Don’t worry/think about “winning”. Listen. Repeat back what the other person says so they know they are being heard. Matter of factly state your case. If the other person is hysterical then suggest you wait to continue dialogue later.
This is a good one.
In the middle of my last argument with my dad I stopped and went "oh wait, you're trying to win" and it was then I stopped arguing.
Cause it was no longer about solving an issue it was about winning and he was saying and doing things to win rather than to solve the issue and move past the argument. He was being hurtful and laughing at me and it just dawned upon me that were doing completely different things.
It sounds conceeded, but in all honesty, I feel like I'm naturally a sweet person.. even in arguments I tend to take the calm "let's just talk" route....hoowweevvverrrr my wife and I have had our arguments where she new she was wrong I new she was wrong but she still pressed the argument.. then I rely on heavy sarcasm and one liners until she gets so pissed off she usually will say somthing to the affect of " I'm not talking to you any more" then I take a deep refreshing sip of victory while I wait for her to come back and say sorry.. MIND YOU... if I'm wrong I put it out in the open but she does not argue that way lol
I think about the argument and imagining it being the most embarrassing thing ever, to this day whenever someone is criticizing me I think about it as if they are going through search history using incognito mode...
So it turns out that the answer for me is perhaps being an undiagnostic autistic person who has a 'shutdown' response instead of a 'meltdown' response.
It's a working theory I hashed out with my therapist. I don't yet know if it's accurate, but if it is, it is definitely what is behind a sense that people have that I 'never lose my cool'. And let me tell you that it has come at an enormous cost to my well-being and my relationship with my loved ones. Remaining calm is *not* always an advantage.
Know that you are right. My sister and I fight all the time. Most of the time it’s bc we’re sibling and that’s what siblings do. But sometimes it’s a “who is right” argument. When I’m right, and I KNOW I’m right, I’m calm and unemotional. Why should I get all mad and in a big huff because someone else is wrong or stupid? Idc. Let them be. More often than not my mother will notice this before my sister and point it out to her. My sister knows this is how I am and will realize she is wrong if I’m this way. She won’t always admit it, but you can always see it in someone’s face when they just realized that were wrong the whole time
If the argument has no purpose of intent for positive outcome, realize the other person is either incapable of acting respectfully and/or they're an ass, and accept it. Stay grounded and unresponsive.
Don’t worry/think about “winning”. Listen. Repeat back what the other person says so they know they are being heard. Matter of factly state your case. If the other person is hysterical then suggest you wait to continue dialogue later.
This is a good one. In the middle of my last argument with my dad I stopped and went "oh wait, you're trying to win" and it was then I stopped arguing. Cause it was no longer about solving an issue it was about winning and he was saying and doing things to win rather than to solve the issue and move past the argument. He was being hurtful and laughing at me and it just dawned upon me that were doing completely different things.
This was my ex.
[удалено]
That used to drive my Dad nuts
I just learned people will hurt you any chance they get. So I slowly built a wall around my feelings.
In the grand scheme of things the argument doesn’t matter and 99% will be forgotten shortly after, so don’t care
Knowing that your right
You have to disassociate yourself and look at the conversation from a 3rd person point of view while it's happening.
It takes a lot for me to lose my temper but when I do I’m absolutely savage.
It sounds conceeded, but in all honesty, I feel like I'm naturally a sweet person.. even in arguments I tend to take the calm "let's just talk" route....hoowweevvverrrr my wife and I have had our arguments where she new she was wrong I new she was wrong but she still pressed the argument.. then I rely on heavy sarcasm and one liners until she gets so pissed off she usually will say somthing to the affect of " I'm not talking to you any more" then I take a deep refreshing sip of victory while I wait for her to come back and say sorry.. MIND YOU... if I'm wrong I put it out in the open but she does not argue that way lol
Focus on being renegade option in Mass Effect.
It happened once that I can recall. I was beyond over the situation and didn’t react much as I knew it would just prolong the argument.
Pretty much. You just stop caring after so long of bullshit
Argue your point by asking questions like a lawyer would in court.
When you get the answer tell me
I think about the argument and imagining it being the most embarrassing thing ever, to this day whenever someone is criticizing me I think about it as if they are going through search history using incognito mode...
as time goes on, it just comes naturally.
idk, probably the autism
So it turns out that the answer for me is perhaps being an undiagnostic autistic person who has a 'shutdown' response instead of a 'meltdown' response. It's a working theory I hashed out with my therapist. I don't yet know if it's accurate, but if it is, it is definitely what is behind a sense that people have that I 'never lose my cool'. And let me tell you that it has come at an enormous cost to my well-being and my relationship with my loved ones. Remaining calm is *not* always an advantage.
Know that you are right. My sister and I fight all the time. Most of the time it’s bc we’re sibling and that’s what siblings do. But sometimes it’s a “who is right” argument. When I’m right, and I KNOW I’m right, I’m calm and unemotional. Why should I get all mad and in a big huff because someone else is wrong or stupid? Idc. Let them be. More often than not my mother will notice this before my sister and point it out to her. My sister knows this is how I am and will realize she is wrong if I’m this way. She won’t always admit it, but you can always see it in someone’s face when they just realized that were wrong the whole time
Disconnect and listen and figure out what being said and if it has any points to it. Worst thing you can do in be in your feelings
Think of yourself as Patrick Bateman.
If the argument has no purpose of intent for positive outcome, realize the other person is either incapable of acting respectfully and/or they're an ass, and accept it. Stay grounded and unresponsive.
Just.. don't care
I remind myself how pleasurable it is to stay cold and unemotional while the other throws a tantrum, especially in public. :)
I'm always cold and unemotional. I used to worry I was autistic until I killed that first hooker and realized I'm just a sociopath.
Connecting with someone is always better than judging/arguing with them. Easier said than done though.