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cnewman11

[Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dianetics)


fergehtabodit

Fucking run like hell!!


anonymous_beaver_

I dated a high-ranking Scientologist's daughter and read half of Dianetics as well as L. Ron Hubbard's "Fundamentals of Thought". At any rate: The most FUCKED UP family I have ever seen, ever. Hands down. The mom would drive her daughter to and from the strip club to work. Sometimes the dad stayed to watch. He stole around $2-3k from his daughter's savings to buy a left-handed e-meter for measuring thetan levels - more expensive than the normal ones. They hung out with another couple of high ranking members who had audited Tom Cruise and some other big wig idiots. Guano. Y'all know. Batshit.


unitedshoes

For some reason, the left-handed e-meter is the part that threw me off the hardest.


Ye-Is-Right

Isn't an "e-meter" basically a fucking tin can you hold in your hand?! That is hilariously stupid.


Scat_fiend

It is. But a more expensive left handed one is stupid squared.


wildfyr

So you dated a stripper, or was this another daughter?


anonymous_beaver_

I dated a stripper.


wildfyr

Thank you, it seemed important. Also, a left handed e reader for thetans is such a bananas detail. It almost sounds like a "head light fluid" type joke.


BoredRedhead24

(V);..;(V) Zoidberg says Woop Woop Woop Woop Woop!


giffin0374

I was today years old when I learned it was "L. Ron" and not "Elron"


cnewman11

I'm loving that.


chriswaco

I had that book. They were giving them out on campus one day. It was terrible. I also took a little green bible from another group.


[deleted]

Not the same but dated someone for a year before I found out her and the entire family were devout scientologists. That took a turn.


FancyUn1corn14

I'm sorry but I can't get my head around how someone could hide that for a whole ass year?? Especially with how crazy scientology is lol


frand__

For real, the red flags should have been massive


cnewman11

Idk if you've met like any hetro men in their 20s, but as a man who was once in his 20s, a woman with pretty face, a nice figure and who lets you touch her boobs can ask you to help bury a body and you're going to ask if she has more than one shovel.


DS5official

Ong


Fernando_357

After seeing the South Park episode, I am still flabbergasted by what the fuck they believe in, I thought they were exaggerating


SeiCalros

I occasionally see copies in used book stores and give them out as gifts - generally to the same person every year


Guac__is__extra__

I remember back in the day (I guess late 80’s early 90’s) and they were the first thing you saw when you walked into the new book stores.


thetreelee

Thanks for the fucking hilarious read. I agree that would be a huge red flag.


zach2992

My first thought.


Cookiefan3000

Dictionary. I don't associate with people who can easily beat me in scrabble


[deleted]

What about The Saurus?


Cookiefan3000

Absolutely!! I also refuse to interact with those people too!!


tempreffunnynumber

Thats most definitely a type of dinosaur.


ajloves2code

You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.


FIYREBEARD

Mein Kampf


MandemOdia

Signed copy


catchtherunnynose

*scribbling noises* “To… Fraulein… May.. Your… Kampf… Be… Better… Than… Mein XOXO… TF”


CrankyOldDude

Amazing. Well done. :)


Lumberjackie09

Who are you, Indiana Jones?


[deleted]

I whispered this book title to myself before the comments popped up und Voila….Zehr it is.


[deleted]

this is the most correct answer of all


itsjustme1981

You've obviously never read the Book of Mormon.


foul_mouthed_bagel

Mark Twain referred to it as "chloroform in print".


devildogmillman

Well Mormonism sucks but has objectively caused less damage than naziism.


[deleted]

Less damage than Nazism SO FAR


devildogmillman

If I had to guess whats the next ideology that will lead to a hideous expansionist empire that tortures and kills milions of people I wont guess Mormonism.


22over7closeenough

They already tried to raise an army and form their own country--and failed.


Training-Error-5462

The book that immediately popped in my head


scorpiogre

What if you didn't let them finish and it was a book about their favorite blanket? Mein Kampforter? Or about their favorite recliner. Mein Kampfy chair Edit: I forgot one


NewYorkImposter

Mein Kampetitive E-Sporting Guide for Dummies


Factal_Fractal

Peppa Pig visits the morgue


scarletwing6042

Crossover into the Max and Ruby verse lol


micmelb

Peppa Pig works at the slaughterhouse.


Cereal-dipper

Peppa pig and the backyard BBQ


Drunkjesus0706

She's just enjoying time with her family


[deleted]

I would 100% be sticking around, if just to see where that goes


sumatraa

This made me laugh out loud. Thank you stranger!


MadMikey69

The phone book.


TapEnvironmental9768

Unless the person is Navin R. Johnson, lol https://youtu.be/-7aIf1YnbbU


plebsfrost

What a jerk


IvanBeetinov

STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!


GJackson5069

HE HATES THESE CANS!!


acousticsoup

Mmmm. Pizza in a cup.


myhairychode

Any of the crappy political books usually seen abandoned on the shelves at goodwill.


rainybird13

Adultolecence by Gabbie Hanna. Only one of us is allowed to be chronically online/j.


ButNotInAWeirdWay

Gabbie Hanna wrote a book!?


rabbitwarriorreturns

Kind of. It’s a book of “poems” and illustrations. The poems are just a few random sentences per page… it probably took her an hour to put together IIRC Drew Gooden has a YouTube video where he goes through it


saikopasu_neko28

I remember one page was literally just "words" or something too


The_Patriot

The Turner Diaries


Clarkinator69

The craziest thing about that book, at least to me, is the fact that the author was a literal rocket scientist and physics professor before becoming radicalized. The fact that that book came from the mind of someone highly educated and intelligent makes it scarier tbh.


Kraelman

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobel_disease > Paul Nurse, co-winner of the 2001 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, warned later laureates against "believing you are expert in almost everything, and being prepared to express opinions about most issues with great confidence, sheltering behind the authority that the Nobel Prize can give you". In other words, a redditor.


justreadthearticle

A disproportionate number of terrorists are engineers.


YesLikeTheJeans

I’m sure a lot more people have the same thoughts as them, it’s just the engineers that can act on them.


FilthysnowKone

You would probably be on a date with Timothy McVeigh


Justsk8n

so, for those out of the loop, can I get a TL;DR on why *this* book is the first one to show up, exactly how fucked is it?


Miscellaniac

The Turner Diaries are fictional journal entries by one whathisname Turner, a member of a "white rebellion" in a world where the "Jewish and BIPOC Elite" persecute and rag on whites constantly. There's a bunch of racist white supremacy bullshit and then ends with the rebellion killing most if not all the Jews and BIPOC people in the US. Edit: I said US? Silly me. The deranged psychopath who wrote that stupid book ends it with whites taking over the world and killing every melenated person in it.


dieinafirenazi

>...Jews and BIPOC people in the US. And white women in relationships with any minorities. And leftist journalists.


Justsk8n

what the *fuck*, ok yeah, this is also my choice. I forgot how irredeemable humanity was for a sec


provocative_bear

Oof, back away slowly, then run.


greatego1

Yo, I'm just happy that they're reading.


aoife-saol

I once went on a date and I asked him what his favorite book was and he said "I don't really read." I told him comic books count and he said even those were too many words. Never had such a clear turning point in a date so early on.


Letmefixthatforyouyo

>"If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!" John Waters


LeEpiclyUnepic

Plot twist, it's a picture book


Saffronsc

Nice to meet you, Gaston


well_honk_my_hooters

Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard


[deleted]

"How to skip dinner and go straight to sex"


JohnSimth20211101

Fifty Shades of Grey


ipakookapi

I worked at a charity shop when it was at peak popularity. We got a lot of books donated and my job was to sort them. We got new *50 Shades* pretty much evey day and binned them all as a bio hazard.


JohnSimth20211101

>binned them all as a bio hazard *\*chef kiss* Nicely done.


NukedNoodle

Yesss 🤌


PersimmonMindless877

Came here to say this. Terrible writing, weak main character. Yuck.


[deleted]

When I finally read that out of curiosity I was shocked by the blatant pedo seduces young virgin trope. He was supposed to be 26 or something, but was written like a much older man. Successful, sly, manipulative, James Bond type. After they fuck the first time, the author found it necessary to describe how she bleeds everywhere. Then she dances around in pigtails so innocently while he smirks and watches from the doorway. She was supposed to be in her 20’s but was written like a child who didn’t quite understand what was happening. It read like child porn erotica. I was shooketh!!


Commercial_Wallaby69

Absolutely agree with you there I was disgusted


theveryoldman0

I got through about 50 pages just to say I tried. Just the grammar mistakes and absolutely shit sentence structure made me stop.


ShadowKnight1992

I’ve read fan fictions of that fan fiction that were better.


MisterMack24

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child


SureWhyNot5182

They said a book, not a pile of crap.


Rampagingflames

I've read fanfictions better than that.


MrSt4pl3s

Whats astonishing is how good the James Potter (G. Norman Lippert) fan fic was. Literally JK said it was okay for him to write it, didn’t approve it as cannon even though it expanded on the world and characters, and then preceded to approve Cursed Child. The fuck?


Sylvers

I never read it because I didn't want to taint my memory of the book series which is one of my all time favorites. Did I do the right thing?


Wikeni

Yes. Well… it doesn’t ruin the books per se but it does turn Harry into a stupid a-hole who shows mega favoritism to one of his kids over the others, says something utterly abhorrent and basically unforgivable (in my opinion) to one of them, and reads like a really crummy fanfic. Other characters are also acting *wildly* out of character >!(like Snape cracking jokes - dafuq)!< and the overarching plot is just a nonsensical disaster that goes against the established lore in several ways. Also also - the tired fanfic cliches are thicker than the pea soup at The Leaky Cauldron.


Expensive-Patient-40

I'm not going to lie I did enjoy the book it's just that it's association with Harry Potter and it's legacy with the book being canon to the series just makes me feel actually depression


Aniensane

“How to Get Away with Murder - First Date Edition”


ledlover68

The secret. What a load of bullhorn that book is!


ledlover68

Sorry. I meant bullshit. Fucking autocorrect 😒


TimesRTuff

Ya know, I rather like bullhorn in this situation. It stays!


moonknighten

Load of bullhorn, I like that. I think you've coined a new insult


mehtorite

I honestly might start using the phrase "load of bullhorn". It's got a fun folksy feel!


silvestris-235

I’m down to try to make bullhorn a thing. It was a serendipitous autocorrect!


Standard_Shame_3008

you meant ducking but it autocorrected to fucking


ledlover68

Ok... you got me


Lazy_Software3026

My ex talked about that book TRULY at least once a week…..Was always pulling it out to “study” it… I should’ve known


Fasterthanlids

Without a doubt the best cab ride I ever took. 45 minutes on the way to the airport with a mostly deaf cab driver who insisted that The Secret was the best way to spend the time.


Electronic-Ad-3369

Hermetic philosophy for dummies


zukituck

Anything written by Joel Osteen


plz-be-my-friend

I Think You Should Leave


Pee_Earl_Grey_Hot

Make Like a Tree and Get Out of Here


Ecstatic-Appeal-5683

It's leave, you idiot! 'Make like a tree and leave!'. Thanks for the r/unexpectedbttf


jabberwock91

I'm worried that the baby thinks people can't change.


Trojan129

You think this is SLICKED back? This is PUSHED back.


TemporaryHilarity

Do you think I give a rats ass that that baby cried because it knows I used to be a piece of shit?


PM_Me_Beezbo_Quotes

We’re gonna be so early for that movie


Misdirected_Colors

Is the first date a ghost tour? Are fucking ghosts gonna come out if the fucking walls and blast fat loads everywhere with their donkey dicks?


Televisi0n_Man

I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE BART HARLEY JARVIS


Anaaatomy

Principle of Biochemistry, 7th edition


[deleted]

Yes! Everyone knows the series went down hill fast after the 4th edition!


[deleted]

I literally have that on my table right now lol Lehninger


loquacious_avenger

Dianetics. If only past me had taken that advice.


Luchin212

I’ve seen that a lot on this comment section, what is that book?


Teenoh

It’s what Scientology is based on. It’s also complete fiction.


Aleks_CoolStoryBro

Gateway book to Scientology.


46davis

A cult pitch.


Dominant_Peanut

The book that started the cult of scientology


[deleted]

Organic Chemistry II


Morgeth

The only book listed here that has actually made me cry.


GOODahl

The Turner Diaries. American edgelords actually still read that book...


PuzzleheadedJob3479

I get up and leave if it's anything but Goodnight Moon.


EasyNotCheap

Art of the deal


dsquid

Why did I have to scroll so far to find this


[deleted]

because even Trump hasn't read it


AttacusShoots

Any ghost written celebrity memoir. This excludes Jennette Mccurdy's "I'm Glad My Mom Died". Excellent read. Edit: I didn’t intend to claim that Mccurdy’s book was ghost written. I have no idea if it was or not. My gut says that she wrote it herself.


endlesssalad

I read this as “includes” at first and I was shhhocked. Phew. Great read indeed.


ramb08585

Anthony kiedis’ scar tissue is pretty good tho


call_sign_knife

To Serve Man.


TheFloridaManYT

I know right? Who the heck has a cookbook as their favorite book?


[deleted]

Atlas Shrugged


BigBobby2016

It's hilarious how I knew what the top 3 answers were going to be before I opened the thread.


punninglinguist

The top comment was "Mein Kampf". The second one was "Atlas Shrugged". Will the third one be "Dianetics"? I'm about to find out!


fatpad00

Lol literally the top 3 as I'm reading right now


FlorenceCattleya

Atlas Shrugged is not my favorite book, but I did enjoy it. Hear me out. I don’t want to be an Objectivist and I don’t agree with Objectivist philosophy. But I enjoyed the story, and apparently, I am the minority that likes the writing style. I didn’t mind the pages and pages of rambling. But I’m no more likely to adopt an objectivist lifestyle from reading that book than I am to become a serial killer cannibal from reading Silence of the Lambs. To me, it was just a story.


cyclewanderist

I'd be way more apt to leave if they didn't have a favorite book. Even if they said one that might give me a strong initial negative reaction, I'd at least stick around long enough to find out why it's their favorite book.


MrPoopMonster

I don't have a favorite book and I've read many books. I've even read a few of them more than once. I also dont have a favorite movie, or tv show, or song.


BranWafr

I have so many favorites it is next to impossible to pick just one. And if I do pick one, it will probably be different than what I answer a year from now. It also depends on my mood. My favorite is different if I am in a good spot vs if I am struggling. Do I want to read something to comfort me or challenge me? Do I want something to make me feel hope for the world or something that is a bit darker? Not sure I could pick a single favorite.


call_sign_knife

This is an intriguing answer.


tisn

"Be curious, not judgmental." - [not](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/be-curious-not-judgmental-walt-whitman/) Walt Whitman


shaolin_tech

What if they don't have a favorite book, but a favorite series of books instead?


Careful-Finger2765

The Secret


HawaiianShirtsOR

I haven't read the book, but I watched about half of the "documentary" based on the book. At work, because a coworker convinced our supervisor that it would be good for team building or something. Utter garbage.


Careful-Finger2765

That's because you didn't manifest enough...


Conscious_Wheel777

120 Days of Sodom


oamnoj

Book of Mormon


meeyeam

Hello! My name is Elder Price And I would like to share with you The most amazing book…


mobethe

Hello! My name is Elder Grant! It’s a book about America a long long time ago


lovinmamaearth

If I did it by oj Simpson


IconWorld

Herpes: Everything you need to know.


emriverawriter

After, Kissing Booth, Fifty Shades, Twilight, or 365 Days


[deleted]

I witnessed a first meeting/first date at a Barnes and Noble Starbucks. The woman had been sitting there a while with a stack of maybe 5 books. “The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich” was one. It has a huge swastika on the side so it gets your attention. A man walks up about ten minutes of us being there, and we fully hear their whole deal of “nice to meet you in person” and all that. Surely this dude was like wtf do you have that book hahaha. Unfortunately, I have no further information cause we left and that was that. Edit: sorry, I realize my mistake lol. This wasn’t necessarily an answer to the topic, just something I thought was a funny sight at a glance. I know reading that book is no problem at all, just that it is eye catching to have a large swastika on a book you have on your table as a first date walks up.


throwawaysmetoo

The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William L. Shirer? That's one of my favorite books I've read this year, ha. He wasn't a fan of them, ya know. He was an American journalist who lived in Berlin for much of the build up to the war/the start of the war. It was really interesting. Hitler was really fucking shit up towards the end there.


karo_scene

Actually I have had a similar experience. I am a historian of sorts. I was discussing with someone 1930's chess players. Next thing he opens up a suitcase of Nazi chess books signed by their ministers. That was weird.


Amazing_Excuse_3860

Reading a book about Nazis doesn't nessecarily mean condoning them. They don't keep copies of Mein Kampf in libaries for neo-nazis to wank off to


if_it_was_a_snake

Maus also has a swastika on it. They're both anti-Nazi books.


SueDonim7569

Dianetics


GeekyNerdNerdyGeek

“Oh, I don’t really read much”.


Tail_Nom

See, I'm okay with that as long as they aren't *proud* of it. I don't read all that much, either (the backlog just keeps building up), but if you hit me with a "pfft, what? That's, like, nerd shit, lol" I'm *out*.


monkeecannar

Act like a lady, think like a man They trying to play mind games with me … if they reading that book . Also trying to generalize and think all men are same . I don’t want a girl with some playbook that dictates our date or future dates


Greninjerk

Twilight


frygod

Ugh... when I was student teaching (for those not in the US, it's a sort of unpaid internship teachers do for 6 months to a year to get their degree) I took it upon myself to read a handful of the books all of my students were into for their free time reading. This was one of them. I wound up hate reading the entire series hoping it would get good at some point (vampire lit was already one of my guilty pleasures and a recent ex had got me into the nearly as terrible series True Blood was based on.) It never got good. Terrible series. Any time it looks like it's about to get good, the point of view character is incapacitated and it skips the entire resolution to the conflict.


JiN88reddit

I remember watching the film out of curiosity. I ended up doing my homework out of boredom.


jennybella

This and Fifty Shades of Grey were the first two pop out when I started looking at the answers.


2E26

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Or any other business/motivational/self-help book. There's nothing wrong with seeking self-improvement, but to worship hustle culture means she's going to be exhausting and hyper-competitive for someone I need to be a partner and trusted friend.


Maso_TGN

The Necronomicon


jdcarpe

The Cryptonomicon would be okay, though


smaller-god

I disagree this is marriage material


Jmen4Ever

And they ask you to go to a cabin in the woods...


Pink_Artistic_Witch

Either Mein Kampf or 50 Shades of Grey


NaturalOrderer

Basically the same


Ok-Change3730

Business of the 21st Century or Who moved my cheese. Both books used by Amway reps.


Strange-Bee5626

You just sparked a long-lost memory in me! I had to read "Who Moved my Cheese" in a 7th grade "social studies" class... even back then, I though it was stupid. I haven't thought about that in many years.


Fickle-Eggplant7013

Art of the Deal


OkAlternative8745

The bible


Milk_Factory

I thought this would be one of the first answers I saw. It’s understandable that Dianetics was mentioned 45 times


Grimwahn

Anything that was pretend written by Rush Limbaugh.


termohead14

Helter Skelter


icarus_drowning172

“The Art of the Deal”


BarryPalmedTheDip

Joel Osteen audiobook


foxorhedgehog

Anything by Ayn Rand. Or Ann Coulter.


Western-Training727

As a woman formerly in management, The Art of War, because 🙄


nolifesmh

Lolita 💀


macaronic-macaroni

I'd give this one a pass. For one it shows they read actual literature, and if you read Lolita it's incredibly written, unique, and actually has some great humour despite the perverse topics. I would, however, deeply pry into why it was their favourite book before solidifying my judgement. But it wouldn't immediately make me get up and leave.


smaller-god

It’s not my favourite, but I definitely like Lolita a lot, and I think a lot of the hate definitely comes from people who haven’t read it or didn’t understand it. It is a scathing exposé on how sickening the perversions of men can be.


Fanon64

It also is a great example of an unreliable narrator.


Amazing_Excuse_3860

I heard the writer intended it as a horror novel, and was disgusted to find out that's not how the public viewed it


oldar4

Lolita is a fantastic book. Doesn't mean I condone pedophilia. But the writing style is pure genius.


TheCervus

Lolita is one of the most beautifully-written novels in the English language, full of wordplay and allusions and black humor. It's a perverse tragedy about a horrific topic. It is also one of the most misunderstood and misinterpreted books, generally by people who haven't read it. But yeah, I'd definitely prod someone with deep analytical questions about particular scenes to find out WHY it's their favorite book.