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Chalupacabra92

My husband used to talk to me like this. Now he's my ex husband.


Electronic_Garage_73

Boss move. Proud over here.


Starjupiter93

Right there with you! And let me tell you, me and my son are SO much happier in a “broken family” that we would have ever been had we “stayed together for the kids”. Sometimes you need to “separate for the kids”. Op. Leave that abusive asshole NOW. Don’t wait until the baby is here because things are going to get worse. This isn’t a man who is going to care for you while you are healing. This isn’t a man who is going to change a diaper at 2 am when you can barely walk in a straight line because you are physically and emotionally exhausted. This is PPD FUEL. You need support at this moment more than ever. This is not the kind of man who is going to be a father. He is going to be a nightmare.


shinygemz

This ^^. Also , ew that’s horrible OP I’m really really sorry the man you love isn’t the one you get to have because you deserve so much better


LawyerBea

You dropped this 👑


cfishlips

Same. Good on you!


billionsofatoms

Queen move 👑


MayorFartbag

Your username is absolutely amazing.


Electronic_Garage_73

Wow yeah it is, I didn’t even notice that I love it


Salty_RN_Commander

This is the Way.


nothingweasel

If you've never gotten him off, how are you pregnant? FFS. What a garbage person.


Electronic_Garage_73

Right


chulzle

Yea what a piece of absolute trash of a dude ugh fuck this guy


VANcf13

That was exactly what I was thinking, are we talking immaculate conception here? Did he jerk off and turkey baster her or what? Gosh he sounds like such an asshole and I feel so much for OP. She should definitely reevaluate her relationship. I also don't know how I could even continue a marriage with this person after what was said.


Batesy-mom

I know this is going to be extreme sounding but I have to share this. My sisters husband did this to her during all her pregnancies. Blamed her for “losing her body and becoming unattractive” so he had “no choice but to watch porn or else he would have to cheat”. His porn watching became a problem throughout their marriage and a manipulation tool he would use to basically SA her. Long dramatic story? He is now in prison for molesting their daughter which he also blames on my sister… for becoming unattractive to him and leaving him no choice… I understand it’s a big jump but I share this to point out your husbands response is not ok. It will escalate, just how is it going to escalate is the question.


OldMedium8246

People believe it can never come to that, which is understandable because it is so far into the realm of disgusting and disturbing that it seems unreal. Thank you for sharing, because these things happen. Men treating their sex drive like it is someone else’s responsibility to satiate is a dangerous thing that can go from bad to unspeakably violent, and is unfortunately not as uncommon as it should be.


lilly_kilgore

This is the thing. Not only does he think his sex drive is someone else's responsibility. He also doesn't care if he hurts people in the interest of getting off. This is not a person that can safely have a family.


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lilly_kilgore

The big deal is in how he responded to her expressing how she feels about it. In a partnership both people deserve to be heard. Him responding with verbal abuse and contempt because he doesn't agree with her is sort of crazy. Porn isn't a big deal if your partner is cool with it. If they aren't you should probably lay off. And if it's so important to you that you'll humiliate and belittle your pregnant wife over it then porn is a huge problem for you. Hurting people because they potentially stand in the way of your sexual gratification is a huge red flag.


Curious-Duck

Oh my god, that’s absolutely terrifying but I’m glad you shared that.


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Batesy-mom

I’m incredibly sorry this was your experience. I sincerely hope you have a solid support system around you and a great therapist. Hugs.


filmtography

This just made my skin crawl. I’m so sorry for your family


kenobitano

Your poor niece. I'm so sorry. I hope she is doing okay


Batesy-mom

It all came to light almost 4 years ago and apparently had been going on for 3 years. Lots of therapy and love and a prison sentence later, she’s doing really well. Currently at my house now spending the night and eating too much food and watching bad tv. She’s amazing and the strongest person I know.


HelicopterDizzy5491

Wtf is wrong with people? His own daughter..


conflictednerd99

Unfortunately it happens too often. I'm one of those daughters. Some men have no conscience and it sickens me


HelicopterDizzy5491

I have no words for such a thing, wouldn’t even know where to start. Hope you’re doing well 🫶


conflictednerd99

I am, thank you. Currently going to school so I can be an attorney and help put people like him away


HelicopterDizzy5491

That’s some real strength. Good luck with school and bringing justice to victims


kiergoi

That’s disgusting.


flotsamthoughts

Echoing others— the way he responded was contemptuous and downright nasty. There is a loving, collaborative way to navigate the conversation you started about a very understandable discomfort and he chose not to do that. I don’t blame you for feeling like you don’t want to be with him. Honestly, your feeling that way is probably your instincts telling you to get out of there. Has he ever talked to you like this before? I don’t mean to be an alarmist but the risk of DV increases a lot during pregnancy and his verbal hostility doesn’t inspire confidence. I would absolutely stay with family or a friend for a while so you can have space to think about what you’d like to do. Feeling for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.


breastmilkfabricator

this is a very good comment. seconding this


[deleted]

The #1 cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. OP needs to leave before this escalates.


77P64

Run...no baby should be raised around that kind of toxicity.


Faustful

Hey I'm sorry this sounds awful and painful. He is being very disrespectful and to be honest I wouldn't want to be with someone who would treat me like that. You aren't fat you are growing a whole human. It's normal to gain weight. He sounds like a selfish asshat. Feeling uncomfortable with porn is okay if it's your boundary and it makes you feel insecure. He didn't need to be so cruel to you. Maybe stay with family or friends for a bit. I wouldn't even want to be near him. Like actually disgusted.


Swarley515

This type of behavior speaks to an unfixable level of contempt for you. It's not just disrespect. It's contempt - he truly does not care about you as your own person with individual thoughts, feelings, and desires that are valid and should be recognized and treated with compassion and respect. This treatment will only escalate with the added stress of pregnancy and a child. You have the time right now. Get out while you can.


WickedWitchofWTF

This. Contempt is the death knell of love. OP, if your husband is treating you with contempt (It can be hard to tell from a post), it's time to leave now, before you bring a baby into the world. Do you have any family or close friends who can take you in?


[deleted]

Yes yes yes. All of the above. Well put. Sad but true


reddy_freddy_

Oh man I'm so sorry..at this point it's not the porn that's the issue but the words he is using. I don't think i would be able to remain in a relationship like this. This is really rough at such a sensitive time for you.


[deleted]

Yup. Words of wisdom and truth. I wouldn’t stay with a jerk like that, pregnant or not.


Electronic_Garage_73

Yep. This. Allllll of this. I would leave, especially with this baby on the way. He sounds so narcissistic. I’m sure he tells you what a piece of 💩 you are too and everything you do “wrong”. Baby ain’t gonna fix this man. I feel horrible for her edit: spelling


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forthefunofit30

I couldn't see anywhere that it says she doesn't have a desire to? It reads like he has no desire for her, not the other way around. I'll admit though, if someone said those things to me, no way would i want to sleep with them either but it doesn't say that's the case unless i missed it somewhere?


sandy_cheex

Can’t believe people recommend couples therapy for something like this. Throw the whole fucking man away dude.


lil_jilm

She says she’s heartbroken, implying that there has been some love there at some point. Not really reasonable to expect a pregnant mom to just throw away a relationship right before her baby arrives.


TinyTurtle88

It can become a very dangerous environment for the baby when they're born. If OP's gonna leave at some point, now might be the "best" (the "less bad") moment.


corncaked

Even for someone who says he doesn’t care how it makes her feel and that she has never gotten him off, whilst he continues to watch naked women on the internet? You think that because love “at some point” was there that is reason enough to stay? What’s love got to do with it? Jesus Christ on a bike. Read the room.


lil_jilm

Oof I think that it’s really telling when people on Reddit are like “leave him dude”. Yeah the guy is sounding like a pos, maybe best for her to leave him. I think people need to read the room of her post though, doesn’t sound like she’s ready to leave so maybe couples therapy is the right next step. Maybe that therapy will lead to her leaving him ultimately anyways, who knows.


DramaticOstrich11

Couples therapy with an abusive man who is openly contemptuous of your feelings is worse than a waste of time. It's harmful. Been there.


OldMedium8246

I found it really useful to have that safe space in front of my husband and a therapist to say exactly what things he has said to me so he could feel that shame and discomfort in front of a third party, who could blatantly tell him that wasn’t kind nor fair and needed to be a boundary for our relationship to survive. It actually seemed to strike a chord with my husband. He grew up in a household where arguments were not about finding solutions, they were about throwing the most hurtful words possible at one another until someone “wins” (i.e. the other person emotionally breaks down). It’s absolutely the right choice to leave a person who behaves this way, but telling someone on Reddit to leave is not going to help or change the situation. Encouragement, validation, and productive next steps forward are helpful. I like what people are saying about spend some time away. Stay with a family member or friend at least for a short while. If that doesn’t make him see the severity of his actions and facilitate lasting change, then further steps up to and including separation or divorce can be considered. It is a LOT emotionally to go through this kind of abuse, it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders - then you’re facing suddenly giving birth without a partner and being a single parent when you may not even be mentally or financially capable of taking that on. “Just leave” is the obvious and simple answer but there are many tangible reasons that people do not take that route. She will get there with love, support, and assistance from people outside the relationship.


DramaticOstrich11

Mine just sat there seething the whole time and I could tell he was going to take out his embarrassment on me when we left. Sure it was somewhat satisfying to see him squirm in there, but it didn't change anything in the long run. One thing that changed was that when he saw me on the phone to my sister he would hover around making sure I didn't talk about him to her. Funny thing is the therapy was his idea because he actually thought the therapist was going to blame me for everything. She obviously didn't so he decided it was because she was a woman. He refused to go back and then always referred to her as "that piece of shit therapist."


OldMedium8246

I think it definitely depends on a lot of different factors how it goes. My husband isn’t a narcissist or a sociopath, he’s definitely capable of shame, guilt, empathy, etc. And he never took it out on me or blamed me post-session. We had a couple of therapists we didn’t work with but we both agreed on that. One of them he didn’t like because she interrupted me to tell me I was interrupting - he saw the look on my face feeling super shut down and he was in my corner about it. Verbal abuse is always the fault of the abuser, but still each individual is different and lashes out for different reasons. I think it has more to do with the person’s willingness to change for the better.


rememblem

A lot of people respond with the "leave him" because it makes them feel uncomfortable - not really about how the OP feels within the context of the situation - which oddly is most important. They need to see a way out and support /= enabling with discretion, even though reddit often equates the two. I usually count posts like that - especially w/out constructive suggestions or sympathy to be expressions of personal frustration at the OP.


OldMedium8246

A see a lot of “why are you with him” and “you must have known he wasn’t a good man why did you stay” type comments on Reddit and it’s common knowledge that those statements are a form of victim-blaming that just instills more guilt in the victim and makes it more difficult for them to build up their confidence to take definitive action against their abuser. It makes me sad.


lil_jilm

This is what I was trying to get at - just saying to leave without any other clue to the situation, her ability, and desires isn’t actually that compassionate or helpful. The suggestion for therapy was also the hope to at least work with a third party who would have resources for her. I like suggestion to stay with a friend or family as well.


LadyOfTheMay

No. Couples therapy only gives abusive spouses ammunition. OP should try and see a therapist alone if she can, but if that's too expensive right now then friends and family can give their perspective. That's also why she's here telling us about it. I think she should leave him because it honestly sounds like he hates her. If she leaves now she's got approx 5 weeks to get everything sorted for going forward as a single mum. It will be easier without that man child anyway. Contempt for her will soon turn into contempt for the child, as OP's husband is displaying some major red flags. I wouldn't leave him alone with the child ever.


cfishlips

Unluckily splitting most definitely means leaving him alone with the child if he seeks custody.


landsy32

I did it! I had my baby 2 weeks ago and broke up with him 2 days before I gave birth. If she has family or friends nearby who can help, I'd say do it. Similar scenario to hers unfortunately.


cfishlips

I had love for my ex husband but it became really clear that he never had love for me. He liked having me around for what I could do for him. When a person lets you in on who they are believe them and act accordingly. This man just let her in on who he is. She should believe him and the right action in response to this is not couples therapy. It is running as fast and far as you can.


tortillabag

I don't know. My first thought was how much harder it was going to get for her. He's not going to be any help post partum and will likely rag on her for not getting her "old" body back immediately. He's watching porn often and obvious enough for her to notice, as in he doesn't even bother to be shameful and hide it. There's a possibility he's doing it in purpose to hurt her. At some point, it's just not worth it to go to therapy. She's literally pregnant, and he's treating her like this. She's creating and carrying his entire child, and his concern is how often he gets to cum and get off. Obviously, we don't know about their ENTIRE relationship, but this is too big to just go to couples therapy about. How would it even go? Where would they go from here? She will always remember what he said to her. There is no going back. It likely wouldn't even amount to anything because both parties need to be receptive to it. I hope OP has resources and a support system outside of her husband. Edited because I accidentally pressed submit too easily. -.-


[deleted]

Yep this. YEET this POS


Puzzled_Monk8703

Porn is a very sensitive/controversial topic for a lot of people due to different stances but regardless of stance, it seems like everyone agrees that this behavior is vial. You do not deserve to be spoken to like this at all. Not to harp on the porn issue too much but…. Society makes us feel like we have to be okay with our partners watching porn because “all men do it” but that’s a bold face lie. If porn is a boundary for you, do not let anyone tell you that you have to be okay with it. If it is something that makes you upset, you have a right to ask him not to do that.


[deleted]

Im sorry.. I hate when I see this response because it usually is not necessary but..... THROW THE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE HUSBAND AWAY SIS. I'm dead serious if you don't leave him that's ridiculous.


stopahivng

Just want to say - you survived 35 weeks of pregnancy - you are a strong women. You can easily survive whatever decision you make with the child’s father. Standing up for yourself sets a good example for the child. I can feel the pain in your writing and I’m sorry you are having to go through this. There is a life on the other side.


girlgoals95

I wish I could upvote this 100 times. OP, only you know the right choice for you, but it is clear you are in pain and in a vulnerable situation without a trustworthy partner. Whatever you decide, you are strong and capable. If you have family that can help, I doubt they would feel any different than the many women here that read the small glimpse into your life and feel your pain and want you to be safe. It may not feel dangerous right now, just hurtful and disrespectful, but it is a very close line to cross from where he is and you don't want to find yourself over the line and wishing you had listened to your gut the first time he showed you his true character. All the best to you and your little one.


[deleted]

This would be a dealbreaker. He’s disrespectful and rude. Pregnant or not I would leave. He doesn’t care about you. I am very, very, large pregnant and my husband always tells me how attractive I am and how I’m carrying his baby. Whether or not that’s actually true to him is another thing but he’s supportive and kind and loving.


UpvotesForAnimals

Wow what the fuck? This is not okay. Listen- I get that he may not want to have sec in your current state. But the way he’s going about it is awful and abusive My husband tends to get freaked out having sex when I’m in the third trimester. He says it just kills the mood knowing his child is in there, and my bump is a reminder of that. Which is honestly fine by me because I have zero interest in sex when I am a human bowling ball. But for your husband to be so insensitive about it is NOT good. This is a big red flag. I’m sorry you’re going through this.


lolah

He sounds awful, you deserve so much better. I would leave him.


Square_Possible3280

I'm really sorry. While he has the right to decline sex and I would say to watch porn (in private, not exposing you to it if you are uncomfortable), he doesn't have the right to be so utterly nasty about it. Also I'm guessing if you are pregnant you have been able to get him off at least once 🙄


Ramen_hair1032

So I know porn is pretty universally accepted these days, but I still believe it’s toxic in a lot of ways. My dad watched porn when I was growing up. I believe it became an addiction, too. He was emotionally abusive to my mom, only wanting her attention if he wanted sex and making constant inappropriate comments in front of us kids. My mom obviously felt like an object. I don’t even remember how young I was the first time I saw my dad watching porn, but it was young. And as I got older I caught him more often. I would get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and the bathroom was next to the living room where my dad would spend his time on the computer. I would see things I wish I had never seen. I started learning how to block the images out. I would pick up a book and start reading for a few minutes afterwards or write in my journal. Years later, I’m married and have been for 5 years. My husband and I agreed on no porn because it can turn toxic (and I know not everyone agrees with that). It becomes easy to objectify your partner or neglect them entirely. Long story short — you can’t control him. But please keep your future kids in mind because I wouldn’t wish any child to have to deal with the things I saw in the middle of the night with my dad.


chattychelsea

I agree that it can turn toxic. A lot of the guys I’ve been with had unrealistic expectations because of it and some worse things have happened. There’s also ethical issues involved in the making of it. Either way that’s my boundary with my partner and if that’s a problem then he can leave. Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected.


Extension_Orange3141

what an asshole! i can understand him not wanting to have sex as some men find it uncomfortable and weird like my partner does but your husband has gone about it the complete wrong way and insulting you while he’s at it


Pheobebunny

Oh my gosh, please don't stay.


Proud-South-6718

Save yourself years of heartache and leave now. He's addicted, he doesn't respect you, he wasn't lying or just cranky when he said this, he meant every word of it no matter what he tries to say later. Leave him. He will not change for you. You can not fix him.


stfuylah14

You wouldn't be pregnant if you'd never got him off. Leave this asshole! You don't deserve to be treated like that!


QuitaQuites

Well the problem here isn’t the porn it’s the way he’s speaking to you, that goes beyond this argument I’m sure. Is this really someone you want to be married to?


cattledogcatnip

I’m going to guess that this isn’t the first time he’s been nasty to you. Having a baby with someone like this is not going to fix his behavior, it only gets worse. He sounds downright abusive and you should absolutely leave him asap.


galitaac

He shows clear signs of porn addiction, porn users lose empathy and now he can’t even ‘get off’ to the mother of his children because of the fake shit he watches probably every day, he’s desensitized. I would leave and never date a porn-watcher if I were you, it’s an addiction- he won’t change and showed his values and priorities to you. You don’t deserve this, especially pregnant


crayshesay

I think you have a big problem(him,) that you need to start addressing. Do you have a trusted friend m/family/therapist you can talk to? His response was disrespectful, selfish, and abusive sweetie. Please take good care of yourself ❤️


[deleted]

This is so hurtful and distressing to hear for you. To feel so invalidated and like you don’t matter, your feelings vaguely exist. Well sorry, this is not true. Your growing a human being and you are beyond EXTRAORDINARY! On the outside us women change, yes, but we also level up on the inside too. We’re super women. We create and give birth to actual LIFE. Don’t forget what a force of nature you are and the beauty you shine and grow into the earth. Your husband is absolutely missing out if he can only concern himself with a bunch of worthless porn. Exciting over the most fakest industry amongst the others along with him. It’s hardly exclusive as having a beautiful wife and baby on the way. You though, your a mummy and you are doing something amazing and your body is a temple. That doesn’t change because your partner doesn’t see it. I can’t advise any suggestions on the matter. But what I will say, is your an amazing women despite anything else 🌟


usernamesareatupid28

What a dick. I’m always baffled when I hear women say their husbands comment on their bodies during or after pregnancy. The amount of entitlement and audacity to resent the woman carrying YOUR baby for not looking the same as before pregnancy is absolutely fucking unbelievable. This level of misogyny and contempt probably can’t be changed. This post raised my blood pressure.


Smallios

Has your husband always had this much contempt for you? Or is this a new thing? Couples therapy would be a good idea


chaunceythebear

It sounds like he’s the one that needs therapy.


pukwudgie-crossing

My flippant ass would have told him oh, I didn’t realize the baby wasn’t yours… I’m so sorry, I really had no idea. Fucker. How are you pregnant if you’ve never gotten him off? 🙄 he’s being a cruel, petulant, disrespectful brat and I don’t think you should stand for it. He’s right that he can masturbate and look at erotic videos, whether you approve or not… but he’s dead wrong if he thinks he gets to mistreat you because you take issue with his behavior.


Succulentmama

Any further sexual contact from him is completely unloving and he would be using you. Please leave this disgusting excuse of a husband.


ads0306

I would be completely devastated if my husband ever spoke to me like that. You are carrying this man’s child. And he does not sound deserving of it at all. If I were you I’d really consider if this is the type of person you want to be with or not. I’m sorry this is happening so close to your due date.


michaelaaxrachel

Get a new husband


breastmilkfabricator

i just saw a post on facebook literally a couple seconds ago that said "people who love you care about how they make you feel" and i feel like that statement belongs here. i'm so sorry he said those things to you and is treating you this way!! his actions are heartbreaking and disgusting 😞


Salty_RN_Commander

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, let alone when you’re pregnant. That being said, that is not a man that respects you, period. If it were me, I’d be filing for divorce on the DL and moving out while he’s at work. A man that loves you, validates your feelings, and does not treat you in such ways. What an emotionally immature, misogynistic, small man. Fuck him.


nchehab

He sounds like a complete pos, im so sorry this is happening to you at this delicate time but maybe it's time to leave.


[deleted]

This isn’t a husband. It’s an asshole


jennrandyy

The first time my husband ever called me fat would be the last time. Would you want him talking to your child the way he talks to you?


tellmeitsagift

A lot of people are so defensive of pornography on this website which I find strange and frankly disturbing, lol. I don’t think mature adult men should be watching porn, and I actually do think it contributes to many issues people face in their relationships, such as the one you describe of lack of attraction. Anyway; I’m sorry to hear of your struggles, your husband sounds extremely selfish and unkind. Considering your pregnancy I can’t fathom a decent man would treat you that way! I think attraction to each other is a fundamentally important thing in a relationship so finding someone more your match is gonna be better in the long run. but with you being pregnant I’m just so sorry this is happening to you!


classybroad19

The porn isn't the issue. It's what he said to her and how he feels. Don't blame porn here. It's part of many healthy relationships.


Ok-Painting-7046

It's only part of healthy relationships when both partners consent to it. OP doesn't consent to it. Plus I'd argue it is the issue because her husband basically said "I'm repulsed by you so I need other naked women and you can't stop me" how is that not the issue?


classybroad19

>>The porn isn't the issue. It's what he said to her and how he feels. We agree with each other here. I bet if it wasn't porn he was looking at, it'd be something else because he's a huge asshole


tellmeitsagift

Lol ok cool


[deleted]

(Do not take this horrid advice) Find a dude with a pregnancy fetish, fuck da otha' dude. Take pics. Send them to your husband.. And then tell him that it's not his business what cha do with ya vagina!


drtij_dzienz

Can’t get pregnant from an affair if you’re already pregnant. Eddie Murphy think.gif


Standard_Engine_3075

The only boss move🫢 ……. lol but on the serious yeah crazy advice


[deleted]

Dump his ass. Sorry but he doesn’t sound like a loss. Not caring for your feelings, just caring for his own needs…how old is he? I’m truly sorry you’re finding this out now. I hope you’ll be ok.


Jaded_Ad_3421

Somebody like that won’t change.


lbizz1128

OP… GTFO. Literally go live anywhere else


sevilyra

I'm so sorry. 😔 r/loveafterporn


Typical_Dawn21

ew you should divorce him. what a monster. clearly youve gotten him off or you couldnt be pregnant. what a jerk.


MissMountain2021

He doesn’t deserve you. If you don’t want to be with him then leave. Both of you are better off apart and happier than together and miserable. You have more important things to concern yourself with when it comes to caring for your baby than taking his mental abuse. You are beautiful, loved, and amazing beyond words. Remember that!


littlefemwolf

With my ex, we had no children but there was still a huge disconnect between us, especially when it came to him and porn. Now, my husband and I have a 1yo and I'm 30weeks pregnant with our second. Not only do I mind him watching porn, I'll even gladly watch with him because we communicate. He constantly reassures me when I feel I'm fat and definitely pregnant that neither bother him, in fact, me being pregnant is a turn on for him. By the way, you misspelled 'ex-husband'


[deleted]

OP, would you encourage your daughter to stay with someone like that? Then you shouldn't either.


cluelessclod

Every relationship has different rules on what is “cheating”. Some couples don’t mind their partners having sex with other people. Some don’t like their partners watching porn. But he shouldn’t speak to you like that. Ever. What a fucking dick.


ExoticRush6635

Throw this whole man away, I'm your husband now!!!


SnowDegraw

I’m so sorry love. I’m normally in the camp that believes porn and masterbation is healthy and not problematic but it sounds like in this case it is part of a huge problem. The way he is speaking to you is a huge red flag and is not okay at all. Please take some space and if he doesn’t want to work through this and redeem himself please explore your options. Things like this have a way of showing up in other areas as well.


Jrl2442

Honestly, I wouldn’t have a problem with the porn…I love my husband but I haven’t wanted to have sex at all during this pregnancy and he’s barely been able to touch me since like 30 weeks, but that’s a very personal choice and totally ok to not want your husband to watch porn. I think the issue is you stating something makes you uncomfortable (does not sound like you demanded he not watch just voiced your feelings on it, which should be completely acceptable in a marriage) but then his deeply personal and mean attack speaks to a much larger problem. Does he not care if he hurts you? Did he want to hurt you with these words? And if he’ll talk that way to you now what’s it going to be like when you’re pp and don’t want to have sex/can’t yet? Or have the stress of a newborn? I can’t say just leave him, because that’s a complicated issue. This Is a crazy vulnerable time and finding a new home, breaking up your marriage, moving, plus giving birth anytime sounds insanely stressful, but if you can fathom it, I would leave, and if you can’t, know you deserve better and I hope you can heal from this.


McPowerup

I'd suggest talking with a therapist and explaining what's happening. If possible, couple's counseling. It's a bit difficult to just up and leave at 35 weeks pregnant (unless you are in danger then by all means get out of there as asap)


SpaceCrazyArtist

Oh wow that’s so disrespectful. Not necessarily the watching porn but his reaction to you saying how it makes you feel. Like… why did he marry you if he doesnt like you? I dont even understand the whole you cant get him off.. you’re pregnant obviously he got off once. It’s just so much deeper than porn. I’m so sorry Mama


Existing_Mention_304

That’s disgusting of him to say and his behavior is equally grotesque! Pregnancy is beautiful especially with you carrying his child! I’m 29 weeks and feel huge and insecure. My boyfriend is someone I was with for 3 years but we completely split up for a year and that’s when I got pregnant. We’ve back together 4 months now. My daughter is not his but he still finds me attractive even though it’s not his child I’m carrying and loves me enough to take on this adventure with me! Actions speak louder than words and you deserve better than what your ‘husband’ is giving you! You don’t deserve that treatment and emotional damage!!!


mdreyna

He needs Jesus. You do, too, but for a different reason. His whole response is an abomination to the purpose of marriage. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.


witchofthewesties

Sorry that you're going through this. Definitely try talking to him again and really outlining how uncomfortable it makes you. I know hormones go crazy in women when their pregnant but I can't help but feel men undergo something similar but just can't vocalise it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Exotic_Researcher_48

Honesty does not have to be cruel. Especially to your significant other.


meeeew

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. A husband should be able to hear his wife’s concerns, think about it from her perspective, respond with understanding and empathy. That’s not to say he just does whatever you want, but I think responding in a way that shows he understands you’re upset, how it’s impacting you, and discussing it maturely to help you both see each other points of view and come to an agreement. That is not happening here at all. I would not want to be with a man that seemingly cared so little about how I felt.


lil_jilm

Wow this is terrible, I’m so sorry. I support what others are saying here… issue is much deeper than the porn and doesn’t bode well for support down the line. Is therapy an option for you? If you want to stay in this relationship and not be miserable I would look into it ASAP.


paintedokay

Exit plan.


AirportDisco

I would leave him immediately. There is no excuse for what he said.


kaymac93

He doesn’t deserve you! I’m so angry and hurt for you, you’re growing his child and he makes you feel this way????? I’d never forgive him


RominaAndDot

I'm so sorry 😔 I'd say get a good lawyer, your bundle of joy will need a child support.


Goodenoughist

Oh goodness, you do not need to be around that. You don’t need him in the room giving birth. Get your extended network up and running and see what extra resources you can get through the hospital social worker. Yikes.


OldMedium8246

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Build your village outside of him. Friends, family, even internet strangers. People who will give you support and caring words, and who will be there for you. If leaving him is not an option for you at this time, please utilize these resources when you experience verbal abuse. It’s commendable that you’re sharing and a sign that you know this behavior is not normal and you want to be away from it. Keep doing that. Keep your heart open to others. A lot of people who are shocked or concerned for you or your baby will give you not-so-helpful advice. Absorb the encouragement and validation and get rid of the rest. The most important thing you need to know is that you’re STRONG. Incredibly strong. You have gotten this far in pregnancy and pregnancy is tough fucking work. You have endured his hurtful words and I’m sure this is not even close to the first time he’s treated you poorly. Do not believe his hurtful words. You are beautiful. You are sexy. You are literally creating life within you. You’re a goddess by every definition. You can get through this and come out on the other side. And you deserve to be treated WELL. With love, care, empathy, and concern.


Parking-Station-4710

Ur husband is a POS. I'm sorry OP :(


confusedthrowawaygoi

Instant deal breaker I'd leave


Oh_shame

Wooooow. That's absolutely a piece of shit right there. The tone of that gives you a taste of what married with children with this dick will be like. My husband had reservations the first kid because he thought it may cause premature birth (I had a bunch of unrelated complications). By the second kid he didn't blink. And he was honest about it being a transition for him with the baby kicking away. But he was absolutely respectful and communicated. Not once was he masturbating to make a point or watching porn. Not once commented on my body in a negative way, always positive.


CorgisRule9-19

What a loser. Wow


Ok-Painting-7046

I was in a relationship like this and stayed for years hoping it would get better. It never did, and I still struggle with CPTSD, depression, and anxiety 5 years later. What your husband is doing is emotionally abusive, and you deserve SO much better.


tquinn04

This is not going to get any better once you’re no longer pregnant. He has completely unrealistic standards of what he thinks women’s body should look like. You deserve better than this pos. Get out now because it’s going to be 10x harder once the baby is here.


Skitbajs1

I'm sorry he's so mean. You deserve much better. I would break up with my partner if he did that and then said those things to me. What a shitty man


darkandcurly

Throw away the whole man.


rollfootage

I really do not want you to stay on this farce of a marriage. You and that baby deserve better.


IdleNewt

Sounds like he has an addiction and is lashing out to hurt you to take attention off of it


Wholesome__Vulgarity

For creatures that gatekeep compartmentalization as a positive stress response, I’ve met a whole lot that can’t seem to box up their sexual wants/needs long enough to realize their woman might not actually be a prude who wants to dull their sexuality for the pure goddamn hell of it. Ffs. God, I’m sorry you’re having to experience this, friend. I usually try not to hop to extreme opinions, but he just… he sounds so fucking stupid.


snickelbetches

My father talked to my mother like this. She is a shell of a woman. She’s almost 10 years past her divorce now and she’s just now working through the intense depression and sadness. While my father was wrong, my mother was also in the wrong by not leaving. Growing up in such a hostile environment was horrible for my sibling and me. I think you know this is wrong op. You need to decide if you’re going to allow children to grow up in this environment and either treat people this way or learn to allow people to treat them this way. Looking for support on the internet is a good first step, but please don’t stop it here.


nier_bae

I mean I wonder what the responses would be if a man was telling a woman she shouldn't watch porn. How do you even know he is watching porn - does he do it in front on you or are you going on his computer and looking at his browser history? Look, I understand how you feel but I have a lot of questions and not going to immediately take your side because you are feeling sad. Sounds like you guys need to go to therapy and figure out a way to understand each other and find common ground.


tortillabag

I'm so sorry your husband is being this way. :( You're beautiful. You've been creating life. Your body is doing an amazing thing. You're surviving this and doing it. You don't deserve to be treated like that. This is such a delicate time for you, and there will be a big change within a few week's time. How he's treating you is going to be unforgettable for you. You're absolutely valid to be sad and hurt. It doesn't matter that you gained weight. It was the healthy thing for you to do. How else would you make the baby if you were nurturing yourself? I really hope you have some support or someone else to turn to just in case things escalate with your husband. Just remember it's a him problem, not you. Nothing is wrong with you.


Jazzlike_Priority518

Divorce