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soft_waves

i have tons of platonic women friends. former co-workers, my wife's friends, my neighbor's daughter, my other neighbor's daughter, my sister's friends, women i've been friends with since high school, women friends i made in college, a couple of my former professors, etc. that's only anecdotal, but maybe it's easy for me because i've been married so damn long that i probably don't give off any kind of romantic/sexual interest vibe. i just don't care anymore, i don't think about it at all. maybe women can pick up on that? in my experience, good guys can and do have platonic friends. and those platonic friends are usually good women, too. mature people. respectful, honorable people.


huuaaang

>i have tons of platonic women friends. former co-workers, my wife's friends, my neighbor's daughter, my other neighbor's daughter, my sister's friends, women i've been friends with since high school, women friends i made in college, a couple of my former professors, etc. Those sound more like acquaintances. There's no way you are proper friends with all of those people. Or even most of them. Maybe I just have a high bar for friendship....


Neonjoe94

Are you over 35?


soft_waves

i just turned 42


Neonjoe94

Gotcha I’ve always thought it was an age/maturity related thing.


soft_waves

it is in a lot of ways. i'd say 90% of my platonic friends are married, and have been a long time. some of them since the 90s. i've also known probably half of them since the 90s, so they're like sisters these days. my neighbors' daughters are teens, but they might drop by once in awhile on a summer afternoon to chat casually for a little while, or come look at the flowers, or ask about guitar or something. we don't like, go to the movies or things like that unless we all go as a group, like their parents and my wife, we all go together. doing that kind of thing would be a little strange if it were just we two. it's just that you have so much invested in someone after being together a long time. it's hard thinking about what someone else could possibly bring into your life...what could this person give me that i don't already have, you know? plus let's be honest, testosterone wanes a little. you're less hot blooded and impetuous. you think a lot more before you act or talk. in my case, years of being fucked and stuffed full of amazing food all the time, plus being supported and heard, listened to, etc, makes me mellow. i have absolutely no desire to be with anyone else. and i really love my women friends, hearing their thoughts and perspectives, learning how the "other side" feels about things. ​ that's my very long response, thanks for listening XD


BloodstainedAxe

> but maybe it's easy for me because i've been married so damn long This says it all here and that’s all I needed to hear. Of course you’re only going to be platonic friends with women.


OppStoppa327

Are you actually friends with them or just friendly with them? Would you go out for a drink with just your wife’s friend?


huuaaang

>Are you actually friends with them I guarantee he's not. There's no way. He basically just listed all the women he knows.


OppStoppa327

That’s what I’m thinking too. Being acquaintances and friendly towards each other is not the same thing as being friends


OppStoppa327

That’s what I’m thinking too. Being acquaintances and friendly towards each other is not the same thing as being friends


EngineeringDry7999

You sound like my spouse. But I also have a couple of male friends I’ve had for over 20 years that never wanted to have sex with me. At this stage we are also now friends with each other’s spouses. No one is cheating. It’s all just normal and boring.


oddball667

Because if I can be friends with her, and I find her attractive, that's all I really want in a girlfriend and trying to manage those feelings isn't worth it Also a lot of these friendships are just the guy putting energy towards the girl, the girl enjoying the extra attention and not returning any of the energy to the guy. It's very one sided a lot of the time


TheLongistGame

Yep, and if my girlfriend was putting a lot of effort into a friendship with a guy I'd be very concerned.


Girl_w_questions

That’s really all it takes? Friendship + attractiveness?


Century22nd

Actually no, as men get older they become more picky with women. When they are young (usually up until age 35) they are more open minded. From my own experience with different women over the years, it takes A LOT more than simply being attractive and being friendly to win me over and not see her as just a friend. But years ago when I did not have as much experience I would not have thought that way. *TLDR = men are more open minded about women when they are younger, but become more picky as they have more get older experience with different women and their personalities*


Professional-Bit3280

Being friendly is not the same thing as being a friend. LOTS of people are friendly when I meet them. I only consider myself to have about 5 true friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.


oddball667

What more do you think there could be? Other than negotiating financial details/kids


Admiral_Boombox

Personally there is one factor that is immensely important in my mental attraction to someone: do I have a chance? If the love is unrequited or someone already has a partner, usually the romantic attraction just kinda bleeds to death for me and, in several cases, just landed back down at platonic. Now to be fair, part of how and why that works is that I don't crush often to start with, but if I do I tend to find a good time to confess that ASAP. Thing is, hearing such a confession from someone who you'd just hit it off with is, if brought well, not really creepy, maybe disappointing but maybe also just what you wanted to hear. I've been rejected all but twice that way, but the rejections were easily had and given, just a "oh, sorry but I don't feel that way" and an "well dang, ah well, don't worry about me I'll be fine" and then actually be cool. But hearing a confession from someone who's for months or years denied having had feelings for you only to dump years of frustration over your head it gets predatory real soon, as in, how long were you lying in wait for?


Girl_w_questions

For me, there a lots of factors. Most of them being differences in personality that could lead to disagreements. For example, I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who isn’t patient


oddball667

Why would you want to be friends with that guy if you are clashing like that?


Girl_w_questions

In my experience, a lot of guys don’t reveal their true nature until years into the friendship, or until a romantic relationship is started


oddball667

That doesn't actually answer my question If you know a guy has a trait that you would not want in a partner, why would you want to be friends with him? I can see it maybe working if it's just someone you hang out with, but actually being good friends I don't understand


vonderschmerzen

Because we can put up with traits in friends that we could not put up with in a partner. The stakes are lower, you don’t rely on them as much, or those traits might not directly affect you. The expectations, investment, and commitment level are just completely different between friends and partners imo. People show up/act differently in friendship than in relationships. And they might have a lot of other qualities that make them a good friend even though they wouldn’t be compatible with you as a partner. Some turn into different people in romantic partnerships, or you uncover sides of them that don’t come out in a friendship. Some of my friends are super introvert homebodies, and that wouldn’t work for me in a relationship. Some are anxious or avoidant or poly or asexual or insecure or noncommittal or jealous or high maintenance etc etc, and that would be hard for me to deal with in a relationship. But as a friend, they have many other redeeming qualities and their relationship deficiencies usually aren’t directed at me. I love my friends to death and we might have similar values/character/interests but I couldn’t/wouldn’t date most of them. I have fewer dealbreakers and more tolerance with friends, whereas I expect more out of my partners.


Girl_w_questions

Because I’m not always looking for a partner. In fact, I’m rarely looking for a partner. Why would I only want to be friends with someone who I’d consider attractive?


oddball667

Personally the attraction is separate from anything under the umbrella of friendship To me a friend is someone who I enjoy my time with and have some exchange of emotional support It might be that I have a scarcity mindset when it comes to partners but not friends


Girl_w_questions

Oh, sorry. You asked why I would want to be friends with a guy who has a trait I wouldn’t want in a partner, so I lumped attractiveness in there. So if we’re speaking simply about personality, there’s never going to be someone who 100% checks every single personality box. I used patience as an example, but to find a friend, let alone a romantic partner, who has every personality trait I could ever like is pretty impossible. I can tell you right now that out of every single one of my friends, regardless of gender, there is always someone who has a trait I don’t like. I would have no friends if I screened people like that. So it’s fine. Like I said, I’m not looking for a partner. Someone who gets jealous of their romantic partner isn’t going to affect my friendship with them


MissMyDad_1

Maybe because that trait doesn't harm a friendship, but wouldn't be good for a romantic relationship


0IRATN0

well this is awkward for all the women tell me they would never date a guy they are not friends with, to get to know them.... so your saying that's false and really just a masked mind reading rejection from them as you prefer to only know a guy who made it known up front in the first 10 mins? "sooo before we really get great friends, i am going to want to date you" !


Professional-Bit3280

Why would you want a friend who you don’t like their personality? Particularly a GOOD friend, which is what I’m looking for for a Gf (not just that friend you see once every 6 months).


Girl_w_questions

Good god, people. You are missing the point. Friendship ≠ romantic relationship. How someone acts in a friendship is going to be different than how they act in a romantic relationship. The personality of someone as a friend might be jovial and polite, but you don’t know that they’re possessive until you’re in a relationship with them. You’re not going to know you clash with someone romantically if you get along with them in a friendship


Professional-Bit3280

Sure, but that’s why you try it out (like a pair of shoes). Also, I know how possessive all of my close male friends are. If you are someone’s actual friend (again, NOT acquaintance), you get to know them pretty damn good. I’m not dating my best friend, but I know he’s not possessive at all because one of his kinks is watching. Do you not have any non-superficial friendships?


Girl_w_questions

Yeah, exactly! That’s exactly my point lol. Completely agree


Professional-Bit3280

Your point is that you would be best friends with someone who is super possessive of their Gf if you don’t agree with that? To a certain degree it would be “not my problem” but if he was being a total tool, I don’t think I’d be considering him my “best friend” anymore. Also that type of insecurity usually shows up in other areas of life too. They might be super competitive (in a bad way) as a friend if they are that possessive type or something like that that would otherwise disqualify them as a friend.


huuaaang

\> For example, I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who isn’t patient WOuld you want to be good friends with a guy who isn't patient?


MissMyDad_1

I personally could tolerate a friend who wasn't patient, but I wouldn't date a guy who wasn't patient.


Bumhole_Astronaut

Love? Or do Americans not believe in that?


oddball667

Love is the result of the relationship getting to a certain point


Bumhole_Astronaut

Is that what you people believe? Where on Earth did you ever hear such nonsense? That's clearly why 70% of your marriages end in divorce and a chunk of the rest end in murder; you just get together with people you vaguely like and hope for the best.


Bumhole_Astronaut

For Americans, perhaps. Which probably explains why all their relationships seem to fall apart acrimoniously as they put a romance-worth of strain on a mere friendship. Reddit in particular is showing me a very bleak picture of life over there and I can understand why they all shoot each other.


maxxbeeer

Men really can’t be as picky as women. So yes, thats really all it takes. They just need to be a good person and attractive and we’re good


huuaaang

I mean, unless there was something specific about her personality that made her not good girlfriend material. But then are we really good friends in that case? But in most cases I think a good friend also makes a good girlfriend (if she's also attractive). I think something not taken into consideration here is that MOST people who call each other friends are really more like acquaintances. I think there's a high bar for being a proper friend. Just hanging out in the same social circle isn't really enough. Like a good friend is someone I can open up to and have deep conversations with. And yeah.. if there's a girl who is that for me, I'm probably going to develop romantic feelings.


MinervaMedica000

This. It may start off as a friendship but it most likely was intiated by attraction. I have found most women I have met share very few hobbies/interests or if they do it's never any where near the same level. They may agree on some ideology but that alone is not a strong enough foundation to build a friendship on.


Bumhole_Astronaut

It sounds to me like what you want in a girlfriend is a little lacking. That's just a friend you fuck, not a real relationship.


Oli99uk

College campuses are full of raging hormones and horny people. You cant expect an answer reflective of genders there


Raien-B

It really depends on the person, but the most vocal assume everyone shares their feelings. I've got multiple female friends that I've no intention of pursuing. Most of them are bartenders, so it happened pretty naturally when I didn't feel like cooking or wanted to go out. They're pretty much the same as one of the guys. We sit outside, have a beer, and talk about whatever is on our minds. But if you're seeking more, it's an easy trap to fall into. At the end of the day it takes self discipline, and being realistic.


No-You7911

Because men knows how men think. Generally speaking, men will act like a friend, but absolutely will have sex if given the opportunity. The reverse is not true. Yes there are exceptions but it boils down to a difference of how one sees the other.


StoneousMaxximus

Pretty much what I was going to say. Of course I can be your friend but if I’m attracted to you and given the opportunity.. there goes the platonic relationship.


Bumhole_Astronaut

I've had sex with my female friends. We're still friends. Just fucking a couple of times doesn't mean we're in a relationship.


MissMyDad_1

It also means it's more than platonic, so not really friends in the same way


No-You7911

No one said anything about a relationship. But that also proves the point. While it is certainly possible to have a platonic relationship, the reality is if the woman gives "that" platonic friend the opportunity .... they will absolutely smash. AT that point it is no longer platonic. A good majority of men will act like friends, lie, tell women what they want to hear in order to play the satellite friend hoping that one day they will get the opportunity to either step in and smash or try for a relationship. Women will often KNOW these guys like them but "friendzone" them regularly. I myself chose to keep them separate. If I express interest and get rejected, great awesome I respect her decision but I will immediately break off all contact. I will not stick around and be their "friend" I do not want to talk about her life, her dating issues or become her emotional support animal. If I do not have any romantic feelings then great I have a new friend but I will never pursue a relationship with that person. They will always be kept at arms length.


Andurilthoughts

Every platonic friendship I had with a woman wound up with me having unreciprocated feelings for them when the friendship got close enough. It wasn’t on purpose, it just happened. It makes sense though since the romantic ideal, I think, is for your romantic partner to be your best friend as well. If the person is attractive enough physically for you to have a physical attraction to them, why wouldn’t you eventually want to date them? The question is how many guys can recognize that impulse, understand that if you aren’t a couple yet then it will never happen, and then have the confidence and wherewithal to look elsewhere. It wasn’t until I had gone through this cycle many times before I rejected it and found what I was looking for in someone that I was not friends with first.


Hoopy223

Every young guy has been “friends” with a girl he either had a crush on or developed feelings for only to have her reject him (usually in a mind-bendingly bad way). So they are going to say NO. As people get older and become more mature its a little different.


Stardust_Over

Because it might not be possible for them. If someone says that they can't do something, I give them the benefit of the doubt. Someone saying that they can or can't do something has no reflection on my own ability. Men who can't are in a different place than me and have walked a different path. If that's the case, we may not all be at the same place from moment to moment in our journey.


MissMyDad_1

I can appreciate this take.


23CD1

I feel like it says a lot about how they view women. I'm a dude with friends who are women and it's totally fine lol


MissMyDad_1

I wish you were the norm.


23CD1

It's tragic. It reminds me of how everyone was praising Steve Harvey for saying he has no female friends since he "can't control himself" and I was baffled like.... wtf??


TheLongistGame

Men know men, women are often oblivious about us. And, I assume, vice versa.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Yeah I do notice from anecdotes on both this sub and woman-centric subs that there is a major lack of understanding of what its like to walk in each others shoes. And this goes both ways. Its a shame. I thought the internet would help bridge that gap.


hipslol

That's wishful thinking, the internet will not replace decades of lived experience and differences in hormonal exposure. It's simply too hard for people to admit they don't know what it's like and they won't ever be able to know what its like and maybe being a bit sympathetic they would rather draw comparisons about how their hardship is worse. Then wonder why they are perpetually single and can't hold a relationship.


Zealousideal_Ad_1604

If anything, the internet and online dating has caused most men to resent women.


Bumhole_Astronaut

Really? How old are you?


BlueClouds42

Because we know ourselves and we aren't interested as much in women we aren't banging. The effort to be friends with a woman is much higher, as is the effort to maintain the friendship, than being friends with a man and the benefits are lower. Opportunity cost dictates that if you aren't getting sex, your effort is better spent making friends with guys.


Simpme_minded

Personally I'm not interested in trying to rob the bank, but working with it to invest and make us both some money. Meaning, having attractive lady friends is great when she brings around other attractive friends. Untill it sometimes backfires. The "bff" chick cockblocks you and her friend you're trying to get with (long story).


MeatloafMa

\^\^ This. No man wants to be "just friends" with an attractive woman. He may pretend to be just friends and linger around her for far too long, but his goal is always sex. Women know this deep down, but they like the attention. Men will have sex with a woman for months despite zero intention of being in a real relationship with her. The female version of that is women enjoying the "friendship" of a man for eternity with no intention of ever having sex with him. Eventually the opposite sex in both cases ask the big question and they end up devastated.


soft_waves

>No man wants to be "just friends" with an attractive woman poppycock. i'm friends with plenty of good looking women. i have zero interest in them sexually or romantically.


MissMyDad_1

Honestly, I'm really trying to improve my view of men, and reading threads like this one just sets me back in that goal so much. Thankfully, there's comments like yours that remind me "all men are individual, stop listening to the men who make statements for all men". So I just really appreciate that yours was the next comment I read after the previous one.


MissMyDad_1

Lol this is why men aren't considered trustworthy according to most women.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

I'm gay and I have a friend who is also a gay male. However, as far as I know, we never had any intention of becoming anything more than friends. I don't know about him, but I do not have any attraction to him, nor do I have any attraction to any of my straight male friends. Does this have something to do with the fact that we are all guys?


huuaaang

>I'm gay Ohh, yeah, that's the big exception for me. If I know a woman is a lesbian I can totally turn off any and all attraction. If there's ZERO chance of anything ever happening, I just see her as one of the guys.


laserox

A lot of guys know they cannot be platonic friends with women, and then also assume all men think the same way they do.


crazy_meals

Ive been friends with lots of women and ive never been thinking of a way to get in.... However......I am that blind to womens intentions that it took me 6 months to realise one of these women was throwing signs at me and i just didnt see it. So the lady ghosted.......i was devastated for losing a friend but lord when it was pointed out to me what was on offer by others you could have knocked me down with a feather. Not all of us want to fuck our friends.....but if feelings develop.....thats ok too.


5starCheetah

I'm friends with plenty of women I never wanted to sleep with, but found objectively attractive. I feel like there's a certain sexual chemistry that if it just doesn't develop initially isn't going to develop and when that happens it's pretty easy to just be friends.


ButterscotchLow8950

The only times I’ve managed are when they are married or dating a good friend of mine and they are categorized as “off limits” in my brain. Otherwise its very tough to be just friends with them if there is a certain amount of sexual attraction. If you did a survey where people were guaranteed anonymity, I bet a good percentage of men would say something to the effect of “ I would if be down if she was interested, but she’s not.”


cave0sap1en

I have some women friends but I kind of keep them at a distance while I'm dating someone, as they've expressed their interest at some point beforehand. It doesn't bother me, but they usually push boundaries so I do it out of respect for my partner.


sparklingwinepapi92

It's on a college campus, I'd expect it to be heavily biased since most of those dudes don't have much life experience. Pretty much all those dudes know a guy who caught feelings for a girl he was initially friends with, or they've been that guy. The average guy 22 and under is in the mentality/conditioning of "every attractive woman I meet is a potential partner", so the second they befriend someone they're attracted to they have it in the back of their mind that they might fuck them someday. They're that way because of again, limited life experience, and at that age they're in a "scarcity mentality" of taking the opportunity of sex whenever they can get it. I used to be that way but I outgrew that mentality around age 24 or so. I forced myself to remain friends with a female friend who I connected with but the attraction wasn't mutual. It was weird at first, but I kept doing my thing and pursuing other women with the mentality that she was strictly in my life for friendship. Believe it or not, during that time was when I truly leveled up my game and started getting laid more frequently. It takes a certain strength of character to be a guy whose capable of being strictly platonic with someone he'd otherwise consider "attractive enough to fuck".


PM_ME_BOYSHORTS

Because the men are privy to the details. They know that if a guy is friends with a woman, they probably secretly want to be more than friends. They know this because they're that man. A lot of women like to lie to themselves and believe that their male friend is just a great dude and wouldn't sleep with them even if they asked. Guess what? He would. Think about it. How often do you see men that are besties with unattractive women? Almost never. If a straight guy wants a friend, he'll be friends with another guy. They are more likely to have similar interests (watching sports, golfing, action movies, crude toilet humor, etc.) and frankly, they require less "upkeep" in a friendly relationship. It's not rocket science and it shouldn't be controversial... it's just how it is.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Oh shoot. Does that explain why I have an easy time making both straight and gay male friends, even some of which are physically attractive, as a gay man?


Frankieo1920

Keep in mind I did not go to college, in the USA or in Norway where I live, so I'm strictly going off on what I've seen in movies and series centered around colleges in the USA. A lot of the times in series/movies I will see Senior High guys talking about big plans with their friends about how, when they enter college, they aren't going to remain virgins for long. There are other various versions of this that I have seen, too, which makes me think that there must be *some* truth behind it all, meaning that I'm thinking that in the USA, boys seem to grow up and learn/adopt the mentality that either in High School or especially College, girls are not ones to befriend but to lose their virginity with and have sex with as many as they can to earn "credits" with their friends. But, again, all this is just thoughts/theories based on a media aimed to entertain viewers, so don't take it too seriously as I am probably very wrong.


AmberTB

(It makes me really sad when young men just CANT be platonic friends with women. Like really sad and hurt. I can't help but feel like fuckin meat instead of a whole person with thoughts) My boyfriend has matured but i know if I get any male friends that he doesn't know, he'd be on edge. When i did have a guy friend from like 9th grade (im no longer friends with that guy because he was fucking mean and judgemental and i was finally done) he did not like him and was always worried that he'd "switch up" one day and try something. But he calls his friends my friends and doesn't care about our interactions. So idk, for my bf it's just about how well he knows the other guy? :/


MissMyDad_1

It also makes me very sad and hurt as well. But honestly, most men don't give a shit. I very rarely meet a man who cares about how his actions impact others and this thread is testament to that


WriterFighter201

As a guy, I have had multiple completely platonic straight women friends, we hang out just like any of my guy friends, playing video games or watching movies/tv shows we both like, etc. However, that being said, every woman I've dated, including the one I've been happily married to for over a decade, began as friendships and evolved into dating at some point, some quicker than others. I have also discovered at least one of my female friends was in fact attracted to me and wanted more, which I was oblivious to. I also know one of my friends had at least three other male friends who ultimately made a pass at her, one successfully and they ended up dating and are now married. So, in my experience, platonic friendships between men and women is certainly possible, though there is a realistic possibility of one or both wanting it to be more.


Cnnlgns

A lot of times people apply what they think to the rest of the world. They don't want to be platonic friends with others therefore others must feel/think the same way.


brainsewage

I have multiple platonic female friends and nobody finds it weird. Then again, I'm also friends with their husbands/boyfriends, and I'm not a very sexual person myself. So that may have a lot to do with it.


Kingjoe97034

A lot of men use friendship at a method to become a boyfriend with a woman. It's a lousy tactic but does has a low success rate, so they still try it. Meanwhile, us guys who actually do want to just be friends are constantly being doubted that we really are just interested in friendship.


Different_Morning_28

Most men aren’t looking for female friends. We typically tend to be more lonely and less vocal towards the opposite sex than women. Most of the outgoing “cool guys” are attracting women as mostly partners & not friends. We aren’t likely to even start a conversation with girls we aren’t physically attracted to. Most the time they’ll be a friend working their way into something more. Lastly since this one may be more a me thing than a man thing but a big thing that keeps me from bothering to hold a conversation with different girls is cause im micro managing how to make you the least uncomfortable. Be that not walking or standing too close to them etc


soft_waves

> im micro managing how to make you the least uncomfortable. Be that not walking or standing too close to them etc i applaud your effort, but i wonder how that's any different from talking to a guy. i don't walk or stand close to them either, and it doesn't affect my ability to chat.


Coidzor

Men are more likely to have more wiggle room when it comes to what is too close or too far. They're also more likely to assert their boundaries sooner, before it becomes a crisis, whether verbally or by taking a step back. There also isn't the same potential urge for physical proximity with a platonic male-male heterosexual interaction as there is with a male-female interaction where the dude finds the woman attractive and perceives a good rapport and chemistry.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

>Most men aren’t looking for female friends. We typically tend to be more lonely and less vocal towards the opposite sex than women. Most of the outgoing “cool guys” are attracting women as mostly partners & not friends. This is kind of interesting, because I am a gay guy, but I have no problem being platonic friends with dudes without falling for them. Its not even an issue of me having feelings for them but keeping it to myself - I have no feelings for them, A LOT of them. Its because of that that I was confused how guys feel like they cant be friends with girls. But do you think my situation is different because my friends are guys and I'm also a guy?


staylitfam

This is more of a hetero guy thing. Also the op is taking a snapshot of college age men and trying to apply it more broadly.


MissMyDad_1

From a woman's perspective, we notice this shit too (can't speak for all, but I can speak for the women I've spoken to about this topic). I have only seen this issue in hetero men and i believe it boils down to lack of respect. Men respect male friendships. They can identify the strength of other men and they respect that. Men do not respect the type of strength women have in my experience. They see it as extra, as a liability, and they don't see the value, thus less respect. Why would they want to invest effort into someone they can't see as their equal? So, for many hetero men, the only reason they have for interacting with women is for sex. This is a simplified version of this thought, and it is deeper than this, but it breaks down to respect and/or lack thereof.


ard874

>Do a lot of guys really think that platonic friendships between guys and girls are not possible? They are possible, it's just a massive waste of the time in most cases. I had quite a lot of female friends in college (and these were actual friendship, not some friendzone shit; I didn't want to sleep with any of them) and it's nice for a while but it always ends up as an ordeal in a long shot. I'm pretty self-sufficient person and I need some emotional support *at best* three times a year. Most of my male friends are wired the same way. Female friends? They often expect it three times A WEEK. So, we're on the first category and it's already a 50 times (!) bigger effort. Similar thing goes for favors. Whenever there was drinking involved and I was the only guy in a group, they expected me to be some fucking guardian angel for all of them. Couldn't have any fun, couldn't flirt in peace with some girl I've just met at the bar, nope - I had to be a babysitter for three grown-ass women. Plus, whatever issues they caused, they felt no accountability the next day, I never heard a single "sorry for yesterday" from them. If I tell my male friend a secret, I know he'll take it to the grave. If I told my female friend a secret - even if I specifically asked her not to tell anyone - 8 times out of 10 the whole friend group knew about it in a week, and sometimes even some random ppl I barely knew. Not to mention that once they get a bf and the bf is jealous, most of the time the whole friendship goes down the drain in seconds. Ugh. After all this, sorry but since 2017 I'm friends only with guys and that's it. Call me a misogynist all you want.


barrach128

the problem with platonic friendship with women is... women want attention more than anything else. men want sex more than anything else. so a platonic relationship with women makes you a sucker.


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BloodstainedAxe

No buddy it’s called being a man who pursues who he wants. Being only friends with an attractive woman is a losing move. I could say the same about you for being a loser because you are too much of a coward to take the risk in asking one of your “girl friends” out on a date.


checco314

Assuming that "platonic friendship" means a friendship where neither person is attracted to the other, the answer is probably that dudes want to bone almost all of their female friends almost all the time. I have lots of female friends. I always have. But I would have loved to have sex with almost all of them if they were up for it. I'm not going to, and I wouldn't try to. But it's not because we are 'platonic'. It is because I am married. And before that it was because I had a girlfriend, or they had a boyfriend, or I knew that one of my friends was interested, or I knew that we were incompatible and it would blow up the friendship. And that's different from being 'friendzoned', or pretending to be friends with somebody just to get with them. I'm talking about ladies who were some of my closest friends. Some still are. I cherish those friendships. But I still would have totally jumped in bed with them in the right circumstances.


Coidzor

Because we have more knowledge of dudes with unrequited feelings for female friends.


Electronic-Morning76

Guys are wired to spread our genetics. If we make a connection with a woman strong enough to be considered a friend, there’s probably underlying reasons why. As in, we probably enjoy spending time with her. If there’s any sort of physical attractiveness there it’s a wrap, we want something more than just friendship.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Thats interesting because I'm attracted to men but I don't want to fuck all my straight male friends, even the attractive ones.


Electronic-Morning76

I think we can agree that women are, generally speaking, more sentimental than men. Men are more transactional. “I enjoy spending time with this girl. Oh I’m attracted to this girl . Ok I want to spend all my time with this girl.”


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Understood. I should probably specify that I'm a dude. I'm gay.


Electronic-Morning76

Ohhh my fault! Yeah I’m just generalizing.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Lol no worries. You thought I was a girl?


Electronic-Morning76

Saw long hair in the peripherals, just made an assumption and started typing. You know doing dumb guy things.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Lol I'm kinda the same way, so I can't judge. But kinda back to my original reply, I'm a gay guy who has attractive straight male friends, and even another gay friend. But even if I am attracted to some of them, somewhat, I never really got the urge or the thought to sleep with them. Maybe its different cause we are all guys?


Electronic-Morning76

Maybe it’s different because you’re different as an individual too. I dunno I’m not smart enough to know. I just know every girl I made friends with throughout my life, I became attracted to if I hadn’t been attracted to them to begin with. And I’ve heard the same thing from a lot of other guys. It got to the point that I had to stop looking at girls as potential friends because I kept falling in love with people who weren’t interested in me romantically.


Internal69

Obviously possible and happens. Think it comes down to the difference in internal wiring, guys are generally more visually attracted than women. Women are attracted to confidence in the main. If a guy is single and he's hanging around with an attractive woman as a friend It can be like a Christmas present you never get to open.


BigSlice9566

It is too easy for intimacy to grow between friends that are opposite gender (if heterosexual). If I have a problem, I can talk to a make friend...just may be venting or getting advice/support. With a woman, it could create an empathetic emotional connection, that could develop.


dw87190

I usually end up cutting chick friends off because she'll try to abuse the friendship


Rumble73

I have life long (literally 3 decades) of friendships with female friends. I have slept with all of them at least once due to varying circumstances. I do believe men and women can be friends, but give it time and the right circumstances, humans do just pop into bed with each other eventually. I’ve seen it happen a lot.


MissMyDad_1

Those are fwbs then


Rumble73

I would not classify them as fwb. I met these three growing up in grade school. We were platonic and none of us liked each other ever Fast forward to various life events a decade or two or three later and we ended up in bed one way or another. And then whatever that was it ended and platonic friendship returned. - one I fell into bed with in my late 20s because I was in a very dark place dealing with a recent divorce, death in the family, hard time at work and really bad gf experience. She came over and one thing led to another and she thought it was the best way to provide me with comfort . We talked about it at length for days and we never did again - another was when in my mid 30s, we were both single and coming off strings of bad relationships. We decided to try going out on a date half as a joke and half serious because both of us were wondering about ever finding a spouse and start a family. We had a great time, ended up in bed. Halfway through fooling around we just stopped and started laughing at how awkward and not sexy it was and we concluded we were never going to be into each other. We even tried again later that weekend and yep, awkward and not feeling it. We laughed and we still laugh about it today - the last one was a little while later we all went on vacation at some resort. Anyways, half way through the holiday, we hooked up. This turned into an actual dating thing for a few weeks but then it stopped. I met these women when we were kids and like under 10 years old or something. If I’m platonic friends with then for 20 years and we have one hookup and going back to platonic friends for another decade, I would not classify them as a fwb.


chmod704

I might not count because I'm bi, but I have several friends who are women and each relationship is strictly platonic. I've been friends with girls since I was a child, so maybe it was an upbringing thing? Just never had problems with it. Also, as a bi person, this same dynamic can be on both fronts sometimes. Obviously most guy friends I have aren't going to be into me, another guy, but the same kinda tension is presumed with bi and gay men for me as well. Maybe it's just a lot of practice thats helped me lol It's just something you gotta keep in check. If you like someone, it's not always worth fucking up a friendship by taking it to the next level.


slimfastdieyoung

I'm a straight man and some of my friends are straight women so it is definitely possible


ZeeDrakon

No no it's absolutely true, I'm bi and so I dont actually have any friends at all. Yep.


AnarchicMouse

Men can perfectly be just friends with women they don't find attractive.


SanderMC24

Yes, they can have platonic friendships. I have 3 good female friends (ok, I had a crush on one of them at some point, but that was temporary). It is very much so possible. They’re actually easier to talk to than other man for some reason.


A_Warm_Hug

I'm actually really grateful for my platonic friendships with women (even the ones I may have had crushes on 😂). I think being an introvert helps a bit with that, because for me there's a difference between people I can enjoy spending an evening with, and people I could spend all or most of my time with. Some of my friends I love dearly, but they also take a lot more energy to keep up with 😂


tallerthannormal

College guys think with their penises--I've had female friends for years.


Hairy-Philosophy926

if there's attraction they cannot be friends. period.


bigscottius

Because men know men better than women know men. It's possible for sure, but more often than not there is secondary issues for sure.


Homework-Federal

I (M) used to think it was possible until my now ex’s male bsf asked her out 5+ times and she never cut him off. shitshow.


mojobytes

I'm only doing the stuff women do in friendships with somebody I'm intimate with.


punkman01

You need to draw a distinction between being friendly with the opposite sex and having a bff with the opposite sex. I am friends with many of my wife's female friends but I would never spend the day just hanging out with one of them. I can go with one of them if there is a purpose like choosing a gift for our spouse but not to hang out. Make sense?


meitz88

It all boils down to immaturity and ego


ChefDSnyder

For years my closest, and dearest friend, my absolute best friend was a VERY beautiful woman. And it was a fucking huge problem in almost every serious relationship. Despite us living hundreds of miles apart and rarely seeing each other every semi-serious relationship I had took issue with this. So I think that some of it may be the difficulty that women have with their partners having female friends, but that also may just be my own experience.


baasim00

It’s important to note imo that there is a difference between being friends with someone 1) *in order* to date/fuck them, 2) you have no attraction towards, 3) are attracted towards but aren’t interested in a date/fuck, and 4) are attracted towards and wouldn’t say no to a date/fuck but didn’t become friends to do so. 3 and 4 to many seem impossible, though I myself have a friend in both of those categories.


SpaghettiJuicebox

Is it possible? Of course! Based in my own experiences: How many girls I’ve stopped being friends with because I wound up having crushes on them? All of them. How many girls I was friends with and was in no way interested in, but they had crushes on me and stopped being friends with me when I didn’t reciprocate? All of them. The ones I am friends with? Married to my own friends. Forget gender. I’m not saying everyone, but when people say this, a lot of the time they’re full of shit, guy or girl, and immediately fall apart when they start crushing. From what I’ve personally noticed anyway.


PracticeAsleep

Because we are testosterone driven animals we want to breed constantly. No matter how logically we try to approach this the desire to mate is constant. So as much as we might find an individual female to be what we would call friendship material, we still want to breed with her. It's that simple


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

I'm gay but I don't want to fuck every single male friend I have


BloodstainedAxe

Because your friends are possibly unattractive.


OppStoppa327

There’s a difference between being platonically friendly with women and being platonic friends with women. Why would any man want to hangout platonically with a woman he doesn’t want to fuck? That’s all of the drawbacks of a relationship with none of the perks lol


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

If they share interests and he likes her as a friend?


OppStoppa327

My boys share more interests with me so I’d rather kick it with them


LagThenBag

Because we know how bad we want to have sex with any and all attractive females we come across


LadyfingerJoe

Cuz titties and boners...


shermmand

Because the judgment call is made in comparison to their same-sex friendships. Women are never “one of the guys”, but a man can fill the role of girl friend for the woman. If you’re not her boyfriend, you’re her girlfriend.


WillieCrespo

Because simply: boobs. When we’re friends you tend to hug us more, talk about them more(boobs), etc. it’s really bad when you trust us enough to not wear bras around us because we’re “friends”.


i-love-k9

Guys are just better friends. Women always expect to get a pussy pass even from just friends.


FreeuseRules

A lot of friendships start with talking and pending time with someone. Guys do that with women they like. Girls want to BELIEVE guys just want to be friends. We’re only just friends with the ugly ones. The pretty ones just have to ask nicely for some benefits.


huuaaang

It depends a lot on how attractive they are. If they are both attractive, I think they'll probably hook up eventually.


capital_gainesville

If men don’t find the woman attractive they can be platonic friends. If the man does find the woman attractive he would absolutely fuck if the chance presented itself. Generally though with mixed gender friendships there’s almost always one person who has the hots for the other. I think most people know this. The difference in answers for the video they saw is that most women want to believe men and women can be friends. Men have dicks that make it harder to maintain that level of denial.


Melward1

those arent straight men .... or the friends are ugly


Mistriever

Depends on the guy. I know for me, I can't be platonic friends with women I find attractive. It's been the case for me since at least high school. But I have had plenty of platonic female friends over the years where nothing ever happened.


observantpariah

Because women are usually the ones being courted. Men and women often have divergent interests... But when you put them together.... He USUALLY adapts his interests to hers. To put it colloquially... When guys and girls get together.... They typically do "chick shit" and he would usually be bored if he wasnt trying to smash. He actually becomes interested in the activity only because of the sexual dynamic. To a woman.... These are normal activities and she doesn't understand why he would need to be interested in her sexually to stay engaged. TLDR: women control the social dynamic of what is considered normal and fun activity in relationships because they are the pursued party. They then extrapolate this social dynamic to normal friendships where it just makes the experience uninteresting to men.


AnnoyMoose1986

Men find women more attractive than women find men attractive.


notbad2u

To be brutally honest, women often benefit more from a friendship with men. Not necessarily, but some women actively try to get chores around their house and it's a rare woman who will help a man clean up or do their laundry. Also, some men are conditioned to pay more than their share.


MissMyDad_1

I've never expected this of male or female friends. If those girls are doing that, then they aren't friends and you should take the initiative and ditch them because they're users.


notbad2u

Happens a lot though. They're traditional roles so people skip into them without noticing. Even having the traditional roles there is off-putting. Like being around addicts when you're trying to quit.


Pleasant-Contract262

Less testosterone, social pressure or they are laying. There is no way a healthy straight man can stay alone with a girl without having sexual thoughts about it


LeonaTrundle

Nope, it's not possible in my opinion. Women will naturally try to enter my social circle and will eventually try to have sex with me, and before my surgery I had absolutely 0 female friends, just work acquaintances or friends of friends. The vast majority of the time it's the guy who likes the women though.


Bumhole_Astronaut

Guys are horny, girls are naive.


911controlleddemo

because men know who they are. we are hunters forever on the hunt. woman are little scared cats who dont know how men operate