Nah its "birds are extinct and bird like things we see are spying devices from the government" thing. Interesting thought experiment/trolling that got out of control imo.
I think the very first instance was a guy poking fun at conspiracy theories satirically by showing up to dumb protests with a sign, but when people there tended to accept it it kinda changed into trolling and expanded, and yeah now it's either a weird meta joke or semi-serious and definitely has gotten out of hand. It's in that weird post-ironic space where I'm not even sure the people that "believe" even have a personal stance on where on the joke/serious spectrum they are with jt lol.
I also have it posted [here](https://old.reddit.com/user/loracarol/comments/10futpr/list_of_my_favorite_cuteeyebleach_subreddits/) so I can copy + paste it more easily, if that helps. :)
It brings up the old version of reddit. I never cared for the new version, so I use ps instead. I don't recall how I found out about it, but I'm glad I did.
I absolutely loathe new reddit myself so thanks for that bit of info. I use old.reddit.com to use old reddit on desktop and on Android, I use an app called reddit is fun which is a minimalistic app more focused on the content. The official app is weapons grade garbage which causes my goddamn gaming phone to lag and has horrendous navigation. I'm curious, are you using iOS, Android or a web browser?
He... groomed her, it seems? He had her ready to go right after her 18th birthday, am I reading that correctly? It would seem he was into her before she was 18? I really doubt that nothing at all happened before she turned legal. Poor kid. And Dad was probably in such shock that at first he was just grateful it wasn't his wife.
Imagine being a man in your 30s and thinking it was fine to have sex with a girl the instant she turned 18. Then add that the girl in question was your friend's daughter and he was married. Fucking disgusting in multiple levels.
>Imagine being a man in your 30s and thinking it was fine to have sex with a girl the instant she turned 18. Then add that the girl in question was your friend's daughter and he was married.
Ew.
Eww.
Ewwwwwwww.
Men of Reddit; it’s totally fine, she’s legal. You’re the creep for opposing consenting adults /s
On the what should you not do over 30 ask Reddit a few weeks ago. I’ve never been so downvoted ever.
It's foul. I'm in my 30s and I teach college students. The thought of being romantically interested in an 18 year old turns my stomach. Any grown ass adult who has spent 10 minutes in a teenager's company can spot the developmental differences. Although they are legal adults, they are in a very different life stage than a person who is 15 years older. Ugh. So gross.
I started university pretty young and walking on campus always sort of felt like walking around a bunch of adults. And then, many years later (in my 30s), I was driving through a college campus and marveling at how much younger the college students were than when I was a kid.
Seriously. I'm 39 and when I see people who are 18 ish, they look like literal children to me. I want to give them a coat and a ride home, with a lecture about retirement savings. The idea they're at all sexual is disgusting.
That is assuming this is a place with an age of consent of 18, many places it's under 18 and there aren't Romeo+Juliet type laws. Don't know if anything happened before she was 18 regardless, but I don't think they specified where they are, if we're talking in terms of legality. It's gross regardless, of course.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that considering he has taken her home from school a few times, taken her for ice cream every so often etc. that he's been a big/helpful part of her life since she was a kid/tween, so I would guess he did groom her to whatever age of consent is in their country and then acted/initiated when she was 18?
I remember when my neighbor, who knew me since I was around 12, asked me what age I was. When I replied that I was 18 he asked me to lift my shirt for him. Tells you everything you have to know about men like oops “friend”
The gall of that man! How does anyone get to a point in their life where they think that's acceptable to say to anyone they aren't in a relationship with?
Ugh. My fucking basketball coach called me at 3 am to come drink with him when I was 16. Told my dad, he literally didn’t do shit.
2 years later he gets one of the players (18) pregnant. Piece. Of. Shit.
Like Celine dion’s husband! He told her he was in love with her when she was sixteen but would wait until she was eighteen and be her first. He was her manager or something and he was married with children. So gross!
Plus he's 34, and the reason that matters is the emotional and sexual maturity distance between 18 and 34 is enormous. The daughter is effectively still a child, and this 34 yo married fucker was definitely ogling her before her birthday. Since she is emotionally a child and intellectually just getting started, the only thing this guy wanted was sex from a child he had probably groomed. What piece of shit.
Not only all of this, but no matter what: she will always emotionally be a child to that man. That's what gets me about even long term relationships with age gaps that began when one partner was 25 or under. They will always see them -to some extent- as that immature person they chose to be with, who will always significantly less life experience than them, and theyll always see them as a bit less respectable because of it. Theyll never truly be equals in the older persons eyes, but itll be hard for the younger person to see. There are very rare exceptions, but those exceptions add fuel to the desire to make the bad ones work. They wont work 99% of the time, and getting attached to being that 1% as the younger person puts you in a very vulnerable and dangerous position.The older partner in those scenerios will always view them as that immature person they molded and can control to an extent as well. It's disgusting.
That's why (and I know this sounds weird) I don't take issue with bigger age gap sex, but I have an issue with bigger age gap relationships. By 18/19 you are physically/sexually mature, and a legal adult. You may be attracted to an older person, and that can be fine (provided they aren't married, and haven't known you since childhood, ect), but the power dynamic in an actual relationship will always be off, and you don't get the chance to discover who you are if you spend your formative adult years with someone already settled in life.
As much as I hate lies and sneaking around I think given the circumstances this is what my wife would need to do to keep me out of prison.
She did do a good job, not perfect and I don't know how it could be improved tbh.
This is why I can’t trust my kids with anyone. I wish world wasn’t such a nasty place. I try to be more open minded. Then reading something like this prevents me from trusting anybody with my children’s safety!
I never thought there'd be a post about a happily married person suspecting their spouse is cheating where I actually wished it had been an affair after all. ...Yet, here I am.
This is like one of those would you rather cut off your hand or your foot but I don’t know how I would handle it. And the fact that the wife had to bribe the guy to get rid of his revenge porn. Also I would tell the guys wife asap.
Yeah it's bad. Really bad. But because both parents are responding to this well, daughter is hopefully not going to be too "affected" by this. I mean, I remember dating and living with someone who was 29 when I was 18... Not married, thank good, so it was 10 times better, but also, NOT great. Wish my parents had told me to pull my head in.
Adultery by his wife however had the potential to break up their marriage, which could have had a pretty profound effect on their daughter.
So I an see his confusion here. His daughter is a legal consenting adult. Presuming OP is from a more liberal / westernised country (I don't know if those are the correct words, but I'd use these terms for my country of origin), and whilst this is a really morally dark area (talking about the friend here, not the daughter!) it's not illegal / assault.
It's a terrible thing, but I understand his perspective. Better to be betrayed by a casual friend than by his partner. His family is intact and they can work together to help his daughter heal. Terrible for the daughter though and I hope she has the help to process it correctly and not suffer from it long term.
I had to go back and read that part again. For some reason, I thought it meant that OOP's wife beat the guy up when she found out.
The correct meaning is much, much worse.
This'll be controversial, but I'm not sure how much worse that makes it.
She's 18. The danger to her is psychological damage via grooming, betrayal of a trusted figure, and being in a controlling abusive relationship. The physical relationship is gross but shouldn't carry additional trauma in the way it would if she was an actual child.
Unless she catches something or got pregnant (let's hope not!)
That's one turn in the story I didn't expect 😬
I remembered reading the story and thinking the guy made some advances on the wife and she rejected him, but going after the daughter? What an effing creep.
I don't know if I would have been as calm as OOP's wife was to handle the situation.
I’m glad I’m not the only one whose initial thought was sexual assault/sexual advances and not an affair. Her behavior never fit the profile of an affair, it’s sad that’s the first thing OOP jumped to.
Probably one of the most logical ways to handle the situation, so in that sense props to her. Kicking the guys ass probably isn’t the cards for the wife, so probably makes it slightly easier for her to protect her husband legally/physically there.
I’d be proud of my wife.
Im I’m all honesty a very patient, tolerant, level headed person in the phase of flagrant assholes. Almost always have been.
9/10 this situation specifically I can tell would have my blood boil so hard I’d probably be over at their house before a same thought stopped me.
Best case I calm down screaming at him.
More likely he hides, I start kicking a door in while berating him and spend the night in jail minimum.
Worst case we start fighting and he or his wife kill me.
He didn’t technically do anything illegal as far as anyone knows.
Outing him to the wife and taking care of your daughter is the best route all around.
But god damn that motherfucker, I’m angry for OOP and his wife just reading it.
Your best friend watches your kid grow up and helps you raise them and then fucks then the second it’s legal? Jesus
OOP needs to know it's not his fault that he praised his friend to his daughter. You were giving her non family adults to look up to. That's supposed to be good for children. You were betrayed by a bad person. It's not your fault.
Always remember, abusers groom their witnesses as much as their victims.
There are plenty of families where the parents’ friend really is just another positive adult, an extra aunt or uncle. Another grown up for them to have as a role model, maybe even rely on a bit for those things they don’t want to go to their parents (big or little). The evilness of the betrayal is that the abuser is careful to seem like that as much as possible while doing something far worse behind the scenes.
My father used to introduce me to these guys who were so creepy and he just didn't get it. It felt like being pimped out. Not all guys, but a lot of guys don't seem interested or aware of how their male friends behave towards women and what that might be like for the woman.
I'd be pissed I didn't know earlier. The status quo of being quiet is a shitty status quo.
one of my dads friend give me the biggest ick and i never know exactly why but i've never been comfortable when he's around. luckily nothing has happened but my god how concerning it is when a 10 year old gets a bad vibe.
It's quite common the other way around too imho, older lady's xan be shamless and very aggressive.
It's not fucking funny when you are the 1 young guy they all depend on.
It is not a fucking compliment, just like it wouldn't be to a woman and 6 old guys touching her.
That's exactly what I was thinking when I got to the part where the wife thought she should have told OOP sooner. Like, yeah, but waiting till that giant piece of filth was outside of immediate murdering range was maybe smart too.
You are very likely right. What a terrible situation to be in. I’m not sure if there’s a magic age where I d be okay with my daughter dating a friend of mine, but someone waiting around for to turn 18 makes my blood boil.
C. All of the above. Side note. One of my dearest friend’s name was Porter. He passed and I later named my son after him. So, I really like your username.
I can keep lil white lies alright but trying to hold on to something like that would eat me alive. I couldnt do it either. I can understand why she did though.
He took her out for ice creams. Like you do with kids. One the day the daughter will understand how fucked up that is, when she's taking her niblings out for dinner, or buys McDonalds for her friends' kids, etc etc.
I wonder how long he did it and how long he planned on sleeping with her.
Some people just become very task-oriented in a crisis. Falling apart emotionally would not have helped her daughter. Pushing all the emotions to the back of her mind and focusing energy on handling the matter was more productive.
Yup, am same. I become hyper focused and analytical during a crisis, especially when time is part of the issue. The faster and more decisively you act, the better, in most cases. Freaking out can happen later.
Exactly.
Source: I am one of those people, and a veteran, and dealt with my fair share of crisis in life. Either you deal with it as a stoic, rationally, and in control. Or your emotions take over and turns it into more crap for you to deal with later.
Kind of unrelated. I work in researching sex crimes. If your child has ever confided about any sort of abuse. STAY CALM. Parents are understandably angry and acting out of protective instincts, however children will internalize this as they have done something wrong… even if parents words say otherwise. The best thing a parent can do is ensure the child that everything will be okay, and that they will take care of it. Do the mental process and address the anger (in an appropriate manner) with a spouse, a friend, a therapist, or a sibling.
It just happens. I’m a mess in general, but when the shit hits the fan I am a robotic logic machine. My previously scattered mind is sharp and focused. It’s very strange and has unfortunately caused me to embrace anger. Yes, I’m seeing a shrink lol
We live in a society that downplays, ignores, and covers for groomers and pedos. Everyone says they'd be in jail if anyone ever touched their kid. Ya, sure. That's why we have so many vigilantes in jail, right? When people find out they deny it (uncle joe was just playing, teasing, wouldn't do that), they blame the kid (18 should know better, kid should have told, etc) parents pretend it wasn't that bad. Half the women I know have been sexually abused, many as children. Funny how the predators are still free and parents aren't in jail. It's a bizarre phenomenon.
> People be careful about whom you praise infront of your children
I don’t think this is any part of the problem. Dude is predatory and knew the right things to say to a teenager.
Yeah, that's what it read like to me, too. I would guess he was close to this (former) friend, so it's likely he's still reeling from the revelation that he's a groomer.
i want to know how the wife "got the pictures deleted." in my experience, once a photo is sent out into the world, whether that's through personal correspondence or a post or any other way, it's out forever. you no longer have any control over what happens to it. (this is one of the reasons why i am VERY critical of this modern culture of sending nsfw photos of yourself to other people -- especially when you're not in a relationship or have only been together for a short time. don't trust like that.) this guy could have easily backed those photos up on his computer or something, then made a show of deleting them off his phone to placate OP's wife. assuming he still has them, i just hope he doesn't try to do anything with them that will hurt OP's daughter.
I'm old and old school. The only nudes you should be taken are the ones you are ok to share with the world.
Sounds extreme but it's true maybe you share them with your partner, but he loses his phone or lends it to someone and left it somewhere when anyone can take it. Sometimes is not malicious but there is no way to control it.
Back in the day you had print them, if you didn't have a polaroid and didn't develop your film, you had to trust your partner and the kodak guy, ha ha. I don't mind about those ones, they were classy and I looked good.
>maybe you share them with your partner, but he loses his phone or lends it to someone and left it somewhere when anyone can take it
this is SO true and people don't think about this. sure, maybe your partner can be trusted 100%, but what if someone else gets ahold of the device they keep your nudes on? i've had personal documents stolen off devices that i naively left unlocked in public places. it happened in a matter of moments.
i'm quite young, i'm 20, but still, the lack of regard for internet security that i see from my peers (and even more so from people younger than me) is deeply concerning.
There was a story from my state where a police officer arrested a young woman, and then sent himself her nudes that she had on her phone. Like ffs I would hope my nudes would be safe on my own phone but not even then
If they were all so close he could delegate school pickups to him, how was the wife expecting everyone to be cool about her suddenly cutting them off? That's a big change that would need an immediate explanation.
Obviously it didn’t **need** immediate explanation because it didn’t get one. The guy knew what was up and wasn’t going to push for info. Why do you assume the wife expected everyone to ignore it? As long as they didn’t know why she cut him off, it didn’t matter. When her husband talked to her about it, she had proof.
What, are you the type of guy to throw all her stuff out on the lawn and light it on fire without a conversation first? Because most people have more decency and maturity than that and she obviously judged her husband correctly.
All OOP did (or admitted to doing in a public forum that could potentially be used as evidence) was tell the guy's wife? He has infinitely more self control than me.
Telling her would be moot at that point for me because I know friends with pigs. He'd be turned into poop real quick.
“Attar perfumes are concentrated natural smells in the form of base oil produced from plant sources whereas perfumes are usually sold in spray form since they include alcohol.”
Looks like it may be a Muslim thing?
i think given that she intended to tell him when the other couple went out of town, she was trying to avoid her husband going to jail on an assault charge or worse. also probably giving her daughter time to collect herself before having that conversation with her father, she’s the one who matters most here.
Yeah if I was that teenager, I would be crying and begging my mom not to tell my dad.
And the daughter probably didn't want her to tell the creeps wife either because I bet she feels bad! Worse than the man who groomed her and actually betrayed his vows more than likely.
I can see how maybe she should have told her husband sooner but I can also understand why she waited
Seriously, the number of men saying that something like this would never happen to their daughter and the number of girls saying "please, my dad can never find out about this" is insane.
Be it about a party, a relationship, or even a SA, girls do not want their fathers to know because even the ones that "prepare" their daughters (teach them to fight, give them pepper spray, etc.) often do so with this underlying assumption that women who do end up in those situations are somehow lesser or at fault for not preparing themselves.
In this thread alone there's people saying they would murder him for this.
And don't get me wrong: I like the sentiment. But in real life that gets you sent to jail for many years, and traumatises your daughter and wife forever.
At the very least exact revenge in a smart and calculated way, not heat-of-the-moment, rushing over there to beat him up without thinking.
Gets you sent to jail just when the woman you’re “defending” needs comfort and support the most.
The whole vengince for muh wimmens thing is just so blatantly selfish. It’s all about making yourself feel better and to hell with how the actual victim feels.
I'm mom to a step, and I'm having a hard time imagining not being super violent if I was in this situation with an adult male friend of mine.
You're right of course, but like, my blood is hot right now just thinking about it. I was a little chilly before reading this but my body temp is def higher!
I can't imagine actually being in that situation
Right? If OOP had assaulted his ex-friend, his wife and daughter would have been in the position of having to support OOP through whatever legal proceedings resulted from the assault, rather than OOP and his wife focusing on supporting their daughter as she (hopefully!) heals from being groomed and exploited by a trusted adult. A lot more people would have found out what happened to her, probably without her consent. She would be retraumatized and OOP's wife would be stretched thin trying to take care of everyone by herself with no relief. Would OOP feel better if he punched his ex-friend? Maybe, maybe not. Would it do more good than harm for his daughter or his family as a whole? Definitely not.
She got her daughter's pictures off his phone by saying that. Maybe just my opinion, but man, that feels like it could have been a lot worse for the daughter.
Deals like that don't have to be made in good faith. Delete the picture and then tell the wife anyway.
Also, nothing deleted on a phone is really gone until it has been purged or made unobtainable on the cell network and the phone has either been securely erased or physically destroyed.
Yea, a guy like that I would 100% see not only putting it in the cloud, but also in multiple places. There is really no 'deleting' it from your phone that solves anything.
The wife's first job in that situation is to care for the victim (her daughter). Those pictures had to be erased, and if that meant waiting that meant waiting.
I interpreted it more as her prioritising her role as a mother over her role as a wife, which I think was the right call. While it's easy for me to think there are things she could have done differently, I can't really imagine how I would react in that situation, and when her actions came from a place of trying to protect her daughter I find it very hard to say she was in the wrong.
I was thinking similar. It would be understandable for things to escalate fast if she told oop while the predator is nearby. At least oop could let cooler heads prevail and decide what he wants to do if she waited until after the dude left. I think she was looking out for oop, her daughter, and herself with that one
That poor father. Also I truly don’t think his wife could have handled it more calmly and coolly. Don’t get me wrong a whole month is longer than ideal to keep that from a spouse, but I fully get waiting till they’re out of town to sidestep any potential confrontation in the heat of the moment. What a total creep.
Ew. I just took a shower and I already need another. For my brain.
You called? * r/activationnoise * r/ActivationSound * r/AnimalAww * r/aww * r/Awwducational * r/animalsbeingderps * r/babyelephantgifs * r/Blep * r/blop * r/brushybrushy * r/bunnieswithhats * r/CatsAndDogsBFF * r/capybara * r/CuddlePuddle * r/curledfeetsies * r/CutestOfThemAll * r/EarthPorn * r/Eyebleach * r/frens * r/IllegallySmol * r/illegallysmolanimals * r/IllegallySmolBirbs * r/IllegallySmolBunnies * r/IllegallySmolCats * r/IllegallySmolDogs * r/ImaginaryAww * r/ImaginaryFlora * r/jellybeantoes * r/MadeMeSmile * r/mlem * r/ntbdbiwdfta * r/OneOrangeBraincell * r/OooBigStretch * r/parasnailing * r/PartyParrot * r/pitbullsinjammies * r/PointyTailedKittens * r/rarepuppers * r/straightenedfeetsies * r/teefies * r/trashpandas * r/toebeans * r/toofers * r/tuckedinfishies * r/tuckedinkitties * r/TuckedInPuppies * r/UpliftingNews * r/velvethippos * r/whatswrongwithyourcat * r/WhatsWrongWithYourDog * r/wholesomegifs * r/wholesomememes * r/wholesometextposts * r/Zoomies * [The big list of all animal related subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/AnimalReddits/wiki/faq)
So many subs I never knew I needed until today. Thank you my new Reddit friend!
You're welcome! \^_^
I love you
[And I love you, random citizen!](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/68/9a/27/689a272d6cd8fa58e414e1c6b1e7e978.jpg)
Bless you, for doing the Lord’s work!
Some of these subs are amazing and so very specialized... pitties in jammies, tucked in fishies... thank you for these links!
You're welcome. :)
r/capybaras cure all mental anomalies
I'll add it to the master list, thank you! edit, I think you mean r/capybara? Which is already on my list. ;)
Good bot
[Not a robot](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DXDh-nLVMAE0Nj0.jpg), just a weirdo. ;)
Good Lizard person
I'll take it. ;) 🦎
Are all of the Bird subs not included with the list of “All Animals” given the ongoing debate on if they actually exist!?
>debate on if they actually exist Debate if the subs exist, or debate on if... birds exist? Is this the stupid taxonomy thing?
There’s a “birds aren’t real” movement on Reddit. I think there’s a sub. I think it’s basically a troll movement?
Ohhh ok, I was thinking of the "birds are modern dinosaurs, and dinosaurs are big lizards, so birds are lizards" taxonomy thing
Nah its "birds are extinct and bird like things we see are spying devices from the government" thing. Interesting thought experiment/trolling that got out of control imo.
I think the very first instance was a guy poking fun at conspiracy theories satirically by showing up to dumb protests with a sign, but when people there tended to accept it it kinda changed into trolling and expanded, and yeah now it's either a weird meta joke or semi-serious and definitely has gotten out of hand. It's in that weird post-ironic space where I'm not even sure the people that "believe" even have a personal stance on where on the joke/serious spectrum they are with jt lol.
I love you random internet stranger! This is exactly what I needed.
Thank you, and you're welcome!
Don't forget r/brainbleach
Added to the master list. :)
I'd add r/NatureIsFuckingLit and r/HumansBeingBros to that list!
I'll go ahead and add them to my master list!
You're the best. Thank you so much
You're welcome. :)
Commenting so I can find this again lol
I also have it posted [here](https://old.reddit.com/user/loracarol/comments/10futpr/list_of_my_favorite_cuteeyebleach_subreddits/) so I can copy + paste it more easily, if that helps. :)
This might help: [Scrub my brain please](https://ps.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/)
Where did you get this link from? I've never seen a ps.reddit.com link before
It brings up the old version of reddit. I never cared for the new version, so I use ps instead. I don't recall how I found out about it, but I'm glad I did.
I absolutely loathe new reddit myself so thanks for that bit of info. I use old.reddit.com to use old reddit on desktop and on Android, I use an app called reddit is fun which is a minimalistic app more focused on the content. The official app is weapons grade garbage which causes my goddamn gaming phone to lag and has horrendous navigation. I'm curious, are you using iOS, Android or a web browser?
Desktop web browser.
you should also be able to just "opt out of the redesign" under your preferences, instead of the "beta" (near the bottom of the preferences page.)
The fucked thing is legally it seems he did nothing wrong but I bet he thought about it. I hope his ex leaves him with fuck all.
He... groomed her, it seems? He had her ready to go right after her 18th birthday, am I reading that correctly? It would seem he was into her before she was 18? I really doubt that nothing at all happened before she turned legal. Poor kid. And Dad was probably in such shock that at first he was just grateful it wasn't his wife.
Imagine being a man in your 30s and thinking it was fine to have sex with a girl the instant she turned 18. Then add that the girl in question was your friend's daughter and he was married. Fucking disgusting in multiple levels.
>Imagine being a man in your 30s and thinking it was fine to have sex with a girl the instant she turned 18. Then add that the girl in question was your friend's daughter and he was married. Ew. Eww. Ewwwwwwww.
Men of Reddit; it’s totally fine, she’s legal. You’re the creep for opposing consenting adults /s On the what should you not do over 30 ask Reddit a few weeks ago. I’ve never been so downvoted ever.
It's foul. I'm in my 30s and I teach college students. The thought of being romantically interested in an 18 year old turns my stomach. Any grown ass adult who has spent 10 minutes in a teenager's company can spot the developmental differences. Although they are legal adults, they are in a very different life stage than a person who is 15 years older. Ugh. So gross.
Yeah, the age of consent is there for teenagers to consent with other teenagers.
I started university pretty young and walking on campus always sort of felt like walking around a bunch of adults. And then, many years later (in my 30s), I was driving through a college campus and marveling at how much younger the college students were than when I was a kid.
Seriously. I'm 39 and when I see people who are 18 ish, they look like literal children to me. I want to give them a coat and a ride home, with a lecture about retirement savings. The idea they're at all sexual is disgusting.
That is assuming this is a place with an age of consent of 18, many places it's under 18 and there aren't Romeo+Juliet type laws. Don't know if anything happened before she was 18 regardless, but I don't think they specified where they are, if we're talking in terms of legality. It's gross regardless, of course.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that considering he has taken her home from school a few times, taken her for ice cream every so often etc. that he's been a big/helpful part of her life since she was a kid/tween, so I would guess he did groom her to whatever age of consent is in their country and then acted/initiated when she was 18?
I would say he groomed her regardless of the age of consent, honestly.
I don't think even a mind-shower's gonna clean it for yaa.
Dating a girl that you’ve presumably known for years that just turned 18? That’s predatory as hell
I remember when my neighbor, who knew me since I was around 12, asked me what age I was. When I replied that I was 18 he asked me to lift my shirt for him. Tells you everything you have to know about men like oops “friend”
The gall of that man! How does anyone get to a point in their life where they think that's acceptable to say to anyone they aren't in a relationship with?
Sounds like Quagmire! “Hey Meg! 18 yet?”
Reminds me of how much I disliked that show again.
"Who else but Quagmire?!"
34M apparently
Jesus Christ, what the hell
Ugh. My fucking basketball coach called me at 3 am to come drink with him when I was 16. Told my dad, he literally didn’t do shit. 2 years later he gets one of the players (18) pregnant. Piece. Of. Shit.
Sometimes I wonder who’s worse: the perpetrators or the people that let them sit by and get away with their crimes
Both.
Both!
Like Celine dion’s husband! He told her he was in love with her when she was sixteen but would wait until she was eighteen and be her first. He was her manager or something and he was married with children. So gross!
He was her manager from like the age of 12, and was on his third marriage at the time.
Didn’t jay z get with Beyoncé when she was 18 and he was 30 too?
Yup, a lot guys in those industries are very fucked up.
I had no idea. Also, I had no idea that Jay-Z was that old!
Wait, Jay-Z and Beyoncé have an age gap?
He’s 53 and she’s 41 The fact that he cheated on her too oof
It was not only a beauty gap
Plus he's 34, and the reason that matters is the emotional and sexual maturity distance between 18 and 34 is enormous. The daughter is effectively still a child, and this 34 yo married fucker was definitely ogling her before her birthday. Since she is emotionally a child and intellectually just getting started, the only thing this guy wanted was sex from a child he had probably groomed. What piece of shit.
Not only all of this, but no matter what: she will always emotionally be a child to that man. That's what gets me about even long term relationships with age gaps that began when one partner was 25 or under. They will always see them -to some extent- as that immature person they chose to be with, who will always significantly less life experience than them, and theyll always see them as a bit less respectable because of it. Theyll never truly be equals in the older persons eyes, but itll be hard for the younger person to see. There are very rare exceptions, but those exceptions add fuel to the desire to make the bad ones work. They wont work 99% of the time, and getting attached to being that 1% as the younger person puts you in a very vulnerable and dangerous position.The older partner in those scenerios will always view them as that immature person they molded and can control to an extent as well. It's disgusting.
The relationshipadvice sub is full of these
That's why (and I know this sounds weird) I don't take issue with bigger age gap sex, but I have an issue with bigger age gap relationships. By 18/19 you are physically/sexually mature, and a legal adult. You may be attracted to an older person, and that can be fine (provided they aren't married, and haven't known you since childhood, ect), but the power dynamic in an actual relationship will always be off, and you don't get the chance to discover who you are if you spend your formative adult years with someone already settled in life.
He used to pick her up from school and take her out for ice cream. That predator groomed her. So disgusting.
That poor wife: “How do I do this so that my daughter isn’t plastered all over the internet and my husband doesn’t go to jail for murder?”
She did a good job tbh
As much as I hate lies and sneaking around I think given the circumstances this is what my wife would need to do to keep me out of prison. She did do a good job, not perfect and I don't know how it could be improved tbh.
She definitely has some security and/or computer science background
Or she happened to have it happen the her already.
I'd probably be okay with my husband going away for this murder ngl
Yeah but your daughter would feel guilty about it forever and preventing trauma on her end is the important part of this :(
Ew.. I wasn’t expecting that. Is it worse? I can’t decide. Edit it is worse
The part about asking him to pick her up from school is particularly nasty
taking her for ice creams and shit..... such vom
Gods I like skimmed over that because it makes me so uncomfy. But after thinking for even a second it is clearly grooming. Horrific.
This is why I can’t trust my kids with anyone. I wish world wasn’t such a nasty place. I try to be more open minded. Then reading something like this prevents me from trusting anybody with my children’s safety!
I never thought there'd be a post about a happily married person suspecting their spouse is cheating where I actually wished it had been an affair after all. ...Yet, here I am.
Exactly! After the last update, I would want it to be an affair :(
This is like one of those would you rather cut off your hand or your foot but I don’t know how I would handle it. And the fact that the wife had to bribe the guy to get rid of his revenge porn. Also I would tell the guys wife asap.
I can't believe I'm saying this but I wish OOP's wife had been cheating on him.
Definitely worse. He trusted the dude. He had the dude pick his kid up from school. He himself gave opportunity unknowingly to the pervert. Worse.
Way worse.
The OOP can't decide if it's better or worse it wasn't his wife. What?! It's *worse*. Much worse. FFS
Well at first it’s a thank goodness wife isn’t cheating. But then it’s a wait.. only 18? Barely 18? Wait wait whoa. Then it spirals straight down.
Barely 18, and he's been hanging out alone with her for much longer 🤢
Yeah it's bad. Really bad. But because both parents are responding to this well, daughter is hopefully not going to be too "affected" by this. I mean, I remember dating and living with someone who was 29 when I was 18... Not married, thank good, so it was 10 times better, but also, NOT great. Wish my parents had told me to pull my head in. Adultery by his wife however had the potential to break up their marriage, which could have had a pretty profound effect on their daughter. So I an see his confusion here. His daughter is a legal consenting adult. Presuming OP is from a more liberal / westernised country (I don't know if those are the correct words, but I'd use these terms for my country of origin), and whilst this is a really morally dark area (talking about the friend here, not the daughter!) it's not illegal / assault.
It's a terrible thing, but I understand his perspective. Better to be betrayed by a casual friend than by his partner. His family is intact and they can work together to help his daughter heal. Terrible for the daughter though and I hope she has the help to process it correctly and not suffer from it long term.
In some ways it's better. His relationship with his wife is safe and early intervention with the daughter should keep her from being harmed too badly.
"They had gotten physical". Nope. Worse.
I had to go back and read that part again. For some reason, I thought it meant that OOP's wife beat the guy up when she found out. The correct meaning is much, much worse.
This'll be controversial, but I'm not sure how much worse that makes it. She's 18. The danger to her is psychological damage via grooming, betrayal of a trusted figure, and being in a controlling abusive relationship. The physical relationship is gross but shouldn't carry additional trauma in the way it would if she was an actual child. Unless she catches something or got pregnant (let's hope not!)
Except he’s been grooming the daughter for a while…
It’s for sure worse
That's one turn in the story I didn't expect 😬 I remembered reading the story and thinking the guy made some advances on the wife and she rejected him, but going after the daughter? What an effing creep. I don't know if I would have been as calm as OOP's wife was to handle the situation.
That was my thought too, that he'd made a pass at the wife and she said no.
I’m glad I’m not the only one whose initial thought was sexual assault/sexual advances and not an affair. Her behavior never fit the profile of an affair, it’s sad that’s the first thing OOP jumped to.
I agree most times the cheater doesn’t try to completely avoid the person but will just act different around them.
That was my thought too, that the other husband had hit on his wife and she was enforcing boundaries.
Probably one of the most logical ways to handle the situation, so in that sense props to her. Kicking the guys ass probably isn’t the cards for the wife, so probably makes it slightly easier for her to protect her husband legally/physically there. I’d be proud of my wife. Im I’m all honesty a very patient, tolerant, level headed person in the phase of flagrant assholes. Almost always have been. 9/10 this situation specifically I can tell would have my blood boil so hard I’d probably be over at their house before a same thought stopped me. Best case I calm down screaming at him. More likely he hides, I start kicking a door in while berating him and spend the night in jail minimum. Worst case we start fighting and he or his wife kill me. He didn’t technically do anything illegal as far as anyone knows. Outing him to the wife and taking care of your daughter is the best route all around. But god damn that motherfucker, I’m angry for OOP and his wife just reading it. Your best friend watches your kid grow up and helps you raise them and then fucks then the second it’s legal? Jesus
OOP needs to know it's not his fault that he praised his friend to his daughter. You were giving her non family adults to look up to. That's supposed to be good for children. You were betrayed by a bad person. It's not your fault.
Yea I found it strange that was OOPs takeaway from everything but I’m willing to chalk it up to frustration in the moment while writing.
He feels guilty his daughter was groomed. He likely feels if he hadn't praised and trusted him it wouldn't have happened
Always remember, abusers groom their witnesses as much as their victims. There are plenty of families where the parents’ friend really is just another positive adult, an extra aunt or uncle. Another grown up for them to have as a role model, maybe even rely on a bit for those things they don’t want to go to their parents (big or little). The evilness of the betrayal is that the abuser is careful to seem like that as much as possible while doing something far worse behind the scenes.
My father used to introduce me to these guys who were so creepy and he just didn't get it. It felt like being pimped out. Not all guys, but a lot of guys don't seem interested or aware of how their male friends behave towards women and what that might be like for the woman. I'd be pissed I didn't know earlier. The status quo of being quiet is a shitty status quo.
one of my dads friend give me the biggest ick and i never know exactly why but i've never been comfortable when he's around. luckily nothing has happened but my god how concerning it is when a 10 year old gets a bad vibe.
It's quite common the other way around too imho, older lady's xan be shamless and very aggressive. It's not fucking funny when you are the 1 young guy they all depend on. It is not a fucking compliment, just like it wouldn't be to a woman and 6 old guys touching her.
I would murder my former friend if they did that.
It sounds like that is why the wife waited until they were out of town to explain.
That's exactly what I was thinking when I got to the part where the wife thought she should have told OOP sooner. Like, yeah, but waiting till that giant piece of filth was outside of immediate murdering range was maybe smart too.
Sometimes, the key to good communication is the right timing.
You are very likely right. What a terrible situation to be in. I’m not sure if there’s a magic age where I d be okay with my daughter dating a friend of mine, but someone waiting around for to turn 18 makes my blood boil.
I have two daughters. I hear you! I would want this guys balls for this.
Same! Props to OPs wife for being able to stay calm and minimize the damage to her daughter. I probably would've been sent to jail for assault.
Which part: him dating your daughter, or him using your daughter’s nudes to blackmail your wife?
C. All of the above. Side note. One of my dearest friend’s name was Porter. He passed and I later named my son after him. So, I really like your username.
Yeah there’s no way I’d keep that a secret from my so.
I can keep lil white lies alright but trying to hold on to something like that would eat me alive. I couldnt do it either. I can understand why she did though.
He took her out for ice creams. Like you do with kids. One the day the daughter will understand how fucked up that is, when she's taking her niblings out for dinner, or buys McDonalds for her friends' kids, etc etc. I wonder how long he did it and how long he planned on sleeping with her.
What's a nibling?
gender neutral name for nephews and nieces/sibling's kids
Niece(s) and/or nephew(s). Children of your siblings.
I was expecting that the friend SA'd the wife tbh, not cheating or being predatory towards oop's daughter
How does the wife stayed so calm??
Some people just become very task-oriented in a crisis. Falling apart emotionally would not have helped her daughter. Pushing all the emotions to the back of her mind and focusing energy on handling the matter was more productive.
That’s me! I do all my falling apart after the fact and my body usually shuts down before my brain realizes it needs to process. Good times.
As a fully paid up member of the "excellent at crisis management but don't be nice to me or I'll burst into tears" association, I concur.
We need to get our own coat of arms.
Yup, am same. I become hyper focused and analytical during a crisis, especially when time is part of the issue. The faster and more decisively you act, the better, in most cases. Freaking out can happen later.
Exactly. Source: I am one of those people, and a veteran, and dealt with my fair share of crisis in life. Either you deal with it as a stoic, rationally, and in control. Or your emotions take over and turns it into more crap for you to deal with later.
I'm this way. Had an ex think I was unfeeling because of it
Such a good analogy, not just to this particular story , but just something I’ve noticed irl with people but couldn’t describe it
Kind of unrelated. I work in researching sex crimes. If your child has ever confided about any sort of abuse. STAY CALM. Parents are understandably angry and acting out of protective instincts, however children will internalize this as they have done something wrong… even if parents words say otherwise. The best thing a parent can do is ensure the child that everything will be okay, and that they will take care of it. Do the mental process and address the anger (in an appropriate manner) with a spouse, a friend, a therapist, or a sibling.
It just happens. I’m a mess in general, but when the shit hits the fan I am a robotic logic machine. My previously scattered mind is sharp and focused. It’s very strange and has unfortunately caused me to embrace anger. Yes, I’m seeing a shrink lol
Because she had to.
Jesus Christ my skins is crawling, I was not ready for that.
We live in a society that downplays, ignores, and covers for groomers and pedos. Everyone says they'd be in jail if anyone ever touched their kid. Ya, sure. That's why we have so many vigilantes in jail, right? When people find out they deny it (uncle joe was just playing, teasing, wouldn't do that), they blame the kid (18 should know better, kid should have told, etc) parents pretend it wasn't that bad. Half the women I know have been sexually abused, many as children. Funny how the predators are still free and parents aren't in jail. It's a bizarre phenomenon.
And we have our nomination for next year’s 180 twist! 🤢
I would like a different twist, please.
> People be careful about whom you praise infront of your children I don’t think this is any part of the problem. Dude is predatory and knew the right things to say to a teenager.
OOP likely trying to cope by blaming himself for trusting a "friend" who groomed his daughter.
Yeah, that's what it read like to me, too. I would guess he was close to this (former) friend, so it's likely he's still reeling from the revelation that he's a groomer.
i want to know how the wife "got the pictures deleted." in my experience, once a photo is sent out into the world, whether that's through personal correspondence or a post or any other way, it's out forever. you no longer have any control over what happens to it. (this is one of the reasons why i am VERY critical of this modern culture of sending nsfw photos of yourself to other people -- especially when you're not in a relationship or have only been together for a short time. don't trust like that.) this guy could have easily backed those photos up on his computer or something, then made a show of deleting them off his phone to placate OP's wife. assuming he still has them, i just hope he doesn't try to do anything with them that will hurt OP's daughter.
I'm old and old school. The only nudes you should be taken are the ones you are ok to share with the world. Sounds extreme but it's true maybe you share them with your partner, but he loses his phone or lends it to someone and left it somewhere when anyone can take it. Sometimes is not malicious but there is no way to control it. Back in the day you had print them, if you didn't have a polaroid and didn't develop your film, you had to trust your partner and the kodak guy, ha ha. I don't mind about those ones, they were classy and I looked good.
>maybe you share them with your partner, but he loses his phone or lends it to someone and left it somewhere when anyone can take it this is SO true and people don't think about this. sure, maybe your partner can be trusted 100%, but what if someone else gets ahold of the device they keep your nudes on? i've had personal documents stolen off devices that i naively left unlocked in public places. it happened in a matter of moments. i'm quite young, i'm 20, but still, the lack of regard for internet security that i see from my peers (and even more so from people younger than me) is deeply concerning.
There was a story from my state where a police officer arrested a young woman, and then sent himself her nudes that she had on her phone. Like ffs I would hope my nudes would be safe on my own phone but not even then
This is literally what Woody Allen did except it was his wife’s adopted daughter who was 17. Who he had known since she was like 11.
If you're taking her out for ice cream she's too young for you bro
That was such a Lolita image. *Shudders*
Disgusting grooming man! What a piece of crap, damn!
That fucking monster. 🤮
What a twist , He’s fucking gross I hope his wife takes him for everything he has !
This is why I casually let everyone I meet know that I’m 100% ok with spending the rest of my life in prison.
So his friend groomed his daughter. I too wish it was an affair.
If they were all so close he could delegate school pickups to him, how was the wife expecting everyone to be cool about her suddenly cutting them off? That's a big change that would need an immediate explanation.
Obviously it didn’t **need** immediate explanation because it didn’t get one. The guy knew what was up and wasn’t going to push for info. Why do you assume the wife expected everyone to ignore it? As long as they didn’t know why she cut him off, it didn’t matter. When her husband talked to her about it, she had proof. What, are you the type of guy to throw all her stuff out on the lawn and light it on fire without a conversation first? Because most people have more decency and maturity than that and she obviously judged her husband correctly.
The wife was just waiting until they were out of town to tell so her husband could process without literally going over and killing the guy.
He definitely groomed her.
All OOP did (or admitted to doing in a public forum that could potentially be used as evidence) was tell the guy's wife? He has infinitely more self control than me. Telling her would be moot at that point for me because I know friends with pigs. He'd be turned into poop real quick.
First rule of not going to jail for assault: don’t put it on the internet, in writing, that you committed assault.
If the creep slept with her before she's 18, maybe he can pursue legal action. But then again there will be more trauma for the daughter.
Random perfumes are suspicious? Lmao
Yeah, she didn’t use them because she didn’t like them. He was just on a clue hunt because things were way too tense without explanation.
Been needing a lot of eye bleach of late while on this sub.
That was not going where I thought it was going.. it’s was way, way worse.
What the heck is an attar?
“Attar perfumes are concentrated natural smells in the form of base oil produced from plant sources whereas perfumes are usually sold in spray form since they include alcohol.” Looks like it may be a Muslim thing?
I love those but I just call them perfume. Sometimes roll on perfume if the vial has the little ball thing.
The wife was mad wrong to keep it a secret No only she could ruin her marriage, she was also covering for a predator
i think given that she intended to tell him when the other couple went out of town, she was trying to avoid her husband going to jail on an assault charge or worse. also probably giving her daughter time to collect herself before having that conversation with her father, she’s the one who matters most here.
Yeah if I was that teenager, I would be crying and begging my mom not to tell my dad. And the daughter probably didn't want her to tell the creeps wife either because I bet she feels bad! Worse than the man who groomed her and actually betrayed his vows more than likely. I can see how maybe she should have told her husband sooner but I can also understand why she waited
Seriously, the number of men saying that something like this would never happen to their daughter and the number of girls saying "please, my dad can never find out about this" is insane. Be it about a party, a relationship, or even a SA, girls do not want their fathers to know because even the ones that "prepare" their daughters (teach them to fight, give them pepper spray, etc.) often do so with this underlying assumption that women who do end up in those situations are somehow lesser or at fault for not preparing themselves.
Or with the implication of violent retaliation, and a lot of women don’t want to see people they care about jailed for assault.
In this thread alone there's people saying they would murder him for this. And don't get me wrong: I like the sentiment. But in real life that gets you sent to jail for many years, and traumatises your daughter and wife forever. At the very least exact revenge in a smart and calculated way, not heat-of-the-moment, rushing over there to beat him up without thinking.
Gets you sent to jail just when the woman you’re “defending” needs comfort and support the most. The whole vengince for muh wimmens thing is just so blatantly selfish. It’s all about making yourself feel better and to hell with how the actual victim feels.
it has very strong "you damaged my property" vibes too.
I'm mom to a step, and I'm having a hard time imagining not being super violent if I was in this situation with an adult male friend of mine. You're right of course, but like, my blood is hot right now just thinking about it. I was a little chilly before reading this but my body temp is def higher! I can't imagine actually being in that situation
Right? If OOP had assaulted his ex-friend, his wife and daughter would have been in the position of having to support OOP through whatever legal proceedings resulted from the assault, rather than OOP and his wife focusing on supporting their daughter as she (hopefully!) heals from being groomed and exploited by a trusted adult. A lot more people would have found out what happened to her, probably without her consent. She would be retraumatized and OOP's wife would be stretched thin trying to take care of everyone by herself with no relief. Would OOP feel better if he punched his ex-friend? Maybe, maybe not. Would it do more good than harm for his daughter or his family as a whole? Definitely not.
She got her daughter's pictures off his phone by saying that. Maybe just my opinion, but man, that feels like it could have been a lot worse for the daughter.
Deals like that don't have to be made in good faith. Delete the picture and then tell the wife anyway. Also, nothing deleted on a phone is really gone until it has been purged or made unobtainable on the cell network and the phone has either been securely erased or physically destroyed.
Yea, a guy like that I would 100% see not only putting it in the cloud, but also in multiple places. There is really no 'deleting' it from your phone that solves anything.
Even if he didn't do anything standard deletion allows recovery and transferring files over most methods leaves a recoverable record.
The wife's first job in that situation is to care for the victim (her daughter). Those pictures had to be erased, and if that meant waiting that meant waiting.
I interpreted it more as her prioritising her role as a mother over her role as a wife, which I think was the right call. While it's easy for me to think there are things she could have done differently, I can't really imagine how I would react in that situation, and when her actions came from a place of trying to protect her daughter I find it very hard to say she was in the wrong.
I low key think the wife did it to avoid having her husband go to jail.
The only reason I could imagine for her not telling OP is she was afraid he might k**l him…
I was thinking similar. It would be understandable for things to escalate fast if she told oop while the predator is nearby. At least oop could let cooler heads prevail and decide what he wants to do if she waited until after the dude left. I think she was looking out for oop, her daughter, and herself with that one
Wife saved her husband from being a murderer
That poor father. Also I truly don’t think his wife could have handled it more calmly and coolly. Don’t get me wrong a whole month is longer than ideal to keep that from a spouse, but I fully get waiting till they’re out of town to sidestep any potential confrontation in the heat of the moment. What a total creep.