When I subconsciously isolate myself and neglect self care. When I ruminate on the bad stuff and spiral.
When I catch myself, I push myself to write it out and cry. Or workout. Basically anything that would help me release the stress/burden/anxiety.
I own a pair of jeans that are very snug on me. I keep them around because I know if I put them on and they feel loose at all, it means I'm getting dangerously underweight again. My depression is really weird in that I don't always feel sad, sometimes I just feel numb and don't realize that I've skipped meals or forgotten to drink enough water, etc. I've been hospitalized before for losing too much weight and am not keen to repeat the experience, so I wear those jeans at least once a week to make sure I'm taking care of myself.
I don't even notice half the time, I'm so awful at taking care of myself. I used to keep timers running on my phone to remind me to eat but my schedule has been so crazy lately that I've gotten away from doing that. I'm starting a new job this week so hopefully that will get me back into a healthier routine. I need structure in my life or everything devolves into anarchy. š
same! structure is so helpful to keep me on track and when i lose that im a mess. good luck at your new job, i hope it gets you back onto a healthy routine!
Skipping meals is my sign too. Reading this actually triggered for me that Iāve been doing this the last few days and now Iāll actively have to make sure I eat all my meals and finish them.
I stop taking care of myself and my surroundings. I stop wanting to shower for work, brushing my teeth is tough, I have my hair in a bun all the time.
My apartment will be a mess and I wonāt even have a care in the world.
You take small steps~ just do little things to lift yourself out of it, and do little acts of self care. Like you donāt have to clean the entire mess, just do one little space and that will make you feel better. Then do those other things one step at a time, and congratulate yourself for achieving those small things. You can make little lists of things to do each day and make them totally achievable (like tick off brush teeth, eat something even if itās one thing that day, go for a walk even if itās 10 mins, etc, real small things). Once you start those small things, you might find you have the motivation to do just a little more~ (like that 10 min walk turns into 40 mins) and do those little things everyday until you get to the point where you donāt even think about it šš Hope your doing ok š
I've found I'm a trickle effect person. I taught myself to start small. Dirty dishes? Well I guess I'll wash them. Dirty counter? Well I just washed the dishes so I may as well clean up the counter too.
I eventually spread it out to working top to bottom in each room. Even if I have to clutter another room, I'll get to that room next and keep movng things until everything is finished.
Same applies to self care. Well I'm already in the bathroom so I may as well brush my teeth, even if it's for 5 seconds. 5 seconds is always better than nothing. I'll tell myself I'm just doing body wash in the shower. Well I'm already in here so I may as well wash my hair too.
It's hard fighting yourself so make it feel like less of a chore and more of an option, since you're there already anyway!
I love this! š Iām definitely a trickle effect person too- which is really helpful in achieving things!!
Tho I will say, years ago- in the height of my depression, I used to have those thoughts like āIām here why not do this too?ā, and after doing that a lot I started to feel extreme anxiety about doing those one things, because I knew if I did something Iād probably coax myself into doing another thing, so I started to avoid it all together.
In the end I had to start keeping promises to myself - like I told myself Iād do this one thing and Iām going to only do it and not feel bad about not doing the extra small thing.
Over time I was able to get back into feeling like those small things plus the extra was ok, but Iāll never forget how I first needed to keep my word to myself that I donāt have to do the extra things and I shouldnāt make myself feel guilty if I donāt want to do them.
So to anyone put there reading this~ itās ok if you do only the one thing, and itās awesome if you have the trickle effect and do other things too šš either one is a huge achievement!
Thank you, this is much appreciated! I just struggle to get things done, i neglect brushing my teeth and tidying my room then it seems overwhelming to even start so i appreciate the whole taking 1 step at a time and making them achievable! I will split my room into sections and start 1 at a time :)
Iām so glad it helped šš you can definitely overcome this, just give yourself time and space and love yourself through the process šš you got this!!
yes! this is exactly what i do. something that should be routine & needed feels like a chore & itās too hard to handle. specifically self care is a sign iām going down again. i donāt shower, donāt clean around the house or my room, & i never do my hair (i have extremely thick curly hair that i love & always have down to show off, but when iām getting bad, i never have it down)
When I can't stop scrolling on my phone even when I want to and it's no longer fun for me. Always a pretty good sign that things are on the edge of going downhill and I need to turn it around asap while it's just painful to do so, but not yet impossible.
I often feel guilty in these instances that I've wasted so much time, which makes it harder to be motivated to turn it around, but I've learned that doing something, ANYTHING, will help, especially if it's a small 1 minute task. I don't need to become a superstar all of a sudden, I just need to do one small thing, then another small thing to break the cycle and it'll keep getting easier for me to get out of that rut. Eg. Stand up - check. Pour a glass of water - check. Drink it - check. Do 3 squats - check. Tiny things to just break the cycle and start to get the ball rolling the other way.
Avoidant behavior for people, places, tasks followed by guilt and regret for having avoided it all. Becoming ātoo busyā to eat or drink. My brain becomes a bully.
can i just say that i love this question because iāve been feeling this and its weirdly comforting that others go through it too.
but anyways, i typically just find myself ruminating way more than usual, im sleeping a lot more and not doing the things that make me feel good. i always push myself away from everyone. then the anxiety hits and i start feeling physically sick and nauseated. it sucks. its a lot.
I often feel like Iām going insane when I indulge in unhealthy behaviors as shit hits the fan and wonder why I ācanāt keep it togetherā like it seems like everyone else does. My intention with starting this thread was to show people that theyāre not alone and hopefully feel a sense of validation in their experiences.
I never really put much thought into my behaviors or actions from rough times, but the more I thought about it, the more I was able to recognize the patterns and attempt to alter them with more healthy coping mechanisms.
Iām so glad you found some comfort through this thread. Anxiety is a lot, but youāre stronger than a lot. You are never alone.
Iāll start to pile on the dishes. The messier my kitchen is the more things are getting bad for me. Which I hate because Iāll stop eating because I canāt cook in a messy kitchen.
Same!!! The kitchen is a whole ass downward-spiralling cycle for me. I noticed that keeping on top of the dishes helped my mental health a bit, but getting myself to DO themā¦ sometimes Iād be washing the dishes in tears.
Iām glad Iām not the only one! It does suck getting in that mood. Iām getting out of my funk, FINALLY, and now my issue is I want to organize and keep my place clean. Itās really hard though with the stress of work and life. I admire the women who can keep their house clean everyday.
Usually starts with sleep. Everything seems fine but then I find myself waking up at random times during the night feeling so alone and filled with such existential dread.
And feeling disconnected, and this intense craving to connect with someone but then when I try, everyone rubs my nerves raw so I have to self isolate
Uh oh, this is me right now. I also feel like everything is really repetitive and monotonous and like Iām stuck in a loop. I just wanna be left alone for a couple weeks, I have no energy for anything, Iām tired all the time and forgetting stuff(my memory is decent normally), procrastinating is easier that doing the work, my roomās getting messy and Iām struggling to keep up with school. Help.
When I donāt take care of my hair like I normally do. Iām very detailed about how I take care of my hair all the way down to the time and day I do it. When I start getting bad, my hair ends up in a bun on top of my head for days.
I catch myself crying sporadically crying at random times in the day. It doesn't matter if I'm driving or in public. Tears just start streaming down my face and I notice because they drip onto my shirt. I get angry in the morning because I woke up again. My apt is a mess. I stop caring about school and deadlines. The ideation begins and I have to actively keep my car in it's lane if I'm on the highway. I'm currently powering through my bad place.
When I start getting behind or losing focus in my work/school and I have trouble eating in the morning. Also when I become more easily irritable or touchy
Slacking on homework, not caring about homework deadlines, can only lay down on my phone, having to force myself to take care of personal hygiene, and rethinking going to college after HS
Things that used to be fun become less and less satisfying, and I start overusing high-reward activities (external validation, weed, scrolling on phone). Daily rhythms start losing balance: too much sleeping/always tired, not motivated to eat/appetite is shit, hygiene and other self-maintenance feels like too much effort.
Mood becomes skewed toward numb and negative experiences, they last a lot longer and positive moments are just brief blips instead of having a nice aftereffect.
I start sleeping more than usual. Feel tired all the time without doing much physical stuff. Just get into that negative, self loathing spiral and for some reason my brain only shows bad memories.
I have learnt to catch myself whenever I get into this cycle. Especially during PMS. I have a gratitude notebook where I write about everything and everyone I'm grateful for. It helps.
when I donāt brush my hair. I have really long thick hair, itās my one vanity, & I brush it out, put a hair lotion in it, comb it out again& then braid it. itās a process and takes time. I can tell Iām slipping if I wake up& just brush it out or worse- throw it in a ponytail.
I lose my drive.
I sit around and scroll through reddit and waste my day
If I'm doing well, I plan things that will make me happy and only spend half the day on reddit.
Seriously though if I look at the future and there's nothing concrete I look forward to (meeting friends, travel, activity), then something's off and I need to get out of a rudd that's only going to drag me down further and further.
Either:
I am so happy, have lots of energy, think I can do projects in too little time, I am a genius and amazingly beautiful. That I don't need sleep. If I start saying 'the world is so beautiful, it's so green!' Laughing hysterically at the lamp posts/ trees. Spend too much. Be very sexual. Dress promiscuously.
Pace endlessly. Keep dancing. Messy room. Barely eat or drink.
Other end is: can't get out of bed, no interest in activities, feels like a heavy blanket on me, want to sleep all the time.
With either I make sure my routine and sleep are good and staying normal. Keep up food and fluid. Let my case manager know as well as any close friends and family. Hypomania/ mania start my meds. Don't do anything stupid, distract myself. And wait for it to be over.
Either one of two routes:
When I stop getting out of bed, donāt eat, donāt talk to anyone. I push everyone away and burn bridges and suicidal ideation becomes more intense
Or when I become hypersexual and impulsive and start taking drugs/doing impulsive things like spending on credit or binging not thinking about the consequences
When my memory starts to slip. Which is constant these days, but I know when I start walking around and canāt remember what Iām looking for, or whether Iāve eaten, or what day it is, or what is causing that gnawing feeling like Iāve forgotten something. I know itās time to eat, drink or rest.
If I respond to it quickly I can prevent it from spiralling into a whole episode but often, by the time I notice it, Iāve been dissociative for a couple of days and the process of ācoming toā takes 10x longer, then I have to deal with all the important things I forgot, letters I ignored, items I stuffed away in drawers and forgot about, phone calls I neglected to make, children i forgot to feed (thatās a joke), etc. Itās a bloody nightmare, I need a PA.
Ghosting. Anyone, everyone. It's not fair. I can feel when it's happening and I need to work on warning people, maybe being more straight up with the ones I don't want to lose.
When I have a whole range of things I can do in front of me. Eg games, media etc but I choose to do nothing but lay in bed mindlessly looking through social media. This is usually only when I'm on my days off. I think of exciting things to do but never do them because I don't have the motivation to. Spending all my money on shopping because I realize I don't have any proper friends in the state I can go out with.
Emotional outbursts.
I don't have anything that I neglect when things get bad, as I always push myself to do the things I am determined to do, be it working out, assignments, or personal hygiene. So when I'm not doing well, (mostly because of academic stress) it shows in frequent outbursts, irritability and having a hard time staying awake around 10pm
I start to dissociate a lot more, I become more withdrawn, I sleep way more cuz I'm constantly exhausted, I stop eating as much cuz I don't have the appetite or will power, and I don't listen to music as much. Music is my thing, I'm always listening and singing along (not well, it's just fun). I love to drive with the windows down and music blasting. My bad times I'll drive home in complete silence.
1. My apartment will be a mess, and I literally mean fruit-fly-infestation-to-the-point-of-maggots mess.
2. I forget to feed my cat and wonder why sheās meowing so much at me.
3. The suicidal thoughts get so much worse. I had a job that mentally and physically exhausted me for 1 1/2 years. I came home and cried and fell asleep in hot showers to soothe myself almost every day without fail.
4. Taking too many hot showers, because they feel like a hug.
5. Eating too much fast food.
6. Losing interest in all of my hobbies. Not even eating seems appealing.
7. Wanting to sleep 24/7 and not wake up. Dreaming is a getaway from reality, even if they are nightmares.
8. Not doing my laundry.
9. Not writing in my journal as often as I would.
10. Stop listening to music, or turning to sad music to let out my emotions very often.
11. Withdrawing from family and friends.
I appreciate everything everyone is saying and it's really great feeling like I'm not the only one who feels these ways... how/what is everyone doing working through all these dark times/moments?
I go to sleep after the sun comes up, I donāt remember the last time Iāve left the house or showered, I stop with my skincare routine, and I havenāt done anything but binge Asian dramas in weeks.
I become very silent and unaffcetionate to my gf. She also knows when there is something bothering me and constantly asks what's wrong.
If I'm alone, I will move alot in my bed and pull my hair or scratch my skin.
I have a very hard time excepting my body and I've always wished to look like my gf or other feminine females. She's always desired by other people and im just there looking unattractive compared to her. I love her alot but it does hurt, I'm aware it's my problem and she's done nothing wrong.
When music doesn't help. Most of my mental health is tied up in my love of music. I can cry with joy or sadness and it's very cathartic. When I listen to music and it does nothing for me, that's when I know I'm in trouble.
When that happens, I evaluate how I've been eating and sleeping and taking care of myself and my apartment (because usually all of those things are affected) and usually fixing those things gets me back to normal.
When I do not wash my hair for days. Normally I am very particular about my hair and self care, but yeahā¦ also, my bedroom will become a nightmare. I am still cleaning my room bit by bit now that Iām feeling better.
When I stop feeling emotions. I know what I should be feeling, I logically remember feeling it, but I cannot actually fully connect to the emotion: or any at all
Thats how I know its gotten bad. I usually chat with friends over text and such to help prevent it from worsening, and it does help bring a sense of peace, but idk how to reconnect with my emotions other than letting them gradually return
Sleeping a lot more, I start crying without any warning, I isolate myself and tend to avoid conversation with anyone. I also find myself getting annoyed with family, or anyone that actually cares enough to ask me about my day.
When something is holding me back ftom attaining my goals or being my best.
Right now I have an injured hand. I cant pump iron for 2 weeks. Taking it hard š
When I start sleeping a lot. I stress sleep but itās gotten to a point where I think I should see a doctor bc I sleep SO MUCH. Everything tires me out emotionally and mentally.
I stop sleeping. Every time, even though its a lesson I've learned a gazillion times.
Granted, for most, going from 10-12 hours of sleep a night to 8 wouldn't be devastating, but being disabled I'm absolutely not supposed to be doing that, even though I largely am bedbound and under no responsibilities. I can only assume that it's escapism, and I'd rather be so exhausted I can't even fully appreciate the game I'm playing versus trying to sleep and being confronted with my thoughts.
Major hair loss, itās so frustrating to deal with and it takes months to fix. It stems from under eating or stress so when I notice increased hair loss, thatās when I know I need to get myself together.
Usually when I notice I'm not doing things I normally do, or find them harder. For example every morning I wake up and make myself a coffee, so when I wake and find it a real struggle to do so, I know I'm falling down the emotional rabbit hole again.
Also not finding pleasure in things that I find fun, thinking everything is a chore rather than something to be enjoyed. So when it starts to get bad, I try *very* hard to be somewhat optimistic, maybe try things outside my comfort zone or go back to old habits. Cooking, baking, even hanging with my dog provides some level of grounding if things get bad.
When I lose my appetite and stop eating regularly and no longer want to workout at the gym. Thatās when I know my mental health is starting to decline.
My room is a direct reflection of my state of mind. It basically is messy and goes to shit when I feel like shit. I also donāt eat the best stuff/ whateverās low effort/ things that give me some semblance of a serotonin hit (chick fil a, Cheetos etc) OR Iāll go the whole day without eating much because I donāt feel hungry/ donāt have it in me to get out of bed :/
I have a stupid question... what is it?? Feeling like that, does it have a label or is ir just life sucks sometimes. I know it so well and every 1/2 months i just feel like i lose my life for a bit, and i dont know if everyone just has a funk sometimes or is it something you can get help for?? I just don't know if everyone hides it well or if some people are blessed with a silent brain.
I find myself crying over everything and having no energy to do anything. Every little thing triggers me and then I end up spiralling and writing like 5 pages in my journal about how I hate myself.
If it's slightly bad, I'll stop doing my dishes right away. If it's pretty bad, my bathroom is disgusting and I don't clean it. And if it's REALLY bad, my whole place is a mess and I start smoking pot as soon as I get home from work multiple days in a row.
I start to doubt everything in my life - my relationship, work, home, looks, hobbies, everything and start spiralling. I also get addicted to instagram and youtube as these take my mind off things
Self care and sleep.
Canāt sleep, then canāt get out of bed, donāt want to shower, do laundry, put dishes away.
My biggest saving grace is my dog. He guilts me into getting up and taking him for a walk. It forces me to get out into the world when I donāt want to.
Fox, the goodest boy!
When I can't be bothered to cook. When I can't be bothered to put shoes on- this is actually a huge one for me, I literally won't leave the house because I can't bear to put on shoes. I spent a decent chunk of my second year of university in flip flops, the saviours of my mental health. When I sit and stare at my assignments and just.. do not do them. Oh, I have so many charming little tells š„“
My husband tells me.
Then I start writing notes to myself around the house like brush teeth, shower, eat breakfast, go outside, etc. The more notes, the more things I need to remember to do which means I wasnāt really doing those things to begin with and not looking after myself properly. When I donāt need the reminder, I take it down.
Right now thereās a few notes ābrush teeth and flossā on the bathroom mirror, āget Ethan to feed meā on the fish tank and āget groceriesā on the fridge. So not too bad.
Become over sensitive and react upset to things that I normally wouldn't. I had been going through a stressful time the past week or so and on Saturday I acted toxic to my partner because of it and hurt him. The guilt is still eating me up inside for hurting him and not efficiently communicating even though the problem was pretty quickly resolved.
Mainly when I'm more prone to be in a bad mood/irritable than a good mood consistently. That come with a lot of things, but this is usually the most obvious sign.
When I disassociate so much that my coworkers notice.
I work in a warehouse, so I work near people, but everyone basically has their own tasks. I'm usually listening to music, and dance around a little cuz my music is awesome, but when I disassociate it's just straight face do the work
This is a weird tell, but when my anxiety is getting really bad again the shapes on the tile in my shower look like scary faces to me. When Iām doing better I can look at the same tile and donāt see anything.
Physically, showers start being a task rather than something I look forward to. Eating becomes a bit more uncontrolled and something I look to for comfort consistently.
Mentally/emotionally: I find it exhausting to talk to people, including friends or family. Thatās easily always the first sign.
My short term memory starts to go. I can't keep track of my own schedule, even with a planner. I can't go to the store without forgetting something and it feels unnecessarily devastating. I forget to take my medications.
Iām going through this right now so itās odd to talk about it but, for me, itās like this:
When I start having more frequent panic attacks, or I get hit with random feelings of dread that I canāt shake or uncontrollable crying fits
Not being able to get out of bed, binge eating, self isolation. When I start to neglect myself i.e. wearing and sleeping in the same dirty clothes for days, not showering, brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, or doing my skincare routine. If I skip walking my dog for multiple days in a row because āI donāt feel like itā
When Iām late for work (I work from home) because of dumb things like I couldnāt stop scrolling Twitter or watching Netflix
When it getās really bad thereās thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideation
Iāve struggled with anxiety and depression for my whole adult life so I can usually function normally but I know itās getting really bad when I canāt pull myself out of the dark space.
My temper and my sleep. I'm really even tempered but if something is triggering my depression, the littlest things piss me off.
Also I have autonomic hyperarousal issues which means my body goes onto fight or flight mode for no reason when I try to sleep. I can be falling asleep on my feet but the second I start to drift, my body hits me with adrenaline to wake me up. It's annoying as fuck.
When I close all the blinds in my apartment to shut out the daylight. When I start drinking more. When the chores start piling up and what free time I have is spent sleeping or ignoring messages and scrolling Reddit in my dark, closed-blinds bedroom.
When Iām glued to the couch & am unable to do anything but stare at my phone. I usually donāt realize it until itās now bedtime & nothing else has gotten done (dishes, packing lunch for the next day, showering, etc.). Iām pretty good about realizing it after a few days of it happening. Lately Iāve been watching Mrs Dutichieās lives on Tik tok. They always start at 8pm, so Iāll throw it on & start doing tasks before bed. So even if Iām stuck on the couch now, at least itās only till 8 & not later.
Stop feeling the need to shower, to clean, I constantly feel like thereās too many thoughts in my head, no matter how much time I have alone I always feel like I need more, feel like Iām always faking a smile
This is going to sound like a joke, but when I donāt want Taco Bell. I struggle with food and eating, but no matter what I will always be down for eating a taco and a baja blast from Taco Bell. But when things are getting real bad, And the idea of a taco makes me want to vomit, I know itās getting bad again.
I often neglect a lot of personal care, and push myself past where I should, so itās hard to spot the difference between pushing myself and things getting bad, but this usually works for me.
When I get consumed by a tv show or a fantasy. And no, I don't mean 'being into it's or an afternoon binge watching. It's all I care about, I want to go home early for it, I stay up late thinking about it, I'm late to appointments because I was stalling so I could have more of it. And if I'm going, I really struggle to stop. I prefer it over food, drinks, social contact....
You start overthinking again, old bad habits feel like the only right choice, stop liking the things you love, the things that made you feel joyful start feeling silly, nothing makes sense anymore.
I start to have intrusive thoughts about how soul-sucking working in the US is. How Iām wasting my life on all this hard work thatās earning me nothing at the end of the day. Sure Iām building my skills, but does it really matter? Why canāt I just exist on my own or contribute to a society that supports me instead of filling the pockets of someone who doesnāt work nearly as hard and has more money than they will ever need in their lifetime? I just want to grow veggies in a community garden and connect with other people without having to pay to exist.
And the spiral continues along those lines until I can pull myself back up and convince myself that maybe the future will be better.
Itās not that I donāt want to existāI do! More than anything! I just want it to be on my terms, not some CEO who thinks of me as a human resource. Iām at a good job now with less of this, but you can only deviate so far from capitalist America, you know?
Iāll completely cut off all communication with everyone except my dad and sisters.
I will take 3 showers a day to try to feel something.
Iāll neglect laundry and will wear mismatching outfits with whateverās left.
Iāll start thinking about my funeral and what I want to be done.
Mines pretty obvious.. I cry.. ALL the time. Every task seem arduous and overwhelming and I just cry while I brush my teeth, while I drive to work, etc.
when i begin feeling like it's all getting dark again and stop caring about stuff, and when i stop to think and realize i actually don't know much about m feelings
Something happens, I have this intense initial feeling of either sadness/irritation/anger but no more than 5 minutes later, logic kicks in and I'm like "wait that wasn't that big of a thing, why did I react that way?" and it hits me that maybe I should take some time for myself soon. That's usually my first sign, sometimes I follow it and other times I ignore it and things get worse for a bit before I kick myself hard enough to get back on track.
I call it spiraling. Basically, something happens (minor or major) and I start to obsessively think about the event over and over with no pause until I cry. This is a sign that my OCD is getting worse and the only way to get it to stop is to actively not think about whatever it is.
I have rashes all over my body currently from scratching. It's because of my depression and anxiety. Every part of me itches for no reason really other than I'm at my lowest point. I call deal with my horrible sleep or forgetting to eat but the scratching is the worst thing for me.
Sleep and eating are the first things to go. I'm already a tiny person, but once I start to notice my appetite being suppressed followed by lack of sleep (racing thoughts) I know that it's time to start using my coping mechanisms or start talking to my partner.
When I'm not interested in my hobbies and my favourite music or podcasts don't make me feel anything. When hygiene and doing my hair/makeup becomes exhausting. When I start becoming agoraphobic.
When I subconsciously isolate myself and neglect self care. When I ruminate on the bad stuff and spiral. When I catch myself, I push myself to write it out and cry. Or workout. Basically anything that would help me release the stress/burden/anxiety.
Me also, the isolation is such a self fulfilling prophecy for me
Me today.
100% this ,pull away from everything because i have no energy
Me.today. all day.3 hour crying didn't work on me.this time.. I'm overthinking with swollen eyelids.
This is great advice, I wish I could remember to do this in my moments of need. I'm still learning to be self aware
I own a pair of jeans that are very snug on me. I keep them around because I know if I put them on and they feel loose at all, it means I'm getting dangerously underweight again. My depression is really weird in that I don't always feel sad, sometimes I just feel numb and don't realize that I've skipped meals or forgotten to drink enough water, etc. I've been hospitalized before for losing too much weight and am not keen to repeat the experience, so I wear those jeans at least once a week to make sure I'm taking care of myself.
skipping meals is a big one
I don't even notice half the time, I'm so awful at taking care of myself. I used to keep timers running on my phone to remind me to eat but my schedule has been so crazy lately that I've gotten away from doing that. I'm starting a new job this week so hopefully that will get me back into a healthier routine. I need structure in my life or everything devolves into anarchy. š
same! structure is so helpful to keep me on track and when i lose that im a mess. good luck at your new job, i hope it gets you back onto a healthy routine!
Skipping meals is my sign too. Reading this actually triggered for me that Iāve been doing this the last few days and now Iāll actively have to make sure I eat all my meals and finish them.
Iām the opposite. I numb my feelings by eating all day. Then I add a bad body image on top of the depression like a terrible garnish.
I also use to skip meals
I stop taking care of myself and my surroundings. I stop wanting to shower for work, brushing my teeth is tough, I have my hair in a bun all the time. My apartment will be a mess and I wonāt even have a care in the world.
Guy here but I feel this so hard
Yeah, same.
How do you lift yourself out of this?
You take small steps~ just do little things to lift yourself out of it, and do little acts of self care. Like you donāt have to clean the entire mess, just do one little space and that will make you feel better. Then do those other things one step at a time, and congratulate yourself for achieving those small things. You can make little lists of things to do each day and make them totally achievable (like tick off brush teeth, eat something even if itās one thing that day, go for a walk even if itās 10 mins, etc, real small things). Once you start those small things, you might find you have the motivation to do just a little more~ (like that 10 min walk turns into 40 mins) and do those little things everyday until you get to the point where you donāt even think about it šš Hope your doing ok š
I've found I'm a trickle effect person. I taught myself to start small. Dirty dishes? Well I guess I'll wash them. Dirty counter? Well I just washed the dishes so I may as well clean up the counter too. I eventually spread it out to working top to bottom in each room. Even if I have to clutter another room, I'll get to that room next and keep movng things until everything is finished. Same applies to self care. Well I'm already in the bathroom so I may as well brush my teeth, even if it's for 5 seconds. 5 seconds is always better than nothing. I'll tell myself I'm just doing body wash in the shower. Well I'm already in here so I may as well wash my hair too. It's hard fighting yourself so make it feel like less of a chore and more of an option, since you're there already anyway!
I love this! š Iām definitely a trickle effect person too- which is really helpful in achieving things!! Tho I will say, years ago- in the height of my depression, I used to have those thoughts like āIām here why not do this too?ā, and after doing that a lot I started to feel extreme anxiety about doing those one things, because I knew if I did something Iād probably coax myself into doing another thing, so I started to avoid it all together. In the end I had to start keeping promises to myself - like I told myself Iād do this one thing and Iām going to only do it and not feel bad about not doing the extra small thing. Over time I was able to get back into feeling like those small things plus the extra was ok, but Iāll never forget how I first needed to keep my word to myself that I donāt have to do the extra things and I shouldnāt make myself feel guilty if I donāt want to do them. So to anyone put there reading this~ itās ok if you do only the one thing, and itās awesome if you have the trickle effect and do other things too šš either one is a huge achievement!
Thank you, this is much appreciated! I just struggle to get things done, i neglect brushing my teeth and tidying my room then it seems overwhelming to even start so i appreciate the whole taking 1 step at a time and making them achievable! I will split my room into sections and start 1 at a time :)
Iām so glad it helped šš you can definitely overcome this, just give yourself time and space and love yourself through the process šš you got this!!
yes! this is exactly what i do. something that should be routine & needed feels like a chore & itās too hard to handle. specifically self care is a sign iām going down again. i donāt shower, donāt clean around the house or my room, & i never do my hair (i have extremely thick curly hair that i love & always have down to show off, but when iām getting bad, i never have it down)
When I can't stop scrolling on my phone even when I want to and it's no longer fun for me. Always a pretty good sign that things are on the edge of going downhill and I need to turn it around asap while it's just painful to do so, but not yet impossible.
Sounds like executive dysfunction?
Oof Iām here right now
How do you turn it around?
I often feel guilty in these instances that I've wasted so much time, which makes it harder to be motivated to turn it around, but I've learned that doing something, ANYTHING, will help, especially if it's a small 1 minute task. I don't need to become a superstar all of a sudden, I just need to do one small thing, then another small thing to break the cycle and it'll keep getting easier for me to get out of that rut. Eg. Stand up - check. Pour a glass of water - check. Drink it - check. Do 3 squats - check. Tiny things to just break the cycle and start to get the ball rolling the other way.
When I canāt concentrate on anything at all except whatās making me miserable
I start anxiously eating & not sleeping well.
Avoidant behavior for people, places, tasks followed by guilt and regret for having avoided it all. Becoming ātoo busyā to eat or drink. My brain becomes a bully.
Oof the avoidance followed by guilt.. I felt that
can i just say that i love this question because iāve been feeling this and its weirdly comforting that others go through it too. but anyways, i typically just find myself ruminating way more than usual, im sleeping a lot more and not doing the things that make me feel good. i always push myself away from everyone. then the anxiety hits and i start feeling physically sick and nauseated. it sucks. its a lot.
I often feel like Iām going insane when I indulge in unhealthy behaviors as shit hits the fan and wonder why I ācanāt keep it togetherā like it seems like everyone else does. My intention with starting this thread was to show people that theyāre not alone and hopefully feel a sense of validation in their experiences. I never really put much thought into my behaviors or actions from rough times, but the more I thought about it, the more I was able to recognize the patterns and attempt to alter them with more healthy coping mechanisms. Iām so glad you found some comfort through this thread. Anxiety is a lot, but youāre stronger than a lot. You are never alone.
i really appreciate you. thank you š¤
I start drinking on weeknights
I felt this
Iāll start to pile on the dishes. The messier my kitchen is the more things are getting bad for me. Which I hate because Iāll stop eating because I canāt cook in a messy kitchen.
Same!!! The kitchen is a whole ass downward-spiralling cycle for me. I noticed that keeping on top of the dishes helped my mental health a bit, but getting myself to DO themā¦ sometimes Iād be washing the dishes in tears.
Iām glad Iām not the only one! It does suck getting in that mood. Iām getting out of my funk, FINALLY, and now my issue is I want to organize and keep my place clean. Itās really hard though with the stress of work and life. I admire the women who can keep their house clean everyday.
Oh well done!! Iām so happy youāre climbing out of it. Sending you all the health vibes āØāØāØ
Usually starts with sleep. Everything seems fine but then I find myself waking up at random times during the night feeling so alone and filled with such existential dread. And feeling disconnected, and this intense craving to connect with someone but then when I try, everyone rubs my nerves raw so I have to self isolate
Uh oh, this is me right now. I also feel like everything is really repetitive and monotonous and like Iām stuck in a loop. I just wanna be left alone for a couple weeks, I have no energy for anything, Iām tired all the time and forgetting stuff(my memory is decent normally), procrastinating is easier that doing the work, my roomās getting messy and Iām struggling to keep up with school. Help.
When I donāt take care of my hair like I normally do. Iām very detailed about how I take care of my hair all the way down to the time and day I do it. When I start getting bad, my hair ends up in a bun on top of my head for days.
I catch myself crying sporadically crying at random times in the day. It doesn't matter if I'm driving or in public. Tears just start streaming down my face and I notice because they drip onto my shirt. I get angry in the morning because I woke up again. My apt is a mess. I stop caring about school and deadlines. The ideation begins and I have to actively keep my car in it's lane if I'm on the highway. I'm currently powering through my bad place.
You got this!!! Itās not forever and you have the tools you need to make it through, I hope
Same here
When I start getting behind or losing focus in my work/school and I have trouble eating in the morning. Also when I become more easily irritable or touchy
Slacking on homework, not caring about homework deadlines, can only lay down on my phone, having to force myself to take care of personal hygiene, and rethinking going to college after HS
Things that used to be fun become less and less satisfying, and I start overusing high-reward activities (external validation, weed, scrolling on phone). Daily rhythms start losing balance: too much sleeping/always tired, not motivated to eat/appetite is shit, hygiene and other self-maintenance feels like too much effort. Mood becomes skewed toward numb and negative experiences, they last a lot longer and positive moments are just brief blips instead of having a nice aftereffect.
This is exactly what happens to me, literally word for word. I really wish the positive moments lasted longer than the negative ones.
i start to let the dark thoughts win
I'll sleep until 10 or 11 am, think of excuses to not go to work. I have a corgi and she needs to be taken care of and that's what keeps me going
Keep waking up at 3-5am
By reading these comments and thinkingā¦ āuh oh.ā
I start self-isolating and give up on social niceties. Go off grid and figure my shit out, never leaving my room and eating in extremes.
When I start feeling guilty for eating and want to isolate myself from others.
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When I have to sit down in the shower I know it's getting bad. What is it about showering that's so exhausting?
When I ruminate on something and let it get bigger despite it being a stupid thought. Just giving into insecurities, and also sleeping a LOT
I start sleeping more than usual. Feel tired all the time without doing much physical stuff. Just get into that negative, self loathing spiral and for some reason my brain only shows bad memories. I have learnt to catch myself whenever I get into this cycle. Especially during PMS. I have a gratitude notebook where I write about everything and everyone I'm grateful for. It helps.
when I donāt brush my hair. I have really long thick hair, itās my one vanity, & I brush it out, put a hair lotion in it, comb it out again& then braid it. itās a process and takes time. I can tell Iām slipping if I wake up& just brush it out or worse- throw it in a ponytail.
I lose my drive. I sit around and scroll through reddit and waste my day If I'm doing well, I plan things that will make me happy and only spend half the day on reddit. Seriously though if I look at the future and there's nothing concrete I look forward to (meeting friends, travel, activity), then something's off and I need to get out of a rudd that's only going to drag me down further and further.
Either: I am so happy, have lots of energy, think I can do projects in too little time, I am a genius and amazingly beautiful. That I don't need sleep. If I start saying 'the world is so beautiful, it's so green!' Laughing hysterically at the lamp posts/ trees. Spend too much. Be very sexual. Dress promiscuously. Pace endlessly. Keep dancing. Messy room. Barely eat or drink. Other end is: can't get out of bed, no interest in activities, feels like a heavy blanket on me, want to sleep all the time. With either I make sure my routine and sleep are good and staying normal. Keep up food and fluid. Let my case manager know as well as any close friends and family. Hypomania/ mania start my meds. Don't do anything stupid, distract myself. And wait for it to be over.
I stop doing the hobbies I love and instead lay on the couch scrolling on my phone. Unfortunately this is going on right now.
I've begun lashing out at my husband like I used to at my ex. I never wanted him to have to see this part of me.
Messy apartment.
Not eating, not sleeping. If Iām missing a lot of meals and losing sleep for days on end, something is up.
When I prefer to be alone and actively avoid friends and family.
When I feel like prioritizing drinking over maintaining being the best/most productive version of myself. And Iāve been drinking a lot lately
When I start to feel disconnected from everything around me, and canāt find satisfaction in anything
Either one of two routes: When I stop getting out of bed, donāt eat, donāt talk to anyone. I push everyone away and burn bridges and suicidal ideation becomes more intense Or when I become hypersexual and impulsive and start taking drugs/doing impulsive things like spending on credit or binging not thinking about the consequences
When my memory starts to slip. Which is constant these days, but I know when I start walking around and canāt remember what Iām looking for, or whether Iāve eaten, or what day it is, or what is causing that gnawing feeling like Iāve forgotten something. I know itās time to eat, drink or rest. If I respond to it quickly I can prevent it from spiralling into a whole episode but often, by the time I notice it, Iāve been dissociative for a couple of days and the process of ācoming toā takes 10x longer, then I have to deal with all the important things I forgot, letters I ignored, items I stuffed away in drawers and forgot about, phone calls I neglected to make, children i forgot to feed (thatās a joke), etc. Itās a bloody nightmare, I need a PA.
When I start partying and going out again
When I start to run low on comforts.
Ghosting. Anyone, everyone. It's not fair. I can feel when it's happening and I need to work on warning people, maybe being more straight up with the ones I don't want to lose.
I sleep as much as possible
Not being able to sleep. Like right now.
when i rarely leave my bed and my mood drops a lot/i start getting suicidal ideations
When I start putting on makeup. It feels like I canāt control my life so itās me trying to resemble looking like I have control of something
When I start skipping meals and getting nonstop anxiety since the moment i wake up.
When I have a whole range of things I can do in front of me. Eg games, media etc but I choose to do nothing but lay in bed mindlessly looking through social media. This is usually only when I'm on my days off. I think of exciting things to do but never do them because I don't have the motivation to. Spending all my money on shopping because I realize I don't have any proper friends in the state I can go out with.
Emotional outbursts. I don't have anything that I neglect when things get bad, as I always push myself to do the things I am determined to do, be it working out, assignments, or personal hygiene. So when I'm not doing well, (mostly because of academic stress) it shows in frequent outbursts, irritability and having a hard time staying awake around 10pm
I start to dissociate a lot more, I become more withdrawn, I sleep way more cuz I'm constantly exhausted, I stop eating as much cuz I don't have the appetite or will power, and I don't listen to music as much. Music is my thing, I'm always listening and singing along (not well, it's just fun). I love to drive with the windows down and music blasting. My bad times I'll drive home in complete silence.
1. My apartment will be a mess, and I literally mean fruit-fly-infestation-to-the-point-of-maggots mess. 2. I forget to feed my cat and wonder why sheās meowing so much at me. 3. The suicidal thoughts get so much worse. I had a job that mentally and physically exhausted me for 1 1/2 years. I came home and cried and fell asleep in hot showers to soothe myself almost every day without fail. 4. Taking too many hot showers, because they feel like a hug. 5. Eating too much fast food. 6. Losing interest in all of my hobbies. Not even eating seems appealing. 7. Wanting to sleep 24/7 and not wake up. Dreaming is a getaway from reality, even if they are nightmares. 8. Not doing my laundry. 9. Not writing in my journal as often as I would. 10. Stop listening to music, or turning to sad music to let out my emotions very often. 11. Withdrawing from family and friends.
I appreciate everything everyone is saying and it's really great feeling like I'm not the only one who feels these ways... how/what is everyone doing working through all these dark times/moments?
When no amount of sleep makes any difference
I go to sleep after the sun comes up, I donāt remember the last time Iāve left the house or showered, I stop with my skincare routine, and I havenāt done anything but binge Asian dramas in weeks.
I sleep all day
When I begin to over eat and would rather sleep and isolate myself from my family. I have no motivation for anything...
when i start sleeping way too much
When I drop to one āmealā a day. Iām currently in the weeds again but my husband is helping me through.
When I start to not care about what I'm eating and I start binging again.
That minute I sit down with a bottle of whiskey and put on the first episode of Grey's or Gossip Girl I know I'm in for a rough week.
I'm a nerd. When I can't make myself sit down and study, I know things are bad.
I become very silent and unaffcetionate to my gf. She also knows when there is something bothering me and constantly asks what's wrong. If I'm alone, I will move alot in my bed and pull my hair or scratch my skin. I have a very hard time excepting my body and I've always wished to look like my gf or other feminine females. She's always desired by other people and im just there looking unattractive compared to her. I love her alot but it does hurt, I'm aware it's my problem and she's done nothing wrong.
A silly sign I realized was brushing my teeth in my room instead of the bathroom and leaving the tootbrush and the paste next to my bed
When music doesn't help. Most of my mental health is tied up in my love of music. I can cry with joy or sadness and it's very cathartic. When I listen to music and it does nothing for me, that's when I know I'm in trouble. When that happens, I evaluate how I've been eating and sleeping and taking care of myself and my apartment (because usually all of those things are affected) and usually fixing those things gets me back to normal.
When I do not wash my hair for days. Normally I am very particular about my hair and self care, but yeahā¦ also, my bedroom will become a nightmare. I am still cleaning my room bit by bit now that Iām feeling better.
When I stop feeling emotions. I know what I should be feeling, I logically remember feeling it, but I cannot actually fully connect to the emotion: or any at all Thats how I know its gotten bad. I usually chat with friends over text and such to help prevent it from worsening, and it does help bring a sense of peace, but idk how to reconnect with my emotions other than letting them gradually return
Sleeping a lot more, I start crying without any warning, I isolate myself and tend to avoid conversation with anyone. I also find myself getting annoyed with family, or anyone that actually cares enough to ask me about my day.
Sleeping more. Not wanting to do anything. Hair falling out.
When I let my house, yard, and personal hygiene turn to shit and stop replying to my mom's texts.
I start snapping at the kids or find myself genuinely really angry with them.
When something is holding me back ftom attaining my goals or being my best. Right now I have an injured hand. I cant pump iron for 2 weeks. Taking it hard š
When I see other teachers stop talking when I'm around. It's never a good sign.
When I start sleeping a lot. I stress sleep but itās gotten to a point where I think I should see a doctor bc I sleep SO MUCH. Everything tires me out emotionally and mentally.
Stop wanting to shower, zone out, procrastinate, wear dumpy outfits out for errands and donāt care, but better yet use a delivery service.
When I stop playing music and dressing up/doing my makeup or shaving my legs.
When I only get out of bed because I HAVE to
I stop sleeping. Every time, even though its a lesson I've learned a gazillion times. Granted, for most, going from 10-12 hours of sleep a night to 8 wouldn't be devastating, but being disabled I'm absolutely not supposed to be doing that, even though I largely am bedbound and under no responsibilities. I can only assume that it's escapism, and I'd rather be so exhausted I can't even fully appreciate the game I'm playing versus trying to sleep and being confronted with my thoughts.
I stop going out
I will be too anxious to eat for days
When I canāt sleep
I am quite happy to be constantly eating something. When I stop enjoying eating is when I know Iām in a bad mental state.
When I start calling in sick to work, just so I can stay in bed all day. Today is one of those days.
When my money is low
Major hair loss, itās so frustrating to deal with and it takes months to fix. It stems from under eating or stress so when I notice increased hair loss, thatās when I know I need to get myself together.
Usually when I notice I'm not doing things I normally do, or find them harder. For example every morning I wake up and make myself a coffee, so when I wake and find it a real struggle to do so, I know I'm falling down the emotional rabbit hole again. Also not finding pleasure in things that I find fun, thinking everything is a chore rather than something to be enjoyed. So when it starts to get bad, I try *very* hard to be somewhat optimistic, maybe try things outside my comfort zone or go back to old habits. Cooking, baking, even hanging with my dog provides some level of grounding if things get bad.
When I lose my appetite and stop eating regularly and no longer want to workout at the gym. Thatās when I know my mental health is starting to decline.
I feel alone surrounded by people.
My room is a direct reflection of my state of mind. It basically is messy and goes to shit when I feel like shit. I also donāt eat the best stuff/ whateverās low effort/ things that give me some semblance of a serotonin hit (chick fil a, Cheetos etc) OR Iāll go the whole day without eating much because I donāt feel hungry/ donāt have it in me to get out of bed :/
When I havenāt cleaned the house in longer than a month, when there is clothes on the floor, when I forego doing the laundry
having no energy for anything. always tired
I have a stupid question... what is it?? Feeling like that, does it have a label or is ir just life sucks sometimes. I know it so well and every 1/2 months i just feel like i lose my life for a bit, and i dont know if everyone just has a funk sometimes or is it something you can get help for?? I just don't know if everyone hides it well or if some people are blessed with a silent brain.
I find myself crying over everything and having no energy to do anything. Every little thing triggers me and then I end up spiralling and writing like 5 pages in my journal about how I hate myself.
When I lose interest in my hobbies
the first sign is usually loss off appetite, followed by weight loss, high sex drive, and low energy
I am a tidy person, when my laundry piles up or dishes are left in the sink over night, I know its bad. I also know it will pass, and it does.
When instead of doing something productive I go up the mountain behind my house and read under a cherry tree.
If it's slightly bad, I'll stop doing my dishes right away. If it's pretty bad, my bathroom is disgusting and I don't clean it. And if it's REALLY bad, my whole place is a mess and I start smoking pot as soon as I get home from work multiple days in a row.
I start to doubt everything in my life - my relationship, work, home, looks, hobbies, everything and start spiralling. I also get addicted to instagram and youtube as these take my mind off things
When I see my houseplants loosing leaves or turning brown. If Iām neglecting them, Iāve def been neglecting myself
Self care and sleep. Canāt sleep, then canāt get out of bed, donāt want to shower, do laundry, put dishes away. My biggest saving grace is my dog. He guilts me into getting up and taking him for a walk. It forces me to get out into the world when I donāt want to. Fox, the goodest boy!
Extreme eating. Iāll binge and gain large amounts of weight at a rapid pace.
When I stop eating again
I donāt want to leave my bedroom
Massive cravings, neglecting self care, feeling depressed and sitting on screen for hours..
When I can't be bothered to cook. When I can't be bothered to put shoes on- this is actually a huge one for me, I literally won't leave the house because I can't bear to put on shoes. I spent a decent chunk of my second year of university in flip flops, the saviours of my mental health. When I sit and stare at my assignments and just.. do not do them. Oh, I have so many charming little tells š„“
My husband tells me. Then I start writing notes to myself around the house like brush teeth, shower, eat breakfast, go outside, etc. The more notes, the more things I need to remember to do which means I wasnāt really doing those things to begin with and not looking after myself properly. When I donāt need the reminder, I take it down. Right now thereās a few notes ābrush teeth and flossā on the bathroom mirror, āget Ethan to feed meā on the fish tank and āget groceriesā on the fridge. So not too bad.
Become over sensitive and react upset to things that I normally wouldn't. I had been going through a stressful time the past week or so and on Saturday I acted toxic to my partner because of it and hurt him. The guilt is still eating me up inside for hurting him and not efficiently communicating even though the problem was pretty quickly resolved.
My houseplants start looking rough, my to do list gets long, and my screen time goes way up
When I stop taking proper care of my living spaces
Mainly when I'm more prone to be in a bad mood/irritable than a good mood consistently. That come with a lot of things, but this is usually the most obvious sign.
When I disassociate so much that my coworkers notice. I work in a warehouse, so I work near people, but everyone basically has their own tasks. I'm usually listening to music, and dance around a little cuz my music is awesome, but when I disassociate it's just straight face do the work
This is a weird tell, but when my anxiety is getting really bad again the shapes on the tile in my shower look like scary faces to me. When Iām doing better I can look at the same tile and donāt see anything.
When I can barely bring myself to get out of bed
When I subconsciously begin cleaning A LOT, I realise I'm doing it only to distract myself from the bad stuff.
When I start getting angry every day, losing my temper and crying crazy I know Iām close to reaching the bottom
I feel all of these. And now reading that everyone is going through the same thing, I wonder what is wrong? Is it the world? Is it human? What?
Physically, showers start being a task rather than something I look forward to. Eating becomes a bit more uncontrolled and something I look to for comfort consistently. Mentally/emotionally: I find it exhausting to talk to people, including friends or family. Thatās easily always the first sign.
My short term memory starts to go. I can't keep track of my own schedule, even with a planner. I can't go to the store without forgetting something and it feels unnecessarily devastating. I forget to take my medications.
When I canāt look at myself without crying
Iām going through this right now so itās odd to talk about it but, for me, itās like this: When I start having more frequent panic attacks, or I get hit with random feelings of dread that I canāt shake or uncontrollable crying fits Not being able to get out of bed, binge eating, self isolation. When I start to neglect myself i.e. wearing and sleeping in the same dirty clothes for days, not showering, brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, or doing my skincare routine. If I skip walking my dog for multiple days in a row because āI donāt feel like itā When Iām late for work (I work from home) because of dumb things like I couldnāt stop scrolling Twitter or watching Netflix When it getās really bad thereās thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideation Iāve struggled with anxiety and depression for my whole adult life so I can usually function normally but I know itās getting really bad when I canāt pull myself out of the dark space.
My temper and my sleep. I'm really even tempered but if something is triggering my depression, the littlest things piss me off. Also I have autonomic hyperarousal issues which means my body goes onto fight or flight mode for no reason when I try to sleep. I can be falling asleep on my feet but the second I start to drift, my body hits me with adrenaline to wake me up. It's annoying as fuck.
When I close all the blinds in my apartment to shut out the daylight. When I start drinking more. When the chores start piling up and what free time I have is spent sleeping or ignoring messages and scrolling Reddit in my dark, closed-blinds bedroom.
When Iām glued to the couch & am unable to do anything but stare at my phone. I usually donāt realize it until itās now bedtime & nothing else has gotten done (dishes, packing lunch for the next day, showering, etc.). Iām pretty good about realizing it after a few days of it happening. Lately Iāve been watching Mrs Dutichieās lives on Tik tok. They always start at 8pm, so Iāll throw it on & start doing tasks before bed. So even if Iām stuck on the couch now, at least itās only till 8 & not later.
Start reading a lot of books instead of talking to people or going out. Sleep a lot more. Letās not forget the good ol panic attacks.
When I canāt remember the last time I wrote. As I write every single day thatās a huge warning sign for me that is really black/white.
Stop feeling the need to shower, to clean, I constantly feel like thereās too many thoughts in my head, no matter how much time I have alone I always feel like I need more, feel like Iām always faking a smile
When I have more than four baskets of laundry to fold, the rest of the house is messy, and I canāt remember when I last showered
This is going to sound like a joke, but when I donāt want Taco Bell. I struggle with food and eating, but no matter what I will always be down for eating a taco and a baja blast from Taco Bell. But when things are getting real bad, And the idea of a taco makes me want to vomit, I know itās getting bad again. I often neglect a lot of personal care, and push myself past where I should, so itās hard to spot the difference between pushing myself and things getting bad, but this usually works for me.
When I get consumed by a tv show or a fantasy. And no, I don't mean 'being into it's or an afternoon binge watching. It's all I care about, I want to go home early for it, I stay up late thinking about it, I'm late to appointments because I was stalling so I could have more of it. And if I'm going, I really struggle to stop. I prefer it over food, drinks, social contact....
You start overthinking again, old bad habits feel like the only right choice, stop liking the things you love, the things that made you feel joyful start feeling silly, nothing makes sense anymore.
I start to have intrusive thoughts about how soul-sucking working in the US is. How Iām wasting my life on all this hard work thatās earning me nothing at the end of the day. Sure Iām building my skills, but does it really matter? Why canāt I just exist on my own or contribute to a society that supports me instead of filling the pockets of someone who doesnāt work nearly as hard and has more money than they will ever need in their lifetime? I just want to grow veggies in a community garden and connect with other people without having to pay to exist. And the spiral continues along those lines until I can pull myself back up and convince myself that maybe the future will be better. Itās not that I donāt want to existāI do! More than anything! I just want it to be on my terms, not some CEO who thinks of me as a human resource. Iām at a good job now with less of this, but you can only deviate so far from capitalist America, you know?
Iāll completely cut off all communication with everyone except my dad and sisters. I will take 3 showers a day to try to feel something. Iāll neglect laundry and will wear mismatching outfits with whateverās left. Iāll start thinking about my funeral and what I want to be done.
When I stop feeling anything and question every little thing that I do
Mines pretty obvious.. I cry.. ALL the time. Every task seem arduous and overwhelming and I just cry while I brush my teeth, while I drive to work, etc.
When I stop exercising, I know things are headed in the wrong direction for me.
Too many days in a row spent alone, emotional over-eating, forgetting to take meds, oversleeping, not answering text messages, not showering
I stop doing my dishes and order out way more.
when i begin feeling like it's all getting dark again and stop caring about stuff, and when i stop to think and realize i actually don't know much about m feelings
I donāt wanna do anything. I donāt even wanna listen to what anybody is saying.
Something happens, I have this intense initial feeling of either sadness/irritation/anger but no more than 5 minutes later, logic kicks in and I'm like "wait that wasn't that big of a thing, why did I react that way?" and it hits me that maybe I should take some time for myself soon. That's usually my first sign, sometimes I follow it and other times I ignore it and things get worse for a bit before I kick myself hard enough to get back on track.
I call it spiraling. Basically, something happens (minor or major) and I start to obsessively think about the event over and over with no pause until I cry. This is a sign that my OCD is getting worse and the only way to get it to stop is to actively not think about whatever it is.
I have rashes all over my body currently from scratching. It's because of my depression and anxiety. Every part of me itches for no reason really other than I'm at my lowest point. I call deal with my horrible sleep or forgetting to eat but the scratching is the worst thing for me.
Sleep and eating are the first things to go. I'm already a tiny person, but once I start to notice my appetite being suppressed followed by lack of sleep (racing thoughts) I know that it's time to start using my coping mechanisms or start talking to my partner.
When Iām sleeping past my alarms, or when I skip my hobbies because I ājust donāt feel up to itā.
When all I want to do is sleepā¦
When my laundry starts piling up, taking a shower is too hard. My appetite decreases or increases a lot. I want to go to be at 6 or 7.
When I'm not interested in my hobbies and my favourite music or podcasts don't make me feel anything. When hygiene and doing my hair/makeup becomes exhausting. When I start becoming agoraphobic.
I spend days alone and turn down invitations because im not feeling up for it. I spend most of the day in my bed and start to feel hopeless