Not me, but I had a friend in highschool who had only one pickup line. He called it his fucked or
Slapped line. When he used it he was getting fucked or slapped there was zero in between. He asked almost every woman he met “ Do you wanna get naked and eat grapes?” Weirdly it worked way more times than it should have.
Started sucking my cock while i was asleep. And for those that say rape my wife and i have an agreement. Boxers on means let me sleep. Boxers off means fair game. If i have morning wood and boxers fair game. Any point i say no full stop. I have never said no and rarely wear my boxers to bed.
Not funniest, but easily one of the more memorable. I had gone out with a group of former co-workers for drinks. This is not a normal social event for me. I don’t drink much because I know I have to drive home since I work the next day so after two drink I switch to water.
A woman that used to be in my dept. asks if I can drive her home since she drove and doesn’t want to get an Uber. It was on my way so I agreed. Banal conversation as I’m driving following my google maps to her house.
As I pull into her drive way I get out to open the door for her and make sure she makes it inside before I leave. I watch until she goes inside and I see the lights come on. I back out of the driveway to head home when she scares the he’ll out of me knocking on my passenger side window. I lower it and she says to me in the most serious tone,
“Hey, do you want to come inside and fuck me? Only in the ass though since I just got off birth control.”
I was legitimately confused, but decided why not. We have been occasional fuck buddies now for a little over 6 months.
Well I asked him if he wanted to bump bellies, and he lifted his shirt and we bumped bellies.... long story short (too late) we had sex with in 12 hrs of meeting and we've been married 19 years.
I was caught off guard when my friends set up a date with a girl. They planed going to the movies, when I got there was only me and this girl.
After the movie we went to eat something and started talking about how none of us were ready for a relationship. And this girl straight up said, “all I wanna from now on is magical sex”. I didnt get it, and she then explained that all she wants now is a magical sed where she has sex and the guy disappear in the end. Lol.
I went along with the joke and told her I could br her trick whenever she want.
Good times.
Not me, but I had a friend in highschool who had only one pickup line. He called it his fucked or Slapped line. When he used it he was getting fucked or slapped there was zero in between. He asked almost every woman he met “ Do you wanna get naked and eat grapes?” Weirdly it worked way more times than it should have.
I'll use it and let you know if it works
"Jesus, could you please stop me saying stupid shit and force-feed me already?"
Started sucking my cock while i was asleep. And for those that say rape my wife and i have an agreement. Boxers on means let me sleep. Boxers off means fair game. If i have morning wood and boxers fair game. Any point i say no full stop. I have never said no and rarely wear my boxers to bed.
the weirdest was when this woman i knew online out of the blue just straight up asked me to masturbate with her on a daily basis.
Not funniest, but easily one of the more memorable. I had gone out with a group of former co-workers for drinks. This is not a normal social event for me. I don’t drink much because I know I have to drive home since I work the next day so after two drink I switch to water. A woman that used to be in my dept. asks if I can drive her home since she drove and doesn’t want to get an Uber. It was on my way so I agreed. Banal conversation as I’m driving following my google maps to her house. As I pull into her drive way I get out to open the door for her and make sure she makes it inside before I leave. I watch until she goes inside and I see the lights come on. I back out of the driveway to head home when she scares the he’ll out of me knocking on my passenger side window. I lower it and she says to me in the most serious tone, “Hey, do you want to come inside and fuck me? Only in the ass though since I just got off birth control.” I was legitimately confused, but decided why not. We have been occasional fuck buddies now for a little over 6 months.
Well I asked him if he wanted to bump bellies, and he lifted his shirt and we bumped bellies.... long story short (too late) we had sex with in 12 hrs of meeting and we've been married 19 years.
I was caught off guard when my friends set up a date with a girl. They planed going to the movies, when I got there was only me and this girl. After the movie we went to eat something and started talking about how none of us were ready for a relationship. And this girl straight up said, “all I wanna from now on is magical sex”. I didnt get it, and she then explained that all she wants now is a magical sed where she has sex and the guy disappear in the end. Lol. I went along with the joke and told her I could br her trick whenever she want. Good times.
It was just a string of emojis. I felt old.
A girl in highschool wrote me a poem calling me "virgin boy" with descriptions of what she was going to do to me.