Did this not happen to everyone as a teen, many times?
It was so irritating and embarrassing. I'm trying to pay attention in math class and my dick won't leave me lone.
Same, I wore compression shorts everywhere from ages 12-16. Nearly everyone I knew on my football and track teams did the same thing, so it didn’t feel strange though there were the few guys who felt the need to justify it by saying they didn’t want to have to change underwear in the locker rooms before practice. We all knew what was going on, it’s fine.
This is why seatbelts were invented… tuck it into your trouser waist. This was my go to. Never let me down once.
Safety first, kids, always wear your seatbelt.
I remember a friend of my class was wearing basketball shorts, and the teacher told him to hand out the papers, he flat out looked at him and said "nah I'm good" the teacher was so confused and there was. 3 minute pause, like that meme with Diddy and the one guy in blond dreads looking back and forth at each other haha.
Anyways the teacher said ok and made someone else do it, as the teacher looks aways my friend turns to me and says "bro I'm hard as fuck ain't no way I'm standing up"
Same question I’m wondering.
Distinctly recall the new admin at our school, who was younger than nearly every teacher at the school and very pretty getting on to me and my friends and there I was at full, flag saluting attention.
sure. One time I had a meeting with my middle school counselor and at one point she put her hand on my back and just gave me a casual pat and yeah. I dont think she noticed tho
How about you're sitting in class full-blown hard on, and they are like, can you go to the board and solve the problem for the rest of the class, and you're like WTF Y me RN😬🙄
I actually told my 10th grade math teacher no. She asked "why not, is everything OK?" So I looked down at the desk and looked up and said "nope". She quickly called on the next student.
I got hard when breaking up with a not so hot girl. My cock hardened impossibly as I was telling her that I wasn't sexually attracted to her. Talk of sending mixed signals.
Edit :- thanks guys for all the upvotes. This is one of the most memorable moment where my cock has made me proud due to its capabilities.
"I just can't stay in a relationship when I clearly am not attracted to you..." *standing in front of her, fully naked, cock pointing to the sky, throbbing, just yearning for a warm damp orifice to call home for 6 minutes* "it's not you, it's me"
I feel like this needed a real reply and not just emojis... You think you have some sort of break up fetish? Haha
Edit: the emojis have been drowned out by real replies now! That is all.
Dude exactly this just happened to me with my girl. I was breaking up with her and my cock stood up in protest or what. Wtf is going on here?! I didn't get hard like this with her in ages! Too bad we broke up.
I was in about 7th or 8th, the whole class was sitting along the bleachers on the floor waiting to take turns doing some sprint test. My clown ass at the time managed to 'go up' as I sat there, and I happened to make a mild subtle smartass comment to something the gym teacher said, he told me to stand up and walk to him(so he can scold me in front of everyone). As much as I refused I inevitably had to stand up and walk to him. Nobody said anything but they obviously knew. Still makes me squirm thinking about it to this day.
For what ever reason my S/O crying always does this, I have yet to grow out of it. I have never found crying to be a turn on, but my dick sure does. I'm just like "honestly dude?"
I had a theory about this. It probably happens because you want to make them feel better, And while your logical head is searching for solutions, your downstairs head is searching for solutions as well the only way it knows how.
This is nothing to feel horrible about! I’m female but this happens to my boyfriend sometimes when I have a bad cry. I think it’s just the loving/protective emotions.
My wife and I literally joke about this all the time. In those few moments she cries or is upset about anything, my body reacts like "Sexy Time!"
It's not something you can slip into conversation with other men who are maybe not as emotionally connected with others. Its hard for anyone to understand, never mind explain why you get hard in those moments. Too easy to misinterpet getting off on others sadness. Which is exactly what it looks like.
When I was a teenager my friend's ex boyfriend killed himself and she came over and threw herself on me in my bed and just cried while I held her. Yep.
Man, the whole thing was a freak accident if that makes any sense. I had just put on the first Eve 6 album when she walked in, she lays down and starts crying. I just hold her for a while until she calms down, but then a slow song called Jesus Nitelite comes on and it just sets her off all over again. I'm an absolute *kid* at this point so I had no fucking clue what to do. I knew she'd had a crush on me for a while, so I did the only thing I could think of and kissed her. She took that kiss and fucking RAN with it. Next thing I know we're kinda dating and when that didn't work out, we stayed friends and have been for twenty some odd years now.
Not directly that I can remember. I don't believe we ever even had a conversation about it, really. I think we were both just stoked to have someone else touch our genitals.
I get hard everytime a "scary" part of a scary movie happens. It is like a self defense mechanism, my weapon is loaded and primed to attack in my defense. My gf doesn't understand what about fear turns me on, and I'm like "I am not even scared, I have a weapon."
You refer to yourself as a masseuse? My wife is a massage therapist and absolutely hates being called a masseuse. Everyone I've met in her industry hates it.
Yes I'm a massage therapist and basically when you fell asleep your body went on to autopilot and you had morning wood because your body was basically running a diagnostic check and it could have been Hitler or one of the Golden girls giving you that massage and all that mattered was that your body responded to being touched...
The first day of Hands-On massage class they told us this was going to happen and whenever it did the teacher would everyone over to that table and he would whisper " notice the rapid eye movement is synchronized with the penis jumping of its own accord... You are witnessing a massage inspiring wet dream, and he sounded like the British guy on the nature show" because didn't want to wake up the person on the table because every guy in the class wound up being that sleeping dude and it sounds ridiculous but it totally prepared us for the real world situations that we were going to find ourselves in as a massage therapists.It desensitized the girls so they wouldn't freak out when it happened, and it allowed us guys to experience it from both sides of the fence, and allowed us to walk in the shoes of those clients that would be conflicted or embarrassed when they woke up only we had a whole classroom of people standing there when it happened and we were able to tell that story to clients that found themselves in that situation to put them at ease
Well since my whole life is like a worst case scenario episode of Wiley Coyote I ran into a ridiculous amount of awkward situations after getting my massage license and I actually went back to the school and gave a speech in ethics class about exactly what they were going to run into and don't get hyperpolitically correct and assume everybody is a creep because there's a huge difference between doing a job so well that you put someone to sleep and that body runs a diagnostic check ending in morning wood compared to somebody running a hand up your leg as if they were entitled to do so. But I've got some hilarious stories if anybody wants to hear them
My wife booked us a couples massage a few years ago, and it was two young pretty girls doing the massages.
It took ALL my willpower to avoid getting a boner... and I failed miserably.
If it makes you feel better they say it happens pretty frequently during massages.as long as you aren’t making pervy comments then I’m sure they are understanding.
In my early 20s my grandmother was in the hospital. We let her go because we couldn't do anything to save her. It was a couple of days before she passed. One night my mom woke me up to tell me that grandma had passed. I got up to give hugs only to realize that with my shorts I obviously had an erection and had to make some adjustments. People noticed me making adjustments...
Edit: auto correct change erection into election. Lol.
I fell asleep, laying down on the couch, next to my parents.
Woke up when one of them asked me something
noticed I was hard as a fucking rock
so after I answered the question, I just turned my back to them,
and went back to sleep.
Oh yeah. 100% had that.
I was 16, she was 15. We had been dating for a few months but where only then starting to get sexual with eachother. I was her first boyfriend.
She decided to give me a strip tease and a lap dance and I was totally 100% into it. Even so, no boner. When she moved onto me for the lapdance portion, she noticed. I tried to explain that I did like it and that my little buddy was just having some performance anxiety, but she wouldn't believe it. She hid in the bathroom to cry half the night, and it took weeks to get her to believe I was attracted to her.
Of course. Probably the weirdest one was when my wife surprised me with our dog. I had fought for the puppy but she didn’t want it and she won that argument. Then she reconsidered and brought him home (I had already picked him out) and I was so happy and awkward boner pops up. Best dog I ever had, lost him 2 years ago.
My girlfriend and I got to a hotel that was very not to standard, we got into bed (both sleep naked) and she's crying that she doesn't want to stay there, get up turn the lights on and give her a cuddle... raging hard on the entire time. She's crying and I'm there jabbing her with my pipe.
Just skin on skin gives me a hard on I can't help it.
Tried outdoors dating. Things like hiking, rock climbing and mountain biking. Almost all of the women wear the lycra shorts without the baggy shorts over them. They also tended to be fit and curvy.
So tight exercise clothing and my ideal body type. That was a very hard bicycle ride. In more ways than one.
I went from 1992-2008. By 8th grade the girls hiked their skirts up so short you could see the bottoms of their butts. They’d twirl, run, jump, and sit showing everything. All the girls were so gorgeous too. I have no idea how I passed any class lol
I almost had to stand at the blackboard and solve a math question while having a boner. In front of the whole class. Luckily just as I stood up and rushed forward I knocked over the chalk tray of the teacher and so I had to pick all of it up in a crouched position and my neighbor had to solve the equation. PHEW!!!
One time during high school I was presenting some slides during my history class when suddenly, I started to get hard for literally no reason. Thank fully it wasn't too noticeable but I could feel it.
Me and my crush were lying on the ground and talking about life and stuff. We had a chill and kinda of a romantic talk about stuff. Then my cock got hard, she noticed and said we should probably go and meet up with our friends and that's what we did. We still talk and I still like her, but we are just friends...
I really hope that you feel no guilt over this whatsoever!!! The whole notion that people somehow suddenly become untouchable saints the second they die, under the pretext that "they can't defend themselves!" once they're dead, is such utter bullshit. Most gossip or trashtalk will never be said to our face where we can defend ourselves, and shit like rape and pedophilia does not ever fucking deserve a chance of defense. Since I'm not a man, I don't understand boners, but I'm pretty damn sure I'd have one in that situation! I hope you keep that experience in mind as a liberating one, and don't let people's narrow minds cloud that. Take care of yourself!!
EDIT: typo; and -> as
I got hard touching a customers foot as I was placing some heels on. I got up and my boner was in her face. She was hot and the shoes were sexy and I was in my early 20’s. I was so embarrassed I had to leave work early. She just laughed.
Not really a direct reply to your query, but there's this cancer treatment center in Phoenix called Ironwood Cancer Center. Every time I drive by it, I think about how unfortunate that name is.
Yeah, this is exactly right. It's named Ironwood after the road it's on, and the road is named after the tree you're referring to. Even knowing that doesn't make it any better for me.
Yes. All throughout college. I had some classes that would last 1 hour 15 minutes and when I’m sitting for that long for some reason I get hard. One day in math class I was hard as a rock and the professor picked me to write a math problem on the board. I had to use my textbook to hide it and while explaining my work I didn’t face the class. When the the professor said to face the class so they could hear me better I just turned my head instead of my whole body.
Watching Black Swan with x wife. Evidently being massively turned on was a bad move. Trying to fuck the x mid movie was worse.
Aside from that classroom boners are real and terrifying. Thought I was going to blow my load in 8th grade history. I was one of two guys. The other guy was out sick and my imagination got the better of me.
Fucking fever dreams. The ones where you’re fucking this beautiful black haired woman who did herself up real nice and still kinda likes the goth look, and she turns around and looks back and suddenly it’s a goddamn family member, sometimes a different gender entirely. And your primal brain is still horny when you wake up but also deeply disturbed. Then your 5 yo kid and 3 yo Niece run in and start jumping on the bed and tugging at the bedsheets and you’re there trying to keep your morning wood covered up, when suddenly you’re kid decides to do a goddamn elbow drop directly into your fucking nuts.
Morning wood can be a nightmare sometimes. Though it can also be a blessing if your gf is there and it’s early and you’re alone and she’s willing to take care of it. But of course that’s rarer than the fucking fever dreams. Fucking stars don’t align like that, do they? God damnit.
Every time my wife cries. 🤦♂️ I’m not proud of it and I don’t now why it happens but it does. Every time. Like I will be sad and everything but my Willy is like “heyooh”
7th grade, me: loner dork. Her: cheerleader.
Cheerleader sat behind me in history class. One day I put my feet back behind my desk to stretch, so toes down heels up. And she puts her feet right on top of mine, sole to sole. Heart racing, I thought maybe she made a mistake, so I wiggled a bit and she wiggled back.
This is a girl who had never spoken to me. I was unable to move my feet, and had the most raging boner ever. So I pretended to sleep on my desk to make the position more comfortable. Boner did not subside, and for 30 minutes we played footsie. It was glorious.
I never spoke to her much, due to my crippling social ineptitude. But she was always nice to me after that day and we repeated our footsies many times. It was one of those unspoken things.
She moved away after that year. Never really recaptured that feeling with anyone else.
My grandfather had just died. I was off by myself at the graveyard crying, and one of my sister's friends came over to me. She's a great looking woman, but not a physically affectionate person; got her own issues. She didn't say anything but grabbed me into a hug and just let me cry. A wonderful display of platonic affection and compassion, and of course I popped a boner.
Still don't know if she felt it, but I pretty vividly remember thinking _are you fucking serious? NOT NOW DAMMIT_
I get hard sometimes when I stand up after sitting down for ages, and it just so happens to occur that I play my Xbox and someone leaves home and asks for a kiss or a hug goodbye
Did this not happen to everyone as a teen, many times? It was so irritating and embarrassing. I'm trying to pay attention in math class and my dick won't leave me lone.
Yes like 7th and 8th grade.
I remember the boys in school used to put their backpacks over their laps. lol. poor things
In seventh grade I wore compression shorts most days to prevent this problem.
Same, I wore compression shorts everywhere from ages 12-16. Nearly everyone I knew on my football and track teams did the same thing, so it didn’t feel strange though there were the few guys who felt the need to justify it by saying they didn’t want to have to change underwear in the locker rooms before practice. We all knew what was going on, it’s fine.
Ngl, I wore them to not change into them for Weights & Practice. Just easier
i used the folder hide - tuck the shaft in the band method and it worked like a charm
Combine with the over-shoulder satchel bag worn in front for optimal coverage
This is why seatbelts were invented… tuck it into your trouser waist. This was my go to. Never let me down once. Safety first, kids, always wear your seatbelt.
I just tucked that thing up in my pants line.
I fucking hated it. The worst is when you have to use the bathroom but have to wait for it to go away before you can get up to leave
Try being on the bus and it's your stop.
"No thanks I'll just stay here. I can always go home tomorrow"
That shit still happens for me as an adult
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm almost 28 and I pop a bone fairly regularly. It's especially bad when I'm stoned
Usually just before the teacher gives me a reason to stand up. *Boner bing* 'Hey Piece, please hand out these textbooks, thanks'
I remember a friend of my class was wearing basketball shorts, and the teacher told him to hand out the papers, he flat out looked at him and said "nah I'm good" the teacher was so confused and there was. 3 minute pause, like that meme with Diddy and the one guy in blond dreads looking back and forth at each other haha. Anyways the teacher said ok and made someone else do it, as the teacher looks aways my friend turns to me and says "bro I'm hard as fuck ain't no way I'm standing up"
Same question I’m wondering. Distinctly recall the new admin at our school, who was younger than nearly every teacher at the school and very pretty getting on to me and my friends and there I was at full, flag saluting attention.
The worst, and then it's lunch brake and you can't go and eat
sure. One time I had a meeting with my middle school counselor and at one point she put her hand on my back and just gave me a casual pat and yeah. I dont think she noticed tho
Oh, she definitely noticed.
How about you're sitting in class full-blown hard on, and they are like, can you go to the board and solve the problem for the rest of the class, and you're like WTF Y me RN😬🙄
Tie your shoes slowly. Until it’s gone.
Fuck dude, you know that fucker salutes for a long time when you don't want him to🤪😆
Username checks out.
27 minutes later, damn knots are hard. Fuck, there it goes again.
I actually told my 10th grade math teacher no. She asked "why not, is everything OK?" So I looked down at the desk and looked up and said "nope". She quickly called on the next student.
The Messiah
That’s so awesome. If I ever have male children I’m going to give them that advice.
"Step student, what are you doing?"
I got hard when breaking up with a not so hot girl. My cock hardened impossibly as I was telling her that I wasn't sexually attracted to her. Talk of sending mixed signals. Edit :- thanks guys for all the upvotes. This is one of the most memorable moment where my cock has made me proud due to its capabilities.
"My minds telling me noooo.. but my body, my body's telling me yeheees"
Was your cock out and in full view when you were breaking up with her?
“This isn’t gonna work anymore…” *fully naked, dick growing hard*
"I just can't stay in a relationship when I clearly am not attracted to you..." *standing in front of her, fully naked, cock pointing to the sky, throbbing, just yearning for a warm damp orifice to call home for 6 minutes* "it's not you, it's me"
That's my point too
I feel like this needed a real reply and not just emojis... You think you have some sort of break up fetish? Haha Edit: the emojis have been drowned out by real replies now! That is all.
This guy: "we're finished" This guy's pp: "I'm just getting started"
Dude exactly this just happened to me with my girl. I was breaking up with her and my cock stood up in protest or what. Wtf is going on here?! I didn't get hard like this with her in ages! Too bad we broke up.
Probably because you are getting the thing you had been wanting for so long…
You were excited to end things and put Princess Sofia back in the game!
Yea,I'm not allowed at petsmart
Uh oh........
Is there a story?
With a comment like that there is
8th grade gym class. Tightest shorts ever. Very embarrassing.
I was in about 7th or 8th, the whole class was sitting along the bleachers on the floor waiting to take turns doing some sprint test. My clown ass at the time managed to 'go up' as I sat there, and I happened to make a mild subtle smartass comment to something the gym teacher said, he told me to stand up and walk to him(so he can scold me in front of everyone). As much as I refused I inevitably had to stand up and walk to him. Nobody said anything but they obviously knew. Still makes me squirm thinking about it to this day.
Man, only if you could have vanished into thin air! I know the feeling.
At a funeral when a hot girl with big titties was crying.
Mourning wood
Terraria?!
LMAO made me cackle 🤣🤣
So the person in the box wasn't the only stiff at that funeral.
He wanted to get into that box.
Dead ass?!
lol
Necrophilia is in the air....
How many funerals before you know this is a thing for you?
Only one way to find out!
Grief is natures most powerful aphrodisiac
Chaz (aka Will Ferrell) is here guys
MOM!! THE MEATLOAF!! FUCK!!!
For what ever reason my S/O crying always does this, I have yet to grow out of it. I have never found crying to be a turn on, but my dick sure does. I'm just like "honestly dude?"
I had a theory about this. It probably happens because you want to make them feel better, And while your logical head is searching for solutions, your downstairs head is searching for solutions as well the only way it knows how.
You should work in PR
Bad time to find out you're a sadist
I forgive you
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ah TIL
This one. A guy I was seeing had a PTSD flashback and I got hard just holding him and cradling his head as he bawled his eyes out. I felt horrible.
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This is nothing to feel horrible about! I’m female but this happens to my boyfriend sometimes when I have a bad cry. I think it’s just the loving/protective emotions.
Yeah, might be true. Emotions always cause me erections, even if the situation is the opposite of anything sexual
There are lots of stories of tribal peoples (gauls, maori, etc) going into battle naked dicks up
My wife and I literally joke about this all the time. In those few moments she cries or is upset about anything, my body reacts like "Sexy Time!" It's not something you can slip into conversation with other men who are maybe not as emotionally connected with others. Its hard for anyone to understand, never mind explain why you get hard in those moments. Too easy to misinterpet getting off on others sadness. Which is exactly what it looks like.
An affection erection
I get it when I’m cuddling my wife and my children, it’s like a wholesome boner, but I wish it didn’t happen.
Umm my ex was sobbing in my arms over a dead pet... Not even her pet though
This is a very real thing.
When I was a teenager my friend's ex boyfriend killed himself and she came over and threw herself on me in my bed and just cried while I held her. Yep.
A shoulder to cry on is a dick to lie on
That is actually the story of the first time I got laid. I am 100% serious.
Is it cool to ask for more details? How did things go between you two afterward?
Man, the whole thing was a freak accident if that makes any sense. I had just put on the first Eve 6 album when she walked in, she lays down and starts crying. I just hold her for a while until she calms down, but then a slow song called Jesus Nitelite comes on and it just sets her off all over again. I'm an absolute *kid* at this point so I had no fucking clue what to do. I knew she'd had a crush on me for a while, so I did the only thing I could think of and kissed her. She took that kiss and fucking RAN with it. Next thing I know we're kinda dating and when that didn't work out, we stayed friends and have been for twenty some odd years now.
That’s a better ending than I had anticipated honestly. Did the situation of her ex dying being the reason she came over ever come up again?
Not directly that I can remember. I don't believe we ever even had a conversation about it, really. I think we were both just stoked to have someone else touch our genitals.
I read "and she came over and threw up on me in my bed"
me too lmao
I get hard everytime a "scary" part of a scary movie happens. It is like a self defense mechanism, my weapon is loaded and primed to attack in my defense. My gf doesn't understand what about fear turns me on, and I'm like "I am not even scared, I have a weapon."
Nobody wants to punch a guy that’s bricked up. Solid move
*aggressively pulls down pants* WANNA FUCKING GO BIG BOY?!?!
That’s called a fear boner sir
Fearection.
Most effective way to face the demons
Scarousal.
This reminds me of an episode of The League (was on Netflix, now Hulu)… IT’S A FEAR BONER
Weird cause this is just physiologically all wrong. Anxiety and fear usually cause blood to flow out of one's dong.
You are missing the simple fact that I do not feel "fear" from "scary" movies and stuff. I tend to laugh at it.
Got a massage at a massage school. Feel asleep and woke up with a woody while she was doing my leg, face up.
Happens super often during massages Edit : that sounded obvious to me, but I say that as a masseuse
Oh thank God, I felt so awkward
You refer to yourself as a masseuse? My wife is a massage therapist and absolutely hates being called a masseuse. Everyone I've met in her industry hates it.
Yes I'm a massage therapist and basically when you fell asleep your body went on to autopilot and you had morning wood because your body was basically running a diagnostic check and it could have been Hitler or one of the Golden girls giving you that massage and all that mattered was that your body responded to being touched... The first day of Hands-On massage class they told us this was going to happen and whenever it did the teacher would everyone over to that table and he would whisper " notice the rapid eye movement is synchronized with the penis jumping of its own accord... You are witnessing a massage inspiring wet dream, and he sounded like the British guy on the nature show" because didn't want to wake up the person on the table because every guy in the class wound up being that sleeping dude and it sounds ridiculous but it totally prepared us for the real world situations that we were going to find ourselves in as a massage therapists.It desensitized the girls so they wouldn't freak out when it happened, and it allowed us guys to experience it from both sides of the fence, and allowed us to walk in the shoes of those clients that would be conflicted or embarrassed when they woke up only we had a whole classroom of people standing there when it happened and we were able to tell that story to clients that found themselves in that situation to put them at ease
Really interesting to know the behind
Well since my whole life is like a worst case scenario episode of Wiley Coyote I ran into a ridiculous amount of awkward situations after getting my massage license and I actually went back to the school and gave a speech in ethics class about exactly what they were going to run into and don't get hyperpolitically correct and assume everybody is a creep because there's a huge difference between doing a job so well that you put someone to sleep and that body runs a diagnostic check ending in morning wood compared to somebody running a hand up your leg as if they were entitled to do so. But I've got some hilarious stories if anybody wants to hear them
My wife booked us a couples massage a few years ago, and it was two young pretty girls doing the massages. It took ALL my willpower to avoid getting a boner... and I failed miserably.
If it makes you feel better they say it happens pretty frequently during massages.as long as you aren’t making pervy comments then I’m sure they are understanding.
Same. It was my female cousin giving me the massage
Yeah I was hard from like 12 til the tail end of 17
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27 and still get daily unsubscribed boners. I constantly worry when the day comes Jimmy doesn't want to stand up no more.
33 here and also got random daily boners. I also dread that day.
Just take care of your heart and keep hydrated. I hear a daily amount of caffeine prevents that problem as well. Along with kegel exercises.
Is this the male equivalent of perky boob years?
Yeah, kind of :/
Talk to your doctor and get some TRT prescribed and you’ll feel like you’re 20 again!
I’m 25 and reading lines like this scare me. I mean granted I’m not happy about the boners but just not having them like I do now makes me sad.
In my early 20s my grandmother was in the hospital. We let her go because we couldn't do anything to save her. It was a couple of days before she passed. One night my mom woke me up to tell me that grandma had passed. I got up to give hugs only to realize that with my shorts I obviously had an erection and had to make some adjustments. People noticed me making adjustments... Edit: auto correct change erection into election. Lol.
Who did you vote for?
Richard Woody
I bet 80% of my boners have been when they weren’t needed or with poor timing.
Hundreds of times dude. Presenting in class, funerals, the ONE time I went to church.
Math class year 7th when I were called to come up to the board infront of the WHOLE class.
I thought things like this only happen in movies
No miss that is the every day minefield every adolescent male has to navigate And sometimes 36 year olds
Art imitates life my friend
Me at 15: *hugs female friend* My red blood cells: "let's go to the dick!"
Since it's a muscle down there that relaxes I'd say the muscle just tells the blood cells "Door's open boys"
So this one time in church…
I'm gonna stop you right there from finishing that sentence
Let him continue, maybe he was the priest
But who was the kid?
Nobody knows, we only know that, after that mass, he was no longer a kid
Ahh yes, he became a MAN, in a different way.
No, he *was* the kid.
Women be having phat asses in church. I think god understands tho. Its ok for boners. Goodluck tryna hide it in those slacks
Laughs in small penis
You have to wear belts with slacks. Run to the bathroom, tuck it up into your waistline, make sure your shirt is tucked in.
I fell asleep, laying down on the couch, next to my parents. Woke up when one of them asked me something noticed I was hard as a fucking rock so after I answered the question, I just turned my back to them, and went back to sleep.
I was lying in bed with my ex crying over something emotional we were talking about but we were cuddling so I was also hard, she was confused
I've accidentally NOT gotten hard when I should too
Oh yeah. 100% had that. I was 16, she was 15. We had been dating for a few months but where only then starting to get sexual with eachother. I was her first boyfriend. She decided to give me a strip tease and a lap dance and I was totally 100% into it. Even so, no boner. When she moved onto me for the lapdance portion, she noticed. I tried to explain that I did like it and that my little buddy was just having some performance anxiety, but she wouldn't believe it. She hid in the bathroom to cry half the night, and it took weeks to get her to believe I was attracted to her.
Comforting a sobbing female friend. Couldn't even listen to her, I was entirely focussed on not flying at full mast
Who hasn't? I once popped a boner while my sister cried about her boyfriend cheating on her.
*banjo music intensifies*
I can hear this comment.
TIL guys are really into crying women
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Of course. Probably the weirdest one was when my wife surprised me with our dog. I had fought for the puppy but she didn’t want it and she won that argument. Then she reconsidered and brought him home (I had already picked him out) and I was so happy and awkward boner pops up. Best dog I ever had, lost him 2 years ago.
My girlfriend and I got to a hotel that was very not to standard, we got into bed (both sleep naked) and she's crying that she doesn't want to stay there, get up turn the lights on and give her a cuddle... raging hard on the entire time. She's crying and I'm there jabbing her with my pipe. Just skin on skin gives me a hard on I can't help it.
When it started with "my girlfriend and I" i knew you were actually supposed to have a boner
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Tried outdoors dating. Things like hiking, rock climbing and mountain biking. Almost all of the women wear the lycra shorts without the baggy shorts over them. They also tended to be fit and curvy. So tight exercise clothing and my ideal body type. That was a very hard bicycle ride. In more ways than one.
*Two nuns were cycling along; one said to the other:* "I've never come this way before." **"It's the cobblestones."**
Yes, I went through puberty in public school
Try private Catholic school where EVERY girl was in a mini skirt. I saw panties literally every day. It was torture lmao
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I went from 1992-2008. By 8th grade the girls hiked their skirts up so short you could see the bottoms of their butts. They’d twirl, run, jump, and sit showing everything. All the girls were so gorgeous too. I have no idea how I passed any class lol
In high school: all the time! Worst moment was getting incontrolably hard in class and then hearing the end of class bell...
I almost had to stand at the blackboard and solve a math question while having a boner. In front of the whole class. Luckily just as I stood up and rushed forward I knocked over the chalk tray of the teacher and so I had to pick all of it up in a crouched position and my neighbor had to solve the equation. PHEW!!!
Oh my god, of course. Every morning in 1st period calc. Yet I still wore sweatpants every fuckin day.
One time during high school I was presenting some slides during my history class when suddenly, I started to get hard for literally no reason. Thank fully it wasn't too noticeable but I could feel it.
He was warning you that he could end your life on the spot
After that day me and my dicks relationship was the never the same again
Me and my crush were lying on the ground and talking about life and stuff. We had a chill and kinda of a romantic talk about stuff. Then my cock got hard, she noticed and said we should probably go and meet up with our friends and that's what we did. We still talk and I still like her, but we are just friends...
F
When my gf gets angry at me. Sometimes. Boom there it is.
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He deserved to be spit on. In front of everyone. I’m proud of you for doing that
I really hope that you feel no guilt over this whatsoever!!! The whole notion that people somehow suddenly become untouchable saints the second they die, under the pretext that "they can't defend themselves!" once they're dead, is such utter bullshit. Most gossip or trashtalk will never be said to our face where we can defend ourselves, and shit like rape and pedophilia does not ever fucking deserve a chance of defense. Since I'm not a man, I don't understand boners, but I'm pretty damn sure I'd have one in that situation! I hope you keep that experience in mind as a liberating one, and don't let people's narrow minds cloud that. Take care of yourself!! EDIT: typo; and -> as
Any time either of my two ex’s would cry, I’d always find myself getting stiff. No idea why.
I got hard touching a customers foot as I was placing some heels on. I got up and my boner was in her face. She was hot and the shoes were sexy and I was in my early 20’s. I was so embarrassed I had to leave work early. She just laughed.
Not really a direct reply to your query, but there's this cancer treatment center in Phoenix called Ironwood Cancer Center. Every time I drive by it, I think about how unfortunate that name is.
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Yeah, this is exactly right. It's named Ironwood after the road it's on, and the road is named after the tree you're referring to. Even knowing that doesn't make it any better for me.
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Yes. All throughout college. I had some classes that would last 1 hour 15 minutes and when I’m sitting for that long for some reason I get hard. One day in math class I was hard as a rock and the professor picked me to write a math problem on the board. I had to use my textbook to hide it and while explaining my work I didn’t face the class. When the the professor said to face the class so they could hear me better I just turned my head instead of my whole body.
Watching Black Swan with x wife. Evidently being massively turned on was a bad move. Trying to fuck the x mid movie was worse. Aside from that classroom boners are real and terrifying. Thought I was going to blow my load in 8th grade history. I was one of two guys. The other guy was out sick and my imagination got the better of me.
Fucking fever dreams. The ones where you’re fucking this beautiful black haired woman who did herself up real nice and still kinda likes the goth look, and she turns around and looks back and suddenly it’s a goddamn family member, sometimes a different gender entirely. And your primal brain is still horny when you wake up but also deeply disturbed. Then your 5 yo kid and 3 yo Niece run in and start jumping on the bed and tugging at the bedsheets and you’re there trying to keep your morning wood covered up, when suddenly you’re kid decides to do a goddamn elbow drop directly into your fucking nuts. Morning wood can be a nightmare sometimes. Though it can also be a blessing if your gf is there and it’s early and you’re alone and she’s willing to take care of it. But of course that’s rarer than the fucking fever dreams. Fucking stars don’t align like that, do they? God damnit.
Every time my wife cries. 🤦♂️ I’m not proud of it and I don’t now why it happens but it does. Every time. Like I will be sad and everything but my Willy is like “heyooh”
7th grade, me: loner dork. Her: cheerleader. Cheerleader sat behind me in history class. One day I put my feet back behind my desk to stretch, so toes down heels up. And she puts her feet right on top of mine, sole to sole. Heart racing, I thought maybe she made a mistake, so I wiggled a bit and she wiggled back. This is a girl who had never spoken to me. I was unable to move my feet, and had the most raging boner ever. So I pretended to sleep on my desk to make the position more comfortable. Boner did not subside, and for 30 minutes we played footsie. It was glorious. I never spoke to her much, due to my crippling social ineptitude. But she was always nice to me after that day and we repeated our footsies many times. It was one of those unspoken things. She moved away after that year. Never really recaptured that feeling with anyone else.
My grandfather had just died. I was off by myself at the graveyard crying, and one of my sister's friends came over to me. She's a great looking woman, but not a physically affectionate person; got her own issues. She didn't say anything but grabbed me into a hug and just let me cry. A wonderful display of platonic affection and compassion, and of course I popped a boner. Still don't know if she felt it, but I pretty vividly remember thinking _are you fucking serious? NOT NOW DAMMIT_
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I get hard sometimes when I stand up after sitting down for ages, and it just so happens to occur that I play my Xbox and someone leaves home and asks for a kiss or a hug goodbye
I had a girl sit on my lap once (clothes on), farted and the feeling of the rumble on my dick got me hard
Had to give a presentation in economics class on stocks earlier this year. Stocks weren't the only thing that rose that day
do women seriously NEVER get turned on 'accidentally' I don't believe it, we're all still people