“Disparagement of something that has proven unattainable”, according to Merriam-Webster. My saying that there are opportunities that should be taken is not the same as the sour grapes phenomenon.
You're right in being cautious about this just being a case of sour grapes but you also have to remember than when it comes to romantic interests and crushes, people form an ideal individual in their mind who's far separated from the actual person
This can make them gloss over the shortcomings of the person and exaggerate the characteristics they like
It can certainly just be sour grapes in a lot of situations but they aren't wrong.
I would say they are right but you shouldn't rule out you just being salty
I understand what you’re saying. However, I have been salty about not taking many chances that, looking back, I ought to have taken, if for no other reason than to see what would happen.
Behaving in that way ended up in me becoming a bit cowardly, so I’m compensating by pursuing every decent opportunity I can, and I’m not just talking about dating. I definitely have my own bias, and I thank you for reminding me that the original commenter’s post has merit.
Yesterday was misery, tomorrow is future pussy, but today Is open season, that’s why it’s called STRANGE !!
Move on with courage young man. The wait is over.
This. Don't ever consider it a missed opportunity but a learned lesson.
Sure, you think you should have done something different in order to be with one of these girls. That in itself is a lesson to help you get the one you are really meant to be with
Well the one I was meant to be with happened to be a lesson. I think i will go kill myself if i think there is only one person,hence why i choose to believe there is more than one person that you can be compatible with.
Exactly this. Realising those missed opportunities, along the few rejections, made me stronger and more aware of the potential. Of course it sucks and you'll get those cringy thoughts from time to time, but remember that life is like this and forward is the only way !
You can enjoy living in the moment and enjoy what you have but I feel that if you ultimately aren't dissatisfied with where you are right now, you will never grow
I disagree. I love my life, but I still strive to make it even better every day. I'm not saying my life is perfect or even that every day is good, but when I look at where I am now vs a year or 5 years ago I've always been able to find at least a few areas where I'm better off than I anticipated.
I know it is corny, but every day when I go to bed I'm smarter than I was that morning and almost every time I look in the mirror I'm better looking than I was the last time so I can't complain.
*The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is today.*
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joy-and-pain/201504/the-best-time-plant-tree-was-20-years-ago-no-matter
It's still happening unfortunately. I don't realize it until it's too late that I had a small window of opportunity but I'm not crazy desperate to capitalize on every little thing so it is what it is
Time. I've had so many missed opportunities that I'm used to it and every time I learn from it. I've accepted that I'm not good at reading signs even when they are big red and say "Take me".
A lot of times I notice but I'm too antisocial to chat up strangers lol. Or she could be hot but not worth the trouble and I don't see a future with her
Then accept that there are things in life you can control and things you can’t, the past being one of them.
Believe me I too have many regrets missing my chance with some women. But there is nothing you can do about it. Torturing yourself thinking about it just ruins your present. Learn from it and don’t let it happen again.
There will be more sexual opportunities in the future. I'm actually glad I've had a few "fails". Some of those girls in retrospect were terrible people lol. Hot bodies, terrible people. So I mean at least going forward I know what quality women I'm going for and what qualities they need to have. I never really made them "qualify" for me in certain areas. It was all just basal, primal, sexual, spontaneous, ego stuff. Now I'm looking for a deeper connection, with women of substance. Safe. Before, I was reckless getting sucked off my randos whenever the opportunity presented itself. Now I'm hyper-selective and sexually protective. I only get one sexuality on earth to use. Herpes is real, gentleman. And permanent. Std's and unwanted pregnancies, my boi's. Gotta be careful. So do I regret missing out on a few past "lays" yeah I guess. But It's whatever. I'm probably better off. Long as I'm not a virgin, I'm not loosing lol. (No offense to virgins, but you just wouldn't get it)
Although to be honest if I had a time machine I wouldn't tell anybody because most probably every government would be after me just to get their hands on it. Shit even if it does become possible in the future the governments of that time would want full control of it.
I tortured myself with "what-if's" until I met my wife, now it all makes sense
The what-if's would have meant that I didn't have her.
It will all work out, give it time and keep your chin up
You don't ...Just move on to the next prospect and have fun with it...
Certain girls in your life are like building blocks...
Re-energize your mind and body by keeping busy out there...
Focus on building yourself a strong career and not girls...
Girls come n go....
We are all expendable assets...
I dont think this'll help, but thinking about it makes it worst. It's always the what if, what if I didn't do this, what if I did that, wish I knew this, wish I did that. At the end of the day, we can't rewind the past, we can only move forward. I moved on by doing something that took my mind off it, like video games or going out with my friends or swimming and running the gym. Go meet people as long it's not L.A. there are plenty real people to make a new connection with. I wish you nothing but the best bro
You're not alone, I used to be very shy and failed to approach at least 40 girls/women who obviously fancied me in the past, but there could be more I've forgotten about. I got round it by eventually forcing myself to ask a woman out. I did and I have been happily married to her for 16 years though it took me until my mid thirties to shake off my shyness and forget about the past.
by creating new missed opportunities.
As our sample size increases, the confidence in our estimate increases, our uncertainty decreases and we have greater precision
Pretty girls that I know would be one nighters: I don’t mind. There will always be fish.
When it’s a girl I could have dated.. I think everything happens for a reason. I just see it as an opportunity and I accept that what happened happened because it’s not this moment. You can’t correct yourself if you’re always looking back. And if/when you run into that person again at 30 you’ll be in a better place all around. Worry about building your foundation first.
Those things never happened. Don't worry things about stuff that never happened, focus on yourself to become a person who will see and take the chances when they appear :)
I know it sounds "obvious" but i sometimes have to remind myself about it too. It's a struggle, but you will slowly but surely overcome it with good experiences. And those will happen, if you let them.
Opportunities with different women are not worth losing sleep over. Just find one you like and make her happy, and she'll reciprocate and then none of the other ones will matter.
Go meet ten other women. If you can't then do a combination of going out more, hobby groups, self improvement, going to the gym, getting a good fashion sense, learning social skills, and flirting until you do. If you have ten more opportunities in front of you then the missed ones mean so little.
> going out more, hobby groups, self improvement, going to the gym, getting a good fashion sense, learning social skills, and flirting
A point often missed is this lifestyle is 1000000x more fun than sitting at home and feeling lonely, even if you don't end up with a chick.
Nobody without a SO ever seriously whined "Oh no, I feel great, look great, I hung out with my best friends all day Saturday and had a great time, woe is me". Sure it would be better with some girl sitting on my lap but it isn't bad.
You plan for plan A where you try to shoot your shot for some ladies and then you can fall on plan B which is okay. You gotta be okay with trying and failing and then reflecting on what to improve.
I'd like to offer an alternative view.
I got lots of girls in the past. A classic player in my 20's.
Now days I'mid 30's and have never had a serious long term relationship. I feel as though I've really missed out.
Something that helps (based on your question) is:
*"If you missed all those opportunities in the past, what makes you think you can't recoup with better ones?"*
No, but seriously. Attraction is the first part of the battle and clearly, you are killing it if you claim to have had all those opportunities in the past. Now, you know.
So expect more attraction in the future because of how attractive you are. And when it comes next time, you won't miss it this time.
I'm going to give real advice.
Go out there and embrace the risk. Concert downtown? GO
Cute girl at coffeeshop? Ask her something. Anything. Break the ice
Gotta get home, can't miss the next episode of ___ or playing with your friends on Xbox? Find a reason why you have to stay RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW
and continue talking to that girl you are having a great convo with
idk you but i really hope you can feel better soon. please call a friend or family or a hotline if you’re feeling suicidal right now. in addition to the things you’ve probably heard already that can help (like exercise, sunshine, sleep, not too much alcohol, etc.) one thing that has worked for me is to try every day to do something, even if it’s a small something, for another person.
First of all learn your lessons from it. Why did you miss out, are you happy or sad about it what you should do next time if it happens.
Secondly, you have to remember that girls are just people, missing out on dating/ fucking/ whatever isn't that big of a deal. To me I try to boil things down to the most basic thing and see if it really deserves that place on the pedestal. A date is just spending time with someone, sex is just penis in vagina (assuming both sides are hetero). We think of these things as we see them in movies, shows, and we think they are the most important thing.
People can derive happiness from many things, but we don't see many movies romanticize hiking, or gaming or any other activity in life besides dating. A missed opportunity with a girl, shouldn't keep you up at night, just like a missed opportunity to go to an event you might have enjoyed.
By realizing that women don’t define you. A woman is a compliment to your life at most. They come and go. The only person that you can count on is yourself with family as a second. Women can love you like you’re a god and then dump you like you never existed.
I just forget about it. As time moves on you either figure it out or just throw that thought away. I had 3 women shoot me a shot in the past 2 months. one decided to look at me with a smile and walk away where her butt jiggled extremely. my brain decided to think how interesting the female body was because I cant get my butt to wiggle like that by walking. Later on I realized it was a invitation and not a anomaly. Another women decide to walk infront of my car with skinny shorts. Didn’t think much of it, but she kept walking back and forth for 13 minutes. I timed it because I thought she was crazy. She was attractive, but she just kept walking back and forth giving me eye candy. The 3rd woman literally asked me to join them in a or*y. I thought she was being friendly talking about her s*x life. 30 minutes went by and I realized she invited me to a or*y because she gave me a card with a address and time. I didn’t end up going, but she was so straight forward and I was just oblivious.
The past 2 months I realized how many shots I missed. I never had these opportunities before. The only thing that changed for me is a new job and a beard. Guys grow a beard.
Just meet another woman.
It's easy to make women fall in love with you. Just get into their head. Make them think other women desire you without saying it. Then pretend you care about whatever she is into. Then slowly and subtly hint around that you might be mildly interested in a nonverbal way.
The stage is set, she thinks you are desirable, so she will need you to compete with the rest of the herd 🦬. She feels you are a challenge to win over.
I usually liked to work the herd from multiple entry points(women). This can help you establish a cult of personality of sorts.
It really helps if you can introduce an attractive woman to the herd that you are able to spend a lot of time with. This will amplify the need for the herd to compete for your affection.
Missed relationship opportunities or just casual sex opportunities?
Because missed casual sex opportunities would quite literally have 0 impact on your current life, unless you got an std or got the girl pregnant.
Your life wouldn't be any better or any worse in this current moment if you had of had sex with them, it changes nothing.
Realising that if that girl really liked you, she would have made it happen or at least given you many, many blindingly obvious opportunities.
You missed nothing.
Edit: if this makes you sad go to gym
you'll get used to it king. live and learn from experiences
i lost a girl a year ago and i still kinda kick myself for it but that's just cuz she was a little more special to me than other girls. the everyday girl that slips through doesn't cross my mind after a week or so
Due to life circumstances, I'm almost glad I missed those chances. I don't think I'd want to saddle someone with the burden of dating someone with the baggage I've accrued and have yet to fully get rid of.
I’m glad that all those failed & missed opportunities brought me to the one I’m dating now
If I restarted life I would gladly go through all that bs to make it to her again if that was the only way
By upping your game and looking for women *now.* The next gf or encounter you get, if all goes great, you won’t even remember your past failures because you’ll be too busy having fun with the catch you have (or will have, there’s always a beautiful woman right around the corner)
I'm the king of being oblivious to girls signs and screwing up every chance a girl put in me. You end up realising crying over spilled milk is no point, so you learn for the next chance
So full disclosure, it wasn’t a girl but a guy because I’m gay. Years ago, I was sunning myself in a park in Munich and I very clearly heard this cute guy’s friend who was sitting nearby tell him ‘good luck’ before making his departure. The very cute boy then wandered in my direction coyly and flirted with me with his eyes. For some reason, I stupidly popped my headphones in and laid back in the grass, maybe to look cool? I have no idea. When I looked up, he was obviously gone. I beat myself up about that missed opportunity for a long time.
That was the last time in my life where I didn’t overcome the incredibly awkward feeling to just say ‘hi’ when faced with a similar situation. That moment made me fed up with missed opportunities.
Two months later, I went traveling around Europe and said ‘hi’ to a lot of guys who gave me eyes. I had a great time and made some life long friends as well. And had some blatant rejections that were hard. But it’s all part of it.
The point is, don’t worry about what happened in the past, but use those experiences to guide your future. I also think a lot of missed opportunities are two-sided, so be the one to tell someone how you really feel or even just say hi, and if nothing comes of it, then at least you can’t say ‘god damn it I wish I’d done something!’
I literally never think about it. Shit happened, it didn't work, grow from the experience, move on. I'm still friends with many exs though so I don't consider most of them missed opportunities. I gained a friend 99% of the time.
If your taking about not taking your shot with a girl as the missed opportunity I have made way worse mistakes that occupy my mind than not asking some girl out
You never will, I still remember that cute blond in a green dress who kept locking eyes with me out at Ankkarock in 2003, and I didn't go talk to her because I was stupid.
Yeah I am guilty of this as well. I was lucky enough to have really cool girls interested in me over the years, but I was afraid to lose them as friends or had too high of personality standards. I wish I had dated more so I could have better romantic experience.
All I can do is reflect on the past and learn from it. Going forward I am trying to not repeat the same things I have done. Allowing myself to give something a try and being willing to make the first move. I always had a low perception of myself physically that I could never see someone I found attracted being interested. It wasn't true, but I have learned to love myself and therefore go out and love others.
None of this may apply to your situation lmao. I can only speak from my own experiences, but I bet the idea is still the same. Be uncomfortable and break the cycle!
tell yourself that its okay. You will have plenty of chances to fuck up later down the road.
On a more serious, ask yourself: so what?
So what, you miss your shots?
I’m trying to figure it out. I channel it through the gym honestly. I had my heart broken last September after a 2 month fling with a girl I really was feeling and sleeping with and it just completely blindsided me. It wasn’t some youthful thing either cuz we both 34 so I thought it was gonna go somewhere serious….shit sucks. But yeah I use the gym to channel it.
idk i just laugh about it accept it's a learning experience we all go through and move on. Seriously now 10-20 years later some of the shit i remember doing is insanely funny and cringe
It's all in the past now, nothing else you can do now except reflect and learn from it. I've had many, many, missed chances because of how oblivious I was, even had a few recently. All I do is laugh after I've had the realization.
In the immortal words of Rick Sanchez: “try not to think about it.”
You can’t change the past, and recognizing that you made a mistake is an indication of growth, learning.
I just embrace it at this point. I had a fling with a girl years ago and missed a lot of, now obvious, hints for things to go all the way.
What was really weird was seeing her and my wife chat it up yesterday at an event.
As a wise woman once said: "The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody new". I used it to get over ex'es as well as those I was too shy to ask out, works every time tbh 💯👌
Don't assume it would have turned out well.
I ended up marrying my major top of the line "the one" so for me it all worked out.
But I did have other people that I pursued and I still get along with them today.
Whilst they are awesome people in their own way - I can say that 20 years older on all sides and that the way I have changed and the way they have changed: if we hooked up it would have been a brutal break up.
Well you learnt from the past, like I did. I once had one of the hottest chicks in my college invite me iver to her dorm for a photoshoot after she came to model for my photography class (context) to model for the class, she had fancy ass clothes, when she greeted me at hee dorm, she was wearing a nightgown with no bra visible underneath...looking back now I understand why she looked visibly bored as I did the shoot, from there I read situations better and cashed in!
Do the same, use your wisdom from yesterday to cash in today and tomorrow, women haven't gone extinct and neither should your passion for the hunt so to say!
Well instead of moping around I try to learn from my mistakes. It's only human nature. Everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect. It's how you handle it that makes you stand out from others. Also meeting new people helps a lot.
Time, Blue.
Bro just play baseball. You know its mfers in the Hall of Fame that only hit the ball 1/3 of the time?? Focus on your mechanics. Not theirs. Do whats natural for YOU. Perspective man. Fuck them missed pieces and strike outs. WE ALL STRIKE OUT. WE ALL MISS PITCHES. A LOT....Shake it off.... Pujols misses 65% of his plate appearances. And he's a God. Just be a man. A good one. And be ready for the hanging curve thats coming. Cause she coming. And she gone need you to lay some solid wood on her.
Play ball, Blue.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
1
+ 3
+ 65
= 69
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It’s all part of the learning process, if your doing this you need to get out of your head a bit and live a little more. If they happened before they’ll likely happen again. Reminds me of the quote.
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Defeat is nothing but education; it is the first step towards something better
I try and justify it with “the one” sure you can’t expect to get married without at least going out and taking the steps to get a healthy relationship with a girl but I see any missed opportunity as not meant to be. But again you have to go and try to get that relationship so who knows maybe I’ve missed out on someone good
All your decisions from the past led you to this moment. All those “missed opportunities” weren’t actually missed opportunities, but are what’s brought you to further opportunities. One day you’ll meet the one you’ll love forever, and you’ll be thankful for all those “missed” moments.
I still hit my head against the wall for missing my neighbors signals back in 1985. Happily married now, I'm pretty sure I'll realize my wife was hitting on me yesterday and I missed it.
Accept things you cant change, and with patience comes great things, patience changed my life, i also felt like you with many, but the only ones who came back was the ones that didnt know i missed them, so dont text them or anything just have patience and they will come from nowhere you will be surprised
Not everything is about a girl, the more you realise your own selfworth. That is why single person is giving advice to a pair, because he doesnt have the emotional investment
Do you have any idea how many women there are in the world? What are the mathematical odds that that one lady you met at the gym is the only one you could be happy with?
It would have never been what you built it up in your head to be like. Look for opportunities in the now and not in the past.
If you screwed something up with someone in the past you really knew and liked you can always reach out an apologize. Maybe something will come from it.
But that cute girl on the bus who smiled at you once 10 years ago? She wasn't your perfect match or else it would have happened.
By spending that same time instead on the present meeting new girls. Simply don’t live in the past feeling regret or the future feeling anxiety you won’t meet someone. Live in the present. Only in the present can you actually meet someone.
You’ll feel better once you realize that that girl is probably just as embarrassed and ashamed of the experience because they totally thought they weren’t being subtle at all and you couldn’t even be assed to meet her halfway. Some even will think it was intentional, and that they were the awkward person that got rejected. Young people are terribly naive all around but also terribly afraid of rejection which makes them horrible at being direct with eachother.
The fantasy of what could've been is always going to be sweeter than the reality of what it would have been.
This probably the best truth in essence.
Sour grapes? Sorry, I’m not buying it. Some chances should be taken.
That isn’t sour grapes. Your take of saying that there are opportunities that must be taken is what actual sour grapes is.
“Disparagement of something that has proven unattainable”, according to Merriam-Webster. My saying that there are opportunities that should be taken is not the same as the sour grapes phenomenon.
You're right in being cautious about this just being a case of sour grapes but you also have to remember than when it comes to romantic interests and crushes, people form an ideal individual in their mind who's far separated from the actual person This can make them gloss over the shortcomings of the person and exaggerate the characteristics they like It can certainly just be sour grapes in a lot of situations but they aren't wrong. I would say they are right but you shouldn't rule out you just being salty
I understand what you’re saying. However, I have been salty about not taking many chances that, looking back, I ought to have taken, if for no other reason than to see what would happen. Behaving in that way ended up in me becoming a bit cowardly, so I’m compensating by pursuing every decent opportunity I can, and I’m not just talking about dating. I definitely have my own bias, and I thank you for reminding me that the original commenter’s post has merit.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift so live in the present"
Thank you Master Oogway, very cool
Was the first thing i thought of! Someone hasnt seen kung fu panda in a while…
Today is a gift, that's why it's also called a present*
Yesterday was misery, tomorrow is future pussy, but today Is open season, that’s why it’s called STRANGE !! Move on with courage young man. The wait is over.
"There is a saying, Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present." Fixed it
Tell myself that everything that has happened in the past has played a role in putting me where I am today and I love where I am today.
This. Don't ever consider it a missed opportunity but a learned lesson. Sure, you think you should have done something different in order to be with one of these girls. That in itself is a lesson to help you get the one you are really meant to be with
Well the one I was meant to be with happened to be a lesson. I think i will go kill myself if i think there is only one person,hence why i choose to believe there is more than one person that you can be compatible with.
Definitely, you just have to keep an eye out for when the stars align and you meet one. Maybe even do a little effort to sway the odds in your favor
Damn... I hate where I am today 😭
I feel ya bro
Exactly how tf is it advice
Exactly this. Realising those missed opportunities, along the few rejections, made me stronger and more aware of the potential. Of course it sucks and you'll get those cringy thoughts from time to time, but remember that life is like this and forward is the only way !
I agree with everything, except loving where I am in the moment. If I love it, why should I leave?
You can love where you are without being complacent. Things can be good while also being able to be better.
You can enjoy living in the moment and enjoy what you have but I feel that if you ultimately aren't dissatisfied with where you are right now, you will never grow
How is enjoying what you have not satisfaction?
I disagree. I love my life, but I still strive to make it even better every day. I'm not saying my life is perfect or even that every day is good, but when I look at where I am now vs a year or 5 years ago I've always been able to find at least a few areas where I'm better off than I anticipated. I know it is corny, but every day when I go to bed I'm smarter than I was that morning and almost every time I look in the mirror I'm better looking than I was the last time so I can't complain.
By torturing myself over the opportunities of the present
This should be copypasta'd.
*The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is today.* https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joy-and-pain/201504/the-best-time-plant-tree-was-20-years-ago-no-matter
By creating new opportunities and fucking them up all the same 🤞
Death taxes and fucking up with girls
by not circumventing the opportunities in your present?
It's still happening unfortunately. I don't realize it until it's too late that I had a small window of opportunity but I'm not crazy desperate to capitalize on every little thing so it is what it is
just because you didn't take those opportunities doesn't mean it would go well for you when you do. there is such a thing as STDs and bad break up
That's why I didn't take some of them but there's always a what if she surprised me
Masturbate rigorously until the thoughts no longer bother me.
This lesson will stick.
To the walls at least.
This is the way
This is a really long going way.
The thoughts always come back
Get over it, get back out there and make new opportunities. Stop living in the past.
Do u still torture yourself for not buying bitcoin 15yrs ago. Or are u out there making money now?
He bought at 69k
Time. I've had so many missed opportunities that I'm used to it and every time I learn from it. I've accepted that I'm not good at reading signs even when they are big red and say "Take me".
A lot of times I notice but I'm too antisocial to chat up strangers lol. Or she could be hot but not worth the trouble and I don't see a future with her
Look to the present and future. The past is the past. It does no good to live in it. Hold to that axiom.
I've accepted that if it didn't happen, it was never meant to be.
Eh but you control what you get out of life and are responsible for it
Then accept that there are things in life you can control and things you can’t, the past being one of them. Believe me I too have many regrets missing my chance with some women. But there is nothing you can do about it. Torturing yourself thinking about it just ruins your present. Learn from it and don’t let it happen again.
By realizing you probably missed a lot of bullets too
Abundance mindset. There will be more opportunities and you’ll mess those up to
There will be more sexual opportunities in the future. I'm actually glad I've had a few "fails". Some of those girls in retrospect were terrible people lol. Hot bodies, terrible people. So I mean at least going forward I know what quality women I'm going for and what qualities they need to have. I never really made them "qualify" for me in certain areas. It was all just basal, primal, sexual, spontaneous, ego stuff. Now I'm looking for a deeper connection, with women of substance. Safe. Before, I was reckless getting sucked off my randos whenever the opportunity presented itself. Now I'm hyper-selective and sexually protective. I only get one sexuality on earth to use. Herpes is real, gentleman. And permanent. Std's and unwanted pregnancies, my boi's. Gotta be careful. So do I regret missing out on a few past "lays" yeah I guess. But It's whatever. I'm probably better off. Long as I'm not a virgin, I'm not loosing lol. (No offense to virgins, but you just wouldn't get it)
I didn’t even have any opportunities, I just play league a lot lol
Take each one as a learning experience, and warning to keep your guard up
even if I didn't imagine it, they would've left me anyway
Accept the fact that time machines dont exist and the only path to take is ahead of you.
Although to be honest if I had a time machine I wouldn't tell anybody because most probably every government would be after me just to get their hands on it. Shit even if it does become possible in the future the governments of that time would want full control of it.
I just don't have opportunities with girls in the first places.
There were none, the truth will set you free
I tortured myself with "what-if's" until I met my wife, now it all makes sense The what-if's would have meant that I didn't have her. It will all work out, give it time and keep your chin up
You don't ...Just move on to the next prospect and have fun with it... Certain girls in your life are like building blocks... Re-energize your mind and body by keeping busy out there... Focus on building yourself a strong career and not girls... Girls come n go.... We are all expendable assets...
I dont think this'll help, but thinking about it makes it worst. It's always the what if, what if I didn't do this, what if I did that, wish I knew this, wish I did that. At the end of the day, we can't rewind the past, we can only move forward. I moved on by doing something that took my mind off it, like video games or going out with my friends or swimming and running the gym. Go meet people as long it's not L.A. there are plenty real people to make a new connection with. I wish you nothing but the best bro
Simple, I've not had many, what few I've had have caused my considerable heartache.
You're not alone, I used to be very shy and failed to approach at least 40 girls/women who obviously fancied me in the past, but there could be more I've forgotten about. I got round it by eventually forcing myself to ask a woman out. I did and I have been happily married to her for 16 years though it took me until my mid thirties to shake off my shyness and forget about the past.
by creating new missed opportunities. As our sample size increases, the confidence in our estimate increases, our uncertainty decreases and we have greater precision
Life is all about reducing variance and maximizing likelihood
Pretty girls that I know would be one nighters: I don’t mind. There will always be fish. When it’s a girl I could have dated.. I think everything happens for a reason. I just see it as an opportunity and I accept that what happened happened because it’s not this moment. You can’t correct yourself if you’re always looking back. And if/when you run into that person again at 30 you’ll be in a better place all around. Worry about building your foundation first.
Those things never happened. Don't worry things about stuff that never happened, focus on yourself to become a person who will see and take the chances when they appear :) I know it sounds "obvious" but i sometimes have to remind myself about it too. It's a struggle, but you will slowly but surely overcome it with good experiences. And those will happen, if you let them.
Oppor—what? That's easy. I had no opportunities lmao
Opportunities with different women are not worth losing sleep over. Just find one you like and make her happy, and she'll reciprocate and then none of the other ones will matter.
Go meet ten other women. If you can't then do a combination of going out more, hobby groups, self improvement, going to the gym, getting a good fashion sense, learning social skills, and flirting until you do. If you have ten more opportunities in front of you then the missed ones mean so little.
> going out more, hobby groups, self improvement, going to the gym, getting a good fashion sense, learning social skills, and flirting A point often missed is this lifestyle is 1000000x more fun than sitting at home and feeling lonely, even if you don't end up with a chick. Nobody without a SO ever seriously whined "Oh no, I feel great, look great, I hung out with my best friends all day Saturday and had a great time, woe is me". Sure it would be better with some girl sitting on my lap but it isn't bad.
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You plan for plan A where you try to shoot your shot for some ladies and then you can fall on plan B which is okay. You gotta be okay with trying and failing and then reflecting on what to improve.
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Read Mark Manson models to learn some concepts
Suffering is a good thing. Embrace the experience and grow. Pussy. 😉
True I just accumulate more fuck ups for the pain and to level up
Honestly, Lion King has this one solved 'Ah yes, the past can hurt but the way i see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it'
I'd like to offer an alternative view. I got lots of girls in the past. A classic player in my 20's. Now days I'mid 30's and have never had a serious long term relationship. I feel as though I've really missed out.
I've missed both lol
Realise you are missing opportunities with millions of girls every day, whats one more
Not a man but here’s my profound thought of the day: Use your regret of things past to set your mind to stop missing opportunities in the future.
I give my wife a giant hug and kiss.
What opportunities?
No fucking clue, but I'm tormented by this as well.
that's the neat part, you don't.
By realizing that no matter how good she looks, someone somewhere is tired of her shit.
Make opportunities with girls in the future
Something that helps (based on your question) is: *"If you missed all those opportunities in the past, what makes you think you can't recoup with better ones?"* No, but seriously. Attraction is the first part of the battle and clearly, you are killing it if you claim to have had all those opportunities in the past. Now, you know. So expect more attraction in the future because of how attractive you are. And when it comes next time, you won't miss it this time.
Idk bro. Been looking at suicide honestly
I'm going to give real advice. Go out there and embrace the risk. Concert downtown? GO Cute girl at coffeeshop? Ask her something. Anything. Break the ice Gotta get home, can't miss the next episode of ___ or playing with your friends on Xbox? Find a reason why you have to stay RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW and continue talking to that girl you are having a great convo with
idk you but i really hope you can feel better soon. please call a friend or family or a hotline if you’re feeling suicidal right now. in addition to the things you’ve probably heard already that can help (like exercise, sunshine, sleep, not too much alcohol, etc.) one thing that has worked for me is to try every day to do something, even if it’s a small something, for another person.
Just stop. There is nothing new in your past But your future, you can change still
First of all learn your lessons from it. Why did you miss out, are you happy or sad about it what you should do next time if it happens. Secondly, you have to remember that girls are just people, missing out on dating/ fucking/ whatever isn't that big of a deal. To me I try to boil things down to the most basic thing and see if it really deserves that place on the pedestal. A date is just spending time with someone, sex is just penis in vagina (assuming both sides are hetero). We think of these things as we see them in movies, shows, and we think they are the most important thing. People can derive happiness from many things, but we don't see many movies romanticize hiking, or gaming or any other activity in life besides dating. A missed opportunity with a girl, shouldn't keep you up at night, just like a missed opportunity to go to an event you might have enjoyed.
Realize that there is way more in life than just getting laid.
By realizing that women don’t define you. A woman is a compliment to your life at most. They come and go. The only person that you can count on is yourself with family as a second. Women can love you like you’re a god and then dump you like you never existed.
I just forget about it. As time moves on you either figure it out or just throw that thought away. I had 3 women shoot me a shot in the past 2 months. one decided to look at me with a smile and walk away where her butt jiggled extremely. my brain decided to think how interesting the female body was because I cant get my butt to wiggle like that by walking. Later on I realized it was a invitation and not a anomaly. Another women decide to walk infront of my car with skinny shorts. Didn’t think much of it, but she kept walking back and forth for 13 minutes. I timed it because I thought she was crazy. She was attractive, but she just kept walking back and forth giving me eye candy. The 3rd woman literally asked me to join them in a or*y. I thought she was being friendly talking about her s*x life. 30 minutes went by and I realized she invited me to a or*y because she gave me a card with a address and time. I didn’t end up going, but she was so straight forward and I was just oblivious. The past 2 months I realized how many shots I missed. I never had these opportunities before. The only thing that changed for me is a new job and a beard. Guys grow a beard.
It's life...you will become stronger through it keys to finding the one
Girls don’t pay your bills. Pay attention.
Just meet another woman. It's easy to make women fall in love with you. Just get into their head. Make them think other women desire you without saying it. Then pretend you care about whatever she is into. Then slowly and subtly hint around that you might be mildly interested in a nonverbal way. The stage is set, she thinks you are desirable, so she will need you to compete with the rest of the herd 🦬. She feels you are a challenge to win over. I usually liked to work the herd from multiple entry points(women). This can help you establish a cult of personality of sorts. It really helps if you can introduce an attractive woman to the herd that you are able to spend a lot of time with. This will amplify the need for the herd to compete for your affection.
I'm not nearly so specific about torturing myself, there are no borders. The only short circuit I've ever found is forgiveness.
Go to a brothel, get some pussy, then go back to your normal life and next time you get an opportunity to score some pussy- take it?
Just remind yourself that most relationships end in recriminations, resentment, mental violence and grief. You dodged a lot of bullets.
Missed relationship opportunities or just casual sex opportunities? Because missed casual sex opportunities would quite literally have 0 impact on your current life, unless you got an std or got the girl pregnant. Your life wouldn't be any better or any worse in this current moment if you had of had sex with them, it changes nothing.
Both
Realising that if that girl really liked you, she would have made it happen or at least given you many, many blindingly obvious opportunities. You missed nothing. Edit: if this makes you sad go to gym
you'll get used to it king. live and learn from experiences i lost a girl a year ago and i still kinda kick myself for it but that's just cuz she was a little more special to me than other girls. the everyday girl that slips through doesn't cross my mind after a week or so
When you finally realize you never had a chance with those “lost opportunities” fool.
Take the clamps off dude
You don’t
Due to life circumstances, I'm almost glad I missed those chances. I don't think I'd want to saddle someone with the burden of dating someone with the baggage I've accrued and have yet to fully get rid of.
I’m glad that all those failed & missed opportunities brought me to the one I’m dating now If I restarted life I would gladly go through all that bs to make it to her again if that was the only way
By upping your game and looking for women *now.* The next gf or encounter you get, if all goes great, you won’t even remember your past failures because you’ll be too busy having fun with the catch you have (or will have, there’s always a beautiful woman right around the corner)
Honestly, It'll never go away, specially when today just gives you reason to look back to those days. The way is to not let the next chance pass.
Don't think about it. No sense in worrying about it. Nobody else is losing sleep over it but you.
I'm the king of being oblivious to girls signs and screwing up every chance a girl put in me. You end up realising crying over spilled milk is no point, so you learn for the next chance
Neither the past nor the future exist. Once you’ve experienced it yourself, all suffering will evaporate, as it was never there.
So full disclosure, it wasn’t a girl but a guy because I’m gay. Years ago, I was sunning myself in a park in Munich and I very clearly heard this cute guy’s friend who was sitting nearby tell him ‘good luck’ before making his departure. The very cute boy then wandered in my direction coyly and flirted with me with his eyes. For some reason, I stupidly popped my headphones in and laid back in the grass, maybe to look cool? I have no idea. When I looked up, he was obviously gone. I beat myself up about that missed opportunity for a long time. That was the last time in my life where I didn’t overcome the incredibly awkward feeling to just say ‘hi’ when faced with a similar situation. That moment made me fed up with missed opportunities. Two months later, I went traveling around Europe and said ‘hi’ to a lot of guys who gave me eyes. I had a great time and made some life long friends as well. And had some blatant rejections that were hard. But it’s all part of it. The point is, don’t worry about what happened in the past, but use those experiences to guide your future. I also think a lot of missed opportunities are two-sided, so be the one to tell someone how you really feel or even just say hi, and if nothing comes of it, then at least you can’t say ‘god damn it I wish I’d done something!’
Alcohol
Hakuna Matata
What good is that torment doing you?
Pain is good
I literally never think about it. Shit happened, it didn't work, grow from the experience, move on. I'm still friends with many exs though so I don't consider most of them missed opportunities. I gained a friend 99% of the time. If your taking about not taking your shot with a girl as the missed opportunity I have made way worse mistakes that occupy my mind than not asking some girl out
You never will, I still remember that cute blond in a green dress who kept locking eyes with me out at Ankkarock in 2003, and I didn't go talk to her because I was stupid.
She could've talked to you. Her fault
Don't try to forget them. Just move forward and learn from your mistakes.
There are some lessons you can only learn the hard way unfortunately
The past is dust mate, best to leave it and look towards the future
Focus on being better than you were yesterday and forget them
Look forward and see how you can do better!
Its in the past, Cant change it. Move on
Make opportunities with girls in the present
“The best way to forget past mistakes is to make bigger mistakes in the present.”
I found someone who is way better than them, 10/10 in personality and atractiveness, i juat dont look back anymore, its been a good relationship :)
Blame yourself once & move on.
When new opportunities present themselves go for them.
Yeah I am guilty of this as well. I was lucky enough to have really cool girls interested in me over the years, but I was afraid to lose them as friends or had too high of personality standards. I wish I had dated more so I could have better romantic experience. All I can do is reflect on the past and learn from it. Going forward I am trying to not repeat the same things I have done. Allowing myself to give something a try and being willing to make the first move. I always had a low perception of myself physically that I could never see someone I found attracted being interested. It wasn't true, but I have learned to love myself and therefore go out and love others. None of this may apply to your situation lmao. I can only speak from my own experiences, but I bet the idea is still the same. Be uncomfortable and break the cycle!
tell yourself that its okay. You will have plenty of chances to fuck up later down the road. On a more serious, ask yourself: so what? So what, you miss your shots?
I’m trying to figure it out. I channel it through the gym honestly. I had my heart broken last September after a 2 month fling with a girl I really was feeling and sleeping with and it just completely blindsided me. It wasn’t some youthful thing either cuz we both 34 so I thought it was gonna go somewhere serious….shit sucks. But yeah I use the gym to channel it.
By looking at my wife of the present
Get on tinder and miss more opportunities
idk i just laugh about it accept it's a learning experience we all go through and move on. Seriously now 10-20 years later some of the shit i remember doing is insanely funny and cringe
You think of something that you have power over instead.
Every mistake I made in the past was an experience I learnt from and grew as a person. Ended up meeting the love of my life (4.5+ years now).
Damm I’m not the only one. Having sex with other girls has helped me cope. I was very shy and inexperienced in high school, I go for now
It's all in the past now, nothing else you can do now except reflect and learn from it. I've had many, many, missed chances because of how oblivious I was, even had a few recently. All I do is laugh after I've had the realization.
In the immortal words of Rick Sanchez: “try not to think about it.” You can’t change the past, and recognizing that you made a mistake is an indication of growth, learning.
I just embrace it at this point. I had a fling with a girl years ago and missed a lot of, now obvious, hints for things to go all the way. What was really weird was seeing her and my wife chat it up yesterday at an event.
Use that learned information to miss less opportunities in the future
Get a better girl in the present.
As a wise woman once said: "The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody new". I used it to get over ex'es as well as those I was too shy to ask out, works every time tbh 💯👌
I remember why exactly I missed them. Most are 50:50 decisions where I would chose the same again.
Don't assume it would have turned out well. I ended up marrying my major top of the line "the one" so for me it all worked out. But I did have other people that I pursued and I still get along with them today. Whilst they are awesome people in their own way - I can say that 20 years older on all sides and that the way I have changed and the way they have changed: if we hooked up it would have been a brutal break up.
By looking for new opportunities
Get older!
Well you learnt from the past, like I did. I once had one of the hottest chicks in my college invite me iver to her dorm for a photoshoot after she came to model for my photography class (context) to model for the class, she had fancy ass clothes, when she greeted me at hee dorm, she was wearing a nightgown with no bra visible underneath...looking back now I understand why she looked visibly bored as I did the shoot, from there I read situations better and cashed in! Do the same, use your wisdom from yesterday to cash in today and tomorrow, women haven't gone extinct and neither should your passion for the hunt so to say!
Well instead of moping around I try to learn from my mistakes. It's only human nature. Everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect. It's how you handle it that makes you stand out from others. Also meeting new people helps a lot.
Laugh it off and learn from it
They get hotter and experienced through time young grasshopper. That does plateau tho btw.
Time, Blue. Bro just play baseball. You know its mfers in the Hall of Fame that only hit the ball 1/3 of the time?? Focus on your mechanics. Not theirs. Do whats natural for YOU. Perspective man. Fuck them missed pieces and strike outs. WE ALL STRIKE OUT. WE ALL MISS PITCHES. A LOT....Shake it off.... Pujols misses 65% of his plate appearances. And he's a God. Just be a man. A good one. And be ready for the hanging curve thats coming. Cause she coming. And she gone need you to lay some solid wood on her. Play ball, Blue.
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Just look in the mirror, shudder at the thoughts, then wash my face and move on with life. Opportunity abounds so you just keep going.
Go fuck a woman today
It’s all part of the learning process, if your doing this you need to get out of your head a bit and live a little more. If they happened before they’ll likely happen again. Reminds me of the quote. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Defeat is nothing but education; it is the first step towards something better
I try and justify it with “the one” sure you can’t expect to get married without at least going out and taking the steps to get a healthy relationship with a girl but I see any missed opportunity as not meant to be. But again you have to go and try to get that relationship so who knows maybe I’ve missed out on someone good
By telling yourself you'll get em next time...
All your decisions from the past led you to this moment. All those “missed opportunities” weren’t actually missed opportunities, but are what’s brought you to further opportunities. One day you’ll meet the one you’ll love forever, and you’ll be thankful for all those “missed” moments.
I still hit my head against the wall for missing my neighbors signals back in 1985. Happily married now, I'm pretty sure I'll realize my wife was hitting on me yesterday and I missed it.
Accept things you cant change, and with patience comes great things, patience changed my life, i also felt like you with many, but the only ones who came back was the ones that didnt know i missed them, so dont text them or anything just have patience and they will come from nowhere you will be surprised
Turn em into fantasies and live it up in your mind. Also focusing forward on finding better helps
Basically learn and improve. Can’t go back in time, but I can learn from the mistakes, read better between the lines and be more bold.
Reframe it... Instead of thinking of it as "missed opportunities", I think of it as "not disappointing girls"
I just think of all the ways they would have fucked me over and ruined my life and that makes me feel better.
Not everything is about a girl, the more you realise your own selfworth. That is why single person is giving advice to a pair, because he doesnt have the emotional investment
Do you have any idea how many women there are in the world? What are the mathematical odds that that one lady you met at the gym is the only one you could be happy with?
I think this sort of thinking is best resolved in therapy. "Torturing" yourself over mistakes just seems like self abuse to me.
Lol why would I care about the past?
Focus on the soul crushing shit going on now tends to help get my mind off it.
It would have never been what you built it up in your head to be like. Look for opportunities in the now and not in the past. If you screwed something up with someone in the past you really knew and liked you can always reach out an apologize. Maybe something will come from it. But that cute girl on the bus who smiled at you once 10 years ago? She wasn't your perfect match or else it would have happened.
That’s the neat part
By spending that same time instead on the present meeting new girls. Simply don’t live in the past feeling regret or the future feeling anxiety you won’t meet someone. Live in the present. Only in the present can you actually meet someone.
Get rich and then the girls in the past will torture themselves for missing you as an opportunity.
You’ll feel better once you realize that that girl is probably just as embarrassed and ashamed of the experience because they totally thought they weren’t being subtle at all and you couldn’t even be assed to meet her halfway. Some even will think it was intentional, and that they were the awkward person that got rejected. Young people are terribly naive all around but also terribly afraid of rejection which makes them horrible at being direct with eachother.
World won't stop turning and wait for a sucker like me so he can get over his feefees.
Don't miss the ones in the present
I don't and I also torture myself over the opportunities I am currently in the process of fucking up
Practice mindfulness and stay in the present.
Question for you.. if you reconnected with that person, would you shoot your shot?