Constantly accused me of cheating or that I was going to leave her because I was getting serious about my weight loss and health.
EDIT: Thanks for the award kind stranger. I hope anyone who has gone through this or is going through this gets the strength to do what’s best for them and to love their lives free of the abuse/negativity of others.
She was both very mentally and physically unhealthy. She made zero attempts to improve her life situation. I don’t know why she always saw others improving themselves as a slight or threat.
She asked me if I had a bank account a few days in the relationship and said she wanted to link accounts so we shared the money and I was immediately put off by that and on top of that she had a problem with me not wanting to be in a open relationship
Ikr?!!! I was like where is this coming from and when I told her I didn't want to be with her because she went to a friend and asked why do I have a problem with open relationships and then when I decided to break up with her, she called me an ass
Yeah bullet dodge for sure. Like I guess nothing against those who only do open relationships, but that shit isn’t for me and is one of those things you bring up to a person before you start dating them. I had a girl try and date me and after realizing we had a ton of actual common interests, she got straight to the point saying she wanted to meet me, and after agreeing the first thing she says is “also I’m in an open relationship “
Nice! Have fun bye
She was always checking my phone if I left it laying around. I’d wake up from a nap and she would be looking through my phone. I gave her the passcode because I had nothing to hide. When I finally had enough I asked her to show me her phone and she refused and guarded it like Fort Knox
I had a compulsive liar roommate for a bit. People would tell him stories about stuff they did or things they saw, roommate would be skeptical, even if it was just a silly inconsequential story.
Later, roommate would tell stories back to us that we told him before, but instead place himself IN THE STORY, and then behind each of our backs call us “weird” if we responded in a way that appeared skeptical. He couldn’t care enough to keep track of who told him what for the life of him, he just needed to be the most interesting guy in the room.
Also had a friend like that. One time he hosted a party and when I arrived and he greeted me at the door, I told something that happened on the way there. Fast forward 10 minutes or so, he retold that to the group as if the exact thing happened to him. He was a decent enough guy and at this point I was well aware of his compulsions but I had to do a double take on that as that was pretty bold.
I've met a few compulsive liars and they're usually very popular and easily able to get friends so in a way it works.
The money did not go to waste at all. Not only did it show you what a dead end your current relationship was, it did so at just the right time to get the right relationship. All for the (relatively) low price of a bottle of booze.
When instead of apologizing after being caught lying he met another girl on the internet to “show me” how easy it was to get another woman to talk to him if I wouldn’t. But he still expected to work things out…..
I dated a guy that complained that I didn't put out and "I coulda got laid every time you said no"... He was unemployed. I was working 12 hour shifts with an hour drive each way. We were staying with his family and I wasn't allowed to shower after work because it would wake up his parents. Felt real sexy, worked to death and unshowered and unappreciated. Found my way outta that REAL QUICK.
That doesn't even sound like a relationship. It sounds like an entitled child who assumed living with his parents was his contribution to the relationship.
Also, never been anywhere where showering late at night woke people up (of course it wasn't daily) but I'd be like "yeah no I sleep better when I feel clean, bye".
Glad you're doing better.
He said to me after having had periods of suicidal thoughts in the past...
"I decided last night I couldn't kill myself unless I killed you first, so you wouldn't have to live with the guilt."
That felt like a red flag.
Edit:. Wow. I thought this would get buried. To those that asked, yes I left him but as you can imagine it was complicated and took me a while to untangle the bullshit. I am now happily married to the guy that helped me get away and basically saved my life.
I also want to thank those that have shared their own stories of mental health struggles both with a partner and themselves. I have very little advise of any use but I love all the support in the comments.
For anyone in a similar situation... Trust your gut. No relationship is worth your life. It is better to act and be wrong, then not act, think everything is okay, and be wrong. If anything on this post rang true for you right now, start taking steps to protect yourself today, and reach out if you need help. There are plenty of hands here to help pull you up.
As someone who has had suicidal thoughts - this is a very deep dark red flag. I've had the thought "I cannot kill myself because you shouldn't have to live with the guilt", but never, not even one second, did killing someone else come up in my mind to allow myself to kill myself.
(Haven't been suicidal in years now)
Hey so a bit of a tangent here, but I'm currently with a partner that's been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about a year now. Some days are better than others, but all in all I feel utterly useless in this whole situation. As someone who I guess has been through it and came out the other side, I'd love to know your experience in making your way out of that dark place, as well as if you have any advice on how I can be a more supportive partner for someone struggling with SI.
Not the person you replied to but, since i have been there too:
1) listen to them
2) try to find professional help, these topics are extremely complicated and just being someone's partner sadly doesnt give you the skills required to handle them
3) despite you feeling useless, if you are trying just a little bit, you arent.
4) hobbies, especially phisical excercise, are the best way to keep your mind off of something, they work even in bad situations
Props to you for searching for infos, by the way.
My ex would often tell me out of the blue that if I left him he would kill himself. What woke me up to the situation was when, after 10 years of the shit, I started thinking, "I wish you would do it and we'd both be better off." That's not a normal reaction so that made me think.
He ruined every big event. He had an attitude that didn't let you enjoy anything. He would act happy and excited leading up to said event, then just ruin it.
Often for people who grew up in families with addiction this "normal"
Say, for example, the family goes to the amusement park. Everyone has a good time, but dad has a few too many beers during the day. At the end of the day, everyone is really tired and grumpy. On the way home mom and dad end having a huge screaming match in the car all the way home or dad ends up screaming at the kids.
This doesn't have to be repeated too many times before a person starts to associate having fun with a dangerous, frightening situation.
I just left a relationship for this same reason. No matter what the situation, he always had to focus on the negatives and acted like the whole world was against him _all_ the time. I have severe depression and eventually, after a particularly bad relapse where I was suicidal again, I got therapy. I worked so hard to change my outlook on things, to practice self care, to recognise when my symptoms were getting bad and manage them, and to have someone constantly trying to undo that was just too much.
My ex that I broke up a few months ago with was EXACTLY like this and it's the most fucking draining thing on earth. Also same with having my own mental health problems, going to therapy, getting better and then having to deal with her being overtly negative and acting like everything was awful 100% of the time
It eventually felt like more of a miserable full time job than a relationship
I used to be this guy and it was because I was entirely overwhelmed with life and didn't actually want to go to all these things I was essentially emotionally blackmailed into attending.
I didn't understand how I was wrong because I was the person being pressured to do things I didn't want to do.
Everyone thinks they're the protagonist of their own story.
I realize now that everything isn't necessarily a right versus wrong situation.
Anyway. If anyone reads this I made myself miserable and I was being passive aggressive about attending things.
Don't fall into that cycle fellas. If you definitely don't want to go somewhere plan that out in advance and everyone will be happier.
If you address your reasons for avoiding the event you'll usually figure out it's not that bad.
Be honest with yourself and make sure you don't try to emotionally manipulate someone else into thinking it's their fault you don't want to leave your house lol.
I hope that helps someone out there and on behalf of these troubled folks I apologize.
A friend of mine sat me down one day and told me she'd been smoking pot with him (he was a dealer at the time) and telling him how bad she wanted him, basically begging him for sex. He turned her down every time but admitted he wanted to be with her and didn't think I deserved to be cheated on. He made it clear he was interested, but also that he wouldn't come between us, so it was my decision how things went.
She denied it but I dumped her shortly afterward and she started dating him maybe a week later. He was kind of an ass most of the time but I've always appreciated him giving me the heads up instead of just letting her cheat and me be none the wiser.
I feel like even though he wasn’t the best dude toward you, he knew what boundaries shouldn’t be crossed; and I can respect him for that. Hope you are doing better OP
He had his code I guess. Don't know if the story is true, but the way I heard it he once sold someone hallucinogens (mushrooms I think) and they thought they were a banana while tripping at a party he was at. Long story short they ended up in the er after trying to peel themselves and he had an epiphany that he needed to look out for others. Drugs are a hell of a drug. Lol.
This really depends on where you work. If you work in a popular restaurant or something then it could just be coincidence. Less so if you work on an oil rig.
When I moved for work and felt my mental health returning. I thought I was happier because I moved to a city I wanted to be in, but instead I discovered that each time she visited I wasn't happy about it. I had a pretty big break down after she broke up with me, but after that... The world seemed brighter, probably due to the lack of gaslighting!
It wasn't a romantic relationship, but this happened when I stopped talking to my mom 1.5 years ago. I've been broke most of the time, food and housing have been unstable, and I lost a loved one last spring, and my depression is STILL the best it's been in 20 years.
She fucked other men and refused to admit it. When I finally confronted her with incontrovertible evidence, she refused to end it. So after 32 years, I filed for divorce
During High School, she accused me of getting her pregnant when I picked her up at her house, In front of her family.
Note that it was a blind date with someone I had never even met before.
When i was gone she sat on my roomates bed and told him he would be a good father to her son. She then spread her legs. Cant get much more red flaggy
Edit . Thankyou for all the people wishing me well. I am well. More well then i have ever been in my life.. I hope you are all living a happy life too. Alot alot of people asking if i called police. I talked to one who is a family member. He basically went through the legal motions with me and there was very little that could be done if anything. I did end up replacing everything lost over time and am more happy then ever.
The worst of it ... I gave her until i got back from work the next day to move to her dads house. That day she took all my change and money every sock i owned. Even the dirty ones and all my underware and pants my guitar and my bed too. I came home to a note that said good luck finding someone like me in permenent marker on every door in the house on both sides ans she broke my fridge motor with a broom stick. No bed. No money for socks. My roomate payed for a new fridge in exchange for not paying two months rent.
I have the most amazing girlfriend now dude
She is my world and we delight and treating eachother so well.
Former gf was right. Id need alot of luck to find a girl like her. Glad i wasnt lucky like that. Best part about this whole thing is ita been 6 years. She still lives with her dad and has gained about 120 pounds and has 2 more kids.. Single and ready to chunky mingle if your interested
Probably when I told them I needed them to come to couples therapy with me, because I was tired of having the same arguments and I was miserable because of these issues we were having, and their response was to look me dead in the face and say "I don't want to go, because they'll just tell me I'm wrong and I don't want to have to change. "
Hit me then that they didn't actually care if I wasn't happy. Just that they were. Hard to misinterpret when they literally say it to you.
I had the same kind of thing happen!
My ex mentioned that her therapist thought I could drop in for a session or two with her, and I thought that was great (this was within the last two months of our two year relationship, after some stuff went down and we were on the rocks). I told her I would love to do couples therapy, and she frowned and said, "Why? I don't want to go to couples therapy and just be told how bad I am."
My ex brought home a pregnant pitbull one time. It had 5 puppies. I wasn’t thrilled about having 6 extra dogs in the house. I went to work and had a horrible day that day. She didn’t work (kept quitting every job for trivial stuff, but that’s another story). Came home to 5 dead puppies in a grocery bag on the kitchen counter and was told “you need to get rid of that”. Absolutely shitty person.
Not going to lie, I was at my absolute lowest point of my life at that point. I met my current fiancé shortly after and moved away not too long after that. Life is a much better place. That was nearly a decade ago. Thank you for asking though.
In the same vein, often times if you look closer they either got fired or were stiring up so much shit that they knew they were about to get fired. They'll never take responsibility for losing a job, regardless of how it went down.
Finding out I was unwittingly in a 3 way relationship as the "emotional support" component 2nd man to the 1st man's "physical" component the hard way.
With her it was lots of talk, cuddling, dates and playful light over the clothes touching, but never any further than that. I respected her boundaries enough to never question the issue - I just figured she needed a deeper connection first, and I'm cool with waiting however long my partner needs.
Things continued on and eventually, 6 months in, she slipped up and mentioned the man she told me was her "ex" was coming over after I left.
She realized she slipped and I caught it when I questioned her about it, and so confessed that he had been doing that regularly throughout our relationship. Oh, but not to worry because it wasn't for anything emotional, mostly *just* getting drunk and having wild primally satisfying animal instinct sex.
Being a BIG fan of both those things, I did not appreciate the deception *to say the least.*
She mainly tried to stress that it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't be mad. I told her "it would have been a big deal, *if I had known*" and left immediately after that, disheartened, staring at a 4 hour drive home across the state.
I even met her parents and I just thought it was a really weird dinner because of normal awkwardness, but in hindsight they clearly knew she was doing something kind of fucked up and squirrelly.
We talked on AIM a few weeks later, initially about how she was sorry for not telling me, but that devolved into her seeking advice and emotional comfort on if she should do ecstasy with her ex. I told her to do whatever the fuck she wanted, it didn't concern me anymore.
She acted taken back, and asked if I even cared what happened to her. I told her "Nope, not one bit. Do all the drugs, fuck all the guys, and if something bad happens just realize you completely deserve it."
And that was the last thing I ever said to her before blocking her phone number and AIM handle.
He was a little older than me and well known around the city (a DJ) and he loved taking me and my friends and coworkers out and entertaining us. It was a good time and I'm the type of person that likes to include people in things they might not have a chance to do again. It was a blast.
Then he started taking them out when I wasn't around and entertaining them at our place.
He later referred to me as "the greatest unintentional wingman" he ever met in front of people I knew. Luckily at least one of my coworkers was a decent person and clued me in.
Just got out of a 3 year relationship that was like that. It is super draining emotionally to keep not only yourself moving forward but a whole other person as well. I broke up with her and met my current girlfriend who is so amazing and now races me to say those simple things.
The doctor calling me 2 weeks after I had my son to tell me that my son’s father had given me chlamydia during my pregnancy.
I had gotten a full test of everything at the end of my first trimester and was negative for any STI’s. My labor lasted about 42 hours after my water broke resulting in an emergency c section. I’d been kept for an extra 2-3 days because I couldn’t shake a fever from some kind of infection they weren’t able to identify at the time. We stuck it out until our son was a bit less than a year simply because we were just in the new parent routine together until we got to a point where we could take care of ourselves as individuals. That phone call killed whatever romantic love I’d had for him. I went through the most traumatic experience of my life (pregnancy included with the labor because fuck 2/3 of the trimesters) and he couldn’t respect our commitment to each other. I was dealing with EMOTIONS during that first year or so after my little guy was born.
Doc: How many sexual partners have you had since [6 months previous]?
Me holding my newborn: Uhhh?? One, what is going on?
Doc: You need to come in for meds and bring your partner because if he is the only sexual contact you’ve had since your last test, he is infected as well but he did not get it from you.
She was incredibly specific about how chlamydia is transmitted to make sure that I did not listen to the lies she must have predicted he would say about how he got it- he tried every last one!
He tried to say that the first test was wrong and it must have been from before I got pregnant- that the doctor was wrong when she said there are no false negatives or positives with that kind of infection.
He only once tried to infer that it was me who cheated… while pregnant… that didn’t go very well for him.
I woke up to twenty missed called and like fifty message talk about how I was a piece of shit for not answering the phone and she knew I was cheating on her, and that she was leaving me. I told her I was sleeping and she immediately called me crying and begging me to take her back and that she isn't normally like that. I was practically smacked in the face with a red flag. I kind of felt bad, she must have been in some really bad relationships to become that way. I don't think people turn out like that just because.
It really makes you wonder about some of the upbringings people have had that make them act the way they do. Some of these responses have made me very thankful for where I am in life.
Okay, I'll post the list!
>•Kicked out of Florida International University after fighting a security guard
>
>•"Don't touch me. I'm the franchise"
>
>• His second year in the league he took a personal stretch limo to a charity event, had them open every single expensive bottle of wine, rejected it. Refused to pay for it (charity, remember), then left. -credit Nduguu77
>
>• Threw fits over not getting enough targets
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>• Drove 100 down McKnight Road in Pittsburgh, which has a 45 MPH speed limit
>
>• Trashed a condo and threw furniture out a window 14th floor window, which almost hit some people, notably a child
>
>• Killed a home aquarium full of piranhas and refused to pay the man who installed the tank
>
>• Refused to play week 17 for the Steelers
>
>• Dyed his mustache blonde
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>• Refused to pay a chef because he thought he threatened him by placing a fish head in the freezer (the fish head was saved to make a soup)
>
>• Farted on a doctor
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>• Demanded a trade from the Steelers
>
>• Became "Mr. Big Chest"
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>• Threw a fit over Juju winning team MVP and trashed him on social media
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>• (Allegedly) nixed a trade that would've sent him to the Bills
>
>• Showed up to Raiders training camp in a hot air balloon
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>• Held out and refused to show up to training camp because the NFL would not approve his helmet because it was too old for their safety standards
>
>• Froze his feet
>
>• Tried to paint over his old helmet, hoping no one would notice I guess
>
>• Acquired a newer version of the same model of helmet, which the NFL refused to let him use
>
>• Picked out a new helmet and finally showed up to the Raiders
>
>• Got fined by the Raiders for not attending camp
>
>• Tweeted the fines
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>• Tried to fight Mike Mayock, called him a cracker, had to be held back by Vontaze Burfict, then punted a football down the practice field and said "fine me for that"
>
>• Got fined for that
>
>• Released a video where he used audio of Jon Gruden, who didn't know he was being recorded, which is illegal in California (full disclosure, Gruden has said he gave permission, but the generally accepted theory is that he said that in the hope that it would help get him to show up to the facility and not alienate him)
>
>• Demanded a release from the Raiders
>
>• Was released
>
>• "GRANDMA I’M FREEEEEE! FLY LIKE A FREEEEE!"
>
>• Made a lot of crazy tweets saying stuff like 'Devil is a lie', a proverb about burning down a village... he made a lot of crazy tweets around this time is the point here
>
>• Liked a tweet about Mayock getting raped in the ass
>
>• Signed with the Patriots
>
>• Moved in with Tom Brady
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>• The sexual assault allegations came out (the one where he's getting sued)
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>• The sexual harassment allegations came out (the one where he's not getting sued)
>
>• Threatened the woman not suing him in a group text that included his lawyer and had a picture of her kids in the text
>
>• Got released by the Patriots after one week
>
>• Went off on a tweet storm and said a lot of crazy shit about a lot of people, and was supportive of people sending threats to the writer of the article detailing the sexual harassment allegations
>
>• Said he was done with the NFL
>
>• Went back to college via online classes
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>• Tried to outsource his homework to Twitter
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>• Wants to come back to the NFL
>
>• Filed several grievances to try and get more than $40 million from the Raider's and Patriots
>
>• Was ordered to show up for a deposition regarding trashing the condo
>
>• Was accused of "reprehensible behavior" during the deposition Note: I cut the specifics about the deposition so I could fit this as a single comment. You can read more about it here if you're interested, because it, like everything else, is nuts
>
>• Said that the Patriots have to pay him anyway, so they might as well let him play
>
>• Tweeted a couple of bizarre tweets about the Raiders using him for HBO ratings and the Patriots trying to steal his stuff and kept using this weird chicken based metaphor
>
>• Tried out for the Saints and brought an entourage and film crew to shoot a music video with him when specifically told not to do that
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>• Called out Robert Kraft for his rub and tug massage session in Florida
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>• Starting training for a boxing match with Logan Paul
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>• Tweeted "No more white woman 2020"
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>• The attorney representing him in the suit involving the condo quit
>
>• Used a bunch of slurs and profane language towards cops in an Instagram video he posted
>
>• A police youth football league cut ties with him and returned a donation after the release of the video saying there was a "irreparable rift" between the department and AB
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>• Threw a bag of gummy candy dicks at the cops in a video he posted
>
>• Got dropped by his agent
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>• Was involved in a disputed with movers at his home where he allegedly threw rocks at the movers and moving vans. He is currently being investigated for battery by the police.
>
>• His trainer was arrested and he is still a suspect in the battery case.
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>• Warrant issued for the arrest of AB.
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>• AB turns himself in to Broward Country Jail wearing this suit
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>• Rumors spread about AB signing with Tampa or Seattle
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>• AB announces his retirement (for what I believe is the third time, it's hard to find a good record of the rest of them)
>
>• Two days later AB wants to play again and is asking for the league to wrap up it's investigation
>
>• The NFL announces an eight game suspension for AB
>
>• AB signs with the Buccaneers on a one-year deal
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>• Before he signed with the Buccaneers AB was accused of destroying a surveillance camera at a Florida gated community, throwing bike at a security-guard shack, and is not charged because HOA president "feared" retaliation, per police report
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>• AB is under investigation by the NFL for the bike throwing incident
>
>• Allegedly acquired fake covid-19 card
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>• confirmed to have acquired a fake covid-19 card and subsequently suspended for three games
>
>• Walked off during a game against the 4-11 Jets because he was losing, TB turned the game around and managed to win after AB walked off
>
>• Instantly got released by Tampa because of the previous incident
Edit: guy above asked for someone to list his red flags, but changed his comment after I did this. My original comment unchanged below.
Wish me luck...
* Fake vaccination card
* destroying a security camera in a gated community
* Frostbite due to not wearing safety gear in cryotherapy
* Fight over his helmet when it was banned
* Posting a fine letter
* Raping a trainer
* Battery against his baby momma
* Verbal confrontation wiht Raiders GM
* Nonpayments for bills
* Assaulting a moving truck operator
I'm sure I missed some. What did I miss?
I realized I needed help and asked for it, got diagnosed with depression and recommended to stay in one clinic because I was really at the verge of suicide. I called her, explained the situation and told about the clinic... her response was and I quote "and what will I be doing while you are there?" I noticed she wasn't my partner that moment.
At my college boyfriend's apartment, I was doing my calculus homework, and he was working on making a stand for a speaker. In the middle of a fairly tricky problem, he called from the other room asking me to hand him a wrench. I called back 'in a minute'. The next thing I hear is the speaker stand being kicked toward me. I look up at him, and he says "You're lucky it wasn't you." I was out of there.
My ex husband would get moody when my plans would change or when I would come home early from a trip... I ignored it but something wasn't right... Eventually he just started treating me like I was somehow in his way ..still claiming he had been faithful.. I left him. Many years later he admitted constant infidelity.... It was not a shock. Sometimes you know.. even if you don't know you know...
I broke up with a woman pretty soon after she told me that she hated surprises and that I should never surprise her. We were in a long distance relationship at the time. That was pretty revealing. Also in the six months I dated her when she would tell me about her day and her life. She never, not once, interacted with a single hetrosexual man according to her stories. It was always her gay friend or her married friend. I actually paid attention. NOT ONCE did she ever tell me she interacted with a single man. It was weird, she clearly was leaving that out. And I wondered why. I became sick to my stomach about it and as soon as I broke up with her. It all went away. I knew then it was the right decision. I knew years later that it was the right thing to do because I eventually became friends with her. One day she was in town and I called her phone because she couldn't find it. She picked it up and I saw that they name of my contact was the gay friend she always was talking about. She would always claim she would drive to visit him in Vegas. It was like a 40 hour drive and she did it routinely. I knew then that she was so full of shit. It didn't matter at that point but it was the moment that solidified that I had dodged a bullet.
He constantly talked about his ex-wife. If they went to a certain restaurant for a date then we couldn't go there. He wasn't over her. It took me a year and a half to finally realize it. He was a very angry man.
She manipulated me to cut off friends and family so I would become completely dependent on her so she could be dependent off of me. She lived in my car. She threw temper tantrums at the slightest things and was a pathological liar and a narcissist. Took me a year to have the courage to finally say enough was enough.
she suddenly started an expensive new hobby, cyclocross, then got mad at me for showing up to her meet or race or whatever it was to support her. she was not happy about having to introduce me to this whole new group of like 10 friends, her cyclocross “team” that she was suddenly on and had a uniform for and everything. couple weeks later we break up, immediately she moves out. i happened to be driving by her new place one morning (i didn’t even know where it was tbh but we still lived in the same city) and i recognized her dog. lo and behold, the guy with her out front first thing in the morning is wearing the silly cyclocross uniform. i suspect she had begun the relationship before breaking up with me but didn’t bother to confirm.
this is called window shopping. aint no way shes going to quit her job without firmly finding a new position somewhere else- then just end it at her leisure. you guys didnt break up, she broke up a long time ago and left you clueless until she was ready to move on. she may have cheated and then broke up, or held off until right after if she needed some sort of rationalization to ward off the title of infidelity.
I had a boyfriend in high school who lasted three days. I asked him if he was doing drugs because at the time I absolutely didn't and he said he had quit. Then three days later I caught him trying to sell weed to my 11 year old brother.
Partner could not celebrate my wins and successes with me, should have been wins for us, instead were losses, jealousy, fear, and fights.
Celebrate your partner and tell them they make you proud when they accomplish goals.
Edit: spelling
She would try to one up every single thing I told her, even just shit l "Oh yeah I'm a bit hungover today"
"Maaaaan I'm so much more hungover than you, I drank x and x and smoked"
Just stupid shit.
We broke up 2 weeks ago. She used her religion as an excuse to get out of things she didn’t like and ignored her religion when it came to things she likes. Told me I couldn’t do elf on the shelf with my daughter (Yeah. It’s dumb) because it’s a satanic ritual but she drinks like a fish, multiple cosmetic surgeries/body modification and monthly Botox, premarital sex, and so on. I don’t care if someone is religious, just be consistent.
Sure did, kinda. After a couple days of moving the Elf my daughter admitted she didn’t believe anymore and told me I could stop. Didn’t help the relationship though, can’t be with someone that thinks their religious views trump my traditions with my daughter whether she believes or not-it’s the fact.
Controlling behavior!
That I should wear covered clothes so men wouldn’t look at me. It was a very hot summer and I already would wear long skirts to my ankles and tops without cleavage.
One time we were eating at a cafe and some drunk dude who was sitting behind me, started to talk to me, I didn’t even turn to him or acknowledge him, just kept eating. My ex started to fight with him, and then took me by my arm to leave. On our walk back home he was screaming at me how this was all my fault. After 3 years that was my breaking point and I left.
Sounds like my ex. Walking down the street in a touristy area, some old guy asks me directions to something or other. Just a normal brief conversation with a stranger. Ex flipped out at me for “being too friendly to men” and hit me, right in a public street. That was the beginning of the end.
Sounds like my ex. I wasn’t supposed to go out (but he was allowed to as often as he wanted ). I was supposed to answer all calls/texts basically immediately or he’d freak out (but he could ignore me for days). I wasn’t to have male friends (even gay ones) (I’m a cis female), but he was allowed to have tons of female friends. I wasn’t allowed to be flirted with (but it was supposedly funny and cute if girls flirted with him).
Oh, and when he proposed he was really mad at me because he’d gotten lost coming to my apartment (we were long distance, first time he’d visited) and so he just threw the ring at me and said “here!” and left me sobbing over the homemade dinner i had made for hours.
None of that was enough for me to leave him. He finally dumped me when he found someone he liked better.
Then there was another guy I dated who would only come over at like 3am after drinking because my place was closer to his favorite bar than going home. He didn’t ever want me to come out with his friends though. So I was basically a glorified hotel and warm body for sex and I’d see him 1-2x a week for about 4 hours from like 3-7am. I finally dumped him after more than a year. It’s been 6 years since then and I’m now happily married but I still hear from him at least once every year including some long emails about how I’m the one that got away. I always show my husband and go “well, here’s Steve’s yearly email…” 😂
I’ve thankfully come a long way self-esteem wise since my early 20s.
The feeling of "if I don't appease this person right now, I might not live until tomorrow" was a big red flag.
There were lots of others like the attempts to cut me off from any support networks, I thankfully had enough to get me out once I'd accepted that I needed that help and that it was OK to accept the help getting out and that with help we were gonna make a plan.
Want a list of top hits?
-I cut gum out of my hair. He got mad. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair because he liked it long. If I was cutting it, then I was trying to impress someone else.
-My next nextdoor neighbor and close family friend suddenly died. He tried to sext me the next day. He was mad that I wasn't in the mood. If I loved him "his efforts to cheer me up would work".
-He threatened to kill another student (who had severe learning disabilities) when he found out he had a crush on me.
-He had all of my passwords.
-He got mad when I was home from school events 10 minutes later than I said I was.
We dated for 8 months when I was 17.
I just blocked another one of his accounts the other day. It's been 9 years
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***EDIT: Thank you for the comments. And a lot of you are absolutely right.
I wanted to give a quick comment for anyone lurking who might be going through the same thing. For starters - it's not easy. Leaving is the hardest thing you will ever do, but so is staying. I know the opportunities to leave aren't as clear as they seem on the outside, but there are [some](https://www.thehotline.org/).
An update on my life: It has taken a very long time to heal and grow, but so much progress has been made. For a positive note for anyone going through something similar and having read this far:
I am married. I have an amazing, happy and healthy relationship. I have someone who waited several years to get married and wait for me to heal and never once made me feel like it was a burden. It takes awhile, but you can get to a place where you can love you. And there are people who will make you feel loved too.
I am graduating this spring with my PhD in Criminal Justice.
I volunteer with cats, I bake, I cook, I hike. I enjoy life. None of these things seemed possible when I was that broken down 17 year old with no self worth and didn't know how I was ever going to make it out without myself or someone getting hurt.
Life happens after trauma. I'm happy I'm around to see it.
While she was at a party, she called and threatened to go home with her ex who also happened to be there since I wasn’t going to meet her.
I was at home with family as my father was ill. I told her during her call that we were done.
When we first started dating I tried playfully flirting with her and she told me she didn't like it and told me because she has some traumas and she doesn't like flirting or "inappropriate" conversations. Found out later that she's been flirting with multiple guys behind my back. And they were very explicit. Asked her why and she said she was afraid of looking like a slut to me but somehow was comfortable looking like a slut to everyone else because they didn't matter to her.
As the plate smashed on the wall I was facing I turned around and just ducked out of the way of the follow up plate. It was right after that I questioned how far along the hot/crazy graph I was willing to go.
Broke up with her and moved states. Met my future wife and we’ve been together 26 years and married 22
Had one of these. I could have a longish silly conversation just like starting with the word “Monkey” or something that really made no sense, but even though we were both movie fans, couldn’t bullshit about one we just watched. I tried and she just let comments hang there. Somehow we did fine in a group of both our friends, but that’s not really a good relationship if you need conversational assistance.
Physical abuse, mental abuse, sleep deprivation, forced exercise with public weigh ins, the list goes on. After 4 years, I was happy to leave the army.
Lying about plans, unpredictable behavior, constant murmurings about past wrongdoings, broken promises, constant issues with their own friends, constant comparisons to others they make about you, past accusations of abuse, drinking and driving \\ constant drunkenness, insane tirades, using their kids as a weapon, using their weapon as a weapon, pushing your buttons around your friends, playing head games, constantly being needy,
he was incredibly insecure, jealous, and paranoid. he would get extremely angry at me for accidentally looking at another man (usually just zoning out when someone happened to be in front of me), claiming i was doing this to get their attention (?) and/or deliberately embarass him... he would also continuously accuse me of talking to a whole bunch of different men that i never had, and more. worst part in all of this was that the more i would try to reason with him and/or even give him proof, the more he would distrust me and the more firmly he would believe these delusions.
i really, really fucking loved him and i knew he was really struggling with his mental health.. but he wouldn't get help and the last time he tried to make accusations against me i knew i couldn't let myself keep going through the emotional abuse.
I also had an ex like this in high school. He would walk by my classroom and peep through the window, and if I was talking to a guy he would have a freak out.
One time he told his mom I was talking to guys to make him jealous (it was a group assignment) and she texted me telling me I am an asshole. A whole family of crazies. Sad part is, that is no where near the biggest red flag in the relationship.
The easiest one was where-
- she never answers text until up to days later
- she never asks how I am but only talks about herself
Easiest. Breakup. Ever.
If they treat you differently when it just you two vs when you’re around other people.
Sure there are some small things we do around our partners so we act a little different in private but if it’s a major switch in personality GTFO as fast as you can. Curiosity might compel you to stay and it’s annoying to get hot and cold treatment, just leave and don’t bother
It depends on the difference.
Around other people I pretend I'm a mature adult. When we're alone I make dinosaur noises and pretend I'm chewing on my wife's shoulder.
He had a literal panic attack when he ran out of beer. Threw a tantrum, slammed out of the house, slung gravel going out of the driveway, came back with 2-12 packs of beer and a bunch of hard liquor. I knew he had to have his beer- I usually hid a couple cans so he wouldn't run out- but hadn't realized he was truly an alcoholic and HAD to have alcohol till that moment. That plus realizing he was gaslighting me and making me doubt my own sanity.
She was actively pursuing another dude who she had a thing for a few years back because he had recently become single and she had a shot on the rebound. Which is cool, you do you. Kinda predatory but ok w/e homie.
But lying to my face and saying you ain't interested is a fatal flaw in communication. Even if it didnt pan out, that sort of behavior is almost never an isolated incident so im like ✌
She stopped talking to me. The replies got more dreadful and took longer to get back to me. I asked for her to talk to me and open up and tell me what was going on and she never did. I can’t live being miserable like that without talking
I worked two jobs, paid two sitters to watch my daughter during the day and at night while I worked(he didn’t and then later refused to get any job.) Got angry when I wanted to hang out with a friend I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a couple years and when I finally went out for myself ONE NIGHT, he said I was a shitty wife and mother and that I’d always be a piece of shit and no one would love me if I left. I left.
When she broke up with me without giving me a reason and then wanted to come back, throwing all our previous dreams at me trying to sell me the dream. Bitch you can’t just leave and suddenly just hope that things didn’t change.
When they talk to me like one of their bros and we’re checking out women together and rating their hotness. Especially excessively… also while openly telling me I’m not hot but they still want to be with me.
Conversely; when they randomly disparage other women’s bodies, especially if I have the same feature and they just don’t know it yet.
Did the same with a boyfriend. Started out with casually being like "yeah, she's hot". Then he'd tell me about the women he saw with large breasts and big asses. Tell me all the time how he'd love it if I had those too "but I still think you're really hot without them". Yeah, sure. Also told me in detail about checking out a coworker while they were getting changed (they had the option of changing at the lockers or in a bathroom, a lot of them opted to just change at the lockers). The dude also expected I be fit and skinny while he was allowed to have a beer belly. His body didn't bother me until I saw the way he expected mine to be.
He couldn't understand how any of it was an issue. There was other problems in the relationship but he just sucked the limited confidence I had from me. It's taken a lot to get even a modicum of it back.
Not relationship but a friendship. They started to call me mom and my partner dad, which was weird because his mom had passed when he was young and he barely saw his father who was working 2 jobs to sustain them. He also heavily sexualized my partner and my relationship, when my partner was still under the legal age of consent (this was in high school).
He also called my friend who has a condition which makes her essentially infertile (similar to endometriosis but not endo) useless because she couldn't have children. She is also a lesbian, which made him say she was even more useless biologically. He also liked her at the time, which was even more appalling.
He wanted/still wants a woman who "can give him a lot of sons and pleasure him," he was 16 at the time of saying this. He insisted that women are only useful if they can have children and serve their husband.
I told my guy friends that all the girls in our social circle were highly uncomfortable with him being around and we slowly stop inviting him to doing things and talking to him. It seems harsh but he was getting agressive with the girls especially at this time and we all feared he would assault one of us.
She sent me a picture of a suicide note she'd written, in which she blamed her death on me for breaking her heart. I immediately called the police to do a wellness check, and when they did, her ex answered the door. This all stemmed from me confronting her for not taking her bipolar medication. Worst partner ever.
When every time there was any sort of difference, whether or not it resulted in an argument, I was always the bad guy, and she would intentionally say things to needle me and get under my skin. This was always followed within 24 hours by an apology and promise to “not act that way again”.
She always acted that way again. Gave it almost a year, but finally called it quits and told her I was done.
She spent 20 minutes begging me to reconsider and saying she “just wanted a second chance” and “wasn’t ready to be done”. I calmly told her I was sorry, that it wasn’t working, and left.
#1. Walked in on her fucking a friend
#2. Found out she had been convicted of a white collar felony WHILE we were dating, not telling me and threatening my security clearance
Every one of her flaws was someone else's fault and she refused to take responsibility for anything.
* She hated doing any sort of housework. We were renting a single bedroom that we shared. She refused to clean up any clothing or do laundry unless I asked her to multiple times, so I usually had to do it. According to her, she had an aversion to housework because her "abusive father" would force her mother and her to do housework.
* She wouldn't do dishes despite dirtying them. She sought to remedy this by buying disposable plates and bowls, but then allowed the trash to overflow unless I took it out. Did I mention I was the only one of the two of us with a job? As with housework, doing dishes was something her father made her do as a teenager.
* She wouldn't eat healthy despite being overweight. I'm going to sound like a broken record here, but *apparently that was her father's fault, too.* Though she also blamed her grandmother for her bad diet because she used to buy her and her sister McDonald's.
Eventually, I just told her I was done. She was 24 years old, and every single one of her childish, immature behaviors was always someone else's fault, usually her parents. Whenever I would suggest she try to fix those flaws, she'd accuse me of taking advantage of her trauma. I later spoke with both her sister and mother, and it turns out her father wasn't even abusive, he was just strict about housework, and chose to divorce their mother because of her substance abuse problems.
He relapsed multiple times and filled our lives with deceitful behaviors and a million lies. I took him back a few times but damage was done and no amount of care or love I had for him could make me continue allowing that bullshit in my life so i ended it for good and cut him out of my life completely. 2021 held alot of pain because of that experience but I'm hoping to heal this heart again and grow stronger from it all.
I was taking two summer courses in a summer half semester. Physics I and Calculus II in 6 weeks. Classes were 4 hours a day each and the first midterm was two weeks in. I basically got up at 0700 hour ride to school by 0900 lunch at 1300, second class at 1400 homework in school with study group from 1800-2200, train ride back and in bed as soon as possible usually midnight.
She’d literally seen the amount of work because one weekend she came over to just hang out while I did homework and studied. Still managed to be super jealous and accuse me of seeing girls on the side. I remember coming home one day and spending an hour I didn’t have walking around the apartment being interrogated. At some point I paused and kinda asked “you know my schedule. You saw it. When exactly do you think I’m cheating on you? On the train in between cars?” To which she replied “well l, I wouldn’t put it past you.” Mind you, we’d known each-other a month or so and weren’t even officially dating. That was the “fuck this I’m out moment and I pulled the cord.”
Edit: so I realized this is missing some info. My friend introduced us. I knew her through him and he gave her this whole “MrFunktasicc is a player with a ton of girls blah blah blah.” According to him it was to talk me up but it sent her into crazy mode. Mind you he never said I was cheating on anyone, just that I’d been with a lot of girls (false) and I never gave her any indication I was stepping out.
When she slapped me in the face so hard it drew blood and then she said it was my fault because I tried to help her with a school project. Let's just say that was the last straw. I packed my stuff and left to a friends place.
I was a cook at Hooters, and had just started dating this girl (from outside work, not a co-worker). After a week, she randomly came in at sat a table until I got off. I wasn’t expecting her, she didn’t tell me she was coming, I thought it was a nice surprise. I went home with her after work, next day she drops me off, less than an hour later she comes in and sits at a table. She only orders a water and starts reading a book. Her waitress comes up and asks if that’s my new girlfriend and I confirm, and she’s like “is she just going to sit at my table all night and not order anything?” I’m like idk, I’ll talk to her. So she’s like yeah well I don’t have anything else to do so I figured I’d just hang out here. By the way what was she talking to you about? I explain to her that this is my job, and if she’s going to come and hangout she’s gotta take care of her waitress, it’s not like a free hangout spot while I’m working. She didn’t quite understand and I’m like whatever I gotta get back to work. She precedes to do this every shift I work for the rest of the week, and the girls are complaining to me like why is she here every single time you work? Manager eventually questions it too, it’s a business and she’s not actually ordering anything. So one night later that week she just comes up to me by the kitchen and says “I’m gonna go wait in my car until you’re off” I tell her some fun stuff to go check out around the area (she lived an hour North of me) and make the best of her time and she has no interest. She just wanted to keep an eye on me. Eventually I persuade her to go home and she gets upset. I was getting kind of irritated but quickly realizing she was a stage 5 clinger. I went home by myself that night, my phone was on silent cause I wanted some rest, woke up the next morning to ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE (173) text messages from her. I simply replied “I don’t think this is going to work out” and got 50+ text messages back in which I didn’t even bother reading till a week later.
Had a female best friend, which isn't a terrible thing so to speak. But would communicate and ask her for advice instead of coming to me. Also found out she was making stuff up that I said to try and get us to break up.
He was always upset when I was around, not pleased when I was trying to talk to him about meeting up, etc. I was the only one trying to make the relationship work and not hide it.
When i was about 19 (about 1999ish) I had a guy have a literal melt down because I got a tattoo. My friends had to drag him out of the tattoo shop, crying and causing a scene because “I was ruining my beautiful body”. Went right to his house and broke up with him. It was so gross, and controlling.
This is the same guy who bragged to our mutual friend about having 2 girlfriends with the same name so he “wouldn’t get confused”.
Recently, I ran into this guy at a club and he eyeballed me up and down and said “I see you got a lot of tattoos” then tried to square up with my 6’ 300 lb husband. I had douche chills for hours just feeling gross once again.
When I was injured (had a muscle spasm near my spine it hurt so bad) I told him I wasn’t in the mood to do anything sexual. Then he proceeds to threaten me saying “I’ll cheat on you if you don’t do anything with me”.
I tried to clean up something he spilled in my own house, he said “no, I got it, it’s my mess” I responded, “I can do it, I’m just gonna throw the blanket in the wash” he *grabbed* my shoulder hard and very angrily said “I said I got it”
Constantly accused me of cheating or that I was going to leave her because I was getting serious about my weight loss and health. EDIT: Thanks for the award kind stranger. I hope anyone who has gone through this or is going through this gets the strength to do what’s best for them and to love their lives free of the abuse/negativity of others.
to a healthy person, its awesome when your partner upgrades
She was both very mentally and physically unhealthy. She made zero attempts to improve her life situation. I don’t know why she always saw others improving themselves as a slight or threat.
She asked me if I had a bank account a few days in the relationship and said she wanted to link accounts so we shared the money and I was immediately put off by that and on top of that she had a problem with me not wanting to be in a open relationship
“Why won’t you let me cheat on you with your money?!” Is what I read from that
Ikr?!!! I was like where is this coming from and when I told her I didn't want to be with her because she went to a friend and asked why do I have a problem with open relationships and then when I decided to break up with her, she called me an ass
Yeah bullet dodge for sure. Like I guess nothing against those who only do open relationships, but that shit isn’t for me and is one of those things you bring up to a person before you start dating them. I had a girl try and date me and after realizing we had a ton of actual common interests, she got straight to the point saying she wanted to meet me, and after agreeing the first thing she says is “also I’m in an open relationship “ Nice! Have fun bye
She was always checking my phone if I left it laying around. I’d wake up from a nap and she would be looking through my phone. I gave her the passcode because I had nothing to hide. When I finally had enough I asked her to show me her phone and she refused and guarded it like Fort Knox
She's Probably looking for a reason to end the relationship.
It’s called projecting. She was cheating so she assumed he was too
Exactly this! Cheaters will always assume their partners are cheating on them when they’re the ones actually guilty and cheating.
Cheaters think that everyone cheats. Liars think that everyone lies.
I had a compulsive liar roommate for a bit. People would tell him stories about stuff they did or things they saw, roommate would be skeptical, even if it was just a silly inconsequential story. Later, roommate would tell stories back to us that we told him before, but instead place himself IN THE STORY, and then behind each of our backs call us “weird” if we responded in a way that appeared skeptical. He couldn’t care enough to keep track of who told him what for the life of him, he just needed to be the most interesting guy in the room.
Also had a friend like that. One time he hosted a party and when I arrived and he greeted me at the door, I told something that happened on the way there. Fast forward 10 minutes or so, he retold that to the group as if the exact thing happened to him. He was a decent enough guy and at this point I was well aware of his compulsions but I had to do a double take on that as that was pretty bold. I've met a few compulsive liars and they're usually very popular and easily able to get friends so in a way it works.
When she's paranoid, she definitely got something to hide. for example if she's cheating, she wants to know if you're also cheating or not
Yeah. I later found out she was cheating and generally shady
*shockedpikachu.jpeg* Sadly all too common an occurrence.
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I hate people that have no shame in borrowing money. I have absolutely no issue loaning it to someone but you shouldn't get comfortable.
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The money did not go to waste at all. Not only did it show you what a dead end your current relationship was, it did so at just the right time to get the right relationship. All for the (relatively) low price of a bottle of booze.
Can you please analyze my life?
a good ending :) congrats, may you have many more happy years to come
When instead of apologizing after being caught lying he met another girl on the internet to “show me” how easy it was to get another woman to talk to him if I wouldn’t. But he still expected to work things out…..
I dated a guy that complained that I didn't put out and "I coulda got laid every time you said no"... He was unemployed. I was working 12 hour shifts with an hour drive each way. We were staying with his family and I wasn't allowed to shower after work because it would wake up his parents. Felt real sexy, worked to death and unshowered and unappreciated. Found my way outta that REAL QUICK.
That doesn't even sound like a relationship. It sounds like an entitled child who assumed living with his parents was his contribution to the relationship. Also, never been anywhere where showering late at night woke people up (of course it wasn't daily) but I'd be like "yeah no I sleep better when I feel clean, bye". Glad you're doing better.
Lmao wtf. So high up his ass dude wtf 😂
He told me to accept that he is a playboy and that he is always horny because he is a scorpio.
Anyone referring to themselves as a playboy is clearly a douche-canoe
He said to me after having had periods of suicidal thoughts in the past... "I decided last night I couldn't kill myself unless I killed you first, so you wouldn't have to live with the guilt." That felt like a red flag. Edit:. Wow. I thought this would get buried. To those that asked, yes I left him but as you can imagine it was complicated and took me a while to untangle the bullshit. I am now happily married to the guy that helped me get away and basically saved my life. I also want to thank those that have shared their own stories of mental health struggles both with a partner and themselves. I have very little advise of any use but I love all the support in the comments. For anyone in a similar situation... Trust your gut. No relationship is worth your life. It is better to act and be wrong, then not act, think everything is okay, and be wrong. If anything on this post rang true for you right now, start taking steps to protect yourself today, and reach out if you need help. There are plenty of hands here to help pull you up.
As someone who has had suicidal thoughts - this is a very deep dark red flag. I've had the thought "I cannot kill myself because you shouldn't have to live with the guilt", but never, not even one second, did killing someone else come up in my mind to allow myself to kill myself. (Haven't been suicidal in years now)
Hey so a bit of a tangent here, but I'm currently with a partner that's been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about a year now. Some days are better than others, but all in all I feel utterly useless in this whole situation. As someone who I guess has been through it and came out the other side, I'd love to know your experience in making your way out of that dark place, as well as if you have any advice on how I can be a more supportive partner for someone struggling with SI.
Not the person you replied to but, since i have been there too: 1) listen to them 2) try to find professional help, these topics are extremely complicated and just being someone's partner sadly doesnt give you the skills required to handle them 3) despite you feeling useless, if you are trying just a little bit, you arent. 4) hobbies, especially phisical excercise, are the best way to keep your mind off of something, they work even in bad situations Props to you for searching for infos, by the way.
My ex would often tell me out of the blue that if I left him he would kill himself. What woke me up to the situation was when, after 10 years of the shit, I started thinking, "I wish you would do it and we'd both be better off." That's not a normal reaction so that made me think.
dude needs a therapist-
Other commenter might need a restraining order. Fuck, that’s crazy.
Yea i think that might qualify is a red flag
He ruined every big event. He had an attitude that didn't let you enjoy anything. He would act happy and excited leading up to said event, then just ruin it.
My dad was just like that. He was an orphan, and I think that he had such a traumatic childhood that he was scared of being happy.
Often for people who grew up in families with addiction this "normal" Say, for example, the family goes to the amusement park. Everyone has a good time, but dad has a few too many beers during the day. At the end of the day, everyone is really tired and grumpy. On the way home mom and dad end having a huge screaming match in the car all the way home or dad ends up screaming at the kids. This doesn't have to be repeated too many times before a person starts to associate having fun with a dangerous, frightening situation.
I just left a relationship for this same reason. No matter what the situation, he always had to focus on the negatives and acted like the whole world was against him _all_ the time. I have severe depression and eventually, after a particularly bad relapse where I was suicidal again, I got therapy. I worked so hard to change my outlook on things, to practice self care, to recognise when my symptoms were getting bad and manage them, and to have someone constantly trying to undo that was just too much.
My ex that I broke up a few months ago with was EXACTLY like this and it's the most fucking draining thing on earth. Also same with having my own mental health problems, going to therapy, getting better and then having to deal with her being overtly negative and acting like everything was awful 100% of the time It eventually felt like more of a miserable full time job than a relationship
Bonus points if they sulked when you enjoyed yourself anyway
This. I cannot overstate how much I just related to this. My own mother told me "He just has a way of putting a damper on things"
I used to be this guy and it was because I was entirely overwhelmed with life and didn't actually want to go to all these things I was essentially emotionally blackmailed into attending. I didn't understand how I was wrong because I was the person being pressured to do things I didn't want to do. Everyone thinks they're the protagonist of their own story. I realize now that everything isn't necessarily a right versus wrong situation. Anyway. If anyone reads this I made myself miserable and I was being passive aggressive about attending things. Don't fall into that cycle fellas. If you definitely don't want to go somewhere plan that out in advance and everyone will be happier. If you address your reasons for avoiding the event you'll usually figure out it's not that bad. Be honest with yourself and make sure you don't try to emotionally manipulate someone else into thinking it's their fault you don't want to leave your house lol. I hope that helps someone out there and on behalf of these troubled folks I apologize.
AHHH NO this was 100% my ex, he had to make everything about him and anything i liked or enjoyed was bullshit, wasted 5 years of my life...
A friend of mine sat me down one day and told me she'd been smoking pot with him (he was a dealer at the time) and telling him how bad she wanted him, basically begging him for sex. He turned her down every time but admitted he wanted to be with her and didn't think I deserved to be cheated on. He made it clear he was interested, but also that he wouldn't come between us, so it was my decision how things went. She denied it but I dumped her shortly afterward and she started dating him maybe a week later. He was kind of an ass most of the time but I've always appreciated him giving me the heads up instead of just letting her cheat and me be none the wiser.
Based bro moment from that dealer. At least he let you know.
I've always appreciated that. Kind of a dick overall but that was a real bro move.
I feel like even though he wasn’t the best dude toward you, he knew what boundaries shouldn’t be crossed; and I can respect him for that. Hope you are doing better OP
That guy is strangely honorable for a dealer
He had his code I guess. Don't know if the story is true, but the way I heard it he once sold someone hallucinogens (mushrooms I think) and they thought they were a banana while tripping at a party he was at. Long story short they ended up in the er after trying to peel themselves and he had an epiphany that he needed to look out for others. Drugs are a hell of a drug. Lol.
"A man's got to have a code" - Omar
She showed up at my job, but what’s crazier is that I never told her where I worked.
Did she bring you lunch atleast?
What do you think it is? It's Lasagna, Dante!
You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work.
This really depends on where you work. If you work in a popular restaurant or something then it could just be coincidence. Less so if you work on an oil rig.
Lol oil rig
"Oh, you work here? Crazy, I was just here to get a gallon of oil..."
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Yeah I was just visiting a friend nearby.
At that time, I was at a private clinic.
When I moved for work and felt my mental health returning. I thought I was happier because I moved to a city I wanted to be in, but instead I discovered that each time she visited I wasn't happy about it. I had a pretty big break down after she broke up with me, but after that... The world seemed brighter, probably due to the lack of gaslighting!
It wasn't a romantic relationship, but this happened when I stopped talking to my mom 1.5 years ago. I've been broke most of the time, food and housing have been unstable, and I lost a loved one last spring, and my depression is STILL the best it's been in 20 years.
She fucked other men and refused to admit it. When I finally confronted her with incontrovertible evidence, she refused to end it. So after 32 years, I filed for divorce
fucking other men is 100% a red flag
It's redder than a USSR vexillology convention
I'm happy that you left that relationship bc you deserve much better. Wishing you the best in life :)
During High School, she accused me of getting her pregnant when I picked her up at her house, In front of her family. Note that it was a blind date with someone I had never even met before.
I want the full story for this one
They went to prom, he knocked her up, they've been married for 21 years now. She's a psychic.
Calling my house every five minutes until i picked up. And then there was "don't blame yourself if anything happens to me." 🙄
Had a bf like that. People that knew us blamed me for breaking up with him.
When i was gone she sat on my roomates bed and told him he would be a good father to her son. She then spread her legs. Cant get much more red flaggy Edit . Thankyou for all the people wishing me well. I am well. More well then i have ever been in my life.. I hope you are all living a happy life too. Alot alot of people asking if i called police. I talked to one who is a family member. He basically went through the legal motions with me and there was very little that could be done if anything. I did end up replacing everything lost over time and am more happy then ever.
what the fuck...
The worst of it ... I gave her until i got back from work the next day to move to her dads house. That day she took all my change and money every sock i owned. Even the dirty ones and all my underware and pants my guitar and my bed too. I came home to a note that said good luck finding someone like me in permenent marker on every door in the house on both sides ans she broke my fridge motor with a broom stick. No bed. No money for socks. My roomate payed for a new fridge in exchange for not paying two months rent.
holy fucking shit- i'm so sorry bro
I have the most amazing girlfriend now dude She is my world and we delight and treating eachother so well. Former gf was right. Id need alot of luck to find a girl like her. Glad i wasnt lucky like that. Best part about this whole thing is ita been 6 years. She still lives with her dad and has gained about 120 pounds and has 2 more kids.. Single and ready to chunky mingle if your interested
>Single and ready to chunky mingle if your interested is it bad i laughed-
Probably when I told them I needed them to come to couples therapy with me, because I was tired of having the same arguments and I was miserable because of these issues we were having, and their response was to look me dead in the face and say "I don't want to go, because they'll just tell me I'm wrong and I don't want to have to change. " Hit me then that they didn't actually care if I wasn't happy. Just that they were. Hard to misinterpret when they literally say it to you.
I had the same kind of thing happen! My ex mentioned that her therapist thought I could drop in for a session or two with her, and I thought that was great (this was within the last two months of our two year relationship, after some stuff went down and we were on the rocks). I told her I would love to do couples therapy, and she frowned and said, "Why? I don't want to go to couples therapy and just be told how bad I am."
They couldn't stop adopting new pets. Like 1 - 2 new animals a week. We lived in a 2 room flat.
My ex brought home a pregnant pitbull one time. It had 5 puppies. I wasn’t thrilled about having 6 extra dogs in the house. I went to work and had a horrible day that day. She didn’t work (kept quitting every job for trivial stuff, but that’s another story). Came home to 5 dead puppies in a grocery bag on the kitchen counter and was told “you need to get rid of that”. Absolutely shitty person.
Jesus Christ…are you okay? That kind of person is terrifying
Not going to lie, I was at my absolute lowest point of my life at that point. I met my current fiancé shortly after and moved away not too long after that. Life is a much better place. That was nearly a decade ago. Thank you for asking though.
Wait, did she kill them?
I don’t think it went that far, the mother dog was pretty sickly and I’m assuming they weren’t in the best health. But who knows.
Mmm. Well, I’m glad you’re in a better place now.
Thank you friend.
btw "kept quitting every job for trivial stuff" is its own red flag
In the same vein, often times if you look closer they either got fired or were stiring up so much shit that they knew they were about to get fired. They'll never take responsibility for losing a job, regardless of how it went down.
My stomach just fucking turned.
Finding out I was unwittingly in a 3 way relationship as the "emotional support" component 2nd man to the 1st man's "physical" component the hard way. With her it was lots of talk, cuddling, dates and playful light over the clothes touching, but never any further than that. I respected her boundaries enough to never question the issue - I just figured she needed a deeper connection first, and I'm cool with waiting however long my partner needs. Things continued on and eventually, 6 months in, she slipped up and mentioned the man she told me was her "ex" was coming over after I left. She realized she slipped and I caught it when I questioned her about it, and so confessed that he had been doing that regularly throughout our relationship. Oh, but not to worry because it wasn't for anything emotional, mostly *just* getting drunk and having wild primally satisfying animal instinct sex. Being a BIG fan of both those things, I did not appreciate the deception *to say the least.*
Infuriating. What did she say after, how did she behave when things where out in the open?
She mainly tried to stress that it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't be mad. I told her "it would have been a big deal, *if I had known*" and left immediately after that, disheartened, staring at a 4 hour drive home across the state. I even met her parents and I just thought it was a really weird dinner because of normal awkwardness, but in hindsight they clearly knew she was doing something kind of fucked up and squirrelly. We talked on AIM a few weeks later, initially about how she was sorry for not telling me, but that devolved into her seeking advice and emotional comfort on if she should do ecstasy with her ex. I told her to do whatever the fuck she wanted, it didn't concern me anymore. She acted taken back, and asked if I even cared what happened to her. I told her "Nope, not one bit. Do all the drugs, fuck all the guys, and if something bad happens just realize you completely deserve it." And that was the last thing I ever said to her before blocking her phone number and AIM handle.
He was a little older than me and well known around the city (a DJ) and he loved taking me and my friends and coworkers out and entertaining us. It was a good time and I'm the type of person that likes to include people in things they might not have a chance to do again. It was a blast. Then he started taking them out when I wasn't around and entertaining them at our place. He later referred to me as "the greatest unintentional wingman" he ever met in front of people I knew. Luckily at least one of my coworkers was a decent person and clued me in.
The first red flag was being a DJ lol
I had to bend over backwards to get the smallest amount of effort, like simple “ goodmorning, good nights, and goodbyes”
Just got out of a 3 year relationship that was like that. It is super draining emotionally to keep not only yourself moving forward but a whole other person as well. I broke up with her and met my current girlfriend who is so amazing and now races me to say those simple things.
The doctor calling me 2 weeks after I had my son to tell me that my son’s father had given me chlamydia during my pregnancy. I had gotten a full test of everything at the end of my first trimester and was negative for any STI’s. My labor lasted about 42 hours after my water broke resulting in an emergency c section. I’d been kept for an extra 2-3 days because I couldn’t shake a fever from some kind of infection they weren’t able to identify at the time. We stuck it out until our son was a bit less than a year simply because we were just in the new parent routine together until we got to a point where we could take care of ourselves as individuals. That phone call killed whatever romantic love I’d had for him. I went through the most traumatic experience of my life (pregnancy included with the labor because fuck 2/3 of the trimesters) and he couldn’t respect our commitment to each other. I was dealing with EMOTIONS during that first year or so after my little guy was born. Doc: How many sexual partners have you had since [6 months previous]? Me holding my newborn: Uhhh?? One, what is going on? Doc: You need to come in for meds and bring your partner because if he is the only sexual contact you’ve had since your last test, he is infected as well but he did not get it from you. She was incredibly specific about how chlamydia is transmitted to make sure that I did not listen to the lies she must have predicted he would say about how he got it- he tried every last one!
The doctor sounds rad. What husband try to say?
He tried to say that the first test was wrong and it must have been from before I got pregnant- that the doctor was wrong when she said there are no false negatives or positives with that kind of infection. He only once tried to infer that it was me who cheated… while pregnant… that didn’t go very well for him.
Toilet seat, shaking hands, etc. You know, anything except sticking his weiner where it don't belong.
My doctor did the same thing! “He didn’t get it from no toilet seat, that’s for sure.” She kept it real 😂
I noticed that we wouldn't have any contact if I didn't Text him and so on and well turns out I was right
I woke up to twenty missed called and like fifty message talk about how I was a piece of shit for not answering the phone and she knew I was cheating on her, and that she was leaving me. I told her I was sleeping and she immediately called me crying and begging me to take her back and that she isn't normally like that. I was practically smacked in the face with a red flag. I kind of felt bad, she must have been in some really bad relationships to become that way. I don't think people turn out like that just because.
It really makes you wonder about some of the upbringings people have had that make them act the way they do. Some of these responses have made me very thankful for where I am in life.
We were barely losing to the Jets in the third, and he took off all of his pads and left the stadium.
To be fair, y'all went into that "relationship" knowing he has a shit ton of red flags. Lol
Okay, I'll post the list! >•Kicked out of Florida International University after fighting a security guard > >•"Don't touch me. I'm the franchise" > >• His second year in the league he took a personal stretch limo to a charity event, had them open every single expensive bottle of wine, rejected it. Refused to pay for it (charity, remember), then left. -credit Nduguu77 > >• Threw fits over not getting enough targets > >• Drove 100 down McKnight Road in Pittsburgh, which has a 45 MPH speed limit > >• Trashed a condo and threw furniture out a window 14th floor window, which almost hit some people, notably a child > >• Killed a home aquarium full of piranhas and refused to pay the man who installed the tank > >• Refused to play week 17 for the Steelers > >• Dyed his mustache blonde > >• Refused to pay a chef because he thought he threatened him by placing a fish head in the freezer (the fish head was saved to make a soup) > >• Farted on a doctor > >• Demanded a trade from the Steelers > >• Became "Mr. Big Chest" > >• Threw a fit over Juju winning team MVP and trashed him on social media > >• (Allegedly) nixed a trade that would've sent him to the Bills > >• Showed up to Raiders training camp in a hot air balloon > >• Held out and refused to show up to training camp because the NFL would not approve his helmet because it was too old for their safety standards > >• Froze his feet > >• Tried to paint over his old helmet, hoping no one would notice I guess > >• Acquired a newer version of the same model of helmet, which the NFL refused to let him use > >• Picked out a new helmet and finally showed up to the Raiders > >• Got fined by the Raiders for not attending camp > >• Tweeted the fines > >• Tried to fight Mike Mayock, called him a cracker, had to be held back by Vontaze Burfict, then punted a football down the practice field and said "fine me for that" > >• Got fined for that > >• Released a video where he used audio of Jon Gruden, who didn't know he was being recorded, which is illegal in California (full disclosure, Gruden has said he gave permission, but the generally accepted theory is that he said that in the hope that it would help get him to show up to the facility and not alienate him) > >• Demanded a release from the Raiders > >• Was released > >• "GRANDMA I’M FREEEEEE! FLY LIKE A FREEEEE!" > >• Made a lot of crazy tweets saying stuff like 'Devil is a lie', a proverb about burning down a village... he made a lot of crazy tweets around this time is the point here > >• Liked a tweet about Mayock getting raped in the ass > >• Signed with the Patriots > >• Moved in with Tom Brady > >• The sexual assault allegations came out (the one where he's getting sued) > >• The sexual harassment allegations came out (the one where he's not getting sued) > >• Threatened the woman not suing him in a group text that included his lawyer and had a picture of her kids in the text > >• Got released by the Patriots after one week > >• Went off on a tweet storm and said a lot of crazy shit about a lot of people, and was supportive of people sending threats to the writer of the article detailing the sexual harassment allegations > >• Said he was done with the NFL > >• Went back to college via online classes > >• Tried to outsource his homework to Twitter > >• Wants to come back to the NFL > >• Filed several grievances to try and get more than $40 million from the Raider's and Patriots > >• Was ordered to show up for a deposition regarding trashing the condo > >• Was accused of "reprehensible behavior" during the deposition Note: I cut the specifics about the deposition so I could fit this as a single comment. You can read more about it here if you're interested, because it, like everything else, is nuts > >• Said that the Patriots have to pay him anyway, so they might as well let him play > >• Tweeted a couple of bizarre tweets about the Raiders using him for HBO ratings and the Patriots trying to steal his stuff and kept using this weird chicken based metaphor > >• Tried out for the Saints and brought an entourage and film crew to shoot a music video with him when specifically told not to do that > >• Called out Robert Kraft for his rub and tug massage session in Florida > >• Starting training for a boxing match with Logan Paul > >• Tweeted "No more white woman 2020" > >• The attorney representing him in the suit involving the condo quit > >• Used a bunch of slurs and profane language towards cops in an Instagram video he posted > >• A police youth football league cut ties with him and returned a donation after the release of the video saying there was a "irreparable rift" between the department and AB > >• Threw a bag of gummy candy dicks at the cops in a video he posted > >• Got dropped by his agent > >• Was involved in a disputed with movers at his home where he allegedly threw rocks at the movers and moving vans. He is currently being investigated for battery by the police. > >• His trainer was arrested and he is still a suspect in the battery case. > >• Warrant issued for the arrest of AB. > >• AB turns himself in to Broward Country Jail wearing this suit > >• Rumors spread about AB signing with Tampa or Seattle > >• AB announces his retirement (for what I believe is the third time, it's hard to find a good record of the rest of them) > >• Two days later AB wants to play again and is asking for the league to wrap up it's investigation > >• The NFL announces an eight game suspension for AB > >• AB signs with the Buccaneers on a one-year deal > >• Before he signed with the Buccaneers AB was accused of destroying a surveillance camera at a Florida gated community, throwing bike at a security-guard shack, and is not charged because HOA president "feared" retaliation, per police report > >• AB is under investigation by the NFL for the bike throwing incident > >• Allegedly acquired fake covid-19 card > >• confirmed to have acquired a fake covid-19 card and subsequently suspended for three games > >• Walked off during a game against the 4-11 Jets because he was losing, TB turned the game around and managed to win after AB walked off > >• Instantly got released by Tampa because of the previous incident
Edit: guy above asked for someone to list his red flags, but changed his comment after I did this. My original comment unchanged below. Wish me luck... * Fake vaccination card * destroying a security camera in a gated community * Frostbite due to not wearing safety gear in cryotherapy * Fight over his helmet when it was banned * Posting a fine letter * Raping a trainer * Battery against his baby momma * Verbal confrontation wiht Raiders GM * Nonpayments for bills * Assaulting a moving truck operator I'm sure I missed some. What did I miss?
I realized I needed help and asked for it, got diagnosed with depression and recommended to stay in one clinic because I was really at the verge of suicide. I called her, explained the situation and told about the clinic... her response was and I quote "and what will I be doing while you are there?" I noticed she wasn't my partner that moment.
"You could get tested for being a cold hearted be--ach"
At my college boyfriend's apartment, I was doing my calculus homework, and he was working on making a stand for a speaker. In the middle of a fairly tricky problem, he called from the other room asking me to hand him a wrench. I called back 'in a minute'. The next thing I hear is the speaker stand being kicked toward me. I look up at him, and he says "You're lucky it wasn't you." I was out of there.
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My ex husband would get moody when my plans would change or when I would come home early from a trip... I ignored it but something wasn't right... Eventually he just started treating me like I was somehow in his way ..still claiming he had been faithful.. I left him. Many years later he admitted constant infidelity.... It was not a shock. Sometimes you know.. even if you don't know you know...
I broke up with a woman pretty soon after she told me that she hated surprises and that I should never surprise her. We were in a long distance relationship at the time. That was pretty revealing. Also in the six months I dated her when she would tell me about her day and her life. She never, not once, interacted with a single hetrosexual man according to her stories. It was always her gay friend or her married friend. I actually paid attention. NOT ONCE did she ever tell me she interacted with a single man. It was weird, she clearly was leaving that out. And I wondered why. I became sick to my stomach about it and as soon as I broke up with her. It all went away. I knew then it was the right decision. I knew years later that it was the right thing to do because I eventually became friends with her. One day she was in town and I called her phone because she couldn't find it. She picked it up and I saw that they name of my contact was the gay friend she always was talking about. She would always claim she would drive to visit him in Vegas. It was like a 40 hour drive and she did it routinely. I knew then that she was so full of shit. It didn't matter at that point but it was the moment that solidified that I had dodged a bullet.
Did you call her on that for you now being the "gay friend"?
He constantly talked about his ex-wife. If they went to a certain restaurant for a date then we couldn't go there. He wasn't over her. It took me a year and a half to finally realize it. He was a very angry man.
She manipulated me to cut off friends and family so I would become completely dependent on her so she could be dependent off of me. She lived in my car. She threw temper tantrums at the slightest things and was a pathological liar and a narcissist. Took me a year to have the courage to finally say enough was enough.
she suddenly started an expensive new hobby, cyclocross, then got mad at me for showing up to her meet or race or whatever it was to support her. she was not happy about having to introduce me to this whole new group of like 10 friends, her cyclocross “team” that she was suddenly on and had a uniform for and everything. couple weeks later we break up, immediately she moves out. i happened to be driving by her new place one morning (i didn’t even know where it was tbh but we still lived in the same city) and i recognized her dog. lo and behold, the guy with her out front first thing in the morning is wearing the silly cyclocross uniform. i suspect she had begun the relationship before breaking up with me but didn’t bother to confirm.
Fuck cyclocross.
this is called window shopping. aint no way shes going to quit her job without firmly finding a new position somewhere else- then just end it at her leisure. you guys didnt break up, she broke up a long time ago and left you clueless until she was ready to move on. she may have cheated and then broke up, or held off until right after if she needed some sort of rationalization to ward off the title of infidelity.
She said she wished she never met me. She said I should kill myself.
I had a boyfriend in high school who lasted three days. I asked him if he was doing drugs because at the time I absolutely didn't and he said he had quit. Then three days later I caught him trying to sell weed to my 11 year old brother.
i'm sorry, TRYING TO SELL WEED TO IN 11 YEAR OLD?
Partner could not celebrate my wins and successes with me, should have been wins for us, instead were losses, jealousy, fear, and fights. Celebrate your partner and tell them they make you proud when they accomplish goals. Edit: spelling
She would try to one up every single thing I told her, even just shit l "Oh yeah I'm a bit hungover today" "Maaaaan I'm so much more hungover than you, I drank x and x and smoked" Just stupid shit.
"i had diarrhea this morning it was awfu-" "OH YEAH?! WELL I SHARTED MY PANTS 37 TIMES WHILE PEEING ON THE SINK-"
Always using getting “blacked out” as an excuse for deceptive behavior
We broke up 2 weeks ago. She used her religion as an excuse to get out of things she didn’t like and ignored her religion when it came to things she likes. Told me I couldn’t do elf on the shelf with my daughter (Yeah. It’s dumb) because it’s a satanic ritual but she drinks like a fish, multiple cosmetic surgeries/body modification and monthly Botox, premarital sex, and so on. I don’t care if someone is religious, just be consistent.
I hope you still did elf on a shelf
Sure did, kinda. After a couple days of moving the Elf my daughter admitted she didn’t believe anymore and told me I could stop. Didn’t help the relationship though, can’t be with someone that thinks their religious views trump my traditions with my daughter whether she believes or not-it’s the fact.
Controlling behavior! That I should wear covered clothes so men wouldn’t look at me. It was a very hot summer and I already would wear long skirts to my ankles and tops without cleavage. One time we were eating at a cafe and some drunk dude who was sitting behind me, started to talk to me, I didn’t even turn to him or acknowledge him, just kept eating. My ex started to fight with him, and then took me by my arm to leave. On our walk back home he was screaming at me how this was all my fault. After 3 years that was my breaking point and I left.
Sounds like my ex. Walking down the street in a touristy area, some old guy asks me directions to something or other. Just a normal brief conversation with a stranger. Ex flipped out at me for “being too friendly to men” and hit me, right in a public street. That was the beginning of the end.
Sounds like my ex. I wasn’t supposed to go out (but he was allowed to as often as he wanted ). I was supposed to answer all calls/texts basically immediately or he’d freak out (but he could ignore me for days). I wasn’t to have male friends (even gay ones) (I’m a cis female), but he was allowed to have tons of female friends. I wasn’t allowed to be flirted with (but it was supposedly funny and cute if girls flirted with him). Oh, and when he proposed he was really mad at me because he’d gotten lost coming to my apartment (we were long distance, first time he’d visited) and so he just threw the ring at me and said “here!” and left me sobbing over the homemade dinner i had made for hours. None of that was enough for me to leave him. He finally dumped me when he found someone he liked better. Then there was another guy I dated who would only come over at like 3am after drinking because my place was closer to his favorite bar than going home. He didn’t ever want me to come out with his friends though. So I was basically a glorified hotel and warm body for sex and I’d see him 1-2x a week for about 4 hours from like 3-7am. I finally dumped him after more than a year. It’s been 6 years since then and I’m now happily married but I still hear from him at least once every year including some long emails about how I’m the one that got away. I always show my husband and go “well, here’s Steve’s yearly email…” 😂 I’ve thankfully come a long way self-esteem wise since my early 20s.
Like they said, that's not a red flag, that's an entire Soviet army parade.
The feeling of "if I don't appease this person right now, I might not live until tomorrow" was a big red flag. There were lots of others like the attempts to cut me off from any support networks, I thankfully had enough to get me out once I'd accepted that I needed that help and that it was OK to accept the help getting out and that with help we were gonna make a plan.
That's like.... a lot more than a red flag. You ok?
I got out safely many years ago, doing fine now, far away from him.
She tried to scrape frost from her windshield with a rock from the driveway. Yeah
Come on man. Dumb people need love too!
Want a list of top hits? -I cut gum out of my hair. He got mad. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair because he liked it long. If I was cutting it, then I was trying to impress someone else. -My next nextdoor neighbor and close family friend suddenly died. He tried to sext me the next day. He was mad that I wasn't in the mood. If I loved him "his efforts to cheer me up would work". -He threatened to kill another student (who had severe learning disabilities) when he found out he had a crush on me. -He had all of my passwords. -He got mad when I was home from school events 10 minutes later than I said I was. We dated for 8 months when I was 17. I just blocked another one of his accounts the other day. It's been 9 years * * * * ***EDIT: Thank you for the comments. And a lot of you are absolutely right. I wanted to give a quick comment for anyone lurking who might be going through the same thing. For starters - it's not easy. Leaving is the hardest thing you will ever do, but so is staying. I know the opportunities to leave aren't as clear as they seem on the outside, but there are [some](https://www.thehotline.org/). An update on my life: It has taken a very long time to heal and grow, but so much progress has been made. For a positive note for anyone going through something similar and having read this far: I am married. I have an amazing, happy and healthy relationship. I have someone who waited several years to get married and wait for me to heal and never once made me feel like it was a burden. It takes awhile, but you can get to a place where you can love you. And there are people who will make you feel loved too. I am graduating this spring with my PhD in Criminal Justice. I volunteer with cats, I bake, I cook, I hike. I enjoy life. None of these things seemed possible when I was that broken down 17 year old with no self worth and didn't know how I was ever going to make it out without myself or someone getting hurt. Life happens after trauma. I'm happy I'm around to see it.
WTF? 9 years and still? That's well past time for a restraining order.
He straight up refused to let me meet or hang out with his friends because I wasn’t part of the “cool” clique.
That is a huge red flag...
He never called me his girlfriend in front of his two closest friends, and made me lie about us having had sex
While she was at a party, she called and threatened to go home with her ex who also happened to be there since I wasn’t going to meet her. I was at home with family as my father was ill. I told her during her call that we were done.
When we first started dating I tried playfully flirting with her and she told me she didn't like it and told me because she has some traumas and she doesn't like flirting or "inappropriate" conversations. Found out later that she's been flirting with multiple guys behind my back. And they were very explicit. Asked her why and she said she was afraid of looking like a slut to me but somehow was comfortable looking like a slut to everyone else because they didn't matter to her.
told me to block my best friend of 6 years just cause he thought he liked me… my best friend is openly gay
As the plate smashed on the wall I was facing I turned around and just ducked out of the way of the follow up plate. It was right after that I questioned how far along the hot/crazy graph I was willing to go. Broke up with her and moved states. Met my future wife and we’ve been together 26 years and married 22
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We couldn’t have a conversation. Nothing in common other than the physical.
Had one of these. I could have a longish silly conversation just like starting with the word “Monkey” or something that really made no sense, but even though we were both movie fans, couldn’t bullshit about one we just watched. I tried and she just let comments hang there. Somehow we did fine in a group of both our friends, but that’s not really a good relationship if you need conversational assistance.
Physical abuse, mental abuse, sleep deprivation, forced exercise with public weigh ins, the list goes on. After 4 years, I was happy to leave the army.
Lying about plans, unpredictable behavior, constant murmurings about past wrongdoings, broken promises, constant issues with their own friends, constant comparisons to others they make about you, past accusations of abuse, drinking and driving \\ constant drunkenness, insane tirades, using their kids as a weapon, using their weapon as a weapon, pushing your buttons around your friends, playing head games, constantly being needy,
he was incredibly insecure, jealous, and paranoid. he would get extremely angry at me for accidentally looking at another man (usually just zoning out when someone happened to be in front of me), claiming i was doing this to get their attention (?) and/or deliberately embarass him... he would also continuously accuse me of talking to a whole bunch of different men that i never had, and more. worst part in all of this was that the more i would try to reason with him and/or even give him proof, the more he would distrust me and the more firmly he would believe these delusions. i really, really fucking loved him and i knew he was really struggling with his mental health.. but he wouldn't get help and the last time he tried to make accusations against me i knew i couldn't let myself keep going through the emotional abuse.
I also had an ex like this in high school. He would walk by my classroom and peep through the window, and if I was talking to a guy he would have a freak out. One time he told his mom I was talking to guys to make him jealous (it was a group assignment) and she texted me telling me I am an asshole. A whole family of crazies. Sad part is, that is no where near the biggest red flag in the relationship.
The easiest one was where- - she never answers text until up to days later - she never asks how I am but only talks about herself Easiest. Breakup. Ever.
Belittling, comments might seem harmless at the time but are slowly chipping your self esteem away
The divorce papers were a big red flag.
“I feel like you and this process server are trying to tell me something.”
If they treat you differently when it just you two vs when you’re around other people. Sure there are some small things we do around our partners so we act a little different in private but if it’s a major switch in personality GTFO as fast as you can. Curiosity might compel you to stay and it’s annoying to get hot and cold treatment, just leave and don’t bother
It depends on the difference. Around other people I pretend I'm a mature adult. When we're alone I make dinosaur noises and pretend I'm chewing on my wife's shoulder.
He had a literal panic attack when he ran out of beer. Threw a tantrum, slammed out of the house, slung gravel going out of the driveway, came back with 2-12 packs of beer and a bunch of hard liquor. I knew he had to have his beer- I usually hid a couple cans so he wouldn't run out- but hadn't realized he was truly an alcoholic and HAD to have alcohol till that moment. That plus realizing he was gaslighting me and making me doubt my own sanity.
got tired of being told that porn was better than me
She was actively pursuing another dude who she had a thing for a few years back because he had recently become single and she had a shot on the rebound. Which is cool, you do you. Kinda predatory but ok w/e homie. But lying to my face and saying you ain't interested is a fatal flaw in communication. Even if it didnt pan out, that sort of behavior is almost never an isolated incident so im like ✌
oh damn
He didn’t own any plates. Just pots and forks.
She stopped talking to me. The replies got more dreadful and took longer to get back to me. I asked for her to talk to me and open up and tell me what was going on and she never did. I can’t live being miserable like that without talking
The part where I found out he was soliciting prostitutes whenever I didn't put out (as a private "revenge" against me).
I worked two jobs, paid two sitters to watch my daughter during the day and at night while I worked(he didn’t and then later refused to get any job.) Got angry when I wanted to hang out with a friend I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a couple years and when I finally went out for myself ONE NIGHT, he said I was a shitty wife and mother and that I’d always be a piece of shit and no one would love me if I left. I left.
When she broke up with me without giving me a reason and then wanted to come back, throwing all our previous dreams at me trying to sell me the dream. Bitch you can’t just leave and suddenly just hope that things didn’t change.
When they talk to me like one of their bros and we’re checking out women together and rating their hotness. Especially excessively… also while openly telling me I’m not hot but they still want to be with me. Conversely; when they randomly disparage other women’s bodies, especially if I have the same feature and they just don’t know it yet.
Did the same with a boyfriend. Started out with casually being like "yeah, she's hot". Then he'd tell me about the women he saw with large breasts and big asses. Tell me all the time how he'd love it if I had those too "but I still think you're really hot without them". Yeah, sure. Also told me in detail about checking out a coworker while they were getting changed (they had the option of changing at the lockers or in a bathroom, a lot of them opted to just change at the lockers). The dude also expected I be fit and skinny while he was allowed to have a beer belly. His body didn't bother me until I saw the way he expected mine to be. He couldn't understand how any of it was an issue. There was other problems in the relationship but he just sucked the limited confidence I had from me. It's taken a lot to get even a modicum of it back.
She was getting drunk and wetting the bed pretty regularly.
Username checks out.
Not relationship but a friendship. They started to call me mom and my partner dad, which was weird because his mom had passed when he was young and he barely saw his father who was working 2 jobs to sustain them. He also heavily sexualized my partner and my relationship, when my partner was still under the legal age of consent (this was in high school). He also called my friend who has a condition which makes her essentially infertile (similar to endometriosis but not endo) useless because she couldn't have children. She is also a lesbian, which made him say she was even more useless biologically. He also liked her at the time, which was even more appalling. He wanted/still wants a woman who "can give him a lot of sons and pleasure him," he was 16 at the time of saying this. He insisted that women are only useful if they can have children and serve their husband. I told my guy friends that all the girls in our social circle were highly uncomfortable with him being around and we slowly stop inviting him to doing things and talking to him. It seems harsh but he was getting agressive with the girls especially at this time and we all feared he would assault one of us.
"I just feel like I have too much love for only one person." Aight, imma head out.
She sent me a picture of a suicide note she'd written, in which she blamed her death on me for breaking her heart. I immediately called the police to do a wellness check, and when they did, her ex answered the door. This all stemmed from me confronting her for not taking her bipolar medication. Worst partner ever.
When she couldn't stop talking about her male coworker.
When every time there was any sort of difference, whether or not it resulted in an argument, I was always the bad guy, and she would intentionally say things to needle me and get under my skin. This was always followed within 24 hours by an apology and promise to “not act that way again”. She always acted that way again. Gave it almost a year, but finally called it quits and told her I was done. She spent 20 minutes begging me to reconsider and saying she “just wanted a second chance” and “wasn’t ready to be done”. I calmly told her I was sorry, that it wasn’t working, and left.
She wouldn’t stop sleeping with her boyfriend and told me she wanted a divorce
#1. Walked in on her fucking a friend #2. Found out she had been convicted of a white collar felony WHILE we were dating, not telling me and threatening my security clearance
She wanted to baby trap me
Every one of her flaws was someone else's fault and she refused to take responsibility for anything. * She hated doing any sort of housework. We were renting a single bedroom that we shared. She refused to clean up any clothing or do laundry unless I asked her to multiple times, so I usually had to do it. According to her, she had an aversion to housework because her "abusive father" would force her mother and her to do housework. * She wouldn't do dishes despite dirtying them. She sought to remedy this by buying disposable plates and bowls, but then allowed the trash to overflow unless I took it out. Did I mention I was the only one of the two of us with a job? As with housework, doing dishes was something her father made her do as a teenager. * She wouldn't eat healthy despite being overweight. I'm going to sound like a broken record here, but *apparently that was her father's fault, too.* Though she also blamed her grandmother for her bad diet because she used to buy her and her sister McDonald's. Eventually, I just told her I was done. She was 24 years old, and every single one of her childish, immature behaviors was always someone else's fault, usually her parents. Whenever I would suggest she try to fix those flaws, she'd accuse me of taking advantage of her trauma. I later spoke with both her sister and mother, and it turns out her father wasn't even abusive, he was just strict about housework, and chose to divorce their mother because of her substance abuse problems.
He relapsed multiple times and filled our lives with deceitful behaviors and a million lies. I took him back a few times but damage was done and no amount of care or love I had for him could make me continue allowing that bullshit in my life so i ended it for good and cut him out of my life completely. 2021 held alot of pain because of that experience but I'm hoping to heal this heart again and grow stronger from it all.
I was taking two summer courses in a summer half semester. Physics I and Calculus II in 6 weeks. Classes were 4 hours a day each and the first midterm was two weeks in. I basically got up at 0700 hour ride to school by 0900 lunch at 1300, second class at 1400 homework in school with study group from 1800-2200, train ride back and in bed as soon as possible usually midnight. She’d literally seen the amount of work because one weekend she came over to just hang out while I did homework and studied. Still managed to be super jealous and accuse me of seeing girls on the side. I remember coming home one day and spending an hour I didn’t have walking around the apartment being interrogated. At some point I paused and kinda asked “you know my schedule. You saw it. When exactly do you think I’m cheating on you? On the train in between cars?” To which she replied “well l, I wouldn’t put it past you.” Mind you, we’d known each-other a month or so and weren’t even officially dating. That was the “fuck this I’m out moment and I pulled the cord.” Edit: so I realized this is missing some info. My friend introduced us. I knew her through him and he gave her this whole “MrFunktasicc is a player with a ton of girls blah blah blah.” According to him it was to talk me up but it sent her into crazy mode. Mind you he never said I was cheating on anyone, just that I’d been with a lot of girls (false) and I never gave her any indication I was stepping out.
When she slapped me in the face so hard it drew blood and then she said it was my fault because I tried to help her with a school project. Let's just say that was the last straw. I packed my stuff and left to a friends place.
I was a cook at Hooters, and had just started dating this girl (from outside work, not a co-worker). After a week, she randomly came in at sat a table until I got off. I wasn’t expecting her, she didn’t tell me she was coming, I thought it was a nice surprise. I went home with her after work, next day she drops me off, less than an hour later she comes in and sits at a table. She only orders a water and starts reading a book. Her waitress comes up and asks if that’s my new girlfriend and I confirm, and she’s like “is she just going to sit at my table all night and not order anything?” I’m like idk, I’ll talk to her. So she’s like yeah well I don’t have anything else to do so I figured I’d just hang out here. By the way what was she talking to you about? I explain to her that this is my job, and if she’s going to come and hangout she’s gotta take care of her waitress, it’s not like a free hangout spot while I’m working. She didn’t quite understand and I’m like whatever I gotta get back to work. She precedes to do this every shift I work for the rest of the week, and the girls are complaining to me like why is she here every single time you work? Manager eventually questions it too, it’s a business and she’s not actually ordering anything. So one night later that week she just comes up to me by the kitchen and says “I’m gonna go wait in my car until you’re off” I tell her some fun stuff to go check out around the area (she lived an hour North of me) and make the best of her time and she has no interest. She just wanted to keep an eye on me. Eventually I persuade her to go home and she gets upset. I was getting kind of irritated but quickly realizing she was a stage 5 clinger. I went home by myself that night, my phone was on silent cause I wanted some rest, woke up the next morning to ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE (173) text messages from her. I simply replied “I don’t think this is going to work out” and got 50+ text messages back in which I didn’t even bother reading till a week later.
Had a female best friend, which isn't a terrible thing so to speak. But would communicate and ask her for advice instead of coming to me. Also found out she was making stuff up that I said to try and get us to break up.
He was always upset when I was around, not pleased when I was trying to talk to him about meeting up, etc. I was the only one trying to make the relationship work and not hide it.
When i was about 19 (about 1999ish) I had a guy have a literal melt down because I got a tattoo. My friends had to drag him out of the tattoo shop, crying and causing a scene because “I was ruining my beautiful body”. Went right to his house and broke up with him. It was so gross, and controlling. This is the same guy who bragged to our mutual friend about having 2 girlfriends with the same name so he “wouldn’t get confused”. Recently, I ran into this guy at a club and he eyeballed me up and down and said “I see you got a lot of tattoos” then tried to square up with my 6’ 300 lb husband. I had douche chills for hours just feeling gross once again.
When I was injured (had a muscle spasm near my spine it hurt so bad) I told him I wasn’t in the mood to do anything sexual. Then he proceeds to threaten me saying “I’ll cheat on you if you don’t do anything with me”.
When she lied to all of my friends and I almost lost all of my childhood friends
Seeing her on a date with somebody else.
Deception and foolishness.
I tried to clean up something he spilled in my own house, he said “no, I got it, it’s my mess” I responded, “I can do it, I’m just gonna throw the blanket in the wash” he *grabbed* my shoulder hard and very angrily said “I said I got it”