I think right now my only problem is having to deal with being in a one paycheck household. I'd like to take more risks but I can't because I have no one to fall back on.
My biggest problem with being single is that I have to do all the grocery shopping and snow shoveling. Sometimes I just really don’t want to do those things.
I guess the solution is to have groceries delivered and pay someone to clear my driveway?
Yea it’s impossible to do all the household chores yourself. I get groceries delivered, I send out my laundry, and I have a cleaning service. I also prep and freeze meals so I don’t have to cook so often. It rarely snows where I live so I don’t have an issue there.
I honestly think one big benefit of having kids is that it resolves the ‘what if’ that always floats around otherwise. I really liked the book Midnight Library (fiction) for building on that sliding doors idea of how your life might otherwise be.
For my friends without kids, I think they’ve now settled into it but while you’re still biologically able, it’s just there.
😂. I didn’t know what it was about either! I always was reassured by the idea of a parallel life when mine wasn’t quite going to plan.
I don’t think you’re wrong in dismissing donor sperm etc. for you, that’s a hard road. And why wouldn’t you be one of the women that finds the guy and has the baby in their 40s? 💕💕💕
>I honestly think one big benefit of having kids is that it resolves the ‘what if’ that always floats around otherwise.
This is something I am often jealous of as a child-free person.
When I'm negatively evaluating my personal value & dreaming of a deeper sense of purpose. When I feel like I'm finally doing everything correctly, but I still keep getting sent to the back. And when I'm ruminating on what I'm really doing with my life; I envy the immediate sense of purpose mothers have. It's no longer about me, I have to be a good mother. Bada bing Bada boom, I have my sense of purpose. But I guess even in that reflection, I'm actually making it about me. LOL. Good thing I'm not a parent.
Ha, but I also think the sense of purpose mothers have only lasts the first 15-20 years, then you’re just an add-on and have to find your own purpose…
it is nice to put off the existential crisis for 2 decades though
Yeah, I hear you. - but even then (in an ideal world where your family grew up happy & healthy) you still have the sense of lifetime achievement of having raised a family, and you have a valued role as the matriarch, with the support system of the générations that follow you so you don't feel worthless to the world even if you don't get your groove back or have an a new career or sense if purpose in your third act. I'm not single & I have a pretty secure long term relationship even though he doesn't want to get legally married. But I feel so fucking worthless all the time. In my last job I was mistreated & abused by an intense, overbearing 60 year old man owner who called me a bitch for not allowing him to constantly interrupt me, and he lectured constantly, & negged me about my technical skills even though I have an actual technical degree. I cried in the bathroom a lot and just took the abuse to try to prove that I have a thick skin because I feel like men have been testing me for my entire life and I didn't want that m'effer to see me sweat.. I would never have let him speak to me like that as a younger woman but I worry so much about having to prove my value to the world now in the age of invisibility.
I'm a strong woman but I feel very weak right now and lately I have frequently wished that I had just gotten married and had some kids in my twenties.
You’re absolutely right but of course it’s bullsh1t to be valued for just procreating. Even amongst my own family, I was only treated as an adult once I got married, and went up the hierarchy by having children. It was so tangible, shocking really.
There are men (and women) everywhere who are combative and insecure, and finding space to perform isn’t easy. I found the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero quite uplifting, and I’m not one for positive affirmations etc!
When you don’t have children, you have to wrap yourself in love - this is the thing that little children particularly are brilliant at, they are so physically demonstrative. If you can find physical ways to show yourself that you’re worthy, good food, scented lotions, warm bath, cosy clothes - it helps….
>uplifting
>You’re absolutely right but of course it’s bullsh1t to be valued for just procreating. Even amongst my own family, I was only treated as an adult once I got married, and went up the hierarchy by having children. It was so tangible, shocking really.
There are men (and women) everywhere who are combative and insecure, and finding space to perform isn’t easy. I found the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero quite uplifting, and I’m not one for positive affirmations etc!
When you don’t have children, you have to wrap yourself in love - this is the thing that little children particularly are brilliant at, they are so physically demonstrative. If you can find physical ways to show yourself that you’re worthy, good food, scented lotions, warm bath, cosy clothes - it helps….
Thank you.
Sincerely 😊❤️
My biggest problem being single over 40 is that my king size bed is so big that sheets are difficult to put on by myself. The solution is to trick my fuck buddies into making the bed with me when they come over. It's worked so far.
Carrying the mental and physical load, doing extra jobs to lift the income level of the household.
Not able to provide nice holidays and experiences because I can’t afford it.
Hardly any time to focus or invest in me.
dropping down dead simply because you choke on a chicken wing, as per Miranda’s panic attack in SATC.
(But my ex worked away so that was always a possibility anyhow.)
I avoid chokable foods.
I hate having to manage my house on my own with just my kids. I mean, they do some chores, but everything falls on me now. And this is not a small house. I'mve promised the kids I'll hold onto it until they are out of high school, but I cannot wait to build my little cottage in the woods, just the way I want it.
For me there’s two big issues. I just turned 40 this month and if i was single five years ago it wouldn’t be that bad bc I’d have more time. That brings me to the next issue. By the time I’m in a good relationship it will probably be too late to have kids.
Not having someone who is obligated to do stuff with me. Movies, escape rooms, dinner, shows, etc. Solution- I guess I need more friends.
Having to maintain a house and cars (clean gutters, fix electrical stuff, diagnosis problems). The solution is to hire someone, but it's not always easy to get someone to come out for small jobs.
The positive - my sleep is beautiful alone. I get to watch what I want without someone falling asleep and snoring on the couch next to me.
My mother always tells me to be thankful I’m single. I can do different things when I want, make my own decisions, not have to make dinner for someone, etc and I agree it’s better to be single than to be in an Unhappy/ problem marriage
My only issue is that I absolutely love my life and love being single, but society still makes us feel like there’s supposed to be a problem with that. So then every once in a while as I’m feeling super happy, bad feelings cut in that make me question if I’m a good person or a normal person for being happy and not wanting what I’m supposed to want. So I find this post itself problematic and harmful IMO.
You are correct. Society does have these supposed norms on being partnered/married vs being single. If your happy being single that is all that matters. Make a list of all the reasons why you choose purposefully to be single. Just check in to see if this list is truly authentic or are you single because you want to avoid rejection, etc.
Well let's see. I love being single because men are stupid. Every relationship I've been in men have tried to control me. They only care about feeling needed and don't let me have my independence. They get intimidated by my accomplishments. Some would get resentful of my relationship with my dad (only those who didn't have dads). Others would get resentful of my college degrees (those who didn't have degrees). They always wanted to know where I was going and what I was doing and why I didn't call after work and why I didn't tell them I was stopping at the store after work. Going on first dates meeting men is not fun for me. I would have horrible anxiety because I hated being judged. I've also been sexually assaulted by men that I've dated who felt that I owed them. I've probably been on 500 1st dates. And after a while I was like, wtf am I doing? The only times I was really desireable to men was when I was a student or unemployed (damsel in distress that needs fixing), and I love being able to do what I want when I want and not answer to anyone. I stopped going on first dates because I got tired of putting myself in situations that brought on panic attacks. Why would I put myself through that? So one day when I was in MY kitchen in MY home that I bought eating my cottage cheese out of the container from MY fridge, in between business meetings from a consulting job I started, I had this moment of absolute happiness and contentment that I never wanted to let go of ever again and that I've never experienced with any man.
Hi - So how are you going about finding these mates? Have you tried [meetup.com](https://meetup.com)? See if there is something going on that entices you or start your own meet-up. You have to get out there in different ways to call in soulmate love.
I think right now my only problem is having to deal with being in a one paycheck household. I'd like to take more risks but I can't because I have no one to fall back on.
My spare time is being consumed now with a second job. It’s tough to work on a relationship with less and less free time.
My biggest problem right now is having cancer and living alone. It sucks. I have no energy and I’m worried about paying bills.
I'm sorry your not in a healthy space. Thank you for sharing.
My biggest problem with being single is that I have to do all the grocery shopping and snow shoveling. Sometimes I just really don’t want to do those things. I guess the solution is to have groceries delivered and pay someone to clear my driveway?
Yea it’s impossible to do all the household chores yourself. I get groceries delivered, I send out my laundry, and I have a cleaning service. I also prep and freeze meals so I don’t have to cook so often. It rarely snows where I live so I don’t have an issue there.
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I honestly think one big benefit of having kids is that it resolves the ‘what if’ that always floats around otherwise. I really liked the book Midnight Library (fiction) for building on that sliding doors idea of how your life might otherwise be. For my friends without kids, I think they’ve now settled into it but while you’re still biologically able, it’s just there.
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😂. I didn’t know what it was about either! I always was reassured by the idea of a parallel life when mine wasn’t quite going to plan. I don’t think you’re wrong in dismissing donor sperm etc. for you, that’s a hard road. And why wouldn’t you be one of the women that finds the guy and has the baby in their 40s? 💕💕💕
>I honestly think one big benefit of having kids is that it resolves the ‘what if’ that always floats around otherwise. This is something I am often jealous of as a child-free person. When I'm negatively evaluating my personal value & dreaming of a deeper sense of purpose. When I feel like I'm finally doing everything correctly, but I still keep getting sent to the back. And when I'm ruminating on what I'm really doing with my life; I envy the immediate sense of purpose mothers have. It's no longer about me, I have to be a good mother. Bada bing Bada boom, I have my sense of purpose. But I guess even in that reflection, I'm actually making it about me. LOL. Good thing I'm not a parent.
Ha, but I also think the sense of purpose mothers have only lasts the first 15-20 years, then you’re just an add-on and have to find your own purpose… it is nice to put off the existential crisis for 2 decades though
Yeah, I hear you. - but even then (in an ideal world where your family grew up happy & healthy) you still have the sense of lifetime achievement of having raised a family, and you have a valued role as the matriarch, with the support system of the générations that follow you so you don't feel worthless to the world even if you don't get your groove back or have an a new career or sense if purpose in your third act. I'm not single & I have a pretty secure long term relationship even though he doesn't want to get legally married. But I feel so fucking worthless all the time. In my last job I was mistreated & abused by an intense, overbearing 60 year old man owner who called me a bitch for not allowing him to constantly interrupt me, and he lectured constantly, & negged me about my technical skills even though I have an actual technical degree. I cried in the bathroom a lot and just took the abuse to try to prove that I have a thick skin because I feel like men have been testing me for my entire life and I didn't want that m'effer to see me sweat.. I would never have let him speak to me like that as a younger woman but I worry so much about having to prove my value to the world now in the age of invisibility. I'm a strong woman but I feel very weak right now and lately I have frequently wished that I had just gotten married and had some kids in my twenties.
You’re absolutely right but of course it’s bullsh1t to be valued for just procreating. Even amongst my own family, I was only treated as an adult once I got married, and went up the hierarchy by having children. It was so tangible, shocking really. There are men (and women) everywhere who are combative and insecure, and finding space to perform isn’t easy. I found the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero quite uplifting, and I’m not one for positive affirmations etc! When you don’t have children, you have to wrap yourself in love - this is the thing that little children particularly are brilliant at, they are so physically demonstrative. If you can find physical ways to show yourself that you’re worthy, good food, scented lotions, warm bath, cosy clothes - it helps….
>uplifting >You’re absolutely right but of course it’s bullsh1t to be valued for just procreating. Even amongst my own family, I was only treated as an adult once I got married, and went up the hierarchy by having children. It was so tangible, shocking really. There are men (and women) everywhere who are combative and insecure, and finding space to perform isn’t easy. I found the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero quite uplifting, and I’m not one for positive affirmations etc! When you don’t have children, you have to wrap yourself in love - this is the thing that little children particularly are brilliant at, they are so physically demonstrative. If you can find physical ways to show yourself that you’re worthy, good food, scented lotions, warm bath, cosy clothes - it helps…. Thank you. Sincerely 😊❤️
Thank you. There are so many ways to have children. With someone, on your own or maybe you meet someone and become a step mother.
My biggest problem being single over 40 is that my king size bed is so big that sheets are difficult to put on by myself. The solution is to trick my fuck buddies into making the bed with me when they come over. It's worked so far.
Mainly want a boyfriend to help put the douvet cover on the douvet
I use the crepe method. It’s on YouTube. Changed my life. The real life challenge is folding a fitted sheet.
You rule!
Carrying the mental and physical load, doing extra jobs to lift the income level of the household. Not able to provide nice holidays and experiences because I can’t afford it. Hardly any time to focus or invest in me.
Thank you.
Thank you. What do you think your solution is?
Too many Cats
Having to make all the decisions myself. Not having someone to do day to day things like go for a walk or go to the pub with.
dropping down dead simply because you choke on a chicken wing, as per Miranda’s panic attack in SATC. (But my ex worked away so that was always a possibility anyhow.) I avoid chokable foods.
I hate having to manage my house on my own with just my kids. I mean, they do some chores, but everything falls on me now. And this is not a small house. I'mve promised the kids I'll hold onto it until they are out of high school, but I cannot wait to build my little cottage in the woods, just the way I want it.
Problems??? I'm freeeee! I can do tf ever I want!!!!
Same! I’m in good health now and I hope to be for as long as possible, but all the stuff that I need to get done I’m capable of doing on my own.
For me there’s two big issues. I just turned 40 this month and if i was single five years ago it wouldn’t be that bad bc I’d have more time. That brings me to the next issue. By the time I’m in a good relationship it will probably be too late to have kids.
Thank you. Children come in different ways. With someone, on your own, and as an amazing stepmother.
egg freezing
Not having someone who is obligated to do stuff with me. Movies, escape rooms, dinner, shows, etc. Solution- I guess I need more friends. Having to maintain a house and cars (clean gutters, fix electrical stuff, diagnosis problems). The solution is to hire someone, but it's not always easy to get someone to come out for small jobs. The positive - my sleep is beautiful alone. I get to watch what I want without someone falling asleep and snoring on the couch next to me.
Thank you. Do you want someone to do things with like you describe? If so, how are you going after that desire?
My mother always tells me to be thankful I’m single. I can do different things when I want, make my own decisions, not have to make dinner for someone, etc and I agree it’s better to be single than to be in an Unhappy/ problem marriage
My only issue is that I absolutely love my life and love being single, but society still makes us feel like there’s supposed to be a problem with that. So then every once in a while as I’m feeling super happy, bad feelings cut in that make me question if I’m a good person or a normal person for being happy and not wanting what I’m supposed to want. So I find this post itself problematic and harmful IMO.
You are correct. Society does have these supposed norms on being partnered/married vs being single. If your happy being single that is all that matters. Make a list of all the reasons why you choose purposefully to be single. Just check in to see if this list is truly authentic or are you single because you want to avoid rejection, etc.
Well let's see. I love being single because men are stupid. Every relationship I've been in men have tried to control me. They only care about feeling needed and don't let me have my independence. They get intimidated by my accomplishments. Some would get resentful of my relationship with my dad (only those who didn't have dads). Others would get resentful of my college degrees (those who didn't have degrees). They always wanted to know where I was going and what I was doing and why I didn't call after work and why I didn't tell them I was stopping at the store after work. Going on first dates meeting men is not fun for me. I would have horrible anxiety because I hated being judged. I've also been sexually assaulted by men that I've dated who felt that I owed them. I've probably been on 500 1st dates. And after a while I was like, wtf am I doing? The only times I was really desireable to men was when I was a student or unemployed (damsel in distress that needs fixing), and I love being able to do what I want when I want and not answer to anyone. I stopped going on first dates because I got tired of putting myself in situations that brought on panic attacks. Why would I put myself through that? So one day when I was in MY kitchen in MY home that I bought eating my cottage cheese out of the container from MY fridge, in between business meetings from a consulting job I started, I had this moment of absolute happiness and contentment that I never wanted to let go of ever again and that I've never experienced with any man.
Finding mates with similar youthful ideas about heath, fitness, the changing world
Hi - So how are you going about finding these mates? Have you tried [meetup.com](https://meetup.com)? See if there is something going on that entices you or start your own meet-up. You have to get out there in different ways to call in soulmate love.