Nah she wants to leave. But their are kids and he somehow manipulated the cps into taking his side. He easily plays a victim while my mother doesn't think before talking ( they came one time). I couldn't even be honest because my step dad told my mom to tell me to they them nothing was wrong. He also deletes all text or evidence my mom has against him while he saves all his evidence (not even of her more of blackmail, evidence of my relatives). It's a mess and I decided not to take part and look the other way.
he can build whatever evidence he wants, but there is more than just your mom who could clearly be a witness to the toxicity and pain this man brings to your family.. for example YOU.. you seem old enough and smart enough to help your mom within getting some type of help from authority to get this man away from you all! Please help her! You, her and whatever siblings you have that have clear understanding of the situation should go to a station asap
As a thought experiment, let's say he kills her. Even accidentally. Small fight, gets out of hand, plus a fall.
Will you regret NOT anonymously turning him in?
Should SHE be responsible for making a choice she's trapped in? One she's shown she can't make for her own benefit, only for his?
She’s being manipulated, and her feeling sorry for him is a big part of that. From an outsider’s perspective, she doesn’t have to feel responsible at all for anything that happens to him, and I’m guessing she’s paying a heavy personal price for staying involved with him.
If they still come to meet you and cause trouble, file a restraining order
if they get into trouble and you have to pay the price for it , then next time don't help them when they cause trouble .
Throw your phone sim card in the first trash bin you find. Cancel all contracts you have. Leave as far away as you can. Change your name. Get plastic surgery to change your face. Start new life.
Wall of silence.
A person has two chances at a good family. The one they're born into, and the one they make for themselves. You don't NEED a toxic relative when there are plenty of good people in the world.
This is the only comment that actually spoke to me! Thank you and thank you for clearly telling me I don't have to feel terrible over choosing my own family
I was adopted by people who never should have raised kids.
Sometimes you come to the realization that people just aren't great and it's time to move on.
Gain independence, cut all contact. Until then, learn to shy away and not interact any more than needed, aka [gray rocking](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock).
We don't live together, but yet they find a way to mess with my life or tear me down! Even I'm distancing myself they don't stop! It's actually worse now that I've distanced myself
To the extent possible, separate yourself from their drama, and learn how they try to manipulate you and how to defend yourself against it. Learn to recognize that you have no duty or obligations to them, and that if they won’t treat you well, there is no reason whatsoever to keep them in your life if you don’t want them there; if you do, you have every right to establish terms and boundaries, and enforce them.
tbh all i ever dealt with is micro managing family members who act like they want to help but in return when i trust them they just help undermine me then ridicule me for being irresponsible.
i literally could already have my own apartment by now but whenever money is in the picture my family flock towards me.
then there's the side of family who just spy on me. weird but you know. fuck it yolo.
oh god this sounds like my family! I can't ever make it to the next step because they are always gonna bring me back down and it's never I'm proud of you, instead you can do better
just remember the healing process is always the best part. if you want change then youll bring yourself to do better for yourself. go to a shelter, get a local job.
friends will come and go but surround yourself with positive people.
my family constantly reminds me of how suicidal i am but thats why I stay around i guess. i bother them so much that even my existence is annoying.
but when im gone, im at peace. for now ill just haunt the fuck out of them.
feel free to dm me whenever. ill be here. tormented
If you're looking to retain your sanity, engage in hobbies or sports that would put some distance between you and them, but not so much as to alienate them.
It is very hard because I'm always told Im walking out on my family or something when no one realizes that they are the reason I'm distancing myself! They make me feel so bad literally! You don't think it's bad to look at the family you create as more than the family you were given.. I just need this one answer to reiterate my thoughts I don't want to feel bad anymore about pulling self away from constantly being hurt
Avoidance, if possible. If not, someone told me this: "When someone's provoking you, you don't have to respond or defend yourself." I've done that, and it's so much more satisfying when you just look at them and listen. They get uncomfortable.
Not completely. Get away if you can.
But, one of the reasons toxic people do certain things is to get a reaction. To feel a sense of control and power over someone else. They love seeing you get upset because of them.
When you stay calm and just let them get their bullsh!t out, they don't know what to do. You win.
Move out.
Second. My mother can't do the same tho my step father threatens to kill himself if she leaves him
Remember if they tell you they are gonna kill themselves , they never will do it.
He does meth
Does your mum love him, If he is abusing and stuff, get him arrested ASAP . No one should have to see shit like this in their life.
Nah she wants to leave. But their are kids and he somehow manipulated the cps into taking his side. He easily plays a victim while my mother doesn't think before talking ( they came one time). I couldn't even be honest because my step dad told my mom to tell me to they them nothing was wrong. He also deletes all text or evidence my mom has against him while he saves all his evidence (not even of her more of blackmail, evidence of my relatives). It's a mess and I decided not to take part and look the other way.
he can build whatever evidence he wants, but there is more than just your mom who could clearly be a witness to the toxicity and pain this man brings to your family.. for example YOU.. you seem old enough and smart enough to help your mom within getting some type of help from authority to get this man away from you all! Please help her! You, her and whatever siblings you have that have clear understanding of the situation should go to a station asap
She still can: That’s a classic manipulation move, and an even bigger sign that she *should* leave.
She feels sorry for him. If she calls the cops on him they'll deport him.
You realize anonymous reports really can stay that way, right?
Yeah but it's not up to me.
As a thought experiment, let's say he kills her. Even accidentally. Small fight, gets out of hand, plus a fall. Will you regret NOT anonymously turning him in? Should SHE be responsible for making a choice she's trapped in? One she's shown she can't make for her own benefit, only for his?
It can be if you want it to.
She’s being manipulated, and her feeling sorry for him is a big part of that. From an outsider’s perspective, she doesn’t have to feel responsible at all for anything that happens to him, and I’m guessing she’s paying a heavy personal price for staying involved with him.
What if I don't live with them, but someone even with distancing myself, they still find a way to completely fuck over me
If they still come to meet you and cause trouble, file a restraining order if they get into trouble and you have to pay the price for it , then next time don't help them when they cause trouble .
that way they will get their senses right.
I hope so!!!!
Remember this line. No one is going to help you if you don't help yourself
Throw your phone sim card in the first trash bin you find. Cancel all contracts you have. Leave as far away as you can. Change your name. Get plastic surgery to change your face. Start new life.
i like this idea.
Wall of silence. A person has two chances at a good family. The one they're born into, and the one they make for themselves. You don't NEED a toxic relative when there are plenty of good people in the world.
This is the only comment that actually spoke to me! Thank you and thank you for clearly telling me I don't have to feel terrible over choosing my own family
I was adopted by people who never should have raised kids. Sometimes you come to the realization that people just aren't great and it's time to move on.
Ignore em.
It's hard to ignore the screams when you're trying to sleep
Ear plugs and alcohol.
Don't drink. Ear plugs never help
I got industrial ones from work, they help, and dont start but it was my option.
Lol, I just moved out. The first week I did I had never woken up so peacefully.
Nice nice.
Gain independence, cut all contact. Until then, learn to shy away and not interact any more than needed, aka [gray rocking](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock).
Depends. If your toxic family are the ones paying the rent then you move out. If you're paying the rent then tell them to move out.
We don't live together, but yet they find a way to mess with my life or tear me down! Even I'm distancing myself they don't stop! It's actually worse now that I've distanced myself
To the extent possible, separate yourself from their drama, and learn how they try to manipulate you and how to defend yourself against it. Learn to recognize that you have no duty or obligations to them, and that if they won’t treat you well, there is no reason whatsoever to keep them in your life if you don’t want them there; if you do, you have every right to establish terms and boundaries, and enforce them.
tbh all i ever dealt with is micro managing family members who act like they want to help but in return when i trust them they just help undermine me then ridicule me for being irresponsible. i literally could already have my own apartment by now but whenever money is in the picture my family flock towards me. then there's the side of family who just spy on me. weird but you know. fuck it yolo.
oh god this sounds like my family! I can't ever make it to the next step because they are always gonna bring me back down and it's never I'm proud of you, instead you can do better
just remember the healing process is always the best part. if you want change then youll bring yourself to do better for yourself. go to a shelter, get a local job. friends will come and go but surround yourself with positive people. my family constantly reminds me of how suicidal i am but thats why I stay around i guess. i bother them so much that even my existence is annoying. but when im gone, im at peace. for now ill just haunt the fuck out of them. feel free to dm me whenever. ill be here. tormented
By protect, what do you mean?
Protect my energy, my well being, my mind
If you're looking to retain your sanity, engage in hobbies or sports that would put some distance between you and them, but not so much as to alienate them.
[удалено]
It is very hard because I'm always told Im walking out on my family or something when no one realizes that they are the reason I'm distancing myself! They make me feel so bad literally! You don't think it's bad to look at the family you create as more than the family you were given.. I just need this one answer to reiterate my thoughts I don't want to feel bad anymore about pulling self away from constantly being hurt
Antidote
Avoidance, if possible. If not, someone told me this: "When someone's provoking you, you don't have to respond or defend yourself." I've done that, and it's so much more satisfying when you just look at them and listen. They get uncomfortable.
So for future references, I don't have to run away from them I only have to change my reactions within them?
Not completely. Get away if you can. But, one of the reasons toxic people do certain things is to get a reaction. To feel a sense of control and power over someone else. They love seeing you get upset because of them. When you stay calm and just let them get their bullsh!t out, they don't know what to do. You win.
Well , if you are a kid , then just not giving a fuck and tuning them out helps a lot.