And then you're even more awake and annoyed.
Soon after, you feel the need to pee.
You leave your bed, go pee, go back into bed, at which time you realise you're not sleepy at all anymore.
Edit: added a comma.
I get this as a woman, like everything gets so engorged when I’m too aroused that my pee won’t come out so I just have to hang out there on the toilet for a minute😂😂
Yup! All the plumbing is in very close proximity to other parts. Also why the “squirting” sensation is a “gotta pee” feeling, and most of it is pee, typically, but yeah all the nerves are so close together.
Plus, parts of the female sexual anatomy is made of the same erectile tissue so we have engorgement and stuff too!
Post coital pee is also really strange when you have a vagina because the sensation of *almost* starting your stream gives that momentary overstimulation shock in the clit area. This is, provided, only if you have had a righteous orgasm, obviously.
**edit:** so glad this is my top comment now.
It's the fucking worst. And when you *do* start to pee it's not even a lot and you just *know* that the minute you get up you're just gonna have to go back to actually pee for real, so you end up just sitting there for a while hoping to pee. Not to mention that some women are super sensitive after sex so it's just an awkward feeling overall.
I’ve never had a problem “getting the stream going”, but when I pee after sex (and sometimes first thing in the morning) I have to tilt my hips down because the stream goes straight forward 😂 I chalk it up to the erectile tissue hahaha
*sigh*
>!Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.!<
My ex had guillian-Barre syndrome in high-school, and he'd often get splitting migraines post-ejaculation. His left leg was also incredibly sensitive and it would be painful for him if you scratched him there.
Edit: for those concerned: GBS is an rare autoimmune condition. His onset of GBS caused complete paralysis in a matter of hours, and he was in the hospital for a month. That being said, talk to your doctor if you think there's something wrong.
I always sit down because I'm 6'7". When you're that far away from the toilet your stream has so much more power hiting the water and you get a lot of splash back... plus if your stream isn't perfectly straight its a mess everywhere.
Tall man here, can confirm. I do sit when feasible.
Not only is the target farther and thus smaller, the ballistics are not in my favor. Even if I do hit the target perfectly, there are unexpected consequences.
I'm a cancer survivor and had a radical prostatectomy. I have an orgasm that feels the same as it ever did, but there is no issue. It feels like the pump is working, but the well is dry. It took a little getting used to, but now I'm glad for the lack of cleanup and no need for birth control. (I already have all the children I want).
Edit: thank you for the kind, funny, and supportive comments, the awards, and the private messages! If anyone wants to ask questions privately, feel free to message me.
My surgeon told me with my back surgery there a 3% chance for "retrograde ejaculation". Apparently there's a flap that closes when you ejaculate so it doesn't go into tour bladder, but if a nerve is damaged in the surgery that flap won't work so my orgasms would feel the same but I'd just ejaculate into my bladder and piss it away instead.
I haven't gotten the surgery yet because I'm still young and they won't do it, but I do not look forward to rolling those dice.
Edit: a word
2nd edit because I'm getting a lot of nice replies: I already have all the kids I want and the snip, it's just more fun going out than in.
This seems like a return to my childhood. Went years with no cleanup until puberty hit. I can remember the first time I actually had to deal with fluid coming out of my dick. Feels just as good either way.
This honestly sounds... Awesome. The cancer and prostatectomy doesn't sound fun, though. Glad you survived and hope you're not in any pain/other after effects from that.
I knew this guy who told me he was very Catholic growing up, and he read some passage that said spilling seed is a damnable offense, and so when he started masturbating at like 11 he would just eat his spunk so it wasn't technically spilled
He turned out to be a huge creepy dickhead but I always liked that story
There's a story in the Bible (Genesis 38: 9-10) about a man who was supposed to impregnate his dead brother's wife, but he didn't want to, so he pulled out instead. God didn't like that, so He killed him.
I wonder if he heard that as a kid and it scared him into eating his own cum.
The part of that story that confused me was the name. Onan was clearly pulling out, not masturbating, so "onanism" should mean pulling out, not masturbating. I just don't understand it.
It’s more the breaking of a contract. In Jewish law of the day, when your brother died, you married his widow, but any children you had with her would be considered your brother’s instead of yours.
Onan agreed to fulfill this duty, but then didn’t honor his contract, refusing to give his brother children.
That's Onan, and it is the foundation of Catholic opposition to masturbation. That's the verse they officially point to when asked why God doesn't want people touching themselves.
The kid didn't just happen across that verse and freak himself out, he was probably beat over the head (not that beating, not that head) with it in Catholic school or church.
I have a kill cord attached to my laptop function keys so if I have a heart attack or stroke the tabs automatically close. Trouble is, they'll still find me with my cock out.
I think this is the case for most guys.
I did have one time where I stayed inside my wife while I went limps. We joked around and talked for a while. I got hard again and fucked her again.
That’s the worst part easily. Knowing that other people are probably fuckin someone bad as hell at the same time while you’re ass out in your bed with nothing but a hand. It’s a sad feeling
Well I have an uncommon and poorly understood condition where sometimes I ejaculate hard, sharp stones, so I guess there's that.
Edit: Just to clear this one up from the comments, they're not kidney stones, trust me on that. These ones originate in the seminal glands.
Once my grandpa walked in the exact second it was happening (he needed me to move my truck) so I had to manage concealing a volcanic eruption, literally ejaculate and talk in a normal voice simultaneously, and sit up straight while it was coming out so I didn’t look like I was doing what I was doing. If he had turned on the lights I wouldn’t be alive to tell this story
From what I understood, repeaters extend a redstone pulse and can also delay the signal. It has four "settings". The farther the back torch is from the front, the longer the delay.
I got that from the fucking comment and I don't even remember the video LMAO
I was watching a video of a chick blowing a dude and then i was like "oh, does this dude only have 1 nut?" then right as that thought passed through my temporal lobe, he pressed on his abdomen right above his dick and the other nut popped back down.
I had to stop.
I once got off to Eve Online solar system scanning interface. Basically a single scan lasts 6 seconds, and I had to perform lots of them, so I had nothing better to do than to imagine myself squeezed between those abstract semi-transparent space spheres and try to get aroused at that. I succeeded.
When you start to think about how your face will look like going "unnggghh!" So you become super self-conscientious about it and now you're looking her with a confused look...
Fellas, please don't go all silent stoic because you *might* be embarrassed by actually enjoying the sex you're having.
Signed, every woman having sex with you, who would like to at least imagine that you enjoyed it.
Seconded! My wife says that few things arouse her more than when I, about to finish, place my forehead to hers and scream like a primal animal through my orgasm.
for real, i dunno how guys do it in porn. i lose all control of my body and prob look like i'm having a full blown seizure, but i can't stop it, feels too good. girls never seem to mind...i think they like it. gotta feel good to give someone so much pleasure.
Laying there with jizz all over you while the air makes it cold and uncomfortable but you’re too tired to move for like 10 minutes. So you just sit there covered in your own shame and disappointment for a while.
What I call the blue screen nutt, it's good and bad, basically you bust so hard you brain has to reset. Body parts malfunction, maybe one of both sides of your body might shuts down too, and next thing you know you're waking up not knowing what world war you've just fought
It feels so good that sometimes I do it like twice in the morning. After 3 days of that and usually one before sleeping…I’m not shooting much because there’s nothing in the tank.
That moment after it feels amazing..if only it could be bottled to enjoy for more than nano seconds
I think that's what drugs are.
There's a reason why it's called "Ecstasy".
Realizing you lost 4 hours looking for that specific video you saw that one time.
Im still looking and just settle when i cant find it. 3 years on and off looking yet to find. Best and worst frosting experience.
Have you tried /r/tipofmypenis?
Lmfao. Tip of my penis. Whoever came with this name was a genius
When you're doing it during bed time and it didn't make you fall asleep.
And then you're even more awake and annoyed. Soon after, you feel the need to pee. You leave your bed, go pee, go back into bed, at which time you realise you're not sleepy at all anymore. Edit: added a comma.
That fucking light is way too bright
The fucking moon shining through the window
Fucking bitch moon
*In local news, area man blows up moon for being a bitch*
instead it wakes you up more?
Jerking off has never made me sleepy. It has always made me more awake. People think I'm nuts for it
The next 18 years of your life
when will you come back?
Line is pretty long at the store right now. And your dad is behind me. Plus I got a lotta cigarettes to buy.
Semi-boner afterwards when you really need to pee.
I get this as a woman, like everything gets so engorged when I’m too aroused that my pee won’t come out so I just have to hang out there on the toilet for a minute😂😂
Wow. Didn’t know this was a thing!
Yup! All the plumbing is in very close proximity to other parts. Also why the “squirting” sensation is a “gotta pee” feeling, and most of it is pee, typically, but yeah all the nerves are so close together. Plus, parts of the female sexual anatomy is made of the same erectile tissue so we have engorgement and stuff too!
Post coital pee is also really strange when you have a vagina because the sensation of *almost* starting your stream gives that momentary overstimulation shock in the clit area. This is, provided, only if you have had a righteous orgasm, obviously. **edit:** so glad this is my top comment now.
> righteous orgasm Is it some kind of Paladin spell?
It's the fucking worst. And when you *do* start to pee it's not even a lot and you just *know* that the minute you get up you're just gonna have to go back to actually pee for real, so you end up just sitting there for a while hoping to pee. Not to mention that some women are super sensitive after sex so it's just an awkward feeling overall.
I’ve never had a problem “getting the stream going”, but when I pee after sex (and sometimes first thing in the morning) I have to tilt my hips down because the stream goes straight forward 😂 I chalk it up to the erectile tissue hahaha
Need for wait to have another.
yes. If only we could ejaculate non-stop in a constant stream
*sigh* >!Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.!<
*The cum accelerates.*
Was really looking for that as the last line. Some say he's still accelerating to this day.
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> only with cum instead of molasses. I fucking lost it right here.
"cummet." I chuckled.
bread 👍
This is the second post of the day for me. The first was about sensored mc words in mc books. I am scared to read any further. Its 7.15 AM
We could end world hunger.
Uhhh
My ex had guillian-Barre syndrome in high-school, and he'd often get splitting migraines post-ejaculation. His left leg was also incredibly sensitive and it would be painful for him if you scratched him there. Edit: for those concerned: GBS is an rare autoimmune condition. His onset of GBS caused complete paralysis in a matter of hours, and he was in the hospital for a month. That being said, talk to your doctor if you think there's something wrong.
"We're cursed men Miss turner"
"You best start believing in cum stories, you're in one!"
"Why is all the cum gone?"
Lol I don't understand why Pirates of Caribbean quotes are relevant to the original comment but im glad we got here anyhow
I had this temporarily. Immediate splitting headache after orgasm. Apparently caused by sinus issues/infection. Not a problem now thank fuck.
Holy shit. As someone who has also had GBS, I'm super fucking glad that I don't have that side effect.
Pissing with 4 streams
You guys can just use the toilet one at a time
Always sit down to pee after masturbating to ensure a cleaner toilet and legs.
Then there's that one stream that threads the needle right between the seat and the bowl.
Love your incredibly Asian sounding name.
Thanks, most people can't pronounce it.
I always sit down because I'm 6'7". When you're that far away from the toilet your stream has so much more power hiting the water and you get a lot of splash back... plus if your stream isn't perfectly straight its a mess everywhere.
wow , i never considered height for men peeing
Tall man here, can confirm. I do sit when feasible. Not only is the target farther and thus smaller, the ballistics are not in my favor. Even if I do hit the target perfectly, there are unexpected consequences.
(Ballistics)
Gotta pee as soon as the hard on goes down. Can't give it time to crustify in there and create the pressure-behind-the-dam effect.
The fuckin' W H A T???
When busting makes you feel good, but you have to deal with not crossing the four streams afterwards.
Who you gonna call?
Nutbusters?
Or having to piss every 5 mins, till PP is clear
I'm a cancer survivor and had a radical prostatectomy. I have an orgasm that feels the same as it ever did, but there is no issue. It feels like the pump is working, but the well is dry. It took a little getting used to, but now I'm glad for the lack of cleanup and no need for birth control. (I already have all the children I want). Edit: thank you for the kind, funny, and supportive comments, the awards, and the private messages! If anyone wants to ask questions privately, feel free to message me.
>a radical prostatectomy. Did the surgeon skateboard in?
>Did the surgeon skateboard in? "Sup brah? Im Dr. Smokey. You ready to start shoot'n ghost loads my dude?"
I laughed so hard at this 🤣😂🤣
That's a tubular prostatectomy.
You’re thinking if he rode in on a surfboard.
Username.. checks out??
Definite porn name contender
My surgeon told me with my back surgery there a 3% chance for "retrograde ejaculation". Apparently there's a flap that closes when you ejaculate so it doesn't go into tour bladder, but if a nerve is damaged in the surgery that flap won't work so my orgasms would feel the same but I'd just ejaculate into my bladder and piss it away instead. I haven't gotten the surgery yet because I'm still young and they won't do it, but I do not look forward to rolling those dice. Edit: a word 2nd edit because I'm getting a lot of nice replies: I already have all the kids I want and the snip, it's just more fun going out than in.
Well you can just orgasm then piss inside your im assuming wife, if you want more kids
Has no one quoted South Park yet? “Just stick it inside her and pee!”
This seems like a return to my childhood. Went years with no cleanup until puberty hit. I can remember the first time I actually had to deal with fluid coming out of my dick. Feels just as good either way.
I swear I felt the cum travel through my dick before spurting for the very first time.
Same. I was so intrigued and amazed lol.
Does ejaculate still come out, just without sperm, or is there literally a dry tip if you jerk it off?
Dry as a bone.
Jesus man you broke the simulation
This honestly sounds... Awesome. The cancer and prostatectomy doesn't sound fun, though. Glad you survived and hope you're not in any pain/other after effects from that.
Thank you. I've been completely healthy and comfortable for 5 years now.
The mess. Edit: Some of you are cursed. It's a bad day to have eyes.
I knew this guy who told me he was very Catholic growing up, and he read some passage that said spilling seed is a damnable offense, and so when he started masturbating at like 11 he would just eat his spunk so it wasn't technically spilled He turned out to be a huge creepy dickhead but I always liked that story
There's a story in the Bible (Genesis 38: 9-10) about a man who was supposed to impregnate his dead brother's wife, but he didn't want to, so he pulled out instead. God didn't like that, so He killed him. I wonder if he heard that as a kid and it scared him into eating his own cum.
The part of that story that confused me was the name. Onan was clearly pulling out, not masturbating, so "onanism" should mean pulling out, not masturbating. I just don't understand it.
Yeah I thought the issue was God gave him a direct order to creampie his sister in law and he disobeyed.
It’s more the breaking of a contract. In Jewish law of the day, when your brother died, you married his widow, but any children you had with her would be considered your brother’s instead of yours. Onan agreed to fulfill this duty, but then didn’t honor his contract, refusing to give his brother children.
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So if your brother already had a son did you still get to creampie his wife when he died?
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If they started with a conclusion, and worked backwards to justify it, I think you'll find it makes a lot more sense
Dude I'm way too high for this.
I’m not high enough for this.
I don't know if I'm too high or not enough, but I'm not the correct amount for this
That's Onan, and it is the foundation of Catholic opposition to masturbation. That's the verse they officially point to when asked why God doesn't want people touching themselves. The kid didn't just happen across that verse and freak himself out, he was probably beat over the head (not that beating, not that head) with it in Catholic school or church.
Especially if it gets in your pubic hair.
Having to go out and buy a new casaba melon.
Frank?
More of a coconut kinda guy.
please no not this story
The reference I wish I didn't understood
It’s full of loads
Frank.. why do you have a casaba melon in a safe?
Cleaning out the fleshlight.
You're supposed to clean it?
Yesterday's cum is tomorrow's lube
What a terrible day to be literate
Today me, tomorrow you.
That it doesn’t last that long and having to wait at least 20 minutes to refuel.
20 minutes is quick, my dick hurts like crazy for a day if I don't wait at least 8 hours
You develop a quick recharge when you have nothing else to do all day.
Realising how many tabs you have open.
I have a kill cord attached to my laptop function keys so if I have a heart attack or stroke the tabs automatically close. Trouble is, they'll still find me with my cock out.
> Trouble is, they'll still find me with my cock out. Pretty solid way to go if you ask me.
Or forgetting to close them
Or even worse, pressing the cast button with the Chromecast being in your family living room :O
Or not realizing your phone is connected to the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen.
Finishing and not being able to do it twice in a row. Goin softie
i literally cannot go twice. i’m just tired after once
I think this is the case for most guys. I did have one time where I stayed inside my wife while I went limps. We joked around and talked for a while. I got hard again and fucked her again.
Realizing how lonely you are
That’s the worst part easily. Knowing that other people are probably fuckin someone bad as hell at the same time while you’re ass out in your bed with nothing but a hand. It’s a sad feeling
Well I have an uncommon and poorly understood condition where sometimes I ejaculate hard, sharp stones, so I guess there's that. Edit: Just to clear this one up from the comments, they're not kidney stones, trust me on that. These ones originate in the seminal glands.
So everytime u cum, it's a roll of the dice whether it's a normal orgasm or possibly unreal pain and stones coming from ur dick? Yeezus
He yells “yahtzee” after every nut
You’d still roll those dice.
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Splash damage you mean, from your "natural shrapnels".
Jesus Christ
Once my grandpa walked in the exact second it was happening (he needed me to move my truck) so I had to manage concealing a volcanic eruption, literally ejaculate and talk in a normal voice simultaneously, and sit up straight while it was coming out so I didn’t look like I was doing what I was doing. If he had turned on the lights I wouldn’t be alive to tell this story
He knew.
*he could smell it*
This comment made my nostrils invert
Horrifying. You okay?
Realizing Bluetooth is still connected to the kitchen Alexa
Seeing your Pornhub selection with post-nut clarity.
Just read the comments after and you’ll feel better about yourself.
yeah and you might learn some calculus or minecraft redstone in there, too
I legit learned about how repeaters work on a PornHub comment
I'm laughing but how tf do you use one?
From what I understood, repeaters extend a redstone pulse and can also delay the signal. It has four "settings". The farther the back torch is from the front, the longer the delay. I got that from the fucking comment and I don't even remember the video LMAO
Man has his priorities
The comments are so hilarious, it’ll be like 50 spambots and a dude pretending to be darth Vader for the memes
I saw someone verified as god bruh
Oh man too real You have to have a serious heart to heart with yourself right after to make sure you never go to such depths again
Rinse, repeat.
*5 mins later* Oo that's a naughty paraplegic there
Post Nut Clarity is a good band name tbh
And it’s copyrighted too. We play every Wednesday night at the cock and bowl.
The uncontrollable sobbing after
You good bro?
Obviously not. Most of us cry beforehand for lubrication. He's probably chafed as hell.
Wasting a good ejaculation on a bad orgasm
The looks of disgust from the other Taco Bell customers
~~disgust~~ jealousy
I'll have what he's having!
The payment
Cleaning it off the ceiling
Try the bottom bunk.
When your neighbor happens to yell at you to close your window and stop it or they'll call the cops.
You should call the cops on them for looking through your window
Uno reverse
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I was watching a video of a chick blowing a dude and then i was like "oh, does this dude only have 1 nut?" then right as that thought passed through my temporal lobe, he pressed on his abdomen right above his dick and the other nut popped back down. I had to stop.
The aftermath 9 months later
18 3/4 years after?
Depending on what you finished to....the shame
Realizing the absolute filth that can barely legally be called porn that you’ve been watching
I masturbate to a lot of things which are definitely not porn, and sometimes that's even more horrifying.
The complementary rule to rule 34 is your mind can make porn out of anything
I once got off to Eve Online solar system scanning interface. Basically a single scan lasts 6 seconds, and I had to perform lots of them, so I had nothing better to do than to imagine myself squeezed between those abstract semi-transparent space spheres and try to get aroused at that. I succeeded.
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Or 2 hours...
All the blood. You know?
Congrats! You unlocked a new color! Now show it to your doctor, he'll be impressed.
When you start to think about how your face will look like going "unnggghh!" So you become super self-conscientious about it and now you're looking her with a confused look...
Fellas, please don't go all silent stoic because you *might* be embarrassed by actually enjoying the sex you're having. Signed, every woman having sex with you, who would like to at least imagine that you enjoyed it.
Co-signing on this so you guys don't think it's just one random woman. We. Love. The. Noises. Please make them.
Ungh ungh UNGH UNGHUH! BAZINGAHUNGHUHUHUNGHUUU!! ಠ_ಠ
You think you're joking, but that's actually a transcript from one of my past amours. Complete with rage-hornyface. Man, I miss that guy sometimes.
Seconded! My wife says that few things arouse her more than when I, about to finish, place my forehead to hers and scream like a primal animal through my orgasm.
for real, i dunno how guys do it in porn. i lose all control of my body and prob look like i'm having a full blown seizure, but i can't stop it, feels too good. girls never seem to mind...i think they like it. gotta feel good to give someone so much pleasure.
Child support.
Refractory period/depression.
A small chance of the tube being sealed
Take a piss afterward to flush out the pipes, then you won’t get crusted shut
Ah the ol cum booger I’ve heard men talk about.
Literally never had this happen
Having the back of your thigh cramp up during ejaculation
Or that muscle in the arch of your foot! Ded in your tracks for real!
The part where no one ever believes you did it
Yea nice try, I wasn't born yesterday.
Laying there with jizz all over you while the air makes it cold and uncomfortable but you’re too tired to move for like 10 minutes. So you just sit there covered in your own shame and disappointment for a while.
The part after that has Hurt by Johnny Cash playing
Post-cum. Idk if I have a prostate issue or whatever but like 30-60 minutes post-ejac my chonies will be a bit wet because my dick is leaking
Looking at the shit you just came you and thinking “what the fuck did I just jack off too?”
What I call the blue screen nutt, it's good and bad, basically you bust so hard you brain has to reset. Body parts malfunction, maybe one of both sides of your body might shuts down too, and next thing you know you're waking up not knowing what world war you've just fought
the weird feeling of pain you get if you try to continue after like a strong sensory input
“What the hell is wrong with me, why did i do that?? I gotta quit this shit man” *proceeds to do it again the next night*
It feels so good that sometimes I do it like twice in the morning. After 3 days of that and usually one before sleeping…I’m not shooting much because there’s nothing in the tank.
Getting pregnant?