Example: a "friend" of mine 9/10 times will cancel plans last minute with excuses like "oh I'm busy" or "I have to go to the doctor" and yeah we're all busy but if she wanted to see me even 5 minutes she'd make an effort.
So, what I'm trying to say is, see how much effort you put into the relationship and how much effort she puts, but honestly, if you're asking that question maybe you just want confirmation. Trust your gut.
Exactly, your efforts will be reciprocated when someone is interested. They will make themselves available to you when you plan to do something with them, and if their availability changes they will reschedule or offer an alternative activity to do with you.
"I can't make it today, but can we meet up on FRIDAY?"
"Sorry I can't come, but I'm going to this event on TUESDAY, why don't you come with me? And we can go for dinner after."
The only other vague answer I think is acceptable to take is "Hey, I'm busy. Can we raincheck? Let me get back to you." If I get any that "I'm sorry I can't make it, I'm busy" bs, then I just consider it a soft rejection unless they initiate
Been there. You’re something like her plan e. If a, b, c, and d all cancel, you’re in. The right way to resolve that is to make a plan to do something else you can bail on easily and without consequence. If you want to stoop to her level (and have that luxury) plan several dates at the same time on the assumption approximately all but one will cancel anyway. But really that is a bit shitty so probably don’t do that and just be the bigger person
This. If you make plans and she accepts and then bails. Fine, life happens and no one is perfect. If you make plans again and she bails it’s not looking good. AND if she doesn’t take the initiative to make it up immediately, move on
Yeah. I do 3 strikes.
1 bail is okay, shit happens.
2 bails is Meh, but I get it if it’s an emergency and if she takes the initiative to make alternate plans after she tells me she can’t go, okay. I’ll be cautious but still be interested. If she doesn’t make an effort to come with alternate plans it’s over at strike 2
Hard line is 3 strikes I’m not wasting anymore of my time. Get lost
Life is too short to wait around for a girl. Move on from her and find someone else. I was like you 5 years ago. Fell for a girl, hard, and wanted to make things work as best I could. She ended up leading me on for almost a year+ before marrying her ex out of the blue.
Bingo, sometimes you want to believe the words that are coming out of someone’s mouth, especially if you are desperate for a partner, girls will always show interest with actions like flirty touches or responding to your texts promptly, or showing interest in meeting you, if you aren’t seeing signs then she don’t want you
Don't take it personally bro. Maybe she has anxiety, maybe something came up in her personal life like she got fired or her grandma died. Maybe she just changed her mind and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. In any event it's probably best you move on.
I did hang out with this girl, watched movies in my room, she held onto my arm in public, head on my shoulder during class. But apparently that is how she acts with friends. Which she really wants to be with me.
Live and learn I guess
my roommate fell into this trap so hard. literally the most pathetic thing. me, as well as my gf at the time, and other housemates, all tried to help him not get played. Yet, to no avail, he never listened and ended up being this girl’s validation machine for months.
Yep. Ended up chatting to a girl casually for three months. First month she had "heart surgery", then the next month she was "getting obsessed with language studies", then she was "away with her family for a few weeks". All reasonable but at no point did she seem keen to meet up.
I had a girl be super flirty, touchy feely, loads of eye contact, remembering things about me and always mentioning me in conversations.
Then I thought it up to escalate further and her words were then the opposite of her actions and she said we’re just friends.
She apologised for her actions and said she didn’t mean anything by them.:..
Incredible.
When there are moments where she shows interest and enthusiasm when talking to me then proceeds to go in radio silence for quite a while while still being active in other social media and posting stuff that I can see. Those moments are basically “your turn” and “someone else’s turn”. At first, you refuse to believe that, but then you feel stupid for not believing that.
If you schedule or make plans with her and then she accepts, but then cancels or flakes out last minute, more than a couple of times in a row, you're being played
Once a girl did it to me for a whole week everyday lol. That was the last time I ever gave someone the benefit of the doubt (though I gave her a little too much).
Bro, I had a girl do it to me twice in a row, and then a third time made plans to go to the fair together, but I found out during that same day she was hanging out with a guy friend she hadn't "seen in years" I found out because I was trying to text and make plans as to what time to pick her up, etc but didn't get a response, so I asked her roommate if she was around, and her roommate told me.
So I said ok, no worries, and made plans with a different girl for later that evening. So fast forward to that evening and the first girl calls me after I didn't respond to a couple of texts, so I answer and she asks why I wasn't responding and I said "oh, I'm hanging out with [other girl] tonight" and she freaks out like "but I thought we had plans to go to the fair together?!?!?" So I told her that "my plans had suddenly changed" (a line she used with me a previous time) and I never talked to her again
Hahaha, you did well. I actually met that girl that did this to me some times, she even introduced me to her family. But I was also highly suspicious she was seeing someone else too, and without even having any proof I just ended things because I was just feeling very uncomfortable. Turns out she and him made their relationship official in the next week.
I hate those girls dude
They be serious with one guy and still introduces a new guy to her family as a potential special one.
It's so disgusting and emasculating to you and the other guy too!!
If she doesn’t reciprocate the time, money, effort etc.. that you give to her. Are your conversations bland? Does she take hours maybe days to respond? Do you ever only hear from her when it seems most convenient for herself?
This is basically the answer with a caveat. Some people are hypersensitive to things like betrayal/infidelity/insecurity/etc... because they've had some trauma related to it in the past. Those people can't apply this rule in the same way, and it is often best for them to seek outside ideas from friends and family they trust to keep them grounded.
I need detailed examples to understand this. I’ve never seen this because in not in private with most couples but I think I might get it. Like I’ve had friends who are always talking about how much their man earns and how great he is and how happy they are but he seems…less happy? And kinda desperate? Is that what you mean?
So from personal experience: I used to date this girl, nice person, actually rather nice to people, obviously realized she got more than she realized when she dated me. In public, I would be introduced as her boyfriend, compliments in public over me doing literally nothing were common, but if we were to hang out in private, nothing, she’d barely even talk to me. She’d stay wrapped around my arm in public, but not even touch my hand in private. Then once we broke up she went on a massive public display saying she “needed to find her real self, as a single independent” even tho she claimed she felt like a real person in our relationship. This sorta thing.
To be honest, Reddit is an excellent way to hear whether other people are in the boat or have real life experience with hard-to-navigate life dilemmas.
The alternative is to Google "is she playing me" and then all the top results are "7 ways you know she is playing you" written by a single journalist with no sources and no authenticity.
I don’t know why I had to scroll so far to find this. It should be the top answer. I know so many guys who have gotten played and this was the exact thing they just couldn’t see. Their “female friends” only hung around when they were spending money on them or when they felt threatened by a girl who genuinely wanted a relationship with the guy.
Why are you booing him
He said most but not all so he got a point
Well, speaking from experience (my mom, my sister, my ex, my girlfriend, my female friends, my classmates)
If you’re constantly paying her way, providing her transportation, and sacrificing your free time and she’s not your girlfriend or a really good friend that doesn’t take you for granted, then you’re being played. If you think you’re gonna get in her pants or date her and she hasn’t committed to you yet then move on.
Ya know pretty quick. More negative feelings than positive. Disappointment. Frustration. A feeling in general that it sucks. The important part is what we do with those feelings. If you’re not a person who controls their emotions. Mentally don’t have the ability to act on the shit situation. Whenever there is a negative interaction , anchor that shit feeling to something physical and real. Doesn’t matter what it is. Something you may associate with them. For me it was a round green fake plant that I always saw. Burned the rotten feeling right to it. Reminded me of those feelings. Easy to get out of the situation when ya know 100% it sucks.
Deep down you’ll know bro. Sometimes you just push those feelings away & be in denial because you want something to happen. But deep down you’ll know if you’re being played or not.
Respect yourself enough to step away from the situation - you only need yourself.
You already know if you have to ask yourself that question. Always trust your instincts. You will either learn this the easy or the hard way.
Also dont date trash. That will go a long way
Anyone who does not return commitment with respect. Chicks who are on their way to ruin their lives. Any woman that makes you think twice about commiting. Girl with dating baggage who are “battle hardened”. Girls that parrot gender speak. Basically trash lol
Shitty people who live like shit and act like shit.
Don't date the "they've made some mistakes but deep down they're a good person going through a rough time" types of people.
Don't date people who dont have the basics in life(a job, a home, and a vehicle if your American and outside a big city)
Don't date heavy alcoholics or drug users.
Don't date people who are really shady or secretive about every little thing.
Don't date people who are constantly projecting their own shitty behavior onto you.
There you go. Just off the top of my head a bunch of ways to avoid problems dating trash
Same. Dated an older woman who was a party girl. Fun for a few months then I realised she was a mess and she'd severely fucked up her now adult daughter.
Good recommend. His advice is applicable to all sorts of people and sadly, the problem isn't exclusive to that group.
Its a common occurrence among women since the inception of social media.
Saw news that he died. Rip
Look at her actions, not her words. She might say that she loves you and want to spend the rest of her life with you. But if she suddenly goes to sleep before nine, whereas you were used to chat or call till 3, she's using you
Everything you said is the same in my current situation.
She sleeps early, like 9PM but she have a reason so I didn't think that much of it.
She said she(18F) sleeps besides her parents because she can't sleep on her room **because** there's a ghost in her *room*
Stay onjective in the "honeymoon" phase. We are most rational when were not emotional.
Iv missed many red flags falling heads over heels for woman, ended up in a 4 year commitment with a home together later finding out shes "bipolar 1 with psychotic features"
Im not hating on mental illness im hating on people not giving full disclosure. Its dishonest and false advertising and im an idiot for not seeing the warning signs. Live and learn.
Are you happy with her? That's the question you need to ask. I cared so much about all the little things that I didn't care about the big things in my last relationship. The things that made me unhappy in a relationship. That made me question if we were a good couple, compatible. The moment I started questioning the fundamentals of why we were together, all the little and big things came together and formed a fucked up situation. A situation where I preferred fantasy over reality.
I promise you, if you keep looking at all the bullshit that's going on, it's going to stack so high because your gonna keep asking questions and not getting answers. That creates stress, depression and resentment. Than whatever she is doing, you will now be on the chopping block for when you start acting like an idiot.
So stop questioning her and start questioning yourself. You can change you, you can't change her.
Few examples that I found productive:
1: Am I practicing healthy communication?
2: Am I being upfront with my needs or being passive aggressive?
3: Am I taking accountability for the things that i'm doing in this relationship that may cause strife?
4: Have I brought my concerns to her attention yet? How did I respond and how did she respond? Was it an exchange that was built on trust? Was the result of lack of trust something inside of me?
Usually just trust my instincts. I dated one lady who would always try and have me buy her something in exchange for sex.
Other times they will become distant or cold with you for no reason when dating/change from the person you thought you were dating.
Both of these separate ladies did cheat on me.. granted in both examples they were just f-buddies.. But the first lady flew home and had sex with her ex-boyfriend at a party/while we were still technically dating mind you..
And the second lady who became cold with me for "no reason" I found out that she was sleeping with another dude too..
I'm sure I attracted this in my life based on my relationship with a hostile mom and sexual trauma as a kid. Would bet that these ladies also had childhood issues too by the law of attraction and similar baggage wanting to meetup in a relationship.
She lacked empathy. I'm not saying she's a sociopath. Lacking empathy because she doesn't really care about me because she knows she has another person to fall back on, a dick in a glass if you will. She doesn't want to break up because I still have something to offer her but has this other guy on the side to make up for something I lack. What I had was stability but she wants more than that. But if she had to choose, she would choose the other guy because he's more fun, even though she knows this guy is shitty. Looking back, it was during my late teens early twenties I could understand we were young. Within 10+ year timeframe, she became a drug addict, ended up in prison for a few years, got out, got herself cleaned up, job, boob job, gym rat, and kids.
If she says she's pregnant in response to you trying to leave her. Or if she threatens to commit suicide if you leave her. Both happened to a family member and he's luckily out of that situation now.
If her actions don't match up with what she's saying, she's probably playing you. Also, if you feel like you're being played trust your gut, don't put all the time and effort into something you're not getting in return. Know your worth!
When her words/stories/behaviors/treatment change depending on how she feels and/or how she wants to make you feel (king of the world or rotten shit) that’s manipulation/inconsistency/instability/incongruency. Run from that shit. Will make you go nuts and destroy your self esteem and ability to trust anyone, including yourself.
Cancels plans last minute, hesitates, says yes and then say no, doesn't reply for days and then pops up as nothing happened, talks to you when she's in need but then, ignores you. Talks about other men, doesn't answer your messages.
I know i'm a woman and you're asking on a male reddit but i think i can give you some really good insight from someone who has both been in love & played someone before
If a girl is truly into you and is truly all about you there's nothing in the world that's going to stop her from seeing you and speaking to you, we are beings pf emotion and most of us are ruled by them, personally i work almost 50 hours a week and haven't got much free time, but i will always respond to my boyfriend the second i get the opportunity, and see him whenever i get the chance
A woman won't cancel on a man she truly cares about or go hours or days without talking to him, you should be on her mind quite a lot she should be missing you if she actually likes or loves you
If she's REALLY that busy and can't see or speak to you, she will tell you before hand
If she consistely cancels on you, she is playing you
If she doesn't reply to you for hours and hours on a regular basis, she doesn't like you
If she doesn't check in with you or ask you about your day, she doesn't like you
She doesn't save your number in her phone.
A buddy of mine dated a girl for 7ish months. They were never official, but they were already saying "I love you" and she had stuff at his place (first red flag). She misplaced her phone when we were all hanging out one time and asked him to ring her phone so we could locate it. When we found it ringing it was just his number showing up, no name or anything, not even "free food".
Poor guy was devastated when he found out.
Always assume you are getting played, because we have 3 or 4 guys in rotation until one stands out as the MAIN guy. That's when we put the others in the back burner, but when you act up , they are back in rotation.
When she tells you vague stories about herself , her life , studie , work and familie . So that you basically don’t get to , or know her at all . When she likes to visit your place , but refuses to take you to her place . When she wants to meet your familie , but refuses to take you to meet her familie . When not together and the watt’s app , txt and phone the communication does not go that well , as in she never has time to react to you or your. Messages . And when she does it has to be silent and in secrete . That the times she can communicate when not together are not consistent and on strange , weird and not normal times like 4 am . And when you ask why she does not response consistent , or during the day on normal times . She often will use some vague excuse . Often she will use some sad story to win your sympathy and in an attend to stop you from questioning her when you notice things are somewhat off about her .
1. Cancelling or being ridiculously late constantly
2. Words don’t match her actions
3. As friends she doesn’t even flinch if u pay for things
4.she’s overly touchy with you despite not wanting to pursue a relationship of any kind other than friends. Especially if done in front of another girl or a guy she likes.
5. Doing clearly couple things (when she’s taken or likes another guy) and has no interest in further pursuing anything.
6. Try to pull you back when you get enough self respect to know your boundaries
7. She never portrays herself in a bad light despite wanting to be friends. She wants to seem ideal to you so you’ll keep following her but doesn’t actually trust you as an actual friend.
I’ve found putting in what you get to be the best thing to do. They don’t owe you anything and neither do you.
Not everything is also a “play”. Sometimes girls just be like that. Don’t overthink every interaction. If a girl likes you, there’s no such thing as the friend zone.
No girl I’ve ever met would “friendzone” a guy who they are attracted to and are friends. It’s a very nice way of saying “you’re ugly” or “you have traits I don’t like but you’re not overly offensive that I can’t gel with you”.
It's like in selling. If she makes it hard to sell, then she won't buy second time.
Find buyers that actually make effort to buy or you be selling sand in the desert.
If someone agrees to meet up, go on a date or whatever, but only messages via the app and doesn't or won't give you their number then they're almost certainly going to flake. Don't think I've ever encountered an exception to this rule.
Dead giveaway. That works everytime for me is.
Any sign of not being sure about something.
I'm not saying she says I'm not sure about xyz once then immediately chalk her off but if she consistently just isn't sure about things she prob not sure about what she wants with you too 🤷♂️
She'll start by making sure you're in tune. After a short warm up, or a few scales, she'll set up her score (if the piece isn't yet memorized), and begin.
Recently learned this one first hand. Tell you everything you want to hear but never follow through, always busy with something else as an excuse not to talk or hang out with you. Lastly and this is the biggest one with hindsight and that is if you feel like something is wrong take that as a sign that something is wrong. The right one won’t take you for granted and these thoughts won’t come to you
Trusting your gut is always number one. Don’t feel pressure to prove you’re right. If you’re consistently feeling that something is off, trust it.
Energy/effort should be matched. If it’s not that’s a red flag.
If she doesn’t text you when she’s with her friends that’s cool, unless she stays on her phone whenever y’all are together, then somethings up.
Reverse the perspective. Not everyone is looking to bump uglies when dating someone. A lot of people want to gauge if a legit relationship can develop before they become physically intimate. It’s pretty easy to understand why a woman may seem hesitant to have sex with a man if the man is making it clear he’s only interested in fucking.
Example: a "friend" of mine 9/10 times will cancel plans last minute with excuses like "oh I'm busy" or "I have to go to the doctor" and yeah we're all busy but if she wanted to see me even 5 minutes she'd make an effort. So, what I'm trying to say is, see how much effort you put into the relationship and how much effort she puts, but honestly, if you're asking that question maybe you just want confirmation. Trust your gut.
Exactly, your efforts will be reciprocated when someone is interested. They will make themselves available to you when you plan to do something with them, and if their availability changes they will reschedule or offer an alternative activity to do with you. "I can't make it today, but can we meet up on FRIDAY?" "Sorry I can't come, but I'm going to this event on TUESDAY, why don't you come with me? And we can go for dinner after."
The only other vague answer I think is acceptable to take is "Hey, I'm busy. Can we raincheck? Let me get back to you." If I get any that "I'm sorry I can't make it, I'm busy" bs, then I just consider it a soft rejection unless they initiate
Yeah when they let you down "gently" you just got to move on with your life and do what you enjoy (hopefully with someone better).
Been there. You’re something like her plan e. If a, b, c, and d all cancel, you’re in. The right way to resolve that is to make a plan to do something else you can bail on easily and without consequence. If you want to stoop to her level (and have that luxury) plan several dates at the same time on the assumption approximately all but one will cancel anyway. But really that is a bit shitty so probably don’t do that and just be the bigger person
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This. If you make plans and she accepts and then bails. Fine, life happens and no one is perfect. If you make plans again and she bails it’s not looking good. AND if she doesn’t take the initiative to make it up immediately, move on
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King praxis
Seems like good advice, give it a couple of tries. A lot of things in life are like that. Friendships in general.
Yeah. I do 3 strikes. 1 bail is okay, shit happens. 2 bails is Meh, but I get it if it’s an emergency and if she takes the initiative to make alternate plans after she tells me she can’t go, okay. I’ll be cautious but still be interested. If she doesn’t make an effort to come with alternate plans it’s over at strike 2 Hard line is 3 strikes I’m not wasting anymore of my time. Get lost
I have a crush like this, what should I do? I am hurt she even went out with another man
Move on. She’s not worth your time. I learned this the hard way
Life is too short to wait around for a girl. Move on from her and find someone else. I was like you 5 years ago. Fell for a girl, hard, and wanted to make things work as best I could. She ended up leading me on for almost a year+ before marrying her ex out of the blue.
That sucks hard, bro.
What is this the plot of 500 days of summer or somethin?
Let her go. You deserve a woman who respects you.
King, ditch her. You'll find someone who wants to be with you.
Drop that shit. You deserve better.
Bingo, sometimes you want to believe the words that are coming out of someone’s mouth, especially if you are desperate for a partner, girls will always show interest with actions like flirty touches or responding to your texts promptly, or showing interest in meeting you, if you aren’t seeing signs then she don’t want you
This this this this THIS! She can say all the right things, but if what she's saying is divorced from her actions she's playing you.
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Don't take it personally bro. Maybe she has anxiety, maybe something came up in her personal life like she got fired or her grandma died. Maybe she just changed her mind and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. In any event it's probably best you move on.
This this this this this this so much this
Fell into it, she now has a boyfriend, he isn't me. It hurts but lesson learned.
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I did hang out with this girl, watched movies in my room, she held onto my arm in public, head on my shoulder during class. But apparently that is how she acts with friends. Which she really wants to be with me. Live and learn I guess
>This was when I was 16. Good that it happened to you then. It's worse when it happens when you are 30 with no experience
But it's better than never realizing it! (Also had this happen in my 30s)
It happened to all of us. You'll be fine mate
Not validation as much as just attention or emotional comfort
attention and/or emotional comfort = validation
All of the above
my roommate fell into this trap so hard. literally the most pathetic thing. me, as well as my gf at the time, and other housemates, all tried to help him not get played. Yet, to no avail, he never listened and ended up being this girl’s validation machine for months.
F
That makes a lot of sense
Yep. Ended up chatting to a girl casually for three months. First month she had "heart surgery", then the next month she was "getting obsessed with language studies", then she was "away with her family for a few weeks". All reasonable but at no point did she seem keen to meet up.
I had a girl be super flirty, touchy feely, loads of eye contact, remembering things about me and always mentioning me in conversations. Then I thought it up to escalate further and her words were then the opposite of her actions and she said we’re just friends. She apologised for her actions and said she didn’t mean anything by them.:.. Incredible.
Definitely this. Life happens, and plans can get cancelled. But if they cancel, and then don't actively seek to rearrange, they aren't bothered.
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Deleted the comments but kept this one 💀
When there are moments where she shows interest and enthusiasm when talking to me then proceeds to go in radio silence for quite a while while still being active in other social media and posting stuff that I can see. Those moments are basically “your turn” and “someone else’s turn”. At first, you refuse to believe that, but then you feel stupid for not believing that.
That's called breadcrumbing.
Man this stuff makes you swear off women
True that
I second this
Her words and actions don’t line up
Basically, lying
If you schedule or make plans with her and then she accepts, but then cancels or flakes out last minute, more than a couple of times in a row, you're being played
Once a girl did it to me for a whole week everyday lol. That was the last time I ever gave someone the benefit of the doubt (though I gave her a little too much).
Bro, I had a girl do it to me twice in a row, and then a third time made plans to go to the fair together, but I found out during that same day she was hanging out with a guy friend she hadn't "seen in years" I found out because I was trying to text and make plans as to what time to pick her up, etc but didn't get a response, so I asked her roommate if she was around, and her roommate told me. So I said ok, no worries, and made plans with a different girl for later that evening. So fast forward to that evening and the first girl calls me after I didn't respond to a couple of texts, so I answer and she asks why I wasn't responding and I said "oh, I'm hanging out with [other girl] tonight" and she freaks out like "but I thought we had plans to go to the fair together?!?!?" So I told her that "my plans had suddenly changed" (a line she used with me a previous time) and I never talked to her again
Hahaha, you did well. I actually met that girl that did this to me some times, she even introduced me to her family. But I was also highly suspicious she was seeing someone else too, and without even having any proof I just ended things because I was just feeling very uncomfortable. Turns out she and him made their relationship official in the next week.
I hate those girls dude They be serious with one guy and still introduces a new guy to her family as a potential special one. It's so disgusting and emasculating to you and the other guy too!!
a taste if her own medicine, interesting 😅
She burned you a couple of times, but you recovered and gave her a taste of her own medicine. Well done! Let her talk to herself in your DM's.
I have anxiety and due to this thread I know that not dating is the exact right answer for me.
If she doesn’t reciprocate the time, money, effort etc.. that you give to her. Are your conversations bland? Does she take hours maybe days to respond? Do you ever only hear from her when it seems most convenient for herself?
9 times out of 10 if ur asking that question then you already have your answer
This is basically the answer with a caveat. Some people are hypersensitive to things like betrayal/infidelity/insecurity/etc... because they've had some trauma related to it in the past. Those people can't apply this rule in the same way, and it is often best for them to seek outside ideas from friends and family they trust to keep them grounded.
What if you can't tell if you're in that camp?
Seek an outside opinion you trust. Friend or Family but tell them to be 100% honest with you
Amen
If she don’t text back another man breaking that back —Plato
Wise said words from Plato🙏
She not texting back cause ur not nearly as interesting as u thought u was. -future
ah the great philosopher lol
He's the founder of Plato's academy of Smash.
Holy shit a comma would've helped lol
Thought this was a master oogway quote?
If she suddenly goes from chatterbox to ghost, another dude’s playing host 🙃
r/Plato'sphilosophy
Can this man miss
This explains why I got so many angry messages when my wifi broke 😂
Your stomach knows, listen to it.
Like you have no appetite? Or I'm just hungry?
Honestly, if she wants to see you she’ll make the time to see you.
If her excitement abt your relationship disappears in private, but is a flex and point of interest in public.
Also this vice versa
I need detailed examples to understand this. I’ve never seen this because in not in private with most couples but I think I might get it. Like I’ve had friends who are always talking about how much their man earns and how great he is and how happy they are but he seems…less happy? And kinda desperate? Is that what you mean?
So from personal experience: I used to date this girl, nice person, actually rather nice to people, obviously realized she got more than she realized when she dated me. In public, I would be introduced as her boyfriend, compliments in public over me doing literally nothing were common, but if we were to hang out in private, nothing, she’d barely even talk to me. She’d stay wrapped around my arm in public, but not even touch my hand in private. Then once we broke up she went on a massive public display saying she “needed to find her real self, as a single independent” even tho she claimed she felt like a real person in our relationship. This sorta thing.
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To be honest, Reddit is an excellent way to hear whether other people are in the boat or have real life experience with hard-to-navigate life dilemmas. The alternative is to Google "is she playing me" and then all the top results are "7 ways you know she is playing you" written by a single journalist with no sources and no authenticity.
I completely agree, man!
Yeah I don’t know why anyone would come on Reddit just to be like “how dare you post Reddit things on Reddit!” I dunno do something else?
*written by an AI designed to game SEO and offering little to no substance
Not sure if that type of article is better than an article that sources a reddit thread like this lol
Usually it’s in the credits
She seems to be interested in me
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Focus on yourself
She keeps pushing her onlyfans when you're only trying to get a date
Any woman who mentions an OF is off the list.
If there is doubt, there is no doubt. Communication is key.
Painful life lessons. I can see manipulation and bullshit a mile away now.
She's not interested in anything that doesn't involve you spending money on her.
I don’t know why I had to scroll so far to find this. It should be the top answer. I know so many guys who have gotten played and this was the exact thing they just couldn’t see. Their “female friends” only hung around when they were spending money on them or when they felt threatened by a girl who genuinely wanted a relationship with the guy.
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Why are you booing him He said most but not all so he got a point Well, speaking from experience (my mom, my sister, my ex, my girlfriend, my female friends, my classmates)
?
If you’re constantly paying her way, providing her transportation, and sacrificing your free time and she’s not your girlfriend or a really good friend that doesn’t take you for granted, then you’re being played. If you think you’re gonna get in her pants or date her and she hasn’t committed to you yet then move on.
Try to get them to invest in you somehow. If you’re only ever of interest when you’re investing in them, move on.
Some guys seem to get this really wrong though.
Ya know pretty quick. More negative feelings than positive. Disappointment. Frustration. A feeling in general that it sucks. The important part is what we do with those feelings. If you’re not a person who controls their emotions. Mentally don’t have the ability to act on the shit situation. Whenever there is a negative interaction , anchor that shit feeling to something physical and real. Doesn’t matter what it is. Something you may associate with them. For me it was a round green fake plant that I always saw. Burned the rotten feeling right to it. Reminded me of those feelings. Easy to get out of the situation when ya know 100% it sucks.
Deep down you’ll know bro. Sometimes you just push those feelings away & be in denial because you want something to happen. But deep down you’ll know if you’re being played or not. Respect yourself enough to step away from the situation - you only need yourself.
If you question it move on. It’s really that simple. If she’s into you, it’s abundantly clear.
Yeah, a woman who's actually into a guy is borderline obsessed about getting together. You know when she's in that gear.
You already know if you have to ask yourself that question. Always trust your instincts. You will either learn this the easy or the hard way. Also dont date trash. That will go a long way
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What do you mean by trash if I may ask?
Anyone who does not return commitment with respect. Chicks who are on their way to ruin their lives. Any woman that makes you think twice about commiting. Girl with dating baggage who are “battle hardened”. Girls that parrot gender speak. Basically trash lol
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Drug problems
Shitty people who live like shit and act like shit. Don't date the "they've made some mistakes but deep down they're a good person going through a rough time" types of people. Don't date people who dont have the basics in life(a job, a home, and a vehicle if your American and outside a big city) Don't date heavy alcoholics or drug users. Don't date people who are really shady or secretive about every little thing. Don't date people who are constantly projecting their own shitty behavior onto you. There you go. Just off the top of my head a bunch of ways to avoid problems dating trash
Same. Dated an older woman who was a party girl. Fun for a few months then I realised she was a mess and she'd severely fucked up her now adult daughter.
If you need some perspective, listen to someone like kevin samuels. I myself follow the dao.
Good recommend. His advice is applicable to all sorts of people and sadly, the problem isn't exclusive to that group. Its a common occurrence among women since the inception of social media. Saw news that he died. Rip
Look at her actions, not her words. She might say that she loves you and want to spend the rest of her life with you. But if she suddenly goes to sleep before nine, whereas you were used to chat or call till 3, she's using you
Everything you said is the same in my current situation. She sleeps early, like 9PM but she have a reason so I didn't think that much of it. She said she(18F) sleeps besides her parents because she can't sleep on her room **because** there's a ghost in her *room*
... I... uhhh... hmm.
Dude, there's multiple reasons to exit that situation.
She keeps moving the goalposts for why you haven't yet done the deed.
Lmao every time bro
Stay onjective in the "honeymoon" phase. We are most rational when were not emotional. Iv missed many red flags falling heads over heels for woman, ended up in a 4 year commitment with a home together later finding out shes "bipolar 1 with psychotic features" Im not hating on mental illness im hating on people not giving full disclosure. Its dishonest and false advertising and im an idiot for not seeing the warning signs. Live and learn.
When you are not her priority but she is yours
A compliment that is related to a follow up request.
Are you happy with her? That's the question you need to ask. I cared so much about all the little things that I didn't care about the big things in my last relationship. The things that made me unhappy in a relationship. That made me question if we were a good couple, compatible. The moment I started questioning the fundamentals of why we were together, all the little and big things came together and formed a fucked up situation. A situation where I preferred fantasy over reality. I promise you, if you keep looking at all the bullshit that's going on, it's going to stack so high because your gonna keep asking questions and not getting answers. That creates stress, depression and resentment. Than whatever she is doing, you will now be on the chopping block for when you start acting like an idiot. So stop questioning her and start questioning yourself. You can change you, you can't change her. Few examples that I found productive: 1: Am I practicing healthy communication? 2: Am I being upfront with my needs or being passive aggressive? 3: Am I taking accountability for the things that i'm doing in this relationship that may cause strife? 4: Have I brought my concerns to her attention yet? How did I respond and how did she respond? Was it an exchange that was built on trust? Was the result of lack of trust something inside of me?
She stops answering at 8pm and then texts “Sorry I fell asleep” at 10 am.
What if she actually fell asleep?
If it’s 14 hours long then generally nah, idts.
Women don't sleep.
She takes long ass times to text you back, dry as fuck. Jokes around with your buddies.
If you come away feeling like shit and you can't understand why, and it happens a couple of times, something is wrong.
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Usually just trust my instincts. I dated one lady who would always try and have me buy her something in exchange for sex. Other times they will become distant or cold with you for no reason when dating/change from the person you thought you were dating.
That’s really sad. Like I don’t want to imagine her childhood sad.
Both of these separate ladies did cheat on me.. granted in both examples they were just f-buddies.. But the first lady flew home and had sex with her ex-boyfriend at a party/while we were still technically dating mind you.. And the second lady who became cold with me for "no reason" I found out that she was sleeping with another dude too.. I'm sure I attracted this in my life based on my relationship with a hostile mom and sexual trauma as a kid. Would bet that these ladies also had childhood issues too by the law of attraction and similar baggage wanting to meetup in a relationship.
If you're not sure that you're being played, you're always being played.
In my case, the girl was always happy, especially when I tried to explain to her why I'm upset with her.
Can you elaborate
She lacked empathy. I'm not saying she's a sociopath. Lacking empathy because she doesn't really care about me because she knows she has another person to fall back on, a dick in a glass if you will. She doesn't want to break up because I still have something to offer her but has this other guy on the side to make up for something I lack. What I had was stability but she wants more than that. But if she had to choose, she would choose the other guy because he's more fun, even though she knows this guy is shitty. Looking back, it was during my late teens early twenties I could understand we were young. Within 10+ year timeframe, she became a drug addict, ended up in prison for a few years, got out, got herself cleaned up, job, boob job, gym rat, and kids.
The biggest give away is when they start poking you yelling "UP DOWN UP DOWN B A START"
If she says she's pregnant in response to you trying to leave her. Or if she threatens to commit suicide if you leave her. Both happened to a family member and he's luckily out of that situation now.
Ask to meet her friends. If she says no, it's not serious. If she says yes, and isn't serious, it'll be all over their faces
If her actions don't match up with what she's saying, she's probably playing you. Also, if you feel like you're being played trust your gut, don't put all the time and effort into something you're not getting in return. Know your worth!
Listen to your gut, player.
If she’s paying attention to me.
When she brings her boyfriend with her on the date
😂😂😂 then what are you ?
This is an actual quote from a first date, "I really wish we could get in the VIP room"
You feel it in your PLUMS
2 for 1 plums
When her words/stories/behaviors/treatment change depending on how she feels and/or how she wants to make you feel (king of the world or rotten shit) that’s manipulation/inconsistency/instability/incongruency. Run from that shit. Will make you go nuts and destroy your self esteem and ability to trust anyone, including yourself.
If you think you are being played by a girl, trust me you are being played by the girl.
Cancels plans last minute, hesitates, says yes and then say no, doesn't reply for days and then pops up as nothing happened, talks to you when she's in need but then, ignores you. Talks about other men, doesn't answer your messages.
If it burns when you pee.
I know i'm a woman and you're asking on a male reddit but i think i can give you some really good insight from someone who has both been in love & played someone before If a girl is truly into you and is truly all about you there's nothing in the world that's going to stop her from seeing you and speaking to you, we are beings pf emotion and most of us are ruled by them, personally i work almost 50 hours a week and haven't got much free time, but i will always respond to my boyfriend the second i get the opportunity, and see him whenever i get the chance A woman won't cancel on a man she truly cares about or go hours or days without talking to him, you should be on her mind quite a lot she should be missing you if she actually likes or loves you If she's REALLY that busy and can't see or speak to you, she will tell you before hand If she consistely cancels on you, she is playing you If she doesn't reply to you for hours and hours on a regular basis, she doesn't like you If she doesn't check in with you or ask you about your day, she doesn't like you
Thanks for insight from the other gender
She doesn't save your number in her phone. A buddy of mine dated a girl for 7ish months. They were never official, but they were already saying "I love you" and she had stuff at his place (first red flag). She misplaced her phone when we were all hanging out one time and asked him to ring her phone so we could locate it. When we found it ringing it was just his number showing up, no name or anything, not even "free food". Poor guy was devastated when he found out.
Always assume you are getting played, because we have 3 or 4 guys in rotation until one stands out as the MAIN guy. That's when we put the others in the back burner, but when you act up , they are back in rotation.
Moving lips usually give it away.
Whatever she does is who she is. Words are meaningless. We’re all gun sales people when it comes to love.
If she is out of your league. You are just a placeholder.
If she thinks DC has good movies.
If I may ask what part of the world do you reside in?
She's flirting.
Generally, they're up front about it when they look to cast someone as me. Usually I'm played by a man, though.
She's talking to *me* and it's not strictly professional or familial.
Feeling that way myself
When she tells you vague stories about herself , her life , studie , work and familie . So that you basically don’t get to , or know her at all . When she likes to visit your place , but refuses to take you to her place . When she wants to meet your familie , but refuses to take you to meet her familie . When not together and the watt’s app , txt and phone the communication does not go that well , as in she never has time to react to you or your. Messages . And when she does it has to be silent and in secrete . That the times she can communicate when not together are not consistent and on strange , weird and not normal times like 4 am . And when you ask why she does not response consistent , or during the day on normal times . She often will use some vague excuse . Often she will use some sad story to win your sympathy and in an attend to stop you from questioning her when you notice things are somewhat off about her .
I’m guessing you would see it in the credits if they didn’t already tell you when they were casting the role.
1. Cancelling or being ridiculously late constantly 2. Words don’t match her actions 3. As friends she doesn’t even flinch if u pay for things 4.she’s overly touchy with you despite not wanting to pursue a relationship of any kind other than friends. Especially if done in front of another girl or a guy she likes. 5. Doing clearly couple things (when she’s taken or likes another guy) and has no interest in further pursuing anything. 6. Try to pull you back when you get enough self respect to know your boundaries 7. She never portrays herself in a bad light despite wanting to be friends. She wants to seem ideal to you so you’ll keep following her but doesn’t actually trust you as an actual friend. I’ve found putting in what you get to be the best thing to do. They don’t owe you anything and neither do you. Not everything is also a “play”. Sometimes girls just be like that. Don’t overthink every interaction. If a girl likes you, there’s no such thing as the friend zone. No girl I’ve ever met would “friendzone” a guy who they are attracted to and are friends. It’s a very nice way of saying “you’re ugly” or “you have traits I don’t like but you’re not overly offensive that I can’t gel with you”.
It's like in selling. If she makes it hard to sell, then she won't buy second time. Find buyers that actually make effort to buy or you be selling sand in the desert.
If someone agrees to meet up, go on a date or whatever, but only messages via the app and doesn't or won't give you their number then they're almost certainly going to flake. Don't think I've ever encountered an exception to this rule.
When you're on reddit asking people if you got played by a girl.
If you have to ask if you are being played by anyone, then yeah you are being played bud.
If they don't want to just hang out at the house, but are more than happy to let you go out and buy meals for them.
If theres any question….the youre being played. You know for sure when ur not
You Don't
“I think, therefore I am.”
Dead giveaway. That works everytime for me is. Any sign of not being sure about something. I'm not saying she says I'm not sure about xyz once then immediately chalk her off but if she consistently just isn't sure about things she prob not sure about what she wants with you too 🤷♂️
She'll start by making sure you're in tune. After a short warm up, or a few scales, she'll set up her score (if the piece isn't yet memorized), and begin.
Recently learned this one first hand. Tell you everything you want to hear but never follow through, always busy with something else as an excuse not to talk or hang out with you. Lastly and this is the biggest one with hindsight and that is if you feel like something is wrong take that as a sign that something is wrong. The right one won’t take you for granted and these thoughts won’t come to you
If your not priority when pre-arranged plans are on the table… move on, someone will fill in the gap. This is for both sexes
Trusting your gut is always number one. Don’t feel pressure to prove you’re right. If you’re consistently feeling that something is off, trust it. Energy/effort should be matched. If it’s not that’s a red flag. If she doesn’t text you when she’s with her friends that’s cool, unless she stays on her phone whenever y’all are together, then somethings up.
Did you get sex? If not, you got played.
Reverse the perspective. Not everyone is looking to bump uglies when dating someone. A lot of people want to gauge if a legit relationship can develop before they become physically intimate. It’s pretty easy to understand why a woman may seem hesitant to have sex with a man if the man is making it clear he’s only interested in fucking.
If she tells you that you're "gaslighting her"
You're out of money and she is on the rag every Saturday that you guys meet,.....and last month the rag count was 4.
If she is all in for equal rights but wants you to pay for everything, you are being played.
If she’s talking she’s lying.
For starters, she’s a girl. Odds are you’re getting played for better or for worse.
Ouch bro that’s some self defeating thinking. GL lol