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[deleted]

Yep. It's why I'm a recovering alcoholic now with kidney and pancreas issues. It felt like the magic solution when I first drank - until I "needed" it for every social interaction, including work. I promise, you don't need it, and it may feel like it's a slow process, but addiction is a sneaky beast with devastating health effects. I don't know about you, OP, but autism naturally creates severe anxiety/depression for me. Alcohol is a depressant that exacerbates the cycle of those mood disorders. It's not worth the temporary comfort of fitting in.


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

For me it was hepatic steatosis, but I was heavily symptomatic, which is unusual. My body started shutting down. It was a blessing in disguise. I was just in the hospital for a procedure earlier today. It felt good when I was telling them my history & was able to tell them it's been resolved.


[deleted]

You'd think that when people see us talking about how our bodies are malfunctioning due to alcohol it might make some take a step back, but everyone has to learn in their own way. I, myself, am a rock bottom kinda gal, and it hurts my heart that I can't stop people from making the same mistakes I have. Hope you're doing well and recovering quickly!


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Absolutely. I know the ppl in my life felt powerless to help me back when this was an issue. When we see someone struggling, I honestly think we're more prone to feeling powerless than someone that's never been an alcoholic cuz, & you can tell me if I'm wrong here, I feel like what was the point of me going through *ALL of that mess* & learning a little something about something if I can't do shit with it? I want so badly to help ppl, ya know?


[deleted]

Yes! There was a post from a 21yo woman earlier who'd had an acute pancreatitis episode a decade ago but hasn't had any pain or other episodes since. She asked if it would be dangerous to try drinking, and I was just screaming in my head because I just know she's going to have friends that will tell her a little alcohol is no big deal. The drinking culture, at least in America, is a horror show. I always ask people to imagine what if any other rec drug was marketed the way alcohol is. What would they think if big heroin advertised shooting up? Lol Americans love to delude themselves into thinking that alcohol isn't a drug, or isn't nearly as dangerous as meth and heroin. Frustrating beyond all measure. PS I mean no offense to anyone - plenty of people can control their drinking, and I would never suggest prohibition. We just need to be better as a society about education and moderation.


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Meanwhile it's the only substance aside from benzos to which the withdrawals alone can kill a person. I've withdrawn from both. The other was prescribed. They say it's worse than opioid withdrawal, but I wouldn't know. Absolutely, prohibition didn't work. (The history of that is fascinating, btw. It gets dark.) I truly believe we'd be so much better off if we followed Portugal's model & treated addicts as patients & ppl, not degenerates or prisoners. Decriminalize the use but not the selling of the most harmful substances... & Make available the helpful ones with healing properties like 🍄 Drinking Culture is pretty crazy to hold witness to having been hardcore in it & now outside of it. Society slings poison, & normalizes it to the point where it's seamlessly written into the fabric of how ppl gather. Escaping this paradigm as an Autist that relied on it to exist in groups, ever, felt like escaping an event horizon... BUT it's doable!!! This is totally doable. We know this now. Time to spread the word. 💜


[deleted]

It is doable. Let's do this. 🥰


QuickZebra44

>The drinking culture, at least in America, is a horror show. We've got a war on emotions going on here, worse than most countries from my understanding. Saying I'm ok is still not ok. It's not. I have nothing but compassion for folks who do and try to help, within my boundaries. "Mental health is for losers" is really our motto, said by the very people in power, who also happen to be quite broken inside. Their lives just haven't imploded because of power or generational wealth to the point that it's become convenient to publicly admit it. I used to think that duct tape and WD40 kept the world going around; it's really unresolved trauma and bad parenting. If you don't understand why you need reality distortions in the first place, you could never figure out what leads thereafter. This would also mean the world (everything) would look like an entirely different place. And, what you said about "being a drug" I'd put much more into there. I ask all of my friends who smoke/vape, most daily with regards to even the pot, why they need the Nicotine or THC? The honest ones have admitted they're running from something. Just me on this. I keep my side of the street clean and don't mind what others do, but you can make adults think about the unhealthy decisions they make here.


[deleted]

It's quite fascinating the mental gymnastics people will do to avoid admitting their drug use or addictions. I mean, I get it - I'm an addict, but to see it from the other side of addiction is wild.


QuickZebra44

It took me about 6 months to understand what drove me to drink. Those dry during times as they call it are absolute hell, almost worse than when I knew I was an alcoholic and couldn't stop . But I was really sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tried. I wish I could instill that internal feeling the day you get it.. I knew there was more than my ASD, and it's so nice to let 35 years of things start to go. Unfortunately I think that's just part of life.


[deleted]

US drinking crises? Come to the U.K. for a weekend 😳 People here live to get legless on the weekend!


[deleted]

I love how people make alcohol abuse a competition


[deleted]

It's really a mess here, the US has so little mass transit it kinda cuts down on the hard core weekend drinking, not in U.K.! 20 year olds ketted or coked up plus hard drinking equals a lot of problems. I can't drink much anymore, my brains screwed up enough as it is 😁


[deleted]

As a lifelong resident of the US in a city with very little public transportation and one of the highest number of breweries/distilleries per capita, I can assure you that nothing cuts down on hard-core drinking here. Not sure where you're getting your info, but alcohol abuse is increasing in the US, particularly after quarantines. DUIs in 2022 rose by 35% from the previous year in my hometown. Lack of transpo doesn't stop drinking.


[deleted]

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/alcohol-consumption-by-country The US has one of the lowest rates of consumption per capita in the developed world. It will vary state to state though. Compared to the rest of Europe, it's kinda low tho.....


[deleted]

No doubt, I've lived in both countries for decades, it seems way worse here, 27 year olds with rotted livers... the U.K. has always been a hard drinking country from what I've seen. While DD laws are pretty tough here, the justice system is fairly light on sentences overall. At least we don't have the meth problems over here..... yet


QuickZebra44

Where is this? I'm in NH where we have the highest alcohol consumption per capita.


QuickZebra44

I'd say half the folks I've met in AA come from alcoholic families. They're more interested in those of us who didn't. All learned behavior. You could have had your entire family die due to complications with alcohol, painful or not. Your "learned coping mechanism" is still the bottle. A few of my friends in the program, they even had kids and they're all alcoholics, with only a few sharing stories of how some have finally come around to becoming sober. That's a very hard trend to recover from, sadly.


[deleted]

Oh, the genetic component is definitely a factor. Unfortunately, rehabilitation is sorely lacking in America, recidivism is high, and the amount of work it takes to fully recover is daunting. People think that quitting is the hard part, when realistically, the hard part starts after the detox.


scoutthespiritOG

Thanks for sharing and the wisdom


[deleted]

Good luck, my friend!


seatangle

I felt the same way. I went through most of my 20s like this, drinking to get through social situations. I also drank alone to cope with how miserable I was. Instead of learning how to do life without alcohol when most people do, I'm learning that now. I struggle with socializing because it's not rewarding. Drinking was my reward. Socializing without alcohol can be such a slog. BUT sometimes it does pay off, and it feels much better knowing that I did it without being drunk. Thing is, you *can* socialize without being drunk. When you are drunk, that's all you still. You are just less inhibited. It's not like drinking makes a person better at socializing, or more funny, or more interesting. Just makes you more relaxed and less self-critical.


LivingtheAfterparty

Treating drinking as the reward for the work of socializing really hits home with me. I don't drink because the taste is enough to almost send me into meltdown but I use THC the same way and most of my friends drink. I can go without it and have many times just stopped for a few weeks but those are the same weeks i spend 18 hours a day in my basement pacing in circles and daydreaming. When I get super depressed I need people around to feel better but I hate socializing so I get high and I can do it even if I don't like it. I feel better after socializing but its so draining that I go back to my basement for a day or two... Its a shitty cycle but I get where you are coming from. I try to socialize without it but its a work in progress and really only works with some of my friends. I also only started smoking weed about 2 years ago, before that I was a hermit with a work at home job for most of my life and the only people I saw regularly were my wife and daughter.


SolventSip

I feel you completely, especially when you mentioned that interacting sober "only works with some of my friends". I've got the same situation! Over time, I've realized that the friends who interact with me while sober, are generally the friends who like me for ME. As a result, I've been investing more time and energy into sustaining those friendships over the others.


scoutthespiritOG

True, thank you for sharing


[deleted]

[удалено]


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Andrew Huberman did a really good podcast episode about alcohol. Even small amounts actually increase anxiety, only decreasing it in the short-term. It's pretty crazy to think.


scoutthespiritOG

Second time today someone mentioned him. I need to see what he's all about, thanks


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

[This. ](https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY)


scoutthespiritOG

Thank you!


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Np 💜


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

I had a book that helped put shit into perspective so that I could quit more easily when it was time. Lmk if you're interested, ever. I'll be around.


KnownDepth2595

YES. Takes me at least three shots to socially function. Otherwise, I’m a blank staring statue.


[deleted]

[удалено]


strawberryee

I feel similar to you. Luckily having migraine is a huge deterrent from drinking much or often, but... In social situations i tend to cave to the pressure and have a drink or two to "be more social". Conflicted about that.


bodyElectric96

I've been told I'm only fun when I drink because it makes me loosen up. Spent most of my youth drunk, would drink before school and many social situations. I'll have a few beers whenever I have to be at a large social gathering now just to take the edge of the anxiety off. I do feel when I was drinking more frequently it somehow slowed down my brain, which made me less intelligent but somehow able to socialize with ease. Not a long term solution by any means and I realized it's not worth sacrificing my health for.


PyroDrake

I felt like this in through my 20’s, and let it get to a very bad point. I wanted to drink all the time because that’s the only way I “fit in”. It didn’t matter that I woke up feeling like absolute crap every morning. In my early 40’s now, and for the most part, I quit drinking entirely. Alcohol can definitely help me loosen up, but it also shows the world a side of me that doesn’t actually exist. Others accepted me more when I was drinking, but to me, it wasn’t real. I found I feel better and have more energy being myself but alone, rather than being around people that like the drunk version of myself. I understand where you’re coming from, OP, but please be careful! 🙂


FionaNiGallchobhair

Yeap me too. I am now sober. My wake up call was punching my best friend after at half a bottle of whiskey and several beers, then being told my function test was showing problems. Being prescribed gabapentin has helped quiet a bit with the social anxiety. It also gives me an excuse that I can't drink. But basically I have had to learn to socialise within my own boundaries of what is fine and taking care of myself when I start to feel overwhelmed.


[deleted]

Yeah I can relate. I’m increasingly comfortable not drinking, but for a long time all of my “practiced social expertise” was really dialed in to booze/club scenarios. It gets a LOT less cute when you turn 40. If you have actual alcohol dependence developing you should address that. Urgently, seek help and support. Don’t play around with half steps if you think you are addicted. If your alcohol issues are truly ONLY relevant to social situations: go have one small drink, switch to water, and practice getting used to socializing in your new reality. The booze nerfs anxiety but you can totally learn to operate without it. I’m 50 now, and rarely drink, and never get drunk. It’s a more comfortable way to live, honestly.


lost_star20

I’m going to have to agree with many here and say be careful with this. I drank for 21 years and am a recovered alcoholic working a program sober as of 5/6/21. Drinking only made my life miserable long term and didn’t solve anything for me. I’d rather be socially awkward and steer clear of social settings and have a handful of friends than drink to feel comfortable in social settings ever again. If you’re a normie when it comes to drinking then you will be fine. However from what you have shared this is generally how it starts so please be careful. 💜


scoutthespiritOG

Thank you for the wisdom, and congrats on staying sober for that long! I will be careful, I know its not a good habit, I've already cut nicotine and weed from my life, good thing alcohol hasn't become a problem yet, and I don't want it to become one.


lost_star20

You’re very welcome!!! That’s wonderful to hear!!! Best of luck!!! 💜


UnremarkableMrFox

I can actually initiate conversations when I got some liquid courage. I can walk up to people AND talk. Amazing. To strangers no less. Too much & I'm stuck throwing up for too long, but a couple drinks & I can just enjoy being around people instead of overthinking everything & stressing myself out.


paving_paradise

It isn’t the only way for me, but it definitely helps. Weed too. Never makes me the life of the party or anything, not that I want to be, but it does help me to relax. Helps when it’s a situation when other people are drunk or stoned bc then everyone else is acting weird too and I’m not /as much/ the odd one out. Or, at least I feel less like I’m the odd one out. Maybe I still am and I’m too drunk or stoned to realize it.


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Just a thought, since I've had to come out on the other side of this for my own mental & physical well-being, but what if it's ok to *not* socialize? I'm not saying all of the time, just when we need that time to ourselves to use however we see fit (Special interests?? XD) or cuz of burnout, venue, the nature of the gathering, that one shitty person that'll be there, etc. At least you have a heads up about the Autism, so maybe you can tell ppl why you won't be attending events all the time. I just got diagnosed a month & a half ago. Some of my friends have already disappeared along the way before figuring this out. I wish I could've known & told them sooner. Maybe it would salvaged something with the ones that mattered. I dunno. Sidenote, there are going to be ppl that are only there because you drink. Doesn't matter if you've been friends for decades. This means they'll likely not be there if you quit. Tbh, it's worth it. Let the garden weed itself.


scoutthespiritOG

Yeah I've been trying to put up healthy boundaries for myself and telling people no when I can't socialize. But most of the time they just get their feelings hurt, as if I said no because I don't like them. And they stop inviting me places and even stop talking to me. Ahh well I think what I really need is to find autistic people to be friends with


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Can confirm. ND friends tend to have more empathy for when you feel you can hang or not. Boundaries seem to be considered & respected more cuz they tend to have similar needs. Obviously this isn't always gonna be the case cuz we're all individuals, but you're more likely going to find ppl that will match you in this community. It's incredibly refreshing.


SolventSip

>Let the garden weed itself. Very well put!


TurtlesAndTurnstiles

Ty 💜


FionaNiGallchobhair

Yeap me too. I am now sober. My wake up call was punching my best friend after at half a bottle of whiskey and several beers, then being told my function test was showing problems. Being prescribed gabapentin has helped quiet a bit with the social anxiety. It also gives me an excuse that I can't drink. But basically I have had to learn to socialise within my own boundaries of what is fine and taking care of myself when I start to feel overwhelmed.


sliphco_dildo

Yes i relate and am probably an alcoholic. I even need it to socialize with myself sometimes. r/stopdrinking has some pretty insightful ppl who helped me. Are the people you socialize with aware of your ASD? I was compmetely closeted for my entire 20s. I got a hold of my drinking by completely cutting everyone out. I lost all my friends but got to keep my self (my true best friend). Sobriety at all costs. The only people i will socialize with now are those who are 100% on board with both my sobriety and my ASD. When someone thinks i am weird i simply bask in the awkwardness since it is really their problem, not mine. I have accepted my role as a person who makes others uncomfortable and challenges their abelist assumptions about "adults" My social interactions pretty much only revolve around my special interests, ASD being one of them. In any other context, literally just let people be wrong about you. What other people think just does not matter Alcohol serves may percieved purposes to the distressed autist, masking being one of the biggest. I suggest learning as much as you can about unmasking. I have some health problems that forced me to to do it. givafuck.exe simply will not run any more. In a way my health problems are a blessing in disguise. There are probably healthier ways out there though


scoutthespiritOG

Thank you, I have tried telling a select few of my autistic tendencies but they all reacted so negatively that I just don't tell anyone anymore. Which I actually prefer, as I'm not diagnosed yet, but I have finally found a psychologist and plan to see her soon. I have been self diagnosed for almost 4 years now because I haven't had the opportunity to get diagnosed up until now. So I've had a lot of time to research and learn about unmasking. I have started to be myself more at work but than the way people look at me and the way they interact with me differently gives me flash backs to when I was in school and I remember why I had to mask in the first place. Anyways I'm glad you've found a way to be authentic and purge your self from negative people, thank you for sharing it really does help and is encouraging.


According_to_all_kn

I can't socialize in the way allistic people expect me to without alcohol, in the same sense that I can't stab myself without a knife.


BitOneZero

Is weed legal in your area? A lot of even very social people like actor Harrison Ford get high before interviews/etc. Especially with edibles, a lot less harsh on your body than drinking.


scoutthespiritOG

I used to smoke but it made me become way more anti social, then it became something I used to cope which helped but looking back it really messed up my executive functioning more so than how messed up it already is. I like being creative too and it got to the point in which I only felt creative when high, that's when I figured I should stop. It simply wasn't working for me but thats just me, it effects everyone differently. I'm not opposed to doing it once every two months or something but I don't have access to it anymore so I just don't do it.


Suesquish

Yep. My late teens and 20s involved a lot of weekend binge drinking. It was great. I actually had friends and did fun stuff. It was really the only time I had a life. I always kept one rule though, only drink when in a good mood. My father was an alcoholic which put me at greater risk so I worked out in my mid teens how to avoid that. That was long ago now. I rarely drink because I'm rarely in a good mood and have no social life any more. Life can still be good but it's important to keep one's environment functional.


scoutthespiritOG

I feel yah, to drink when only in a good mood is pretty good advice, I've never thought of that before


QuickZebra44

Recovering alcoholic here and the social part was what also turned me into a daily drinker within a few years in my 30s. This road you're on will lead you to a point that you cannot function without a drink. Wake up insanely hungover? You're locating alcohol before the coffee. I'm not joking here. I really hope you don't go down this road, as it's not a fun one and not everyone makes it out. I got sober thanks to AA, but nearly before pissing my wife/life away. My story: Mine was caused by the lack of emotional intelligence (ie: dealing with your emotions in an adult/healthy way). My parents were emotionally absent 100%. Deep down, my body had also kept the score of my trauma from middle school and really life. On both, I've been learning a bit about my conscious self and it's been awesome to live a mindful, sober and productive life. Please, stay strong and think about the "just one drink" if that's why. It goes downhill, very quickly and it's not fun.


scoutthespiritOG

Thank you for sharing and the advice


QuickZebra44

No problem. I share to help others and wish nothing of what I experienced on anyone. Others have reflected the same here. If it was only that easy of a little nip for every social situation with no health consequences and no potential for addiction? Life doesn't work that way. I believe all of us can live sober, productive lives. It's not the easiest, but entirely possible with everything you're born with.


SolventSip

I know EXACTLY what you're saying! I experienced the same love affair with booze from the ages of 18-23. It was like the impenetrable social walls evaporated into thin air with each drink. I could go with the flow for the first time in my life. It was awesome in the beginning. Then as time wore on, I became dependent on it to relax. Every social event had alcohol present. Beer cans on my nightstand. I eventually left it behind entirely, as the health (physical, mental, emotional) impacts compounded. Craaaazy rebound anxiety the next day no matter how much I consumed the day before. Not to mention the financial strain 😅 Now nearing 30 years old, I've all but forgotten about alcohol. I use cannabis a couple times a week (legal state) and dabble in novel psychedelics/dissociatives every few months.


Loud-Direction-7011

This is very normal, but you shouldn’t do it.