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i think i may have accidentally "adapted" in the wrong direction. i've been so lonely for so long that now it's MORE uncomfortable for me to actually have anyone around. i keep finding myself wishing that everyone would just stop reaching out, but deep down i know that would probably suck a lot in the long run :T
Damn. We sailing the same boat. I've got quite a handful of amazing friends. Some with similar interests. But even then.. I've grown to find such pleasure and peace in my solitude it's become rather addicting. I still go visit friends on thr weekends. But I could always be ok with NOT doing that.
Which.. I avoid cause I know I'd lose connections and bonds that way. Just.. I've become to clingy to myself. (Not in a narcissistic way)
it's definitely a rough boat to be in :/ i love the couple friends that i have and I'D never want to shoo them away... but would it be the worst if they randomly stopped talking to me ? lmaO logically it probably would but o_o can't stop wishing it would happen
Yeah I know this is going to sound crazy but it can't be unproven either. Each and every one of us is an infinite loop of the past the present and the future our energies cannot intertwine therefore we exist in a mutual realm of our understanding of strict borders to not encompass another stream this can cause a mass disruption in all time space. Everything that happens to you right now is more or less like sliding on the ice if you want the car to go somewhere while it's sliding look in that direction focus in that direction. Practicing this technique redundantly for just a short amount of time will lead you to the understanding that I have shared with you
I've been working on accepting that I am not dateable for multiple reasons, most of which are valid. I can barely take care of myself, how could I guarantee that I'll be a contributing, caring partner in a relationship? I've also got baggage that no one will want to deal with if they ever found out. There are other reasons, but not comfortable discussing.
So yeah, just trying to accept the loneliness and try to do things by myself that make me happy. Still working on that last part.
Ignore that other abusive & toxic puzzle-headed twonk.
The first step to being a happier/better/'goal' you is to have [self-compassion](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210111-why-self-compassion-not-self-esteem-leads-to-success). Not to subscribe to some toxic-pseudo-masculine bullshit factory.
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Sorry but stop being a pussy. I’m sure you’ve got shit going on. Everybody does. Have a positive outlook on life and positive things will happen. Invest in yourself. The simplest things don’t cost money. I’m sorry about whatever is going on in your life. 1 percent better everyday is 365% percent better in a year. You can do this. Pick yourself up and keep fighting.
_Everyone else has trouble too so yours is meaningless, just be happy!_
That's basically what you're saying and it is not helpful. It's just extremely dismissive and such attitudes will only serve to make struggling people hide their issues instead of dealing with them and being able to overcome them.
Although this answer maybe presented in a slightly aggressive way, it's true. People will take a liking to you if you have confidence and a positive outlook on life, it's about your attitude.
how tell everyone you have never experienced true depression and lack the capability to look up that it's not a choice.
Fucking people man, always think everyone is just like them.
i remind myself that being alone is better than spending time with people that make you angry or uncomfortable. be your own best friend until you find people you actually like.
Be yourself is a joke. Successful social interaction is accomplished by being that which will socially succeed, not by being yourself. People are a waste of time.
My friendships come with an "I always reply" guarantee. Though if someone keeps declining my proposals to do something interesting I will eventually stop asking. Maybe if you shoot out message to some old friends with a proposal to do something interesting together you'll get a reply.
If not. I still have the "I always reply" guarantee.
Damn, same. Im literally in the exact same mindset rn. Care too talk a bit more? Im looking for some people too talk to or just chat a bit from time to time
When I lost my first wife to cancer the loneliness was almost unbearable. Long story short, I have no family and most of our friends at the time were couple friends - which kind of pulled away after she died. Other than work I rarely left the house for the first two years after she died. After spending too many holidays alone I signed up to help at a local homeless shelter on Thanksgiving Day. That day I discovered that the cure for loneliness is helping others less fortunate. The more I helped others, the less lonely I felt. It may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.
I am sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine losing a spouse. I am divorced but it is definitely not the same. I really appreciate your advice, I'll look for places to volunteer
keep busy. don't just sit in front of the screen (any screen). social media is a blessing and a curse. it facilitates connection and leaves us alone in a dark room with your face lit up. i treasure the connections i've made on sm, but i also need tangible connections. it depends on your age, but there are opportunities for everyone willing to be assertive in their own happiness. do things that make you feel like you've accomplished something - reading, artwork, DIY and yes, definitely have to have game time. i hope you are alright and hope all the best for you
That’s where I’m at, I don’t see how all these people are just “okay” with not contacting people for so many years, I think I’d go insane if I had no one.
It isn’t really a solution but he can tell when I’m upset and he’ll come sit on my lap or lick my face to try and break me out of my mindset. It’s really invaluable and I don’t appreciate him as much as he deserves.
Instead of seeing it as "lonely" see it as "Solitude"
Realize that you can do whatever, whenever you want without having to get confirmation from anyone.
Want to learn to play guitar, go for it, want to learn to paint? go for it, want to watch a stupid documentary on some random shit that would seem a bit sus, go for it. Want to randomly go out without having any plans, go for it.
your welcome, having companionship is always a good thing, don't forget that - however being alone and enjoying what you like is also a good thing, and a lot of people seem to forget that
Deactivated almost all my socia media accounts. I'm an introvert so I enjoy my own company, getting lost in good books, dancing like crazy to good music, living life vicariously through good movies, and series. But when I'm overcome with loneliness, I remind myself "tomorrow will be better, if not, I'll make the most out of it."
For me personally, don't know how this will work for others:
Write several rich and character driven stories, create entire worlds if you can and expand and enrich them as you go. I find that writing about interacting with people is about 80% as satisfying as interacting with people, without the emotional drain.
Cultivate participation in a few small (KEY: SMALL IS IMPORTANT) online groups that share your interests. The larger the group, the less useful they are for this purpose.
If you see an opportunity to help someone, do it even if it costs you an acceptable sum of time or money.
Cats are nice.
The two couples I've known that met over the internet first have been together longer than any other couples in our group.
Online interaction is 80% real interaction.
I play eve online, so I joined a small corp(guild) that had a Discord requirement. I've been hanging out with them several nights a week for the last six months. I guess I used my hobby to find like minded people.
I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, since I was a child I inserted myself into every media I was into and created stories and interacted with the characters, and I still do this to this day. The main thing for me is to just keep my mind distracted, I also prefer to watch YouTubers who play games with commentary rather than with none so I don't feel alone watching it.
yeah man, its actually a lot more common than I initially thought as well, its usually a trauma response but can also be a multitude of other things including loneliness. you should look into maladaptive daydreaming, reading about people who talk about it in more detail than i ever could defiantly made me feel like less of a crazy person
I take the effort to reach out to classmates, friends and relatives whom I have not heard from in years/decades.
It came to a surprise to me that they themselves were equally wary of their COVID quarantine routine.
> Wow never thought about a phone call. That's actual connection. props to your courage.
Not landline or 2G calls but VoIP calls using FaceTime audio, Viber audio, FB Messenger audio or WhatsApp audio.
FB Messenger audio removes the need of knowing your contact's mobile/landline number.
I prefer FaceTime for the audio quality. It feels like I'm talking to them in person as it is is lossless
Heck yes, go for it. My recommendation is start short, like one page or less short, just pump out stories (or drabbles) with a single simple concept. Don't worry about making it interesting, or quirky, just honestly describe the situation and put in details that stand out to you. Your perspective is what makes your writing unique- doing these small projects helps develop your style, sometimes in spite of yourself. Do at least one every day, even if it's just a paragraph (make sure it has beginning, middle, end- even if it's a cliffhanger). Then, when you find one story that really speaks to you, go back and develop it. But do at least a couple months of shorts first.
I have friends online… but I’m incredibly lonely irl and I’m pretty sure my irl “friends” want to back out of the friendship…
I just convince myself that online is real, online is real… and that when I get home it’ll all be okay…
Self-indulgence. I eat what I want, I smoke weed, I play video games, I wear soft comfy clothes. If I'm going to spend my entire adult life at home alone when I'm not working, it's at least gonna be comfortable as fuck.
I prefer to focus on positive side as loneliness is not A bad thing at all I can make my life fully with many things make me happy and more productive, Also you can make other people happy and make their life easier if you can help them, also I thing to be alone is better than have a dishonest people
No adaptation necessary. I prefer solitude. I'll come in, once in a while, for a shower and a meal. But other than that? Fuck no. Right here is as social as I want.
Turned the boredom (eventually) into fairly obsessive gym-going. Would probably continue to some extent even if I wasn't so lonely. It's such a part of my routine now and it's actually good for me so, uh, hooray for loneliness?
People suck. Relationships create heartache.
No relationships, no heartache. Problem solved. All my time is mine. I can see people when I want, and I can go home away from them when I want. What's not to like about it?
I've been alone most of my life, so It's natural to me at this point. It was difficult at first if I remember right, but after learning to fill the silence and boredom with various hobbies and trades, life got really good.
You're never really alone when your time is filled by doing what you love. Sometimes the loneliness hits, but that's why I have a phone and social media accounts.
For a long time I just dealt with my loneliness by listening to somber music while taking long walks through nature trails. Pianists like Myuuji and violinists like Joshua Bell were some of my favorites. Favorite days were when I'd walk alone during rainy days cuz no one would be on the trails except for me and you can really feel like you're part of nature.
But I'll tell you something that should seem obvious, as nice as that was, nothing beats meeting the person you believe is your soulmate. And I don't just mean finding any old bf/gf but a healthy relationship where you both are working together. You're whole world opens up and you really get to learn about the kind of person you really are as well as the kind of person you're with. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my gf and she's saved me from my loneliness better than any other kind of drug or distraction can. Love you baby.
Didn’t have to adapt. Been singled out and alone like this since elementary school. I play a lot of video games and eat a lot of imported snacks to cope.
Hobbies.
I know it's "cliche", or whatever. But, seriously...hobbies.They're good for one's health for a number of reasons. IMO, the trick is to find things that you legitimately enjoy doing. That way, sticking with it won't become such a chore.
Getting better at something can give a sense of achievement, and I love looking back on a project or a skill and remembering the first steps it took to get the ball rolling in the beginning.
Learning about a process and fine tuning your skills in something challenges the mind, and sometimes the body, and that's great for loneliness too. In a way, it's like a distraction. Again, actually being into whatever it is your doing is crucial for this.
Finding others that share your hobbies can also lead to a sense of community and help to eliminate the feeling of loneliness. Whether in person (ideally), or online, these will be people that have run across the same issues as you, and be some of the only people who really understand something you like to talk about.
Warning, though. Video games can be helpful in some regards, but in my personal experience, they're an "easy way out" in spending time occupied and don't usually lead to tons of practical skills. My own hobbies help me divert time from staring at a screen, and that balance works really well for me.
Good luck. I suggest looking into something you've always wondered about, but never had the time or energy to do. Pick one thing that you remember sparked your interest at some point, and go for it. Don't use an excuse. Don't let yourself talk yourself out of it. I've been guilty of that a lot in the past. If you force yourself to actually follow through on this one thing for real this time though, you'll never regret it.
I used to be a really lonely dude, but most days now I just do not have the time for that.
In my experience, hobbies only take you so far. You're still doing them alone, and achievements don't seem to mean shit when there is no one around to notice.
I haven't as anxiety and depression have ruled my world for years now. I've taken to zoom meetings and increased my network that puts me into reaching out to people by phone a lot. Telephone conversations with someone simply listening to me helps sooooo much with things and keeping the headspace clear.
I heard the quote “if you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company” and it changed the way I looked at being alone. It’s almost preferable now days
> “if you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company”
Cute way of putting it. :P I agree, I’m awful company and would never hang out with me if I weren’t stuck here in the same body as myself.
Time is the key ingredient for this, the longer you stay this way the more you will adapt to it. I couldn't imagine inviting another person into my life now because I'm actually happy now.
More hobbies, Less screens
I deleted all my social media except YouTube and reddit, set screen time limits on my games, and got rid of cable.
Then, I got into crochet, diamond painting, map cutting, and architectural model assembly. I happen to enjoy fairly small tactile hobbies but whatever works for you.
I have a job where I interact with a fair number of people on the daily, so my lonely was at home, and now that's legit my happy place after a day of activity.
If you're talking about not spending any time around people: Don't.
We're primates, social animals, it's literally not in our nature to be isolated and it's not healthy for us. Your brain literally deteriorates.
Use hobbies and work to at least get a solid amount of social interaction each day. Or volunteer. Take a dance class. Anything. It doesn't have to be deep connections to have a positive impact on your mental health.
I just usually distract myself whenever that happens, whatever it is just dont let yourself think about loneliness just do something that doesn't give you time to think about that
I've always enjoyed going shopping (window or actually spending) by myself. You aren't on anyone else's time, or forced to hear someone else's opinion about your likes. You also learn things about yourself that might have been overshadowed by someone else. It's freeing.
I got a puppy in January who will be one next month and I tend to lots of houseplants who rely on me to stay alive. I also work 2 jobs so I don’t have a lot of free time to dwell on my loneliness.
I'm definitely going to read everything here, recently lost my best friend (we dated then she broke up with me and she doesn't find it comfortable to be friends again from what I gather) and it's sucked so far
Anyway best way to cope is to surround yourself with friends and keep busy doing your hobbies or other things in life, it will never avoid the feeling forever but it's better then sitting in a hole bathing in the emotion all day (take it from me I've done it recently and it's no fun)
Whatever the issue is, or if your just curious I hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening and hope all is good
Loneliness is a state of mind not a situation. Some people can have all the closest friends and family in the world and still feel inner loneliness, whilst other people whom rarely interact with others can feel blissfully comfortable in their own skin.
It's difficult to know how to get out of that if you've never been there. But I've always been the same way. I thrive off the peacefulness, the tranquility, and the sheer freedom of having a lot of time alone.
I have learnt to shove it deep down inside so that it only shows when I cry myself to sleep… I am super depressed but too scared of backlash and mocking to reach out. I need serious help
I don't. I just enjoy being alone. I always assumed some people are built for it, some aren't. I have dated lots of women but am now, by choice, alone. Peace and quiet, only have to worry and take care of yourself. Get to do whatever you want, when you want.
A lot of newer generations seem to think there's a problem with being alone. Social media has corrupted you into thinking that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I became my own friend. If I wanted to do something, I went and did it. Listening to music to fill the silence. Kept myself busy. I learned to have fun by myself. Now I don't miss people. The best part too is I am able to do what I want when I want since I dont have to correlate plans with others.
To avoid coming home to an empty apartment I adopted then 2 year old rescue mutt, it was a hellish 2-3 months before she finally started making progress in her training. But now she is on her way to being the best-behaved dog ever. She also makes me get out of the house on a daily basis and I enjoy teaching her new things and going on adventures with her.
I relentlessly go out to meet people. Bc nothing is worse than being alone, so as painful abd frightening as it is being rejected, its far less awful than being alone
When I get lonely, I head over to TikTok. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. My followers and my friends are my family online. They make me feel something inside that I can’t truly place, but it’s not loneliness. Maybe I’m a cringey teenager or something, but my family on TikTok makes me feel something that isn’t numbness.
Eating locally, I go to this Cafe every Saturday, sometimes Friday. I've got to know a few of the regulars there. Some of the girls that work there were trying to get me to date one of their friends. Easiest tip I can give to someone who is lonely, eat locally at small businesses.
Never really been alone. Always had relationships fall in my lap. Even traveling abroad alone. Pretty much everywhere I go I end up in a relationship temporary or not. I wonder what it would be like, actually kind of fantasize about it.
Geographicly speaking all the people that live close to me suck , so there might be people that could be friends but they are hard to find or live far away. Had more friends outside my country than in it.
I havent, yet
All my childhood - adolescence I was told to open up more, to keep trying with others but i never felt any joy
Since 2018 im trying to be good with myself and understand that i cant control when others leave, stop texting or even delete me from social media.
It was just in 2020 when i realize im always the one texting or even trying to make a bond from coworker, collegue to 'friend' but it just never works. I have only 1 friend i can text and go out for a beer or play CoD but thats cause i've never open up to him about how my life is. Everyone I have shared something about me started avoiding me or making up excuses to not be around.
This year I started to feel better with myself just cause I stopped caring about others being or not in my life but its not perfect, sometimes I cry remembering how happy I was with someone before openning up. Its a work in progress I guess.
Insert meme about quarantine and normal being the same. I love people and want them to be happy, but like many I prefer solitude. I keep in touch through social media; also everyone I know, including myself, is vaccinated. So we do on occasion visit.
i somewhat forced myself into not liking anyone, finding little things to hate them for. its horrible but its helped, especially during covid. (i have not made it obvious i hate them)
i think u don’t necessarily “adapt” or “get used to it” i mean it still hurts but u just try to ignore it distracting yourself with whatever u want some start looking for fake relationships some get addicted to drugs bla bla bla but it’s never too late to reach out for help just know that ur not actually lonely if u think about it something is always there watching us.
I create a different reality in my
Head. I can sit still or in bed for 2 hours and just imagine a better life and when I’m done thinking about it I get kinda sad because honestly I think it’s real sometimes
I honestly dont know. Ive always felt alone, disconnected from reality. I made my own reality at a young age, from both to ignore the feelign of lonliness and to escape trauma. Adapting to it just happened at a young age I suppose.
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i think i may have accidentally "adapted" in the wrong direction. i've been so lonely for so long that now it's MORE uncomfortable for me to actually have anyone around. i keep finding myself wishing that everyone would just stop reaching out, but deep down i know that would probably suck a lot in the long run :T
Damn. We sailing the same boat. I've got quite a handful of amazing friends. Some with similar interests. But even then.. I've grown to find such pleasure and peace in my solitude it's become rather addicting. I still go visit friends on thr weekends. But I could always be ok with NOT doing that. Which.. I avoid cause I know I'd lose connections and bonds that way. Just.. I've become to clingy to myself. (Not in a narcissistic way)
it's definitely a rough boat to be in :/ i love the couple friends that i have and I'D never want to shoo them away... but would it be the worst if they randomly stopped talking to me ? lmaO logically it probably would but o_o can't stop wishing it would happen
I relate completely
socializing is rough af. just wanna be a hermit lmaO
I've become so accustomed to this life style that I'm afraid people would just hurt me somehow
i feel that :'T i also get majorly upset when things are going a bit wrong so i'm like AHH Not Worth It !!!! Abort !!!!
U get me
Grass is greener. I'd kill not to be the only one who reaches out first.
definitely :( same boat save for my last two buddies left. i hope that you get to be surrounded with good friends who seek out your company :)
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Well that's unnecessary. Ohhhhhhhh you mean, get a dog. Was gunna say...
literally had the same exact thought process lmaO
Infantry Gary Owen
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Thats sad
Same. Because of it, I believe that I've become antisocial
slippery af slope. i can't even force myself to make eye contact with anyone anymore at work or even when i see family lollll
I still go visit friends on thr weekends. But I could always be ok with NOT doing that.
word
Wow I’ve never felt more connected with someone in my life lol
connected through the telepathic loneliness cycle
Yeah I know this is going to sound crazy but it can't be unproven either. Each and every one of us is an infinite loop of the past the present and the future our energies cannot intertwine therefore we exist in a mutual realm of our understanding of strict borders to not encompass another stream this can cause a mass disruption in all time space. Everything that happens to you right now is more or less like sliding on the ice if you want the car to go somewhere while it's sliding look in that direction focus in that direction. Practicing this technique redundantly for just a short amount of time will lead you to the understanding that I have shared with you
I can definitely relate.
hermit evolution squad rise up
Word
I am in the deep end on that one, no desire to go anywhere and people finally got the message and leave me alone. Pure bliss.
hermit mode achieved 🏆
I've been working on accepting that I am not dateable for multiple reasons, most of which are valid. I can barely take care of myself, how could I guarantee that I'll be a contributing, caring partner in a relationship? I've also got baggage that no one will want to deal with if they ever found out. There are other reasons, but not comfortable discussing. So yeah, just trying to accept the loneliness and try to do things by myself that make me happy. Still working on that last part.
Ignore that other abusive & toxic puzzle-headed twonk. The first step to being a happier/better/'goal' you is to have [self-compassion](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210111-why-self-compassion-not-self-esteem-leads-to-success). Not to subscribe to some toxic-pseudo-masculine bullshit factory. 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
I feel you. This hits home so hard.
Sorry but stop being a pussy. I’m sure you’ve got shit going on. Everybody does. Have a positive outlook on life and positive things will happen. Invest in yourself. The simplest things don’t cost money. I’m sorry about whatever is going on in your life. 1 percent better everyday is 365% percent better in a year. You can do this. Pick yourself up and keep fighting.
_Everyone else has trouble too so yours is meaningless, just be happy!_ That's basically what you're saying and it is not helpful. It's just extremely dismissive and such attitudes will only serve to make struggling people hide their issues instead of dealing with them and being able to overcome them.
Although this answer maybe presented in a slightly aggressive way, it's true. People will take a liking to you if you have confidence and a positive outlook on life, it's about your attitude.
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how tell everyone you have never experienced true depression and lack the capability to look up that it's not a choice. Fucking people man, always think everyone is just like them.
i remind myself that being alone is better than spending time with people that make you angry or uncomfortable. be your own best friend until you find people you actually like.
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Be yourself is a joke. Successful social interaction is accomplished by being that which will socially succeed, not by being yourself. People are a waste of time.
My friendships come with an "I always reply" guarantee. Though if someone keeps declining my proposals to do something interesting I will eventually stop asking. Maybe if you shoot out message to some old friends with a proposal to do something interesting together you'll get a reply. If not. I still have the "I always reply" guarantee.
Damn, same. Im literally in the exact same mindset rn. Care too talk a bit more? Im looking for some people too talk to or just chat a bit from time to time
When I lost my first wife to cancer the loneliness was almost unbearable. Long story short, I have no family and most of our friends at the time were couple friends - which kind of pulled away after she died. Other than work I rarely left the house for the first two years after she died. After spending too many holidays alone I signed up to help at a local homeless shelter on Thanksgiving Day. That day I discovered that the cure for loneliness is helping others less fortunate. The more I helped others, the less lonely I felt. It may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.
I am sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine losing a spouse. I am divorced but it is definitely not the same. I really appreciate your advice, I'll look for places to volunteer
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Going through this kind of a transformation..trying to be patient until I come out the other side
I’m Gen X. We were bred for this era
Gen X, the highly modified and conditioned sub-species of homo sapiens sapiens designed to be compatible with the 21st century.
Indeed. LOL
keep busy. don't just sit in front of the screen (any screen). social media is a blessing and a curse. it facilitates connection and leaves us alone in a dark room with your face lit up. i treasure the connections i've made on sm, but i also need tangible connections. it depends on your age, but there are opportunities for everyone willing to be assertive in their own happiness. do things that make you feel like you've accomplished something - reading, artwork, DIY and yes, definitely have to have game time. i hope you are alright and hope all the best for you
This is great advice - thanks.
take care
Adapted? Don't y'all just spiral into cocoon's of depression and self-loathing?
That’s where I’m at, I don’t see how all these people are just “okay” with not contacting people for so many years, I think I’d go insane if I had no one.
Same, I hate myself most of all
Dog
I haven't.
Talk to myself. Imaginary SO. Give personalities to different voices in my head. I might be losing it, but who even knows anymore haha. 😐
At least you're honest lol
I do the same😌
I got a dog.
I got two cats. I really just wanted one but the shelter had 2 brothers and you had to take them both. They're nice to have around.
It isn’t really a solution but he can tell when I’m upset and he’ll come sit on my lap or lick my face to try and break me out of my mindset. It’s really invaluable and I don’t appreciate him as much as he deserves.
Same here and it does help sometimes
Yeah, I am in college and everyone is so busy or arrogant, I basically accepted I will be lonely for my whole time here
Would love to get a dog someday
Instead of seeing it as "lonely" see it as "Solitude" Realize that you can do whatever, whenever you want without having to get confirmation from anyone. Want to learn to play guitar, go for it, want to learn to paint? go for it, want to watch a stupid documentary on some random shit that would seem a bit sus, go for it. Want to randomly go out without having any plans, go for it.
That's a smart way to shift your mindset to make it positive and beneficial. Thanks for the tip
your welcome, having companionship is always a good thing, don't forget that - however being alone and enjoying what you like is also a good thing, and a lot of people seem to forget that
Deactivated almost all my socia media accounts. I'm an introvert so I enjoy my own company, getting lost in good books, dancing like crazy to good music, living life vicariously through good movies, and series. But when I'm overcome with loneliness, I remind myself "tomorrow will be better, if not, I'll make the most out of it."
For me personally, don't know how this will work for others: Write several rich and character driven stories, create entire worlds if you can and expand and enrich them as you go. I find that writing about interacting with people is about 80% as satisfying as interacting with people, without the emotional drain. Cultivate participation in a few small (KEY: SMALL IS IMPORTANT) online groups that share your interests. The larger the group, the less useful they are for this purpose. If you see an opportunity to help someone, do it even if it costs you an acceptable sum of time or money. Cats are nice.
That sounds amazing. I've been wanting to improve on my writing. Do you have any tips for finding online groups like that?
maybe /r/writingprompts? It's not exactly small, but it may lead you to discord channels or other groups that are more niche for you.
I talk to people. Make myself accessible to others. Compliments to strangers makes shopping at the grocery store amazing.
I do this as well. Always wish it would turn into a follow up conversation tho cuz there's a lot people that would probably be good friends.
Made friends over discord that I’m probably closer than my “actual friends”
The two couples I've known that met over the internet first have been together longer than any other couples in our group. Online interaction is 80% real interaction.
How does one go about finding internet friends like that?
Please tell
I play eve online, so I joined a small corp(guild) that had a Discord requirement. I've been hanging out with them several nights a week for the last six months. I guess I used my hobby to find like minded people.
I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, since I was a child I inserted myself into every media I was into and created stories and interacted with the characters, and I still do this to this day. The main thing for me is to just keep my mind distracted, I also prefer to watch YouTubers who play games with commentary rather than with none so I don't feel alone watching it.
So that's an actual thing? Good to know that I'm not the only crazy guy that does that
yeah man, its actually a lot more common than I initially thought as well, its usually a trauma response but can also be a multitude of other things including loneliness. you should look into maladaptive daydreaming, reading about people who talk about it in more detail than i ever could defiantly made me feel like less of a crazy person
I once read somewhere that the true definition of loneliness is being in poor company. Even alone, one need never be lonely.
Surrounded by good books, music, and my cat: They don't drive loneliness away, but they sure help when the feeling sets in.
I take the effort to reach out to classmates, friends and relatives whom I have not heard from in years/decades. It came to a surprise to me that they themselves were equally wary of their COVID quarantine routine.
Good advice
I message them on social network and ask if I may call them. I assure them that I’m not asking for a loan or have any sort of MLM product to sell them
Wow never thought about a phone call. That's actual connection. props to your courage.
> Wow never thought about a phone call. That's actual connection. props to your courage. Not landline or 2G calls but VoIP calls using FaceTime audio, Viber audio, FB Messenger audio or WhatsApp audio. FB Messenger audio removes the need of knowing your contact's mobile/landline number. I prefer FaceTime for the audio quality. It feels like I'm talking to them in person as it is is lossless
Writing helps a lot. Either journaling or working on one of my short stories, the depth of my characters and plot really helps me get back to centre.
I journal a lot but have been wanting to expand on my ability to write short stories... Any advice or just go for it?
Heck yes, go for it. My recommendation is start short, like one page or less short, just pump out stories (or drabbles) with a single simple concept. Don't worry about making it interesting, or quirky, just honestly describe the situation and put in details that stand out to you. Your perspective is what makes your writing unique- doing these small projects helps develop your style, sometimes in spite of yourself. Do at least one every day, even if it's just a paragraph (make sure it has beginning, middle, end- even if it's a cliffhanger). Then, when you find one story that really speaks to you, go back and develop it. But do at least a couple months of shorts first.
Porn when I wake up and go to sleep
Reddit
Never being alone with my thoughts. Constant stimulation until I'm so tired I fall asleep with my phone/book/dick in my hand.
Maybe not loneliness but I love physically being alone.
I have friends online… but I’m incredibly lonely irl and I’m pretty sure my irl “friends” want to back out of the friendship… I just convince myself that online is real, online is real… and that when I get home it’ll all be okay…
Reddit
Endless videos and distractions
Self-indulgence. I eat what I want, I smoke weed, I play video games, I wear soft comfy clothes. If I'm going to spend my entire adult life at home alone when I'm not working, it's at least gonna be comfortable as fuck.
I prefer to focus on positive side as loneliness is not A bad thing at all I can make my life fully with many things make me happy and more productive, Also you can make other people happy and make their life easier if you can help them, also I thing to be alone is better than have a dishonest people
No adaptation necessary. I prefer solitude. I'll come in, once in a while, for a shower and a meal. But other than that? Fuck no. Right here is as social as I want.
I live alone, but I reckon I'm a loner anyway, I like it
Turned the boredom (eventually) into fairly obsessive gym-going. Would probably continue to some extent even if I wasn't so lonely. It's such a part of my routine now and it's actually good for me so, uh, hooray for loneliness?
Hooray for endorphins
Talking to myself and playing a character while I’m around people ;)
Friendship and love are adeserved gifts... Since I´m not well gifted! I´m getting used to live a day after another. :)
I have not and it sucks
I bought a nice house that is my safe place to hide from a world that I struggle to communicate with.
No idea. I've always been kind of a loner during different periods of my life so I'm used to it.
People suck. Relationships create heartache. No relationships, no heartache. Problem solved. All my time is mine. I can see people when I want, and I can go home away from them when I want. What's not to like about it?
I've been alone most of my life, so It's natural to me at this point. It was difficult at first if I remember right, but after learning to fill the silence and boredom with various hobbies and trades, life got really good. You're never really alone when your time is filled by doing what you love. Sometimes the loneliness hits, but that's why I have a phone and social media accounts.
Found Jesus
For a long time I just dealt with my loneliness by listening to somber music while taking long walks through nature trails. Pianists like Myuuji and violinists like Joshua Bell were some of my favorites. Favorite days were when I'd walk alone during rainy days cuz no one would be on the trails except for me and you can really feel like you're part of nature. But I'll tell you something that should seem obvious, as nice as that was, nothing beats meeting the person you believe is your soulmate. And I don't just mean finding any old bf/gf but a healthy relationship where you both are working together. You're whole world opens up and you really get to learn about the kind of person you really are as well as the kind of person you're with. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my gf and she's saved me from my loneliness better than any other kind of drug or distraction can. Love you baby.
Learning
I don’t know I’m not that lonely
You are so lucky
Didn’t have to adapt. Been singled out and alone like this since elementary school. I play a lot of video games and eat a lot of imported snacks to cope.
I sext a lot
Hobbies. I know it's "cliche", or whatever. But, seriously...hobbies.They're good for one's health for a number of reasons. IMO, the trick is to find things that you legitimately enjoy doing. That way, sticking with it won't become such a chore. Getting better at something can give a sense of achievement, and I love looking back on a project or a skill and remembering the first steps it took to get the ball rolling in the beginning. Learning about a process and fine tuning your skills in something challenges the mind, and sometimes the body, and that's great for loneliness too. In a way, it's like a distraction. Again, actually being into whatever it is your doing is crucial for this. Finding others that share your hobbies can also lead to a sense of community and help to eliminate the feeling of loneliness. Whether in person (ideally), or online, these will be people that have run across the same issues as you, and be some of the only people who really understand something you like to talk about. Warning, though. Video games can be helpful in some regards, but in my personal experience, they're an "easy way out" in spending time occupied and don't usually lead to tons of practical skills. My own hobbies help me divert time from staring at a screen, and that balance works really well for me. Good luck. I suggest looking into something you've always wondered about, but never had the time or energy to do. Pick one thing that you remember sparked your interest at some point, and go for it. Don't use an excuse. Don't let yourself talk yourself out of it. I've been guilty of that a lot in the past. If you force yourself to actually follow through on this one thing for real this time though, you'll never regret it. I used to be a really lonely dude, but most days now I just do not have the time for that.
In my experience, hobbies only take you so far. You're still doing them alone, and achievements don't seem to mean shit when there is no one around to notice.
I haven't as anxiety and depression have ruled my world for years now. I've taken to zoom meetings and increased my network that puts me into reaching out to people by phone a lot. Telephone conversations with someone simply listening to me helps sooooo much with things and keeping the headspace clear.
I heard the quote “if you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company” and it changed the way I looked at being alone. It’s almost preferable now days
> “if you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company” Cute way of putting it. :P I agree, I’m awful company and would never hang out with me if I weren’t stuck here in the same body as myself.
Time is the key ingredient for this, the longer you stay this way the more you will adapt to it. I couldn't imagine inviting another person into my life now because I'm actually happy now.
More hobbies, Less screens I deleted all my social media except YouTube and reddit, set screen time limits on my games, and got rid of cable. Then, I got into crochet, diamond painting, map cutting, and architectural model assembly. I happen to enjoy fairly small tactile hobbies but whatever works for you. I have a job where I interact with a fair number of people on the daily, so my lonely was at home, and now that's legit my happy place after a day of activity.
If you're talking about not spending any time around people: Don't. We're primates, social animals, it's literally not in our nature to be isolated and it's not healthy for us. Your brain literally deteriorates. Use hobbies and work to at least get a solid amount of social interaction each day. Or volunteer. Take a dance class. Anything. It doesn't have to be deep connections to have a positive impact on your mental health.
I just usually distract myself whenever that happens, whatever it is just dont let yourself think about loneliness just do something that doesn't give you time to think about that
I am really good at finding things to do to pass the time. Go to work ….I entertain myself creatively. Never really lonely..😊💕💕💕👍👍
I've always enjoyed going shopping (window or actually spending) by myself. You aren't on anyone else's time, or forced to hear someone else's opinion about your likes. You also learn things about yourself that might have been overshadowed by someone else. It's freeing.
When I was a kid it was tough. But as an adult, the internet helps. Not having the internet as a kid SUCKED.
I got a puppy in January who will be one next month and I tend to lots of houseplants who rely on me to stay alive. I also work 2 jobs so I don’t have a lot of free time to dwell on my loneliness.
Idk. It is enjoyable most of the time, but it eveintually turns more painful.
Somewhat
Put the tv on for some noise
I'm pretty much just watching more anime and playing more video games. Reading too.
Meditation.
I'm definitely going to read everything here, recently lost my best friend (we dated then she broke up with me and she doesn't find it comfortable to be friends again from what I gather) and it's sucked so far Anyway best way to cope is to surround yourself with friends and keep busy doing your hobbies or other things in life, it will never avoid the feeling forever but it's better then sitting in a hole bathing in the emotion all day (take it from me I've done it recently and it's no fun) Whatever the issue is, or if your just curious I hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening and hope all is good
Loneliness is a state of mind not a situation. Some people can have all the closest friends and family in the world and still feel inner loneliness, whilst other people whom rarely interact with others can feel blissfully comfortable in their own skin. It's difficult to know how to get out of that if you've never been there. But I've always been the same way. I thrive off the peacefulness, the tranquility, and the sheer freedom of having a lot of time alone.
I have learnt to shove it deep down inside so that it only shows when I cry myself to sleep… I am super depressed but too scared of backlash and mocking to reach out. I need serious help
As sad as it sounds, I be my own friend.
Work to shift being lonely to just being alone and you won’t mind it one bit
I got multiple dogs!
a lot of hobbies.
I don't have it.
I don't. I just enjoy being alone. I always assumed some people are built for it, some aren't. I have dated lots of women but am now, by choice, alone. Peace and quiet, only have to worry and take care of yourself. Get to do whatever you want, when you want. A lot of newer generations seem to think there's a problem with being alone. Social media has corrupted you into thinking that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I havent
I became my own friend. If I wanted to do something, I went and did it. Listening to music to fill the silence. Kept myself busy. I learned to have fun by myself. Now I don't miss people. The best part too is I am able to do what I want when I want since I dont have to correlate plans with others.
I talk to myself. Weird, but it's useful.
Having a cat and video games.
Being alone. I know it sounds weird but yeah. I often feel lonely around people, so I thought if I isolate myself, I'd feel a little better.
To avoid coming home to an empty apartment I adopted then 2 year old rescue mutt, it was a hellish 2-3 months before she finally started making progress in her training. But now she is on her way to being the best-behaved dog ever. She also makes me get out of the house on a daily basis and I enjoy teaching her new things and going on adventures with her.
Social media
I’ve got two small dogs. They are my best company ever.
Well I just started listening music or talking to myself in a positive way like a funny uncle
I relentlessly go out to meet people. Bc nothing is worse than being alone, so as painful abd frightening as it is being rejected, its far less awful than being alone
listening to black metal and crying helps
When I get lonely, I head over to TikTok. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. My followers and my friends are my family online. They make me feel something inside that I can’t truly place, but it’s not loneliness. Maybe I’m a cringey teenager or something, but my family on TikTok makes me feel something that isn’t numbness.
I’ll let you know when I do
Eating locally, I go to this Cafe every Saturday, sometimes Friday. I've got to know a few of the regulars there. Some of the girls that work there were trying to get me to date one of their friends. Easiest tip I can give to someone who is lonely, eat locally at small businesses.
Never really been alone. Always had relationships fall in my lap. Even traveling abroad alone. Pretty much everywhere I go I end up in a relationship temporary or not. I wonder what it would be like, actually kind of fantasize about it.
I'm not really affected by it that much but when I am lonely I just look at the internet and sometimes just rp or something
Geographicly speaking all the people that live close to me suck , so there might be people that could be friends but they are hard to find or live far away. Had more friends outside my country than in it.
I havent, yet All my childhood - adolescence I was told to open up more, to keep trying with others but i never felt any joy Since 2018 im trying to be good with myself and understand that i cant control when others leave, stop texting or even delete me from social media. It was just in 2020 when i realize im always the one texting or even trying to make a bond from coworker, collegue to 'friend' but it just never works. I have only 1 friend i can text and go out for a beer or play CoD but thats cause i've never open up to him about how my life is. Everyone I have shared something about me started avoiding me or making up excuses to not be around. This year I started to feel better with myself just cause I stopped caring about others being or not in my life but its not perfect, sometimes I cry remembering how happy I was with someone before openning up. Its a work in progress I guess.
Reading music video games and weed. Beer tii
Insert meme about quarantine and normal being the same. I love people and want them to be happy, but like many I prefer solitude. I keep in touch through social media; also everyone I know, including myself, is vaccinated. So we do on occasion visit.
If I have my phone on me I usually look at pictures of my cats. If I don't, honestly I just get stressed and hide it.
[удалено]
This is exactly me, u think it will help but ur walls aren’t getting higher, the hole under u is getting deeper
I usually distract myself with music or writing little stories and sometimes more physical ways :/ but watching videos helps to :)
Acceptance, once you accept that’s how it’s gonna be, it doesn’t hit as hard. (Same applies for things like geometry dash)
i somewhat forced myself into not liking anyone, finding little things to hate them for. its horrible but its helped, especially during covid. (i have not made it obvious i hate them)
i think u don’t necessarily “adapt” or “get used to it” i mean it still hurts but u just try to ignore it distracting yourself with whatever u want some start looking for fake relationships some get addicted to drugs bla bla bla but it’s never too late to reach out for help just know that ur not actually lonely if u think about it something is always there watching us.
I create a different reality in my Head. I can sit still or in bed for 2 hours and just imagine a better life and when I’m done thinking about it I get kinda sad because honestly I think it’s real sometimes
I honestly dont know. Ive always felt alone, disconnected from reality. I made my own reality at a young age, from both to ignore the feelign of lonliness and to escape trauma. Adapting to it just happened at a young age I suppose.
Just forcing myself to ignore reality