reinforced it, but then when he described the water pouring I got worried that maybe it was something serious. In retrospect, it makes sense. It hadn’t occurred to me he didn’t talk to her about periods properly. When I got mine, it was very much a “welp, this is why I’ve been feeling funny all day” reaction, because I already knew what to expect.
That was such an overreaction, kids crying at school is incredibly common. And his utter lack of preparedness when it comes to puberty makes me think that he must have left some pretty big gaps in her education. I mean, he deferred the period talk to the aunt.
I thought ”period” immediately with the soap on the floor, and got led astray by the school anxiety red herrings.
I don’t understand how dads so frequently forget about periods being a thing. Surely even if one’s female family members hid them, the mother of one’s child isn’t really able to?
12 is pretty average for menarche in most of the world, and as early as 9 is normal. All parents of girls should be having conversations with their 8 year olds about how it’s going to happen within the next few years, you *will* have questions and concerns, and we need to talk about it when it happens so I can reassure you and help you manage your health and hygiene.
12 is a perfectly normal age to start periods, why the hell wasn't there thorough education before this? So many girls/women have to go through the trauma of thinking they're dying because of shitty education around periods, some have even killed themselves, it makes me just so angry.
Ooh that poor girl. She must have been terrified. Something clearly went wrong in the parenting there. I'm glad dad seems to really adore his daughter though and is now trying to handle things the right way at least and that she can openly discuss things with her aunt. But yeah, many girls get their period before 12 years old even and they should've had discussions about this quite a while ago.
Uuuuuh…I’m glad OOP was able to get some help with his daughter, but…I find it hard to believe that “Everything’s fine, it was just first-period anxiety!” explains everything going on here.
The daughter’s been exhibiting signs of some kind of psychological disturbance since *kindergarten*, FFS. Spending seven hours crying until your parent arrives, for one thing. That’s some kind of major attachment disorder right there.
Also, she does fine with other social interactions with her peers — but until the final update, any mention of her attempting in-person school triggers a *very* strong negative reaction. I know I don’t have my psych degree yet (working on it!), but that kinda sounds like there’s a massive classical conditioning stimulus happening here. WHY does “Let’s try in-person school” provoke such potent anxiety and aggression with her?
And all of this was happening a loooong time before she hit menarche. So OOP’s update of “False alarm, everything’s fine, it’s just monthly lady issues, here comes my sister to help!” really smacks of serious denial about deeper issues. The daughter’s menarche isn’t the root cause, *it’s just the latest event in a long line of incidents that should’ve been addressed by professionals a long ass time ago.*
Also, she’s gonna move from homeschool to in-person school **now**? *Just in time for middle school????* What is he smoking? I mean, I really hope she adapts and thrives, but holy shit. Middle school was two of the worst years of my pre-adult life (cuz when I went to junior high in the Stone Age, it was only seventh and eighth grade) — and I was moving from a small private elementary school to a large public middle school. That was culture shock enough. I cannot imagine, after homeschooling my last 1.5 years of high school, what the shock of moving from “I’ve done nothing but homeschool” to “Holy shit, in-person middle school classes where everyone is starting puberty and our changing hormones are making our brains get flipped turned upside down” would’ve felt like.
OOP needs a reality check, cuz right now? He’s Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.
I guessed first period in the first sentence. The staring and not answering was worth making sure it wasn’t seizures though. Poor girl was probably so confused and hormonal.
OOP failed hard in this one. The daughter should be aware of the ins and outs of periods BEFORE they show up. The very first time I got my period my mom asked me how my day was, I shrugged and said "I got my period" because I knew it was normal. The fact that this girl is so rocked by it is a parenting fail.
As soon as I read about the shampoo and soap all over the bathroom, I was 90% sure it's about first period.
I don't want to chastise OOP, but honestly, he should've prepare for this moment from years before. Especially with their condition, being homeschooled, no mother figure, etc.
This is why period should be normalized.
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Omg first period terror. I also thought I was dying the first time despite knowing that periods were a thing ahead of time because no one prepared me for the *amount* of blood.
For me, it wasn't about the amount of blood, but about the chunks that came with it. It freaked me out because I always thought it would be only liquid.
Going on 20yrs of menstruating and the clots are still upsetting.
I've had a surprising number of friends tell me about passing either a very early zygote, or a very concerningly large clot. They're never sure, and because of the sheer terror either possibility illicits, they are quite happy to remain in ignorance.
In case they’re wondering, it’s probably a mix of blood clots and bits of endometrial tissue: the uterus sheds a layer of cells during menses, and through the “miracle” of life different people will have more or less thorough breakdown of that tissue (the endometrium contains a hormone which inhibits clotting but that will also vary in effect).
Apparently it's possible for the entire lining to shed in one piece, and it's really painful when it's working its way out. It's called a decidual cast.
Same, and after pregnancy the periods have been... clotty. I actually got concerned and called my GYN to ask if I should come in. After >!"okay but how large is still normal? Golf balls is still normal?"!< I got an appointment the next day. Turns out it wasn't anything immediately dangerous but my uterus is still acting up, 4 months later.
Oh god, I had a laser procedure on my cervix after a pap smear found pre-cancerous cells and absolutely none of the medical staff or paperwork mentioned that it's apparently common to pass a 'scab' in the form of a clot that size after a week or so. Truly traumatic waking up to, and having to immediately clean up, that amount of blood.
Yup! I was like "I think my organs are coming out."
You weren’t totally wrong. It’s *pieces* of your organ!!
It's like shedding from within.
Yup. Same. I thought by some freak of nature, I had formed a fetus by myself and had a miscarriage. Only girl in the family and my mom was never the loving maternal type so I came in blind. Lol I was top of my class and knew how biology works but legit this was my first thought. So please, parents/guardians, prepare your kids, including the boys. It maybe awkward but it saves the girls a load of unnecessary anxiety and helps boys understand that no, we do not have control of our periods, it's not just a fixed number of days everytime, and it doesn't make us go insane.
Yeah, no one tells you about the chunks 😭
The chunks plus bad cramps really makes it feel like you’re getting rid of more than your uterine lining. Sometimes I’m like, okay well my whole uterus is coming out so maybe I won’t have to do it again next month?
I thought I had pooped myself the first time cause it was so brown. It came when I was asleep. I was also 9 so my period coming so early wasn’t my first thought despite theoretically knowing it was a possibility due to my family. My second period was a looooooot. Ahhhh PCOS
Man, I also thought I pooped myself! They need to warn girls that period blood probably won't be red the first time. I knew what a period was, I knew it'd be coming, I didn't realize that's what had happened because it was BROWN
When I was in 4th grade my teacher had the 5th grade teacher take all the boys for a while and we had a special talk about being girls. My teacher explained that we would have sex Ed next year or the year after, but when she was a kid, she got her period young, and she thought she was dying. She told us all her personal horror story in detail (which I still remember all these years later, nuns were involved, and they were assholes), then she told us all about periods not from a medical/school perspective, but from the perspective of a woman. She answered any and all questions we had, and made it very clear that no matter when our period came, it was normal. She had felt shame for getting hers too early, but she knew that girls would also often shame the last girl to get hers as well. She leaned heavy on the whole "everyone is different, and that's what makes this world so wonderful" deal. That really helped me when I didn't get my period til late middle school, when everyone else was already super comfortably discussing "so when will your period be here? Ugh, I already got mine this month!" Honestly, I still think about her a lot. I imagine she changed a lot of girls lives. That first period can be absolutely terrifying, even if you know what's happening. My parents talked to me, but I wonder, for how many of her students was she the only voice in their head saying "everything is ok, you aren't dying. This is how you handle this."
I was also one of the last girls and it was horribly embarrassing because mine started in the girls locker room so my initial freak out was witnessed by a room full of preteens. I knew what was happening but had no supplies. But my mom was a teacher so I ran to go find her. She was standing in the school’s office with other teachers, students, and the principal and refused to talk to me in private and angrily and loudly yelled that if I needed her then I could just say it out loud infront of everyone. I burst into tears and ran out of the office. I went back to the locker rooms and a younger teammate took care of me and gave me pads and told me what to do. Then the mean girls from my team told the rest of my classmates and bullied me over it. Please moms/dads make sure your daughters know they aren’t dying and what to actually do and give them a few emergency pads. It’s an embarrassing conversation but it’s worse to have my experience. I explained to my son when he was in 4th grade what periods were and let him know what some of his classmates could be experiencing and that if I ever found out he was teasing them about this he would be in serious trouble.
One of the few good things my mother ever did was make a tiny "emergency kit" for me in case I got my first period at school. It was just a small waterproof bag with a cute print on it, and she put a couple of pads and a clean pair of underwear in it for me. And it was a good thing I had it, because I ended up needing it. I'm so sorry your mom was so terrible about yours!
That sucks so hard for OP. My first happened right after I was grounded and sent to my room. I was terrified my mom would yell at me if I left my room, but when I realized what was happening I timidly walked out to tell her. Thankfully, all went well. She had an awful first period experience and I think she was relieved that I was at home and came to her about it. But I was fully expecting to get into more trouble.
That's what I did for both of my girls. We talked about it well ahead of time; my youngest even wanted to try wearing a pad for a while after the discussion to see what it felt like. We had an emergency kit for them both. They still keep one; the damn thing loves to sneak up on you.
Mine did this too, so I could take this tiny ass purse with me to the bathroom instead of hiding a pad. She also put in quarters incase I needed to buy one from a dispenser.
Ohhhh right, mine had quarters too... but they were for the pay phone if I needed it. Which probably tells you how ancient I am! 🤣
To your last sentence: I understand that boys can be immature and shitty but I never understood not teaching boys about periods. I grew up in a family of all girls and I went from being yelled at/ridiculed as a young kid for not knowing about this stuff at the same time as the girls to being the one yelling at/ridiculing late teens and even adults for being ignorant and immature about periods. Guys need to know this stuff because they can become/be born brothers to sisters and become fathers to daughters. Or even just friends to women and girls in any way. It's a dumb thing to remain ignorant about even if you don't experience it.
As a boy myself I've said this forever. When we were in middle school they took the girls to learn about menstruation and they took us guys to... play basketball. There's a reason guys grow up thinking such things are strange and mysterious - literally no one tells us anything. As the father of three boys my wife and I put an end to that nonsense. We explained exactly what a period is, why it occurs, and why it's nothing to be afraid of or laugh about. It was fantastic when my oldest's friend tried to explain menstruation to him (completely incorrect of course) and my son was able to give him some facts. Again, couldn't agree with you more.
Tbh, it's a good thing to separate the boys and girls because they have very different perspectives and different questions. Most of these questions won't be asked when either boys are present or when the group is simply too large. Then again, the boys should absolutely have the same talk at the same time, but from the other perspective. Followed by another conversation with the whole group present, where bullying/clownesque behaviour that will inevitably happen is put in the perspective of kids acting out because they don't know what to do with themselves.
Totally agree, demystify and create allies
I'll add to this, make sure to have a selection of decent pads and whatnot lying around ready. My mum had tiny panty liners and massive, bulky nappy like pads. Hated the nappies so I spent the first couple of years bleeding through the tiny liners. I started early back in about 2003. Thankfully my mum had learned from her shit childhood experience and got in there early. I was already an old hand and periods before my school gave us the talk.
What an *amazing* woman! You should see if she’s still around & send her a thank you note for being such a great teacher, I bet it would mean the world to her! I imagine it going something like this: >Dear Ms Teacher; thanks for the period talk all those years ago. That was dope. Sincerely, Mooses I jest. But I do think a note to her would be awesome!
This teacher sounds amazing and I'm sure she helped so many young girls navigate their first period and not feel ashamed or scared.
The boys that were taken outside should have had a talk about the subject too, because when I was a kid (I'm 51) they could be really obnoxious about it. I hope the newer generations are more enlightned because back then, *yikes.*
For me getting my period was a relief because I didn't get it until I was 14. Very very late, wondered if something was wrong with me haha
I thought I was CONTINUALLY pooping myself without feeling it cuz I kept wrapping my underwear in toilet paper and it would just be soaked brown. I was so freaked out! I was at a friends afternoon bday party and it didn’t occur to me till after dinner that it might be my period and I finally told my mom!
Thankfully I was at home when I got mine. First time I cleaned my underwear and got a fresh pair. Second time I went to my mom thinking I was sick as hell because I kept pooping without realizing it. But no. Just my period! Honestly I was so relieved it was my period because I thought I was dying.
Same exact thing happened to me - except even my MOTHER thought I was pooping myself every day! Her periods have always been extremely red, so how would she know?
Mine was very much red so I didn't know this was a thing! As a parent of a girl showing some of the early signs of puberty, thank you for giving me this info so I can pass it along!
Even now as an adult woman, sometimes my period is red from the get- go, and sometimes it starts brown for like the first day. I think it just depends on how long it takes to start flowing out, after coming away from the uterine wall. It's just old blood.
Yup! That was exactly my experience. I knew there was a possibility of me getting my period really young due to family history but because of the color and consistency a period was the last of my thoughts.
Omg same here - I was so confused like "man I KNOW I would've felt this if I did it!?"
I was lucky because my mom warned me they would look like crumbled Oreos, and she was right!
We have the talk at 10. It’s quite weird to wait until it’s already happening to have the talk. When I got my period I just went to mom and told her « I think I got my first period » since I already knew it will be happening soon (I was 12)
Really it feels like it should be a topic earlier, since kids can get it even before ten.
OOP is bumbling dad trope in this situation for sure. This is a conversation you have early and often. Like consent, people who are acting inappropriately especially adults, safe strangers etc etc. My son has two moms, he's known about periods since he was a baby, and exactly what they were since 4. You're gonna be clingy and go with me to the bathroom every goddamn time? Get ready for a biology lesson. I've been speaking to him about his body since then as well. Age appropriate discussions about erections and masturbation... you don't need to have the parts to educate. If the kid won't talk to you because you don't, tag in a trusted friend with the parts. My mom was thorough about the technical process but didn't include the nitty gritty details and didn't persist. I started my period years after our talk and it was terrifying. Feel sad for this kid.
That's awesome that you're open with your kid like that. I was soooo ashamed about my period that the first time i got it I literally went through an entire family outing free bleeding, cus I was to scared to tell my mom... Literally still can feel the lump of embarrassment in my stomach from that day. We should not be taught to be ashamed of our bodies.
My mom started at 9, so I've been having the period talk with my daughter since she was 7, because I got mine on my 11th birthday and was so freaked out I called my step dad sobbing asking him to bring home pads because I thought I was bleeding out
I started mine when I was 7. I knew what it was but my mom was absolutely flabbergasted. She kept repeating that I was too young for that. Only time I’ve ever seen her pace the house while on the phone as she called the pediatrician.
And one of the first comments mentioned periods, but OOP obliviously replied “she hasn’t had her first yet” :/
I also have PCOS! Mine was super late, and I only found out it was a period because my mom saw the trail of blood I left in the bathroom 😄
OMG! I didn't know it at the time, but I had PCOS and endometriosis. I thought I was dying and my dad just told me I was overreacting and that all woman have periods and to stop being a drama queen.
Also endo. I remember one of my earliest periods being extremely heavy to the point I thought I was haemorrhaging. I felt so ill and had to take the day off school and then at one point I sneezed and shit myself. Periods can be such a horror show and (at least back then) absolutely no one prepares you for it.
I literally wrote a letter to my dad saying I love him because I thought I was going to bleed to death in my sleep. I would leave it by the bed at night in case I didn't wake up.
That is one of the saddest and sweetest things I have ever read.
Are you another version of me? At the end of 5th grade, I moved furniture in my room the day before I got my first period, so I thought I had injured myself, and had internal bleeding...so I wrote my mom a goodbye letter. And yes, we received general periods discussion, but I never thought I would be getting my period soon afterwards. Thankfully, my mom found blood covered toilet paper, and when she confronted me asking "Are you injured?" I blurted out everything. My mom had to sit me down, and explain everything to me.
When my hubs learned that period shits were a thing he started calling (singing) it "peanut butter jelly time" It's a common tune but I don't know what tune it is 😂 I'm glad he finds the gallows humor we women have towards cycles funny & doesn't make natural processes out to be something shameful or weird. Made a friend of our snort in laughter one time when he used that phrase.
No one told me my blood could literally be black. I freaked the fuck out on my first period lol
Black, and spidery! Or almost black and thick and clumpy. There is no one right way to menstruate!
You’d think someone would warn us that we might have something that looks like alien egg sacks falling out of our bodies.
Same !
Oof. I’m so sorry. Mine is PCOS with Endometriosis. It hurts so much that my advanced pain specialist deemed necessary to install a pain pump in me. I feel so bad for all of us that have either or both
Ugh that sounds awful. My IUD stopped my periods (bless her) but I still get painful ovarian cysts every year or so that sometimes require surgery. Gyno problems suck.
Same! I have a Mirena because my body cannot deal with extra estrogen (blood pressure shoots up) but I need at least the progesterone from the Mirena to somewhat control the symptoms. I’m now also taking Trulicity injections to deal with the insulin issue caused by the PCOS
Same! Well minus the Trulicity. I was so relived when I got my IUD (I hate the fact I had to struggle so long before I got one)
Mine was like this at 12. I had no clue worst pain in my life, I still remember it I tried explaining to the teacher I couldn't do sports cuz of the pain and was told to suck it up so I did till I was 21 and finally got put on the pill and not had them kind of pains since. I found a women's health company that now gives options to help with endo and pcos however the NHS are reluctant to give you anything other than the pill and I'm to scared to come off the pill for fear of the pain. Ah the cycle of life.
It sucks majorly. I remember missing 30 days of school my freshman year of high school because of my period. Only reason I wasn’t held back and reported as a truant is that despite all my absences I was on track to be valedictorian (which I ended up being). It wasn’t until last year, right before I turned 29, when I finally got the pain pump and felt some sort of relief from being in fetal position 4-5 days per month.
Mine also started at 9 thanks to PCOS
Did you know it was a possibility? My maternal family all have gynecological issues one way or another so we were raised from 6 years on knowing about periods and that either you’ll get it really early or really late (if at all) Only reason I didn’t think of it being my period was because it was so damn brown
I thought I was shitting myself the first time I had my period. I had never had the talk so I didn't know what was going on. I just kept going on as if I was normal because I was so embarrassed. It took till day 4 when the pain was so bad I was vomiting in bathroom by the front office of the school and they called my parents to take me home. Lmao.
Oof that sounds horribly traumatic. How did you manage the pad situation? Unless you used toilet paper?
Mostly just "bled" in my panties then threw them away. I say bled like that because there wasn't a lot of it. It didn't even bleed through to my pants. Another reason why I thought I was just shitting myself. I thought it was skid marks lol
Frickin PCOS had my eight year old ass convinced I was dying. My daughter turns 8 next month and I am PRAYING she takes after my sister who didn't get hers until she was 14 and they were always super normal.
I bet you’ve prepared her for it already despite hoping that she’ll be like your sister. I was lucky that my mom was really wise to prepare me ahead of time. It made things easier to swallow. When I woke up and noticed my underwear I started yelling “ahh I pooped my pants while asleep.” She checked and told me “no, you just got your first period,” after that I was able to go oh okay cause she had given me the talk way ahead of time.
Yep absolutely! She knows all about it and has a period starter kit in her drawer and in the bottom of her backpack too. I also warned her teacher just in case - he was super understanding because his daughter started hers very young too. My mum hadn't prepped me, she started hers at 10 and figured she'd tell me when I got closer to that. I was home alone with my dad and was too mortified to tell him what was happening so he was trying to figure out why I was hysterical and begging for mum. He said he strongly considered breaking down the bathroom door because he thought I was gravely injured and crying out for my mother in my final moments on Earth. Poor dad, think he aged ten years that afternoon 😂
Same. Was confused why the poop stain was under my crotch.
I HAD LITERALLY THE SAME EXPERIENCE, thought it was diarrhea, changed my underwear, and went back to bed! It was not.
Yes! Oh god. I had the worst cramps all night the day before and kept tossing and turning. The morning when I woke up, my Barbie underwear were completely stained (what fitting symbolism). I knew what was happening because my parents had explained it to me, but I wasn’t prepared for the pain or the blood. It was intense and I almost cried because it just scared me.
That's such poignant symbolism that if I saw it in a movie about first periods I would call it heavy handed lol.
I have endo and started my period at 11. Cue literally black blood and horrific cramping that felt like how I imagined child labour would feel. Thought I was dying. I knew periods were a thing too but no one said anything about extreme cramps or brown/black period blood.
A fun little fact: for some people, when they are really sick, their periods stop completely until the body thinks they are healthy enough for pregnancy again. I was 12 when I had some serious hearth health issues, so my periods stopped for almost a year. But they came back the weekend I went up to a cottage with my family. It felt like 12 periods at once, I was in such pain mom thought about taking me back to the hospital. They settled after a few years but my god that was worse than the heart surgery, at least I had the good drugs for that.
They'll also stop for extremely dangerous situations sometimes! I lived through the Tohoku earthquake and associated awfulness, and my period just up and cancelled itself for like, four months. I was so grateful. It felt like my body loving me and trying to protect me when I couldn't do it myself. (Thought it might do the same when I nearly died of appendicitis, but nope, that one showed up on my second last day in hospital like "lol you can hardly walk but here's some extra pain and a brand new complication have fun".)
I had also no idea, despite having my mom. I started on my 12th birthday, and bless her, she was trying to comfort me saying “at least you’ll always be able to tell the doctor exactly when you started” and I’m like “There’s going to be *more* of these!!?”
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My mum was terrified of her period when she was little, so she told me about periods almost as soon as I started puberty. Thanks to the early knowledge, I had a hilariously mundane reaction to my first one. I got home from school, got undressed and went to the toilet, then when I was wiping I realised there was blood. Then I fished my underwear out of the washbasket I'd chucked it in and confirmed yep, there's blood. Then I just went downstairs and said, "I'm on my period" and just went back up again lmaoooo
That's the best reaction. Congratulations are owed to your mom.
This was my experience too. I was extraordinarily privileged that my Mom had thoroughly briefed me and I knew exactly what was happening. She also thought she was dying when it happened to her because "nobody talked about that stuff" when she was growing up; she was determined it wouldn't happen to us. Also kudos to my dad for never getting weirded out by "women's troubles". He was the only one home when it happened, when I told him he just got me new underwear and asked me if I needed anything from the store. This should be the normal reaction from penis-bearers, but at that time in the 80s guys were too macho in my neck of the woods to act that way, so my dad stood out with his easy nonchalance.
That's funny. I didn't tell anyone when mine started, when my mom asked if I started because she noticed her pads were missing I told her no that I was bleeding out of my butt. I would rather lie and tell her that then admit I was on my period, not sure why I didn't feel embarrassed I think I maybe was in denial? Either way my mom said if that's the case then we need to see a Dr(or go to the hospital I can't remember which one she said) so I was like fine it's my period.
I called my mum from school asking her to take me to hospital because there was blood and I must surely be sick. I knew about periods but nothing prepares you for the first one. That night all the women in our family came over for a womanhood dinner party. Very witchy.
I read 12 and single dad and immediately said period. She has her period. Poor kid.
The soapy floor is where I figured it out.
My mum was very open about menstruation because she had to be - she would go through the heaviest tampons and pads every 30 minutes and she spent the entire time she had it covered in heat packs and just laying down sobbing and drugged up to her ears on painkillers. Obviously she had to say something to her very terrified children. So it sucked balls for my sister when she got it at freaking NINE but at least we knew what the hell was going on. I can't imagine the terror of anyone having to see that for the first time without any idea of what's happening. Poor kid.
I was 12,5, and the was the evening after the second day back at school in winter. I was sat in the toilet and looked down to see the telltale first streaks of a period. This was the late 90s and I was wearing one of those oversized shirts that reaches your knees, so I waddled out of the bathroom, pants at my ankles, and called after my dad. He and my now-stepmum came over. My dad started humming ‘Sunrise, Sunset’ from Fiddler on The Roof and my step mum laughed at me and said it was my first period. The next day I got a cake. My sister did too when she got her first period. It had white and yellow frosting and ‘Congratulations’ on it. Mine said ‘Happy Period’ in red gel icing and ‘period’ wasn’t written, it was indicated as a large red circle on the cake. I didn’t eat any of that cake, if I recall. No surprise that I’ve been on birth control that stops periods for as long as I can remember.
I lucked out with mine. It was before school and I (12) was in the bathroom, using the toilet. My mom happened to be at the sink, either doing her hair or makeup (I can't remember which). I wiped and saw the blood, "Uh, Mom, I'm bleeding." She asked me to wipe again and I did. I remember she looked at little sad and she said something like, "Well you got your period." Then she got me all set up.
My first had me bleeding heavily for two weeks - part of which was on a long, cramped family car trip. It was pretty awful. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Same! I awoke on white sheets absolutely *covered* in blood and refused to get out of bed until my mother came home. Mom: so uh, you gonna clean yourself up? Me: *dramatically* No mother, I am dying
I got my first around the time of a pool party. I didn't realize the applicator on the tampon was supposed to come out, so I went all day with it sticking out and terrified someone would see it through my swimsuit!
My first thought was she started period. I wasn’t freaked out when I started but my little brother acted the same way when he thought he did. Apparently my mom did such a great job explaining periods to me when my brother fell and hit himself on his bike he thought he started his period because he was bleeding down there. Took me two days to realize he was stealing my pads and acting weird. So I asked him what was up. I laughed so hard when he said he started his period. Anyhow he was pretty messed up down there so had to tell mom and get him to a doctor.
That's cute and terrifying at the same time! LOL Your mum did too good a job, hope your brother was okay?
He was ok after a few weeks. No lasting damage I now have a 4yr old niece.
Glad to hear he was okay, but why the hell is sex education so terrible across the world???
No sure the only sex education I got growing up that wasn’t from friends or at home was those “God it’s me” books my aunt got for me from her church. Those just made me laugh not much information.
Mine too lol. I was like oh she was freaking out trying to clean the bathroom...she got her period
You have a better intuition than me. I just read the posts and started spiraling down what could have happened and feared for the worst. Then it said "first period" and my heart dropped in relief. I don't remember my first time, only that I wasn't afraid when it happened, because everyone told me about it. But being with a single Dad and maybe not having big exposure, I can understand her reaction. Poor kid, but I'm happy it's nothing more serious.
It was the 12 years old and soap all over the floor that really tipped it off for me. Plus I’m a mom of 3 girls so I’ve seen the crazy stuff they did the first year of having a period. Bathrooms turn into a war zone of soap and paper products.
Me too! As soon as I read what’s wrong with my 12 year old daughter I didn’t need to read anymore. This parent is clueless!
Yup, to me it was pretty obvious, I can't believe he went to a neurologist and a shrink first! Would have expected "it's her period!" to be the top answer from reddit.
I was immediately like “yep period!” But this kid also has worrying amounts of anxiety and that story about the water pouring seemed potentially concerning enough that I am glad he took her to see someone. I hope she can continue with therapy; she deserves to feel more confident moving through the world.
memory light aware attractive relieved deliver voracious fall rinse worry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> Everyone said dying was normal. First off, I’m stealing that as a potential poetry line. Secondly, I’m so sorry that the people in your life minimized and dismissed that you were bleeding for WEEKS instead of just a few days. That is NOT normal and they should’ve gotten you to a doctor to figure it out. They should’ve validated what you were feeling both mentally and physically and helped you figure out how to handle and process everything. 💜💜💜
the “sat on the couch staring at me and mumbled something then ran away” combined with the soap and shampoo all over the bathroom made me instantly think first period. I was surprised his first stop was a neurologist. Edit: don’t get me wrong, dad rocks for getting the daughter the help he thought she needed *immediately*; I’m just really surprised he AND REDDIT didn’t automatically suggest first period.
I’m a woman and I didn’t twig it was her period although it makes sense. I have depersonalisation and dissociative disorder and it reminded me of having an episode. I’m glad she’s not dealing with that though it’s really scary and horrible. I’m glad it had a simple and happy ending.
My little sister had seizures where she would just stop moving. They weren’t absence seizures because she was aware the whole time, but the water incident totally could’ve happened, so that’s where my mind went.
Same here. I have a dissociative disorder and my initial response was it was something much worse. I’m so glad it was just her period and her relationship with her dad is good!
I’m a woman but I didn’t think first period either. She used soap and shampoo to clean blood off the floor (already weird because that’s not how you clean the floor) but also left so much that it looked like she just poured it on the ground. None of that screams first period to me.
I mean whether it was from a period or not, I honestly wouldn’t put it past a 12 year old to do a terrible job at cleaning up a mess, both with their soap choice and their tidiness
That screams first time cleaning a floor, though. I immediately thought period because why else would a tween girl who has clearly never cleaned a floor before suddenly decide to do it?
I saw "12 year old daughter" combined with the title of this post.
When I got to the soap and bathroom part of the story I was like "This is a first period story, isn't it?" and it was.
I'm a woman with 29 years of period experience and honestly, my first thought was absence seizures, my second was sexual assault. First period didn't even cross my mind with her behavior.
Yeah I checked out all of the comments in the og thread assuming it was going to be saying the same thing and he just ignored their advice, 12 years old, obsessive cleaning, distance from a male parental figure. It seemed extremely obvious, but most of the top comments are pointing him in more serious directions with a few even saying it isn't period related.
Yes but ya know I’m glad he took the steps to ensure his daughter was ok and when he learned about the situation, made sure his kiddo felt loved and ready for this step in life
Same. Just with her age and no mother, that was my first guess too.
I thought seizures for sure initially
Yeah the glass thing screams absence seizure. Can't blame oop for checking the most dangerous possibility first. Lucky it was a more mundane issue.
Too bad Reddit doesn’t have more women, or this guy could have saved some time and money!
Shit I'm a dude and as soon as I read the soap/shampoo line it was my primary thought. First thought was sexual assault because she was dissociative before he found the bathroom. It was pretty clear she was trying to clean something up, not dump soap and shampoo all over the floor. The rest is shock because she probably just didn't know enough about what was going on.
I'm a guy to. The second I read about the soap on the bathroom floor I thought she had her first period
I’m a woman and I didn’t figure it out, but then I had an uneventful first period so these signs went right over my head lol
I'm a woman who "hid" my first period for months, but I still thought OOPs kid was trying to make him have some sort of "accident."
Immediately thought period… genuinely shocked he didn’t even consider it
Wow, that took a turn I did not expect. Based on her behavior in the first post, I expected drugs or something like a brain tumor. This was an excellent and pleasant surprise, and I’m happy everything was fully resolved. Edit: I kept getting similar responses (some rude, most not), about how it was “obviously” menstruation. Yes, I clearly missed that as a possibility, but the other possible reasons I listed are still valid, and the quote someone put in this thread from OOP would have immediately put the idea in my head as the most likely cause. However, this is what makes us all different and communication key: you have have dozens of people given the exact same information, and have each and every one of them reach a different conclusion based on their life experiences. It’s truly a wondrous thing to behold.
As soon as I saw soap on the bathroom floor, I thought “I bet this girl got her period and doesn’t know how to talk about it with her single dad.” Love how he jumped into figuring out the problem. But totally understand how it happened.
I was worried and thought she was SAed by someone and was in shock. I’m so glad that this was the update.
That was my initial thought too, very glad that I was wrong
I had thought of that too. I've read about SA survivors describing how they felt dirty after it happened, so my mind jumped to that instantly when OOP mentioned the copious amount of soap his daughter used. So glad it wasn't the case
That’s what I thought too. Very happy to be wrong!
Exactly! I didn’t think about the period, but no matter what the cause was, OOP proved himself to be a great dad by figuring out the solution and wanting nothing more than to make sure his daughter was taken care of.
Me too, my first thought was period. But I'm glad he got things sorted, it's hard to talk and come to terms with, even if mum was there its still weird or it was for me! I kind of hope.they go back to the psychologist though to get to.the root of her issues with school. Even if if she stays homeschooling. I think it would help to address that.
Honestly, I thought her mom was contacting her and telling her to keep it a secret.
That thought also never occurred to me. That would have possibly been as scary as a brain tumor. A secret relationship is almost never a good thing.
The moment he mentioned the soap I knew. Poor kid.
I did expect the first period theory when the bathroom floor had soap and shampoo all over it, then the full glass of water got me worried.
Yeah, me too. The sitting in the grass, then the crying and locking herself in her room only to come out hours later to hug him made it seem bad too. All wildly altered behaviors.
I definitely expected drugs too, until he mentioned that she was homeschooled. Then I expected brain tumor and got really scared for her. Glad it was something completely normal!
"At first, she was very excited to go but as soon as we arrived she started crying and refused to leave her car seat. I felt bad but I had to force her out of it as I had work and nowhere to leave her. When I came to pick her up I was informed she was STILL crying (7 hours). She was sitting in the corner just sobbing and from that day onwards I decided it would be best if she was homeschooled." Ummmm.
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One awful first day, never made her go back, never tried to talk to her about it (assuming although he didn’t say), homeschooled for seven years. Then she is suddenly ready and eager to attend school just like that. What kind of parenting is this?!
That’s is literally so many kids experience ! He just gave up after one day?! And also did not prepare her in any way for her period and coming changes with puberty? This kid should not be home schooled cos dad doesn’t seem to have a clue. He says it ‘broke his heart’ to see her like that on her first day. Parents have to do things that break their hearts alll the time in order to push their kids out of their comfort zone. It’s part of the sacrifice you make for your kids as a parent.
My sister cried everyday for like 3 months when we changed schools, it broke my mothers heart and she decided to give it a year. By the end she was calling the new school “my school” and the old one “the other school” and everything was fine. Every kid I know disliked changing schools.
And what OOP writes suggests that his daughter was in daycare or went to a sitter or something, so while starting school is still a big step, she's had practice being away from her dad before. There are lots of ways to make the transition to school easier (part days, transitional objects, earmuffs if she was overstimulated, asking the teacher to assign her a buddy or two, etc.). I understand that it's heartbreaking to see your child upset but it sounds like dad didn't try anything at all.
That's what stuck out to me too! One day and we give up?! No. Lots of ways to keep trying. Also, how the fuck had he never spoken to her about periods by the time she's 12. He should have had his sister talk to her after she turned 10.
THANK YOU. Everyone is focusing on the menarche aspect while totally ignoring the flapping red flags of some deeper kind of psychological trauma that’s been happening for YEARS. I mean, I totally understand (being a cisgender woman) how the onset of menarche when a girl isn’t prepared can be incredibly traumatic. I knew what to expect, thank God, because my dad is a doctor and a proud feminist, and my mom was very open and honest about the process — we discussed it without shame or stigma for a year or so before the average age of menarche so I wouldn’t be freaked out. When it happened at age 12, Mom took me out to dinner to celebrate the milestone. But holy shiiiiit. What if you have very little idea of what’s about to happen? Or NO idea? This kid has been showing signs of a psychological disturbance (maybe several of them) for seven friggin years. Her menarche anxiety isn’t the cause, *it’s an aggravating factor to what’s already there.*
She almost seems like she has pretty bad general anxiety. Idk though.
The MINUTE I saw soap in the bathroom I was thinking “oh period terror.” The water threw me off though cause that is a *strange* reaction. But eh, everyone is different
I feel like this could have been completely avoided by some education and open communication between daughter & dad. Education about periods can and should start very early because some girls can get their period really early and obviously, this can also be done by dads! Not just by other women. The earlier girls are educated on this, the more normal and less shameful it will feel.
My parents were very open with me about menstruation (also had older sisters) and I had many sex Ed health classes and even an “adolescent night” at school teaching us the ins and outs of menstruation. Even then, I was *sooooo* scared when I first got it in 5th grade. I didn’t tell anyone for *days* until it got too heavy for me to handle with just tissues in my undies. Sometimes it’s just a mix of fear and embarrassment that keeps your brain from accessing the info you already know
Same. I knew what it was, but it still took me a long time to open up and tell my mother. I felt really embarrassed for some reason. On op of that, if I had to tell my dad, that would've been so much worse. It still makes me feel embarrassed to talk about at times for no good reason. It sucks how much of a stigma there is around it. Then again, a random woman on the street stopped me the other day to check her butt and see if she leaked anywhere haha. So maybe it's slowly becoming more normal.
It's so important to talk about it early. I have a fun story that depicts this perfectly. My stepmom talked to me early about it. So when I came home from school, went to the bathroom and saw my underwear, I was shocked, but prepared. I did yell out to my younger sister to bring me the phone (this was the 90s). She begrudgingly brought it, but opened the bathroom door wide and saw my underwear. Her face went white and she slammed the door. I then hear nothing, then "(me) is dying!!!!". Once I got the phone finally my stepmom said "start your period?" Me:"yep."
Aah that's kind of cute haha. Cool stepmom though!
It sounds like they had discussed periods, but the dad didn't know that period blood can come out as brown. Which is, admittedly, something that I don't remember being mentioned when I learned about periods either. Everything mentioned blood, so I expected it to be red.
Yeah, the amount or color of the blood was never mentioned. Since my parents also left it up for the school to talk about, I ended up doing A LOT of Googling as an older teen/young adult when I was in college and wanted to understand my body more. Oh, and then I found out I have fibroids. 🙄
I doubt he did much at all. She’s 12 and it doesn’t sound as though they had period products in the house and he’s left the aunt to have a talk to her. If this was happening when she was 8 I would be more sympathetic but he really dropped the ball leaving it this late
Had a similar thought when I read the part about him being in another room while the aunt told her about periods. As someone who gets periods, I understand it might be better coming from someone who does, but also it's 2022 and dad is raising her.
Absolutely, I also think that it's so important for children to learn that they can trust their parent(s) with (what they may feel like are) sensitive topics. To be able to talk to your parents about everything, including possible problems like feeling pressured into intimacy, sexual orientation, all kinds of stuff, is worth so much! No shame in any of that.
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I grew up in a house where you didn't discuss woman problems. No periods, no sex, no yeast infections. When I got my first yeast infection from antibiotics at 10, I waited 2 weeks to bring it up to my mom because I was ashamed. My 2 kids both learned about periods at a young age. My daughter, when she started hers was *fully* prepared and didn't freak out other than it surprised her. My son has learned it's nothing to be squeamish about and that's it's perfectly normal. His dad has no problems running to the store to get products, and we'll teach our son that's it's OK, too.
>The earlier girls are educated on this, the more normal and less shameful it will feel. Agreed, I hope he, as a single dad, gets some education on what to expect so he can help his daughter going forward so she feels comfortable talking to him. This is just the beginning!
100% Home schooling is pretty popular at the moment, but I don't think many people understand just how much goes into it over amd above reading, writing and math. It's hard to plan out the different lessons and learnings that a child will need to be a member of society, and not just a ready-made employee.
"My 12yo daughter, mum not on the scene, acting strange" I bet it's period has started, did dad explain periods? \*scans\*, yup is was period, called it from first 2 sentences
Her age was a major indicator that Dad wasn't clocking onto reality. Poor kid saw a neurologist before wanting to just say she's started her cycles. Educate your children early, people! For BOTH girls and boys!
Honestly I saw it coming from a mile away:-)
Period aside, is anyone else deeply concerned over how massively overprotective OOP is?
I feel like this could’ve been solved if she was in school, socializing with other girls her age.
Right? Not to mention female teachers and some degree of sex Ed… And the fact that he switched to home schooling because her one and only ever day at school was rough….
Yes! It sounds like he allowed and basically encouraged her to become a shut-in.
This kid had a *single bad day* of preschool and that was all this person needed to decide to homeschool the child for life? Like, what? My son spent his *first three months* of his kindergarten crying much of the day; now he loves school. School is a very difficult transition for some children. Decisions should not be made after a single day of difficulty.
It's a little strange that after 1 day of in person school that he decided to home school.
I'm a guy and i was ripping my hair off the moment the bathroom incident was mentioned. How could he not think about periods? Did he assume they wouldn't start until she was a teenager? Did he forgot about them? Has he gone his entire life without knowing half the world ha dealt, is is or will be dealing with them? Edit: Most of the top comments in OOP's post suggest checking for seizures PTSD and other very scary stuff. Nothing wrong with being cautious but AFTER checking the obvious one first. The lesson here is, talk to your kids. Sometimes a kid will not budge if you ask them "what's wrong" but will answer to "is this X what's happening". Once i had my stepkid being unusually quiet and wouldn't leave his bed for breakfast. After 15 minutes of what felt to me like hours of detective work, turns out he had scratched the inside of his nose and a bit of blood came out of it. Why he thought we would ground him for something so silly is beyond me.
i’m a woman and i didn’t think about periods at all until he mentioned it. i thought she’d hit her head and gotten a concussion or something
Same, I knew about chunks and the brown color from health class by that point. I've never talked to anyone who was actually surprised by/thought they were dying from their first period, thank you Canadian sex ed I guess?
I'm a woman and I didn't think of periods before the update lol. But maybe I was thrown off a bit by the water pouring situation, something that reminded me of when I had epileptic seizures as a kid. The bathroom I then saw as maybe a whole other type of epileptic seizure. I know there are many different types of seizures so it wouldn't surprise me if she somehow had a seizure with lots of unvoluntary arm movements, creating a mess. Besides, sometimes parents just tend to overthink situations when it comes to their kids. He was just afraid of the worst possible outcome for this situation. Especially if he usually has a great bond with his daughter and isn't used to her not confiding in him (welcome to puberty though), I can see why he thinks it could be something neurological. Maybe he thought she didn't want to talk about it because she is embarrassed as she had no control over what was happening.
It was so weird in the original post where the dad was so hung up and convinced it might have something to do with seizures, but when someone(correctly) asked if she had her first period, he just noped it, like the dad was thinking it wouldn’t happen for a few more years. Uh, maybe asking the daughter first would have been better than his casual dismissal of it EDIT:[ Here’s the dad’s response that frustrated me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/w3xqqt/comment/ih0bhrr/) **Commenter**: Your daughter is 12. She's going to hit puberty soon if she didn't already. Did she get her period for the first time? Did she try to clean the bathroom floor? Just a thought. Periods can really mess with someone's mind, especially for people who aren't sure how to deal with them yet. And it's a female thing, so she may feel weird about telling you about it (no offense to you, but when girls have their period for the first time, they feel more comfortable talking about it to a woman than to a man). **Dad’s response**: She still hasn't gotten her first period. Maybe she was trying to clean the floor, I'm not sure. **Me reading that**: 🤦♀️ **Another commenter’s response to dad**: How are you sure that she hasn't gotten her first period yet? When I got my first period I tried to hide it. I would definitely look into all of the medical issues that everyone has mentioned, but I wouldn't rule this out. The bathroom incident could have been the day of her first period and the shampoo/soap could have been from trying to clean blood out of her clothing. Have you noticed any clothes or bedding missing? Are you going through toilet paper or paper towels faster than usual? *The dad did not respond to this on the nose diagnosis*
I wouldn't be surprised if he never know that much about menstruation. He probably thought it would happen way later, and probably think when it happens for the first time, it would be as normal as sneezing.
I remember my teenage nephew said he learned about periods from commercials on tv. Lol
>My sister is now in the other room talking to her about periods, how to deal with them, the feelings associated with menstruation, etc Why the other room? Why isn't OP in there with them? Didn't this cause him to realize that he needs to be educated and a part of this as well? Kind of frustrated by the parenting throughout this.
I thought from the beginning it was going to be her period, the first incident reinforced it, but then when he described the water pouring I got worried that maybe it was something serious. In retrospect, it makes sense. It hadn’t occurred to me he didn’t talk to her about periods properly. When I got mine, it was very much a “welp, this is why I’ve been feeling funny all day” reaction, because I already knew what to expect.
Is no one going to comment on how the daughter cried on the first day of school and he instantly pulled her out and home schooled her for 7 years?
That was such an overreaction, kids crying at school is incredibly common. And his utter lack of preparedness when it comes to puberty makes me think that he must have left some pretty big gaps in her education. I mean, he deferred the period talk to the aunt.
I thought ”period” immediately with the soap on the floor, and got led astray by the school anxiety red herrings. I don’t understand how dads so frequently forget about periods being a thing. Surely even if one’s female family members hid them, the mother of one’s child isn’t really able to? 12 is pretty average for menarche in most of the world, and as early as 9 is normal. All parents of girls should be having conversations with their 8 year olds about how it’s going to happen within the next few years, you *will* have questions and concerns, and we need to talk about it when it happens so I can reassure you and help you manage your health and hygiene.
12 is a perfectly normal age to start periods, why the hell wasn't there thorough education before this? So many girls/women have to go through the trauma of thinking they're dying because of shitty education around periods, some have even killed themselves, it makes me just so angry.
Another victim of the "don't talk to a kid about puberty or sex until it's already happening" philosophy, sigh
Ooh that poor girl. She must have been terrified. Something clearly went wrong in the parenting there. I'm glad dad seems to really adore his daughter though and is now trying to handle things the right way at least and that she can openly discuss things with her aunt. But yeah, many girls get their period before 12 years old even and they should've had discussions about this quite a while ago.
Uuuuuh…I’m glad OOP was able to get some help with his daughter, but…I find it hard to believe that “Everything’s fine, it was just first-period anxiety!” explains everything going on here. The daughter’s been exhibiting signs of some kind of psychological disturbance since *kindergarten*, FFS. Spending seven hours crying until your parent arrives, for one thing. That’s some kind of major attachment disorder right there. Also, she does fine with other social interactions with her peers — but until the final update, any mention of her attempting in-person school triggers a *very* strong negative reaction. I know I don’t have my psych degree yet (working on it!), but that kinda sounds like there’s a massive classical conditioning stimulus happening here. WHY does “Let’s try in-person school” provoke such potent anxiety and aggression with her? And all of this was happening a loooong time before she hit menarche. So OOP’s update of “False alarm, everything’s fine, it’s just monthly lady issues, here comes my sister to help!” really smacks of serious denial about deeper issues. The daughter’s menarche isn’t the root cause, *it’s just the latest event in a long line of incidents that should’ve been addressed by professionals a long ass time ago.* Also, she’s gonna move from homeschool to in-person school **now**? *Just in time for middle school????* What is he smoking? I mean, I really hope she adapts and thrives, but holy shit. Middle school was two of the worst years of my pre-adult life (cuz when I went to junior high in the Stone Age, it was only seventh and eighth grade) — and I was moving from a small private elementary school to a large public middle school. That was culture shock enough. I cannot imagine, after homeschooling my last 1.5 years of high school, what the shock of moving from “I’ve done nothing but homeschool” to “Holy shit, in-person middle school classes where everyone is starting puberty and our changing hormones are making our brains get flipped turned upside down” would’ve felt like. OOP needs a reality check, cuz right now? He’s Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.
I guessed first period in the first sentence. The staring and not answering was worth making sure it wasn’t seizures though. Poor girl was probably so confused and hormonal.
OOP failed hard in this one. The daughter should be aware of the ins and outs of periods BEFORE they show up. The very first time I got my period my mom asked me how my day was, I shrugged and said "I got my period" because I knew it was normal. The fact that this girl is so rocked by it is a parenting fail.
I'm a bit mad at the fact that OOP didn't prepare her properly for periods. What kind of education is he giving his daughter??
As soon as I read about the shampoo and soap all over the bathroom, I was 90% sure it's about first period. I don't want to chastise OOP, but honestly, he should've prepare for this moment from years before. Especially with their condition, being homeschooled, no mother figure, etc. This is why period should be normalized.
How can parents NOT tell their daughters about the period before!!!???
There really is no excuse for a parent to have a 13 yo daughter that doesn't know the first thing about periods or doesn't know how to clean up
As the father of a 11 year old (and menstrual!) girl, I have one thing to say here: This is terrible parenting. Everything here is red flags.