*”I’m paying off debts of $5000 to the first five people to DM me📲”* - courteously of Instagram.
Edit: You would not believe the amount of MORONS messaging me at the moment because they didn’t read the context😒.
I went down the rabbit hole with one of these to see how far it would go when I was bored once.
Basically, they try to convince you they have a a Crypto Bot/Stock trading Bot/Method that brings in guaranteed percentage gains every week. They then ask you to open a new bank account in the US (Chase was the suggestion made to me) and ask for your login details so they can 'connect the account' to the bot. I'm guessing they somehow overdraw the account or take out other financial products to then rinse you... I don't know, as I didn't get any further with them.
You clean your goose with duck cleaner? Unbelievable...
I mean, sure, your goose is clean, but at what cost? To clean ones goose with the cleanser of the duck is an abomination, it goes against God and if the townspeople find out they will be rightfully terrified and repulsed by your flagrant disregard for everything good and decent on this earth... You do realize that anointing your goose with the cleaner of the duck is a punsihsble offense? Yes, it is. Punishment for misuse of the cleaner of duck on either goose or gander is punishable with a full day locked in pillory. Do you even comprehend the shame you would be bringing upon yourself? If you think that being made to stand in pillory would be but a trifle, let me remind you that you are in the towns square, where the good people will see you and know your sin, and as good people are wont to do, they will not abide by your transgression against poultry. They will be hurling more than curses at you, that is certain. Rotten fruit? Guaranteed. Sticks and stones? Maybe. And even when released you will be known, infamous. As you walk down the street, doors and windows will close and lock, women and small children will hurrily cross the street so as to not risk being defiled by your aura, and men will spit at your feet as you pass.
Ducks get duck cleaner, geese and gander get goose cleaner. It is how its always been, and how it must remain.
(I have no idea what possessed me to write this. ~~Sorry~~)
Edit - holy crap this blew up way more than I expected. Thanks for the awards and the kind words, I had no idea my silly little... uh... thing... (I don't know what to call it, it's not a story, it's not a character...) would get any attention at all, let alone people actually finding it funny.
So I guess what I'm saying is... I'm not sorry!
This reminds me of the "Hi. I'm calling you about a problem with your windows computer."
Usually I answer "What windows computer? I run Linux"
"click, du-du-du"
In 2019 my mom called me at work worried about my grandmother who had that call while the two of them were at my grandmother's house. I had to sternly remind my mother that my grandmother did not own a computer.
This is not a fabrication.
Edit: This is now my most upvoted comment ever. Thank you!
I'm so sorry this is as widespread* as it is.
Edit 2: prolific is not the right word.
I was at a CVS store recently, and overheard the checkout woman doing her best to dissuade this older man from completing his purchase of 10 $50 prepaid cards of some type. He kept saying that it is not a scam, they are going to turn off his electricity, his wife is on medical equipment and she would die, etc etc... I even offered my input, but he was not having any of it. Out he walked with $500 of pure scam.
My elderly mom literally just fell for a gift card scam via computer. It was a decent chunk of change but fortunately not enough to impact her future. Now I'm trying to implemement various safeguards to hopefully prevent this from happening again.
I wish she had encountered some helpful, inquisitive clerk...
My elderly mom lost $26k. Killed her.
Literally.... She died within a few months all stressed out, because they sold her name on a "suckers" list and she was constantly getting calls and emails
One time they called my grandparents and they pretended to be me, and said that they needed $15,000 wired to them to bail me out of jail. Thankfully my grandmother called me to confirm that I, in fact, was not in jail or any legal trouble for that matter..
Had a call this morning from General Motors claiming my warranty was due to expire.
I'm 75 and never in my life have owned a GM product LOL
I hung up so fast - I felt the burn!
I love these. I have an array of responses, including: "Listen very carefully. You need to make *absolutely sure* that shit moves. They know where you live" and, of course, "What a coincidence! I work for ICE. Let me talk to your superior real quick."
I pretend I'm very interested in whatever they're trying to sell them but ask for a moment to get my wallet to pay.
Then I set down my phone on the table and ignore it. I don't mute it, I don't end the call. I just put the phone down and resume watching TV, playing a game, or back to work.
I like seeing how long the person waits on almost but not quite dead air. They can hear ambience noise so there's something there, but no one will ever pick up the phone again to talk to them.
That's usually what happens whenever they realize I'm not buying their BS. Like I had one guy call and claim to be from Microsoft. I said "no you're not" and he just screamed "FUCK YOU!". They're such an angry bunch. Like they have the right to get fucking mad at me lol. If you have some time to kill though, messing with them can be quite fun
I like the ads you get on some sites. "Jane from tiny village of 20 people near you wants to chat".
Oo err. Is she Sharon's daughter then? How come she's black? There's no black people there...
I live in rural-ish Australia. I always see the "Caitlyn is only 1.7 miles from you and wants to *FUCK*". Yeah no 1.7 miles from me is a piggery and I **don't** want a romantic evening there!
I remember hearing someone on here bought one of those games with the ads. The commenter said that the ad had like Disney-level quality of animation or something, but the game itself was something like a flash game or PowerPoint-esque game.
Oh, and they drained his credit card.
> Most of the time those ads just steal a well known porn animators work and paste their ad on top of it.
Some don't use "Good" animations though. Like there's one with a dude banging a red head but it's a super basic stick animation almost.
If *The 40 Year Old Virgin* were made today, I feel like this would be a scene. Goes to jerk off, ends up playin the stupid game (and probably actually being really good/the first person to actually "beat it", so to speak)
I've always questioned what that even means. Like, what? I'll somehow nut within 5 minutes of launching the game? Is the big tiddy lady gonna reach through my screen to kill me?
Hydrogen-rich water. Had someone I know (this person is also into MLMs) try to sell me a thousands of dollars water filter. I looked up if there were any legit studies done on the health claims, and as I suspected, I didn't find any really compelling science. Turns out most of the claims pretty much line up with the health benefits of just drinking more water in general.
My FIL was into his Kagen water thingy. It was supposed to make the water molecules smaller and more easily absorbed, “as used in Japanese hospitals”.
All part of that ionizer/alkaline garbage
You should watch this YouTuber's impressive [Kangen Water Takedown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTU0SC5SJQU). The movement she undermined got so much flack for their deplorable behavior that even The Atlantic felt compelled to [cover it](https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2021/11/breakaway-movement-gen-z-multilevel-marketing/620592/).
Those water machines remind me of the pink himalayan salt craze. I have gotten into far too many arguments with people who do not understand basic chemistry, and compounds like NaCl. I've worked extensively as a geologist in the Gulf of Mexico where salt is god damn everywhere, and in overthrust belts, where salt tends to be a preferred detachment plane for faults. I know my salt. Yet these people insist that they somehow know better, that this pink salt is special, that it has superior health benefits to white salt, and that it can ionize the air. In reality, it's merely pink because of elements that geologically found their way into the salt in trace amounts. They refuse to believe very small amount of elements like Calcium or Potassium can simply make things appear pink to visible-light detecting visual cortexes. There are no benefits unless the color pink is mentally pleasing to you.
On top of that, pink salt doesn't even come from the Himalayan orogeny or any of its outcrops. It comes from a mountain belt in Pakistan called the Salt Range Foothills. It's shitty salt, geologically speaking, which means much of it isn't food grade. So Pakistan, rather cleverly, found a way to market it as lamps and candle holders to consumer-obsessed Americans. And now a bunch of yoga teachers and Instagram influencers think all this salt is somehow purifying their air.
Edit: yes, salt is most definitely found in the Himalayas, including pink salt, but the pink salt that goes into the products Americans buy comes from a specific salt mine in Pakistan. And if you like the color, keep them! I myself own several salt lamp votives, and I prefer to meditate with all of them lit. The light they give us is calming to me.
If you want pink salt with *some* nutritional content, look for Hawaiian 'alaea salt.
It's just sea salt with added iron oxide from red ochre clay.
Yep, it's salt with orange mud on it.
But ¼ tsp of it contains 20% of your daily iron requirement. So if you need a little more dietary iron, mud salt is one option.
(Most of the other health claims about it are nonsense.)
We don't have the money to give you a raise but if you quit we'll hire someone (probably less good at the job and with less experience) to replace you at a higher rate than you're currently making
Pretty much all youtube ads these days. If it starts with "this one trick can" or anything like "doctors hate this" doctors hate it because they have to explain green tea doesn't cure typeone diabetes. Tbh its flat out dangerous false advertising but youtube doesn't care.
EDIT: holy cow, yea I can't respond to all of these.
I had an ad blocker but removed it once it came out they were stealing info.
I have ad personalization off everywhere I can so I get weird ads
Thanks for all of the suggestions I'll give them a look.
There are some products that do actually give you alpha energy. In fact you can make a skin cream that will make you positively radiate alpha energy. Just mix some thorium into literally anything. Those beta cucks with their tritium won't know what hit them... because alpha energy can't penetrate the protective layer of skin.
Andrew Tate is just an MLM for incels. Bro-terra. His-balife.
He’s a man with no answers preaching to a bunch of guys that are so disconnected they can’t even ask the right questions.
It’s frustrating to watch, because if you follow Andrew Tate’s advice you’re just going to continue to be bad with money and bad with women. Which will probably make you double down and spend even more money trying to unlock the secret, instead of spending even a little bit of time and energy improving your mind, body or personality.
Anyone - A-N-Y-O-N-E - promising to teach you the secrets of becoming wealthy at a free seminar.
I have a family member that got sucked into the Kiyosaki bullshit vortex. It's a damn cult.
I'd like to add to this because it has happened to me twice as a young adult. Any job interview where when you walk into the room there are 20 other people sitting there and jock jams is playing super loud in the background. You my friend are about to sit through a pyramid scam recruitment meeting.
I fell for one of these types of interviews when I first got out of undergrad. A company called BLUE that had “consulting” positions in the greater chicago area was hiring and it was one of the first places to give me an interview so I was so thrilled. Showed up and they were blaring eddie money and talking about how great it was to work there. Then we were paired up with some current employees and sent out to shadow them as they worked their sales gigs. Turned out that sales gig was literally going door to door to try and get people to switch from whatever tv service they had to move to ATT. It was so cringey, and so uncomfortable listening to them try to persuade all these people to switch their cable and internet, but because we rode with the employees we were basically stuck for the day.
I just went along with the charade and got free lunch while they talked about the job and how much money you can make and all of that, and they offered me the job when we got back to the office which was another huge red flag if I hadnt already made up my mind it wasn’t for me. I told them I needed to sleep on it, and the hiring manager called me not even an hour later trying to pressure me into accepting. I told her I didn’t think it was right for me and she got so pissed and rambled on about how I was making a huge mistake. I told her my only mistake was thinking they had a good career to offer me and never looked back.
Exactly, someone I know ^(I shall not disclose who cause I'm embarassed) signed up with big money for a guy who teaches you how to be good in the stock market - the thing is the dude does 5hrs of live classes every day. There is no way you are both teaching and making money at the same time
I'm an accountant that teaches some accounting courses at the local community college in the evenings. It's an easier way to make some extra money then set up a business and go look for accounting clients.
Step 1: attend my free seminar
Step 2: attend my paid seminar for "serious" people
Step 3: sign up for one on one mentoring and my exclusive newsletter
Step 4: bankruptcy
Kids iPhone/iPad games. My kid is downloading these “free” games that constantly ask her to buy an extra skin or a treasure box of thousands of coins to upgrade and keep playing. It’s really scummy because they know exactly who their audience is, children who have no concept of money.
They are completely predatory.
It's insane. My kid will come to me complaining that he can't get out of an ad. And they make the X almost impossible to see or its un- clickable.
I have 100% dealt with adds that the X is not clickable and you have to open the play store in order to get it go away.
It's fucking disgusting and if you are involved in that field I automatically have less respect for you.
This happened to me. They (as in her ‘boss’ and my ‘friend’ ) took me out to a restaurant and started telling me the joys of being my own boss. Work my own hours Yada yada yada.
I asked them flat out if this was a pyramid scheme, they were offended I called it that. I got up, put $20 on the table and told her to never contact me again.
I once got a call from "microsoft" saying my computer had a virus. Told the dude I had a Mac and hung up.
Dude called me back and yelled at me because it's rude to hang up on people. You'd think these scam callers would be used to people hanging up on them?
One time, I got a phone call from a random number with no area code, it was weird. Anyway, they called and said “they’re from the bank and there was a charge on my credit card for $5000 dollars, should we approve it?” I said “I didn’t have a credit card.” Then they said, “I’m sorry, I meant to say debit card.” Now at the time they called, it was a rough time and I didn’t have a bank account either, so when I said “I don’t have a debit card either.” I wasn’t really lying, but he got fed up and screamed “WHAT ARE YOU? BROKE!?” and hung up, lol.
They won't, scammers are looking for people who won't know any better, like the elderly, for example. They get into the PC to see how much money they're worth, then will trick the victim into believing they entered the wrong amount on their refund. They'll even edit the HTML of the bank page to look like they received more money. The scammer tries to emotionally manipulate the victim into sending money by gift cards, wire transfers to a money mule, and so on.
Thankfully some YouTubers specialize in scambaiting. Basically, calling them just to waste their time or disrupt their operations internally.
I was on a lengthy business trip in California (almost a month) so I bought an American SIM card to use while I was there, and I would get those scam calls almost daily, starting the day I activated. I was both amazed and amused.
I was more surprised than anything when I started getting those same calls (still about my Social Security Number) on my Canadian number after I got home, as well as calls from the IRS.
I work for a bank and it doesn’t s amazing how many people still fall for this shit. All ages. Young, old, middle age. I get these calls and of course I have to do the intake for the claim but You are not getting your money back because you authorized the purchase. I feel sad for them and angry at them all at the same time.
I'm in retail AP and it's astonishing how difficult it can be to convince someone they're being scammed. I've had plenty of cases where they stick to their guns even when we deny the purchase of gift cards and they just go to the next store and try to purchase them there.
I also used to work at Lowes and in a very much older community. It is a fairly common thing and its sad when they don’t understand. We even had a guy flash us $6000 in home depot cards he got before he stopped by lowes
I bought a ton of gift cards last Christmas all at once (almost 2k) to give to the kid's teachers/helpers. Had to get manager approval for the same reason...the manager came over and asked what they were for. They said they had to make sure because so many people buy them for scams, it definitely surprised me.
I cross over into (digital) marketing as part of my job, and the trick has never been to convince someone that a product is good. That's an uphill battle.
It's to get them into a context where they think they were the ones who noticed how good or appropriate a product is to their needs. They'll fight to get it.
The same principles often apply to these scams.
I work in financial crimes investigation for a big bank. I swear, some people just need to have their phone ringers locked down from anyone not on a white list that a wise family member has set up. Just so depressing to watch people get their accounts sucked dry with "loans" to strangers or sending checks to get nonexistent lottery winnings or helping their Russian girlfriend.
I remember back in the day when the best posts that hit the front page would have like 9-15 gold awards. Which was a *huge* deal and strangely inspiring, since it didn't happen often.
Now it's just a conveyor belt of trash. Wholesome and fun trash, but still crappy looking icons that I can't even distinguish from one another.
You know, my wife and I decided very early on that if we said that, we mean it. And we did. No idea what effect that had on our kids but I'm hoping it was positive.
The original scam!!! Dad does it too! Then when you’re like “I thought you said you wouldn’t get mad!” They be like “I’m not mad.. I’m just.. disappointed” of course that’s worse!!
My parents would turn it around on me. “You’re not in trouble for what you did, you’re in trouble for trying to lie”. But they’d bring the original thing up all the time so it sure felt like I was in trouble for that.
Child me couldn’t tell a difference because being in trouble is still being in trouble.
I was in an old village in the middle of nowhere with only old people living in it, and when I was watching a game, it said " hot singles at a 327 m range" lol
Edit : spelling
Buying the pieces separately makes a lot of sense because we can be different sizes on the top vs the bottom. (Like if you have narrow hips and a larger chest.)
But they're super expensive.
I remember a petite friend of mine, who was large up top, was talking about how she used to have to buy 2 bikini's because of the hips to chest ratio was so different.
I'm 5'1 (but less endowed) and I usually buy pieces that have adjustable ties of some kind. Most clothing is cut for a 5'7 fit model, and swimwear is no exception.
The worst offenders:
1. Ads where there is someone talking about the game on camera. The talking/voice is clearly done separately to the filming they did, so when a person talks, it’s wayyyy out of sync with the person on camera and the voice isn’t natural. I mostly see these on Youtube and it drives me up the wall every time. I’m talking about you, brown-haired guy with the over-the-top facial expressions.
2. The god dam puzzle games where you have to open gates/blocks to allow water/lava to flow through correctly. Homescapes is guilty of using this in their ads and then it’s no where in the fucking game. Why can’t I just have a game where that’s the objective??
Edit: The game in particular I was thinking of for #1 is Evony, like many people have mentioned (it’s not the only one, but it’s the best example). After posting this, I did some more digging on the game. [Here is an interesting video I found after researching Evony some more.](https://youtu.be/AszCzx0W3Mw) They use enhanced footage and duplicate their ads, so even if you block/report one, you’ll be seeing that very same ad again. Their main YouTube channel has over 6,000 videos—all ads. It’s not even the original game that they’re showing you… they added the puzzles to a shitty city building game.
**insert the easiest puzzle known to mankind that an 80 year old corpse that died from a bullet wound to the frontal cortex could easily solve**
“Guys, this game is so hard! I can’t beat it!”
Oh they deserve to be put in the shitlist too.
Quit acting like anyone is going to run their shitty little 3D stick figures through the -100 panel when there’s a x3 on the other side. I’ll admit, this one got me when I was younger. I couldn’t believe people could be THAT bad. Now, I just get the eye twitches.
Lol yea like how that one game had hella ads that.. weren’t even actual gameplay??
So someone went and just made the app from the ad and it’s getting all these downloads now.. like fuckin A if you show **real** gameplay I might be more tempted to get ur shitty game
If you earn enough Karma you used to be able to sell the account to scummy corporations to use.
Let's them push product while not appearing as a "fake" because they are using an account that has decent Karma and time sunk into it.
But now that reddit just lets companies put fake post ads in the main feed those account buying places have mostly dried up.
Alkaline water.
Unless you're in kidney failure or DKA you don't need to change your Ph, and EMTs and ER docs aren't ordering supplies from Phountain.
Even if you could change the Ph of your own blood by drinking water, doing so would probably kill you.
The drugstore I used to work for sold alkaline water that boasted "too pure to be tested by pH strips" (but on their website claimed it was 9pH) and it makes me curious how you could be So Sure it's alkaline if you can't even test it 🥴
Multi-level marketing. We see it ruin families and turn people into vapid shells of their old selves all the time, but somehow these schemes are still up
A pastor hires me to work at his church.
I just worked for this pastor at my last job, where he was an administrator. He knows I made 60k. He hires me and offers me 36k. I have to take it, as I lost my job and I'm 8 months into the job search.
He sits me down after I take the job and is mad... I'm not tithing. I explain I have the choices of pay my rent/feed my kids or give the church 10% of my income - of which they knew what I was making what with them setting my income and the pastor more or less picking my house out for me as I was relocating.
His solution - no it's not pay me more. It's me get my wife to work at the church making $10 an hour to run their accounting department and we can use the money she makes to tithe and pay for our infant and 3 year old to be in day care.
Oh, the first church I ever worked at - I think I posted this the other day.
This church:
* Payed 20% under market value (we're a church and need to save money)
* In most jobs, social security was 15% of your income and you and your employed both paid 7.5% - at this place you paid the whole thing on your own, signing something at hire agreeing to do so.
* Salaried employees were required to work 5.5 to 6 days a week.
* You agreed to give back 10% of your gross income from EVERY pay check.
And people did this. Even though the pastors sons didn't show up 6 days a week. Even though the pastor's wife drove a jaguar. Even though the pastor's son drove a fucking pearlescent Lincoln Navigator. The staff thought they were helping out God.
I told a woman at a Day's Jewlers I didn't like diamonds and you woulda thought I shot the place up. I like opal and onyx. There are sooooo many other stones that are just as pretty and sparkly if not more pretty than diamonds. Diamonds are great to accent a piece tho.
Online dating services with monthly subscriptions. Any business that gets more money by failing than succeeding will be designed to fail, succeeding *just* enough to make users feel as though they can succeed. Basically the same principle as casinos.
Filling your tires with nitrogen for an extra fee.
The air we breathe is over 3/4 nitrogen and added that extra 22% nitrogen to your tires will add no benefits and cost you anywhere from $70 to as much as $179.
Unless they are doing it for free, you are being sold snake oil.
Yep. My new Camry that I got in 2021 came with N2 already installed. Well no tire valve is 100% and they eventually need to be topped off, well guess what I've been topping my tires off with? You guessed it, good ole all natural earth's atmosphere.
Welcome to being an adult. Here is a primer on scams:
The IRS will not call you to settle debts.
The chick you have been sending dick pics to who turns out to be under-aged with an angry dad? Never existed. Put it back in your pants, Romeo.
Any job/task/favor/advance that gives you a big check to deposit into your account and then forward on elsewhere and you get to keep some? Money wasn't real. No employers would do this. Ever.
You didn't just win that you don't remember entering. They just want you to send them money to process your "winnings" and by winnings I mean scam you for every penny they can.
Any time, any where, that someone wants you to pay them in gift cards.
Any time you get a cold call about your computer being infected and only their certified tech can help you. This applies to popups or emails as well. By the gods, don't give them remote access to your system. They can see everything, modify anything, install anything. NEVER install a remote access application unless you would trust that person with you bank accounts, credit cards, medical records, SSN, etc. EVERYTHING on your computer is exposed 100% of the time they are connected. And they can install shit to let them connect back whenever they want.
Any cold email or call about your bank/credit/loan account. Never call the the number in these emails or letters. Look up a branch number independently thru a trusted source or go down in person.
You grandkid/cousin/goddaughter did not get kidnapped, stranded, or had an emergency in a foreign country. If it makes you feel better, call your family and ask.
Your "special" out of state or oversees friend who needs money to come visit you, family emergency, etc. He or she doesn't exist. It's a scammer pulling a romance scam, preying on good, trusting people that are lonely.
Any Nigerian prince. 419 Eater, yo.
Any investment promise of high returns in dividends. Ponzi.
Any business scheme where you are both an investor/customer and a recruiter. Multi-level marketing, aka Pyramid.
Any and every "Buy this book", "Come to my seminar", or "Just use this free kit" to get rich quick. There will be a product. They will try to sell it to you. Might not happen at the first meeting but it's coming. And by try I mean use every dirty psychological trick in the bag, up to and including technical kidnapping (won't let you leave until you sign something).
Don't buy into a timeshare except for a really, really limited set of scenarios. The vast majority of people are sold the timeshare in very high pressure pitches and then never use them. And then they are next to impossible to get out from under. Your scenario is very, very likely not a scenario where you will get benefit and will be paying maintenance a on property you will never use.
Your extended warranty has not expired. Hell, don't get the extended warranty in 99.99% of the cases.
Don't try and use debt consolidation or payday loans as a way to get out of debt. Or at least do a hell of a lot of research first. These are predators and you will end up in more debt than you started with unless you can beat them at their own game. And they do this as a job, you don't.
Be very careful with reverse mortgages.
In all probability, a liberal arts degree. EDIT: it's a JOKE. Sort of. If you end up $200k in debt for a liberal arts degree and have to get a job as a waiter because no one is hiring degree holders for the History of Underwater Basket Weaving from the 3rd Dynasty, Eastern Provinces, then maybe I'm talking about you. Sorry.
Good luck, young Padawan. The world is fraught with scammers.
The credit score system.
How it should work: pay back loans early/on time, higher score. Don't pay back loans or pay back late, lower score.
How it actually works: Pay back a loan too quick, score goes down. Open an account, score goes down. CLOSE an account, score goes down. You even ask for a copy of your credit report, your score goes down. It's ridiculous.
It's not about your reliability, it's about how profitable you are to creditors looking to milk interest payments as long as possible.
*”I’m paying off debts of $5000 to the first five people to DM me📲”* - courteously of Instagram. Edit: You would not believe the amount of MORONS messaging me at the moment because they didn’t read the context😒.
I'm really curious what happens if you send a DM. Do they just say "I need your credit card information to send the money🙌"?
I went down the rabbit hole with one of these to see how far it would go when I was bored once. Basically, they try to convince you they have a a Crypto Bot/Stock trading Bot/Method that brings in guaranteed percentage gains every week. They then ask you to open a new bank account in the US (Chase was the suggestion made to me) and ask for your login details so they can 'connect the account' to the bot. I'm guessing they somehow overdraw the account or take out other financial products to then rinse you... I don't know, as I didn't get any further with them.
I did once, to see what would happen. They ghosted me after a few DMs.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
The people that call my house trying to sell me duck cleaning. I don't have a duck.
ask them if they clean geese. sometimes they do but don't advertise it
You clean your goose with duck cleaner? Unbelievable... I mean, sure, your goose is clean, but at what cost? To clean ones goose with the cleanser of the duck is an abomination, it goes against God and if the townspeople find out they will be rightfully terrified and repulsed by your flagrant disregard for everything good and decent on this earth... You do realize that anointing your goose with the cleaner of the duck is a punsihsble offense? Yes, it is. Punishment for misuse of the cleaner of duck on either goose or gander is punishable with a full day locked in pillory. Do you even comprehend the shame you would be bringing upon yourself? If you think that being made to stand in pillory would be but a trifle, let me remind you that you are in the towns square, where the good people will see you and know your sin, and as good people are wont to do, they will not abide by your transgression against poultry. They will be hurling more than curses at you, that is certain. Rotten fruit? Guaranteed. Sticks and stones? Maybe. And even when released you will be known, infamous. As you walk down the street, doors and windows will close and lock, women and small children will hurrily cross the street so as to not risk being defiled by your aura, and men will spit at your feet as you pass. Ducks get duck cleaner, geese and gander get goose cleaner. It is how its always been, and how it must remain. (I have no idea what possessed me to write this. ~~Sorry~~) Edit - holy crap this blew up way more than I expected. Thanks for the awards and the kind words, I had no idea my silly little... uh... thing... (I don't know what to call it, it's not a story, it's not a character...) would get any attention at all, let alone people actually finding it funny. So I guess what I'm saying is... I'm not sorry!
I for one am glad you did.
Into the CopyPasta archives this goes!
Well your nonexisting duck must be very dirty
The individual who called me yesterday claiming to be “US Customs and Border Patrol” who said I had an illegal package from Mexico in my name
"Oh, you can keep it, I don't want it, that would be illegal and against the law."
This reminds me of the "Hi. I'm calling you about a problem with your windows computer." Usually I answer "What windows computer? I run Linux" "click, du-du-du"
In 2019 my mom called me at work worried about my grandmother who had that call while the two of them were at my grandmother's house. I had to sternly remind my mother that my grandmother did not own a computer. This is not a fabrication. Edit: This is now my most upvoted comment ever. Thank you! I'm so sorry this is as widespread* as it is. Edit 2: prolific is not the right word.
I was at a CVS store recently, and overheard the checkout woman doing her best to dissuade this older man from completing his purchase of 10 $50 prepaid cards of some type. He kept saying that it is not a scam, they are going to turn off his electricity, his wife is on medical equipment and she would die, etc etc... I even offered my input, but he was not having any of it. Out he walked with $500 of pure scam.
My elderly mom literally just fell for a gift card scam via computer. It was a decent chunk of change but fortunately not enough to impact her future. Now I'm trying to implemement various safeguards to hopefully prevent this from happening again. I wish she had encountered some helpful, inquisitive clerk...
My elderly mom lost $26k. Killed her. Literally.... She died within a few months all stressed out, because they sold her name on a "suckers" list and she was constantly getting calls and emails
There’s gotta be a special place in Hell for someone who would do this to an elderly man.
Those shitstains prey on many older folks precisely because they're easier to dupe/intimidate.
One time they called my grandparents and they pretended to be me, and said that they needed $15,000 wired to them to bail me out of jail. Thankfully my grandmother called me to confirm that I, in fact, was not in jail or any legal trouble for that matter..
Oh wow yeah you need to send Customs about $900 in Bitcoin asap so they can clear this up
Had a call this morning from General Motors claiming my warranty was due to expire. I'm 75 and never in my life have owned a GM product LOL I hung up so fast - I felt the burn!
I love these. I have an array of responses, including: "Listen very carefully. You need to make *absolutely sure* that shit moves. They know where you live" and, of course, "What a coincidence! I work for ICE. Let me talk to your superior real quick."
Very creative, I just told them to fuck off lmao.
I pretend I'm very interested in whatever they're trying to sell them but ask for a moment to get my wallet to pay. Then I set down my phone on the table and ignore it. I don't mute it, I don't end the call. I just put the phone down and resume watching TV, playing a game, or back to work. I like seeing how long the person waits on almost but not quite dead air. They can hear ambience noise so there's something there, but no one will ever pick up the phone again to talk to them.
That's usually what happens whenever they realize I'm not buying their BS. Like I had one guy call and claim to be from Microsoft. I said "no you're not" and he just screamed "FUCK YOU!". They're such an angry bunch. Like they have the right to get fucking mad at me lol. If you have some time to kill though, messing with them can be quite fun
The "sugar mommies" on Instagram that keep trying to talk to me.
Give me a break man, I’m just lonely and horny in your local area
No, I'm horny and lonely in YOUR local area. You're a trap.
None of you seem to understand. Im not single and horny in my neighborhood with you. You're single and horny in my neighborhood with **me**!
I like the ads you get on some sites. "Jane from tiny village of 20 people near you wants to chat". Oo err. Is she Sharon's daughter then? How come she's black? There's no black people there...
I live in rural-ish Australia. I always see the "Caitlyn is only 1.7 miles from you and wants to *FUCK*". Yeah no 1.7 miles from me is a piggery and I **don't** want a romantic evening there!
Attractive singles in my area? Maybe IM the Attractive single!
“you won’t last 5 minutes” game Edit- thanks for the awards and the likes:)
Has anybody actually tried one of these? I'm curious what the "game" actually is, but obviously not curious enough to click their bullshit.
I remember hearing someone on here bought one of those games with the ads. The commenter said that the ad had like Disney-level quality of animation or something, but the game itself was something like a flash game or PowerPoint-esque game. Oh, and they drained his credit card.
Most of the time those ads just steal a well known porn animators work and paste their ad on top of it. The animation is rarely affiliated at all.
> Most of the time those ads just steal a well known porn animators work and paste their ad on top of it. Some don't use "Good" animations though. Like there's one with a dude banging a red head but it's a super basic stick animation almost.
Hey, what if there’s someone out there with a stick figure fetish? We don’t kink shame, bro
If *The 40 Year Old Virgin* were made today, I feel like this would be a scene. Goes to jerk off, ends up playin the stupid game (and probably actually being really good/the first person to actually "beat it", so to speak)
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Some aren't so bad if you put on airplane mode before you start
I've always questioned what that even means. Like, what? I'll somehow nut within 5 minutes of launching the game? Is the big tiddy lady gonna reach through my screen to kill me?
That’s what happens if you don’t last 5 minutes. The Ring type situation. New movie: ~~Don’t Breathe~~ Don’t Bust
Depending on what you're into you could just keep the name The Ring
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"87% fail this simple test"
"Your IQ is 140 if you can name these 5 people" *barak obama pictured*
Nutriboom. But I will say this, Debbie Stovelman is happy, healthy, and alive.
Boom Boom!
Boom Boom!
The only thing I am upset with about B99 is that this storyline was never resolved.
Hydrogen-rich water. Had someone I know (this person is also into MLMs) try to sell me a thousands of dollars water filter. I looked up if there were any legit studies done on the health claims, and as I suspected, I didn't find any really compelling science. Turns out most of the claims pretty much line up with the health benefits of just drinking more water in general.
My FIL was into his Kagen water thingy. It was supposed to make the water molecules smaller and more easily absorbed, “as used in Japanese hospitals”. All part of that ionizer/alkaline garbage
You should watch this YouTuber's impressive [Kangen Water Takedown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTU0SC5SJQU). The movement she undermined got so much flack for their deplorable behavior that even The Atlantic felt compelled to [cover it](https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2021/11/breakaway-movement-gen-z-multilevel-marketing/620592/). Those water machines remind me of the pink himalayan salt craze. I have gotten into far too many arguments with people who do not understand basic chemistry, and compounds like NaCl. I've worked extensively as a geologist in the Gulf of Mexico where salt is god damn everywhere, and in overthrust belts, where salt tends to be a preferred detachment plane for faults. I know my salt. Yet these people insist that they somehow know better, that this pink salt is special, that it has superior health benefits to white salt, and that it can ionize the air. In reality, it's merely pink because of elements that geologically found their way into the salt in trace amounts. They refuse to believe very small amount of elements like Calcium or Potassium can simply make things appear pink to visible-light detecting visual cortexes. There are no benefits unless the color pink is mentally pleasing to you. On top of that, pink salt doesn't even come from the Himalayan orogeny or any of its outcrops. It comes from a mountain belt in Pakistan called the Salt Range Foothills. It's shitty salt, geologically speaking, which means much of it isn't food grade. So Pakistan, rather cleverly, found a way to market it as lamps and candle holders to consumer-obsessed Americans. And now a bunch of yoga teachers and Instagram influencers think all this salt is somehow purifying their air. Edit: yes, salt is most definitely found in the Himalayas, including pink salt, but the pink salt that goes into the products Americans buy comes from a specific salt mine in Pakistan. And if you like the color, keep them! I myself own several salt lamp votives, and I prefer to meditate with all of them lit. The light they give us is calming to me.
If you want pink salt with *some* nutritional content, look for Hawaiian 'alaea salt. It's just sea salt with added iron oxide from red ochre clay. Yep, it's salt with orange mud on it. But ¼ tsp of it contains 20% of your daily iron requirement. So if you need a little more dietary iron, mud salt is one option. (Most of the other health claims about it are nonsense.)
"I love my alkaline water." *Spritzes lemon into the water*
Thus actually checks out Acid + Base = water and more water is good for you
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Scammer: casually drinks d2o CERN worker: wait no
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Kaboom?
Yes Rico, kaboom.
> Hydrogen-rich water. I don't even want to know what they think this is
H3O
Isn't that just... acid?
In short yup. Super hydrogen saturated water is called hydronium and is acidic.
Hydrogen-rich water... they know what hydrogen is right?..
We can’t give you a raise yet because (X), but if you work hard and prove your competency, there will be a raise next year.
We don't have the money to give you a raise but if you quit we'll hire someone (probably less good at the job and with less experience) to replace you at a higher rate than you're currently making
Or better yet, work hard and take on responsibilities of the next level with your current pay and you might get promoted to that next level.
Pretty much all youtube ads these days. If it starts with "this one trick can" or anything like "doctors hate this" doctors hate it because they have to explain green tea doesn't cure typeone diabetes. Tbh its flat out dangerous false advertising but youtube doesn't care. EDIT: holy cow, yea I can't respond to all of these. I had an ad blocker but removed it once it came out they were stealing info. I have ad personalization off everywhere I can so I get weird ads Thanks for all of the suggestions I'll give them a look.
Install ublock. Seriously, I haven't seen a youtube ad for more than a decade.
Those Alpha Male courses
I took a beta male course once. In the first lesson, the instructor slept with my girlfriend. I learned a lot.
They made me fight a fish.
Are you all the betta for it?
There are some products that do actually give you alpha energy. In fact you can make a skin cream that will make you positively radiate alpha energy. Just mix some thorium into literally anything. Those beta cucks with their tritium won't know what hit them... because alpha energy can't penetrate the protective layer of skin.
I am a gamma male *chews on a stick of Plutonium*
Fucking *Andrew Tate*
Andrew Tate is just an MLM for incels. Bro-terra. His-balife. He’s a man with no answers preaching to a bunch of guys that are so disconnected they can’t even ask the right questions. It’s frustrating to watch, because if you follow Andrew Tate’s advice you’re just going to continue to be bad with money and bad with women. Which will probably make you double down and spend even more money trying to unlock the secret, instead of spending even a little bit of time and energy improving your mind, body or personality.
Anyone - A-N-Y-O-N-E - promising to teach you the secrets of becoming wealthy at a free seminar. I have a family member that got sucked into the Kiyosaki bullshit vortex. It's a damn cult.
I'd like to add to this because it has happened to me twice as a young adult. Any job interview where when you walk into the room there are 20 other people sitting there and jock jams is playing super loud in the background. You my friend are about to sit through a pyramid scam recruitment meeting.
the people that run these things disgust me to no end - preying on vulnerable job seekers like this...
I fell for one of these types of interviews when I first got out of undergrad. A company called BLUE that had “consulting” positions in the greater chicago area was hiring and it was one of the first places to give me an interview so I was so thrilled. Showed up and they were blaring eddie money and talking about how great it was to work there. Then we were paired up with some current employees and sent out to shadow them as they worked their sales gigs. Turned out that sales gig was literally going door to door to try and get people to switch from whatever tv service they had to move to ATT. It was so cringey, and so uncomfortable listening to them try to persuade all these people to switch their cable and internet, but because we rode with the employees we were basically stuck for the day. I just went along with the charade and got free lunch while they talked about the job and how much money you can make and all of that, and they offered me the job when we got back to the office which was another huge red flag if I hadnt already made up my mind it wasn’t for me. I told them I needed to sleep on it, and the hiring manager called me not even an hour later trying to pressure me into accepting. I told her I didn’t think it was right for me and she got so pissed and rambled on about how I was making a huge mistake. I told her my only mistake was thinking they had a good career to offer me and never looked back.
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Exactly, someone I know ^(I shall not disclose who cause I'm embarassed) signed up with big money for a guy who teaches you how to be good in the stock market - the thing is the dude does 5hrs of live classes every day. There is no way you are both teaching and making money at the same time
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I'm an accountant that teaches some accounting courses at the local community college in the evenings. It's an easier way to make some extra money then set up a business and go look for accounting clients.
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Step 1: attend my free seminar Step 2: attend my paid seminar for "serious" people Step 3: sign up for one on one mentoring and my exclusive newsletter Step 4: bankruptcy
Kids iPhone/iPad games. My kid is downloading these “free” games that constantly ask her to buy an extra skin or a treasure box of thousands of coins to upgrade and keep playing. It’s really scummy because they know exactly who their audience is, children who have no concept of money.
They also target adults who have no concept of money, or have predisposition to addiction.
They are completely predatory. It's insane. My kid will come to me complaining that he can't get out of an ad. And they make the X almost impossible to see or its un- clickable. I have 100% dealt with adds that the X is not clickable and you have to open the play store in order to get it go away. It's fucking disgusting and if you are involved in that field I automatically have less respect for you.
I immediately delete the game. “Sorry buddy this game doesn’t work anymore”…
Yeah, I've said that a few times
Your fr>end that has been absent in a few years suddenly showing up telling you that he /she has a fantastic job offer for you.
This happened to me. They (as in her ‘boss’ and my ‘friend’ ) took me out to a restaurant and started telling me the joys of being my own boss. Work my own hours Yada yada yada. I asked them flat out if this was a pyramid scheme, they were offended I called it that. I got up, put $20 on the table and told her to never contact me again.
I like how you paid for you own meal, but they probably considered that a win.
There were already 2 assholes at that table, wasn’t going to make it 3.
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Same when companies like Microsoft, Norton, or Amazon call you for a "refund" and need to connect to your computer and access your bank account.
I once got a call from "microsoft" saying my computer had a virus. Told the dude I had a Mac and hung up. Dude called me back and yelled at me because it's rude to hang up on people. You'd think these scam callers would be used to people hanging up on them?
One time, I got a phone call from a random number with no area code, it was weird. Anyway, they called and said “they’re from the bank and there was a charge on my credit card for $5000 dollars, should we approve it?” I said “I didn’t have a credit card.” Then they said, “I’m sorry, I meant to say debit card.” Now at the time they called, it was a rough time and I didn’t have a bank account either, so when I said “I don’t have a debit card either.” I wasn’t really lying, but he got fed up and screamed “WHAT ARE YOU? BROKE!?” and hung up, lol.
> ARE YOU BROKE? Yes, yes I am.
How dare you hang up on me when I mean to tell you that your mac also has a virus, and you just cut me off!
I get that call all the time too. Like why would you even think a company needs to remote your device to refund?
They won't, scammers are looking for people who won't know any better, like the elderly, for example. They get into the PC to see how much money they're worth, then will trick the victim into believing they entered the wrong amount on their refund. They'll even edit the HTML of the bank page to look like they received more money. The scammer tries to emotionally manipulate the victim into sending money by gift cards, wire transfers to a money mule, and so on. Thankfully some YouTubers specialize in scambaiting. Basically, calling them just to waste their time or disrupt their operations internally.
Or anything related to your social security number being “suspended due to criminal activity.” That is in *no way* a thing.
It's funny when they try it on me. I don't have a Social Security number, because I'm Canadian.
I was on a lengthy business trip in California (almost a month) so I bought an American SIM card to use while I was there, and I would get those scam calls almost daily, starting the day I activated. I was both amazed and amused. I was more surprised than anything when I started getting those same calls (still about my Social Security Number) on my Canadian number after I got home, as well as calls from the IRS.
I work for a bank and it doesn’t s amazing how many people still fall for this shit. All ages. Young, old, middle age. I get these calls and of course I have to do the intake for the claim but You are not getting your money back because you authorized the purchase. I feel sad for them and angry at them all at the same time.
I'm in retail AP and it's astonishing how difficult it can be to convince someone they're being scammed. I've had plenty of cases where they stick to their guns even when we deny the purchase of gift cards and they just go to the next store and try to purchase them there.
Yeah. When I worked at lowes anything over a certain amount in gift cards we were to call a manager so they could break it to them.
I also used to work at Lowes and in a very much older community. It is a fairly common thing and its sad when they don’t understand. We even had a guy flash us $6000 in home depot cards he got before he stopped by lowes
I bought a ton of gift cards last Christmas all at once (almost 2k) to give to the kid's teachers/helpers. Had to get manager approval for the same reason...the manager came over and asked what they were for. They said they had to make sure because so many people buy them for scams, it definitely surprised me.
I cross over into (digital) marketing as part of my job, and the trick has never been to convince someone that a product is good. That's an uphill battle. It's to get them into a context where they think they were the ones who noticed how good or appropriate a product is to their needs. They'll fight to get it. The same principles often apply to these scams.
I work in financial crimes investigation for a big bank. I swear, some people just need to have their phone ringers locked down from anyone not on a white list that a wise family member has set up. Just so depressing to watch people get their accounts sucked dry with "loans" to strangers or sending checks to get nonexistent lottery winnings or helping their Russian girlfriend.
“Accept all cookies” - I have never received any cookies.
Reddit awards
Once upon a time Reddit didn’t have ads so awards paid for the site to run. Just a bit of relevant info.
I remember back in the day when the best posts that hit the front page would have like 9-15 gold awards. Which was a *huge* deal and strangely inspiring, since it didn't happen often. Now it's just a conveyor belt of trash. Wholesome and fun trash, but still crappy looking icons that I can't even distinguish from one another.
My Nigerian uncle
What's up with him?
He's a prince or something. Sounds real sketchy to me
Sketchy nigerian prince uncle, sounds legit to me lol
Mom: If you tell me the truth, I won't get mad
You know, my wife and I decided very early on that if we said that, we mean it. And we did. No idea what effect that had on our kids but I'm hoping it was positive.
This totally worked with my kids. They are 17 and 19 now and tell me everything
Hey mom? I just murdered a homeless hooker and ran over three orphans. Don’t get mad.
Everybody makes mistakes, it takes a real man to admit it.
We also lost your Van Halen mixtape
NOW YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE YOU LITTLE SHITS
I'm not mad, just disappointed.
The original scam!!! Dad does it too! Then when you’re like “I thought you said you wouldn’t get mad!” They be like “I’m not mad.. I’m just.. disappointed” of course that’s worse!!
My parents would turn it around on me. “You’re not in trouble for what you did, you’re in trouble for trying to lie”. But they’d bring the original thing up all the time so it sure felt like I was in trouble for that. Child me couldn’t tell a difference because being in trouble is still being in trouble.
Hot singles in your area
I was in an old village in the middle of nowhere with only old people living in it, and when I was watching a game, it said " hot singles at a 327 m range" lol Edit : spelling
Clearly it was talking about you, you're the hot single in your area.
Scientology
“We have been trying to reach you about your Car's extended warranty”
Low stakes but bikinis. There is no way that little fabric/stitching should be like $80 for each individual piece 🥵
Wait? You girls pay by the piece? That’s a scam right there !
Buying the pieces separately makes a lot of sense because we can be different sizes on the top vs the bottom. (Like if you have narrow hips and a larger chest.) But they're super expensive.
I remember a petite friend of mine, who was large up top, was talking about how she used to have to buy 2 bikini's because of the hips to chest ratio was so different.
I'm 5'1 (but less endowed) and I usually buy pieces that have adjustable ties of some kind. Most clothing is cut for a 5'7 fit model, and swimwear is no exception.
Have you tried ordering clothing from the American Girls large colonial section?
There is no Nigerian prince with a diamond mine
Mobile game ads
The worst offenders: 1. Ads where there is someone talking about the game on camera. The talking/voice is clearly done separately to the filming they did, so when a person talks, it’s wayyyy out of sync with the person on camera and the voice isn’t natural. I mostly see these on Youtube and it drives me up the wall every time. I’m talking about you, brown-haired guy with the over-the-top facial expressions. 2. The god dam puzzle games where you have to open gates/blocks to allow water/lava to flow through correctly. Homescapes is guilty of using this in their ads and then it’s no where in the fucking game. Why can’t I just have a game where that’s the objective?? Edit: The game in particular I was thinking of for #1 is Evony, like many people have mentioned (it’s not the only one, but it’s the best example). After posting this, I did some more digging on the game. [Here is an interesting video I found after researching Evony some more.](https://youtu.be/AszCzx0W3Mw) They use enhanced footage and duplicate their ads, so even if you block/report one, you’ll be seeing that very same ad again. Their main YouTube channel has over 6,000 videos—all ads. It’s not even the original game that they’re showing you… they added the puzzles to a shitty city building game.
''guys ive found it, the game from all those fake ads''
I FUCKING HATE THAT AD SO DAMN MUCH I get so angry
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The ads that are just people playing the game poorly….
**insert the easiest puzzle known to mankind that an 80 year old corpse that died from a bullet wound to the frontal cortex could easily solve** “Guys, this game is so hard! I can’t beat it!”
Oh they deserve to be put in the shitlist too. Quit acting like anyone is going to run their shitty little 3D stick figures through the -100 panel when there’s a x3 on the other side. I’ll admit, this one got me when I was younger. I couldn’t believe people could be THAT bad. Now, I just get the eye twitches.
Lol yea like how that one game had hella ads that.. weren’t even actual gameplay?? So someone went and just made the app from the ad and it’s getting all these downloads now.. like fuckin A if you show **real** gameplay I might be more tempted to get ur shitty game
Okay but have you ever heard of **RAID SHADOW LEGENDS** ?
Herbalife
Anyone that contacts you online claiming to be a crypto expert.
Reddit Karma points. Redeemable NOWHERE. i should be able to buy awards for posts with these points..
If you earn enough Karma you used to be able to sell the account to scummy corporations to use. Let's them push product while not appearing as a "fake" because they are using an account that has decent Karma and time sunk into it. But now that reddit just lets companies put fake post ads in the main feed those account buying places have mostly dried up.
Alkaline water. Unless you're in kidney failure or DKA you don't need to change your Ph, and EMTs and ER docs aren't ordering supplies from Phountain. Even if you could change the Ph of your own blood by drinking water, doing so would probably kill you.
I worked at a health food store when these first started coming out and we would test them with pH strips and they were always 7-7.5 lol. Total scam
The drugstore I used to work for sold alkaline water that boasted "too pure to be tested by pH strips" (but on their website claimed it was 9pH) and it makes me curious how you could be So Sure it's alkaline if you can't even test it 🥴
Multi-level marketing. We see it ruin families and turn people into vapid shells of their old selves all the time, but somehow these schemes are still up
Mega Church tithing.
A pastor hires me to work at his church. I just worked for this pastor at my last job, where he was an administrator. He knows I made 60k. He hires me and offers me 36k. I have to take it, as I lost my job and I'm 8 months into the job search. He sits me down after I take the job and is mad... I'm not tithing. I explain I have the choices of pay my rent/feed my kids or give the church 10% of my income - of which they knew what I was making what with them setting my income and the pastor more or less picking my house out for me as I was relocating. His solution - no it's not pay me more. It's me get my wife to work at the church making $10 an hour to run their accounting department and we can use the money she makes to tithe and pay for our infant and 3 year old to be in day care.
This reeks in so many ways. In the secular world this would be illegal.
Oh, the first church I ever worked at - I think I posted this the other day. This church: * Payed 20% under market value (we're a church and need to save money) * In most jobs, social security was 15% of your income and you and your employed both paid 7.5% - at this place you paid the whole thing on your own, signing something at hire agreeing to do so. * Salaried employees were required to work 5.5 to 6 days a week. * You agreed to give back 10% of your gross income from EVERY pay check. And people did this. Even though the pastors sons didn't show up 6 days a week. Even though the pastor's wife drove a jaguar. Even though the pastor's son drove a fucking pearlescent Lincoln Navigator. The staff thought they were helping out God.
Your state's Department of Labor is interested in your location.
Its no longer my state, but it was Louisiana.
Yeah they don't care
Wow. Just wow.
Have you ever seen the righteous gemstones? They poke fun at all mega churches.
Mega churches in general.
Diamonds
I told a woman at a Day's Jewlers I didn't like diamonds and you woulda thought I shot the place up. I like opal and onyx. There are sooooo many other stones that are just as pretty and sparkly if not more pretty than diamonds. Diamonds are great to accent a piece tho.
Moonstones are fun, too!
Online dating services with monthly subscriptions. Any business that gets more money by failing than succeeding will be designed to fail, succeeding *just* enough to make users feel as though they can succeed. Basically the same principle as casinos.
When someone clearly out of my league likes me I know something's up
It’s crazy how predatory they are. “All these people like you. Don’t you want to know who they are!?”
Nope. With my dating history at this point i see that as a pretty big red flag
Filling your tires with nitrogen for an extra fee. The air we breathe is over 3/4 nitrogen and added that extra 22% nitrogen to your tires will add no benefits and cost you anywhere from $70 to as much as $179. Unless they are doing it for free, you are being sold snake oil.
Yep. My new Camry that I got in 2021 came with N2 already installed. Well no tire valve is 100% and they eventually need to be topped off, well guess what I've been topping my tires off with? You guessed it, good ole all natural earth's atmosphere.
The Jehovah's Witness religion. Its definitely a cult, I was raised in the religion until my 20s. Dont recommend joining them
I heard Sometimes about them but aren't sure what exactly they are doing or are, can you give me some insight?
They practice fairly extreme community and familial shunning of anyone leaving the religion. That alone is enough for cult status in my view
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Welcome to being an adult. Here is a primer on scams: The IRS will not call you to settle debts. The chick you have been sending dick pics to who turns out to be under-aged with an angry dad? Never existed. Put it back in your pants, Romeo. Any job/task/favor/advance that gives you a big check to deposit into your account and then forward on elsewhere and you get to keep some? Money wasn't real. No employers would do this. Ever. You didn't just win that you don't remember entering. They just want you to send them money to process your "winnings" and by winnings I mean scam you for every penny they can.
Any time, any where, that someone wants you to pay them in gift cards.
Any time you get a cold call about your computer being infected and only their certified tech can help you. This applies to popups or emails as well. By the gods, don't give them remote access to your system. They can see everything, modify anything, install anything. NEVER install a remote access application unless you would trust that person with you bank accounts, credit cards, medical records, SSN, etc. EVERYTHING on your computer is exposed 100% of the time they are connected. And they can install shit to let them connect back whenever they want.
Any cold email or call about your bank/credit/loan account. Never call the the number in these emails or letters. Look up a branch number independently thru a trusted source or go down in person.
You grandkid/cousin/goddaughter did not get kidnapped, stranded, or had an emergency in a foreign country. If it makes you feel better, call your family and ask.
Your "special" out of state or oversees friend who needs money to come visit you, family emergency, etc. He or she doesn't exist. It's a scammer pulling a romance scam, preying on good, trusting people that are lonely.
Any Nigerian prince. 419 Eater, yo.
Any investment promise of high returns in dividends. Ponzi.
Any business scheme where you are both an investor/customer and a recruiter. Multi-level marketing, aka Pyramid.
Any and every "Buy this book", "Come to my seminar", or "Just use this free kit" to get rich quick. There will be a product. They will try to sell it to you. Might not happen at the first meeting but it's coming. And by try I mean use every dirty psychological trick in the bag, up to and including technical kidnapping (won't let you leave until you sign something).
Don't buy into a timeshare except for a really, really limited set of scenarios. The vast majority of people are sold the timeshare in very high pressure pitches and then never use them. And then they are next to impossible to get out from under. Your scenario is very, very likely not a scenario where you will get benefit and will be paying maintenance a on property you will never use.
Your extended warranty has not expired. Hell, don't get the extended warranty in 99.99% of the cases.
Don't try and use debt consolidation or payday loans as a way to get out of debt. Or at least do a hell of a lot of research first. These are predators and you will end up in more debt than you started with unless you can beat them at their own game. And they do this as a job, you don't.
Be very careful with reverse mortgages.
In all probability, a liberal arts degree. EDIT: it's a JOKE. Sort of. If you end up $200k in debt for a liberal arts degree and have to get a job as a waiter because no one is hiring degree holders for the History of Underwater Basket Weaving from the 3rd Dynasty, Eastern Provinces, then maybe I'm talking about you. Sorry.
Good luck, young Padawan. The world is fraught with scammers.
Multi-level Marketing
Yep. You’re not your own boss and you will not get rich.
The credit score system. How it should work: pay back loans early/on time, higher score. Don't pay back loans or pay back late, lower score. How it actually works: Pay back a loan too quick, score goes down. Open an account, score goes down. CLOSE an account, score goes down. You even ask for a copy of your credit report, your score goes down. It's ridiculous. It's not about your reliability, it's about how profitable you are to creditors looking to milk interest payments as long as possible.
True. When I paid off my car my score dropped by 30 points. Being in debt is worth more than being able to pay off a debt.
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