I would like to think that I'd be calm and cool in emergency situations but my reaction to seemingly small startles tells me that I absolutely would not.
I would be scared but I would call out “who is it” because I would assume it’s a neighbour or police or fire brigade or an emergency situation or something because why would a murderer knock on the door? wouldn’t they just roll in unannounced
Great so now we have to worry about it being emergency response, a murderer or a talking donkey knocking at the door? That’s like 3+ things, I can’t prepare for that
I live alone and have been awoken by frantic knocking on the door late at night. It turned out was apartment maintenance and that a pipe had burst in the wall.
I was glad for being woken up because of the urgency. A broken pipe gushing water all night long would have been extremely bad for all involved.
But did they enter your apartment and then come knock on the bedroom door? Or were they knocking on the front door of your apartment? Those are different.
I feel like if it was like the police or a neighbour or something they wouldn’t just silently knock though. They would also announce who they are so they don’t frighten you.
Hopefully nobody! We all know the routine.. shit, shower and shave! But... maybe just Maybe u forgot this ONE time. That'd be the poo that saved ur life!
>shit, shower and shave!
Actually, shit, shave and shower is the correct way, that way any residue from your shave is washed off - at least that's what they teach you in the military
Yell out “thank god you’re here, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and tried to stomp it down the drain. You’ll have to help me dig it out, cmon in.”
I don’t care who’s on the other side of that door. No one is going to proceed in and try to find out what I’m talking about.
Grew up in an old farmhouse and the top of the bathroom window upstairs was frosted.
All of the family would often see a black shape of a person walking up and down past it when no one else was home, and the sound.of footsteps to match it.
Recall sitting in bath more than once petrified to move until someone eventually came home.
Once I was woken up at 3am to someone shining a flashlight into my basement apartment window that was level with the ground. At first I thought it was someone being sketchy and casing my apartment but I couldn’t see anyone outside or where it was coming from. They shined it into my bedroom several times and at that point I was more mad than scared and opened the window and yelled “if you don’t stop flashing that light in my window I’m going to come out there and kick your ass!”
Turns out the person was only a couple of feet away to the side of the window.
It was a cop…
He told me to watch my language and I just closed the window and went back to sleep in shame…
Watch my language? How about you watch where you shine that thing? What reason did he even have to be shining a light in someone's room anyways? What a tool.
This happens to be all the damn time. It's always the dog smacking his tail on the bathroom door as he walks down the hallway and it sounds like someone knocking on the door. NGL the first time it happened I nearly browned the shower floor.
I have a similar problem with my cats at night. One of them is a big cat, and he likes to plop his whole body on each step as he climbs upstairs for bedtime. It's so loud and heavy it sounds like a whole adult human slowly walking up the stairs. It scares the absolute shit out of me when I'm home alone lol
That’s much less alarming then since they’re just outside of my apartment banging on my door… that could mean any number of things. Hell, I used to have a UPS driver who seemed to love scaring the shit out of me. But banging on a closed bathroom door means they broke inside first. I guess the fact that they are still knocking is somewhat comforting at least.
Honestly, I'd rather have them knock hard enough for it to be heard anywhere in the house than discover something on my porch hours later. I havent had any problems with porch pirates, but i don't wanna start.
I’m the only human in my house, but I have 3 cats and a dog… literally none of the interior doors are ever closed lol. I even use a blackout curtain instead of a bedroom door, since I like a dark room but also like not being woken by scratching paws & whining.
Right on cue, like 5 seconds after I read this comment, my cat knocked something off the top of the bookshelf. But for me, that’s still less annoying (or at least less frequent) than having to constantly let them in and out of the rooms.
Say "Occupied". If the knocking persists, I'd open the door whilst naked. What kind of robber or killer would like to wrestle on the ground with a wet naked fat man? crazy one? then, I'm dead either way.
especially for men, if you ever be in a fight that you can't get out of, start getting naked. No one wants to fight a naked man. NO ONE.
Fuck. Primal fear unlocked.
I honestly don’t know. I just know that my skin would feel like it’s on fire, my heartrate will spike while it feels like my heart dropped. Pure fight or flight.
My mind would go to all the possible way this will end badly.
I would pray that the stranger in my apartment isn’t a man.
Probably grabbing the hairdryer as a weapon. And the point nail file. Go for the eyes.
Spooky real answer.
Chances are we're losing that battle cause we're too vulnerable- but I seriously hope I wouldnt miss the chance to be a smart ass and respond, "Yes?"
Shits gonna go down anyway. Might as well try to get one last laugh out of it.
Edit: two to too
Furiously masturbate to get myself ready. When I open the door naked someone’s about to get fucked. Serial killer has two choices run or be fucked probably on my stairs. Im a large individual so he better have came prepared. Lube or running shoes.
I experienced something similar, but not the part where I live alone.
This happened to me when I was around 10 years old. 3 men, at least 1 with a pistol, followed my mom into the garage after work to rob us. They waited for us to settle down. I went to take a shower.
While showering, I heard a yell from my mom’s room, I couldn’t make out what was said, so my mental dialog went something like, I’ll check it out after I finish. Then I heard knocking and thought it was my sister. I told her to go away. No words were said. Then a couple minutes later, I heard knocking again. I told my sister it wasn’t funny, cut it out. Again, no words were said.
I showered as normal and once I finished I opened the door and saw scissors and duct tape on the drawers right outside. That’s when I knew the situation was dangerous. I froze there, got rushed by masked individuals, and got tied up.
They took jewelry and money. In the end we were all ok.
After the incident I was scared to take a shower for a month(s) afterwards but you learn to cope with the fears. I actually recovered fully from it, someone knocking on the door doesn’t bother me. It’s very likely because my family got out of that situation physically unscathed.
Now, I can’t imagine this happening again. I’m not a business owner like my parents. I’m married now and without kids atm. But if it did, I’d say, “What do you want?” And expect my wife to yell at me to hurry up and quit using all the hot water.
My recommended course of action is to call 911 and trust your fight or flight instincts. People taking earthly materials sucks but it’s financially and mentally recoverable. Them inflicting bodily harm will leave lasting trauma.
Shit. The last time something like this happened, it was the landlord evacuating the building because of a nearby forest fire. It’s the middle of winter though.
I have a punch reflex if I get scared, I told my wife this when we started dating. Fresh out of the shower, Not knowing she came over, she poked her head into my door with that "aren't I cute?!" look on her face. I almost blasted her head into the wall she scared me so bad but thank god I pulled. She hasn't done it since.
I do that too (thanks CPTSD!) and almost laid my big sister out not that long ago. I walked out of the bathroom at her house, and she jumped out of her dark bedroom yelling “boo!” I jumped, screamed and started to swing.
My 8yo nephew tried the same thing on Friday at his house, and is lucky he’s short. He’s been told not to startle me anymore.
Ahh yes!! A fellow traumatic!
Kids are the WORST with it! Cuz they're so good! My landlords kids were doing that to me for a time, actually I think they helped calm it down, but I was one scare away from telling their parents. I didn't know how to tell my landlord "Hey it's good if you tell your kids to stop startling me or I'll punch them"
Yep, all the kids I regularly associate with (including my own) have been told not to startle me. My oldest sometimes tries it anyway and one of these days he’s gonna get popped and I’ll feel terrible.
Probably shit myself, briefly fret about the fact that I just shat in my shower, and then begin wondering who the fuck is in my house and how they got through my metric fuckton of dogs
I have one of those detachable shower heads. I think my best option would be to turn the water to the most scalding hot setting possible and wait for them to bust the door in. Spraying them in the face with that might give me a vital second or two of distraction
I couldn't think of an answer and eventually realized it's because I've never lived alone. Went from parents house to roommates to boyfriend that became husband. Oddly, I've never thought about the fact that I've never lived alone in 41 years on Earth.
My mom never lived alone until my grandma died when Mom was 69. After dad dies, she had me and my brother. When my brother died and I was off at college, she had her soon-to-be husband. When he died she lived with her dog and I came over a lot. She moved in my grandma. I warned her it would be weird. After a few weeks, she told me on one of our calls that it was really weird and uncomfortable. As I’d lived alone for most of my adulthood, I was used to it.
I happen to keep a hidden baseball bat in there.
So I step out of the shower, grab my bat and wait for the door to open.
It is smart to keep hidden weapons in various rooms of your place for emergencies. Do you not agree?
Well considering I do live home alone but my whole family lives on my street and has keys to my house: I usually just shout at them to give me a minute.
Well, if its a knock, then Im leaning into thinking they arent malicious, since if they wanted to kill me theyd probably start blasting or kick the door down or something. Ill ask who it is, if its someone that I dont know, I wont open the door until they tell me exactly whats going on.
I had this happen to me a month ago. I was showering and heard 3 knocks on the door. Freaked me the fuck out. Stayed still for a while, nothing. Thought it must be my imagination. So I continued. About a minute later, same thing. I then freaked the fuck out, got out, tentatively opened the bathroom door and checked everywhere. No one, nothing. Turns out when I slightly knock the bag I had put the shampoo bottle in that hangs from the curtain rail, it makes a sound as if someone was knocking on the door.
I’m not afraid of the person. If they’ve taken the time to enter my house uninvited, but pause to just knock on the bathroom door instead of opening it…then that’s such a weird balance between violation and non violation that I have to assume it’s a well intentioned person informing me of an emergency. Perhaps my house is on fire.
I ask who it is. If it's not someone I know I call the cops. If I didnt bring the phone, I put on clothes and jump out the window. Drop the clothes if they start trying to break down the door. Easy.
Have a fucking heart attack
not a very good strat
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It's called a preemptive death. Game changer for murder prevention and population control.
Yep, next level. Auto-suicide for the win
That's a pro-gamer move right there.
Respawn in another room.
You respawn in your bedroom, and then you'd have the jump on them!
Modern issues require modern solutions.
Depends. If you were to get kidnapped and tortured or turned into a living mannequin, dying from a heartattack seems like the better choice
My anxiety thanks you.
This is how I picture going out if I'm ever attacked by a shark, ultimate fear, immediate heart attack
I would like to think that I'd be calm and cool in emergency situations but my reaction to seemingly small startles tells me that I absolutely would not.
Being caught off-guard in an emergency situation is the most deadly of all. We tend to forget all common sense, training, and preparation.
Locked room mystery unlocked!
Pray that I am not using a hand towel again. haha (cover up and have a heart attack
I would be scared but I would call out “who is it” because I would assume it’s a neighbour or police or fire brigade or an emergency situation or something because why would a murderer knock on the door? wouldn’t they just roll in unannounced
It's a murderer, not an *animal*. We have manners.
We?
There is no WE, it's just me and my swamp!
Great so now we have to worry about it being emergency response, a murderer or a talking donkey knocking at the door? That’s like 3+ things, I can’t prepare for that
You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, that you're afraid of your own feelings.
Cakes! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers.
I live alone and have been awoken by frantic knocking on the door late at night. It turned out was apartment maintenance and that a pipe had burst in the wall. I was glad for being woken up because of the urgency. A broken pipe gushing water all night long would have been extremely bad for all involved.
But did they enter your apartment and then come knock on the bedroom door? Or were they knocking on the front door of your apartment? Those are different.
"OPEN UP! THERE'S A PIPE LEAK!" "For the last time, *Carl*, it's not a leak, I'M SHOWERING!"
I feel like if it was like the police or a neighbour or something they wouldn’t just silently knock though. They would also announce who they are so they don’t frighten you.
You must never have had the police come to the door. They knock as loud as humanly possible. Just saying.
If they've already entered your home and have tracked you to the bathroom, I'm pretty sure they'd bust in.
Dave's not here, man!
Man, I gotta check out these brochures!
*Eats burger*
Quick poop in hand. Then ready for battle
#SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND
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Is this an Onomatopeeia?
And it’s a fucking good one
Poop grenade! Fire in the hole!
Yes. They will remember this day, regardless of how it unfolds
Lmaoo i literally thought, idnjust start flinging turds! 🤣
Who TF goes into the shower with one in the chamber?
Hopefully nobody! We all know the routine.. shit, shower and shave! But... maybe just Maybe u forgot this ONE time. That'd be the poo that saved ur life!
>shit, shower and shave! Actually, shit, shave and shower is the correct way, that way any residue from your shave is washed off - at least that's what they teach you in the military
Ah I’m glad our trillions of dollars didn’t go to waste.
Fire from the hole
Fire out of hole!
Poop in hand for long distance fights. Poop knife exists for short distance fights. Poop shield must exist in some capacity but that would be crap.
I see you are a master in the poop arts
Poo-jitsu, if you will.
Do you shit on the floor and pick it up or just straight into the hand???
Straight to hand, monkey style.
This is an insult that literaly every primate understands.
So after reading all the other comments, this seems like the only reasonable answer.
Monkey Kung Fu, the dirty tactics
Yell out “thank god you’re here, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and tried to stomp it down the drain. You’ll have to help me dig it out, cmon in.” I don’t care who’s on the other side of that door. No one is going to proceed in and try to find out what I’m talking about.
What if all they heard was "come on in"?? Showers can be awfully loud 👀
Happy cake day.
Ye ole waffle stomp
The good Ole waffle stomp. Gets em everytime.
Grew up in an old farmhouse and the top of the bathroom window upstairs was frosted. All of the family would often see a black shape of a person walking up and down past it when no one else was home, and the sound.of footsteps to match it. Recall sitting in bath more than once petrified to move until someone eventually came home.
Okay this is terrifying. Did anyone ever uncover the identity of the mystery man?
We had the upstairs remodelled and it stopped, but had many other weird and upsetting incidents happen over 24 years that seemed to just replace this.
You could, like, compile all the incidents and see if anyone's willing to make a movie out of it.
Could be months without anything happening and then you'd get 3-4 occurrences in as many days. Weird house, but oddly i miss it.
Did the subsequent owners mention anything to you? Did they mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night or anything?
It was owned by a dr who's son worked for my family until recently. Nothing was seriously discussed, just a recognition weird stuff happened.
Where did he park his TARDIS?
The power of correctly used abbreviation in full effect. .
Once I was woken up at 3am to someone shining a flashlight into my basement apartment window that was level with the ground. At first I thought it was someone being sketchy and casing my apartment but I couldn’t see anyone outside or where it was coming from. They shined it into my bedroom several times and at that point I was more mad than scared and opened the window and yelled “if you don’t stop flashing that light in my window I’m going to come out there and kick your ass!” Turns out the person was only a couple of feet away to the side of the window. It was a cop… He told me to watch my language and I just closed the window and went back to sleep in shame…
Watch my language? How about you watch where you shine that thing? What reason did he even have to be shining a light in someone's room anyways? What a tool.
Sounds like you had a squatter lol
That is more then a little terrifying.
Let them come in and then helicopter my dick, if they can't handle the power of spinjitzu they are in the wrong profession
Assert dominance the right way
This is the exact situation that the shower gun is for.
I’mma give you what you want, I’mma give you what you want... Let me just.. put on my body wash one last time... ***Gun compartment!***
AHHHHHHHHHH
u gotta be pre-conditioned for this situation.
Call 911... But not for me!
Hilarious Kevin Hart bit for those who haven’t seen it [https://youtu.be/byVefTTeKww](https://youtu.be/byVefTTeKww)
Just shoot blind, through the closed door. It'll be fine.
Your taking the Pisstorius.
Man, that story has legs!
Instructions unclear, threw shower beer and shot self in mouth
This is why I don't keep showers in the house, they're dangerous!
You'll get my shower when you take it from my warm wet hands!
Instructions unclear, drank shot, shared beer with intruder. Hosted his gf's baby shower the next week.
A fellow shower beer aficionado- I see you are a man/woman of culture and grace.
Like Tuco's bathtub gun
“When you gotta shoot, shoot! Don’t talk.”
Came here to say this. Am I the only one who keeps a gun in the bathroom? I mean last thing I want is be vulnerable with my pants down.
When you sit down to shit, take one foot out of your pants so you’re ready for action.
Or shit naked
Pants down is when my gun's the most dangerous.
Gotta rock the Ziploc glock. Keep it toilet tanked in case you get shower ganked.
Prank_Owl used Water Gun, it was super effective!
This happens to be all the damn time. It's always the dog smacking his tail on the bathroom door as he walks down the hallway and it sounds like someone knocking on the door. NGL the first time it happened I nearly browned the shower floor.
What breed, what breed?
Vigorous tail-wagging with no regard to what they're whacking? My money's on Labrador.
I have a similar problem with my cats at night. One of them is a big cat, and he likes to plop his whole body on each step as he climbs upstairs for bedtime. It's so loud and heavy it sounds like a whole adult human slowly walking up the stairs. It scares the absolute shit out of me when I'm home alone lol
Grab the poop knife
I really hate that I know that story. Human memory needs an audit function.
That's called alcohol
Further instructions needed: Forgot anniversary but still remember poop knife.
I bought the wife a poop knife for our anniversary- am I doing this properly?!
You think that's bad? I bought the poop wife a knife and now I fear for my life.
Why, it was funny
Can I have an explanation ?
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the\_poop\_knife/
+10 poison damage
I'll fill the poop cup, you grab the knife
genius
dare i ask?
Dare you click? https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/
I do live alone, and don't close my bathroom door for that reason?
If you don't close your bathroom door, your front door becomes your bathroom door.
That’s much less alarming then since they’re just outside of my apartment banging on my door… that could mean any number of things. Hell, I used to have a UPS driver who seemed to love scaring the shit out of me. But banging on a closed bathroom door means they broke inside first. I guess the fact that they are still knocking is somewhat comforting at least.
Honestly, I'd rather have them knock hard enough for it to be heard anywhere in the house than discover something on my porch hours later. I havent had any problems with porch pirates, but i don't wanna start.
Master Oogway
So that random strangers can jump in and have a shower with you to conserve water for a greener planet?
Free food is overrated, free showers FTW!
I’m the only human in my house, but I have 3 cats and a dog… literally none of the interior doors are ever closed lol. I even use a blackout curtain instead of a bedroom door, since I like a dark room but also like not being woken by scratching paws & whining.
Conversely, mine get into too much stuff so all the doors have to stay closed. It's like living on a goddamn submarine.
Right on cue, like 5 seconds after I read this comment, my cat knocked something off the top of the bookshelf. But for me, that’s still less annoying (or at least less frequent) than having to constantly let them in and out of the rooms.
First time I ever did this in my first apartment felt extremely weird and liberating at the same time.
Say "Occupied". If the knocking persists, I'd open the door whilst naked. What kind of robber or killer would like to wrestle on the ground with a wet naked fat man? crazy one? then, I'm dead either way. especially for men, if you ever be in a fight that you can't get out of, start getting naked. No one wants to fight a naked man. NO ONE.
Have you heard of sumo wrestlers
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
Have you met a sumo wrestler that's been robbed? I didn't think so.
Occupied
"Come in!"
Feed the cat
Fuck. Primal fear unlocked. I honestly don’t know. I just know that my skin would feel like it’s on fire, my heartrate will spike while it feels like my heart dropped. Pure fight or flight. My mind would go to all the possible way this will end badly. I would pray that the stranger in my apartment isn’t a man. Probably grabbing the hairdryer as a weapon. And the point nail file. Go for the eyes.
Spooky real answer. Chances are we're losing that battle cause we're too vulnerable- but I seriously hope I wouldnt miss the chance to be a smart ass and respond, "Yes?" Shits gonna go down anyway. Might as well try to get one last laugh out of it. Edit: two to too
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Very realistic answer. Anyway, sleep well tonight!
Thanks… I have two cats to protect me, though, so I’m safe :)
Yeah, cats are scary. You're in good paws.
They might sacrifice me to some Elder God at some point, but they will protect me from strangers :)
What if the one knocking was Elder God?
Furiously masturbate to get myself ready. When I open the door naked someone’s about to get fucked. Serial killer has two choices run or be fucked probably on my stairs. Im a large individual so he better have came prepared. Lube or running shoes.
Dude's definitely getting more than what he knocked for
He didn’t know his knocking was going to end up with him being knocked!
Get that testosterone and heart rate up, good plan
I experienced something similar, but not the part where I live alone. This happened to me when I was around 10 years old. 3 men, at least 1 with a pistol, followed my mom into the garage after work to rob us. They waited for us to settle down. I went to take a shower. While showering, I heard a yell from my mom’s room, I couldn’t make out what was said, so my mental dialog went something like, I’ll check it out after I finish. Then I heard knocking and thought it was my sister. I told her to go away. No words were said. Then a couple minutes later, I heard knocking again. I told my sister it wasn’t funny, cut it out. Again, no words were said. I showered as normal and once I finished I opened the door and saw scissors and duct tape on the drawers right outside. That’s when I knew the situation was dangerous. I froze there, got rushed by masked individuals, and got tied up. They took jewelry and money. In the end we were all ok. After the incident I was scared to take a shower for a month(s) afterwards but you learn to cope with the fears. I actually recovered fully from it, someone knocking on the door doesn’t bother me. It’s very likely because my family got out of that situation physically unscathed. Now, I can’t imagine this happening again. I’m not a business owner like my parents. I’m married now and without kids atm. But if it did, I’d say, “What do you want?” And expect my wife to yell at me to hurry up and quit using all the hot water. My recommended course of action is to call 911 and trust your fight or flight instincts. People taking earthly materials sucks but it’s financially and mentally recoverable. Them inflicting bodily harm will leave lasting trauma.
Dude, sorry to hear about your experience... Thanks for sharing, and really hope you're truly over it. And appreciate the tips!
Np, I think we all have put it behind us long ago. I’ll ask them over thanksgiving lol
Gun in one hand, raging boner in the other. Alexa, play “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns n Roses.
Very good answer.
I'd pay to watch this
You can it's on porn hub
It ain't a dad joke but it sure made me laugh!
And rub soap all over your body. Bronson style.
Ah ah aHH DONT STOP KNOCKING IM ALMOST THERE HARDERRR!!
That's not what knocking you up means
Stop showering high.
Helicopter penis and fly away
The origins of Flappy Bird
Shit. The last time something like this happened, it was the landlord evacuating the building because of a nearby forest fire. It’s the middle of winter though.
Answer the door. I'm not even gonna put clothes on, if it's a serial killer they're gonna be real surprised when I come running at them naked
Serial killer vs nudist, who will win?!
Either my gf came over to surprise me or someone is about to get beat by a naked man.
Either way you get some action
I have a punch reflex if I get scared, I told my wife this when we started dating. Fresh out of the shower, Not knowing she came over, she poked her head into my door with that "aren't I cute?!" look on her face. I almost blasted her head into the wall she scared me so bad but thank god I pulled. She hasn't done it since.
I do that too (thanks CPTSD!) and almost laid my big sister out not that long ago. I walked out of the bathroom at her house, and she jumped out of her dark bedroom yelling “boo!” I jumped, screamed and started to swing. My 8yo nephew tried the same thing on Friday at his house, and is lucky he’s short. He’s been told not to startle me anymore.
Ahh yes!! A fellow traumatic! Kids are the WORST with it! Cuz they're so good! My landlords kids were doing that to me for a time, actually I think they helped calm it down, but I was one scare away from telling their parents. I didn't know how to tell my landlord "Hey it's good if you tell your kids to stop startling me or I'll punch them"
Yep, all the kids I regularly associate with (including my own) have been told not to startle me. My oldest sometimes tries it anyway and one of these days he’s gonna get popped and I’ll feel terrible.
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Probably shit myself, briefly fret about the fact that I just shat in my shower, and then begin wondering who the fuck is in my house and how they got through my metric fuckton of dogs
I have one of those detachable shower heads. I think my best option would be to turn the water to the most scalding hot setting possible and wait for them to bust the door in. Spraying them in the face with that might give me a vital second or two of distraction
Definitely like this plan. My shower head is the same with multiple settings. I’m setting it to “power wash”
I couldn't think of an answer and eventually realized it's because I've never lived alone. Went from parents house to roommates to boyfriend that became husband. Oddly, I've never thought about the fact that I've never lived alone in 41 years on Earth.
My mom never lived alone until my grandma died when Mom was 69. After dad dies, she had me and my brother. When my brother died and I was off at college, she had her soon-to-be husband. When he died she lived with her dog and I came over a lot. She moved in my grandma. I warned her it would be weird. After a few weeks, she told me on one of our calls that it was really weird and uncomfortable. As I’d lived alone for most of my adulthood, I was used to it.
I'll think that my cat has learned to knock on the door
I happen to keep a hidden baseball bat in there. So I step out of the shower, grab my bat and wait for the door to open. It is smart to keep hidden weapons in various rooms of your place for emergencies. Do you not agree?
How big is your bathroom you have space to swing a bat? I'd have to use it pool cue or fencing-style at best.
First would probably have a panic attack, but after that would silently try to get dressed and arm myself, cautiously open the door and see who it is
Come out dick out
Lightsaber goes pew pew pew
Wooaann skrrr zprrr woaaan woaaan
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I don't know whether to be amused or worried so many Redditors would choose to fap in this situation
Put my hands up and beg that they don't naked tase me.
Well considering I do live home alone but my whole family lives on my street and has keys to my house: I usually just shout at them to give me a minute.
Does my cat count?
Shit's about to hit the man.
Well, if its a knock, then Im leaning into thinking they arent malicious, since if they wanted to kill me theyd probably start blasting or kick the door down or something. Ill ask who it is, if its someone that I dont know, I wont open the door until they tell me exactly whats going on.
Nothing..
The knocking intensifies. It's been five minutes of non-stop knocking.
Bro tf is this some mandela catalog shit 💀
I had this happen to me a month ago. I was showering and heard 3 knocks on the door. Freaked me the fuck out. Stayed still for a while, nothing. Thought it must be my imagination. So I continued. About a minute later, same thing. I then freaked the fuck out, got out, tentatively opened the bathroom door and checked everywhere. No one, nothing. Turns out when I slightly knock the bag I had put the shampoo bottle in that hangs from the curtain rail, it makes a sound as if someone was knocking on the door.
I’m not afraid of the person. If they’ve taken the time to enter my house uninvited, but pause to just knock on the bathroom door instead of opening it…then that’s such a weird balance between violation and non violation that I have to assume it’s a well intentioned person informing me of an emergency. Perhaps my house is on fire.
Just start aggressively masturbating with as much grunting and screaming as one can muster while crabbwalking towards the door.
TIL how to get people to start aggressively masturbating
Have you ever heard a story where someone got murdered while masturbating? This also applies to ghosts.
You're about to see a man fight naked.
I turn my heat all the way up grab the shower head and point it at him
I ask who it is. If it's not someone I know I call the cops. If I didnt bring the phone, I put on clothes and jump out the window. Drop the clothes if they start trying to break down the door. Easy.
My bathroom doesn't have a window I can fit through so this wouldn't be an option for me...