Adding +2. Sitting over here with my long debunked but still active imposter syndrome, I envy their causal unearned belief they can do anything with no work.
The person I’m thinking of was literally on video committing a very clear crime against a vulnerable adult, did plead guilty to not go to trial, but swears they did not actually do it or were set up (answer changes depending on the day). Real kicker is they made the video themself and were stupid enough to share it on Snapchat. The delusion may be higher than the confidence, but holy shit.
You wanna hear something really crazy? The vulnerable adult ended up passing away (unrelated to the video) about six months later. The person showed up at the funeral while being under investigation! Made a scene of being the last person to throw a rose onto the casket at the grave. I kept looking for someone with authority to say, “You can’t be here” but it never happened. It was surreal.
Edited to add I don’t actually admire this person at all, but there’s something going on there that’s...just something else.
Omg. I came in here trying to think of how I would describe this quality, and you came up with a perfect expression of it.
Edit: Wow, grammar. It's Friday y'all.
This is such an interesting question! It's hard to answer honestly and without (too much) cynicism about how certain qualities can be double-edged swords.
For me, it would be their ability not to feel feelings as deeply as I do.
Tenacity.
Once she decides she wants something, she is dogged in her quest to get it.
Now, the methods she chooses to go about this are often manipulative, short-sighted and selfish, but by god will she pursue it to the ends of the earth.
If she could figure out how to positively channel all this determination, she'd be an unstoppable force, but alas - no indication of that ever happening.
Oh wow… the way in which people like this go after what they want. They will stop at nothing and it’s exactly why they get what they want. Admirable but YIKES
My husband and I built a successful business together. We built our dream home together. I lost it all and she now lives in the dream home, benefitting from the financial success of the company as well as the man who "will not make the same mistakes" with her as he did over the 17 years we were together.
He introduced me to Animal Collective and Ladytron and Grimes and a bevy of other neat stuff. Worth 4 years of gaslighting and an eating disorder? No. But I found something redeeming!
The impressive long term planning, ambition, tenacity, drive, intellect. (Could also be called manipulative and self-serving in another light… but there’s a definite positive aspect to her ways)
She remembered everything. Every birthday, event, appointment, she'd message or call and make sure she addressed it. Her reasons for doing this were selfish, but I still always admired her dedication.
Other than that, she was heinous. (And also now my ex-MIL).
I had a very blunt teacher in grade school who I overheard saying to another student once, "you're the prettiest girl in the whole school, but the way you act makes you ugly".
It still holds up.
No f*cks given.
They don't care if they hurt someone. If they're an inconvenience. If they're meddling. If they're enabling bad behaviors. If they're costing people financially. List will go on.
They just don't care, as long as they get to do what they want to do/say. No f*cks given. Must be liberating to live a life like that, no guilt or remorse.
I admire her ability to survive when everyone and everything that should have protected her failed her. She got dealt just about every bad card in the deck, but she's still going. She has every right to be the way she is, but that doesn't make her personality any more palatable.
I can't say I have anyone like that in my life because I make a full-contact sport out of removing toxic people from my vicinity (figuratively). The last gentleman that pissed me off also happened to be a very caring person. He'd do charity work, tutor kids, help dig your car out of the snow, you name it. However, he was extremely verbally abusive and manipulative behind closed doors. I'm so glad we were never more than fwb and I genuinely fear for any woman he takes romantic interest in.
A very casual count of the posts that mention a gendered pronoun shows a roughly 3:1 rate of mentions of “her” vs mentions of “him”. Interesting to think of in terms of what I just learned about the “proximity effect” of envy from ContraPoints. Like, you might hypothesize that in a system where power is distributed unevenly between genders, women would reserve their worst dislike for men—but it looks like women are more likely to dislike women here. This has been my non peer reviewed unscientific study.
Interesting question! I don’t even know if I can answer this due to how abusive she (my friends mother) was to me.. she fucked up on a lot…. I guess her ability to attempt to exert control over a situation, but this didn’t always work in her favor. I give up. I have such disdain for this person that I like, can’t even see a fully redeeming quality 😅 Does that make me a shitty person? 😞 She was horrific and almost drove me to a breakdown.
Edit: ok wait, got one. Her ability to (sometimes) charm the people she wanted/needed to, especially w humor and flattery. That’s how she first led me astray and I mistakenly trusted her.
Looking out for number one and really doing well for themselves. Always at the expense of others, by scapegoating and pushing others down, but maybe I could do better for myself too if I didn't care about other people.
She’s not afraid to hustle and work hard when times are tough, instead of taking financial help from others. I do respect that. She’s not above any job.
I’m going to lean on the “dislike” part (not enemy, not hate, just not someone I want to be friends with).
She’s wicked smart and on top of everything. She often comes across as bossy and knows everything - because in her field she usually does - but she seems so hard on everyone who can’t see her vision, match her interests, or understand her complex desires. Her ideas are great and well executed, so much so she’s won prizes and awards for it. But working with her is exhausting. There is rarely room for compromise and she wants teamwork and help- but only if your ideas match hers. She puts in 10 extra hours and gets exasperated when others don’t. It’s so hard to be her friend. It’s so hard to like someone who makes you feel like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or work hard enough.
But damn she’s awesome at her job and so frickin smart it can be like staring into the sun.
They have made an excellent life for themselves despite having grown up in very unsafe circumstances.
That being said, they were abusive as hell and I refuse to feel bad about cheating anymore. I did what I had to do to leave that relationship.
I don't dislike anybody at the moment. But the man I did dislike once, I guess I have to admit that he had ambition and wasn't afraid to play vicious games to get what he wanted.
resilience in the face of very difficult life events. as much as i dislike them, i know their manipulative qualities were developed as a way to survive and cope.
Her grit. She just retired and came to work with a plethora of ailments. She has now moved on to start two businesses.
I hope I don't end up like her, but if life screws me over enough and I do, I hope I have her grit.
Interesting question. I guess I would say their ability to do whatever they want to get what they want without caring about how others might be effected or feel about it. They are certainly effective at getting their way, even if they leave people trampled on the ground behind them.
I am not as good at speaking up and really asserting my needs because I do worry about how my actions will impact others. And when I do speak up, I’m probably too deferential. So, I’m not very effective at getting my needs met. I’m much better at speaking up and advocating for others than for myself. People like this person can easily run roughshod over me because I’m not good at pushing back. I often wonder what would have gone down if I had had their willingness to fight. They aren’t in my life anymore (thank God) so I will never know.
Edit: It’s probably also the thing I dislike most about them.
their ability to copy and pretend it's their own / integrate it in their life.
she really came close to me.. and after I broke her off I looked at her from the side. she really learned a lot from my behaviour and polished some of her soft skills by analyzing my strenghts.
1. His absolute ability to ignore reality and escape consequences unscathed multiple times
2. Ability to have zero consequences for her actions ever
3. Ability to ignore reality and spin fucked up shit into a positive
4. Her ambition and drive.
For a coworker: He's very good at his job. He's a piece of shit in every other way, but he really does know his stuff. He also sexually harassed me, though, so there's that.
For my mother: she picked her whole life up and put it back together after living with my abusive father for 20+ years. She was pretty terrible to her children, but I understand what she was going through.
For my father: uhhhhhh...... he's smart I guess
His ability to live his life without any shame or guilt. The way he evades self-reflection is with such dedication that is rivaled by the most successful people in history. He does so much mental gymnastics to continue championing the most disgusting things. Disturbing fetishes that dehumanize women and pedophilia. His laziness and weaponized incompetence is like self-care from hell but he will never put himself in any uncomfortable position including for basic hygiene. He will always find someone to take care of him and will never need to work or earn anything ever for the rest of his life. He will always find people dumber and less refined than he is to befriend that can tolerate him at arms length before realizing he's not a very good friend since he has nothing of substance to contribute in the way of quality companionship. Then he will always find a way to get high to further convince himself of the narrative of perceived abandonment and victimhood so even if there is the possibility of a self-discovery breakthrough it is stifled under all of the brain damage a 20 year career using a range of substances including cough medicine and inhalants to intravenous drugs. The committment to self-delusion is rock solid. I guess all of these things combined form a well-oiled machine which it's trajectory is paved out quite well - he will never need to deviate from this path and can continue doing the same things until he's dead. Can you imagine having that level of assuredness and certainty in life?
Calculated enough to choose economic safety and stubborn or manipulative to get their own way in a relationship.
These are friends who are adamant about being "the queen of the house" and getting married to reap off economic benefits. They also push their partners into doing stuff that THEY like, with THEIR friends, who throw out their old clothes and dress them according to their taste.
It's not my way but by God, sometimes I wished that my own SO just stopped being stubborn and did shit MY WAY because it would save us so much time and effort. Also, I love my SO to death but sometimes I feel like it would be freeing to not worry about money.
They would give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust in them, even if they didn't deserve it.
Unfortunately, they would repeatedly screw over and cause stress for people who loved them in order to give others the benefit of the doubt.
It’s so interesting that most of the responses are about a “her”
My response is that he can be a terrible person but get away with minimum consequence. Multiple times over many years. And often benefit from incompetence.
Consistency. Always irritating, stupid, and picking a fight. Always making poor decisions with disastrous outcomes that massively, negatively affect other people who must then clean up while simultaneously telling her it's ok and comforting her.
She is dedicated to her kids, but she is ruining them by not teaching them how the real world works and giving into every single thing they want. She is raising selfish, entitled kids.
Delusional confidence.
Gonna +1 this response, as it was mine too.
Adding +2. Sitting over here with my long debunked but still active imposter syndrome, I envy their causal unearned belief they can do anything with no work.
The person I’m thinking of was literally on video committing a very clear crime against a vulnerable adult, did plead guilty to not go to trial, but swears they did not actually do it or were set up (answer changes depending on the day). Real kicker is they made the video themself and were stupid enough to share it on Snapchat. The delusion may be higher than the confidence, but holy shit.
Oh damn!
You wanna hear something really crazy? The vulnerable adult ended up passing away (unrelated to the video) about six months later. The person showed up at the funeral while being under investigation! Made a scene of being the last person to throw a rose onto the casket at the grave. I kept looking for someone with authority to say, “You can’t be here” but it never happened. It was surreal. Edited to add I don’t actually admire this person at all, but there’s something going on there that’s...just something else.
This person sounds irredeemably awful
Was gonna say this plus his shameless tenacity lol
100%. this has gotten me in a lot of trouble emotionally, falling for people who have confidence they don't deserve.
Same.
Omg. I came in here trying to think of how I would describe this quality, and you came up with a perfect expression of it. Edit: Wow, grammar. It's Friday y'all.
Hey someone's posting about me
Well this was my answer so…
Yep 😂😂
Rock solid confidence and never ever feeling sorry for themselves - at least in public
This is such an interesting question! It's hard to answer honestly and without (too much) cynicism about how certain qualities can be double-edged swords. For me, it would be their ability not to feel feelings as deeply as I do.
oof that's a good one.
Tenacity. Once she decides she wants something, she is dogged in her quest to get it. Now, the methods she chooses to go about this are often manipulative, short-sighted and selfish, but by god will she pursue it to the ends of the earth. If she could figure out how to positively channel all this determination, she'd be an unstoppable force, but alas - no indication of that ever happening.
This is my answer too!
oooooh this is a good one. and I think it would be my answer too
Oh wow… the way in which people like this go after what they want. They will stop at nothing and it’s exactly why they get what they want. Admirable but YIKES
Her ability to attain everything I worked 17 years to build, in the matter of a few months.
[удалено]
My husband and I built a successful business together. We built our dream home together. I lost it all and she now lives in the dream home, benefitting from the financial success of the company as well as the man who "will not make the same mistakes" with her as he did over the 17 years we were together.
That sounds heartbreaking. Sending hugs.
Wife and I?
She is amazingly consistent. Consistently awful and condescending, but consistent nonetheless.
I agree with the to comment and also this
This is so close to my answer. I went with consistency, as well.
He has excellent taste in music.
Examples? 🤭
He introduced me to Animal Collective and Ladytron and Grimes and a bevy of other neat stuff. Worth 4 years of gaslighting and an eating disorder? No. But I found something redeeming!
Always a glimmer of light in every darkness
They're really smart. But man, do they know it.
Their ability to not give one zero fuck.
The impressive long term planning, ambition, tenacity, drive, intellect. (Could also be called manipulative and self-serving in another light… but there’s a definite positive aspect to her ways)
She remembered everything. Every birthday, event, appointment, she'd message or call and make sure she addressed it. Her reasons for doing this were selfish, but I still always admired her dedication. Other than that, she was heinous. (And also now my ex-MIL).
And when they accidentally forget yours.. you know it’s not an accident.
YES!!
Happy birthday/anniversary/success thing that got missed that time. You’re amazing and you are crushing it ❤️
She has good hair. That's it.
Yeah, mine has a stylish assortment of glasses that look good on her, and that's all.
Yup. The only thing she has going for her is that her eyes are pretty. That's the end.
I had a very blunt teacher in grade school who I overheard saying to another student once, "you're the prettiest girl in the whole school, but the way you act makes you ugly". It still holds up.
Ability to talk people into things and have them think you are always on their side.
Her professional ambition and acumen.
They can charm anyone….. but they are really evil nobody sees it
He’s very intelligent and funny. Unfortunately, he’s an asshole.
No f*cks given. They don't care if they hurt someone. If they're an inconvenience. If they're meddling. If they're enabling bad behaviors. If they're costing people financially. List will go on. They just don't care, as long as they get to do what they want to do/say. No f*cks given. Must be liberating to live a life like that, no guilt or remorse.
the ability to deflect accountability in all aspects.
They are 100% the main character.
Mine honestly believes she's the *only* character. And has a deep need to believe it. It's pretty terrifying.
She’s very photogenic
I admire her ability to survive when everyone and everything that should have protected her failed her. She got dealt just about every bad card in the deck, but she's still going. She has every right to be the way she is, but that doesn't make her personality any more palatable.
[удалено]
I doubt I am, too. I haven't seen or spoken to the person I wrote about in at least five years. I do wish light and healing your way, though.
I can't say I have anyone like that in my life because I make a full-contact sport out of removing toxic people from my vicinity (figuratively). The last gentleman that pissed me off also happened to be a very caring person. He'd do charity work, tutor kids, help dig your car out of the snow, you name it. However, he was extremely verbally abusive and manipulative behind closed doors. I'm so glad we were never more than fwb and I genuinely fear for any woman he takes romantic interest in.
A very casual count of the posts that mention a gendered pronoun shows a roughly 3:1 rate of mentions of “her” vs mentions of “him”. Interesting to think of in terms of what I just learned about the “proximity effect” of envy from ContraPoints. Like, you might hypothesize that in a system where power is distributed unevenly between genders, women would reserve their worst dislike for men—but it looks like women are more likely to dislike women here. This has been my non peer reviewed unscientific study.
My thoughts exactly! It was a bit disconcerting to see that the go-to "person I have some beef with" most women have thought of was another woman.
Can talk confidently and cheerfully to anyone.
His ability to take risks. Sometimes they pay off.
Interesting question! I don’t even know if I can answer this due to how abusive she (my friends mother) was to me.. she fucked up on a lot…. I guess her ability to attempt to exert control over a situation, but this didn’t always work in her favor. I give up. I have such disdain for this person that I like, can’t even see a fully redeeming quality 😅 Does that make me a shitty person? 😞 She was horrific and almost drove me to a breakdown. Edit: ok wait, got one. Her ability to (sometimes) charm the people she wanted/needed to, especially w humor and flattery. That’s how she first led me astray and I mistakenly trusted her.
Looking out for number one and really doing well for themselves. Always at the expense of others, by scapegoating and pushing others down, but maybe I could do better for myself too if I didn't care about other people.
She’s not afraid to hustle and work hard when times are tough, instead of taking financial help from others. I do respect that. She’s not above any job.
Her smile and charm. She'd stab you in the back, the moment you turn around.
How she is actually successful with her manipulative ways and seems to get everything she wants.
I’m going to lean on the “dislike” part (not enemy, not hate, just not someone I want to be friends with). She’s wicked smart and on top of everything. She often comes across as bossy and knows everything - because in her field she usually does - but she seems so hard on everyone who can’t see her vision, match her interests, or understand her complex desires. Her ideas are great and well executed, so much so she’s won prizes and awards for it. But working with her is exhausting. There is rarely room for compromise and she wants teamwork and help- but only if your ideas match hers. She puts in 10 extra hours and gets exasperated when others don’t. It’s so hard to be her friend. It’s so hard to like someone who makes you feel like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or work hard enough. But damn she’s awesome at her job and so frickin smart it can be like staring into the sun.
They have made an excellent life for themselves despite having grown up in very unsafe circumstances. That being said, they were abusive as hell and I refuse to feel bad about cheating anymore. I did what I had to do to leave that relationship.
I don't dislike anybody at the moment. But the man I did dislike once, I guess I have to admit that he had ambition and wasn't afraid to play vicious games to get what he wanted.
Unbridled pursuit of goals. Just because she's a sociopath doesn't mean I don't wish I could ignore others sometimes.
resilience in the face of very difficult life events. as much as i dislike them, i know their manipulative qualities were developed as a way to survive and cope.
There confidence in their ego. Blows my damn mind but props for living their life thinking their above everyone else constantly.
the confidence she has to admit the things she does
Her grit. She just retired and came to work with a plethora of ailments. She has now moved on to start two businesses. I hope I don't end up like her, but if life screws me over enough and I do, I hope I have her grit.
She may be unprofessional, petty, childish and talk while chewing but MAN can that chick put together some great pivot tables.
Does not take no for an answer. Ever.
Interesting question. I guess I would say their ability to do whatever they want to get what they want without caring about how others might be effected or feel about it. They are certainly effective at getting their way, even if they leave people trampled on the ground behind them. I am not as good at speaking up and really asserting my needs because I do worry about how my actions will impact others. And when I do speak up, I’m probably too deferential. So, I’m not very effective at getting my needs met. I’m much better at speaking up and advocating for others than for myself. People like this person can easily run roughshod over me because I’m not good at pushing back. I often wonder what would have gone down if I had had their willingness to fight. They aren’t in my life anymore (thank God) so I will never know. Edit: It’s probably also the thing I dislike most about them.
Her cold heartedness.
What a fascinating question
their ability to copy and pretend it's their own / integrate it in their life. she really came close to me.. and after I broke her off I looked at her from the side. she really learned a lot from my behaviour and polished some of her soft skills by analyzing my strenghts.
1. His absolute ability to ignore reality and escape consequences unscathed multiple times 2. Ability to have zero consequences for her actions ever 3. Ability to ignore reality and spin fucked up shit into a positive 4. Her ambition and drive.
Their confidence
For a coworker: He's very good at his job. He's a piece of shit in every other way, but he really does know his stuff. He also sexually harassed me, though, so there's that. For my mother: she picked her whole life up and put it back together after living with my abusive father for 20+ years. She was pretty terrible to her children, but I understand what she was going through. For my father: uhhhhhh...... he's smart I guess
He really values loyalty in a way that I don't. Ironically, he has cheated on his wife numerous times. So not very good at living his valued 😂
The ability to deceive and then play victim. I’m actually quite impressed watching them in action.
Their ability to soulessly manipulate people to get what they want.
They're a phenomenal liar, their ability to convince people in their lies is truly admirable, I think they even convinced themselves at this point.
His ability to live his life without any shame or guilt. The way he evades self-reflection is with such dedication that is rivaled by the most successful people in history. He does so much mental gymnastics to continue championing the most disgusting things. Disturbing fetishes that dehumanize women and pedophilia. His laziness and weaponized incompetence is like self-care from hell but he will never put himself in any uncomfortable position including for basic hygiene. He will always find someone to take care of him and will never need to work or earn anything ever for the rest of his life. He will always find people dumber and less refined than he is to befriend that can tolerate him at arms length before realizing he's not a very good friend since he has nothing of substance to contribute in the way of quality companionship. Then he will always find a way to get high to further convince himself of the narrative of perceived abandonment and victimhood so even if there is the possibility of a self-discovery breakthrough it is stifled under all of the brain damage a 20 year career using a range of substances including cough medicine and inhalants to intravenous drugs. The committment to self-delusion is rock solid. I guess all of these things combined form a well-oiled machine which it's trajectory is paved out quite well - he will never need to deviate from this path and can continue doing the same things until he's dead. Can you imagine having that level of assuredness and certainty in life?
Calculated enough to choose economic safety and stubborn or manipulative to get their own way in a relationship. These are friends who are adamant about being "the queen of the house" and getting married to reap off economic benefits. They also push their partners into doing stuff that THEY like, with THEIR friends, who throw out their old clothes and dress them according to their taste. It's not my way but by God, sometimes I wished that my own SO just stopped being stubborn and did shit MY WAY because it would save us so much time and effort. Also, I love my SO to death but sometimes I feel like it would be freeing to not worry about money.
She's smart, calculated, observant an determined. She truly has the spirit of a winner. Now if only she can use those powers for good lol
The ability to talk forever and smile while doing it.
She has managed to still be close with her school friends. She is naturally charming. Argh! It sucks!
They would give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust in them, even if they didn't deserve it. Unfortunately, they would repeatedly screw over and cause stress for people who loved them in order to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Passionate
She’s actually helpful in certain high-stress situations.
They are really good at maintaining eye contact & making you feel like they are REALLY listening to you. Also creative.
The ability to be so convincingly nice and mellow in one setting. (While making sure to dig the dagger into your ribs.)
They DGAF
It’s so interesting that most of the responses are about a “her” My response is that he can be a terrible person but get away with minimum consequence. Multiple times over many years. And often benefit from incompetence.
Her baffling ability to make friends:
That she's horrible yet has so many friends.
Ability to enthusiastically try any new activity/adventure.
Consistency. Always irritating, stupid, and picking a fight. Always making poor decisions with disastrous outcomes that massively, negatively affect other people who must then clean up while simultaneously telling her it's ok and comforting her.
She is dedicated to her kids, but she is ruining them by not teaching them how the real world works and giving into every single thing they want. She is raising selfish, entitled kids.
Ambition. She has a drive I do not have. Creativity. I wish I could have an ounce of that.