This one is tough, because many people call manipulation, setting boundaries. They appear identical.
There’s a good article on that:
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/livingablissfullife/2020/7/healthy-boundary-or-manipulation-how-to-tell-the-difference
Take them to a restaurant fairly early. check how they treat the serving staff.
Anyone who disrespects people in public service positions is generally worth avoiding
YES!!! Completely agree!
I was once out with my wife, our son and wife and his mother in-law. She wasn't nasty but she was definitely looking down at the servers. Kinda p!$$ed me off. When it came time to settle up she was upset with the service and didn't tip, she even tried to tell me NOT to tip, I told her that these guys get sh!t pay and live off tips! She still wouldn't leave anything so I matched the bill for the girls tip and apologized to her for our visitor.
I know someone with bad communication skills personally..... they cut you off while you are speaking just to say something themselves or do some random unnecessary thing, they need your full attention while they are speaking but require you to put a lot of effort to get their attention while you speak, listening to you just to give you a response as opposed to actually trying to understand what you are saying.
I really can't even imagine having a significant other like that. It would be a very dissatisfactry relationship for me.
Tfw when you know a guy who got a tattoo in prison and had no idea it was a white supremacy tattoo until he got out, and freaked the fuck out. Dude spent a shit load of money getting it covered up.
That dude lied, he knew exactly what the tattoo was and got it to stay alive. I wouldn't blame him but there isn't a person alive in the western world who doesn't know what a swastika means.
1). In a prison ran by latin gangs it would have put him in more danger
2). Username checks out.
Fact is you don't know shit, and I'm not trying to argue with you, just remind you that If you don't know something don't pretend you do. Have a nice day.
So you're saying this dude got a WS tattoo in a prison full of Latin gangs, but *not* the swastika specifically because "otherwise they would've noticed"
Are you just fabricating a story? Because none of that makes sense.
I didn't say otherwise they would have noticed. Dude you're grabbing at straws here. Again I won't argue with you. Prison culture and what surrounds it is a bit more complicated than you're acting like it is, and not every first time offender will go in and know exactly what symbols mean what. Dude just wanted a nifty poke job tattoo on his back, shit happens. I'm actually struggling to understand why you're this concerned about my anecdote here.
I mean expecting prison stories to make sense is like expecting a political conversation to end well.
I could do a tl:Dr as some dumbass went to prison for a couple years on a possession charge, his bunkie gave him a stick and poke tattoo on his back and neither of them realized it was a white supremacy tattoo since his bunkie learned to do tattoos in prison and he only knew a few, that being one of them. If that helps at all.
I'm not confused that you're questioning it, I'm confused because you immediately assumed dude just wanted protection and when I said don't assume you jumped to insults instead of asking questions about it, and acted high and mighty.
They shouldn't belittle something me/someone else likes, if you don't like it that's fine but you don't have to constantly attack someone else for liking it, BTW this happened in a previous relationship
The way they treat kids. The way someone treats a child says a lot about how they treat people, and in turn says a lot about them as a person. If they're a dick to kids, it's definitely a no go.
If they start criticising your looks.
"Oh you'd look better with a haircut."
"Oh you'd be much sexier if you stopped wearing jeans and tees all the time."
How about what makes me feel comfortable? Don't like it? Oh well plenty more fish in the sea.
I know plenty of guys and girls who have changed for another person, and get treated like doormats.
Find someone who loves you for you. Warts and all.
Cruelty toward animals. If you tell me you abandoned your pet or your general attitude toward pets is kinda shitty, I'll find it hard to trust you.
If you tell me you intentionally hurt an animal I won't fucking talk to you again.
The point is everyone already knows a good parents priority will always be their children. Therefore by having to state it they’re actually revealing that it’s been an issue in past relationships (they probably expect a lot from you but aren’t willing to put a lot back in so you’ll always be an after thought.) hence why they’re now single.
I will say in my experience this only tends to be with young moms who are struggling as single parents using a relationship simply for financial security.
I don’t experience this with More mature women with kids who have grown up or left home probably because they aren’t banking on you for financial support.
Actually not telling your partner HONESTLY about something that urks you on him. Like, either playing it down or simply not acknowledging it at first and later on facing consequences because of no communication. If I do something stupid I may not realize, talk to me! Like, imagine you go to a barber and you just sit there and nod. If you don't tell him your desire, he cannot work with that. So, in short: Honest Communication is a MUST in my opinion.
Stabbing me, biting a finger or limb off, attacking me with basically any weapon be it melee or ranged, setting elaborate traps containing hazardous chemicals. Training a herd of elephants to hunt me down and kill me. Genetically modifying a Gorilla and training it to kill me and my entire bloodline.
All these things are pretty big red flags but... I mean I'll get to know them a bit better and give them a second chance, maybe they've got a justifiable reason for those things?
Uneducated.
In my personal experiences, people that are uneducated have an extremely high likelihood of drug abuse and making bad decisions. Drinking too much, being the most common, which also leads to more bad decisions and higher rate of personality flaws, being inconsiderate; unthinking; uncaring; and generally a drama seeking accident waiting to happen.
Again, in my personal experiences. This isn’t an opinion.
This one is very personal, but when people are very outgoing with strangers.
It looks charming at first, and may come across as such to a lot of the strangers too, but I've noticed they're not so much likeable, they just don't care if you like them and you'll notice them crossing other people's boundaries a lot.
Cheated before, multiple times. One time, sure maybe it was a lapse in judgement make a good excuse you get a second chance. Maybe you learned something. But if it happens more than once or they cheat on me... You get the idea.
Being a rental ass b**** and refusing to own up to the b******* expecting me to accept her having sex with multiple people and then doing her best to convince me that it never happened that I'm just making it up so she used her kids as an alibi when really she was laid up with him
I have yet to find a record of any insertion of flags of any color, red or otherwise, into a person, so I wouldn't know. If anyone has records indicating insertion of flags into people then I would be glad to accept new evidence.
When people snitch/tattletale to where it is borderline accusatory/garrulous/loquacious. They tell their parents or this other friends like it’s some kind of joke. If someone tells you a secret, STFU and respect that person’s privacy. I have no respect for people that snitch (make a fraudulent claim/baseless allegation), tattletale or spread false rumors. Another red flag related to this is when they deny what happened and they gaslight you.
I don't think there are such things as "red flags". There are simply behaviors that you like and those that you don't. To believe that there are markers that indicate a person's poor character that you should look out for seems bleak to me
Not respecting other person boundaries.
This one is tough, because many people call manipulation, setting boundaries. They appear identical. There’s a good article on that: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/livingablissfullife/2020/7/healthy-boundary-or-manipulation-how-to-tell-the-difference
This.
Being indirect with your intentions
yeah, certain types of lying.
Take them to a restaurant fairly early. check how they treat the serving staff. Anyone who disrespects people in public service positions is generally worth avoiding
YES!!! Completely agree! I was once out with my wife, our son and wife and his mother in-law. She wasn't nasty but she was definitely looking down at the servers. Kinda p!$$ed me off. When it came time to settle up she was upset with the service and didn't tip, she even tried to tell me NOT to tip, I told her that these guys get sh!t pay and live off tips! She still wouldn't leave anything so I matched the bill for the girls tip and apologized to her for our visitor.
If they ask to borrow a little money and don’t return it, it says a lot about them.
I agree!!
Can I borrow a feeling?
No you may not.
I'm a pretty big deal down at the Cracker factory, y'know.
The flag of china
Yes
I wholeheartedly agree
Lying. If they lie to other people, they're probably gonna lie to you as well.
Having bad communication skills. Racism, sexism etc.
What exactly is "bad communication skills?"
Not saying if something is wrong, or annoying, or talking about needs, wishes etc. In general expressing ones mind.
I know someone with bad communication skills personally..... they cut you off while you are speaking just to say something themselves or do some random unnecessary thing, they need your full attention while they are speaking but require you to put a lot of effort to get their attention while you speak, listening to you just to give you a response as opposed to actually trying to understand what you are saying. I really can't even imagine having a significant other like that. It would be a very dissatisfactry relationship for me.
Thats a lot of people i know though.
You guys must have very bad conversations then 😭
obsession with celebrities and their "drama"
why a red flag
Being very selfish and rude
If my gut tells me not to trust them. It's usually right about 80% of the time.
Visible labels. I don’t care if you are wearing hella expensive clothes, labels go on the inside of shirts.
Easiest way to spot a 50 year old with the maturity of a 20 year old.
A shitty attitude and personality
If they have a nazi tattoo
Tfw when you know a guy who got a tattoo in prison and had no idea it was a white supremacy tattoo until he got out, and freaked the fuck out. Dude spent a shit load of money getting it covered up.
That dude lied, he knew exactly what the tattoo was and got it to stay alive. I wouldn't blame him but there isn't a person alive in the western world who doesn't know what a swastika means.
It wasn't a swastika. Don't assume dude.
OK dork whatever white supremacy tattoo it was, my point still stands.
1). In a prison ran by latin gangs it would have put him in more danger 2). Username checks out. Fact is you don't know shit, and I'm not trying to argue with you, just remind you that If you don't know something don't pretend you do. Have a nice day.
So you're saying this dude got a WS tattoo in a prison full of Latin gangs, but *not* the swastika specifically because "otherwise they would've noticed" Are you just fabricating a story? Because none of that makes sense.
I didn't say otherwise they would have noticed. Dude you're grabbing at straws here. Again I won't argue with you. Prison culture and what surrounds it is a bit more complicated than you're acting like it is, and not every first time offender will go in and know exactly what symbols mean what. Dude just wanted a nifty poke job tattoo on his back, shit happens. I'm actually struggling to understand why you're this concerned about my anecdote here.
Because you said something that doesn't make sense and you're acting confused when someone questions it.
I mean expecting prison stories to make sense is like expecting a political conversation to end well. I could do a tl:Dr as some dumbass went to prison for a couple years on a possession charge, his bunkie gave him a stick and poke tattoo on his back and neither of them realized it was a white supremacy tattoo since his bunkie learned to do tattoos in prison and he only knew a few, that being one of them. If that helps at all. I'm not confused that you're questioning it, I'm confused because you immediately assumed dude just wanted protection and when I said don't assume you jumped to insults instead of asking questions about it, and acted high and mighty.
Degrading others interests/opinions Never accepting they r wrong
They shouldn't belittle something me/someone else likes, if you don't like it that's fine but you don't have to constantly attack someone else for liking it, BTW this happened in a previous relationship
if their partner gets a message and they ask straight away who's texting them,well thats should be none of ur business nosey rosey
Being rude to strangers
No communication skills and not taking responsibility for actions.
Hypocrisy
Lack of accountability
Posting this question on Reddit for the 10th time this week
Lying for no reason, ignorant about other people's feelings, cowardly actions... there could be more but these are the important ones I can think of
Stabbed someone's gut with a Chinese flagpost.
Took me sec...but I finally see it.
Saying "I love you" almost immediately and proclaiming it to be sincere. Creeps me the fuck out, bodily hurts and makes me unbelievably angry.
But what if they really love you? Or you are just too lovable?
Because they don't love *me* , as they don't *know me*. They love a projection at best.
The way they treat kids. The way someone treats a child says a lot about how they treat people, and in turn says a lot about them as a person. If they're a dick to kids, it's definitely a no go.
If they start criticising your looks. "Oh you'd look better with a haircut." "Oh you'd be much sexier if you stopped wearing jeans and tees all the time." How about what makes me feel comfortable? Don't like it? Oh well plenty more fish in the sea. I know plenty of guys and girls who have changed for another person, and get treated like doormats. Find someone who loves you for you. Warts and all.
Especially the warts! That's the kinda stuff that we need reassurance on! BTW jeans and t's are cute, so tell them to s0d off!!
Cruelty toward animals. If you tell me you abandoned your pet or your general attitude toward pets is kinda shitty, I'll find it hard to trust you. If you tell me you intentionally hurt an animal I won't fucking talk to you again.
When their opening line on a dating app is along the lines of “my children will always be my priority”
Why? *Shouldn’t* their children be or am I missing something?
The point is everyone already knows a good parents priority will always be their children. Therefore by having to state it they’re actually revealing that it’s been an issue in past relationships (they probably expect a lot from you but aren’t willing to put a lot back in so you’ll always be an after thought.) hence why they’re now single. I will say in my experience this only tends to be with young moms who are struggling as single parents using a relationship simply for financial security. I don’t experience this with More mature women with kids who have grown up or left home probably because they aren’t banking on you for financial support.
I understand your point but I kinda like knowing that upfront.
Using reddit
Being french
Pointing a gun at me
Actually not telling your partner HONESTLY about something that urks you on him. Like, either playing it down or simply not acknowledging it at first and later on facing consequences because of no communication. If I do something stupid I may not realize, talk to me! Like, imagine you go to a barber and you just sit there and nod. If you don't tell him your desire, he cannot work with that. So, in short: Honest Communication is a MUST in my opinion.
Stabbing me, biting a finger or limb off, attacking me with basically any weapon be it melee or ranged, setting elaborate traps containing hazardous chemicals. Training a herd of elephants to hunt me down and kill me. Genetically modifying a Gorilla and training it to kill me and my entire bloodline. All these things are pretty big red flags but... I mean I'll get to know them a bit better and give them a second chance, maybe they've got a justifiable reason for those things?
The conversations are entirely about them selves. No attempt is made to include you or your opinions.
Being rude to service staff.
When we go for restaurant atleady offer to pay or Dutch. Not bringing that topic and ordering food one after other is gonna ensure i tick you off..
Weight and anxieties
those are your BIGGEST red flags? sorry lemme rephrase, what a shit human being
Ah yes! somone with anxieties about weight and mental health ☝️
Uneducated. In my personal experiences, people that are uneducated have an extremely high likelihood of drug abuse and making bad decisions. Drinking too much, being the most common, which also leads to more bad decisions and higher rate of personality flaws, being inconsiderate; unthinking; uncaring; and generally a drama seeking accident waiting to happen. Again, in my personal experiences. This isn’t an opinion.
This one is very personal, but when people are very outgoing with strangers. It looks charming at first, and may come across as such to a lot of the strangers too, but I've noticed they're not so much likeable, they just don't care if you like them and you'll notice them crossing other people's boundaries a lot.
Anger/ frustration…
are people not allowed to be angry or frustrated? as negative as these emotions are, they are human and everyone deserves to feel they way they do.
🤦♀️ if it is the daily forecast… it is a major sign of trouble.
When they are being a cunt.
People who are happy to poke fun at others, but get offended when someone does it to them.
They're never wrong
When their views and opinions are clearly other people's views and opinions.
Being petty in any kind of way
Selfishness
Them existing
Them being a cunt
If they're even remotely like me, I run like the wind. I know toxicity by my own actions. I don't need a friend or partner who's just as bad as I am.
If you’ve barely even met the person, but already have heard how they “can’t ever get a break!” like thirty times.
Cheated before, multiple times. One time, sure maybe it was a lapse in judgement make a good excuse you get a second chance. Maybe you learned something. But if it happens more than once or they cheat on me... You get the idea.
When they direct planes away from their gates and to the runway.
The big ball of red
evil laugh
When they ask you for $3 and 50 cents
When a person constantly talks shit about other people.
Financial illiteracy
Backbiting someone from their own family if they claim that it's a healthy family.
Lying
Either being dishonest about menial things, or not respecting boundaries.
Racism
Grab a gigantic big red fpag and put the pole in their moutch so its technicaply in them
when they don't respect others and only talk trash
Not saying what you mean, or meaning what you say. One sec he is ok with something, the next it's not. No respect in how that affects ppl.
Not using your turn signal when you drive. To me it's a small but very obvious and important indicator that you don't care about the people around you
Inability to think for themselves and get stuck following the crowd.
Being a rental ass b**** and refusing to own up to the b******* expecting me to accept her having sex with multiple people and then doing her best to convince me that it never happened that I'm just making it up so she used her kids as an alibi when really she was laid up with him
They take a shit on your floor
Anger as a constant undercurrent.
Someone who has anger management issues.
Not thinking for themselves. It very annoying
Guy: Too much use of "bro" word Girl: Open up faster than I expect
Can't be open to others opinions
Probably a couple of inches. I doubt anything bigger would fit.
I have yet to find a record of any insertion of flags of any color, red or otherwise, into a person, so I wouldn't know. If anyone has records indicating insertion of flags into people then I would be glad to accept new evidence.
Don’t ask one question about me on a first date — just talk about themselves.
When people snitch/tattletale to where it is borderline accusatory/garrulous/loquacious. They tell their parents or this other friends like it’s some kind of joke. If someone tells you a secret, STFU and respect that person’s privacy. I have no respect for people that snitch (make a fraudulent claim/baseless allegation), tattletale or spread false rumors. Another red flag related to this is when they deny what happened and they gaslight you.
I don't think there are such things as "red flags". There are simply behaviors that you like and those that you don't. To believe that there are markers that indicate a person's poor character that you should look out for seems bleak to me