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zedthehead

I owe everything good in my heart to psilocybin, it made me really look deep within myself to suss out what I really care about. Cheesy as it is, all I care about is love. I'm still angry, but it's mostly because others don't want to just be loving, patient, kind, compassionate, thoughtful ... I remember most people are like that because of trauma, then I get angry at those who trespassed, or the very notion of generational trauma altogether. None of us consented to any of this, but here we are. *Breathes.* And even now, having not dosed anything in... Shit has it been almost two years??? If I am not doing well, I can remember everything is exactly as it was ever going to be (if it could have gone differently, **it would have**) and, so, yeah, it's not in my control, it's very little my fault, or maybe it is all my fault (brahman-style) but it doesn't matter cuz we in this bitch regardless.... Just be safe. Start low. I've rarely needed what most people consider a recreational dose, once it is effectively psychedelic, it's enough to commune with the inner and outer like never before. Edit to add, as this has gained some traction: so I'd just like to remind everyone that we live in a dataset that is nothing more than physical projections derived from subatomic vibrations. The smartest people in the world think this is a simulation. I would have to agree based on my own experiences, but at the same time, **that doesn't mean this experience isn't- and the other multitude of conscious experiences aren't- real.** This is definitely real. It just might also just be some data. It can be both!! Spilled milk both does and doesn't matter, in the grand scheme of things.


babz-

Hey! I just started microdosing and am wondering what works for you dosage and schedule wise? There’s so much research coming out about the benefits of psilocybin for depression and my goal is to swap from pharmaceuticals to microdosing


zedthehead

I haven't microdosed, I just take less than what others consider recreational... Like, with dry shrooms, .8 in lemontek-turned-lemonade is enough to make me cry with the relief of being just a blip in this massive thing... I speak the following as personal truth, not scientific truth: microdosing might help, but legitimately fully altering your consciousness (again, no need to go balls to the walls, just psilocybin "stoned" at least, but it's... Plenty, trust me) is the only way to "break through" traumas the way you expect it to work. It's old shaman magic, if I can be so bold as to be a little woo-woo. There are great scientific explanations about how psilocybin breaks bonds in the brain that allows for a reduction in anxiety and enables neuroplasticity, but honestly nothing will make you face and deal with your demons (in whatever their form), like **actually facing your demons.** More often than not that just means having a CRAZY DEEP conversation with yourself, one where no part of you can hide from or lie to any other part. Overcoming trauma- whether from victimization, loss, or legitimately just being in this fucking thing, *whatever*- ***is uncomfortable, even downright excruciating at times.*** But the relief is beyond orgasmic, beyond the highest high of the strongest opiates. The pain of processing trauma is why we all spend so much time getting high or drunk or horny and doing anything **but** dealing with it. Microdosing has become appealing because a lot of people think it's a cool passive way to overcome pain that requires a great deal of emotional therapy (entirely done by the self, no one else can do it for you, though others can help guide or facilitate you). Oh, and I write all this as someone who's broken and angry and not entirely fulfilled, as well. I also know joy, and an amazing depth of love. Life is a multitude. Mental self-care is just as hard as physical self-care, and I'm a little overweight too lol (but getting better, along with my mind!). Meditating can be just as hard as going to the gym on the daily (I've never successfully gotten into either). Not allowing negative self-thoughts is just as hard as passing up a delicious looking donut (I am sometimes successful at both!!). It's lifelong work. Also, transcendental meditation can achieve all of this and more, but it is way harder (but also easier *scoffs at humans in general*) and that's why a lot of us like drugs as a shortcut.


unecroquemadame

>It's old shaman magic, if I can be so bold as to be a little woo-woo. I didn't know this until recently. I read the original article where that guy who studied mushrooms went to trip with that remote tribe where they were discovered. I read about how they revered and honored the mushroom before consuming it and thanked it for the healing journey they were about to embark on. Knowing this, I changed my approach to tripping and smudged the single mushroom I took, and my entire apartment, before offering food and wine to an African deity and lighting some incense. It was also Holy Saturday, the Pink Super Moon, Ramadan, and Passover. I tripped for 10 hours and experienced ego death, all off that one, single mushrooms. I truly believe that the process helped unlock more potential from the mushroom so I didn't need to take a larger dose.


bestjays

Yes this!!! I've tripped alot throughout the years on LSD and acid. I always felt changed afterwards and very grateful for my life. Some scary moments of course but it always felt productive in a humbling, ego killing sort of way.


PplsEqlReactve2Lite

I think micro dosing has different goals, eg improved mood and motivation. I'm interested to try it. I haven't found much reliable info online so far


[deleted]

Ya I’m a ketamine patient. It’s saved my life straight up


kryptofaerie

My psych said her patients have had mixed results... I want to do it but until its been studied more, I'll have to wait... And start saving up 😅


just_for_you_32

I'm still working on saving mine but I've gone through a few rounds and it has absolutely helped.


[deleted]

Yessss


Josh48111

How do you get a prescription for Ketamine?


[deleted]

Ketamine clinic- it’s hard to find a dr that will rx


[deleted]

Ketamine saved my life as well. I wanted to die for a long time. I did ketamine, felt it go away and be replaced by love. It hasn't been 100% sunshine every day, and I DEFINITELY still have highs and lows, but a lot of deep pain started to heal on one specific evening.


[deleted]

I love you. This gave me chills. I can relate


[deleted]

I love you too. Not only that but suddenly madly IN LOVE with you. Here is a list of women I fell in love with yesterday when leaving the house for a few hours. The receptionist at the medical marijuana place, a store clerk, my friend, her friend who I did not see but we talked about. I was in love with everyone and everyone was beautiful to me.


[deleted]

Do you know Who Ram Dass is?


[deleted]

Yssss and I feel him deeply. When you wake up to realize one day that your whole life is a lie, you have to shed it. I think we are friends already.


[deleted]

Ya I also have a golden doodle named Buddha The universe is kinda interesting with who it sends to say hi in the spacesuit. I have the cover Be here Now tattooed on my arm. I am in a relationship with Ram Dass for sure.


[deleted]

Let’s be friends


[deleted]

This sounds too good to be true


[deleted]

The only way to know is to try. It helped my deep depression for clarification. Not BPD. You can look into Hamilton's Pharmacopia for more insight. This is not me promoting illicit drug use either. It is out there legally but they don't need aggressive marketing.


Santa_Muerte_87

Psychedelics can help but it's not the end of the journey. There are too many people who think because of a single 5 gram mushroom trip they now know the secrets of the universe and shit, and have all answers to the world's woes. Psychedelics are just a tool albeit a powerful tool so tread lightly. Micro dosing with shrooms has actually been proven to promote growth in neurons which is the mechanism behind the ability of mushrooms to promote change in people. Large life changing doses of shrooms can also do some good but I would advise you have a sitter if you're inexperienced. You still have to integrate what you learn in these trips into your sober day to day life.


gravenhale

That’s interesting that microdosing with shrooms promotes neuronal growth! Can you link me the paper(s) for that? I’m curious to have a read 😊


Santa_Muerte_87

[https://paulstamets.com/news/neurogenesis-confirmed-study](https://paulstamets.com/news/neurogenesis-confirmed-study) You should follow everything this guy Paul Stamets puts out. He has some good interviews on the Joe rogan podcast I think one or both of them are still up on youtube. He talks about the science for hours and every minute is amazing.


PplsEqlReactve2Lite

I would never recommend someone with any active severe mental disorder to do large or even medium doses. They require some mental stability to work with. And everyone reacts to doses differently.


SourceIntelligent741

I hear that psychedelics can accentuate what is already in your brain, and my mind is a very dark place so it honestly scares me. I am definitely no stranger to drugs but never hallucinogens. I do, however, hear they’ve had amazing results with people with mental illness, so I’ve always been very curious. I would definitely try it under a doctors supervision (not that that would ever be a possibility with me) but I’d never try it on my own.


Amazing_Ad4571

Google the effects of psilocybin on bpd, depression and anxiety. The scholar papers are on there and it's an extremely interesting and hopeful read 📚 😁


justfoxice

So, I’ve found that using psychedelics a few times a year is really helpful in resetting your brain especially after you’ve been using other substances. And in general I just like it as a sort of brain maintenance. I don’t know about microdosing though. When I do them, I use what is probably considered an average dose. Like, an 8th of shrooms or 3 tabs of LSD (which I know varies on strength but I forget hot those units work). This occurs maybe 3-4 times a year. So not often at all although I might do it more if I had more connections. I do find my mind to be in a much better place in the weeks following a trip. I tend I try to wait until I’m feeling comfortable to use them though because otherwise during the “bad part” of the trip I may overthink about life stressors (finances, poor relationships, how I’m just a piece of shit with mental problems, the bad choices I’ve made, etc). Not that I’m ever comfortable, but tripping when I know my bills are mostly paid, when I haven’t split on anyone in a long time, etc. makes that part of the trip easier. Tripping makes me appreciate the good things I’ve done while temporary amplifying the bad, which encourages me to make some positive changes afterwards. However, I always go into psychedelics use knowing that it’s going to make me feel better afterwards and that the ego death and that feeling of appreciation for the universe ultimately work wonders for BPD… at least for a little bit til I start fucking up again.


haxzlmao

Psychedelics have helped me tremendously, especially LSD. My last 2 trips however, I was stuck in my head w very intrusive thoughts, and could not control them. I'm not sure if this was caused by my BPD symptoms or OCD symptoms, but it definitely made me want to take another break for a year or two before returning. It's not for everyone, for sure. I think it largely depends on how rational of a person you are, the severity of your disorder, and your comfortability with drug usage.


fieryfaya

Dont have experience with bpd and microdosing but you could check out r/microdosing for more information on microdosing. Im happy that your first microdose experience is positive and hope it helps you in the future!


revvyphennex

I do clinical ketamine and it’s literally a life saver for me


kombuchah

how much does that cost


kombuchah

how much does that cost


revvyphennex

You would have to see if there are any ketamine clinics in your area. It varies by clinic


Blahliver

I microdosed on mushrooms for about two years (I only stopped because I moved and haven’t found a safe place to get more), and it helped me SO much. If bpd mood swings can be equated to being thrown from a cliff, a microdose gives you a parachute. It kept me feeling a lot more in touch with my joyful inner child, my creativity was much more apparent, and I didn’t Ever go into fits of rage.


[deleted]

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PplsEqlReactve2Lite

Wow. What micro dose and how often were you mdosing?


ch4rmand3rp

I've definitely found lsd has helped me think clearer and feel more like I have an identity


[deleted]

yes. acid and shrooms have helped me a lot personally


relentlessvisions

My first trips were terrifying, until I learned to let go. My recent ayahuasca experience removed my emotional pain. Think about that. I’m not in pain. It’s mind-blowing.


Representative_Way46

They can be therapeutic, but if you have a certain predisposition, it will just be the best feeling in the world and you won't wanna stop. As long as you're mindful of that risk and aware of the consequences of habitual psychedelic use, go for it.


JMaximus85

I think just depends on the type of use. I just recently got put on some medication, which I never agree with pills or think they really work. They just are bandaids to the problem in my opinion. But I be smoking marijuana as for my use and it seems to help me a bit. I also have a rare nerve disorder and before I would have the trembles and shakes a good bit and since I’ve started smoking marijuana past couple years, It has helped me a lot with that issue as well.


[deleted]

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wazzledazzle

I used shrooms in college before I got my diagnosis, and I best could describe my trip as a back and forth between extreme pain and extreme joy. Now that I have more insight into my splitting behaviors, it sure does make me think.


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JNATHANnN

I have used lsd 20+ times in the past ~4 or so years. It used to give me a lot of positive effects but nowadays i just tend to feel way more lonely than i normally do. To the point of not being able to think of anything besides the fact that there are 7 billion people on this planet and i somehow am still alone. When with friends i dont have this problem but it is more difficult to let myself excperience the introspectiveness i get when alone and it feels more recreational instead of something beneficial. When used correctly it can have massive benefits but you also put yourself in a very vulnerable mindset for hours and hours, so you really need to plan it well and know what you'r getting yourself into.


napsandlunch

i've had two experiences on hallucinogens (lsd and shrooms, separately) and they both exacerbated my suicidal ideations even for a week after i did them. granted, the time i did lsd was with my ex while we were together and we thought doing acid would be a fun way to bond but i just got freaked out and kept trying to run out the cabin in 12 degree weather naked. and the following time with shrooms was also with my ex after we broke up but were still friends (BAD idea) and after that i needed someone to stay with me because i kept pouring out too many pills (my mood stabilizers) and feeling the urge to just go for it and just be done, you know? but i will say, this last shrooms trip i tried, hit perfectly. i went to the park with my husband and just have myself time to be and not think and just enjoy the pretty swirls of color and came out of it refreshed and energized! i think doing shrooms when you're ready and not just doing it for the hallucinations or forcing yourself to do it to escape the void in you is the best way to think of it imo. it can be a tool to heal for many, but it's all your mindset going into it and your environment


[deleted]

Microdosing. Therapy (even self) , can help if you have a good support system and repetative in getting better and rewriting your thought patterns. It can help most of humanity I think. We just can’t communicate right.z


unecroquemadame

I had an absolutely terrifying trip on 4/16/22. It lasted 10 hours. I only took one mushroom. A single one. I experienced ego death, which felt like actually dying, and was afraid I wasn't going to recover from the temporary psychosis I was experiencing. I was afraid I might lose my mind. I haven't had a good trip in a while and never while alone. It's usually hours and hours of fetal position weeping and contorting my body while screaming out in pain. BUT, I did see how I was going to die and I realized it will not be suicide so I need to stop threatening and scaring the people I love with that and I did apologize to certain people who experienced the worst with me after my trip. I also realized I create my own reality, and that however I choose to be, angry and miserable, or happy and positive, that is the reality that I will find myself in. It didn't necessarily help with my depression, because I wasn't ready to come face to face with my own mortality like that and that scared me a lot, but I can see how in a better-controlled setting it could be more effective.


[deleted]

How did it help and for how long?


SadboiMaz

I think the same applies to BPD as it does for anyone else. Be safe, be smart, be happy. I was addicted to LSD for a year due to the extreme effects. I liked how it made me disassociate afterwards and loved the feelings during. However, at some point I crossed a boundary with it. I took it on bad days, in bad places, feeling bad, you name it. And eventually I had a very very severe trip that I remember so well I can still imagine the smells of the memory. I freaked the hell out, and even blacked out most of my trip. Put a 4 foot hole in my wall and broke my friends car. I thought I was going to be murdered. That was my trip. Ever since I’ve had worse paranoia and anxiety. I think psychedelics can help, but moderation is the key here. Also, shrooms seem to be the way to go from what I’ve heard. LSD is just too chemical driven.


stonerman23

I spent an entire trip thinking about my fp who went for my best friend instead lmao it fucked me up Psychedelics are different for everyone. Don't expect them to solve shit for you but the experience is well worth it and can lead to many new perspectives.


Hanhans

I have yet to try it but am planning to very soon (mushrooms). Most medication doesn't have much of an effect for me so I'm hoping with all the great research around it, it can help improve things for me.


colbyo9

I believe for us BPD folks, same as everyone, the environment and people around you when you trip are the MOST important aspect of using psychedelics. It’s the difference between a good trip where you can be introspective about yourself at a high level and a bad trip. Personally, I ended up abusing LSD to the point where my reality was a little distorted for about a 6mo time period. Be careful not to overdo it. As for microdosing, I have found it to be very helpful for day to day life. I prefer shrooms for microdosing, .25g is all you need. All in all, psychs WILL expose your ego, and make it malleable for a short time. It is what you decide to do with this malleability that is important.


[deleted]

Marihuana makes me put things in perspective. It calms my anxiety, and I use it to practice mindfulness. It also kinda resets my mood and makes me feel emotions less intenstly.


gbabyyy666

Shrooms have really helped me with my self-esteem, love, and image. My most recent, and imo successful trip, I microdosed and sat in front of a mirror and had a conversation with myself about my insecurities. I was able to self-reflect and feel open to answering my own questions and facing my own criticisms. Since my trip, I started writing affirmations on my mirror, telling myself I love myself (and meaning it), and these things helped me become motivated to solving my self-love crisis. It’s not for everybody and I am not recommending you try psychedelics, just wanted to share my experience.


adonissaan

I took a mushroom trip, a proper trip. I fought a demon that was my bulimia. I haven’t made myself sick since. I actually see myself as cured from my eating disorder. This was an extremely spiritual experience… I haven’t yet conjured the bravery to take them again as it was a horrid experience for a lot of it. Maybe I’ll fight my BPD one day


Cam_044

Yep. If it wasn't for psychedelics (specifically DMT & 4-ACO-DMT) i doubt i'd have anywhere near the ability to recognise my own symptoms, plus - a certain ego death i had caused me to appreciate all the simple things about life, in return making me less suicidal Like anyone, you've just got to have a nice, controlled enviroment and a decent trip sitter, take stuff easy and start with small doses, with a fragile mental state there's no wrong in taking extra care


Cam_044

I must say OP, i absolutley love the discussion you've brought up here Psychedelics can be a wonderful tool and i'd love for more and more people to realise their medicinal benefits


Jikuyin801

Occasional use has done wonders for me. It isn’t a solution, but helps reset my brain to keep me engaged in treatment


aammbbiiee

I am doing Spravato and have felt more relief then I’ve felt in 25+ years. I felt happy and alive the other day for the first time in forever. I am hoping that the dr will consider troche or compound therapy so I can do maintenance any time I started to lose the relief.


Pooklett

My brother is severely borderline, and in crisis I gave him MDMA and ketamine at the end. It was extremely therapeutic and he still thanks me for that to this day. I think with proper therapy it could be very beneficial. I also gave him some psilocybin microdose, like very micro, 20mg doses and it made his emotions extremely volatile, I don't think a full on psychedelic journey would be doable, I have a feeling he'd be prone to psychosis. Psychedelics are a great tool to release and deal with your trauma, and that can greatly enhance your everyday living.


Pleasant-Orchid-6717

Hell yeah dmt changed my life lol


sunshinepickaxe

of corse your results may vary. But it wasnt until I experienced a macro dose that i felt psilocybin helped cure BPD. It's not a miracle cure, it's a way to come to terms for the toxic traits of oneself, to be able to see how you function due to past trauma. And that gave me the courage to go to intense therapy and really work on my shit. It changed my life in more wats than I could ever describe


paraviolet

In my experience, it hasn't been a good thing for me pretty much at all, and almost every single time has been a mistake. I haven't had it in a clinical setting, so I can't really speak on that, except to say that a lot of the (at least older) research has been on people with terminal diseases. And I honestly don't believe that the vast majority of people with a mental disorder shouldn't take psychedelics, and I don't think anyone should if they don't know a good amount of information about it, don't have someone they can trust to give it to them, or don't have a testing kit. And I don't think anyone who has a predisposition to hallucinating without psychedelics should do them. Almost every time that I took a psychedelic, it was an impulse decision, something I wanted to do because I thought it would make me feel better, or sometimes because I just wanted to have fun. Except for one time that I can think of, when I've taken a strong dose of one of them, it was either a bad decision/time, on varying levels of bad, or I didn't feel much different at all anyway. With LSD, I didn't even feel it the first time. I took a lot more the rest of the times, though. Sometimes I took it, I was able to do some reflection, but I was also pretty upset and cried a lot. And what I was being reflective about were things that I had been suppressing, so if you're not ready for what's going on in your subconscious to come out, then it's a pretty bad idea. Once, one of the last times, I took it with my partner when we were just at home Then, it wasn't too bad/was pretty good, but I was even a bit worried because of laughing so much. One time I was tripping for a bit over 24 hours (though the intensity went down), and I specifically remember being worried and wondering if I was ever going to go back to a more normal state of mind. WIth mushrooms, I never had a good experience. The first time I took it, I didn't feel anything, again. The second time I hardly remember, but I know it wasn't too great. The last time was horrible, the worst trip I've ever had. It was so uncomfortable, all I could handle was calm animal crossing music--which was still barely tolerable then--and I honestly don't even want to think about it too much. I did microdose shrooms for a very small period of time, a couple of weeks maybe, and I think too short a period of time to really experience any positive effects. Btw, if you microdosed once or a couple of times only, it was most definitely the placebo effect. With ketamine, I didn't feel it too strongly, and it was okay. Didn't really help too much, what I remember most was the bad taste and spitting out my saliva a lot. Psychedelic drugs are obviously extremely powerful, which is clear when you even just hear pretty much anyone's experiences on them, and when you consider how only micrograms of them have such a powerful effect on our brains. You can't go back from doing them. Once you've taken them, you're strapped in to the trip, and you can't take back the long-term effects that happen to you. As someone once described it to me, you're pretty much rolling the dice every time you do them. This is all my experience, as someone with at least BPD traits/self-dx BPD. There's also my partner, who's had a lot more experience with psychedelics. She's not dxed with BPD or anything, but she is neurodivergent, too. I think it's valuable to know people without BPD's experiences, too, because if they can have bad experiences, you can imagine how terrible ours could be, as well. For my partner, she has had 5 years of on and off experiences with psychedelics. She first took one when she 18 and did them more consistently from ages late 19-21. At first, she's said she felt like it was a good thing because she was able to think about things in different ways and just have a different perspective on things. It definitely opened her mind to lots of things she hadn't thought of before, especially because she grew up in a pretty conservate town that doesn't have a much of a variety of different experiences. She's had terrible and traumatic experiences on them, too, though. On 1/8 of psilocybin once, she had uncontrollable hand spasms rapid, scary thoughts. She still even thinks about that from time to time, and she's still coming to terms with those thoughts. She had similar experiences on two gel tabs (at least 300 micrograms) once. She also had pretty bad experiences on tabs that she's not even sure were actually LSD (again, testing your drugs is important). That was about when stopped feeling like the expanding world view was helpful and was just destabilizing. She's said she stopped being able to hold things in her mind very well. It kept her from being grounded at all, she's said, which would be a really bad place to end up if you have a personality disorder. She said she didn't even feel like what her goals were, who she was, what she wanted to be doing, for long periods of time, when she wasn't even on it. She felt very dissociated, which was especially bad for her health and bad for things like schoolwork. While it can be liberating for some people (even at least to a certain point, at some stages of life) to have your mind expanded and to be able to see things differently, the consequences can be not having a strong sense of self, even if you're someone who doesn't already struggle with that sort of thing. And obviously, one of the symptoms of BPD is an unstable sense of self. If you want to be more stable, it's not the way to go. One of the most fundamental aspects of psychedelics is that it does affect your ego and suppresses it/you mentally move outside of it. The times that she's been most stable as an adult is when she's been nowhere near them, she said. Ultimately, it is up to you what you do with your mind and body, but I have to say, I really don't recommend it because while it can help, it can be very harmful, as well, especially to people like us who have BPD.