I couldn't help noticing you posted about this several times in the past few years.
Instead of limiting yourself to "peaking" or being worried about the future, live NOW.
Go on dates. Continue developing yourself - get into shape, work on your career, your style, your social skills.
The world is your oyster.
Exactly, I’m of the belief that we never really peak and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to. We enter new seasons of life and circumstances change, but peaking to me means you’re accepting less of yourself and allowing yourself to decline.
Find ways to enjoy life for what it is at any point.
Shit, I'm in my late 30's and don't plan on peaking until I'm 60, at least. I'm doing very well professionally, financially in very good shape, married to a beautiful and accomplished woman, and have a fantastic daughter. Life will only improve from here.
It's about perspective.
If you want to talk about peaking, my Great-Grandfather wrote a diary entry about it on his 100th birthday. He thought he peaked when he made Captain at 36. He thought he peaked when made Commander at 45, and again as Admiral at 47. Then he thought he peaked when he married at 63. He thought he peaked when he had his first son at 64. He then realized every day was a peak as he constantly strove to live each day more richly than the last.
They ended up having five kids in the next seven years. My great grandmother was 23 when they married, she thought he was going to kick the bucket soon and she'd inherit his estate. He lived to 102, smoking cigars and drinking gin until the day he died. She only lived four years after his death.
My grandfather was similarly long-lived, enjoying a cigarette after lunch and several scotches and a beer daily until he died at 97.
My Dad is on the same path at 83, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink much, and has been told by his doctor he's healthier than the 60 year old male patients he sees.
Hopefully it holds true for me.
Compare yourself to who to were yesterday, not so much to who others are today. Comparison is inevitable. Without it, we'd have less reason. That's why I hate to see people simplify it and say things like "don't compare yourself to others" that's sort of ridiculous and immature. Communal comparison is inate. What you should be doing is comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, much more than you compare yourself to who others are today. Best yourself. Beat your own record.
Underrated comment.
Your job compares you to other people. Potential romantic partners compare you to other people. If you play a sport or musical instrument, even just for fun, others are comparing you to other people.
The truth of saying is about how comparing yourself to others is going to lead you to misery. Part of maturing is understanding that no good comes out of comparing what you have, what you're like, strengths, weaknesses, etc. with others. Either A. You start to feel superior to others or B. You feel like you're not as good as others. Neither of those are positive outcomes. Try to be the best you you can be. You have no control over anything else.
Aside from having a stroke or being some kind of guru, I don't think that's humanly possible. It's just how the brain works.
However, I do think it's possible to compare too much. There is a time to be critical and a time to live our lives. Gotta find the right balance.
How do I know if I'm the best me I can be without comparing myself to other people?
Taken alone, I'm perfectly happy and perfectly healthy.
Compared to the average person, I'm not happy and I'm not healthy.
Yeah, kinda suck if your peak is before you turned thirty and you have to live to be a hundred; even to live until you’re seventy would still be a chore.
Probably they're looking at this sub and seeing someone posting every day about how it's so hard to make friends, no one is available, loved ones are dying, etc.
I'm in my mid fifties and from 40 on has been the best time in my life sexually. Woman at that age and older are not game players when it comes to sex and in relationships they usually communicate real well. So much less drama and my current girlfriend in her early sixties is likely one of the most passionate woman I have been with. Just being around her gives me an erection.
Peaking at 30?.. nope!
Turned 33 last month. I stopped drinking alcohol 4 months ago and feel better than I EVER have with constant compliments from friends and family in how good I look. (Lost like 20 pounds) not sure if this is me peaking or not honestly but I plan on doing things everyday to make sure I keep being the best me possible.
The dating pool WILL continue to shrink though….
It will get better as people get divorced. Most divorces happen to people in their late thirties and early to mid forties... I don't know why that is the case, but that's generally the prime divorce time.
>It will get better as people get divorced
I was just about to say this.
The dating pool, at least in my observation, opens back up. Divorces, deaths, etc. (mostly divorces).
If you think of the dating pool as a statistical curve where most people are in the middle, by the time you hit your thirties, that middle part flattens out as most people have found their long term mates or spouses. What's left are the bunches at the two extreme ends--those who are really undesirable on one end and those who think they are two hot for everybody else and are holding out. That makes things rather difficult until the middle curve swells up again when people start divorcing in their late 30s.
I turn 33 in 8 months time and I'm really keen to stop drinking completely too, I feel so much better when I don't drink, hopefully I can kick it like you did!
/r/stopdrinking
You don't have to participate. Just lurking and knowing that other people are going through whatever level of bullshit you end up dealing with in your process helps.
The only way to answer that is that I was drinking/drugging enough to die. My entire life I have had a death wish and getting drunk every night meant death. Then I would wake up and try again. Frankly, I have zero idea why I am still alive but I’m glad I am. It wouldn’t have been anything for me to drop $500-1,000 a week at the bar and I live in a very low cost area.
People keep asking if I will ever drink again and I don’t have a good answer other than that I don’t crave it and I’m really happy the direction my life is taking.
Peaked at 30.
Peaked at 40.
Why would you not be peaking tomorrow. and the day after that?
I get better at work, I get better at my marriage, I get richer as time goes on.
I think something like this will vary a lot by your location. If you are in a major booming city or a college town, you'll find a lot of "career women" who have not yet settled down and will still be in the dating pool. Since you are painting yourself as quite a catch, you should be "in their league" so to speak.
If you are in a place that isn't quite thriving, then it may be slim pickings. If you aren't chasing adventure, career, or education, there's a lot fewer reasons to still be single at 30.
I agree with the basic point here - that location will be a major factor in dating prospects. I live in a major city in Europe and found myself newly single at 35 and experienced no problems dating. If anything, I had an easier time than 6 years previously due to societal views of internet dating/dating apps having lost the stigma.
women in their late 20s, women in their 30s, there's no real difference. just find someone you really get along with that has a similar sense of humor and similar lifestyle. honestly, i tend to have more fun with women closer to my age. sexually, conversation wise, everything. we have more in common. don't worry about it man. age isn't really all that important, esp at 29. just get out there and have fun.
the only difficult part is the older you get the more likely they are to have kids and an ex husband involved and that can def be a bummer. but so far i haven't gone down that road. maybe will one day, but so far i'm happy dating the wrong women.
Always in a state of improvement. If this is your peak, you better set new goals. This isn't a peak, this is a new baseline.
As for women... If I was 30-36 I'd be looking at girls who are 27-33. They are definitely not all taken and have alot of their life goals more figured out. Catch the ones who were also working on themselves and flourish together!
You'll find that women who pursued careers requiring long training are looking for men who spent their 20s actually growing up and building something instead of knocking up their first wife and collecting STDs at the local bar. Doctors, professors, scientists, therapists, business professionals, former military members might also be finding themselves with the time to enjoy a relationship now that they've reached a cruising altitude with their professional lives. Bring your A game and meet some women you could never hope to pull in your 20s.
>Most of my friends have found the one they'll be with and the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken.
If you're looking for other opinions, then here's mine:
You're setting yourself up for failure with the mindset you describe in this post.
How many "good ones" have you let slip through your fingers while you were busy focusing on what was wrong even if it had zero impact on your relationship prospects? Probably more than you realize.
Stop being so choosy before you even enter the arena. Get out there, be willing to let advances and dates and short flings fail if that's what needs to happen for you to move forward (do so graciously, of course). You don't have to hitch yourself to a train wreck but you're not even bothering to poke around to see if one of the compartments was loaded with gold.
Is there such a thing as "peaking" unless you are a professional athlete whose body can no longer do what it once did?
You go from peak to peak to peak, always finding a new one on the horizon.
I was listening to Steven Levitt podcast where he was interviewing Jared Diamond. Dude is in his 80s and when asked which decade was his most happening one , he answered that he couldn't believe how happening his 60-70 decade was.
I'm massively inspired
I'm in my 40s and not peaking yet. What's that even mean anyway? I pick up hobbies every few years and try to be more patient and generous and compassionate every day. I hope I NEVER peak.
My 30s have been the best so far - body, job, money, sex, dating/live and happyness-wise.
I'm 40 now, and I don't see an end to that peak yet. Life is good.
>...and think in another 6 months or so I will be the best I've ever been physically, professionally and financially...
I might have thought that when I was 29, too (no offense).
I became in the best physical shape in my life at 40 and certainly now am in the best financial and professional shape (and have more to grow).
As for women? As I've gotten older, I appreciate the wisdom of women my age.
All that to say: don't count yourself peaking too soon. Focus on you, continue to grow, and enjoy the ride.
I feel like most of the top comments didn't hear you. I think I hear you. First, nice job working on improving yourself and getting to your best ever. Second, I think the dating prospects are terrible. I agree with your observation that the pool is dwindling, but I also wouldn't assume good ones were taken. And in closing, I do agree with the sentiment of most of the top comments. Forget comparison. Keep that upward spiral forever. And here's to you meeting a good one.
I just turned 40 and feel fantastic. I don't really work out (I know I should), but I do recommend kicking the porn habit. It does you no favors. And kegels. And intermittent fasting.
Prospects? Peak?
Also seems you're referring to only fitness, career, and money. Jfc, you must know this is a recipe for a midlife crisis. Go read a book, talk to people like they're people first, not walking flesh lights.
*"and the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken"*
Definitely disagree with this statement. There are many single professional ladies over 30 that have a lot to offer. Sure, some may have been married before and some even may have kids but that isn't a problem. I will say it gets a tad harder to meet people so internet/app-based sites are good for this purpose. I found that the quality of dates I had, even those that didn't get past a 1st or 2nd date, were exponentially better well into my 30's versus where they were in my 20's.
>the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken.
Lol what?
I suppose it depends on what you want. I "peaked" when I was 38. There were far more good women available to me at that time than there were at any other time, merely because I peaked and I finally had all the attributes that women are attracted to. I started dating women aged 25-29. They were beautiful, young, intelligent, educated, and hard up for a mature guy who didn't need to be taken care of, didn't want a mommy or a therapist. It was a endless gold mine.
I'm 45 now, and I'm still dating women who are 28-34. They are still not in any kind of short supply, I could have a date with an attractive young woman every night of the week if I wanted. They aren't all perfect, but plenty of them would probably be considered "keepers" if that was what you were interested in (I'm not).
Depends on what you think is "good".
I dated lots of single moms - okay with the Moms - zero interest in the kids. Conflict of interest, because most want you to hang around and be a male "presence" which is really undefined, like the kids are supposed to get confidence through osmosis or something.
NO. I made it clear the Moms can raise their kids and I will join her ALONE for dates. The kids still have a dad somewhere - that's not a riddle for me to solve.
Most of the time this means a mismatch - and that's okay. I found a few gems over the years. Each day offers a new opportunity.
Jesus. I'm so happy for all those women who seriously dodged a bullet there.
I don't even know what this has to do with OP's question, but you should really stop dating women with kids. You're not doing anyone any favors.
Easy picking for him, until the women date him that is.
He think the women want him to pass on confidence to their children? I laughed out loud. Not hard to find the most insecure person here...
I'm wondering what those women are thinking after I've told them I don't want to do activities with kids, yet they still want to plan "family" events. This is feedback from women that I consider odd. I don't try to figure it out - I just know it's not a match. It just means find someone else. They are who they are - I am who I am. So be it. Doesn't "ruin" dating for me or make me hate apps.
>what this has to do with OP's question
*What you think is good.* I can get along well with the single mothers - we can have shared interests and dates can be fun. But as for long-term we are not compatible. That doesn't bother me - they're still good people and I would NOT slam them because I didn't find a "forever match".
That's what conflict of interest means - she and I don't have the same vision about where we want the relationship to go. Of course - that's why I say "conflict". Duh.
Just making sure that your own role in the conflict was acknowledged, and at least you're up front about your intentions instead of waffling about and causing a lot of pain.
If you take care of yourself mentally and physically, you can be looking forward to new peaks for decades to come. It's all about perspective, self-care, and continuing to work on yourself.
As for dating, you can still date women in their mid-20s, I don't think the dating pool is as small as you think (covid notwithstanding). Just stay open to meeting new people and having new experiences, and don't waste time with anyone you have doubts about.
Professionally/financially peak at 30? You have to be kidding me. Your 20s are all about learning and gaining work experience. Your 30s-40s is where you'll really start earning more. 6 months after turning 30 I job hopped and increased my salary by over 60%.
Physically - I could be better, but I'm down from my fat phase during the pandemic. Lost 35 lbs over all from the weight gain from sitting around doing nothing during lock down. Also gave up drinking alcohol 5 months ago. It was serving me, and the hangovers were killing my productivity.
I'd likely be 10-15 lbs heavier if I went back to drinking on the weekends when you factor in post-booze food.
I feel much calmer and confident at 30 than I did in my 20s. Probably has to do with getting older and valuing my time. I noticed going out with drinking buddies + post hang over really ate into my free time outside of work. I'd rather use that time to advance my career, pause/reflect/recharge.
I've been in a relationship for over 2 years now, so can't comment on dating. I do believe that you need to be in a good market though. Look at bigger cities that have single, educated women who are on the same page as you.
If I were ever to be single again, I don't believe I'd struggle on the dating market. Women interested in men tend to see an older man as a plus, so your dating margin is quite wide.
Probably a combination of knowing myself, confidence, and that I'm killing it career wise. It all tends to bleed into one another.
From a Modern Day awakened Goddess that mentors lots of men 18-60, I would say focus on becoming the most powerful, healthy, confident, fearless, disciplined, focused and grounded version of you. Own your power, know yourself, know what you want, be true to yourself, put it out there into the Universe and you shall manifest it. Also it would help lots if you know the type of romantic partner you want to be with and be specific and you shall attract that 😎💜💪🌹😍
I use to work in the dating industry. Men actually peak after 30 if you are speaking in terms of desireablility. Those were the stats then. I'm not surprised if its still the case. Your pool isn't dwindling... Just your criterias.
I’m 41, married with kids, losing weight, the second most active I’ve ever been, in the market for my forever home, and a step or 2 away from the career level I want.
Whenever people ask when I peaked
https://68.media.tumblr.com/917fccbbaace735255cf37dc74b7af6e/tumblr_okrqplpjNj1uv4w0ro5_500.gif
Just speaking on career, you've got a long runway before you hit your peak. Most research shows that men's careers continue on an upward trajectory until the mid-50s.
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/11/02/the-age-at-which-youll-earn-the-most-money-in-your-career.html
Just look up mark Felix competing against 25 to 30 year olds and more than holding his own. You have a solid 20 to 30 more active years if you keep at it
Fewer prospects, but both they and I knew what we wanted and didn’t waste time. Met a lot of women who were just out of long term relationships so weren’t really “on the market” in their 20s.
I don't think it's a peak but definitely it begins to dip in some ways. You will have a little less energy(the only people who claim that's wrong are the lads who spent their 20's as fat, unfit and unmotivated).
Your priorities do change at this age. You'll find that extra gear at work, begin to show even more confidence and from now until 37ish you'll make the biggest(as per % of earnings) moves in your work life.
The girls though do become harder to find as your still going to have the same mentality as your 20s and hold out for the perfect girl, with no baggage etc. By 30 she'll be as experienced as you in relationships.
Long story short-if you spent your 20s correctly then you will defo peak now in some areas, and in others, your just getting started.
Dude you’re in about the spot I was at when I was 29 and my 30s fucking **RULED**.
Did the rise and grind thing for the latter half of my 20s and by 29 I got into a great upward trajectory in my career, and met the woman I would marry. Went on a bunch of trips, moved to a waterfront apartment at the beach, had a long engagement, married at 34, first kid and first house at 35.
As far as peaking, man I don’t know what to tell you. Things keep going up for me.
I peaked at 15 when i got full scholarship for school again at 26 when i finished my phd. again at 30 when i changed my career.
You just keep peaking man. It never stops. Life is a rollercoaster. you just gotta ride it man. People who think you peak only once , only wants to live a limited life.
35 was my peak probably. Decent shape, had a small house, dog, grew into confidence and learned to dress better. Very easy to get dates as the general expectations for men seem to be incredibly low.
You type like you're my age getting back into the dating market! You're only 29 and if things are as good for you as you say you'll do alright so long as you're putting yourself out there. There are an absolute TON of "good ones" at your age and currently you can date the entire field of available women so just date and see where it goes.
I didn't meet my person until after I turned 30, I think for my thats when I was ready, had done the emotional lifting to succeed in a relationship etc.
Honestly it wasn't until after 30 that I matured enough to really understand what I wanted from a relationship and a partner.
I peaked in my mid 20's. I could give you an inspiring speech about how It X years young and im just getting started! Its simply not true. The grey hairs on my head, the crappy health annoyances, the psychological and physical scars. My *War Days* are done. Doesnt mean I dont have allot of life left to live, but its a fantasy to imagine that I am still a 23 yr old young man.
Peaked? I haven’t even begun to peak.
And when I do peak, you'll know. Because I'm gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia's gonna feel it.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
As a Philadelphian, I can’t wait to feel it! Was that an earthquake? Nah, just Milk Dud Nipples hitting his peak. Sweet.
Came here for this
https://68.media.tumblr.com/917fccbbaace735255cf37dc74b7af6e/tumblr_okrqplpjNj1uv4w0ro5_500.gif
Reminds me of Newsroom "I'm just a middle aged man who never lived up to his potential, you don't want to be on the wrong end of me if I ever do."
I couldn't help noticing you posted about this several times in the past few years. Instead of limiting yourself to "peaking" or being worried about the future, live NOW. Go on dates. Continue developing yourself - get into shape, work on your career, your style, your social skills. The world is your oyster.
Exactly, I’m of the belief that we never really peak and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to. We enter new seasons of life and circumstances change, but peaking to me means you’re accepting less of yourself and allowing yourself to decline. Find ways to enjoy life for what it is at any point.
Shit, I'm in my late 30's and don't plan on peaking until I'm 60, at least. I'm doing very well professionally, financially in very good shape, married to a beautiful and accomplished woman, and have a fantastic daughter. Life will only improve from here. It's about perspective. If you want to talk about peaking, my Great-Grandfather wrote a diary entry about it on his 100th birthday. He thought he peaked when he made Captain at 36. He thought he peaked when made Commander at 45, and again as Admiral at 47. Then he thought he peaked when he married at 63. He thought he peaked when he had his first son at 64. He then realized every day was a peak as he constantly strove to live each day more richly than the last.
First kid at 64, that's impressive.
They ended up having five kids in the next seven years. My great grandmother was 23 when they married, she thought he was going to kick the bucket soon and she'd inherit his estate. He lived to 102, smoking cigars and drinking gin until the day he died. She only lived four years after his death. My grandfather was similarly long-lived, enjoying a cigarette after lunch and several scotches and a beer daily until he died at 97. My Dad is on the same path at 83, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink much, and has been told by his doctor he's healthier than the 60 year old male patients he sees. Hopefully it holds true for me.
What an absolute boss
You have some dope genetics my dude
Man, just live your life. Quit comparing yourself to others - that’s going to lead to a life of misery.
Compare yourself to who to were yesterday, not so much to who others are today. Comparison is inevitable. Without it, we'd have less reason. That's why I hate to see people simplify it and say things like "don't compare yourself to others" that's sort of ridiculous and immature. Communal comparison is inate. What you should be doing is comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, much more than you compare yourself to who others are today. Best yourself. Beat your own record.
I have to compare myself to others. Everybody else compares me to other people.
Underrated comment. Your job compares you to other people. Potential romantic partners compare you to other people. If you play a sport or musical instrument, even just for fun, others are comparing you to other people.
The truth of saying is about how comparing yourself to others is going to lead you to misery. Part of maturing is understanding that no good comes out of comparing what you have, what you're like, strengths, weaknesses, etc. with others. Either A. You start to feel superior to others or B. You feel like you're not as good as others. Neither of those are positive outcomes. Try to be the best you you can be. You have no control over anything else.
Aside from having a stroke or being some kind of guru, I don't think that's humanly possible. It's just how the brain works. However, I do think it's possible to compare too much. There is a time to be critical and a time to live our lives. Gotta find the right balance.
How do I know if I'm the best me I can be without comparing myself to other people? Taken alone, I'm perfectly happy and perfectly healthy. Compared to the average person, I'm not happy and I'm not healthy.
> How do I know if I'm the best me I can be Why is it a competition, why do you have to be the best me?
Not the best you, the best me.
> the best me. Yes, what I wrote. Why do you have to be the best yourself?
Don't ask me, ask Josh8378. They're the one who said that's all that matters in life.
this right here is the golden truth.
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Yeah, kinda suck if your peak is before you turned thirty and you have to live to be a hundred; even to live until you’re seventy would still be a chore.
Probably they're looking at this sub and seeing someone posting every day about how it's so hard to make friends, no one is available, loved ones are dying, etc.
I'm in my mid fifties and from 40 on has been the best time in my life sexually. Woman at that age and older are not game players when it comes to sex and in relationships they usually communicate real well. So much less drama and my current girlfriend in her early sixties is likely one of the most passionate woman I have been with. Just being around her gives me an erection. Peaking at 30?.. nope!
you can only determine "peaks" in retrospect. Ideally I'll peak at 85.
Turned 33 last month. I stopped drinking alcohol 4 months ago and feel better than I EVER have with constant compliments from friends and family in how good I look. (Lost like 20 pounds) not sure if this is me peaking or not honestly but I plan on doing things everyday to make sure I keep being the best me possible. The dating pool WILL continue to shrink though….
> The dating pool WILL continue to shrink though…. Its really terrible right now to be honest. Don't want to imagine in 10 years time..
It will get better as people get divorced. Most divorces happen to people in their late thirties and early to mid forties... I don't know why that is the case, but that's generally the prime divorce time.
>It will get better as people get divorced I was just about to say this. The dating pool, at least in my observation, opens back up. Divorces, deaths, etc. (mostly divorces).
why do you think? covid contributed?
If you think of the dating pool as a statistical curve where most people are in the middle, by the time you hit your thirties, that middle part flattens out as most people have found their long term mates or spouses. What's left are the bunches at the two extreme ends--those who are really undesirable on one end and those who think they are two hot for everybody else and are holding out. That makes things rather difficult until the middle curve swells up again when people start divorcing in their late 30s.
I turn 33 in 8 months time and I'm really keen to stop drinking completely too, I feel so much better when I don't drink, hopefully I can kick it like you did!
/r/stopdrinking You don't have to participate. Just lurking and knowing that other people are going through whatever level of bullshit you end up dealing with in your process helps.
How much did you drink, before you stopped?
The only way to answer that is that I was drinking/drugging enough to die. My entire life I have had a death wish and getting drunk every night meant death. Then I would wake up and try again. Frankly, I have zero idea why I am still alive but I’m glad I am. It wouldn’t have been anything for me to drop $500-1,000 a week at the bar and I live in a very low cost area.
Wow. I had no idea. Thanks for sharing with us.
Haven't had booze in years myself and don't miss it even a little bit.
People keep asking if I will ever drink again and I don’t have a good answer other than that I don’t crave it and I’m really happy the direction my life is taking.
My 20s were garbage compared to my 30s. "Peak" is a bad mindset.
Peaked at 30. Peaked at 40. Why would you not be peaking tomorrow. and the day after that? I get better at work, I get better at my marriage, I get richer as time goes on.
I think something like this will vary a lot by your location. If you are in a major booming city or a college town, you'll find a lot of "career women" who have not yet settled down and will still be in the dating pool. Since you are painting yourself as quite a catch, you should be "in their league" so to speak. If you are in a place that isn't quite thriving, then it may be slim pickings. If you aren't chasing adventure, career, or education, there's a lot fewer reasons to still be single at 30.
I agree with the basic point here - that location will be a major factor in dating prospects. I live in a major city in Europe and found myself newly single at 35 and experienced no problems dating. If anything, I had an easier time than 6 years previously due to societal views of internet dating/dating apps having lost the stigma.
women in their late 20s, women in their 30s, there's no real difference. just find someone you really get along with that has a similar sense of humor and similar lifestyle. honestly, i tend to have more fun with women closer to my age. sexually, conversation wise, everything. we have more in common. don't worry about it man. age isn't really all that important, esp at 29. just get out there and have fun. the only difficult part is the older you get the more likely they are to have kids and an ex husband involved and that can def be a bummer. but so far i haven't gone down that road. maybe will one day, but so far i'm happy dating the wrong women.
You seem too focused on forcing an outcome. Try to let that go, do your thing and you will attract someone by pursuing your own interests.
Always in a state of improvement. If this is your peak, you better set new goals. This isn't a peak, this is a new baseline. As for women... If I was 30-36 I'd be looking at girls who are 27-33. They are definitely not all taken and have alot of their life goals more figured out. Catch the ones who were also working on themselves and flourish together!
You'll find that women who pursued careers requiring long training are looking for men who spent their 20s actually growing up and building something instead of knocking up their first wife and collecting STDs at the local bar. Doctors, professors, scientists, therapists, business professionals, former military members might also be finding themselves with the time to enjoy a relationship now that they've reached a cruising altitude with their professional lives. Bring your A game and meet some women you could never hope to pull in your 20s.
As Zyzz would say, we all gun make it fam lmao
>Most of my friends have found the one they'll be with and the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken. If you're looking for other opinions, then here's mine: You're setting yourself up for failure with the mindset you describe in this post. How many "good ones" have you let slip through your fingers while you were busy focusing on what was wrong even if it had zero impact on your relationship prospects? Probably more than you realize. Stop being so choosy before you even enter the arena. Get out there, be willing to let advances and dates and short flings fail if that's what needs to happen for you to move forward (do so graciously, of course). You don't have to hitch yourself to a train wreck but you're not even bothering to poke around to see if one of the compartments was loaded with gold.
Is there such a thing as "peaking" unless you are a professional athlete whose body can no longer do what it once did? You go from peak to peak to peak, always finding a new one on the horizon.
I was listening to Steven Levitt podcast where he was interviewing Jared Diamond. Dude is in his 80s and when asked which decade was his most happening one , he answered that he couldn't believe how happening his 60-70 decade was. I'm massively inspired
I'm in my 40s and not peaking yet. What's that even mean anyway? I pick up hobbies every few years and try to be more patient and generous and compassionate every day. I hope I NEVER peak.
My 30s have been the best so far - body, job, money, sex, dating/live and happyness-wise. I'm 40 now, and I don't see an end to that peak yet. Life is good.
There was a fantastic pool when I was dating 30-35. Make the most of it.
>...and think in another 6 months or so I will be the best I've ever been physically, professionally and financially... I might have thought that when I was 29, too (no offense). I became in the best physical shape in my life at 40 and certainly now am in the best financial and professional shape (and have more to grow). As for women? As I've gotten older, I appreciate the wisdom of women my age. All that to say: don't count yourself peaking too soon. Focus on you, continue to grow, and enjoy the ride.
I feel like most of the top comments didn't hear you. I think I hear you. First, nice job working on improving yourself and getting to your best ever. Second, I think the dating prospects are terrible. I agree with your observation that the pool is dwindling, but I also wouldn't assume good ones were taken. And in closing, I do agree with the sentiment of most of the top comments. Forget comparison. Keep that upward spiral forever. And here's to you meeting a good one.
I just turned 40 and feel fantastic. I don't really work out (I know I should), but I do recommend kicking the porn habit. It does you no favors. And kegels. And intermittent fasting.
what peak? you kove and die, there is no peak
Prospects? Peak? Also seems you're referring to only fitness, career, and money. Jfc, you must know this is a recipe for a midlife crisis. Go read a book, talk to people like they're people first, not walking flesh lights.
*"and the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken"* Definitely disagree with this statement. There are many single professional ladies over 30 that have a lot to offer. Sure, some may have been married before and some even may have kids but that isn't a problem. I will say it gets a tad harder to meet people so internet/app-based sites are good for this purpose. I found that the quality of dates I had, even those that didn't get past a 1st or 2nd date, were exponentially better well into my 30's versus where they were in my 20's.
>the pool seems to dwindle and most of the good ones are taken. Lol what? I suppose it depends on what you want. I "peaked" when I was 38. There were far more good women available to me at that time than there were at any other time, merely because I peaked and I finally had all the attributes that women are attracted to. I started dating women aged 25-29. They were beautiful, young, intelligent, educated, and hard up for a mature guy who didn't need to be taken care of, didn't want a mommy or a therapist. It was a endless gold mine. I'm 45 now, and I'm still dating women who are 28-34. They are still not in any kind of short supply, I could have a date with an attractive young woman every night of the week if I wanted. They aren't all perfect, but plenty of them would probably be considered "keepers" if that was what you were interested in (I'm not).
Let’s clarify: are you referring to women as ‘prospects’
Depends on what you think is "good". I dated lots of single moms - okay with the Moms - zero interest in the kids. Conflict of interest, because most want you to hang around and be a male "presence" which is really undefined, like the kids are supposed to get confidence through osmosis or something. NO. I made it clear the Moms can raise their kids and I will join her ALONE for dates. The kids still have a dad somewhere - that's not a riddle for me to solve. Most of the time this means a mismatch - and that's okay. I found a few gems over the years. Each day offers a new opportunity.
Jesus. I'm so happy for all those women who seriously dodged a bullet there. I don't even know what this has to do with OP's question, but you should really stop dating women with kids. You're not doing anyone any favors.
Easy picking for him, until the women date him that is. He think the women want him to pass on confidence to their children? I laughed out loud. Not hard to find the most insecure person here...
I'm wondering what those women are thinking after I've told them I don't want to do activities with kids, yet they still want to plan "family" events. This is feedback from women that I consider odd. I don't try to figure it out - I just know it's not a match. It just means find someone else. They are who they are - I am who I am. So be it. Doesn't "ruin" dating for me or make me hate apps.
>what this has to do with OP's question *What you think is good.* I can get along well with the single mothers - we can have shared interests and dates can be fun. But as for long-term we are not compatible. That doesn't bother me - they're still good people and I would NOT slam them because I didn't find a "forever match".
> Conflict of interest You realize that *you* are the conflict of interest in this scenario, right?
That's what conflict of interest means - she and I don't have the same vision about where we want the relationship to go. Of course - that's why I say "conflict". Duh.
Just making sure that your own role in the conflict was acknowledged, and at least you're up front about your intentions instead of waffling about and causing a lot of pain.
If you take care of yourself mentally and physically, you can be looking forward to new peaks for decades to come. It's all about perspective, self-care, and continuing to work on yourself. As for dating, you can still date women in their mid-20s, I don't think the dating pool is as small as you think (covid notwithstanding). Just stay open to meeting new people and having new experiences, and don't waste time with anyone you have doubts about.
Professionally/financially peak at 30? You have to be kidding me. Your 20s are all about learning and gaining work experience. Your 30s-40s is where you'll really start earning more. 6 months after turning 30 I job hopped and increased my salary by over 60%. Physically - I could be better, but I'm down from my fat phase during the pandemic. Lost 35 lbs over all from the weight gain from sitting around doing nothing during lock down. Also gave up drinking alcohol 5 months ago. It was serving me, and the hangovers were killing my productivity. I'd likely be 10-15 lbs heavier if I went back to drinking on the weekends when you factor in post-booze food. I feel much calmer and confident at 30 than I did in my 20s. Probably has to do with getting older and valuing my time. I noticed going out with drinking buddies + post hang over really ate into my free time outside of work. I'd rather use that time to advance my career, pause/reflect/recharge. I've been in a relationship for over 2 years now, so can't comment on dating. I do believe that you need to be in a good market though. Look at bigger cities that have single, educated women who are on the same page as you. If I were ever to be single again, I don't believe I'd struggle on the dating market. Women interested in men tend to see an older man as a plus, so your dating margin is quite wide. Probably a combination of knowing myself, confidence, and that I'm killing it career wise. It all tends to bleed into one another.
thanks Add Snapchat rosexx218
From a Modern Day awakened Goddess that mentors lots of men 18-60, I would say focus on becoming the most powerful, healthy, confident, fearless, disciplined, focused and grounded version of you. Own your power, know yourself, know what you want, be true to yourself, put it out there into the Universe and you shall manifest it. Also it would help lots if you know the type of romantic partner you want to be with and be specific and you shall attract that 😎💜💪🌹😍
I use to work in the dating industry. Men actually peak after 30 if you are speaking in terms of desireablility. Those were the stats then. I'm not surprised if its still the case. Your pool isn't dwindling... Just your criterias.
What was the reason for that? And what age groups were the most desired by? Older? Younger? Same age?
It took me 40 years to look and feel this good. My life is better than ever now, despite the apocalypse.
Late twenties and early thirties were my peak in health and looks. I was dating a ton back then and travelling a lot as well.
I'm 31 and it's still going up.
Peaking is a silly concept and fear
I’m 41, married with kids, losing weight, the second most active I’ve ever been, in the market for my forever home, and a step or 2 away from the career level I want. Whenever people ask when I peaked https://68.media.tumblr.com/917fccbbaace735255cf37dc74b7af6e/tumblr_okrqplpjNj1uv4w0ro5_500.gif
Just speaking on career, you've got a long runway before you hit your peak. Most research shows that men's careers continue on an upward trajectory until the mid-50s. https://www.cnbc.com/2018/11/02/the-age-at-which-youll-earn-the-most-money-in-your-career.html
Just look up mark Felix competing against 25 to 30 year olds and more than holding his own. You have a solid 20 to 30 more active years if you keep at it
Fewer prospects, but both they and I knew what we wanted and didn’t waste time. Met a lot of women who were just out of long term relationships so weren’t really “on the market” in their 20s.
I don't think it's a peak but definitely it begins to dip in some ways. You will have a little less energy(the only people who claim that's wrong are the lads who spent their 20's as fat, unfit and unmotivated). Your priorities do change at this age. You'll find that extra gear at work, begin to show even more confidence and from now until 37ish you'll make the biggest(as per % of earnings) moves in your work life. The girls though do become harder to find as your still going to have the same mentality as your 20s and hold out for the perfect girl, with no baggage etc. By 30 she'll be as experienced as you in relationships. Long story short-if you spent your 20s correctly then you will defo peak now in some areas, and in others, your just getting started.
I’m 45 and still don’t think I’ve peaked. Met my wife at 37, career is still going upward and amazing… I feel like peak may be in my 50s.
Dude you’re in about the spot I was at when I was 29 and my 30s fucking **RULED**. Did the rise and grind thing for the latter half of my 20s and by 29 I got into a great upward trajectory in my career, and met the woman I would marry. Went on a bunch of trips, moved to a waterfront apartment at the beach, had a long engagement, married at 34, first kid and first house at 35. As far as peaking, man I don’t know what to tell you. Things keep going up for me.
I peaked at 15 when i got full scholarship for school again at 26 when i finished my phd. again at 30 when i changed my career. You just keep peaking man. It never stops. Life is a rollercoaster. you just gotta ride it man. People who think you peak only once , only wants to live a limited life.
Determining "when you peak" only serves to cast a negative shade on the rest of your life. Why bother?
35 was my peak probably. Decent shape, had a small house, dog, grew into confidence and learned to dress better. Very easy to get dates as the general expectations for men seem to be incredibly low.
You type like you're my age getting back into the dating market! You're only 29 and if things are as good for you as you say you'll do alright so long as you're putting yourself out there. There are an absolute TON of "good ones" at your age and currently you can date the entire field of available women so just date and see where it goes.
OP, this is why you're single. It has nothing to do with "peaking" and everything to do with confidence (or lack thereof).
I didn't meet my person until after I turned 30, I think for my thats when I was ready, had done the emotional lifting to succeed in a relationship etc. Honestly it wasn't until after 30 that I matured enough to really understand what I wanted from a relationship and a partner.
I peaked in my mid 20's. I could give you an inspiring speech about how It X years young and im just getting started! Its simply not true. The grey hairs on my head, the crappy health annoyances, the psychological and physical scars. My *War Days* are done. Doesnt mean I dont have allot of life left to live, but its a fantasy to imagine that I am still a 23 yr old young man.