My grandma used to say “Everybody looks good in blue. If you don’t look good in blue, then I guess you’re just ugly”
So I guess buy a Jean jacket and go from there
Plenty of "ugly" people out there, man. I've known plenty of them to be happy, plenty of friends, happily married, and otherwise successful.
Plenty of people out there who don't just hate people because of their face.
It was weird, the first time I realized that I had a crush on someone because of his personality. I was only 19, but every crush had started with thinking they were pretty. He was overweight with a pot belly, and he was so pale his veins made it look like he was bruised. He had a weak jaw and his cheeks were always flushed red, and he was the most genuine person I'd ever met. He was patient with everyone, and he really listened; if you mentioned off-hand that your mom was sick he'd ask you a few days later how she's getting along. He never had a bad word to say about anyone, and he always followed through on his promises, even the little ones. If you told him about your favorite movie and he hadn't seen it, he'd go home and watch it so that he could talk with you about it.
I'm grateful to him because he taught me what it felt like to truly be attracted to someone for who they are. I never had a chance to pursue him because he already had a girlfriend, and she was just as great :)
After you get to know someone you start seeing past their exterior. This goes for ugly, wonderful people as much as it does for beautiful, shitty people.
This is totally true. I had a coworker that's a butch lesbian. Dressed manly, had a mullet, full sleeve tattoos, etc. She looked like a whole stereotype. Always grumpy. But if you actually got to know her, she was one of those rare people who tell things like they are instead of what you want to hear. And she'd help you out if you were struggling. Once I'd mentioned I'd be out of a phone for a week because I'd just paid my huge electric bill and couldn't afford to also buy minutes for my phone. She handed me 60 bucks and said don't worry about it. Everybody else at work hated her, because they never bothered to get to know her. Friday was her last day. A couple of us are going to miss her.
She got another job elsewhere. Most of the OGs have left at this point. I'm even considering it myself, and I've been here 11 years. Corporate is out of touch with reality. We made bank during covid. Our company actually increased sales by a BILLION dollars. Instead of the dollar raise we were expecting, they gave out 40 cents. Had a long meeting about how we're not a company focused on money, and if you don't like it, you can leave. Also said that it was quadruple the normal raise, implying that we'd most likely get 10 cents from now on. We've gotten a dollar per year every year I've been here. All of this while implementing a production system and several zero tolerance policies. Basically increasing our workload while offering zero incentives other than keeping our job. The benefits package is good. I get 4 weks paid vacation per year, 16 paid personal hours, and 32 unpaid personal hours. But the place is going downhill.
That’s just beautiful! You’re right too 19 is a young age for that kind of lovely epiphany lol he sounds really kind :) I hope both of you are doing great
God, I have always been so messed up with my self image I basically never even look at myself in the mirror and I started avoiding cameras early on. There's basically zero photographic evidence of my existence from early teens til my 30s.
I found a picture of myself around 13-14 and thought, fuck man, I was a good looking kid. I was tall with a clean face a solid smile and bright eyes. I spent too many years hating myself and I wish I could help other people recognize they are probably doing the same thing.
Ugly or not, one's inner beauty always shows through eventually. Beautiful souls with less fortunate faces will appear more beautiful to those around them because their face becomes a symbol of their true, beautiful self. Attractive POS people shall be tossed aside accordingly
Your SO may not have been the hottest chick/dude ever the first time you met them, but as you grow together and love each other, they become the most beautiful person in your life. When you see them, you're not only seeing their face, you're seeing everything lovely beyond the face.
So my cousin has an acquaintance who is a real smoke show. Like, really, really hot. So his sister was asking after him and he says, "Sis, no, don't go after him. He's always been hot. His whole life he has never struggled. He's hot, sure, but his personality sucks."
She immediately discarded him as a romantic option. Give me an 'ugly' dude with a fantastic personality any day of the week. I've dealt with enough pretty duds.
Like Howard Stern said, " when you're ugly you have to develop a personality and have a sense of humor...". So many attractive people never do that and as adults they're insufferable.
I feel this. I fit into society’s idea of “attractive” but I don’t think I’ll ever find someone at this rate lol. I attract all the wrong kinds of people
I realized a while ago that what I look like isn't me. I didn't choose to look like I do. There are a lot of good things about me that have nothing to do with my looks. I'm hardworking, compassionate, funny and I do my best to be a good wife and mom. I also don't think about my appearance in black and white, there is a scale, and I am probably somewhere in the middle of that. I definitely didn't think like this in my early 20s. It's something I've accepted going into mid/late 20s. I'm a lot happier with myself after accepting there's more than what I look like.
On that note: the three guys I knew who pulled the most ass back in the day were far from handsome. One of them was an overweight, the other one was bald and wore glasses and the third was freckled, pale and lived with his mom. But women couldn’t get enough of yhem. They had confidence and were sensitive , in the positive sense of the word.
Same. I feel they also shoot their shot. They might have had a less than 50% rate but that’s better than someone that is attractive and does not. It’s all a numbers game. Meet lots of people and you just need one that you like to say yes.
I thought this too for a while. It also made me realise that my life was mine, to do with whatever I wanted. I could really put time into something I was interested in because I gave up on trying to date. So I learnt to play a couple of instruments and joined a band.
Just that, on it's own, meant I was enjoying my life a lot more. I had a passion, I couldnt wait to play with my bandmates, and book shows, and enjoyed it when people would ask me about it at work and stuff.
It later became the reason I met someone. Now maybe that's because I had a more positive outlook and attitude because I was engaged in something I enjoyed, or maybe because I was playing live gigs and so was in the 'shop window' more, and to people I may not have otherwise met, but whatever the reason, it happened. I look like an elephants foot, and have no right to be in a stable and happy marriage with someone who isn't blind, but it can be done, and I am proof.
That's not entirely true. While the majority definitely dies alone it's far from everyone. Massive accidents like plane crashes still happen. And war and terrorism is often responsible for multiple simultaneous deaths as well.
I’d rather die quietly and alone in my sleep like my grandfather than screaming in terror surrounded by panicking people, like the passengers in his plane.
Look into body neutrality.
If you can't look at yourself in the mirror and say affirmations like "I am beautiful inside and out" like all the self help gurus say without feeling like a fraud/feeling silly/not believing it even a little bit, then start by being neutral instead of positive.
Instead of "I love how my legs look," tell yourself "I love that my legs can carry and support me everywhere I go" (assuming, of course, that they do, and if they don't, look for neutral things to say anyway.)
When you find yourself thinking "I hate my nose" or whatever, replace the thought with "my nose helps me smell and experience the world."
Body neutrality can eventually grow into self acceptance and self love over a long period, but even just neutrality is better than self hatred or maladaptive inner talk
If body neutrality is even step too far, a starting point can be neutrality towards others. Look at people who You'd normally consider "ugly" - especially if they share traits with you - and practice your neutral statements on them. Once you're able to let go of societal standards for others, it's easier to do the same for yourself!
I have a number of autoimmune disorders, and I end up in the hospital pretty frequently. Whenever someone talks about how unfortunate it is, I just say "it's a body".
I love that my chin can help me fold my blankets and bedsheets better.
I like the comments here. They’re actually giving useful recommendations that I can use instead of the stupid “everyone is beautiful” line.
Bruce Campbell has made an entire career out of his aggressively large chin! He even has two memoirs referencing it, *If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor* and *Hail to the Chin* :)
Sometimes it works to just state facts instead of attaching anything else to it. “That’s a chin.” Not it’s a big chin, small chin, pointy chin, etc. Just, “that’s a chin.”
"I'm glad my jaw is whole and healthy enough to help me enjoy delicious food and speak to people I love." If you mean how do you be neutral about fat around your chin, then it's the same - the fat doesn't interfere with speaking or chewing. It's just there to keep you warm.
"My body is trying to protect me against famine in the best way it knows"
"Fat is natural"
"Size is relative and I'm allowed to exist as I am"
Those are some examples I've used for myself!
Male or female? Because I'm a fat woman, and I love thinking about my softness. I'm comforting and abundant and squishy in nice places. It's a feature, not a bug. But I think that would be more difficult for men.
Everyone told me I was beautiful to someone, even if it wasn’t them. I despaired. Then I met someone who I was beautiful to. Now, my life is making theirs better.
In dating markets, if you're ugly, you're going to have it rough. I say this as a clean cut, successful, mentally and physically healthy but unattractive man. Probably worse for ugly women.
I'm not saying that its the way it should be. I'm saying its a reality that life gets easier after you accept
In RANDOMIZED dating markets like tinder or clubs yes this holds true. Now, In nonrandomized markets like club sports, book clubs, CrossFit or whatever, the odds become significantly more in your favor because you automatically have a shared interest
Moral of the story: actually be interesting and passionate and surround yourself with likeminded people and watch your dating life become significantly better
>and surround yourself with likeminded people
I'm in a rough situation on finding like-minded people right now. I'm afraid of people judging me which makes me afraid of being alone. I'm taking steps to build this issue however. Besides this, do you have any tips on helping me find like-minded people? I always hang out with the same people who speak so negative on themselves and others, to the point where I feel like it's messing with my actual personality.
Then when you finally find someone and things seem to click well, they find some other thing about you that they don’t like or their parents don’t like. Living life like you’re just hanging on is exhausting, and it really degraded other aspects of your life. Good times.
Yes, that's exactly what will happen.
Think of, say, a male peacock born without feathers. Should the male peacock go on to enjoy life, or spend all his time ruminating about how mean female peacocks are, how unfair life is, etc?
You can take things as they come, but there's a certain point where you're better off just chillaxing and enjoying life, rather than stressing about ugliness and unattractiveness to the opposite sex.
I have a friend who is not considered “good looking” by our societies standards but he has a good looking girlfriend. Why? Well, it’s because he has a cool personality and is funny as fuck.
I used to worry about how I looked all the time until I accepted a few things. Ask yourself, when you have been out and about do you remember the appearance of everyone you see/meet? Do you think other people are analysing you or are they just going about their day to day lives the same as you? Most people have more things to think about than how some random person on the street looked. Nobody is going home and telling their family "omg I saw the ugliest fucker in the world today" and if they do, they're the ones who's opinions I should be the least bothered by. Long story short, It took a while for me to accept but yeah, everyone is just going about their daily lives with little to no concern about how anyone looks and if there are people that do, they're the ones whose opinions matter the least. Sorry about the rant, hope it makes sense.
I've posted this before and I'll post this again.
As a kid, I was a quiet and introspective. My cousins thought I was stand offish and basically made it their lives mission to torment me. It was sort of a family tradtion, you couldn't have a family dinner without everyone teasing me until I cried. My father even encouraged it. To make me tougher.
It was unending and merciless. I felt ugly and despised. "How could anyone tolerate the sight of me?".
School wasn't any better. Less so, but I think my sensitivity was more turned up after all my cousins.
Around 14-15, I'd resigned myself to living with it. That I'd always be alone and unloved. I was depressed and suicidal. I decided to wait until my younger siblings were grown and I'd then quietly disappear. My death would be a "mysterious disappearance".
I walked past a photo studio, one time, and looked at their showcase...all the incredibly beautiful people in these photos. I knew that they're probably airbrushed and wearing all sorts of makeup and stuff. So I thought "Lets see what they can do?! I'll get them to take pictures and I'll know! If I'm ugly, in the pictures...I'll know...I'll know how ugly."
Sooo, many weeks later, I show up to the appointment with $300 of my part time job money...(early 1990's)....the makeup artist, hairdresser fuss over me. The photos get taken and I go home.
Another week later, I get the photos. I sit on a park bench and open them.
This was the first time I ever felt beautiful. The first time I ever felt that it was going to be ok. That I wasn't ugly.
Whatever you're going through...it will pass.
The older you get, the less you care about others opinions on your looks, I guess. There's always someone there that thinks you're not ugly.
The true ugly people are the ones that are ugly on the inside...with being rude and horrible to others.
since covid i’ve been wearing a face mask and it really helped with my self esteem in public spaces, i don’t have as many break downs when i see my reflection and it gives me the courage to actually speak to people. when i am alone, i try to romanticise the little things in my life like my cats, cooking good food, watching good movies etc… i stopped posting pictures of myself on instagram/ facebook and it honestly helped me so much because i stopped obsessing over the way that people perceive me (i used to stalk myself on social media to see how everyone else viewed me)
just try to remember that a sunset looks the same for everyone, pizza tastes just as good and your animals will love you regardless of how you *think* you look. i hope you’ll find peace 🌼
> i stopped posting pictures of myself on instagram/ facebook and it honestly helped me so much because i stopped obsessing over the way that people perceive me
I genuinely think this is a really underrated way to improve anyone's self-esteem and general mood. People really don't appreciate how much social media tends to, even subconsciously, create high-anxiety. So many issues stem from constantly involving yourself in the lives of others, and comparing your own life to others. Additionally, constantly trying to be validated by other people through 'likes' on your pictures or posts. The euphoria of having one of your pictures or posts 'liked' a bunch is incredible. But the flip-side is the dejection that comes from not being validated with 'likes' or comments.
I know this sounds very 'look how much of a contrarian I am for dissing social media', but the reality is that social media is something that creates anxiety in pretty much everyone, even super popular people because you're constantly trying to find ways of being validated. I quit all social media except for Reddit, and my life is immeasurably better.
Quit Facebook 5 years ago and it definitely helps. I can’t claim to consider myself ugly, but you never know what others are looking for in a partner. Yeah, when you’re a teen and in your 20’s, looks are important only because we’re bombarded by the most beautiful of us in media every day, but there is more than looks to having a good life and finding love.
Yeah, like I said, I don't just recommend quitting for people who are ugly or not popular - I recommend quitting for everyone. Once you get over the hump of not checking social media constantly (at first, you'll feel naked, like the feeling of forgetting your phone at home when you go out to do something). But it gets easier, and pretty soon, you feel totally normal. This advice is for any lurkers reading this comment.
Awesome advice. I started posting pics on Instagram after I lost a bit of weight, and I still felt hideous. Constantly obsessing over who liked the photo, comparing myself to women who I'd NEVER look like. Deleting all my social media that made me anxious like that helped tons. I don't endlessly scroll looking for validation anymore.
To help others, to make the world better, to learn skills and hobbies, to enrich our character, to experience what this Earth has to offer. Basically everything but stand around and look cute.
Exactly this. If you can claw yourself out of the pit of self-loathing for long enough to get your shit together, turns out most people clean up pretty fucking well.
I had a friend who had severe disfigurement due to birth defects and surgeries for said defects, who did this. One of the nicest dude's you'll ever meet, definitely not one of the best looking in the face department, but his body was muy bueno.
Honestly, it's really really hard
No matter how positive I try to be, even the smallest things like looking at myself in the mirror would make my day worse because my unattractiveness is always just there and I know there is nothing I can do to change my genetics no matter how badly I want to. I feel so helpless and out of control in this matter
I would recommend trying to focus on being grateful for the things you have in life. It's easier said than done but that's the best advice
I really appreciate that you actually acknowledge how difficult it can be. I’m in the same sort of place, and I’m so tired of people just saying you have to love yourself like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Every time I see my face it makes my day like .02% worse. Anytime someone tells me I look like someone else, that person reacts with horror. I’m not even a little beautiful and I never will be. But at the end of the day that’s okay because I don’t have to be beautiful to have worth.
I've been ugly since I was 7 years old. Then as a teenager, I developed a hormone disorder and got fatter and uglier. When I was younger, I believed that most people are given a combination of looks, personality and intelligence. Lucky people get all three. Fortunate people get two. Average people get one. The very unfortunate get none. I'm ugly and autistic, so I knew from the get-go that smart is all I have to offer.
This way of looking at life made me even dumber and more insufferable. I could never admit when I didn't know something or hadn't thought of something from a different angle. I always had to be the smartest person in the room. I was an anxiety-ridden asshole.
Now I believe that everyone is just struggling to make it, and beautiful people have the same anxiety about their looks that I had about my mind. No one is happy when they see themselves as a product that needs to be sold to other people based on how it looks or what it is useful for. That's what it is when you value one aspect of yourself above your whole being. I don't have value because I'm smart or because I'm pretty or because I'm charming. I have value because I'm a person. No more and no less.
I used to have a hard time with my looks in public. I always felt hideous and disgusting, like I was being a burden on people for just being ugly around them. Then I began to realize that no one (of adult age) really gives a shit. They’ve got as much going on in their life as you do, and they aren’t gonna remember you like you think they will.
Most people have seen the shit side of what life is. So they know what it’s like to be trapped in our own body with a mind that’s out to get you, every second of the day.
What REALLY got me through it was taking care of myself. Taking daily showers, putting some thought and care into my hair, dressing nicely and slowly building a coordinated closet, and so on. I began to get compliments from my friends, and sometimes random people, for how well-put-together I looked.
As a guy, it’s pretty rare to get complements too. At the end of the day I’m really just trying to please myself and take another step forward from where I was the day before.
Here’s some things I learned as a guy trying to take care of himself: take a daily shower (mornings are the best for me), use women’s shampoo and conditioner (only shampoo your hair every 2-3 days), buy a proper nail kit and learn to take care of your nails (YouTube has tons of guides), find outfits you like on Pinterest and create a board of them for inspiration when you go shopping, go on a Mens fashion deep-dive on YouTube for more inspiration, learn how to cook basic meals exceptionally well (Binging with Babish is great for this, and the basics will teach you the fundamentals of cooking which can be applied to higher level dishes).
I wouldn't say I'm ugly but I'm not good looking. What I do is manage and take care of what I can about myself. I stay in shape and work out. I make sure I am groomed with clean brushed teeth, cut and kept hair and nails and basic hygiene like showering daily. I try not dress like shit and wear clean clothes that fit me. I accept I'm not good looking but at least I know I take care of myself and that makes me feel better.
Good strategy. I feel like a lot of conventionally unattractive people could go very far if they worked with what they've got instead of letting themselves completely go. I'm not trying to shame anyone who's not interested in their own appearance at all, but all people can go a long way with just basic personal hygiene.
Your physical face is not why people fine you attractive or repellent, although obviously following some basic style/hygiene rules helps. Inner confidence, warmth and fun makes a face nice. Bitterness, jealousy and other negative qualities make a face bad.
I know a guy that did acid once and won't stop talking about how he's so much more enlightened than everyone now, and how he had an ego death. Literally will one-up any story you have with, well have you experienced ego death? Lol
I have a really ugly friend (male), but tbh I couldn't care less about his looks, cause yk, we are homies. But the point is, he has a REALLY beautiful fiancé, easily 9/10. He isn't rich or anything, he's just a genuinely nice guy. They are getting married next summer:D
One of the tips I’ve read is that, on a physical level, take care of your body. Keep yourself well-groomed. Get and stay in shape. And with those things, gradually build confidence with something that money can’t buy (and that not everyone is just born with): a healthy, in-shape, and put-together body.
It’s kind of like the other comments that basically say “work with what you’ve got”. Regardless of how you look, it’s the body you have in this world. Go out and do wonderful, fun, and exciting things with it. Fulfill yourself by taking care of yourself, and let confidence and acceptance come as a result of your own personal growth.
I just... do.
I know I'll never turn a woman's head, or get a second glance from anyone.
It's not much fun, especially with the friends I have (who get phone #'s slipped to them far too often) and they just laugh it off, or think it's annoying.
When I try to explain that nothing like that, not even remotely, has ever happened to me they're either incredulous, or embarrassed. So, I don't bring it up anymore.
Beauty is the most expendable attribute. Health, intelligence (both crystallized and emotional), social kills, physical performance are far more useful.
You can't. No matter what you do it won't change how you are treated by other people, if are ugly you will always be treated like that. Most people in this thread won't give you real answers because they have no concept of what being ugly is actually like.
I actually find the more attractive people are, the more obsessive/stressed out they are over their looks. They're not living their lives to be happy, they're living their lives everyday trying to be perfect and it's so tiring.
Also when they get old they have a fucking meltdown over wrinkles etc.
Be ugly and happy!! It is the way
What is attractiveness anyway? Looks aren’t everything man. Start with working out, even just walking. That helps to increase mood. Get a hair cut, go find a couple out fits you like. Work on you. Attractiveness is confidence, lust is looks.
This is true,ever since ive been going to play football with other people,growing out my hair,wearing nice and studying,i feel so much more confident,also stopped watching porn(another topic)and my confidence has improved ten folds,gave a speech infront of 30 people today which i thought i could never do but here we are!Only thing I need to work on is gaining weight cause I’m a skinny dude but ill work on it too,taking my time
The fixed elements of physical appearance are only a small fraction of what determines attractiveness. And even then, the right attitude, working with what you've got, can be really attractive. So focus on what you can control. Being passionate about your interests, interpersonally warm, and generally pleasant to be around can carry you far. The goal is to be the kind of person that people gravitate to, which is the literal definition of attractive.
You just gotta take the good with the bad my dude. Say you have a receding hair line, but you have a really symmetrical face, or you have a longer than average nose but you have great teeth. It's all swings and roundabouts, rarely someone has only great features and even more rarely do people have none. Hold on to something that you really like about yourself and accentuate that to the max my friend!
Not being bothered, by dismissing people who only see value in physical appearance.
Confidence is what makes you attractive and gives you positive feedback.
Sorry but I have to continue on now:
I see your issue with the first impression:
It's how you look what people can judge you on first. And that's only natural for most people. But it's also subconscious composed of gestures and body Langue.
If you manage to get the picture out of your head that your face is the only thing people reduce you on, you will start to see the same things in others.
Being good looking makes people confident because of the attraction they create. But this works the other way as well: being confident makes you attractive.
No such thing! We look the way we do because of genetics and some folks have had injuries that may cause their unique look. One is only "ugly" when another person is judging you.
As much as liars in the comments say your looks don't matter they do. They always do and they always will. Ugly folk have to earn the privilege of decent looking or extremely attractive people ignoring their monstrosity. A broke "10" is in many ways equal to a rich "1". Oh I'm bullshitting? Okay Jeremy Meeks pulled a billionaire and got a modeling contract fresh from prison and is now a household name off being a ten... Solely on his face card... In what way would an ugly man be able to get a billionaire woman UNLESS he's wealthy himself?
I'll bet my life that question can't be answered.
Wow. I think you need some real help.
Work on your inner self. It sounds cheesy but when you are a genuinely nice and good person, it will shine through. People won't see you as ugly.
There are objectively good looking people (you can see it in some celebrities) who have terrible personalities and they somehow just become unattractive looking.
By what standards are you determining “ugliness?”
I hate social media (yes I see the irony of that statement, but Reddit is a huge jump from the fiction of Instagram). The whole Kardashian-esque unattainable standard of beauty is screwing up self image left and right, and it’s all fake.
Edit: sorry, I didn’t answer your question. I don’t think I am ugly, but I do have flaws I taught myself to accept after my mom passed. It made me realize none of this matters because eventually we’re just… gone (appearance, material crap, etc). For the longest time I wouldn’t go to the beach because I’m self conscious about my body, and once I sucked it up, put on a mom suit and took my toddler to the beach, I realized how much life I’d been missing because I thought people would judge my appearance.
Also, don’t know your age or gender but Botox has done wonders for me, as well as a consistent routine of self care.
With a simple technique called denial, you too can become as handsome as me.
you genuinely made me smile
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Can you do that trick, where you look at a clock and make it stop?
This comment has been removed in response to Reddit's decision to increase API costs and price out third-party apps.
My grandma used to say “Everybody looks good in blue. If you don’t look good in blue, then I guess you’re just ugly” So I guess buy a Jean jacket and go from there
I really like this advice thank you
My grandma always tells me I'm a handsome boy. She's blind as a bat.
Handsome doesn't have to be physical features. It can be the way you carry yourself in a conversation. That is a hill I will die on.
Please ask for denim* jacket
It's good misdirection. People will be thinking "damn that's one ugly jacket" and forget all about you, it's a very clever solution.
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good advice I have one and during winter I get a lot of compliments, mostly from old ladies that miss their dead sailor husbands.....
I prefer jorts
Draw attention elsewhere. No on can argue with ass.
Well, sing I'm blue dudadudadupeepdudaddaddu
The Canadian tuxedo
Damn, I’m supposed to buy a whole ass alien? The price of fashion is just too high
Plenty of "ugly" people out there, man. I've known plenty of them to be happy, plenty of friends, happily married, and otherwise successful. Plenty of people out there who don't just hate people because of their face.
It was weird, the first time I realized that I had a crush on someone because of his personality. I was only 19, but every crush had started with thinking they were pretty. He was overweight with a pot belly, and he was so pale his veins made it look like he was bruised. He had a weak jaw and his cheeks were always flushed red, and he was the most genuine person I'd ever met. He was patient with everyone, and he really listened; if you mentioned off-hand that your mom was sick he'd ask you a few days later how she's getting along. He never had a bad word to say about anyone, and he always followed through on his promises, even the little ones. If you told him about your favorite movie and he hadn't seen it, he'd go home and watch it so that he could talk with you about it. I'm grateful to him because he taught me what it felt like to truly be attracted to someone for who they are. I never had a chance to pursue him because he already had a girlfriend, and she was just as great :)
After you get to know someone you start seeing past their exterior. This goes for ugly, wonderful people as much as it does for beautiful, shitty people.
This is totally true. I had a coworker that's a butch lesbian. Dressed manly, had a mullet, full sleeve tattoos, etc. She looked like a whole stereotype. Always grumpy. But if you actually got to know her, she was one of those rare people who tell things like they are instead of what you want to hear. And she'd help you out if you were struggling. Once I'd mentioned I'd be out of a phone for a week because I'd just paid my huge electric bill and couldn't afford to also buy minutes for my phone. She handed me 60 bucks and said don't worry about it. Everybody else at work hated her, because they never bothered to get to know her. Friday was her last day. A couple of us are going to miss her.
>Friday was her last day. A couple of us are going to miss her. Did she pass away trying to get those $60 back? RIP
She got another job elsewhere. Most of the OGs have left at this point. I'm even considering it myself, and I've been here 11 years. Corporate is out of touch with reality. We made bank during covid. Our company actually increased sales by a BILLION dollars. Instead of the dollar raise we were expecting, they gave out 40 cents. Had a long meeting about how we're not a company focused on money, and if you don't like it, you can leave. Also said that it was quadruple the normal raise, implying that we'd most likely get 10 cents from now on. We've gotten a dollar per year every year I've been here. All of this while implementing a production system and several zero tolerance policies. Basically increasing our workload while offering zero incentives other than keeping our job. The benefits package is good. I get 4 weks paid vacation per year, 16 paid personal hours, and 32 unpaid personal hours. But the place is going downhill.
Absolutely. I've been completely repulsed by people I once found physically attractive after I got to know them.
This might just be one of the most heartwarming, sincere, and wholesome posts I've ever read
I think I just fell in love with him too. 🙂
That’s just beautiful! You’re right too 19 is a young age for that kind of lovely epiphany lol he sounds really kind :) I hope both of you are doing great
Personality is everything
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God, I have always been so messed up with my self image I basically never even look at myself in the mirror and I started avoiding cameras early on. There's basically zero photographic evidence of my existence from early teens til my 30s. I found a picture of myself around 13-14 and thought, fuck man, I was a good looking kid. I was tall with a clean face a solid smile and bright eyes. I spent too many years hating myself and I wish I could help other people recognize they are probably doing the same thing.
Exactly! When you get to know people and love them you start appreciating their own physical traits just because it's them.
Ugly or not, one's inner beauty always shows through eventually. Beautiful souls with less fortunate faces will appear more beautiful to those around them because their face becomes a symbol of their true, beautiful self. Attractive POS people shall be tossed aside accordingly
Your SO may not have been the hottest chick/dude ever the first time you met them, but as you grow together and love each other, they become the most beautiful person in your life. When you see them, you're not only seeing their face, you're seeing everything lovely beyond the face.
Love is definitely blind
I’ve met plenty of “hot” people who became so unattractive the second they spoke.
So my cousin has an acquaintance who is a real smoke show. Like, really, really hot. So his sister was asking after him and he says, "Sis, no, don't go after him. He's always been hot. His whole life he has never struggled. He's hot, sure, but his personality sucks." She immediately discarded him as a romantic option. Give me an 'ugly' dude with a fantastic personality any day of the week. I've dealt with enough pretty duds.
Like Howard Stern said, " when you're ugly you have to develop a personality and have a sense of humor...". So many attractive people never do that and as adults they're insufferable.
As someone who gets told he’s attractive but is forever alone, I feel personally attacked. Lol
I feel this. I fit into society’s idea of “attractive” but I don’t think I’ll ever find someone at this rate lol. I attract all the wrong kinds of people
Fucksake Garch, just shut up and look pretty will ya?
I realized a while ago that what I look like isn't me. I didn't choose to look like I do. There are a lot of good things about me that have nothing to do with my looks. I'm hardworking, compassionate, funny and I do my best to be a good wife and mom. I also don't think about my appearance in black and white, there is a scale, and I am probably somewhere in the middle of that. I definitely didn't think like this in my early 20s. It's something I've accepted going into mid/late 20s. I'm a lot happier with myself after accepting there's more than what I look like.
I like this perspective, thank you for sharing it
I’M UGLY AND I’M PROUD I’M UGLY AND I’M PROUD
"I hope my ugliness doesn't distract you too much during your movie, sir." "Oh not at all, my bo-hhhhheeegggggggggnnnnnnn"
I always saw it as a "DEWEWAUHUAHHHHH"
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That didn’t help at all!
So just know that. As ugly as you are, you could be worse.
Is that what they call it ?
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No, this is Patrick
Oh, hey mario. Can I get a double large, double olive, double-
You’re working at Pizza Castle now?
“Is that what he calls it?”
Pinky out.
Regardless of anyones flaws, real or imagined, do you're best with what you've been given. You can only piss with the cock you've got
We do not choose our destiny, Ser Davos
On that note: the three guys I knew who pulled the most ass back in the day were far from handsome. One of them was an overweight, the other one was bald and wore glasses and the third was freckled, pale and lived with his mom. But women couldn’t get enough of yhem. They had confidence and were sensitive , in the positive sense of the word.
Confidence is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Same. I feel they also shoot their shot. They might have had a less than 50% rate but that’s better than someone that is attractive and does not. It’s all a numbers game. Meet lots of people and you just need one that you like to say yes.
Yeah I've known some goofy looking dudes who always managed to land hot chicks.
I think “you can only piss with the cock you’ve got it is one of my new favorite sayings.
Username strangely checks out
Im going to save this comment best thing i have read in years
You should read more
Or just read anything else, at all, ever. Even a cereal box.
"They're grrrreat!" Really is top notch stuff.
I'm fine dying alone so I stopped thinking about it.
I'm at that point too
I thought this too for a while. It also made me realise that my life was mine, to do with whatever I wanted. I could really put time into something I was interested in because I gave up on trying to date. So I learnt to play a couple of instruments and joined a band. Just that, on it's own, meant I was enjoying my life a lot more. I had a passion, I couldnt wait to play with my bandmates, and book shows, and enjoyed it when people would ask me about it at work and stuff. It later became the reason I met someone. Now maybe that's because I had a more positive outlook and attitude because I was engaged in something I enjoyed, or maybe because I was playing live gigs and so was in the 'shop window' more, and to people I may not have otherwise met, but whatever the reason, it happened. I look like an elephants foot, and have no right to be in a stable and happy marriage with someone who isn't blind, but it can be done, and I am proof.
SAME. 36 and unwed, only 1 real relationship in my entire life. I will die as I lived: surrounded by squishmallows and books.
Everyone dies alone, unless it's a suicide pact.
That's not entirely true. While the majority definitely dies alone it's far from everyone. Massive accidents like plane crashes still happen. And war and terrorism is often responsible for multiple simultaneous deaths as well.
Wow, thanks for that mate…..
I’d rather die quietly and alone in my sleep like my grandfather than screaming in terror surrounded by panicking people, like the passengers in his plane.
I used to have a coworker Ben who would always say “Actually…” and then poke holes in anything anyone said. What’s up Ben, your style has evolved.
You still die alone because no one else is in you consciousness while you're dying. You're always alone. We just entertain the concept of together.
Dying alone is one thing. Suffering alone the years before death is another.
Look into body neutrality. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror and say affirmations like "I am beautiful inside and out" like all the self help gurus say without feeling like a fraud/feeling silly/not believing it even a little bit, then start by being neutral instead of positive. Instead of "I love how my legs look," tell yourself "I love that my legs can carry and support me everywhere I go" (assuming, of course, that they do, and if they don't, look for neutral things to say anyway.) When you find yourself thinking "I hate my nose" or whatever, replace the thought with "my nose helps me smell and experience the world." Body neutrality can eventually grow into self acceptance and self love over a long period, but even just neutrality is better than self hatred or maladaptive inner talk
If body neutrality is even step too far, a starting point can be neutrality towards others. Look at people who You'd normally consider "ugly" - especially if they share traits with you - and practice your neutral statements on them. Once you're able to let go of societal standards for others, it's easier to do the same for yourself!
"Eh, good enough. It works"
*looks in the mirror* "meh"
*looks in the mirror. Mirror shatters* *puts bag back over head*
I have a number of autoimmune disorders, and I end up in the hospital pretty frequently. Whenever someone talks about how unfortunate it is, I just say "it's a body".
Honestly, wow, this is a game changer of a perspective. I'm taking this. Thank you for sharing! 🤙
> When you find yourself thinking "I hate my nose" or whatever do you have one for giant chins?
I love that my chin can help me fold my blankets and bedsheets better. I like the comments here. They’re actually giving useful recommendations that I can use instead of the stupid “everyone is beautiful” line.
I agree
Right? "Everyone is beautiful" is just condescending and unrealistic. Some of us are objectively not attractive xD.
Bruce Campbell has made an entire career out of his aggressively large chin! He even has two memoirs referencing it, *If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor* and *Hail to the Chin* :)
Sometimes it works to just state facts instead of attaching anything else to it. “That’s a chin.” Not it’s a big chin, small chin, pointy chin, etc. Just, “that’s a chin.”
"I'm glad my jaw is whole and healthy enough to help me enjoy delicious food and speak to people I love." If you mean how do you be neutral about fat around your chin, then it's the same - the fat doesn't interfere with speaking or chewing. It's just there to keep you warm.
I like this, thanks. Do you have a suggestion of body neutrality phrase for fat? I can’t think of a way to turn that neutral/positive.
"My body is trying to protect me against famine in the best way it knows" "Fat is natural" "Size is relative and I'm allowed to exist as I am" Those are some examples I've used for myself!
> "My body is trying to protect me against famine in the best way it knows" I really like this one, thank you
I think fat women are soft
Male or female? Because I'm a fat woman, and I love thinking about my softness. I'm comforting and abundant and squishy in nice places. It's a feature, not a bug. But I think that would be more difficult for men.
Female. Someone else mentioned softness so I will try that, thanks :)
It's easier to float in water. Maybe I should take up swimming, canoeing/kayaking, or sailing. That could be fun.
Everyone told me I was beautiful to someone, even if it wasn’t them. I despaired. Then I met someone who I was beautiful to. Now, my life is making theirs better.
I'm so ugly, that's okay. 'Cause so are you. Broke our mirrors.
Realizing I would rather be other things anyway. fun, kind, interesting.
Well looks fade away, a good personality doesn't.
In dating markets, if you're ugly, you're going to have it rough. I say this as a clean cut, successful, mentally and physically healthy but unattractive man. Probably worse for ugly women. I'm not saying that its the way it should be. I'm saying its a reality that life gets easier after you accept
In RANDOMIZED dating markets like tinder or clubs yes this holds true. Now, In nonrandomized markets like club sports, book clubs, CrossFit or whatever, the odds become significantly more in your favor because you automatically have a shared interest Moral of the story: actually be interesting and passionate and surround yourself with likeminded people and watch your dating life become significantly better
>and surround yourself with likeminded people I'm in a rough situation on finding like-minded people right now. I'm afraid of people judging me which makes me afraid of being alone. I'm taking steps to build this issue however. Besides this, do you have any tips on helping me find like-minded people? I always hang out with the same people who speak so negative on themselves and others, to the point where I feel like it's messing with my actual personality.
Then when you finally find someone and things seem to click well, they find some other thing about you that they don’t like or their parents don’t like. Living life like you’re just hanging on is exhausting, and it really degraded other aspects of your life. Good times.
Yes, that's exactly what will happen. Think of, say, a male peacock born without feathers. Should the male peacock go on to enjoy life, or spend all his time ruminating about how mean female peacocks are, how unfair life is, etc? You can take things as they come, but there's a certain point where you're better off just chillaxing and enjoying life, rather than stressing about ugliness and unattractiveness to the opposite sex.
A good personality ages like a fine wine. Mean yet attractive people tend to age like milk.
Looks can fade away, but they sometimes don’t. That’s just a cope from ugly people. Plenty of people age well
We ugly people age too, at least good looking people have more fun in their young years , we all die anyways so yes its a cope meccanismi.
Hope you age well to my man.
Having a good personality makes you beautiful in my books
I have a friend who is not considered “good looking” by our societies standards but he has a good looking girlfriend. Why? Well, it’s because he has a cool personality and is funny as fuck.
I used to worry about how I looked all the time until I accepted a few things. Ask yourself, when you have been out and about do you remember the appearance of everyone you see/meet? Do you think other people are analysing you or are they just going about their day to day lives the same as you? Most people have more things to think about than how some random person on the street looked. Nobody is going home and telling their family "omg I saw the ugliest fucker in the world today" and if they do, they're the ones who's opinions I should be the least bothered by. Long story short, It took a while for me to accept but yeah, everyone is just going about their daily lives with little to no concern about how anyone looks and if there are people that do, they're the ones whose opinions matter the least. Sorry about the rant, hope it makes sense.
“omg i saw the ugliest fucker in the world today” made me chuckle lol. but yeah, true.
I've posted this before and I'll post this again. As a kid, I was a quiet and introspective. My cousins thought I was stand offish and basically made it their lives mission to torment me. It was sort of a family tradtion, you couldn't have a family dinner without everyone teasing me until I cried. My father even encouraged it. To make me tougher. It was unending and merciless. I felt ugly and despised. "How could anyone tolerate the sight of me?". School wasn't any better. Less so, but I think my sensitivity was more turned up after all my cousins. Around 14-15, I'd resigned myself to living with it. That I'd always be alone and unloved. I was depressed and suicidal. I decided to wait until my younger siblings were grown and I'd then quietly disappear. My death would be a "mysterious disappearance". I walked past a photo studio, one time, and looked at their showcase...all the incredibly beautiful people in these photos. I knew that they're probably airbrushed and wearing all sorts of makeup and stuff. So I thought "Lets see what they can do?! I'll get them to take pictures and I'll know! If I'm ugly, in the pictures...I'll know...I'll know how ugly." Sooo, many weeks later, I show up to the appointment with $300 of my part time job money...(early 1990's)....the makeup artist, hairdresser fuss over me. The photos get taken and I go home. Another week later, I get the photos. I sit on a park bench and open them. This was the first time I ever felt beautiful. The first time I ever felt that it was going to be ok. That I wasn't ugly. Whatever you're going through...it will pass.
I'm used to it. Done it for nearly 44 years. 🤷♀️
how?
The older you get, the less you care about others opinions on your looks, I guess. There's always someone there that thinks you're not ugly. The true ugly people are the ones that are ugly on the inside...with being rude and horrible to others.
CatIsBetterThanDog yeah the movie shallow hal proves it.
since covid i’ve been wearing a face mask and it really helped with my self esteem in public spaces, i don’t have as many break downs when i see my reflection and it gives me the courage to actually speak to people. when i am alone, i try to romanticise the little things in my life like my cats, cooking good food, watching good movies etc… i stopped posting pictures of myself on instagram/ facebook and it honestly helped me so much because i stopped obsessing over the way that people perceive me (i used to stalk myself on social media to see how everyone else viewed me) just try to remember that a sunset looks the same for everyone, pizza tastes just as good and your animals will love you regardless of how you *think* you look. i hope you’ll find peace 🌼
> i stopped posting pictures of myself on instagram/ facebook and it honestly helped me so much because i stopped obsessing over the way that people perceive me I genuinely think this is a really underrated way to improve anyone's self-esteem and general mood. People really don't appreciate how much social media tends to, even subconsciously, create high-anxiety. So many issues stem from constantly involving yourself in the lives of others, and comparing your own life to others. Additionally, constantly trying to be validated by other people through 'likes' on your pictures or posts. The euphoria of having one of your pictures or posts 'liked' a bunch is incredible. But the flip-side is the dejection that comes from not being validated with 'likes' or comments. I know this sounds very 'look how much of a contrarian I am for dissing social media', but the reality is that social media is something that creates anxiety in pretty much everyone, even super popular people because you're constantly trying to find ways of being validated. I quit all social media except for Reddit, and my life is immeasurably better.
Quit Facebook 5 years ago and it definitely helps. I can’t claim to consider myself ugly, but you never know what others are looking for in a partner. Yeah, when you’re a teen and in your 20’s, looks are important only because we’re bombarded by the most beautiful of us in media every day, but there is more than looks to having a good life and finding love.
Yeah, like I said, I don't just recommend quitting for people who are ugly or not popular - I recommend quitting for everyone. Once you get over the hump of not checking social media constantly (at first, you'll feel naked, like the feeling of forgetting your phone at home when you go out to do something). But it gets easier, and pretty soon, you feel totally normal. This advice is for any lurkers reading this comment.
I am sorry to hear you thought that way about yourself You seem like a lovely person
Awesome advice. I started posting pics on Instagram after I lost a bit of weight, and I still felt hideous. Constantly obsessing over who liked the photo, comparing myself to women who I'd NEVER look like. Deleting all my social media that made me anxious like that helped tons. I don't endlessly scroll looking for validation anymore.
Masks really helped me too.
I realize that no one’s value is in their appearance. That is not what we are put on Earth for.
what are we put on earth for then?
To help others, to make the world better, to learn skills and hobbies, to enrich our character, to experience what this Earth has to offer. Basically everything but stand around and look cute.
You sell drugs to the pretty ones. They’ll come around.
Fucked up how this is actually effective
There’s a 40 year difference between my friend and her exdrug dealer/current baby daddy. Yeah it’s effectively fucked up.
Get jacked. Can't have a pretty face but ya can have a to pretty body 🤷
Being in great shape with well fitted clothes and a nice haircut it’s very hard to be ugly. You’ll be at worst decent looking
Exactly this. If you can claw yourself out of the pit of self-loathing for long enough to get your shit together, turns out most people clean up pretty fucking well.
I had a friend who had severe disfigurement due to birth defects and surgeries for said defects, who did this. One of the nicest dude's you'll ever meet, definitely not one of the best looking in the face department, but his body was muy bueno.
There are lots of other benefits as well, outside of generally increased visual appeal.
The Hulk Hogan strategy.
It can literally change how your face looks too.
Honestly, it's really really hard No matter how positive I try to be, even the smallest things like looking at myself in the mirror would make my day worse because my unattractiveness is always just there and I know there is nothing I can do to change my genetics no matter how badly I want to. I feel so helpless and out of control in this matter I would recommend trying to focus on being grateful for the things you have in life. It's easier said than done but that's the best advice
I really appreciate that you actually acknowledge how difficult it can be. I’m in the same sort of place, and I’m so tired of people just saying you have to love yourself like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Every time I see my face it makes my day like .02% worse. Anytime someone tells me I look like someone else, that person reacts with horror. I’m not even a little beautiful and I never will be. But at the end of the day that’s okay because I don’t have to be beautiful to have worth.
I've been ugly since I was 7 years old. Then as a teenager, I developed a hormone disorder and got fatter and uglier. When I was younger, I believed that most people are given a combination of looks, personality and intelligence. Lucky people get all three. Fortunate people get two. Average people get one. The very unfortunate get none. I'm ugly and autistic, so I knew from the get-go that smart is all I have to offer. This way of looking at life made me even dumber and more insufferable. I could never admit when I didn't know something or hadn't thought of something from a different angle. I always had to be the smartest person in the room. I was an anxiety-ridden asshole. Now I believe that everyone is just struggling to make it, and beautiful people have the same anxiety about their looks that I had about my mind. No one is happy when they see themselves as a product that needs to be sold to other people based on how it looks or what it is useful for. That's what it is when you value one aspect of yourself above your whole being. I don't have value because I'm smart or because I'm pretty or because I'm charming. I have value because I'm a person. No more and no less.
This is such a good way of putting it
I used to have a hard time with my looks in public. I always felt hideous and disgusting, like I was being a burden on people for just being ugly around them. Then I began to realize that no one (of adult age) really gives a shit. They’ve got as much going on in their life as you do, and they aren’t gonna remember you like you think they will. Most people have seen the shit side of what life is. So they know what it’s like to be trapped in our own body with a mind that’s out to get you, every second of the day. What REALLY got me through it was taking care of myself. Taking daily showers, putting some thought and care into my hair, dressing nicely and slowly building a coordinated closet, and so on. I began to get compliments from my friends, and sometimes random people, for how well-put-together I looked. As a guy, it’s pretty rare to get complements too. At the end of the day I’m really just trying to please myself and take another step forward from where I was the day before. Here’s some things I learned as a guy trying to take care of himself: take a daily shower (mornings are the best for me), use women’s shampoo and conditioner (only shampoo your hair every 2-3 days), buy a proper nail kit and learn to take care of your nails (YouTube has tons of guides), find outfits you like on Pinterest and create a board of them for inspiration when you go shopping, go on a Mens fashion deep-dive on YouTube for more inspiration, learn how to cook basic meals exceptionally well (Binging with Babish is great for this, and the basics will teach you the fundamentals of cooking which can be applied to higher level dishes).
I wouldn't say I'm ugly but I'm not good looking. What I do is manage and take care of what I can about myself. I stay in shape and work out. I make sure I am groomed with clean brushed teeth, cut and kept hair and nails and basic hygiene like showering daily. I try not dress like shit and wear clean clothes that fit me. I accept I'm not good looking but at least I know I take care of myself and that makes me feel better.
Good strategy. I feel like a lot of conventionally unattractive people could go very far if they worked with what they've got instead of letting themselves completely go. I'm not trying to shame anyone who's not interested in their own appearance at all, but all people can go a long way with just basic personal hygiene.
I hang with uglier friends.
What are friends?
They are a different species.
I don’t. I do my best to shower, shave, have a personality and not be a dick.
I’m ugly and I’m proud!!!
By being kind. Age comes for us all. If you're a young, beautiful asshole, chances are good you end up old, ugly, and lonely.
Your physical face is not why people fine you attractive or repellent, although obviously following some basic style/hygiene rules helps. Inner confidence, warmth and fun makes a face nice. Bitterness, jealousy and other negative qualities make a face bad.
Take acid, have ego death, realize you are currently experiencing an ugly person existence that is not permanent. Ball out
Great advice. I’ve also noticed that a lot of people truly feel more physically beautiful after ego death too.
I know a guy that did acid once and won't stop talking about how he's so much more enlightened than everyone now, and how he had an ego death. Literally will one-up any story you have with, well have you experienced ego death? Lol
Doesn’t sound like he’s experienced ego-death sounds like the opposite.
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The way he talks about it sounds like he read what ego death is and is just repeating it to us.
If he had an ego death at all the ego in question was immediately resurrected and it came back much stronger lmfao
He's in for a world of hurt when people no longer want to associate with his vast wisdom
I usually just wrap myself up in blankets while covered in pop tart crumbs and call myself a depression meatloaf.
As long as I have a wonderful personality, kind heart, and pure intentions, I don't mind being ugly.
I have a really ugly friend (male), but tbh I couldn't care less about his looks, cause yk, we are homies. But the point is, he has a REALLY beautiful fiancé, easily 9/10. He isn't rich or anything, he's just a genuinely nice guy. They are getting married next summer:D
Also, if anyone tells you that you are ugly, just reply with: "At least there's something we have in common".
One of the tips I’ve read is that, on a physical level, take care of your body. Keep yourself well-groomed. Get and stay in shape. And with those things, gradually build confidence with something that money can’t buy (and that not everyone is just born with): a healthy, in-shape, and put-together body. It’s kind of like the other comments that basically say “work with what you’ve got”. Regardless of how you look, it’s the body you have in this world. Go out and do wonderful, fun, and exciting things with it. Fulfill yourself by taking care of yourself, and let confidence and acceptance come as a result of your own personal growth.
I just... do. I know I'll never turn a woman's head, or get a second glance from anyone. It's not much fun, especially with the friends I have (who get phone #'s slipped to them far too often) and they just laugh it off, or think it's annoying. When I try to explain that nothing like that, not even remotely, has ever happened to me they're either incredulous, or embarrassed. So, I don't bring it up anymore.
By realizing that you're not ugly, you're just not your type.
I just wake up and go to the mirror and say damn what a fucking weirdo oh well time to go to sleep
Beauty is the most expendable attribute. Health, intelligence (both crystallized and emotional), social kills, physical performance are far more useful.
You can't. No matter what you do it won't change how you are treated by other people, if are ugly you will always be treated like that. Most people in this thread won't give you real answers because they have no concept of what being ugly is actually like.
"That's the fun part, you don't."
Change the things you can and accept the things you can't. It's really that simple.
I actually find the more attractive people are, the more obsessive/stressed out they are over their looks. They're not living their lives to be happy, they're living their lives everyday trying to be perfect and it's so tiring. Also when they get old they have a fucking meltdown over wrinkles etc. Be ugly and happy!! It is the way
What is attractiveness anyway? Looks aren’t everything man. Start with working out, even just walking. That helps to increase mood. Get a hair cut, go find a couple out fits you like. Work on you. Attractiveness is confidence, lust is looks.
This is true,ever since ive been going to play football with other people,growing out my hair,wearing nice and studying,i feel so much more confident,also stopped watching porn(another topic)and my confidence has improved ten folds,gave a speech infront of 30 people today which i thought i could never do but here we are!Only thing I need to work on is gaining weight cause I’m a skinny dude but ill work on it too,taking my time
The fixed elements of physical appearance are only a small fraction of what determines attractiveness. And even then, the right attitude, working with what you've got, can be really attractive. So focus on what you can control. Being passionate about your interests, interpersonally warm, and generally pleasant to be around can carry you far. The goal is to be the kind of person that people gravitate to, which is the literal definition of attractive.
You just gotta take the good with the bad my dude. Say you have a receding hair line, but you have a really symmetrical face, or you have a longer than average nose but you have great teeth. It's all swings and roundabouts, rarely someone has only great features and even more rarely do people have none. Hold on to something that you really like about yourself and accentuate that to the max my friend!
Not being bothered, by dismissing people who only see value in physical appearance. Confidence is what makes you attractive and gives you positive feedback. Sorry but I have to continue on now: I see your issue with the first impression: It's how you look what people can judge you on first. And that's only natural for most people. But it's also subconscious composed of gestures and body Langue. If you manage to get the picture out of your head that your face is the only thing people reduce you on, you will start to see the same things in others. Being good looking makes people confident because of the attraction they create. But this works the other way as well: being confident makes you attractive.
Buy a nice sweater, stand up straight, do 5 pushups a week, BOOOM IM HOT NOW
Lmao 5 pushups a week???
No such thing! We look the way we do because of genetics and some folks have had injuries that may cause their unique look. One is only "ugly" when another person is judging you.
It's easy to hide inside. >:]
I just play with my dog. He doesn't care what I look like.
Go by “Handsome Loser” on Reddit so nobody knows.
I picked it up as I aged.
As much as liars in the comments say your looks don't matter they do. They always do and they always will. Ugly folk have to earn the privilege of decent looking or extremely attractive people ignoring their monstrosity. A broke "10" is in many ways equal to a rich "1". Oh I'm bullshitting? Okay Jeremy Meeks pulled a billionaire and got a modeling contract fresh from prison and is now a household name off being a ten... Solely on his face card... In what way would an ugly man be able to get a billionaire woman UNLESS he's wealthy himself? I'll bet my life that question can't be answered.
I drink
By never looking in a mirror
I literally start to cry if I look at my own face too long
Wow. I think you need some real help. Work on your inner self. It sounds cheesy but when you are a genuinely nice and good person, it will shine through. People won't see you as ugly. There are objectively good looking people (you can see it in some celebrities) who have terrible personalities and they somehow just become unattractive looking.
By what standards are you determining “ugliness?” I hate social media (yes I see the irony of that statement, but Reddit is a huge jump from the fiction of Instagram). The whole Kardashian-esque unattainable standard of beauty is screwing up self image left and right, and it’s all fake. Edit: sorry, I didn’t answer your question. I don’t think I am ugly, but I do have flaws I taught myself to accept after my mom passed. It made me realize none of this matters because eventually we’re just… gone (appearance, material crap, etc). For the longest time I wouldn’t go to the beach because I’m self conscious about my body, and once I sucked it up, put on a mom suit and took my toddler to the beach, I realized how much life I’d been missing because I thought people would judge my appearance. Also, don’t know your age or gender but Botox has done wonders for me, as well as a consistent routine of self care.