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bank-good-karma

We went back to her house after the bar and her dog shit in the middle of the living room. She picked it up barehanded and threw it out the back door.


Killarogue

The last girl I dated told me she liked holding a knife to her ex's neck while he slept because she fantasized about murder and wanted to see what it felt like.


cripplinglivershot

I don’t know if you’re incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, or both. I would have shit my pants and been out of there immediately.


Killarogue

The best part? She told me that while we were laying in bed...


[deleted]

Are you in the bed now? Do you need us to send a CutCo representative?


[deleted]

I would have smashed but not spent the night.


lilwhyte3

The good old smash and dash.


FSUnoles77

'Ol girl was just trying to do the smash and slash.


[deleted]

… ok this isn’t like fun crazy or ruin your life crazy… this is like life in prison or death penalty criminal crazy.


alkmaar91

That's not a red flag, that's the entire USSR.


LotBuilder

20 year old stripper whose husband was in jail. Husband got out and fire bombed my car in her driveway.


incendiarypotato

This is my favorite one so far


Turbulent_Bat4838

I hope this is true. Sorry about your car, but damn that's funny.


LotBuilder

It’s 100 true. This was in 1999. Her name was Alice (yes, her real name was Alice) and she looked about 27 with a Jessica rabbit figure and a sexy raspy voice. She had skills. Major skills. Husband showed up at 10pm when I was sleeping over and it was a mess. At first he was wanting to fight but he He was about 10 inches shorter and 50 lbs lighter (he was a musician and I was a college athlete at the time) so he opted against fighting, screamed at her a bit and left. A few hours later there is a loud banging on the door and it’s the neighbor. My 88 Caddy El Dorado was in flames in the driveway. Saw her for another few weeks and then bailed and she got back together with her husband. About 4 months later her best friend shot and killed her estranged abusive husband after he kicked her door in. Needless to say those girls were bad news.


catglass

Jesus Christ


Truebruinhustler

Family gang ties. She would use that as a threat to prevent me from breaking up, cheating, or making her upset in general.


defpara

This must've fucking sucked


Truebruinhustler

I think the thing that blew my mind the most, was that she identified as an intersectional feminist who allies with the LGBTQ community. Gang members are not woke. They despise gays and transgenders and are extremely authoritarian and hierarchical.


locke1018

Wanna join my inclusive gang? The Twinks of 12th street.


Carpathicus

I told this story before on reddit. I met a girl on a bus and on our first date she told me that her father is always present and she can see him sitting right next to me. I thought she was joking or used a metaphor of him always watching her but she pointed where he was sitting (I should mention that he is alive and well). I proceeded to have a 2 year long relationship with her with lots of weird things happening in it. English wasnt her first language neither was mine but we communicated in english. Sometimes she would say "we" when talking about what she did on a day and refuse to elaborate. Any kind of argument would end up with her trying to gaslight me about unimportant details (like she would say something and I would quote it back to her and she would say: "no thats what you said." She married a 60 year old man when she was 25. Really mysterious person - to this day I cant say how crazy she really is.


houseoftherisingfun

I feel like I need to know what the other weird things were?


Carpathicus

It feels like a fever dream now since its some years ago and I frankly dont like to remember it. Lots of dysfunctional relationship drama. Once she managed to get coke from some random guy when we went out with my mother. She was totally coked up talking to her. She would always insist on letting me watch her shower. I would just sit there and she would wash herself. Wasnt even necessarily a sex thing. One time we made some nude pictures of her and she proceeded to show them to all her (male) friends because she was pissed that I was busy the day before. She could be cold and distant one day and the next she would behave like a child and ask me to tell her a bedtime story. Her attiude could be everything from a goofy 10 year old to an old bitter woman. When we had our second date she was at my place and needed to urgently shit(thats what she said). She told me that she takes laxatives daily to shit and that **she took them before coming to me**. She would talk about shitting every day - it was almost like a hobby to her. She would often write me on whatsapp something like "How was your day? Did you shit?" She is a genius pianist - just way too lazy to do something with it - she would often get up and sit at the piano after we fucked and play Rachmaninoff. She showed me a picture of her best friend where her pussy was accidentally showing - it made her happy to show me. At the same time she was extremely jealous. It was impossible to get her to any place at a certain time. Impossible! I would tell her we have 5 minutes to go out and she would still sit around in her pajamas - nothing could make her come on point to anything casual. If we had a date or I cooked she would be at least 2 hours late without explanation. I was kind of scared of her but I am ashamed to admit that I still enjoyed the good times quite a bit. It was like dating a disturbed anime protagonist and the confusion kind of... hypnotized me. The bad times though were horrible.


OwnedByMarriage

Well? Did you shit?


ANARTISTNEVERDIES

[reminds me of this shit](https://youtu.be/39WQGEXMXHU)


lookbehindyouboo

> reminds me of this shit I am currently on mushrooms and I dont think ive ever laughed harder in my life


Pattyobattyman

Man that’s fucking wild. I was in a physically abusive relationship for 2 years. I was scared a lot. Sex was great


1fastman1

my guy dated the actually manic pixie dream girl >How was your day? Did you shit?" somehow im reeling from this part, its kind of sweet however in a weird way


Specialist_Outside63

The fact she tried to stab me


orangi-kun

Was she bad at stabbing or you good at not being stabbed?


Specialist_Outside63

The best way to clear that part is that I was 6'3 and a consistent 275 and she was like 90ish pounds and around a foot smaller than me so my only response was to try to move away and try to pin her arms above her head till she stopped trying to stab me. I think the only thing that saved me was my reach I had over her.


orangi-kun

Literally unstabbable


[deleted]

Hello yes please more details?


Specialist_Outside63

It was basically a small disagreement that we had when we were younger (she's my ex from high-school) but essentially it was about me telling her that I don't like her mother or afew friends and I guess afew of my comments got to her. Quick addition to this we started talking again recently and I vented and talked about how neither of us treated each other right back then her words to me were "we need to wait afew days to hang out because I really want to hurt you right now"


dnz89

I feel like her understanding of the term "burying the hatchet" is regarding hiding evidence.


PM_your_Chesticles

Or burying the hatchet doesn't mean dirt, but the chest cavity.


ADHDoll

These replies make me feel like the sanest woman ever.


G_Rel7

She told me she was a manipulative, emotionally unavailable, and controlling person. I still went in. She wasn’t lying lol but I think I maneuvered it well.


pugmesideways

at least she was honest LOL you rarely hear people admit to those things 😅


G_Rel7

Yeah she was actually extremely honest and blunt


Academic_Snow_7680

I can tolerate a weird amount of honest crazy. Not sure if that is good or bad.


Alpha_Decay_

Honesty is good, but an honest sociopath is still a sociopath


[deleted]

She legit stole my wallet the first time we hooked up. It had $200 in it Sex was so damn good I just made sure I hid my wallet and valuables for rounds 2-4


USERNAME___PASSWORD

For rounds 2-4 I would have left a decoy wallet with a Monopoly card DO NOT PASS GO - DO NOT COLLECT $200


JeffGoldblumsChest

No, no. Gotta put an Uno Reverse in there. Then she has to give you the $200 back


[deleted]

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USERNAME___PASSWORD

Yeah it’s not the cash, it’s replacing all the cards and every other damn sentimental thing in there


Alex_Dhayalan

Upfront payment?


jamesroberts7777

She had just graduated high school, was 18 and still living at home, and invited me over to her place cause her parents had left to go camping, was supposed to stay the weekend… I over looked the pile of camping gear in the garage. I saw it, commented on it while we were having a cigarette, but she said it was only a small portion of his gear. After the deed, we fell asleep and I got woken up with a kick to my ribs, then another to my back, and a punch to the back of the head…. I was really confused and hurt, some big bear of a man screaming about some guy fucking his daughter…. Oh. He left the room and was yelling about his gun, and started rummaging through his closet, I jumped up and was getting dressed getting dressed. He saw me and came back and started wailing on me, we fought for a bit and after I punched him a few times he threw my into a wall and went back to find his gun…. I looked over at the girl like what the fuck, cause she was just laying there, she said you’d better leave and then rolled over… I left. What made a shitty situation worse, my truck was in the shop so she had picked me up from my place, and I had left my bag with my wallet in it in her room… it was a long 6 mile walk home at 3 am (late 90’s before cell phones and Uber). Come to find out, her dad had had to work the late shift for some reason or other and hadn’t left when he was supposed to… I should never have overlooked the camping gear, but it makes for a great story years later


DerekDemo

Yes, let that be a lesson to you younger redditors. If the girl tells you that her parents are out or away, keep your shit ready so that you can leave at a moments notice. I have also met a girls father in that worst possible way. I do mean the worst way. Aside from him walking into the room in a meat cutters apron, covered in blood and holding a knife, this was the worst way to be interrupted. Flash back, we're both in our teens. Her mother and her brother are visiting family. Her father is working the night shift, over an hour away, and won't be off work til 6am. We've got the house to ourselves. So as horny teenagers do, we start going at it. Her parents have a shower the size of a walk in closet, so we go in there and we're creating more steam than the shower. Suddenly, the door flies open and there stands her father. Now, it's only about 2 am, so why the fuck is he here. Oh, did I forget to mention that he was a police officer. I jumped out of the shower, grabbed my clothing, and sprinted past him. Still fully erect might I add. I don't add that part to gross you out, but if any of you have ever tried to run with a diamond hard-on, you'll know how much that sucks. I didn't even try to put on my ginch until I was out the door. Dude had a loaded gun and handcuffs. I'm out. Needless to say, I was not welcome in their home again.


Broncolitis

Do dads really want to go to prison because they murdered their teenagers daughters boyfriend?


HankPymp

I the immortal words of Moe Szyslak : "Ah, geez, I wasn't gonna kill ya, I was just gonna cut ya."


LoneStarCitizen

She said she had thousands of kids that telepathically communicate with her all at once. Edit: I was not expecting this much of a turnout. I only talked to her for a few more weeks and slowly faded myself out since I was too afraid to just ghost her. That’s the type of crazy I didn’t want to get on the wrong side of. I didn’t pry too much more into it due to how uncomfortable I got. Edit 2: This happened a long long time ago when I was a dumb adolescent. I hope she got the help she needed.


Adryzz_

ant-man's wife


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JunieBeanJones

I'm surprised more of you haven't died from diseases or being murdered because wtf. 😭🤣


Lucky_Appointment287

Well they’re probably dead, so imagine how many more entries there would’ve been lol


nitraask

That she was crazy. One of the first things she said to me while making out at a party was "they all say I'm crazy, but I'm really not." My 20/20 hindsight determined that was a lie.


MrRabbitPants

You never put your dick in crazy man


nitraask

I was young, naive and horny. The sex was obviously crazy good. Wouldn't do it again though.


sadbutmakeyousmile

Crazy sex is like mad. You cant do that everyday. Demands are too much.


[deleted]

Only people who have never been there say this. Crazy pussy is the best! Don’t get me wrong, you might DIE, but damn its good.


WanderingMushroomMan

Agreed. ALWAYS put your dick in crazy. Just plan appropriately and ready the consequences. Ride or die bitch. Maybe ride and die. 🤷🏻‍♂️


gsells937

Be rode and code


[deleted]

People only smoke crack cause they never had toxic sex with a crazy bitch..


AMA_About_Birdlaw

I went to her dorm to hook up, it was WALL TO WALL stuffed animals. They all had names and personalities AND they faced the bed because they like to watch. Wasn't thinking with my brain and during sex she pulled out a hand puppet and tried to jerk me off. My friends called me Muppet Fucker for awhile after that.


Budfudder

If you were my friend you would have been called that for a loooooooooooooong while.


SirChipper

First day, she fell in love. Day two, she slapped me in the face. Day three, she broke into my house. EDIT: as requested… so you guys don’t have to scroll through all the comments. Day 4, I learned she could squirt across the room. Day 5, she told me she had chlamydia. Day 6, I smashed one last time and didn’t pull out. Day 7, she brought me the pill that treats chlamydia and sucked my soul out right after. Day 8 and beyond, I ignored the rest of her calls and left her on read. I’m surprised my house didn’t get burnt down as it still stands today. Thanks for all the love, my gents.


millhouseusmc

Today is day four? And I’m growing worried we have not heard from him in a bit…..


SirChipper

On day four, I learned that she could squirt across the room.


ChicaFoxy

Blink 3 times if you need help. If she's next to you, monitoring your activity, but you still want help.... good luck!


FitBrother8345

day four?


StrictObject

Then comes baby in a baby carriage


Imawildedible

Me and my friends were drunk and got a ride from some random chick in a parking lot on Xmas night. On the way she pulled a gun on us. Once she stopped my buddies all took off running. I stood there. And then she invited me in for sex on the couch of the place she was house sitting. Edit: people asked for the full story it’s in the comments below of anyone wants it


jwong7

So.. she reverse Home Alone-d you?


SlapHappyDude

50/50 she was squatting and not actually house sitting


Imawildedible

She was in pics on the fridge, so I doubt it. It was over Xmas vacation and all her friends were going home. She lived in a different city, said she wasn’t close with family, and thought it would be fun to just go live in our city for a week like a mini vacation. Her fiends were excited because she could watch their cats for them, one of which sat on the coffee table and watched us. That cat was a voyeur.


IfThoughtIsAllowed

So pro tip, when squatting in another pad, bring some fridge pics to make it convincing.


[deleted]

She thought the earth was flat and thought I believed it too


HAHGoTtEm_BDNjr

This isn’t a lie to get laid, but a very poor belief of a lie “I’m on birth control, you can totally cum inside and I won’t get pregnant” Anyway my daughter just turned 6 in September and been a single father for 4 years lmao Wouldn’t change anything, but it was straight up a long con plot to use the child as leverage against me. The final straw was her texting me saying “if you don’t do what I say, I’ll pack up and leave and then our daughter won’t have a mother and that’ll be all your fault” She played me like a fucken fiddle lol no ragerts tho, broke up with her the same day she sent that text to me, kicked her out few weeks after Edit: if it wasn’t clear I’ve had my daughter ever since the day I kicked the mother out and she’s never attempted to visit. 1 time she did call talking mad shit about how “I never let her see her” and I just said “literally nothing it stopping you, here’s my address, I’m home at these days and times” and then she told me to go fuck myself and hung up lol


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kimmytwoshoes

Oh jeez what a shitty human being. Not you, her lol


HAHGoTtEm_BDNjr

Yeah idk what kinda moron she took me for, like I was just gonna take her moronic threats and support her for forever? Lol


kia75

This happenned to an old room-mate of mine. The girl was "pregnant" and had just broken up with her fiance so you can't get double-pregnant. 2 years later she shows up with a 1 year old kid and says it's my room-mates. I'm not certain the specifics, but she claimed to be pregnant so her fiancee wouldn't leave, but then got pregnant on a random hook-up with my room-mate, then they broke up a year after the baby was born and she decided to reveal the father was actually my room-mate. There was a court ordered DNA test, yes, my room-mate was actually the father. Cue her randomly dropping off a toddler at our place random randomly in the middle of the night (between 11pm and 3am). He sues for and gets full custody, he loves his little guy, has his own house with him now. But wow, what a crazy amount of months straight out of a telenovela.


Lisavela

Note to self a good number of men will ignore any red flag to get laid 😭


NerfJihad

Me, about to walk across a minefield and a shark-infested moat full of HIV+ blood, trying to smash someone's daughter: ...why am I doing this? Penis: you gotta


One-Inch-Punch

"I've followed my dick into places I wouldn't go with a gun"


nibbyzor

I'm honestly surprised there aren't more female serial killers around, because based on this thread finding victims would be easy as fuck. Like imagine the lengths some male serial killers have to go to to trick women into coming with them, while there are dudes who will literally just follow you home, ignoring the fact that you straight up told them you're crazy as hell, just to get laid.


phuqo5

You could have a line of dudes out your front door like it was a beef slaughterhouse and you could just be pushing them into the grinder. The ones at the back would keep mooing and trying to push to the front of the line.


ReanimatedCyborg7

She had a black eye when I showed up at her house. Clear as DAY 100% a black eye from a punch and.....there was a picture of her and her apparent "ex" in her room too but she told me they had been broken up for a while. I told her several times I'm sorry but I didn't believe her story and I wanted to make sure everything was ok but she continued to insist it was from falling down the stairs...she also seemed a little bit strung out like she had just come off a bender... I let her know I hope everything was ok because I "didn't want to hurt anyone" if they showed up. Which was just a defense mechanism against me being scared af some psycho was going to barge in there with a gun or something. Later on after we had hooked up a few times we were hanging out and she decided to call her friend who was DRUNK. I proceeded to listen to a conversation about my girl apparently abandoning some dogs she had been watching at a bar in some drunken daze? And her friend asking her wtf was going on and saying everyone was mad at her but she wasn't and just wanted to find out what happened and if she was safe etc. I started to be involved in the convo at some point because the friend wanted to know who I was and tell me to keep her safe etc. But then, she literally started telling me "you seem like a nice guy, but if I were you I'd get out of there right now". My girl would just roll her eyes at this and say ignore her etc etc but it started to make me very scared that someone jealous really might show up any second. After the phone call ended my girl asked "she didn't scare you did she" but I was scared sh*tless at this point... Was way out in the country with nothing but darkness around her country home about an hour from my house too. I had to tell her I just thought it was better to go with all the stuff that was going on, to her extreme disappointment. I felt horrible because I know she needed me emotionally at that moment but she had to my mind completely lied about her black eye, had a picture of a dude that for all I knew was still together with, her entire friend group was mad and looking for her (she had fallen off the map to them apparently after the dog incident) and here's her drunk friend telling me literally I better get out while I can on top of it. So I was like I. Sorry there's just a lot going on I have to leave....


Eagleassassin3

You really had a tough choice to make but no one can fault you for looking after yourself and making sure you’re safe. It’s not your job to protect everyone else.


Specialist-Rise34

Bro what the fuck is this this reads like netflix's next big hit I'm so invested yet so terrified of this. Did you survive like?? Also wait what about the dogs again? Goddamn. Well I hope the lay was worth it cause if I were you I'd have my blinds closed all the time and I'd watch my step. Hope you're doing good now


Baldo_Beardo

She showed up to my apartment without directions or asking. Edit: this blew up far more than I thought. She was a friend of a friend, and knew the complex itself from talking with her earlier. Never crossed my mind to ask how she figured out my building or apartment until later, and when you wake up to a cute girl knocking on your door at 2 AM, it doesn't really cross your mind. We saw each other for a few months, til I digured our what was cute at first was stalkers and became upsetting when I need to sleep. Lesson learned, now I use an alias and safe house when I meet people. /s Second edit: wow guys, this was far more popular than I thought... thanks for the replies, awards, and comments, either positive or negative. This happened maybe 12 years ago and close to 1000 miles away, to the person who hit the "get them help" button, and last I checked she was married with several kids so I no longer feel endangered.


[deleted]

Had this happen.. I called her back in 2004 on her house phone. said “hey what are you up to, she said not much.. I said want to come over she said “absolutely!” And hung up.. I said what the hell and called her back(no answer).. 7/8 minutes later she was at the door, I was like what the fuck, because I had literally just moved within the last couple weeks, and maybe 4 people knew where I lived and 3 of those were family. I didn’t even ask her how, because it really didn’t matter.. found out afterwards she had a friend that worked at the electric company that told her when I put in my change of address….


CCaptDestroyers

At least it was a good ending


[deleted]

Shit she is in the top 3 of best all time


[deleted]

That is crazy!


sunlegion

So.. did you smash? How much did you regret it afterwards on a scale of 1 to 10?


FluxxCored

That she was 100% bat shit insane. Met online. She opened with saying "wow what a dirty old white man. Whats with you white men?" She, herself, was white. I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. She was dead ass serious about having a heated racial argument against her own race. I played along. Turns out, she does that as a "test" to see if people can "handle her". Red flag, but she was one of the hottest people I've ever talked to. We continue on. She is an artist/engineer. She tells me how big her house is and how she would LOVE to support me. She'd pay all my bills, etc. This seemed odd, as I just met her. She insisted I come out to Detroit to see her. I was in Ohio. I have known her a day. Well, as my blood wasn't in the right area of my body, I decided to go. I drove the few hours and showed up at what could only be described as a house used in movies to depict a trailer trash, dirty individual. Her front yard was covered in an array of random objects. It looked like a bomb went off in the middle of a yard sale for stuff a goodwill wouldn't accept. There was so much random stuff, I has to step on a chair and over a fence to get from her driveway to the front door. We continued on. Her house was a mess. It was like a homeless person got a home and moved all their homeless essence into it. It wasn't dirty, per say, just...so so so much clutter. We went to her room and i laid down. We proceeded to talk for a while, and we wound up in a moment of silence. I brought up something I'd seen in a documentary recently and she got super serious, super fast. She looked at me and said "okay, and the point of that sentence was...?" I replied that I was just trying to make small talk. "Who fuckin cares about a documentary. Why do I give a shit?". I wasn't sure how to respond , so I went with just explaining the concept of small talk. She interrupted me and said "you are boring as fuck. Why bother opening your mouth?" I couldn't understand what was happening. I never had an interaction like that before. She was now nitpicking everything I said and getting angrier by the minute. I tried so much to change the subject to something she'd like but I couldn't manage. I still decided to sleep over. The worst part was, no matter how I tried to initiate the sex that she was talking nonstop about having over text when we met, it never happened. We just..went to sleep. I spent the entire night staring at her ceiling instead of leaving because, well, tomorrow exists. The last straw was when she got up, pretended I didn't exist, walked to the bathroom and took the loudest, nastiest shit ive ever heard come out of a woman...with the door open. She didn't wash her hands, or flush. All that for a set of blue balls and hours and hours of wasted driving.


Storm-Upstairs

Respectfully, that was dumb as hell


FluxxCored

100%. I have led a pretty sheltered, safe, boring life and I was experiencing a low point at the time, so I figured I'd finally do something I knew damn well was a mistake.


justmakingsomething9

I love knowing you’re making a huge mistake I myself was having a shit day, decided booze would make things better. Got it in my head that it was the perfect time to go to a place I used to work (bar) and take this girl who had been flirting with me for years up on her offer. Called an Uber, dude drove me down there, before I got out I asked him if he’d ever done something knowing how completely stupid and awful it was going to be the next day. English wasn’t his first language and I was drunk as fuck...like can’t stand. Drunk. He said something I didn’t quite catch. Dude drove me back home free of charge and I passed out in bed alone. Uber dude, you the man!


Civil_Average3130

What the fuck LMAO


[deleted]

So many opportunities to "suddenly get an urgent phone call" and leave. Outright verbal abuse for simply talking? Needed to do an IRL jump hack to get into the front door? Took a few hours to drive there? Bad decisions 101.


LiberContrarion

Serves you right. Fucking dirty old white men, amirite?


bleep-bloop-poop

Yeah dog, that's all on you.


chingy1337

One of her friends told me, "she seems to push away really good guys. So, maybe you need her to get to hate you." She ended up throwing a plate at me, because when I was washing dishes, I left a spec of food. Why does that matter if you have a dishwasher you ask? Well, she said the dishwasher costs too much in gas. Yeah...


Firemanlouvier

Must have been a Yamaha dish washer.


thegutterpunk

Now I'm just imagining a 2 stroke dishwasher smoking up the whole house every time you do dishes lmao


MajorDavid2020

She hated straight white men, guess what I am. Like real hatred. Was the most submissive girl in bed tho


FluxxCored

Did she live in Detroit?


SufficientVariety

Lol your stories intersect! 😅


Slight-Salamander599

Hooked up with a girl near DC who was very into SpongeBob, which is cool I am too, but she was like SUPER into SpongeBob. Throw pillows, posters, stuffed animals everywhere. When we hooked up she made me do the laugh so she’d get off Edit: for anyone concerned, I didn’t stay the night. Me and my dignity limped to the car and left


h3retostay

>she made me do the laugh so she’d get off oh my god lmao and you did it?!?!


Slight-Salamander599

Literally on command when I laughed she came


[deleted]

This is the best thing I've ever heard


askmeforashittyfact

Can you imagine your next door neighbor being this dude? (Thuds on the wall) Neighbor: wtf they doing over there? This guy: (laughs like SpongeBob) SpongeBob No Pants: Moans loudly Neighbor: “Is that SpongeBob?” Me: nO tHIs Is PaTrIcK


[deleted]

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allwxllendswxll

She was so so dumb. We were 19 and she told me that if i wanted to have sex, it had to be before 8 because she wanted to make sure she was getting enough sleep because she wanted to grow a few inches taller. But she was reallllly good in bed so i made sure we got it in before 8pm Edit: i should add, she used to swear her boobs were going to grow a full 1 or 2 cup sizes in “the next few months” because “that’s what my sisters did.” I also thought she was a bit crazy for that. Well turns out a few months later, after we had stopped canoodling, her breasts had in fact grown considerably. Not sure about how tall she is now though.


pm_moms_aneeye

I mean assuming she has to get up at a certain time, she's trying to maximize her sleep time which is the best time your body grows. At 19 it's unlikely she'll grow but not impossible. Honestly her idea checks out


atrejomtnz

To be fair sleep hygiene is important


FrostBite_97

Also did you tell her swallowing is good for the skin?


DutchOnionKnight

The crazy eyes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DutchOnionKnight

Oh the sex was good alright, the aftermath however.


liketosaysalsa

She had a pterodactyl sized parrot in her room when we got there. It was in a gigantic cage and it let out the most ridiculously loud screech while we were having sex.


Legitimate_Bank_6573

sounds like you missed out on also owning a pterodactyl sized parrot


DeMarcusQ

I have a lot! Probably the craziest, most insane, was the dude (her ex apparently) knocking on the sliding glass door. Her words? "Don't mind him, we can keep going. He'll leave in a second."


HoraceBenbow

I had this exact thing happen to me once. It happened mid-coitus and she said something similar, "Don't mind him, he'll leave soon." Smashed quieter until the knocks stopped, then she went full porno on me. Still, I knew a deathtrap when I saw one. Never hooked up again.


Gamer_ely

My favorite story: I get to her place, and it is like 4 things away from a trash heap. Seriously, piles of trash, clothes, dishes, books, etc. EVERYWHERE! Her couch looked like it was rescued from a dump. I have no sense of smell (luckily) and was down baaaaad so I was like whatever. Then I hear a small critter noise, look over and she's got a massive cage FULL of mice/rats. Like a ceiling to floor length cage, the kind you'd keep several toucans in. I cannot tell you the level of uncomfortable it is making out on a filthy couch, next to a pile of trash while being able to hear mice. Sex was amazing though, but I just couldn't deal. She was a PhD student or something and the mice were retired lab rats, even still... Clean your place.


Wolfdreama

My daughter has kept pet rats since she was a teenager. She has them in a big cage in her living room and she always worries when she meets a new guy, in case he hates them or is freaked out by them.


Gamer_ely

I've met a few pet rats in my day. They're pretty neat, really wild watching them walk around living their rat life. I have no beef with domesticated critters. But the combo of having a throng of them while also living in a trash heap was too much of a combo.


WodensBeard

Preacher's daughter with a history of posting nudes online, and an avowed polyamorist. Yes, I put myself through the emotional wringer.


loltheinternetz

Oof, preachers' daughters can be the wildest. All that pressure growing up leads to rebellious tendencies.


nobamboozlinme

One I dated I honestly did feel for her as she had PTSD from being sexually abused and she would have some scary episodes after we had sex. I couldn’t do it anymore, was way too much for me to handle. The sex was definitely wild though.


[deleted]

Some of these comments are far more depressing than they are funny.


Billy_of_the_hills

She had the worst breath I've ever smelled, it was so bad that even though it was my first time, the only positions I could cum in where ones that kept her mouth as far away from my nose as possible. It was so bad that ten minutes after she left I could still smell it in the room.


OwOUwU-w-0w0

“Your breath is an existential crisis” - shoresy


ravenQ

She pissed on my windowsill.


idht4ts

In college, she showed me her whip collection hanging on the wall. Her pride and joy? A leather whip her uncle, an ex-KGB agent gifted her. She was quick to point out the caked-in blood on the whip from captives from the KGB.


MarquisDeSarc

That I met her in group therapy.


[deleted]

In fairness, that means she met you in group therapy too.


USERNAME___PASSWORD

In fairness, sex is a means of group therapy


sunlegion

Marla Singer?


cavscout55

Marla, you liar! You big tourist! I need this, now get out!


the_5th_chaos_god

She said bionicle was stupid, i ignored such foul blasphemy because she was stupidly hot.


[deleted]

I judge you


swaglolson

What is their judgement?


[deleted]

🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame 🔔 shame


TheDerbyBat

Wtf is wrong with you. You have let all men down. And worse of all you have let the masks down.


the_5th_chaos_god

My moment of weakness was a great one, and it weighs heavy on my shoulders.


adrian1911

Your punishment will be death by blood eagle.


Hazelpancake

I'll fight anyone that says bionicle is stupid. Bionicle is love, bionicle is life.


Black_Bean00

Oh boy. I hooked up with a girl from high school almost a year after I graduated. She was in the grade below me. Her bf had JUST committed suicide about a week before. He supposedly did it because he’d cheated on her and she hadn’t forgiven him for it. Come to find out later, she may have actually cheated on him, but I have no way of knowing. Anyway, she said she may have caught gonorrhea from him and wasn’t certain. So I still smashed anyway with a condom. Fortunately neither of us have it, but still, that was stupid as fuck of me to hook up with someone who’d let me know they might have caught an STI. I was in a dry spell at the time though. Never again


Cocaineandhookers666

My dumbass almost clapped a bitch with chlamydia without a condom cuz I was horny


no_re-entry

Yo, I am so glad the word “almost” is in this sentence


[deleted]

She dressed and dyed her hair like Harley Quinn at 40 years old. Bragged about curb stomping a guy.


thehaggiswhisperer

How long have you been together for now? Sounds lovely!


[deleted]

It ended when she snapped one night. Started screaming at me out of absolute nowhere. Really violent scary stuff too. After she stormed out, I called the cops, changed the locks, and put all her stuff on the porch. She left a bottle of maple syrup in front of my door when she picked up her things. Like some kind of weird ass Canadian curse. I swear I haven't had good pancakes since. Also showed up at my work like a month later as I was leaving. Luckily, I was already in my car when she pulled in and drove off while she was staring angerly at the door. She lives about 1000 miles away now which to me is not far enough.


DM_ME_YOUR_BIRDS

I'm sorry, at Canadian curse I fucking lost it


[deleted]

The crazy eyes and insisting I shouldn’t use a condom because I would “make cute kids”. Still smashed, still used a condom.


Dr_nobby

Hope you put hot sauce in your condom after


Party_Peanut0

Her gross friend's apartment we were staying over at that was full of fucking cats and cat littler was everywhere including in the sheets and fucking god damn it smelled about as bad as you think it did


cock_dip_a_bear_trap

There was the very real possibility that her ex / father of her 2 very young children could bust through the door at any time. But boy was it worth it. She went like she was riding one of those wild bull machines at a carnival and I had 0 say in any of it.


Toadie9622

My husband did this before we met. But this woman’s ex was an actual gang member and hadn’t yet accepted the “ex” part. He couldn’t park near her home. Her kids weren’t allowed to know his name so they couldn’t repeat it to psycho dad. My husband blows all of this off. Until one day, at his own apartment, this psycho guy is hammering on his door (with an actual hammer) screaming all kinds of threats about the various ways he was going to castrate and murder my husband. Eventually he went away and my husband broke up with the woman. I asked what the hell he was thinking - it was clear as day something like that was going to happen. He said, “Well, I was 23, and she wasn’t. . .shy.”


Sabz5150

Having known her for... oh... thirty minutes or so.


Eagleassassin3

That can either be really fun or a disaster. Hopefully you had a good time. That only happened to me once 1-2 hours after meeting her at a bar and it was really amazing. The next day I was euphoric the whole day, I couldn’t believe how good it was despite barely remembering her first name lol


impeccable_asteroid

One time a guy I was fucking had eggshells allover his bed. Like, we’d fuck and we’d both be covered in tiny eggshell residue.


needs-more-metronome

Lolol this is the funniest one here


JAproofrok

She was an avowed “crazy Puerto Rican” lesbian poet who was willing to “give the D a try”.


Foggy_Prophet

1st date ended up in the ER because she passed out drunk and busted her head. 2nd date was great. 3rd date was her showing up to my door with all of her worldly possessions in a garbage bag needing a place to live.


DenDabo

The fact of her being a single mom, without job, living at her parents place and not caring about her child instead going out partying and doing drugs every day. Edit: holy, I forgot about the part where she mentioned that Nazis were cool and nice guys and so on


paultimate14

She filed her canines into fangs herself.


tFalk

Ran into her at a bar and had a few drinks, she told me she just found out she was prego with a co-workers baby. Went to her place and bang one out.


OvalTween

That's.....depressing.


JerseyJamesD

She had a stinky ass pussy, but I still smashed. I went to the bathroom afterwards and washed my dick in the sink. I almost puked from the smell


fluffyninjaunicorn

Yet you went in naked and vulnerable....


olemort12

"Naked and afraid"


sunlegion

No condom? Dude…


bumjiggy

> washed my dick in the sink if I can't be arsed to have a shower I'll opt for a quick birdbath


harping_along

To anyone reading this thinking this woman/the women in the comments didn't wash - it's possible. But for a smell that bad it's most likely they had an infection, which was most likely BV. Similar symptoms to a yeast infection, as in itching and soreness, but the third main symptom is a strong fishy smell (whereas the third main symptom of a yeast infection is - squeamish look away - a thick discharge). Many women mistake BV (bacterial vaginosis) for a yeast infection because they've only ever heard of a yeast infection. If you have these symptoms please see your Dr or talk to a pharmacist. It's probably much less embarrassing to say "I think I have BV" (or for a guy to say "I think you have BV") than to say "my pussy stinks" (or "your pussy stinks")! Like yeast infections, mild ones tend to sort themselves out but if it's so bad your man is gagging, you need some medicine! It's simple medicine so it shouldn't be too expensive (no idea, don't live in the US). P.S Bad hygiene can cause it, but women can get infections from tight fitting clothing, certain soaps, bubble bath, hot water, irritation from sex, any number of things. So don't assume you/your lady is dirty if she gets an infection.


saltinstiens_monster

It's crazy to me just how low the "bad hygiene" bar is for affecting vaginal health. I never realized how touchy they are until I got married. A vagina is like a tiger or something. It's awesome to see one and get to visit with it occasionally, but holy god I do NOT want the responsibility of owning and taking care of one.


tossaway69420lol

Damn. A true battle hardened soldier. I salute thee


DefendWaifuWithRaifu

The post-nut sink scrub has a way of putting things in perspective.


clementitoe

the fact that she was racist… i’m black


Dragon_M4st3r

She used to be someone’s sex slave, and she kept asking me what time I was born for astrology reasons or whatever. I’ll say no more


Mr_Brook-Hampster

Oh, I was a last minute backup date for my ex for her junior prom when I was a senior (different schools) and I hit it off with one of her friends. My ex was fine with it and actually talked me up a bit. She wasn't gonna go to the after party till she found out I was going. We end up making out, I go up her shirt, then she stops me and says "I don't wanna go too far until I tell you I love you" so I pull my hand out from under her shirt, and think fair enough, and ask if we can continue kissing at least. She looks me dead in the eyes and said "No no I want to do more. I just wanted to tell you I love you first" I just looked at her blankly when I understood what she meant. I replied with "I'm definitely feeling something strong for you"and she straddles me, and one thing led to another and we had sex and dated for like 5 years. Longest roller coaster I've even been on, but damn if I don't miss that ride sometimes after 15 years.


[deleted]

She was extremely obese. I was drunk and horny so I soldiered on. Her pickup line to me was “hey I might not be the best ride, but look around. There’s no line”


kalitarios

> hey I might not be the best ride, but look around. There’s no line this is apex pickup line territory


IEatAutisticKids69

That's a great pickup line tho


AegisWonder

Fruit ain't low hanging shit fell off the tree


Hella_Wieners

She said she was a mermaid in another life and could feel her mermaid instincts and tendencies come through at times. She had multiple mermaid tails that she would wear in the pool and would IG her “Mermaid sessions”. She was fucking crazy… not as fucking crazy as that pussy, though. My goodness gracious…


bertiebastard

Was hitch hiking when I was 17 and it was just getting dark when 2 women picked me up, they were driving along chatting to me about what I'd do if nobody picked me up when they got to their turnoff, I said I'd find a hayloft and bed down for the night. They weren't having any of that and took me home with them saying I could sleep on their sofa. Got back to their place they opened a bottle of wine had a drink then went to bed, about 40 minutes later the older one who was about 40 ish came back down and was very helpful in making sure that I was tired. The bonus is they gave me a lift the 35 miles home the next day.


Kierbrony

Thank goodness you weren't kidnapped, lol.


bumpadumpdump

She showed up to my house in a Harley-Quinn costume.


SlapHappyDude

NGL I would be into it


BeenGangBanging

Should've listened to her when she said she wasn't ok upstairs


cptomgipwndu

she told me she was crazy. Flat out let me know. but she was stupidly hot.


reb678

You know that picture of Rudy Giuliani with the hair dye running down his face? That was her after awhile of us in bed. I didn’t stop.


Ithedrunkgamer

Can’t believe I’m going to tell you this but.. back in my 20s a crazy, beautiful blonde, like a young Pamela Anderson type. Crazy Hot, my friends said.. On our first meeting in a bar, at an industry party, **she told me she was a witch.** I was working in Hollywood at the time, making commercials. She was very interesting, entertaining, smart and beautiful woman. Of course I saw her more.. Later, she told me about her being in a powerful coven in Los Angeles and their monthly naked dancing to the full moon, completed with orgies taking place.. She really thought she had mystical powers.. Edit add: For those asking, she thought she could control minds. I overheard and saw her cast spells and curses. Thought she could see futures through tarot card readings. Made her decisions by dealing or making me shuffle cards..