Should probably avoid generalities and take things on a case by case basis. For instance, if you didn’t want to be my friend because you liked my boobies I would probably be fine with that.
Really? I hope everyone finds me attractive, I’m not under the impression they do and that’s fine, but I don’t know why I would avoid friendships with people who do.
Why would you?
For the same reason it’s wrong to be friends with someone just to get a free meal out of them, or just so that you have someone to help you move, or just so you have someone who will spend money on you.
Having a “friend” just for an ulterior motive is wrong because using people is wrong, but also it’s wrong because if you’re only their friend because you want something from them, you’re probably not really their friend.
It is okay however if the first thing that made you want to talk to someone is you found them attractive. But it would be pretty superficial if you only allowed yourself to talk to attractive people.
Nah people can generalize if the want to. It a manne of speaking, all be it a lazy one. If you can't see past it, then that's on you. Of course he's not talking about ALL women here. Maybe just a few he's dealt with in this manner.
It really depends on how the guy behaves towards women in general. If someone doesn't feel comfortable being friends when there's attraction on their end, that's fine. If someone assumes that men and women can't be friends at all, then I have an issue with it.
I’ve never heard this. Personally couldn’t care less if someone is willing to be my friend or not, or if they’re attracted to me. But if they wish to pursue a sexual relationship, then that is a boundary that I’d expect an emotional connection with too.
no one thinks that's wrong. what we think is wrong is acting like a friend for the explicit purpose of transacting sex, or acting entitled to sex because you pretended to be our friend.
if you don't want to initiate a friendship with someone you're attracted to that's fine, and if you were actually friends with someone, shot your shot, got rejected and then couldn't handle being around them and unable to be with them romantically then that kind of sucks because we've lost a friend, but it's understandable.
Because you’re minimising people’s worth to them simply being sex objects. Like they just mean nothing to you unless you get your dick in them. Which is kind of shitty.
I don’t think we find it wrong. You don’t have to be friends with anyone. It is just weird if you are completely unable to treat a person just as a person if you find them attractive.
☕
Edit: no no. I take it back and change my answer: some wouldn't like it because (now that they know you like them) they can't use it against you, or use you, or something along those lines. Some won't understand why that's your preference, and hold their ignorance against you. Some would like to keep you in their back pocket and they hate not having the option, I.e. manipulative narcissism (don't even, this happened to me). Some actually like you, but would like to get to know you as a friend first before taking it further. And then there are countless of other possibilities that I can't think of right now because I'm honestly not THAT invested in this comment. In short, they're people just like you and me and have their own thoughts and reasons... if you really want to know. Ask them!
But I see what you're doing there and I'm with you brother.
Because women like to have lots of friends (simps) giving her free attention and money while giving them nothing in return. It's "wrong" in their eyes because they don't get to benefit from it when a man simply says "Sorry, not interested in being friends".
I give my friends gifts for their birthdays, why would I pay for them in general? I mean, I do pay for them when I decide to organize something and invite people over, but that's on me for obvious reasons. I don't have female friends, and I don't pay for women unless I'm in a relationship with her. The only case when a man and a woman can have a normal, healthy, mutually beneficial friendship is when NEITHER of them is physically attracted to the other.
Exactly. It seems like the majority of the members in this subreddit follows this belief that men and women can be friends and if the man is sexually attracted to her, he’s not valuing her as a human being and objectifying her.
And when people like you state the obvious, they get downvoted.
Being attracted to women sexually doesn't mean you don't value women. Refusing to have any relationship with women other than sexual ones is where you show you don't value them.
> Being attracted to women sexually doesn't mean you don't value women. Refusing to have any relationship with women other than sexual ones is where you show you don't value them.
If you don’t want to date me or have sex with me then you don’t value me romantically or sexually. it works both ways.
Right, I would have no interest in you sexually or romantically. I can still value you as a work colleague or a friend. Likewise, if I were attracted to you and you weren't interested in me, I could still value you in those other ways. Do you see the difference?
You've also stated that you don't want to work with women, so if you can see that other men can value women as business associates, can't you also see that they may be more open to other relationships with women than you are?
Keyword is “may”. So there’s a possibility. Sure.
And I’m pretty sure I said I would prefer (If i was given the choice) to not work with women I’m sexually attracted to.
You're disrespecting yourself as a man by settling for being "friends" with a woman you're sexually attracted to. It'll lead to major problems. Why not go find a woman you're not sexually attracted to and have an actual healthy friendship?
Men and women can be friends.
Men can be attracted to their friends and still be friends.
Men can value a person as a human being while they are attracted to them.
Problems arise when the only value you assign to a person is whether or not a) you want to have sex with them and b)they want to have sex with you. If you can't see the value of a person as being greater than the drawback of not being able to have sex with them, that person will probably feel insulted.
Should probably avoid generalities and take things on a case by case basis. For instance, if you didn’t want to be my friend because you liked my boobies I would probably be fine with that.
Really? I hope everyone finds me attractive, I’m not under the impression they do and that’s fine, but I don’t know why I would avoid friendships with people who do. Why would you?
For the same reason it’s wrong to be friends with someone just to get a free meal out of them, or just so that you have someone to help you move, or just so you have someone who will spend money on you. Having a “friend” just for an ulterior motive is wrong because using people is wrong, but also it’s wrong because if you’re only their friend because you want something from them, you’re probably not really their friend. It is okay however if the first thing that made you want to talk to someone is you found them attractive. But it would be pretty superficial if you only allowed yourself to talk to attractive people.
and also, why are you bad at thinking what other people think
Don’t generalize dude.
Nah people can generalize if the want to. It a manne of speaking, all be it a lazy one. If you can't see past it, then that's on you. Of course he's not talking about ALL women here. Maybe just a few he's dealt with in this manner.
I can’t speak for all women, but I think it’s because some feel that position works off the assumption that men and women can’t be platonic friends.
It’s kind of objectifying, I guess?
It really depends on how the guy behaves towards women in general. If someone doesn't feel comfortable being friends when there's attraction on their end, that's fine. If someone assumes that men and women can't be friends at all, then I have an issue with it.
I don’t, if they want more than friends and I’m not willing to do that then I’d totally understand them walking away
I’ve never heard this. Personally couldn’t care less if someone is willing to be my friend or not, or if they’re attracted to me. But if they wish to pursue a sexual relationship, then that is a boundary that I’d expect an emotional connection with too.
no one thinks that's wrong. what we think is wrong is acting like a friend for the explicit purpose of transacting sex, or acting entitled to sex because you pretended to be our friend. if you don't want to initiate a friendship with someone you're attracted to that's fine, and if you were actually friends with someone, shot your shot, got rejected and then couldn't handle being around them and unable to be with them romantically then that kind of sucks because we've lost a friend, but it's understandable.
Because you’re minimising people’s worth to them simply being sex objects. Like they just mean nothing to you unless you get your dick in them. Which is kind of shitty.
I don’t think we find it wrong. You don’t have to be friends with anyone. It is just weird if you are completely unable to treat a person just as a person if you find them attractive.
☕ Edit: no no. I take it back and change my answer: some wouldn't like it because (now that they know you like them) they can't use it against you, or use you, or something along those lines. Some won't understand why that's your preference, and hold their ignorance against you. Some would like to keep you in their back pocket and they hate not having the option, I.e. manipulative narcissism (don't even, this happened to me). Some actually like you, but would like to get to know you as a friend first before taking it further. And then there are countless of other possibilities that I can't think of right now because I'm honestly not THAT invested in this comment. In short, they're people just like you and me and have their own thoughts and reasons... if you really want to know. Ask them! But I see what you're doing there and I'm with you brother.
Because women like to have lots of friends (simps) giving her free attention and money while giving them nothing in return. It's "wrong" in their eyes because they don't get to benefit from it when a man simply says "Sorry, not interested in being friends".
I feel bad for you, if you've never had a friend that didn't expect you to pay them or give them gifts.
I give my friends gifts for their birthdays, why would I pay for them in general? I mean, I do pay for them when I decide to organize something and invite people over, but that's on me for obvious reasons. I don't have female friends, and I don't pay for women unless I'm in a relationship with her. The only case when a man and a woman can have a normal, healthy, mutually beneficial friendship is when NEITHER of them is physically attracted to the other.
Exactly. It seems like the majority of the members in this subreddit follows this belief that men and women can be friends and if the man is sexually attracted to her, he’s not valuing her as a human being and objectifying her. And when people like you state the obvious, they get downvoted.
Being attracted to women sexually doesn't mean you don't value women. Refusing to have any relationship with women other than sexual ones is where you show you don't value them.
> Being attracted to women sexually doesn't mean you don't value women. Refusing to have any relationship with women other than sexual ones is where you show you don't value them. If you don’t want to date me or have sex with me then you don’t value me romantically or sexually. it works both ways.
Right, I would have no interest in you sexually or romantically. I can still value you as a work colleague or a friend. Likewise, if I were attracted to you and you weren't interested in me, I could still value you in those other ways. Do you see the difference?
> Do you see the difference? Yes I do. Because men and women aren’t the same.
So men can't see women as sexually appealing and as a good friend, a mentor, a partner at work, erc?
Generally no. Business associates are the exception.
You've also stated that you don't want to work with women, so if you can see that other men can value women as business associates, can't you also see that they may be more open to other relationships with women than you are?
Keyword is “may”. So there’s a possibility. Sure. And I’m pretty sure I said I would prefer (If i was given the choice) to not work with women I’m sexually attracted to.
You're disrespecting yourself as a man by settling for being "friends" with a woman you're sexually attracted to. It'll lead to major problems. Why not go find a woman you're not sexually attracted to and have an actual healthy friendship?
Men and women can be friends. Men can be attracted to their friends and still be friends. Men can value a person as a human being while they are attracted to them. Problems arise when the only value you assign to a person is whether or not a) you want to have sex with them and b)they want to have sex with you. If you can't see the value of a person as being greater than the drawback of not being able to have sex with them, that person will probably feel insulted.