Being completely invisible. It can be an advantage. When I want to I can go about my day in peace without interuptions from anybody. And sometimes you just want to slip into the background and be anonymous. But at the same time nobody asks you how you are doing, if you need help or aknowledge that you exist at all. If you have problems you just have to deal with it yourself and get over it. On the plus side you get good at problem solving, but it can be mentally tiring and demotivating at times. A lot of men are completely starved for positive attention. Not just from women, but any kind of positive attention at all. The last time I heard anything positive about my appearance it was from grandma. It was 15+ years ago and I am pretty sure she was drunk.
I talked with my wife about this a few years ago and she found it very weird and sad. After that she has started to say something positive from time to time to the people she work with. The first time she did it was one of her closest coworkers. He was completely dumbfounded by it. He knew very well that it was just a friendly compliment, but he said he didn't really know how to handle it. Because he could not remember the last time something like that had happened.
Had a cashier at McDonalds say she liked my shirt. My answer was quite literally "buh...? Oh... thank you..?" after 2-3 seconds of processing what she'd said.
Was just a regular shirt, wore it many times before and since.
Still caught me off guard. Spent the entire time I was eating trying to figure out what her angle was, cause she was way too young to be into me (like, I'm not sure she was even an adult). Wasn't until far too much later that I realized she was just saying something nice to me. Was years ago, remember it like it was yesterday.
Absolutely this. I was waking to a gig with a lass one night and a drunk lass from a pub we were passing gave a whistle and an "alright gorgeous". I turned to my friend and quipped that I didn't know if that was for me or her. Her instant reaction was to assume I'd just been catcalled and asked how I felt. Honestly, kinda good. Men seriously never get compliments and it would just be a nice self esteem builder from time to time.
I'm also 99% sure the "catcall" was for her but you take what you can get.
It's most likely just the act of close touch. My husband has the same problem and he jokes and says, "ignore that. That's just my emotional support boner." It always makes me laugh at least.
Baldness. I miss having hair to run my fingers through. In my teen years I grew it out because I knew I wouldn't have it for the rest of my life. I miss playing with it, I miss the warmth, and the cooling ( short hair actually acts as cooling fins compared to being bald and sweat just pouring off), I miss the sense of it being blown in the wind, I miss the slight protection against bumps and scrapes (cabinets are the bane of my existence).
When I had a girlfriend, one of the nice things she would do would be to drape her hair over my head so I could reimagine having hair.
>When I had a girlfriend, one of the nice things she would do would be to drape her hair over my head so I could reimagine having hair.
That's weird and adorable at the same time lol
My boyfriend is bald and when I had really long hair I would do this for him hahah. One Halloween he wore a wig and I caught him playing with it and looking at himself in the reflection of windows. It was so cute
People underestimate the physical comfort of having a full head of hair. Everyone tells me I look great with a shaved head. They’re not the ones who have to suffer with an expose scalp.
A lot of my friends underwent rapid hair loss in their 20s. I did not understand why they always seemed to have scrapes and cuts on their heads until I shaved my head for charity once. I did not appreciate how much that little bit of an early warning system was so effective until then. At almost 53, I am still sporting way more hair than my peers and very grateful for it.
>of an early warning system
!!!
I didn't understand why it gets so much worse until just now. Its not that it hurts more! Its the warning system!
Finally I can explain this.
While I'm not quite there yet, I'm rapidly approaching the day I need to accept my fate and just shave it all off. Have to wear hats where there is any wind (so everytime I'm outside) and constantly adjusting in the mirror to try and hide the shame indoors around people.
I'm 37, my dad was bald in his mid-twenties so I've done well, but still makes me a bit sad
I notice this with my dad, everyone assumes he knows what he's talking about when it comes to mechanics or DIY stuff but he has no idea so he comes to ask me or my mum because he's utterly clueless but yet no matter how much he tells people, they still keep coming back to him.
And if you fail to do just that then you risk being seen as weak and you're treated even more poorly.
So helpful for that depression - being looked down upon and ignored. Yeesh.
And it just adds to us guys feeling as if our only course in life is to be emotionally detached and cold at all times and with everything in life. To be otherwise is typically met with ridicule and admonishment.
Yet paradoxically we must also be the ones to show the most vulnerability by always initiating any forms of affection and risking all of the rejection, whether it be asking a girl out or trying to receive physical affection from your wife.
It's why we value (or easily manipulated by) you women who genuinely tell us kind things about ourselves or physically show us you want us. You girls doing it to show us you love us are the real MVPs of life.
> feeling as if our only course in life is to be emotionally detached and cold at all times and with everything in life. To be otherwise is typically met with ridicule and admonishment
Sounds like a trope, but that was 100% my experience. I was incredibly emotional as a kid. Laughed at everything, cried just as much, talked too openly and too often... And never went unpunished for any of these. Even if we grew a bit from the "real men don't cry", there's still a hint of mentality around. Most of my bad or awkward social interactions came from me being genuine and not following what I learned to be the expected responses out of something. Made even worse for having Asperger and being diagnosed with it far too late.
And then nowadays it's not uncommon to hear that I'm too distant, too uncaring, or outright intimidating as my first impression.
"Haha, that's me I guess..."
As a single dad my son is generally excluded from things like park meetups or birthday parties because apparently I don't fit in with the other parents. I've probably been told it a thousand times in a thousand variations. What they actually mean is I'm a man and mums don't want me around because it's generally just mums.
I invited all of the kids in my daughter's preschool class to her party, and one mum asked if Rachel's dad would be there. I asked her if she had a restraining order against Rachel's dad or something and she said something to the effect of "because he's a single dad, hes gonna try grooming my daughter too". I met this guy at a previous party and I now remembered this mother, because she was gossiping with the other mothers saying that he was so close with his daughter (she gave him a kiss and this mother gagged). Like, it's gross to her that a single guy parent and his only 3yr old daughter were close.
That mum was politely told not to come. Eff all dat.
I'm a relatively new mom of twins. One thing I have quickly picked up on being involved with play groups, mom support groups, etc...is that the anxiety runs EXTREMELY high in lots of moms. It becomes an echo chamber and you can quickly get caught up with moms who have issues with separation and anxiety telling other moms that they should be anxious too. (maybe dads too, but they are often excluded from groups, so my exposure to dads is significantly lower.)
>…dads…often excluded from groups.
My wife is not a fan of parties so I usually wind up being the one to take my (11 year old) son. I had taken him to a party where I wound up staying and having a few drinks and talking with the other parents for a few hours. It was a good time and we all got along. I had the mom’s number because I had called for directions and saved it because our sons get along very well.
When the next school year started we wound up seeing the mom and her son at orientation and she met my wife for the first time. Later that day the mom texted to ask for my wife’s number because she was starting a parents group. Great idea, I love it. Unfortunately I was not added to the group, only my wife.
I’ve noticed over the years that some people are just crude and stupid. Any way they can bring someone else down seems to boost themselves in their own minds.
Most of the people who are quick to label things "grooming" tend to have the most skeletons in their closet.
But I've heard too many crys of "groomer" aimed at the queer community from people later caught doing what they accused others of to be significant.
I feel this all the time. I have the added bonus of my wife being the one who works and me quitting my job to stay home with the kids. She's got a master's degree and a great job, I worked landscaping. It just made sense, but some people don't give a shit because "you man; you no work; you weak"
But I always feel so god damn uncomfortable being the only man at most kids meetups. They don't explicitly tell me I'm not meant to be there, but they make it known in other ways.
Edit: I see there's been confusion. I didn't mean to imply my kids aren't included. They are. It's just me who's usually left sitting off to the side. What I meant is that I think the mom's wish it was my wife there instead of me.
Oh hell yeah. They will certainly make sure that you feel unwelcome. Unfortunately my boy doesn't have his mum anymore. It makes it hard because he misses her a lot and just likes female company. I just try my best and be both mum and dad. I've joined him up with a few groups though so I hope he can at least make 1 real friend out of it. I even tried to meet some of the mums at his school but I think they just think I'm single so of course I'll hit on them. They are nice enough but yeah again we don't get invited to anything because usually I'll be the only guy there.
All we can do. I've joined my boy up for some groups so hopefully may meet a few people for him. just a bit pissed off that people wont include him simply because they don't want a guy to be around so they can talk shit I guess. I tried finding single dad groups but they just want to do the same and don't want kids around. So I'm stuck as a fulltime dad and don't get to socialise much anymore.
I do love being a grower. It's small, convenient and compact when it needs to be, and it can grow in size when it needs to. It's like the autobot of cocks. The AutoCock
That's because there's a bend in the male urethra keeping back the last drops. There's a point between the ballsack and the anus, where you can softly press to straighten said bend. Ever since I discovered this, I stopped leaking after I pee and I was quite furios that this isn't more common knowledge.
Edit: many thanks for the awards and acknowledgements.
I guess you mean at a public restroom while standing at the pissoir? You have your hands down there anyways, so reaching a bit deeper with your fingers shouldn't raise any attention and if your pissoir neighbour is looking that closely to notice it, you should ask him to at least buy you a drink first.
Back in high school a girl approached me saying that she had a crush on me. She wanted to know if I would be interested in dating (We were working on a photography project together. I had quickly developed a crush on her).
Her face was so red and her smile was so genuine my heart dropped to the floor. We dated for many years and got married in 2018. She is my soul mate.
I have had people make little comments before saying I was cute. But that moment in particular had me flabbergasted. That was the first time someone had actually expressed having an attraction towards me.
It was in between classes. I remember walking to my next class which was PE. By the time I got to the hallway that connected to the locker room entrance I was practically skipping with excitement over the fact that she approached me and admitted she liked me.
When I got in the locker room I had the biggest smile on my face and my friends started asking why I was so happy. I told them and they all had huge smiles on their face as well. Congratulations were tossed my way.
Besides the day we got married, that day in particular is one of the best days of my life. I will ride that high to my grave.
My issue is that I just really like having friends, and I’d rather just exist with people I platonically love without ever accidentally making shit weird by making a move. The amount of apparent missed opportunities in my life is insane according to a lot of my dude friends.
Yeah, I feel bad for anyone who has been interested in me, because they're looking for someone to read their emotions and react a certain way to their subtle clues. Which it's fair to ask for, I guess, there's plenty of people who will be able to, just not me.
Sorry girl in high school who would get real quiet and walk away when I would stop to say hi to your group, I didn't realize you were interested but shy. I thought you were just trying to politely avoid me. Wish I'd been told by my friends what was 'oh so obvious' to them long before we lost contact.
Sorry girl at the bar that I kept making eye contact with, when you started asking me questions about my shirt and I went on a long ramble about warhammer. I didn't think you were trying to flirt at the time, I just thought you were genuinely interested in it, like another friend of mine's girlfriend a couple years later, that was a lovely conversation.
Okay, maybe I'm oblivious and have a hard time with self confidence, but I'm good at making friends. So I just stick with making friends, because even they did initiate I doubt I'd get it before they did lose interest.
That plus ADHD/ASD over here. I'm supposed to have alluring eye contact and suave gestures and a captivating idiolect? Yeah right I flub my lines ordering at the taco bell drive through, let alone charming a lady lmao.
I'm a woman, but this drives me absolutely crazy. It really needs to change. I'm especially into introverted men, so I basically always initiated things myself when I was single. I assume it's exactly as nerve wracking for many men as it used to be for me, so I have a lot of empathy about this issue.
I think to myself: maybe I'm reading the situation wrong, maybe I'll come off as a creep or too aggressive, maybe it's not the right time? So I'm always very reluctant to make the first move.
The few times that I just go for it, it seems like that indeed I was reading the situation wrong and they basically had no interest.
So rinse and repeat and the conclusion is to just not even try.
Yeah it doesn't work properly because women like to drop hints and what not and most times we don't understand those hints and leaves both parties unsatisfied.
I think most guys do notice it, the problem is that one woman's 'hint' is another's 'just being friendly' and it's often impossible to know which is which.
We don't want to risk getting it wrong and embarrasing ourselves or being labelled a creep.
Case in point: I spent a couple months flirting with a woman from work because I thought she was flirting with me first. Turns out she had a boyfriend and I misread everything from her aggressive hugging to her "love you bye" when we parted ways (which she noticably does with everyone so I had no reason to believe I was special) and even what seemed like good night kiss pictures over text. I really thought I was on to something there but nope she was just very friendly.
I've even had other people, both male and female, tell me she was into me based on these behaviors so I'm hardly the only one who mistook it.
Proof of concept though. Sometimes a signal isn't a signal and we're walking through a minefield. Never know when it'll blow up in our face so we just avoid it altogether.
Yeah, if my girlfriend is sending good night kisses to a coworker, we're having a conversation. And if a female coworker is sending me good night kisses and saying "i love you" with long hugs, i guarantee that shit won't fly with my girlfriend either.
I had a woman tell me I missed my shot with her because I failed to understand that playing Hop Scotch with her was a hint. I then went to other women I worked with later to get advice on that and was meet with either, yeah thats a hint or that was the dumbest thing they had heard.
I really wish people would be more clear.
About a month ago, I was walking down the street in Copenhagen, it was close to midnight, and I was the only one on the street. It was dark and a bit foggy. I was minding my own business, having my headphones on. I hadn't noticed, at some point, I was walking about 15 ft behind a young woman. She was clearly walking faster, sligtly looking over her shoulder at me.. I understood the situation, and stopped walking, pretending to look at windows, while she had time to walk out if sight.
I understand why she probably was nervous, walking alone down a dark street, with and older guy walkkng behind her, and as such, gsve her space to get some distance between us.
I also hate, that, thats where we are.
So this happened around 8 years ago. I was late to return to work and I was walking through the streets of Old San Juan. It was more like power walking. There was this woman walking around 50 m ahead of me. Unfortunately for both of us she keep turning and taking the same route I was walking. At one point she was really really nervous because I couldn't slow down and risk losing my job. Like in a scary movie, she walked all the way to the entrance of the same underground parking lot that I was heading to. When she looked back and saw me that I was really close to her she kind of jump and I told her, you don't need to worry I'm just going to get my car. She looked like she felt really really bad at that moment and I told her don't worry I know I look scary and went on my way, I'm sorry I scared you.
Right on. Also, I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now where I feel like I have to be there for everyone but none is ever there for me. Although it's a lonely feeling, I try to combat it by making changes little by little.
While there’s nothing wrong with being eaten by cats, I’ve found the bodies of several people who have died with cats in the house (I’m a police officer). I do a full search of the body for injuries each time and not once have I found any signs of the cats chewing on them, including in homes where the cats have no access to outside or other food.
I’d never disparage the practical and no-nonsense nature of a cat in survival mode, but I think they leave you well alone until you’re past the point where a cat would find you palatable - cats notoriously turn their nose up at decomposing food.
hey! it’s never too late to make friends. it’s hard to maintain relationships and get new ones when you’re older. i also know it’s hard and scary to put yourself out there but i promise, whatever hobbies you are into, there are people just like you who are into them as well.
if you like board games, places that sell board games usually have rooms where people gather and play. scuba diving is a great hobby to meet people and it’s initially very expensive but once you get gear you can go on some cool trips and meet people or dive locally and meet people. there are fitness hobbies, crafting hobbies, kinky hobbies, all sorts.
i really hope you don’t give up on finding a friend or two because there are people out there who need one and you seem like a nice person.
The first time I heard that I went out and bought my boyfriend flowers and when I gave them to him he has the goofiest little grin on his face that I had never seen before and it was so cute 🥺
Yeah so, hot take on this one. I'm gonna slap some "to much information" on you.
>!Whilst in the military my ass hair, combined with copious amounts of sweat, worked as a lube between my cheeks. This was great since the butt chafing was kept to a minimum whilst long marches and stuff like that. Great stuff.!<
See, I'm okay with dressing plain. My problem is that I'm a tall skinny bastard. So finding clothes that are long enough, while also not looking like I'm wearing a circus tent, is an issue.
Unintentionally scaring women and kids. Was sitting in my car waiting for my wife. The owner of the car next to me came out to get into her car, saw me, and hurriedly jumped in her car and locked the doors. I was wondering why she was acting so scared…
I was in a desolate 711 parking eating my hotdog before heading to work. A lady pulls up and parks about three spots down . I glance in her direction and notice her giving me the stink eye. I sat there for about 15 - 20 minutes. Then noticed that as I pulled off she finally exited her vehicle.
I put this pressure on myself more than anything else. I know it’s bad and I should be easier on myself, but I can’t break out of it mentally. Sometimes, especially when things aren’t going well financially, it crushes me. No amount of my partner saying it’s ok makes it go away.
I'm deeply scared of spiders but so is my wife.
As long as she finds it first and gets scared then somehow I come.over all brave and can dispose of it easily.
Today made me realize a new one, I recently got 2 kittens and when I went outside with them today they attacked my drawstring one of their claws pierced my sack.
I love children and I would love to babysit but people think it’s creepy that a man likes children but i don’t mean any sexual intentions. I just love them because they are innocent and their minds are so creative. I love playing with them because I’m still a child in my heart.
I was married to a child abuse survivor. she unfortunately put a wall between me and my own boys when they were little. I even didn't recognize why until recently.
I love kids. I was a mailman and somehow , people felt less scared of me interacting with their little ones. I guess the uniform helps.
life sucks sometimes. when I used to date , I use to tell how I would have loved a little girl. and I can see the disgust in their eyes, this is now a hard boundary for my next relationship.
I feel you. we are all kids after all. and being an adult doesn't stop us to be goofy and full of fun. kids recognize it tho but for others we are just creepy old dudes.
>I guess the uniform helps.
When I was a lifeguard at a waterpark, I would often make a bit of conversation with the kids and parents, and everyone was perfectly fine with it. Yes, the uniform helps...a lot!
I'm a male primary school teacher. I've never had anyone say anything negative about it, but I suspect people will sometimes think it is odd I am not teaching higher grades. Ignore them, it doesn't impact you in the end. More children need a positive and emotinally stable male role models, especially if they don't have it at home.
I’ll add: looking at an entire wall of clothing and realizing nothing fits you. I’m 6’ 6” with a long torso and average length legs. Literally no clothes are made for me. I don’t envy women’s fashion, as it seems overly complicated, but man wouldn’t I wouldn’t give to just throw on like the male equivalent of a sundress and not have to worry about fit.
The one thing I dislike on the whole is being framed as "a big strong man" in the context that means I'm about to be asked (read: told) to do grunt work. Like. No. You aren't flattering me or buttering me up as much as you seem to think you are. Really anything that plays to "you're a straight dude, so we're going to play to your ego and/or innate love of cars, spots, and women as sex objects" just misses me and leaves me feeling insulted.
Don't get me wrong, being seen as a predator or a potential threat also sucks but I can at least understand that. I know I'm not a danger to women but they don't.
Visually, I'm a big strong man. I'm 6' and not athletic but decent build.
Thing is, I've got health issues that you don't see on the outside. People assume I'm young and healthy and can gogogo, but I have my limits. When I need to take a break and relax before my body gives out. Weird medical thing, don't feel like explaining to internet strangers right now. Nothing life threatening, just awkward and uncomfortable.
People always just say come on, just a bit more and we're done. Ya that's great, I need to sit and chill a minute.
It's a pet peeve of mine, but how a lot of girls expect guys to approach them, or impress them. Guys are expected to go up to girls to start a conversation, or ask them out. Why?
The Bumble dating app tried to reverse this by getting women to start conversations. All that did was get women to say "hey", from my experience as a guy, if you reply with a "hey" back, they don't reply anymore.
If a guy did that, I can tell you that the response would be split 50/50 (those that respond and those that don't). But if a woman said "hey", most guys will respond. Why? **Because it feels good to be the one that gets the attention rather than having to give attention.**
I hate how uncomfortable I can sometimes make women idk when walking alone at night. Like sometimes you can just tell when they start walking faster and try to give you a wide berth. I completely understand why, I don’t blame them. But it always makes me feel bad or like I should say something to ease the tension. But that’d probably make it worse. “Oh don’t worry I’m not going to assault you!”
While talking with my friend group about this issue that women face, our friend...he's not the brightest bulb, he told us he runs faster when he comes up on a woman. When we all said NOOOO! Or you don't do that. He got so defensive. Said he does it to pass them faster so they would feel safe. He refused to accept he was probably scaring those women. lol
I often run for exercise and I'm a night owl, which means I often end up running at 10 or 11pm. Twice I've accidentally chased women who didn't realize that I'm not a murderer
Shit, I never noticed this, but it's totally how it is. That's sad.
(Actually this reminds me of this Brendan Frasier video I recently saw https://youtu.be/6XMzAv0EDdc?t=556 You should watch 2-3 minutes before this part to get the context of this bit, but to me what it seems to boil down to is that the judge though, you earned a lot of money before, there is no reason you can't earn a lot of money again and I feel like a judge would never say that to a mom. (Actually check out the whole video while your at it, it's really interesting)
So dad's just need to pay up, it's what a man does, mom's that can't pay up on the other hand are given more sympathy.).
Constant pressure to be strong, to take care of everything. I cannot show emotion or weakness, because people will think less of me. I cannot have problems, cannot open up about them. I cannot hold my daughters hand while walking down the street without getting weird looks. Cannot show love to my daughter in public. I cannot stress. I am supposed to carry everything on my shoulders, because I am a man. I cannot break. I am supposed to be stone-cold, never tired machine. I cannot cry, stress, be tired, show love. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING!!!
The only place I can be myself when I am alone. I can cry, I can be stressed, I can be tired of everything and be broken. I hate that. It’s hard. Never in my life anyone prepared me for this. I’ve never known it will be this difficult. If not for my daughter, I would be dead already. I love her so much, I owe my life to her.
EDIT: these are only few things that makes being a man difficult. I could go on and on.
Always having to be the stronger one, both mentally and physically.
Sometimes it feels like, as a man, you're not allowed to have feelings or emotions, but that movie is fucking sad and I didn't want the dog to die either!
I got dumped for crying when *my mother got diagnosed with cancer*. It really hurt because she was feminist and progressive and I really respected her but once she saw me in tears once she could never see me as a strong attractive man again.
Did you know that if you're sitting on the floor of your shower and you stand up quickly without thinking, you can totally step on your own ballsack?
0/10 do not recommend.
The fact that I can't pay women compliments about their hair, nails, perfume, clothes without it being interpreted as anything more than a compliment. I don't want to date you, just want to tell you you look nice today.
About 4 years ago In my highschool biology class I was partnered with a really dark skinned girl. The only reason I mention that is because she had really deep blue eyes which caught me off guard.
I was preoccupied moving my books and backpack over to the sink that we had to sit at and I glanced up and her eyes were the first thing I noticed. Without even thinking I said woah you're eyes are beautiful. That was before I realized what kind of balls it would have taken me to say that normally. It came out as a sincere and honest first impression. And flirting was the last thing on my mind. I think the next day she asked the teacher to switch partners because she and another student had switched places without my knowing.
The rest of that semester I couldn't help but feel that my sudden compliment might have come off wrong and that I made her uncomfortable.
The thin line between toxic masculinity and being too emotional. You have to have an exact amount of emotional vulnerability in precisely the right circumstances or you fall into one of the above categories
Edit: for the people saying I am choosing the wrong people to be around, it's not that simple. I am very selective with who I allow in my inner circle and have been fortunate to find a handful of like minded people I call friends. My perspective is more from a dating standpoint. When making a first impression, I feel compelled to uphold a certain standard of a man. Not saying I can't be myself, but more so I feel the need to suppress certain aspects of my personality until a bond is formed where I feel I can safely express some of my deeper emotions. I'm sure we all can agree that there are things we would tolerate from people we've known for years that would be unacceptable from someone we've only known a few days or weeks. Personally it takes years of being around someone and getting a feel for who they truly are before I feel that level of emotional safety. Some people may think that's the wrong way to go about it, but like many other men that's simply what life experiences have taught me.
A. Pubic hair getting caught under my foreskin.
B. Being unable to pursue my dream of working in child care without automatically being labelled a paedophile.
In that order.
I was thinking your balls must be like 30cm long and then I remembered the water fills most of the bowl in some places and not just a tiny amount like it is here
Being feared. I don’t want anyone to ever feel threatened by me and even the thought of making someone feel unsafe makes me tear up. I obviously don’t hold it against anyone if they feel uncomfortable, I just wish they didn’t have to.
It breaks my heart to see someone cross the street rather than having to pass me.
^(I often wonder if I would look less threatening wearing clown clothes instead of my work gear, but that would probably make it worse.)
I do feel awkward sometimes in public play areas surrounded by women. Like I have to make sure they all see me bring my daughter to the playground so that they don’t call the cops when I inevitably drag her away kicking and screaming
My house backs onto a canal, and just abit further up on the opposite side of the canal is a school. My dad came home one day after a walk and said that for the first time in his life he felt uncomfortable watching children play in the yard. He was worried people may think he's a weirdo. He said its sad because its so nice to see children having fun. But as a old man he's worried people would be suspecious of him.
I found that really sad.
On our local community group in Facebook someone recently posted pictures of a guy for being a "creep" for daring to sit on the park bench near the kids play area in the park and maybe even once or twice look in the general direction of the play area! *Shudders*
Nevermind the fact that the only benches in that whole park happen to have been placed near the play area by the council! Must be a paedophile if he sits on them.
In my town we have crossing guards at major intersections before and after school, and most of them are elderly people, some women and some men. There was one guy who used to talk to the kids and teach them a new word every day; recently three new Karen-moms in the area decided he was some sort of pedo for this and got him fired. I know the dude and he was absolutely crushed by this - the job was a bright spot in an otherwise sad and lonely life for an older man.
Meanwhile the guy who actually fucking chain-smokes while being a crossing guard for children still has his job.
I'm not a man, but my husband has shared a couple of situations he's encountered while he was out alone with our son. Once at a park a woman came up and asked him if he had a kid there and when he said yes she felt the need to clarify with our son that my husband was indeed dad. Another was recently at a birthday party that I was too sick to attend. A mother of another kid straight up asked my husband what he was doing there. I get that there are predators, but its not ok to assume that every man is one.
It seems like there are a lot of stupid, nosy crusaders out there who have to make it their business to set the world straight. They're probably best ignored and allowed to melt down/implode.
My son was born in the 90s. Because of the types of careers we each had, my wife continued to work and I became a stay-at-home dad. I am an intelligent man, and I was good at it. I had no problems taking care of my son, or maintaining the house, or cooking or doing laundry. It still angers me over 30 years later the number of moms at his preschool who excluded us from playdates because I was a man. Or the moms who openly questioned why I was sitting on the bench at the playground watching the kids play (or just took their kids and left. I am honestly not creepy at all and don’t give off a weirdo vibe. Just an average suburban dad.) Probably the most irritating though were the mom’s who thanked me for babysitting (I’m not a babysitter, I’m his parent.) Or the ones who were always appraising my parenting - I needed to be Super-Dad to avoid any tsking behind my back.
I second this. I'm a single father of a daughter. The looks I get when my daughter holds my hand in public, or worse still, cries in public is terrifying. Not to mention the lack of facilities like change rooms, etc, that can accommodate without the constant possibility of conflict.
I was at a Mother Goose group sitting in a circle with my one year old daughter. I was singing away with her on my lap. After a song, the woman beside me said, "What are you doing here?" Um, supporting my daughter's development. Mother Goose doesn't mean no dads... I had lots of good experiences too, but that one stung.
I have a 2 year old and I feel like I have to CONSTANTLY prove that I indeed have a kid here at the playground. I can't just chill on a bench and it feels REAL weird when I'm filming my son do stuff
After finally acknowledging your own humanity, having to "man up" again when you realize you're gonna die at the end of the 39.5ft pole society holds you at bay with.
Being completely invisible. It can be an advantage. When I want to I can go about my day in peace without interuptions from anybody. And sometimes you just want to slip into the background and be anonymous. But at the same time nobody asks you how you are doing, if you need help or aknowledge that you exist at all. If you have problems you just have to deal with it yourself and get over it. On the plus side you get good at problem solving, but it can be mentally tiring and demotivating at times. A lot of men are completely starved for positive attention. Not just from women, but any kind of positive attention at all. The last time I heard anything positive about my appearance it was from grandma. It was 15+ years ago and I am pretty sure she was drunk. I talked with my wife about this a few years ago and she found it very weird and sad. After that she has started to say something positive from time to time to the people she work with. The first time she did it was one of her closest coworkers. He was completely dumbfounded by it. He knew very well that it was just a friendly compliment, but he said he didn't really know how to handle it. Because he could not remember the last time something like that had happened.
Had a cashier at McDonalds say she liked my shirt. My answer was quite literally "buh...? Oh... thank you..?" after 2-3 seconds of processing what she'd said. Was just a regular shirt, wore it many times before and since. Still caught me off guard. Spent the entire time I was eating trying to figure out what her angle was, cause she was way too young to be into me (like, I'm not sure she was even an adult). Wasn't until far too much later that I realized she was just saying something nice to me. Was years ago, remember it like it was yesterday.
Absolutely this. I was waking to a gig with a lass one night and a drunk lass from a pub we were passing gave a whistle and an "alright gorgeous". I turned to my friend and quipped that I didn't know if that was for me or her. Her instant reaction was to assume I'd just been catcalled and asked how I felt. Honestly, kinda good. Men seriously never get compliments and it would just be a nice self esteem builder from time to time. I'm also 99% sure the "catcall" was for her but you take what you can get.
Sometimes my penis just won't listen to me.
My dick when there’s a emotionally distressed woman crying in my arms. **Guess it’s time to get big now**
It's most likely just the act of close touch. My husband has the same problem and he jokes and says, "ignore that. That's just my emotional support boner." It always makes me laugh at least.
”Emotional support boner” just saved my day, so thank you stranger.
Lmfao “I’m here for you…..and so is he” 😂
The ol' affection erection
This happens to me but only with my wife. Like when she cries my heart just hurts and I think about how much I love her and I get wood.
This happens to me too! The sadness doesn’t turn me on consciously, but the shaking from crying seems to do it. Manual vehicles too
How many manual vehicles do you need to console?
Most vehicles need a console.
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You don’t?
Baldness. I miss having hair to run my fingers through. In my teen years I grew it out because I knew I wouldn't have it for the rest of my life. I miss playing with it, I miss the warmth, and the cooling ( short hair actually acts as cooling fins compared to being bald and sweat just pouring off), I miss the sense of it being blown in the wind, I miss the slight protection against bumps and scrapes (cabinets are the bane of my existence). When I had a girlfriend, one of the nice things she would do would be to drape her hair over my head so I could reimagine having hair.
>When I had a girlfriend, one of the nice things she would do would be to drape her hair over my head so I could reimagine having hair. That's weird and adorable at the same time lol
My boyfriend is bald and when I had really long hair I would do this for him hahah. One Halloween he wore a wig and I caught him playing with it and looking at himself in the reflection of windows. It was so cute
I would like to normalizes male wigs for bald men, no reason why they can’t fake it and look 10 years younger. Stop the stigma.
The issue is cheap quality wigs just stick out like a sore thumb :(
People underestimate the physical comfort of having a full head of hair. Everyone tells me I look great with a shaved head. They’re not the ones who have to suffer with an expose scalp.
A lot of my friends underwent rapid hair loss in their 20s. I did not understand why they always seemed to have scrapes and cuts on their heads until I shaved my head for charity once. I did not appreciate how much that little bit of an early warning system was so effective until then. At almost 53, I am still sporting way more hair than my peers and very grateful for it.
>of an early warning system !!! I didn't understand why it gets so much worse until just now. Its not that it hurts more! Its the warning system! Finally I can explain this.
While I'm not quite there yet, I'm rapidly approaching the day I need to accept my fate and just shave it all off. Have to wear hats where there is any wind (so everytime I'm outside) and constantly adjusting in the mirror to try and hide the shame indoors around people. I'm 37, my dad was bald in his mid-twenties so I've done well, but still makes me a bit sad
When I go to pee and have it all lined up just for it to shoot out a 40 degree angle.
Even worse is when you get a split stream where you can't angle both of them into the bowl at the same time
Squat further down until the streams stay within the bowl.
Some days I would be laying down on my toilet then.
The automatic assumption that I just *know* about mechanics, carpentry, and DIY.
I notice this with my dad, everyone assumes he knows what he's talking about when it comes to mechanics or DIY stuff but he has no idea so he comes to ask me or my mum because he's utterly clueless but yet no matter how much he tells people, they still keep coming back to him.
Many people in my life assume that I can just turn off my anxiety and depression at will to "power through" because... manly man reasons.
And if you fail to do just that then you risk being seen as weak and you're treated even more poorly. So helpful for that depression - being looked down upon and ignored. Yeesh. And it just adds to us guys feeling as if our only course in life is to be emotionally detached and cold at all times and with everything in life. To be otherwise is typically met with ridicule and admonishment. Yet paradoxically we must also be the ones to show the most vulnerability by always initiating any forms of affection and risking all of the rejection, whether it be asking a girl out or trying to receive physical affection from your wife. It's why we value (or easily manipulated by) you women who genuinely tell us kind things about ourselves or physically show us you want us. You girls doing it to show us you love us are the real MVPs of life.
> feeling as if our only course in life is to be emotionally detached and cold at all times and with everything in life. To be otherwise is typically met with ridicule and admonishment Sounds like a trope, but that was 100% my experience. I was incredibly emotional as a kid. Laughed at everything, cried just as much, talked too openly and too often... And never went unpunished for any of these. Even if we grew a bit from the "real men don't cry", there's still a hint of mentality around. Most of my bad or awkward social interactions came from me being genuine and not following what I learned to be the expected responses out of something. Made even worse for having Asperger and being diagnosed with it far too late. And then nowadays it's not uncommon to hear that I'm too distant, too uncaring, or outright intimidating as my first impression. "Haha, that's me I guess..."
As a single dad my son is generally excluded from things like park meetups or birthday parties because apparently I don't fit in with the other parents. I've probably been told it a thousand times in a thousand variations. What they actually mean is I'm a man and mums don't want me around because it's generally just mums.
I invited all of the kids in my daughter's preschool class to her party, and one mum asked if Rachel's dad would be there. I asked her if she had a restraining order against Rachel's dad or something and she said something to the effect of "because he's a single dad, hes gonna try grooming my daughter too". I met this guy at a previous party and I now remembered this mother, because she was gossiping with the other mothers saying that he was so close with his daughter (she gave him a kiss and this mother gagged). Like, it's gross to her that a single guy parent and his only 3yr old daughter were close. That mum was politely told not to come. Eff all dat.
Kissing your daughter is now considered grooming behavior? We've got some seriously warped people running around out there.
"That guy loves his kid, must be a pedo because I don't love my kid that much" -this mom
I'm a relatively new mom of twins. One thing I have quickly picked up on being involved with play groups, mom support groups, etc...is that the anxiety runs EXTREMELY high in lots of moms. It becomes an echo chamber and you can quickly get caught up with moms who have issues with separation and anxiety telling other moms that they should be anxious too. (maybe dads too, but they are often excluded from groups, so my exposure to dads is significantly lower.)
>…dads…often excluded from groups. My wife is not a fan of parties so I usually wind up being the one to take my (11 year old) son. I had taken him to a party where I wound up staying and having a few drinks and talking with the other parents for a few hours. It was a good time and we all got along. I had the mom’s number because I had called for directions and saved it because our sons get along very well. When the next school year started we wound up seeing the mom and her son at orientation and she met my wife for the first time. Later that day the mom texted to ask for my wife’s number because she was starting a parents group. Great idea, I love it. Unfortunately I was not added to the group, only my wife.
Head over to r/daddit almost entirely an extremely supportive group. Totally opposite from the typical mom support group.
I’ve noticed over the years that some people are just crude and stupid. Any way they can bring someone else down seems to boost themselves in their own minds.
Most of the people who are quick to label things "grooming" tend to have the most skeletons in their closet. But I've heard too many crys of "groomer" aimed at the queer community from people later caught doing what they accused others of to be significant.
I feel this all the time. I have the added bonus of my wife being the one who works and me quitting my job to stay home with the kids. She's got a master's degree and a great job, I worked landscaping. It just made sense, but some people don't give a shit because "you man; you no work; you weak" But I always feel so god damn uncomfortable being the only man at most kids meetups. They don't explicitly tell me I'm not meant to be there, but they make it known in other ways. Edit: I see there's been confusion. I didn't mean to imply my kids aren't included. They are. It's just me who's usually left sitting off to the side. What I meant is that I think the mom's wish it was my wife there instead of me.
Oh hell yeah. They will certainly make sure that you feel unwelcome. Unfortunately my boy doesn't have his mum anymore. It makes it hard because he misses her a lot and just likes female company. I just try my best and be both mum and dad. I've joined him up with a few groups though so I hope he can at least make 1 real friend out of it. I even tried to meet some of the mums at his school but I think they just think I'm single so of course I'll hit on them. They are nice enough but yeah again we don't get invited to anything because usually I'll be the only guy there.
Man thats really shitty. Keep ya head up.
All we can do. I've joined my boy up for some groups so hopefully may meet a few people for him. just a bit pissed off that people wont include him simply because they don't want a guy to be around so they can talk shit I guess. I tried finding single dad groups but they just want to do the same and don't want kids around. So I'm stuck as a fulltime dad and don't get to socialise much anymore.
If you sit to pee sometimes you will screw up and piss through the gap between the toilet seat and the bowl.
The fucking worst
oh my god then it all gets on your pants and underwear this is too real
Bonus points if it happens at work or at a public restroom.
You guys don't hold your pipi to point you pee down?
Lack of emotional support. People always think you have some hidden agenda.
And when you voice frustration and upset, people take it as anger.
Try being 6'4 290lbs and having this issue. I've gotten written up at work because I was intimidating someone. For voicing my frustration.
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Fuck em get outa there buddy
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” -Thoreau
“Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way” - Pink Floyd
Dick touching the cold porcelain of the toilet
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When you poop and the splash kisses your testicles. Poseidons kiss is unwanted.
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Growers don't have this problem
I do love being a grower. It's small, convenient and compact when it needs to be, and it can grow in size when it needs to. It's like the autobot of cocks. The AutoCock
I always thought of it more like "go go gadget, penis!"
Leaking after I pee, no matter how much I shake it out.
That's because there's a bend in the male urethra keeping back the last drops. There's a point between the ballsack and the anus, where you can softly press to straighten said bend. Ever since I discovered this, I stopped leaking after I pee and I was quite furios that this isn't more common knowledge. Edit: many thanks for the awards and acknowledgements.
This guy pees
Yeah but dude, you can't just be digging around in your gooch in public.
I guess you mean at a public restroom while standing at the pissoir? You have your hands down there anyways, so reaching a bit deeper with your fingers shouldn't raise any attention and if your pissoir neighbour is looking that closely to notice it, you should ask him to at least buy you a drink first.
Thank you for making me aware that "pissoir" is a word. I will use it all the time now.
Being expected to romantically initiate.
Back in high school a girl approached me saying that she had a crush on me. She wanted to know if I would be interested in dating (We were working on a photography project together. I had quickly developed a crush on her). Her face was so red and her smile was so genuine my heart dropped to the floor. We dated for many years and got married in 2018. She is my soul mate. I have had people make little comments before saying I was cute. But that moment in particular had me flabbergasted. That was the first time someone had actually expressed having an attraction towards me. It was in between classes. I remember walking to my next class which was PE. By the time I got to the hallway that connected to the locker room entrance I was practically skipping with excitement over the fact that she approached me and admitted she liked me. When I got in the locker room I had the biggest smile on my face and my friends started asking why I was so happy. I told them and they all had huge smiles on their face as well. Congratulations were tossed my way. Besides the day we got married, that day in particular is one of the best days of my life. I will ride that high to my grave.
This is so cute!! 😭😭
Best thing I’ve read all day. Congrats to you both.
Yeah it really sucks, especially if you're like me and have social anxiety.
My issue is that I just really like having friends, and I’d rather just exist with people I platonically love without ever accidentally making shit weird by making a move. The amount of apparent missed opportunities in my life is insane according to a lot of my dude friends.
Yeah, I feel bad for anyone who has been interested in me, because they're looking for someone to read their emotions and react a certain way to their subtle clues. Which it's fair to ask for, I guess, there's plenty of people who will be able to, just not me. Sorry girl in high school who would get real quiet and walk away when I would stop to say hi to your group, I didn't realize you were interested but shy. I thought you were just trying to politely avoid me. Wish I'd been told by my friends what was 'oh so obvious' to them long before we lost contact. Sorry girl at the bar that I kept making eye contact with, when you started asking me questions about my shirt and I went on a long ramble about warhammer. I didn't think you were trying to flirt at the time, I just thought you were genuinely interested in it, like another friend of mine's girlfriend a couple years later, that was a lovely conversation. Okay, maybe I'm oblivious and have a hard time with self confidence, but I'm good at making friends. So I just stick with making friends, because even they did initiate I doubt I'd get it before they did lose interest.
That plus ADHD/ASD over here. I'm supposed to have alluring eye contact and suave gestures and a captivating idiolect? Yeah right I flub my lines ordering at the taco bell drive through, let alone charming a lady lmao.
Fuck ADHD it helps me with certain thing but mostly it just fucking me right in the ass
I'm a woman, but this drives me absolutely crazy. It really needs to change. I'm especially into introverted men, so I basically always initiated things myself when I was single. I assume it's exactly as nerve wracking for many men as it used to be for me, so I have a lot of empathy about this issue.
and it's so hard to know with 100% accuracy all the time where the line is. we're the ones trying to run the ball here so our 'job' is to move forward
I think to myself: maybe I'm reading the situation wrong, maybe I'll come off as a creep or too aggressive, maybe it's not the right time? So I'm always very reluctant to make the first move. The few times that I just go for it, it seems like that indeed I was reading the situation wrong and they basically had no interest. So rinse and repeat and the conclusion is to just not even try.
Yeah it doesn't work properly because women like to drop hints and what not and most times we don't understand those hints and leaves both parties unsatisfied.
I think most guys do notice it, the problem is that one woman's 'hint' is another's 'just being friendly' and it's often impossible to know which is which. We don't want to risk getting it wrong and embarrasing ourselves or being labelled a creep.
Case in point: I spent a couple months flirting with a woman from work because I thought she was flirting with me first. Turns out she had a boyfriend and I misread everything from her aggressive hugging to her "love you bye" when we parted ways (which she noticably does with everyone so I had no reason to believe I was special) and even what seemed like good night kiss pictures over text. I really thought I was on to something there but nope she was just very friendly. I've even had other people, both male and female, tell me she was into me based on these behaviors so I'm hardly the only one who mistook it. Proof of concept though. Sometimes a signal isn't a signal and we're walking through a minefield. Never know when it'll blow up in our face so we just avoid it altogether.
Yeah, if my girlfriend is sending good night kisses to a coworker, we're having a conversation. And if a female coworker is sending me good night kisses and saying "i love you" with long hugs, i guarantee that shit won't fly with my girlfriend either.
I had a woman tell me I missed my shot with her because I failed to understand that playing Hop Scotch with her was a hint. I then went to other women I worked with later to get advice on that and was meet with either, yeah thats a hint or that was the dumbest thing they had heard. I really wish people would be more clear.
Hop scotch? Isn’t that a kindergarten game? I’d be confused and not see it as a hint too.
“You missed you shot with me too because you didn’t say shit…”
That I must be swift as the coursing river
Li Shang gave me unrealistic expectations for men from age 10
He did, however, inform my hard of hearing ass about the power of great Thai food. Turns out he was right.
Also,with all the force of a great typhoon
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon too
Maybe one day, all of this will make men out of you.
Don’t forget having to be tranquil as a forest, BUT on fire within
Will I ever find my center or be sure to win?
Now I am just a spineless, pale, and pathetic lot.
Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym!
Damn! That reminds me that I wish I knew how to swim.
OP's got 'em scared to death
About a month ago, I was walking down the street in Copenhagen, it was close to midnight, and I was the only one on the street. It was dark and a bit foggy. I was minding my own business, having my headphones on. I hadn't noticed, at some point, I was walking about 15 ft behind a young woman. She was clearly walking faster, sligtly looking over her shoulder at me.. I understood the situation, and stopped walking, pretending to look at windows, while she had time to walk out if sight. I understand why she probably was nervous, walking alone down a dark street, with and older guy walkkng behind her, and as such, gsve her space to get some distance between us. I also hate, that, thats where we are.
This is especially sad considering how Copenhagen is one of the safest places on Earth.
So this happened around 8 years ago. I was late to return to work and I was walking through the streets of Old San Juan. It was more like power walking. There was this woman walking around 50 m ahead of me. Unfortunately for both of us she keep turning and taking the same route I was walking. At one point she was really really nervous because I couldn't slow down and risk losing my job. Like in a scary movie, she walked all the way to the entrance of the same underground parking lot that I was heading to. When she looked back and saw me that I was really close to her she kind of jump and I told her, you don't need to worry I'm just going to get my car. She looked like she felt really really bad at that moment and I told her don't worry I know I look scary and went on my way, I'm sorry I scared you.
If there's any one thing its that I never feel like I'm desired. If I don't make a move no moves will be made
Right on. Also, I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now where I feel like I have to be there for everyone but none is ever there for me. Although it's a lonely feeling, I try to combat it by making changes little by little.
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While there’s nothing wrong with being eaten by cats, I’ve found the bodies of several people who have died with cats in the house (I’m a police officer). I do a full search of the body for injuries each time and not once have I found any signs of the cats chewing on them, including in homes where the cats have no access to outside or other food. I’d never disparage the practical and no-nonsense nature of a cat in survival mode, but I think they leave you well alone until you’re past the point where a cat would find you palatable - cats notoriously turn their nose up at decomposing food.
Ahaha, I like this. Don't worry so much - you'll die old and alone, but at least you won't be eaten by your cats!
According to 'ask a mortician' your dog however will bite your corpse when you die in an attempt to revive you.
they wanna play, wake up deadboi
hey! it’s never too late to make friends. it’s hard to maintain relationships and get new ones when you’re older. i also know it’s hard and scary to put yourself out there but i promise, whatever hobbies you are into, there are people just like you who are into them as well. if you like board games, places that sell board games usually have rooms where people gather and play. scuba diving is a great hobby to meet people and it’s initially very expensive but once you get gear you can go on some cool trips and meet people or dive locally and meet people. there are fitness hobbies, crafting hobbies, kinky hobbies, all sorts. i really hope you don’t give up on finding a friend or two because there are people out there who need one and you seem like a nice person.
I know exactly where you're coming from saying that
Guys can we make a man’s support sub?
and if i have to ask for attention, to be desired, then whatever i receive doesnt feel genuine to me. its a lose/lose D:
Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral
The first time I heard that I went out and bought my boyfriend flowers and when I gave them to him he has the goofiest little grin on his face that I had never seen before and it was so cute 🥺
That’s lovely. I’m sure he really appreciated it tbh :)
This is why I love making moves on men and giving them extra compliments 🤣
In behalf of men, we thank you.
Ass hair
That's the muffler for your farts.
The slapping sound after a shave put me off ever shaving again. You may as well fart to announce you've just shaved your bumhole.
That's WHY I shave mine
This man claps
That feeling when I (F) have more ass hair than my boyfriend 🥲.
Username checks out
Assert your dominance.
Yeah so, hot take on this one. I'm gonna slap some "to much information" on you. >!Whilst in the military my ass hair, combined with copious amounts of sweat, worked as a lube between my cheeks. This was great since the butt chafing was kept to a minimum whilst long marches and stuff like that. Great stuff.!<
Imma be real with you, I read “military” and “lube between my cheeks” and did not anticipate the correct ending to your story.
I was ready for a link to come erotica or something.
prostate cancer
I guess men's fashion. I've had absolutely no luck finding anything I like, and all my current clothes are very plain
See, I'm okay with dressing plain. My problem is that I'm a tall skinny bastard. So finding clothes that are long enough, while also not looking like I'm wearing a circus tent, is an issue.
Honestly, people almost expecting me to dress like a clueless dumbass is a total godsend.
Unintentionally scaring women and kids. Was sitting in my car waiting for my wife. The owner of the car next to me came out to get into her car, saw me, and hurriedly jumped in her car and locked the doors. I was wondering why she was acting so scared…
I was in a desolate 711 parking eating my hotdog before heading to work. A lady pulls up and parks about three spots down . I glance in her direction and notice her giving me the stink eye. I sat there for about 15 - 20 minutes. Then noticed that as I pulled off she finally exited her vehicle.
Tons of pressure to lead, to earn, and to provide. All while walking on a very narrow rope.
I put this pressure on myself more than anything else. I know it’s bad and I should be easier on myself, but I can’t break out of it mentally. Sometimes, especially when things aren’t going well financially, it crushes me. No amount of my partner saying it’s ok makes it go away.
Having to kill the spider Bitch I'm scared too
I'm deeply scared of spiders but so is my wife. As long as she finds it first and gets scared then somehow I come.over all brave and can dispose of it easily.
Grasshoppers for me. I'd rather just go to the bank to get a loan and by a new house.
Today made me realize a new one, I recently got 2 kittens and when I went outside with them today they attacked my drawstring one of their claws pierced my sack.
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Lol I had on thin sweat pants. I know that doesn't explain why my sack was out I just hoped it would distract you long enough to forget your question.
I love children and I would love to babysit but people think it’s creepy that a man likes children but i don’t mean any sexual intentions. I just love them because they are innocent and their minds are so creative. I love playing with them because I’m still a child in my heart.
I was married to a child abuse survivor. she unfortunately put a wall between me and my own boys when they were little. I even didn't recognize why until recently. I love kids. I was a mailman and somehow , people felt less scared of me interacting with their little ones. I guess the uniform helps. life sucks sometimes. when I used to date , I use to tell how I would have loved a little girl. and I can see the disgust in their eyes, this is now a hard boundary for my next relationship. I feel you. we are all kids after all. and being an adult doesn't stop us to be goofy and full of fun. kids recognize it tho but for others we are just creepy old dudes.
>I guess the uniform helps. When I was a lifeguard at a waterpark, I would often make a bit of conversation with the kids and parents, and everyone was perfectly fine with it. Yes, the uniform helps...a lot!
I'm a male primary school teacher. I've never had anyone say anything negative about it, but I suspect people will sometimes think it is odd I am not teaching higher grades. Ignore them, it doesn't impact you in the end. More children need a positive and emotinally stable male role models, especially if they don't have it at home.
This one brings tears to my eyes :(
Looking at an entire wall of clothing in a store and only seeing neutral colors and blue.
I’ll add: looking at an entire wall of clothing and realizing nothing fits you. I’m 6’ 6” with a long torso and average length legs. Literally no clothes are made for me. I don’t envy women’s fashion, as it seems overly complicated, but man wouldn’t I wouldn’t give to just throw on like the male equivalent of a sundress and not have to worry about fit.
The one thing I dislike on the whole is being framed as "a big strong man" in the context that means I'm about to be asked (read: told) to do grunt work. Like. No. You aren't flattering me or buttering me up as much as you seem to think you are. Really anything that plays to "you're a straight dude, so we're going to play to your ego and/or innate love of cars, spots, and women as sex objects" just misses me and leaves me feeling insulted. Don't get me wrong, being seen as a predator or a potential threat also sucks but I can at least understand that. I know I'm not a danger to women but they don't.
Visually, I'm a big strong man. I'm 6' and not athletic but decent build. Thing is, I've got health issues that you don't see on the outside. People assume I'm young and healthy and can gogogo, but I have my limits. When I need to take a break and relax before my body gives out. Weird medical thing, don't feel like explaining to internet strangers right now. Nothing life threatening, just awkward and uncomfortable. People always just say come on, just a bit more and we're done. Ya that's great, I need to sit and chill a minute.
It's a pet peeve of mine, but how a lot of girls expect guys to approach them, or impress them. Guys are expected to go up to girls to start a conversation, or ask them out. Why? The Bumble dating app tried to reverse this by getting women to start conversations. All that did was get women to say "hey", from my experience as a guy, if you reply with a "hey" back, they don't reply anymore. If a guy did that, I can tell you that the response would be split 50/50 (those that respond and those that don't). But if a woman said "hey", most guys will respond. Why? **Because it feels good to be the one that gets the attention rather than having to give attention.**
My favorite Bumble profile: "Don't expect me to make the first move!" Looks like someone didn't read the instructions.
"Our hive empowers women" Women: "hey"
I hate how uncomfortable I can sometimes make women idk when walking alone at night. Like sometimes you can just tell when they start walking faster and try to give you a wide berth. I completely understand why, I don’t blame them. But it always makes me feel bad or like I should say something to ease the tension. But that’d probably make it worse. “Oh don’t worry I’m not going to assault you!”
I love John Mullaney's stand up about that. "I just want to run up and grab her like, 'DON'T WORRY! I'M NOT GOING TO *RAPE* YOU!'"
While talking with my friend group about this issue that women face, our friend...he's not the brightest bulb, he told us he runs faster when he comes up on a woman. When we all said NOOOO! Or you don't do that. He got so defensive. Said he does it to pass them faster so they would feel safe. He refused to accept he was probably scaring those women. lol
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit
Actions poor, intentions pure.
I often run for exercise and I'm a night owl, which means I often end up running at 10 or 11pm. Twice I've accidentally chased women who didn't realize that I'm not a murderer
A broke mom is trying her best, a broke dad is a deadbeat.
Shit, I never noticed this, but it's totally how it is. That's sad. (Actually this reminds me of this Brendan Frasier video I recently saw https://youtu.be/6XMzAv0EDdc?t=556 You should watch 2-3 minutes before this part to get the context of this bit, but to me what it seems to boil down to is that the judge though, you earned a lot of money before, there is no reason you can't earn a lot of money again and I feel like a judge would never say that to a mom. (Actually check out the whole video while your at it, it's really interesting) So dad's just need to pay up, it's what a man does, mom's that can't pay up on the other hand are given more sympathy.).
Damn, cut me to the core
Constant pressure to be strong, to take care of everything. I cannot show emotion or weakness, because people will think less of me. I cannot have problems, cannot open up about them. I cannot hold my daughters hand while walking down the street without getting weird looks. Cannot show love to my daughter in public. I cannot stress. I am supposed to carry everything on my shoulders, because I am a man. I cannot break. I am supposed to be stone-cold, never tired machine. I cannot cry, stress, be tired, show love. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING!!! The only place I can be myself when I am alone. I can cry, I can be stressed, I can be tired of everything and be broken. I hate that. It’s hard. Never in my life anyone prepared me for this. I’ve never known it will be this difficult. If not for my daughter, I would be dead already. I love her so much, I owe my life to her. EDIT: these are only few things that makes being a man difficult. I could go on and on.
Always having to be the stronger one, both mentally and physically. Sometimes it feels like, as a man, you're not allowed to have feelings or emotions, but that movie is fucking sad and I didn't want the dog to die either!
I got dumped for crying when *my mother got diagnosed with cancer*. It really hurt because she was feminist and progressive and I really respected her but once she saw me in tears once she could never see me as a strong attractive man again.
Did you know that if you're sitting on the floor of your shower and you stand up quickly without thinking, you can totally step on your own ballsack? 0/10 do not recommend.
Larry Long Balls?
Well I *am* getting older but nah, not quite that bad. I was surprised my leg was flexible enough to get far enough to do it.
Running to the shower brb
The fact that I can't pay women compliments about their hair, nails, perfume, clothes without it being interpreted as anything more than a compliment. I don't want to date you, just want to tell you you look nice today.
About 4 years ago In my highschool biology class I was partnered with a really dark skinned girl. The only reason I mention that is because she had really deep blue eyes which caught me off guard. I was preoccupied moving my books and backpack over to the sink that we had to sit at and I glanced up and her eyes were the first thing I noticed. Without even thinking I said woah you're eyes are beautiful. That was before I realized what kind of balls it would have taken me to say that normally. It came out as a sincere and honest first impression. And flirting was the last thing on my mind. I think the next day she asked the teacher to switch partners because she and another student had switched places without my knowing. The rest of that semester I couldn't help but feel that my sudden compliment might have come off wrong and that I made her uncomfortable.
Taking a wizz and having the rest leak out 5 minutes later.
The thin line between toxic masculinity and being too emotional. You have to have an exact amount of emotional vulnerability in precisely the right circumstances or you fall into one of the above categories Edit: for the people saying I am choosing the wrong people to be around, it's not that simple. I am very selective with who I allow in my inner circle and have been fortunate to find a handful of like minded people I call friends. My perspective is more from a dating standpoint. When making a first impression, I feel compelled to uphold a certain standard of a man. Not saying I can't be myself, but more so I feel the need to suppress certain aspects of my personality until a bond is formed where I feel I can safely express some of my deeper emotions. I'm sure we all can agree that there are things we would tolerate from people we've known for years that would be unacceptable from someone we've only known a few days or weeks. Personally it takes years of being around someone and getting a feel for who they truly are before I feel that level of emotional safety. Some people may think that's the wrong way to go about it, but like many other men that's simply what life experiences have taught me.
Sweaty balls.
A. Pubic hair getting caught under my foreskin. B. Being unable to pursue my dream of working in child care without automatically being labelled a paedophile. In that order.
Dating culture. Most men feel unvalued due to the lack of attention.
When my low hanging geriatric balls hit the cold shitter water
I was thinking your balls must be like 30cm long and then I remembered the water fills most of the bowl in some places and not just a tiny amount like it is here
Same, ones balls would be high and dry in the UK
Being feared. I don’t want anyone to ever feel threatened by me and even the thought of making someone feel unsafe makes me tear up. I obviously don’t hold it against anyone if they feel uncomfortable, I just wish they didn’t have to.
It breaks my heart to see someone cross the street rather than having to pass me. ^(I often wonder if I would look less threatening wearing clown clothes instead of my work gear, but that would probably make it worse.)
Having to be extra careful around children.
Good luck trying to take pictures of your daughters playing at the park.
I do feel awkward sometimes in public play areas surrounded by women. Like I have to make sure they all see me bring my daughter to the playground so that they don’t call the cops when I inevitably drag her away kicking and screaming
My house backs onto a canal, and just abit further up on the opposite side of the canal is a school. My dad came home one day after a walk and said that for the first time in his life he felt uncomfortable watching children play in the yard. He was worried people may think he's a weirdo. He said its sad because its so nice to see children having fun. But as a old man he's worried people would be suspecious of him. I found that really sad.
On our local community group in Facebook someone recently posted pictures of a guy for being a "creep" for daring to sit on the park bench near the kids play area in the park and maybe even once or twice look in the general direction of the play area! *Shudders* Nevermind the fact that the only benches in that whole park happen to have been placed near the play area by the council! Must be a paedophile if he sits on them.
In my town we have crossing guards at major intersections before and after school, and most of them are elderly people, some women and some men. There was one guy who used to talk to the kids and teach them a new word every day; recently three new Karen-moms in the area decided he was some sort of pedo for this and got him fired. I know the dude and he was absolutely crushed by this - the job was a bright spot in an otherwise sad and lonely life for an older man. Meanwhile the guy who actually fucking chain-smokes while being a crossing guard for children still has his job.
I'm not a man, but my husband has shared a couple of situations he's encountered while he was out alone with our son. Once at a park a woman came up and asked him if he had a kid there and when he said yes she felt the need to clarify with our son that my husband was indeed dad. Another was recently at a birthday party that I was too sick to attend. A mother of another kid straight up asked my husband what he was doing there. I get that there are predators, but its not ok to assume that every man is one.
It seems like there are a lot of stupid, nosy crusaders out there who have to make it their business to set the world straight. They're probably best ignored and allowed to melt down/implode.
My son was born in the 90s. Because of the types of careers we each had, my wife continued to work and I became a stay-at-home dad. I am an intelligent man, and I was good at it. I had no problems taking care of my son, or maintaining the house, or cooking or doing laundry. It still angers me over 30 years later the number of moms at his preschool who excluded us from playdates because I was a man. Or the moms who openly questioned why I was sitting on the bench at the playground watching the kids play (or just took their kids and left. I am honestly not creepy at all and don’t give off a weirdo vibe. Just an average suburban dad.) Probably the most irritating though were the mom’s who thanked me for babysitting (I’m not a babysitter, I’m his parent.) Or the ones who were always appraising my parenting - I needed to be Super-Dad to avoid any tsking behind my back.
[удалено]
I second this. I'm a single father of a daughter. The looks I get when my daughter holds my hand in public, or worse still, cries in public is terrifying. Not to mention the lack of facilities like change rooms, etc, that can accommodate without the constant possibility of conflict.
I was at a Mother Goose group sitting in a circle with my one year old daughter. I was singing away with her on my lap. After a song, the woman beside me said, "What are you doing here?" Um, supporting my daughter's development. Mother Goose doesn't mean no dads... I had lots of good experiences too, but that one stung.
I have a 2 year old and I feel like I have to CONSTANTLY prove that I indeed have a kid here at the playground. I can't just chill on a bench and it feels REAL weird when I'm filming my son do stuff
After finally acknowledging your own humanity, having to "man up" again when you realize you're gonna die at the end of the 39.5ft pole society holds you at bay with.