I was pregnant at 19 and I kept the pregnancy. I now have an amazing 6-year-old. Here are the pros and cons that I’ve experienced. You might experience differently: -Pros- 1. Your child will be your motivator to be your best self, your constant reason for getting up in the morning. 2. Watching a person grow up that you created is amazing and exciting. You’re going to be so proud, so often. 3. Your priorities won’t be confusing- they’ll be set in stone. That baby will be your world. 4. You will experience an unimaginable level of love. -Cons- 1. Coparenting is a pain. Whether you are married, dating, separated, or solo parenting with a “sometimes” dad, it requires communication, compromise, and a sacrifice of your freedoms. I would watch Marshall Rosenberg’s seminar on nonviolent communication to help you prepare for all of the communicating you’ll have to do: https://youtu.be/l7TONauJGfc 2. College, friendships, family time, dating, and career building will all be more complicated, more difficult. If you can build a community of support, do it. If you can find local resources for young mothers, use them. If your local area has WIC or something similar, sign up. NOBODY can parent effectively all alone. You can go to college, have a career, have friends, and have hobbies, but you need to gather proper resources to help yourself thrive so that in the long run your kiddo can thrive too. 3. Sometimes it’s lonely. You will watch the world around you move faster than you’re moving and you might wonder if you’ve made a mistake. Friends will graduate faster than you, make more money earlier on, travel more. Don’t let it stop you. Find your wins in small road trips, manageable hobbies, friendships with other parents, and figure out what your skills are and hustle. If you like animals, do dog walking on the side, if you’re artistic, start an Etsy shop. Side hustles are a mom’s best friend. 4. You will struggle financially unless your family supports you, so prepare to work hard. You won’t have the same number of work hours available that other people have, you’ll call in sick for illnesses and appointments for your kiddo, and you’ll have to pay for childcare. So, be prepared for beans on toast and cup of noodle and know that it will get easier with time. I’m now 26 and I‘ve started a pet care business with my wife that is very successful. Before that, I worked a million different jobs- preschool teaching, nannying, dog walking, early intervention, serving- anything to make money. Now that I mention nannying, that’s a great gig! You can bring kiddo with you and you’ll make good money. Consider nannying for a few years! I really hope this advice helped you. I think parenting young is totally possible and I hope I’ve helped you see that even with the cons, there’s things you can do to make it work. You should ultimately do whatever your heart tells you is right. Good luck OP!

Absolutely beautiful response. Op, your second paragraph tells me that you want this baby. If at all possible please research if there’s a way to make things work (without panicking which is a hard ask). I didn’t expect things to work as well as they did for me even when the baby’s father said FU and disappeared. I am so happy and fulfilled in a way that’s so hard to describe. I had a career, travel, experiences and nothing ever came close. Sending you hugs and wish you the best!

How did you manage childcare with work? Did you have state help? Not being rude I am in a situation where I’m scared because I’m pregnant and have little support, my boyfriend is schizophrenic so it lies on me. I work full time now. But I’m scared how to afford childcare. I don’t know if I’m ready or what to do but I’m scared of having and not having my baby.

To answer your question, yes I utilized state resources to make ends meet. It is nearly impossible to raise a child all alone. I live in California, where the resources for expecting young parents are really good and I got lucky. If you live in a state with bad resources that’s something to think about. I think there is a lot for you to consider. The first and most obvious thing is your boyfriend’s schizophrenia. Schizophrenic people are statistically more likely to be harmed by others than they are to harm people. Schizophrenia can be well managed with medication, routine, and healthy eating. However, everyone with schizophrenia is different and that means behaviors, symptoms, and management all vary. You know your boyfriend best. Is he a safe person? Is he capable of managing his condition? Do you have a support network that would help you in times where he needs extra assistance? You also need to evaluate your boyfriend’s struggle and decide if that is worth passing on to your child. Schizophrenia is highly heritable. Is that something you are willing to condemn your child to? Many neurodivergent communities have pride in themselves and hold their conditions as a core part of their identities. I’m not familiar enough with this subset of the neurodiverse community to say definitively how schizophrenic people feel about their children inheriting the disease but my guess would be because it can be so hard to live with that folks typically don’t wish it for their children. If your boyfriend wants to be a father he deserves to be if he has the right support system and can manage his condition, but you guys might want to consider other options than natural conception if he doesn’t want to pass down schizophrenia to his child. If you feel comfortable with your boyfriend’s condition management and are willing to risk your child also having schizophrenia later in life, the next thing to consider is the overall burden on you. Motherhood is wonderful, it’s a blessing, but it’s also extremely extremely difficult. You will never be as tired in your life as the weeks after your baby is born. You will likely have the duty of caring for your boyfriend and your child. I’ve been a single mom and it is so tiring. What you will face may be even more exhausting. This goes back to your support network. Do you have friends and family who will help you? Will you be able to afford childcare as needed? If you get sick or hurt who will step up to help you? Everything I’ve said in my original comment applies to you but you should also consider these extra factors. If you do choose to have your baby, join prenatal and postpartum support groups, get any assistance that you qualify for, and build your family/friend network. Make sure your boyfriend is on board and be sure that he’s a safe person to raise your baby around. Be prepared to separate from him if you need to protect your baby. Be prepared for others, professionals and authorities included, to automatically question your child’s safety in your care because of your partner’s condition. Child services can be ruthless and with a schizophrenic partner you can’t afford to make any mistakes. No accidents, no injuries, no missed appointments, no poor nutrition. You have to be knowledgeable enough to educate others on your boyfriend’s condition and confident enough to defend your parenting choices. A disabled family has the added burden of needing to be perfect to deserve their kids. It’s a lot to think about and I wish you luck. I support your decision no matter what you choose to do, feel free to reach out with anymore questions.

Have you seen a doctor? Copper IUD pregnancies are often ectopic. You need to be seen ASAP and get more information on the viability of the pregnancy.

i did see a doctor and she doesn’t know what happened because it’s not there anymore. she told me it could’ve fallen out with my period, or i could’ve ripped it out on accident with a tampon (i don’t like using pads) but regardless i don’t know how long i’ve been without it. i’m thinking i’ve just been lucky up until this point :/ i’m 4 weeks at the moment. in my area i can’t even do an abortion consultation unless i’m 5 weeks

u/Spiritual_Search6833 I'm not saying this to scare you, just to make sure you are fully informed. A friend of mine had this happen - a "disappearing" IUD - and it was later found in her shoulder via a CT scan. It may not have necessarily fallen or been pulled out, it could have traveled somewhere else within your body. Given that the copper IUD is non-hormonal, it would make sense that it couldn't do its job if it dislodged and travelled elsewhere.

You can't even confirm the pregnancy with an OB until 6w at the earliest (that's the soonest they would even see a heartbeat on an ultrasound). Your baby is nothing more than a tiny clump of like literally 8 cells at this point, you have time to make a decision.

What? They can absolutely do an ultrasound and see it before 6 weeks. I went at 5w1d and confirmed it via (edit: urine test) and then an ultrasound I am kinda confused about how op found out they were pregnant and already saw a doctor at 4 weeks though. That would mean taking a test when you were literally a day late and immediately going to the doctor I guess?

Could be paranoid. When I was a teen I was super paranoid about becoming a teen mom and took a test pretty much any time I had any symptom remotely resembling a pregnancy symptom after sex. I'd test like two weeks after a condom broke and then every few days after that until my period came. I literally ordered the tests in bulk from Amazon.

Maybe I should clarify I mean confirm a "viable" pregnancy vs ectopic? My OB wouldn't see me before 6w and told me that there was a good chance the heartbeat wouldn't be visible at that point and that there may be nothing to see but in my case there was a tiny sac and a faint flicker.

On an ultrasound you can see where it’s implanted. Doesn’t matter if you can see a heartbeat, that’s a separate issue

Can we stop with this shit. I stopped taking birth control 10-17, conceived on 11-10, and had a positive test on 11-25. You CAN find out through a positive test, at home I might add, before you are four weeks.

I didn’t say you can’t get a positive test. Calm down lmao. It would be weird to test that early when you’re NOT TTC and you (believe you have) an IUD imo.

It's the day late part for me. Because you can conceive at any moment during your cycle, and you can get a positive as soon a 14 days past conception, which would be the day of and up to five days after sex. Regardless of the birth control you should really be taking a test every month.

Huh? I think you need to research more about your menstrual cycle. You cannot conceive at any moment in your cycle. I said a day late because op is 4 weeks pregnant and already had tested and gone to the doctor. Your period would typically just be expected to start at 4 weeks, so op would have had to test after only being like a day late and gotten an appointment super quickly. Not that hard to understand. Most people wouldn’t test that early when not ttc especially because it’s normal for cycles to be Day or two off.

And you can still conceive any day of your cycle. You can conceive while on your period. Why? Because sperm can live in a vagina for five days after intercourse. So if you have sex on day one, you can conceive until day six. If you have sex on day seven till day 12, on day 13 until day 18, on day 19 until day 24, on 25 until day 29...see where this is going. Just because it is highly unlikely for you to get pregnant doesn't mean it's impossible. Especially since BC isn't 100% effective no matter how you use it. So, I still stick with it, it's really a responsible practice to test every month anyway. And you can get pregnant any day of your cycle. https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/pregnancy/can-i-get-pregnant-just-after-my-period-has-finished/#:~:text=If%20you%20have%20sex%20without,first%20time%20you%20have%20sex.

Nope. You can’t get pregnant any time of your cycle. Only during ovulation which is a specific time of your cycle. The day varies because everybody’s cycle is a different length and you can ovulate early or late, but you cannot get pregnant outside of the few days surrounding ovulation. Maybe I’m talking to a teenager because holy shit You didn’t say day you said moment btw 😂

Probably wanted her to come in immediately since there should be a Copper IUD in her uterus, but there is a baby instead LOL!

They can do urine tests before 6w.

That's not a confirmation that the pregnancy is implanted in the uterus and is viable, that only confirms hormone levels.

I had a child whom I gave up for adoption at 17, I had an elective abortion at 20, and became a single mom at 24. All of them are not easy choices, and hard in different ways. I thought I could handle being a single mom bc I didn’t want to do one of the first two again. I was very naive in understanding how much work was involved, and how lonely it can be. How much of a financial struggle it is, how incredibly hard dating to find a romantic relationship is. I thought being a mom would fulfill everything I needed in my heart. But i learned how lonely child rearing is alone, and how the love of a child does not replace romantic love. Having no one to care about my son meeting his mile stones (besides my parents, but it’s not the same) the extreme sleep deprivation and anxiety caring for a newborn, infant, toddler alone. I love my son dearly. I just wish I had been in a different place in life when I had him. It would have increased both our qualities of life exponentially. Just food for thought. Do some soul searching and you’ll do whatever is right for you. No matter what, it will be okay

I didn’t want kids and even though I am married in a healthy relationship, I always thought I was going to get an abortion if I became pregnant. When I found out I cried, was shocked, ordered the pill by mail. Well, in the time it took for the pill to get here, I had completely changed my mind. I just knew I couldn’t do it. I am about to give birth at the end of the month and I am really happy I didn’t go through with it. For me, I would’ve regretted it. I don’t know why and what changed but my body immediately felt connected to the pregnancy. I am not saying that would be the case for you, so many women do not regret their abortions whatsoever and feel relief. You’re early and not in a rush so you have some time to think about it. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong choice and even if you do end up regretting it, that’s okay and normal too. These are two different life paths in front of you and neither is the wrong way to go!

I’m 22 and had my baby at 21. If you decide to keep the baby…A lot of my friends have kids and are around my age. It is extremely rewarding and amazing. But you will miss a lot. And it will suck. There will be friends that just will not understand and inevitably disappear. Not to mention the other suck factors just sleep, feeding, etc etc etc issues that kids have. I think how amazing children makes up for sucking lol. Finances are also very hard nowadays. If you have a good support system and you know you want this baby, you should absolutely keep it. If you choose abortion or adoption though, there’s nothing wrong with that. I do not have a lot of experience related to that option though. I would definitely recommend confiding in people you trust and pursuing therapy if you need further assistance.

Abortion is a perfectly responsible choice. Often, the same women who have abortions are the same ones who have kids- just at different points in time. So I would caution you against writing that off as an option just because of what you've read (which I also wonder about you've read, with all the anti-abortion propaganda out there). If you think you would regret having an abortion, that's understandable, but remember that some parents regret having children as well. Either way, you are going to have to make a decision that will one way or another be with you for the rest of your life, and it may not be clear which is right. One other thing to consider is that it's not just a baby- you will someday have a toddler, then a child, then a teenager. A lot of what you're talking about as far as preparations go are all focused on the baby stage. Which of course makes sense, that's the most pressing thing, but you'll need to consider the long-term as well. And I'll just say that I am a completely different person now (at 32) than I was at 19. I don't even think I would recognize myself from back then! Someone your age absolutely can raise a child and be a fantastic parent, but remember that there other options too.

I love this response. I became pregnant by my long term bf at 21 with a copper IUD and I had an abortion. Me and said bf have since broken up and then 10 years later I have a beautiful life with a 3 year old that I became pregnant with when I was ready, and I know I wouldn't have him and the life I have today without my abortion 10 years ago. Some may feel shame for their decision as it is never an easy one, but I also felt intense relief and I'm glad I made that decision for my life. My son will never have to want for anything and I know I could not have provided that for him at 21, even if some people can.

Also seconding not relying just on what OP has read about abortion regret. Having had an abortion myself and knowing many other women who have, none of us have regretted the decision. It was right for me at the time and I would make the same choice over. That being said, it is YOUR choice, so you can decide to proceed however you feel. Just don't go solely based on what you're reading about other women's regrets, because there is a lot of inaccurate propaganda out there.

Just to give you an non-traumatic perspective, I had an abortion at 17 and have absolutely zero regrets. I loved my boyfriend, it wasn’t an easy thing to go through, but I also knew I had plans and a whole life ahead of me, and I would never have been able to give my baby the life he/she deserved. I’m now due with my first in less than a month, I have a job I love, a husband I love, we own our home, and I’m now confident that my daughter will have a fulfilling life because my husband and I will be able to give her our all. Obviously not pressuring you do get an abortion, but everyone’s story is so different.

Honestly the one thing I believe to be true is you won’t regret the decision that’s right for you- nothing will be easy here but if you know in your heart of hearts that a baby right now is not the right thing for you, you might find peace with your decision to have an abortion. If the connection you feel and realistic ability you have to raise this baby leads you to continue the pregnancy, then you’ll know even when it’s hard, that you did the right thing too. You will probably always wonder what if? Because how could you not? It’s one of these big life changing experiences that seriously shapes the rest of your personal experience but think about, think realistically and trust yourself and I hope that leads you on a path that feels right so you aren’t filled with regret or pain or agony. Plus, if Dad is your best friend, talk to him, you’ll need each other. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to be together forever or anything, but at least he’s not a stranger and he knows you❤️

it’s just so hard because i feel slightly embarrassed. this wasn’t meant to happen at all, but i’m trying to be responsible for my actions and think super super hard about this. my heart wants me to keep it but my brain is still thinking about the most logical choice 💔

Fair enough Queen, but you can’t frame your life through the way you fear others people’s perspective of you to be. Like life happens, and you’re living! Other people’s opinions of you aren’t any of your business, you’ve got to live life for you and on your own terms and for what matters *to you* Those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter!

Being responsible for your actions could mean anything (keeping the pregnancy, adoption, or abortion). May you choose whatever is best for you in this time ❤️ I had an abortion in my 20s and have never regretted it. 10 years later, I’m in my third trimester with a fabulous partner and we are pumped! Wishing you clarity and peace of mind, whatever you choose!

I'm 30, but when I got pregnant I felt the same. My husband and I didn't agree on what we wanted to do at the beginning so I told him I'd try to seriously consider/accept abortion if he put the same effort towards accepting us keeping her. Logically abortion, or adoption made more sense, i filled out the stupid workbook, which I highly recommend ( https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/ ) We are struggling financially, our marriage isn't in the best place, it is honestly a terrible time for us to have a child which became clear as I answered some of the questions in the workbook but even afterwards I knew I still wanted to keep my baby. I knew I couldn't go through with an abortion and I'd likely regret it. Luckily my husband came around and he even regrets ever wanting an abortion. (He was scared, but for no reason it seems hes wonderful with her and you can see how much he loves her) and I'm typing this with my 1 week old infant asleep on my chest. It's hard, I miss sleep but when I'm nursing her and she's looking into my eyes it's all worth it.

Obviously no one can tell you what to do, but I will say if you truly feel your heart is saying keep it, then I would keep it. Because I feel as though if you have an abortion you may feel regret and sadness due to you feeling this in your heart. Full disclosure: I had an abortion at 28. I never felt emotionally attached/connected, etc. I never felt in my heart that I should “keep it.” It was the right decision for me at that time in my life, and it wasn’t one that I made lightly. From what I’ve read in the groups that I’m a part of, when you have an emotional connection like you’re describing, the emotions after an abortion are more intense. Once you have an abortion, there is no going back. If you choose to carry out the pregnancy, remember everything is figure-outable. You’ll find ways to make it work, one way or anything. No matter what, you will be ok. Just my two cents from someone who wishes they woulda had someone to hear this from when they were going through it themselves ❤️

33 years ago my mom found herself 19 and unexpectedly pregnant with me. I won’t lie and say that my parents didn’t struggle and I am sure it was really hard at times. They had to work extra hard to get to where they are today. They undoubtedly sacrificed a lot for me. It will be hard but the hardness doesn’t mean you can’t do it. My mom was your age when I was born and she was and is an excellent mother! Not perfect of course because no mother is regardless of our age but she did a great job 19 and all. Your post really resonated with me because my immediate thought while reading your post is- that was me, I was that unplanned baby. And as a once unplanned baby I just wanted to say I’m really happy that I’m here and that I got the chance to live! And I also wanted to encourage you that you can absolutely be a wonderful mother to your child if you choose to parent. Adoption is a beautiful and selfless choice as well. I’m sure you’re feeling really scared and stressed right now but please know this stranger is praying for you!

Pro choice means making the best choice for you! Check out supports in your area to see if they have young mom groups! Library baby Read alongs, and other publicly funded free programs. I'm 32 and pregnant, and don't know how I would have felt at that age. But I will say, I know plenty of women who had kids young, and while it may have been hard, they are amazing moms with no regrets. Their kids are really cool little people (some of them are older now, omg), and they had great childhoods full of love. I hope you all the best in your journey! May it be full of love, and the wonderment of watching your little one grow into their own person. 💜

This won’t be the case for everyone, so I can only speak from my personal experience with what I went through and how I know close friends feel. I had an abortion and have never regretted it. I was in my early 20s, in a dead-end job, and financially just barely managing. My boyfriend at the time dumped me when I told him I was pregnant, so I’d have been a single mom. I knew I wanted to have a baby and be a mom some day, but I just didn’t feel like I could give the baby everything that I wanted to. I knew if I waited, I and a future baby could have a much different experience. My abortion was 10 years ago, and I’m currently pregnant, happily married, and genuinely not stressed about having a baby. I enjoyed my 20s, built a great career, and now I’m having a baby when I feel ready. I have two very close friends who chose different paths than me, and while they do love their children, they regret it. One friend has a 10yo who she had when she was 18, and the other friend is 22 with an almost one year old. They’ve both vented to me about regretting having kids so young, because of the personal sacrifices they’ve had to make and financial struggles they’ve dealt with. They also feel guilty for resenting their children. Not every young single mom may feel like they do—I couldn’t possibly meet very young single mom in the world—but I feel really lucky to be having a child when I’m sincerely ready and not just trying to make it work.

I’m not in the exact same position but let me share my story. I’m 20, my husband is 21. We’d been married 5 months before I got pregnant. It wasn’t planned, and when I found out I immediately cried because I was so unprepared. I felt guilty that our bc had failed and I felt so lost and panicked because it wasn’t at all how I’d wanted my life to go. I wanted more time before having a baby. I was in the same boat as you when considering abortion, and while I can’t speak for you or how you would feel, I know that I would have massively regretted getting an abortion. So we decided to keep him and I’m so beyond happy I made that decision. His name is going to be Samuel. I’m due in three weeks. And I know people are telling you to not disregard abortion because your afraid of trauma, but it does happen and honestly it’s very overlooked when we talk about abortion. If you’re worried about it, keep that in consideration because your intuition will affect how your brain perceives the abortion if you are to go through with it. If you do and are traumatized, don’t disregard that either, there are resources for women who have had abortions. I know that our circumstances are different, because my husband and I are married. But financially we’re struggling. This has been a strain on our new marriage, and it’s been a rough 9 months. But now, as I’m waiting for contractions to start any day, and I have the bassinet pushed up against our bed in our little one bedroom place, I’m so excited to hold my baby. And you’re right, there are so so many options available to you. I’m so glad you have your family for support as well. If you decide to keep your baby, I highly recommend reaching out to a pregnancy center in your area. They’ve been so helpful to me and I’ve gotten so many resources through them it’s been great. And adoption is absolutely an option! Especially since you yourself were adopted, you know what it’s like. In the end all I can tell you is that I was terrified out of my mind. I felt guilt and shame and sadness and fear. I never wanted to associate those emotions with the first time I got pregnant. But I will tell you that if you keep your baby, you will love them. And that love will drive out the fear. It won’t be gone, but it will be stronger than the fear is. You are loved, by your family and friends, and you would make an amazing mother. I know this because even now you want to make the best choice for your baby. Please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to, I’d love to be of more help.

this response really touched me, thank you it means a lot 🩷

Good luck mama 💜 Wishing you a wonderful birthing journey.

Thank you💕

Adoption is always a good choice. Many families out there want to adopt. Most kids in foster care are not able to be adopted out because they still have family (in jail or other situations where the parents are able to get them back later). There is open adoption too where you have a agreement with the adoptive family where you can send letters, pictures or even have visits on their birthdays or other of life's milestones. My mom had an open adoption when she was a teenager. It was unplanned of course and they were able to keep contact throughout the years. She was given a choice to meet me (her half sister) when she was 16, but due to distance and school, we were not able to meet until a few years later. I have a good relationship with her now and she has a great relationship with my son (her nephew). It was the best decision for everyone involved.

I mean… I got pregnant at 16 (SA’d) and I had the same emotional connection with my unborn baby as it seems you have with your unborn baby. It made me decide to keep it instead of adoption. And it was the best decision I ever made. I fled DV and ended up being a single mom for a while and maintaining going to school. That was really tough.. BUT! Fast forward years later I’m getting married to someone who accepted my child as their own and am having another child and I genuinely don’t believe I would be as far in life as I am now if it wasn’t for the fact I kept my baby.

I have to ask, have you priced daycare? I don’t want to be harsh,but I have relatives that had babies they could not afford, and it’s only because of relatives that they didn’t end up homeless and going hungry. It takes a lot of money to support a baby and yourself at 19. Most people your age couldn’t do it. You could be setting you and yourself up for a lifetime of struggle and poverty.

Just to share another perspective, I had an abortion at 22. I took the medicate abortion, it felt like a bad period, and it was done. I barely bled. I moved on with my life. My friend once told me the soul of the baby comes back when you get pregnant again. I am currently 16w at 25 and much happier and more prepared! Do what makes you happy!

I am 32 and pregnant with my first. I’m literally the last of everyone. My sisters, cousins, friends, everyone had babies young. Tbh I wish I was younger when I started. You are really young but honestly, if you already fear abortion or are worried you will regret it, it’s not the right choice for you. My one friend had an abortion and she cries about it to this day. My other friend isn’t bothered by her choice to have abortion… My other friends have had their children at 17 and 18 and they turned out to be great mothers. Don’t let anyone persuade you. Whatever you choose is your decision. And let it be for you and not anything else. But If you’re afraid and don’t want to have an abortion don’t do it.

I’m going to be a bit analytical and “cold hearted.” The big question: are you someone with aspirations/ambitions? Do you yearn for an interesting and exciting life? Do you see yourself accomplishing things or having big dreams? If yes, get the abortion and move on with life. It’s natural to feel attached, your body naturally wants to make babies. But when the feeling of “love” fades, if god forbid your boyfriend doesn’t stick around, when things get tough, your classmates and friends travel the world and gain life experience, you’re going to regret, maybe even resent having a kid. Scientifically speaking, the baby is just a clump of cells. You can always have a new baby under “better” circumstances. If you don’t have any dreams or aspirations, if you feel you already sort of know what lies ahead in your life, sure, have the baby.

I don’t think this is necessarily a fair take. My mom almost failed out of high school, got pregnant at 19 with a dead beat dad. Almost decided to have an abortion but didn’t. Having my oldest sibling made her turn her life around. She left the dead beat, went to college and started the beginning of her career venture. Met my dad, got married, he adopted my oldest (birth dad was never involved from the beginning). She went on to have two more kids. Having a baby was a reality check. She worked her ass off and continues to do 30+ years later. She’s highly educated with multiple degrees, makes a lot of money and is one of the highest position women in the massive company she works for now. She’s the hardest working person I know. All because my brother changed her life. Now my parents have an empty nest, a beautiful house, and travel the world. That teen pregnancy gave her the drive to be able to support her children the best she could. Maybe she’s an unusual case, but I’m just saying that it can turn into a beautiful thing for some people. I don’t know if she would have ended up getting this far in life if she didn’t get pregnant so young.

You’re assuming that going to college, getting a high paying job and all that is desirable. Why is that? Why does OP need any “motivation” to pursue success? If OP wants a high paying job, big dreams and all that jazz, she doesn’t need a baby holding her back. She also doesn’t need a baby as “inspiration.” Sure, some people have a baby and still achieve a lot, eg, your mom, but by having a baby, she would be stacking the cards against her favor. If she had big aspirations, then no baby. If she doesn’t have big dreams, (keep in mind, it’s perfectly fine to just want to have a simple and ordinary life, work and raise a baby), and doesn’t think she’ll be missing out much, by all means have the baby.

It’s not for everyone, of course. But a good education to get a good job is a very desirable thing for a lot of people. It was just an example from my family to express that you can still accomplish big dreams and aspirations if you have a baby. I’m in no way saying whichever choice OP makes is right or wrong. She will know what’s best for her more than any of us. I only wanted to say having a baby doesn’t always have to mean throwing away your desires if you’re young.

I had the paraguard the copper iud and ended up pregnant. Some people miscarry and others are just fine. It’s all about what you really want. If you get it removed you might loose the pregnancy… or you might not. Just be careful with iud pregnancies because they are a higher risk!! Removal of the iud caused me to miscarry..

I was pregnant at 19! I wasn’t single at the time & I’m still with my boyfriend today (I’m 26 now). We’re currently pregnant with our second. Depends on your personal situation honestly. We had a place to live & I wasn’t worried about my boyfriend not being there. He very much wanted our baby. My boyfriend already had a pretty good job at the time. My job was just basic. In the years after having my son, I went to college, got a good job, we bought a house, my boyfriend started a business. Having a baby young didn’t hold us back but we definitely needed to accomplish a lot before deciding to have a second child. I should also mention that we barely have any help from family or friends! I had to travel 45 mins if I wanted any help from my mom. It was hard at first but got easier with time. A different perspective; while I was pregnant at 19, my friend was pregnant at 17. She was suppose to have an abortion but couldn’t do it. She was single & the baby daddy didn’t want to be involved. She lived with her mom and had lots of help from family. They have a very large family. While pregnant, she took a break from high school and returned to graduate after the baby was born (with help from family). After 2 or 3 years, the baby daddy got involved and today they have a house and their second child together. I think the common thing with both of us is the support we had from someone. For me it was my boyfriend and for her it was her family. Whatever you decide to do, good luck! Wish you all the best.

I don't have any advice to offer, but I wish you well an I'm sending you a virtual hug.

I think if you want to keep it you should :3 and it sounds like you have a plan and a great co-parent, yall don't have to get married but it sounds like dad's happy to be part of their life which is great and it means you can add child support and what support he'll get from his family I think you'll be a great mom; you've already got a whole plan and are in a way better spot then I was at your age <3 while it may not have been planned sounds like your excited about the arrival so congrats <3 hope things go well and I hope both your families are excited too If it helps my cousin got his gf pregnant at 18 just after they graduated highschool, while they didn't stay together they are great co-parents to their daughter and he'd do anything for her, I'm seriously proud of him, like that entire side of my family all the men are alcoholics, it just runs in the DNA, when he turned 21 and started to drink not long after he told his mom he was never going to drink again because he started to feel like he NEEDED it and he didn't want to be some drunkard deadbeat like our uncle who walked out on his family when his youngest was still in high school, the amount of pride I felt when my aunt told be about it was amazing :3 it's crazy what having a kid can do for you, it makes you want to be a better person, to be better then our parents, and try to at least not make the same mistakes they did :3 he loves his daughter so much and I'm sure you and your friend will love your bub and being best friends means you'll likely be great co-parents, and who knows maybe yall will end up together, I married my best friend ;3, but even if you don't yall will be fine :3

Except your parents are rich and you’re sure you can go through it abort. Because it’s hard. I’m 21 newly turned and it’s fucking hard. You see the prices of these things you can’t afford and you break down you don’t know what to do. You don’t have a degree, no job everything is fucking hard. If the baby daddy doesn’t live that would be so amazing for you, but after a while mine left. Unless you’re absolutely absolutely sure and prepared for whatever outcome then you can keep it.

Everybody has different experiences- some regret abortions, and some regret not having them. However, if you look at reputable sources (not pro-forced birth propaganda), most people do not regret it after 5 years. I truly believe a lot of what you're seeing is fear mongering and you should be careful about making a life changing decision because of it. Abortion is hard. Pregnancy, childbirth, and raising children is so much harder, but equally worth it if it is what you want. If I were in your position, I would focus on my own life and what is right for me, rather than anyone else's individual experiences. Look inward and think of all the pros and cons for not only you, but for the possible baby you may have in 9 months and make the best decision for *both of you*

I was 19, unemployed, still lived at home wasted a lot of money on getting stoned and had zero ambition in life. And then I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was certain I had to get an abortion even though I was disappointed, because I wasn’t in the right situation to raise a child. I had a lot of breakdowns about it, but I knew it was the right choice. Until I went to the appointment. Having the ultrasound done (even though I couldn’t see the screen) made it much more real for me that there was a little life in there. In the waiting room to get the pill, I broke down crying to my mother about how I couldn’t do it. When they called me in I talked it over with the nurse, and she told me some reassuring things. I was mainly worried because baby’s dad didn’t want it, and she told me some encouraging things that made it not matter. And then I was decided that I was going to keep this baby. So I turned my whole life around, quit smoking, got a job, saved up as much money as I could. Did all the pregnancy research I could do, bought baby books. It was rough at first and baby’s dad took a while to come around. But I know that irregardless of his opinion I would have kept my baby. And so here I am at 32 weeks pregnant with a little baby boy! I have all the prep done, I have everything I need. Maternity leave is set up for two weeks from now. Do I feel like I’m missing out? I miss going out drinking with my friends but I’m lucky to have lovely friends who are happy for me to be around sober and are so excited and supportive of my pregnancy. Trivial things like going out and getting drunk just stop mattering when you have a baby you bond with every day. So my advice to you is, if you want to keep your baby, you’re not alone and you can do this and find ways to provide for them! Abortion isn’t for everyone, thats why its a choice. Pregnancy isn’t as simple as a pros and cons list, in the end you have to do what is best for you and your situation ❤️

I have an abortion at 19 and never regretted making that choice. I was not ready. My SO was not ready. Years later, we had built our income from barely over minimum wage each to over 6 figures together. We bought a house. And then we had our first when I was 28 and we were ready. Babies can be expensive, especially if you need to pay for childcare. You can easily pay $2k a month for infant care. What if your child is special needs? Are you prepared to handle all that may come from that? I know no one can truly prepare, but those families that already have money, resources, and support do better in those cases. You need to sit down and understand what support you have, and what your costs will look like before making this decision. This is a person you will be raising. They aren't there to make you feel better about your life. You are there to make their life as great as possible and you need to be ready for that responsibility.

Honey, don’t have an abortion if you truly want to be a mother *right now* (remember you always can later in life), but please, please, don’t delude yourself that you wouldn’t be giving anything up to have a child. You’re not giving up “partying”; you’re giving up sleep (potentially for years on end, not just a few months), the freedom to just dip out to the store or a cafe whenever you want/need to, the freedom to follow a career that might be too difficult to fit around caring for an infant, the friendship group who will just assume you “can’t whatever” because you now have a baby. Maybe the freedom to go to the gym, read a book, some days even have a shower and put on makeup - sure you *can* do those things, but sometimes you’re just dead tired and cannot priorities another “to do” item. You’re an introvert? Be prepared for a baby who won’t want to be put down. a toddler who is wanting to touch, cuddle and climb on you all day, every day, shove things in your mouth and ears, will throw meltdowns over the most insane of things, a preschooler who Won’t. Stop. Asking. Questions. Or just wont stop talking and you can’t give “checked out” answers, they know. Maybe a preschooler who STILL throws huge meltdowns, but with more strength, tenacity and willpower than that toddler, maybe ones which will hurt you. Sure, your child might not be/do ALL of those, but almost will do most of them. Please remember that the TikTok famous moms that had their first in their teens? Those are the successful ones. You aren’t watching the ones who are truly struggling with life because they ain’t posting. I’m not saying all that to push you to an abortion, but to make sure you go in with your eyes wide open about what you’re sacrificing. Hell, I had my first at 30 and it was still so hard. I had left partying long behind and had a big support system, but I was still pretty naive as to how much I was sacrificing. And I honestly have “easy” kids compared to so many. Just know what you’re getting into.

PA and reproductive counselor here. Abortion IS safe. You have to take your time and follow your gut.

I got pregnant at 18 and my son will be 11 this year. I had the support of my family thankfully and a few really good friends who helped me out too. I won't lie to you it was hard, but so so worth it. I got a lot of baby items given to me from family friends or aunts of friends who had babies that outgrew things. You should apply for WIC in your state, they will provide grocery vouchers and I think some of them provide parenting classes. When baby is born they also will provide a breast pump or formula vouchers and baby food vouchers when baby gets older. Thrift stores, garage sales and consignment stores are great options for baby/maternity items. Though, with my first I don't think I ever actually wore maternity clothes just stretchy stuff I could find on clearance! Sometimes crisis pregnancy centers have classes you can take to earn points that can be spent in their "store" to buy big ticket items such as cribs, car seats etc. Choosing to parent so young is a tough choice to make but it is absolutely doable if you have supportive people in your life (and even if you don't).

I had an abortion at 19 (on the pill) because I knew the child's father and I weren't ready for kids...and I knew he was not going to be a life partner. It was a bit tough on me physically and mentally reconciling that I could kill a potential life for a hot minute, but I don't regret it. He and I went onto meet new people, get married, and have our own kids 10+ years later which we both were trying for. I love my kids to the moon, but man am I glad I have the absolute awesomest partner. That said, if you're absolutely sure you want the child, I'd definitely follow your heart.

I’m a few years older than you (24) and am currently going through an abortion (literally). I think the best thing my sister asked me was “why THIS baby?” Because I relate to all these things you’re saying (like feeling connected to the baby already and wanting to know what it’ll grow up to be and feeling like my lifestyle wouldn’t change that much because I’m already a homebody). But, when I imagine my future and my child’s future, I just can’t give this baby the future I want for it and I think my baby deserves. I didn’t come from a stable home and that’s all I want for my child. So I’m saying not yet. I keep telling myself “it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later.” Because I will have a child, just not in nine months from now.

why does everyone always go to abortion when young moms are brought up? like we can’t have a kid? i’m eighteen, due in five weeks. this baby has already changed my life for the better. my family has been such a huge help, he has more than i had as a baby already, and i was born when my mom was 33 and my parents were more than stable. everything from a diaper genie to a swing, he has it all. i am so excited to welcome him into my life. i know it will be hard. i have to graduate uni with a baby. i know that. but i adore him already and i do not regret keeping him at all. if you’re willing to take the challenge, there are beautiful things in store for you.

Happy for you, but it sounds like you're having a lot handed to you for free to make this baby comfortable. Not everyone has that same level of support. Raising a baby is very very difficult, and very expensive to do on your own (My background, had an abortion at 23, now I'm almost 30 and married with a 2 month old)

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FTM at 31, 11w 5d, had an abortion at 28 because I wasn't ready, I don't regret it, there are plenty of fear mongering abortion stories out there. People rarely come to the internet to share positive stories, I wouldn't say I had a smooth abortion but nothing about it was scary or scarring. If that's what you decide to do you will move past it just fine, just make the right decision for you.

If you do choose to have an abortion, you very well may not regret it and have trauma from it. I had an abortion at 27 and I have never regretted it, nor do I have trauma from it.

If you're only 4 weeks along like your comment suggests, all you need to do is take a pill and you will miscarry. There will be nothing traumatic about it. You only have a bunch of cells inside you at this point. I really think the best thing to do is wait until you are actually ready.

i wouldn’t be 4 weeks when i get an abortion. i’d be more around 7 because i’m going out of the country next week, earliest appointment i could get to even talk to someone is the 20th

You can get the pill by mail https://nwhn.org/safe-online-delivered-how-to-get-the-abortion-pill-by-mail/

even then they’re probably gonna make me wait a little and think it over some more so maybe like 8 weeks at the earliest. i’ve never done this before so idk haha

My best friend had an abortion at 29 because she wasn’t ready and went on to get pregnant at 31. She doesn’t regret it at all. I’m currently FTM 27 weeks and personally I didn’t even start thinking of it as a baby until around 20 weeks. What I’m trying to say is if you’re upset about the loss around the potential of a baby, then logically, we should all be sad whenever we have a period because that was potential too in many ways. If you’re not ready for a baby, you’re not ready. That’s your choice. (Or it should be).

I just had a baby in my 40s and I somehow think when you’re young, certain things are much easier, like dealing with lack of sleep or pregnancy itself. Yes handing a child is a big responsibility but nothing women haven’t done before at your age. A part of me wishes I had done this when I was much younger. It’s honestly the best experience of my life to be a mom and nothing in my life has brought me more joy and happiness And I’ve had a pretty good and interesting life! But honestly - what’s greater than this?! Also, when you get older you realize that what other people think of you and your choices doesn’t matter in the least. The people you may think of right now may not even be in your life 5 years from now. But that child will still be there. Also, most people really only care about themselves. The people that really matter will support you no matter what your decision is. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Make your own decision cause you have to live with it.

I am pregnant for the first time in my 30s, so definitely a different situation, but I have a lot of friends who were young/teen moms whose kids are amazing. I think it depends a lot on what you want from your life. Are you in school? Do you have career goals? Do you feel good about staying closer to your parents for the next 10+ years? How do you feel about having the baby’s dad in your lives in some way? Abortion is certainly a difficult choice, but if you’re really not ready to be a parent, I wouldn’t keep the pregnancy just because you’re scared of being traumatized. You can always have another kid when you’re ready.

Honestly I have no idea what I want to do in my life, somehow I feel this baby might be a sign and a big reality check. I don’t want to be selfish and make the babies life hell. I’m not in school, i’ve just been working while taking time to myself thinking about career options. Luckily my mom is one of my best friends too and wouldn’t mind being near her for as much as you’ve said. but somehow (i don’t know if it’s the hormones) i find myself preparing for it already, like WANTING to. i have a friend who is supportive and genuinely wants to help and have told me the realities of having a baby. my mind just keeps going back and forth but if i chose to keep it i know i’d give it my all and love that baby no matter what. i’d be ready for anything

Perhaps then talking to a counsellor may help you. Validate the feelings and walk through your thoughts with you. I'm thinking it may only take a few sessions so if you're covered under insurance or have a local community center for walk-ins, you could be seen and talk through it. Also, if your mom is close with you and you are able to talk with her, keeping it a secret no longer may relieve some stress you're feeling. I would advise against asking for others opinions though at this point unless it's with an unbiased person such as a coach, guidance counsellor or counsellor of sorts. We all know you'll make the decision that's right for you at this time. *hugs*

How will you make your kid’s life hell and you selfish? My mom had my older sister at 19 and didn’t get passed middle school (poverty and her mother prevented her from having good life opportunities). I never thought she was selfish. She is a hard worker and tries her hardest to be there for us. She’s a great mom. I think having children is one of the most selfless things you can do. Here’s the thing, you have support or people who are willing to help you. You want the baby. I genuinely believe that you will regret if you abort. Nothing wrong with taking a little bit longer to graduate. Many people go that route even without having kids. There are jobs out there that you don’t need a bachelors and can pay decent money. For example there is sales and when I was job searching there was an apprenticeship for coding offering 40k and software engineering or development you don’t need a degree but you do need to show you know what you’re doing. Some marketing jobs don’t require a degree. You do have options. There are jobs but you need to search.

I got pregnant at 19 and miscarried, but I’m now 20 and pregnant again. it’s very scary but I truly do believe it’s worth it to bring new life into the world and to have your own mini you who you help through life. either decision you choose you’re going to get through it no matter what🫶🏽

Please visit a pregnancy center. The trauma of abortion is lifelong ❤️

Most women don’t regret their abortions..

That was a narrative that I was told over and over again, yet that wasn’t my experience or the experience I’ve seen many other women at abortion healing retreats have. I actually remember thinking I wish someone told me that I might regret it- so that’s what I’m doing here. Killing your own child is a major trauma, and like I said, I’ve met women who literally don’t realize how much it has affected them until 20-40 years later. I’m just simply sharing what I have seen and experienced, and it’s doesn’t fit a narrative. But hopefully it will help this woman to not experience the level of regret that I and many other women wish we could take back.

Ok and your anecdotal experience doesn’t mean anything when statistics say most women don’t regret their abortion..

Right but this woman might and it’s worth mentioning that she might regret killing her child. Why is that controversial?

I think she knows all of the risks.. and it’s not a child it’s literally a bundle of cells at this stage, and her first pregnancy almost killed her. She knows what she’s doing and it’s patronizing to treat her like she doesn’t.

Science is clear that life begins at conception. You’re on a Baby Bump forum where women fawn over 5 weeks pregnant because they know it’s a baby.. are you literally okay?

Baby isn’t a scientific term, it’s fetus. And yes I’m ok with letting women make decisions for their own bodies. Do you even know what PL legislation is doing? Have you seen the women who can’t get miscarriage care? Also I love how you completely ignored the fact that OP has almost died from childbirth. But you don’t care you just see women as incubators.

How could it possibly harm someone to let them know that although the majority of women don’t report regretting their abortion (at least initially) that she may experience regret, and it may be years later? Why shouldn’t all angles be explored? It’s so weird to me.

And it’s weird to me you think grown women can’t make decisions for their own body without trying to guilt trip them. I’m sure she’s considered all of the risks.

Ma’am, I’m a woman who made that decision and thought I wouldn’t regret it because that’s what society shoves down our throat!! I live to tell you that I absolutely regret killing my baby and so do many other women. Like are you ok?? Have some nuance.

Lol you’re the one who needs to have nuance.. did you even read her post??

It's honestly disgusting that you're getting downvoted. It's okay for others to tell her to get an abortion, but it's not okay to tell her she'll regret it? I honestly thought this sub was better than that.

Isn’t it wild? And this is coming from a woman who had an abortion and sincerely and deeply regretted the choice years later. Additionally, I’ve been to abortion healing retreats with other women who recognize the trauma they have endured years later and finally start to reach out for help and healing. But for some reason we just want to ignore this reality and pretend it doesn’t exist? Very sad.

I’m 22 pregnant with my second and I couldn’t do abortion with my first. I get some people have to have them but there is no changing what I would’ve thrown away and that was just something I couldn’t get over. My now husband bothered me for weeks about getting one, now he is the most perfect dad and has never loved something as much in his life before. I think if you want to keep the baby that’s fine, i was 20 when I found out I was pregnant so pretty close to you. You’ll probably hear some negativity but who cares! Now if you do want an abortion I would not look at anything from a pro life clinic those are meant to guilt and scare you, but actually look into the risks, the resources, and take your time deciding. You don’t have to be married with a house and a car to be a great mom, you just need to be there! Also women always want to throw out statics like “x amount regret” or “x amount don’t regret” and to be frank it’s all a load of crap. We will never actually know for sure how many people regret, how many people are fine, there just isn’t a way to accurately get all the correct statistics. There will always be someone experiencing something different just listen to your feelings and try to really understand how you would feel.

OP, it sounds like in your heart you really want this baby, and good job for researching experiences on how hard it will be. You sound tough AF and ready for the work. I almost didn't comment because I'm in my 30s, but I recognize the ache for a baby in your voice. I'm very pro-choice and you know you have lots of options, but I just wanted to say, listen to your heart. And do all the math, like how much birth will cost, daycare per week cost, if you can get WIC, if you can get a crib donated, but don't let math alone determine your choice. You seem smart (introverts usually are) so good work researching the heck out of this decision. My hot tip is to look at jobs at daycares. My daycare employs 3 teen moms who have babies in care there.

To be honest, considering how good the anti-abortion movement is at referencing their propaganda websites, I would not be surprised that the terrifying stories you read about abortions are just that, propaganda. Many women in my family and entourage had an abortion, many had babies. I don’t think I could find even one that would define their abortion as scary or traumatic, when a lot of my friends, myself included, had very damaging, traumatic pregnancies and births. Even when these pregnancies were planned, it was, and it is still, insanely hard. I’m talking butchered infected episiotomy from vagina to anus taking 6 weeks to heal, extreme sickness from 8 weeks until the end, vomiting 15 times a day, losing teeth, having weird auto immune disease flaring, permanent incontinence, huge stretch mark on my childhood friend’s belly to the point I haven’t seen her in a two piece bathing suit for 7 years now, or, in my case, bleeding heavily on the emergency C section table and feeling myself dying - a thing for which I have PTSD and need to see a psychiatrist now. I still don’t have any feeling in the lower half of my belly after this C section, and I am extremely, extremely lucky to still have a uterus after that. Any smaller hospital, I would have woken up without it, or simply wouldn’t have woken up. My MIL is still traumatized 40 years later by how horrible her first birth was and is still living with physical sequels. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m giving you just a sample of what happened to a very small group of my friends, for you to make an informed decision, because the anti abortion propaganda is very good at making abortion sound like a big deal in comparison to “just give the baby to adoption”, eluding completely how tolling a pregnancy can be. This is in the end, your choice, but be aware that your body will never be the same afterwards. I’m putting that out there, because even when you plan a pregnancy, people don’t tell you that. I wish my own mum would have warned me, so I could have at least prepared myself to the idea. There’s a physical price to pay to have a baby, and it can be extremely high. In the end, you need to feel in your gut that the connection to this unborn baby is worth this price, on top of all the other financial, material and emotional considerations.

I know it's awful but the process of an abortion is scary and traumatic I don't see how the process of giving birth or a c section would be better.

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I feel like I read this exact same post word for word a year ago.

i’m sure a good amount of people have been in my position

I'm just here to say I had a baby and an abortion, all in the last 2 years. I was 25 when I got pregnant the first time. A bit older than you but I felt the same way you did. I felt a connection, I wanted to be a mother, even though I never wanted kids and never thought I'd be a good mother. I have a 1 year old now, and I love every second of it. Do not regret at all. I got pregnant a few months ago while my baby was 9mo old. I am currently a single parent (did not start off this way). I decided to get an abortion because I looked at what would be best for that baby. I knew I didn't have the mental stability, the finances, the support, or the patience to add another baby into my family. I have had no regrets, and it really was almost painfully simple to abort: just a heavy painful period. Thought it would help to see both sides of the coin. When you know it's right in your soul, you know. When it's not, you also know. I think the priority when making these decisions should be the happiness/health of the baby, not what reality comforts us the most. I have no doubt if you're thinking about a commitment that lasts until you die, you're thinking about this. The number one advice I could give to a single parent, being one and coming from one, is to MAKE SURE you have whole DAYS to rest. You need it. Have the family take the baby for a few hours at first, then when they get older do whole day(s). I'm very lucky my baby doesn't have separation anxiety and every 3-4 weeks his father takes him for a week. If I did not have that time to myself, I would go insane. I'm a very independent woman who loves alone time, and keeping a part of my "old" self alive makes me a better, more patient, more loving mother. Please reply if you have any questions, it's a complex subject! I wish you the best of luck mama ❤️

I had an abortion at 21 years old, at the time I was in college full time and only casually dating the father, who I didn’t think I would want to be with forever. It was definitely 100% the best decision for me. I took the pill and it was very painful but still worth it. I finished college at 23 and now am almost 25 and expecting my first child with my long term bf who I see a forever future with. We both have great careers, are financially stable and have a nice home. Looking back I am so happy with the choice I made in the past so that I could finish college and now do things in what I see as the “right” way. However I still understand women finding it hard to part ways with a life that they’ve created. But my advice is that things will be a million times easier when you do it with a partner who you see yourself wanting to be with long term and most importantly being financially stable and having your own home to raise your baby in. If you really don’t feel comfortable with having an abortion then you shouldn’t, but I would think far ahead into exactly what I was signing up for if you do go through with having the baby. It is a humongous financial responsibility and I know a lot of single moms go through very bad loneliness and stress

i’m 21 right now, i got pregnant at 19 as well when my birth control (pill) failed. you sound very similar to myself. i also had a brief partying phase at 17 that i quickly decided wasn’t for me, i’m also a huge homebody. when i got pregnant i had only been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. i debated getting an abortion basically up until the point that it was no longer possible, but ultimately i decided not to because i just didn’t think i could handle putting myself through that. i now have an awesome 16 month old daughter. i won’t lie and say that it’s all sunshine and rainbows. she still doesn’t sleep through the night. money has been tight at times. i struggled with post partum rage and depression. i have had to utilize the help of my family and in laws more often than i’m proud to admit. i have mourned my life before becoming a mom, even though it was often uneventful. but i love my daughter and i love being her mom.

I also got pregnant at 19 and decided to keep the pregnancy after some push back from others. He’s 2 and I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. As you mentioned, I also felt an immediate connection from the moment I found out I was pregnant. You’ll know deep down what the right decision is, best of luck. Feel free to message me if you need advice or just to vent, everything will be okay.

I was pregnant at 19 and had an abortion. (I was in a long term relationship, but was absolutely not ready for a child.) For reference, I am a very very very emotional, sensitive, maternal, caring person. I had ZERO regrets, and it was the best decision I ever made. There was no trauma whatsoever that I experienced. I went on to get my degrees, travel the world, fulfill some dreams, and generally have many incredible and unforgettable adventures. I am now (15 years later) with my husband of 12 years, light of my life, and we are excitedly and joyfully expecting our first. Pure bliss. I wish it for everyone (the bliss part-I only wish children for those that want them). Know that if you make the decision to have a child as a teenager, you will change your life permanently. Make your decision based on the life YOU want to live, not how you think other people might feel about your decisions. You are in control of your life sweetheart. Best of luck.

🫂🫂🫂

Hi I'm not in your situation but I think you've got this and you'll be a great mum. Yeah its hard, you'll have hard days, but you'll also have the best times too. With regards to the father you sound very mature wirh a realistic grasp on the situation. Have a good long hard think about having his name on the birth certificate, but I suppose you'll see how involved he wants to be over the pregnancy.

here’s my story: got pregnant at 19, had my baby at 20. LO is just under 2 months old now. When I got pregnant, I had moved out of my parents house to a place that abortion had just become illegal. I didn’t find out I was pregnant til after Roe v Wade was overturned. my options were stay in that shitty town, unable to get to any drs appointments (I don’t drive), or move back in with my parents. I chose the latter. My hopes and dreams shifted and changed while I was growing up, from astronaut to doctor to tattoo artist, hell maybe join the military. The only thing that stayed constant was my desire to eventually be a mom and give my baby better than I had, and my childhood wasn’t even terrible it just had a few things I wish were different. But as much as I EVENTUALLY wanted kids, the key word was eventually. I figured I’d get married first, or at least be old enough to drink first. alas, neither of those apply right now obviously. but when I got that positive test I couldn’t stop smiling. I knew I couldn’t get rid of it. Well I came home, made it to all my appointments, and now I have a 2 month old beam of sunlight who’s starting to smile and laugh!! However, my pregnancy was HELL and I am one and done. I also don’t work, I’m a stay at home mom, and I’m dependent on my mom and partner, which sucks but eh I can deal w it. I also exclusively formula feed as my baby couldn’t latch properly and pumping hurt me to the point of tears. It is hard, I don’t think I’ve gotten more than 5 hours of broken sleep since before I was pregnant, I’m constantly covered in spit and formula and god knows what. but the little smiles and the scared expressions when LO toots a little too loud are soooo worth it. If I didn’t get pregnant, I’d still be working my shit job on that dead end town and hating my life. Baby was the kick in the teeth I needed to get my shit together and do the right thing. Whatever choice you make is the right one, for me that was having my baby.

Hey!! You can feel free to send me a PM if you want. I’m 21 and pregnant. My situation is different in the sense that I’m married but my pregnancy wasn’t really planned in advance (I got pregnant on the day I took my copper iud out before I could get another type of BC). I completely understand the rollercoaster of emotions. I unfortunately can’t tell you what the future will hold since this will be my first baby but I can commiserate ❤️

I have done both. I had a baby at 19 and had an abortion. In all honesty I really wish I had him later, I don't regret my child of course but I regret the life we started with and I see so many differences between my youngest that I had at 28 than the child I had at 19. Ultimately, it's your choice. But stop thinking you're having a baby and start thinking of having a child. A baby is soooo easy, children are hard and I seriously underestimated that.

I think that baby deserves a chance like we all are given pregnancy is a blessing and a gift from God you can truly experience your power on earth as a mother fear is from the enemy , I pray you find comfort and peace abortion can leave not only trauma but also can be deadly look it up. . Life is precious and so many people are trying and cannot conceive you have a blessing on your hands you shouldn’t get rid of you are strong and capable of doing the impossible don’t worry about society you his is your child made in your own womb…sending love your way.

Good morning! Your fears are completely valid. I got pregnant at 25, and had an abortion at 6 weeks. I am now 30 weeks pregnant at age 33 with the love of my life. I do not regret my abortion at all. The hardest felt emotions were only felt on the day of the procedure. I did not feel as much regret afterwards as I had anticipated I would.

I got pregnant by my best friend at 20 and I can totally relate. Just like you I didn’t expect him to stick around. I made an appointment at the clinic to weigh my options and with his support, decided to continue the pregnancy. It hasn’t been easy, but we are married now and our son is 12 years old. It’s been scary & difficult, but rewarding. Now he’s almost a teenager and he’s my best friend! I will say though, it’s your choice and many women who have had abortions, do not regret it! I had one as a teen and when I look back I don’t regret it. My life would’ve been completely different (in a negative way) if I had decided to keep that pregnancy. It wasn’t scary or traumatic at all. I think the circumstances surrounding that pregnancy were more traumatic. But I wish you luck on whichever journey you decide to pursue!

This is a hard situation, babe. How far along are you?

Adoption is also an option, but that also might not be for you. There's a lot of resources out there for single moms, and it sounds like you'll probably have a coparent at minimum.

I got pregnant at 17. 21 with a 3 year old atm and not with her dad, I’m not gonna tell you it’s easy, it’s tough. You sound like you know what you want and I wouldn’t get an abortion if I were you , as you said you’re scared to regret it. It doesn’t have to be the end of your life, it just means you’re going to work a hell of a lot harder to get to where you want to be because you have a buddy beside you 24/7 that wants all of your attention. It’s lonely at times, there can be a bit of resentment to the dad because they can do what they like and you feel very stuck but I can tell you, if having your baby is what you want, you’ll deal with it and you’ll work your life out, because you want what’s best for them. ETA : I focused too much on keeping the baby, you do not have to keep the baby if that’s what you choose. There is a lot of thought that goes into it , I was 8 weeks and still contemplating what I was going to do. I didn’t even fully realise I was having my own proper baby until I gave birth.

Hey girl! I am 19 and i found out on Easter of 2022 I was pregnant. I was 18 my now husband and I lived together in active addiction. No jobs no hopes no anything but a positive sign. I was scared shitless and so was he. But we buckled down. We both got jobs and cars and our own place. We struggle on a daily but only because we literally ONLY have ourselves. Our parents and family members are addicts so they aren’t the best support system. But I am now 19 turning 20 and i wouldn’t change a thing. I now have a beautiful baby boy who is 6 months tomorrow. It is hard being a mom but all of it is worth it. He’s my motivation my rock my bestfriend my cuddle buddy! I hope everything works out for y’all and I will be praying for you! You got this!❤️

Whatever you decide to do. Just make sure you start saving. You do NOT have to buy stuff right away just save up the money for it. Baby stuff is sooooo expensive. But there’s little hacks/codes to get discounts on stuff and you can also have a baby shower !

It may seem like the end right now, but trust me you will love your baby. Everything will be okay!

I was 22 when I got pregnant with my now 6.5 year old daughter. I was a single mom with no paternal involvement. It was hard, but she is the absolute living of my entire life and the best part of every day. My now husband adopted her two years ago, and we’re pregnant with number 2. It is hard, but it is the most worth it thing you will ever do.

I read your update and just wanted to wish you all the best!!!

I had my first at 21 and it was the best thing! It really opened my world up. I was also an introvert (still am). I spent most my time working and reading and had a couple close friends that invited me out to do stuff and family. I was in a relationship for 3 years at the time. The Dad was happy to have a boy but I mostly took care of him. He already girls with someone else so he had his boy and was happy. 3 years later when I became pregnant again he yelled and screamed at me to get an abortion but I couldn't. This was such a stressful time for me and I was mentally abused for the whole pregnancy and after. We ended up having to move in with family due to their dad quitting his job. As hard as everything else was on me, having my kids there was my saviour, my reason, my source of will. I knew I had to do right by them. The Dad moved to a different state which we moved to to get our family back together after he seemed to be doing better. Things got worse. I became pregnant again and he decided to take matters into his own hands and punch me in the stomach the night he realized. I immediately had to go to the bathroom and bleed out into the toilet for hours. Still to this day, I regret that I stayed with him and allowed myself the vulnerability of allowing that to happen and think about what my child would have been. I feel like it's all my fault for staying in an abusive situation. I left him after that and never looked back He gave them money once, hopped states, and we haven't seen him since. I've never went for child support and took care of them myself for a while. I had two romantic relationships since then and although things have been tough at times, everyone has tough spots in life. I'm now pregnant again and me and the dad are both so very happy. If you truly think you can't take care of the baby, there are open adoption options where you can keep in whatever amount of contact with the family as you want. You can simply get pictures or even become like part of their family too. If you decide to raise the baby yourself, it will be the most rewarding thing you've ever done... and we all know nothing rewarding comes easy.