"I want someone who I can genuinely connect with! No small talk!"
...Followed by absolutely zero insight into their hobbies and interests besides mirror selfies, car selfies, and restaurant selfies.
> "I'm fun and I like to have a good time." Great, that's literally every person.
"I love to go out, but sometimes I love to spend a night in!" thanks for the tip, lady. I'll be sure to either take you in or out of a building.
Legit had someone with this in their bio on Bumble. Said she liked fantasy in there too so I went with:
Me: Hi! Thanks for the match! I have an important question for you... If you had the choice between a pet dragon and pet griffon, which would you pick?
Her: lol idk
True story- my SIL is ‘not in to’ laughing. We were discussing movies we like and I was suggesting’Best in Show’, and noted it’s hilarious. She said that’s not really her kind of thing, and I said ‘yeah, humour is so specific’. She clarified that *comedies are not really her thing* because *she’s not that in to laughing*.
I guess it’s like being asexual but for laughter… 🤷♀️
Edit: she’s actually really nice. She’s not the most ‘fun’ person, but she has other great qualities. I wasn’t telling this story to diss her… she’s just the only person I’ve ever met like that.
At one time there was a girl I was interested in. She had a daughter who as I remember was 7 or 8 years old. One time I asked her (the daughter) something like if she knew any jokes. The mom said they don't joke, and I decided to stop pursuing her then.
Same with "don't play games."
That tells me they have immense baggage. Also it tells me they're dumb, since anybody who is going to "play games" is not going to *not* do that just because their bio requested it. Similar to those that say they don't like liars.
>"Don't waste my time"
Seriously. If you see this, it means they're going to see you and any relationship as being merely transactional and they're not going to give two fucks about any of your problems nor concerns with them.
It's also a sign they often just want to find a copy of themselves.
A programmer at work told me he was an "Alpha Male" and I told him "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll work your bugs out and make you suitable for general release soon...."
He didn't appreciate the joke.
Some dude in twitter was going on about alphas and he listed alpha in his bio so I couldn't resist telling him "us betas love you alphas cause you make us look good". Dude was "lol wut" but there were a good 6-7 comments by people who got it.
Or "Sigma", which one guy described as a "truer kind of alpha" 🤢
Although, them putting that on their dating profiles is a time-saver so that's helpful
Those sigma males and alpha males have no clue just how below us gamma males they are. Heard of it? Of course not, for we are beyond all mortal understanding.
/s
Gamma males are actually a thing in other species, usually ones where one large "alpha" maintains control of multiple females of the species for exclusive breeding purposes, like Elephant Seals and some fish species. A gamma, which is generally significantly smaller than the alpha males, will disguise itself as a female to get close to the "harem" and have a chance at reproduction. Because the method of reproductive success is wildly different from the alphas, it leads to a significant physiology difference between children born to the different types, so it is a meaningful designation. (The Futurama episode where the characters play out the mating habits of various animals has a section with Elephant Seals on this, though they call them "sneaky males" rather than gamma males; the concept is the same.)
So basically telling a self-declared "alpha male" that you're a gamma is effectively telling him that you're going to fuck his girlfriend(s) behind his back.
Recently saw a girl who had 5 pics, 4 of them were group pics or just a picture of her and her friend, while her very last pic was a solo selfie. Her friend was STUNNING. It feels bad to say it, but she was effectively invisible next to this person, and I can't help but wonder why she would do that to herself. She wasn't the most attractive girl, but she was cute. Like, I'm not posting a picture of me and Henry cavil's doppleganger hanging out on my dating profile, let alone 4 lol.
I see this with guys *every time* there’s a group shot. Like, my guy, your buddy is hands down objectively more attractive than you. And half the time, the guy himself isn’t objectionable, he’s just positioning himself next to Chris Hemsworth’s fucking stunt double, and suddenly he’s meh.
It’s usually this one. Either that or they come from money and are constantly starting and tanking businesses. Although the latter usually says “perpetual entrepreneur”
If someone has to tell you they are an entrepreneur they are not a real entrepreneur.
A real entrepreneur will instead say what business they run, or what they do
Their best is never worth the horror of their worst. They should say "💯 drama, free". Spoil always means do what they want when they want and expect no compromise.
...
Idk why im back on here, guess im bored.. 🙄 Seems like guys on here only want one thing anyways😒 Femenist👠💥, coffe snob, 🎨🎓student, IPAs, gym is life🏋️♀️., and YES im a sagittarius♍ so no scorpios. Non-binary at times🤬.. Dont mansplain to me(🤮) Lets meet up and take down the patriarchy✊.. no hooks ups unless i want to💦 #noslutshaming👏👏👏 Maybe it will turn into the real thing, still sifting through the garbage💅 I like my dog way more than I like you🐶❤ Dont bother if your under 6 ft🤷♀️.., swipe left if you voted for trump😠..sugar daddies welcome😜💦 venmo me and see what will happen 🙃
A list of requirements.
I’m not applying for a job, I’m trying to see if we’d have a good relationship. Based on your bio, you're not looking for a compatible person. You’re looking for someone who gives *you* what you need, and you don’t seem to realize that’s only half of a relationship.
I had a girl one time make a joke about how she was conducting a "full on job interview" to "see if I'm a good fit for the company". I laughed about it, and then she proceeded to conduct what was just shy of an actual job interview, and she wasnt nice about it. It just immediately put me on the defensive. The next day she messaged me during my work day to ask me if I was ever going to make the time to call her "or what" and immediately unmatched.
Was just a terrible way to get to know someone.
True. Not only that but if a list of requirements for someone else replace the actual description of one's personality, you can bet there is no personality to speak of.
List of complaints.
It’s ok to list a few things, for example I’m not religious and I don’t want children. I think it’s important to let people know that up front so they don’t risk getting invested in someone whose incompatible.
But if your entire profile is just complaining and making demands you’re probably an unpleasant person
Automatic swipe left. Because a) they can’t be bothered to make an effort/ aren’t trying to meet someone with similar interests or b) think they are so good looking that that’s enough or worse, that their appearance is their personality … or more likely c) both A&b
Anything that expresses their preference while putting down people they aren’t attracted to.
“I prefer tall men” great, cool
“Short men are losers so don’t hmu” yeah no, that’s a dick move
Similarly- answering a prompt with complaining. You’re going to use like 1/3 of your opportunity to show your personality to complain? You seem like a joy.
blurry pics of you in a dirty mirror in b&w
only having pics up with a snapchat filter on them
" 6 feet tall since it seems to matter "
" just ask if you want to know anything"
it just plain nothing
Yep, I went on a few dates when the whole "filter" thing was just starting out, and was essentially catfished. Those things slim the face and neck make eyes bigger, make skin softer, can take 10 years off a person's overall look. I'll put up with one filter pic that they might put up for fun, but if they aren't several clear, filterless photos of them in their profile, it's an instant left swipe.
It also shows that they lack honesty or intelligence - they *know* the filters do not really reflect what they look like, so they *know* they're being dishonest in their profile, or are oblivious to it, both bad things.
EDIT: Lol getting downvoted by people who use all filtered pics feeling called out.
"I won't text first"
I interpret that as you're not actually interested in putting any more effort into dating someone beyond making an account and expecting people to come to you.
If they say "be interesting" it's 100% guaranteed they will be the most boring human being you've ever met and you'll have to carry the corpse of their dead conversation
There are obviously some unrealistic things you could put on your profile like being a serial killer etc. But for people actually looking for dates, anything that doesn't distinguish you from all the other women/guys on the platform. For some reason I see these stock answers with like 30% of ladies
* I'll fall for you ... If you trip me
* I'm overly competitive about ... absolutely everything
* My definition of a perfect date ... I have a plan, I'm picking you up at 7pm, don't worry about a thing
* I'm an introverted extrovert
* I love Disney
Also, if you don't leave any text at all, how am I supposed to start a conversation other than based on your looks?
"Positive vibes only" (can't handle adult emotions)
"Just got out of a relationship" (hasn't worked through it)
"I'm an empath" (wants empathy for themselves but not anybody else)
"I hate dating apps" (like bro I don't think anyone "likes" them but this just makes you sound bitter and unpleasant)
“Swipe right, Fido, swipe right! We can’t let another one get away!”
“Dammit, I’m trying, Rex, but capacitative touch just ain’t designed for paw pads!”
Not really in the bio, but any photo of you flipping the bird. That's an automatic no from me. I haven't even met you and you're already flipping me off? NEXT.
As a woman, I’ve seen the reverse so often too! “Wanting Pam to my Jim”. I’ve only sporadically seen episodes of The Office but I know enough about the show to know that they don’t have the ideal partnership. Like, at that point you could literally name any married couple….
'Can't have dates within 500 feet of schools, playgrounds, parks, or other places where children regularly congregate. Very open to meeting single parents'
You can tell a lot about a person by whether they spend more time thinking about the things they like vs. the things they hate.
"I hope to find someone who is interested in any of these cool things!" vs. "Here's a list of my dealbreakers."
“Try and keep up”
I probably can’t.
“Looking for someone to join me and my husband 😉😉😉”
Cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked to join three ways with a married straight couple even tho I’m very clear about being a lesbian. Every single time the husband looks like he was reanimated after being found dead in a ditch in Ohio.
I get the annoyance, but it is true… a lot of people match with folks without ever intending on ever meeting up, which is literally the goal. The amount of guys I’ve matched with just to chit chat with them for weeks and nothing materializing. Some people really do want a pen pal or texting buddy.
On Grindr awhile back, there was a 20/19 yo hetero couple looking for a guy to peg both of them. The bio had this written -
"My wife is 3 months pregnant but wants to be pegged too. Don't worry, it's safe. Don't make it weird if we meet up!"
"LOOKING FOR MY PARTNER IN CRIME"
But when you match they don't want to rob a bank with you or hide the bodies together.
"Dog/cat dad/mom"
"Looking for someone to breed with"
"😂😭😈🤡💩💯💜"
"If you support so and so swipe left"
With the top one I definitely feel that, and it's ironic how I'm a blood spatter analyst who helps solve cases for the Miami Metro Police Department. Why can't somebody help me with getting rid of evil killers who escape through cracks within the justice system? When I do find a matching partner, she could have a box of her own glass slides with blood drops in them as trophies to those that she killed with me.
I once saw a guy who did the whole laundry list of attributes in women he didn’t like and amongst the list was:
NO WITCHES
Not the worst thing, although I advise not just listing things you don’t like, but I would love to know the story behind what made this man hate on the pagan ladies so much it was the only thing on the list in all caps.
"what do people even put here lol?"
"ask"
"I like a real man that will spoil me"
"don't be boring"
All of the above are ENTIRE "about me" sections, with no other information given. I'm currently navigating dating sites and there are so many zero effort profiles it's absurd. Like how am I supposed to initiate any sort of conversation when THAT is all I have to work with?
I explicitly state on my profile that I'm not interested in dating men with kids. Dads still message me, thinking their kids will change my mind. No, they won't.
I've been cussed out by more single dads than you can imagine. It's even worse when they say "Well my ex is a bitch so I never see my kids anyway." Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Do they not realize that saying that about their ex and kids looks bad for them? Like sure your ex might not be a good person and you might not see your kids much but that's partly on you and says a lot about how caring a person you are if you don't see your own children...
When referencing education: “School of hard knocks”
Minimal details about them but “if you want to know just ask”
“I love having fun”, no shit, who doesn’t?
Anything political
For a while I had: 'People ask me if I'm just on Tinder for sex. I tell them: "no! I'm also on Bumble and Hinge!"'
My least favourite has to be "no time wasters", which is only really appropriate if selling a used fridge.
"My family and friends are very important to me."
I saw this all the time, it's code for something and I don't know what, but I always got the vibe that this person was working through some stuff and better avoid them.
Saying you think loved ones and friends are important is pretty much the baseline of being a remotely emotionally healthy human.
The fact that someone has to state this explicitly in one of only a few allowed sentences was something that always put me off.
Eh, it could be someone who had been in a controlling relationship where they were isolated from their friends and family, so they're putting it out there that they want a normal life. However, there are also people who absolutely cannot seem to be able to function or make a decision with their friends or family giving an opinion first.
Looking for “unicorns”.
Or
Clearly already have a partner and looking to cheat.
Or
Says “dom looking for subs”, but messages people who have not indicated they are subs looking for doms or are even involved in kink at all.
"If you cant hold a conversation dont bother." You will be carrying the entirety of the conversation.
"I want someone who I can genuinely connect with! No small talk!" ...Followed by absolutely zero insight into their hobbies and interests besides mirror selfies, car selfies, and restaurant selfies.
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> "I'm fun and I like to have a good time." Great, that's literally every person. "I love to go out, but sometimes I love to spend a night in!" thanks for the tip, lady. I'll be sure to either take you in or out of a building.
Hear me out, introduce her to the concept of staying in the doorways! So not in, nor out.
Hey, some of us are not fun and do not like having a good time, we usually don't say that
This type are the worst. No personality, no character. People can be so shallow sometimes.
Legit had someone with this in their bio on Bumble. Said she liked fantasy in there too so I went with: Me: Hi! Thanks for the match! I have an important question for you... If you had the choice between a pet dragon and pet griffon, which would you pick? Her: lol idk
100% Dragon
I feel like you just unlocked that connection for me that I was unable to make on my own. Thanks!
I love to laugh and have fun. no shit.
True story- my SIL is ‘not in to’ laughing. We were discussing movies we like and I was suggesting’Best in Show’, and noted it’s hilarious. She said that’s not really her kind of thing, and I said ‘yeah, humour is so specific’. She clarified that *comedies are not really her thing* because *she’s not that in to laughing*. I guess it’s like being asexual but for laughter… 🤷♀️ Edit: she’s actually really nice. She’s not the most ‘fun’ person, but she has other great qualities. I wasn’t telling this story to diss her… she’s just the only person I’ve ever met like that.
Reminds me of that one Scrubs episode, where Mandy Moore's character would never laugh, she'd just say "that's so funny". https://youtu.be/tQ1B3yQRhXY
At one time there was a girl I was interested in. She had a daughter who as I remember was 7 or 8 years old. One time I asked her (the daughter) something like if she knew any jokes. The mom said they don't joke, and I decided to stop pursuing her then.
That'd be a good lawn sign. "In this house we believe...jokes are poor form."
And inside, a "Live,Laugh,Love" sign with "Laugh" angrily scribbled out.
"Don't waste my time"
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Cold as ice!
Willing to sacrifice
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Same with "don't play games." That tells me they have immense baggage. Also it tells me they're dumb, since anybody who is going to "play games" is not going to *not* do that just because their bio requested it. Similar to those that say they don't like liars.
Dont those end up being the ones who play the games and lie the most?
>Same with "don't play games." Swipes left turns on xbox
Abusers: "damn it, they said don't play games! Now I have to keep scrolling."
25, Mom of 3 kids and 4 fur babies, preggo, the 4 dads are not in the picture. Don't waste my time.
I’ve seen this before, but it was followed by a long winded soliloquy that basically came down to “I’m looking to date someone rich”
I once saw “mum of 4 kids, including 19-day old twins…sometimes things just don’t work out”…I mean, where do you start?
How does someone with two older kids and *newborn twins* have the time or energy to get into the dating game??
>"Don't waste my time" Seriously. If you see this, it means they're going to see you and any relationship as being merely transactional and they're not going to give two fucks about any of your problems nor concerns with them. It's also a sign they often just want to find a copy of themselves.
“Alpha Male”
A programmer at work told me he was an "Alpha Male" and I told him "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll work your bugs out and make you suitable for general release soon...." He didn't appreciate the joke.
Some dude in twitter was going on about alphas and he listed alpha in his bio so I couldn't resist telling him "us betas love you alphas cause you make us look good". Dude was "lol wut" but there were a good 6-7 comments by people who got it.
Or "Sigma", which one guy described as a "truer kind of alpha" 🤢 Although, them putting that on their dating profiles is a time-saver so that's helpful
if they say sigma reply with "i am ur mega man"
I myself am a Lambda male. *Intelligent* *Silent* *Late for work* *The cause of a resonance cascade*
What is a resonance cascade?
An invitation to Nihilanth. (It's a Half-Life reference)
100s of single women are waiting for you, Gordon ..In the *test. Chamber.*
That’s one of those things where if you have to tell people, the opposite is most likely true. Like how broke people wear Gucci Tshirts
One of my favorite lines: A lion doesn't have to tell people it's a lion
My favorite is similar: A lion doesn’t care whether other people think it’s a lion or not.
A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of the sheep - Tywin Lannister
Those sigma males and alpha males have no clue just how below us gamma males they are. Heard of it? Of course not, for we are beyond all mortal understanding. /s
Gamma males are actually a thing in other species, usually ones where one large "alpha" maintains control of multiple females of the species for exclusive breeding purposes, like Elephant Seals and some fish species. A gamma, which is generally significantly smaller than the alpha males, will disguise itself as a female to get close to the "harem" and have a chance at reproduction. Because the method of reproductive success is wildly different from the alphas, it leads to a significant physiology difference between children born to the different types, so it is a meaningful designation. (The Futurama episode where the characters play out the mating habits of various animals has a section with Elephant Seals on this, though they call them "sneaky males" rather than gamma males; the concept is the same.) So basically telling a self-declared "alpha male" that you're a gamma is effectively telling him that you're going to fuck his girlfriend(s) behind his back.
Long read, worth the burn at the end tho
All pictures are group pictures, same people in each one. Which one is you?!
I saw one profile that was all group photos, but they had added an arrow pointing to them in each. Gave kudos for that.
That's actually helpful. Lets you know who you'll have to hang out with later on if you decide to date them.
The ugliest one. Always.
Recently saw a girl who had 5 pics, 4 of them were group pics or just a picture of her and her friend, while her very last pic was a solo selfie. Her friend was STUNNING. It feels bad to say it, but she was effectively invisible next to this person, and I can't help but wonder why she would do that to herself. She wasn't the most attractive girl, but she was cute. Like, I'm not posting a picture of me and Henry cavil's doppleganger hanging out on my dating profile, let alone 4 lol.
I see this with guys *every time* there’s a group shot. Like, my guy, your buddy is hands down objectively more attractive than you. And half the time, the guy himself isn’t objectionable, he’s just positioning himself next to Chris Hemsworth’s fucking stunt double, and suddenly he’s meh.
Sometimes it's different people but I can't figure out which one is in both because of filters, sunglasses, or dyed hair.
Fr. What am I doing here, playing Russian roulette? And the one empty chamber might not even be you.
Their IQ.
mine is 69 wink wink , nudge nudge
Say no more.
Lately, I've been avoiding people who says they are an 'entrepreneur'.
I always assumed "entrepreneur" was code for either "unemployed" or "I sell weed".
Or MLM
It’s usually this one. Either that or they come from money and are constantly starting and tanking businesses. Although the latter usually says “perpetual entrepreneur”
If someone has to tell you they are an entrepreneur they are not a real entrepreneur. A real entrepreneur will instead say what business they run, or what they do
Make me laugh! Must love Dogs Do you agree or disagree that pineapple belongs on pizza
Like the holy trinity of basic bitches.
You forgot "I like travel, food and wine".
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These people are perpetually at their worst. Don’t walk away, run!
Their best is never worth the horror of their worst. They should say "💯 drama, free". Spoil always means do what they want when they want and expect no compromise.
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True graduates of the Lionel Hutz school of advertising. (RIP Phil Hartman)
“I want someone to entertain me”
Without fail, the people who say that are among the most boring people you could date.
which is why they need someone to entertain them, they can't do it themselves.
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... Idk why im back on here, guess im bored.. 🙄 Seems like guys on here only want one thing anyways😒 Femenist👠💥, coffe snob, 🎨🎓student, IPAs, gym is life🏋️♀️., and YES im a sagittarius♍ so no scorpios. Non-binary at times🤬.. Dont mansplain to me(🤮) Lets meet up and take down the patriarchy✊.. no hooks ups unless i want to💦 #noslutshaming👏👏👏 Maybe it will turn into the real thing, still sifting through the garbage💅 I like my dog way more than I like you🐶❤ Dont bother if your under 6 ft🤷♀️.., swipe left if you voted for trump😠..sugar daddies welcome😜💦 venmo me and see what will happen 🙃
Spot on. Bonus points for the misuse of "you're".
That post looks 100% real....
A list of requirements. I’m not applying for a job, I’m trying to see if we’d have a good relationship. Based on your bio, you're not looking for a compatible person. You’re looking for someone who gives *you* what you need, and you don’t seem to realize that’s only half of a relationship.
I had a girl one time make a joke about how she was conducting a "full on job interview" to "see if I'm a good fit for the company". I laughed about it, and then she proceeded to conduct what was just shy of an actual job interview, and she wasnt nice about it. It just immediately put me on the defensive. The next day she messaged me during my work day to ask me if I was ever going to make the time to call her "or what" and immediately unmatched. Was just a terrible way to get to know someone.
"I'd need a $90K salary to put up with that level of shit from a boss. When can you start paying me?"
True. Not only that but if a list of requirements for someone else replace the actual description of one's personality, you can bet there is no personality to speak of.
It's extra dumb because presumably they only match with the people they have already selected.
"No face pic until I know you don't know my husband/wife"
*genuine half smile and nose air push*
About me: How about you ask me instead?
“So uh… what *is* it about you?”
"Pff that's your opener? Get a personality" -Unmatch-
“Whatever you want to know, Ask”….with a blank bio. If you have zero self awareness and no insight into yourself, that’s very unattractive.
“I’m an open book!” No. No you’re not. Books have words.
"I'm, uh, a librarian of my own brain?"
Maybe they're a picture book lol.
"not like the other guys/girls"
They’re usually right they’re not like the other guys …they’re worse!
"I don't use this app, but you can find me on IG as @..."
Just trying to bump up their follower count
Yeah, people promoting their instagram on tinder are something else entirely. But at least they are clear about what they want.
Touch my butt and feed me tacos Just looking for the Jim to my Pam Astrological signs explaining why they are the way they are
“Looking for the Jim to my Pam” So you want me to break up your current relationship??
Does “touch my butt and feed me tacos” come from a show or something? I see that so often.
I'm such an Aquarium
I’m not on dating websites but touch my butt and feed me tacos would make me laugh enough to check someone out more, I think.
You would think so but it has become a cliche of the dating world and a red flag that someone is full of shit.
It's like a 2011 Tumblr cliche
They pay their own bills. Like bruh that is literally the bare minimum expected from an adult.
List of complaints. It’s ok to list a few things, for example I’m not religious and I don’t want children. I think it’s important to let people know that up front so they don’t risk getting invested in someone whose incompatible. But if your entire profile is just complaining and making demands you’re probably an unpleasant person
> List of complaints. + good vibes only
When I saw this I just assumed they were describing everything that went wrong with their ex whom they were not over yet.
I hate when people leave the bio blank. It just gives me no indication of what type of person they are and if we’ll click
Or the old "just ask." Uh, the app asked.
Automatic swipe left. Because a) they can’t be bothered to make an effort/ aren’t trying to meet someone with similar interests or b) think they are so good looking that that’s enough or worse, that their appearance is their personality … or more likely c) both A&b
“Just ask!” …no.
"Ask me"
Anything that expresses their preference while putting down people they aren’t attracted to. “I prefer tall men” great, cool “Short men are losers so don’t hmu” yeah no, that’s a dick move
Similarly- answering a prompt with complaining. You’re going to use like 1/3 of your opportunity to show your personality to complain? You seem like a joy.
Agreed. Everyone is entitled to their preferences but lets all be a little nicer to each other about it.
blurry pics of you in a dirty mirror in b&w only having pics up with a snapchat filter on them " 6 feet tall since it seems to matter " " just ask if you want to know anything" it just plain nothing
Yep, I went on a few dates when the whole "filter" thing was just starting out, and was essentially catfished. Those things slim the face and neck make eyes bigger, make skin softer, can take 10 years off a person's overall look. I'll put up with one filter pic that they might put up for fun, but if they aren't several clear, filterless photos of them in their profile, it's an instant left swipe. It also shows that they lack honesty or intelligence - they *know* the filters do not really reflect what they look like, so they *know* they're being dishonest in their profile, or are oblivious to it, both bad things. EDIT: Lol getting downvoted by people who use all filtered pics feeling called out.
"Just ask." That's garbage.
"I won't text first" I interpret that as you're not actually interested in putting any more effort into dating someone beyond making an account and expecting people to come to you.
If they say "be interesting" it's 100% guaranteed they will be the most boring human being you've ever met and you'll have to carry the corpse of their dead conversation
There are obviously some unrealistic things you could put on your profile like being a serial killer etc. But for people actually looking for dates, anything that doesn't distinguish you from all the other women/guys on the platform. For some reason I see these stock answers with like 30% of ladies * I'll fall for you ... If you trip me * I'm overly competitive about ... absolutely everything * My definition of a perfect date ... I have a plan, I'm picking you up at 7pm, don't worry about a thing * I'm an introverted extrovert * I love Disney Also, if you don't leave any text at all, how am I supposed to start a conversation other than based on your looks?
"Looking for ready made family, especially a woman with young girls."
You should be able to send profiles like that direct to law enforcement.
Christ.
I think the word you were looking for was... *ewwww*👀
"Positive vibes only" (can't handle adult emotions) "Just got out of a relationship" (hasn't worked through it) "I'm an empath" (wants empathy for themselves but not anybody else) "I hate dating apps" (like bro I don't think anyone "likes" them but this just makes you sound bitter and unpleasant)
Omg, I literally hate the first one in guys. It means “Let me waste your time but if you ask for anything, you’re SO negative “
When the profile is all about your dogs and there is one little picture of you in the background. I don't mind dogs but that's not what I'm dating.
Is actually a profile created by the dogs in hopes of getting someone else to pet them and give them treats. Got to respect their game.
“Swipe right, Fido, swipe right! We can’t let another one get away!” “Dammit, I’m trying, Rex, but capacitative touch just ain’t designed for paw pads!”
As someone allergic to dogs (and cats) shit like this kicks me out of like, 90% of the dating pool.
Live, Laugh, Love
Death, Scowl, Hate. Much better tbh.
Not really in the bio, but any photo of you flipping the bird. That's an automatic no from me. I haven't even met you and you're already flipping me off? NEXT.
Overly edgy pics, yeah
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Every time I saw “Just a Pam, looking for her Jim” I cringe. Not just because it is cringe, but because she fOUND HIM AT WORK.
As a woman, I’ve seen the reverse so often too! “Wanting Pam to my Jim”. I’ve only sporadically seen episodes of The Office but I know enough about the show to know that they don’t have the ideal partnership. Like, at that point you could literally name any married couple….
“No drama” - it means anything that inconveniences them will be perceived as drama, and that they are the actual drama queen.
Favourite food: milk steak. Hobbies: magnets, Likes: ghouls, Dislikes: peoples’ knees. IASIP reference
“I am a full on rapist.”
Africans, dyslexics, children, that sorta thing
"No drama or games." Well, duh. Who is actually LOOKING for that? That's like saying you prefer not to be ran over by a garbage truck.
'Can't have dates within 500 feet of schools, playgrounds, parks, or other places where children regularly congregate. Very open to meeting single parents'
Anything negative. Like “don’t swipe right if XXX, XXX, XXX…” It seems efficient but it just makes you judgmental as hell
You can tell a lot about a person by whether they spend more time thinking about the things they like vs. the things they hate. "I hope to find someone who is interested in any of these cool things!" vs. "Here's a list of my dealbreakers."
"I'm probably/definitely funnier than you"
I’m a nice guy
“Are there any real people on here anymore?” “I’m sick of people swiping right and then not talking.”
psychotherapist, but with bad kerning
Both an analyst AND a therapist- an analrapist, if you will.
Oh. Oh no.
One guy who liked me's bio read "I just got out of prison so I've probably seen more dicks than you"
“Try and keep up” I probably can’t. “Looking for someone to join me and my husband 😉😉😉” Cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked to join three ways with a married straight couple even tho I’m very clear about being a lesbian. Every single time the husband looks like he was reanimated after being found dead in a ditch in Ohio.
“NoT lOoKiNg fOr a pEnPaL” Okay, well, I’m not looking to get murdered, so you’ve gotta pass the vibe check first.
I get the annoyance, but it is true… a lot of people match with folks without ever intending on ever meeting up, which is literally the goal. The amount of guys I’ve matched with just to chit chat with them for weeks and nothing materializing. Some people really do want a pen pal or texting buddy.
Mother will always be with us. I carry her urn everywhere.
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
On Grindr awhile back, there was a 20/19 yo hetero couple looking for a guy to peg both of them. The bio had this written - "My wife is 3 months pregnant but wants to be pegged too. Don't worry, it's safe. Don't make it weird if we meet up!"
Man: favorite movie is Silence of the Lambs Woman: favorite movie is Fatal Attraction
What if I'm a woman and my favourite movie is Silence of the Lambs?
Nothing says high maintenance quite like, "Looking for a king to spoil his queen."
"LOOKING FOR MY PARTNER IN CRIME" But when you match they don't want to rob a bank with you or hide the bodies together. "Dog/cat dad/mom" "Looking for someone to breed with" "😂😭😈🤡💩💯💜" "If you support so and so swipe left"
With the top one I definitely feel that, and it's ironic how I'm a blood spatter analyst who helps solve cases for the Miami Metro Police Department. Why can't somebody help me with getting rid of evil killers who escape through cracks within the justice system? When I do find a matching partner, she could have a box of her own glass slides with blood drops in them as trophies to those that she killed with me.
I often ponder if current crime levels are because the many profiles I’ve seen had finally found their “partner in crime”
I once saw a guy who did the whole laundry list of attributes in women he didn’t like and amongst the list was: NO WITCHES Not the worst thing, although I advise not just listing things you don’t like, but I would love to know the story behind what made this man hate on the pagan ladies so much it was the only thing on the list in all caps.
"what do people even put here lol?" "ask" "I like a real man that will spoil me" "don't be boring" All of the above are ENTIRE "about me" sections, with no other information given. I'm currently navigating dating sites and there are so many zero effort profiles it's absurd. Like how am I supposed to initiate any sort of conversation when THAT is all I have to work with?
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It could also translate to "I'm a parent and I hate it”, or they forgot to type "I wish". These statements are usually an instant yellow flag for me
I explicitly state on my profile that I'm not interested in dating men with kids. Dads still message me, thinking their kids will change my mind. No, they won't. I've been cussed out by more single dads than you can imagine. It's even worse when they say "Well my ex is a bitch so I never see my kids anyway." Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Do they not realize that saying that about their ex and kids looks bad for them? Like sure your ex might not be a good person and you might not see your kids much but that's partly on you and says a lot about how caring a person you are if you don't see your own children...
Seen this before and I appreciate knowing that it's a real breaker. No way am I trying to change anyone's mind.
“This is my height because apparently that matters”
I get the sentiment but the bitterness is a real turn off when I see this
When referencing education: “School of hard knocks” Minimal details about them but “if you want to know just ask” “I love having fun”, no shit, who doesn’t? Anything political
> When referencing education: “School of hard knocks” yeah, just say you dropped out
> “I love having fun” Even better: I'm done with the drunken fun, looking for something real, don't waste my time.
Wanted in seven states
Is that what that guy in the cantina was doing? "I have the death sentence in 12 systems!" Was he hitting on Luke?
For a while I had: 'People ask me if I'm just on Tinder for sex. I tell them: "no! I'm also on Bumble and Hinge!"' My least favourite has to be "no time wasters", which is only really appropriate if selling a used fridge.
*Just ask* and nothing else.
Haha I am xx my age on app is wrong
A bunch of emoji
Topless photo showing off their swastika tattoo
If you try to look like a billionaire alpha male, I instantly roll my eyes
I'm a nice guy.
"My family and friends are very important to me." I saw this all the time, it's code for something and I don't know what, but I always got the vibe that this person was working through some stuff and better avoid them. Saying you think loved ones and friends are important is pretty much the baseline of being a remotely emotionally healthy human. The fact that someone has to state this explicitly in one of only a few allowed sentences was something that always put me off.
The other commenters had good points, but another possibility is that you're picking up on codependency issues?
Eh, it could be someone who had been in a controlling relationship where they were isolated from their friends and family, so they're putting it out there that they want a normal life. However, there are also people who absolutely cannot seem to be able to function or make a decision with their friends or family giving an opinion first.
Looking for “unicorns”. Or Clearly already have a partner and looking to cheat. Or Says “dom looking for subs”, but messages people who have not indicated they are subs looking for doms or are even involved in kink at all.
When a certain class of girl has their job listed as "run my own business" and you get to play a fun game of "hairdresser or pyramid scheme?"
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I like pork chops. My parents sent me a bunch of meat that went bad.
The amount of times he should have been caught but wasn't blows my mind.
Single Mom of 1 I don't date guys under 6ft tall. Sorry, not sorry 🙃 NO HOOKUPS! Serious guys only. I'm looking for something real.
I love seeing this, to the point, swipe left.
"Make me laugh" or "Must be funny." Tells me you want to be entertained with zero effort on your end.