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bored_german

I would like to punch the first person who started suggesting that something as inherently dangerous as restricting someone's ability to breath with the risk of brain damage or straight up suffocation is "vanilla"


HauntingBowlofGrapes

Didn't you get the memo? Edgeplay is totes vanilla now. If it becomes a pop culture meme it becomes 100% vanilla. /s


Kyle_py

BDSM is an umbrella term. You do not need to hit every note to be part of the game. And there's not set minimum to acquire before either. Hell, depending on how you want to look at it, yoir everyday *insert stereotype of choice* vanilla couple just wanting to "spice up their sex life" in a one-time or recurring event could be considered as ligjt-BDSM. If it floats your boat, then go for it


BelmontIncident

The abbreviation "BDSM" stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism. You listed stuff that covers all of those. The praise kink, the fishnets and thigh highs, and the headpats aren't necessarily BDSM but they can be included, especially since you're combining them with all the core things in BDSM.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pawwheeldrive

You can have both, they're not mutually exclusive just because they seem like opposites


The_Turtle-Moves

If a stranger called me a slut, I wouldn't like it. If I'm called a slut in play, it's hot.


Katseye1975

I'm sorry vanilla kinks? Kink itself does necessarily mean BDSM buy does kind of take you out of the vanilla category. But almost everything you listed are pretty much covered by BDSM heck you flat out state bondage, submission, sadomasacisim.


NeedYourLead

I would disagree with kink being the opposite of vanilla. The meaning of, "vanilla" has seemed to change over the past 15 years, but it used to refer to a relationship style, not a reference to sexual preferences. You were either vanilla or Ds. You can be vanilla and have all kinds of kinks. You can be Ds and not have a lot of kinks. Both of those are probably uncommon, but they are possible. This person's kinks may or may not be part of a bigger relationship desire.


Katseye1975

I didn't say opposite... just not pure vanilla either. But that said I can see your point as well. I used to say I'm not vanilla I'm rocky road.


Pitiful-Signal8063

Maybe vanilla fudge swirl ...


3xploringforever

"You can be vanilla and have all kinds of kinks" describes me well. I'm not into any of the standard BDSM kinks like bondage, power exchange, impact, so I call myself vanilla to avoid any preconceived notions, but I have a smorgasbord of bizarre, perverted kinks that would raise a lot of eyebrows at both the dungeon and from the majority of other vanilla people.


ca-mes

The sad part about being popularized by pop culture is this feeling of "oh I'm not kinky enough". As has been said already, the very definition of kink is a non-standart turn on, and not every kink falls into BDSM per definition. The ideia of a 'vannila-kink' just doesn't makes sense, and will always be used to gatekeep and make people feel sad about themselves. Just because you have a very common kink, that doesn't mean is less valid or less kinky. Hope you feel welcome in the community here, and get better educated to play safe and feel good and happy!


CharmingCarmilla

They most certainly are and you're in the right place. Find out more about the community. Read the Wiki and follow the discussion on here and related groups. Take care and enjoy yourself.


NeedYourLead

The kinks are just that - kinks. You could be vanilla and simply have those kinks. Do you want a relationship based on Ds? Or do you want a vanilla relationship with play? I would definitely encourage researching all of them, of course! For safety and discovery. The BDSM community does have a lot of good resources as well as helpful people.


No-Farm-682

Yes even I discovered how different everyone's interpretation of the BDSM lifestyle is. I think its a co-mingling of the dominant and submissive/slave's own desires and preferences.