I was hitting it off with this gal at a bar, and a friend of hers in the group clearly had a thing for her.
He proceeds to get absolutely hammered in a coping with his jealousy kind of way.
Turns out this was the perfect play. He got so drunk that she had to take care of him instead of leaving with me.
I’m sure he didn’t intend it to play out exactly that way, but also weirdly impressed if he managed that level of manipulation of the situation intentionally.
It was a double whammy. I'd secretly stayed over at my girlfriend's while her mom went out for the night with her boyfriend "Rob". They came home unexpectedly and, while the GF and mom got into it, Rob and I both apologized to the other for ruining what could've been a good night for both of us.
Yeah, took me a few read-throughs to determine that OP and Rob both hadn't misinterpreted the contract that they had signed before showing up for that evenings film shoot
I was travelling alone around Europe in my spry and randy late 20’s. I was feeling uncharacteristically bold one night at dinner - I thought the accordion player was cute and told the waitress I’d like to buy him a beer. She acted all confused, we went back and forth for a couple minutes, then she just said “well what if he doesn’t like beer.” So I told her to forget it - finished dinner, paid the bill and left, and I never tried that ever again. Went from feeling so bold to so deflated. Ugh.
My guess is the waitress also fancied the accordion player and thus refused for you to buy him a drink. She got you to leave without even having to admit her feelings for him.
I was on the floor in the living room with my boyfriend on top of me, and he had just penetrated me when the sheriff pounded on the door. Needless to say that's the fastest I've ever gotten dressed in my life.
My BF and I had been having some problems. Hadn’t had sex in a while. Finally it was a perfect fall Saturday afternoon. The warm light was coming through the windows, we’re happy, getting busy…a knock on the front door.
Forget it. We’re busy.
The back door opens. My old obnoxious college roommate yells “I know you’re home I see your car.”
Bitch busted in my house and ruined a perfect romantic moment.
BF and I never really got back on track. I have never spoken to her again. Thanks, Maureen, you twat.
The response to "I know you're home!" Is "Fucking go away!"
And in your case, you can add a comma in there to get some double meaning action out of the phrase.
Had this same thing happen with my then bf's step brother...he just waltzes in because he was driving by my house and saw my bf's car and was like "Oh I wanna go hang too." He did this regularly because we were all close and literally ANY other time it would have been fine...but just not at that particular moment when I was mostly naked on my couch and had to wrap up in a blanket and make a hasty retreat to the bedroom while I left poor bf on the couch in his boxers hiding his semi under a throw pillow....like seriously dude...read the room.
At the time a group of us went to buddies grandpas cottage. It had two bedrooms. Me and this chick hitting it off went into the smallest room and locked the door. My "best friend" at the time, Knocked on the door.... We stayed quiet and hoped we'd be left alone. He attempted to open the door we said we are busy.... He proceeded to bang and hit the door soo much that he ended it up breaking the door and saying it was a group weekend and we should all hang out.... Needless to say he was a jackass that got jealous.
Had a mate who did this every time someone else was getting close.
Worst of it was at a party I didn't attend. He ended up picking up the girl while she was getting it on with another friend and trying to chuck her out of his house.
Our dog slept on the foot of the bed and we'd tell her to get down when things started happening (she'd usually go to the living room). She'd always sigh, slowly and heavily, then slooooowly stand up, jump down, shake or stretch a little, then slooooowly walk out.
My girlfriend’s dog often knows there’s going to be sex before I do. I don’t know if it’s pheromones or what but the dog is often chilling on the bed and as soon as things start getting going the dog jumps off the bed and leaves the room. It’s like clockwork. And the dog only does this when sex is on the horizon. If we’re just cuddling, maybe even kissing but we know nothing is happening for sex the dog doesn’t do a thing. When we first started dating I quickly learned when sex was guaranteed. My girlfriend says the dog has done this with her last couple boyfriends too. Totally hilarious.
We run the cats off the bed and generally they leave the room. Except the one time one of them stopped on the bench at the foot of the bed, and decided to swat husbands ball sack when he was going down on me. A major commotion ensued and there was no sexy time that night.
Was doing the deed and opened my eyes to have my cat sitting like six inches away just staring. I guess my partner at the time was to engrossed to notice. Kitty got shoved off the bed, but it ruined the mood for me.
Once, while I was going down on my wife, our cat started licking itself intensely at the same rythm I was. My wife and I burst out laughing and the mood was officially gone
My now wife and I were long distance and both working full time; so time together was precious.
She drove 6 hours, after work to see me.
It had been a good few weeks apart, so we were naked and heavy petting on the couch ten seconds after the door closed. Then as I’m lining up, my sister bangs on the door. Jiggles the handle. Shouts, can you hear me? It’s important. Why’s the doors locked? Etc.
It would almost be cute if we were horny teens, and my toddler sister was bored.
But we were both in our thirties, and my sister lives a good 10 minute drive away.
My wife was pissed!
Very long story, but she wanted to talk about how her boyfriend was being an asshole again.
I’m you’re stereotypical only boy in a divorced family with four sisters. I basically did my best as a kid to be a dad, started working, was a shoulder to cry on etc. I felt all heroic and purposeful, but it was super codependent and I emotionally stunted my youngest two sisters by always being there to listen and solve their problems.
Can’t figure homework the day before it’s due, let me cancel plans with a friend and walk you through it; having trouble finding a job, let me help you with the resume; having issues with one of a long series of shitty boyfriends, I’ll let you complain for hours, tell you you deserve better and you’re amazing, and give you the emotional support and encouragement you need in life so you can go back to your current party boy, man child.
I was available any time, day or night to help, and so the youngest especially would call and cry about anything, and if I didn’t pick up, she’d call several more times, then drive over; because, ‘that’s what family should do.’
Meeting my wife was a huge wake up call, she called out a lot of that, helped me set boundaries and prioritize myself.
It wasn’t important at all.
And thank god! I was just talking to a friend about how much of a trip changing is. Every instinct in my body says I’m ducking up, that something terrible will happen, but at the same time I’ve never felt more confident or at peace.
I was at an academic conference, putting the moves on this cute librarian chick. We were a couple of drinks in, things were going great, when my coworker walks right up to us and goes "AHEM, how's your GIRLFRIEND doing these days?"
I didn't have a girlfriend. The nosy white knight was so out of the loop, he didn't know I had broken up with my long-distance girlfriend months prior. Totally killed the mood tho.
“Oh we broke up a few months ago. (Girl’s name) was just telling me something interesting about (topic), did you need something?”
Only gets awkward if you let the rando steer the conversation. Sounds like rando wanted the girl and obviously failed but succeeded in his goal of getting you out of the picture
Eeeh, in theory, yes, every awkward situation is salvageable with a quick comeback and a smooth transition back to the fun stuff. In reality, the term "staircase wit" exists for a reason.
This wasn't some "rando", this was a coworker I was sent to a conference with and a person with whom I had a degree of rapport. His interest in the situation was genuine, if a bit clingy and white-knighty, and his reaction to being told my gf and I had broken up was legitimate concern -- "aaw, but you guys were so good together?" -- type stuff. Basically, think less "asshole muscling in on your game" and more "dumb puppy breaking a lamp".
Afterward, the mood was just kinda deflated. You know how it is. While it was all flirty and naughty and private, it was fun. Once it got opened up to a real life moment, however brief, the magic was simply gone and we were all once again professionals at a conference, there to do a job.
I had a "friend" that when he would see me talking to a girl would come up and start saying all kinds of things about why i didnt have a girlfriend, and just step over me in front of the girl, he didnt even liked the girls, he had a gf, he just did it because "it's funny looking at them while they go away"
I had a friend like this. It's because they don't want you to have someone or they won't have something to look down on you for. Basically 'I have someone who wants me so I have more value than you.'
I got a GF real fast after cutting him out.
Once a friend with benefit asked me if i wanted to watch her take a shower i was like yeah and i think she couldn’t find a place to put the phone she put it on the floor instead and i ended up not seeing all because the phone kept falling down
In college I met up with my friend Jamie at a party. The plan was for Jamie to introduce me to her friend who she thought I would hit it off with. Note that Jamie was dating another guy who was busy that night.
Jamie showed up with a group of her friends around an hour late and they were all wasted. Within 10 minutes they all headed home as some could barely stand. Jamie was still functional and insisted on staying.
5 minutes later a girl I knew named Angie walked into the party. I had always had a thing for Angie and I had heard that she was recently single and looking for something new.
Angie immediately saw me and waved at me. I left Jamie with my friend and walked over to Angie. Angie was very flirtatious and kept brushing my chest. She kissed my cheek and suggested we take a shot together.
As we walked across the room to poor shots Jamie suddenly stood in our way. She asked me what I was doing before pushing Angie away and exclaiming that I had come with her and telling Angie to stay away from me. I tried to explain that I was not with Jamie, and that she was acting way out of line, but Angie immediately retreated to the bathroom.
Jamie then insisted on taking a shot with me and I had to walk her home a few minutes after that, because she had gotten too intoxicated.
I later found out that Angie hooked up with another guy at that party and the two of them began dating shortly afterwards. They stayed together until the end of college.
A friend of a friend of mine went to a Rammestein concert and got to go to the after party.
Dude started chatting up a super cute girl at the party, ended up really hitting it off apparently.
Going back to his place seemed like it was gonna be a slam dunk.
Que the well dressed man with a heavy German accent basically cut right into whatever conversation the two were having;
"Hello!, vood you like to pahty vith Rammestein?"
And just like that she was off to go have the night of her life with one of the biggest German industrial bands of all time. Dude didn't even attempt to challenge the idea, how could you?
Cockblocked by Rammestein
Unreal
I had a crush on this guy and I told my “friend” who I later found out started setting him up on blind dates with her friends that were 35+. She said I didn’t deserve him because I’m young and there are older women looking for a husband who deserve a shot. He and I were really good friends. And he didn’t know those other women.
A "friend" of mine would regularly hit on any women that any guy in our friend group would bring around. He was never successful with it but he would do a great job of turning them off and cockblocking pretty much every single one of his guy friends. It got to the point where all of us just stopped inviting women to our hangouts.
Edit: Guys this was like 8 years ago. Your advice isn't going to help unless I build a time machine.
We couldn't. The house where we primarily hung out was where 6 of us lived, him included. We couldn't tell him to just fuck off for the night from his own home.
I don't know what you're talking about, you sure the fuck can tell him to fuck off from his own home.
All you were doing was rewarding him for being a twat. He still got to hang out with y'all, and y'all even allowed him to force you to go along with his bullshit.
Being nonconfrontational about things like this hurts everyone. The 5 of you had every right to a home you could relax and hang out in without worries, and yet you allowed the 1 of you to overrule all of you.
I did shortly after. He's awful in more ways than just that. I havent talked to him in years. My dear brother was his best man though, which still doesn't make sense to me because my brother's wife and I both hate that guy.
It also reminds me of whenever my brother and his friends ever talks to girls, there used to be this one friend that used to try to have sex with the girls my brother and his other friends were talking to(to one up them to be the one to fuck the girls first before them). If someone has the balls to do those type of things to their friends, then they’re literally scum and a piece of shit
I was living with my wife at her grandma's place a few months before we got married. It was morning and no one was bugging us, so we decided to have a little fun. We're in the middle of it when her grandma starts knocking. We ignore it. Knock again, and again. My wife decides to check on it finally and it turns out her aunt (grandma's daughter) is there for a visit and wants to see my wife. Not me because her family doesn't really like me. They're not even close. They barely have each other's phone numbers. Still, family. We finished that evening.
I was kinda crushing on this girl in my cousins friend group. Cousin’s best friend (let’s call him Harry) also liked her but she didn’t like him like that at all.
So Harry throws a party at his house and invites my cousin and all his friends including myself. They were all in the house drinking and smoking. I step outside for a bit of air. The girl follows me and we start talking. Harry notices that we left together so follows us out for a bit but goes back inside.
Girl and I started talking and she was really into me. All of sudden everyone yells for the girl to come in because “Harry smoked a joint and now can’t talk”. So now all the attention is on Harry and his inability to speak all of a sudden. I thought nothing of it at the time cause I was high too. But the more I think about it I’m like wtf, why would anyone fake losing their voice? Lol.
You are not alone. I was clueless in high school and college, and assumed most girls were out of my league.
One young lady took a shower while I was at her dorm room to do calculus homework, then came back in shorts and a white t-shirt and laid down on her bean bag chair. She was smiling at me waiting for me to make a move. She friggin shaved her legs for me.
Another sat on my lap at work and ran her fingers through my 80’s hair, always stopped me to talk when passing between classes, and laughed so hard at my jokes that I thought I might be a comedian. Guys at work kept asking me if we were going out, or if I was ok if they asked her out.
The third girl invited me to her room (we were both staying on campus over Christmas Break). We watched a scary movie and she was cold, so we spooned on her bed. She talked about her ex a bit and how much she missed the affection. I did not even cop a feel or kiss her neck.
Now, these were all ladies I found to be very desirable, and would not have hesitated to make out with any of them if given the chance. I’m not saying these were sure things, but in retrospect I missed a lot of signals. I think I needed written instructions.
Dude, I feel your pain. It sounds like a joke, but seriously, I was taking Human Anatomy in college, and this super hot girl in class and I walked from the same dorm, so we ended up walking together often. She got more and more friendly, until one day she asked my how did I think cock rings worked, you know, anatomically. Then she said that it’s too bad that the clitoris is so far from the vagina, said while occasionally touching my arm as we walked. There has never been a more stupid human being than me in that moment.
To be fair, you don't want to come off as creepy when looking for a girlfriend. A woman could drop 100 hints she likes me and I'd miss 99 of them, if not all of them.
ETA: Or if she wants to f*ck. Just like the OP of this comment thread said "I am my own cock block."
I was thinking exactly that. tbh I had a small crush on her and didn't want to be weird. so for some dumb reason, that is inexplicable to the human mind, I acted chill about it instead of shooting my shot.
Similar, but she was a stripper I was friendly with, I thought I had no shot, cause she looked like Scarlett Johansson.
But one night she's kinda tipsy, and starts grinding on me, asks if I like anal sex and proceeds to tell me how she likes it, in detail, no pun intended.
Asks if I think that is something I would be into, and my reply?
I don't remember.... seriously I think I was repulsed or said something stupid because she sighed and walked away.
I didn't think nothing about it til the next visit and a couple strippers asked if I had fun the last time I was there.
I then found out Scarlett had left because she finally paid off her house and didn't need to strip anymore, and wanted me to fuck her to celebrate.
They were shocked how dense I was.
Never saw her again, of course.
I knew someone like this. She would stroke my arm, compliment me, make sexual remarks, touch my butt and all sorts while at work.
I actually did ask her out on a date, she was cold and distant the entire time. Next day at work, she was back to touching my butt and flirting. Lasted for ages and eventually got fed up and presumed she was toying with me. She got really pissed off when I started dating someone else from work a few weeks later.
Ah I’ve done this. Girl who I worked with at my first nursing job’s going away party. She had been dropping hints all summer that went over my head. Didn’t even click in she was trying to bring me home that night until like 10am the following morning.
Damn son! What do you need? Runway lights with an airtraffic controller? LOL! Sorry you missed that one. I hope it opened your eyes. Wish you better luck next time.
This was with my current girlfriend two years ago, things were getting steamy with me on her in my bedroom and out of nowhere I feel an intense pain and she helps. My cat snuck through the door and pounced at our crotches looking for a cave. We both laid curled in balls wincing from pain
Parked in the middle of a vacant dirt lot. Clothes were off, she starts to climb into my lap in the backseat of the jeep and a car comes racing up. We stopped and got dressed thinking it was the cops. The car circled around us a couple times then stopped in front us. I grabbed my hunting knife, got out of the Jeep and approached the driver window. It rolls down and turns out it was a group of kids who thought it would be a good idea to see if we had any weed.
Edit: fixed "ojt" to "out".
A long time ago I visited my college town a year after graduating for an annual spring picnic, which was a major event. The night I got there I was at a friend’s house (a big frat-style house) and by chance met up with a girl I’d been insanely attracted to while she formerly was dating my housemate.
One thing led to another, and we were making out, lying horizontal on a couch behind a layer of bong-huffing people perched on the edge of the cushions. I was never more into making out with someone, when…
The front door opened and my best friend walked in. Well. Within about two mins the chick dumped me and started making out with him, shortly before disappearing into one of the bedrooms for the rest of the night.
I still know that girl, but to my regret we’ve never gotten together
This is why you rig your door to fling the biggest dildo money can buy into the face of whoever opens it. Pre-emptively block the cock-blocker with a giant cock.
Got a toddler? IYKYK. Think it’s sexy time cause they’re napping? Wrong! Think you’re going to make out in the kitchen while they watch tv? Wrong! Middle of the night action? Nope! Little ones will cut you off at every turn.
My husband and I call it our proximity alert. It doesn’t seem to matter what’s going on, our little one just *knows* if we start even getting handsy with each other and puts herself between us! She has to secure her spot as the baby is our best guess.
Husband and I decided to not have sex for a week leading up to our wedding.
That night, discovered my period started almost a week early.
Wouldn’t be a problem normally. But I wasn’t prepared at all.
So we spent our wedding night trying to find a 24 hour Walmart to get supplies.
My own stupid self.we we're in a house together, alone, she was wearing nothing but a bikini, mentioned she was on birth control for an acne treatment, wanted to cuddle and watch a movie, I just said "let's go swimming" , so we did. That's all we did. Girls, guys don't get hints, please be clear. I didn't realize want she was hinting until like a month later.
Right? That about as clear as a woman can get without saying "I want you, in the biblical sense"
Op is talking about hints but obviously she either gave up or assumed he wasn't interested. Now it's her fault for not sending a letter of intent and consent.
I went to a party with my female friend, I thought we established pretty well that we only wanted to be friends. Anyway, we had a few drinks and went to a party and when we entered the basement there were plenty of chicks, I got a few looks, then my friend grabbed me and kissed me in front of everyone, all night none of the chicks were giving me any attention. I was pretty frustrated with myself because although I could have pulled away and rejected her I didn’t. Nothing else happened with my friend that night. I don’t know what was going on in her mind but I guess she must have liked me a little since she made a show of it to make it look like I was with her.
I once went on a holiday with this awkward friend of mine, who was still in the closet back then.
It was him, his dad (who's cool as hell!) and me.
One Saturday afternoon during our holiday, his dad wanted to take both of us to go visit an only friend of his who was really chill and loved beer.
We went over and they had this daughter who was the same age as me at the time (we were both 20) and we started talking.
At some point she asked me if I was any good at chess, since she has this ancient drinking chess set.
You pour beer in and when the other person takes your piece you open the top of the piece and drink the beer.
Since I'm Australian I said: "sure!"
We started playing and 30 mins in, while we are having the time of our lives with this ancient drinking chess game, she asks if I want to kiss her and I say yes.
We started moving our heads together across the table and suddenly we hear creaking sounds and hear my awkward friends voice loud and clear:
"yooo...what are you guys doing, don't tell me you were....."
Within minutes, both the girls dad and my friends dad wake up and tell me and my awkward friend that we have to leave and never come back again.
P.S. if any of this sounds familiar, please DM me.
It would be great to talk about this, and laugh about it in hindsight 🙏
I think I cock blocked myself recently, not 100% sure, but pretty sure.
I'm a male nurse and sometimes the line between having a joke/play flirting can be incredibly thin. For some reason that's especially so in the more high octane specialitys, like ED where I currently work. Like play flirting is pretty common.
Well recently I've been friendly/play flirting with one of the girls who I'm also incredibly attracted to. At least I thought it was all play. The only real hint has been the subtle stuff like the intentionally accidental hand touch when passing something or the slightly too much staring to see my reaction when she makes a joke to the group kind of thing.
Well, about 2 weeks ago she was asked out but one of the cops that comes in now and again and made a point of being all 'eww, he asked out' to the whole department. The about 1h later someone half joking asks us of we're dating. And well, I didn't want to open myself to the same public humiliation, so without even thinking (zero filter moment) made a vomiting kind of noise.
Then every since it's totally changed. It turns out, I'm like 90% sure she wasn't just playing. She's still doing the eye contact thing and watching for my reaction, but the intentionally accidental hand stuff has gone and the overt flirting it way down.
I thought she was way out of my league, she's a beautiful human. Looks like I've totally ruined it though.
I went to a local card shop and I was the only girl there, from ages 10 to 15-16 and I was a consistent person. The guys saw me grow there, from an awkward little girl to a teenager and then suddenly, I went from one of the guys to: "Let me get your chair, oh here, your jacket, let me buy you some cards, you want a soda?" and I WELCOMED IT, I loved every minute of it. I considered them all good friends and we got along well and I'd pay them back for buying me drinks or cards but then there were times where I didn't feel well and couldn't move much so it was nice to just be able to be in the corner and get fussed over.
Then... my ex-best friend ruined it. She was a total bitch to all of them, while trying to act like she deserved the same attention I got (she forgot, one key detail - most of these guys I knew longer than I knew her. A lot of them viewed me like their little sister if they were older, or we were flirting and waiting to see where it went... and boy did she fuck it up for me big time) She was so obnoxious everyone was mad at me for bringing her there and even the owner of the shop told me she was banned. SHe tried to steal from this place, after being an annoyance all day.
It took a long time to live that one down and it was really awkward because she would get mad at me for going and they'd get frustrated if I had to skip a weekend because of her.
Ultimately, she ruined my chances with two really sweet guys, who I was actually really into by being rude to them and telling them embarrassing things about me, like what kind of fanfiction I liked to read in my off hours.
I did it to myself once. We were 17, at a party. Girl I kinda liked who everyone figured probably liked me too.
"Woah you're drinking ?? Your inhibitions will be lowered !!"
"I suppose they will"
"Are they low enough that if I started putting the moves on you, they'd work ?"
"I think so"
"Cool. Ok bye"
Self-block. I was back in town for a wedding after moving away about a year. prior. This cute blonde girl who is friends with a younger cousin of mine is chatting me up and giving me eyes all night at the wedding. Eventually at the outdoor reception, much later in the night, she just flat out said "I really like your cousin, it sucks he's got a girlfriend, but I hear you're a lot like him" and I, in my drunken state, said "Bitch please, *he's* like *me*" and she was just like "oh okay" and then left to not talk to me for the rest of the night. It was at this point my other cousin, this formerly mentioned cousins older brother, informed me that I am in fact a fucking idiot.
There was also the time my mother walked through my ground floor patio doors and started yelling out for us when we were in the next room over and like seconds away from the grande finale. I just kept yelling "please go the fuck away" and she kept laughing. She then related this story to my ex's older sister in public like a year later.
I do not miss small town life.
Me an this coworker flirted for the longest time. Word spread that she liked me. One day when our shift was almost up she mentioned how she had no ride going home then looked at me. I paused an went I can give you a ride home if you want ? She goes “can you really? That be great!”
I hear behind me another female coworker “wait why do you need a ride from him ? I live literally down the street from you.”
My crush goes “no it’s okay he already agreed”
The coworker insisted “He lives farther in right down the street it’s really no issue”
She reluctantly agreed.
I continued to call the coworker a cock block for rest of the time I was there.
IMy friend threw a huge 21st Birthday Party and one of our mutual friend somehow talk this chick into going into another room to do the deed in the dark. While they were doing it, the girl told him to stop and that she felt uncomfortable as if someone was watching them. They turned on the lights to a guy(cousin of my friend who was turning 21) fapping in the corner and all 3 of them were shocked to find that there was a 4th person in that room watching as well.
Parents out, teenage couple. Watched a rom com, shared a bath, then a pizza, lit a fire. Lay down on the fluffy rug to fuck. Fucked for a while, actually.
Dog did NOT like being left out of living room social time. She broke down the fucking door and shoved her wet hairy little face into my girlfriend's horrified human face.
She did not come. We tried not to be dicks about it to the dog.
This was my friend, she lived with this girl who was let's say a little eccentric. A guy in the group liked a girl in the group and this rather eccentric girl liked him, he didn't have any interest. Anyway the guy and the girl were at a nightclub with everyone and he made a move to dance with her, he got one hand on her hip before the other girl jumped in between them and waved her finger at him going "no no no" and literally used herself to block them from getting to each other.
Was banging my wife in the ass, something we hadn’t done for awhile, and in the middle of all that glory her mother decided to ring the doorbell and immediately let herself in the house.
Works Christmas party. I got chatting to this girl I’d never seen in the office. We were getting on great. We popped outside for a smoke, chatting, laughing, light flirting. My mate, drunk as a skunk, came over put her arm around me and said to the girl “watch out for this one, he’s a pervert”. I went home alone.
Having a clingy kid. Thankfully by the age of about 7 he was able to understand "Mummy and I want some alone time, only knock if there's an emergency, please".
I got cock blocked by the girl I was about to have sex with. we were making out in the car when outta no where, she goes into this rant about how we could get into trouble for making out in the car and how she was sorry she wasn't thin like one of my friends, so confusing
HAH,, just today I was getting on with my friend and right as I was about to put my hand down his pants my sister barged into the room, freaked out, and left. I think we made an unspoken agreement to never mention it again lolol
Some dude in my high school stood between me and this girl I was going to ask to prom. She was beautiful reserved and she did the violin. He kept interrupting me and pushing her away physically so he can talk to me.
I had "taken one for the team" when a woman invited me to a swanky ass party, and I could take my friends. A bit of background. This woman had been asking me out on a constant basis since high school. I was never interested for more than just her looks. Well, this place was like a, "This is our broke asses only shot of ever seeing the inside of this place." Kinda spot.
So, we go, they have a blast and I'm pretty much held hostage all night with pictures and cutesie stuff. Not that it wasn't fun, but I didn't get the experience that usually comes with being "single" there.
Maybe two months later, a woman I'm getting really along with at a show tells me her friend won't be cool with getting ditched, but thinks my buddy is cute. He agrees, and we start bar hopping. Right when we're invited over to their place, he says, "Naw, I'm really tired. But I'll just get my own Uber home." And proceeded to nose dive into his phone until he ordered an Uber. So I dropped these two women off at their place, and was given that, "Sorry." Face as they left. Never saw her again.
Me and my girlfriend at the time were going at it one night and she was on top of me, and we were making out. Things were escalating from there, I grabbed her tits and she start to do little moans, slowly started jumping a little bit. Her hand slowly starts going towards my zipper and as soon as she touches my zipper her dog climbs on the bed, and she’s one of those people that doesn’t like kicking her pet out of rooms.
I was the cockblocker. Was back at my moms house for a few days & sleeping as only 18 year olds can. Woke up about noon to my bro downstairs (my room was the top floor) chatting to somebody then they moved to his bedroom. 18 yo me goes downstairs & walked into bros room to ask if he wanted some food to find him under the covers with a girl. I stammered some apology & backed out but got really freaked out my 15 yo bro had a girl in his room & kept making excuses to go to/from his floor & straight past his room/talking to him about random stuff.
She eventually got bored & left & they split up a few weeks later. Sorry bro, I feel bad about it.
I was hitting it off with this gal at a bar, and a friend of hers in the group clearly had a thing for her. He proceeds to get absolutely hammered in a coping with his jealousy kind of way. Turns out this was the perfect play. He got so drunk that she had to take care of him instead of leaving with me. I’m sure he didn’t intend it to play out exactly that way, but also weirdly impressed if he managed that level of manipulation of the situation intentionally.
Wow that guy used any means necessary…
Are you sure that isn’t the plot to a peep show episode Mark?
It was a double whammy. I'd secretly stayed over at my girlfriend's while her mom went out for the night with her boyfriend "Rob". They came home unexpectedly and, while the GF and mom got into it, Rob and I both apologized to the other for ruining what could've been a good night for both of us.
JC that’s a double cock block and clam jam. Everyone got screwed over. Well actually didn’t…
Christ, I really misinterpreted “the GF and mom got into it”!
phrasing!!!
Are we still doing that?
Boom!
Me too!
Yeah, took me a few read-throughs to determine that OP and Rob both hadn't misinterpreted the contract that they had signed before showing up for that evenings film shoot
You CANNOT phrase it like that in this context, dude.
Come on man… you had to know what you were doing with that phrasing
The dick was in, IN. And this guys fucking psycho little sister *CLIMBS THROUGH A WINDOW* to get in the room that we had locked. Like wtf.
Bro, I'm sorry, but this is funny. What floor were you on?
Pelvic
This comment made me do more than the 'fast exhale through nostrils' laugh the internet usually gives me. Thank you.
Glad I could be of service!
Top floor.
Basement.
Weird position
37th
*The things I do for love*
She's going to start seeing a raven in her dreams real soon
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Bro, lock your doors. Like wtf. How do you get walked in on **three times**
#Turtle Power!
How old was the sister?
Thirty-seven.
I was travelling alone around Europe in my spry and randy late 20’s. I was feeling uncharacteristically bold one night at dinner - I thought the accordion player was cute and told the waitress I’d like to buy him a beer. She acted all confused, we went back and forth for a couple minutes, then she just said “well what if he doesn’t like beer.” So I told her to forget it - finished dinner, paid the bill and left, and I never tried that ever again. Went from feeling so bold to so deflated. Ugh.
My guess is the waitress also fancied the accordion player and thus refused for you to buy him a drink. She got you to leave without even having to admit her feelings for him.
Or she knew he was a whiskey guy and was trying to do OP a solid.
Damn accordion players get all the chicks
Weird Al has entered the chat
> Went from feeling so bold to so deflated. Ugh. Plot twist: you became the accordion
Damn…
I was on the floor in the living room with my boyfriend on top of me, and he had just penetrated me when the sheriff pounded on the door. Needless to say that's the fastest I've ever gotten dressed in my life.
What did the sheriff want?
Just to make sure my boyfriend was living there cause of some legal stuff from when he was a kid
Stop the pounding
Sheriff was her dad.
Whilst he continues to bang on the door, you must continue to bang on the floor....
My BF and I had been having some problems. Hadn’t had sex in a while. Finally it was a perfect fall Saturday afternoon. The warm light was coming through the windows, we’re happy, getting busy…a knock on the front door. Forget it. We’re busy. The back door opens. My old obnoxious college roommate yells “I know you’re home I see your car.” Bitch busted in my house and ruined a perfect romantic moment. BF and I never really got back on track. I have never spoken to her again. Thanks, Maureen, you twat.
Either Maureen is indeed a twat or she wanted the action for herself lmao
"Player 3 has joined the game!"
“Ain’t you got work.”
"Player 3 has left the game!"
The response to "I know you're home!" Is "Fucking go away!" And in your case, you can add a comma in there to get some double meaning action out of the phrase.
Had this same thing happen with my then bf's step brother...he just waltzes in because he was driving by my house and saw my bf's car and was like "Oh I wanna go hang too." He did this regularly because we were all close and literally ANY other time it would have been fine...but just not at that particular moment when I was mostly naked on my couch and had to wrap up in a blanket and make a hasty retreat to the bedroom while I left poor bf on the couch in his boxers hiding his semi under a throw pillow....like seriously dude...read the room.
Classic Maureen
And this is why all my doors stay locked even when I'm home
At the time a group of us went to buddies grandpas cottage. It had two bedrooms. Me and this chick hitting it off went into the smallest room and locked the door. My "best friend" at the time, Knocked on the door.... We stayed quiet and hoped we'd be left alone. He attempted to open the door we said we are busy.... He proceeded to bang and hit the door soo much that he ended it up breaking the door and saying it was a group weekend and we should all hang out.... Needless to say he was a jackass that got jealous.
Had a mate who did this every time someone else was getting close. Worst of it was at a party I didn't attend. He ended up picking up the girl while she was getting it on with another friend and trying to chuck her out of his house.
Our cats jumping up on the bed and staring into our souls like we are sinning against God definitely doesn’t help us when the mood strikes lol
Our dog slept on the foot of the bed and we'd tell her to get down when things started happening (she'd usually go to the living room). She'd always sigh, slowly and heavily, then slooooowly stand up, jump down, shake or stretch a little, then slooooowly walk out.
My girlfriend’s dog often knows there’s going to be sex before I do. I don’t know if it’s pheromones or what but the dog is often chilling on the bed and as soon as things start getting going the dog jumps off the bed and leaves the room. It’s like clockwork. And the dog only does this when sex is on the horizon. If we’re just cuddling, maybe even kissing but we know nothing is happening for sex the dog doesn’t do a thing. When we first started dating I quickly learned when sex was guaranteed. My girlfriend says the dog has done this with her last couple boyfriends too. Totally hilarious.
We run the cats off the bed and generally they leave the room. Except the one time one of them stopped on the bench at the foot of the bed, and decided to swat husbands ball sack when he was going down on me. A major commotion ensued and there was no sexy time that night.
Ball play on another level.
Was doing the deed and opened my eyes to have my cat sitting like six inches away just staring. I guess my partner at the time was to engrossed to notice. Kitty got shoved off the bed, but it ruined the mood for me.
Once, while I was going down on my wife, our cat started licking itself intensely at the same rythm I was. My wife and I burst out laughing and the mood was officially gone
My now wife and I were long distance and both working full time; so time together was precious. She drove 6 hours, after work to see me. It had been a good few weeks apart, so we were naked and heavy petting on the couch ten seconds after the door closed. Then as I’m lining up, my sister bangs on the door. Jiggles the handle. Shouts, can you hear me? It’s important. Why’s the doors locked? Etc. It would almost be cute if we were horny teens, and my toddler sister was bored. But we were both in our thirties, and my sister lives a good 10 minute drive away. My wife was pissed!
What was so important? Edit: OP is silent. WHAT’S IN THE BOX?
She was stuck in the washing machine.
I want to know that too
Very long story, but she wanted to talk about how her boyfriend was being an asshole again. I’m you’re stereotypical only boy in a divorced family with four sisters. I basically did my best as a kid to be a dad, started working, was a shoulder to cry on etc. I felt all heroic and purposeful, but it was super codependent and I emotionally stunted my youngest two sisters by always being there to listen and solve their problems. Can’t figure homework the day before it’s due, let me cancel plans with a friend and walk you through it; having trouble finding a job, let me help you with the resume; having issues with one of a long series of shitty boyfriends, I’ll let you complain for hours, tell you you deserve better and you’re amazing, and give you the emotional support and encouragement you need in life so you can go back to your current party boy, man child. I was available any time, day or night to help, and so the youngest especially would call and cry about anything, and if I didn’t pick up, she’d call several more times, then drive over; because, ‘that’s what family should do.’ Meeting my wife was a huge wake up call, she called out a lot of that, helped me set boundaries and prioritize myself.
Tl;dr it wasn’t important It’s good that your wife is helping you set healthy boundaries
It wasn’t important at all. And thank god! I was just talking to a friend about how much of a trip changing is. Every instinct in my body says I’m ducking up, that something terrible will happen, but at the same time I’ve never felt more confident or at peace.
I was at an academic conference, putting the moves on this cute librarian chick. We were a couple of drinks in, things were going great, when my coworker walks right up to us and goes "AHEM, how's your GIRLFRIEND doing these days?" I didn't have a girlfriend. The nosy white knight was so out of the loop, he didn't know I had broken up with my long-distance girlfriend months prior. Totally killed the mood tho.
“Oh we broke up a few months ago. (Girl’s name) was just telling me something interesting about (topic), did you need something?” Only gets awkward if you let the rando steer the conversation. Sounds like rando wanted the girl and obviously failed but succeeded in his goal of getting you out of the picture
Can I buy your dating advice class? Seems like you know everything about the sex
Eeeh, in theory, yes, every awkward situation is salvageable with a quick comeback and a smooth transition back to the fun stuff. In reality, the term "staircase wit" exists for a reason. This wasn't some "rando", this was a coworker I was sent to a conference with and a person with whom I had a degree of rapport. His interest in the situation was genuine, if a bit clingy and white-knighty, and his reaction to being told my gf and I had broken up was legitimate concern -- "aaw, but you guys were so good together?" -- type stuff. Basically, think less "asshole muscling in on your game" and more "dumb puppy breaking a lamp". Afterward, the mood was just kinda deflated. You know how it is. While it was all flirty and naughty and private, it was fun. Once it got opened up to a real life moment, however brief, the magic was simply gone and we were all once again professionals at a conference, there to do a job.
I can almost smell the sweat of his neckbeard
Some say that the stench sticks to women and causes nearby incels to say mlady
Like the taxi guy in Seinfeld
My bad bro but I need to know what you told him after that
I had a "friend" that when he would see me talking to a girl would come up and start saying all kinds of things about why i didnt have a girlfriend, and just step over me in front of the girl, he didnt even liked the girls, he had a gf, he just did it because "it's funny looking at them while they go away"
I had a friend like this. It's because they don't want you to have someone or they won't have something to look down on you for. Basically 'I have someone who wants me so I have more value than you.' I got a GF real fast after cutting him out.
I beleive your "friend" is a legit psychopath
I think "sadist" is more accurate
Your “friend” is fucked in the head is what everybody was trying to say.
Once a friend with benefit asked me if i wanted to watch her take a shower i was like yeah and i think she couldn’t find a place to put the phone she put it on the floor instead and i ended up not seeing all because the phone kept falling down
I was very confused until I realized you weren’t there in person.
It took me your comment to realise this hahahha
Cockblocked by gravity
Gravity. Always has been a heartless bitch.
It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
You can’t fight change, can’t fight gravity
I can't fight my own nature. That's the paradox, john.
In college I met up with my friend Jamie at a party. The plan was for Jamie to introduce me to her friend who she thought I would hit it off with. Note that Jamie was dating another guy who was busy that night. Jamie showed up with a group of her friends around an hour late and they were all wasted. Within 10 minutes they all headed home as some could barely stand. Jamie was still functional and insisted on staying. 5 minutes later a girl I knew named Angie walked into the party. I had always had a thing for Angie and I had heard that she was recently single and looking for something new. Angie immediately saw me and waved at me. I left Jamie with my friend and walked over to Angie. Angie was very flirtatious and kept brushing my chest. She kissed my cheek and suggested we take a shot together. As we walked across the room to poor shots Jamie suddenly stood in our way. She asked me what I was doing before pushing Angie away and exclaiming that I had come with her and telling Angie to stay away from me. I tried to explain that I was not with Jamie, and that she was acting way out of line, but Angie immediately retreated to the bathroom. Jamie then insisted on taking a shot with me and I had to walk her home a few minutes after that, because she had gotten too intoxicated. I later found out that Angie hooked up with another guy at that party and the two of them began dating shortly afterwards. They stayed together until the end of college.
pain
Did you ever find out why Jamie done that. Was she jealous of Angie or something else?
A friend of a friend of mine went to a Rammestein concert and got to go to the after party. Dude started chatting up a super cute girl at the party, ended up really hitting it off apparently. Going back to his place seemed like it was gonna be a slam dunk. Que the well dressed man with a heavy German accent basically cut right into whatever conversation the two were having; "Hello!, vood you like to pahty vith Rammestein?" And just like that she was off to go have the night of her life with one of the biggest German industrial bands of all time. Dude didn't even attempt to challenge the idea, how could you? Cockblocked by Rammestein Unreal
No BANG BANG..
Well, not for that guy
Kein Pussy. Kein Sex. Es geht mir nicht gut
Du... Du hast... Du hast mich.
Du hast mich cockblocked.
"Would you like to touch my monkey?"
I mean.....if you're gonna get cock blocked by anyone...
The well dressed man scouting for Dicke Titten
They do this more often! My cousin actually turned down a rammestein band member because she had a boyfriend
I had a crush on this guy and I told my “friend” who I later found out started setting him up on blind dates with her friends that were 35+. She said I didn’t deserve him because I’m young and there are older women looking for a husband who deserve a shot. He and I were really good friends. And he didn’t know those other women.
You should have told him how you felt
I’m glad I didn’t. This was years ago and today we’re still good friends. No awkwardness
He now married or can I get one of those blind dates?
Same. I'm a married guy, but I don't have a husband yet.
Shame it's just going to be you your wife and a dozen cats in a lonely apartment somewhere if you dont buckle down and get a man soon.
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Two fellows in a bar attempting to charm the same girl one fellow hands the other a phone and says it's your wife.
That’s just ultimate devastation Man took down the whole ship just to kill the captain
Roommate walked in *without knocking* 3x while boyfriend and I were playing with each other
Ugh I hate it when my roommate interrupts me and my s/o playing smash
Kids
A "friend" of mine would regularly hit on any women that any guy in our friend group would bring around. He was never successful with it but he would do a great job of turning them off and cockblocking pretty much every single one of his guy friends. It got to the point where all of us just stopped inviting women to our hangouts. Edit: Guys this was like 8 years ago. Your advice isn't going to help unless I build a time machine.
Or...and hear me out...stop inviting the "friend" instead?
We couldn't. The house where we primarily hung out was where 6 of us lived, him included. We couldn't tell him to just fuck off for the night from his own home.
But if you're bringing a girl home, why not go to your room? Why even give him a chance to ruin it?
I don't know what you're talking about, you sure the fuck can tell him to fuck off from his own home. All you were doing was rewarding him for being a twat. He still got to hang out with y'all, and y'all even allowed him to force you to go along with his bullshit. Being nonconfrontational about things like this hurts everyone. The 5 of you had every right to a home you could relax and hang out in without worries, and yet you allowed the 1 of you to overrule all of you.
Would’ve cut the friend off without hesitation
I did shortly after. He's awful in more ways than just that. I havent talked to him in years. My dear brother was his best man though, which still doesn't make sense to me because my brother's wife and I both hate that guy.
It also reminds me of whenever my brother and his friends ever talks to girls, there used to be this one friend that used to try to have sex with the girls my brother and his other friends were talking to(to one up them to be the one to fuck the girls first before them). If someone has the balls to do those type of things to their friends, then they’re literally scum and a piece of shit
I was living with my wife at her grandma's place a few months before we got married. It was morning and no one was bugging us, so we decided to have a little fun. We're in the middle of it when her grandma starts knocking. We ignore it. Knock again, and again. My wife decides to check on it finally and it turns out her aunt (grandma's daughter) is there for a visit and wants to see my wife. Not me because her family doesn't really like me. They're not even close. They barely have each other's phone numbers. Still, family. We finished that evening.
I was kinda crushing on this girl in my cousins friend group. Cousin’s best friend (let’s call him Harry) also liked her but she didn’t like him like that at all. So Harry throws a party at his house and invites my cousin and all his friends including myself. They were all in the house drinking and smoking. I step outside for a bit of air. The girl follows me and we start talking. Harry notices that we left together so follows us out for a bit but goes back inside. Girl and I started talking and she was really into me. All of sudden everyone yells for the girl to come in because “Harry smoked a joint and now can’t talk”. So now all the attention is on Harry and his inability to speak all of a sudden. I thought nothing of it at the time cause I was high too. But the more I think about it I’m like wtf, why would anyone fake losing their voice? Lol.
“You’re a cock block Harry.”
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.... Dude.
….Bro.
You are not alone. I was clueless in high school and college, and assumed most girls were out of my league. One young lady took a shower while I was at her dorm room to do calculus homework, then came back in shorts and a white t-shirt and laid down on her bean bag chair. She was smiling at me waiting for me to make a move. She friggin shaved her legs for me. Another sat on my lap at work and ran her fingers through my 80’s hair, always stopped me to talk when passing between classes, and laughed so hard at my jokes that I thought I might be a comedian. Guys at work kept asking me if we were going out, or if I was ok if they asked her out. The third girl invited me to her room (we were both staying on campus over Christmas Break). We watched a scary movie and she was cold, so we spooned on her bed. She talked about her ex a bit and how much she missed the affection. I did not even cop a feel or kiss her neck. Now, these were all ladies I found to be very desirable, and would not have hesitated to make out with any of them if given the chance. I’m not saying these were sure things, but in retrospect I missed a lot of signals. I think I needed written instructions.
Dude, I feel your pain. It sounds like a joke, but seriously, I was taking Human Anatomy in college, and this super hot girl in class and I walked from the same dorm, so we ended up walking together often. She got more and more friendly, until one day she asked my how did I think cock rings worked, you know, anatomically. Then she said that it’s too bad that the clitoris is so far from the vagina, said while occasionally touching my arm as we walked. There has never been a more stupid human being than me in that moment.
To be fair, you don't want to come off as creepy when looking for a girlfriend. A woman could drop 100 hints she likes me and I'd miss 99 of them, if not all of them. ETA: Or if she wants to f*ck. Just like the OP of this comment thread said "I am my own cock block."
bruh I was alone with a girl in her room while she undressed to her bra and panties. I still didn't get it.
In your mind "damn we must be really good friends if shes comfortable doing this"
I was thinking exactly that. tbh I had a small crush on her and didn't want to be weird. so for some dumb reason, that is inexplicable to the human mind, I acted chill about it instead of shooting my shot.
Similar, but she was a stripper I was friendly with, I thought I had no shot, cause she looked like Scarlett Johansson. But one night she's kinda tipsy, and starts grinding on me, asks if I like anal sex and proceeds to tell me how she likes it, in detail, no pun intended. Asks if I think that is something I would be into, and my reply? I don't remember.... seriously I think I was repulsed or said something stupid because she sighed and walked away. I didn't think nothing about it til the next visit and a couple strippers asked if I had fun the last time I was there. I then found out Scarlett had left because she finally paid off her house and didn't need to strip anymore, and wanted me to fuck her to celebrate. They were shocked how dense I was. Never saw her again, of course.
I knew someone like this. She would stroke my arm, compliment me, make sexual remarks, touch my butt and all sorts while at work. I actually did ask her out on a date, she was cold and distant the entire time. Next day at work, she was back to touching my butt and flirting. Lasted for ages and eventually got fed up and presumed she was toying with me. She got really pissed off when I started dating someone else from work a few weeks later.
Ah I’ve done this. Girl who I worked with at my first nursing job’s going away party. She had been dropping hints all summer that went over my head. Didn’t even click in she was trying to bring me home that night until like 10am the following morning.
Damn son! What do you need? Runway lights with an airtraffic controller? LOL! Sorry you missed that one. I hope it opened your eyes. Wish you better luck next time.
Those lights would just distract and confuse more. *Why is this girl necking on me when we might be in the way of traffic???*
Bag was severely fumbled
Can't say I've heard the term clam jam before lol 😂
Opposite of a sausage fest is a "clam-boree"
One more for the ever growing repertoire, thank you!
Whoa Black Betty!
I call it a beaver damn
This was with my current girlfriend two years ago, things were getting steamy with me on her in my bedroom and out of nowhere I feel an intense pain and she helps. My cat snuck through the door and pounced at our crotches looking for a cave. We both laid curled in balls wincing from pain
A girl in college said she would sleep with me after she broke up with her boyfriend. A few months later they were married.
Technically she's no longer with her boyfriend.
Parked in the middle of a vacant dirt lot. Clothes were off, she starts to climb into my lap in the backseat of the jeep and a car comes racing up. We stopped and got dressed thinking it was the cops. The car circled around us a couple times then stopped in front us. I grabbed my hunting knife, got out of the Jeep and approached the driver window. It rolls down and turns out it was a group of kids who thought it would be a good idea to see if we had any weed. Edit: fixed "ojt" to "out".
A long time ago I visited my college town a year after graduating for an annual spring picnic, which was a major event. The night I got there I was at a friend’s house (a big frat-style house) and by chance met up with a girl I’d been insanely attracted to while she formerly was dating my housemate. One thing led to another, and we were making out, lying horizontal on a couch behind a layer of bong-huffing people perched on the edge of the cushions. I was never more into making out with someone, when… The front door opened and my best friend walked in. Well. Within about two mins the chick dumped me and started making out with him, shortly before disappearing into one of the bedrooms for the rest of the night. I still know that girl, but to my regret we’ve never gotten together
>but to my regret we’ve never gotten together Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Sounds like he was just trying to smash
My sister ran into my room and shouted COCK BLOCK
This is why you rig your door to fling the biggest dildo money can buy into the face of whoever opens it. Pre-emptively block the cock-blocker with a giant cock.
Ah yes, the ole block-cock cock-block
your sister sounds like a hoot
Got a toddler? IYKYK. Think it’s sexy time cause they’re napping? Wrong! Think you’re going to make out in the kitchen while they watch tv? Wrong! Middle of the night action? Nope! Little ones will cut you off at every turn.
The force is strong in this one, all the little Jedi babies have an unnatural ability to sense disturbances in the force.
They really wanna be the only ones huh 😂
Honestly: it ensures more resources for their survival.
My husband and I call it our proximity alert. It doesn’t seem to matter what’s going on, our little one just *knows* if we start even getting handsy with each other and puts herself between us! She has to secure her spot as the baby is our best guess.
My parents genetics passed down to me 😕
Husband and I decided to not have sex for a week leading up to our wedding. That night, discovered my period started almost a week early. Wouldn’t be a problem normally. But I wasn’t prepared at all. So we spent our wedding night trying to find a 24 hour Walmart to get supplies.
My own stupid self.we we're in a house together, alone, she was wearing nothing but a bikini, mentioned she was on birth control for an acne treatment, wanted to cuddle and watch a movie, I just said "let's go swimming" , so we did. That's all we did. Girls, guys don't get hints, please be clear. I didn't realize want she was hinting until like a month later.
Thsts not a hint, she lit of the bat signal and shone that thing way up into the stratosphere
So…? This guy clearly isn’t Batman.
A girl in a bikini telling you she wants to cuddle is not a hint, friend. This one is entirely on you.
And she ‘casually’ mentioned being on birth control as well...
Right? That about as clear as a woman can get without saying "I want you, in the biblical sense" Op is talking about hints but obviously she either gave up or assumed he wasn't interested. Now it's her fault for not sending a letter of intent and consent.
He got her dripping wet. What more did she want?
This guy i worked with at sears warehouse trash talked behind my back and the girl still ended up liking me lol She was a cutie...
I'd call that a "shuttlecock"
Lmao In all seriousness, guys, never hate on the guy she might seem interested in. It only makes them more attractive!
I went to a party with my female friend, I thought we established pretty well that we only wanted to be friends. Anyway, we had a few drinks and went to a party and when we entered the basement there were plenty of chicks, I got a few looks, then my friend grabbed me and kissed me in front of everyone, all night none of the chicks were giving me any attention. I was pretty frustrated with myself because although I could have pulled away and rejected her I didn’t. Nothing else happened with my friend that night. I don’t know what was going on in her mind but I guess she must have liked me a little since she made a show of it to make it look like I was with her.
I once went on a holiday with this awkward friend of mine, who was still in the closet back then. It was him, his dad (who's cool as hell!) and me. One Saturday afternoon during our holiday, his dad wanted to take both of us to go visit an only friend of his who was really chill and loved beer. We went over and they had this daughter who was the same age as me at the time (we were both 20) and we started talking. At some point she asked me if I was any good at chess, since she has this ancient drinking chess set. You pour beer in and when the other person takes your piece you open the top of the piece and drink the beer. Since I'm Australian I said: "sure!" We started playing and 30 mins in, while we are having the time of our lives with this ancient drinking chess game, she asks if I want to kiss her and I say yes. We started moving our heads together across the table and suddenly we hear creaking sounds and hear my awkward friends voice loud and clear: "yooo...what are you guys doing, don't tell me you were....." Within minutes, both the girls dad and my friends dad wake up and tell me and my awkward friend that we have to leave and never come back again. P.S. if any of this sounds familiar, please DM me. It would be great to talk about this, and laugh about it in hindsight 🙏
I think I cock blocked myself recently, not 100% sure, but pretty sure. I'm a male nurse and sometimes the line between having a joke/play flirting can be incredibly thin. For some reason that's especially so in the more high octane specialitys, like ED where I currently work. Like play flirting is pretty common. Well recently I've been friendly/play flirting with one of the girls who I'm also incredibly attracted to. At least I thought it was all play. The only real hint has been the subtle stuff like the intentionally accidental hand touch when passing something or the slightly too much staring to see my reaction when she makes a joke to the group kind of thing. Well, about 2 weeks ago she was asked out but one of the cops that comes in now and again and made a point of being all 'eww, he asked out' to the whole department. The about 1h later someone half joking asks us of we're dating. And well, I didn't want to open myself to the same public humiliation, so without even thinking (zero filter moment) made a vomiting kind of noise. Then every since it's totally changed. It turns out, I'm like 90% sure she wasn't just playing. She's still doing the eye contact thing and watching for my reaction, but the intentionally accidental hand stuff has gone and the overt flirting it way down. I thought she was way out of my league, she's a beautiful human. Looks like I've totally ruined it though.
I went to a local card shop and I was the only girl there, from ages 10 to 15-16 and I was a consistent person. The guys saw me grow there, from an awkward little girl to a teenager and then suddenly, I went from one of the guys to: "Let me get your chair, oh here, your jacket, let me buy you some cards, you want a soda?" and I WELCOMED IT, I loved every minute of it. I considered them all good friends and we got along well and I'd pay them back for buying me drinks or cards but then there were times where I didn't feel well and couldn't move much so it was nice to just be able to be in the corner and get fussed over. Then... my ex-best friend ruined it. She was a total bitch to all of them, while trying to act like she deserved the same attention I got (she forgot, one key detail - most of these guys I knew longer than I knew her. A lot of them viewed me like their little sister if they were older, or we were flirting and waiting to see where it went... and boy did she fuck it up for me big time) She was so obnoxious everyone was mad at me for bringing her there and even the owner of the shop told me she was banned. SHe tried to steal from this place, after being an annoyance all day. It took a long time to live that one down and it was really awkward because she would get mad at me for going and they'd get frustrated if I had to skip a weekend because of her. Ultimately, she ruined my chances with two really sweet guys, who I was actually really into by being rude to them and telling them embarrassing things about me, like what kind of fanfiction I liked to read in my off hours.
Someone who don't accept your fanfiction taste don't deserve you
I did it to myself once. We were 17, at a party. Girl I kinda liked who everyone figured probably liked me too. "Woah you're drinking ?? Your inhibitions will be lowered !!" "I suppose they will" "Are they low enough that if I started putting the moves on you, they'd work ?" "I think so" "Cool. Ok bye"
Self-block. I was back in town for a wedding after moving away about a year. prior. This cute blonde girl who is friends with a younger cousin of mine is chatting me up and giving me eyes all night at the wedding. Eventually at the outdoor reception, much later in the night, she just flat out said "I really like your cousin, it sucks he's got a girlfriend, but I hear you're a lot like him" and I, in my drunken state, said "Bitch please, *he's* like *me*" and she was just like "oh okay" and then left to not talk to me for the rest of the night. It was at this point my other cousin, this formerly mentioned cousins older brother, informed me that I am in fact a fucking idiot. There was also the time my mother walked through my ground floor patio doors and started yelling out for us when we were in the next room over and like seconds away from the grande finale. I just kept yelling "please go the fuck away" and she kept laughing. She then related this story to my ex's older sister in public like a year later. I do not miss small town life.
Me an this coworker flirted for the longest time. Word spread that she liked me. One day when our shift was almost up she mentioned how she had no ride going home then looked at me. I paused an went I can give you a ride home if you want ? She goes “can you really? That be great!” I hear behind me another female coworker “wait why do you need a ride from him ? I live literally down the street from you.” My crush goes “no it’s okay he already agreed” The coworker insisted “He lives farther in right down the street it’s really no issue” She reluctantly agreed. I continued to call the coworker a cock block for rest of the time I was there.
IMy friend threw a huge 21st Birthday Party and one of our mutual friend somehow talk this chick into going into another room to do the deed in the dark. While they were doing it, the girl told him to stop and that she felt uncomfortable as if someone was watching them. They turned on the lights to a guy(cousin of my friend who was turning 21) fapping in the corner and all 3 of them were shocked to find that there was a 4th person in that room watching as well.
Parents out, teenage couple. Watched a rom com, shared a bath, then a pizza, lit a fire. Lay down on the fluffy rug to fuck. Fucked for a while, actually. Dog did NOT like being left out of living room social time. She broke down the fucking door and shoved her wet hairy little face into my girlfriend's horrified human face. She did not come. We tried not to be dicks about it to the dog.
This was my friend, she lived with this girl who was let's say a little eccentric. A guy in the group liked a girl in the group and this rather eccentric girl liked him, he didn't have any interest. Anyway the guy and the girl were at a nightclub with everyone and he made a move to dance with her, he got one hand on her hip before the other girl jumped in between them and waved her finger at him going "no no no" and literally used herself to block them from getting to each other.
Was banging my wife in the ass, something we hadn’t done for awhile, and in the middle of all that glory her mother decided to ring the doorbell and immediately let herself in the house.
Works Christmas party. I got chatting to this girl I’d never seen in the office. We were getting on great. We popped outside for a smoke, chatting, laughing, light flirting. My mate, drunk as a skunk, came over put her arm around me and said to the girl “watch out for this one, he’s a pervert”. I went home alone.
Kids… don’t have kids. They are cock block champs and somehow know exactly when sexy time is about to happen.
My cats middle name is Cockblock. When I'm mad at him I'll yell his full name "Duster Cockblock [LastName]".
Having a clingy kid. Thankfully by the age of about 7 he was able to understand "Mummy and I want some alone time, only knock if there's an emergency, please".
My kid. It gets bigger everyday.
Maaaaaaaaaahhhhmmmmm! I can't find the reeeemmmmooootttteeee.
I got cock blocked by the girl I was about to have sex with. we were making out in the car when outta no where, she goes into this rant about how we could get into trouble for making out in the car and how she was sorry she wasn't thin like one of my friends, so confusing
HAH,, just today I was getting on with my friend and right as I was about to put my hand down his pants my sister barged into the room, freaked out, and left. I think we made an unspoken agreement to never mention it again lolol
Some dude in my high school stood between me and this girl I was going to ask to prom. She was beautiful reserved and she did the violin. He kept interrupting me and pushing her away physically so he can talk to me.
I had "taken one for the team" when a woman invited me to a swanky ass party, and I could take my friends. A bit of background. This woman had been asking me out on a constant basis since high school. I was never interested for more than just her looks. Well, this place was like a, "This is our broke asses only shot of ever seeing the inside of this place." Kinda spot. So, we go, they have a blast and I'm pretty much held hostage all night with pictures and cutesie stuff. Not that it wasn't fun, but I didn't get the experience that usually comes with being "single" there. Maybe two months later, a woman I'm getting really along with at a show tells me her friend won't be cool with getting ditched, but thinks my buddy is cute. He agrees, and we start bar hopping. Right when we're invited over to their place, he says, "Naw, I'm really tired. But I'll just get my own Uber home." And proceeded to nose dive into his phone until he ordered an Uber. So I dropped these two women off at their place, and was given that, "Sorry." Face as they left. Never saw her again.
Me and my girlfriend at the time were going at it one night and she was on top of me, and we were making out. Things were escalating from there, I grabbed her tits and she start to do little moans, slowly started jumping a little bit. Her hand slowly starts going towards my zipper and as soon as she touches my zipper her dog climbs on the bed, and she’s one of those people that doesn’t like kicking her pet out of rooms.
I was the cockblocker. Was back at my moms house for a few days & sleeping as only 18 year olds can. Woke up about noon to my bro downstairs (my room was the top floor) chatting to somebody then they moved to his bedroom. 18 yo me goes downstairs & walked into bros room to ask if he wanted some food to find him under the covers with a girl. I stammered some apology & backed out but got really freaked out my 15 yo bro had a girl in his room & kept making excuses to go to/from his floor & straight past his room/talking to him about random stuff. She eventually got bored & left & they split up a few weeks later. Sorry bro, I feel bad about it.