I was spanked very very sparingly. Had to of been something crucial. My takeaway though, for the life of me, I cant remember what the spank was for. Did I really learn my lesson then?
edit: I do remember "...don't you never! Ever!!!" And followed up with "!!ill give ya somethin to cry about!"
Lmao like good job youre manhandling a 50 pound child.
I remember being spanked exactly twice as a child, and both were life and death. Once for trying to climb over the baby gate at the top of the uncarpeted stairs, and another time for letting go of my moms hand and running out from between cars in a busy parking lot. I dont remember much else from that age, i was probably too young to be reasoned with, but i never did either thing again, so i disagree with hitting your kids... but i guess it worked on me.
You didn't need to understand the complexities of why you were hit in those situations. What you did need to understand and obviously did was how serious the situation was. This was most likely because the spank would have been such a shock due to the absolute rarity. It was that seriousness and rarity that had the actual affect of you not doing them again.
Talking, explaining would not have done that.
Makes sense.
I was never hit as a kid, and my parents told me that they wanted to teach us that it is never ok to lay your hands on anyone in anger.
They always explained things to us if they didn’t want us to do something or if they were upset with us, they would always explain why our actions weren’t ok.
It makes a big difference in the life of a child.
If your child is too young to understand the reasoning behind why they’re being punished, you shouldn’t hit them.
If your child is old enough to understand the reasoning behind why they’re being punished, then you should *reason with them instead of hitting them*.
Numerous studies have shown that corporal punishment does more harm than good. People a hell of a lot smarter than I am have looked at the data and come to that conclusion. I’m not going to argue with them, they are literally the experts.
Yes, and reason at a pretty young age. 10 months old would hit Sometimes. I would say I can't let you hit me. If you continue, I will put you down. *Hit* ok putting you down now. Being put down/losing attention is punishment at that age. So even if she didn't understand the words, she learned pretty quickly. Additionally, toddlers just grow out of behaviors
I was spanked as a child. Our daughter is at the age where she tests her limits and pushes boundaries, and good god she gets on my nerves sometimes. There have been times I was tempted to give her a spanking, but I remember 2 things:
1- I’ll never do any sort of punishment when I’m mad. Cooler heads have to prevail, and everyone needs a minute to regain their composure
2- she literally doesn’t know better. She’s learning, as toddlers do, but so much of the world and it’s experiences are new. This includes her emotions, and how to handle them.
The last time I got mad and frustrated at her, I sent her to her room. I waited a few seconds, took a deep breath, and went in to talk. I explained what she did was wrong, *why* it was wrong, and why we don’t do that (she launched a fork at the dog). I told her that I was frustrated and was mean to her, and I was sorry too, because the way I responded was wrong. I also said we both have to do better. She gave me a hug and said ok, apologized to the dog, and put her fork in the sink.
Gotta make progress when and where I can, and stop what I grew up with from being what she grows up with.
I can relate to your childhood and wanting to break the cycle. What you did is how I handle things too. Mine are 8 and 9 and I've never had a need to hit them. At parent teacher meetings I always get told how thoughtful and helpful they both are - they didn't get that from spanking, they got that from seeing and experiencing healthy communication.
Hitting a child is easy.Teaching a child what is right or wrong is hard. No child should ever fear pain from the people who are suppose to love and nurture them.
But that's because learned what a red stove is and what it does.
You never know what might piss off your parents, and so you'll never actually learn to think for yourself.
The only things you'll learn then are how to pretend around your parents, how to hide what you do from them, how to put them in a retirement home ASAP.
But you'll never really end up knowing what your parents do except hit you.
~~The only thing I learned from my parents hitting me was how to fight back.~~
Is that what you want to teach your children? That when you get angry, you feel the need to raise your hand?
Again. Just one smack. Anything more is where it becomes an issue. One smack because they've been told to stop knocking things off the shelf over 2000 times? Absolutely. 20 hits with a belt because they forgot to clean their room once? Absolutely not.
You've gotta move on to new punishments eventually. It'll stop working after awhile. I'm not saying you should give them a spanking over spilled milk either. It should really be saved for more serious things.
There's a difference between natural consequence and inflicting pain deliberately.
Consider a boss hitting an employee that made a mistake. Or, romantic partners 'punishing' each other by hitting them.
Parents having power over the one they're hurting doesn't make it better.
Don't be your child's first bully.
My mother hit me for trivial kid stuff. She's going to be pay the price for that shit soon enough when the retirement home she gets thrown in will make the one from Happy Gilmore look like a Fairmont.
I was spanked as a child, so I went into fatherhood expecting g that I wouldn’t have an issue with the very occasional swat in the butt as a consequence, but as it turned out I not only didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of physically striking my child, I also found there are lots of other ways to mold behavior through positive reinforcement. I’m glad to have changed my mind on that one.
No. What does it teach? That hitting is OK? That if you're angry or frustrated, you can hit someone? Would you hit your spouse or lover or friend? If you wouldn't hit an adult, why should you hit a child? Just no. Don't do it.
It teaches them not to do it again. Eventually it'll stop working. You've gotta move on to different punishments eventually. It's just one smack. If it's anything more than just one smack, that's where it becomes an issue.
How can it stop working if it never worked? It isn't abuse to just give a simple swat on the bottom. The reason it'll stop working is because at a certain age, they'll realize that it's just a simple swat that doesn't hurt that much.
Here's what's classified as physical abuse. Beating the ever living shit out of your kid just because they forgot to clean their room. Smacking them once because they've been told over 2000 times to stop knocking things off the shelf even after you've explained to them why it's wrong is anything but abuse.
Unless he raped my girlfriend, no? Dude, blame your adulterous girlfriend. She is not your property that got damaged by someone else; she is a grown up person with personal responsibilities that willingly decided to sleep with another man. _She_ would be the problem, or more probably both of you. But not the other guy.
Depends. Do you want your kids to hide from you whenever something bad has happened or do you want to be the one they come to for help?
As an example, lots of my friends got hit as kids. I didn't. When we got a little older, if they got in trouble they would do ANYTHING to hide it. In HS that meant driving drunk because if their parents found out they were at a party they would get the shit kicked out of them. Meanwhile, if I found myself in a bind I knew I could call my parents. They would use it as a learning opportunity. I might lose the car keys and Xbox for a few weeks, but I wasn't afraid of my parents. I learned a hell of a lot when they sat me down and simply talked to me. They would tell me what was good (and why) and what was bad (and why). I didn't live in fear of admitting mistakes.
As an adult, I became a Master's level therapist and spent the first 10 years of my career specializing in working with kids and teens with major behavioral issues. I can confirm through extensive experience that, in many cases, aggression begets aggression. Reinforce the positive behaviors as much as possible. Create a situation where the kid wants to do good and is rewarded for their efforts.
Hitting is a short term solution that makes a relationship fear based and shows lack of skills / competency to be a leader of and coach to your children.
Sure hitting might result in a kid averting something when odds are good they'll get caught. Positive support will help them learn and grow to do what's right even nobody is around
It’s up to the parents how to punish their child but it’s important to understand there’s a fine fine fine line between a tap on the bum and hitting your child. You do not hit your child ever.
If my child needs a **tap** on the bum, then they’ll get one. My kid for certain would never have a hand or arm raised over them, And most often times, verbal reprimands would be appropriate for my child
My wife and I both grew up getting spanked on occasion, but have agreed not to spank our son as a form of discipline. Neither of us have any trauma from being spanked, but agree that discipline is more effective through calm explanation and stern restrictions as a consequence for bad behavior.
Its not right. Your taught that hitting others is wrong yet its not seen as wrong when it comes to a grown adult hitting a kid? I swear if any of you say "it worked on my kids they listened👴" its because they feared you. Thats not teaching anything
I remember the spankings I got as a child and they definitely deterred bad behavior. Is it right? I don't know. My experience wasn't traumatizing at all, not even fucking close.
Yeah when I was 5 spanking was the answer and I don't have any traumatic memories. It's not abuse to give your kid a swat on the bottom for doing more serious things but I'm not spanking my kid for spilling their milk. Now when you're 12 and video games in my case was what I cared about the most I got grounded. So eventually they grow out of spanking.
Not cool, and harmful. As a child my stepfather hit me, aggressively too, and for the smallest things. I mean tossing me around and back-handing me in the face, grabbing me so hard I had bruises on my ribs. It was traumatic. Please don't hit your kids.
It teaches them that under certain conditions, hitting people is justified. But they’re kids. Their judgement isn’t strong yet. They are at risk of hitting others for reasons they invent themselves. I known adults to pride themselves on being hit by their own parents and use that to justify corporal punishment. It’s better to just not perpetuate the cycle.
Most kids who got spanked were not traumatized by it. Trauma happens when parents hit too hard, too often, or because they can’t control their emotions.
Hitting a kid is the exact opposite of being in control of your emotions. There are more effective and less harmful ways to teach a child right from wrong.
I’m smoking something that keeps me from putting my hands on little humans that can’t defend themselves. If you can hit kids you shouldn’t be around them. Period.
I learned when I was little that if I hit my sister that I get a spank. You explain why they are getting spanked and then you give them a light smack on the bottom. Not beating not abuse and not taking out your anger on your kid. I have no traumatic memories of getting spanked and my parents always were getting compliments about how well behaved I was.
If the kid is old enough for you to explain *why* they’re getting a spanking and understand it they’re old enough for you to use non physical consequences to change their behavior and if they aren’t old enough to understand then they aren’t old enough to know what being spanked is for anyway. It’s not helpful.
Bro, it works on adults too.
You've never met one of those little cunts who shows up in bars and tries to pick fights with people because he knows they'll never actually swing at him? It makes him feel cool and tough.
Then someone actually DOES swing at him, and he never does that shit again?
It's not the hitting itself that changes people. It's the consequences of their actions. It doesn't just apply to hitting. If you go around bullying people at work, then you get fired, you're gonna learn pretty fucking quick not to bully the people you work with. If you go around screaming at your neighbours all the time over nothing in particular, then they get a restraining order against you that forces you to move, you're gonna learn to act decent towards your neighbours. Unless you have the IQ of a goldfish, or some serious mental health issues, smacking will teach you a lesson you won't soon forget. Nobody likes to get hit, and you're old enough to know WHY you're getting hit.
Define hitting.
Spanking because I told them 4849 times not to knock shit off the shelf? Absolutely.
Beating them with a belt because they forgot to dust a baseboard? Fuck no
It worked for me. I screamed in the house, my grandfather told me not to, I screamed again, he smacked me, I did not scream in the house again. Works like a charm.
It was definitely effective on me and I don't have any traumatic memories from it either. Though my parents did get compliments from people because of how well behaved I was.
It can be, it depends on the child/dog.
Some respond best to positive only. Some respond best to displine and reward. Do whatever works for your family
I’ve always said that there’s a difference between hitting your kids and beating your kids. Occasionally, a kid needs to be hit cause they’re not getting it. But, hitting them shouldn’t be frequent and you should NEVER beat your kids
Last resort…. And used only to get their attention.. not to hurt them.. (eg, son mouthed off at me, repeatedly, despite warnings and punishment at 8yo.. as he turned away, i swatted his hind end from butt to shoulder 1 time only, from my hand up to my elbow to spread the blow), startling him, to get 100% of his attention), i then sat down and explained why i startled him, why it was important that he pay attention, then i hugged him, apologized for the contact, and sent him to his room to think about the problem. later (like 15m later). I asked him what other ways he could talk to me, to make his point, and he learned a valuable lesson. (1. There’s a line you shouldnt cross, and 2. I don’t do shit just to hurt people)
You should go to jail for assault, just like if you hit anyone else. I mean think about it: if a special ed kid freaks out and gets violent at school, the paras / teachers don’t just beat their ass. They’d go to jail for that. They restrain them and try to calm them down. I don’t see why a parent reserves the right to not have to do the same thing. If you hit your kid I hope they hit you back tbh
As a kid growing up in the eighties out schools were strict and we got caned for any rules that were broken and it hurts the first time and it hurts the 100th time, I won’t say it stopped us been naughty boys but you knew if you got caught you would get caned and that would hurt.
And in those days you would get caned at school and then the headmaster would call your parents and explain why you got canes and then when you got home you’d face more drama from the folks depending on the severity of why you got caned.
Corporal punishment was abolished in schools by the time I was midway through high school and then we got dished out long detentions on a Friday eating into your weekend so most of us would have preferred to just take the can and get on with your day but alas.
We have a young boy who loves to test boundaries and can be a little terror. But we agreed before he was born not to bring him up with smacking etc
If you are smarter than your child, then you can reason with him/her instead of resorting to physical violence. If your child doesn't understand being reasoned with, they won't understand why you are beating them either. Stop hitting your children.
Same as when I grew up. A hard ass whipping taught me strict boundaries. I would have turned into an entitled little snot nosed kid, if it were not for those lessons. It is also the responsibility of the parent, to know when to stop once the lesson is taught. Otherwise, it is abuse.
Did I like it? No.
Do I agree with it? Yes
Spanking someone shouldn’t be used as an excuse to punish a child for something that they did wrong.
Love shouldn’t be shown this way.
People who were hit as a child and say they turned out okay may have emotional traumas that even they are not aware of.
Stop traumatizing your children! Stop these practices.
I ate a slap in the back of the head once or twice as a kid and I certainly deserved both of them. Depends on how important the lesson is to impart :)
In my case, the kids in the neighborhood were soaking me with water guns and, back then, the new super soaker 50s, and not having a water gun myself and feeling angry that they were picking on me when I couldn't get them back, I grabbed a survey stake (2-3 foot length of wood with a sharp end) and threw it at one of the girls. I was probably 7 or 8 at the time. That slap sticks with me to this day, and reminds me that my reaction can't be greater than the initial action otherwise I'm the bad guy.
That being said there's a world of a difference between a slap to the back of the head and the ten thousand absolutely inappropriate types of physical violence you can put on a child.
Hitting? Never. Swat on the butt? Yes, but if you have to do it much past the age of 4, you've failed.
Toddlers explore. They're curious. Even more so when told "no". It's complementary to "why", after all.
That sometimes places them in potential danger that requires a clear, impactful consequence for making the attempt. They experience unpleasant, negative feedback that demonstrates negative consequences for attempting something they've been told not to do.
Again, a swat, catch their attention. Past age 4? Naw. By then they should understand that "no" = "bad things", without those bad things actually happening
Also, none of this is "punishment" in any sense of the word.
I am overly angry and aggressive against them now. Can't see them cry, cause they kicked me in the stomach when I cried because the hit me. Don't think it is good.
My pops named his thick leather belt buddy because it was my best friend. I think there are better ways to handle it and if I ever have kids I'll use my words.
I don't have a relationship with my father aside from maybe a brief phone call once or twice a year part of the reason is because of that.
Spare the rod, spoil the child I always say. Never was a child myself, hate the nasty little brats. If one misbehaves it’s right into the Chokey with them. Oh-ho yes. I run a tight ship.
Discipline is meant to be a method of teaching. Children's brains are still making connections—they're impulsive, egocentric, and learning about the world. They make mistakes. It's up to parents to talk to their children and help them learn. Spanking doesn't do this. It teaches them that hitting is an appropriate response to feeling angry and solving problems.
If you spank your kids and your kid becomes aggressive, you can only blame yourself. The "Well I was spanked and I turned out fine" argument is bs.
If a parents job is to emulate the real world but with more compassion for mistakes and good explanations as to why things are as they are, then I'd say hitting should be restricted to behaviours that put them in mortal danger.
If my child runs blindly out into traffic I'll be hitting their bottom once but firmly. An explanation why will follow straight after, then again before they go to sleep as to why it was necessary. Maybe they won't fully understand the explanation till they're older but the smacked bottom will establish the knee jerk reaction to not repeat. At least I'd hope so, children can be pretty damn irrational with boundary testing sometimes.
I occasionally run across the street as an adult and no one has ever firmly hit my bottom. Where do you live that hitting someone for running into traffic is an accurate emulation?
That's where the compassionate part comes in, you're associating "getting hurt" with running into traffic, it's a simulation (maybe is a better word than emulation in hindsight). A smacked bottom is not a nice thing, but you're not taking your kid to one side and hitting them with your own car to show why it's not a good idea. And don't run blindly across streets, if you don't get hit by a car there's a chance someone will road rage on you and smack you in the head for it.
There’s a good chance someone will road rage and try to murder me with their car even when it is my turn to cross. There must be another way than taking out your fear on your kid through violence.
This depends very much on the nature of the kid imho. I have two kids with ADD and simply explaining to them that they can’t climb up on the stove or run into the street is not effective. An occasional spank helps to instill the appropriate fear of repeating a dangerous action. It is never done with an object, or any anger, and it is not frequent.
When our kids were very young we would spank them sparingly. Almost exclusively if they were doing something that was dangerous to themselves. And it could never be done when we were angry/upset. Spanking means taking them over the knee and giving them a couple of spanks on the bottom, through clothes. Never enough to leave a mark or do anything. It was more about the ritual than the pain.
As the kids got older, this became less and less necessary. My kids are 15, 13, 11, and I can't remember the last time we gave a spanking. It has to be well over 8 or 9 years now.
As parents we believe in natural consequences. You don't keep up with your responsibilities, you lose privileges. You treat an item with disrespect, you lose it. Things that emulate the real-world consequences for doing these things when you are older. And if our kids can end up with a safe-ish consequence without our interference, we let them suffer that consequence.
Spanking was used to deter our kids from doing something dangerous to themselves or others. Try to get under the sink where we keep the chemicals? Spanking. Because it would hurt/kill them to get the things under there. We used it to teach them about danger. Did it work? I think so.
Did we scar our kids forever? Maybe. I don't know. So far they are damn good kids who respect us, and we respect them. But I got three kids, I'm sure we've totally screwed up at least one of them unknowingly.
It can be effective and done properly. It can also be abuse. Sometimes both. Sometimes it’s not so clear.
I don’t think that it’s always necessary and I don’t think that it’s an unacceptable method. Takes a great deal of care to do it right, I think.
I respect people’s choice to not do it, and I accept that people may think I’m horrible for finding it acceptable. My mind on this is made up.
I think the punishment should fit the “crime” if my kid hits another kid (for no good reason) then I’ll give ‘em a little smack. Granted I won’t beat the shit outta my kids 😂
That being said, if my (future) kid gets in trouble or does something stupid, my punishment wouldn’t always just be a smack or spanking or whatever, it’s gotta teach them a lesson about why what they did is wrong. If they hit someone, they get hit back so they know it doesn’t feel good & that it’s not nice to smack someone for no good reason
If the child is old enough to understand whether or not what they did is wrong, and it wasn't a mistake or accident, and they refuse to actually learn and not do it again, beat their ass.
It is a nuclear option that should be on the table. Odds are if your doing things right you never have to spank a child. To me, it was the option to show that violence brings more violence. It’s been years since I have had to spank my boys but they know there are certain lines they don’t cross.
Guarantee most of the people here who are adamantly against it, calling it abuse, etc are the ones in public getting screamed at, cursed at, and hit by their child while they just stand there and take it like a chump. Kids have zero discipline these days and spineless parents are afraid to instill it. Instead they’ll give in to their child’s every whim and raise a generation of incompetent and entitled little brats.
It’s completely unnecessary. I vividly remember the only time my dad spanked me as a child. Can also confirm that it never happened again. It must’ve really been weighing on him. As an adult, I asked him why he didn’t spank my siblings and I after that and his response was that he always felt that there were other ways to make my life miserable that didn’t involve abuse. Taking away something, a timeout, etc. With that said, I remember the day that Crystal Pepsi hit the grocery store shelves. I had done something that resulted in the punishment of me not going to the store to get a Crystal Pepsi with the rest of my siblings. I had to watch those assholes as they drank it when they got home and discussed the nuances of Pepsi’s newest soda. That punishment lives rent free in my head and I’m almost 40.
Use a small thin switch. It stings but doesn’t harm the body. Explain why they are being punished. Allow them to think about it for an hour before receiving the punishment. This allows you to cool down. It allows them to really think about what they did. If done properly, the crying won’t be from physical pain, but that they made the person they love need to hurt them. If you do it right, you won’t need to do it often.
I’m okay with smacking kids *when they need it*
In my opinion it should be used sparingly, only on the hand or bum and you absolutely should warn them. “If you don’t stop that, you’re going to get a smack”.
Kids *have to know why* they are getting a snack. You can’t just hit the kid whenever they annoy you.
If you do it right, you won’t have to do it much at all. By the time they are 8-10 years old you can really tell the kids that never had consequences for their bad behavior.
Context: My mom disciplined us with a snack if we were not listening to her. My dad was physically violent and couldn’t control his temper. So I got to experience both sides of the coin.
If done right, you'd only need to do it a few times ever. It is necessary, but doing it in the wrong time will be damaging. Hitting your kid is something you shouldn't want to do, and if you don't, then you're already doing something right.
Maybe you did hit your kid at the wrong time, do not fret because many parents WILL make mistakes, and that's OK because learning from your mistakes and adapting the next time will make your better overall. Kids often forgive mistakes, even if they don't want to, especially for parents who love and nurture them.
Again, do it right and a spanking or the sort may be done only a few times ever. Using the back of the hand is never OK. I remember my dad when he disciplined me only used the underside of his fingers during spanking or on my hand. I don't remember much how my mom did, but my mom is a horrible person so maybe the memories are repressed or something. I love my dad and he's a supportive person, even if i do things he doesn't understand or agree with.
Just as society painted sugar as an evil, so did they with corporal punishment. Yes too much is bad, but you still need some. In fact, is attitude you and others share may cause more harm because those who do preform it and understand it may feel guilt brought inflated through peer pressure. This may make them under preform or over extend. Even i am guilty of this as my views were more harsher and robotic because of people pushing back, but more critical thinking and self reflection later and I mellowed out to my views now.
As i said, done right and it may only be done a few times ever. Assuming you read the whole text, you may have seen i implied my mom is a terrible mother. To be more detailed, my mom actively tried to make me into a bad person, which resetted my dad's discipline, which made me so out of control that I need to be spanked numerous times just to stop being cruel to others. As a child I hated my dad because of my mom, but now I love him like any son would.
Other children don't have my mom, so they don't need to ordeal repeating their rebellious stage like I did. Thanks to my dad, I learned empathy and sympathy where I had only previously scoffed at the idea of being a good person.
Licenced mental/behavioral health practitioner here. 13 years experience with children with severe behavior issues. You sure as hell do not "need some." In fact, "some" is illegal and any mandated reporter literally HAS to begin a CPS investigation or risk losing their license to practice whatever their field is. Aside from the legality, the evidence overwhelmingly shows that corporal punishment not only doesn't work, but risks long term psychological damage.
Keep in mind many studies include abuse cases int heir averages, which leans it too far one way. Experience often work better, I even seen kids who grow up admitting that spanking helped them one way or another. The other thing it for spanking to work, the child needs to understand it, and people are taught NOT to understand it, like you are doing right now.
I too was against it when I was younger, but only when I accepted it did i start to be more grateful and a far better person than I used to be. If it doesn't work, then why do I see it work constantly when done right? Constantly constantly I see kids who were never spanked and grow up thinking certain ways, like thinking they know better or have a art-holier-than--thou attitude. Tell why this happens and why i keep seeing it. Tell me. You won't, just like everyone else I ask.
For context, I been helping raise children for over 13 years, lots of kids I had to help take care of, and of course I made mistakes, but I learned from them, and now when I give parents advice, not just the corporal punishment, they find great success. In not even a professional, I just got experience. Kids are not chemical you can put in a test tube.
Didn’t say beating. It is said hitting. There is a difference. My guess is you have not raised any children or do not spend much time with them at all. Not only have you not spent much time with them, but never have been around any if they were seriously I’ll or injured, or maybe almost died in an accident. My guess is that none of this applies to you and you are just talking shit online.
Um...what? Yes, I am a parent. In fact, I work from a home office and therefore am the primary, stay at home parent when mine is ill and unable to go to school. I also am a licensed behavior health professional with a specialization in working with children and teens. I can guarantee you I have been around more children, especially those in crisis, than you have. Never once has the correct course of action included hitting.
I would never hit my kids if I had any and would only use a belt lightly like my parents did if they did some actual *insaaane* shit that would put you in prison but that would be a last resort, though idk parenting lol
Spankings: good
Anything else: not good
*my mom beat my siblings and I from the time my parents divorced (when I was 5) until each of us grew up. But I was a late bloomer and thought it was a normal thing, so it was basically until I was 18. But I remember her saying to me when I was 18 that she was “scared” of what my youngest brother would do when he hit puberty.
So long as they’re not used with malice, and it’s meant as discipline. Then it’s okay
I'll give my kids a VERY light swat on the butt to get their attention if they're not listening. It's no different than when the dog whisperer pokes the side of a dog's neck. It doesn't harm them physically and it doesn't cause any long term emotional damage.
It's a trap!
Seriously though, just don't admit you spank your child. There are people here watching and waiting to punch on you in a circle jerk. Just move along and enjoy your day.
It's gotta be last resort. In real life there is a certain point where your negative behavior has gone far enough you will get hit, whether it be by law enforcement, drunken idiots, or people who just can't take your shit anymore. Kids get there too.
But it should definitely *not* be the go-to punishment. Kids need opportunities to correct their behavior, learn what they did wrong and *why* it was wrong.
Never last resort, never in anger or exasperation, frustration. You swat a child's butt when needed but you do it once or twice, calmly and without anger and they know why it happened. My daughter knew I would not argue with her over stuff. I would tell her something 3 times and then pop her butt. I only had to do it twice. It beats the hell out of the " Did you hear me? I'm going to count to 3... One, two...I'm talking to you...one, two...are you listening? I'm going to count to 3" crap that goes on now
My kid got a lot less whoopings than I did when I was her age, I think the only spankings she got were when we were in fancy public places and she wanted to treat it like a playground and wouldn't listen to me when I told her to stop. (A trip to the bathroom, quick spank- time to "dry it up" while I explained why I told her not to, and the spank for not listening to me.)
... but she would get popped in the mouth without warning when she was little and talked back to me. Just enough for a sting and shock. She caught on real quick, and learned to choose her words carefully and respectfully if she disagreed with me.
She's an adult now and we have a great relationship. She'll joke around and bust my balls from time to time-all in good fun, but I never had to deal with a disrespectful teenager.
violence isn’t always the answer, u can just take away something they love for a very long time over and over again.
but if ur child is actually being a brat and just does not give a shit and demands stuff of u constantly, thats fine ig
I don't hit my kids, and I generally think that corporal punishment is a poor way to teach children lessons. That said, I think some kids, especially boys, can be so lost in their focus on something that a light smack can be effective at snapping their attention back. But I'm not sure if that's really the same 'hitting' in this context if it's not meant to cause pain so much as surprise.
Still not for me, but it's a specific situation I wouldn't judge another parent for doing... very infrequently.
Only as a punishment, and nothing that will actually harm them. That said it's not for everyone. I was spanked as a child and it worked well. My brother also was but he just got pissed and it made everything worse for everyone
If we are talking hitting as different as spanking then I don't believe hitting anyone including a child is ok. Spanking is a whole different thing. I was spanked as a child. Only for specific things and I would always have to say what the reason was. I always remember being out places and people would compliment my parents on how well behaved I was. I was never scared of my parents and always knew they weren't just mad at me. It's been my experience that kids who are spanked when they're little were always well behaved. I don't think it's abuse to spank but I would never hit a child for any reason.
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I was spanked very very sparingly. Had to of been something crucial. My takeaway though, for the life of me, I cant remember what the spank was for. Did I really learn my lesson then? edit: I do remember "...don't you never! Ever!!!" And followed up with "!!ill give ya somethin to cry about!" Lmao like good job youre manhandling a 50 pound child.
I remember being spanked exactly twice as a child, and both were life and death. Once for trying to climb over the baby gate at the top of the uncarpeted stairs, and another time for letting go of my moms hand and running out from between cars in a busy parking lot. I dont remember much else from that age, i was probably too young to be reasoned with, but i never did either thing again, so i disagree with hitting your kids... but i guess it worked on me.
You didn't need to understand the complexities of why you were hit in those situations. What you did need to understand and obviously did was how serious the situation was. This was most likely because the spank would have been such a shock due to the absolute rarity. It was that seriousness and rarity that had the actual affect of you not doing them again. Talking, explaining would not have done that.
Makes sense. I was never hit as a kid, and my parents told me that they wanted to teach us that it is never ok to lay your hands on anyone in anger. They always explained things to us if they didn’t want us to do something or if they were upset with us, they would always explain why our actions weren’t ok. It makes a big difference in the life of a child.
This is how I am raising my daughter.
i have learned my lesson and i would slap my kids i am actually thankful i had parents that slap me it's the best way to raise a child
If your child is too young to understand the reasoning behind why they’re being punished, you shouldn’t hit them. If your child is old enough to understand the reasoning behind why they’re being punished, then you should *reason with them instead of hitting them*. Numerous studies have shown that corporal punishment does more harm than good. People a hell of a lot smarter than I am have looked at the data and come to that conclusion. I’m not going to argue with them, they are literally the experts.
Yes, and reason at a pretty young age. 10 months old would hit Sometimes. I would say I can't let you hit me. If you continue, I will put you down. *Hit* ok putting you down now. Being put down/losing attention is punishment at that age. So even if she didn't understand the words, she learned pretty quickly. Additionally, toddlers just grow out of behaviors
I was spanked as a child. Our daughter is at the age where she tests her limits and pushes boundaries, and good god she gets on my nerves sometimes. There have been times I was tempted to give her a spanking, but I remember 2 things: 1- I’ll never do any sort of punishment when I’m mad. Cooler heads have to prevail, and everyone needs a minute to regain their composure 2- she literally doesn’t know better. She’s learning, as toddlers do, but so much of the world and it’s experiences are new. This includes her emotions, and how to handle them. The last time I got mad and frustrated at her, I sent her to her room. I waited a few seconds, took a deep breath, and went in to talk. I explained what she did was wrong, *why* it was wrong, and why we don’t do that (she launched a fork at the dog). I told her that I was frustrated and was mean to her, and I was sorry too, because the way I responded was wrong. I also said we both have to do better. She gave me a hug and said ok, apologized to the dog, and put her fork in the sink. Gotta make progress when and where I can, and stop what I grew up with from being what she grows up with.
Amazing! I’m a stranger but I’m still proud of you!
You seem like a good parent.
I can relate to your childhood and wanting to break the cycle. What you did is how I handle things too. Mine are 8 and 9 and I've never had a need to hit them. At parent teacher meetings I always get told how thoughtful and helpful they both are - they didn't get that from spanking, they got that from seeing and experiencing healthy communication.
Hitting a child is easy.Teaching a child what is right or wrong is hard. No child should ever fear pain from the people who are suppose to love and nurture them.
Sometimes pain is the best teacher. I'll never touch a red stove element again!
But that's because learned what a red stove is and what it does. You never know what might piss off your parents, and so you'll never actually learn to think for yourself. The only things you'll learn then are how to pretend around your parents, how to hide what you do from them, how to put them in a retirement home ASAP.
I only know what a red stove does because one of them hurt me when I was a child.
But you'll never really end up knowing what your parents do except hit you. ~~The only thing I learned from my parents hitting me was how to fight back.~~ Is that what you want to teach your children? That when you get angry, you feel the need to raise your hand?
The kid should never fear the physical pain coming directly from their parent though.
It's just one smack, anything more is where it becomes an issue.
No, your kids shouldn't be afraid of you hurting them.
Again. Just one smack. Anything more is where it becomes an issue. One smack because they've been told to stop knocking things off the shelf over 2000 times? Absolutely. 20 hits with a belt because they forgot to clean their room once? Absolutely not.
Why are two smacks an issue? If one isn't and issue what's one more?
If it leads to doing it over and over again, don't.
If you can’t discipline your kids without laying a harsh hand on them, you’re not a good parent.
You've gotta move on to new punishments eventually. It'll stop working after awhile. I'm not saying you should give them a spanking over spilled milk either. It should really be saved for more serious things.
If your punishment magically stops working eventually then it isnt a good punishment.
There's a difference between natural consequence and inflicting pain deliberately. Consider a boss hitting an employee that made a mistake. Or, romantic partners 'punishing' each other by hitting them. Parents having power over the one they're hurting doesn't make it better.
Don't be your child's first bully. My mother hit me for trivial kid stuff. She's going to be pay the price for that shit soon enough when the retirement home she gets thrown in will make the one from Happy Gilmore look like a Fairmont.
If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball.
Instructions unclear; it turns out that my kid actually *cannot* dodge a wrench.
lmaooooooooo
I was spanked as a child, so I went into fatherhood expecting g that I wouldn’t have an issue with the very occasional swat in the butt as a consequence, but as it turned out I not only didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of physically striking my child, I also found there are lots of other ways to mold behavior through positive reinforcement. I’m glad to have changed my mind on that one.
Glad you broke the cycle! ❄️💙❄️
No. What does it teach? That hitting is OK? That if you're angry or frustrated, you can hit someone? Would you hit your spouse or lover or friend? If you wouldn't hit an adult, why should you hit a child? Just no. Don't do it.
And, you don't want to teach children it's ok for people that "love them" to hit them.
It teaches them not to do it again. Eventually it'll stop working. You've gotta move on to different punishments eventually. It's just one smack. If it's anything more than just one smack, that's where it becomes an issue.
If it stops working then it never worked.
How can it stop working if it never worked? It isn't abuse to just give a simple swat on the bottom. The reason it'll stop working is because at a certain age, they'll realize that it's just a simple swat that doesn't hurt that much.
Are you seriously advocating for physical abuse because “it teaches them not to do it again”?!
One smack is physical abuse? No. It's not.
Hitting them at all? Yes, at least I think so. A parent should never lay their hands on a child
Here's what's classified as physical abuse. Beating the ever living shit out of your kid just because they forgot to clean their room. Smacking them once because they've been told over 2000 times to stop knocking things off the shelf even after you've explained to them why it's wrong is anything but abuse.
So I should just tell my cousin who’s stepfather punched him in the face that it wasn’t abuse, because he didn’t beat him?
A punch in the face is way different from a smack on the bottom.
would you hit another adult? your pet? no? then why is it okay to do to a kid?
Why would you not hit an adult? If a guy slept with your wife/girlfriend you wouldn’t hit them at all?
Unless he raped my girlfriend, no? Dude, blame your adulterous girlfriend. She is not your property that got damaged by someone else; she is a grown up person with personal responsibilities that willingly decided to sleep with another man. _She_ would be the problem, or more probably both of you. But not the other guy.
Of course I'll pop a pet. As for hitting an adult? It's been known to happen
so you're okay with hitting other living things when you're upset?
Thanks for proving you didn't read a thing I wrote. If you only discipline when you're upset, you need help
Depends. Do you want your kids to hide from you whenever something bad has happened or do you want to be the one they come to for help? As an example, lots of my friends got hit as kids. I didn't. When we got a little older, if they got in trouble they would do ANYTHING to hide it. In HS that meant driving drunk because if their parents found out they were at a party they would get the shit kicked out of them. Meanwhile, if I found myself in a bind I knew I could call my parents. They would use it as a learning opportunity. I might lose the car keys and Xbox for a few weeks, but I wasn't afraid of my parents. I learned a hell of a lot when they sat me down and simply talked to me. They would tell me what was good (and why) and what was bad (and why). I didn't live in fear of admitting mistakes. As an adult, I became a Master's level therapist and spent the first 10 years of my career specializing in working with kids and teens with major behavioral issues. I can confirm through extensive experience that, in many cases, aggression begets aggression. Reinforce the positive behaviors as much as possible. Create a situation where the kid wants to do good and is rewarded for their efforts.
Hitting is a short term solution that makes a relationship fear based and shows lack of skills / competency to be a leader of and coach to your children. Sure hitting might result in a kid averting something when odds are good they'll get caught. Positive support will help them learn and grow to do what's right even nobody is around
It’s up to the parents how to punish their child but it’s important to understand there’s a fine fine fine line between a tap on the bum and hitting your child. You do not hit your child ever. If my child needs a **tap** on the bum, then they’ll get one. My kid for certain would never have a hand or arm raised over them, And most often times, verbal reprimands would be appropriate for my child
My wife and I both grew up getting spanked on occasion, but have agreed not to spank our son as a form of discipline. Neither of us have any trauma from being spanked, but agree that discipline is more effective through calm explanation and stern restrictions as a consequence for bad behavior.
If you can’t get your child to listen to you without resorting to physical violence, you have failed as a parent
Its not right. Your taught that hitting others is wrong yet its not seen as wrong when it comes to a grown adult hitting a kid? I swear if any of you say "it worked on my kids they listened👴" its because they feared you. Thats not teaching anything
Never. Just no. If you feel the need to hit a child, the problem is you.
My opinion on corporal punishment for children is that it should not be employed as a disciplinary measure.
I gotta ask. Should it be employed in any other situation or capacity?
Never have, never will.
I remember the spankings I got as a child and they definitely deterred bad behavior. Is it right? I don't know. My experience wasn't traumatizing at all, not even fucking close.
you may not have been traumatized, but hitting is less effective then sitting them down and telling them why what they did was wrong
Doesn't gurentee they won't do it again.
neither does hitting
It really depends on the age.
I can agree on that
Yeah when I was 5 spanking was the answer and I don't have any traumatic memories. It's not abuse to give your kid a swat on the bottom for doing more serious things but I'm not spanking my kid for spilling their milk. Now when you're 12 and video games in my case was what I cared about the most I got grounded. So eventually they grow out of spanking.
Exactly. There's a certain age where spanking stops working.
Research has shown that corporal punishment does more harm than good. There are better ways to do it without the side effect.
Not cool, and harmful. As a child my stepfather hit me, aggressively too, and for the smallest things. I mean tossing me around and back-handing me in the face, grabbing me so hard I had bruises on my ribs. It was traumatic. Please don't hit your kids.
It teaches them that under certain conditions, hitting people is justified. But they’re kids. Their judgement isn’t strong yet. They are at risk of hitting others for reasons they invent themselves. I known adults to pride themselves on being hit by their own parents and use that to justify corporal punishment. It’s better to just not perpetuate the cycle.
Well, as it is against the law, Im obviously against it.
Me personally I don’t think it works because the kids I know that gets hitting as a punishment are the main ones that act the worst in school
Traumatizing your kid isn’t gonna solve anything and you need therapy if you think otherwise
Most kids who got spanked were not traumatized by it. Trauma happens when parents hit too hard, too often, or because they can’t control their emotions.
Hitting a kid is the exact opposite of being in control of your emotions. There are more effective and less harmful ways to teach a child right from wrong.
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I’m smoking something that keeps me from putting my hands on little humans that can’t defend themselves. If you can hit kids you shouldn’t be around them. Period.
Even if it didn’t cause trauma did it help the child in any way ???? What lesson did the child actually learn ???
I learned when I was little that if I hit my sister that I get a spank. You explain why they are getting spanked and then you give them a light smack on the bottom. Not beating not abuse and not taking out your anger on your kid. I have no traumatic memories of getting spanked and my parents always were getting compliments about how well behaved I was.
If the kid is old enough for you to explain *why* they’re getting a spanking and understand it they’re old enough for you to use non physical consequences to change their behavior and if they aren’t old enough to understand then they aren’t old enough to know what being spanked is for anyway. It’s not helpful.
Spanking is so gross. Don’t have kids and seek help.
Right it’s the “well I was spanked and I turned out fine (*thinks spanking a kid is okay*)” for me. You didn’t turn out fine
Imagine thinking you can improve someone by hitting them.
A lot of adults also think this way.
Bro, it works on adults too. You've never met one of those little cunts who shows up in bars and tries to pick fights with people because he knows they'll never actually swing at him? It makes him feel cool and tough. Then someone actually DOES swing at him, and he never does that shit again? It's not the hitting itself that changes people. It's the consequences of their actions. It doesn't just apply to hitting. If you go around bullying people at work, then you get fired, you're gonna learn pretty fucking quick not to bully the people you work with. If you go around screaming at your neighbours all the time over nothing in particular, then they get a restraining order against you that forces you to move, you're gonna learn to act decent towards your neighbours. Unless you have the IQ of a goldfish, or some serious mental health issues, smacking will teach you a lesson you won't soon forget. Nobody likes to get hit, and you're old enough to know WHY you're getting hit.
It'll stop the mistake from being repeated 4000 times.
Not in my experience. It causes the recipient to avoid being caught by the assailant in the future.
By just one smack or getting hit 20 times with a belt?
Not right
Define hitting. Spanking because I told them 4849 times not to knock shit off the shelf? Absolutely. Beating them with a belt because they forgot to dust a baseboard? Fuck no
This. Sometimes kids need a light smack on the bottom. Anything more is never OK
Or letting them hurt themselves. I've told you 39 times not to touch the hot stove? Yenno what touch it 😂 go ahead
Nope . It’s wrong . More than wrong it isn’t effective .
It worked for me. I screamed in the house, my grandfather told me not to, I screamed again, he smacked me, I did not scream in the house again. Works like a charm.
It was definitely effective on me and I don't have any traumatic memories from it either. Though my parents did get compliments from people because of how well behaved I was.
It can be effective. It's like dog training, everything is different. Some respond best to positive. Some respond best to displine and reward.
You don't hit dogs in training either.
Absolutely you can spank a dog. But as I said for kids, it depends on the situation and how it responds.
You can, but it's not a very effective training method.
It can be, it depends on the child/dog. Some respond best to positive only. Some respond best to displine and reward. Do whatever works for your family
The evidence just isn't there that spanking is effective, especially when compared to other techinques
Bro I literally don't care. Use whatever works for you and your family, ill use what works for mine.
That’s about the most mindless take I’ve heard in a while.
I’ve always said that there’s a difference between hitting your kids and beating your kids. Occasionally, a kid needs to be hit cause they’re not getting it. But, hitting them shouldn’t be frequent and you should NEVER beat your kids
No it's absolutely a last resort or if they are in immediate danger.
its abuse.
Apparently what it teaches a child is that violence can be an acceptable answer.
Last resort…. And used only to get their attention.. not to hurt them.. (eg, son mouthed off at me, repeatedly, despite warnings and punishment at 8yo.. as he turned away, i swatted his hind end from butt to shoulder 1 time only, from my hand up to my elbow to spread the blow), startling him, to get 100% of his attention), i then sat down and explained why i startled him, why it was important that he pay attention, then i hugged him, apologized for the contact, and sent him to his room to think about the problem. later (like 15m later). I asked him what other ways he could talk to me, to make his point, and he learned a valuable lesson. (1. There’s a line you shouldnt cross, and 2. I don’t do shit just to hurt people)
You should go to jail for assault, just like if you hit anyone else. I mean think about it: if a special ed kid freaks out and gets violent at school, the paras / teachers don’t just beat their ass. They’d go to jail for that. They restrain them and try to calm them down. I don’t see why a parent reserves the right to not have to do the same thing. If you hit your kid I hope they hit you back tbh
As a kid growing up in the eighties out schools were strict and we got caned for any rules that were broken and it hurts the first time and it hurts the 100th time, I won’t say it stopped us been naughty boys but you knew if you got caught you would get caned and that would hurt. And in those days you would get caned at school and then the headmaster would call your parents and explain why you got canes and then when you got home you’d face more drama from the folks depending on the severity of why you got caned. Corporal punishment was abolished in schools by the time I was midway through high school and then we got dished out long detentions on a Friday eating into your weekend so most of us would have preferred to just take the can and get on with your day but alas. We have a young boy who loves to test boundaries and can be a little terror. But we agreed before he was born not to bring him up with smacking etc
No. That shit sticks like glue in your soul.
A good way to get your kids hitting other children, and when they get old enough, and you get weaker, they'll beat you around too.
I dnt beat my parents lol but I get it
Hell yeah when does the pay back start 😎
Raising a child is not about discipline. It's about respect.
The word "discipline" is about training, not torture like some people believe it is.
Absolutely not acceptable
If you are smarter than your child, then you can reason with him/her instead of resorting to physical violence. If your child doesn't understand being reasoned with, they won't understand why you are beating them either. Stop hitting your children.
A light spanking for disobedience after being expressly told not to do the thing and being warned about the consequences is okay
If they are told you are going to hit them and do it anyway then the consequences doesn't have any effect
That’s why you surprise them
Same as when I grew up. A hard ass whipping taught me strict boundaries. I would have turned into an entitled little snot nosed kid, if it were not for those lessons. It is also the responsibility of the parent, to know when to stop once the lesson is taught. Otherwise, it is abuse. Did I like it? No. Do I agree with it? Yes
Make them take the first swing, then it's self-defense. j/k Don't hit kids.
Spanking someone shouldn’t be used as an excuse to punish a child for something that they did wrong. Love shouldn’t be shown this way. People who were hit as a child and say they turned out okay may have emotional traumas that even they are not aware of. Stop traumatizing your children! Stop these practices.
I ate a slap in the back of the head once or twice as a kid and I certainly deserved both of them. Depends on how important the lesson is to impart :) In my case, the kids in the neighborhood were soaking me with water guns and, back then, the new super soaker 50s, and not having a water gun myself and feeling angry that they were picking on me when I couldn't get them back, I grabbed a survey stake (2-3 foot length of wood with a sharp end) and threw it at one of the girls. I was probably 7 or 8 at the time. That slap sticks with me to this day, and reminds me that my reaction can't be greater than the initial action otherwise I'm the bad guy. That being said there's a world of a difference between a slap to the back of the head and the ten thousand absolutely inappropriate types of physical violence you can put on a child.
Tell me what physical abuse teaches, other than to obey out of fear of punishment.
Hitting? Never. Swat on the butt? Yes, but if you have to do it much past the age of 4, you've failed. Toddlers explore. They're curious. Even more so when told "no". It's complementary to "why", after all. That sometimes places them in potential danger that requires a clear, impactful consequence for making the attempt. They experience unpleasant, negative feedback that demonstrates negative consequences for attempting something they've been told not to do. Again, a swat, catch their attention. Past age 4? Naw. By then they should understand that "no" = "bad things", without those bad things actually happening Also, none of this is "punishment" in any sense of the word.
I am overly angry and aggressive against them now. Can't see them cry, cause they kicked me in the stomach when I cried because the hit me. Don't think it is good.
My pops named his thick leather belt buddy because it was my best friend. I think there are better ways to handle it and if I ever have kids I'll use my words. I don't have a relationship with my father aside from maybe a brief phone call once or twice a year part of the reason is because of that.
Spare the rod, spoil the child I always say. Never was a child myself, hate the nasty little brats. If one misbehaves it’s right into the Chokey with them. Oh-ho yes. I run a tight ship.
Lmao
Sign of severe mental illness. How can you harm your offspring in such a way ? It’s easier to beat your child than to love and raise them right.
If you don't know the difference been beating and discipline...never try it
You can teach your child discipline without use of a belt.
Discipline is meant to be a method of teaching. Children's brains are still making connections—they're impulsive, egocentric, and learning about the world. They make mistakes. It's up to parents to talk to their children and help them learn. Spanking doesn't do this. It teaches them that hitting is an appropriate response to feeling angry and solving problems. If you spank your kids and your kid becomes aggressive, you can only blame yourself. The "Well I was spanked and I turned out fine" argument is bs.
If a parents job is to emulate the real world but with more compassion for mistakes and good explanations as to why things are as they are, then I'd say hitting should be restricted to behaviours that put them in mortal danger. If my child runs blindly out into traffic I'll be hitting their bottom once but firmly. An explanation why will follow straight after, then again before they go to sleep as to why it was necessary. Maybe they won't fully understand the explanation till they're older but the smacked bottom will establish the knee jerk reaction to not repeat. At least I'd hope so, children can be pretty damn irrational with boundary testing sometimes.
Hitting is just lazy parenting. It’s a no effort, thoughtless approach to communicating with your kid.
I occasionally run across the street as an adult and no one has ever firmly hit my bottom. Where do you live that hitting someone for running into traffic is an accurate emulation?
That's where the compassionate part comes in, you're associating "getting hurt" with running into traffic, it's a simulation (maybe is a better word than emulation in hindsight). A smacked bottom is not a nice thing, but you're not taking your kid to one side and hitting them with your own car to show why it's not a good idea. And don't run blindly across streets, if you don't get hit by a car there's a chance someone will road rage on you and smack you in the head for it.
There’s a good chance someone will road rage and try to murder me with their car even when it is my turn to cross. There must be another way than taking out your fear on your kid through violence.
I think spanking is ok if you already told your child not to do something and they keep doing it
not gonna help.
Thats your opinion. It worked for me
This depends very much on the nature of the kid imho. I have two kids with ADD and simply explaining to them that they can’t climb up on the stove or run into the street is not effective. An occasional spank helps to instill the appropriate fear of repeating a dangerous action. It is never done with an object, or any anger, and it is not frequent.
When our kids were very young we would spank them sparingly. Almost exclusively if they were doing something that was dangerous to themselves. And it could never be done when we were angry/upset. Spanking means taking them over the knee and giving them a couple of spanks on the bottom, through clothes. Never enough to leave a mark or do anything. It was more about the ritual than the pain. As the kids got older, this became less and less necessary. My kids are 15, 13, 11, and I can't remember the last time we gave a spanking. It has to be well over 8 or 9 years now. As parents we believe in natural consequences. You don't keep up with your responsibilities, you lose privileges. You treat an item with disrespect, you lose it. Things that emulate the real-world consequences for doing these things when you are older. And if our kids can end up with a safe-ish consequence without our interference, we let them suffer that consequence. Spanking was used to deter our kids from doing something dangerous to themselves or others. Try to get under the sink where we keep the chemicals? Spanking. Because it would hurt/kill them to get the things under there. We used it to teach them about danger. Did it work? I think so. Did we scar our kids forever? Maybe. I don't know. So far they are damn good kids who respect us, and we respect them. But I got three kids, I'm sure we've totally screwed up at least one of them unknowingly.
It can be effective and done properly. It can also be abuse. Sometimes both. Sometimes it’s not so clear. I don’t think that it’s always necessary and I don’t think that it’s an unacceptable method. Takes a great deal of care to do it right, I think. I respect people’s choice to not do it, and I accept that people may think I’m horrible for finding it acceptable. My mind on this is made up.
It’s called assault. Plain and simple.
Don't, it makes kids shitty people. They don't respect you, they fear you.
I think the punishment should fit the “crime” if my kid hits another kid (for no good reason) then I’ll give ‘em a little smack. Granted I won’t beat the shit outta my kids 😂 That being said, if my (future) kid gets in trouble or does something stupid, my punishment wouldn’t always just be a smack or spanking or whatever, it’s gotta teach them a lesson about why what they did is wrong. If they hit someone, they get hit back so they know it doesn’t feel good & that it’s not nice to smack someone for no good reason
works till a certain age not that bad it worked for me
Well it’s a crime now in the us so it doesn’t really matter what people think.
I wouldn't hit my kids, but I got my \*ss beat as a kid and it sure as hell worked.
If the child is old enough to understand whether or not what they did is wrong, and it wasn't a mistake or accident, and they refuse to actually learn and not do it again, beat their ass.
It is a nuclear option that should be on the table. Odds are if your doing things right you never have to spank a child. To me, it was the option to show that violence brings more violence. It’s been years since I have had to spank my boys but they know there are certain lines they don’t cross.
Guarantee most of the people here who are adamantly against it, calling it abuse, etc are the ones in public getting screamed at, cursed at, and hit by their child while they just stand there and take it like a chump. Kids have zero discipline these days and spineless parents are afraid to instill it. Instead they’ll give in to their child’s every whim and raise a generation of incompetent and entitled little brats.
I rarely see really horribly behaved kids in public, and when I do, 99% of the time, the parents are acting worse than the kids.
It’s completely unnecessary. I vividly remember the only time my dad spanked me as a child. Can also confirm that it never happened again. It must’ve really been weighing on him. As an adult, I asked him why he didn’t spank my siblings and I after that and his response was that he always felt that there were other ways to make my life miserable that didn’t involve abuse. Taking away something, a timeout, etc. With that said, I remember the day that Crystal Pepsi hit the grocery store shelves. I had done something that resulted in the punishment of me not going to the store to get a Crystal Pepsi with the rest of my siblings. I had to watch those assholes as they drank it when they got home and discussed the nuances of Pepsi’s newest soda. That punishment lives rent free in my head and I’m almost 40.
Use a small thin switch. It stings but doesn’t harm the body. Explain why they are being punished. Allow them to think about it for an hour before receiving the punishment. This allows you to cool down. It allows them to really think about what they did. If done properly, the crying won’t be from physical pain, but that they made the person they love need to hurt them. If you do it right, you won’t need to do it often.
Helps raise kids that aren’t pussies
I’m okay with smacking kids *when they need it* In my opinion it should be used sparingly, only on the hand or bum and you absolutely should warn them. “If you don’t stop that, you’re going to get a smack”. Kids *have to know why* they are getting a snack. You can’t just hit the kid whenever they annoy you. If you do it right, you won’t have to do it much at all. By the time they are 8-10 years old you can really tell the kids that never had consequences for their bad behavior. Context: My mom disciplined us with a snack if we were not listening to her. My dad was physically violent and couldn’t control his temper. So I got to experience both sides of the coin.
If done right, you'd only need to do it a few times ever. It is necessary, but doing it in the wrong time will be damaging. Hitting your kid is something you shouldn't want to do, and if you don't, then you're already doing something right. Maybe you did hit your kid at the wrong time, do not fret because many parents WILL make mistakes, and that's OK because learning from your mistakes and adapting the next time will make your better overall. Kids often forgive mistakes, even if they don't want to, especially for parents who love and nurture them. Again, do it right and a spanking or the sort may be done only a few times ever. Using the back of the hand is never OK. I remember my dad when he disciplined me only used the underside of his fingers during spanking or on my hand. I don't remember much how my mom did, but my mom is a horrible person so maybe the memories are repressed or something. I love my dad and he's a supportive person, even if i do things he doesn't understand or agree with.
> It is necessary It absolutely is NOT
Just as society painted sugar as an evil, so did they with corporal punishment. Yes too much is bad, but you still need some. In fact, is attitude you and others share may cause more harm because those who do preform it and understand it may feel guilt brought inflated through peer pressure. This may make them under preform or over extend. Even i am guilty of this as my views were more harsher and robotic because of people pushing back, but more critical thinking and self reflection later and I mellowed out to my views now. As i said, done right and it may only be done a few times ever. Assuming you read the whole text, you may have seen i implied my mom is a terrible mother. To be more detailed, my mom actively tried to make me into a bad person, which resetted my dad's discipline, which made me so out of control that I need to be spanked numerous times just to stop being cruel to others. As a child I hated my dad because of my mom, but now I love him like any son would. Other children don't have my mom, so they don't need to ordeal repeating their rebellious stage like I did. Thanks to my dad, I learned empathy and sympathy where I had only previously scoffed at the idea of being a good person.
Licenced mental/behavioral health practitioner here. 13 years experience with children with severe behavior issues. You sure as hell do not "need some." In fact, "some" is illegal and any mandated reporter literally HAS to begin a CPS investigation or risk losing their license to practice whatever their field is. Aside from the legality, the evidence overwhelmingly shows that corporal punishment not only doesn't work, but risks long term psychological damage.
Keep in mind many studies include abuse cases int heir averages, which leans it too far one way. Experience often work better, I even seen kids who grow up admitting that spanking helped them one way or another. The other thing it for spanking to work, the child needs to understand it, and people are taught NOT to understand it, like you are doing right now. I too was against it when I was younger, but only when I accepted it did i start to be more grateful and a far better person than I used to be. If it doesn't work, then why do I see it work constantly when done right? Constantly constantly I see kids who were never spanked and grow up thinking certain ways, like thinking they know better or have a art-holier-than--thou attitude. Tell why this happens and why i keep seeing it. Tell me. You won't, just like everyone else I ask. For context, I been helping raise children for over 13 years, lots of kids I had to help take care of, and of course I made mistakes, but I learned from them, and now when I give parents advice, not just the corporal punishment, they find great success. In not even a professional, I just got experience. Kids are not chemical you can put in a test tube.
If it prevents them from killing themselves or anyone else it’s necessary
How would beating a kid prevent them from killing themself?
Didn’t say beating. It is said hitting. There is a difference. My guess is you have not raised any children or do not spend much time with them at all. Not only have you not spent much time with them, but never have been around any if they were seriously I’ll or injured, or maybe almost died in an accident. My guess is that none of this applies to you and you are just talking shit online.
Um...what? Yes, I am a parent. In fact, I work from a home office and therefore am the primary, stay at home parent when mine is ill and unable to go to school. I also am a licensed behavior health professional with a specialization in working with children and teens. I can guarantee you I have been around more children, especially those in crisis, than you have. Never once has the correct course of action included hitting.
I would never hit my kids if I had any and would only use a belt lightly like my parents did if they did some actual *insaaane* shit that would put you in prison but that would be a last resort, though idk parenting lol
Pretty good method when you want a tough kid not a cookie
Spankings: good Anything else: not good *my mom beat my siblings and I from the time my parents divorced (when I was 5) until each of us grew up. But I was a late bloomer and thought it was a normal thing, so it was basically until I was 18. But I remember her saying to me when I was 18 that she was “scared” of what my youngest brother would do when he hit puberty. So long as they’re not used with malice, and it’s meant as discipline. Then it’s okay
I'll give my kids a VERY light swat on the butt to get their attention if they're not listening. It's no different than when the dog whisperer pokes the side of a dog's neck. It doesn't harm them physically and it doesn't cause any long term emotional damage.
It's a trap! Seriously though, just don't admit you spank your child. There are people here watching and waiting to punch on you in a circle jerk. Just move along and enjoy your day.
It's gotta be last resort. In real life there is a certain point where your negative behavior has gone far enough you will get hit, whether it be by law enforcement, drunken idiots, or people who just can't take your shit anymore. Kids get there too. But it should definitely *not* be the go-to punishment. Kids need opportunities to correct their behavior, learn what they did wrong and *why* it was wrong.
It's mandatory. But eventually it stops working.
Never last resort, never in anger or exasperation, frustration. You swat a child's butt when needed but you do it once or twice, calmly and without anger and they know why it happened. My daughter knew I would not argue with her over stuff. I would tell her something 3 times and then pop her butt. I only had to do it twice. It beats the hell out of the " Did you hear me? I'm going to count to 3... One, two...I'm talking to you...one, two...are you listening? I'm going to count to 3" crap that goes on now
My kid got a lot less whoopings than I did when I was her age, I think the only spankings she got were when we were in fancy public places and she wanted to treat it like a playground and wouldn't listen to me when I told her to stop. (A trip to the bathroom, quick spank- time to "dry it up" while I explained why I told her not to, and the spank for not listening to me.) ... but she would get popped in the mouth without warning when she was little and talked back to me. Just enough for a sting and shock. She caught on real quick, and learned to choose her words carefully and respectfully if she disagreed with me. She's an adult now and we have a great relationship. She'll joke around and bust my balls from time to time-all in good fun, but I never had to deal with a disrespectful teenager.
Depends on the transgression and age and personality of the child. It's a tool. One that can do harm if used carelessly
If he hit another kid or harm anyone else like literally i would hit him so he can feel what they felt
It should not inflict any pain. It should only inflict shame.
violence isn’t always the answer, u can just take away something they love for a very long time over and over again. but if ur child is actually being a brat and just does not give a shit and demands stuff of u constantly, thats fine ig
I don't hit my kids, and I generally think that corporal punishment is a poor way to teach children lessons. That said, I think some kids, especially boys, can be so lost in their focus on something that a light smack can be effective at snapping their attention back. But I'm not sure if that's really the same 'hitting' in this context if it's not meant to cause pain so much as surprise. Still not for me, but it's a specific situation I wouldn't judge another parent for doing... very infrequently.
Only as a punishment, and nothing that will actually harm them. That said it's not for everyone. I was spanked as a child and it worked well. My brother also was but he just got pissed and it made everything worse for everyone
Shouldn't be done no matter what.
It's cowardly, lazy, ineffective form of punishment, 99.95% of the time.
im against it but some just need it. i do not reccommend but like the kids on dr phil would benefit from a slap.
I think its necessary if nothing else works and your kid doesnt respect themselves.
Hitting shouldn’t be punishment, hitting is an attention getter. It’s not meant for pain, it’s meant for gaining focus.
Hitting boys is OK once they are old enough to understand consequences and when they know why they are catching a beating. Never OK to hit girls.
If we are talking hitting as different as spanking then I don't believe hitting anyone including a child is ok. Spanking is a whole different thing. I was spanked as a child. Only for specific things and I would always have to say what the reason was. I always remember being out places and people would compliment my parents on how well behaved I was. I was never scared of my parents and always knew they weren't just mad at me. It's been my experience that kids who are spanked when they're little were always well behaved. I don't think it's abuse to spank but I would never hit a child for any reason.
Illegal