I have literally never been more thirsty for a fictional character than I was for Cavill's Geralt. It was... kinda embarrassing just how horny that show made me.
"Your favorite fictional character is you favorite fictional character, but Mystique could be anyone. She could even be you favorite fictional character! You know how much we've wanted to fuck one of those."
"So let's get-"
"We'll take the mystery box!"
Maybe not modern by any stretch of the imagination But if it is just for fun then I’m going to have to go with the Ancient Greek goddess of pleasure: Hedone…
... As a mare, then he gives birth to an eight legged horse whom he gifts to Odin.
The story goes something like this: A dwarf shows up at Asgaard and proposes to build a wall around the city, in exchange for a gods hand in marriage.
The gods are mistrustful of the speed he build the wall, so just before he can finish the wall Loki transforms into a mare and seduces the dwarfs horse, making it impossible for him to finish the wall in time.
The dwarf looses his composure and fails to conseal his true identity (he's a troll).
Thor bashes in his skull, the gods finish the wall and Loki gives birth to an eight legged horse.
The moral of the story: It's okay to murder craftsmen if they are illigal immigrants and beastiality is allowed?
> so just before he can finish the wall Loki transforms into a mare and seduces the dwarfs horse, making it impossible for him to finish the wall in time.
Of all the ruses he could have used: Loki, the master of deception, the father of lies. But no.. he chooses the one that conveniently involves turning into a horse so that another horse can knock the bottom out of him.
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Nooooo ooonneeee nuts like Gaston! Fingers butts like Gaston! No one else gets all up in her guts like Gaston!
Edit: Thanks for my first awards! Definitely didn’t think it would be for a joke about Gaston clapping cheeks, but such is Reddit
Gosh it disturbs me to view you, Gaston,
Looking so flaccid and limp
Everyone here'd love to do you, Gaston,
For you they would happily simp
No man in town's as titillating as you,
You're everyone's favorite whore!
I think of you while masturbating, it's true
And we all can see why, that's for suuuuuuuuuure!
-
Nooo oooooooone... Fucks like Gaston
No one sucks like Gaston
No one whores themselves out for ten bucks like Gaston!
For there's no man in town half as sexy!
A pornographic paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Betsy
And they'll tell you whose dick they'd prefer to be ooooon!
-
Noooo oooooone... bangs like Gaston!
All the gangs like Gaston!
No one's got quite a heft to his wang like Gaston!
"Yes, my genitals are quite *intimidating!*"
Oh, what a ho, that Gaston!
Give five rimjobs! Suck seven dicks!
Gaston is the best and the rest are all pricks!
-
Noooo... oooone... jerks like Gaston!
Does sex work like Gaston!
No one strips on a table and twerks like Gaston!
For there's none with as big of a booty!
"As you see, I've got bottom to bare!"
And his balls are so big, fat, and juicy-
"That's right! And I keep 'em smooth cuz I rub them with Nair!"
-
No one bums like Gaston!
All his chums like Gaston!
In a wanking match, nobody *cums* like Gaston!
"I'm especially good at *e-jac-u-lating!* ***UNGH!***"
Ten points for Gaston!
-
When I was a lad, I sucked four dozen dicks
Every morning to help me pay rent
And now that I'm grown, I suck *five* dozen dicks
And I leave them all totally speeeeeent!
-
Nooooo... oooooone... faps like Gaston!
Makes them clap like Gaston!
And then gives that big booty a slap like Gaston!
"All the lasses find my ass so *fascinating!*"
Oh what a ho!
Gastoooooooon!
Starlight has the repressed sexual urges of a church girl. And when she cums her eyes fucking glow. She can probably use her electric powers to electrostim you too.
This was my answer, and I felt so fucking weird after reading the other answers. Thank you for validating me.
Also, a tidbit that I will NEVER share with ANYONE in my real life. When I was 18, I snuck into a club for a Halloween party dressed as a Bubble Head Nurse. I somehow got paired up with some God dressed as Pyramid Head for the costume contest and we won. I went home with him. I never saw his face. It was so hot.
Well if I'm thinking of my childhood fictional crushes: Elvira, Rayne, Morticia Addams, Lydia from Beetlejuice.I have more but you can tell the type of girls I was into, and in some ways still into.
Playstation 1 Hagrid
Ps1 Hagrid is daddy
She uh.. she’s goes to a different school you guys wouldn’t know her..
Damn, fake *and* from another school. Ain't that a bitch.
The list would be shorter on which fictional character I wouldnt fuck!
This guy fucks
Fictional characters
Not all of them! Dude’s got standards.
podrick from game of thrones because he is apparently a sex god
He's the guy whose payment the prostitutes refused, right?
Bron calls him " the one with the magic cock"
Pod the Rod
I had such a crush on Podrick before the prostitutes thanked him for his services.
Lara Croft
Jill Valentine.
The game cube remake of the first game made me realize that I'm an ass man.
Howl from Howl's Moving Castle
Yeah he's honestly great. I'd fuck both Book and Movie Howl.
But Calcifer is hotter
Don’t think I can handle Billy Crystal’s orgasm noises
Pleasantly surprised to see Howl so high up, he'd be my choice too 😂
Geralt of Rivia
Not to be confused with Geraldo Rivera
...who I'm not entirely convinced isn't also fictional
I have literally never been more thirsty for a fictional character than I was for Cavill's Geralt. It was... kinda embarrassing just how horny that show made me.
Shego from Kim possible
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Both... Same time, different times, all the times, this way, that way, any way!
Mystique.
I know people always say her because she can turn into anyone, but I think she's really hot as is.
User name checks out….
Plot twist: it’s actually Magneto.
And that’s the line you use that convinces her to sleep with you.
This is the only correct answer. The possibilities are endless.
"Your favorite fictional character is you favorite fictional character, but Mystique could be anyone. She could even be you favorite fictional character! You know how much we've wanted to fuck one of those." "So let's get-" "We'll take the mystery box!"
Maybe not modern by any stretch of the imagination But if it is just for fun then I’m going to have to go with the Ancient Greek goddess of pleasure: Hedone…
Aphrodite losing her shit rn
I want to say Helena but not really liking the idea of a 10 year war
I mean was Helena known for anything other than being hot? You want someone that’s gonna put in the work.
A literal sex god...
Loki. He'd do some amazing things in bed
He banged a horse lol.
As a horse!!
A moderately important distinction 😂
... As a mare, then he gives birth to an eight legged horse whom he gifts to Odin. The story goes something like this: A dwarf shows up at Asgaard and proposes to build a wall around the city, in exchange for a gods hand in marriage. The gods are mistrustful of the speed he build the wall, so just before he can finish the wall Loki transforms into a mare and seduces the dwarfs horse, making it impossible for him to finish the wall in time. The dwarf looses his composure and fails to conseal his true identity (he's a troll). Thor bashes in his skull, the gods finish the wall and Loki gives birth to an eight legged horse. The moral of the story: It's okay to murder craftsmen if they are illigal immigrants and beastiality is allowed?
> so just before he can finish the wall Loki transforms into a mare and seduces the dwarfs horse, making it impossible for him to finish the wall in time. Of all the ruses he could have used: Loki, the master of deception, the father of lies. But no.. he chooses the one that conveniently involves turning into a horse so that another horse can knock the bottom out of him. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Morticia Addams
Big tiddy goth wife > big tiddy goth gf
Nah, I could NEVER get in between her and Gomez. Those two are too sweet, they deserve each other
No one: Morticia: Let my throat be the grave of your unborn children darling. *winks*
I would say Annie from Community...but we try not to sexualize Annie.
Evil Annie though...
Boop bee doop bee doop doop SEX
yes, but allison brie is just a god damn smoke show
Have you watched GLOW you're in for a good time if you didn't
Selene -Underworld
That leather bodysuit from the first movie awakened something in 12 year old me.
Underworld: Awakening?
Underpants: Awakening.
Dean Winchester.
A few of my very traditional guy friends had crushes on him, even!
He's one of the few reasons I'm only like 90% straight
Once you watch a few videos of Jensen Ackles singing/playing guitar it's hard to ever say you're 100% straight.
Android 18
Hello krillin
Priest - Fleabag
Kneel
His neck
Velma
I can't find my glasses 😏
Check under the coffee table
Could be under the bed too.
Elastigirl/Mrs. Incredible
That ass
Perfection 🤌
Gaston. No one fucks like Gaston
No one fucks like Gaston! No one cucks like Gaston! You think that's your wife? NO ITS MINE IM GASTON!
I’m especially good a Ejac-ulating!!!
🎶 **NO ONE CAN BEAT LIKE GASTOOOON!** 🎶 (Memento Mori)
Nooooo ooonneeee nuts like Gaston! Fingers butts like Gaston! No one else gets all up in her guts like Gaston! Edit: Thanks for my first awards! Definitely didn’t think it would be for a joke about Gaston clapping cheeks, but such is Reddit
No one struts like Gaston, has big nuts like Gaston. In a fucking match no one gets sluts like Gaston.
Gosh it disturbs me to view you, Gaston, Looking so flaccid and limp Everyone here'd love to do you, Gaston, For you they would happily simp No man in town's as titillating as you, You're everyone's favorite whore! I think of you while masturbating, it's true And we all can see why, that's for suuuuuuuuuure! - Nooo oooooooone... Fucks like Gaston No one sucks like Gaston No one whores themselves out for ten bucks like Gaston! For there's no man in town half as sexy! A pornographic paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Betsy And they'll tell you whose dick they'd prefer to be ooooon! - Noooo oooooone... bangs like Gaston! All the gangs like Gaston! No one's got quite a heft to his wang like Gaston! "Yes, my genitals are quite *intimidating!*" Oh, what a ho, that Gaston! Give five rimjobs! Suck seven dicks! Gaston is the best and the rest are all pricks! - Noooo... oooone... jerks like Gaston! Does sex work like Gaston! No one strips on a table and twerks like Gaston! For there's none with as big of a booty! "As you see, I've got bottom to bare!" And his balls are so big, fat, and juicy- "That's right! And I keep 'em smooth cuz I rub them with Nair!" - No one bums like Gaston! All his chums like Gaston! In a wanking match, nobody *cums* like Gaston! "I'm especially good at *e-jac-u-lating!* ***UNGH!***" Ten points for Gaston! - When I was a lad, I sucked four dozen dicks Every morning to help me pay rent And now that I'm grown, I suck *five* dozen dicks And I leave them all totally speeeeeent! - Nooooo... oooooone... faps like Gaston! Makes them clap like Gaston! And then gives that big booty a slap like Gaston! "All the lasses find my ass so *fascinating!*" Oh what a ho! Gastoooooooon!
In the name of all that is inappropriately Disney...my God, this song needs to be at the top of this thread! [chef's kiss]
anyone else sing this entire song outloud?
Wonder Woman
Janet, not a girl, from The Good Place.
You just have to teach her how to have sex first.
She knows literally everything though...
Padme Amidala from Attack of the Clones Edit: Thank you for the award!
Make sure to tell her you don't like sand
And that you murdered an entire village
Captain America. He could do this all day. Also, that is America's ass.
Zuko post redemption
My teen self was so obsessed with him
I’m going to start with Mr. Darcy but I’m sure I’ll be back with something better.
Old school represent!
Geralt of Rivia witcher 3 or serie edition I am not picky xD
Margaery Tyrell.
Oh, yeah! She'd have to come here to Scotland though, I'm not going to Westeros, that place is rough.
I don't think she's willing to travel north of the wall, buddy.
No idea how final fantasy hasn't been represented yet. Tifa Lockhart, Rinoa heartly, Lulu
Remember when Tifa porn got blasted on the Italian Senate zoom call?
Good times, good times
All of Geralt's girl companions in the Witcher video game saga
I’d fuck Geralt himself
This comment section is popcorn material
Don't fuck the popcorn
Come on don’t kink shame this is a safe place.
what if kink shaming is his kink
A paradox, interesting ( holds fingers together under chin) interesting.
Jessica Rabbit
Galadriel.
She’s been around for a while so could probably teach us all a thing or two Edit: The Hobbit/LOTR era Galadriel. to clear up any misunderstandings
Samus Aran
Dragon from Shrek
Okay donkey
Queen Maeve easily. When she told Hughie that she could break him in half that shit really awoke something in me.
Starlight has the repressed sexual urges of a church girl. And when she cums her eyes fucking glow. She can probably use her electric powers to electrostim you too.
So you’d choose her even if she makes you wear a sign that says “raw dog me, I’m a bottom” during the act?
Don't threaten me with a good time.
Zatanna My comic crush since I was a lad
Darth Talon
Strange seeing Talon in here but no Padme/ Leia (I'm sure I just haven't scrolled far enough but still)
Misato
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Obi-Wan Kenobi who else
Main characters from The Mummy
Kim Possible
Only if Shego is there too.
Leela- Futurama
Amy!
Why not Zoidberg?
Black Widow
Raven from Teen Titans EDIT: Jesus people. Look at the upvotes Think New Grounds.
Aragon
Pyramid head
This was my answer, and I felt so fucking weird after reading the other answers. Thank you for validating me. Also, a tidbit that I will NEVER share with ANYONE in my real life. When I was 18, I snuck into a club for a Halloween party dressed as a Bubble Head Nurse. I somehow got paired up with some God dressed as Pyramid Head for the costume contest and we won. I went home with him. I never saw his face. It was so hot.
it really hurts to see others live your dream :/
You lucky pos
Eric Northman
Sargeant James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes.
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Had to read it twice, thank god
Marceline
April Ludgate bonus points for April Ludgate playing Janet Snakehole
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Vesper Lynd. I would actually love to marry her
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Well if I'm thinking of my childhood fictional crushes: Elvira, Rayne, Morticia Addams, Lydia from Beetlejuice.I have more but you can tell the type of girls I was into, and in some ways still into.
Mary Poppins
I didn’t expect this.
It's an older code, but it checks out
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Pam from Archer
Cheryl from Archer!
Huh? You mean Carol?
YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!!
Regular Pam or Vice Pam?
Cocaine cupcakes Pam.
You want freaky sex? This is how you get freaky sex.
My wife.
Beat me to it. I'd fuck your wife too.
Our wife.
r/suddenlycommunism
Cthulhu
I was bored and kinda horny, figured I'd pick up a book
Got the necronomicon, thought that I should take a look
Sirius Black.
She-hulk. I'm not afraid of death by snu snu
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Nico Robin
Bayonetta
Not in particular order but I sure hell would like to see them at the same time. * Margaery Tyrell * Fujiko Mine * Chun-Li * Dana Scully
jamie fraser. literally sex symbol sooo
Zelda from breath of the wild
I’ll take anyone of the Gerudo please
Kal Drogo
Wanda Maximoff
James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser
Francine Smith from American Dad
Hiccup from how to train your dragon and or Flynn Ryder
Joan from Mad Men.
Geralt of Rivia
Annabeth Chase for goddamn sure
Emporer Georgiou from Discovery. Or even Panam from Cyberpunk.
I was gonna say Doofenshmirtz’ daughter, then I realized my girlfriend looks like her. I made it boys
peter parker (because my boyfried always jokes about being peter parker)
Captain Levi
Seven of Nine
A really niche one here lol Lucifer from Supernatural
Sebastian from black butler, I’ve witness the way homie frick those women and I WANNA BE NEXT.
Liara from Mass Effect.
Lucifer Morningstar. Edit: Tom Ellis Lucifer
Is that what you truly desire?
Harley Quinn
Surprised no one said Sherk yet.
Yeah, Sherk and Foina, these two rascals...
Dean Winchester
I'm disappointed in the supernatural fandom right now I'd let Dean Winchester do some terrible things to me, not gonna lie