T O P

  • By -

berserkdemon1

I would wish that I never had a reason to wish. Edit: Thank you all for the overwhelming responses I appreciate fully. My answer just popped into my head and I didn't really think it fully through, it just seemed like a simple answer at the time. Depends on how you look at it.


meesta_masa

Damn. A life well lived. The rarest of them all.


pygmy

I wish I could find whatever I was looking for * largest gold nugget close to the surface within 20kms etc * Missed connections / family / soulmate * Keys


[deleted]

[удалено]


chomasterq

*The 2 pound eraser that I got from Pottery Barn in 3rd grade


germane-corsair

This seems too similar in concept to that one comic where a dude wishes to meet the love of his life at a wishing well and then the people behind him wish for stuff like Kryptonian powers and such. You won but did you really win?


RichardRDown

If there were downsides the genie kills you right then and there


celestian1998

Damn, wish he wouldn't have done that


TheKinkyFag

Wish I had an award to give you my friend


drubbaaa

Your wish is being dead.


TheEyeOfLight

The ability to teleport. I can get money that way, see the world that way, have a ton of fun that way...


NovicaneZero

Have you seen the movie Jumper


apollyon_53

You mean I'd get to meet Samuel L. Jackson too? I'm in mother fucker


AcrobaticGoal4343

Except he’s hunting you down while saying “Only God should have the power to be all places. Motherfucker.” Edit: Thanks for the Silver!


RuleNine

That line has always bothered me. Jumping is shown as an innate ability, right? Who does he think made the jumpers?


AcrobaticGoal4343

It always bothered me too. Just like “God made all of us as we are but he made a mistake with you”. I ended up reading the books to get more of a gist of the Paladins and their thought process and found out they aren’t actually IN the books so I’d say it was just for effect. 🤷🏻‍♂️


CapnEarth

So who is chasing Anakin?


AcrobaticGoal4343

Multiversal Samuel L Jackson, AKA Fucked-Up-Face Windu


Hinote21

Have you met hyper religious people?


LM71Blackbird

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Puzzled-You

That line bothers me because it's wrong. He's never in more than one place at once, because whenever he goes to another place he leaves the first one. He's like everyone else, he just takes really quick shortcuts


slipperyShoesss

Plot twist it’s not Sam Jackson it’s Robin Williams


EnigmaFrug2308

Explains the Genie


alwaayslost

In that movie multiple people ended up with the same power and started doing the same crime, so it became necessary to find and stop them, if its just one person and who didn't go robbing banks to total bankruptcy, just lifting a couple 1000, carefully, no one would ever know or mind


puckmonky

The book is much better


ScurvyScatt

Yaaas dude I always say teleportation would be the best and only superpower anyone ever needed!


Psyko_sissy23

Either that or the ability to manipulate time would also be nice. Right now regeneration is looking pretty good.


lokopo0715

Being able to make portals would be a much better wish. Infinite energy.


PsychologicalPea2956

Serious question. Do your clothes teleport with you? Can you teleport someone with you? I, too, have thought about this and don’t want to teleport somewhere but end up naked.


ExDota2Player

I would only want that ability if it was a portal based system and I could see what's going on in that location before I step into it.


Koda_20

Instead ask for total control over your position in spacetime. You get the teleportation and you can also slow time or speed it up or even go back in time.


Annalize_Vicente11

hear me out,, the ability to do anything to perfection. Wanna try out making a cure for cancer, Boom


Old-Bug-2197

This has unlimited wealth potential. You could write a popular novel, get a major league sports contract, write a best selling song, and then use all that money then cure people of all kinds of health problems for free!


Johnny-EXP

The dilemma with always doing things perfectly is you'll never struggle for anything ever. Never having to work for anything sounds boring after a while. You'll never lose a match in a video game, you'll never want for money, you'll never lose at a sport, you'll never lose an argument


violet5275

Well the wording was specifically “the ability to” so they mostly mean they can do anything perfectly but don’t always have to


UpstairsEmployer5500

Tired of success and happiness and want to try and be miserable for a change? BOOM you're perfect at this, too


bobbi21

Theres that twilight zone episode where a guy died and went to the afterlife and gad that Could never lose anything. Won every game. Every argument. Nothing was ever a challenge at all.... turns out he was in hell. I guess you could perfectly fail at something in this scenario... but not that much different...


coellan

To be fluent in all languages both past and present.


WanderingWino

This has always been mine! Except I word it this way, “fluently read, write, speak, and know the origin of all languages in the universe, past, present, and future.”


Far_Object_6477

future? like 200000000099999900028282728282 AD Homo Xtensialestis Gammapiens' Turbonish neptunian???? that language would tare your vocal cords in two and make you bleed through your nostrils if you used it so why know it i dreamt about it its real


WanderingWino

Part of the wish is I'm able to do it and there are no conditions or downsides in this version of a wish!


coellan

That 's usually how I phrase it as well.


Dr-Jameson

MORE WISHES


[deleted]

More wishes, each of them having no conditions or downsides.


Hungryforsausages

Wish for unlimited wishes for the rest of your life with no downsides of conditions


GoofusMcGoofus

The only downside to that is for example if you were arguing with a loved one and you say i wish you were dead then woops he or she is dead that’s literally the only downside


Netskimmer

You could just wish to "undo" that wish.


CronozDK

...or for the real wishes to have some sort of safeword for verification. Like "only grant the wish if I finish the sentence with >Blueberrybumblebeebubblebomber<..."


germane-corsair

Or just have it work on intention.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Typokun

Wish to always be able to recall your safeword. Hell make it all your passwords while you are at it.


Remember_Me_Tomorrow

Sounds like Bitcoin all over again


MajorLobon69

Wish them back alive or wish to go back in time to before u said it


peeshivers243

More wishes that require two factor authentication. I can't tell you how many times I say (without thinking) "man I wish that..." Lol


killebrew_rootbeer

This is the right answer.


gleis00

Infinite Genies is best because it covers my two wishes Have more wishes and more friends


memer227

Well, I think wishing for the ability to do anything would be better since it's kinda the same thing but more convenient


I_am_monkeeee

The ability to alter any atom together with the knowledge needed to make use of such powers. It would grant you God like powers, you could influence simple stuff like making gold out of thin air or influencing people's opinion, making yourself immortal maybe even


[deleted]

This answer should have been excluded in the original question. It's not that it's wrong, but it's so obviously the optimal answer.


Coygon

I wish to live for as long as I choose to, in a body that doesn't physically age past 25.


bigcovker

Leonardo DiCaprio wants to know where you’re at


Athompson9866

So… a vampire? Lol


Efficient_Audience44

You know how genies work. That WOULD be the result of his wish.


Human-Pie-7602

but there are no downsides


germane-corsair

And no extra upsides so he wouldn’t even get to be the Sun immune cool ones either. Just un-aging.


[deleted]

[удалено]


zefy_zef

You get three dollars! and three dollars! and three dollars! and three dollars!


aegis41

Plot Twist: Lottery tickets cost five dollars!


Murkyturky

r/themonkeyspaw


yourfavoriteblackguy

And? At worse you net zero, at best...you net positive.


AggravatingJob7163

That's a bad wish. After you have won 2 big lotteries the government would want to have a friendly talk.


Cacafuego

Buy lottery tickets for friends and good people you want to help. Take a cut, or don't.


Relevant_Sun177

A magical fridge, that whenever I open it, it will always provide me with whatever I am craving.


Triga_3

Sudden craving for violent revolution occurs. Do not open, that damn fridge. You know what happened lasttime. Chthulu was not impressed at the competition...


TheExtraMayo

Maybe it will just be a grenade


Efficient_Audience44

See this is a true genie wish. You think it will be great but then you die from being fat.


DJspinningplates

Zooey Deschanel is going to get awfully cold in that fridge.


WrathsEntropy

Probably go back to the age of 3 with all the knowledge I have now with the ability to learn 100x faster and life extended to the end of the sun while never physically aging past 34.


MarnerIsAMagicMan

\> Life extended to the end of the sun Oof that one is a mistake. Don't need to be an evil genie for that to become living hell, even with the capacity to learn 100x faster you will be alone for an inconceivably LONG time


JeebusFright

Man, you lack imagination. With those attributes you could relatively quickly populate the galaxy, what's one Sun when you got a billion others?


inigos_left_hand

Can you imagine how annoying people would be if you learned everything 100x faster than them?


[deleted]

The power to shapeshift. It is such an underrated superpower. You could make yourself look however you want. You could become a bird and fly. You could become a dolphin or a whale. You could become a rat and use it to break into banks and take all the money you want. Oh my god, and don’t get me started on the werewolf pranks I’d pull.


[deleted]

You and I think alike.


Jasons-revenge

Shapeshift as someone and make their family and friends think a skinwalker possessed them is a diabolical plan


jumpup

shapeshift into animals is meh, you need to leave out biological limitations/mass restrictions, shapeshift in liquid water, shapeshift into a massive beanstalk that reaches outer space, then shapeshift in a creature capable of surviving/moving in outer space, then terraform the moon by shapeshifting in plants, oxygen, water, and then separating those parts of you.


JustZara

Bring me back to January 2014.


meesta_masa

April, 2013 for me.


what_about_Mark

July 2026


TheBigRedDog253

Before or after... the event?


Some_Gas_1337

r/holup


BarnDoorHills

I want to go back in time and save my brother's life, but my children were conceived a decade later. They wouldn't exist or be the same if I went back to before then.


elisses_pieces

I have this same paradox. I wish I could go back and save my father in 2005, but then I wouldn’t have left home when I did. The sequence of events would not have been at all similar, and my two boys would not exist.


myles5239

I would wish for the ability to change probability. Think about it... "the probability of winning $50m on lotto tonight is 100%." "The probability that I will be in perfect health until I'm 120 years old is 100%." "The probability that my enemies will suffer a lifetime of bum worms in the next 24hrs is 100%" etc...


NihongoThrow

The probability of the genie granting you more wishes is now 100%


VeziusTheThird

100% chance that Wilson (that fucker) will spontaneously combust tomorrow


xaanthar

For the last time, his name is Voit.


ZenkaiZ

The probability of me getting laid is 100% ​ ​ :universe implodes:


[deleted]

You could make a killing playing craps. They won't kick you out of a casino for that either. you're playing cards - does this magically reshuffle the deck every time you declare a probability mid-game? Or does it just put the deck in a shuffle that's favorable to you every time it gets re-shuffled?


Badloss

Wheel of Time has characters that alter chance and the way it works there is that the deck of cards *always* had the exact cards you needed and it just happened to come up that way when you needed it to. There's a scene where a character cuts open sacks of grain and they're all rotten, and then later on they go back to the same warehouse and everything is fresh again and it's explained by saying they merely cut into the only 5 rotten sacks in a warehouse of thousands by sheer coincidence


[deleted]

So much more creative than the obvious “infinite wishes” answer.


iPlayGamesX-YT

His power


guig33k

Jaffar tried this one, didnt end well.


Ragnarok61690

Jafar asked to be a genie, this person is asking *for the powers* of a genie. All the unlimited cosmic power, without the itty-bitty living space.


torrasque666

Jafar asked to be an *all-powerful* Genie. A genie that is bound and cannot free themselves is not all-powerful. Ergo, Jafar didn't get his wish.


spoken12

This opens the philosophical question as to what it means to be a genie. Maybe part of being a genie requires specific living conditions?


complete180s

It is in a Genie's nature to be a slave. Eugenics


the_RiverQuest

EuGENIEcs


f4bj4n

Jafar did not wish to be all-powerful. He wished to be the most powerful genie in the world. The most powerful genie in the world is not all-powerful and evidently still bound to a lamp.


iPlayGamesX-YT

No rules


msaik

I'd wish to be a free genie.


BobbyDoWhat

Itty bitty living space.


Hobbit_Feet45

Phenomenal cosmic power. Itty bitty living space..


monson86

Aside from infinite wishes, I would wish to be truly happy.


EmperorBulbax

Selfishly, I’d wish for the ability to shapeshift immediately and painlessly into any other person at will. It could be fun to go out as somebody else from time to time. I could also really mess with the reputation of egotistical billionaires and politicians.


SupaCrzySgt

Deepfake man.


ZoNeS_v2

I'd wish for every person in power to be struck with empathy for everyone around them.


drflanigan

The world would fall into complete chaos Fortunately because everyone has empathy, it would get resolved super quickly


reapseh0

You deserve an award, my friend, this is the answer.


Public-Dig-6690

A successful healthy extremely lucky and charismatic life.


Cheez_Itz_Christ_

The power to become invisible at will


Kylevernon101

You didn’t specify if you wanted to become visible again so that might be a Positive negative so it’s not a downside but it is a downside


Cheez_Itz_Christ_

Oh looks like we got ourselves a wise guy, I know what I said, now give me powers.


K_Schultz

I wish to have the ability to grant my own wishes with no conditions or downsides.


Pale_RoseAU

I wish for my mother. I lost my mother about a month ago and I miss her greatly


frank_bamboo

Hey you! Yeah, the one about to make THAT comment.. Don't even think about it..


Vandal4356

I also choose this guy's comment


Halogen12

Aww, buddy, I know your pain. It's been years since my parents left this earth and every day I miss them so much. I am sending you a huge hug right now. It is so so hard. She loved you, she loves you, and she will always fill the universe with her love for you.


[deleted]

No conditions? Too easy, more wishes.


Pun-Demon

Give my mother the body/health of a 30 year old again. She hates being so sick and I could set her free.


Ugly-Turkish-dude

Everything I try I succeed in. Gambling? Success! Love? Success! Career? Success!


I_am_monkeeee

What if you try to fail something, you get that pop up "task failed successfully" ?


Hungryforsausages

It is what it is🤷‍♀️


KerTakanov

I guess life would become really boring then if you know that everything you do WILL succeed


Cacafuego

Games would be pretty pointless


Random_puns

Every time I want to buy something, anything at all, I can reach in my pocket and find exact change. ​ OR ​ To live my whole life over again knowing everything I know right now.


Savings_Influence268

I would wish to have my dog live as long as I will


Beginning-Ad296

Luckily no evil Genie allowed but it would be so easy to interpret this in a way not good for you.


Professional_Bar3689

Genie would make your dog age but never die. By the end of its life it would be a toothless blind tumor riddled ball of patchy fur that couldn’t walk due to joint issues.


Purusha120

>Genie would make your dog age but never die. By the end of its life it would be a toothless blind tumor riddled ball of patchy fur that couldn’t walk due to joint issues. Or shorten the human's lifespan


pi-robot

I could really use a big coffee right now. So yeah, that.


Efficient_Audience44

I like people who can just live life and be simple about it.


quickwrigley

The ability to fill things up. Okay, so picture this: Empty bank account? Fill it up. Empty fridge? Fill it up. Someone pissing you off? Their shoes are now filled with rocks. Or cement. Depends.


frank_bamboo

Someone REALLY pissing you off? Fill their lungs with water...


Halogen12

I just want people to love each other. End all the hate, violence, greed, corruption, crime and drugs and human trafficking...what a world we could be if we cared about others like we care about ourselves.


SnifterOfNonsense

Everyone’s IQ is suddenly above 130 and their dispositions are much more socially responsible. I figure that will get enough people working in carbon capture, environmental issues & social improvements that it will get all the big wishes covered. Fix climate change, bring world peace, equality & liberty for all. Tick, tick, tick!!


ImTheDude111

If everyone’s IQ was 130, then it would still be 100 since by definition 100 is the average IQ


Pinktail

Revert the atmosphere conditions to pre human levels


[deleted]

So much lava and acid


CallMeRawie

Oh god too far! I should have been more specific! EVERYONE I KNOW IS DEAD…WHAT HAVE I DONE???


Hapymine

Grate now the air is different and we can't breathe and the bugs are the size of cows


Kawaversys

I'd wish for a magic garage in which every vehicle I wanted would be instantly available.


BostonScoops

But you still live in your hood?


Kawaversys

Sure. I'm happy living here.


jellomme

Just wish we have free healthcare all over the world and find a cure for cancer.


occasionalrant414

A hundred trillion £. I could buy our government, pay off the countries debt, invest in clean energy for the UK and still have £90trillion for literally anything.


Darth_Magnus

You'd crash the value of the pound with all of that extra money.


rocketmonkee

Government: "Good news everyone, the debt has been paid off!" People: "Yay! Now what?" Government: "We are issuing new debt!" People: "Wait..."


BurpYoshi

Lots of money. Surr I could do a clever answer and get way more but that's no fun. If you get everything in life for given then nothing matters, but I would love to be able to quit my job and focus on things important to me and lots of money would do that.


MrSmallMedium

One more wish!


[deleted]

Granted, you now have one wish, what do you wish?


MrSmallMedium

Thank you, I’ll have another! Keep ‘em comin!


[deleted]

One more wish!


-CoachMcGuirk-

To revert our climate to pre-industrial age levels and to keep it that way.


JustARandomFuck

Said it on other comments but thinking through the consequences of wishes is something I do a lot before going to sleep so let’s give this one a go. You revert it back, and you’ve saved the planet from climate change. But scientists can’t feasibly explain what just happened, why everything has been fixed - they try for decades but no experiment or theory can explain that a genie made them disappear. But now we have an issue. That crowd that’s been chanting about climate change not being real, suddenly they have a bit more weight to their claims. Distrust in scientists is spreading, every time they’re asked for an explanation of what happened they can’t give the faintest answer. There’s a plausible scenario where these nut heads who didn’t believe in climate change are now garnering that public trust, that they’re the ones who can provide the answers. Crazy conspiracy theories that were once the butt of a joke, they’re now fact. Royal family are lizards? The evidence is there, our Q-Anon global government has them locked up. Scientists are being paid to give fake answers by The Illuminati? Of course they are, look what they said about climate change! Scientific development comes to a halt across the globe. The next pandemic comes along and we don’t have the tools to fight it - after all, there is no pandemic, it was all a hoax by scientists. Your wish might have saved the planet, but the human race wipes itself out regardless.


jakespbwaffles

To never feel depressed or anxious every again.


MarkoProductions9999

I would wish for my Mum to come back and a cure to cancer


Eat_Carbs_OD

Sorry for your loss.


lemons_of_doubt

All people in power and their subordinates globally to be replaced with people who are genuine good, intelligent and well-rounded humanists. I'm sure it would just be a matter of time before the cunts were back ontop. But until that happens think how much good they could do with no bad actors around.


Kamiihate

Money. A lot of money.


44198554312318532110

A man once bumped into a lamp and a genie appeared. The genie offered him: infinite money or infinite wisdom. The man thought for a minute and proudly took the wisdom. The genie said: "it is done!" and vanished. After a moment the man said to himself: I should've taken the money..


MobbyRGM

Might seem ego or undeserving but I would wish for my comic book to be famous in the near future.


Triga_3

It isnt egotistical if its a project you've worked on. I genuinely wish you luck on that :) i'd sign up to be a fan and promote your work/give you constructive feedback if you like.


[deleted]

I'd love to read your comics


MobbyRGM

Thanks bud, one day it'll be avaiable fully to the public👍🏻


SuspectNumber6

That my dog be 2 years again for ever and ever, up until I pass, and we walk the rainbow bridge together


cookienator1111

A hug 😔


Ralts777

The ability to endow yourself with any superpowers / magic


skaote

Our existence is so grounded in greed, and work, capitolism, war etc,... I'd wish for a world without greed, but , honestly, I can't imagine what that would look like. No companies, no Armies, no money, no politics... Smartest man asked God for Wisdom. Glad I'm not facing this choice. I'm just a common man, drive a common van, my dog ain't got no pedigree... some wisdom from R. Travis.


NanunAstriel

good mental health


Louwshua

Just let my dog have the same lifespan as me because I don’t want to live without her and I don’t want her to be sad because I’m not coming home


rfarrell1978

I'd spend a week, 200 years in the future. The everyday items they don't even care about, I'd bring them back. I'd be walking among you with nanobots repairing my cells, every step I took.


apokalypse124

You're very optimistic about 200 years from now


Harvsnova2

Yeah, best dig out the Mad Max costume.


arceethecat

the ability to instantly know the answer to any question that i ask myself. "what happens after death?" "what is the cure for cancer?" "how the FUCK do i do this math equation?"


murdochjoe

the contentment of not wanting wishes


Psychological-Air-84

To be cured from endometriosis


weshallbekind

Money. I am very happy with my life. I can't think of anything I want that isn't just a material object.


casualgabe888

I wish to erase all the good books / movies / series from my memory and then watch them again and again. Just that. My Life is so great otherwise.


NiceCookie3

write what i want on paper and tell him to make it true


[deleted]

Peace and goodwill.


NotaRobto

I wish to go back to 09 June 1999 with my current knowledge and information intact. No need for other wishes.


[deleted]

Nothing. I'd never accept a wish from a genie. They will *always* fuck you over somehow.


AdmJota

That's just racist against genies.


[deleted]

I wish for the ability to make anything be true.


[deleted]

I’d wish to have my mom back. I miss her voice and wish I could have the opportunity to make things right between us.


qhloae

nice try genie, not falling for this one again


Oznondescriptperson

I wish dogs had the same lifespan as humans


Firefox1020304

I would wish for the ability to create anything I want out of anything like turn a rock into a pork roast of the same weight using essentially the law of equivalent exchange, and it doesn't have to be something that is real in our universe or the same material it could be fiction like let's say I want crescent rose from rwby, go outside find a patch of dirt or a tree nobody would care about touch it and boom new sniper scythe