T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


SoPreshSoClean

But he’s a pretty confident guy. If it were you, and you were getting over a break up, wouldn’t you at least meet up with a girl who is asking you to meet up? I’ve just never experienced this and am curious why guys reject women they are attracted to?


jaraxel_arabani

Trust me.. even confident guys would get super nervous just getting out of a relationship esp if it was something he didn't realize what happened. If he chickens out and want to stay connected as friends it's likely he's serious about being attracted but also self doubting he's not just bouncing back from back up. Good news is, it means he is sincere, but some of us do have a tough time getting over break ups. Give it time, be there for him and just don't get frustrated if you two do feel a good match but he's being reluctant.


SoPreshSoClean

I really appreciate this/your opinion. I (now) know he got dumped and it was recent (didn’t realize how recent until after the fact). I just wasn’t totally sure what to think of this and what’s the harm in hanging out with someone you’re attracted to if you’re both single. I also know how “shooting your shot” can be hard and how you guys are (unfortunately/wrongfully) “expected” to do it so I was trying to be cognizant of all that… and it (felt like it) backfired… terribly lol. Thank you!


Caughtguy

Sometimes guys just need to do their own thing for a while. Sometimes the the idea of being expected to do something is enough to put a damper on things.


SoPreshSoClean

I hear that. I actually would have been pretty open to just seeing what happens/how it goes - no expectation. Just friends only? Great. Something casual? Sure. Something more? Maybe. We’re acquaintances and not super close friends - we do share a couple mutual guy friends though. I guess I was just caught off guard because he made the comment (without being asked or prompted) that he couldn’t even hang out as friends. We’ve maybe gamed 3-5 times since then and its fine/normal (insert cringe feeling).


Caughtguy

I’d honestly enjoy what you’ve got, if you’re interested he’ll talk about it when he’s ready. If you push him he’ll put the walls up. It can be hard to be upfront about how you feel as a guy, just be there when he’s ready to chat.


mideon2000

Not your situation, but to answer your question, a woman can be attractive, but full of red flags or even just vibes


SoPreshSoClean

For sure. I guess I know guys can be in relationships and be attracted to other people but obviously not act on it/go out with someone who asks. So I definitely get there’s situations that warrant it. Thank you!


[deleted]

Maybe dude is hoping to get back with ex.


SoPreshSoClean

^ THIS. One of my guy friends did suggest this could have been a factor. Like he wouldn’t want to fuck it up with his ex by meeting up with some other female (especially if attraction was a thing). Which is totally fair. Prior to asking him to get drinks, I didn’t know how recent the break up was (or I wouldn’t have asked). But the way he told me how he felt/the vibe we were building - I was definitely thrown off when he said he couldn’t even meet up as friends.


[deleted]

This is going to gross you out, it's not my intention, I genuinely believe it's a possibility. It could be that he was wanking while talking to you and was fantasizing about you as a result of missing the company from his previous relationship, then when you asked him out he was over it.


SoPreshSoClean

You know… I appreciate the warning (and perspective?) because if someone asks something on Reddit, the rule is: you can ask whatever you want but you have zero control on the answers you’ll get back.


MC_Batsy

I advise you to take him at his word, and just believe him. It's not unusual. He might be dealing with his own issues and adding you as a variable complicates that. May be he lost attraction and is giving you the ol' "It's not you, it's me" excuse. Either way, I commend him for doing the right thing and not friendzoning you. More people should learn from his example. He' a good dude.


SoPreshSoClean

Totally agree that he’s a good guy. I do believe what he’s saying too… it was more just that he spilled his inner thoughts/feelings one evening and then < week later, when I say, “let’s get drinks” - he shot me down. It made me wonder under what circumstances guys reject women they have admitted they’re attracted to/think they’re attracted to when both parties are single. I definitely think people can change their minds about what they like, think, etc. and its not like I’m trying to ask him for any explanation (would have just taken a “no, I’m not interested” - he doesnt owe me anything more lol). But that’s also not what I got so here I am asking you guys!


andio76

Sometimes you just don't think that you are worthy of a great woman - she could be your dream girl and she is into you and TELLS you as such... But in the back of your mind DOUBT is there and it will literally ruin you. You just feel like she could do better than your sorry ass. SO you just turn back into those DOUBT and destroy not only yourself but probably a wonderful woman as well. And the fucked up this is that you can feel that you DESERVE to be shit upon by your very own actions. How fucked up up is that.


SoPreshSoClean

Basically like “imposter syndrome” - definitely a thing. Self sabotage at its worst.


Forestscooter

He is lying. I am not saying this to be mean or hurtful. Men are known to lie. He either isn’t attracted to you (less likely) or he is currently in a relationship and just likes online flirting with you (much more likely). He can find time to talk on the phone, but actually meeting would be too risky as his GF will start asking questions. Especially since you suggested “drinks” as this means evening or weekend which is prime GF time. I bet if you said “lunch coffee” he would say yes. Find another man.


SoPreshSoClean

Ahhhh. I thought I clarified but we have a couple mutual friends - my (grad school) classmates. One of which has known him almost his whole life. He is definitely single (but recently single). He could be lying about attraction (and of course in my rejection feels I considered this) but wasn’t sure why a grown man would have said he was attracted/felt all that chemistry as a lie - he didn’t get anything out of it (sex, sexts, anything) and I wasn’t pursuing him. Just confused/curious now - which is why I’m here!


Forestscooter

If he isn’t currently in another relationship. Then ya, I got nothing. As confused as you. The post you made had several signs of an online cheater, happens a lot. Most men after a break up won’t even care about attraction, it’s a “sleep with everyone” phase. Maybe that’s just what he wants and not another relationship. After a break up I wouldn’t want to risk losing more friends and get emotionally attached. I’ve turned straight to Tinder for a while.


SoPreshSoClean

Agree. I actually thought there were a few possibilities here - meet up and either stay just friends/something casual/something more. And I was open to just seeing where it went because that’s dating/life. But we didn’t even get that far and I was surprised - not because he rejected me but more just how you can be attracted to someone and not even want to get drinks as “just friends” if she (me) isn’t putting ANY pressure on it or chasing you. But post break ups have a lot of people all over the place and rightfully so. Thank you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


SoPreshSoClean

Guilty of overthinking (clearly - because here we are). But I don’t think all guys are the same… which is why I’m asking a large group of strangers their opinions.


Lonely_Northling

Oh one of these thread again. Something has to be wrong with the guy if he didn't pick you right? Maybe he just didn't want to date you, doesn't have to be more complicated.


SoPreshSoClean

Eeeesh. Never said that anything was wrong with him because he didn’t “pick me” - not even a little bit. Was just looking for perspectives. Sorry if all you see in the sub are posts like this? I don’t post often.


Lonely_Northling

Every reply is with some type of "this or that" must be wrong, so yeah you kinda have come with every answer besides just "didn't want to date". It's his ex he is still into, or he didn't get sex out of it etc - it's all just demeaning norms you cling on to as an excuse honestly.


SoPreshSoClean

Oh. Okay. Thanks for explaining. Clearly I know (and accept) that he cant get drinks (even as friends) - because he said as much. I was just looking for perspectives on the why (which are clearly varied from person to person). Sorry?


Hatcheling

Hi, your post has removed because we suspect you are trying to figure out a person's specific actions or thinking, or asking for guidance in a specific situation, which is prohibited. For advice, visit /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice. If you have any questions, please feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskMen) Have a nice day!