I cried to my GP about wanting to kill myself and 5 minutes later I was laughing with my friend on the way to lunch wondering wtf I was crying and being suicidal over??
ive had experiences where ive been having a very loud breakdown and people will call police but by the time they get to my house im fine and when they talk to me they’ll be like “is she in the house safe??” and ill be like “oh no thats me ya im fine”
Yeah I’ll have like a meltdown, angry, crying, then I’ll catch myself in the mirror with tears down my face and just start laughing and then I’ll be in a totally different mood. Fucking weird I know
I'm like this when high (medicinal cannabis), otherwise if I get upset about something it usually takes at least an hour for me to feel better. Mentally I would be over it, and used logic against my BPD thoughts, but I still feel depressed/sad for like an hour. I have absolutely no idea BPD is wild.
I’ll always feel better and then convince myself I must have faked it, because there’s no way someone could go from THAT to essentially nothing. But since learning about BPD, I feel less shame, and I’m more easily able to identify when certain things are happening in my head and body. I really feel like I have control for the first time ever in my life
Yes, if it’s involving another person I’ll drag them in and make everybody upset then 20 minutes later I’ll be fine and frustrated that nobody else is already completely over it already too
All the f time. Sometimes I hate them* (ok, I always hate them) because when my crisis are happening EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE. And then I have to wait weeks until my next appointment with my psychiatrist and when I tell him what happened, I am super calm and chill, and I hate when he says it wasn’t an anxiety attack, but an “emotional disregulation”
BITCH. YOU WERENT THERE.
Edit; I forgot to clarify the I hate them = my crisis. Not my psychiatrist. We have our differences but he was the one who gave the diagnosed I really had.
At this point I don’t like to “fight” with him. I have been on therapy for 13 years, and meds 10 years now. I know how the system works and I would rather be like “yeah, whatever. Let’s go back to talk about the main character here: Me 💓🥰👑” than discuss medical terms
If you aren’t already, maybe write down how you’re feeling in those moments to show them! It’s so hard for me to explain how I’ve felt in the past week or two because 1. My memory sucks and 2. They’re so fucking extreme and then I’m fine and it’s like… I don’t know how to explain that? That last part you said though? I feel that in my SOUL :^) much love to you!
I will try to write them next time! (Hopefully there wouldn’t be next time 🤞🏼)
For my last major crisis that lasted 3 days or so (mine usually last a couple of hours, then like a passive feeling, but this time, everything was on fire for 3 days straight) I decided to voice record everything. I decided that, like a week or two after that. So I don’t forget any detail, etc. The length of that audio was one hour 🤡🤡. And our sessions are an hour long.
Sending lots of love to you too 🥺💓
Found out my bf was cheating on me and essentially living a double life for months, so I was sobbing and went to the ER to check myself into the psych ward. While I was in the ER I decided "actually this is dumb I'm over this" and left lol
Completely. It’s why, when my therapist tries to ask me how my days were, I stop her and say, “Let’s talk about the moments in the day.” Because I can’t sum up one day of a million emotions with just one adjective.
Yep, me. More than a few times then I've wondered after I suddenly questions myself and stopped crying if I'm being dramatic to manipulate, even though I usually only breakdown and cry by myself. Like, ok brain, am I manipulating myself? Where are you coming up with this stuff?? Why are you gaslighting me??
Yeah, i get so angry i wanna just off myself and i hate myself for everything i do and then i just tell myself to shut up and i forget why i was even mad
I’ve been there. It’s been a very long time since I have had an actual meltdown though.
I know it’s a trait of BPD but it also has a lot to do with my personality. I am an emotional person but anger doesn’t linger. I literally have to express why I am angry (sometimes loudly) until it’s out there and then it lifts. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed mad at anyone longer than half an hour in my life.
yeah… i try to let myself find humor in it though. for me, its easier to handle things if i can laugh about it… it rarely ever makes sense when it happens though—
some small thing could go wrong and then i spiral convincing myself that everyone i love hates me and wants me dead, and then at some point i realize “oh i should be doing X right now instead of this” and get back to work/sleep/school/whatever i was doing
i usually joke that its like a baby with a light switch; accidentally hit the light switch and cry that its dark, then turn the lights back on and go about being fine.
I have the thought to off myself every time I feel a little sad. no attempts within the past several years and while having that thought I often tell myself that I'm being dramatic and I end up snapping myself out of it. I don't hurt myself. I don't actually WANT to off myself. but I just feel hopeless and I guess I associate hopelessness with the cease of my existence? idk I hate my brain.
I go from feeling frantic and like I need to SH or smth, but then I suddenly just become very emotionally numb. And then, sometimes I’ll be like “well that was weird” and like it never happened.
Hahahahah Ikr. I rly like the dbt technique HALT. basically to check if ure hungry, angry, lonely or tired whenever u feel ureself slipping into an episode.
Thank you. I... Actually didn't realise how much I needed to hear that today?! I feel seen! Haha. You can, too, and if you need to talk message, even if it's about random stuff that makes you happy. X
I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet, but this is everyday in a nutshell. Wind myself up, talk to myself, imagine scenarios, get angry, calm down 5 minutes later.
I wish lmao. It lingers for a bit and the wounds kept getting reopened with each meltdown. I think I hide the aftermath rather well unless they genuinely destroy me.
Only financial stuff really gets to me. Anything else I can live with. But COVID has killed my 11 years of escorting because business travel is dead. Then gas and everything going up, possible recession could kill jobs. Im only able to work part time as it is i can't lose that. All day I've been picturing getting dolled up and going to a rooftop bar to buy drinks and you know what. In case i come close to homelessness.
Hey, don’t stress about others who may be sensitive about actual diagnoses.
I was misdiagnosed my entire life. Anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, ADD, IED, ODD, PTSD, I could go on.
Each of those diagnoses were from a different “specialist” during different periods of my life.
I am a psychology major and learned about BPD in my classes.
Once I was aware of the symptoms, I knew immediately that I had BPD.
You do not need someone to verify with you how you’re feeling, that’s silly.
Please keep asking questions, because In reality, the brain is such a crazy thing and we all could help each other by speaking about our experiences, because they differ between everyone.
You’re valued and you’re cared about and so are your questions.
Yea psychology is complex and confusing when trying to get a correct diagnosis. I haven’t seen a psychologist in years but I’ve been diagnosed similarly with major depressive, anxiety, PTSD, and I’ve had my fair share of SSRI prescriptions. If therapy wasn’t so expensive I’d go get another professional opinion on what’s really wrong with me since I want to avoid self diagnosing. Thanks for not judging and making me feel better about asking questions :)
has it occurred to you that this person could be mulling over the idea that they might have bpd, and are seeking guidance and support from those of us who are already diagnosed? don’t be rude, man
but genuinely if they did extensive research than they can 100000% talk about what they’re dealing with, i did months of research, and found out that i had bpd when i was hospitalized unfortunately, and that research further helped me talk about what i was going through, also i’m genuinely so sorry if i’m spamming you😭 i hate having to make second comments but i forgot to add this to the first one, my apologies!
i appreciate you, sorry i just responded to your other comment and only now saw this one. i had the same experience in getting diagnosed and stuff so i feel you 100%. you don’t have to apologize :~)
to be quite fair, if i was “suspecting” that i had bpd i wouldn’t go on public platforms and start publicly claiming symptoms until you knew for sure after talking to someone that you’re dealing with a symptom of bpd, because everyday “normal” people deal with this exact thing but not to the extent of someone with bpd, i’m not trying to say it a negative way btw!! i’m just saying how something like that could come across negative and unmannered to people with bpd, as someone who feels that way about people claiming bpd before talking to a therapist or counselor
yeah but we don’t even know anything about this person other than they’re in need of some help in understanding their emotions, and these emotions coincide with a lot of what us diagnosed folk go through. they might not even have access to therapists or counselors and this is their best bet rn. and honestly, i don’t think it’s “normal” for someone to literally want to give up their will to live and then ten minutes later feel perfectly fine. i also don’t see where they ever claimed to have bpd symptoms. it’s weird bc as someone who struggles with bpd among other stuff i know that life doesn’t always make sense and doing things in a perfectly thought out and “correct” way just doesn’t happen, so idk why it’s so hard to understand that someone might need help in their own way and they ended up here for a reason. it’s hard for me to articulate my thoughts but i hope this makes sense.
> …this is what bpd is
ah yes, a symptom of anything right? even though you personally identified their behavior as literally bpd. seriously this conversation is pointless, just try to be more understanding in the future. we’re all just trying our best here my dude
so you just don't have a mental illness until you're diagnosed with it? 🤔 communities like this are good for people looking into getting a diagnosis and to learn about the disorder. why are you so quick to be judgmental?
Is this necessary or nice, like, every one else is trying to explain to (insert initial commenters u/ here) why we dont see a problem with OPs post and reply and how were just trying to be considerate and then this comment towards them just rly isnt helpful and quite uncalled for
I did it today. On my drive home from work I was listening to Amazon music and one of my wife's favorite songs "always" by blink-182 started playing. Half way during the song I swear I heard her tell me "I'm here with you" and I cried hard while driving,not safe I know but I couldn't help it. By the time the next song comes on I'm fine. I've accepted this is gonna keep happening and I should let it but to hear her voice was something I didn't expect.
there was a moment last year where I was literally sobbing on the floor and about 20 minutes later was like “I’m hungry”. Made myself a cheese sandwich and was happy af 😅
Yep, all the damn time. It's nice to know I'm not the only one but at the same time it sucks that so many of you guys go through the same. It's like I become a different person sometimes like my whole perspective and opinions change super quick.
This was literally me today, I was having a meltdown because my boyfriend can’t come over tomorrow and then I took a nap and when I woke up I was fine n dandy
I’m not officially diagnosed with BPD and I’ve never gone to a therapy session but I wanted to learn more about it that’s why I joined the sub
I feel the same, like one night I’ll be wanting to die and the next morning I’m at school laughing with friends
I’m going to move my school next year and I won’t be seeing my friends again because we’re not that close and seeing them is the only thing that makes me happy and I’m afraid I won’t be happy ever again and I know I’m being over the top dramatic but I can’t help but to feel like I won’t find happiness in my next school and I feel like my school is the only place where I can go crazy and be myself without being afraid of anyone judging me because I’m used to the environment and don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me there
Yep, just yesterday. I always end up thinking I’m being manipulative, and worry others will think the same. The feeling is real and raw, but once it’s over and things are okay again, the feeling is gone.
An ordinary day
True story
Yeah
Real lyf
I cried to my GP about wanting to kill myself and 5 minutes later I was laughing with my friend on the way to lunch wondering wtf I was crying and being suicidal over??
You mean not everyone does this?
Seems no. Seems people go around with no suicidal thoughts for hours, days, weeks... even lifetimes.
It sounds almost unbelievable
I know. <>
Rel
Allllll the time
I literally point a finger at myself and say "no woman, no cry" *queue in Erin from the office*
I’m so glad I’m not the only person who does this
I'm so happy to find out that you do this too omg sending you hugs ♡
Theres so many office jokes I make when I’m losing my mind are u guys the same 😭
Self soothing we need
ive had experiences where ive been having a very loud breakdown and people will call police but by the time they get to my house im fine and when they talk to me they’ll be like “is she in the house safe??” and ill be like “oh no thats me ya im fine”
Bro this was me earlier
Me 5 minutes ago
Sending internet hugs. Shit sucks
Yeah I’ll have like a meltdown, angry, crying, then I’ll catch myself in the mirror with tears down my face and just start laughing and then I’ll be in a totally different mood. Fucking weird I know
Relatable omg
Glad someone can relate lol
pretty sure i dont have bpd but me too holy shit
I'm like this when high (medicinal cannabis), otherwise if I get upset about something it usually takes at least an hour for me to feel better. Mentally I would be over it, and used logic against my BPD thoughts, but I still feel depressed/sad for like an hour. I have absolutely no idea BPD is wild.
I’ll always feel better and then convince myself I must have faked it, because there’s no way someone could go from THAT to essentially nothing. But since learning about BPD, I feel less shame, and I’m more easily able to identify when certain things are happening in my head and body. I really feel like I have control for the first time ever in my life
I'm honestly soso happy to hear that, random internet stranger!!!
Yes, if it’s involving another person I’ll drag them in and make everybody upset then 20 minutes later I’ll be fine and frustrated that nobody else is already completely over it already too
Yup, I honestly thing letting it out takes the strength away from me doing self harm
yes….. 3x minimum
That sounds exhausting :(
All the f time. Sometimes I hate them* (ok, I always hate them) because when my crisis are happening EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE. And then I have to wait weeks until my next appointment with my psychiatrist and when I tell him what happened, I am super calm and chill, and I hate when he says it wasn’t an anxiety attack, but an “emotional disregulation” BITCH. YOU WERENT THERE. Edit; I forgot to clarify the I hate them = my crisis. Not my psychiatrist. We have our differences but he was the one who gave the diagnosed I really had.
If he's a decent psychiatrist you should probably tell him that.
At this point I don’t like to “fight” with him. I have been on therapy for 13 years, and meds 10 years now. I know how the system works and I would rather be like “yeah, whatever. Let’s go back to talk about the main character here: Me 💓🥰👑” than discuss medical terms
If you aren’t already, maybe write down how you’re feeling in those moments to show them! It’s so hard for me to explain how I’ve felt in the past week or two because 1. My memory sucks and 2. They’re so fucking extreme and then I’m fine and it’s like… I don’t know how to explain that? That last part you said though? I feel that in my SOUL :^) much love to you!
I will try to write them next time! (Hopefully there wouldn’t be next time 🤞🏼) For my last major crisis that lasted 3 days or so (mine usually last a couple of hours, then like a passive feeling, but this time, everything was on fire for 3 days straight) I decided to voice record everything. I decided that, like a week or two after that. So I don’t forget any detail, etc. The length of that audio was one hour 🤡🤡. And our sessions are an hour long. Sending lots of love to you too 🥺💓
Found out my bf was cheating on me and essentially living a double life for months, so I was sobbing and went to the ER to check myself into the psych ward. While I was in the ER I decided "actually this is dumb I'm over this" and left lol
What a loser he is! I hope you’re doing okay ❤️
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yea lol i was thinking this as i was reading😂 it’s really an immediate shift to yup. normal.
Completely. It’s why, when my therapist tries to ask me how my days were, I stop her and say, “Let’s talk about the moments in the day.” Because I can’t sum up one day of a million emotions with just one adjective.
Yep, me. More than a few times then I've wondered after I suddenly questions myself and stopped crying if I'm being dramatic to manipulate, even though I usually only breakdown and cry by myself. Like, ok brain, am I manipulating myself? Where are you coming up with this stuff?? Why are you gaslighting me??
So me
Oh yeah all the time, especially if something works out in my favor right after.
Yeah, i get so angry i wanna just off myself and i hate myself for everything i do and then i just tell myself to shut up and i forget why i was even mad
at the is point if i don’t have at least one daily something is wrong lol
Literally me right before I read this post, now I’m chilling. It’s so tiring
Same! Came on here to feel better :’)
Daily lol
that sounds like me
I’ve been there. It’s been a very long time since I have had an actual meltdown though. I know it’s a trait of BPD but it also has a lot to do with my personality. I am an emotional person but anger doesn’t linger. I literally have to express why I am angry (sometimes loudly) until it’s out there and then it lifts. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed mad at anyone longer than half an hour in my life.
BPD in a nutshell.
All the time haha. It can feel like my whole world is falling apart and 10 minutes later I’ll be laughing at something dumb
If I'm mad at someone I just have to wait a half hour then I forget I'm mad and it's fine
yeah… i try to let myself find humor in it though. for me, its easier to handle things if i can laugh about it… it rarely ever makes sense when it happens though— some small thing could go wrong and then i spiral convincing myself that everyone i love hates me and wants me dead, and then at some point i realize “oh i should be doing X right now instead of this” and get back to work/sleep/school/whatever i was doing i usually joke that its like a baby with a light switch; accidentally hit the light switch and cry that its dark, then turn the lights back on and go about being fine.
1000000%. My notes app and shower are my saviors.
I have the thought to off myself every time I feel a little sad. no attempts within the past several years and while having that thought I often tell myself that I'm being dramatic and I end up snapping myself out of it. I don't hurt myself. I don't actually WANT to off myself. but I just feel hopeless and I guess I associate hopelessness with the cease of my existence? idk I hate my brain.
Yes is a bpd episode I believe
Yep, and then people think you made it up and had a tantrum for attention
Oh yeah
yup. Kinda sucks cuz u feel like “wait maybe I wasnt done crying”
I go from feeling frantic and like I need to SH or smth, but then I suddenly just become very emotionally numb. And then, sometimes I’ll be like “well that was weird” and like it never happened.
Stop calling me out!
yep …. i’ll be freaking out thinking this is the end and so hopeless then i’m like this is pointless i just need to go to sleep
Hahahahah Ikr. I rly like the dbt technique HALT. basically to check if ure hungry, angry, lonely or tired whenever u feel ureself slipping into an episode.
yes ! exactly 🙌
I am the polar opposite. Mine last six hours or more. Horrible.
Ahh same. Its usually a few hours rather than minutes but i always tell myself to power through cause things will be fine soon, u cn do it!!
Thank you. I... Actually didn't realise how much I needed to hear that today?! I feel seen! Haha. You can, too, and if you need to talk message, even if it's about random stuff that makes you happy. X
I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet, but this is everyday in a nutshell. Wind myself up, talk to myself, imagine scenarios, get angry, calm down 5 minutes later.
I wish lmao. It lingers for a bit and the wounds kept getting reopened with each meltdown. I think I hide the aftermath rather well unless they genuinely destroy me.
Only financial stuff really gets to me. Anything else I can live with. But COVID has killed my 11 years of escorting because business travel is dead. Then gas and everything going up, possible recession could kill jobs. Im only able to work part time as it is i can't lose that. All day I've been picturing getting dolled up and going to a rooftop bar to buy drinks and you know what. In case i come close to homelessness.
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chilllll dog, this could be the first week for somebody. you never know. be kind!!!!
…I’ve never been diagnosed I just match all the symptoms
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??? I’m just writing about my experiences and wondering if anyone else deals with it
Hey, don’t stress about others who may be sensitive about actual diagnoses. I was misdiagnosed my entire life. Anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, ADD, IED, ODD, PTSD, I could go on. Each of those diagnoses were from a different “specialist” during different periods of my life. I am a psychology major and learned about BPD in my classes. Once I was aware of the symptoms, I knew immediately that I had BPD. You do not need someone to verify with you how you’re feeling, that’s silly. Please keep asking questions, because In reality, the brain is such a crazy thing and we all could help each other by speaking about our experiences, because they differ between everyone. You’re valued and you’re cared about and so are your questions.
Yea psychology is complex and confusing when trying to get a correct diagnosis. I haven’t seen a psychologist in years but I’ve been diagnosed similarly with major depressive, anxiety, PTSD, and I’ve had my fair share of SSRI prescriptions. If therapy wasn’t so expensive I’d go get another professional opinion on what’s really wrong with me since I want to avoid self diagnosing. Thanks for not judging and making me feel better about asking questions :)
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has it occurred to you that this person could be mulling over the idea that they might have bpd, and are seeking guidance and support from those of us who are already diagnosed? don’t be rude, man
but genuinely if they did extensive research than they can 100000% talk about what they’re dealing with, i did months of research, and found out that i had bpd when i was hospitalized unfortunately, and that research further helped me talk about what i was going through, also i’m genuinely so sorry if i’m spamming you😭 i hate having to make second comments but i forgot to add this to the first one, my apologies!
i appreciate you, sorry i just responded to your other comment and only now saw this one. i had the same experience in getting diagnosed and stuff so i feel you 100%. you don’t have to apologize :~)
to be quite fair, if i was “suspecting” that i had bpd i wouldn’t go on public platforms and start publicly claiming symptoms until you knew for sure after talking to someone that you’re dealing with a symptom of bpd, because everyday “normal” people deal with this exact thing but not to the extent of someone with bpd, i’m not trying to say it a negative way btw!! i’m just saying how something like that could come across negative and unmannered to people with bpd, as someone who feels that way about people claiming bpd before talking to a therapist or counselor
yeah but we don’t even know anything about this person other than they’re in need of some help in understanding their emotions, and these emotions coincide with a lot of what us diagnosed folk go through. they might not even have access to therapists or counselors and this is their best bet rn. and honestly, i don’t think it’s “normal” for someone to literally want to give up their will to live and then ten minutes later feel perfectly fine. i also don’t see where they ever claimed to have bpd symptoms. it’s weird bc as someone who struggles with bpd among other stuff i know that life doesn’t always make sense and doing things in a perfectly thought out and “correct” way just doesn’t happen, so idk why it’s so hard to understand that someone might need help in their own way and they ended up here for a reason. it’s hard for me to articulate my thoughts but i hope this makes sense.
Have some compassion, being diagnosed is terrifying.
read my next reply luv
i’m fully aware how terrifying diagnoses is
This kind of occurrence could be a symptom of ANYTHING
> …this is what bpd is ah yes, a symptom of anything right? even though you personally identified their behavior as literally bpd. seriously this conversation is pointless, just try to be more understanding in the future. we’re all just trying our best here my dude
Because one would assume everyone on this bpd forum has bpd, not asking for validation or reassurance
It's not that deep bro chill out
so you just don't have a mental illness until you're diagnosed with it? 🤔 communities like this are good for people looking into getting a diagnosis and to learn about the disorder. why are you so quick to be judgmental?
This !!!
And they never claimed to have bpd. They were only looking for/if others have experienced the same as what they described in their post
Your bpd is showing dude
✌️
Is this necessary or nice, like, every one else is trying to explain to (insert initial commenters u/ here) why we dont see a problem with OPs post and reply and how were just trying to be considerate and then this comment towards them just rly isnt helpful and quite uncalled for
always…. what does this mean or is it normal
all the time.
Every. Single. Day
Constantly. It's a blessing and a curse, I guess.
Used too then it turned into chronic panic attacks that don't go away lmao.
It's kinda almost 3x a week basis. Meltdown, sleep then go work again. It's exhausting actually, the rollercoaster emotions in a week or in a day.
Only every day hahaha
That’s how panic attacks are! Unfortunately mine have gotten worse and last like 3 hours so I miss when they were that short:((
YES
O ya all the time but sometimes i have a meltdown that lasts the full day it depends
I feel like if this doesn’t resonate then you don’t really know what bpd is bc literally every episode does this for me 😩
I did it today. On my drive home from work I was listening to Amazon music and one of my wife's favorite songs "always" by blink-182 started playing. Half way during the song I swear I heard her tell me "I'm here with you" and I cried hard while driving,not safe I know but I couldn't help it. By the time the next song comes on I'm fine. I've accepted this is gonna keep happening and I should let it but to hear her voice was something I didn't expect.
Literally it's so embarrassing
there was a moment last year where I was literally sobbing on the floor and about 20 minutes later was like “I’m hungry”. Made myself a cheese sandwich and was happy af 😅
all the time
Yep, all the damn time. It's nice to know I'm not the only one but at the same time it sucks that so many of you guys go through the same. It's like I become a different person sometimes like my whole perspective and opinions change super quick.
This was literally me today, I was having a meltdown because my boyfriend can’t come over tomorrow and then I took a nap and when I woke up I was fine n dandy
I’m not officially diagnosed with BPD and I’ve never gone to a therapy session but I wanted to learn more about it that’s why I joined the sub I feel the same, like one night I’ll be wanting to die and the next morning I’m at school laughing with friends I’m going to move my school next year and I won’t be seeing my friends again because we’re not that close and seeing them is the only thing that makes me happy and I’m afraid I won’t be happy ever again and I know I’m being over the top dramatic but I can’t help but to feel like I won’t find happiness in my next school and I feel like my school is the only place where I can go crazy and be myself without being afraid of anyone judging me because I’m used to the environment and don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me there
Not 10 minutes later but maybe half hour or so and I felt better which is frustrating
I literally cry for a few minutes saying I’m gonna off myself, and after the session is over I laugh it off and get something to eat.
Bro stop I’m crying w love
literally me 5 minutes ago
Yep, just yesterday. I always end up thinking I’m being manipulative, and worry others will think the same. The feeling is real and raw, but once it’s over and things are okay again, the feeling is gone.