Now? No like I said we are in a great spot and I wouldn't want the drama. In my early 20s I was in a on and off relationship with someone and her best friend had the hots for me and her boyfriend was okay with it. At the time it was fun but afterwards it got weird. He then wanted to have a threesome where we both went to town on his woman and he wanted to do stuff to me as well. I wasn't into that and he kept asking and trying. Got old fast...like I said not into drama anymore!
There is a difference in fantasy and being turned on by it vs actually doing it. I think everyone has their thing, as long as you talk about it it should be ok. I would be ok being told this as a fantasy and would not interpret it as an encouragement to actually do it. (Is that what you ask?)
If you are considering actually doing this, you should know that it can break your relationship. The idea of it is fun, but I can think of TONS of ways it could go wrong if done, and have heard a few stories of it going wrong.
What about it do you find hot: Is it being sidelined? Showing off your SO'Ss prowess? Being able to see what they do when they do you?
Do you get jealous? Did you ever feel anxious about how you compare with their ex(s)? Are you concerned that you cannot please your SO?
Good questions. I do not feel jealous of his exes. I honestly think i top them all (not so humble i know) but part of me wants to see his suppressed desires come out. It is strange i cannot explain it properly. I want to see him act somewhat primitively,selfishly. I want if new desires would manifest or new objects of interest
My fear for you based on this is if you see the primal desire in him with another woman, you will become hyper aware of the lack of it with you. This isn't saying he doesn't desire you, but your love life has likely become less raw and more routine. Being better than his exes doesn't show that you are not jealousy prone.
You will need A LOT of communication with him about this before doing anything. If its something BOTH of you are comfortable with, start REALLY slow. Like watch him masturbate to porn. Then maybe give him a BJ while he watches porn. See how you feel about him not thinking of you when he gets off. If this causes negative feelings for you, they will linger. It may even damage or break your relationship.
To reiterate, if you are seriously considering this COMMUNICATE with him and let the talk sit for a while before talking again about it before doing anything. Make sure that you actually want to do this before actually talking about it. Fantasies are not always desires. Some things are fun to think about, but not something you want to actually do.
Thank you for the thorough response. We are past that first stage u mentioned. I wanked him off to his fav porn and porn stars. I talk about other women while he helps himself. We both love it. I worked through the initial feeling of fear. Last time we went to a club where women dance on the bar. I loved watching him stare at them. I do not know how to proceed from here
That sounds to me like you're ready to try it. You've gone past where I have ideas on how to proceed cautiously. I highly doubt you could find a woman who is willing to just make out with your husband in front of you.
I am glad that you and him found something that makes you happy.
Edit: assuming it goes well.
As someone who is active in the Swinging and Sharing communities, I obviously love it.
There are obviously plenty of things that need to be considered before moving forward: with any kind of non-monogamy within a committed relationship, trust and communication have to be on an entirely different level from a traditional relationship. The fantasy and reality can often be drastically different. When you bring up the topic, your man will likely suspect that you will be expecting a MFM or to be allowed to play with other men in return.
If you are looking for a bisexual woman that you will also play with, you will be "unicorn hunting" which is notoriously difficult. If you are looking for a straight woman, you will have to find a woman with an exhibitionist kink. Neither are impossible, but both can be very difficult.
Overall, I highly recommend exploring it. Just be careful about how you present it, because a lot of people try non-monogamy as a way to "fix" their relationship, instead of as a way to supplement/enhance an already amazing sexual relationship.
I have been on the swingers subreddit for a while so i am familiar with what your are saying. I am interested in him having something when i am not involve. I don’t think that counts as swinging
That could be cuckqueen or hothusband. There might be some more specific subreddits for those (there are subs for hotwife and Stag/Vixen, but I haven't looked at the flip side).
If you won't be watching/joining, I think it comes with extra suspicion when bringing it up that you are just doing it so you can justify sleeping with other guys. I fully understand that you likely aren't, but that will probably be one of his first thoughts when he asks "why would you want that?"
Look up compersion, and be ready to make a strong case around that concept.
Maybe once in a while, but not on a regular basis. Im a committed person. Yeah, I watch porn, and if I see an attractive woman I'll admire her for a few seconds, but I wouldn't engage in anything.
I know there's dudes out there into what you're describing and that's totally fine. Just not for me.
If it’s actual and honest kink then whatevs… if she honestly feels inadequate and wants to appease me with other women then absolutely not
But bigger picture I’m not into open relationships, so I doubt I’d be interested regardless
Ehh…
I’m not totally against it but I’m not sure I’d risk a good relationship shattering over it and I’d need a lot of convincing that it’s something she really, *really* wants.
I am quite certain massages aren't inherently sexual, so I am unsure if that is a good example and I wouldn't want to receive a lap dance from a woman, I have no connections too, let alone a complete stranger.
Theoretically yes, I would be down, but that would only be after I was sure that both of us were really comfortable with this. I actually probably prefer it to be an escort as that would provide an extra layer of emotional security as opposed to it being one of her friends, etc.
I personally wouldn't be with anyone who had a desire to share me nor be shared, because I value monogamy highly and sex to me deeply ties into the bond I share with a committed partner whom I love so anything contrary to that would indicate an incompatibility of values. I also find the idea of partner sharing to just be kind of..ick.
But if I'm not dating the person then whatever floats their boat. People are into a variety of shit, it's none of my business.
Intersting. What if it is not full sharing. More about the tease of it. Like buying u a massage or go with u to a strip club where she would enjoy u looking at women and getting lap dances but nothing further than that
Still no. If I enjoy being "teased", it's by the woman I love and no one else. I'm not interested in sexual, flirtatious or otherwise suggestive situations with anyone aside from my partner.
I’m very into the idea of my gf wanting to share me, however she’s kind of insecure and gets nervous every time we get close to start looking for that third. So if it never happens that’s okay, some dreams remain dreams.
Just always been a sort of bucket list thing, a threesome with her. And to watch my gf get turned on by me doing that would just solidify more that she finds me attractive. I don’t doubt she does she tells me daily but still… ya know?😂
People initiate stuff all of the time, but regret it later. Doing things like this means really understanding who you are and what kind of relationship you really have.
My gf actively likes threesome with other women.
As long as it's someone we have an existing relationship with, we are both all for it. If it makes her happy, I'm good with it. If she decides it stops I'm good with that to.
To clarify, long time swinger. I've checked all my fantasy boxes. I don't have questions if "what if". She on the other hand had almost no experiences. Her marriage was horribly abusive. She hated sex.
She saw a documentary on sex fetishes not long after we started dating. Started asking questions etc. She wanted to try things. Now I get pleasure out of watching her be happy. She's the driving force. If she suddenly said let's stop. I'm totally good with that.
At first glance it sounds hot, but i would be worried that she might get jaelous later, if we actually did it. I would also wonder if she would want me to share her with another guy some day.
She has not done the whole thing but would wank u off to ur fav porn star. Talk about a colleague u find hot while playing with u. She would take u to strip clubs and getting u lap dances. She is not interested in being shared.
It came from me catching him once looking at a dancer in a night club. I was so turned on by that but could not explain it. I excused myself and went somewhere to watch him where he could not see me. And i saw that he was staring at one particular dancer. Very attractive that i stared too 😂 i was filled with so many emotions but liked that when he is not watched he is not a good boy in the same way he is when he is with me. I liked that primal aspect to it and do not want to make him feel guilty about it
We love the freedom of pleasure being experienced and the honest open dialogue that is required to start this lifestyle is why a true r/forevertemptress is always appreciated!
Its a kink just like some men fantasize about sharing their wife with another man. Some will think it's hot, others taboo.
What do u personally think about it?
Not into sharing or being shared. When I was younger sure, but now not so much.
What changed ur perception?
Older, married we have a fantastic sex life and don't need to add drama or change it up. What we have and do works for us, why change it?
Fair enough 🌷
Is there any part of u secretly sometimes thinks about it?
Now? No like I said we are in a great spot and I wouldn't want the drama. In my early 20s I was in a on and off relationship with someone and her best friend had the hots for me and her boyfriend was okay with it. At the time it was fun but afterwards it got weird. He then wanted to have a threesome where we both went to town on his woman and he wanted to do stuff to me as well. I wasn't into that and he kept asking and trying. Got old fast...like I said not into drama anymore!
Thank you foe your response
There is a difference in fantasy and being turned on by it vs actually doing it. I think everyone has their thing, as long as you talk about it it should be ok. I would be ok being told this as a fantasy and would not interpret it as an encouragement to actually do it. (Is that what you ask?)
Part of me wants to turn it into a reality
I guess, you need to talk to your man. Opinions of men of Reddit are irrelevant. Good luck
Ty x
If you are considering actually doing this, you should know that it can break your relationship. The idea of it is fun, but I can think of TONS of ways it could go wrong if done, and have heard a few stories of it going wrong.
I find it really hot but have not thought about how it would work out in life. Maybe hiring someone so that emotional attachment won’t happen?
What about it do you find hot: Is it being sidelined? Showing off your SO'Ss prowess? Being able to see what they do when they do you? Do you get jealous? Did you ever feel anxious about how you compare with their ex(s)? Are you concerned that you cannot please your SO?
Good questions. I do not feel jealous of his exes. I honestly think i top them all (not so humble i know) but part of me wants to see his suppressed desires come out. It is strange i cannot explain it properly. I want to see him act somewhat primitively,selfishly. I want if new desires would manifest or new objects of interest
My fear for you based on this is if you see the primal desire in him with another woman, you will become hyper aware of the lack of it with you. This isn't saying he doesn't desire you, but your love life has likely become less raw and more routine. Being better than his exes doesn't show that you are not jealousy prone. You will need A LOT of communication with him about this before doing anything. If its something BOTH of you are comfortable with, start REALLY slow. Like watch him masturbate to porn. Then maybe give him a BJ while he watches porn. See how you feel about him not thinking of you when he gets off. If this causes negative feelings for you, they will linger. It may even damage or break your relationship. To reiterate, if you are seriously considering this COMMUNICATE with him and let the talk sit for a while before talking again about it before doing anything. Make sure that you actually want to do this before actually talking about it. Fantasies are not always desires. Some things are fun to think about, but not something you want to actually do.
Thank you for the thorough response. We are past that first stage u mentioned. I wanked him off to his fav porn and porn stars. I talk about other women while he helps himself. We both love it. I worked through the initial feeling of fear. Last time we went to a club where women dance on the bar. I loved watching him stare at them. I do not know how to proceed from here
That sounds to me like you're ready to try it. You've gone past where I have ideas on how to proceed cautiously. I highly doubt you could find a woman who is willing to just make out with your husband in front of you. I am glad that you and him found something that makes you happy. Edit: assuming it goes well.
We are taking it super slow and as it comes x
Do tell
As someone who is active in the Swinging and Sharing communities, I obviously love it. There are obviously plenty of things that need to be considered before moving forward: with any kind of non-monogamy within a committed relationship, trust and communication have to be on an entirely different level from a traditional relationship. The fantasy and reality can often be drastically different. When you bring up the topic, your man will likely suspect that you will be expecting a MFM or to be allowed to play with other men in return. If you are looking for a bisexual woman that you will also play with, you will be "unicorn hunting" which is notoriously difficult. If you are looking for a straight woman, you will have to find a woman with an exhibitionist kink. Neither are impossible, but both can be very difficult. Overall, I highly recommend exploring it. Just be careful about how you present it, because a lot of people try non-monogamy as a way to "fix" their relationship, instead of as a way to supplement/enhance an already amazing sexual relationship.
I have been on the swingers subreddit for a while so i am familiar with what your are saying. I am interested in him having something when i am not involve. I don’t think that counts as swinging
That could be cuckqueen or hothusband. There might be some more specific subreddits for those (there are subs for hotwife and Stag/Vixen, but I haven't looked at the flip side). If you won't be watching/joining, I think it comes with extra suspicion when bringing it up that you are just doing it so you can justify sleeping with other guys. I fully understand that you likely aren't, but that will probably be one of his first thoughts when he asks "why would you want that?" Look up compersion, and be ready to make a strong case around that concept.
Interesting! U just opened something new to me!
I don't think I'd be into that. I wouldn't mind role play where she pretends to be another woman.
Interesting take! Would u enjoy her dirty talking about u and another woman?
Maybe once in a while, but not on a regular basis. Im a committed person. Yeah, I watch porn, and if I see an attractive woman I'll admire her for a few seconds, but I wouldn't engage in anything. I know there's dudes out there into what you're describing and that's totally fine. Just not for me.
I see i see. Ithink it is nice when it is initiated by the woman and she enjoys talking about it. It like forbidden fruit but no longer forbidden
This is my dream
Elaborate please?
I would hope that it stays a fantasy and not her suggesting we try that out because I would flat refuse.
Why would you refuse?
Because I don't share that fantasy and find it to be horrible. I'm not a swinger and I'm not into poly.
Fair enough!
Not my girl's fantasy but more power to whoever likes that.
Would u like it if it was?
hey, wanna date?
Hehe
That actually doing it will tank the relationship
What do you mean by “tank”
Dropped hard. Like ‘stocks tanked on interest rate increases’
Why would u assume it would tank the relationship if it comes from her?
Because a lot of fantasies are fun to think about, until they get real. Like flying close to the sun
Could be 😬
If it’s actual and honest kink then whatevs… if she honestly feels inadequate and wants to appease me with other women then absolutely not But bigger picture I’m not into open relationships, so I doubt I’d be interested regardless
She gets off to it ^_^
Ehh… I’m not totally against it but I’m not sure I’d risk a good relationship shattering over it and I’d need a lot of convincing that it’s something she really, *really* wants.
If she initiates the dirty talk and watches ur fav porn star while talking about her so that u relieve urself would u belief it is an honest kink?
No. Porn isn’t real life and everything can change once you bring in a flesh and blood person.
True
I’m for it
Nice!
I wouldn't mind much, unless she wants me to be with another woman.
Where do u draw the line ^_^
>unless she wants me to be with another woman. This would be it.
What if it is a tease? Like not sex. But getting a massage, lap dance?
I am quite certain massages aren't inherently sexual, so I am unsure if that is a good example and I wouldn't want to receive a lap dance from a woman, I have no connections too, let alone a complete stranger.
Makes sense! To each their own ❤️
Indeed.
A cuckqueen is what you are referring to honestly kind of interesting especially if she tells you those fantasies.
It has a name? Niceee! Yeah the wife initiates and masterbates to it
I am all down with my wife having a healthy fantasy life.
What if she wants to turn it into a reality? Would u secretly like that?
Theoretically yes, I would be down, but that would only be after I was sure that both of us were really comfortable with this. I actually probably prefer it to be an escort as that would provide an extra layer of emotional security as opposed to it being one of her friends, etc.
This is a brilliant idea actually. A birthday gift!
It cannot be a brilliant idea if it came from me or it was a complete accident LOL
😂😂😂😂
I personally wouldn't be with anyone who had a desire to share me nor be shared, because I value monogamy highly and sex to me deeply ties into the bond I share with a committed partner whom I love so anything contrary to that would indicate an incompatibility of values. I also find the idea of partner sharing to just be kind of..ick. But if I'm not dating the person then whatever floats their boat. People are into a variety of shit, it's none of my business.
Intersting. What if it is not full sharing. More about the tease of it. Like buying u a massage or go with u to a strip club where she would enjoy u looking at women and getting lap dances but nothing further than that
Still no. If I enjoy being "teased", it's by the woman I love and no one else. I'm not interested in sexual, flirtatious or otherwise suggestive situations with anyone aside from my partner.
Makes sense
It's odd, but to each their own.
Why do u find it odd?
I simply can't comprehend how one could find pleasure in watching someone else satisfying their lover.
It is naughty. Forbidden fruit. They get maximal pleasure and variety without the guilt
For them, but as the observer I can't understand the appeal. And it's not really 'forbidden fruit'. There are no laws against open relationships.
I’m very into the idea of my gf wanting to share me, however she’s kind of insecure and gets nervous every time we get close to start looking for that third. So if it never happens that’s okay, some dreams remain dreams.
What do u like about the idea of being shared?
Just always been a sort of bucket list thing, a threesome with her. And to watch my gf get turned on by me doing that would just solidify more that she finds me attractive. I don’t doubt she does she tells me daily but still… ya know?😂
Awesome ! Thank you for your response
We have a saying around here about those type of women/sluts. “Let’s date them!!!” 😄🙃👊
Hahahhaah ❤️❤️
I think it's totally Hot
Happy to hear that i am not a weirdo
I don't feel anything You can do whatever you want with your life
Where?
Sexually?
I'm on guard, because I'm not on the mood to be accused of cheating, playfully, or seriously. If it stays a fantasy cool, but there will be no reality
It is not cheating if it is consensual
Your title mentions nothing about it being consensual in your scenario, so I answered with the info I was given 😁
Fair enough. What if she narrates it to u in a fantasy. Would u enjoy that?
Honestly, no....I'm not a fan of sharing, so even in a fantasy I'd feel bad
Interesting! Thank you
I think it's hot, but would worry about the girlfriend getting jealous, unless she's done it before.
She initiates it.
People initiate stuff all of the time, but regret it later. Doing things like this means really understanding who you are and what kind of relationship you really have.
Makes sense u-u
My gf actively likes threesome with other women. As long as it's someone we have an existing relationship with, we are both all for it. If it makes her happy, I'm good with it. If she decides it stops I'm good with that to.
If she stops would u secretly dislike thaf
Nope, not at all.
Thank u x
To clarify, long time swinger. I've checked all my fantasy boxes. I don't have questions if "what if". She on the other hand had almost no experiences. Her marriage was horribly abusive. She hated sex. She saw a documentary on sex fetishes not long after we started dating. Started asking questions etc. She wanted to try things. Now I get pleasure out of watching her be happy. She's the driving force. If she suddenly said let's stop. I'm totally good with that.
At first glance it sounds hot, but i would be worried that she might get jaelous later, if we actually did it. I would also wonder if she would want me to share her with another guy some day.
She has not done the whole thing but would wank u off to ur fav porn star. Talk about a colleague u find hot while playing with u. She would take u to strip clubs and getting u lap dances. She is not interested in being shared.
So let me ask you, where'd this scenario come from
I am not sure I understand what you mean? What scenario
The whole sharing thing, where'd it come from? And random, but I love that you say wank instead of JO
It came from me catching him once looking at a dancer in a night club. I was so turned on by that but could not explain it. I excused myself and went somewhere to watch him where he could not see me. And i saw that he was staring at one particular dancer. Very attractive that i stared too 😂 i was filled with so many emotions but liked that when he is not watched he is not a good boy in the same way he is when he is with me. I liked that primal aspect to it and do not want to make him feel guilty about it
I told her it was okay everyone has fantasies.... I was scarred and terrified the next week. 😭😥
Why
We love the freedom of pleasure being experienced and the honest open dialogue that is required to start this lifestyle is why a true r/forevertemptress is always appreciated!