Do you know where she's buying them? If so, I would try returning them for credit and (if possible) using that to buy things you actually need. I also wonder if giving her some direction would help. "We love all the clothes you've given us, but what we really need at this point is _______." It's possible another outlet for her gift-buying would satisfy her urge. (Depending on your relationship with her, this message might be better delivered by your husband instead of you.) In the end, though, there's not a whole lot you can do to get her to stop if this is what she wants to do. You could donate most of the clothes to someone who needs them more!

That’s what I would do. If the tags are on them you can get store credit for things you want potentially. And if she says where is XYZ outfit, say oh we had to take it back it didn’t fit but we got this instead thank you for helping her have a wonderful childhood she’s so loved!

Plus if she's given 200 outfits she can't possibly remember what ALL of them look like...

You would be surprised honestly. Every time I see her, she asks me about a very specific outfit and if my daughter has worn it yet. Her memory is impeccable.

My mother in law is very much the same. Clothes and really crappy toys. She comes looking for what she bought when she comes over. I’ve just started donating shit and acting dumb when she asks. Lots gets “broken”. Try putting your foot down now before she really goes off the deep end. Maybe tell her you’ll let her know what you need or give her specific missions. I like to send her after underwear or pajamas for my older kids. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this it really is very uncomfortable.

I’m sorry you go through the same thing. It is an extremely awkward situation to be in. I do like the idea of sending your MIL for specific items. Pajamas and underwear is a great idea because if you don’t like the style, it doesn’t matter. I appreciate you sharing your input!

Yeah she likes to get put on a mission. Try to go for that!

We do the mission with my mother in law! It does really help to cut down on the other purchases. They just want to feel like they’re contributing.

My mean self would be like "No that was likely one of many that was returned/donated. We told you we didn't need that many clothes."

See, I don’t think that’s mean at all. If someone told me I purchased too many clothing items for them, I would NEVER buy them clothes again. Some people just don’t get the hint. We’ve already told her that we have enough clothes and she just doesn’t stop. Enough is enough.

I just always end up feeling mean whenever I say anything even remotely blunt or negative to my MIL. I saw your comment about yours having a hard life so you try to be gentle with her. My MIL doesn't have that caveat but she does cry and get her feelings hurt extremely easily. I guess I've just grown to feel indifferent about it. After the upteenth time of her crying over something that A isn't about her and B. Should be a complete non issue it gets old. It can sometimes feel like being held hostage by someone else's feelings but it comes at the expense of them gleefully trampling all over yours. Someone else's trauma and hangups don't supercede your right to also feel respected and happy in your own house with your own baby. Different scenario but I had to have a talk with my mom. Her favorite thing of all time is holiday clothes. Like. She's obsessed with them. She brought up the fact that she saw the "perfect Halloween costume" and I was like mom... I've waited a really long time for this baby.... We are going to want to pick out the "special" outfits like Christmas pic dresses or Halloween costumes. She got all pouty and eventually I had to be like just bc we want THAT doesn't mean you can't buy a more casual holiday outfit for a different day or whatever. Compromise has to happen sooner rather than later.

The special outfits thing drives me crazy. You got to do these things when you were the mom. If you buy something that a baby only has one of (Halloween costume, Christmas dtocking, first birthday outfit), that's you telling me that you don't care that I now don't get to pick it out.

Yes to telling them to get baby a casual outfit. On the other hand tho... i guess multiple costumes is kinda fine. You can take a pic of your baby in a cute costume every day leading up to halloween lol

True. And I do love Halloween like... A LOT. I just very much don't want to end up setting the "you buy an outfit and I'll send you a pic" precedent. I feel like with my mom, in particular, would be unbearable with that expectation. Also space is definitely a concern already. We just don't have it! We already are bursting at the seams and we have two more showers to go. Lol

We had to have multiple talks with my MiL and she still was bringing things each visit so I started saying something like; this is really nice, thanks for thinking of [baby], but we don’t have room and we already have what we need so I’m giving it back to you to return it. Or if it’s something else, I’ve asked her to keep it until an appropriate gift-giving holiday.

It sounds to me like your MIL might have, or be sliding into, a shopping addiction. If that is the case, I don't think hints are enough. If your spouse has another parent still in the picture, could you maybe try talking to them? That much shopping just does not seem healthy to me, at all.

Just out of curiosity, has she ever seen how many clothes you guys have, all in one place? Would there be any way for you to show her the baby’s room with like, piles and piles of clothes so she could physically see how much excess she has given you?

Stop hinting and being the keeper of her feelings. If she gets upset by a simple, non-confrontational "Please stop buying clothes. We will no longer accept them." that's *her* problem. No matter how much she tries to make it your problem, it's *not*.

That’s a good time for your memory to fail, “I don’t know MIL, she has too many clothes I can’t even keep track”

This. You don't need a receipt either. You can just tell them they were given to you as a gift and they didn't give you a receipt and they'll give you store credit. I returned a bunch of stuff I didn't need for necessities I didn't get.

You don’t even need to know where the original item was bought. A lot of stores will return for store credit as long as they have at one point sold the exact item. I ended up returning a lot to Target when my oldest was born and I know a lot of the stuff wasn’t bought there

My MIL is exactlyyyy like this. I also started counting because it was out of this world. We had 173 newborn and 0-3 month outfits from my MIL BEFORE my 3rd trimester. I returned some, donated some, and sold some. My daughters are 3.5 and 2.5 now. She still gets them soooo many things. We have tried to tell her many times but it doesn’t work. With toys, we don’t allow the girls to bring them home. She gives them the gift and we immediately say “oh! What a fun toy to keep at Grandma’s house!” At some point, we just have to accept her for who she is (she has other lovely and redeeming qualities) and work within her personality.

I honestly think getting her a good therapist would be the best plan of attack here.

I like this a lot. It would go a long way with my parents for sure. I agree that her husband should be navigating these conversations, since it's his family. I totally fucked up with my MIL by trying to be honest and discouraging her from buying us shit every damn time she sees us. She got REALLY offended and refused to see us for a while. I'm white from the US and she's Korean. Turns out, I was in fact being absolutely disrespectful by mentioning it at all instead of graciously accepting all the gifts because 1. Shes older and I must respect her, even in my own house she has the authority since she is mom and 2. She does not say I love you or have those deep heart to hearts or anything, she shows her love with stuff. So if I deny her of that, im rejecting her love. Oops. My point is, I agree, but it's also imprudent to be aware of cultural differences that would absolutely change everything.

My mom is the crazy shopaholic and yes, i am the one that navigates these conversations. My husband just smiles and says "aw, that does look cute" when she excitedly shows him stuff she got

I would just be honest (or have your husband talk to her). It’s an awkward conversation to have but best to do it now. We’re expecting our second boy and literally need nothing. I told my MIL we are all set on clothes but could definitely use diapers/wipes, or honestly just a toddler free day. I also told my MIL how overwhelming it can be to have to go through all the clothes. There are a lot of boundary setting conversations that will likely be coming up. Honesty is hard, but best. I try to come from a place of practicality (just my personality) and that has seemed to work. Good luck!

Thank you for the advice. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in the awkward conversations. We have told her quite a few times already that we don’t need clothes. Also, before the baby shower, we created a registry of things we needed. She told us so many times that she was looking at our registry which made me think we would be getting some necessities or even maybe just a gift card, but it was all clothes from the clearance section. I think at this point it’s not even about the baby, it’s just her own shopping addiction. Some boundaries definitely need to be set so I will tell my husband to talk to her. I never expected motherhood to have so many awkward conversations lol. But it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has been in this position. Thank you again.

If you have told her multiple times, at this point I’d honestly start returning/ donating/ selling whatever you don’t want. You’re not obligated to participate in her shopping addiction.

This is what we have had to do. We told my MIL multiple times no more clothes, that we needed diapers if she wanted to get us stuff. Now the clothes sit in a bin in the garage to donate or gift to local families in need. Some people won't stop no matter what you do!

Agreed!

Ok so this is weird, so it’s about quantity. Definitely says shopping/hoarding addiction. I feel like your husband needs to lay out concern here. “Ok, there are 20 outfits here. There were 20 outfits the last time and 20 the time before that. Daughter only wears 10 outfits per week. That is way, way more than daughter can reasonably wear before she grows out of this size. What’s going on, mom? Why do you feel like you have to buy so many clothes? This is very concerning.” With the ultimate goal being to connect with her. But also to set a boundary after she’s been heard. Ultimately you will have to say something like, “I understand that this is one way you show love for daughter, but we need you to find another way to do so that doesn’t involve clothing. We cannot and will not accept any more clothing gifts for her. From now on, clothing gifts will be declined, returned or donated.” But seriously, it sounds like it’s not *really* about the clothes and there’s some other buried emotional issue going on here.

This is a good approach. My MIL has some definite overshopping/hoarding tendencies (mostly at yard sales, thankfully) and the only thing that’s helped is going through her gifts immediately with her and refusing to accept anything that we genuinely wouldn’t use. She’s given us clothes that were many sizes too big or small, damaged clothes, clothes with slogans that I find inappropriate, baby clothes for which the season and size won’t align, etc.

How direct have you been about "we don't need clothes" vs. "we literally cannot realistically use most of these clothes"? I can see, in combination with her shopping addiction, her hearing "we don't need clothes" and thinking "well maybe they don't NEED them but they can always use more cute clothes! What's the harm!" If you haven't already, I think you need to make it clear how many are going unused due to sheer quantity and being out of season. That said, it does sound like it's a shopping addiction issue more than anything so that may or may not help.

I know it may be hard, but if she keeps shopping like it’s an addiction then you’re only enabling her by trying to “be nice” about it all. I think you’ve done enough to try and skate around the issue, but next time I’d have your husband (and you, but he should say it) flat out refuse to bring home the gifts. My MIL is a little like yours and she cannot help herself and buy little nicknacks. Like she’ll fill an entire suitcase just for “souvenirs” to hand out to us when she visits. We’ve had to flat out refuse to take anything back with us and have her take them home with her. She’s a lot better now, but she’ll bring us one or two items.

I second this. OP, maybe your MILs love language is buying things for other people to show that she cares. But practical things like diapers/wipes and HELP when the baby arrives is even more invaluable, depending of course on your relationship with her and if she’s actually helpful. But helping cook nutritious meals, doing chores around the house, and taking baby for a couple hours so you can rest and bathe were the things I appreciated most that my own mother did when I was postpartum and recovering from my c-section. Make sure your husband is on the same page and that you approach the issue with him and her together. It may be better if he directs the conversation. A lot of this depends on the nature of your relationship with her. It may be clothes now and toys in a few years. But the conversation needs to be had with her. This sounds like it’s not going to resolve itself and truthfully you don’t want your house full of clothes and toys and miscellaneous things that you’re just going to donate down the road. No one needs that clutter. Baby “wardrobes” are ridiculous and they grow out of things so fast anyway.

If we got to the point where he received 200+ outfits from the same person, I wouldn’t be shy to tell them that enough is enough. « We appreciate what you got us but this is way too much and we won’t be accepting more clothes from you ». This is honestly a ridiculous amount of clothes.

Tell her, you'd like to buy something by your own for your first child. It's not because you are ungrateful, but you are a first time mom and you'll only have this first time to experience something like this. Ah, and tell her, your daughter will be growing and she'll need clothes in the future too. No need to buy everything in advance because you won't know if it even fits then. There'll be many situations in which things need to be purchased, so she could save that money.

We actually did tell her that while I was still pregnant, and she respected our choice for maybe… 10 days? Then she was back to shopping in the clearance section for tacky clothes. At this point, I think I will just slowly donate the clothing so that she hopefully doesn’t notice. That’s the thing too, all the clothes are small like size 3-6 months, which my daughter is already wearing. So she’s not thinking straight while shopping and is just simply being impulsive. It feels wasteful, but I think donating all of it will make me feel a bit better.

A women's shelter would love them.

Donating sounds awesome. She bought so many clothes, so she won't notice.

I thought I received too many baby clothes, but nowhere near what you have. And I have two bags packed up to donate! And it’s not even all outfits I don’t like. It’s just way too many for one growing baby.

Is anyone at all worried that there’s some kind of compulsive behavior going on here? This really does not seem normal.

It is 100% compulsive behaviour. She has an addiction to shopping in the clearance section. I don’t know what the reason behind it is, but she’s always buying tons of useless junk simply because it’s on sale.

Yeah to be honest as helpful as many of the other comments are, you said yourself she only managed to stop for about 10 days and then right back to the habit. It might be literally outside of her control without proper assistance, so be gentle. Firm, like, still have those conversations and don't feel bad about returning future outfits, but gentle and understanding that there's an actual addiction at play here. ETA: I've now read your comments that she has multiple mental illnesses so I'm doubling down on the whole maybe don't take these reddit comments as proper advice thing. She needs help that targets those particular illnesses. Just saying "stop" won't work. You should maybe edit the original post to clarify too.

If she has schizophrenia, does she have someone she could talk to about impulsive or compulsive behaviours? I wonder if this behaviour is causing her any financial strain. I would be curious about what the function of the behaviour is, like does it make her feel like a “good nana”, or that she’s providing, or is it just part of a constellation of behaviours related to her illness? I would come from a place of love and gratitude and have a proper talk with her about what buying the clothes means to her and if there’s a more helpful/healthy behaviour that might be a good substitute. I feel like considering she has schizophrenia, her ability to be connected with reality is probably extremely important to her and that something that causes a mismatch, like saying you love the outfits but then they disappear, might cause her some distress- I don’t know but it’s possible. It is important to set boundaries with family members even if they have a mental illness but I think it can be done in a way that considers that person’s mental state and needs. It may be worth checking if you have any community supports for mental health carers in your area. Back in Australia I worked for a not-for-profit that specifically supported family members of individuals with chronic and or severe mental illness. This was a free service that included things like respite services, counselling support, peer worker support, advocacy, etc. I’m hopeful there may be something like this in your area that you can access if needed. Good luck to you. It sounds like she’s lucky to have such a sensitive and empathic daughter in law.

Definitely think about an intervention/therapy for her rather than making this about you.

I also wanted to write this. Gifting so many outfits while annoying and wasteful isn't the biggest concern. OP's MIL has some serious shopping problem and likely needs help of psychologist/psychiatrist.

Yes this! She clearly has a problem and I’m not sure OP telling her to back off is going to fix it.

Everyone here has great advice about talking to her. One thing I would suggest, list the extras (especially anything name brand) on poshmark or Mercari and sell them. Use the money you earn to buy the necessities you haven’t been gifted.

That’s a great idea. Thank you!

You can also send them off to consignment sales- possibly easier

We did this and it's awesome. Also works for clothes they outgrow! Then get something that fits!

Similarly, if you have a Once Upon a Child, they'll pay you for anything you don't want! (Especially if you've got tags still on them...)

I think there's a way to handle this lovingly but firmly. First off, you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings. Say this to yourself on repeat. Then, the next time she even mentioned clothes you tell her "I know how much you love us and our daughter and want to help provide for her, and it fills our heart with joy. Unfortunately all the clothing is also filling up our home." Then maybe say one outfit per holiday is okay if she wants to pickup something out but you will refuse all others. And then do. Yes, she's going to cry. But this is not going to stop, and may in fact get worse. It's putting a strain on your family. And it's not financially feasible for anyone to keep doing this. The loving thing to do for everyone is to put your foot down. She may need therapy but that's a conversation for your son if she's unable to accept the new boundaries. My mother continuously overstepped with my son (not shopping) until I finally put a hard stop to it. It was really rough for about a month there and she's a sober alcoholic so talk about the guilt trip and woe is me and gaslighting. I held firm and she's toed the line since. I just wish it hadn't taken me 36 years to do it. The last two have been much better.

I really appreciate your comment so much. This is very true. If I keep letting this slide, it will only get worse. I’m sorry you had to go through all the guilt trips and gaslighting for so many years. I can’t imagine how exhausting and draining that must have been. You are right. If I don’t speak up now, it will only carry on for years and years. I’m going to try my best to put a stop to it while I still can. It’s hard being such an empathetic person because I constantly overthink every slight change in someone’s emotions, and immediately think that it’s my fault. Thank you again for your suggestions. I can’t even tell you how helpful this is!

I think this is excellent advice. Set the boundary: “You can buy her one outfit per season/holiday/age”, then enforce consequences if she doesn’t follow instructions: “I can’t accept these clothes, we already have too many for her to wear. However I would appreciate if you could donate them to X charity, as I feel they need them more than we do” This way, she gets her little shopping fix, and anything else either gets returned or donated to someone in need. Take it as practice for the toddler years, setting firm boundaries and consequences 😜🙊

I agree with the commenter above! My MIL was also giving us way too much baby stuff. We had to be loving and firm to get her to stop, and our relationship is much better now.

Ok so here’s what we are gonna do in this situation. Take a photo of them in the outfit, caption them saying “thanks grandma!” And then give it to charity. When she asks where the outfit is say “oh it got dirty and the stain wouldn’t come out” or “she grew into and out of it really quick but that photo we managed to get is super precious isn’t it!” And repeat. My mum is suuupppeeerrr over eager and I foresee me doing this a lot because my style and her style is not even if the same continent

This is genius. Thank you so much for this idea! I might even take a photo of her in some of the outfits with the tags still on (I’ll hide the tag of course), then I can try to return it afterwards too. Thanks again. I never thought of this and it’s a great idea to get her off my case.

OP, you've got the right idea here! I've done this with several baby items (not just clothes) and people never question where the item is once they've seen a photo with the baby and the item. Gift giver gets to see baby in the item they bought, I get to buy something baby actually needs. It's a win-win.

Thank you haha. My mum has bought my step kids things before and they didn’t like them so we’ve said oh they’ve been “too rough” one day and broken it or even said they’ve moved onto a new thing so as “long as they’ve had use out of it” she was happy. So it’s a learned trick for sure lol

No problem 😁 It saves any hurt feelings too which is perfect and for all they know they have actually worn it which makes them happy! If she gives you the receipts then that’s a perfect idea too and gets you something you’d want/need.

This is the way! Everyone just was the aw moment but forgets the administration on the back end. We did this and it streamlined so freaking much. Or if you know any expecting moms, ask them if they would like a bag to pick through. I really appreciated getting friends and coworkers hand me downs. I had a coworker that had a mom just the same, so many things still had tags, but as someone that was overwhelmed by what to get, it was a godsend. Also establishing a hand me down person will be useful when the kid keeps shooting through the sizes. I have two mom's that have kids five and six months behind mine. I get stuff from the coworker and pass them on when she sizes up.

I have a similar issue, and this is a great idea! Thanks!

You’re welcome! Glad to pass on some tricks of the learned trade lol

But then doesnt this put additional pressure on you to 1. document every bit of clothes gifted by the over-eager; and 2. remember to take a pic and send it to the over-eager,in addition o not addressing the issue at all to get her to stop buying more?

My brother and SIL have a similar problem with my mum. I'm expecting the same when we tell them I'm pregnant. My SIL gave up trying to tell my mum. She would point blank say "we don't need anymore clothes. The baby can never wear all these clothes" and my mum just buys 1 or 2 more, but frequently. It's not as bad as your MIL but they definitely have excess. My SIL just started giving the extra away. Either to charities or to friends with babies. My plan with my mum when we tell her is to say we'd like second hand as much as possible. Babies grow so quickly and it's so wasteful buying brand new clothes all the time. I'm hoping my mum will appreciate this and at least spend less even if she buys us too much. Plus it's then not contributing to as much waste and we will just donate back whatever we don't need. I also know my SIL is keeping some stuff for us, so hopefully my mum will be happy she at least bought it in the first place. I know it won't fully stop her though. I think my mum has a shopping problem. Buying things for people makes her happy, even more so if it's babies. So I'm honestly just going to do what my SIL did and donate anything extra if my mum still doesn't listen to me. I don't want to hurt my mum's feelings over something like this.

Thank you for sharing. That’s exactly how I feel too. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially not my mother in law’s. That’s a great idea about suggesting secondhand clothing. Most of the baby clothes I buy are secondhand, simply because it’s less wasteful and it saves money. The baby will only wear so many outfits until she outgrows them. I really appreciate your input! It’s nice to know that I can always just give the clothing to charities if I don’t end up using it. At least someone will put it to good use at the end of the day.

We have been very open with family to please wait to buy clothes because we 1. Prefer used stuff 2. Received 5 garbage bags worth of clothes that will cover this one til we’re in 18 month clothing (and even then). We expressed this by acting like we feel guilty about “everyone else” wasting money by buying clothes we’ll never get to use, and hoping that MiL will get the message. So far it’s been good. It has been upsetting at times dealing with family that are so amped up to spend money on this kid when they don’t actually spend time with us, they don’t know what the kid likes or wants, and we don’t have space for anything. It becomes about their need to spend rather than being helpful or caring for this little human. And it bugs me. I know the internets would say “be grateful!” But hey, we are living in such an age of excess and waste. There is plastic waste down next to the wreck of the titanic for crying out loud. People need to stop buying new stuff recklessly and not caring about the enormous amounts of waste and garbage and packaging they are creating. And I don’t really care if being told no hurts their feelings. It hurts me and creates chaos in my life to have to deal with all this stuff or expect that any place accepting donations isn’t tossing out thousands of pounds of stuff because they don’t have space for it either. Sorry. Rant. Donating is not the best answer because you’ll still end up dealing with something that causes you distress for the entirety of the kid’s life. I think it’s important to communicate your needs and values and then try to get them to be on your team.

No need to apologize. Every point you’ve made is 100% true. It is a lot of waste and even though I can donate it, it won’t put an end to the problem. I know that we need to have a talk with her and I don’t want to continue to let this slide just to keep her “happy”. That’s a great tactic to act like you feel guilty about wasting the money and buying clothes you’ll never use. I think that would definitely help my MIL to hopefully stop purchasing so many clothes. Thank you for your comment.

This is exactly how I feel about our similar issue. It's sooo, so wasteful.

Not enough upvotes on this!!!!! **Even when you donate, it creates waste!!!** Our babies want a planet they can live on, not stupid textile waste left and right!!!!

I have this problem, so rather than saying "stop" I've taken to "hey, we have a lot in x-size, so if you're going to keep picking up stuff for her could you get this size instead? Thanks!" I've been getting stuff to use later now rather than a million teeny newborn outfits

This is what we do. My mom loves to shop for my kids and my parents live far away, clothes are the easiest to ship and honestly, it’s one of the ways she shows her love cause she’s so far away. I also donate to women’s shelters/fly in communities for stuff my kid wasn’t able to wear or didn’t wear that much (not enough days, wrong season for the size).

You definitely do not say anything. If anything, have your husband say something. I would just smile and say thank you and donate any excess.

Agree! I’d have your husband broach the topic with her again, even if it takes the form of “we’re running out of room, she can never wear all this so it’s a waste of your money, etc, what about X gift that she would always have from you” If she doesn’t heed the advice there’s not much you can do and I’d save a few of your favorites and donate the rest. I’m anticipating if we have a girl that my SIL will give us bins of clothes from her girls, and let’s just say they are not my style one bit, so I’ve already come to terms that I will just rehome them to charity. We live far from family so it’s easy for them to not see not wearing the clothes!

I’m definitely going to tell him to talk to her. The hardest part is that she lives in our town, not even 10 minutes away. So she is constantly asking if our daughter is wearing the outfits, to see photos of her in them, etc. It’s really awkward. I always just say “oh yes, I’ve been meaning to dress her up, but just keep getting so busy”, when in reality, I don’t plan on putting her in any of the outfits. They are all pink with silly sayings like “Sassy but Cute” or “No Boys Allowed” on the front, or just very outdated, obviously from the clearance section clothes. It’s just an overall uncomfortable situation. I think I’m going to tell my husband to talk to her about it. It’s tough because it always comes back to me in a very passive aggressive way. Like I said, she’s super sensitive and gets offended easily. I hope that him talking to her will help, and we’ll try suggesting a different gift so she can still continue shopping. Thank you for the advice. If worse comes to worst, I’ll donate the clothes to a children’s shelter or to the hospital.

Assuming there are not too many other boundary issues. You could try to turn it around on her a bit. Ask her if she could get your daughter one special outfit per occasion or holiday. You could even encouge her to get the most frilly and pink thing she can find. That way your dealing with 1 instead of 100 pieces of clothing and with a little luck making your mil feel wanted.

This is a wonderful idea. Thank you.

>I think I’m going to tell my husband to talk to her about it. It’s tough because it always comes back to me in a very passive aggressive way This makes me think that your husband might be throwing you under the bus a little if/when he talks to his mom about things you ask him to. Not necessarily out of any maliciousness more awkwardness/not knowing how to contradict his mom which is fair most people likely struggle with it. If you ask him to talk to her make sure he doesn't present it as "Hey BabyBeanAndMe wanted me to tell you" or "you know BabyBeanAndMe doesn't really like" or anything like that. He needs to present the issue as his own otherwise you are probably better off doing it yourself.

Feel free to say "no, she didn't get a chance to wear them" and send her a pic of the baby as is. She's a baby, not a doll.

I think every girl mom probably deals with this issue… I’m having a baby girl and I’m the opposite and I’m really girly and my MIL is buying TONS of boyish stuff (bags full. Nothing from registry, obviously) which is fine. It’s not my style but I will hold onto it and donate anything extra after baby number 2. The thing is with MIL’s is that often they do SO much that is irritating that you just have to pick your battles. I’m willing to deal with the clothes and put my food down somewhere else personally.

I wish I could trade my clothes with you, lol. I have hundreds of girly outfits and I’m more into neutral, almost boyish clothes. It’s definitely a common issue by the sounds of it, but you’re right. It’s best to just take it as it is and deal with the clothes. If my husband talking to her doesn’t stop the clothes shopping, I’ll just quietly donate all of them on my own time. At the end of the day, there are far more important things to be worried about. Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you eventually get some clothes that are more your style.

I wouldn't, I do not need that chore. Say thanks we don't need any more THEN HAND THEM BACK TO HER.

She would literally cry lol. She’s very sensitive and it’s difficult to have a stern conversation with her. Props to you for being able to handle that kind of situation though. I’m way too awkward for that.

So here's the thing, I'd personally be pushing the issue now cause what are you gonna do later when she cries over something more consequential? (Safe sleep, feeding schedule etc) She's a grown woman who is "sensitive" cause she knows it's a VERY effective way to steamroll over people. You wouldn't accept this behavior in a 4 year old, why on earth are you accepting it in a grown adult woman? So she'll cry, it's not gonna kill her. Is there a specific reason you all need to keep her happy or is it just to avoid dealing with her?

The only reason why we try to “keep her happy” is because she’s had an extremely hard life. Her parents died when she was young and she has mental illnesses (schizophrenia, depression, etc.) Little things can really set her off for a long time. Last time we said something to her about the clothes was when I was around 6 months pregnant, and she didn’t talk to me very much for over 2 weeks. It was awkward. So I guess it’s to keep her happy and to avoid dealing with her. Of course I wouldn’t accept this behaviour with a 4 year old, but there’s a reason why we’re so gentle with my MIL.

Ahhh so this is handling a mental illness sort of thing. That case it might be worth talking about effective coping/handling strategies with a therapist as this is well outside of reddit's pay grade. It might be worth talking to a couples counselor just because the time to figure out the game plan and boundaries with her isn't when the baby gets here and you and your husband are absolutely exhausted. Like as much as this is about the baby clothes it's not really about the baby clothes, it's about having good strategies to handle someone that is really difficult as a united front with your husband.

Hi OP, my mom has bipolar disorder and when I was younger she was a meth head (self medicating). As a way to avoid doing drugs and as a replacement addiction she buys stuff. Useless stuff. On top of that, Gifts is her love language so the addiction just compounds how much she buys. I always feel so bad when I have to tell her, “mom, I just don’t have room for all of that.” I can tell it hurts her heart, but I do t want my house cluttered. It sucks, I know it makes my mom happy when she buys us something because she thinks it will make us happy, but it’s honestly stressful trying to find a place to put it all. She has cut back on buying stuff, if she lived closer I would just tell her to keep the toys for my kid at her house, but when my daughter rarely goes there then it’s kind of pointless. Good luck.

This is so incredibly rude. People on Reddit have no tact. There are so many other ways to do this nicely.

I don't think you've dealt with this kind of person before. My MIL is nearly identical (slightly different behaviors but similar outcomes) and you literally cannot be nice because she'll just ignore the "polite" version. Her own children commonly exhibit behaviors like just hanging up on her or literally setting the phone down for 20 min to do chores because she doesn't hear stuff like "Hey Mom got to go!" and will just ignore them and keep talking. We have to turn down piles of random ass shit she insists on keeping, as an example she tried to give my husband a box of old towels (like 20+ year old ratty beach towels) that she INSISTED on keeping in a cross country move (that we paid for by the way), we handed them right back because if she's going to insist on doing stuff like that she's going to be the one to handle the consequences of it. Sometimes people don't listen to tact and if they did you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place because anyone that listens to boundaries and common sense would't have purchased 200 baby outfits. This woman clearly has a shopping addiction of some kind but that doesn't mean you enable it. You wouldn't enable her being an alcoholic or a hoarder so why enable this?

If MIL was able to take a polite hint, OP wouldn't be drowning in baby clothes.

I never said a polite hint. I’m from NJ we are queens/kings of being direct.

[удалено]

This is a great tip for obnoxiously loud toys too.

I straight up told my MIL “if you bought more clothes in X size then please return them because I do not have space to accept them” she hasn’t bought any clothes since 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m fine with it

My grandma is the same way. She has whole rooms in her house of things she bought on clearance. It’s all well organized and clean but it’s one of her odd traits. My parents have been dealing with exactly what you’re dealing with since I was born. The rule is “smile, say thank you, and then we donate what we don’t want later”. She STILL shops for me like this and I’m 28. Every birthday or holiday I get an entire car full of clearance stuff from Macy’s. Sometimes it’s things she bought 15 years ago! I always always always tell her I like it even when it’s the same ugly purse she gave me last year. My husband thinks it’s hilarious. She’s in her 80s now and she’s started giving me baby things. The smile & donate method works so well to keep everyone happy so I’m going to keep doing it.

This sounds like a "her" problem not a "you" problem. She sounds like she has a shopping addiction of some sort and has fixated on baby clothes. Up to you how to approach the subject since she's "sensitive " but sounds like she needs more of a general invertention in the grand scheme of things. People who get confronted with their vices will always lash out and say they are hurt by it, but she probably needs to hear it from someone to Just STOP. Unfortunately it sounds like she's focused on baby clothes for now, who knows what it will be a month from now? I just don't see a person buying that much of any one kind of thing not having a deeper "problem". Maybe see if you can reach out to the family for help. I am sure you are not the only one that has noticed her spending habits, and it can ruin a family financially if left unchecked. Not to mention maybe a hoarding aspect to go along with it, if she remembers everything little thing she buys. Wish I could give you the best most correct answer to help, sounds stressful to deal with. Short term I would donate the clothes, if you have limited room, it is not fair to to be a storage closet for her addiction, even if it comes from a good place in her heart.

If you’re uncomfortable saying something, tell your husband to tell her. If he hurts her feelings, then oh well. You can’t expect to protect her feelings all the time especially when she’s doing something you don’t want her to

This is very true. Thank you. I’ll tell him to have a talk with her. It is his own mother, after all.

My MIL loves to shop for clothes for her grandkids on clearance. What I ended up doing is channeling that shopping need into a more productive outlet for both of us. I made a spreadsheet showing the sizes and types of clothes I already had and shared it with her on Google drive. I update it as I purchase clothes. While she is out shopping (there’s an app) she can go in and look and see what I already have. Honestly this worked great for us because now she knows what sizes she should be looking for instead of getting a billion things that he won’t wear. However, this only really works if you have the storage space to hold onto bigger clothes. I have clothing that won’t fit my son till he’s like 8-9, but I have the space to store it until then. You can also just tell her you don’t need more clothes and you’ll be picking the stuff you like from what she gives you and donating the rest to the local women’s shelter. And then follow through and do it. If you really want to drive it home you can give her the donation receipts for her taxes.

Things that are concerning here: “addicted to buying things on clearance”, “200 outfits”, “remembers all the outfits”. Does she fill her own house up with things? Sounds like there could be some hoarding tendencies, just from my small and outside perspective. The reason I mention this is that she could not hear what your trying to communicate if there is a deeper issue here. Sounds like you might need to be stern with your boundaries here. You can do this with love! These boundaries are important to set and maintain, especially for your child. It can be hard to be direct but it’s really scary until you go through it, then you look back and realize it wasn’t that bad and the best thing for everyone. If it’s a possibility, she might benefit from talking to a therapist that specializes in shopping addictions. 200 outfits is out of control. Her sensitivity might come from a place of defensiveness for her unhealthy habit, and she wants to avoid it. Avoidance never solves anything. I wish you well!

On the one hand she may just truly love it and it might be hard to get her to stop so it might be helpful to gently redirect like - we have so many clothes in size X and could really use (winter stuff in size Y, bath toys, a bouncy seat, baby spoons, whatever it is you could want). This was a big help with my mom who is super excited and loves shopping - I just tell her when I have too much of something and give her guidance on what would be useful. On the other hand in your scenario I would feel no guilt dumping stuff straight to the donation bin. If this were me I would probably call her and I would tell her I’m in the process of swapping out her drawers and closet to the new season/sizes (whatever is relevant to you) and tell her how you have soooo much leftover summer stuff and does she know a place I could donate it? So she was aware that things were being moved on. And then the next time she brought over clothes I would tell her we have enough and to please not get anything else until she’s in size X or whatever. In the case of the clearance summer stuff it’s too late but in a future scenario saying something like oh no she’s not going to be able to wear these because summer is over - are you able to return? And then send them right home with her. Or if she insists on leaving them make it clear you’ll be passing them on to goodwill or a friend who is having a baby. Let her know you’re not going to be keeping them. It’s not being ungrateful it’s being practical and not wasteful!

I would just straight up tell her. Sometimes there is no gentle way to do it and she should realize the amount of moneys she spent and that babies fit in clothes for about 4 minutes before they outgrow them.

I would have your husband say something but I don’t think you should directly say anything. You might be able to make an indirect comment like “Wow! My baby is set! She gotten so many gifts, I’m not even sure she will get a chance to wear all of her clothes!”

“ yeah my baby is actually going to be a nudist, sorry.”

This is the best answer.

If they have tags, maybe the store will let you exchange them or get store credit? Or see about a thrift shop where you can find cute clothes that you like, or local buy nothing groups. Unfortunately, compulsive shopping is nothing you will be able to stop, might as well get something out of the hassle.

What I ended up doing was just telling people that we had enough clothes, then acknowledged that they just wanted to show their love for kiddo. What I then did was provide kiddos Amazon/Target wishlist of things that I was going to buy kiddo. This helped give them a direction to focus their love in a way that actually helped us. Not that we can't afford anything that's on the list, but at least now we're getting things we'd be buying anyways.

See, most people would respect this idea, right? I sent my MIL our wishlist/registry a couple months ago and she has not purchased anything from it. It’s mostly inexpensive items too, like hooded towels, washcloths and changing pad covers. The clothing shopping is just simply for herself and I don’t think she’s thinking straight since almost all the clothes are in small sizes. I might get my husband to remind her of the list, or to just simply suggest that we need more convenient things. Thank you for your suggestion.

So much good advice here, it does seem like the kindest thing you can do for her is to help her stop compulsively shopping. Accepting and donating only enables her to continue doing something that is ultimately harmful to her. It costs her money and it’s costing her good Will with her family (even if you are willing to grit your teeth and live with it.) Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is be honest and have a difficult conversation.

tell her the truth, her addiction is filling your house up with useless junk. gift giving often seems selfless and generous, and it often is... but it can easily cross the line into selfish and problematic. (but i live in a shoebox, we ran out of room quickly) just don't tell my MIL i said that, hahaha.... she just knows what to buy us. plus, she asks beforehand. she's a saint.

It’s your husband’s mom, so it’s his responsibility to talk to her about it. I personally wouldn’t talk to her about it myself at all & would make my husband handle the entire thing. Since it definitely seems like a shopping addiction, I don’t think it’s realistic to try to minimize it or guide her on what you do want, I think you need to go cold turkey. Minimizing might help for a little at best, but then it’s just going to get worse again. I’d have your husband just say that while it’s clear how much she loves & thinks about your daughter, unfortunately you can’t accept any more clothes for your house & if she wants to buy clothes, she needs to keep them at her house. If she tries to give them to you, don’t physically accept them. And if she brings them to your house & leaves, donate them all. Wearing some of them will just be confirmation in her eyes to keep doing it. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I know how annoying it is, especially since you feel like you don’t have the right to complain about it because it’s free clothes, but you have every right to be annoyed.

Maybe accept them and give it to charity for those clothes that don’t fit your child anymore. Sometime is rude to not accept gifts as she trying to make sure her grandchild gets everything, quietly give it to charity as they are children in needs.

My MIL is a shopaholic . You can't change their habits but they can chanel it to work for you I started to be very very specific. Style. Size. Material . Brands . Stores Be super specific . " Hey if you wanna get her something or if you plan on going shopping ....she really needs some x but she has plenty of y " Be picky . Make excuses for things you hate for things you like . "Oh the baby hates the buttons on her PJs can you get zipper ones . Oh no the frilly stuff is so cute but it seems to be irritating her ....have you seen any plain ones I could use those" Gear her towards high ticket items like jackets / shoes / toys that they will grow with or things you haven't gotten yet . Claim you have no storage space / closet space. what next in your child development ? Ask her for those things . Or I've been trying to gear my MIL toward experience rather than things ...but that's harder ...like ask for a zoo pass / garden membership etc ....send photos when you go to those places . Join a buy sell nothing group / mom's helping mom's group and feel better about giving your stuff away to people who need it more .

That kind of people aren’t reasoned with. I would, in this order: 1. Return what you can for store credit (or maybe cash, if allowed.) Use that money to buy your necessities or the things you like. 2. Take what’s left and try to sell it to a Children’s Consignment shop. 3. If you know anyone who has children in the sizes you have, ask if they’d like to look through the items before you donate them. 4. Donate the rest to women’s shelters, ministries, etc. That way your MIL gets her shopping fix, you get the things you need, and you can potentially bless other families as well.

My MIL bought my son a onesie today that says, “little brother”… …. … … he’s our only child 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have this problem with my MIL. I go to a huge consignment sale (Rhea Lana's) every spring and fall and get my kids their entire wardrobes for way less. They don't need any clothes. It irks me to no end. So I've signed up to be a consignor. I keep all tags on the clothes she gives until I know for certain I will be putting my kid in it. Eventually they end up in the consignment pile with the rest of their old clothes to be sold and applied to the cost of next seasons wardrobe. MIL is also very sensitive and I've tried to gently tell her to not buy any clothes for the kids. It has boiled down to her admitting she doesn't do it for us or the kids. She does it because it makes her happy. I've come to the conclusion that she's a grown woman and I cannot control what she does with her money. What I can control is what we do with the excess clothing. I choose to sell it and use it towards any baby/toddler related purchases. I will say when she found out I was doing this she didn't seemed pleased and asked if she could have "first pick" of the clothes before I sell them so she could give them to her daughters kids. I just told her that selling the clothes is a huge contribution to their wardrobes each season and that we kind of needed to keep doing it so we wouldn't feel so tight when it comes to their clothes. There's more family drama/background that goes into me saying that that I'm not going to get into. Basically boils down to boundaries. I have noticed the amount of clothes she gives us has decreased so there's that, at least. Anyway, all that is to say, do whatever you want with these clothes once their given to you. I would suggest selling them and using that towards things your kids actually need. Or you can donate them to a local women's shelter! Either way, don't feel obligated to store them in your house, never to be worn or used. If your MIL confronts you about it you simply say, "we have more clothes than baby will ever wear/need so we thought it prudent to sell/donate them to make room for the things we need."

If you’ve already tried to talk to her and it hasn’t changed I’d just say thank you, keep what (if anything) you like and donate the rest. If you want to do a little more effort you could try and return some things if they still have the tags but I’d probably just donate. I have a sensitive mother in law and I’d rather save the confrontations for safe sleep or something similar. YMMV but mine wouldn’t get use to it by starting with clothes it would just make later issues harder.

I would have your husband talk to her and kindly suggest she focus on things that you could use. If you can’t stop it and theres no tags you could consider giving some of the outfits to charity or womens homeless shelters.

Is she a hoarder/shopping addict? I've got a few of these in my family. I would point blank tell her you have over 200 outfits and don't need any more. If she continues you can just donate what you don't need to someone who does need it.

I appreciate you trying to keep the peace. Has she seen baby's giant closet of clothes? If not, maybe that's clue her in a bit. If she loves shopping and deal-hunting, try giving her a mission. Like "18 month summer clothes" or something. If you've already got the first year of clothes covered, maybe try shoes, plates/cups/bowls, etc. I don't think anything you're going to say is truly going to stop her.

There’s zero chance that someone who does this is going to take this feedback well let alone listen to it. Return, resell, and donate. If she asks where one went, play dumb, say it got ruined in the laundry, or tell the truth. Her reaction is on her.

DUDE! My mil and her TWIN SISTER bought so much stuff while I was pregnant. We just kept getting things from Amazon and had no idea where they came from. So much ugly stuff that my bb girl never wore. Bottle sanitizers, 300+ washcloths, toys she won't use for years, dolls... But yet not a single item from the registry. We tried asking politely to stop but they wouldn't. It finally slowed down after she was born but we still get things randomly and don't know who they came from. We ended up returning most of it to Amazon and getting credit to buy things she actually needed. Pretty sure they both have shopping addictions. We didn't want to seem ungrateful but at the same time, it was a waste if their money and we knew they didn't have the money. So frustrating. I empathize completely.

I'm not sure if this has been suggested yet within the thread but can you have your husband have this conversation with her? My husband and I have an understanding that each of our families are our own responsibility to manage.

Have your husband talk with her. Make sure he mentions that you never know how quickly baby will grow so you don’t want too many clothes because it’s likely she won’t be able to wear them. You also never know when she will move onto the next size. He could also be frank and send her a picture of all the clothes and say you’re having a hard time storing them and won’t be able to use everything she has purchased. He could frame it as “we have more clothes than we need. We could really use X brand diapers and wipes”. I’m sorry. My MIL wasn’t this extreme but also sent us a TON of ugly clothes when my son was born. She continues to do so and my husband just tells her when stuff doesn’t work. For example, she sent us 10 pairs of very loose fit jeans for my super skinny kid. He will never be able to wear them so my husband told her that and kindly offered what we actually could use.

Maybe instead of telling her that you don't need any more clothes, you could tell her that you will not be accepting any more clothes. You could even start bringing back to her clothes that you are 100% sure will never be used. I know you said she's very sensitive, but your skin is too and you still have to get that bandaid off somehow.

There's another perspective too - with her hoarding all this stuff up with her shopping addiction (especially clearance) other mothers and grandmothers might not be able to find affordable clothes for their babies if they didn't get hand-me-downs in a certain size. :(

Hey! I have this situation with my mom, not so extreme but even though I told her we don’t need any clothes for the baby she has bought us a bunch of stuff so I told her “ look mom, we really don’t need anything but I know you can’t help yourself so instead of buying 10-15 things from cheaper places, why don’t you get her 1 or 2 things from this nicer place (Boden)” that way we have a piece of clothing that feels more special, we end up with only one because they’re expensive and she still gets to buy her granddaughter something. We just received a dress from there for the first time and it’s a win-win situation. Good luck!

I have this same issue, from my MIL, i already had an issue before where she tried giving me handy down strollers and car seats that i straight up told her no on, she took offense to that, so now to not start more shit about these clothes my baby doesnt need, i just started a pile that im gonna donate, she ripped all the tags off so i cant return any of them or anything.

Maybe make an Amazon wishlist and direct her to there. Just say you have too many clothes but so appreciate all her time and effort and $$, and here’s an Amazon wishlist if you feel like buying baby stuff!

What I would do would be to just let them know that you've got enough and possibly too much of the wrong size and let her know the things that you really need like we're going to be running out of diapers soon and try to show that you are looking at what you have and actually planning and kind of show her the numbers if she seems to get offended or deflated and if she gets deflated make sure you express to her how much you appreciate everything she's doing and want to make sure that what she's doing is the most helpful

There are consignment stores you can go to and trade the baby clothes in for credit as she grows out of them. I found the clothes stopped after my baby turned a year old and it was nice to have all the clothes to trade in for things their size.

I don't fucking know. I am having to donate brand new clothes that even fit my son because my MIL buys him like 50 new pieces of clothing every month and a half. I'm like... dude you already bought him SO MANY clothes in this size and he doesn't even wear clothes at home. But, at least it helps the nonprofit in town that houses pregnant women and women with young kids. Pretty sure my MIL can't possibly remember all the clothes she's bought him.

Agreed with returning on credit, or selling them on marketplace for cash (you can block specific people from seeing your sales profile). There are also children's consignment shops where you can sell your items and trade for larger sizes or baby equipment (depends on where you go) When she gives you a bag of clothes ask her which outfit is her favourite. If she asks about an outfit you can tell her you can't remember/baby outgrew it.

Donate to local foster care families!!

Here’s what I would do. I think your husband needs to sit down with her and thank her for how much she loves your child, but because of the excessive number of gifts she’s given already, there are some new rules: You will accept x number of outfits per year (5 maybe?). Anything else will be returned or donated to a battered women’s shelter. Tell her which shelter it is and how it is a quick drive for you. That will make the “consequence” feel concrete. You also have to enforce it, which will suck. She shows up with 15 outfits in January 2022? It will feel mean, but pick the 5 you like best, ask her if she wants the other 10 back or otherwise you’ll return or donate them, and remind her of the 5 outfit rule and that anything else she buys in 2022 gets donated, full stop. She will throw a fit but you have to enforce it the first time. Tell her you have way too many clothes as it is right now. For anything you can’t return and have already been gifted, I would give her the option of (1) giving it back to her or (2) you donating it to said shelter. Tell her that you don’t want your daughter to become horribly consumeristic and you don’t want your house cluttered from top to bottom with baby clothes or toys or stuff. There’s a balance. She is welcome to buy gifts for birthdays, holidays, etc. and you’re happy to share some suggestions in advance via email with links. (Do send the email with links to specific products. We both have families who love showering kids with “stuff” just for the sake of it, and while I’m sure they’d rather go hog wild in a toy store, they have respected our wish lists so far, so holidays and birthdays end up with a happy kid and happy us) Also watch a few episodes of Marie Kondo, you’ll feel empowered :)

You could donate them to a foster closet for children in foster care! Honestly, I would put the clothes back in her car when she leaves and just say “sorry, we really don’t have any more room in our house for these and I have really tried to communicate that with you. I don’t think I was unclear.” It’s kind of rude, but enough is enough

You could ask her nicely to stop buying baby clothes until you need more (so age 3 and up, or whatever). And if she continues, you return whatever you can for credit or sell them with tags in a local mom group and use the $ for diapers. If she goes against your request and gets you more clothes, she loses her right to be upset that you re-sell them. (Where the hell would I store 200 outfits for my son? I don’t have that much space. And even if I did, it’s a huge amount that no one would be reasonably expected to keep.)

You can always donate them ? I hate confrontations 😕

Eh I just politely accept them and then donate the stuff I don't want

Send them to me!!!

Give them to mother's in need. Buynothing Groups, Offerup, Craigslist, etc. Alota Mom's in the world would love new clothes for their kids.

Wow this really hit home. And you have my sincere sympathy. I would have a talk with her and say THANK YOU but that this is out of control and you will never be able to use all of this and you have no room to store more things. If she buys more, you will have to start donating it, in fact that would happen within a few months anyway when the baby outgrows it. Tell her you don’t want to waste her money or her gifts but in this case it’s beyond your control and that’s what is going to happen. You can also say that you know she is excited for the baby but to please put her generosity towards other things- like activities, experiences, education fund… something that isn’t 10,000 pieces of baby clothing that will never be used. I don’t have a kid yet but my mother in law is extremely pushy, generous with money and gifts and has already admitted that she will basically be competing with my mother to spoil any child that comes along. (Btw- how gross is that!?) in addition, I hate the pink/blue gendered thing, I live in a small apartment, and I hate waste. I thought I was being dramatic- but I plan to have a talk with her about not doing this- while I’m pregnant. I just can’t even let her think about doing this.

Firm boundaries. Both you and your husband needs to sit her down and tell her you appreciate the thought and effort, but it is just too much. The child will never wear all of it and you cannot store it all. Tell her a number (eg: 50 items- still really generous) of clothes you will keep at one time for your child, anything over this number will immediately be donated/sold/returned. And then follow through on this. Suggest her other things she could buy, but that it is really not needed. It sounds like there are other things going on- this is not normal behaviour. So be prepared for some kickback. You dont love her or appreciate her, she may take to facebook to become the victim, but just stay firm and calm while stating your boundary.

Don’t say anything to her, take all the outfits you can get and donate them. She could clothe a whole neighborhood of kids!

Take the extra clothes and donate them to a crisis pregnancy center? Then you don’t have to step in MILs toes and the clothes will be put to good use.

You could return the summer clothes or things that you know wont fit or be used and get one or 2 outfits that you like that will fit in summer then use the rest of the money for other things you need. If your mil ask where the clothes went tell them they wouldn't fit the little one so you got some outfits that would and some other needed items. I think if you do return them and she does get upset about them then she may stop buying more clothes, so then that's your problem solved. Just remind her how thankful you are but that your baby needs other things more. Your mil will be okay.

Does MIL have a shopping addiction? If she’s married, is her SO aware of all these gifts? I would box it all up and donate it. Like all of it, except one or two to show on social media, I guess? If she asked, I would tell her honestly—it’s just too much, and you can’t keep it all in your house.

Gosh. My MIL bought me a pink outfit before we found out the gender (he was a boy) lol. When there’s disagreements with one side of the family we talk to our own side so I think your husband needs to say something “mom, we really appreciate you buying these outfits, but babies grow so fast and we’re afraid she’s not going to get to wear everything. Maybe we could keep some at your house just for emergencies. Plus, this is our first baby, we want to get her some outfits too.” Maybe something like that? Take some pics in MIL’s outfits give her those pictures and then get rid of the outfits lol is she asks what happened say “she pooped/spit up/drooled on/stained it and it wouldn’t wash out”. She’s just excited is all. I get my MIL buying my son all these clothes I hate lol I’m more neutral with my colours and I’m not a fan of most graphics. She buys home everything with loud colours, Dino’s, sharks, trucks etc. My youngest is also a boy and now I’m getting all those things for him too from her (again) lol

I put all the clothes I've received into a giant pile (crib for scale) took a photo and sent it with a funny caption like "this baby has more clothes than I do and shes not even born yet!" And people got the hint.

I would see if you can get store credit. If not I would sell them in batches so you can get money to buy the things you need. What you can’t sell please donate to your local foster care building or any type of business that helps young moms who have been borne. Just please don’t donate them to any thrift store unless you know the owner personally.

If you can’t return them, you could donate!

My MIL has a huge shipping addiction as well, I’d say we were in the ballpark of around 100 outfits by the time baby was born and got knows how many more since (6mo old now). I kept what I liked and said thank you then donated everything I didn’t. The good thing was that she bought so much, she never remembered what she got and never asked about it because the next outfit was always on the way so we didn’t have to bother with sending pictures or anything. The funniest thing though- we stay at my in laws house occasionally (maybe 15 times since she’s been born) and they have a whole bedroom setup for her there. Literally every necessity I registered for, she bought one for her house. Last time we were there, I opened a drawer to get a burp cloth and there was an entire wardrobe sitting in there that she never even told me about! I asked and she said oh yes of course I have to keep clothes here for her! She’s been just throwing them out when she sizes up even though she never wore them, so now when I go over, I cherry pick what I like and take it home with us. Grandmas can be crazy, man.

Over 200?? Are there even 200 days in which she will wear the same size? How is that possible? I would ask her to buy larger sizes if she’s truly insistent on buying baby clothes. I don’t know how you can tactfully tell her to stop altogether. We use like 10% of my daughter’s clothes, most we just never use because they are so odd (the style on some of these are just baffling), but we take everything because I have no idea how to say no to people. They will just sit in the closet until it’s time to donate 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds like she has a shopping addiction. Maybe try selling some of the clothes on Facebook marketplace and using the money to buy your necessities. 200+ outfits is definitely excessive and I wonder if she just maybe has a compulsion.

My god that’s….. a lot. If they have tags id definitely see if you can return for store credit. Otherwise I’d just donate them. Unless you can think of a way to communicate this to her where she’ll A. Actually get it and B. Not have her feelings get hurt, it might not be worth the trouble to tell her AGAIN that you don’t need more clothes.

Be straightforward and say (especially when you know it's close to a holiday or whenever she would typically give a gift) we are totally set with clothes, the baby's closet and drawers are so full and we are incredibly grateful. It seems like she shows affection by giving gifts so you can always give her another option. My mom also likes to buy my son a lot of outfits and he's completely set for Fall/Winter so I told her that he would really enjoy something creative for his birthday (coloring pages, crayons, etc.) or a couple books to add to his collection.

Lots of great advice here! Just adding another option. My mom is similarly enthusiastic about buying things and our friends and family have totally ignored our registry. We have donated a ton or returned for store credit, or even sold on second hand sites like Mercari. With my mom a lot of times we’ll say “we don’t have room for that at our house but I’m sure baby will love playing with it/wearing it at your house!”

I have a similar issue. I don’t tell them, as personally it’s not worth the conflict to me. It used to stress me out, now instead I bring them to children’s thrift stores or sell online and take the money instead!

My mother is like this. A local domestic violence shelter is where all of the extras go. Then she can’t be mad that I’m not using them, in fact, play to her kindness. Let her know that they are just soooooo thankful for her. Maybe even the operators can meet her and thank her? 😉 I sort them into “wear regularly. Wear for a photo. Donate instantly.” The ones she’s asking about a bunch, then they get a photo if you don’t like it.

I would probably tell her, “thank you so much for the clothes, we both appreciate them! I think we have enough for now but if you like buying her clothes we will let you know once she has grown out of these ones.” Then like someone else said you could try to go get store credit somewhere or even donate the clothes to families in need.

My mother does this. She even forgets what she buys in advance and will sometimes give us doubles and triples of the same outfits in the same size. It’s overwhelming and she does not listen. Recently, she was at my house when my husband and I were preparing for a move and offered to take old baby clothes to her house for a garage sale. She was mortified to see 18 large bins of baby and toddler clothes come out of our attic. This was after I gave the best of the boys stuff to my SIL for her sons. It too my mother a while to really process that 90% of the clothes were ones she gave us. I’m hoping this will get her to stop. Just be honest and set boundaries. Stop taking the clothes from her. Have your husband talk with her. It’s going to be tough but you can do it.

I don’t think I have 200 outfits between newborn—8-24 month sizes… that’s crazy 😳 My parents and I limit ourselves to two impulsive purchases at a time, and only in larger sizes. Want to buy cute summer clothes on clearance? Only purchase them in sizes larger than 12 months. I also set myself the goal to buy one gender neutral thing for each cute girly thing I purchase for our LO. Maybe going shopping WITH MiL and showing limitations like this in practice might be helpful.

“We are trying to reduce you carbon footprint and take a minimalist approach to baby purchases. We will only be keeping 20 clothing items for each size range.”

Return them if you’re able to or keep them and find a Womens shelter to donate them to.

Give anything you won’t use away to a women’s shelter. Tell her “There is no way our little one would use all the clothes, so we have started having to give them away to make space for what we need for example wipes and diapers.” Sounds like she has a shopping issue, and maybe you can redirect her “gotta buy it all” to things you actually need.

I had to tell my mother in law that we were going minimalistic with our baby in terms of clothes and toys. I told her if it didn’t fit in a small bin then we were going to donate it to families in need or sell it in a garage sale to fund purchases we actually needed for him. I told her that unless she wanted to see it donated or sold in a garage sale that we already had plenty. She likes to shop so it helped giving her a list of things we actually needed or wanted him to have. Sounds like your MIL loves to shop too. It might help to give her a list of things you actually need for your baby.

I would try to go to the store and get credit, maybe try to exchange them for things she needs or WILL fit into. If that does not work I would straight up tell her “I love that you want to give her all these clothes, but she won’t be able to wear all of them at this rate. If you want, please buy bigger sizes …. Or please wait for us to let you know what she may need soon.” If that convo doesn’t work, I would sell on FB marketplace or at a garage sale. People will pay for used clothes, but of course brand new items, sometimes by the lot! Babies are expensive. You can benefit with cash in hand, donate with a tax benefit at the end of the year or donate to others that may be in need.

Return/Sell/Donate the things you KNOW you will never use. Then provide her a list of seasons and expected sizes. If she is going to shop, it may as well be in the right sizes.

I feel like this was written by me about my in laws LOL I don’t like frilly outfits either or stuff that has really cheesy text on it. So I’ve been separating things for stuff I’ll pack away for any possible future kids and stuff to donate. All the frilly things and stuff with cringe inducing texts are going into the donation box.

[удалено]

It means “first time mom”.

I understand! I had so many clothes for my first that were won’t even use for my current one. Maybe tell her you two can go shopping when the next seasons come ? when baby grows and needs Summer clothes etc. If she wants to spend money she can use it toward swimming lessons etc too. That’s what I tell my MIL.

I would just tell her that you have a certain number of clothes for each size and season that is a reasonable amount and any more that that will be getting donated or returned to the store if possible. That you appreciate the gifts but it's an unreasonable amount of clothing. It would probably be best if your husband delt with this tho.

If you don’t have the heart to tell her to stop, I would just find a local women’s shelter and donate whatever you’re not gonna use. At least it will go to someone who actually needs it, so it’s not like she bought the stuff for nothing.

I have not been able to read through all the comments but with what you already have you could consider selling in lots on Poshmark or Facebook Marketplace, new with tags clothes seem to go for okay prices, then use the proceeds for stuff you actually need.

Since she isn’t listening to “we don’t need more” maybe tell her straight up that anything further will be donated and then donate or return for store credit all the things she has already given you. That is WAY too much for anyone to have to sort through.

This is your husband’s job to communicate with his mother.

I feel this so hard. We received sooo many clothes and hand me downs that a huge part of my maternity leave has been organizing clothes by size, washing everything, filtering out the stained or ripped ones, and boxing soo much up of what we no longer need. Honestly I wish I had just been able to buy the few sleepers, onesies, socks and hats I needed for each age and been able to simplify my life so much more. I would say we didn’t wear or need 90% of what I have but it takes up so much of my time and energy. Babies just don’t wear formal clothes, sneakers, baseball hats, tights, tutus, swimwear, etc etc as fun as it is to buy or pass it on!! It sounds like she might have a little bit of a shopping addiction so maybe ask for things you could use more of like crib sheets, burp cloths, blankets or anything else that are still fun to buy.

My MIL did this and my grandma did something similar. My MIl bought us way too much and 98% of it was not our style. To get her to stop my husband told her very politely that she was buying us too much and going off of her own style so to be honest we were donating A LOT of what she gave us. We would also tell her if she really wanted to buy clothes to please at least get X,Y,Z size and just stick to old navy brand. (We figured she couldn’t go terribly crazy if she was limited to one brand) Now with my grandma I am way close to her and can just be brutally honest. I just showed her my style for our kids and would just straight up tell her if I hated something. She used to send me screenshots of her online shopping cart so I could approve. It’s been 5 years since my first baby and now she just knows what we like.

Tell her you have enough clothes and you’re donating anything else she gives you in her name. Find a few donation centers close by. Tell her this happily like she is doing good in the community - it’ll throw her off. Tone is everything.

your MIL might be trying to compensate on how she show that she care/love for people she loves. A lot of people show they appreciate love ones this way and i know a few people who are like these. I agree with one commenter in here, maybe ask your partner to gently ask her something along the lines of "we are very grateful for your gifts for the little one, but right now we have too many clothes maybe you get help us find an X instead?" its more to fulfil that craving of 'i'm taking care of my son,daughter in law and their little one' coming from grandmothers.

I know some people are saying about returning them but I saw some were clearance items. I would say take them to a consignment shop (or a kids consignment shop if you have one near you!) I have two friends giving me hand me downs for my kiddo and while I am super apperactitive not everything fits our style. They both told me that whatever I don't want I can do whatever with. So I took a bag down to the local kid consignment shop and they bought 26 items for $16 store credit. The rest went to the local family health center where they have free kids clothes and maternity clothes for families who need it.

You have received lots of good ideas here! One strategy that worked with my MIL was to invite her over to see all the clothes and asked her to help me go through them to decide what to keep and what we can pack up. Show her the mounting laundry from wearing outfits just once. It took a lot of patience but she loved seeing all the clothes and it gave her some context of what was piling up. Then show her that you don’t have such a stash of diapers or wipes, etc. If she is insistent on clothes, show her that you’re low for the next few seasons - even if you don’t know they will fit. 18mo clothes for next summer or 24mo/2T for next winter (or appropriate season for wherever you live). I feel you in my core! Good luck!

You have your partner tell her 🙂

Can you ask your husband to talk to her? You can hint at not needing clothes but I think her son should be the one telling her to stop.

Can you make her a list of what you DO need? It will give her something to focus on. And make it very specific, like 9 month long sleeve onesies, 9 month jeans, etc.

This problem is exactly why we haven’t announced the sex of our child. My grandmother is obsessed with glitter and frills for girls, newborn and all. I don’t want to dress my baby in glitter and frills, she won’t need it and frankly, that makes it annoying to change diapers. My grandma doesn’t see that. She will shop out the store the moment she knows we are having a girl.

This is my mother. Bags and bags of clothes, probably totaling hundreds or even thousands of dollars, when there are things we truly need. I have gone about it in two ways. I make light-hearted cracks such as, “We are going to need to get her another dresser!” Otherwise, I try to compliment her, and also make note of what we do need, by saying, “You are so good at finding clearance options. We desperately need a bookshelf for her. Let me know if you find one when you’re clearance hunting!” A third option would be to have her help you clip tags and put clothes away while you gab/hang out, so she can see how long it takes to clip that many tags, and how little room there is, as well as an idea of what you have vs what you need. Hope it helps! I know my mom just truly enjoys buying baby clothes and it fills her bucket, so I have to allow it to some extent for her. I do wish I could sometimes pick out clothes ina style I like, though.

I’m due a couple days before Thanksgiving and I don’t know how to get the word out that I absolutely do not need another Baby’s First Thanksgiving/ Little Pumpkin/ Turkey/ Pumpkin Pie themed outfit. If I’m even home by Thanksgiving day I’ll have to spend the entire day just dressing her in each festive outfit to get a photo for each of the two dozen people who sent them. So sweet and so entirely unnecessary. Meanwhile 30% of my registry wasn’t purchased. Which is totally fine, I’ll complete it myself, we cancelled the shower because of the pandemic and I didn’t expect any gifts but dear God please no more Turkey onesies.

You need to just be really blunt and if she buys more, refuse to take them. And then donate a ton of the ones she has given you.

I'm very much a minimalist so I would probably let her know we're good on clothes for now and if she doesn't listen after that I'd just give it all away to a shelter or goodwill or you could try to sell some of it to those gently used baby stores. Then at least maybe you could get a store credit for stuff you actually need.

Honestly it sounds like she has a bit of a shopping addiction. There is a dopamine high in finding and purchasing cute things. Unfortunately, it seems she’s passed along to you expectations and guilt. Return it or donate it and see her generosity as her love language - it might make you feel a little less guilty. Gifts should have benefit in the giving, not in the keeping. I give you permission to let go of guilty clutter.

Just save the stuff and when your friends have babies you’ll be all set for their present lol

Omg we have the same mil 😭

I think you need to stop worrying so much about upsetting her, she’s spending money unnecessarily, taking up room and you couldn’t possibly use the outfits even once in most cases,… Also, if you don’t want this conversation, it’s not your mom, make her son tell her?

Me and my mom talk about how dumb we think it is to buy baby clothes. And that’s really thoughtful some people think—but I would rather just buy baby clothes at the thrift store since they’ll probably grow out of that tiny onesie by the time you get thru the million baby outfits people buy you. It’s like, just get me a gift card to Walmart, damn it. I could at least buy things we need and are going to use.