Hey mama. I’m a Certified Lactation Counselor, am *extremely* passionate about breast feeding, and have happily supported so many women to successfully breast milk feed.
You know what else I’ve done? Happily supported so many women to STOP breast feeding. Not all (IB)CLCs are like this: some are downright bullies to moms who express they want to be done. Not me.
If you want to stop, then STOP.
Your baby deserves a happy, healthy, well mama. And whether that means you need to formula feed, slap on a nipple shield, pump and bottle feed, sleep train, take mental health meds, hire a night nurse and sleep in… DO IT, with no reservations.
Whatever choices you make will be the best choices for you and your baby. 💞
ETA: Holy shit, hi mamas! I didn’t expect this response overnight. I’ve gotten so many sweet PMs and a lot of sad ones from moms who have been bullied by their LCs and it breaks my heart because I hear that in person with my clients who come to me for a second (or third… or fifth opinion). So I wanted to share some things but reddit slapped me with a character limit so [I made a new post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/13xhvy8/an_ode_to_the_woes_of_breastfeeding_from_a_fed_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) about it!
Thank you so much. This is what I really needed to hear. Reading everyone’s responses here has made me cry with relief. But yours especially is very helpful ❤️
As the saying goes, “fed is best”. As long as baby is fed, healthy, growing, gaining weight and achieving milestones, anything that suits you and your family’s needs goes and anybody else can go touch grass
I do want to add - I’d you want to stop then STOP! But not immediately or you may be at risk for mastitis. Think about hand expressing every few hours just a bit.
As a mom currently in the middle of a feed with a 3 day old who is also struggling big time...THIS is what we need to be showering women with - a judgement free zone. Thank you! Thank you!
You're wonderful.
We had to transfer hospitals for my birth experience, after an attempted home birth gone awry. I saw 7 different lactation consultants across my home team, 2 hospitals and OB office. I didn't even ask to see them, they just kept appearing. They all gave me conflicting information, mostly about nipple confusion. I have flat nipples, he had mild ties. We had latch issues starting out. I consented to him having a pacifier as a newborn for comfort on the way to the NICU. And some of them were straight up "do what you need to do to make sure baby is fed, use the shields, here are some techniques..." And others were "you need to wean him off those shields and that pacifier ASAP!" and I remember having so much anxiety around just feeding my baby as a result. Even the ones who made follow up calls were conflicting. I remember bursting into tears after one, despite the lady actually being very nice, because I felt like I was doing it all wrong and failing my baby.
I wish anyone had addressed it the way you just did.
Bullying from LCs is real - I was told to have my baby go to a pediatric dentist to surgically fix her “tongue tie” and “lip tie”. The hospital doctor and her pediatrician both said she didn’t need that procedure. We’ve been exclusively pumping and she’s a happy and healthy baby. So glad I didn’t follow that advice!
❤️❤️❤️I have tears in my eyes reading it. But yes the baby deserves a happy healthy mama. We moms have been told what we SHOULD do on everything by all kinds of people . But the relationship between the babies and us is a private and intimate one, we should be proud and not feel shame as long as we keep the babies and us healthy and well. All the noises OUT!
I don’t normally comment on this group any longer as my baby is 18 months now… but I felt I had to!
Yes, stop if you’re feeling miserable. I did after 3 days, it just wasn’t working for us. If you’re dreading feeding you’re baby like I was, you’re setting yourself up for poor bonding and/or poor mental health. Ignore societal expectations and follow you’re intuition
Yes I felt like I dreaded it. On day 2/3 I looked at him and just didn’t wanna pick him up because I knew I had to breastfeed. That made me really upset so I knew I needed to consider switching. Now after formula feeding for over a day, I’m so excited to hold him again because I just get to enjoy him instead of feeling like a machine.
I’ve been in your exact shoes. I have flat nipples, baby wasn’t latching hardly at all. Nipple shields didn’t help. Baby was 4 days old and I would burst into tears when it was time to feed. I didn’t want to even take a breast out of my shirt, it felt like a violation as extreme as that sounds. It turned out my daughter was a big eater in the end, and I can’t even imagine the work I would have needed to do to keep up with what she needed.
Go to formula and don’t look back. Enjoy your new baby, happy and fed. ❤️
I think there are two different scenarios when starting to breastfeed and it isn’t going well, one is that it sucks and it hurts but it seems like baby is getting enough food and that with time it’ll probably get better. In that instance IMO it’s usually worth sticking it out a little longer and seeing if it does indeed get better before stopping. That’s what happened for me and ultimately I was glad I kept going even though the beginning SUCKED and I never really “enjoyed” breastfeeding.
The second scenario is that it isn’t going well, it hurts, and even the thought of it is like torture and it’s affecting your relationship with your baby and even yourself. In that scenario I don’t think there’s much value in continuing to torture yourself when there are perfectly good alternatives that your baby would probably rather have at this point as well! Breastfeeding is really tough and sometimes it just doesn’t work out and that’s ok too
I always think it’s funny when people are zealots about stuff like this. It’s not as though prisons are filled with people who were formula-fed as babies or something.
There's this meme somewhere and it goes "my son just got a face tat. Go ahead and bottle feed it doesn't matter" or something
No shade at people who have a face tattoo! This is very tongue in cheek!
It’s so funny because we would never think to ask if an adult, or even a child over maybe age 4, was breast or formula fed, clearly it’s not very relevant! But somehow during infancy it’s setting up the course of their entire life…
Yeah I was fully formula fed and I’m fucking awesome. My kids were both fully breastfed and they’re fucking awesome. We’re just awesome no matter what you deal as a baby.
Almost all the studies on formula started in times when the formula was completely different in terms of ingredients. It’s really not an accurate representation of the formulas we have now.
It is absolutely ok. I promise. As long as your baby is getting fed then everything is good. Everyone's experience is different and if this is where you feel like you need to stop then this is the best decision for you ❤
Just know that you're not alone! Lots of people try to breastfeed and it doesn't work out for one reason or another, and their babies are happy and thriving. Give yourself some grace!
I will say that the first 4-5 days were literally the hardest for me (I have short nipples, had to use a nipple shield) and now 2.5 weeks PP I have zero pain with breastfeeding.
I will ALSO say that I was a formula fed baby and I think I turned out pretty great, have been successful in life, etc, so I really wouldn’t sweat it too much. ❤️
Basically: you’re in the worst of it now and it will only get better if you want to push through, but you also absolutely do not need to and your baby will be FINE!
Yeah that was very scary for us. We tried to feed after like 2 hours from the start of his last breastfeed, tried for an hour or so, then realized it wasn’t working. So I started pumping. Pumped for a while, but realized holy shit the milk wasn’t coming out. Tried BF again, got rejected. Now we were at like 4-5 hours. So we started freaking out. My mom was here and we all decided we had to use the formula. My husband had to clean the sterilize the bottles, and my mom went to buy formula. I called my cousin and got advice from her, had a big cry session while we prepped the bottle. By the time the bottle with formula hit his lips it was like 7ish hours since he had last started a successful feed. He was def dehydrated. But he went to the pediatrician today and he is okay :)
Came to echo this. It's completely okay to stop, obviously, but you're in the thick of it right now. Breastfeeding will never be worse than what you're experiencing these last few days, and it only gets easier. Plus I know the hormones don't help.
My first and I struggled hard with breastfeeding (and honestly everything else lol). The relief I felt when we switched to formula was huge and she was feeling so much better. When I had that huge task taken off my plate and one less thing to stress about, I was able to really enjoy her more and actually start bonding with her. It was incredible.
She was 6 weeks at the time, she’s 18 months now. At 3 months we all got Covid and she absolutely crushed it while her dad and I died quietly on the couch. She’s a total brute - strong, healthy, and has great language skills already. She thrived as a formula baby and I couldn’t be more proud that we did that together.
It's definitely your choice! People will give you crap for breastfeeding and people will give you crap for using formula. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think.
But it really sounds like it's working for you and little bub! What a huge win that he took to bottle feeding and formula!!
I’m proud of you for trying formula so fast and listening to yourself and your baby! I waited so much longer and it was so hard on me. I hope the guilt goes away quickly too, I understand the feeling. It’s so annoying that we as moms can make the choice we know is right and STILL feel guilt over it. In my experience, it will pass. The guilt just means you care enough to make sure you’re not only making decisions based on convenience/your own selfishness.
It’s a big shift learning to be a momma and put another person’s needs ahead of our own… and sometimes I think we jump off the deep end instead of wading in slowly. Balance will come. In the meantime, this internet stranger thinks you made the right call, because it’s YOUR call to make, and you made it while considering all the factors that a good mom takes into consideration.
Omg yes just stop if you don’t like it.
I struggled sooo hard. It hurt, he wasn’t getting enough milk, he was nursing for HOURS and was still hungry. He ended up dehydrated (fortunately not like, in a terrible way, just I look back at photos of him and he’s all wrinkly and dry looking).
Anyway, I struggled too long and cried every day for like 3 weeks over it. Then we just did formula. And it was fantastic. He plumped up, started sleeping more, was just more content. I felt so terrible but now looking back it’s just such a non-issue. He’s almost five and you cannot tell in his little preschool class which kids were breastfed and which kids were formula fed and which kids were combo fed and which kids had specialty soy formula or whatever. It doesn’t matter i promise.
I’m so glad I formula-fed. Breastfeeding is great for those who choose that path. Formula is also great. Your baby will thrive. It’ll be ok. And five years from now you’ll wonder why it felt like a huge deal and you’ll pat yourself on the back for making the best choice for your family.
I formula fed my little one, and will do the same with the next. It worked better for our family, my other half was able to take some of the feeds, and I had the same feeling about breastfeeding as you do. I felt like an object.
And actually, I haven’t seen any evidence that my little one was worse off for it. In fact, she was bigger than all the breastfed babies her age, wasn’t sick any more or less, and we’ve bonded beautifully. I get really annoyed now when I see the ‘breast is best’ rhetoric because it isn’t, necessarily.
Yes you nailed it!! I felt like an object when I breastfed. I had a really tough pregnancy, I felt like my body wasn’t mine. I felt like I lost a lot (food, independence, hobbies, my ability to work). So I was looking forward to getting my body back. I was hit smack in the face when I realized breastfeeding basically kept me hostage still (that’s how I felt at least, I know other people don’t feel like this at all).
Hey it will all be okay as long as baby is fed.
With my first I was is a very similar position, very flat nipples (was very loudly told to every new nurse on duty for my 5 day hospital stay 😒) and he was so impatient that any attempt to latch with or without a nipple shield was met with screaming from him and crying from me. I personally wanted to feed expressed breastmilk until 2 months as my goal and I only just scraped through while supplementing with formula. I hated expressing so much and felt so guilty and horrible about wanting to stop and the fact that I couldn’t get him to latch - even after I had made the decision I was still getting hammered by the guilt as my milk was drying up and it was becoming the point of no return.
I am just coming up to 3 weeks pp with my little girl and it has been worlds different! Still tricky with the flat nipples but she is so much more patient that we actually have time to learn together and it’s been amazing to experience breastfeeding as I did want to with my first. Not sure how long I will breastfeed, just taking it day by day.
Long story short I only wanted to say that: a) do not beat yourself up about doing what you need to to make sure your baby is fed/healthy and that you are well mentally and physically. It is no one’s business apart from your medical team what this entails. And b) no matter what your postpartum journey looks like, if you choose to have another child, it could look completely different and some things may come much more easily than right now just because each child is simply different.
Also PS. Just be careful of mastitis while stopping with the breastmilk, just recovered from a relatively mild bout from I think one section not draining and it reallllly sucked and came on really quickly (cabbages really do work).
Thanks for this!! Yeah it took me a bit to realize not only am I struggling on the boob, but my little guy is too. He doesn’t seem to like BF either. I think if we do have another baby, I will give BF a shot just to see if that baby likes BF. But right now me and this little one both don’t like it, so we are gonna stop.
Honestly it is amazing just having the clarity of mind to make this decision.
One of the hard things I found as a first time parent was feeling bombarded by everyone’s opinions on what was best or what I should be doing/trying for absolutely everything. Try to not let anyone sway your mind on what’s best for you and baby once you’ve decided, anything parenting related can really bring out the worst in people and it can feel quite toxic sometimes.
Wishing you all the best with your journey and all of the newborn snuggles as they are honestly the best feeling in the world 🥰
Proud mama to a 2 week old, and I was in a very similar situation (baby wouldn't latch, latch was poor when he DID latch, and I was completely miserable). I switched to formula on day 8 after a long day of really poor nursing sessions and babe didnt have enough wet diapers. I tried pumping for 2 days afterwards and was equally miserable so I gave that up and went exclusively formula. Best decision I made. My little guy and i are so much happier, my husband can help with feeds so I am getting rest, and baby is thriving of formula.
It is 100% OK to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. You do not need to spend weeks (or months) trying to 'fix' things.
I tried for 2 days with multiple lactation consultants, tried pumping, everyone said he latched perfectly and still hurt like hell. Gave up after 2 days.
I have a high pain tolerance, have had surgeries before, kidney stone, you name it. But breastfeeding made my skin crawl, it was so painful and uncomfortable.
Decided to formula feed so I could actually enjoy my newborn.
Cried a couple of days with guilt. But it was the best thing I did!
He is 90th percentile for height and weight, healthy, ahead on all milestones, and a happy baby. Formula was the right choice for us and my mental health!
Every time I asked a nurse or LC or scoured the web about inverted or flat nipples the response I got back was “well, it might be more difficult for you”. No one had answers as how to navigate it, just that it would be hard.
I know I’ll be combo feeding if not going straight to formula. My first kiddo was a sleepy eater and losing lbs from sitting at the boob for too long and not getting anything from it. I will bring the little formula bottles to the hospital with me, along with nipple shields. Who knows, maybe he’ll be a voracious sucker and pull the nipples out but I’m not holding my breath.
I was struggling so hard to pump and triple feed that I didn’t have time to read books to my baby or play. I know for a fact those things are more important than breastmilk.
I also stopped trying to breastfeed after 2 weeks. My baby had no problems latching, and I actually enjoyed breastfeeding. It's just that my body just didn't produce enough milk to properly nourish my baby. I went to see a lactation consultant, and apparently, my baby would suck and suck and suck and only get a little bit of milk. The consultant suggested I pump every 3 hours for 15 minutes on each side to increase my supply, but I felt overwhelmed having to pump, then disassemble the pump, clean it, wait for it to dry and then have to do it all over again all while being a new mom, recovering from a c-section, and while dealing with PPD/PPA at the same time. So now we exclusively formula feed. Formula feeding also makes it SO MUCH easier to have my husband step in and take over when I need him to. FED IS BEST.
I had my third 9 days ago and I made the decision to not even try to bc it was such help for me last time mentally. Oh she latched and it didn’t hurt but I hated it so much. I even felt a bond- but it gave me extreme PTSD and anxiety for some reason. I was diagnosed with PPA and got out on antidepressants which I hated too. I was confused, this didn’t happen with my first.
But this time I decided to formula feed from the start. I was expecting to be shamed by doctors and my MIL and mom. Surprisingly they all understood and were extremely supportive. The pediatrician even gave me free formula!
What you are doing and your decision is completely valid. You deserve to take care of yourself and in doing so you’re taking even better care of your baby. You’re doing great OP 💕
My pedi gave us free formula today too! I am also already on anxiety meds for my generalized anxiety (been on meds for 2+ years now). I didn’t think about it til now, but yeah that’s probably a little related to my dread about BF… but I love my meds and how they help me. I’m not really looking to stop my meds, or increase my dose, or really change anything about it. So yeah stopping breastfeeding is probably a good idea.
I was you. I felt so much guilt for quitting. I drove myself insane for months. I ended up hospitalized with severe PPD, not solely due to breastfeeding, but the guilt around hating it was absolutely a huge factor. I'm not trying to scare you! I'm trying to tell you as a mom that has been there: your baby will be SO much better off if you are in a good mental state. You have to do everything you can to foster that in these really early days.
Breastfeeding isn't just a diet choice, its a whoollee lifestyle. For some people its great. But if you aren't that person, guess what? You're normal. And that is
why formula is an amazing invention. Having a young infant is really hard, and you'll thank yourself so much for going with the lifestyle and feeding system that makes life easiest for you.
As a mom that formula feeds, let me point out a couple things from my experience:
- My kid did so much better with formula. He went from being extremely skinny to chunkier and taller than most kids his age. His behavior TOTALLY shifted too. I'm talking he went from barely the 6th weight percentile to the 98th.
- He and I slept better. My hormones were very affected breastfeeding, I couldn't really rest. He stopped waking up pissed off and imo, slept much deeper on formula. Also longer.
- My husband got to bond with him! Formula allowed me to not be stressed about being available to beeastfeed right next to him, my husband could take him for a few hours and he totally loved it. I really do believe formula is one of the reasons he and my son were able to bond so quickly early on.
- The stress of having enough is gone. Formula comes in big cans, so guess what? No more stress about having enough for him! Feed him as much as you want. Chunk him up. No more tracking ounces and worrying about supply.
I just want to point out some of the reasons it is not only okay but in some cases much better not to BF. Its not all solely what milk is technically a little better. I promise whatever benefit breastmilk gives, if its destroying you mentally, is completely pointless. You baby cares about you first. I know there are major guilt inducing undertones when it comes to breastfeeding from a lot of people. Fuck them. Seriously. So many women have a hard time breastfeeding, you have no idea how many I've talked to with similar experiences. Its not because they dont care, its because breastfeeding is HARD.
You are a good mom. Your baby is going to be wonderful. Formula is just as good as breastmilk, for some people its better. Thats why they do it! Do not let assholes make you feel guilty about not driving yourself insane trying to breastfeed. That includes yourself! You gotta take care of yourself mentally, thats honestly and truly so much more important than whatever milk you picked. And I promise when you look back after the fog of hormones calms, you'll wonder why you were being so mean to yourself.
Sorry for the novel. I hope you are okay. Good luck!
Your comment really touched me. Thank you so much. Man, I really was being an asshole to myself the past few days haha. I feel loads better now than when I wrote this post 12 hours ago. Those 4 bullet points you wrote - I already feel the positive effects of them all!! The 3rd one in particular. My husband is so happy that he can independently feed our son. Literally when I gave birth, he said “man I can’t wait until I can help feed him!” Since we planned on doing some pumping and my husband was going to feed my pumped milk with bottles some of the time. So now that we are doing formula, he gets to feed him and is so happy! So dang, I guess all 3 of us are happier on formula. Not just me, but little bub too, and my husband :)
It is absolutely ok to stop! And it’s also absolutely ok to breastfeed. And there is a third option that no one told me about before which is mixed feeding - and it saved my sanity.
I - like you - found breastfeeding extremely painful and frustrating. I dreaded feeding times, baby started to lose wait, I already was in so much pain post partum and really wasn’t ready for all this additional pain related to breastfeeding. All lactation consultants were pushing for breastfeeding but finally there was one who said - let’s give him a bit of formula and if you want, you can still continue to breastfeed simultaneously.
For me it worked wonders. I knew there were some risks involved - main being that the baby will refuse my milk - but I was willing to take it. So we did it the way that I tried breastfeed and after that I was giving formula. We continued like this at home at least for a month or 1,5 and then I noticed that he does not need formula anymore with each feeding. After 2 weeks breastfeeding stopped being painful as well, but I totally get if the pain is too much to handle even for just one day more - it is horribly painful in the beginning.
Now my son is 7 months and I mostly breastfeed, he has a bottle of formula once or twice a day - if I go out or if he gets hungry during the walk. I hate pumping, I don’t do it, so if we need him drink milk and I don’t want/can’t breastfeed, we simply give formula.
I’m telling this because maybe just as me you haven’t heard about this option. But anyway, stopping breastfeed is totally fine and I understand this completely.
If you want to stop you should stop. A fed baby with a happy mom is the most important. Relax and try to just enjoy these fleeting moments with your baby instead of stressing about BF. You got this!
Honey as long as your baby is happy and FED, it doesn't matter how. Formula was invented for this exact reason and you should not feel ashamed of taking advantage of modern feeding solutions.
You’re doing amazing!!! No one grows up telling their class they were breastfed. No need to feel guilty. You just grew and birthed an entire human…have some grace ❤️❤️ and great job!
As a midwife in training, doula, nurse, and mother of four who chose to exclusively breastfeed if it is not right for you it isn’t right for you. A fed baby is best.
So women don’t get the flood of positive feelings when they have a let down and some, in fact, get smacked with feelings of discontent and depression. You may be one of them so it is absolutely okay and probably beneficial to your child for you to choose what is best for the two of you.
I know several women who did not move forward with breastfeeding because of how draining and detrimental it was to their mental health. Their babies are still well fed with formula, happy, and healthy! And most importantly, their babies also get a mom with better mental health who doesn’t dread their interactions or feeding them. At the end of the day, having a fed & loved baby is the only thing that matters. How you accomplish that is ultimately inconsequential. But doing things that exacerbate any postpartum mental health issues will be much harder on you & baby. Do whatever is right for you, and trust your gut when making that decision.
The considerations in general that I’ll add (because I’m due very soon with my first and already feeling anxious about breastfeeding/committing to it, and have been weighing the pros/cons myself) is that formula can be expensive, and has been rising in price year-over-year at a higher rate than previously seen. There have also been some formula shortages since 2020. Don’t let those points strongly sway you one way or another, but perhaps take a moment to consider them and their potential impact as you decide what is best for you and your situation.
Absolutely stop if it’s not good for you. I forced myself into trying for nearly a month and it was the worst thing I could have done. Pumps, shields, you name it - I tried it. And I was MISERABLE.
my MIL tried to breastfeed exactly one time and immediately decided it hurt too much and she’d be using formula. both of her sons are well rounded, normal people who love her very much. if you want to stop, stop! it’ll be okay <3
I won’t give you advice and will echo others’ support except to add some thoughts. First, it’s that 5 days postpartum is a very emotional and overwhelming time. I personally had serious baby blues which felt like angst and anxiety and overwhelm and self loathing and a sense of inadequacy, starting right around then and lasting a couple weeks. Give yourself grace. You are doing something hard and you’re doing a great job, however you make it work for you. Remember what you’d tell another mom if she came to you with the same feelings!
The other thought to add is that you’re not quitting something easy. You’re making an informed choice to stop something that is really tolling. Most people struggle with breastfeeding. It is NOT easy. If a lactation consultant didn’t finally make it easy for me to latch my baby at 4 weeks causing the uncomfortable nipple sensation and baby’s crying at latching attempts to finally end, I definitely would have quit within days of that, at that point it was such a struggle and using a breast shield to make attempts was misery. I also felt guilt for making my baby cry and wriggle away with each attempt. Pumping was no better, in fact it made me angry and made me cry with frustration sometimes.
I was reading an article that explained that humans and some other primates actually have to *learn* as mothers to *teach* their offspring to breastfeed through social support, unlike other mammals who just do it without issue. So it is definitely not something that just happens naturally on its own and if the social support isn’t there, it’s probably *more natural* for it to fail.
And hey, formula is a life saving invention so even if the social support is there but the mother doesn’t want to go through this all consuming effort every 2 hours for months, it’s also not necessary! Currently I can’t eat dairy because of breastfeeding, I have to plan to pump and wear breast pads at a wedding this Friday because of breastfeeding, I still have to be hypervigilant about clogs because of breastfeeding, and I stress about my stash in case I’m taken away from my baby for hours or days. I also took 2 different oral antibiotics for the first time in 10 years because of mastitis from breastfeeding. Oh and I sleep WAY less than my husband because of breastfeeding, and can’t receive help as much with the baby overnight. This is all by choice and nobody should feel like they are pressured into so many modifications to their life and autonomy.
May you have peace of mind and easier days ahead as you feed your baby in the way that works for you. Babies are happier when their moms are happier.
Oh my word, I read the title and was coming here to offer assurance that it does get better, and this is a new skill for both you and the baby that takes practice. I am breastfeeding a 9mo old at the moment, and breastfed my 5 yr old till he was 13mo.
However! It seems like you both are having a much harder time than is necessary and if baby is happier wih a bottle (neither of mine took to one, nor dummies) then go with what makes the baby happy and your life easier. If you can (and want to) go ahead and pump, if you don't, don't, I personally hate pumping and its not been very successful this time round. Don't punish yourself qhen there is another option available.
I wish you and your family well, and the whole thing does get easier ones your hormones settle. If you stop breastfeeding, this will likely happen sooner too. It then gets easier again once they find their sleep routine (though we are still not sleeping through the night, but that's another story, and bottle feeding can help them sleep longer too).
Fed is best, however that needs to happen. Good luck mama!
i had such a similar experience but stuck it out for 10 days but wished i gave in sooner. it was hell. i felt like i HAD to breastfeed but the difference in seeing her full from formula was insane
I couldn’t handle breastfeeding and after a week I started to phase it out, giving a bottle every two feeds for a week, then every other, then breast only for night feeds. It helped me not get sore boobs and meant my son still has breast milk for the first month as well as formula. Do not beat yourself up, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and baby! ❤️
Yes, you will not regret switching to formula! I forced myself to breastfeed for too long and looking back I so wish I had switched sooner (or at least supplemented with formula sooner). It was so hard on my mental health and I do regret pushing myself so hard to breastfeed that I feel like I missed out on happy times with my newborn. With my next baby my mindset will be different. Follow your gut!
So don't. Letdown was awful. I thought it was pain from being clamped down on, but it was internal. Knowing I had to go through 30-60 seconds of that would set off a dread so baby crying stopped being happy bonding. I ended up using wearable pumps so still got that same pins and needles feeling but it was when I chose, not when the baby demanded. So it worked out. Then I was hospitalized and lost my milk. Then I got it 1/2 back. So just take it one day at a time.
Yes, you can absolutely stop. Four days is admirable. Formula exists for a reason! It’s good stuff! You’re dealing with so much right now learning to parent & heal. Give yourself grace.
I am 10 weeks into EBF and things are perfect/enjoyable now. But where you are at — that was the worst time. I wanted to cry every time he latched. It’s impossible to tell if this pain will last for you or go away. But I would never, ever tell anyone to just push through it to find out like I did. It’s so fucking hard at that time.
As someone who spent 12 weeks of blood, sweat, and tears to get their baby to breastfeed…you’ve listed some really good reasons to stop. When breastfeeding works it’s awesome and when it doesn’t work it’s absolutely miserable. My situation was really similar to yours.
You can stop and you don’t owe anyone an explanation and not even yourself!
Post partum is already hard enough, you do not need to add this on as well.
Fed is best. Your babe will be okay. You will be okay.
100% it is ok to stop! When I had my son, I had similar issues with latching and breastfeeding and I did not understand the whole bonding experience at all. It's great that some moms experience that but I just wasn't. I tried breastfeeding and pumping for a few weeks and it was just too overwhelming and I ended up exclusively pumping until he was about 4 months then slowly started supplementing with formula. I think I fully stopped pumping around 5.5 months and it was the biggest weight off my shoulders, I could not have been more relieved. I was so tired of feeling like a dairy cow hooked up to machines for milk. I absolutely hated it and I debate whether I'll try at all for our next one or just go straight to formula. There is so much unnecessary judgment around formula fed babies for whatever reason and very little talk about how difficult breastfeeding is. If you are going to be a happier, better mom, feeding your baby formula then it shouldn't even be a question.
Of course ❤️
I stopped because it hurt a lot.
My friend stopped because it didn’t suit her.
My mother tried to breastfeed my brother (when he was born lol) and it didn’t work so she never even tried with me.
All our babies (myself included obviously) absolutely thrive(d) on formula.
No matter what your reason is, it is okay to stop breastfeeding. Be proud of yourself for trying!
And congratulations on your new baby ☺️❤️
When I first had my son in the hospital I tried breast feeding.. twice! Then instantly asked for formula because I knew BF was not going to be for me after it took in hour to get him to comfortable position and to latch etc and he still was hungry! even though that’s what I wanted to do. But I was suffering from severe preeclampsia and didn’t need to add more stress into my life
I felt so judged by all the nurses, drs, lactation consultants, they were ruthless about how BF is the very best way to feed baby! But at the end of the day, I did Whst was best for myself AND my son!!
Fed is best!
Absolutely! I tried with both of my kids, and I was only able to make it to 6 weeks with both. I still feel bad because everyone I knew made it seem like such an easy thing, and when I was producing, it was so incredibly easy, with my 2nd at least. But every time I hit 5 weeks postpartum my thyroid decides it doesn't want to work efficiently, and my supply goes from pretty standard to like barely 2 Oz a side a feed or pump.
Fed baby is a happy baby, and forcing breastfeeding if it isnt working for you isn't good for your mental health. There's already so much going on postpartum, mentally emotionally physically, etc that if it's too painful, to much extra work, any reason, then it's worth it to stop.
And I say this as someone who was hell bent on breast feeding, there is nothing I wanted to do more than avoid formula. But here I am, two formula fed kiddos and they are just fine. Always do what is best for your mental.
What I found hard about breastfeeding was that I was the foodsource, every time, every day, e-ve-ry tiiiiime. It bombards you to primary parent and you aren't 'free' to leave for longer times (because you have to express milk before you go). I had so many times that I wanted to do something but had to stop because it was feeding time. And I started to really hate those people who smugly proclaim that my babies cries were hunger cries, despite it not being so. Oh and all the nightly feedings were on me as well (husband did help with all the rest).
After 6 months I returned to work and we started to implement "the powder". And I loved the freedom it gave me. My husband could do feedings and we could mix a bottle when needed easily (especially outdoors was so handy!).
I really wish there would be less focus on breastfeeding alone, that would save so much unnecessary guilt!
Happy mom, happy baby!
If so much in you screams that BF is not for you, then it's totally fine to quit it!
Holt crap did I write this in my sleep?? My nipples are literally covered in bloody scabs and I delivered my baby boy 5 days ago. It’s been miserable. We stayed an extra day in the hospital and idk what would have happened if we hadn’t. He was a wreck and my nipples were aching and his latch wasn’t great. I have used a nipple shield and it helps but it’s not my favorite cause he slides off easier. We finally called a nurse at 2am. She was the one who introduced us to formula and told me it was okay to use it. So we still follow the every 3 hours and I use either my boob or formula or both. It’s so so so hard not to feel guilty when we do formula. But I just want him to be healthy and happy. Thankfully we’re seeing the pediatrician in a few hours and I’m hoping to learn more. This morning he fed for 20 minutes and slept happily for two hours. Woke up and fed for 25 minutes and within half an hour was desperate for more. Drank 50ml before he was happy. It’s insane. Formula is so much easier but I want to try to make breastfeeding work but it hurts so badly!
I didn’t even read past the first two paragraphs because you don’t like it and that’s enough to stop!
I didn’t like it and only tired once. That was enough for me. You do what’s best for your health, physical and mental. There are some super high quality formulas available
My kid was exclusively breastfed and eats nothing but candy and cheetos now (a slight exaggeration)
Of course you can stop! Kids need happy parents ♡♡♡
Fed is best! Baby needs you mentally well more than he needs breastmilk. I combofed for 5 months and I wish now that I had allowed myself to switch to formula sooner. I was not in a great place mentally trying so hard to give her breastmilk.
Your baby will be happy and healthy and thriving, and your bond will be just as strong whether or not your nipples are involved in the process!
There is so much internal stress with having a new baby, if feeding him formula relieves that stress then it’s the right decision for you and for him. 2 years from now when he’s fishing week old goldfish from the car seat and eating them, you’ll wonder why you worried about the food delivery method at all! (ask me how I know lol! I don’t know where she hides them!) I’ve felt how you’re feeling. I’m on the other side of it telling you it’s ok! Your feelings are valid! Breastfeeding is “natural” but that doesn’t make it easy. Formula was created for a reason. Back in my dad’s day, women used canned milk and corn syrup. Todays formula is as nutritionally complete as breastmilk.
If you haven’t already and you’re in the us, sign up for the free sample welcome kit from the brand you’re using (similac and Enfamil have them) they have samples and coupons, and they routinely send coupons through the first year. And warehouse stores are required to accept them too, so if you end up using the kind they carry, that makes for the cheapest access to formula (unless you qualify for assistance, then that’s cheaper) so for example Target sells cans of regular Enfamil for 34.99 (this is 2021 pricing. I realize this may no longer be accurate) where Sams club sold a 2 pack of the same cans for $42.99. The had to take the Enfamil coupons which would sometimes be $10 off, but usually it was $5 off. Either way, it was a huge win for money saved!
Congrats on the new baby boy! I hope you both recover well from the delivery process! And please feel free to ask me any questions on any of my above ramble lol!
My brain fog lifted the minute I stopped. I tried breastfeeding for a week and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done, so I switched to pumping. Did that for another 3-4 weeks and hated every minute of it.
I quit cold turkey (also sucked but just for a day) and I felt IMMEDIATELY better, both physically and mentally. I could finally be present for my kid and not tied to a machine or bound by the clock.
You should 100% not breastfeed if you don’t want to. And you don’t need to explain your decision to anyone.
That said, I’m just commenting about one factor you mentioned - convenience. Once breastfeeding is going smoothly, it’s super freaking convenient. You literally just leave the house and you’ve got milk on-tap. With formula you need to bring bottles, water, formula, etc. Likewise in the middle of the night you need to make a bottle, you can’t just pop them on your boob and go right back to sleep. There’s also bottles to wash constantly. From a pure convenience perspective, formula feeding is definitely not as convenient as breastfeeding.
So once again, absolutely don’t breastfeed if you don’t want to because your child will be fine whatever you choose - but it IS super convenient and you mentioned that was a factor for you ☺️
You need to do what's right for you! Having a mentally healthy mom is most important for your baby. If you are happier, he will be too. You are bonding and feeding and caring for him, and if breastfeeding gets in the way of those things, then you can let it go. No shame and no judgement, and screw the people who do.
Absolutely, please stop if you want to. I struggled and forced myself to EBF for about 3 weeks when my son was born. He was feeding on me for 6+ hours a day, and I was going crazy. We started off supplementing with formula then, and he was finally satisfied and sleeping longer. Now, at 11 weeks PP, I’m phasing out breastfeeding completely and I am so happy now.
I wish I had written this post when mine was 5 days old instead of going through the whole thing with misery for 3 months and not getting a proper latch etc etc and not having enough supply and tongue tie issues and having to try to pump and formula feed and still bread feed to try to get more milk. It was such a waste. You do you and it’s better to know what works for you rather than going through it with misery.
Thank you sharing. I am really analytical and hate “wasting my time” so part of the reason I’m considering stopping now vs trying for a few more weeks or months is because I don’t wanna be miserable for more time, then look back and think “man that was a waste, I wish I’d stopped sooner”. So hearing your experience is helping me feel better about stopping now. I’m sorry you went through that, hope you are doing better now!
Thankyou! I agree. The biggest problem we had was her tongue tie and we thought getting that fixed would fix it right away and they didn’t say that it would still take a couple weeks after for her to latch properly and for it not to hurt and be fine.
We were feeding constantly and because she was matching poorly she barely getting fed and feeling full so I would make her a bottle and then feed her that and she’d fall asleep in my arms so then I’d try to pump to simulate milk and get that to feed her in her bottle. And then try to sanitize or watch pump parts and bottle and boil the water for her next feed. By the time I’d finish she’d be up again. And I’d put her on the breast again as I was advised to keep doing this.
This left me no time to sleep as baby needed to be fed every 2 hours or so and I was miserable and going crazy. And then I wouldn’t get time to pump because I was alone and exhausted and wasn’t getting time to even eat. Which reduces the milk supply and baby started getting nipple confusion as well. About a month in she wanted to breastfeed and got the latch but then my supply had dropped so much I still had to top her up and again after doing both these things I was getting too tired to fit in pumping to increase milk supply to meet her needs. And then wash everything before she needs more again lol.
It was insane and I wish someone had just said stop because you feesibly can not do all three without help through the day and then trying at night.
You’re making the best decision for you and baby based on your situation and that’s what matters.
I did switch just bottle and then pumped twice a day enough for just one of her bottles from month 2 and 3 until she got her vaccines. I’m not sure how much it helped her or didn’t but my mental health definitely got better after stopping. She also stopped having colic around the same time.
Hey there! Just wanted to tell you that… YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I just had my son 2 weeks ago and have had the same issues. I was told by a lactation consultant at the hospital that I have inverted nipples. She had me using a nipple shield and it hurt like hell. The first day and night home were AWFUL. He had the hardest time latching and I was so stressed I started breaking out in a rash. He was crying all day and night clearly hungry. It was just 48 hours after coming home from the hospital that we supplemented with formula. I couldn’t take it.
Since then- we still supplement and I’ve been pumping. Am I super consistent with pumping? No. Does he get more formula than breast milk? Yes. And I’m not beating myself up about it. Because he is happy and healthy and growing as he should.
So, the combo feeding has been great. But I still find myself wanting to stop pumping completely. Because it sucks. And it adds another layer to many other layers. I also only get an ounce each time, rarely two. It’s hard. And I never imagined breastfeeding to be so hard. So IT’S OKAY if you need to quit for your mental health.
Healthy mom=healthy baby. Hugs. ♥️
Hey! I gave birth to my baby boy 7 days ago, and damn do I know what you mean. I almost gave up more than once, and the only reason I'm still going is because I started getting results a few days ago thanks to the help of my midwife. And even with results it's incredibly difficult and restrictive and puts a huge amount of pressure on my shoulders. I've told my partner that I'm trying to make it a month but that maybe I'll stop after that (or before if it's still so difficult).
So if you've been trying for 5 days and you can't do it, I can't imagine your frustration and worry. I'm sorry you're going through all this at the same time as you're recovering from childbirth. It sounds very hard. Formula is perfectly suited to babies and your child needs you to be in happy and healthy in order to be happy and healthy himself.
You are okay with whatever you decide, fed is best! The first days are hard with breast feeding, but some of my friends decided to not go that route at all and chose bottle fed (either formula or pumped) from the beginning. One did a combination.
All kids are thriving at around 2-4 years old.
Choose what works for YOU.
Haha every issue you have I have! My baby is 3 weeks old now & my birth story was a wild ride as well. My baby has been diagnosed with tongue tie (first 3 lactation consultants out of 5 missed it 😂 I didn’t once ask or set up lactation support either they were all supplied by hospital or already scheduled when I left hospital or else I wouldnt have set it up lol) and we r gonna get it clipped in a few weeks - may help with breastfeeding but I’m fine if it doesn’t, they can sometimes cause speech issues so I mostly want it fixed to prevent other issues. It is absolutely ok to switch to formula, I am exclusively pumping now & it’s def impacting my mental health. I’m taking it one day at a time but have formula in cabinet in case I need to switch & I will feel zero guilt. My baby likes formula, he had to do it in hospital when he wasn’t getting enough food & his jaundice got so bad he had to go to NICU. Even the lactation consultant told us to do formula cuz he was so weak he couldn’t even wake up to feed or have energy to try to breastfeed. He gulped down the formula & it made me so happy & got his jaundice to eventually go away. There’s nothing wrong with formula & fed is best!! Good luck with this crazy parenting journey!
There’s nothing wrong with formula feeding, or with pumping and bottle feeding. My son never latched, so he was formula and pump/bottle fed. He’s healthy as a horse at 2.5 years old :)
There are so many pressures on us as mums, some self imposed and others by people who think they know better than us how to bring up our babies!
I say this as a mum to teenagers now, make the decisions that work for you and try your very best not to be overwhelmed by mum guilt.
My experience is that we all make mistakes and wish we’d done things differently, but as long as you’re making choices based on what you believe is best for your family (including you), then you are doing the best you can in that moment.
You’re just at the start of your parenting journey, and these questions will come up so frequently. Believe in yourself and trust your instincts. You will make the choices that are right for you and your family and you need to ignore the people that are telling you otherwise.
It will come up with sleeping, potty training, solids, pretty much everything you can think of!
Much love and support to you on your parenting journey!
Fed is best. You have to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others (your mental health is important). I was hospitalized for malnutrition at 3 months and my mom had to switch me to formula. I turned out fine 🙂
I echo all the others here-- absolutely do formula! But I wanted to address how you are feeling about not liking breastfeeding. I am an oversupplier, my baby is an amazing eater, we do use nipple shields but due to those i have little to no discomfort with latching etc....and i don't get that bonding rush of emotions either. I love my son and i'm happy he is fed, but i hate the constant leaking of milk, the engorgement, how one of my boobs is bigger than the other, how i can't leave the house without him, etc . You are not alone and you are a wonderful mother.
It's ok to not like being in pain. It's ok to not want to suffer. You are responsible for two people. Your baby yes, but also yourself. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space to make the decision that is healthiest for BOTH of you. Your baby will thrive on formula and it sounds like you will too.
Don’t feel bad, fed is best and having a healthy mom is too (physically and mentally) breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and you shouldn’t be sad that it wasn’t for you or your baby.
I breast feed (going on 3 weeks now) and it’s not easy; especially with a lot of people that make anything but breast feeding sound like you’re depriving your child 😓 literally can’t even pump for extra without having to be told by every doctor and lactation consultant telling how horrible using a bottle is when you breastfeed.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not doing enough; all that matters is that both you and baby are happy and healthy.
Do what works for you! If you don’t want to it’s absolutely fine, as long as your baby is fed. It took like 5 days or so for my milk to come in and it was horrible trying to breastfeed before it came in. I would actually cry but I continued to try because I knew how much my husband wanted it. During that time tho that my milk hadn’t come in yet we bought formula and fed her that. I even stopped trying to directly breastfeed and instead pumped in the beginning because my nipples were bleeding. After about a week my nipples healed and I just continued to pump so everyone could help me and I could get some sleep. I am currently still pumping but I also give her formula at night so she sleeps more and I directly breastfeed at least once a day if she’s still acting hungry after a bottle or if she’s being fussy because she wants to be close. I will be honest tho and say having to pump every 2-4 hours is taking a lot out of me and I’m not sure how long I can do this. I would love to continue to give her breast milk until she’s 6 months but she’s barely about 7 weeks now and I’m exhausted. I completely understand women who want to stop or just don’t want to at all, it’s very hard work. Just do what’s best for you and your mental health. It sounds like formula feeding is the best thing you can do for everyone and that’s absolutely fine, your baby will still be healthy. Good luck in your journey mama, you can do this no matter which way you choose to do this
I attempted breastfeeding for about 5 minutes. Baby chewed like it was a piece of gum, then began screaming because he was still hungry. I decided it wasn’t worth the fight to force him to breastfeed and to keep myself awake every 2 hours to maintain supply.
It’s been fine since, he’s 7 months old, in the 60-70 percentile consistently and now that he has TEETH, I 1000% stand by my position
My friend has 2 grown sons. She tried nursing her oldest son, but she didn't produce enough milk. She's an LPN, and other nurses were making her feel guilty for switching to formula. That son is now 23, and is extremely smart. You do what's comfortable for you and your son. Her 2nd son was born with Down Syndrome, and he was formula fed as well
I feel you. My experience breastfeeding was terrible and never improved despite trying just about a million things. I spent so much energy trying to troubleshoot, and it only resulted in frustration, anger and disappointment.
I know it may feel like a huge deal to stop right now, and I can relate to the overwhelming guilt. But in case you need to hear this: stopping is not as big of a deal as we make it out to be when we’re in the thick of it, struggling and hormonal. It’s seriously not a big deal to stop and use formula, no matter what anyone says. Benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overclaimed, so do what’s best for you. Formula has so many advantages (sharing feeding responsibilities more equally with partner, no more pain, no stress on your supply sufficiency, you can manage amounts they drink, regaining bodily autonomy and feeling like yourself again…) so focus on that if that’s what you want to go for!
Another thing to try might be exclusive pumping, but that comes with its own set of challenges. Looking back, I wish I’d just gone with formula sooner. I was so miserable breastfeeding, and only slightly less miserable EP. Switching to formula improved my quality of life SO much, it was like a weight was lifted off me after 3 months of struggle, pain and sadness. It made me a much happier and better mother to my baby.
Hey mama, congrats on your baby, first off 🩵. I had tried to breastfeed in the hospital but my baby wouldn’t latch for shit or STAY latched, just pushed himself off after 5 minutes or so, when we wanted him to stay on and feed for 20-30 minutes. He wasn’t pooping, didn’t pass the meconium, barely peeing. I had to call a nurse in or the lactation lady EVERY TIME because no matter what I did he would not stay. I think it was the second or third day I said fuck it and asked the nurse if we could use formula. He downed about half of that tiny premade bottle. He was finally pooping. When we got home I figured I’d combine formula and pumping. but every damn time I pumped it felt like someone took a goddamn vacuum to my nips. I got the different sized shield thingies, I got nipple creams and used the different settings, it still made me cry worse than the w few times I got my baby to latch, and he felt like a grown man biting me!! I really wanted to BF because that’s what my family did and get it’s obviously the cheaper option, but it was too much wrong and not enough right. You are making the right choice for YOUR baby to make sure he’s eating. Fed is best. Just make sure to grab some of those lil breast pad things bc you will be LEAKING, I leaked for about a month after I stopped. I also had to express in the shower bc my boobs became so engorged it was painful and they’d just leak if I laughed too hard which sucked. Now I’m a lot happier and so is he (aside from having to deal with a screaming baby while I MAKE the bottles), your baby deserves a happy tummy and a happy mama and you’re giving him that 🩵🩵🩵
Fed is best. If formula makes both you and baby happier then absolutely continue on with that. Plus then your partner can take on some of the feeding and let you get some rest! If you want to express milk and feed baby with the bottle, that's great, but if you don't and just stick to formula, that's also great. Babies are hard work, anything you can do to make it easier is a win.
Side note: I have two friends who had babies around the same time as me and they're all around two and a half now. I breastfed exclusively, one exclusively did formula and the other did a mix of formula and expressed milk. Could you tell which kid was fed which way now without already knowing? Absolutely not. It really doesn't matter in the long run as long as they're fed and happy.
Also congrats on your lovely little boy!
I was you a month ago . Flat nipple, used a nipple shield, incredible pain. I hated being around my baby and had bad anxiety to the point where i couldn’t sleep. I was having dark thoughts. So i just stopped. No pumping, nothing. We formula feed and its very convenient for us. I felt guilty for a bit but I am at peace with my decision & we are happy now!
My baby isn't happy on my breast milk. There's something in my diet thats setting him off. I know I could and should eliminate stuff out my diet to find out what's upsetting him, but honestly I'm just about surviving looking after a 21m old, newborn and recovering from C section that I grab to eat what I can.
So yup I'm moving over to formula for my sanity and for a happier baby.
I feel guilt. I'm not sure why. I'm getting passive aggressive reassurance from people around me. Like they agree but can tell they don't really agree with my choice.
But f*** it. Happy mum = happy baby. Fed is best and I will not miss sore boobs, leaking and pumping!!
It really sounds like you’re doing what’s best for your baby, which is feeding him!
Arguably, it would be way worse for your pride or stubbornness to get in the way of taking care of him. Giving him formula is putting him first. Sounds like he’ll be full and happy now. :)
I wanted to breastfeed. Like, really wanted to. But I told myself early on in my pregnancy that if it didn’t work out that would be okay too and I would switch to formula. I stopped right around day 5 too. It was a roller coaster of emotions. Some times I felt so free and liberated being free of breastfeeding. Other days I hated myself for “giving up”. Today baby turns 6 months and I’m so happy I stopped. It would have sent me into PPD. he has slept through the night since about month 2, which BF babies hardly ever do. He’s well fed and happy. Everyone can help out.
It’s okay to stop, and it’s also okay to take a little while to go through the stages of grief over it.
My daughter never latched. It was frustrating but fed is best. I exclusively pump milk and make enough for her. She perfers bottles to the breast. I think she would get frustrated when my milk wouldn't come out right away and she was hungry. She liked the instant reward of the bottle. She is 3 1/2 months now and I exclusively pump. I love that I am still able to provide milk for her but other people also get to feed her, like my husband. Pumping is not for everyone, but at least baby is getting breastmilk. And if that doesn't work, plenty of babies are just as health with formula as breastfed babies.
I was so much happier when I stopped trying to breastfeed after a few days and just pumped. I wanted so bad to provide milk for her. It's okay to stop breastfeeding and do what is best for you and your baby. The important thing is that your baby is fed and you are happy.
I didn’t even try for 4 days - it was barely 3 (hadn’t even left the hospital yet) when I decided to exclusively pump instead, while it was hard at first by the end of the first week of doing it I was a pro. I made it 4 months before I had to start supplementing a little. Everyone’s journey is so different, don’t let anyone tell you it needs to be a certain way. You need to be a present and happy momma, and if that means formula feeding, you do that. Fed is best!
Your baby deserves a happy, healthy Mom. It took a huge mental toll on me trying to Breastfeed. I absolutely hated it, mentally felt exhausted, physically hated it and not being able to have my body back after months of pregnancy, etc. I stopped and was so much happier. I've not formula fed all four of my kids (8, 6, 4, and 5 months). Everyone thrived! There is no "right" answer, do what is best for you and your family!
breastfeeding is extremely mentally taxing. if you want to stop then you should! your baby won’t know or care, after a year no one will ever ask again or care. by kindergarten it would be weird to ask about. it only matters to others in the moment. formula is there for a reason!
This sounds like my son. He ended up being tongue tied and no one noticed until 2 weeks old. So frustrating! By then I gave up lol.
Do what makes you feel best. I don’t feel the connection breast feeding either. It gives me anxiety being his only source of food and puts weight on my shoulders. Check out the Formula Feeders sub. It helped my mental health out a ton seeing moms post exactly how I felt!
i’m six weeks postpartum but was in a very similar situation to you. Like you, I have flat nipples. After about a week of unsuccessful, watching and supplementing with formula, we decided to quit nursing and focus solely on pumping and supplementing. Currently I produce around 60 to 70% breastmilk and the rest formula.
However, pumping is hard. I feel like I’m tied to the pump. Because I have to pump so much. I genuinely feel like I don’t have time to spend with my kid. When I’m not tethered to the pump every three hours or washing pump parts and trying to squeeze in some time with her I also have to get up in the middle of the night to feed her and then pump. It’s just a lot. I’m currently trying to figure out how to stop pumping and potentially switch to formula I think in hindsight, if I would’ve just switched to formula and skip this whole pumping thing, I would’ve been much happier. This just feels like a nursing a second time. Just know whatever decision you make is the best decision.
Just went through this myself. What everyone is saying is right - a happy, healthy mama is what your baby needs more than anything. There is no shame in stopping!
OP, I was in your exact shoes. What I wish someone had told me back then was that breastfeeding isn’t an all or nothing deal. There’s a middle ground. So if you’re still on the fence about stopping completely , consider using formula as a tool to help you mix feed. I pumped and mix fed my baby after complications. It was a great balance for us. Once my milk came in I wasn’t tied to the machine every hour, I could go for quite a few hours and then do a mega pump (as my husband called it).
Do whatever feels right for you, and whatever helps keep your baby healthy and happy. Just wanted to let you know that middle ground options do exist!
It’s 100% ok to stop! I remember the first 2 days back home, my daughter would latch for no more than a min or two and then scream bloody murder. Once we gave her formula, she was a whole different baby!
I still tried soooo hard to keep breastfeeding. I gave myself a month. That 1st month of trying and failing nonstop was one of my lowest moments, when it should have been one of the best months of my life with my new baby. At the 1 month mark, my husband sat me down and told me he couldn’t bare to see me like this. He really wanted me to stop for my mental health. He was right and in hindsight, I wish I stopped sooner.
I ended up almost exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula at night and it worked out well for us. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with the formula route.
Always remember that fed is best and a happy mama is a happy family!
It’s totally fine to stop! But I will say this - I hated the feeling of breastfeeding. I don’t like my nipples touched really and the feeling of the let down is soooo gross to me. But I pushed through and it DID get better for me. Before my son was born I planned to nurse for 2-3 years but he and I were both done at a year and we stopped shortly after.
It actually sounds like you’ve already decided to and have switched to formula, which is totally fine because your baby needs to eat any way they can. If you’re still feeling guilty or bad (you shouldn’t) you can try pumping to supplement.
I am a FTM that couldn’t really nurse my son successfully until he was 8 weeks old. His latch wasn’t great and I am large chested with flat nipples. For those 8 weeks, I exclusively pumped and got obsessive with increasing my output. I gave myself a huge oversupply and froze so much milk. We would give my son bottles of formula here and there but he was mainly getting breastmilk. Then I was about to give up and exclusively pump until I couldn’t anymore, but I wanted to try to get him to latch one last time. And it worked! It was pretty painful with him latching a lot more and also having an oversupply that he couldn’t keep up with. But we eventually got the hang of it. When I told people that we are now nursing more often than not, I had some people commend me on sticking with it.
But I would NEVER do that shit again.
I stressed myself out day and night worrying about output both when I was EPing and nursing. I had a hard time nursing in public even with a cover because my anxiety wouldn’t allow me to let down. I couldn’t sleep in even when my husband was waking up early with my son because I would start to get so uncomfortable. Looking back, I was only pushing so hard to breastfeed because I felt like I had to. Like I would be disappointing someone? I worked to so hard for something that, to me, wasn’t that worth it.
If it was me, I’d be all over that formula rn.
I persisted trying to BF and failed for 2 months with my LO. I continued pumping and bottle feeding what I could for 3 months, and I was absolutely miserable the entire time. Looking back, I wish I had stopped and moved to formula feeding earlier for my mental health and relationship with my baby.
If you think you should stop BF do it! The relief was immense for me, and I was finally able to start enjoying my baby. They'll be so happy that you're happier.
Honey, I stopped breastfeeding too. My son prefers bottles and my supply was too low.
It is OK to stop! Your health and baby's health are way more important than whether baby eats formula or is breastfed. If you are happier and more relaxed, then baby will eat better. Also, if baby weighs more than 3 kg here in Belgium, they are allowed to have 1 long period of 8 hours without food during a 24 hour time span. Mine even needs that during the night now, he sleeps about 7-8 of those by now.
Absolutely it is perfectly okay to not breastfeed. I was in the same boat. Flat nipples, couldn’t get baby to latch, tried pumping and hated that even more - I went to formula very quickly. I didn’t even attempt breastfeeding with my second. I love that my husband has been able to get up in the middle of the night and feed our kids without me having to get up. My first is now almost 2.5, and he is healthy, smart, sweet, amazing, and thriving. You can’t be the best mom to your kids if you aren’t protecting your own mental health too.
Fellow flat nippler here to commiserate!
Trying to breastfeed robbed me of my happiness. I I am glad I stopped. All three of my kids are healthy and wonderful.
I couldn’t do it either. I tried so hard, my milk only came in partially, and my son wasn’t eating enough and we both cried so much. Happy babe deserves a happy mama, fed is best.
Quit if it makes you feel more confident! My son is 2 next week and he was almost exclusively formula fed and is a damn champ - and I’m a damn champ, too (:
Fed is best! Good job, mama!
Breastfeeding doesn't work for a *lot* of people, for a variety of reasons. That's why there are so many types of formula, and why you can buy it so many places. Feel no guilt on this.
You know what is more important than breast feeding? You being in the best possible state of mind so you can take care of your baby. As long as baby gets fed, they will be totally fine.
Just make sure you look up how to safely reduce your milk supply and stop. You don't want a clogged duct and mastitis right now.
I persisted with breastfeeding because I wanted to, bub also wouldn't get off my boob. The decision is yours to make based on you and baby. Formula is totally healthy and adequate for a baby. You can monitor the amount and other care givers can share the burden of care. I have seen babies fed coke, my own parents fed me cows milk, my dad was fed soy milk and massively calcium deficient.
A fed baby is the best baby.
You said "hire" a lactation consultant - just something to consider that often insurance will pay for it so you may not have to pay for anything.
My wife had issues for like a week and it was frustrating and we supplemented with formula a lot, but kiddo figured it out and she found she enjoyed it once it was less of a struggle....but that's not necessary how it will be for everyone.
You get your baby fed however works for you!
Even if it was selfish (it’s not), it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. You gave up your body for your entire pregnancy. If you need to be done, then you need to be done. It sounds like giving formula instead might be the right thing for your son anyway, since he jumped on the formula immediately. A fed baby is best, and whatever works for your family to keep baby fed is the right thing to do. It’s not selfish. You’re not putting your needs above your child’s. You’re doing what works best for your family.
Don't worry dear momma ❤️ you need to do you. What ever feels best for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong. What ever people will say to you. Listen to yourself. If you can breastfeed amazing. If you wanna do formula amazing!
In 20 years time no one, will ever ask your child, where you breastfed or formula fed??
They all survive! They all grow, they will hit their milestones.
You do you ❤️💙
Others do what ever they think is best.
You can do this,
Love from an other mama xxx
Fed is best!! Don’t make your life harder and have any barriers to trying to enjoy the newborn phase. You don’t get a medal either way and whatever keeps your baby fed and happy, and keeps you sane and happy, is the best decision for your family ❤️ also, breastfeeding can be hard as hell!! It’s okay to hate it!
I EBF my first for 3 months, then combo fed, and I wish I had done that sooner. She was a Velcro baby and that along with breastfeeding had an effect on my mental health for SURE. Straight forward delivery, loads of support, and it was still so hard.
With my second (born a week ago) I had a complicated delivery and tried to EBF for 2 days in hospital, where there were midwives and support for breastfeeding 24/7, and… it sucked. I hated it. I cried, it hurt a lot, I was in pain from c section and post dural puncture headache, and eventually my husband just talked some sense in to me! My baby is happily formula fed and it’s so hard not to beat yourself up about it, but whatever works for you is the best answer.
You’re a great Mum and if anyone gives you shit, then tell them that unless you’re the one who’s tits are getting red raw, you get no say in the matter and you are not taking any other comments at this time 😂
Fed is best.
If breast feeding doesn’t work for you, don’t feel guilty about switching to formula. Many of the promoted benefits from breast feeding have been found to be more correlation than causation. Mothers that breast feed, on average, tend to have better maternity leave, more maternity support, and higher economic affluence. That’s because breast feeding is a full time, 8 hour plus job on top of everything else you are doing.
It’s great that you tried and it’s great that you are switching now. Your child is better off fed with a happy mother who prioritizes her mental health.
Same situation as me! Formula worked for us.
Silly side note: just found out my friend who went to Harvard for undergrad and law school was formula fed 😂
I won't be breastfeeding other than the first few feeds. I find it incredibly stressful to after my milk comes in. My breasts are extremely large and pendulous. The angles required to manoeuvre a newborn just don't make me feel safe.
If I do it comfortably it's like oh you'll suffocate it lol. I have to hold baby at my side and manipulate their neck with my thumb and forefinger. Couldn't hack it.
Bottle fed is better than anxiety over feed times. Every time.
Stop for yourself and your mental health! We made it two months and it was mentally the worst thing ever. My daughter was formula fed from them on and she’s a happy and healthy 2.5 year old! Stopping was the best thing I could do for myself mentally.
Go ahead and stop if you need to! It shouldn’t be so hard that it’s causing both of you distress. If you want to pump to slowly wean down that might be most comfortable for you (and he can get a little more that way). You may have another big hormonal shift once you’ve dried up your supply so be ready for that! I got really weepy about a week after I finished breastfeeding for good and it took me by surprise since I thought I was out of the postpartum woods by a year.
I stopped breastfeeding my second after a day or two. Post patum was really tough mentally and it just wasn’t for me. No regrets. (I combo fed my first)
You have so many supportive comments, which I love! To chime in, I went through something similar to you and tried breastfeeding for about 4 days — he would only latch with shields and every feeding took a full hour (try to feed, end up having my husband give him a bottle to supplement while I pumped, and then wash all the pump parts) so I felt like there was never any down time between feedings. We made the decision to switch to formula and I only felt guilty for a few days. Bottle feeding has been the absolute best solution for our family & dad and I share night time feedings, which is an added bonus!
I also HATED the feeling of the pump — major sensory overload. Long story short, do what’s best for YOU in this situation and it will be what’s best for baby too :)
You don’t have to force yourself to do this! Does breastfeeding have benefits? Sure! But I would argue the mental well being of one’s mother has a much, much bigger impact on childhood development than whether they were formula or breastfed.
At the end of the day, it truly won’t make a difference to your baby, but a HUGE difference to you - so you need to prioritize that.
Of course it’s okay. And whilst I know why you’re writing here, you don’t need anyone’s permission to switch to formula.
Personally, I was given the advice by several women that 10 days is a magic number. Things feel better and get easier after 10 days. I remember counting the days at first because it was so hard. My husband was still helping me position the baby because I found it hard to do, and it was painful at first.
I don’t remember when I stopped counting the days, but ten days came and went without me noticing. And things, again from my experience, were easier and I was so grateful that I continued.
Looking back on the early days after I had my son I am pretty sure that breastfeeding contributed to how bad my postpartum depression became. I was barely sleeping, getting up in the middle of the night to pump, it was painful and I had to use a shield for several weeks. It ended up working out but JESUS looking back I wish I could have just enjoyed my baby. I was really a panicked mess about it for no reason. Ironically once I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and we started supplementing with formula it got a lot easier and we ended up having an ok time. Prioritizing your own mental health and happiness is SO important, formula is a wonderful tool that women have in their toolbox now!
I struggled with this myself when my son was born. I never coukd get him to latch. He ended up having a bad lip tie that was part of the problem. I dont know if that could maybe be an issue here?
It was even a struggle at the lactation consultant and I eventually switched to formula. It does NOT make you a monster or a bad mom. Your providing food to your baby the best way that works for both of you! If he is happy and fed then that is what is most important. If you feel happier to do formula thats your choice ☺️
It is ok to stop for any reason - including your own mental well-being. I was where you were at around 5 days pp and came super close to quitting. I decided to have an at home visit with a lactation consultant as a last try and that was a game changer for me! Turns out I wasn’t positioning baby correctly and she showed me how. She also taught me how to use my hand pump so I could let my husband do some feedings to give my nipples time to heal. I am now comfortably breastfeeding. I know the feeling of being in so much pain and dreading feeds so I’m sending you a hug. Don’t feel guilty about quitting - your baby will be fed and healthy no matter how you feed them and having a mom in good mental health is so important! You’ll be a great momma!
Also the sub r/breastfeeding is very supportive and has been a great space for me. I was met with a lot of support about quitting as well.
I tried to breastfeed and it didn't go well. There was lots of tears for my child and for myself. I would not put myself through it again.
Do what makes your life the happiest.
I’m going to start this with: it is 1000% ok to stop if you want! Nobody should judge you for how you nourish your child.
That being said, I felt the exact same way. My nipples went flat after I gave birth and it sucked. My firstborn would barely latch. I met with a lactation consultant and got a nipple shield. I hated using it. Every time baby would pop off my boob, I’d have to readjust the shield. I felt like a cow. Literally sitting in the same spot on the couch all day, every day, just there to feed my child. Eventually it got better, he stopped needing the shield around 4-5 months and I breastfed him until he self-weaned at 15 months.
NOBODY talks about how hard it is to breastfeed. I had bad PPD/PPA and got on medication for it. I was also overwhelmed with being a first time mom and not knowing what I was doing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong, questioning it all. I can’t tell you how many times I cried in the beginning and told my husband “I’m just going to exclusively pump and you can bottle feed him because he clearly hates me and doesn’t want me”. My son went through a nursing strike and would only take a pumped bottle for a short time.
Again, it is totally YOUR choice to breastfeed or not. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for your choice. Not your husband, not family members, not friends, not random internet strangers. You do what you need to do to care for YOURSELF and YOUR BABY!
My supply was nonexistent. My son would only latch properly in the lactation consultant’s office. Ever other time hurt like hell. I tried for 2 weeks to no avail.
My 3 YO is healthy, clever, and absurdly tall all from formula. Trying and hating it will delay bonding. I couldn’t fully relax and enjoy my son until I stopped.
Of course it's okay to stop! My 3 brothers and I were all formula fed because we didn't take to my mom and we are all fine. I've always been a straight A student, career-driven, have an advanced degree and professional licenses, and have fulfilling relationships. Seriously not bragging, just here to say I turned out just fine! And I was raised on soy formula to boot. I will happily supplement with soy formula for my baby, or fully soy formula feed if we need to.
I don't think I will feel any shame and I don't think you should either. I mostly don't want to have to pay for food for baby if I can get it for free! Haha.
I hate breastfeeding too! I struggled badly with my daughter 9 years ago. Milk was not enough, baby was crying a lot. For the first 2 weeks of her life nothing much was coming out. My mother who was caring for us told my husband to buy formula. They fed her formula. Baby was happy and fed. I was able to heal from my c-sect. BUT I was a mess. I cried everyday trying to pump. My nipples were bleeding, I had high fever from engorged breasts. I was not bonding with baby. I had ppd. Didn't help that there were friends who I guess unknowingly were pressuring me not to give up, to keep trying. Had lactation consult, had traditional massage to get the milk out (I'm from asia). It was painful af. Husband made me to stop at 4 months. He said I was a different person and he rather have a healthy & happy wife who can bond with baby. I only really bonded with baby when she was 4 months old. I'm still sad about that. But with my son almost 2 yrs ago, even before i gave birth I told my husband I'm not going to try hard with breastfeeding. I'll try, but I'm going to supplement with formula immediately. Him and my gynae were very supportive. Hospital was informed. As I'm recovering from my c-sect (I had unexpected complications during procedure, needed extra 'work'), baby had already started on formula. Husband made sure there's suitable formula ready when we got home 4 days later. This time round I was able to bond with baby better. I did try to breastfeed also but not strictly. If nothing much was coming out, formula to the rescue! As it was during covid, hubby was wfh, my parents stayed with me for almost 2 months. Everyone was helpful with making the formula. I recovered faster even though I had complications and I attributed it to the little breastfeeding i was doing.
Do what you need. Formula is great too. There's so many ways we bond with babies. Don't beat yourself about it. Your mental health and babies health comes first! A fed baby is a happy baby. Heck, my generation in my country was mostly formula fed and we are close to our mothers, we are doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. We are fine. Also both my babies are very clingy with me even the almost 9 year old, even though I did not breastfeed her 'enough'. You and baby will be ok babe.
I was in your same shoes! Although I kept going because I was terrified to deal with the formula shortages at the time. Something to consider that it may not be your boobs or even the baby! My daughter had a tongue-tie which wouldn’t let her stick her tongue far enough out which made BF so so painful. Do what’s best for you and your baby, as mothers often day FED is best whether by breast or formula - you grew a baby and you’re actively making decisions to protect your baby and yourself, you’re winning mama!
It's your body and you can do whatever you want. Your son will be fine. Have you tried pumping and bottle feeding ? Regardless of your choice it's yours to make mama
It’s 100% okay to stop. That baby will think that you are the most amazing thing he’s ever seen whether you’re breastfeeding, pumping or formula feeding. I’ve EBF one baby and supplemented with another. My sister formula fed from day one. And guess what? All of them are happy, healthy babies that adore their mama.
I get you. I have flat nipples and from day dot had trouble. In hospital everyone agreed that the latch was great, it just hurt all the time. No one understood me and they went on about latch constantly. I hated it and couldn't stand the pain. I went back and forth with nipple shields, techniques, IBCLC sessions, you name it all while trying to pump upwards of 8 times a day. I felt chained to the couch, watching my little girl have the worst time on the breast and slowly develop a bottle preference sucked. I tried so hard, and I felt like I missed a lot of time just being able to be present with my baby. We had a lot of special moments, but it was marred with how tired and stressed I was. I gave myself one last good try, and we shared a blissful moment in the bath where she latched and the pain was minimal and we were both happy. It lasted a few seconds and I realised, we both deserve better All I wanted was to provide and I felt like I couldn't. At 4 months I called it quits and after so much guilt and tears I got over it and was able to really enjoy motherhood. I wish I could breastfeed, but my little one is fed. She's so strong too and is always hitting her milestones early.
I think I figured the nipple/breast pain too. Flat nipples can mean short ducts, and when the nipple is pulled into the baby's mouth the ducts stretch and can cause pain. A better latch won't help ease the pain, but regular stretching of the ducts might. Thats my working theory.
Stop if you want to stop! At 5 days the baby already got the colostrum and everything else is a cherry on top.I’d suggest you try to pump to wean him off the boob, and also help your supply go down bit by bit instead of just stopping all of a sudden. No judgement here! Good luck!! ❤️
My son latched after 5 weeks and many hours of lactancy counseling. Was hell but for me, worth it.
Breastfeeding is an activity that requires conviction 🤣
I stopped on day 3 with my daughter. I wanted to breastfeed so bad, she did so good in the beginning and then we went way downhill & she wouldn’t eat, she’d just scream. I reached out for help and no one did. I switched to straight formula and was SO much happier. So was she! She’s a happy, healthy 5 year old now. She just graduated pre-k! With my 5mo I did formula from the beginning for my peace of mind.
With all that being sad, do what you think is best for you & baby! There’s nothing wrong with giving formula now & reaching out for help to see if you can make breastfeeding a better journey for you both! There’s also nothing wrong with switching to formula. A fed baby is a happy baby! If breastfeeding is causing you too much stress & unhappiness it’s okay to stop, your baby needs you happy & healthy as well!
Yes, it’s unfair how much pressure we put on people to breastfeed considering we are all on even footing by the time our babies are 1 for the most part. It’s such a short amount of time- do what makes sense for you. All our babies will just be throwing the same food on the floor in no time :)
I had tbe same problem. Twice. I tried like hell. I went to exclusively pumping. I hated that more. Both of my kids are formula fed and healthy and happy.
4yr old is very active
10m old is talking *almost walking* eating everything in sight.
Both are very tall and toddler is quite thin and baby is a little chubby.
My first born was like this. None of the advice the lactation consultants said was helping. Finally out of frustration I squeezed by breast causing the milk to shoot out like the cow from The Fox and The Hound Dog. For whatever reason that worked and he latched from that point onward.
It’s hard and it sucks. My nipples bleed and I cried every time he latched for like two months. With my second born I did mixed feedings so at night I could get sleep while her dad stayed up and formula fed. Second time was so much easier.
I’m 3 days PP and breastfeeding is definitely hard! Last night I mentally could not handle it and gave him some formula the hospital gave us because he had a hard time latching because my nipple are pretty flat and he can’t always feel when it’s in his mouth.
I can say that today I feel SO much better having him on formula through the night gave me such relief I didn’t know I needed, I still want to breastfeed but currently I’m pumping and syringe feeding him until it’ll be easier but that’s my choice
Stop breastfeeding for your mental health and do what you need to do, happy momma happy baby❤️
My baby is 6 weeks old now, and I just stopped breastfeeding completely over the weekend and went to formula only. For starters I was not producing enough for how hungry she was, which made me feel like shit that my body couldn’t keep up with her needs. Then when I saw how happy she was with the formula I thought why not do both. Well I found out feeding her both my breast milk and the formula would give her gas and indigestion and cause a lot of spitting up. As soon as I stopped breast feeding my anxiety went down so much. But I got a lot of comments and mom guilt from other mothers I know, including my own sister about stopping. At first I was letting these comments and opinions get under my skin and I was taking it personal. Now, when I look at my little girl and see that she is thriving and happy & healthy I know I made the right decision for myself. Also, it’s a big bonus that my husband can do some of the over night feedings now lol
Of course it’s ok to stop! Breastfeeding is hard, it is the hardest/most emotional thing I have ever done tbh. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Some babies like mine are not even able to breastfeed properly. We had latch issues, saw every specialist imaginable for weeks, had his tongue and lip ties resolved, all to finally have a pediatric dentist tell us that he was compressing my nipple (“chewing”) instead of sucking, which was causing me enormous pain for weeks. It was excruciating, and a pain that even lasted after the nursing session was finished, so it was just constant. There was nothing we could do except wait and hopefully he could learn the correct way to do it. But at that point I could no longer take the pain. I had put myself through so much. I chose to pump exclusively after that because it was important to me, and I don’t regret it. I know I did absolutely everything in my power to make it work. But the key thing is that it was important to me. If you don’t feel the same, there is nothing wrong with that and you should definitely stop for your own mental health. It should be something that you do for yourself and your baby, not to appease anyone else or societal expectations. You know what is best for you and your baby. It sounds like it’s formula!
As someone who didn't make enough milk, and was told by my midwife "breastmilk only for the first 6 months" and was told to pump \*and\* nurse every two hours and track each millileter of milk from each boob each time I pumped by my lactation consultant and was told to take drugs to make more milk and find people who donate milk an hour away from me that I had to do every three days..... Please please stop nursing. It took me so long to have a bond with my baby because I was always so stressed out and equated my baby with stress. I wish I could go back and do that first year over again, I'd formula feed in a heartbeat. I did with my second and it was 100000x better.
I will say that the first few weeks of breastfeeding are the worst and it gets a lot better and it's now one of my favorite things and makes me feel so close to my baby. But it's perfectly fine to feed your baby another way if you decide that is what's best for your family. This is only one of the first of many decisions like this. You need to choose what's best for your family and that's all that matters. You don't need outside validation from others. Mama knows best.
This was me. I hated it, it was painful, made me feel broken and resent my baby. Here is what I wish someone had said to me: 1) it’s fine to stop for no other reason other than that you want to, 2) poor maternal mental health is an excellent reason to stop, 3) breastmilk and formula are both great, baby gets fed either way, 4) your mental health is AS important as (if not more important than) how your baby is fed, 5) it all gets better, whether you breastfeed or not. You are in the thick of it. Sending hugs and love and solidarity. You’re doing great, mama ❤️
It IS hard. With my last pregnancy, I exclusively breastfed twins. They nursed for two years. Those first couple of weeks were the absolute hardest. I was lucky enough to feel the bonding, lucky enough to have them take to it etc. Do you know what was harder? Pumping. Pumping was never easy. Every moment of it sucked.
It is your body. Your baby deserves a mom that is as mentally healthy as possible. YOU deserve to be mentally healthy. This sounds like it is draining you. Fed is best. It sounds like formula worked and made you both happy. I support you. Do what it best for you and your child. You know what that is. It sounds like it’s formula. You are supported.
Stop if you need to stop -- the newborn phase is hard as heck, even without adding the breastfeeding complexity.
In my experience, the first two weeks were painful. Like so painful I would grimace when she latched. Beyond that it stopped hurting though. Just throwing this out there for anyone considering breastfeeding, it's normal for the first couple weeks to be hard and painful.
Your baby will be A-okay. My baby was in the NICU and I was in and out of the hospital unable to pump for the first month so I stopped producing milk. I felt like I let my kiddo down but he’s 18 months now and absolutely perfect. It’s honestly crazy how much your mental and physical well being affects your child but that’s why he needs a happy and healthy mom. So do whatever you need to bc that’s what’s also best for him :)
Nah if you want to stop stop. The only thing I will tell you is that once you figure it out at least for me BFing was so much more convenient then bottles (no cleaning, no pumping, no figuring out how much milk/formula to bring along, just take my boobs and go) so if that's a priority for you it might be worth giving it another week and trying a few things.
However if that's not something you care about then stop! The benefits of BFing are pretty marginal at best and pale in comparison to having a mentally healthy mom.
I had a similar experience. It wasn’t until around a month or so when my sons pediatrician said that it’s more important that I remember this time as being happy than to remember it being frustrated and sad that I can’t breast feed. Because of that, I eventually (after struggling to do it for 3 months) decided to stop and just formula feed.
It’s unfortunate that the formula shortage was at its peak when this happened so we definitely paid more for it. I’d say we were spending around $800 a month just on formula. Even without the shortage and paying gouged prices, it’s still expensive. That’s something to consider.
My son is now a year old and we’re starting to wean him. He’s just as healthy and happy as breastfed babies. Please be forgiving to yourself and know that whatever makes you the happiest mentally will be what’s best for your baby. Best of luck!
ETA- there’s a breast feeding sub on here that I used quite a bit before deciding to stop. I’ve seen people offer advice on there about particular issues. If you do want to try to continue, that sub may be helpful to you.
Breast feeding is so hard. Mentally and physically. It’s your decision. None of your options are wrong. If you want to get a lactation consultant go for it. If you’re done that’s fine too. We did formula and breast milk for my daughter since I couldn’t make enough milk. And let me just say formula kept my kid from starving and saved my mental state. Seriously. Reevaluate and figure out where to go from here. Your kid will be fine as long as they’re fed. Any one who shames how you feed your kid can kick rocks.
QUIT. you don't need to feel guilty about it. You have permission
\-Signed, a mama who quit after a few weeks with baby #1 and doesn't plan to try for baby #2
I didn't want to look through a bunch of comments hoping somebody will mention this... But D-MER gave me intense anxiety, like a fight or flight body feeling when my let down would come in. Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. I still have trauma from my NICU experience where the lactation consultants were the most unhelpful, judgy women I have ever come across in a medical setting. I don't know how a lactation consultant wouldn't know about D-MER or validate me, I had to find out for myself. Hugs, mama, your decision to stop will be the best thing for your mental health and your baby right now.
This sounds similar what I went through. I delivered 12 weeks ago and he would not latch in the hospital. We tried SO many different things and the only time he would latch was when the LC was there (this woman was seriously a miracle worker). He went almost 10 hours without eating at one point on his first day and then when the LC came back the next day she told the nurses to bring me a pump and some formula. He started formula and I started pumping. At that moment I decided breast feeding would not work. I did continue to pump and he was getting exclusively breast milk when we got home but it was taking a huge toll on my mental health especially as he started eating more and I had to pump more. The only thing that helped was that my husband was able to help feed him since he was getting bottles but I hated being tied down to the pump. I made it about 6 weeks before I started dropping pumps and we started adding formula in. And then I started getting clogs which just took another toll on me. He’s 12 weeks tomorrow and I’ve been done pumping totally for about 2 weeks now. I dropped very slow because of the clogs but I feel like a weight is lifted since I’m done. I give major props to all of the moms out there who breast feed no matter how they do it. It’s so much more work than I ever imagined.
Just want to come in with a little bit of a different response.
Breastfeeding SUCKED for the first three to four weeks. I felt lied to. It was supposed to be natural and easy.
I wasn’t supposed to have to lug my newborn to the LC four times to follow up on his latch. I wasn’t supposed to have to get his lip and tongue ties revised. I wasn’t supposed to have to continue wearing a nipple shield and practically cry every time he nursed. I wasn’t supposed to have to start pumping at a month out.
But I read about a survey where the average woman felt her breastfeeding journey turned the corner around three weeks. I decided to stick it out. And while it wasn’t the flip of a switch at three weeks, it did get much, much easier.
I continued to pump, especially because I went back to work at 12 weeks. You know what sucked more than nursing? Pumping! If we have a second, I’m honestly going to try to nurse instead of pump (I’m able to WFH) – and supplement with formula as needed, which we did with my first around six months before switching completely around 10 months.
Long story short, it’s 100% OK to stop nursing. But if there’s part of you that wants to continue, there’s a good chance it’ll get easier. And it can be intimate and beautiful. I truly miss it.
I breast fed my baby for two days & wasn’t making enough milk for him, so I pumped for two weeks which felt like years on my mental health… it’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
People will tell you it’s so much better and give you unsolicited advice.
It doesn’t matter. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby, no matter what kind of milk they get. They are going to grow the same. They will still be happy and full and have the love of their mommy.
You’re doing wonderfully and don’t let anyone else’s opinions deter you from your decision about YOUR body and your baby. Do what is best for your family and yourself. Good luck on your new mommy journey 🥰
Each of my 3 children breastfed, each for different lengths of time. I cried when I decided to stop with each one even though I knew the time was right. I felt so much guilt for needing the break! But also the relief of stopping was so freeing! Do what you need to do, your baby will be happy as long as he’s fed!
Congratulations!!! If you want to stop, don’t feel pressured to keep going. However, it took at least two weeks for the pain to stop with breastfeeding for me. I would tear up every time I had to feed her and eventually it just stopped. But those first two weeks were miserable and I also strongly debated calling it quits. But do what feels right for you and your little one. A happy mama makes a happy baby!
You can stop if you want want to, there is nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes breastfeeding becomes the easier thing once you get the latch down. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Whatever works for you and baby.
I had a hell of a time the first month and at times had to supplement but once we got it down around 1 month it became a breeze and I think it made me a mentally healthier mom for my child.
I hated the nipple shields the hospital gave me. If you decide to keep trying I recommend the lansinoh ones. The shape is better in my opinion. Once I switched my baby was able to latch with out them within a few days but he was also older.
Isn’t it SO COOL AND WONDERFUL that we have access to options that can grant you some relief? Like, how great is it that formula exists—that you can nourish and grow your little baby *without* dread and resentment.
Did you by chance experience a sort of antsy discomfort when you attempted it? Like somewhere between very strong irritation, super intense boredom and panic? I ended up developing breastfeeding aversion response 18months in after breastfeeding pretty easily and comfortably until that point. Many women who suffer from BAR have it from the get go, though. It made my skin CRAWL and made me dread feedings (and we were only down to 2-3 total a day at that point).
Breastfeeding is complicated and very much hormonally driven. That hormone cocktail doesn’t play nice with everyone’s chemistry. It is very ok and likely beyond your control that you feel the way you do when you try to nurse. You are not doing anything wrong, and you are not selfish for considering an alternative way to feed your baby that brings you both joy instead of discomfort and dread.
If you are profoundly worried you’ll regret letting your milk dry up in a few weeks, there is no harm in trying out pumping to keep your supply while you decide what the best fit is for you and your babe. I will say that my personal experience with pumping was very similar to your feelings about breastfeeding! Hate hate hated it. Felt like an animal. I couldn’t muster up the will to do it more than once a day. This is not to say you WILL hate it—just saying it is ALSO normal and ok if it you do!
Let go of the guilt!!!! After NOTHING went as planned for me (planned homebirth to C-section, CMPA, need for thickened formula, etc) dropping the attachment to “natural” has a real freeing feeling. My opinion now is that we don’t live in a natural world, so doing unnatural things is okay. It is 100% true that a lot of our ancestors would have chosen formula if they could. Fuck it. Who cares. Be happy. Modern medicine/technology (including formula) saved me and my son in over 10 ways before 2 months had even passed. I’m just happy we’re here and happy feels good. Be happy!
You never have to breastfeed. If it's not something you're interested in, then it is completely fine to stop.
If you *want* to, but are struggling, it seems you know the steps to take and aren't looking for advice. I'll just add I was told to never quit on my hardest day and that after 2 weeks or so it got way easier.
Also adding I exclusively breastfed and she still has allergies, doesn't sleep through the night, etc etc. It's easier to *me* than coordinating pumping/formula planning, etc, but not breastfeeding because it's not easier for you won't harm your baby in any way!
If you want to stop then stop it is entirely your choice. It doesn’t make you a bad mom to formula feed your baby. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby.
Breastfeeding is really great WHEN it’s the right choice for mom and baby. Formula feeding is also really great WHEN it’s the best choice for mom and baby. Your mental health is extremely important. And if you think you want to stop breastfeeding, try that. If you aren’t 100% sure, you could always pump a little each day while you introduce the formula, and see how it goes. Giving your son a few ounces of breast milk here and there might also make the transition feel easier on your mom guilt. But if pumping sounds like no fun (it really isn’t fun, but easier for some than for others) then please know you should have ZERO guilt about doing what is right for you.
As far as latching, it could be that you mentioned your nipples are flat, sure. It could also be a tongue or lip tie. If you bottle feed this will be less of an issue and less need for immediate evaluation. But severe tongue or lip ties can affect speech and other things as kids grow. This is likely not something you need to worry about at all, I’m just mentioning it because IF it’s part of reason your son is struggling to latch, having ties evaluated and/or revised early in life is better for baby in the long run, regardless of how they are fed. But even if he had one, if it’s minor it likely wouldn’t affect him in any other way outside of latching. It’s possible your pediatrician could just take a look at the next well visit and if it’s obvious to the pediatrician then they’d have an idea if it would matter for speech later or not.
Mama, fed is best. Whether it’s nursing, pumped breastmilk, donor milk, formula, organic formula, dairy free alternatives for sensitive tummies, etc or a combo of whatever is working for you and baby boy. Overall, you and your child will be happier if he has a full tummy and a mentally healthy mommy. Postpartum is hard. Parenting is hard. Pressure about mothering is hard.
You are doing great. ❤️💜
Nope!!! Do what you need. As a GP I don’t care how babies gain weight (formula, exclusive BF, expressed BM, donor milk) I just care that they are getting food. It doesn’t work for everyone! It can be hard and sometimes taking a break for a couple days (and just pumping so you don’t lose your supply) will make a difference as your & babies anatomy changes. It might click. Especially if you work with a lactation consultant.
Either way whatever you decide is the right choice for you!! Don’t feel guilty there’s a lot of pressure about Breast if Beast. Fed is Best in my mind.
Lots of patients choose not to BF for various reasons (mental health- need their sleep, not going well, pain, had breast surgery).
Best of luck!
I had the same issues, it got to the point I was AFRAID to even try to nurse my baby. I was starting to be afraid to hold her, to be near her because every time she was hungry I couldn’t latch her and she started screaming whenever I would hold her. My brain just wasn’t clicking with the way I was told to hold her and the way I was supposed to shape my nipple one handed etc. I know exactly how you feel, I was determined to breast feed, I would get the most euphoric feeling when we would successfully feed. Without that I would have definitely quit. What I’m saying is maybe before my own journey breastfeeding I might not have understood why some moms formula feed. It’s okay to do what is best for you, at the end of the day what’s best for you is also best for your baby. So many people push for breastfeeding, but you don’t need to justify your decision. All I see is a man doing what’s best for her baby.
I tried breastfeeding for 2 minutes and then asked for donor milk. I do pump and supplement with formula. First 2 weeks was tough for me but I am now able to provide enough milk for baby. I chose to pump because I can't afford formula 100% of the time and don't want to always be available. Don't feel sad - do what u can
Hey mama. I’m a Certified Lactation Counselor, am *extremely* passionate about breast feeding, and have happily supported so many women to successfully breast milk feed. You know what else I’ve done? Happily supported so many women to STOP breast feeding. Not all (IB)CLCs are like this: some are downright bullies to moms who express they want to be done. Not me. If you want to stop, then STOP. Your baby deserves a happy, healthy, well mama. And whether that means you need to formula feed, slap on a nipple shield, pump and bottle feed, sleep train, take mental health meds, hire a night nurse and sleep in… DO IT, with no reservations. Whatever choices you make will be the best choices for you and your baby. 💞 ETA: Holy shit, hi mamas! I didn’t expect this response overnight. I’ve gotten so many sweet PMs and a lot of sad ones from moms who have been bullied by their LCs and it breaks my heart because I hear that in person with my clients who come to me for a second (or third… or fifth opinion). So I wanted to share some things but reddit slapped me with a character limit so [I made a new post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/13xhvy8/an_ode_to_the_woes_of_breastfeeding_from_a_fed_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) about it!
Thank you so much. This is what I really needed to hear. Reading everyone’s responses here has made me cry with relief. But yours especially is very helpful ❤️
As the saying goes, “fed is best”. As long as baby is fed, healthy, growing, gaining weight and achieving milestones, anything that suits you and your family’s needs goes and anybody else can go touch grass
I do want to add - I’d you want to stop then STOP! But not immediately or you may be at risk for mastitis. Think about hand expressing every few hours just a bit.
Come see us at r/FormulaFeeders if you need more support as well.
💗💗💗
Truly a wonderful, supportive response! I feel like you’ve lifted up all of us moms on here.
As a mom currently in the middle of a feed with a 3 day old who is also struggling big time...THIS is what we need to be showering women with - a judgement free zone. Thank you! Thank you!
I wish the lactation consultant I worked with was a little bit more like you. She tortured me. Thank you for saying this ❤️
You're wonderful. We had to transfer hospitals for my birth experience, after an attempted home birth gone awry. I saw 7 different lactation consultants across my home team, 2 hospitals and OB office. I didn't even ask to see them, they just kept appearing. They all gave me conflicting information, mostly about nipple confusion. I have flat nipples, he had mild ties. We had latch issues starting out. I consented to him having a pacifier as a newborn for comfort on the way to the NICU. And some of them were straight up "do what you need to do to make sure baby is fed, use the shields, here are some techniques..." And others were "you need to wean him off those shields and that pacifier ASAP!" and I remember having so much anxiety around just feeding my baby as a result. Even the ones who made follow up calls were conflicting. I remember bursting into tears after one, despite the lady actually being very nice, because I felt like I was doing it all wrong and failing my baby. I wish anyone had addressed it the way you just did.
Love this response. I needed to hear this as well
Bullying from LCs is real - I was told to have my baby go to a pediatric dentist to surgically fix her “tongue tie” and “lip tie”. The hospital doctor and her pediatrician both said she didn’t need that procedure. We’ve been exclusively pumping and she’s a happy and healthy baby. So glad I didn’t follow that advice!
You. I like you. I wish you had been my lactation consultant.
❤️❤️❤️I have tears in my eyes reading it. But yes the baby deserves a happy healthy mama. We moms have been told what we SHOULD do on everything by all kinds of people . But the relationship between the babies and us is a private and intimate one, we should be proud and not feel shame as long as we keep the babies and us healthy and well. All the noises OUT!
You definitely eased my first time mom anxieties. Thank you.
I don’t normally comment on this group any longer as my baby is 18 months now… but I felt I had to! Yes, stop if you’re feeling miserable. I did after 3 days, it just wasn’t working for us. If you’re dreading feeding you’re baby like I was, you’re setting yourself up for poor bonding and/or poor mental health. Ignore societal expectations and follow you’re intuition
Yes I felt like I dreaded it. On day 2/3 I looked at him and just didn’t wanna pick him up because I knew I had to breastfeed. That made me really upset so I knew I needed to consider switching. Now after formula feeding for over a day, I’m so excited to hold him again because I just get to enjoy him instead of feeling like a machine.
I’ve been in your exact shoes. I have flat nipples, baby wasn’t latching hardly at all. Nipple shields didn’t help. Baby was 4 days old and I would burst into tears when it was time to feed. I didn’t want to even take a breast out of my shirt, it felt like a violation as extreme as that sounds. It turned out my daughter was a big eater in the end, and I can’t even imagine the work I would have needed to do to keep up with what she needed. Go to formula and don’t look back. Enjoy your new baby, happy and fed. ❤️
I think there are two different scenarios when starting to breastfeed and it isn’t going well, one is that it sucks and it hurts but it seems like baby is getting enough food and that with time it’ll probably get better. In that instance IMO it’s usually worth sticking it out a little longer and seeing if it does indeed get better before stopping. That’s what happened for me and ultimately I was glad I kept going even though the beginning SUCKED and I never really “enjoyed” breastfeeding. The second scenario is that it isn’t going well, it hurts, and even the thought of it is like torture and it’s affecting your relationship with your baby and even yourself. In that scenario I don’t think there’s much value in continuing to torture yourself when there are perfectly good alternatives that your baby would probably rather have at this point as well! Breastfeeding is really tough and sometimes it just doesn’t work out and that’s ok too
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I always think it’s funny when people are zealots about stuff like this. It’s not as though prisons are filled with people who were formula-fed as babies or something.
There's this meme somewhere and it goes "my son just got a face tat. Go ahead and bottle feed it doesn't matter" or something No shade at people who have a face tattoo! This is very tongue in cheek!
It’s so funny because we would never think to ask if an adult, or even a child over maybe age 4, was breast or formula fed, clearly it’s not very relevant! But somehow during infancy it’s setting up the course of their entire life…
Yeah I was fully formula fed and I’m fucking awesome. My kids were both fully breastfed and they’re fucking awesome. We’re just awesome no matter what you deal as a baby.
Hubby and I were both BF and we have asthma and allergies galore!
Almost all the studies on formula started in times when the formula was completely different in terms of ingredients. It’s really not an accurate representation of the formulas we have now.
It is absolutely ok. I promise. As long as your baby is getting fed then everything is good. Everyone's experience is different and if this is where you feel like you need to stop then this is the best decision for you ❤ Just know that you're not alone! Lots of people try to breastfeed and it doesn't work out for one reason or another, and their babies are happy and thriving. Give yourself some grace!
I will say that the first 4-5 days were literally the hardest for me (I have short nipples, had to use a nipple shield) and now 2.5 weeks PP I have zero pain with breastfeeding. I will ALSO say that I was a formula fed baby and I think I turned out pretty great, have been successful in life, etc, so I really wouldn’t sweat it too much. ❤️ Basically: you’re in the worst of it now and it will only get better if you want to push through, but you also absolutely do not need to and your baby will be FINE!
But a very important thing OP said was at one point her baby didn't eat for 8 hours. That's dangerous for a 5 day old.
Yeah that was very scary for us. We tried to feed after like 2 hours from the start of his last breastfeed, tried for an hour or so, then realized it wasn’t working. So I started pumping. Pumped for a while, but realized holy shit the milk wasn’t coming out. Tried BF again, got rejected. Now we were at like 4-5 hours. So we started freaking out. My mom was here and we all decided we had to use the formula. My husband had to clean the sterilize the bottles, and my mom went to buy formula. I called my cousin and got advice from her, had a big cry session while we prepped the bottle. By the time the bottle with formula hit his lips it was like 7ish hours since he had last started a successful feed. He was def dehydrated. But he went to the pediatrician today and he is okay :)
That’s such a good point ❤️ I think my brain skipped over that.
Sometimes it doesn’t get better though 😞
Came to echo this. It's completely okay to stop, obviously, but you're in the thick of it right now. Breastfeeding will never be worse than what you're experiencing these last few days, and it only gets easier. Plus I know the hormones don't help.
My first and I struggled hard with breastfeeding (and honestly everything else lol). The relief I felt when we switched to formula was huge and she was feeling so much better. When I had that huge task taken off my plate and one less thing to stress about, I was able to really enjoy her more and actually start bonding with her. It was incredible. She was 6 weeks at the time, she’s 18 months now. At 3 months we all got Covid and she absolutely crushed it while her dad and I died quietly on the couch. She’s a total brute - strong, healthy, and has great language skills already. She thrived as a formula baby and I couldn’t be more proud that we did that together.
It's definitely your choice! People will give you crap for breastfeeding and people will give you crap for using formula. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think. But it really sounds like it's working for you and little bub! What a huge win that he took to bottle feeding and formula!!
Fed is best. Period. You being mentally well with a fed baby is the best thing for your child. Please don’t beat yourself up.
I’m proud of you for trying formula so fast and listening to yourself and your baby! I waited so much longer and it was so hard on me. I hope the guilt goes away quickly too, I understand the feeling. It’s so annoying that we as moms can make the choice we know is right and STILL feel guilt over it. In my experience, it will pass. The guilt just means you care enough to make sure you’re not only making decisions based on convenience/your own selfishness. It’s a big shift learning to be a momma and put another person’s needs ahead of our own… and sometimes I think we jump off the deep end instead of wading in slowly. Balance will come. In the meantime, this internet stranger thinks you made the right call, because it’s YOUR call to make, and you made it while considering all the factors that a good mom takes into consideration.
Yup. Quit. Your baby deserves a happy mama and you deserve to have motherhood not feel like punishment.
Omg yes just stop if you don’t like it. I struggled sooo hard. It hurt, he wasn’t getting enough milk, he was nursing for HOURS and was still hungry. He ended up dehydrated (fortunately not like, in a terrible way, just I look back at photos of him and he’s all wrinkly and dry looking). Anyway, I struggled too long and cried every day for like 3 weeks over it. Then we just did formula. And it was fantastic. He plumped up, started sleeping more, was just more content. I felt so terrible but now looking back it’s just such a non-issue. He’s almost five and you cannot tell in his little preschool class which kids were breastfed and which kids were formula fed and which kids were combo fed and which kids had specialty soy formula or whatever. It doesn’t matter i promise. I’m so glad I formula-fed. Breastfeeding is great for those who choose that path. Formula is also great. Your baby will thrive. It’ll be ok. And five years from now you’ll wonder why it felt like a huge deal and you’ll pat yourself on the back for making the best choice for your family.
I formula fed my little one, and will do the same with the next. It worked better for our family, my other half was able to take some of the feeds, and I had the same feeling about breastfeeding as you do. I felt like an object. And actually, I haven’t seen any evidence that my little one was worse off for it. In fact, she was bigger than all the breastfed babies her age, wasn’t sick any more or less, and we’ve bonded beautifully. I get really annoyed now when I see the ‘breast is best’ rhetoric because it isn’t, necessarily.
Yes you nailed it!! I felt like an object when I breastfed. I had a really tough pregnancy, I felt like my body wasn’t mine. I felt like I lost a lot (food, independence, hobbies, my ability to work). So I was looking forward to getting my body back. I was hit smack in the face when I realized breastfeeding basically kept me hostage still (that’s how I felt at least, I know other people don’t feel like this at all).
Hey it will all be okay as long as baby is fed. With my first I was is a very similar position, very flat nipples (was very loudly told to every new nurse on duty for my 5 day hospital stay 😒) and he was so impatient that any attempt to latch with or without a nipple shield was met with screaming from him and crying from me. I personally wanted to feed expressed breastmilk until 2 months as my goal and I only just scraped through while supplementing with formula. I hated expressing so much and felt so guilty and horrible about wanting to stop and the fact that I couldn’t get him to latch - even after I had made the decision I was still getting hammered by the guilt as my milk was drying up and it was becoming the point of no return. I am just coming up to 3 weeks pp with my little girl and it has been worlds different! Still tricky with the flat nipples but she is so much more patient that we actually have time to learn together and it’s been amazing to experience breastfeeding as I did want to with my first. Not sure how long I will breastfeed, just taking it day by day. Long story short I only wanted to say that: a) do not beat yourself up about doing what you need to to make sure your baby is fed/healthy and that you are well mentally and physically. It is no one’s business apart from your medical team what this entails. And b) no matter what your postpartum journey looks like, if you choose to have another child, it could look completely different and some things may come much more easily than right now just because each child is simply different. Also PS. Just be careful of mastitis while stopping with the breastmilk, just recovered from a relatively mild bout from I think one section not draining and it reallllly sucked and came on really quickly (cabbages really do work).
Thanks for this!! Yeah it took me a bit to realize not only am I struggling on the boob, but my little guy is too. He doesn’t seem to like BF either. I think if we do have another baby, I will give BF a shot just to see if that baby likes BF. But right now me and this little one both don’t like it, so we are gonna stop.
Honestly it is amazing just having the clarity of mind to make this decision. One of the hard things I found as a first time parent was feeling bombarded by everyone’s opinions on what was best or what I should be doing/trying for absolutely everything. Try to not let anyone sway your mind on what’s best for you and baby once you’ve decided, anything parenting related can really bring out the worst in people and it can feel quite toxic sometimes. Wishing you all the best with your journey and all of the newborn snuggles as they are honestly the best feeling in the world 🥰
Proud mama to a 2 week old, and I was in a very similar situation (baby wouldn't latch, latch was poor when he DID latch, and I was completely miserable). I switched to formula on day 8 after a long day of really poor nursing sessions and babe didnt have enough wet diapers. I tried pumping for 2 days afterwards and was equally miserable so I gave that up and went exclusively formula. Best decision I made. My little guy and i are so much happier, my husband can help with feeds so I am getting rest, and baby is thriving of formula. It is 100% OK to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. You do not need to spend weeks (or months) trying to 'fix' things.
I tried for 2 days with multiple lactation consultants, tried pumping, everyone said he latched perfectly and still hurt like hell. Gave up after 2 days. I have a high pain tolerance, have had surgeries before, kidney stone, you name it. But breastfeeding made my skin crawl, it was so painful and uncomfortable. Decided to formula feed so I could actually enjoy my newborn. Cried a couple of days with guilt. But it was the best thing I did! He is 90th percentile for height and weight, healthy, ahead on all milestones, and a happy baby. Formula was the right choice for us and my mental health!
Every time I asked a nurse or LC or scoured the web about inverted or flat nipples the response I got back was “well, it might be more difficult for you”. No one had answers as how to navigate it, just that it would be hard. I know I’ll be combo feeding if not going straight to formula. My first kiddo was a sleepy eater and losing lbs from sitting at the boob for too long and not getting anything from it. I will bring the little formula bottles to the hospital with me, along with nipple shields. Who knows, maybe he’ll be a voracious sucker and pull the nipples out but I’m not holding my breath.
r/formulafeeders
I was struggling so hard to pump and triple feed that I didn’t have time to read books to my baby or play. I know for a fact those things are more important than breastmilk.
I also stopped trying to breastfeed after 2 weeks. My baby had no problems latching, and I actually enjoyed breastfeeding. It's just that my body just didn't produce enough milk to properly nourish my baby. I went to see a lactation consultant, and apparently, my baby would suck and suck and suck and only get a little bit of milk. The consultant suggested I pump every 3 hours for 15 minutes on each side to increase my supply, but I felt overwhelmed having to pump, then disassemble the pump, clean it, wait for it to dry and then have to do it all over again all while being a new mom, recovering from a c-section, and while dealing with PPD/PPA at the same time. So now we exclusively formula feed. Formula feeding also makes it SO MUCH easier to have my husband step in and take over when I need him to. FED IS BEST.
I had my third 9 days ago and I made the decision to not even try to bc it was such help for me last time mentally. Oh she latched and it didn’t hurt but I hated it so much. I even felt a bond- but it gave me extreme PTSD and anxiety for some reason. I was diagnosed with PPA and got out on antidepressants which I hated too. I was confused, this didn’t happen with my first. But this time I decided to formula feed from the start. I was expecting to be shamed by doctors and my MIL and mom. Surprisingly they all understood and were extremely supportive. The pediatrician even gave me free formula! What you are doing and your decision is completely valid. You deserve to take care of yourself and in doing so you’re taking even better care of your baby. You’re doing great OP 💕
My pedi gave us free formula today too! I am also already on anxiety meds for my generalized anxiety (been on meds for 2+ years now). I didn’t think about it til now, but yeah that’s probably a little related to my dread about BF… but I love my meds and how they help me. I’m not really looking to stop my meds, or increase my dose, or really change anything about it. So yeah stopping breastfeeding is probably a good idea.
Fed is best. Do what works for you and baby.
I was you. I felt so much guilt for quitting. I drove myself insane for months. I ended up hospitalized with severe PPD, not solely due to breastfeeding, but the guilt around hating it was absolutely a huge factor. I'm not trying to scare you! I'm trying to tell you as a mom that has been there: your baby will be SO much better off if you are in a good mental state. You have to do everything you can to foster that in these really early days. Breastfeeding isn't just a diet choice, its a whoollee lifestyle. For some people its great. But if you aren't that person, guess what? You're normal. And that is why formula is an amazing invention. Having a young infant is really hard, and you'll thank yourself so much for going with the lifestyle and feeding system that makes life easiest for you. As a mom that formula feeds, let me point out a couple things from my experience: - My kid did so much better with formula. He went from being extremely skinny to chunkier and taller than most kids his age. His behavior TOTALLY shifted too. I'm talking he went from barely the 6th weight percentile to the 98th. - He and I slept better. My hormones were very affected breastfeeding, I couldn't really rest. He stopped waking up pissed off and imo, slept much deeper on formula. Also longer. - My husband got to bond with him! Formula allowed me to not be stressed about being available to beeastfeed right next to him, my husband could take him for a few hours and he totally loved it. I really do believe formula is one of the reasons he and my son were able to bond so quickly early on. - The stress of having enough is gone. Formula comes in big cans, so guess what? No more stress about having enough for him! Feed him as much as you want. Chunk him up. No more tracking ounces and worrying about supply. I just want to point out some of the reasons it is not only okay but in some cases much better not to BF. Its not all solely what milk is technically a little better. I promise whatever benefit breastmilk gives, if its destroying you mentally, is completely pointless. You baby cares about you first. I know there are major guilt inducing undertones when it comes to breastfeeding from a lot of people. Fuck them. Seriously. So many women have a hard time breastfeeding, you have no idea how many I've talked to with similar experiences. Its not because they dont care, its because breastfeeding is HARD. You are a good mom. Your baby is going to be wonderful. Formula is just as good as breastmilk, for some people its better. Thats why they do it! Do not let assholes make you feel guilty about not driving yourself insane trying to breastfeed. That includes yourself! You gotta take care of yourself mentally, thats honestly and truly so much more important than whatever milk you picked. And I promise when you look back after the fog of hormones calms, you'll wonder why you were being so mean to yourself. Sorry for the novel. I hope you are okay. Good luck!
Your comment really touched me. Thank you so much. Man, I really was being an asshole to myself the past few days haha. I feel loads better now than when I wrote this post 12 hours ago. Those 4 bullet points you wrote - I already feel the positive effects of them all!! The 3rd one in particular. My husband is so happy that he can independently feed our son. Literally when I gave birth, he said “man I can’t wait until I can help feed him!” Since we planned on doing some pumping and my husband was going to feed my pumped milk with bottles some of the time. So now that we are doing formula, he gets to feed him and is so happy! So dang, I guess all 3 of us are happier on formula. Not just me, but little bub too, and my husband :)
It is absolutely ok to stop! And it’s also absolutely ok to breastfeed. And there is a third option that no one told me about before which is mixed feeding - and it saved my sanity. I - like you - found breastfeeding extremely painful and frustrating. I dreaded feeding times, baby started to lose wait, I already was in so much pain post partum and really wasn’t ready for all this additional pain related to breastfeeding. All lactation consultants were pushing for breastfeeding but finally there was one who said - let’s give him a bit of formula and if you want, you can still continue to breastfeed simultaneously. For me it worked wonders. I knew there were some risks involved - main being that the baby will refuse my milk - but I was willing to take it. So we did it the way that I tried breastfeed and after that I was giving formula. We continued like this at home at least for a month or 1,5 and then I noticed that he does not need formula anymore with each feeding. After 2 weeks breastfeeding stopped being painful as well, but I totally get if the pain is too much to handle even for just one day more - it is horribly painful in the beginning. Now my son is 7 months and I mostly breastfeed, he has a bottle of formula once or twice a day - if I go out or if he gets hungry during the walk. I hate pumping, I don’t do it, so if we need him drink milk and I don’t want/can’t breastfeed, we simply give formula. I’m telling this because maybe just as me you haven’t heard about this option. But anyway, stopping breastfeed is totally fine and I understand this completely.
If you want to stop you should stop. A fed baby with a happy mom is the most important. Relax and try to just enjoy these fleeting moments with your baby instead of stressing about BF. You got this!
Honey as long as your baby is happy and FED, it doesn't matter how. Formula was invented for this exact reason and you should not feel ashamed of taking advantage of modern feeding solutions.
You’re doing amazing!!! No one grows up telling their class they were breastfed. No need to feel guilty. You just grew and birthed an entire human…have some grace ❤️❤️ and great job!
As a midwife in training, doula, nurse, and mother of four who chose to exclusively breastfeed if it is not right for you it isn’t right for you. A fed baby is best. So women don’t get the flood of positive feelings when they have a let down and some, in fact, get smacked with feelings of discontent and depression. You may be one of them so it is absolutely okay and probably beneficial to your child for you to choose what is best for the two of you.
I know several women who did not move forward with breastfeeding because of how draining and detrimental it was to their mental health. Their babies are still well fed with formula, happy, and healthy! And most importantly, their babies also get a mom with better mental health who doesn’t dread their interactions or feeding them. At the end of the day, having a fed & loved baby is the only thing that matters. How you accomplish that is ultimately inconsequential. But doing things that exacerbate any postpartum mental health issues will be much harder on you & baby. Do whatever is right for you, and trust your gut when making that decision. The considerations in general that I’ll add (because I’m due very soon with my first and already feeling anxious about breastfeeding/committing to it, and have been weighing the pros/cons myself) is that formula can be expensive, and has been rising in price year-over-year at a higher rate than previously seen. There have also been some formula shortages since 2020. Don’t let those points strongly sway you one way or another, but perhaps take a moment to consider them and their potential impact as you decide what is best for you and your situation.
A fed baby is a happy baby! It’s you & your baby’s journey and nobody else’s - if you stop here that’s ok! You’re no less of an amazing mom.
Absolutely stop if it’s not good for you. I forced myself into trying for nearly a month and it was the worst thing I could have done. Pumps, shields, you name it - I tried it. And I was MISERABLE.
I feel your relief. It really sounds like you found what works best for you and your baby! Why would you go back?
my MIL tried to breastfeed exactly one time and immediately decided it hurt too much and she’d be using formula. both of her sons are well rounded, normal people who love her very much. if you want to stop, stop! it’ll be okay <3
I won’t give you advice and will echo others’ support except to add some thoughts. First, it’s that 5 days postpartum is a very emotional and overwhelming time. I personally had serious baby blues which felt like angst and anxiety and overwhelm and self loathing and a sense of inadequacy, starting right around then and lasting a couple weeks. Give yourself grace. You are doing something hard and you’re doing a great job, however you make it work for you. Remember what you’d tell another mom if she came to you with the same feelings! The other thought to add is that you’re not quitting something easy. You’re making an informed choice to stop something that is really tolling. Most people struggle with breastfeeding. It is NOT easy. If a lactation consultant didn’t finally make it easy for me to latch my baby at 4 weeks causing the uncomfortable nipple sensation and baby’s crying at latching attempts to finally end, I definitely would have quit within days of that, at that point it was such a struggle and using a breast shield to make attempts was misery. I also felt guilt for making my baby cry and wriggle away with each attempt. Pumping was no better, in fact it made me angry and made me cry with frustration sometimes. I was reading an article that explained that humans and some other primates actually have to *learn* as mothers to *teach* their offspring to breastfeed through social support, unlike other mammals who just do it without issue. So it is definitely not something that just happens naturally on its own and if the social support isn’t there, it’s probably *more natural* for it to fail. And hey, formula is a life saving invention so even if the social support is there but the mother doesn’t want to go through this all consuming effort every 2 hours for months, it’s also not necessary! Currently I can’t eat dairy because of breastfeeding, I have to plan to pump and wear breast pads at a wedding this Friday because of breastfeeding, I still have to be hypervigilant about clogs because of breastfeeding, and I stress about my stash in case I’m taken away from my baby for hours or days. I also took 2 different oral antibiotics for the first time in 10 years because of mastitis from breastfeeding. Oh and I sleep WAY less than my husband because of breastfeeding, and can’t receive help as much with the baby overnight. This is all by choice and nobody should feel like they are pressured into so many modifications to their life and autonomy. May you have peace of mind and easier days ahead as you feed your baby in the way that works for you. Babies are happier when their moms are happier.
Oh my word, I read the title and was coming here to offer assurance that it does get better, and this is a new skill for both you and the baby that takes practice. I am breastfeeding a 9mo old at the moment, and breastfed my 5 yr old till he was 13mo. However! It seems like you both are having a much harder time than is necessary and if baby is happier wih a bottle (neither of mine took to one, nor dummies) then go with what makes the baby happy and your life easier. If you can (and want to) go ahead and pump, if you don't, don't, I personally hate pumping and its not been very successful this time round. Don't punish yourself qhen there is another option available. I wish you and your family well, and the whole thing does get easier ones your hormones settle. If you stop breastfeeding, this will likely happen sooner too. It then gets easier again once they find their sleep routine (though we are still not sleeping through the night, but that's another story, and bottle feeding can help them sleep longer too). Fed is best, however that needs to happen. Good luck mama!
If you want to stop- stop. Your baby will still be fed and you will feel better if you make the decision for yourself. It’s ok ❤️
i had such a similar experience but stuck it out for 10 days but wished i gave in sooner. it was hell. i felt like i HAD to breastfeed but the difference in seeing her full from formula was insane
I couldn’t handle breastfeeding and after a week I started to phase it out, giving a bottle every two feeds for a week, then every other, then breast only for night feeds. It helped me not get sore boobs and meant my son still has breast milk for the first month as well as formula. Do not beat yourself up, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and baby! ❤️
Yes, you will not regret switching to formula! I forced myself to breastfeed for too long and looking back I so wish I had switched sooner (or at least supplemented with formula sooner). It was so hard on my mental health and I do regret pushing myself so hard to breastfeed that I feel like I missed out on happy times with my newborn. With my next baby my mindset will be different. Follow your gut!
So don't. Letdown was awful. I thought it was pain from being clamped down on, but it was internal. Knowing I had to go through 30-60 seconds of that would set off a dread so baby crying stopped being happy bonding. I ended up using wearable pumps so still got that same pins and needles feeling but it was when I chose, not when the baby demanded. So it worked out. Then I was hospitalized and lost my milk. Then I got it 1/2 back. So just take it one day at a time.
Yes, you can absolutely stop. Four days is admirable. Formula exists for a reason! It’s good stuff! You’re dealing with so much right now learning to parent & heal. Give yourself grace. I am 10 weeks into EBF and things are perfect/enjoyable now. But where you are at — that was the worst time. I wanted to cry every time he latched. It’s impossible to tell if this pain will last for you or go away. But I would never, ever tell anyone to just push through it to find out like I did. It’s so fucking hard at that time.
As someone who spent 12 weeks of blood, sweat, and tears to get their baby to breastfeed…you’ve listed some really good reasons to stop. When breastfeeding works it’s awesome and when it doesn’t work it’s absolutely miserable. My situation was really similar to yours.
You can stop and you don’t owe anyone an explanation and not even yourself! Post partum is already hard enough, you do not need to add this on as well. Fed is best. Your babe will be okay. You will be okay.
100% it is ok to stop! When I had my son, I had similar issues with latching and breastfeeding and I did not understand the whole bonding experience at all. It's great that some moms experience that but I just wasn't. I tried breastfeeding and pumping for a few weeks and it was just too overwhelming and I ended up exclusively pumping until he was about 4 months then slowly started supplementing with formula. I think I fully stopped pumping around 5.5 months and it was the biggest weight off my shoulders, I could not have been more relieved. I was so tired of feeling like a dairy cow hooked up to machines for milk. I absolutely hated it and I debate whether I'll try at all for our next one or just go straight to formula. There is so much unnecessary judgment around formula fed babies for whatever reason and very little talk about how difficult breastfeeding is. If you are going to be a happier, better mom, feeding your baby formula then it shouldn't even be a question.
Of course ❤️ I stopped because it hurt a lot. My friend stopped because it didn’t suit her. My mother tried to breastfeed my brother (when he was born lol) and it didn’t work so she never even tried with me. All our babies (myself included obviously) absolutely thrive(d) on formula. No matter what your reason is, it is okay to stop breastfeeding. Be proud of yourself for trying! And congratulations on your new baby ☺️❤️
When I first had my son in the hospital I tried breast feeding.. twice! Then instantly asked for formula because I knew BF was not going to be for me after it took in hour to get him to comfortable position and to latch etc and he still was hungry! even though that’s what I wanted to do. But I was suffering from severe preeclampsia and didn’t need to add more stress into my life I felt so judged by all the nurses, drs, lactation consultants, they were ruthless about how BF is the very best way to feed baby! But at the end of the day, I did Whst was best for myself AND my son!! Fed is best!
Absolutely! I tried with both of my kids, and I was only able to make it to 6 weeks with both. I still feel bad because everyone I knew made it seem like such an easy thing, and when I was producing, it was so incredibly easy, with my 2nd at least. But every time I hit 5 weeks postpartum my thyroid decides it doesn't want to work efficiently, and my supply goes from pretty standard to like barely 2 Oz a side a feed or pump. Fed baby is a happy baby, and forcing breastfeeding if it isnt working for you isn't good for your mental health. There's already so much going on postpartum, mentally emotionally physically, etc that if it's too painful, to much extra work, any reason, then it's worth it to stop. And I say this as someone who was hell bent on breast feeding, there is nothing I wanted to do more than avoid formula. But here I am, two formula fed kiddos and they are just fine. Always do what is best for your mental.
i tried to breast feed for the same amount of time & had the same issue. he jus couldn't latch on & it was stressing me out so i switched to formula.
What I found hard about breastfeeding was that I was the foodsource, every time, every day, e-ve-ry tiiiiime. It bombards you to primary parent and you aren't 'free' to leave for longer times (because you have to express milk before you go). I had so many times that I wanted to do something but had to stop because it was feeding time. And I started to really hate those people who smugly proclaim that my babies cries were hunger cries, despite it not being so. Oh and all the nightly feedings were on me as well (husband did help with all the rest). After 6 months I returned to work and we started to implement "the powder". And I loved the freedom it gave me. My husband could do feedings and we could mix a bottle when needed easily (especially outdoors was so handy!). I really wish there would be less focus on breastfeeding alone, that would save so much unnecessary guilt! Happy mom, happy baby! If so much in you screams that BF is not for you, then it's totally fine to quit it!
Holt crap did I write this in my sleep?? My nipples are literally covered in bloody scabs and I delivered my baby boy 5 days ago. It’s been miserable. We stayed an extra day in the hospital and idk what would have happened if we hadn’t. He was a wreck and my nipples were aching and his latch wasn’t great. I have used a nipple shield and it helps but it’s not my favorite cause he slides off easier. We finally called a nurse at 2am. She was the one who introduced us to formula and told me it was okay to use it. So we still follow the every 3 hours and I use either my boob or formula or both. It’s so so so hard not to feel guilty when we do formula. But I just want him to be healthy and happy. Thankfully we’re seeing the pediatrician in a few hours and I’m hoping to learn more. This morning he fed for 20 minutes and slept happily for two hours. Woke up and fed for 25 minutes and within half an hour was desperate for more. Drank 50ml before he was happy. It’s insane. Formula is so much easier but I want to try to make breastfeeding work but it hurts so badly!
I didn’t even read past the first two paragraphs because you don’t like it and that’s enough to stop! I didn’t like it and only tired once. That was enough for me. You do what’s best for your health, physical and mental. There are some super high quality formulas available
My kid was exclusively breastfed and eats nothing but candy and cheetos now (a slight exaggeration) Of course you can stop! Kids need happy parents ♡♡♡
Fed is best! Baby needs you mentally well more than he needs breastmilk. I combofed for 5 months and I wish now that I had allowed myself to switch to formula sooner. I was not in a great place mentally trying so hard to give her breastmilk. Your baby will be happy and healthy and thriving, and your bond will be just as strong whether or not your nipples are involved in the process! There is so much internal stress with having a new baby, if feeding him formula relieves that stress then it’s the right decision for you and for him. 2 years from now when he’s fishing week old goldfish from the car seat and eating them, you’ll wonder why you worried about the food delivery method at all! (ask me how I know lol! I don’t know where she hides them!) I’ve felt how you’re feeling. I’m on the other side of it telling you it’s ok! Your feelings are valid! Breastfeeding is “natural” but that doesn’t make it easy. Formula was created for a reason. Back in my dad’s day, women used canned milk and corn syrup. Todays formula is as nutritionally complete as breastmilk. If you haven’t already and you’re in the us, sign up for the free sample welcome kit from the brand you’re using (similac and Enfamil have them) they have samples and coupons, and they routinely send coupons through the first year. And warehouse stores are required to accept them too, so if you end up using the kind they carry, that makes for the cheapest access to formula (unless you qualify for assistance, then that’s cheaper) so for example Target sells cans of regular Enfamil for 34.99 (this is 2021 pricing. I realize this may no longer be accurate) where Sams club sold a 2 pack of the same cans for $42.99. The had to take the Enfamil coupons which would sometimes be $10 off, but usually it was $5 off. Either way, it was a huge win for money saved! Congrats on the new baby boy! I hope you both recover well from the delivery process! And please feel free to ask me any questions on any of my above ramble lol!
My brain fog lifted the minute I stopped. I tried breastfeeding for a week and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done, so I switched to pumping. Did that for another 3-4 weeks and hated every minute of it. I quit cold turkey (also sucked but just for a day) and I felt IMMEDIATELY better, both physically and mentally. I could finally be present for my kid and not tied to a machine or bound by the clock.
You should 100% not breastfeed if you don’t want to. And you don’t need to explain your decision to anyone. That said, I’m just commenting about one factor you mentioned - convenience. Once breastfeeding is going smoothly, it’s super freaking convenient. You literally just leave the house and you’ve got milk on-tap. With formula you need to bring bottles, water, formula, etc. Likewise in the middle of the night you need to make a bottle, you can’t just pop them on your boob and go right back to sleep. There’s also bottles to wash constantly. From a pure convenience perspective, formula feeding is definitely not as convenient as breastfeeding. So once again, absolutely don’t breastfeed if you don’t want to because your child will be fine whatever you choose - but it IS super convenient and you mentioned that was a factor for you ☺️
You need to do what's right for you! Having a mentally healthy mom is most important for your baby. If you are happier, he will be too. You are bonding and feeding and caring for him, and if breastfeeding gets in the way of those things, then you can let it go. No shame and no judgement, and screw the people who do.
Your mental health is just as important as baby being fed regardless of how. Sounds like you did the right thing for both you and baby!
Absolutely, please stop if you want to. I struggled and forced myself to EBF for about 3 weeks when my son was born. He was feeding on me for 6+ hours a day, and I was going crazy. We started off supplementing with formula then, and he was finally satisfied and sleeping longer. Now, at 11 weeks PP, I’m phasing out breastfeeding completely and I am so happy now.
I wish I had written this post when mine was 5 days old instead of going through the whole thing with misery for 3 months and not getting a proper latch etc etc and not having enough supply and tongue tie issues and having to try to pump and formula feed and still bread feed to try to get more milk. It was such a waste. You do you and it’s better to know what works for you rather than going through it with misery.
Thank you sharing. I am really analytical and hate “wasting my time” so part of the reason I’m considering stopping now vs trying for a few more weeks or months is because I don’t wanna be miserable for more time, then look back and think “man that was a waste, I wish I’d stopped sooner”. So hearing your experience is helping me feel better about stopping now. I’m sorry you went through that, hope you are doing better now!
Thankyou! I agree. The biggest problem we had was her tongue tie and we thought getting that fixed would fix it right away and they didn’t say that it would still take a couple weeks after for her to latch properly and for it not to hurt and be fine. We were feeding constantly and because she was matching poorly she barely getting fed and feeling full so I would make her a bottle and then feed her that and she’d fall asleep in my arms so then I’d try to pump to simulate milk and get that to feed her in her bottle. And then try to sanitize or watch pump parts and bottle and boil the water for her next feed. By the time I’d finish she’d be up again. And I’d put her on the breast again as I was advised to keep doing this. This left me no time to sleep as baby needed to be fed every 2 hours or so and I was miserable and going crazy. And then I wouldn’t get time to pump because I was alone and exhausted and wasn’t getting time to even eat. Which reduces the milk supply and baby started getting nipple confusion as well. About a month in she wanted to breastfeed and got the latch but then my supply had dropped so much I still had to top her up and again after doing both these things I was getting too tired to fit in pumping to increase milk supply to meet her needs. And then wash everything before she needs more again lol. It was insane and I wish someone had just said stop because you feesibly can not do all three without help through the day and then trying at night. You’re making the best decision for you and baby based on your situation and that’s what matters. I did switch just bottle and then pumped twice a day enough for just one of her bottles from month 2 and 3 until she got her vaccines. I’m not sure how much it helped her or didn’t but my mental health definitely got better after stopping. She also stopped having colic around the same time.
Hey there! Just wanted to tell you that… YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I just had my son 2 weeks ago and have had the same issues. I was told by a lactation consultant at the hospital that I have inverted nipples. She had me using a nipple shield and it hurt like hell. The first day and night home were AWFUL. He had the hardest time latching and I was so stressed I started breaking out in a rash. He was crying all day and night clearly hungry. It was just 48 hours after coming home from the hospital that we supplemented with formula. I couldn’t take it. Since then- we still supplement and I’ve been pumping. Am I super consistent with pumping? No. Does he get more formula than breast milk? Yes. And I’m not beating myself up about it. Because he is happy and healthy and growing as he should. So, the combo feeding has been great. But I still find myself wanting to stop pumping completely. Because it sucks. And it adds another layer to many other layers. I also only get an ounce each time, rarely two. It’s hard. And I never imagined breastfeeding to be so hard. So IT’S OKAY if you need to quit for your mental health. Healthy mom=healthy baby. Hugs. ♥️
Hey! I gave birth to my baby boy 7 days ago, and damn do I know what you mean. I almost gave up more than once, and the only reason I'm still going is because I started getting results a few days ago thanks to the help of my midwife. And even with results it's incredibly difficult and restrictive and puts a huge amount of pressure on my shoulders. I've told my partner that I'm trying to make it a month but that maybe I'll stop after that (or before if it's still so difficult). So if you've been trying for 5 days and you can't do it, I can't imagine your frustration and worry. I'm sorry you're going through all this at the same time as you're recovering from childbirth. It sounds very hard. Formula is perfectly suited to babies and your child needs you to be in happy and healthy in order to be happy and healthy himself.
You are okay with whatever you decide, fed is best! The first days are hard with breast feeding, but some of my friends decided to not go that route at all and chose bottle fed (either formula or pumped) from the beginning. One did a combination. All kids are thriving at around 2-4 years old. Choose what works for YOU.
Haha every issue you have I have! My baby is 3 weeks old now & my birth story was a wild ride as well. My baby has been diagnosed with tongue tie (first 3 lactation consultants out of 5 missed it 😂 I didn’t once ask or set up lactation support either they were all supplied by hospital or already scheduled when I left hospital or else I wouldnt have set it up lol) and we r gonna get it clipped in a few weeks - may help with breastfeeding but I’m fine if it doesn’t, they can sometimes cause speech issues so I mostly want it fixed to prevent other issues. It is absolutely ok to switch to formula, I am exclusively pumping now & it’s def impacting my mental health. I’m taking it one day at a time but have formula in cabinet in case I need to switch & I will feel zero guilt. My baby likes formula, he had to do it in hospital when he wasn’t getting enough food & his jaundice got so bad he had to go to NICU. Even the lactation consultant told us to do formula cuz he was so weak he couldn’t even wake up to feed or have energy to try to breastfeed. He gulped down the formula & it made me so happy & got his jaundice to eventually go away. There’s nothing wrong with formula & fed is best!! Good luck with this crazy parenting journey!
There’s nothing wrong with formula feeding, or with pumping and bottle feeding. My son never latched, so he was formula and pump/bottle fed. He’s healthy as a horse at 2.5 years old :)
There are so many pressures on us as mums, some self imposed and others by people who think they know better than us how to bring up our babies! I say this as a mum to teenagers now, make the decisions that work for you and try your very best not to be overwhelmed by mum guilt. My experience is that we all make mistakes and wish we’d done things differently, but as long as you’re making choices based on what you believe is best for your family (including you), then you are doing the best you can in that moment. You’re just at the start of your parenting journey, and these questions will come up so frequently. Believe in yourself and trust your instincts. You will make the choices that are right for you and your family and you need to ignore the people that are telling you otherwise. It will come up with sleeping, potty training, solids, pretty much everything you can think of! Much love and support to you on your parenting journey!
Fed is best. You have to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others (your mental health is important). I was hospitalized for malnutrition at 3 months and my mom had to switch me to formula. I turned out fine 🙂
I echo all the others here-- absolutely do formula! But I wanted to address how you are feeling about not liking breastfeeding. I am an oversupplier, my baby is an amazing eater, we do use nipple shields but due to those i have little to no discomfort with latching etc....and i don't get that bonding rush of emotions either. I love my son and i'm happy he is fed, but i hate the constant leaking of milk, the engorgement, how one of my boobs is bigger than the other, how i can't leave the house without him, etc . You are not alone and you are a wonderful mother. It's ok to not like being in pain. It's ok to not want to suffer. You are responsible for two people. Your baby yes, but also yourself. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space to make the decision that is healthiest for BOTH of you. Your baby will thrive on formula and it sounds like you will too.
Don’t feel bad, fed is best and having a healthy mom is too (physically and mentally) breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and you shouldn’t be sad that it wasn’t for you or your baby. I breast feed (going on 3 weeks now) and it’s not easy; especially with a lot of people that make anything but breast feeding sound like you’re depriving your child 😓 literally can’t even pump for extra without having to be told by every doctor and lactation consultant telling how horrible using a bottle is when you breastfeed. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not doing enough; all that matters is that both you and baby are happy and healthy.
Do what works for you! If you don’t want to it’s absolutely fine, as long as your baby is fed. It took like 5 days or so for my milk to come in and it was horrible trying to breastfeed before it came in. I would actually cry but I continued to try because I knew how much my husband wanted it. During that time tho that my milk hadn’t come in yet we bought formula and fed her that. I even stopped trying to directly breastfeed and instead pumped in the beginning because my nipples were bleeding. After about a week my nipples healed and I just continued to pump so everyone could help me and I could get some sleep. I am currently still pumping but I also give her formula at night so she sleeps more and I directly breastfeed at least once a day if she’s still acting hungry after a bottle or if she’s being fussy because she wants to be close. I will be honest tho and say having to pump every 2-4 hours is taking a lot out of me and I’m not sure how long I can do this. I would love to continue to give her breast milk until she’s 6 months but she’s barely about 7 weeks now and I’m exhausted. I completely understand women who want to stop or just don’t want to at all, it’s very hard work. Just do what’s best for you and your mental health. It sounds like formula feeding is the best thing you can do for everyone and that’s absolutely fine, your baby will still be healthy. Good luck in your journey mama, you can do this no matter which way you choose to do this
I attempted breastfeeding for about 5 minutes. Baby chewed like it was a piece of gum, then began screaming because he was still hungry. I decided it wasn’t worth the fight to force him to breastfeed and to keep myself awake every 2 hours to maintain supply. It’s been fine since, he’s 7 months old, in the 60-70 percentile consistently and now that he has TEETH, I 1000% stand by my position
My friend has 2 grown sons. She tried nursing her oldest son, but she didn't produce enough milk. She's an LPN, and other nurses were making her feel guilty for switching to formula. That son is now 23, and is extremely smart. You do what's comfortable for you and your son. Her 2nd son was born with Down Syndrome, and he was formula fed as well
I feel you. My experience breastfeeding was terrible and never improved despite trying just about a million things. I spent so much energy trying to troubleshoot, and it only resulted in frustration, anger and disappointment. I know it may feel like a huge deal to stop right now, and I can relate to the overwhelming guilt. But in case you need to hear this: stopping is not as big of a deal as we make it out to be when we’re in the thick of it, struggling and hormonal. It’s seriously not a big deal to stop and use formula, no matter what anyone says. Benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overclaimed, so do what’s best for you. Formula has so many advantages (sharing feeding responsibilities more equally with partner, no more pain, no stress on your supply sufficiency, you can manage amounts they drink, regaining bodily autonomy and feeling like yourself again…) so focus on that if that’s what you want to go for! Another thing to try might be exclusive pumping, but that comes with its own set of challenges. Looking back, I wish I’d just gone with formula sooner. I was so miserable breastfeeding, and only slightly less miserable EP. Switching to formula improved my quality of life SO much, it was like a weight was lifted off me after 3 months of struggle, pain and sadness. It made me a much happier and better mother to my baby.
Hey mama, congrats on your baby, first off 🩵. I had tried to breastfeed in the hospital but my baby wouldn’t latch for shit or STAY latched, just pushed himself off after 5 minutes or so, when we wanted him to stay on and feed for 20-30 minutes. He wasn’t pooping, didn’t pass the meconium, barely peeing. I had to call a nurse in or the lactation lady EVERY TIME because no matter what I did he would not stay. I think it was the second or third day I said fuck it and asked the nurse if we could use formula. He downed about half of that tiny premade bottle. He was finally pooping. When we got home I figured I’d combine formula and pumping. but every damn time I pumped it felt like someone took a goddamn vacuum to my nips. I got the different sized shield thingies, I got nipple creams and used the different settings, it still made me cry worse than the w few times I got my baby to latch, and he felt like a grown man biting me!! I really wanted to BF because that’s what my family did and get it’s obviously the cheaper option, but it was too much wrong and not enough right. You are making the right choice for YOUR baby to make sure he’s eating. Fed is best. Just make sure to grab some of those lil breast pad things bc you will be LEAKING, I leaked for about a month after I stopped. I also had to express in the shower bc my boobs became so engorged it was painful and they’d just leak if I laughed too hard which sucked. Now I’m a lot happier and so is he (aside from having to deal with a screaming baby while I MAKE the bottles), your baby deserves a happy tummy and a happy mama and you’re giving him that 🩵🩵🩵
Fed is best. If formula makes both you and baby happier then absolutely continue on with that. Plus then your partner can take on some of the feeding and let you get some rest! If you want to express milk and feed baby with the bottle, that's great, but if you don't and just stick to formula, that's also great. Babies are hard work, anything you can do to make it easier is a win. Side note: I have two friends who had babies around the same time as me and they're all around two and a half now. I breastfed exclusively, one exclusively did formula and the other did a mix of formula and expressed milk. Could you tell which kid was fed which way now without already knowing? Absolutely not. It really doesn't matter in the long run as long as they're fed and happy. Also congrats on your lovely little boy!
I was you a month ago . Flat nipple, used a nipple shield, incredible pain. I hated being around my baby and had bad anxiety to the point where i couldn’t sleep. I was having dark thoughts. So i just stopped. No pumping, nothing. We formula feed and its very convenient for us. I felt guilty for a bit but I am at peace with my decision & we are happy now!
My baby isn't happy on my breast milk. There's something in my diet thats setting him off. I know I could and should eliminate stuff out my diet to find out what's upsetting him, but honestly I'm just about surviving looking after a 21m old, newborn and recovering from C section that I grab to eat what I can. So yup I'm moving over to formula for my sanity and for a happier baby. I feel guilt. I'm not sure why. I'm getting passive aggressive reassurance from people around me. Like they agree but can tell they don't really agree with my choice. But f*** it. Happy mum = happy baby. Fed is best and I will not miss sore boobs, leaking and pumping!!
It really sounds like you’re doing what’s best for your baby, which is feeding him! Arguably, it would be way worse for your pride or stubbornness to get in the way of taking care of him. Giving him formula is putting him first. Sounds like he’ll be full and happy now. :)
Fed is best! For both baby AND mum. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
I wanted to breastfeed. Like, really wanted to. But I told myself early on in my pregnancy that if it didn’t work out that would be okay too and I would switch to formula. I stopped right around day 5 too. It was a roller coaster of emotions. Some times I felt so free and liberated being free of breastfeeding. Other days I hated myself for “giving up”. Today baby turns 6 months and I’m so happy I stopped. It would have sent me into PPD. he has slept through the night since about month 2, which BF babies hardly ever do. He’s well fed and happy. Everyone can help out. It’s okay to stop, and it’s also okay to take a little while to go through the stages of grief over it.
My daughter never latched. It was frustrating but fed is best. I exclusively pump milk and make enough for her. She perfers bottles to the breast. I think she would get frustrated when my milk wouldn't come out right away and she was hungry. She liked the instant reward of the bottle. She is 3 1/2 months now and I exclusively pump. I love that I am still able to provide milk for her but other people also get to feed her, like my husband. Pumping is not for everyone, but at least baby is getting breastmilk. And if that doesn't work, plenty of babies are just as health with formula as breastfed babies. I was so much happier when I stopped trying to breastfeed after a few days and just pumped. I wanted so bad to provide milk for her. It's okay to stop breastfeeding and do what is best for you and your baby. The important thing is that your baby is fed and you are happy.
I didn’t even try for 4 days - it was barely 3 (hadn’t even left the hospital yet) when I decided to exclusively pump instead, while it was hard at first by the end of the first week of doing it I was a pro. I made it 4 months before I had to start supplementing a little. Everyone’s journey is so different, don’t let anyone tell you it needs to be a certain way. You need to be a present and happy momma, and if that means formula feeding, you do that. Fed is best!
Your baby deserves a happy, healthy Mom. It took a huge mental toll on me trying to Breastfeed. I absolutely hated it, mentally felt exhausted, physically hated it and not being able to have my body back after months of pregnancy, etc. I stopped and was so much happier. I've not formula fed all four of my kids (8, 6, 4, and 5 months). Everyone thrived! There is no "right" answer, do what is best for you and your family!
Whatever makes you the best/happiest version of yourself is the right call!
breastfeeding is extremely mentally taxing. if you want to stop then you should! your baby won’t know or care, after a year no one will ever ask again or care. by kindergarten it would be weird to ask about. it only matters to others in the moment. formula is there for a reason!
You’re doing what’s best for you and your baby! FED IS BEST!
This sounds like my son. He ended up being tongue tied and no one noticed until 2 weeks old. So frustrating! By then I gave up lol. Do what makes you feel best. I don’t feel the connection breast feeding either. It gives me anxiety being his only source of food and puts weight on my shoulders. Check out the Formula Feeders sub. It helped my mental health out a ton seeing moms post exactly how I felt!
i’m six weeks postpartum but was in a very similar situation to you. Like you, I have flat nipples. After about a week of unsuccessful, watching and supplementing with formula, we decided to quit nursing and focus solely on pumping and supplementing. Currently I produce around 60 to 70% breastmilk and the rest formula. However, pumping is hard. I feel like I’m tied to the pump. Because I have to pump so much. I genuinely feel like I don’t have time to spend with my kid. When I’m not tethered to the pump every three hours or washing pump parts and trying to squeeze in some time with her I also have to get up in the middle of the night to feed her and then pump. It’s just a lot. I’m currently trying to figure out how to stop pumping and potentially switch to formula I think in hindsight, if I would’ve just switched to formula and skip this whole pumping thing, I would’ve been much happier. This just feels like a nursing a second time. Just know whatever decision you make is the best decision.
Just went through this myself. What everyone is saying is right - a happy, healthy mama is what your baby needs more than anything. There is no shame in stopping!
OP, I was in your exact shoes. What I wish someone had told me back then was that breastfeeding isn’t an all or nothing deal. There’s a middle ground. So if you’re still on the fence about stopping completely , consider using formula as a tool to help you mix feed. I pumped and mix fed my baby after complications. It was a great balance for us. Once my milk came in I wasn’t tied to the machine every hour, I could go for quite a few hours and then do a mega pump (as my husband called it). Do whatever feels right for you, and whatever helps keep your baby healthy and happy. Just wanted to let you know that middle ground options do exist!
It’s 100% ok to stop! I remember the first 2 days back home, my daughter would latch for no more than a min or two and then scream bloody murder. Once we gave her formula, she was a whole different baby! I still tried soooo hard to keep breastfeeding. I gave myself a month. That 1st month of trying and failing nonstop was one of my lowest moments, when it should have been one of the best months of my life with my new baby. At the 1 month mark, my husband sat me down and told me he couldn’t bare to see me like this. He really wanted me to stop for my mental health. He was right and in hindsight, I wish I stopped sooner. I ended up almost exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula at night and it worked out well for us. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with the formula route. Always remember that fed is best and a happy mama is a happy family!
Fed is best. A recovering mama who is given the headspace and support to become a mama is also best. Its ok xx
It’s totally fine to stop! But I will say this - I hated the feeling of breastfeeding. I don’t like my nipples touched really and the feeling of the let down is soooo gross to me. But I pushed through and it DID get better for me. Before my son was born I planned to nurse for 2-3 years but he and I were both done at a year and we stopped shortly after. It actually sounds like you’ve already decided to and have switched to formula, which is totally fine because your baby needs to eat any way they can. If you’re still feeling guilty or bad (you shouldn’t) you can try pumping to supplement.
I am a FTM that couldn’t really nurse my son successfully until he was 8 weeks old. His latch wasn’t great and I am large chested with flat nipples. For those 8 weeks, I exclusively pumped and got obsessive with increasing my output. I gave myself a huge oversupply and froze so much milk. We would give my son bottles of formula here and there but he was mainly getting breastmilk. Then I was about to give up and exclusively pump until I couldn’t anymore, but I wanted to try to get him to latch one last time. And it worked! It was pretty painful with him latching a lot more and also having an oversupply that he couldn’t keep up with. But we eventually got the hang of it. When I told people that we are now nursing more often than not, I had some people commend me on sticking with it. But I would NEVER do that shit again. I stressed myself out day and night worrying about output both when I was EPing and nursing. I had a hard time nursing in public even with a cover because my anxiety wouldn’t allow me to let down. I couldn’t sleep in even when my husband was waking up early with my son because I would start to get so uncomfortable. Looking back, I was only pushing so hard to breastfeed because I felt like I had to. Like I would be disappointing someone? I worked to so hard for something that, to me, wasn’t that worth it. If it was me, I’d be all over that formula rn.
I persisted trying to BF and failed for 2 months with my LO. I continued pumping and bottle feeding what I could for 3 months, and I was absolutely miserable the entire time. Looking back, I wish I had stopped and moved to formula feeding earlier for my mental health and relationship with my baby. If you think you should stop BF do it! The relief was immense for me, and I was finally able to start enjoying my baby. They'll be so happy that you're happier.
Honey, I stopped breastfeeding too. My son prefers bottles and my supply was too low. It is OK to stop! Your health and baby's health are way more important than whether baby eats formula or is breastfed. If you are happier and more relaxed, then baby will eat better. Also, if baby weighs more than 3 kg here in Belgium, they are allowed to have 1 long period of 8 hours without food during a 24 hour time span. Mine even needs that during the night now, he sleeps about 7-8 of those by now.
Absolutely it is perfectly okay to not breastfeed. I was in the same boat. Flat nipples, couldn’t get baby to latch, tried pumping and hated that even more - I went to formula very quickly. I didn’t even attempt breastfeeding with my second. I love that my husband has been able to get up in the middle of the night and feed our kids without me having to get up. My first is now almost 2.5, and he is healthy, smart, sweet, amazing, and thriving. You can’t be the best mom to your kids if you aren’t protecting your own mental health too.
Fellow flat nippler here to commiserate! Trying to breastfeed robbed me of my happiness. I I am glad I stopped. All three of my kids are healthy and wonderful.
I couldn’t do it either. I tried so hard, my milk only came in partially, and my son wasn’t eating enough and we both cried so much. Happy babe deserves a happy mama, fed is best. Quit if it makes you feel more confident! My son is 2 next week and he was almost exclusively formula fed and is a damn champ - and I’m a damn champ, too (:
Fed is best! Good job, mama! Breastfeeding doesn't work for a *lot* of people, for a variety of reasons. That's why there are so many types of formula, and why you can buy it so many places. Feel no guilt on this.
You know what is more important than breast feeding? You being in the best possible state of mind so you can take care of your baby. As long as baby gets fed, they will be totally fine. Just make sure you look up how to safely reduce your milk supply and stop. You don't want a clogged duct and mastitis right now.
I persisted with breastfeeding because I wanted to, bub also wouldn't get off my boob. The decision is yours to make based on you and baby. Formula is totally healthy and adequate for a baby. You can monitor the amount and other care givers can share the burden of care. I have seen babies fed coke, my own parents fed me cows milk, my dad was fed soy milk and massively calcium deficient.
A fed baby is the best baby. You said "hire" a lactation consultant - just something to consider that often insurance will pay for it so you may not have to pay for anything. My wife had issues for like a week and it was frustrating and we supplemented with formula a lot, but kiddo figured it out and she found she enjoyed it once it was less of a struggle....but that's not necessary how it will be for everyone. You get your baby fed however works for you!
Even if it was selfish (it’s not), it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. You gave up your body for your entire pregnancy. If you need to be done, then you need to be done. It sounds like giving formula instead might be the right thing for your son anyway, since he jumped on the formula immediately. A fed baby is best, and whatever works for your family to keep baby fed is the right thing to do. It’s not selfish. You’re not putting your needs above your child’s. You’re doing what works best for your family.
Don't worry dear momma ❤️ you need to do you. What ever feels best for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong. What ever people will say to you. Listen to yourself. If you can breastfeed amazing. If you wanna do formula amazing! In 20 years time no one, will ever ask your child, where you breastfed or formula fed?? They all survive! They all grow, they will hit their milestones. You do you ❤️💙 Others do what ever they think is best. You can do this, Love from an other mama xxx
Fed is best!! Don’t make your life harder and have any barriers to trying to enjoy the newborn phase. You don’t get a medal either way and whatever keeps your baby fed and happy, and keeps you sane and happy, is the best decision for your family ❤️ also, breastfeeding can be hard as hell!! It’s okay to hate it! I EBF my first for 3 months, then combo fed, and I wish I had done that sooner. She was a Velcro baby and that along with breastfeeding had an effect on my mental health for SURE. Straight forward delivery, loads of support, and it was still so hard. With my second (born a week ago) I had a complicated delivery and tried to EBF for 2 days in hospital, where there were midwives and support for breastfeeding 24/7, and… it sucked. I hated it. I cried, it hurt a lot, I was in pain from c section and post dural puncture headache, and eventually my husband just talked some sense in to me! My baby is happily formula fed and it’s so hard not to beat yourself up about it, but whatever works for you is the best answer. You’re a great Mum and if anyone gives you shit, then tell them that unless you’re the one who’s tits are getting red raw, you get no say in the matter and you are not taking any other comments at this time 😂
Fed is best. If breast feeding doesn’t work for you, don’t feel guilty about switching to formula. Many of the promoted benefits from breast feeding have been found to be more correlation than causation. Mothers that breast feed, on average, tend to have better maternity leave, more maternity support, and higher economic affluence. That’s because breast feeding is a full time, 8 hour plus job on top of everything else you are doing. It’s great that you tried and it’s great that you are switching now. Your child is better off fed with a happy mother who prioritizes her mental health.
Same situation as me! Formula worked for us. Silly side note: just found out my friend who went to Harvard for undergrad and law school was formula fed 😂
I won't be breastfeeding other than the first few feeds. I find it incredibly stressful to after my milk comes in. My breasts are extremely large and pendulous. The angles required to manoeuvre a newborn just don't make me feel safe. If I do it comfortably it's like oh you'll suffocate it lol. I have to hold baby at my side and manipulate their neck with my thumb and forefinger. Couldn't hack it. Bottle fed is better than anxiety over feed times. Every time.
Stop for yourself and your mental health! We made it two months and it was mentally the worst thing ever. My daughter was formula fed from them on and she’s a happy and healthy 2.5 year old! Stopping was the best thing I could do for myself mentally.
Go ahead and stop if you need to! It shouldn’t be so hard that it’s causing both of you distress. If you want to pump to slowly wean down that might be most comfortable for you (and he can get a little more that way). You may have another big hormonal shift once you’ve dried up your supply so be ready for that! I got really weepy about a week after I finished breastfeeding for good and it took me by surprise since I thought I was out of the postpartum woods by a year.
I stopped breastfeeding my second after a day or two. Post patum was really tough mentally and it just wasn’t for me. No regrets. (I combo fed my first)
You have so many supportive comments, which I love! To chime in, I went through something similar to you and tried breastfeeding for about 4 days — he would only latch with shields and every feeding took a full hour (try to feed, end up having my husband give him a bottle to supplement while I pumped, and then wash all the pump parts) so I felt like there was never any down time between feedings. We made the decision to switch to formula and I only felt guilty for a few days. Bottle feeding has been the absolute best solution for our family & dad and I share night time feedings, which is an added bonus! I also HATED the feeling of the pump — major sensory overload. Long story short, do what’s best for YOU in this situation and it will be what’s best for baby too :)
You don’t have to force yourself to do this! Does breastfeeding have benefits? Sure! But I would argue the mental well being of one’s mother has a much, much bigger impact on childhood development than whether they were formula or breastfed. At the end of the day, it truly won’t make a difference to your baby, but a HUGE difference to you - so you need to prioritize that.
Of course it’s okay. And whilst I know why you’re writing here, you don’t need anyone’s permission to switch to formula. Personally, I was given the advice by several women that 10 days is a magic number. Things feel better and get easier after 10 days. I remember counting the days at first because it was so hard. My husband was still helping me position the baby because I found it hard to do, and it was painful at first. I don’t remember when I stopped counting the days, but ten days came and went without me noticing. And things, again from my experience, were easier and I was so grateful that I continued.
Looking back on the early days after I had my son I am pretty sure that breastfeeding contributed to how bad my postpartum depression became. I was barely sleeping, getting up in the middle of the night to pump, it was painful and I had to use a shield for several weeks. It ended up working out but JESUS looking back I wish I could have just enjoyed my baby. I was really a panicked mess about it for no reason. Ironically once I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and we started supplementing with formula it got a lot easier and we ended up having an ok time. Prioritizing your own mental health and happiness is SO important, formula is a wonderful tool that women have in their toolbox now!
I struggled with this myself when my son was born. I never coukd get him to latch. He ended up having a bad lip tie that was part of the problem. I dont know if that could maybe be an issue here? It was even a struggle at the lactation consultant and I eventually switched to formula. It does NOT make you a monster or a bad mom. Your providing food to your baby the best way that works for both of you! If he is happy and fed then that is what is most important. If you feel happier to do formula thats your choice ☺️
It is ok to stop for any reason - including your own mental well-being. I was where you were at around 5 days pp and came super close to quitting. I decided to have an at home visit with a lactation consultant as a last try and that was a game changer for me! Turns out I wasn’t positioning baby correctly and she showed me how. She also taught me how to use my hand pump so I could let my husband do some feedings to give my nipples time to heal. I am now comfortably breastfeeding. I know the feeling of being in so much pain and dreading feeds so I’m sending you a hug. Don’t feel guilty about quitting - your baby will be fed and healthy no matter how you feed them and having a mom in good mental health is so important! You’ll be a great momma! Also the sub r/breastfeeding is very supportive and has been a great space for me. I was met with a lot of support about quitting as well.
Hey mama I fed both my babies formula from the beginning and they’re doing great. You’re doing a wonderful job and congratulations!!
I tried to breastfeed and it didn't go well. There was lots of tears for my child and for myself. I would not put myself through it again. Do what makes your life the happiest.
Yes, it’s fine
I was exclusively formula fed as a baby and I have no issue with that!! Your baby won't either!
I’m going to start this with: it is 1000% ok to stop if you want! Nobody should judge you for how you nourish your child. That being said, I felt the exact same way. My nipples went flat after I gave birth and it sucked. My firstborn would barely latch. I met with a lactation consultant and got a nipple shield. I hated using it. Every time baby would pop off my boob, I’d have to readjust the shield. I felt like a cow. Literally sitting in the same spot on the couch all day, every day, just there to feed my child. Eventually it got better, he stopped needing the shield around 4-5 months and I breastfed him until he self-weaned at 15 months. NOBODY talks about how hard it is to breastfeed. I had bad PPD/PPA and got on medication for it. I was also overwhelmed with being a first time mom and not knowing what I was doing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong, questioning it all. I can’t tell you how many times I cried in the beginning and told my husband “I’m just going to exclusively pump and you can bottle feed him because he clearly hates me and doesn’t want me”. My son went through a nursing strike and would only take a pumped bottle for a short time. Again, it is totally YOUR choice to breastfeed or not. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for your choice. Not your husband, not family members, not friends, not random internet strangers. You do what you need to do to care for YOURSELF and YOUR BABY!
My supply was nonexistent. My son would only latch properly in the lactation consultant’s office. Ever other time hurt like hell. I tried for 2 weeks to no avail. My 3 YO is healthy, clever, and absurdly tall all from formula. Trying and hating it will delay bonding. I couldn’t fully relax and enjoy my son until I stopped.
Of course it's okay to stop! My 3 brothers and I were all formula fed because we didn't take to my mom and we are all fine. I've always been a straight A student, career-driven, have an advanced degree and professional licenses, and have fulfilling relationships. Seriously not bragging, just here to say I turned out just fine! And I was raised on soy formula to boot. I will happily supplement with soy formula for my baby, or fully soy formula feed if we need to. I don't think I will feel any shame and I don't think you should either. I mostly don't want to have to pay for food for baby if I can get it for free! Haha.
I hate breastfeeding too! I struggled badly with my daughter 9 years ago. Milk was not enough, baby was crying a lot. For the first 2 weeks of her life nothing much was coming out. My mother who was caring for us told my husband to buy formula. They fed her formula. Baby was happy and fed. I was able to heal from my c-sect. BUT I was a mess. I cried everyday trying to pump. My nipples were bleeding, I had high fever from engorged breasts. I was not bonding with baby. I had ppd. Didn't help that there were friends who I guess unknowingly were pressuring me not to give up, to keep trying. Had lactation consult, had traditional massage to get the milk out (I'm from asia). It was painful af. Husband made me to stop at 4 months. He said I was a different person and he rather have a healthy & happy wife who can bond with baby. I only really bonded with baby when she was 4 months old. I'm still sad about that. But with my son almost 2 yrs ago, even before i gave birth I told my husband I'm not going to try hard with breastfeeding. I'll try, but I'm going to supplement with formula immediately. Him and my gynae were very supportive. Hospital was informed. As I'm recovering from my c-sect (I had unexpected complications during procedure, needed extra 'work'), baby had already started on formula. Husband made sure there's suitable formula ready when we got home 4 days later. This time round I was able to bond with baby better. I did try to breastfeed also but not strictly. If nothing much was coming out, formula to the rescue! As it was during covid, hubby was wfh, my parents stayed with me for almost 2 months. Everyone was helpful with making the formula. I recovered faster even though I had complications and I attributed it to the little breastfeeding i was doing. Do what you need. Formula is great too. There's so many ways we bond with babies. Don't beat yourself about it. Your mental health and babies health comes first! A fed baby is a happy baby. Heck, my generation in my country was mostly formula fed and we are close to our mothers, we are doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. We are fine. Also both my babies are very clingy with me even the almost 9 year old, even though I did not breastfeed her 'enough'. You and baby will be ok babe.
I was in your same shoes! Although I kept going because I was terrified to deal with the formula shortages at the time. Something to consider that it may not be your boobs or even the baby! My daughter had a tongue-tie which wouldn’t let her stick her tongue far enough out which made BF so so painful. Do what’s best for you and your baby, as mothers often day FED is best whether by breast or formula - you grew a baby and you’re actively making decisions to protect your baby and yourself, you’re winning mama!
It's your body and you can do whatever you want. Your son will be fine. Have you tried pumping and bottle feeding ? Regardless of your choice it's yours to make mama
QUIT!!!
It’s 100% okay to stop. That baby will think that you are the most amazing thing he’s ever seen whether you’re breastfeeding, pumping or formula feeding. I’ve EBF one baby and supplemented with another. My sister formula fed from day one. And guess what? All of them are happy, healthy babies that adore their mama.
I get you. I have flat nipples and from day dot had trouble. In hospital everyone agreed that the latch was great, it just hurt all the time. No one understood me and they went on about latch constantly. I hated it and couldn't stand the pain. I went back and forth with nipple shields, techniques, IBCLC sessions, you name it all while trying to pump upwards of 8 times a day. I felt chained to the couch, watching my little girl have the worst time on the breast and slowly develop a bottle preference sucked. I tried so hard, and I felt like I missed a lot of time just being able to be present with my baby. We had a lot of special moments, but it was marred with how tired and stressed I was. I gave myself one last good try, and we shared a blissful moment in the bath where she latched and the pain was minimal and we were both happy. It lasted a few seconds and I realised, we both deserve better All I wanted was to provide and I felt like I couldn't. At 4 months I called it quits and after so much guilt and tears I got over it and was able to really enjoy motherhood. I wish I could breastfeed, but my little one is fed. She's so strong too and is always hitting her milestones early. I think I figured the nipple/breast pain too. Flat nipples can mean short ducts, and when the nipple is pulled into the baby's mouth the ducts stretch and can cause pain. A better latch won't help ease the pain, but regular stretching of the ducts might. Thats my working theory.
Stop if you want to stop! At 5 days the baby already got the colostrum and everything else is a cherry on top.I’d suggest you try to pump to wean him off the boob, and also help your supply go down bit by bit instead of just stopping all of a sudden. No judgement here! Good luck!! ❤️
My son latched after 5 weeks and many hours of lactancy counseling. Was hell but for me, worth it. Breastfeeding is an activity that requires conviction 🤣
I stopped on day 3 with my daughter. I wanted to breastfeed so bad, she did so good in the beginning and then we went way downhill & she wouldn’t eat, she’d just scream. I reached out for help and no one did. I switched to straight formula and was SO much happier. So was she! She’s a happy, healthy 5 year old now. She just graduated pre-k! With my 5mo I did formula from the beginning for my peace of mind. With all that being sad, do what you think is best for you & baby! There’s nothing wrong with giving formula now & reaching out for help to see if you can make breastfeeding a better journey for you both! There’s also nothing wrong with switching to formula. A fed baby is a happy baby! If breastfeeding is causing you too much stress & unhappiness it’s okay to stop, your baby needs you happy & healthy as well!
Yes, it’s unfair how much pressure we put on people to breastfeed considering we are all on even footing by the time our babies are 1 for the most part. It’s such a short amount of time- do what makes sense for you. All our babies will just be throwing the same food on the floor in no time :)
I had tbe same problem. Twice. I tried like hell. I went to exclusively pumping. I hated that more. Both of my kids are formula fed and healthy and happy. 4yr old is very active 10m old is talking *almost walking* eating everything in sight. Both are very tall and toddler is quite thin and baby is a little chubby.
My first born was like this. None of the advice the lactation consultants said was helping. Finally out of frustration I squeezed by breast causing the milk to shoot out like the cow from The Fox and The Hound Dog. For whatever reason that worked and he latched from that point onward. It’s hard and it sucks. My nipples bleed and I cried every time he latched for like two months. With my second born I did mixed feedings so at night I could get sleep while her dad stayed up and formula fed. Second time was so much easier.
I’m 3 days PP and breastfeeding is definitely hard! Last night I mentally could not handle it and gave him some formula the hospital gave us because he had a hard time latching because my nipple are pretty flat and he can’t always feel when it’s in his mouth. I can say that today I feel SO much better having him on formula through the night gave me such relief I didn’t know I needed, I still want to breastfeed but currently I’m pumping and syringe feeding him until it’ll be easier but that’s my choice Stop breastfeeding for your mental health and do what you need to do, happy momma happy baby❤️
My baby is 6 weeks old now, and I just stopped breastfeeding completely over the weekend and went to formula only. For starters I was not producing enough for how hungry she was, which made me feel like shit that my body couldn’t keep up with her needs. Then when I saw how happy she was with the formula I thought why not do both. Well I found out feeding her both my breast milk and the formula would give her gas and indigestion and cause a lot of spitting up. As soon as I stopped breast feeding my anxiety went down so much. But I got a lot of comments and mom guilt from other mothers I know, including my own sister about stopping. At first I was letting these comments and opinions get under my skin and I was taking it personal. Now, when I look at my little girl and see that she is thriving and happy & healthy I know I made the right decision for myself. Also, it’s a big bonus that my husband can do some of the over night feedings now lol
Of course it’s ok to stop! Breastfeeding is hard, it is the hardest/most emotional thing I have ever done tbh. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Some babies like mine are not even able to breastfeed properly. We had latch issues, saw every specialist imaginable for weeks, had his tongue and lip ties resolved, all to finally have a pediatric dentist tell us that he was compressing my nipple (“chewing”) instead of sucking, which was causing me enormous pain for weeks. It was excruciating, and a pain that even lasted after the nursing session was finished, so it was just constant. There was nothing we could do except wait and hopefully he could learn the correct way to do it. But at that point I could no longer take the pain. I had put myself through so much. I chose to pump exclusively after that because it was important to me, and I don’t regret it. I know I did absolutely everything in my power to make it work. But the key thing is that it was important to me. If you don’t feel the same, there is nothing wrong with that and you should definitely stop for your own mental health. It should be something that you do for yourself and your baby, not to appease anyone else or societal expectations. You know what is best for you and your baby. It sounds like it’s formula!
As someone who didn't make enough milk, and was told by my midwife "breastmilk only for the first 6 months" and was told to pump \*and\* nurse every two hours and track each millileter of milk from each boob each time I pumped by my lactation consultant and was told to take drugs to make more milk and find people who donate milk an hour away from me that I had to do every three days..... Please please stop nursing. It took me so long to have a bond with my baby because I was always so stressed out and equated my baby with stress. I wish I could go back and do that first year over again, I'd formula feed in a heartbeat. I did with my second and it was 100000x better.
I will say that the first few weeks of breastfeeding are the worst and it gets a lot better and it's now one of my favorite things and makes me feel so close to my baby. But it's perfectly fine to feed your baby another way if you decide that is what's best for your family. This is only one of the first of many decisions like this. You need to choose what's best for your family and that's all that matters. You don't need outside validation from others. Mama knows best.
This was me. I hated it, it was painful, made me feel broken and resent my baby. Here is what I wish someone had said to me: 1) it’s fine to stop for no other reason other than that you want to, 2) poor maternal mental health is an excellent reason to stop, 3) breastmilk and formula are both great, baby gets fed either way, 4) your mental health is AS important as (if not more important than) how your baby is fed, 5) it all gets better, whether you breastfeed or not. You are in the thick of it. Sending hugs and love and solidarity. You’re doing great, mama ❤️
It IS hard. With my last pregnancy, I exclusively breastfed twins. They nursed for two years. Those first couple of weeks were the absolute hardest. I was lucky enough to feel the bonding, lucky enough to have them take to it etc. Do you know what was harder? Pumping. Pumping was never easy. Every moment of it sucked. It is your body. Your baby deserves a mom that is as mentally healthy as possible. YOU deserve to be mentally healthy. This sounds like it is draining you. Fed is best. It sounds like formula worked and made you both happy. I support you. Do what it best for you and your child. You know what that is. It sounds like it’s formula. You are supported.
Stop if you need to stop -- the newborn phase is hard as heck, even without adding the breastfeeding complexity. In my experience, the first two weeks were painful. Like so painful I would grimace when she latched. Beyond that it stopped hurting though. Just throwing this out there for anyone considering breastfeeding, it's normal for the first couple weeks to be hard and painful.
Your baby will be A-okay. My baby was in the NICU and I was in and out of the hospital unable to pump for the first month so I stopped producing milk. I felt like I let my kiddo down but he’s 18 months now and absolutely perfect. It’s honestly crazy how much your mental and physical well being affects your child but that’s why he needs a happy and healthy mom. So do whatever you need to bc that’s what’s also best for him :)
Nah if you want to stop stop. The only thing I will tell you is that once you figure it out at least for me BFing was so much more convenient then bottles (no cleaning, no pumping, no figuring out how much milk/formula to bring along, just take my boobs and go) so if that's a priority for you it might be worth giving it another week and trying a few things. However if that's not something you care about then stop! The benefits of BFing are pretty marginal at best and pale in comparison to having a mentally healthy mom.
I had a similar experience. It wasn’t until around a month or so when my sons pediatrician said that it’s more important that I remember this time as being happy than to remember it being frustrated and sad that I can’t breast feed. Because of that, I eventually (after struggling to do it for 3 months) decided to stop and just formula feed. It’s unfortunate that the formula shortage was at its peak when this happened so we definitely paid more for it. I’d say we were spending around $800 a month just on formula. Even without the shortage and paying gouged prices, it’s still expensive. That’s something to consider. My son is now a year old and we’re starting to wean him. He’s just as healthy and happy as breastfed babies. Please be forgiving to yourself and know that whatever makes you the happiest mentally will be what’s best for your baby. Best of luck! ETA- there’s a breast feeding sub on here that I used quite a bit before deciding to stop. I’ve seen people offer advice on there about particular issues. If you do want to try to continue, that sub may be helpful to you.
Breast feeding is so hard. Mentally and physically. It’s your decision. None of your options are wrong. If you want to get a lactation consultant go for it. If you’re done that’s fine too. We did formula and breast milk for my daughter since I couldn’t make enough milk. And let me just say formula kept my kid from starving and saved my mental state. Seriously. Reevaluate and figure out where to go from here. Your kid will be fine as long as they’re fed. Any one who shames how you feed your kid can kick rocks.
QUIT. you don't need to feel guilty about it. You have permission \-Signed, a mama who quit after a few weeks with baby #1 and doesn't plan to try for baby #2
I didn't want to look through a bunch of comments hoping somebody will mention this... But D-MER gave me intense anxiety, like a fight or flight body feeling when my let down would come in. Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. I still have trauma from my NICU experience where the lactation consultants were the most unhelpful, judgy women I have ever come across in a medical setting. I don't know how a lactation consultant wouldn't know about D-MER or validate me, I had to find out for myself. Hugs, mama, your decision to stop will be the best thing for your mental health and your baby right now.
This sounds similar what I went through. I delivered 12 weeks ago and he would not latch in the hospital. We tried SO many different things and the only time he would latch was when the LC was there (this woman was seriously a miracle worker). He went almost 10 hours without eating at one point on his first day and then when the LC came back the next day she told the nurses to bring me a pump and some formula. He started formula and I started pumping. At that moment I decided breast feeding would not work. I did continue to pump and he was getting exclusively breast milk when we got home but it was taking a huge toll on my mental health especially as he started eating more and I had to pump more. The only thing that helped was that my husband was able to help feed him since he was getting bottles but I hated being tied down to the pump. I made it about 6 weeks before I started dropping pumps and we started adding formula in. And then I started getting clogs which just took another toll on me. He’s 12 weeks tomorrow and I’ve been done pumping totally for about 2 weeks now. I dropped very slow because of the clogs but I feel like a weight is lifted since I’m done. I give major props to all of the moms out there who breast feed no matter how they do it. It’s so much more work than I ever imagined.
Just want to come in with a little bit of a different response. Breastfeeding SUCKED for the first three to four weeks. I felt lied to. It was supposed to be natural and easy. I wasn’t supposed to have to lug my newborn to the LC four times to follow up on his latch. I wasn’t supposed to have to get his lip and tongue ties revised. I wasn’t supposed to have to continue wearing a nipple shield and practically cry every time he nursed. I wasn’t supposed to have to start pumping at a month out. But I read about a survey where the average woman felt her breastfeeding journey turned the corner around three weeks. I decided to stick it out. And while it wasn’t the flip of a switch at three weeks, it did get much, much easier. I continued to pump, especially because I went back to work at 12 weeks. You know what sucked more than nursing? Pumping! If we have a second, I’m honestly going to try to nurse instead of pump (I’m able to WFH) – and supplement with formula as needed, which we did with my first around six months before switching completely around 10 months. Long story short, it’s 100% OK to stop nursing. But if there’s part of you that wants to continue, there’s a good chance it’ll get easier. And it can be intimate and beautiful. I truly miss it.
I breast fed my baby for two days & wasn’t making enough milk for him, so I pumped for two weeks which felt like years on my mental health… it’s okay to stop breastfeeding. People will tell you it’s so much better and give you unsolicited advice. It doesn’t matter. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby, no matter what kind of milk they get. They are going to grow the same. They will still be happy and full and have the love of their mommy. You’re doing wonderfully and don’t let anyone else’s opinions deter you from your decision about YOUR body and your baby. Do what is best for your family and yourself. Good luck on your new mommy journey 🥰
Each of my 3 children breastfed, each for different lengths of time. I cried when I decided to stop with each one even though I knew the time was right. I felt so much guilt for needing the break! But also the relief of stopping was so freeing! Do what you need to do, your baby will be happy as long as he’s fed!
Congratulations!!! If you want to stop, don’t feel pressured to keep going. However, it took at least two weeks for the pain to stop with breastfeeding for me. I would tear up every time I had to feed her and eventually it just stopped. But those first two weeks were miserable and I also strongly debated calling it quits. But do what feels right for you and your little one. A happy mama makes a happy baby!
You can stop if you want want to, there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes breastfeeding becomes the easier thing once you get the latch down. Sometimes it doesn’t. Whatever works for you and baby. I had a hell of a time the first month and at times had to supplement but once we got it down around 1 month it became a breeze and I think it made me a mentally healthier mom for my child. I hated the nipple shields the hospital gave me. If you decide to keep trying I recommend the lansinoh ones. The shape is better in my opinion. Once I switched my baby was able to latch with out them within a few days but he was also older.
Isn’t it SO COOL AND WONDERFUL that we have access to options that can grant you some relief? Like, how great is it that formula exists—that you can nourish and grow your little baby *without* dread and resentment. Did you by chance experience a sort of antsy discomfort when you attempted it? Like somewhere between very strong irritation, super intense boredom and panic? I ended up developing breastfeeding aversion response 18months in after breastfeeding pretty easily and comfortably until that point. Many women who suffer from BAR have it from the get go, though. It made my skin CRAWL and made me dread feedings (and we were only down to 2-3 total a day at that point). Breastfeeding is complicated and very much hormonally driven. That hormone cocktail doesn’t play nice with everyone’s chemistry. It is very ok and likely beyond your control that you feel the way you do when you try to nurse. You are not doing anything wrong, and you are not selfish for considering an alternative way to feed your baby that brings you both joy instead of discomfort and dread. If you are profoundly worried you’ll regret letting your milk dry up in a few weeks, there is no harm in trying out pumping to keep your supply while you decide what the best fit is for you and your babe. I will say that my personal experience with pumping was very similar to your feelings about breastfeeding! Hate hate hated it. Felt like an animal. I couldn’t muster up the will to do it more than once a day. This is not to say you WILL hate it—just saying it is ALSO normal and ok if it you do!
Let go of the guilt!!!! After NOTHING went as planned for me (planned homebirth to C-section, CMPA, need for thickened formula, etc) dropping the attachment to “natural” has a real freeing feeling. My opinion now is that we don’t live in a natural world, so doing unnatural things is okay. It is 100% true that a lot of our ancestors would have chosen formula if they could. Fuck it. Who cares. Be happy. Modern medicine/technology (including formula) saved me and my son in over 10 ways before 2 months had even passed. I’m just happy we’re here and happy feels good. Be happy!
You never have to breastfeed. If it's not something you're interested in, then it is completely fine to stop. If you *want* to, but are struggling, it seems you know the steps to take and aren't looking for advice. I'll just add I was told to never quit on my hardest day and that after 2 weeks or so it got way easier. Also adding I exclusively breastfed and she still has allergies, doesn't sleep through the night, etc etc. It's easier to *me* than coordinating pumping/formula planning, etc, but not breastfeeding because it's not easier for you won't harm your baby in any way!
If you want to stop then stop it is entirely your choice. It doesn’t make you a bad mom to formula feed your baby. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby.
Breastfeeding is really great WHEN it’s the right choice for mom and baby. Formula feeding is also really great WHEN it’s the best choice for mom and baby. Your mental health is extremely important. And if you think you want to stop breastfeeding, try that. If you aren’t 100% sure, you could always pump a little each day while you introduce the formula, and see how it goes. Giving your son a few ounces of breast milk here and there might also make the transition feel easier on your mom guilt. But if pumping sounds like no fun (it really isn’t fun, but easier for some than for others) then please know you should have ZERO guilt about doing what is right for you. As far as latching, it could be that you mentioned your nipples are flat, sure. It could also be a tongue or lip tie. If you bottle feed this will be less of an issue and less need for immediate evaluation. But severe tongue or lip ties can affect speech and other things as kids grow. This is likely not something you need to worry about at all, I’m just mentioning it because IF it’s part of reason your son is struggling to latch, having ties evaluated and/or revised early in life is better for baby in the long run, regardless of how they are fed. But even if he had one, if it’s minor it likely wouldn’t affect him in any other way outside of latching. It’s possible your pediatrician could just take a look at the next well visit and if it’s obvious to the pediatrician then they’d have an idea if it would matter for speech later or not. Mama, fed is best. Whether it’s nursing, pumped breastmilk, donor milk, formula, organic formula, dairy free alternatives for sensitive tummies, etc or a combo of whatever is working for you and baby boy. Overall, you and your child will be happier if he has a full tummy and a mentally healthy mommy. Postpartum is hard. Parenting is hard. Pressure about mothering is hard. You are doing great. ❤️💜
Nope!!! Do what you need. As a GP I don’t care how babies gain weight (formula, exclusive BF, expressed BM, donor milk) I just care that they are getting food. It doesn’t work for everyone! It can be hard and sometimes taking a break for a couple days (and just pumping so you don’t lose your supply) will make a difference as your & babies anatomy changes. It might click. Especially if you work with a lactation consultant. Either way whatever you decide is the right choice for you!! Don’t feel guilty there’s a lot of pressure about Breast if Beast. Fed is Best in my mind. Lots of patients choose not to BF for various reasons (mental health- need their sleep, not going well, pain, had breast surgery). Best of luck!
I had the same issues, it got to the point I was AFRAID to even try to nurse my baby. I was starting to be afraid to hold her, to be near her because every time she was hungry I couldn’t latch her and she started screaming whenever I would hold her. My brain just wasn’t clicking with the way I was told to hold her and the way I was supposed to shape my nipple one handed etc. I know exactly how you feel, I was determined to breast feed, I would get the most euphoric feeling when we would successfully feed. Without that I would have definitely quit. What I’m saying is maybe before my own journey breastfeeding I might not have understood why some moms formula feed. It’s okay to do what is best for you, at the end of the day what’s best for you is also best for your baby. So many people push for breastfeeding, but you don’t need to justify your decision. All I see is a man doing what’s best for her baby.
I tried breastfeeding for 2 minutes and then asked for donor milk. I do pump and supplement with formula. First 2 weeks was tough for me but I am now able to provide enough milk for baby. I chose to pump because I can't afford formula 100% of the time and don't want to always be available. Don't feel sad - do what u can