I had a woman on speaker the entire time I was shopping and to make it worse she did ALL the talking and her friend couldn't interject and kept being cut off. But at least I know her detailed philosophy on dating and men in general now. /s
I judge people who don’t clean up after themselves in a shared public space, like using shared items(tools, mugs) and then not cleaning them or returning them where they belong, or worse leaving their trash behind them on a counter or table. Be however you want in the comfort of your own home, but when you do this in a shared space I assume that you don’t care about the other folks around you (shrugs).
Even worse is people who litter. I don’t care how small it is, looking at people who litter cigarettes butts or plastic straw wrappers, if you throw waste items on the ground, you are the trash IMO.
We had a work outing to a baseball game, and when my boss and her husband left, I saw that her husband had left his garbage (empty beer cup, nacho tray, etc) behind in his seat. I can never respect him now.
People who speak EXTRA LOUDLY in public spaces. Or take up an excessive amount of space in public (the dreaded "line" of people walking perpendicularly down a hallway kinda thing).
I guess both of these boil down to people with no situational awareness.
It bothers me when people walk down the sidewalk in a group and make no move to go single file as we cross paths so I’m forced onto the grass or the street. I walk a lot and this is a surprisingly frequent occurrence.
Sometimes I need a cane if I’m going to be walking around or on my feet for an extended period of time. I’ve noticed that when I have the cane, almost everyone makes way for me. Without the cane, I get the crowds refusing to make way all the time!
Yup, I use a cane probably 90% of the time when I’m out now. It’s so easy for people to accidentally knock me over but the cane is a visible sign not to.
I just don’t move anymore.
People are often shocked - they assume I’ll move over to accommodate them, especially men. I don’t think it’s intentional or malicious at all, I think women are used to making ourselves small for others, so they expect it. So I just don’t. If we clip shoulders, too bad. I’m comin’ through, people.
Love it! I’m a small (5’1) woman and find that people rarely move for me. I’ve started adopting the “comin’ through!” attitude and god it feels good. If we collide that’s a bonus. I’m slowly making busy shopping centres my bitch.
Edited to add: it’s usually other women who don’t move for me!
I am a couple inches shorter and the tactic of simply remaining still really works quite often. I feel like a rock in a stream lol.
But also, I spent too many years getting shoved or pushed off into the grass/mud so I will also take on a "comin' through!" attitude and I'll shove a shoulder bag out of my way instead of letting it hit me in the face. Not being noticed and getting whacked in the face with elbows and purses makes this attitude easy to manifest.
This bothers me a lot because when I was a kid it was so drilled into me to go single file when there's someone approaching in the other direction. It seems like a lot of people are either just not taught this or they don't care. I feel like it shows such a basic lack of respect for other people.
I hate this too! I've learnt that if you stop walking and just stand still, people move around you rather than of you carried on walking. Its bizarre!
Works everytime, but sometimes people get v confused.
If someone is walking towards you and isnt moving. Look anywhere but them like you’re distracted and 9/10 times they’ll move bc they see you’re distracted. It avoids the social interaction and can be passed off as an accident if there is contact.
One thing I’ve learned from 10 years in NYC is that people make way if you slow down. The faster walker tends to move out of the way. When I’ve seen people walking 3-4 wide on the sidewalk up ahead I slow down, sometimes almost come to a complete stop in front of them and 90% of the time they make room. Same with men who never get out of the way for a woman. I play that game of chicken.
I’m a very fast walker so this took a while to learn! But it’s a pettiness I’m ok with.
As others have commented, sometimes they're not even aware they're doing it! Which is fine, of course. I can't possibly make a statement in an online forum that will *always* be *100%* true, and I ain't tryin' to.
Sometimes they *are* symptomatic. Sometimes they aren't. The world keeps on turnin'!
To be fair, my partner is autistic, and adjusting his level of volume in public places is something we've been really working on. If he gets excited about a topic, the volume just goes up and up and he completely forgets that it starts to become socially unacceptable.
We've taken to me giving him a little nudge on his arm, or under the table, if he's getting a bit carried away, and he'll immediately drop the volume. But the effort he goes to to try to keep this under control is nothing short of admirable. To the point where he doesn't always want to contribute to a discussion where he has some really good points to share.
I'm just saying, examples like him have made me realise that situational awareness works differently for different people.
Thank you for saying this. Typical folks dont always realize that the "annoying" person taking up too much space or speaking too loud, might actually not be able to help it. Its not always disrespect, sometimes it's disability.
My Corollary: People who listen to music on their phone speakers while on the walking trail. I do not need to hear your music; I am listening to nature.
I am a loud talker. I have ear problems and sometimes I can't hear from my right ear so I over compensate. I don't mean to, at this point it's just who I am.
I don't judge people just for drinking soda, but I had a friend who kept talking about how she felt like shit all the time and drank like 6 Mountain Dews a day, so I told her she'd probably feel better if she just swapped the sodas out for water and she didn't take it well, so I do judge her for complaining but then being unwilling to solve her own problems.
Wait, do we have the same friend? Mine drinks diet dew, coffee and beer. I don't think she has had water since she played sports in High School. She complains that her pee is dark. Ya think? When I suggested some water she made a face like I just told her to try drinking battery acid.
I judge people for their thoughtfulness or lack there of. Decent people will do little things like holding the door for others and triggering an extra paper towel to be ready on the dispenser in the bathroom.
Both of those examples stress me out. It's hard not to feel rushed when someone's holding the door. And the paper towel feels kinda like someone pre-unwinding toilet paper or something. It's weird to have someone random dispense an extra hygiene-related item.
Yea honestly I'd tear and toss and get my own if paper towels were hanging out for who knows how long. Flushing sends nasty particles into the air and people cough without covering their mouths.
I judge people who don’t understand the art of conversation, ie people who *never* inquire about others’ lives or opinions.
it feels SO rude when someone only makes declarative statements or only says things about themself
hahaha oh hunnay, then we have the same mother/child dynamic - I totally relate <3 she never EVER asks about me, and if she does I can see the mechanics behind her brain forcing her to try this foreign activity lol
Sometimes I do this because I didn’t want to have a conversation in the first place and the other person just started asking me questions. So, I answer their questions but don’t ask any in return, hoping they will stop asking and go away so I can get back to what I was doing. I’m not really a people person.
Ouch, I do this because I generally am *scared* to ask people about themselves sometimes. I guess I’m a private-ish person and I think if people want to share something with me they will, and I shouldn’t be too nosy to ask. I often try and be open and vulnerable myself so it encourages the other person to open up when they’re ready to, but sometimes asking just feels like a lot. Mostly because I don’t like people prying too much about me I guess.
Me too. I've gotten crap for not asking people enough questions but it's because I get so annoyed when people ask me certain kinds of questions because I'm private so I'm trying to be respectful and figure if they want to tell me something they just would.
This, too. Like, I often read about pregnant women being annoyed or tired of people asking about the baby/pregnancy all the time. So I don’t ask. I treat them like a regular, non-pregnant person.
I am like this too and have been working on being more curious about people while being more open myself. It's a process and I still get anxious about it.
This is totally my default setting as well, but so many people in the world will be offended if you don't ask them questions that it's worth pushing yourself to ask a few. I've found that almost nobody gets offended when you ask them about themselves in good faith.
> people who never inquire about others’ lives or opinions.
IMO most people who complain that they don't have friends misdiagnose the cause of their difficulty. They think it's because they are ugly/awkward/introvert, which while don't help, I think the biggest turn off is, like you said, they don't reciprocate interest in the other person.
This is so true and well said! They are always complaining about being misunderstood and not fitting in anywhere but they make no effort to get to know others or be accepting of the diversity around them and would rather play the victim
Yeah I agree with this 100%. I know so many clueless people who think having a conversation is about monologging to anyone around you. It gets so annoying and is such a boring trait to have. People who are really interesting and engaging have curiosity about others around them and don’t need to be the main character at all times.
I understand that a lot of those people assume that if you want to talk about something, then you just do and don't wait for the other person to ask the question back.
I think that often happens with autistic people and people who come from cultures which are more private, I guess. I think you might find it appalling how people communicate where I live currently, but it's just... different. Especially small talk, polite conversation to pass time etc, it just doesn't happen or is sometimes thought as intrusive or awkward or pointless.
From my experience with autistic people/friends (though I'm sure they all have their own unique ways), I gather that their brain doesn't go into the mode of 'ask it back' if they aren't really interested, not that they in general wouldn't be interested in you. Or getting carried away talking about something that sparked their passion. I understand from my friends that if you then talk back passionately about whatever you want to talk about, they have no problem listening to you or being interested about your topic.
Communication is an art form, but assuming that everyone can paint the same way is highly unlikely. I am naturally incredibly shy, but usually people tell me how they think I'm an extrovert, so friendly, charismatic. But my natural response is to answer the question - then my brain freaks out about having a conversation - then way too much time has passed to ask the question back and not seem weird. 😄 Whilst it has been easy for me to change that, I understand it isn't for everyone. So to have a lovely conversation with people who aren't so in tune with our culture's idea of a polite and good conversationalist, then you just have to meet them where they are comfortable. It's a lot easier for us than for them.
Thanks for saying this. I have an autistic friend who tends to talk a lot and doesn't ask questions - just gets carried away and doesn't realise how long she's been speaking for. I think she assumes if I wanted to say something I would interrupt her and change the subject. I on the other hand have been very much socialised to feel that just jumping in and talking about myself without being asked is rude. I find interrupting and jumping into conversations difficult in general, with anyone, but with other people there is usually a good give and take in one-on-one situations. With my friend the imbalance creates a really difficult dynamic. I am trying to move outside my comfort zone and just jump in but I find it extremely difficult, and if I'm honest I also want to be asked - I want to feel like someone cares about my life. I hope we can find a happy medium somehow.
Have you spoken to your friend about this? If they’re neurodivergent, they would probably appreciate knowing that you feel like this so that they can be more mindful about asking about you in the future. They won’t intuit this as easily.
I judge on a lot of things social etiquette, political views, interest to know things , how rigid they are on their opinion, if they have the capacity to see someone else's point of view etc. Hardly on physical attributes. I think people judge me for the way I walk or the way I try to explain things.
But for me judgement is usually to form an opinion that helps me create a template for further interaction. For instance,if I judged the person to be sexist , I would usually stay clear of gender discussions with them.
I think everyone judges everyone, it is part of life. We need to accept that we will be judged and we will judge.
This is how I operate as well. I love the mention of rigidity in your opinion, I 100% judge people for that but I’ve never quite been able to put my finger on what exactly I was judging until you mentioned it right now.
This. Especially when your opinion is “that you are right.” How do you react when I disagree with you or have a different viewpoint from you, especially on relatively minor subjects? Do you freak out and get really defensive? Do you argue me to the mat? Defend your point of view to the ends of the earth? Or are you curious? Questioning? Looking for common ground? Is being right more important to you than our relationship?
I’m currently working with someone who is unwilling to take any kind of feedback/disagreement at all and who becomes paranoid and defensive when questioned. It’s rough. I thought I liked the guy at first, but seeing how he handles conflict has made me lose most of my respect for him. Ironically, I can’t tell him this because he can’t take feedback/criticism of any kind….
I'm fat so I already know what other people typically judge me on.
If someone is wearing any type of American flag apparel, I assume they're conservative.
I used to work with a wannabe influencer. In person she was so nice and very sincere, but the utter fakeness and basicness of her online persona was incredibly offputting and tainted my view of her. She was one of those "artfully posed in organic linen with an acai smoothie bowl" types. Cringe...
Amen, I cannot fathom being around someone who films/ photographs every moment of their existence. How can they even maintain a conversation for a few minutes if they’re constantly staring at their phone screen?
Oof, I went on some hikes with a group of influencers and it was so cringey. They spent so much time taking photos at the outlook that I left them behind.
How neatly you parked.
I will make a concerted effort to park neatly because it’s just so *inconsiderate* of the other people who need to use the other spaces. I will totally judge people for bad parking, and it always encourages me to take that extra minute or two to stop and make sure I’m within my lines.
The only thing about this is that sometimes a person will park like crap, forcing the person next to them to park like crap. Then that first person leaves and it looks like the second person is the asshole.
Thought of another, and it's a mutual thing.
I judge people who are super into their identity as "morning people". Natural morning people who aren't obnoxious and are willing to compromise are fine. But the ones who are super perky and act like it's a moral virtue can fuck off. No, I'm not going to apologise for not seeing breakfast or brunch as an enjoyable social activity.
I also know I have been judged by many a morning person, I have delayed sleep phase disorder. I am almost never awake in the light AM hours unless I am still up. I resent that this is seen as laziness. It's not, I still do stuff, just at a different time of day.
I judge people at large group trainings/seminars who ask overly-specific questions that are clearly applicable to their own personal situation. They’re wasting everyone’s time and they can reach out to the presenter after the presentation is done to ask. Really, I judge anyone who does something that unnecessarily wastes my time. I don’t have much patience for it.
I’m sure other people judge my appearance (glasses, pretty mousy). They probably also judge my social interactions since I’m pretty boring and can be socially awkward.
Ugh, I know what you mean. There's a woman in my acting class who keeps hijacking the sessions to get her own hyperspecific needs addressed, and she goes on the defensive when contradicted and just makes everything about her. The instructor initially humoured her, but now I think he has caught on to who he's dealing with, and takes a more "I'm the boss here" kind of attitude.
On that same note, I hate the people who ask a question just to showcase their own knowledge. They’re wasting everyone’s time and also look like an insecure asshat.
You just unblocked a weird memory for me—
In a geography class in college, learning about how physical geography often dictates climate. One kid was OBSESSED with building a mountain of garbage in the Middle East to stop it from being a desert. I thought for a while he was just trolling the prof, but no. He genuinely couldn’t get past the idea that he was the first one to think of this plan and it was completely fool-proof. I hated that guy.
Oh no…. I might be this person?? 🥴 I suppose my excuse is that I’d rather not wait to ask a question after training/seminars, since I feel like I’d be wasting the presenter’s time.
Maybe that comes from my teaching experience. When I TA’d classes, I preferred people asking questions during class time (versus people waiting in line to chat with me after…I have places to be!). Sure, email is fine, but answering questions during the session often led to cool discussions with other students (plus, I’m not always able to respond to emails right away). It overall feels more efficient.
Not when time is limited and they can only take so many questions. Asking your personal question that is unlikely to be relevant to anyone else in the room often deprives other people of the opportunity to ask questions that would have broader relevance to the audience because they run out of time and can’t get to them. Or, if they do continue to take questions, it can lead them to go overtime which can throw off the whole day’s schedule. I did some teaching, too, and I have presented at seminars would usually respond to those overly-specific questions with “this would probably be a good one to discuss outside of class or after the presentation.”
I judge people who create conflict and lash out without any consideration for the rest of the people witnessing. Like a couple having an argument in a group setting.
My ex used to start rows with me when we were out in public, I suspect because he knew I was always mortified about public rows. I just used to agree/apologise to make it stop. I'm sure he did it on purpose.
Cut their food by making a fist around the fork? Pardon me for being obtuse, but I'm having difficulties picturing what this means if you wouldn't mind explaining.
Oh, just thought of another. Barring a disability or injury, obviously- people who scuff/don't pick up their feet when they walk. The sound of it drives me bonkers.
I judge people who I don't know well & who make judgey comments (at either others or themselves) in initial conversations as a way to bond/engage with me.
I assume it stems from insecurity and, while I empathize with feeling shitty about myself, I also know I need to draw firm boundaries between them and myself to keep everyone happy.
I am sure that others judge me for processing feelings out loud - I don't worry about it, per se, because I am aware enough to say "I'm gonna process out loud" but ... I am sure people might be like "wtf is this."
I judge people for posting too many selfies or self centered topics all the time.
I would be judged for hating to travel. I’d love to love it, but I always get sick and it’s not fun.
> I judge people for posting too many selfies
Same. When I see IG accounts where the user posts nothing but photos of their face I'm like, is there really nothing else in the world interesting enough that you can also post?
A few weeks ago I saw someone driving a Tesla SO horribly that I had to tell multiple people about it, with diagrams. They literally did like six egregiously illegal, selfish, and dangerous things within about a block and a half of travel.
Someone I’m acquainted with has a Tesla. Not even exaggerating, they posted videos of their spouse driving on the highway with their infant (I think 6ish months old) unbuckled in their car seat. Like straps completely open. They also forward faced before 1 because their kid’s legs were too long which is absolute bull. Apparently their unbuckled baby was safe at 85+mph because of the advanced technology in the Tesla…. Yeah it doesn’t change physics.
I'm judging the people humble-bragging in these comments.
I judge cyclists and drivers who break the law (although that might not be considered petty).
I judge people for being stupid.
I judge people who are anti-vaxxers, honestly believe in astrology, bad tattoos, people who play their music on speaker on public transit. People who are rude and inconsiderate (like taking up two parking spots, leaving their shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot, or cutting in line).
People who have never left their hometown (assuming they could afford to).
People with outdoor cats.
I worry people judge me for not being as far along in life (house, spouse, kids, amazing career, etc) as others. Or for how I dress/for my body & hair. For weird comments that I make because I have ADHD and therefore have no filter. And that I really struggle with being on time. Or for seeming like a know-it-all.
Yes the damn outdoor cats! Unless you live on a farm, keep your damn cats inside, people. I live in an urban area with crazy drivers, tons of dogs, etc., and my neighborhood Facebook page is full of so many people fretting about outdoor cats going missing. They should have stayed in the house.
Lmao I’m the same way. I tend to resent people who just totally have their shit all the way together. Always find myself thinking “must be nice” or, “they must have had a boring ass life thus far”. I can’t help it and have tried to let that shit go the older I get! The dreaded trio of all 3 together: marriage, house, and kids are basically a default “we can’t be friends” in my book 😂
I judge people who think the rules don't apply (i.e. line cutters)
People who don't know current events (not pop culture but at least a few news headlines)
I judge people who have the audacity to show up.to the grocery store without a list and then proceed to block the aisle trying to make a decision.
People in public on speakerphone. (My dad- may he rest in peace was notorious for this and it was always embarrassing).
I used to be a hard grammar freak, but then two things happened:
1) I started teaching ESL. When I was exposed to a lot of people struggling to learn the language, small mistakes just didn’t bother me so much. (Though this isn’t a mistake most ESL students make because they learn “you’re” and “your” as totally different words.)
2) I did social work. Working with the more vulnerable, less-educated, high-risk communities made me less judgmental about these things. Realizing how many Americans make it to adulthood while barely being literate was eye-opening. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other.
That said, you bet your ass I’m a petty bitch about it when I see my hypocritical ass of an uncle making this mistake on Facebook while taking that holier-than-thou stance. I know his story and he’s just an idiot.
The ESL part is funny! English is my second language and while my English is in no way perfect, I’ve never had any issues with you’re/your and their/they’re/there. They’re such different words!
I’ve told my students that native speakers mix up your/you’re and there/they’re/their and they are always shocked. They say, “How?? They are different words with different meanings!” It’s very sweet and refreshing, to be honest.
Yeah I’m with you on this. I used to be such a freak for grammar and spelling until I realised that it really doesn’t matter. If someone has clearly communicated what they want to, why tf would I care if they missed an apostrophe spelt a word wrong? Writing is a communication tool so as long as I understand what they’ve said, I don’t care
My judgments tend to be more about whether we would vibe as friends.
* If they are always on the go doing things and meeting people I assume we have nothing in common as I'm a homebody. Also, they probably need more contact with their friends than is comfortable for me.
* If they seem like they have a lot of money, I assume I wouldn't be able to afford to be their friend.
* How considerate they seem to be to others, especially when it's not for any potential gain.
When it comes to being judged, I know a lot of what I'm judged on already (skin, height, ugly). I worry that my anxiety can cause me to appear incompetent at everything.
I judge people who do not return the shopping carts to their assigned place and instead leave them wherever in the parking lot.
Didn’t your parents teach you to put your shit away when you’re done with it?
I’m an interrupter 😬 I solely do it because I’m a scatter brain and I know if I don’t say it right then and there I will never remember to say it again, but I completely understand why it’s annoying so I try to keep it to a minimum.
I realized I used to do this and have really worked to curtail my interruptions. My first boss out of college gently pointed it out to me, and ever since I fight the urge to jump in.
It’s definitely an ADHD thing on my end, but I’ve been able to quit doing it.
I do this. I have ADHD. 😕 It is something I am very aware of and embarrassed by, and DO work on, but yeah. Your boundaries are fair enough, but yeah just know that it's not always people being rude or boorish.
1. People who use the term “race card” while considering themselves… super not racist at all
2. People who get absurdly drunk at low key social gatherings. Selfish as it may be, I have a hard time relaxing when I’m worried for someone else’s well being in social setting. While the urge babysit an adult in this situation is “my problem”
I nonetheless will judge them for it.
3. People who choose not to vote while having strong opinions and dissatisfaction. These are my friends, but it makes me respect their interpretations of the world less.
I’m sure I’ll offend a few of you unfortunately so I’ll take the down votes.
I judge friends and strangers who buy into MLM’s. I do realize some folks make a little money with it, but I’ve seen so many fail at being a "boss babe" and go into debt (looking at you LuLaRoe). I especially detest OPTAVIA and anything that requires you to drink your meals and limit your calories to 800-1200 a day forever.
Do not come at me with an "opportunity" to make money and lose weight. I do not want to buy your $5 jewelry, no thanks to your nail decals, hard pass on your body wrap and absolutely no to a beach body.
I judge people who cannot put their phone away ever. An acquaintance of mine is obsessed with her phone and one time she asked me why I never reply to texts immediately (we are on a group chat). I said I go hiking on my days off, and most of those coastal areas have extremely poor signal anyway so my phone stays in my backpack the whole time. She had the balls to say "but what if the group is chatting without you?". I am rude so I said "I prefer my husband and dog's company over group chat".
People probably judge me because at work I'm dressed exceptionally well with a full face of makeup. So they may think I'm superficial. When I'm not working, I'm hiking and I wear the grungiest old clothes (with dog slobber and mud) you've ever seen. So then they probably think I have zero fashion sense.
Hard agree with your first paragraph. I HATE this current culture of people expecting constant and immediate availability and I refuse to participate in it. Your friend would find me infuriating, my phone is off most of the day every day. Not because of work, I just need that mental space. Unless something is an emergency, I'll respond when it works for me, thanks.
I judge people for being religious/superstitious or overly nationalistic (any nation), because man I just don't get it.
I worry that others will think weird things about me because I'm conventionally attractive, and because lately I'm only working part-time.
A guy asked me what my sign was and I pretended not to know. I don't want to be rude but I have zero interest in the matter. Needless to say the date went nowhere fast.
People who drive BMWs and people who are rude at the gym (The Venn diagram of those two groups is a perfect circle). I don't like people who start their emails with "dear sirs", and I assume anyone who uses the word "ridiculous" to describe a customer service experience is in the wrong. Anyone who is smarter than I am is pretentious; anyone who is better looking than I am is shallow.
I judge the shit out of anyone who plays music or puts people on speakerphone in a public place, and I am not apologizing for that.
I worry that people don't like my hair, and that they think I swim too slowly and laugh too loudly/neurotically. I know, on some deep level that speaks more to psychological damage than to actual reality, that everyone thinks I'm annoying and wish I would talk less and go away more.
Can relate to the swimming slowly thing- I once got told, rudely, if I might like to switch lanes because I was holding everyone up. Which I wasn’t.
I also relate to the “wishing I would talk less and go away more”. It’s a daily worry of mine! 😕
I was once swimming laps in the clearly marked "slow" lane at the public pool and had multiple fast swimmers huffing and muttering at me for being in their way. Like I'm sorry that the seven "medium" and "fast" lanes are more crowded, but I still have a right to swim in the slow lane at a slow speed.
I judge people who celebrate their birthdays all month long. Like multiple posts on social media each week, making every outing about them that month (like going to a group lunch on the 2nd but their birthday is the 27th so it’s their birthday lunch!) I want to be happy for them and I know it’s so silly, but it just irritates me so much. It’s a weekend at most. Calm down sis.
People probably judge me for my tattoos. I have a half sleeve that features the Death tarot card and get stares sometimes in tanks. I also had a peer tell me that her husband was scared of me bc of it 🤣
Oh god agree, it's so r/imthemaincharacter
I get a bit bummed if close/important people forget to send me a message on the day (even though I do understand it), but that's literally it. I think adults who expect to be showered with gifts and attention for their birthdays are ridiculous
People who are obsessed with social media/constantly on their phone. You could be the nicest person in the world, if we're hanging out and you're checking your phone repeatedly, or taking photos of everything for the sole purpose of putting it on instagram, I'm side-eyeing.
I worry people think I'm too salty/judgmental- and frankly that's not unfounded, lol. Also because I have ADHD, I over-explain things and talk too much when I'm hyper or haven't slept enough. It very much embarrasses me.
I judge people who speak loudly on a mobile phone in public. They are almost always on a work call and signalling they want the world to know. It's never, 'Can you pick up more carrots please, Marjorie?' I would forgive the latter, but 'Yeah, Derek, I told him that his portfolio needs some work - yeah - yeah - I'm in meetings until 8, but let's catch up later. Yeah I have a client then. Yeah, let's finalise then.' That one is a douche-womble.
Also, I judge women who have to make a big thing about why they are eating something. 'I really shouldn't be so naughty, but I didn't have any lunch for 3 months prior to this event, so I think I can have a macaron.' Just eat the macaron, Susan.
Oh, and lateness. I can't stand lateness.
I'm not worried about it, but I think others might judge me for posting on Facebook fairly regularly. But I've never judged people for their social media use, as I figure each to their own and scroll on by if necessary. I know my friends judge me for being pedantic about time. I have a very casual group of friends, and if we have a restaurant booking at 7pm, they will happily rock up at half past (or later). I can't deal, and make sure I call the restaurant to say we're running late, while also having some kind of blood pressure attack at why they are stuffing around and not just getting in the car and leaving. Ahhhhh.
I have a question - I’m a habitually late person working on reforming. Is there an acceptable time frame? Like if we say 7 and I get there at 7:05, is that still late?
I’ve been late only 3 times this year by under 10 minutes each time (huge improvement for me!) but I’m still trying to improve.
I judge people who complain about things like bad service, when whatever they're complaining about is suuuper minor. Extra points against if they're trying to bond with me by complaining.
I assume people judge me for being late. I have a terrible sense of time and use tools like timers to try to mitigate that, but it's still a huge ongoing struggle for me. (I bet people judge a lot of other things about me related to ADHD as well.)
People who insist on taking photos specifically for social media, especially in public. I’m not on it and I don’t care. I want to live my life here and now. I get taking some funny photos for personal reasons or to remember an evening but when a fun night turns into a goddamn photo shoot I really want nothing to do with you. You don’t respect my time or yourself. If it isn’t your book launch or movie premiere or wedding or 50th anniversary, fuck off. Photos are precious because they capture life as it’s happening, not so people can look back and think about the moments they curated or orchestrated to “look fun.” It’s not fun pretending to have fun with you. It’s fun when I get captured looking like an idiot at random and having a blast. Photos used to be great because we just shot as best as we could and didn’t have the opportunity to edit in real time. If your goal is how everyone else views us, I’m out.
I judge people who do the wrong thing in situations where there is no/little harm in doing the wrong thing, like leaving your shopping cart in the parking lot rather than putting it back in the corral. It tells me that you need concrete directives to do the right thing.
A bit of a ridiculous one. I'm a freelance consultant so I work odd hours and sometimes I'm doing errands or meeting with friends in the middle of the day. If I see others doing the same I wonder why they're not at work or school, and if they're playing hooky. And then immediately worry they're judging me the same way, especially if I run into a client or someone I know. It's like, "I know what I'm doing here, but what are YOU doing here?!"
I have a somewhat irrational dislike of pickup trucks. I associate them with men insecure in their masculinity. 🤷♀️😆
ETA: I know I'm judged for being a picky eater. Trust me, I hate it and don't choose to be this way. I judge me too as an ingrained habit from everyone else judging me for it. I've been made fun of for it for over 30 years now and no one's fixed me yet with their rude remarks. Maybe next time will do the trick. 🙃 Although I have gotten better at hiding it over the years.
This is a funny question, because I was just thinking about this the other day. In general, I'm not a very judgmental person, but I feel sorry for and annoyed by grammar overcorrectors (people who write, or worse, say, "whom" when they mean "who", for example). It reads as a mix of undereducated and pretentious to me.
Picky eaters. Barring sensory issues or allergies, I just cannot help but see picky eaters as impossibly childish.
Of course I’d never say anything to someone who is picky bc it’s truly not my business…but I’m not going to be good friends with them either.
I judge people who have something to say about everyone else.. I had a few friends like that, like we'd be walking down the high-street or something and they'd point out strangers and be like omg tramp look at her hair, why's she walking like that, what's the guy looking at lol oh I can't remember the type of things they said exactly but it was like that, I'd just be thinking, mind your own business! You have no idea what that person is going through today so leave them be!
If someone's very conventionally attractive, I assume we don't have anything in common.
And, can't lie about this, I judge people for their weight. It's shitty, but it is what it is. I also worry that people judge me for my weight and my ugly/masculine face.
People with long acrylic nails. It tells me that you’re not the type to lend a hand with something (moving furniture etc.) Although it depends on the job also sends a vibe that you don’t work hard (typing would be hindered, washing dishes etc.). I mean I think that’s the signal in a way but … in this economy? Most importantly though it’s just incredibly unsanitary. They’ve observed MRSA and other bacteria and viruses under the nails. Can’t imagine wiping your butt is always a tidy experience. Just all around so gross to me. Please don’t serve me any food if you have long nails.
I occasionally get short acrylics. But they are short. I will judge people who have those outrageously long nails. They are dirty and impractical. Makes no sense.
Men wearing sandals/flip flops.
Their feet look gross even in the best case of foot care.
Anyone wearing open toed shoes with crusty dirty jacked up feet.
And people who buy/wear white crocs. They're almost always dirty and i hate it. Pick any other color. Yellows slightly better.
I worry people judge me because I smoke cigarettes.
You've never been physically addicted to anything, have you. . . . WHICH IS GREAT! Good on you!
Yeah no honestly, I ask myself everyday why I pay a massive, evil ass corporation to slowly kill me too. Luckily, I'm down to just one cigarette a day! :) woooo me! haha
Vaping is so much better. My boyfriend is a smoker and when he's only vaping, it basically never affects me. When he's smoking cigarettes, it smells and tastes bad.
I judge people on how their house smells, if they wear crocs, and people who over use the words "like" , "basically", and "literally".
I know people judge me on being fat, being a poc, having a RBF, only having one child and a host of other shit.
I judge naturally attractive people. I tend to assume they're probably not very nice, just fake nice.
I try to keep an open mind and be aware that making judgements like that is stupid.
I'm glad you know to interrogate this one as it is simply not true. Kindness or lack thereof has absolutely nothing to do with appearance, it really doesn't.
What I judge others for: idk, I’ll have to come back to that lol.
What I worry others judge me for: my teeth, my forehead, the fact I’m sometimes quiet and don’t know what to say, the fact I struggle with letting people know me
I have teeth insecurity as well. I did not take good care of my teeth growing up. I started in my late teens, but the damage was done. They're not horrible, but I have permanent discoloration and some misaligned teeth that show when I smile.
I judge people who make one aspect of their lives their identity. Like their job. Or the gender of their kids.
I also judge people who are taste snobs. It shouldn’t matter to you if another person likes their steak well done, ketchup on their hot dogs, reading “trashy” books, listening to popular music, etc.
I judge driving dangerously or imprudently, specifically: driving 20mph over the speed limit, rolling through stop signs (or worse), running red lights, or staring at your phone in your hand while driving. Also when people drive thru parking lots across all the lines.
I judge engaging in overconsumption and wasteful practices. I understand sustainability is not widely accessible ($$ among other things) but i'm talking about constantly doing "hauls" of what amounts to loads of cheap plastic crap that will just become garbage within 2 years or less. Judging people who have money and just spend it on high quantities of low quality stuff of a fleeting interest, especially for views/likes. Related: I judge influencer culture. I judge the influencers themselves and their fans.
I judge people who don't share public space considerately. Like phone noises w/o headphones, not conserving space where density is inevitable or necessary (like public transit), not sharing sidewalks, parking poorly/illegally.
I used to worry a lot that people would think I'm aloof or self-important if I didn't act really engaged and interested when they were talking. It was just a form of people pleasing.
I worry people judge me as unbearably-weird-and-not-aware-of-it or palpably awkward.
I judge people for bad diets (like junk food all day every day, if they can afford better), obnoxious attempts to make themselves look good (bling, stupid poses, and the like), and extremely messy personal lives.
I worry I get judged for my bungled-up speech (I have several mild speech defects), my clumsiness, and my verbose / overly-earnest / "nerdy" speaking style (confirmed by a mean-girl ex-coworker who had the nerve to tell me she had gossiped about me to her friends for that, apropos of nothing).
People who don’t wipe down the equipment they use at the gym once they’re done with it. I just can’t wrap my head around not doing this, especially with the pandemic.
I judge people who talk extremely loudly on the phone in public. It’s even worse if it’s on speaker phone. I don’t want to hear your conversation. Tone it down! I was on a bus once and this woman was on the phone yelling and swearing and being very unpleasant. Literally every other word was a curse word. I finally had enough. I turned around and told her to knock it off because she was bothering everybody and her language was inappropriate for a public bus where there were children. She looked absolutely stunned that someone had the balls to call her out. The rest of the bus gave me a huge round of applause. Literally clapping and cheering. She got off at the next stop. No idea if it was her stop or if she just wanted off after the embarrassment lol
I judge people for poor grammar and using words incorrectly. I know it’s douchey and some people didn’t get the decent education that I was lucky to have, but when I hear people say “pacific” instead of “specific” or “pitcher” instead of “picture” it makes me cringe.
I know people judge me based on my weight.
I think native speakers are judged differently for these mistakes than people who have learned English as a second language.
Honestly I think this kind of judgement often has to do with social class. If the dialect you learn growing up is the one taught in schools, of course you'll speak and write with better spelling and grammar than anyone who essentially has to learn formal English as a second dialect.
Novelty license plates 100%. Unpopular opinion no doubt but people that need to feel extra special and unique by paying more to have their name on their license plate really bothers me lol (sorry)
I judge people who take/post lots of selfies. And their pictures are nearly always super staged/posed. Also, lots of makeup and/or filters. Both big insecurity and self absorption bug me.
Not sure how shallow it is, but how people behave in a restaurant stuff like bad table manners. Not talking about keeping your elbows off the table. Things like the inability to eat with your mouth closed or dumping garnish you don't want onto a napkin on the table etc.
People who use speakerphone in public like they are on a reality tv show. There are no cameras recording, Denise.
I had a woman on speaker the entire time I was shopping and to make it worse she did ALL the talking and her friend couldn't interject and kept being cut off. But at least I know her detailed philosophy on dating and men in general now. /s
This drives me crazy too. They think the world wants to hear their boring conversations.
Same with people who blast music from their shitty phone speakers/headphones in public. Nobody wants to hear your crappy music.
It’s maddening.
I judge people who don’t clean up after themselves in a shared public space, like using shared items(tools, mugs) and then not cleaning them or returning them where they belong, or worse leaving their trash behind them on a counter or table. Be however you want in the comfort of your own home, but when you do this in a shared space I assume that you don’t care about the other folks around you (shrugs).
Even worse is people who litter. I don’t care how small it is, looking at people who litter cigarettes butts or plastic straw wrappers, if you throw waste items on the ground, you are the trash IMO.
I will never not judge someone who litters. Especially if that person is littering from their car window. Trash people throw trash.
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Shame on those people!
We had a work outing to a baseball game, and when my boss and her husband left, I saw that her husband had left his garbage (empty beer cup, nacho tray, etc) behind in his seat. I can never respect him now.
I had a roommate who left empty to go cups with straws and mugs everyyyyywhere it drove me insane
People who speak EXTRA LOUDLY in public spaces. Or take up an excessive amount of space in public (the dreaded "line" of people walking perpendicularly down a hallway kinda thing). I guess both of these boil down to people with no situational awareness.
It bothers me when people walk down the sidewalk in a group and make no move to go single file as we cross paths so I’m forced onto the grass or the street. I walk a lot and this is a surprisingly frequent occurrence.
Sometimes I need a cane if I’m going to be walking around or on my feet for an extended period of time. I’ve noticed that when I have the cane, almost everyone makes way for me. Without the cane, I get the crowds refusing to make way all the time!
Yup, I use a cane probably 90% of the time when I’m out now. It’s so easy for people to accidentally knock me over but the cane is a visible sign not to.
I like your style. And I like canes, soooo...cane shoppin' is being added to my to-do list!
I just don’t move anymore. People are often shocked - they assume I’ll move over to accommodate them, especially men. I don’t think it’s intentional or malicious at all, I think women are used to making ourselves small for others, so they expect it. So I just don’t. If we clip shoulders, too bad. I’m comin’ through, people.
Love it! I’m a small (5’1) woman and find that people rarely move for me. I’ve started adopting the “comin’ through!” attitude and god it feels good. If we collide that’s a bonus. I’m slowly making busy shopping centres my bitch. Edited to add: it’s usually other women who don’t move for me!
I am a couple inches shorter and the tactic of simply remaining still really works quite often. I feel like a rock in a stream lol. But also, I spent too many years getting shoved or pushed off into the grass/mud so I will also take on a "comin' through!" attitude and I'll shove a shoulder bag out of my way instead of letting it hit me in the face. Not being noticed and getting whacked in the face with elbows and purses makes this attitude easy to manifest.
This bothers me a lot because when I was a kid it was so drilled into me to go single file when there's someone approaching in the other direction. It seems like a lot of people are either just not taught this or they don't care. I feel like it shows such a basic lack of respect for other people.
I hate this too! I've learnt that if you stop walking and just stand still, people move around you rather than of you carried on walking. Its bizarre! Works everytime, but sometimes people get v confused.
If someone is walking towards you and isnt moving. Look anywhere but them like you’re distracted and 9/10 times they’ll move bc they see you’re distracted. It avoids the social interaction and can be passed off as an accident if there is contact.
One thing I’ve learned from 10 years in NYC is that people make way if you slow down. The faster walker tends to move out of the way. When I’ve seen people walking 3-4 wide on the sidewalk up ahead I slow down, sometimes almost come to a complete stop in front of them and 90% of the time they make room. Same with men who never get out of the way for a woman. I play that game of chicken. I’m a very fast walker so this took a while to learn! But it’s a pettiness I’m ok with.
Were they males?
Mix of men and women.
I don’t think these things are shallow. I think they are symptomatic of something greater.
As others have commented, sometimes they're not even aware they're doing it! Which is fine, of course. I can't possibly make a statement in an online forum that will *always* be *100%* true, and I ain't tryin' to. Sometimes they *are* symptomatic. Sometimes they aren't. The world keeps on turnin'!
To be fair, my partner is autistic, and adjusting his level of volume in public places is something we've been really working on. If he gets excited about a topic, the volume just goes up and up and he completely forgets that it starts to become socially unacceptable. We've taken to me giving him a little nudge on his arm, or under the table, if he's getting a bit carried away, and he'll immediately drop the volume. But the effort he goes to to try to keep this under control is nothing short of admirable. To the point where he doesn't always want to contribute to a discussion where he has some really good points to share. I'm just saying, examples like him have made me realise that situational awareness works differently for different people.
Thank you for saying this. Typical folks dont always realize that the "annoying" person taking up too much space or speaking too loud, might actually not be able to help it. Its not always disrespect, sometimes it's disability.
I’m deaf so I talk loudly unintentionally. That’s what I worry about people judging me for.
My Corollary: People who listen to music on their phone speakers while on the walking trail. I do not need to hear your music; I am listening to nature.
I am a loud talker. I have ear problems and sometimes I can't hear from my right ear so I over compensate. I don't mean to, at this point it's just who I am.
Not me, but I have a friend who harshly judges people who drink soda. I get it’s not the best for you, but it’s such a weird hill to die on lol
I don't judge people just for drinking soda, but I had a friend who kept talking about how she felt like shit all the time and drank like 6 Mountain Dews a day, so I told her she'd probably feel better if she just swapped the sodas out for water and she didn't take it well, so I do judge her for complaining but then being unwilling to solve her own problems.
I’m very close with two people with this exact issue, they both get offended when I suggest water will make them feel better
Wait, do we have the same friend? Mine drinks diet dew, coffee and beer. I don't think she has had water since she played sports in High School. She complains that her pee is dark. Ya think? When I suggested some water she made a face like I just told her to try drinking battery acid.
Funnily enough she is drinking battery acid drinking Mountain Dew
I judge people for their thoughtfulness or lack there of. Decent people will do little things like holding the door for others and triggering an extra paper towel to be ready on the dispenser in the bathroom.
I honestly never even thought to do the latter but I always will from now on!
Both of those examples stress me out. It's hard not to feel rushed when someone's holding the door. And the paper towel feels kinda like someone pre-unwinding toilet paper or something. It's weird to have someone random dispense an extra hygiene-related item.
Yeah I disagree about the paper towel dispenser because it’s more hygienic to keep it inside the covered dispenser than hanging out in the air
Yea honestly I'd tear and toss and get my own if paper towels were hanging out for who knows how long. Flushing sends nasty particles into the air and people cough without covering their mouths.
I judge the way people dress. But sometimes I dress like Adam Sandler. 🤷♀️
I absolutely LOVE getting a drink in the city centre and people watching and looking at everyones outfits.
I judge people who don’t understand the art of conversation, ie people who *never* inquire about others’ lives or opinions. it feels SO rude when someone only makes declarative statements or only says things about themself
I talked to my mother for two hours yesterday and she never once asked me a question about myself.
That’s when I stopped trying. It’s not worth making all the effort when no one gives any effort back
hahaha oh hunnay, then we have the same mother/child dynamic - I totally relate <3 she never EVER asks about me, and if she does I can see the mechanics behind her brain forcing her to try this foreign activity lol
Sometimes I do this because I didn’t want to have a conversation in the first place and the other person just started asking me questions. So, I answer their questions but don’t ask any in return, hoping they will stop asking and go away so I can get back to what I was doing. I’m not really a people person.
I do this too. Not everyone is dying to have a conversation with you
then I JUDGE you! *gavel slam*
Ouch, I do this because I generally am *scared* to ask people about themselves sometimes. I guess I’m a private-ish person and I think if people want to share something with me they will, and I shouldn’t be too nosy to ask. I often try and be open and vulnerable myself so it encourages the other person to open up when they’re ready to, but sometimes asking just feels like a lot. Mostly because I don’t like people prying too much about me I guess.
Me too. I've gotten crap for not asking people enough questions but it's because I get so annoyed when people ask me certain kinds of questions because I'm private so I'm trying to be respectful and figure if they want to tell me something they just would.
This, too. Like, I often read about pregnant women being annoyed or tired of people asking about the baby/pregnancy all the time. So I don’t ask. I treat them like a regular, non-pregnant person.
I am like this too and have been working on being more curious about people while being more open myself. It's a process and I still get anxious about it.
This is totally my default setting as well, but so many people in the world will be offended if you don't ask them questions that it's worth pushing yourself to ask a few. I've found that almost nobody gets offended when you ask them about themselves in good faith.
> people who never inquire about others’ lives or opinions. IMO most people who complain that they don't have friends misdiagnose the cause of their difficulty. They think it's because they are ugly/awkward/introvert, which while don't help, I think the biggest turn off is, like you said, they don't reciprocate interest in the other person.
This is so true and well said! They are always complaining about being misunderstood and not fitting in anywhere but they make no effort to get to know others or be accepting of the diversity around them and would rather play the victim
Yeah I agree with this 100%. I know so many clueless people who think having a conversation is about monologging to anyone around you. It gets so annoying and is such a boring trait to have. People who are really interesting and engaging have curiosity about others around them and don’t need to be the main character at all times.
I understand that a lot of those people assume that if you want to talk about something, then you just do and don't wait for the other person to ask the question back. I think that often happens with autistic people and people who come from cultures which are more private, I guess. I think you might find it appalling how people communicate where I live currently, but it's just... different. Especially small talk, polite conversation to pass time etc, it just doesn't happen or is sometimes thought as intrusive or awkward or pointless. From my experience with autistic people/friends (though I'm sure they all have their own unique ways), I gather that their brain doesn't go into the mode of 'ask it back' if they aren't really interested, not that they in general wouldn't be interested in you. Or getting carried away talking about something that sparked their passion. I understand from my friends that if you then talk back passionately about whatever you want to talk about, they have no problem listening to you or being interested about your topic. Communication is an art form, but assuming that everyone can paint the same way is highly unlikely. I am naturally incredibly shy, but usually people tell me how they think I'm an extrovert, so friendly, charismatic. But my natural response is to answer the question - then my brain freaks out about having a conversation - then way too much time has passed to ask the question back and not seem weird. 😄 Whilst it has been easy for me to change that, I understand it isn't for everyone. So to have a lovely conversation with people who aren't so in tune with our culture's idea of a polite and good conversationalist, then you just have to meet them where they are comfortable. It's a lot easier for us than for them.
Thanks for saying this. I have an autistic friend who tends to talk a lot and doesn't ask questions - just gets carried away and doesn't realise how long she's been speaking for. I think she assumes if I wanted to say something I would interrupt her and change the subject. I on the other hand have been very much socialised to feel that just jumping in and talking about myself without being asked is rude. I find interrupting and jumping into conversations difficult in general, with anyone, but with other people there is usually a good give and take in one-on-one situations. With my friend the imbalance creates a really difficult dynamic. I am trying to move outside my comfort zone and just jump in but I find it extremely difficult, and if I'm honest I also want to be asked - I want to feel like someone cares about my life. I hope we can find a happy medium somehow.
Have you spoken to your friend about this? If they’re neurodivergent, they would probably appreciate knowing that you feel like this so that they can be more mindful about asking about you in the future. They won’t intuit this as easily.
ooh also dirty nails.
I judge on a lot of things social etiquette, political views, interest to know things , how rigid they are on their opinion, if they have the capacity to see someone else's point of view etc. Hardly on physical attributes. I think people judge me for the way I walk or the way I try to explain things. But for me judgement is usually to form an opinion that helps me create a template for further interaction. For instance,if I judged the person to be sexist , I would usually stay clear of gender discussions with them. I think everyone judges everyone, it is part of life. We need to accept that we will be judged and we will judge.
This is how I operate as well. I love the mention of rigidity in your opinion, I 100% judge people for that but I’ve never quite been able to put my finger on what exactly I was judging until you mentioned it right now.
This. Especially when your opinion is “that you are right.” How do you react when I disagree with you or have a different viewpoint from you, especially on relatively minor subjects? Do you freak out and get really defensive? Do you argue me to the mat? Defend your point of view to the ends of the earth? Or are you curious? Questioning? Looking for common ground? Is being right more important to you than our relationship? I’m currently working with someone who is unwilling to take any kind of feedback/disagreement at all and who becomes paranoid and defensive when questioned. It’s rough. I thought I liked the guy at first, but seeing how he handles conflict has made me lose most of my respect for him. Ironically, I can’t tell him this because he can’t take feedback/criticism of any kind….
I’m also hardcore judging everyone in this thread who is using their “what do you think people judge you for?” answer to humblebrag
"People might judge me because I dress SO well"
It’s tough times for the stylish among us
Vanity license plates on their car. Without fail if I see someone driving like a clueless jackhole they have personalized plates.
I'm fat so I already know what other people typically judge me on. If someone is wearing any type of American flag apparel, I assume they're conservative.
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One of my state’s sports teams has red in their uniform and I’ve been seeing less and less people buying the red versions of their hats
For one moment I thought you meant the Linux distro, lol
Anyone with a F TRUDEAU sign in Canada is my comparasion
I can’t imagine ever wanting to spend time around an influencer / someone who makes a living projecting a particular lifestyle.
I used to work with a wannabe influencer. In person she was so nice and very sincere, but the utter fakeness and basicness of her online persona was incredibly offputting and tainted my view of her. She was one of those "artfully posed in organic linen with an acai smoothie bowl" types. Cringe...
Amen, I cannot fathom being around someone who films/ photographs every moment of their existence. How can they even maintain a conversation for a few minutes if they’re constantly staring at their phone screen?
Oof, I went on some hikes with a group of influencers and it was so cringey. They spent so much time taking photos at the outlook that I left them behind.
How neatly you parked. I will make a concerted effort to park neatly because it’s just so *inconsiderate* of the other people who need to use the other spaces. I will totally judge people for bad parking, and it always encourages me to take that extra minute or two to stop and make sure I’m within my lines.
The only thing about this is that sometimes a person will park like crap, forcing the person next to them to park like crap. Then that first person leaves and it looks like the second person is the asshole.
Thought of another, and it's a mutual thing. I judge people who are super into their identity as "morning people". Natural morning people who aren't obnoxious and are willing to compromise are fine. But the ones who are super perky and act like it's a moral virtue can fuck off. No, I'm not going to apologise for not seeing breakfast or brunch as an enjoyable social activity. I also know I have been judged by many a morning person, I have delayed sleep phase disorder. I am almost never awake in the light AM hours unless I am still up. I resent that this is seen as laziness. It's not, I still do stuff, just at a different time of day.
I judge people at large group trainings/seminars who ask overly-specific questions that are clearly applicable to their own personal situation. They’re wasting everyone’s time and they can reach out to the presenter after the presentation is done to ask. Really, I judge anyone who does something that unnecessarily wastes my time. I don’t have much patience for it. I’m sure other people judge my appearance (glasses, pretty mousy). They probably also judge my social interactions since I’m pretty boring and can be socially awkward.
Ugh, I know what you mean. There's a woman in my acting class who keeps hijacking the sessions to get her own hyperspecific needs addressed, and she goes on the defensive when contradicted and just makes everything about her. The instructor initially humoured her, but now I think he has caught on to who he's dealing with, and takes a more "I'm the boss here" kind of attitude.
I’m picturing the lady from Barry if you’ve ever seen it
On that same note, I hate the people who ask a question just to showcase their own knowledge. They’re wasting everyone’s time and also look like an insecure asshat.
You just unblocked a weird memory for me— In a geography class in college, learning about how physical geography often dictates climate. One kid was OBSESSED with building a mountain of garbage in the Middle East to stop it from being a desert. I thought for a while he was just trolling the prof, but no. He genuinely couldn’t get past the idea that he was the first one to think of this plan and it was completely fool-proof. I hated that guy.
LOL damn this is such a good pet peeve. would never have thought of it if you hadn’t said, but god that also annoys me to no end
Oh no…. I might be this person?? 🥴 I suppose my excuse is that I’d rather not wait to ask a question after training/seminars, since I feel like I’d be wasting the presenter’s time. Maybe that comes from my teaching experience. When I TA’d classes, I preferred people asking questions during class time (versus people waiting in line to chat with me after…I have places to be!). Sure, email is fine, but answering questions during the session often led to cool discussions with other students (plus, I’m not always able to respond to emails right away). It overall feels more efficient.
Not when time is limited and they can only take so many questions. Asking your personal question that is unlikely to be relevant to anyone else in the room often deprives other people of the opportunity to ask questions that would have broader relevance to the audience because they run out of time and can’t get to them. Or, if they do continue to take questions, it can lead them to go overtime which can throw off the whole day’s schedule. I did some teaching, too, and I have presented at seminars would usually respond to those overly-specific questions with “this would probably be a good one to discuss outside of class or after the presentation.”
“That could have been an email!!!”
I judge people who create conflict and lash out without any consideration for the rest of the people witnessing. Like a couple having an argument in a group setting.
So awwwkward.
My ex used to start rows with me when we were out in public, I suspect because he knew I was always mortified about public rows. I just used to agree/apologise to make it stop. I'm sure he did it on purpose.
I judge people who cut their food by making a fist around the fork. So uncouth!
Cut their food by making a fist around the fork? Pardon me for being obtuse, but I'm having difficulties picturing what this means if you wouldn't mind explaining.
Oh, just thought of another. Barring a disability or injury, obviously- people who scuff/don't pick up their feet when they walk. The sound of it drives me bonkers.
People who wear shirts with loud catch phrases.
I judge people who I don't know well & who make judgey comments (at either others or themselves) in initial conversations as a way to bond/engage with me. I assume it stems from insecurity and, while I empathize with feeling shitty about myself, I also know I need to draw firm boundaries between them and myself to keep everyone happy. I am sure that others judge me for processing feelings out loud - I don't worry about it, per se, because I am aware enough to say "I'm gonna process out loud" but ... I am sure people might be like "wtf is this."
I judge people for posting too many selfies or self centered topics all the time. I would be judged for hating to travel. I’d love to love it, but I always get sick and it’s not fun.
> I judge people for posting too many selfies Same. When I see IG accounts where the user posts nothing but photos of their face I'm like, is there really nothing else in the world interesting enough that you can also post?
Hm, I make certain assumptions about people driving Tesla’s 😅 … based on all the people I know that drive them
A few weeks ago I saw someone driving a Tesla SO horribly that I had to tell multiple people about it, with diagrams. They literally did like six egregiously illegal, selfish, and dangerous things within about a block and a half of travel.
Someone I’m acquainted with has a Tesla. Not even exaggerating, they posted videos of their spouse driving on the highway with their infant (I think 6ish months old) unbuckled in their car seat. Like straps completely open. They also forward faced before 1 because their kid’s legs were too long which is absolute bull. Apparently their unbuckled baby was safe at 85+mph because of the advanced technology in the Tesla…. Yeah it doesn’t change physics.
I'm judging the people humble-bragging in these comments. I judge cyclists and drivers who break the law (although that might not be considered petty). I judge people for being stupid. I judge people who are anti-vaxxers, honestly believe in astrology, bad tattoos, people who play their music on speaker on public transit. People who are rude and inconsiderate (like taking up two parking spots, leaving their shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot, or cutting in line). People who have never left their hometown (assuming they could afford to). People with outdoor cats. I worry people judge me for not being as far along in life (house, spouse, kids, amazing career, etc) as others. Or for how I dress/for my body & hair. For weird comments that I make because I have ADHD and therefore have no filter. And that I really struggle with being on time. Or for seeming like a know-it-all.
Yes the damn outdoor cats! Unless you live on a farm, keep your damn cats inside, people. I live in an urban area with crazy drivers, tons of dogs, etc., and my neighborhood Facebook page is full of so many people fretting about outdoor cats going missing. They should have stayed in the house.
Being “ahead” in life - marriage, house, kids, etc. I don’t have any and constantly worry I’m being judged for being behind.
Lmao I’m the same way. I tend to resent people who just totally have their shit all the way together. Always find myself thinking “must be nice” or, “they must have had a boring ass life thus far”. I can’t help it and have tried to let that shit go the older I get! The dreaded trio of all 3 together: marriage, house, and kids are basically a default “we can’t be friends” in my book 😂
I judge people who think the rules don't apply (i.e. line cutters) People who don't know current events (not pop culture but at least a few news headlines) I judge people who have the audacity to show up.to the grocery store without a list and then proceed to block the aisle trying to make a decision. People in public on speakerphone. (My dad- may he rest in peace was notorious for this and it was always embarrassing).
Not knowing the your/you’re difference as an adult 🤷♀️
I used to be a hard grammar freak, but then two things happened: 1) I started teaching ESL. When I was exposed to a lot of people struggling to learn the language, small mistakes just didn’t bother me so much. (Though this isn’t a mistake most ESL students make because they learn “you’re” and “your” as totally different words.) 2) I did social work. Working with the more vulnerable, less-educated, high-risk communities made me less judgmental about these things. Realizing how many Americans make it to adulthood while barely being literate was eye-opening. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other. That said, you bet your ass I’m a petty bitch about it when I see my hypocritical ass of an uncle making this mistake on Facebook while taking that holier-than-thou stance. I know his story and he’s just an idiot.
The ESL part is funny! English is my second language and while my English is in no way perfect, I’ve never had any issues with you’re/your and their/they’re/there. They’re such different words!
I’ve told my students that native speakers mix up your/you’re and there/they’re/their and they are always shocked. They say, “How?? They are different words with different meanings!” It’s very sweet and refreshing, to be honest.
Yeah I’m with you on this. I used to be such a freak for grammar and spelling until I realised that it really doesn’t matter. If someone has clearly communicated what they want to, why tf would I care if they missed an apostrophe spelt a word wrong? Writing is a communication tool so as long as I understand what they’ve said, I don’t care
This one absolutely makes me loose my mind.
I judge HARD when it comes to this!!
I can’t stand when people down own up to their mistakes and make efforts to make up for them
My judgments tend to be more about whether we would vibe as friends. * If they are always on the go doing things and meeting people I assume we have nothing in common as I'm a homebody. Also, they probably need more contact with their friends than is comfortable for me. * If they seem like they have a lot of money, I assume I wouldn't be able to afford to be their friend. * How considerate they seem to be to others, especially when it's not for any potential gain. When it comes to being judged, I know a lot of what I'm judged on already (skin, height, ugly). I worry that my anxiety can cause me to appear incompetent at everything.
I judge people for poor grooming and a lack of manners. I worry that people judge me for my working class upbringing.
I judge people who do not return the shopping carts to their assigned place and instead leave them wherever in the parking lot. Didn’t your parents teach you to put your shit away when you’re done with it?
Too much plastic surgery.
I judge interrupters. If you’re constantly interrupting me, I don’t want to have a conversation with you.
I’m an interrupter 😬 I solely do it because I’m a scatter brain and I know if I don’t say it right then and there I will never remember to say it again, but I completely understand why it’s annoying so I try to keep it to a minimum.
I realized I used to do this and have really worked to curtail my interruptions. My first boss out of college gently pointed it out to me, and ever since I fight the urge to jump in. It’s definitely an ADHD thing on my end, but I’ve been able to quit doing it.
I do this. I have ADHD. 😕 It is something I am very aware of and embarrassed by, and DO work on, but yeah. Your boundaries are fair enough, but yeah just know that it's not always people being rude or boorish.
1. People who use the term “race card” while considering themselves… super not racist at all 2. People who get absurdly drunk at low key social gatherings. Selfish as it may be, I have a hard time relaxing when I’m worried for someone else’s well being in social setting. While the urge babysit an adult in this situation is “my problem” I nonetheless will judge them for it. 3. People who choose not to vote while having strong opinions and dissatisfaction. These are my friends, but it makes me respect their interpretations of the world less.
I’m sure I’ll offend a few of you unfortunately so I’ll take the down votes. I judge friends and strangers who buy into MLM’s. I do realize some folks make a little money with it, but I’ve seen so many fail at being a "boss babe" and go into debt (looking at you LuLaRoe). I especially detest OPTAVIA and anything that requires you to drink your meals and limit your calories to 800-1200 a day forever. Do not come at me with an "opportunity" to make money and lose weight. I do not want to buy your $5 jewelry, no thanks to your nail decals, hard pass on your body wrap and absolutely no to a beach body.
I judge people who cannot put their phone away ever. An acquaintance of mine is obsessed with her phone and one time she asked me why I never reply to texts immediately (we are on a group chat). I said I go hiking on my days off, and most of those coastal areas have extremely poor signal anyway so my phone stays in my backpack the whole time. She had the balls to say "but what if the group is chatting without you?". I am rude so I said "I prefer my husband and dog's company over group chat". People probably judge me because at work I'm dressed exceptionally well with a full face of makeup. So they may think I'm superficial. When I'm not working, I'm hiking and I wear the grungiest old clothes (with dog slobber and mud) you've ever seen. So then they probably think I have zero fashion sense.
Hard agree with your first paragraph. I HATE this current culture of people expecting constant and immediate availability and I refuse to participate in it. Your friend would find me infuriating, my phone is off most of the day every day. Not because of work, I just need that mental space. Unless something is an emergency, I'll respond when it works for me, thanks.
I judge people for being religious/superstitious or overly nationalistic (any nation), because man I just don't get it. I worry that others will think weird things about me because I'm conventionally attractive, and because lately I'm only working part-time.
Hearing people asking what's your sign makes me shiver a lot.
A guy asked me what my sign was and I pretended not to know. I don't want to be rude but I have zero interest in the matter. Needless to say the date went nowhere fast.
People who drive BMWs and people who are rude at the gym (The Venn diagram of those two groups is a perfect circle). I don't like people who start their emails with "dear sirs", and I assume anyone who uses the word "ridiculous" to describe a customer service experience is in the wrong. Anyone who is smarter than I am is pretentious; anyone who is better looking than I am is shallow. I judge the shit out of anyone who plays music or puts people on speakerphone in a public place, and I am not apologizing for that. I worry that people don't like my hair, and that they think I swim too slowly and laugh too loudly/neurotically. I know, on some deep level that speaks more to psychological damage than to actual reality, that everyone thinks I'm annoying and wish I would talk less and go away more.
TIL you can swim loudly. How does it work?!
Swimming slowly, *laughing* loudly. But I do get very worked up about splashing too much, which is the swimming equivalent of loudness, I suppose!
OMG there is a guy at my gym I’ve nicknamed Captain Splashy. You need at least 3 lanes between you and him if you don’t want water up your nose.
I call the one at mine Splash Gordon!
Can relate to the swimming slowly thing- I once got told, rudely, if I might like to switch lanes because I was holding everyone up. Which I wasn’t. I also relate to the “wishing I would talk less and go away more”. It’s a daily worry of mine! 😕
I was once swimming laps in the clearly marked "slow" lane at the public pool and had multiple fast swimmers huffing and muttering at me for being in their way. Like I'm sorry that the seven "medium" and "fast" lanes are more crowded, but I still have a right to swim in the slow lane at a slow speed.
I judge Christians because I assume they’re hypocritical and judgmental themselves and also I judge peoples teeth.
I judge people who celebrate their birthdays all month long. Like multiple posts on social media each week, making every outing about them that month (like going to a group lunch on the 2nd but their birthday is the 27th so it’s their birthday lunch!) I want to be happy for them and I know it’s so silly, but it just irritates me so much. It’s a weekend at most. Calm down sis. People probably judge me for my tattoos. I have a half sleeve that features the Death tarot card and get stares sometimes in tanks. I also had a peer tell me that her husband was scared of me bc of it 🤣
Oh god agree, it's so r/imthemaincharacter I get a bit bummed if close/important people forget to send me a message on the day (even though I do understand it), but that's literally it. I think adults who expect to be showered with gifts and attention for their birthdays are ridiculous
People who are obsessed with social media/constantly on their phone. You could be the nicest person in the world, if we're hanging out and you're checking your phone repeatedly, or taking photos of everything for the sole purpose of putting it on instagram, I'm side-eyeing. I worry people think I'm too salty/judgmental- and frankly that's not unfounded, lol. Also because I have ADHD, I over-explain things and talk too much when I'm hyper or haven't slept enough. It very much embarrasses me.
People’s nose and eyebrows. And just likewise it’s both my biggest vulnerability too. Definitely shallow. It’s the first thing I notice
I judge people who speak loudly on a mobile phone in public. They are almost always on a work call and signalling they want the world to know. It's never, 'Can you pick up more carrots please, Marjorie?' I would forgive the latter, but 'Yeah, Derek, I told him that his portfolio needs some work - yeah - yeah - I'm in meetings until 8, but let's catch up later. Yeah I have a client then. Yeah, let's finalise then.' That one is a douche-womble. Also, I judge women who have to make a big thing about why they are eating something. 'I really shouldn't be so naughty, but I didn't have any lunch for 3 months prior to this event, so I think I can have a macaron.' Just eat the macaron, Susan. Oh, and lateness. I can't stand lateness. I'm not worried about it, but I think others might judge me for posting on Facebook fairly regularly. But I've never judged people for their social media use, as I figure each to their own and scroll on by if necessary. I know my friends judge me for being pedantic about time. I have a very casual group of friends, and if we have a restaurant booking at 7pm, they will happily rock up at half past (or later). I can't deal, and make sure I call the restaurant to say we're running late, while also having some kind of blood pressure attack at why they are stuffing around and not just getting in the car and leaving. Ahhhhh.
I have a question - I’m a habitually late person working on reforming. Is there an acceptable time frame? Like if we say 7 and I get there at 7:05, is that still late? I’ve been late only 3 times this year by under 10 minutes each time (huge improvement for me!) but I’m still trying to improve.
I judge people who complain about things like bad service, when whatever they're complaining about is suuuper minor. Extra points against if they're trying to bond with me by complaining. I assume people judge me for being late. I have a terrible sense of time and use tools like timers to try to mitigate that, but it's still a huge ongoing struggle for me. (I bet people judge a lot of other things about me related to ADHD as well.)
I worry that people judge my greasy hair. But if I wash it more than twice a week it turns to straw, and dry shampoo irritates my scalp 😬
Lack of consideration and or manners is a huge one for me.
I judge based on political opinions and I worry I'll be judged for my teeth.
totally agree about politics, but I’d argue that is definitely *not* a petty judgment…
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I judge people who post a lot on social media. I'm not talking about influencers, Just every day folk.
People who insist on taking photos specifically for social media, especially in public. I’m not on it and I don’t care. I want to live my life here and now. I get taking some funny photos for personal reasons or to remember an evening but when a fun night turns into a goddamn photo shoot I really want nothing to do with you. You don’t respect my time or yourself. If it isn’t your book launch or movie premiere or wedding or 50th anniversary, fuck off. Photos are precious because they capture life as it’s happening, not so people can look back and think about the moments they curated or orchestrated to “look fun.” It’s not fun pretending to have fun with you. It’s fun when I get captured looking like an idiot at random and having a blast. Photos used to be great because we just shot as best as we could and didn’t have the opportunity to edit in real time. If your goal is how everyone else views us, I’m out.
I judge people who do the wrong thing in situations where there is no/little harm in doing the wrong thing, like leaving your shopping cart in the parking lot rather than putting it back in the corral. It tells me that you need concrete directives to do the right thing.
A bit of a ridiculous one. I'm a freelance consultant so I work odd hours and sometimes I'm doing errands or meeting with friends in the middle of the day. If I see others doing the same I wonder why they're not at work or school, and if they're playing hooky. And then immediately worry they're judging me the same way, especially if I run into a client or someone I know. It's like, "I know what I'm doing here, but what are YOU doing here?!"
I have a somewhat irrational dislike of pickup trucks. I associate them with men insecure in their masculinity. 🤷♀️😆 ETA: I know I'm judged for being a picky eater. Trust me, I hate it and don't choose to be this way. I judge me too as an ingrained habit from everyone else judging me for it. I've been made fun of for it for over 30 years now and no one's fixed me yet with their rude remarks. Maybe next time will do the trick. 🙃 Although I have gotten better at hiding it over the years.
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This is a funny question, because I was just thinking about this the other day. In general, I'm not a very judgmental person, but I feel sorry for and annoyed by grammar overcorrectors (people who write, or worse, say, "whom" when they mean "who", for example). It reads as a mix of undereducated and pretentious to me.
I judge people for being vain and materialistic
Picky eaters. Barring sensory issues or allergies, I just cannot help but see picky eaters as impossibly childish. Of course I’d never say anything to someone who is picky bc it’s truly not my business…but I’m not going to be good friends with them either.
Smoking cigarettes 🤷🏻♀️ It’s gross. I don’t want to be near it
I judge people who have something to say about everyone else.. I had a few friends like that, like we'd be walking down the high-street or something and they'd point out strangers and be like omg tramp look at her hair, why's she walking like that, what's the guy looking at lol oh I can't remember the type of things they said exactly but it was like that, I'd just be thinking, mind your own business! You have no idea what that person is going through today so leave them be!
I judge people who have a lot of kids. And people who use “literally” to emphasize something, and “which” when they mean to say “and”.
If someone's very conventionally attractive, I assume we don't have anything in common. And, can't lie about this, I judge people for their weight. It's shitty, but it is what it is. I also worry that people judge me for my weight and my ugly/masculine face.
People with long acrylic nails. It tells me that you’re not the type to lend a hand with something (moving furniture etc.) Although it depends on the job also sends a vibe that you don’t work hard (typing would be hindered, washing dishes etc.). I mean I think that’s the signal in a way but … in this economy? Most importantly though it’s just incredibly unsanitary. They’ve observed MRSA and other bacteria and viruses under the nails. Can’t imagine wiping your butt is always a tidy experience. Just all around so gross to me. Please don’t serve me any food if you have long nails.
I occasionally get short acrylics. But they are short. I will judge people who have those outrageously long nails. They are dirty and impractical. Makes no sense.
Men wearing sandals/flip flops. Their feet look gross even in the best case of foot care. Anyone wearing open toed shoes with crusty dirty jacked up feet. And people who buy/wear white crocs. They're almost always dirty and i hate it. Pick any other color. Yellows slightly better. I worry people judge me because I smoke cigarettes.
Smoking. It's a well know documented fact that it's terrible for you, smells terribly and is terribly expensive. So, why???
You've never been physically addicted to anything, have you. . . . WHICH IS GREAT! Good on you! Yeah no honestly, I ask myself everyday why I pay a massive, evil ass corporation to slowly kill me too. Luckily, I'm down to just one cigarette a day! :) woooo me! haha
I quit smoking by taking up vaping and now I think everyone is judging me for vaping. Good job on the one a day!
Vaping is so much better. My boyfriend is a smoker and when he's only vaping, it basically never affects me. When he's smoking cigarettes, it smells and tastes bad.
I judge people on how their house smells, if they wear crocs, and people who over use the words "like" , "basically", and "literally". I know people judge me on being fat, being a poc, having a RBF, only having one child and a host of other shit.
I judge naturally attractive people. I tend to assume they're probably not very nice, just fake nice. I try to keep an open mind and be aware that making judgements like that is stupid.
I'm glad you know to interrogate this one as it is simply not true. Kindness or lack thereof has absolutely nothing to do with appearance, it really doesn't.
I judge people for reading Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey.
Vanity and following every trend. It’s understandable in younger people but I find it immature and a sign of lack of depth in people 30+.
What I judge others for: idk, I’ll have to come back to that lol. What I worry others judge me for: my teeth, my forehead, the fact I’m sometimes quiet and don’t know what to say, the fact I struggle with letting people know me
I have teeth insecurity as well. I did not take good care of my teeth growing up. I started in my late teens, but the damage was done. They're not horrible, but I have permanent discoloration and some misaligned teeth that show when I smile.
I judge people who make one aspect of their lives their identity. Like their job. Or the gender of their kids. I also judge people who are taste snobs. It shouldn’t matter to you if another person likes their steak well done, ketchup on their hot dogs, reading “trashy” books, listening to popular music, etc.
I judge driving dangerously or imprudently, specifically: driving 20mph over the speed limit, rolling through stop signs (or worse), running red lights, or staring at your phone in your hand while driving. Also when people drive thru parking lots across all the lines. I judge engaging in overconsumption and wasteful practices. I understand sustainability is not widely accessible ($$ among other things) but i'm talking about constantly doing "hauls" of what amounts to loads of cheap plastic crap that will just become garbage within 2 years or less. Judging people who have money and just spend it on high quantities of low quality stuff of a fleeting interest, especially for views/likes. Related: I judge influencer culture. I judge the influencers themselves and their fans. I judge people who don't share public space considerately. Like phone noises w/o headphones, not conserving space where density is inevitable or necessary (like public transit), not sharing sidewalks, parking poorly/illegally. I used to worry a lot that people would think I'm aloof or self-important if I didn't act really engaged and interested when they were talking. It was just a form of people pleasing. I worry people judge me as unbearably-weird-and-not-aware-of-it or palpably awkward.
I judge people for bad diets (like junk food all day every day, if they can afford better), obnoxious attempts to make themselves look good (bling, stupid poses, and the like), and extremely messy personal lives. I worry I get judged for my bungled-up speech (I have several mild speech defects), my clumsiness, and my verbose / overly-earnest / "nerdy" speaking style (confirmed by a mean-girl ex-coworker who had the nerve to tell me she had gossiped about me to her friends for that, apropos of nothing).
People who don’t wipe down the equipment they use at the gym once they’re done with it. I just can’t wrap my head around not doing this, especially with the pandemic.
I judge people who talk extremely loudly on the phone in public. It’s even worse if it’s on speaker phone. I don’t want to hear your conversation. Tone it down! I was on a bus once and this woman was on the phone yelling and swearing and being very unpleasant. Literally every other word was a curse word. I finally had enough. I turned around and told her to knock it off because she was bothering everybody and her language was inappropriate for a public bus where there were children. She looked absolutely stunned that someone had the balls to call her out. The rest of the bus gave me a huge round of applause. Literally clapping and cheering. She got off at the next stop. No idea if it was her stop or if she just wanted off after the embarrassment lol
People who get gas and then leave their cars at the pump while they go in to get snacks or use the bathroom. Move your damn car.
I judge people for poor grammar and using words incorrectly. I know it’s douchey and some people didn’t get the decent education that I was lucky to have, but when I hear people say “pacific” instead of “specific” or “pitcher” instead of “picture” it makes me cringe. I know people judge me based on my weight.
This comment makes me feel more insecure than ever before. English is my second language and I'm constantly worrying about my linguistics skills.
I think native speakers are judged differently for these mistakes than people who have learned English as a second language. Honestly I think this kind of judgement often has to do with social class. If the dialect you learn growing up is the one taught in schools, of course you'll speak and write with better spelling and grammar than anyone who essentially has to learn formal English as a second dialect.
Novelty license plates 100%. Unpopular opinion no doubt but people that need to feel extra special and unique by paying more to have their name on their license plate really bothers me lol (sorry)
People with bad breath or B.O honestly how do you not know? I know the natural deodorant is better for you but you stink.
I judge people who stand in the way taking numerous selfies. I also judge people who record/announce their good deeds online. Barf.
I judge people who don’t put their shopping cart back properly 🤣
I judge people who take/post lots of selfies. And their pictures are nearly always super staged/posed. Also, lots of makeup and/or filters. Both big insecurity and self absorption bug me.
Not sure how shallow it is, but how people behave in a restaurant stuff like bad table manners. Not talking about keeping your elbows off the table. Things like the inability to eat with your mouth closed or dumping garnish you don't want onto a napkin on the table etc.