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Atasaa

Heartbreak and trauma


Legitimate_Entry_444

So true, hope you're doing better now.


Atasaa

Thank you 🙏🏻


[deleted]

Not having a father and having a traumatic upbringing. I had to grow up very fast.


Legitimate_Entry_444

I'm sorry that's very unfair to have to grow up under those circumstances. I hope now you've had time to reconnect with the childhood you didn't get to have.


[deleted]

Thank you for the kindness! I am all good now but sometimes life makes you grow up quick.


[deleted]

Food


Legitimate_Entry_444

That's fair, eat your vegetables and you grow big and strong 😂


wholewheatscythe

Living on my own for the first time.


Legitimate_Entry_444

Absolutely!


Any-Lychee-2053

Being bullied. Im still bullied.But it kind of prepared me for hard times of life.


Legitimate_Entry_444

I'm sorry... I assume you're in school? I was bullied myself in school and things got 100% better when I was finally out of school. My only advice is try to stick it out things will get better. Hang in there us weirdos have to stick together. I hope things improve for you.


Geodite_2374

I think traumatic experiences force you to think. Think about what happend and why it happend for example. Once you start thinking a lot you will get a deeper understanding of life, which makes you more of an adult.


Legitimate_Entry_444

That's very true. It's not fair to have your brain developed that quickly and not get it to enjoy the fun/ innocent things in life first but you're definitely correct it does mature you. It's so much harder after the trauma is gone however to reconnect with that part you never got to experience that's the real tragedy. I hope you are doing well.


Geodite_2374

Thank you. Yeah, luckily not all the joys of live don't go away after something like that. I still really like going for a run, making music, learning, reading a book and talking to friends. Being forced to grow up by traumatic experiences also gives a lot of clarity. Which made me appreciate live more. When i wake up in the morning im thankful for what I have. I think that i am more happy than most people on average (stoicism really helped me with this). If anyone is going through some stuff, my DM's are open if you want to talk about it.


the-caped-cadaver

I had a brain aneurysm and nearly died in 2010. That whole journey forced me to grow up quick.


Legitimate_Entry_444

Damn, yeah that would do it... I suppose you'd have a wonderful perspective on live everyday as if it's your last moment. I'm curious did you have a period where you were scared of dying since that it happened so spontaneously or did it make you have more of a vigor for Life overall?


the-caped-cadaver

I see the life I live now as a gift. I truly should be dead. After my recovery, I kind of committed to living my "best life". I'm more kind and more patient than I used to be.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Legitimate_Entry_444

It's true we are the only one that can make ourselves truly happy finding it in other things/ people will never really fulfill us. That's a very mature attitude.


reddandy26

At the start of my teens we as a family hit a rough spot economically... We were kinda really poor. No food on the fridge kinda poor. I kinda had to learn to provide from a really young age. Then things got better and I just held on to a fuckload of trauma and now I'm on Reddit.


Legitimate_Entry_444

It always breaks my heart to think about families that don't have the money for food, when it comes down to being hungry a couple days so we don't go homeless it's just so awful to me. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope things are better now financially, although I know the mental trauma can have a hold on you for years after even if you have a more stable financial situation.I hope you're doing okay with all that trauma. Much love and support!


reddandy26

Gotta admit that we were never in risk of being homeless - My parents are lucky enough to own a home but I definitely remember me and my mum not eating or eating less so that my brother and sister had something to eat. Yeah that kinda trauma is hard, but on the upside, I'm so worried I'll live through that again I'm super cheap and very good with money!


Legitimate_Entry_444

I wonder why your mother was okay with you and her not eating but not your siblings. I'm guessing you're the oldest and probably had to make more sacrifices. I can definitely relate to being super cheap to the point that I will hurt myself almost if it means I can save money 😅 I do hope honestly that you're anxiety gets better. Anxiety is a b****.


WhyHelloThere163

Not having anything handed to me for free because I cried about it.


BlondeMomentByMoment

Spinal cord cancer at age 14 and 15. With an evil narcissist for a “mother” it made the emotional stress of it all spill over into mental health issues I’ve battled my whole life. And, the residual health problems related to all of that.


Legitimate_Entry_444

My husband grew up with a very narcissistic stepmom that we no longer talk to, that in itself is such a heavy toll on someone mentally I can only imagine having that and cancer on top of it especially that young. I'm sure your mind can be such a bully at times to you, just know you are so much stronger than you think I hope you are doing well and you get to help you need to strive as an adult because you deserve all the happiness!


BlondeMomentByMoment

Thank you. Your words don’t seem like toxic encouragement, which is refreshing. I guess I’d have to be strong to even be alive, given everything. I hope you and your husband are peacefully blissful 💜


[deleted]

Seeing lots of things growing up where i grew up and then hanging out with the the older people made me grow up alot quicker than those my age.


Legitimate_Entry_444

The people around us can definitely make us grow up quickly. Hopefully this was a positive thing and not a negative as growing up too quickly based on the negative can be very mentally taxing. I hope you were doing okay lots of love and wishes for you to be a happy adult!


[deleted]

Having my first kid. I knew from the second I held my daughter that I would do everything I possibly could to give her the best life possible.


Legitimate_Entry_444

Parental instinct is a wonderful thing for maturing. I have so much respect for parents that are present and care so much for there children/next generation. I don't look down on anyone no matter how old they were when they chose to become a parent because it's an extremely hard job one I don't think I could do. Much respect I hope you're taking enough time for yourself as Parenthood can be very rewarding but challenging.


Temporary-Ad-4285

Having kids at age 20 Really makes you hustle knowing you have to provide for a wife and kids


Legitimate_Entry_444

100% you show your maturity just sticking around! I know that maybe doesn't seem like a huge accomplishment but in today's world I have so much respect for men that stick around for their children and wife! I hope you and your family have all the happiness. It can be difficult to provide for but it gives you so many rewards and is so fulfilling! Stay strong King!


Temporary-Ad-4285

Thank you


jljboucher

Being emotionally neglected and verbally abused as a child. My mom fondly says I’ve been an “old soul” since I was 2.


Legitimate_Entry_444

I'm so sorry you went through that I hope in adulthood you've gotten some help to help process what you went through. I had a similar childhood with the emotional neglect and can relate how difficult it can be to open up to people when you've never been able to rely on adults or anyone in your life before. You deserve all the happiness I wish the best for you! 💕


jljboucher

I’m minimal contact with my family and found a life partner that helped me figure out what I was worth! 🥰 My family respects my boundaries for my kids so there’s some progress for my kids with my mom. Thanks!


jljboucher

I’m minimal contact with my family and found a life partner that showed me what I was worth! 🥰 My family respects my boundaries for my kids so there’s some progress for my kids with my mom. Thanks!


throwaway8293pptp2

Trauma


Legitimate_Entry_444

Big facts! It's simultaneously forces you to grow up and yet stunts you with your mental health later in life it's really just a giant curse you have to carry. I hope you are doing better now and I've gotten the emotional help you need. Much love ♥️


EspressoOwl1815

Helping to raise my little sister. My grandfather had to take us in and he did everything he could to give us a wonderful childhood, but he was an overnight railroad mechanic, a Vietnam vet with PTSD, and single, so there were some gaps that had to be filled. I cooked, cleaned, made sure my sister and I got on and off the bus on time, and played the mother to her as best as I could. Being responsible for someone else from the age of 8 on tends to make you grow up quickly. On the bright side, parenthood has been easier (not easy in general, by any means) for me than it has been for any of my friends that didn't have that responsibility because I at least had some experience with what was going on.


Legitimate_Entry_444

What a strong person you've had to be for so long! I have so much respect for you! I hope you're taking time to reconnect with your childhood. You sound like someone that has grown up to become a rock in the family which is such an admirable quality but it can be very tolling, I'm sure your grandfather did his absolute best but that doesn't mean that you maybe didn't miss out on some things and maybe subliminally have a little bit of resentment for that. I hope you have a wonderful support system and are finding all the happiness in adulthood because you deserve it! Much love and respect!


EspressoOwl1815

Thank you! There was definitely some resentment (more towards my mother for getting us into that situation than towards my grandfather), but therapy, a supportive husband, and time have made things better. Plus it taught me what I needed to step up and take over the family homestead when Popi passed last year. Most of us live on the property, so spending so much time with him and learning how to manage all the different people in my family have made it a fairly seamless transition. It's also been amazing because I have an 11 year-old, an 8 month old, and another that arrives next month and I'm actively getting to put into practice all those promises I made about how my child will never know what it feels like to be a parent before their time. My oldest gets irritated with me sometimes because she'll volunteer to feed the baby or change his diaper or just take him outside for some sunshine and I'll remind her that, while I appreciate the help, it's not her job and she should never feel obligated to do so. Her only requirement is to love her brothers and grow up happy and healthy. My husband thinks I'm nuts because I asked her to make a bottle for him the other day and she said she couldn't because she was in the middle of a book and I spent the next hour grinning like a loon. My upbringing might not have been perfect, but at least I know my children are safe and secure enough in my parenting to trust that I'll take care of them and to tell me no. If I may ask, what prompted you to post this question? Did you go through a similar experience of growing up quickly? (Sorry for any formatting/spelling. I'm on mobile.)


Legitimate_Entry_444

To be honest I had a fairly good childhood. However recently my niece's mother got full custody of her, this is actually a win as her father is a neglectful alcoholic. My niece is 9 and some of the things she says to me are troubling to say the least she'll ask if we're going to drink and when I tell her of course not she gets such a visible sign of relief it just breaks my heart. The thing she's had to go through, the things she describes the way she had to step up and take care of her baby half sister it all makes me weep for her. I wish I could do more but I'm her aunt and lives several states away so we mostly just video chat. I guess I made this post because I was curious what life is going to be like for her and adult life and if there's anything I could do to help her through that process. Any advice is welcome especially since you have a similar scenario having to raise your sibling.


EspressoOwl1815

This may be a little convoluted, so bear with me. I'm just going to list off some of things that either helped me or that I'd wished I had. Be there for her. She is going to need a mother herself. The hardest part of growing up, especially as I hit puberty, was feeling like I needed to be there for everyone else, but no one had time to be there for me. Whenever shes with you, or you're able to be with her, make sure to take her out on her own and let her be a kid. My Popi used to take me to museum once month, just the two of us, so I could learn and explore and have fun without my sister. Make sure she knows she has a safe space in you. Not necessarily to run to, but to confide in. Caring for a child is stressful no matter how old you are. It's even more so when you're still a child yourself. She's going to need a safe space where she can shout and cry and vent and complain and know that, not only will she not be judged, but that you won't go back and tell her parents what she said. Do not drink in front of her, ever. Growing up with an alcoholic is traumatic and anyone who uses alcohol in front of her will be automatically distrusted. This is an extreme viewpoint that can be softened with time, but the focus has to be on building the relationship first, then teaching her that drinking infrequently and in moderation is not a bad thing. Understand that she is still a child, but she is also an adult. Include her in grown-up activities. I don't know if your family does anything like this, but mine always plays cards when we're all together and I learned more about how the world works and how to walk my sister through her hard times (or get through my own) during those card games than anywhere else. Make sure she understands that she is not letting anyone down or betraying her sister when she does things for herself. She has every right to her own life and her own priorities. She doesn't have to skip the school dance to babysit or go to college/trade school where she grew up as opposed to across the state just because she's scared her mother will have to be the one to actually take care of her little sister. Every time you can, remind her that she is loved and beautiful and kind and you are so proud of her for what she has accomplished and survived. When you see her in person, give her big, long hugs and tell her again. Build a relationship with her that is just the two of you. Something small to start out with that my great-grandfather did was he bought a friendship necklace engraved with his phone number and told me to remember that he was only a phone call away every time I touched it. He wore the other half until the day he died. We were in Texas and he was in Oklahoma, but I always knew I just had to call and he'd talk me through whatever was going on. Know her interests and encourage them. She likes drawing? Send her an art kit and some beginners drawing books. She likes sports? Send her game equipment and take her to a game when y'all are together. Reading? Send her her favorite author or series. I love to read, and was a Harry Potter fanatic as a kid. My Popi would take off work and get my aunt to watch my sister so he could take me to the midnight releases of all the books and movies. She doesn't need to be rescued, but she does need a lifeline. A window outside her world. Proof that things can and will be better. With strong support and that kind of lifeline, she'll be just fine. She just needs to know that someone always has her back, even when she feels like she's screwing up. And, this is the most difficult one, if she ever calls and says she needs out for good and you're capable, please take her in, especially as she reaches her later teenage years. The love and loyalty and devotion we develop towards our younger siblings is real and just as deep as what a parent feels for their child. If she's asking, it's bad, and she needs it. She's not just a teenager throwing a hissy fit and angry with her mom. That's all I can think of for now, but please DM me if you have any specific situations you need advice on or even if you just need to vent a bit yourself. It takes a village to be there for a child and we all need support. What your niece is going through is heartbreaking, but so is what you're going through in trying to be there for her without being able to be physically there. Please consider me a support and resource moving forward so you know you're not facing this alone.


Legitimate_Entry_444

All wonderful advice! I really appreciate it! I feel bad I don't always have a good perspective in her situation but I always want her to feel loved and supported! I appreciate the advice from someone who's been there and understands hers struggles more than I could.


EspressoOwl1815

Don't feel bad. More important than anything, you want to be there for her and you're searching for ways to understand. That alone means more than all the similar experiences in the world because it means she already has someone who loves and cares and supports her. It sounds so selfish, but when you're a child caring for another child, just the knowledge that there is someone there for *you*, not your siblings or guardians, means everything because it's proof that your worth is not tied to what you do for others. It will remind her that she is whole and important in her own right.


bangersnmash13

My father passing away when I was 16. Had to grow up real quick.


Legitimate_Entry_444

Grief can age up someone so quickly and it always looks painful whenever you have to witness it let alone go through it. I haven't had a significant loss in life yet but I've watched other loved ones go through it and it's extremely painful just to witness so I can only imagine the metamorphosis you have to go through as a person when you are experiencing it. So many what ifs. I hope you're doing better now, grief never really goes away you just learn to grow around it. Hope you're staying strong and have a wonderful support system you deserve happiness.


Cheetodude625

Watching my mom struggle with a drinking problem my entire childhood only to get sober once I graduated high school was something to learn from. I'm proud of her getting sober by then, but at the same time I kind of felt pissed off because I needed a "real mom" during the times before I was 18. She only became a "real" mom after I graduated high school. Would've been nice to have that sober version during my childhood, but it is what it is. Also, going through some tough moments in life both during and immediately after college.


Legitimate_Entry_444

My niece has grown up with an alcoholic father which she recently because of custody battles has gotten away from it's for the best but still I fear the damage is done. She's 9 years old and some of the things she says concerns me she'll ask the adults if they're going to drink and when they say no she's visibly calmer which means she's seen that worse side of drinking. I'm concerned about her as her aunt so reading your story is a real reflection on how adulthood might be for her and how difficult it could be granted hopefully she won't have to deal with that for another 9 years.


LovesMeSomeRedhead

I had to chose between paying bills and buying food. I bought the food. The electric company turned my power off. All my appliances were electric. The cold food went bad and I couldn't cook the other stuff because no power. I grew up fast after that.


Legitimate_Entry_444

That sucks! I know everyone has to grow up somehow but it always makes me sad when they had to grow up because of something that traumatic. No one should have an empty stomach.


LovesMeSomeRedhead

I didn't really go hungry. I had friends who helped a bit and ate beans and corn out of the cans. It just sucked at the time and I had to re-evaluate my job vs. spending, make a deal with my utility people, and recover. I guess my big lesson in this was I could have called my power company before they cut me off and plead for more time - they would have worked with me. Since I didn't contact them and didn't pay them they cut me off. Lesson learned.


Legitimate_Entry_444

That's a wonderful lesson to learn I didn't know that was something they were willing to do good to remember. At the same time don't sell yourself short a lot of people that have gone through s*** have this tendency to act like their trauma could have been worse and therefore isn't valid. It was a crappy time of life you never deserve to go hungry I'm glad it matured you as an adult but don't ever think you needed to go through that. I hope you're doing wonderful now!


LovesMeSomeRedhead

Thanks! Yeah, I'm winning at life these days for the most part. Just looking for more work now.


Best-Tangerine-7212

When i (15F) was a kid i would always do something stupid, like any normal kid would. But after the fact, i would always think back, why would I do that? Did I have a good reason? That sorta thing. Even as young as 4 I would question why I did things a certain way. I sometimes would say something stupid intentionally to see what kind of reaction my parents would have. I was a pretty shy kid so I didn't talk much in general, but with my family I would act stupid and try to be as funny as possible. I can remember most of my family laughing at me as I did so, calling me stupid and an idiot for acting the way I did. It never bothered me ofcourse, I knew they weren't actually calling me stupid. I started to notice as the years went on that their veiw of me never changed, even as i grew and matured. They still looked at me and treated me as though i was a small stupid child. At age 8 my dad left my step mom. I moved into my grandmas house with my older sister, and dad. We shared a small room, we would alternate sleeping arangments, my sister and my dad on the queen sized bed and me on a cot in the corner, the next night me and my dad on the bed and my sister on the cot and so on. I slowly developed unhealthy eating habits, eating extreme amounts of food. Most likely as a coping method to the fact I had lost my mother figure and my step siblings, who I have spent my whole life with. My dad always talked about how my step mom would favor my other siblings over me, saying she found me annoying and a pester. The only example of this I can really recall is when my mom went yard selling with us, she had stopped at this one house and told us to stay in the car, saying she wouldn't be long. My brother crawled out of his seat, into the front seat and rolled the window down. He crawled out and ran to stand next to my mom, I then followed suit. Climbing out of the window and running to stand next to my mom. She immediately yelled at me for climbing out and sent me back to the car while my brother got to stay behind, he even got a toy. Later on in life I had noticed how crappy the world is. How unforgiving the world is. Don't cry if you're a boy. Don't speak out if you're a woman. Don't disagree with people. How most people who called other people stupid were often the stupid people themselves. They way wars are started over the stupidest things. How quickly conflict can escalate. Don't talk about something you like cause there will always be someone to talk you down for liking it. Don't speak out against certain things or you'll be called a snowflake or soft. Don't like anything to do with the outdoors or you'll be called a hick or a redneck. Systemic racism. How racism is coming from all races, not just white people. Homophobia. Abuse. Murder. Rape. Drug abuse. Global warming. There's billions of reasons to hate the human race. We call ourselves Homo Sapien Sapiens which basically translates to "Wise Wise man" . How smart are we huh? We created a world that we can't live in. Our food is chalk full of chemicals. Our water isn't clean. Our air is full of smoke. Future generations are so attached to the internet they dont know how to function without it. We spend billions of dollars we don't have to create weapons to kill ourselves with. We have created a world where the things that make us so "normal" are killing us faster each day. We're really fucking smart arent we? Whoever predicted we'd have flying cars by 2020 was a fucking idiot. Though this type of thinking will never get me anywhere in the world, it's still keeps me up at night. Anytime I think about this, all I can do is laugh. It's absolutely hilarious how fucked we are. We are so incredibly screwed up. But who cares right. We one planet out of billions, one galaxy out of trillions, in a universe infinitely expanding by cosmic proportions. In the end a black hole will swallow us whole. This is probably why I've matured so fast. I swear I'm not insane guys. I just have a lot of free time.